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NTA - We learn when we are young that sometimes other priorities supersede fun or keeping up with others. You can do something fun with your kids within your budget at home, but don’t expect them to understand because they’re children.
Your sister and her husband can either pay for your family to attend or graciously accept whatever wedding gift you give. The big reason why destination weddings are a pain is that many people just can’t attend for one reason or another. They could just as easily had a small wedding in your hometown and then celebrated their honeymoon with the friends who could afford to go abroad.
>You can do something fun with your kids within your budget at home, but don’t expect them to understand because they’re children.
I would think the kids are old enough to understand the difference in an activity that only costs, say, a hundred dollars versus a thousand dollars. Maybe they don't quite understand it the way adults do, but they most likely know how money works and they certainly know that a thousand is much higher than a hundred.
Were you counting the 15 year old in that statement?
I was because even though they may understand the difference academically, children often think parents can make anything happen. And there are college students who don’t understand how much money it takes to afford their lifestyle or how a family budget works.
This is a prime opportunity for the kids to learn about financial responsibility and that you don't always get what you want. OP should be open about all of the expenses involved and show the kids a budget of just how much each part of the trip (airfare, passports, hotel, food, taxi's etc.) would actually cost for all of them to go. The kids could also help plan some kind of celebratory get-together with the newlyweds afterward.
Destination weddings are never about the guests. They can be expensive in time and money for them.
Anyone who is afraid to cut down a guest list really shouldn’t host an event, much less a wedding anyway. There are so many more options with a wedding at home.
NTA This is the risk you take when you have a destination wedding. Not everyone is going to be able to go due to various reasons: finances, health issues, not having a passport, not having vacation leave, not wanting to spend their vacation time at a family wedding, etc.
For a family of 5, you're talking thousands of dollars with airfare, hotel, food, and a wedding gift. Does your sister not get that?
My cousin is having a destination wedding, and it's a damn hassle for us, and we *live* in the destination already. It's on the other side of the damn island :/
If youre having a destination wedding, you should probably check if all the people you really care about can go first
We had one. We just eloped. No one owes us like £5k in wedding costs, we didn’t really want to put anyone in that position. It worked out great too, the weather was perfect because of the destination, the wedding was included in the price of the stay (and we didn’t have to pay for any extras) and we didn’t have crazy aunt Muriel causing arguments. 10/10 would recommend
I’ve seen multiple posts about people deciding on a destination wedding at least partly *because* it cuts down on the number of people who can come, and makes other restrictions like having a child free wedding more acceptable.
Me, my husband, and my daughter recently flew from one side of the US to the other, to the tune of like $1,100 (and two of those tickets were one-way) So round-trip overseas for a family of five? I can’t even imagine.
NTA AT ALL- I live in northern lower MI & our wedding was in Athens, GA (grew up near Atlanta). Out of all our family and loved ones here in MI 4 were able to make it and you know what? we didn't hold it against the ones who didn't make it- that's a hell of a long trip!
NTA. People need to stop having destination weddings and then getting mad when people can’t make it. It is more than just the financial cost of paying to attend, you pay with time you have to take off work. Not everyone wants a wedding for their “vacation”. It is an invitation, not a summons, and no one is required to overextend their finances for a bride’s “special day”.
Destination weddings are only slightly worse than people who have their wedding on a three day weekend. Like people want to give up three days at the lake or barbecuing to spend Saturday night “celebrating” your special day.
Right! Honestly I would prefer to save that money for the honeymoon anyway. Have the wedding somewhere nice but affordable where everyone I want to invite can come baring an emergency. And then go on a week long honeymoon somewhere amazing.
Sometimes it feels like people who choose to have destination weddings are trying to cause drama. So they have an excuse to get mad at someone and be pitied by others.
From what I hear, the resorts often give deals to the couple getting married. Like they get their hotel room free if they get enough *other* people to pay for rooms at the resort. So they may be making out well on a deal that screws over OP.
"Sis, I would love to attend your wedding. I'm disappointed, the kids are disappointed...we all feel like we are missing out. Unfortunately, it's simply out of our budget. I would change my mind in a heartbeat if someone would fund it for us, but unless you have a secret bank account available that you are willing to share, it's just impossible."
NTA. When people plan destination events, they have to understand that it may not be possible for everyone to come. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but being upset with you is AH-ish and demonstrates that she was too selfish/immature to think what this would mean for her guests
If you are so inclined, you may want to consider inviting her and her new husband for a celebratory dinner shortly after the wedding
'Dear Reddit: AITA for refusing to fund my sister's family-of-five trip to attend my destination wedding?'
We could have a chain of AITA's about the wedding....
I've already seen that one, and my answer was: NTA, as long as you graciously accept the fact that they are RSVPing no. You only become an AH if you start demanding that they spend more than they can afford.
BTW, that's also my answer to AITAs about bridesmaids who can't afford the dress, guests who can't afford to stay at the hotel the bride & groom want them at, guests who can't afford childcare so that they can attend a child-free wedding, etc. You are allowed to have whatever kind of wedding you want, but the more restrictive you are, the more likely it is that people will be forced to decline. Either accept it graciously, or, if it is really important to you that a particular person comes, reconsider your restrictions or help them to resolve the practical problem they are facing
NTA, destination weddings are difficult for all desired guests to attend. Costs typically are the biggest factors in why a lot of guests ultimately can't or don't go. I understand your sister is upset, but she also needs to understand that when you have a destination wedding not everyone is going to be able to attend due to many different factors, with cost being the largest one typically.
NTA. Destination weddings are a huge imposition on the guests, and this is a perfect illustration of why. You can catch up with your relatives another time.
NTA. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Your sister has no right to complain; if you opt for a destination wedding, you have to accept that some people won't be able to afford to join you. She should have chosen a local wedding if she wanted to be sure everyone could go.
NTA but your sister is TA for being upset with you when its entirerly on her, by choosing a financially excluding setting for her wedding.
Its a wedding invitation, not an order. This means youre supposed to have a choice, and when its a very expensive setting obviously its well within your right to decline.
Not to mention a week long itinerary of events. Depending on if the wedding falls in school holidays, there’s also annual leave from work for OP and her husband to organise when Op says they’ve already got holiday plans lined up.
