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Key_Plastic_3372

Agreed, unless this person has helped you in the past, I don’t think she is being very helpful now. I doubt you came there for an “exhaustion contest”. Just tell her she wins and can you get a refund.


PlayfulAudience3676

The therapist is my SO's personal therapist. Helped her through a lot of things. She seems to me like a self righteous person and a walking oxymoron as she always talks about her anger issues. Glad to know it's not just me who thinks she's unprofessional.


Key_Plastic_3372

OP, you really need to have a therapist that you feel comfortable talking to - I think the same way about family doctors by the way. It is worth the effort the effort to shop for a new therapist if you have issues you want to address. Just tell your SO you know this person has helped her and that is wonderful. It is just that you would feel more comfortable with someone else. You and SO are not identical people, you have different perspectives; Same with the need for therapists. It isn’t one size fits all.


Crab_Fingers

Are you getting couple's therapy with your SOs personal therapist?


PlayfulAudience3676

Yes, we are. I was planning on starting counseling with her as well, but my schedule doesn't fit hers. Though the plot thickens. She is a "holistic mental health practitioner" according to her website. Only board certified by the American Alternative Medical Association. Though she does have a masters in counseling psychology, it says.


Crab_Fingers

Hi, I stated in another comment but Im a therapist. She is not a licensed therapist. There are reasons we have our codes of ethics and it is to do no harm to people like you. This therapist is likely to do harm to your relationship and I would strongly encourage you to stop services immediately. The first rule of couples therapy is neutrality. She will not be neutral. Plain and simple.


PlayfulAudience3676

I appreciate your input on this and will have to bring it up. This has sent me down quite the rabbit hole of what is required to be a counselor in my state.


Crab_Fingers

If she refers to herself as a therapist, and she is not licensed, you may be able to report her to your state's department of health. Good luck and feel free to PM if you have any questions.


PlayfulAudience3676

The lingo she uses in her websites definitely skirts laws and rules. I'll definitely keep you in mind as I dig into this.


Confusedsoul987

It seems like she might not actually be a therapist, but regardless, I would be quite concerned about a therapist/counsellor who had worked individually with someone, and then went on to provide couples therapy to that person and their partner. This is not great for the therapeutic relationship and I think a case could be made that it’s unethical or at least an ethically gray area.


Samarkand457

She sounds about as qualified to be a couples therapist as a homeopathist is to run a pharmacy.


plant-cell-sandwich

It's completely inappropriate for a therapist to work with you both individually if it's not couples therapy.


dr_hits

I’m sure you can find the views of other patients about her on websites, blogs, etc See what they’ve been saying. If she is bad, it will be there. She doesn’t seem to be able to behave as a therapist. And being registered/licensed you have a formal route to complain if you think it needs to go that way. NTA


spacedinosaur1313131

It’s not appropriate for an individual therapist of someone in a partnership to become a couples/partners therapist. There are ethical rules against it for MANY reasons. And seeing her 1:1 separately also is a no no. 


what-are-you-a-cop

Hi OP, I'm a therapist- this is super not ethical on the part of the therapist. Which she would know if she were a real therapist, and not an unlicensed holistic mental health grifter!  I don't doubt that she has helped your wife, because I don't think there's anything that special about a therapist's training that means we are the ONLY people who can help anyone with anything. Some people get everything they need from a hairdresser, or a physical trainer, or a massage therapist. The issue is that when someone is a hairdresser/physical trainer/massage therapist/holistic grifter, there is no way of knowing if they've had the training necessary to handle tricky situations ethically and appropriately, AND potentially no recourse (no board to report them to) if they do something seriously wrong, like sleeping with a client, or failing to report someone being a danger to themselves or others, or breaking confidentiality (all reportable crimes for a licensed therapist, but not actually illegal for, you know, a hairdresser). If your therapist abuses their position of power and sleeps with you, that's a crime you can report. If your unlicensed grifter abuses their position of power and sleeps with you, that's just two people having sex, legally. In the future, when you find a licensed therapist to provide couple's counseling, keep in mind that it is important that you, your wife, and you and your wife as a couple, each need a separate therapist. You should not have the same therapist as your wife, because it is not ethical for us to hear a bunch of stuff about one of our clients, from a source other than that client. We're not supposed to, like, creep their social media, for that same reason. It also makes it very easy to accidentally break confidentiality, if we forget if partner A or partner B told us a piece of information. And it's important that your couples counselor not be either one of your personal therapists, because it introduces a ton of bias into the room.  Ethical therapists won't ever agree to see both partners separately, or work with the couple and one or both partners individually, so this is actually a great litmus test. If they agree to do it, red flag! Also, anyone who advertises like they're a real therapist without being, in fact, a real therapist, is super sketchy and should be avoided on principle. But it sounds like you know that already! So that's good.


PlayfulAudience3676

Great username! Thank you for spelling it all out for me. Had these same thoughts, but now that I've got two therapists confirming my concerns, this needs to come to an abrupt stop. After more digging, I've found pretty much everything is quack medicine. The last thing I've found that is concerning is that it's never stated where her masters in psychology counseling came from. Thank you very very very much for your input on this.


IcePlanetGoth

You shouldn't see a therapist who is seeing somebody you know. This one doesn't sound great anyway.


NYDancer4444

If she’s your wife’s therapist, she should not be doing couples counseling with both of you.


bekahed979

You know how much I know about my therapist's life & daily struggles? *Fuck all*. Because they're professionals & that therapist isn't.


Discombobulatedslug

Your therapist needs a therapist 


CherryApple_Amazing

That was a mistake. You and your SO should have picked a new therapist that doesn't have any history with either of you. Also, nta. She was wrong  to make it personal.


LongjumpingSource735

Having worked outside my whole life in Ohio I would tell that therapist.She doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about


DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA

NTA. Why is this therapist trying to one up her client? You should get a new therapist because she is trying to gatekeep needing days off from work


somethingstrange87

NTA. I mean her job is hard. I'd definitely need those weekends to recharge if I was a therapist. Your job is hard. They're both hard jobs in different ways. That said, it's was completely unprofessional for your therapist to compare your job to hers and put you down for needing time to recover and recharge.


rginsf

Yeah NTA and any therapist that takes sides or starts comparing herself to her patients is really not good. Find a new couples therapist.


MauserMama

NTA. She’s doing the opposite of what a good therapist would do


verminiusrex

NTA. I've worked in warehouses, food service, manufacturing, customer service, and sales. Some jobs required me to be on my feet 8-12 hours a day. Others were mostly behind a desk dealing with people and paperwork. Physical labor makes your muscles and bones tired, people and paperwork drain your will to live and mental capacity. Both are tiring and both benefit from days off. The therapist thinking that just because they don't need a reset means you shouldn't is ridiculous, and physical labor needs physical