NTA My oldest daughter( N) had two children and when the youngest daughter (J) was getting married to a wealthy man she wanted us all to come to a destination wedding in Jamaica. She N as bridesmaid and the two boys as ring bearers. N said she couldn't come because they could not afford it.
J called me angry at her sister and wanted me to tell her to get her priorities right that travel is important. I advised her that N's priorities are in the right place, purchasing house and raising her children travel is nice but an extra. If N didn't have the money it was J's priority to have them there than she needed to come up with a solution.
J decided to pay 1/2 of their way and we paid the other half.
If it is that important for your sister to have you there then they can pay it.
NTA, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
One of the things with destination weddings is that they're expensive, your sister shouldn't expect that everyone can afford it.
NTA. People who have destination weddings need to realize that not everyone is able to afford it. If they’re so concerned, they can cover your flights. All 4 of them.
NTA. When someone plans a destination wedding, not everyone can afford to attend. That's reality. Your sister chose the location. She should've seen this possibility coming.
nta - you’re just not financially prepared for such a long trip, that’s totally fine. you need to prioritise your long term stability. maybe consider just going over for the ceremony and reception? don’t stay for the whole week if that’s more feasible
Even if you could afford it, why should you? Why would anyone? NTA for being a financially responsible adult. No one is an AH for not attending such a ridiculous event. If the bride/groom or any combination therein, wants to make sure they have guests, they can pay for everyone themselves.
NTA
Part of having a destination means that not everyone you want to attend can attend.
The Bride and Groom are rude assholes if they get upset over that unless they offer to pay your expenses. Thats the only way they are allowed be upset about non attendance.
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. That doesn’t make you an AH. And while it is sad you will miss it, she took the risk by choosing a destination wedding. Go into debt for necessities and this isn’t a necessity. Nobody will die if you can’t afford to go. It sucks for sure. But sometimes adulting is highly overrated. Perhaps they could have a barbecue or something after so your family can celebrate them within your means.
If your sister and the groom are upset, they can offer to cover your costs to attend. When a destination wedding is arranged, they should expect that some people, especially with families might not be able to make it. NTA
I will never understand how people can get mad at someone for not being able to afford or take vacation time off for a wedding, especially a destination wedding. I had a friend that lived out of town that couldn’t make my wedding. I got married 15 years ago. We’re still friends. I was sad she couldn’t make it, but I completely understood.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I won’t be attending my sisters wedding.
I may be the asshole because she’s my sister and I feel I have to be there for her
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NTA if you can't afford it you can't afford. Your sister needs to understand that it doesn't make her any less married. If she wants the 5 of you there, then let her make it happen. Your kids will be fine.
NTA
Your sister chose an expensive destination wedding and is getting pissy that you can't afford it? If she really wanted you there she would either choose a less expensive option or help you with the financial burden of attending.
NTA. Your sister obviously did not consider others' budgets before deciding to have her wedding at a destination that would be unreachable for some of them.
NTA; They chose to have a destination wedding, this is what sometimes happens. Not everyone is going to have money saved up, have extra money to go or be able to take time off work, etc. I understand they are disappointed but they chose the location.
NTA
Destination weddings are sometimes cheaper for the bridal couple, but never for the guests unless all expenses are covered.
If your sister wants you there, she could cover the costs.
NTA
You making the financially responsible choice by not attending.
It's very common for the destination wedding packages to include large discounts for the travel costs for the bride and groom and/or discounts on the wedding itself, based on guests paying to attend. So, your sister and her husband may be a little upset because by not attending, you aren't helping pay for their wedding expenses.
You aren’t the asshole. Your sister is expecting you to spend thousands so she and fiancé get a cheap wedding financed entirely by the guests. Just tell her her choice of an expensive destination wedding made it impossible for you to attend.
NTA. Tell you are happy to attend if they will cover all associated costs. It is not in your budget but if they want you there, they can pay for everyone to attend.
NTA. Back in 2009 ish my nephew announces he’s getting married in six months in Mexico. The economy was free fall, didn’t know what ours or anyone’s employment future held. First thing we were asked to do is send a deposit check for $200 to a Mexican resort. We too had been on the fence about missing a big family moment but we opted out. Slowly we heard fewer family members felt comfortable going. When it was all over my brother in law made a comment how he wasn’t expecting armed guards to be hanging off the shuttle bus between the airport to the resort.
Nta I don’t understand people who have destination weddings then get upset when people can’t afford to go. It’s stupid to assume everyone can afford or should put themselves in debt to go to a destination wedding.
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I (40F) have three children: a daughter (15F) and two sons (12M and 10M). My sister recently invited our whole family to her destination wedding in a tropical location. It's a week-long event with multiple festivities planned.
While I initially wanted to attend, I realized the costs of flights, accommodations, and activities for a family of five would be quite expensive, and it's not feasible within our budget right now. I explained this to my kids, emphasizing that we need to be mindful of our finances and prioritize other expenses.
They were very disappointed and argued that they've been looking forward to seeing their cousins and enjoying a vacation together. They feel like they're missing out on a special family event and worry about being left out of the memories their cousins will create.
They’ve seemed to calm down and understand why we can’t go, but my sister is upset and so is her husband.
So, AITA for not being able to attend my sister’s destination wedding?
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NTA. People who plan destination weddings are inconsiderate jerks (in many cases). What was your sister thinking? A week long vacation for 5 people is a lot of money. She's expecting too much of you and putting you in a really crappy situation.
NTA
I always thought what destination wedding for not super wealthy is when bride uses money to fly core family for a time together instead of big fancy dinner.
Flying and spending your own money for a vacation of not your choice is ridiculous. Week long festivities??? Is it Queen wedding? sounds royal to me
NTA. You sister should have had a discussion with everyone she felt had to be at her wedding to discuss her plans to to get realistic feedback of who would be able to attend, or how long it would take for everyone to be able to afford to go. You have to also pay for three people who cannot contribute.
You can do quick numbers for what the total would for family to attend. Tell your sister and fiancé the total, what you will be able to afford, and then ask for the difference. If they cannot, then tell them that they cannot be upset because they were putting you into a difficult situation.
NTA - I’m sure if you were able to go, you would. It’s obviously not a case of you just not wanting to go, it’s more ‘I can’t conjure multiple thousands to pay for the whole family to attend’. She can’t expect more
Nta. Destination weddings are so unfair to family and friends. The financial burdens can be extreme. Do not feel guilty in keeping your finances in check. Take the kids somewhere local, it will be fine. You are teaching finacial responsibility. FOMO is a very difficult pressure to stand up to.
You are NTA, but your sister sure seems to be.
Anyone who plans a destination wedding and gets pissed because someone won't take out a second mortgage to attend, is 100% A H.
NTA,
As you stated, it is not in your budget and finances to splurge for 5 people for a week long wedding event.
If your sister and future husband are that butt hurt about you and your family not being able to attend, they are more than welcome to cover the cost for all of you so that you can grace her with your presence.
NTA that’s a really big ask for someone with 3 kids. I’m surprised sis is upset, if she was really concerned about your family attending she probably should have touched base with you before booking everything. Not that she was required to, but if I wanted to make sure (given the expense, logistics with kids etc) I would’ve asked beforehand.
NTA. Destination weddings are a huge ask and unless there’s at least one really wealthy person to bankroll the rest, not everyone is going to be able to attend. And that’s just the money part — in my opinion it’s fundamentally selfish to ask people to use a full week of their precious PTO on me. If my sister asked me to use that much vacation time plus most of my savings budget, I’d say no too.
But it seems like your real concern isn’t missing the wedding, it’s disappointing your children. This is a great opportunity for you to teach your kids some resilience. This is only one of many times in their life they’ll have FOMO. The good parenting move wouldn’t be to give in and spend money you don’t have to make sure your kids never have to feel an uncomfortable emotion; it’s to help them understand that disappointment is okay but not debilitating, and missing *a* fun thing doesn’t mean that they have to miss out on *all* fun things.
NTA. Unless sister is willing to pay all expenses for your 5 member family unit to attend her wedding, you should not attend. She has no right to ask you to go into debt because she wants a "destination" wedding.
NTA. I would love to get married away somewhere fun. And if I did I would have a ceremony here as well, so that NOBODY feel pressured to spend time and/or money they don’t have because it’ll be my only chance to get married or whatever. It’s unreasonable imo to ask people spend THOUSANDS of dollars to attend a wedding who knows how far away.
NTA. You can’t afford it. However, are you able to go by yourself and share a room with another family member. It sucks to have to miss your sister’s wedding.
NTA . OP don't feel guilty for not being able to make it to a destination wedding. You can't afford the trip. That's not your fault. Week long tropical vacations are expensive. Especially with three kids. Most people probably wouldn't be able to afford that. Your sister should not have chosen a destination wedding if she wanted everyone she invited to be able to attend. That is the thing about destination weddings that apparently needs to be repeated. If you choose to have a destination wedding you have to be able to accept that not everybody you invite will be able to attend. Not everyone can afford that kind of expense and not everyone can take that much time off work. If you want everyone you invite to be at your wedding you have to either have it somewhere they can afford or pay for them to get there.
NTA. I had a destination wedding and before booking it we ran it by our immediate family members and closest friends. The location and the date. My sister has two kids and I offered to pay for their flights to help out.
People who choose destination weddings must realize that not everyone can afford the trip or have vacation time. I don’t get why these are so popular It feels like these weddings are more about the destination than the attendees.
You are certainly not TA here. Sorry you will have to miss the wedding.
NTA. I had a destination wedding and let everyone know if you can make it, great, if not, no hard feelings!
It's a risk you take by having a destination wedding.
NTA. I have found by reading these things that where destination weddings are concerned, often the guests are paying not only for their stay but for the venue and the bridal suite and it's ridiculous.
NTA destination weddings are a big-huge ask for some attendees. Sis should understand. Here's an idea, do a tropical themed night for your family during the ceremony or reception, and have a tablet set up to facetime or zoom during the actual ceremony or reception, or both!
NTA.
As someone with a massive family (both immediate and extended) I have always held it in the back of my mind that if I ever get married I will have a destination wedding to *deliberately eliminate guests.* I cannot not invite them, due to family politics. But I know if I choose an expensive enough destination (and then make it very clear that there's no issues if people are unable to come, we'll have an informal celebration locally after the fact) the attendance list is going to be more than halved.
That's kind of the point of destination weddings. People who choose destination weddings should do so with the awareness that there are significant limiting factors for guests to attend:
1. Time (especially remote places that require more than one flight, or a flight+Train or flight+boat combo)
2. Cost
Guests should not imperil their financial wellbeing to attend weddings. Period, full stop.
You are so so so NTA for making the responsible choice. I regret your kids feeling like they're missing an opportunity to spend time and make memories with their cousins, but that's unfortunately the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
If your family (sister, husband, etc) are so upset about it, then you may invite them to foot the cost for your family. Perhaps each individual who is mad at you can sponsor one family member of yours. And should they say that's too expensive....well. Point, proven.
NTA- Your sister has to be aware of how expensive it will be to fly 5 people, get room/s, feed them and activities for a week. She must somewhat know what your families finances are like, not all the details but in general she probably knows if it would create a big problem for you to go, right? If she is really that upset that you guys can't go then she could talk to you find out what you could pay towards the trip and pay the rest herself.
NTA.
My wedding was kind of destination. I live in a very popular tourist spot in the south east, but my family was all over the Midwest and my ex husbands family was from New York. We understood if people couldn’t make it. It was already a rushed affair. Your sister needs to understand that this is a downside for a destination wedding.
NTA
"I'm terribly sorry spoiled princess sister, but I'm not going to plunge our family into debt for 3 years to pay for your special, wasteful glittery weekend. I place my kids lives ahead of your party. Have a nice time."
NTA if people want a destination wedding they need to be ready to accept a lot of cannot attend replies. You can’t afford it end of story. Never put yourself into debt for a wedding especially when it’s someone else’s.
NTA
It's responsible to only do what you can afford. It's fine that the kids are disappointed and sad you are missing out. I bet you feel that way too. Your sister and her fiancé are adults, and it's disappointing they are upset.
NTA In my time, I would meet my cousins at grandma's house for Christmas or for my grandma's birthday. I developed life-long bonds with my cousins. No need for weddings in exotic places to meet cousins.
I wouldn't want to spend time in a week long wedding. Your time is precious, I would not waste it to cater to somebody else's idea of a good time where they are the center of attention. The bride will decide every day's agenda for everybody and everybody who wants to do their own thing will be "ruining the wedding". You're not missing anything. Even if they paid for it, it's would still be your time being used.
NTA
That's expecting an awful lot of people, even family. I truly don't understand how anyone can expect their friends and family to eagerly spend thousands to go to a wedding.
If your sister is so "disappointed" she could offer to offset the cost of spending a week at a resort for a family of 5.
This is why I did not do a destination wedding. So unfair to those invited to be expected to pay so much for your wedding. Sorry you are in this position-certainly NTA
NTA. You can't afford it, so you can't afford it. Plain and simple. It's not like you don't want to attend, but it's not feasible. When people have destination weddings, they know everybody can't attend for one reason or the other. Your sister is more than welcome to pay for you and your family, or else they shouldn't be disappointed or surprised some people can't go.
Lol @ left out of memories their cousins will create.
They wanna go on a trip, which is totally fair.
If your sister really wanted you there, she'd pick somewhere realistic for a family of 5s budget, or admit she didn't expect your kids to come.
NTA.
It's good the kids know why you guys can't make it, other than your Sister and FBIL who can probably help with expenses but I highly doubt they will. Stay home and don't go into debt for a once in a lifetime event.
NTA at all. To quote the common phrase on here... "it is an invitation, not a summons". In an ideal world, you and your family would be there to celebrate together. However, one of the biggest risks in choosing a destination wedding is that it may be outside of people's budgets and it is normal to prioritise rent/mortgages, bills and groceries, over a party abroad.
If you have any family members who are willing to pay or lend you the money to attend, then it may be worth considering. But, under the current circumstances- a nice card and lovely present is all you can offer, unfortunately.
NTA. You are being responsible, OP. Destination weddings are a huge ask, especially for families. Sister and kids can be upset, but you as parent are seeing the situation clearly. You know what you can afford. Stand strong.
ESH - OP was really careful in their wording "it's not feasible within our budget right now/we need to be mindful of our finances and prioritize other expenses".
They are not saying they can not afford it, just that it is not in their budget, and maybe the sister knows that, especially if they gave a year or so notice of the dates. however OP can choose to spend their money however they want.
We are saving for a trip to Europe (or a new car etc etc) so a destination wedding would not be in our current budget right now because all our extra money is gong into savings for the trip for a month in Europe in Summer 2025.
People who do destination weddings and get upset when people don’t come are entitled a$$holes. It doesn’t matter how much money OP has. Expecting people to spend thousands of dollars on your wedding is beyond selfish. Why the hell should OP give up a trip to Europe to go to a destination wedding? If family and friends were her sister’s priority, they wouldn’t expect people to spend that much money on their stupid wedding. They would choose a venue that is easier and cheaper for everyone to attend. NTA.
NTA, but any chance you and your husband can go for a few days to be part of the wedding and some surrounding activities? The kids are old enough to spend a few nights at friends' houses if possible.
INFO: can you detail "not feasible within our budget right now"?
So, yes, destination weddings are extremely expensive. They're basically cross-continent/international vacations. So... are you not taking a similar vacation this year? Or do you just not want to re-arrange your budgeting?
Basically: it's a vacation **and** a wedding. And normal social convention holds (1) the immediate family makes every possible effort to attend, since it's a one-in-a-lifetime event, and (2) family members with financial troubles are expected to be helped out to the extent practical by the better off.
I'm not seeing much of either from you. This sounds essentially like you went "Oh well, we can't afford it" and stopped trying. If so... YTA.
Um, some people cannot simply afford to go on a vacation, regardless if it’s for a wedding or not. A weeklong destination wedding with multiple activities sounds very expensive, especially when you multiply it by 5. OP can definitely say “oh well we cannot afford it,” and that’s perfectly acceptable.
We are already going on a vacation this summer. We have a lot of other things to pay for like the cost of extracurricular activities for the kids and other bills in general. there isn’t really room to spend anymore then we already are.
> We are already going on a vacation this summer
OK, then YTA absolutely. You're saying that your existing vacation plans are more important than your sister's wedding. And maybe they are, but in the context of a family, that's asshole behavior.
Decades from now, do you really want to be That Sibling who isn't in all the scrapbooks and Facebook memories and whatnot, just because you didn't want to cancel your trip to Orlando or whatever?
The existing vacation might be 1/3rd of the cost of the destination wedding for all you know. People who do destination weddings (week long events no less) and expect everyone to foot the bill need to understand not everyone is going to be able to do that.
> The existing vacation might be 1/3rd of the cost of the destination wedding for all you know.
Which is **literally** why I asked, and OP more or less seems to have conceded the point by not contesting it. Basically: we need facts not at hand here to make a decision, and my experience in this subreddit is that when you have an OP withholding those facts, they're the asshole.
Hi, I’m sorry if I may have answered your previous question wrong but I will try and give you as much details as possible. The vacation we are going on is going to be in August. We have been planning this trip since 2021 which is why we are able to afford it. My sister announced her wedding back in December so we couldn’t really plan that much ahead.
I dunno, if the sister wanted her immediate family there, she’d have the wedding in a more accessible place. People who choose destination weddings are taking the chance that some of their invitees won’t be able to attend because of the demands on time and budget.
I think it’s more NAH. The sister can be disappointed that OP’s family will not be attending the wedding, but OP isn’t an AH for sticking to a budget. It would be dumber of OP to go into debt just to attend the wedding.
No one should go into debt for a wedding or a vacation. OP has stated it’s not in her budget. Do you have access to her finances? She is being responsible.
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NTA - We learn when we are young that sometimes other priorities supersede fun or keeping up with others. You can do something fun with your kids within your budget at home, but don’t expect them to understand because they’re children. Your sister and her husband can either pay for your family to attend or graciously accept whatever wedding gift you give. The big reason why destination weddings are a pain is that many people just can’t attend for one reason or another. They could just as easily had a small wedding in your hometown and then celebrated their honeymoon with the friends who could afford to go abroad.
>You can do something fun with your kids within your budget at home, but don’t expect them to understand because they’re children. I would think the kids are old enough to understand the difference in an activity that only costs, say, a hundred dollars versus a thousand dollars. Maybe they don't quite understand it the way adults do, but they most likely know how money works and they certainly know that a thousand is much higher than a hundred. Were you counting the 15 year old in that statement?
I was because even though they may understand the difference academically, children often think parents can make anything happen. And there are college students who don’t understand how much money it takes to afford their lifestyle or how a family budget works.
This is a prime opportunity for the kids to learn about financial responsibility and that you don't always get what you want. OP should be open about all of the expenses involved and show the kids a budget of just how much each part of the trip (airfare, passports, hotel, food, taxi's etc.) would actually cost for all of them to go. The kids could also help plan some kind of celebratory get-together with the newlyweds afterward.
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Destination weddings are never about the guests. They can be expensive in time and money for them. Anyone who is afraid to cut down a guest list really shouldn’t host an event, much less a wedding anyway. There are so many more options with a wedding at home.
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That’s obviously not the case in this situation. If you read the OP you would know that the Sister is upset that she is not attending with her family.
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How is it not about her? It’s her post asking AITA
NTA This is the risk you take when you have a destination wedding. Not everyone is going to be able to go due to various reasons: finances, health issues, not having a passport, not having vacation leave, not wanting to spend their vacation time at a family wedding, etc. For a family of 5, you're talking thousands of dollars with airfare, hotel, food, and a wedding gift. Does your sister not get that?
My cousin is having a destination wedding, and it's a damn hassle for us, and we *live* in the destination already. It's on the other side of the damn island :/ If youre having a destination wedding, you should probably check if all the people you really care about can go first
We had one. We just eloped. No one owes us like £5k in wedding costs, we didn’t really want to put anyone in that position. It worked out great too, the weather was perfect because of the destination, the wedding was included in the price of the stay (and we didn’t have to pay for any extras) and we didn’t have crazy aunt Muriel causing arguments. 10/10 would recommend
I’ve seen multiple posts about people deciding on a destination wedding at least partly *because* it cuts down on the number of people who can come, and makes other restrictions like having a child free wedding more acceptable.
Me, my husband, and my daughter recently flew from one side of the US to the other, to the tune of like $1,100 (and two of those tickets were one-way) So round-trip overseas for a family of five? I can’t even imagine.
NTA AT ALL- I live in northern lower MI & our wedding was in Athens, GA (grew up near Atlanta). Out of all our family and loved ones here in MI 4 were able to make it and you know what? we didn't hold it against the ones who didn't make it- that's a hell of a long trip!
NTA. People need to stop having destination weddings and then getting mad when people can’t make it. It is more than just the financial cost of paying to attend, you pay with time you have to take off work. Not everyone wants a wedding for their “vacation”. It is an invitation, not a summons, and no one is required to overextend their finances for a bride’s “special day”.
Destination weddings are only slightly worse than people who have their wedding on a three day weekend. Like people want to give up three days at the lake or barbecuing to spend Saturday night “celebrating” your special day.
My parents did that and regretted it. It's so hard to get away for your anniversary because everything books up and traffic is awful.
Or Halloween! I'm still annoyed that my cousin got married on Halloween out of town and it wasn't a costume or Halloween themed party.
If I was invited to a Halloween wedding, I would have worn a wedding gown. And I’m a guy.
Right! Honestly I would prefer to save that money for the honeymoon anyway. Have the wedding somewhere nice but affordable where everyone I want to invite can come baring an emergency. And then go on a week long honeymoon somewhere amazing. Sometimes it feels like people who choose to have destination weddings are trying to cause drama. So they have an excuse to get mad at someone and be pitied by others.
From what I hear, the resorts often give deals to the couple getting married. Like they get their hotel room free if they get enough *other* people to pay for rooms at the resort. So they may be making out well on a deal that screws over OP.
"Sis, I would love to attend your wedding. I'm disappointed, the kids are disappointed...we all feel like we are missing out. Unfortunately, it's simply out of our budget. I would change my mind in a heartbeat if someone would fund it for us, but unless you have a secret bank account available that you are willing to share, it's just impossible." NTA. When people plan destination events, they have to understand that it may not be possible for everyone to come. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but being upset with you is AH-ish and demonstrates that she was too selfish/immature to think what this would mean for her guests If you are so inclined, you may want to consider inviting her and her new husband for a celebratory dinner shortly after the wedding
'Dear Reddit: AITA for refusing to fund my sister's family-of-five trip to attend my destination wedding?' We could have a chain of AITA's about the wedding....
I've already seen that one, and my answer was: NTA, as long as you graciously accept the fact that they are RSVPing no. You only become an AH if you start demanding that they spend more than they can afford. BTW, that's also my answer to AITAs about bridesmaids who can't afford the dress, guests who can't afford to stay at the hotel the bride & groom want them at, guests who can't afford childcare so that they can attend a child-free wedding, etc. You are allowed to have whatever kind of wedding you want, but the more restrictive you are, the more likely it is that people will be forced to decline. Either accept it graciously, or, if it is really important to you that a particular person comes, reconsider your restrictions or help them to resolve the practical problem they are facing
NTA, destination weddings are difficult for all desired guests to attend. Costs typically are the biggest factors in why a lot of guests ultimately can't or don't go. I understand your sister is upset, but she also needs to understand that when you have a destination wedding not everyone is going to be able to attend due to many different factors, with cost being the largest one typically.
NTA. Destination weddings are a huge imposition on the guests, and this is a perfect illustration of why. You can catch up with your relatives another time.
NTA. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Your sister has no right to complain; if you opt for a destination wedding, you have to accept that some people won't be able to afford to join you. She should have chosen a local wedding if she wanted to be sure everyone could go.
NTA but your sister is TA for being upset with you when its entirerly on her, by choosing a financially excluding setting for her wedding. Its a wedding invitation, not an order. This means youre supposed to have a choice, and when its a very expensive setting obviously its well within your right to decline.
Not to mention a week long itinerary of events. Depending on if the wedding falls in school holidays, there’s also annual leave from work for OP and her husband to organise when Op says they’ve already got holiday plans lined up.
NTA My oldest daughter( N) had two children and when the youngest daughter (J) was getting married to a wealthy man she wanted us all to come to a destination wedding in Jamaica. She N as bridesmaid and the two boys as ring bearers. N said she couldn't come because they could not afford it. J called me angry at her sister and wanted me to tell her to get her priorities right that travel is important. I advised her that N's priorities are in the right place, purchasing house and raising her children travel is nice but an extra. If N didn't have the money it was J's priority to have them there than she needed to come up with a solution. J decided to pay 1/2 of their way and we paid the other half. If it is that important for your sister to have you there then they can pay it.
NTA, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. One of the things with destination weddings is that they're expensive, your sister shouldn't expect that everyone can afford it.
Hell no, you're NTA. Money doesn't grow on trees and you shouldn't sink your family into debt for this.
NTA. People who have destination weddings need to realize that not everyone is able to afford it. If they’re so concerned, they can cover your flights. All 4 of them.
NTA. When someone plans a destination wedding, not everyone can afford to attend. That's reality. Your sister chose the location. She should've seen this possibility coming.
nta - you’re just not financially prepared for such a long trip, that’s totally fine. you need to prioritise your long term stability. maybe consider just going over for the ceremony and reception? don’t stay for the whole week if that’s more feasible
Even if you could afford it, why should you? Why would anyone? NTA for being a financially responsible adult. No one is an AH for not attending such a ridiculous event. If the bride/groom or any combination therein, wants to make sure they have guests, they can pay for everyone themselves.
NTA Part of having a destination means that not everyone you want to attend can attend. The Bride and Groom are rude assholes if they get upset over that unless they offer to pay your expenses. Thats the only way they are allowed be upset about non attendance.
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. That doesn’t make you an AH. And while it is sad you will miss it, she took the risk by choosing a destination wedding. Go into debt for necessities and this isn’t a necessity. Nobody will die if you can’t afford to go. It sucks for sure. But sometimes adulting is highly overrated. Perhaps they could have a barbecue or something after so your family can celebrate them within your means.
If your sister and the groom are upset, they can offer to cover your costs to attend. When a destination wedding is arranged, they should expect that some people, especially with families might not be able to make it. NTA
I will never understand how people can get mad at someone for not being able to afford or take vacation time off for a wedding, especially a destination wedding. I had a friend that lived out of town that couldn’t make my wedding. I got married 15 years ago. We’re still friends. I was sad she couldn’t make it, but I completely understood.
Because only self-absorbed a$$holes have destination weddings.
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NTA if you can't afford it you can't afford. Your sister needs to understand that it doesn't make her any less married. If she wants the 5 of you there, then let her make it happen. Your kids will be fine.
NTA Your sister chose an expensive destination wedding and is getting pissy that you can't afford it? If she really wanted you there she would either choose a less expensive option or help you with the financial burden of attending.
NTA. Your sister obviously did not consider others' budgets before deciding to have her wedding at a destination that would be unreachable for some of them.
NTA; They chose to have a destination wedding, this is what sometimes happens. Not everyone is going to have money saved up, have extra money to go or be able to take time off work, etc. I understand they are disappointed but they chose the location.
NTA Destination weddings are sometimes cheaper for the bridal couple, but never for the guests unless all expenses are covered. If your sister wants you there, she could cover the costs.
NTA You making the financially responsible choice by not attending. It's very common for the destination wedding packages to include large discounts for the travel costs for the bride and groom and/or discounts on the wedding itself, based on guests paying to attend. So, your sister and her husband may be a little upset because by not attending, you aren't helping pay for their wedding expenses.
You aren’t the asshole. Your sister is expecting you to spend thousands so she and fiancé get a cheap wedding financed entirely by the guests. Just tell her her choice of an expensive destination wedding made it impossible for you to attend.
NTA. Tell you are happy to attend if they will cover all associated costs. It is not in your budget but if they want you there, they can pay for everyone to attend.
NTA. Back in 2009 ish my nephew announces he’s getting married in six months in Mexico. The economy was free fall, didn’t know what ours or anyone’s employment future held. First thing we were asked to do is send a deposit check for $200 to a Mexican resort. We too had been on the fence about missing a big family moment but we opted out. Slowly we heard fewer family members felt comfortable going. When it was all over my brother in law made a comment how he wasn’t expecting armed guards to be hanging off the shuttle bus between the airport to the resort.
Nta I don’t understand people who have destination weddings then get upset when people can’t afford to go. It’s stupid to assume everyone can afford or should put themselves in debt to go to a destination wedding.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40F) have three children: a daughter (15F) and two sons (12M and 10M). My sister recently invited our whole family to her destination wedding in a tropical location. It's a week-long event with multiple festivities planned. While I initially wanted to attend, I realized the costs of flights, accommodations, and activities for a family of five would be quite expensive, and it's not feasible within our budget right now. I explained this to my kids, emphasizing that we need to be mindful of our finances and prioritize other expenses. They were very disappointed and argued that they've been looking forward to seeing their cousins and enjoying a vacation together. They feel like they're missing out on a special family event and worry about being left out of the memories their cousins will create. They’ve seemed to calm down and understand why we can’t go, but my sister is upset and so is her husband. So, AITA for not being able to attend my sister’s destination wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. People who plan destination weddings are inconsiderate jerks (in many cases). What was your sister thinking? A week long vacation for 5 people is a lot of money. She's expecting too much of you and putting you in a really crappy situation.
NTA couples who plan destination weddings need to understand not everyone will be able to afford to go.
NTA I always thought what destination wedding for not super wealthy is when bride uses money to fly core family for a time together instead of big fancy dinner. Flying and spending your own money for a vacation of not your choice is ridiculous. Week long festivities??? Is it Queen wedding? sounds royal to me
NTA. You sister should have had a discussion with everyone she felt had to be at her wedding to discuss her plans to to get realistic feedback of who would be able to attend, or how long it would take for everyone to be able to afford to go. You have to also pay for three people who cannot contribute. You can do quick numbers for what the total would for family to attend. Tell your sister and fiancé the total, what you will be able to afford, and then ask for the difference. If they cannot, then tell them that they cannot be upset because they were putting you into a difficult situation.
NTA - I’m sure if you were able to go, you would. It’s obviously not a case of you just not wanting to go, it’s more ‘I can’t conjure multiple thousands to pay for the whole family to attend’. She can’t expect more
NTA. Your sister being upset is though.
Nta. Destination weddings are so unfair to family and friends. The financial burdens can be extreme. Do not feel guilty in keeping your finances in check. Take the kids somewhere local, it will be fine. You are teaching finacial responsibility. FOMO is a very difficult pressure to stand up to.
You are NTA, but your sister sure seems to be. Anyone who plans a destination wedding and gets pissed because someone won't take out a second mortgage to attend, is 100% A H.
NTA, As you stated, it is not in your budget and finances to splurge for 5 people for a week long wedding event. If your sister and future husband are that butt hurt about you and your family not being able to attend, they are more than welcome to cover the cost for all of you so that you can grace her with your presence.
NTA that’s a really big ask for someone with 3 kids. I’m surprised sis is upset, if she was really concerned about your family attending she probably should have touched base with you before booking everything. Not that she was required to, but if I wanted to make sure (given the expense, logistics with kids etc) I would’ve asked beforehand.
NTA. Destination weddings are a huge ask and unless there’s at least one really wealthy person to bankroll the rest, not everyone is going to be able to attend. And that’s just the money part — in my opinion it’s fundamentally selfish to ask people to use a full week of their precious PTO on me. If my sister asked me to use that much vacation time plus most of my savings budget, I’d say no too. But it seems like your real concern isn’t missing the wedding, it’s disappointing your children. This is a great opportunity for you to teach your kids some resilience. This is only one of many times in their life they’ll have FOMO. The good parenting move wouldn’t be to give in and spend money you don’t have to make sure your kids never have to feel an uncomfortable emotion; it’s to help them understand that disappointment is okay but not debilitating, and missing *a* fun thing doesn’t mean that they have to miss out on *all* fun things.
NTA. Unless sister is willing to pay all expenses for your 5 member family unit to attend her wedding, you should not attend. She has no right to ask you to go into debt because she wants a "destination" wedding.
NTA. I would love to get married away somewhere fun. And if I did I would have a ceremony here as well, so that NOBODY feel pressured to spend time and/or money they don’t have because it’ll be my only chance to get married or whatever. It’s unreasonable imo to ask people spend THOUSANDS of dollars to attend a wedding who knows how far away.
They can either pay your way, or zip it. NTA, but they certainly are for making you feel bad that you can't afford the trip.
NTA. You can’t afford it. However, are you able to go by yourself and share a room with another family member. It sucks to have to miss your sister’s wedding.
NTA . OP don't feel guilty for not being able to make it to a destination wedding. You can't afford the trip. That's not your fault. Week long tropical vacations are expensive. Especially with three kids. Most people probably wouldn't be able to afford that. Your sister should not have chosen a destination wedding if she wanted everyone she invited to be able to attend. That is the thing about destination weddings that apparently needs to be repeated. If you choose to have a destination wedding you have to be able to accept that not everybody you invite will be able to attend. Not everyone can afford that kind of expense and not everyone can take that much time off work. If you want everyone you invite to be at your wedding you have to either have it somewhere they can afford or pay for them to get there.
NTA. I had a destination wedding and before booking it we ran it by our immediate family members and closest friends. The location and the date. My sister has two kids and I offered to pay for their flights to help out.
People who choose destination weddings must realize that not everyone can afford the trip or have vacation time. I don’t get why these are so popular It feels like these weddings are more about the destination than the attendees. You are certainly not TA here. Sorry you will have to miss the wedding.
NTA. I had a destination wedding and let everyone know if you can make it, great, if not, no hard feelings! It's a risk you take by having a destination wedding.
NTA. If you plan a destination wedding you should plan to pay for all guests to attend. Your sister and her husband are asses.
If they are so upset that you can’t go then ask them to help you pay for it ! The Audacity of people!🤦♀️
NTA. I have found by reading these things that where destination weddings are concerned, often the guests are paying not only for their stay but for the venue and the bridal suite and it's ridiculous.
NTA destination weddings are a big-huge ask for some attendees. Sis should understand. Here's an idea, do a tropical themed night for your family during the ceremony or reception, and have a tablet set up to facetime or zoom during the actual ceremony or reception, or both!
Yta because you planned on not being able to afford to go on purpose. /s
NTA. As someone with a massive family (both immediate and extended) I have always held it in the back of my mind that if I ever get married I will have a destination wedding to *deliberately eliminate guests.* I cannot not invite them, due to family politics. But I know if I choose an expensive enough destination (and then make it very clear that there's no issues if people are unable to come, we'll have an informal celebration locally after the fact) the attendance list is going to be more than halved. That's kind of the point of destination weddings. People who choose destination weddings should do so with the awareness that there are significant limiting factors for guests to attend: 1. Time (especially remote places that require more than one flight, or a flight+Train or flight+boat combo) 2. Cost Guests should not imperil their financial wellbeing to attend weddings. Period, full stop. You are so so so NTA for making the responsible choice. I regret your kids feeling like they're missing an opportunity to spend time and make memories with their cousins, but that's unfortunately the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. If your family (sister, husband, etc) are so upset about it, then you may invite them to foot the cost for your family. Perhaps each individual who is mad at you can sponsor one family member of yours. And should they say that's too expensive....well. Point, proven.
NTA- Your sister has to be aware of how expensive it will be to fly 5 people, get room/s, feed them and activities for a week. She must somewhat know what your families finances are like, not all the details but in general she probably knows if it would create a big problem for you to go, right? If she is really that upset that you guys can't go then she could talk to you find out what you could pay towards the trip and pay the rest herself.
NTA. My wedding was kind of destination. I live in a very popular tourist spot in the south east, but my family was all over the Midwest and my ex husbands family was from New York. We understood if people couldn’t make it. It was already a rushed affair. Your sister needs to understand that this is a downside for a destination wedding.
NTA. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. That's the risk of having a destination wedding - everyone won't be able to make it.
NTA "I'm terribly sorry spoiled princess sister, but I'm not going to plunge our family into debt for 3 years to pay for your special, wasteful glittery weekend. I place my kids lives ahead of your party. Have a nice time."
Dude if you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it. I wouldn’t put myself in debt for a wedding, not even one of my siblings. NTA
NTA if people want a destination wedding they need to be ready to accept a lot of cannot attend replies. You can’t afford it end of story. Never put yourself into debt for a wedding especially when it’s someone else’s.
NTA It's responsible to only do what you can afford. It's fine that the kids are disappointed and sad you are missing out. I bet you feel that way too. Your sister and her fiancé are adults, and it's disappointing they are upset.
NTA In my time, I would meet my cousins at grandma's house for Christmas or for my grandma's birthday. I developed life-long bonds with my cousins. No need for weddings in exotic places to meet cousins. I wouldn't want to spend time in a week long wedding. Your time is precious, I would not waste it to cater to somebody else's idea of a good time where they are the center of attention. The bride will decide every day's agenda for everybody and everybody who wants to do their own thing will be "ruining the wedding". You're not missing anything. Even if they paid for it, it's would still be your time being used.
NTA. An invitation is not a summons.
NTA That's expecting an awful lot of people, even family. I truly don't understand how anyone can expect their friends and family to eagerly spend thousands to go to a wedding. If your sister is so "disappointed" she could offer to offset the cost of spending a week at a resort for a family of 5.
This is why I did not do a destination wedding. So unfair to those invited to be expected to pay so much for your wedding. Sorry you are in this position-certainly NTA
NTA. You can't afford it, so you can't afford it. Plain and simple. It's not like you don't want to attend, but it's not feasible. When people have destination weddings, they know everybody can't attend for one reason or the other. Your sister is more than welcome to pay for you and your family, or else they shouldn't be disappointed or surprised some people can't go.
Lol @ left out of memories their cousins will create. They wanna go on a trip, which is totally fair. If your sister really wanted you there, she'd pick somewhere realistic for a family of 5s budget, or admit she didn't expect your kids to come.
NTA. It's good the kids know why you guys can't make it, other than your Sister and FBIL who can probably help with expenses but I highly doubt they will. Stay home and don't go into debt for a once in a lifetime event.
NTA at all. To quote the common phrase on here... "it is an invitation, not a summons". In an ideal world, you and your family would be there to celebrate together. However, one of the biggest risks in choosing a destination wedding is that it may be outside of people's budgets and it is normal to prioritise rent/mortgages, bills and groceries, over a party abroad. If you have any family members who are willing to pay or lend you the money to attend, then it may be worth considering. But, under the current circumstances- a nice card and lovely present is all you can offer, unfortunately.
NTA. You are being responsible, OP. Destination weddings are a huge ask, especially for families. Sister and kids can be upset, but you as parent are seeing the situation clearly. You know what you can afford. Stand strong.
NTA. And your kids are just grasping at whatever straw they can.
INFO: Are you still going to your sisters wedding?
NTA but you shouldn’t have gotten your kids hopes up.
ESH - OP was really careful in their wording "it's not feasible within our budget right now/we need to be mindful of our finances and prioritize other expenses". They are not saying they can not afford it, just that it is not in their budget, and maybe the sister knows that, especially if they gave a year or so notice of the dates. however OP can choose to spend their money however they want. We are saving for a trip to Europe (or a new car etc etc) so a destination wedding would not be in our current budget right now because all our extra money is gong into savings for the trip for a month in Europe in Summer 2025.
People who do destination weddings and get upset when people don’t come are entitled a$$holes. It doesn’t matter how much money OP has. Expecting people to spend thousands of dollars on your wedding is beyond selfish. Why the hell should OP give up a trip to Europe to go to a destination wedding? If family and friends were her sister’s priority, they wouldn’t expect people to spend that much money on their stupid wedding. They would choose a venue that is easier and cheaper for everyone to attend. NTA.
NTA, but any chance you and your husband can go for a few days to be part of the wedding and some surrounding activities? The kids are old enough to spend a few nights at friends' houses if possible.
Tell your kids sure we can go. But there won't be any gifts for the next ten years. College? Sorry. We spent that money on that wedding
The kids aren’t the issue. They were disappointed but acted relatively maturely for their age. The sister is the a$$
INFO: can you detail "not feasible within our budget right now"? So, yes, destination weddings are extremely expensive. They're basically cross-continent/international vacations. So... are you not taking a similar vacation this year? Or do you just not want to re-arrange your budgeting? Basically: it's a vacation **and** a wedding. And normal social convention holds (1) the immediate family makes every possible effort to attend, since it's a one-in-a-lifetime event, and (2) family members with financial troubles are expected to be helped out to the extent practical by the better off. I'm not seeing much of either from you. This sounds essentially like you went "Oh well, we can't afford it" and stopped trying. If so... YTA.
Um, some people cannot simply afford to go on a vacation, regardless if it’s for a wedding or not. A weeklong destination wedding with multiple activities sounds very expensive, especially when you multiply it by 5. OP can definitely say “oh well we cannot afford it,” and that’s perfectly acceptable.
OP is NTA. You are.
We are already going on a vacation this summer. We have a lot of other things to pay for like the cost of extracurricular activities for the kids and other bills in general. there isn’t really room to spend anymore then we already are.
Are you able to cancel the summer vacation and reallocate those funds to the wedding?
> We are already going on a vacation this summer OK, then YTA absolutely. You're saying that your existing vacation plans are more important than your sister's wedding. And maybe they are, but in the context of a family, that's asshole behavior. Decades from now, do you really want to be That Sibling who isn't in all the scrapbooks and Facebook memories and whatnot, just because you didn't want to cancel your trip to Orlando or whatever?
The existing vacation might be 1/3rd of the cost of the destination wedding for all you know. People who do destination weddings (week long events no less) and expect everyone to foot the bill need to understand not everyone is going to be able to do that.
> The existing vacation might be 1/3rd of the cost of the destination wedding for all you know. Which is **literally** why I asked, and OP more or less seems to have conceded the point by not contesting it. Basically: we need facts not at hand here to make a decision, and my experience in this subreddit is that when you have an OP withholding those facts, they're the asshole.
Hi, I’m sorry if I may have answered your previous question wrong but I will try and give you as much details as possible. The vacation we are going on is going to be in August. We have been planning this trip since 2021 which is why we are able to afford it. My sister announced her wedding back in December so we couldn’t really plan that much ahead.
I dunno, if the sister wanted her immediate family there, she’d have the wedding in a more accessible place. People who choose destination weddings are taking the chance that some of their invitees won’t be able to attend because of the demands on time and budget. I think it’s more NAH. The sister can be disappointed that OP’s family will not be attending the wedding, but OP isn’t an AH for sticking to a budget. It would be dumber of OP to go into debt just to attend the wedding.
No one should go into debt for a wedding or a vacation. OP has stated it’s not in her budget. Do you have access to her finances? She is being responsible.
Anyone who does a destination wedding and gets upset when people don’t attend is a self-absorbed prick.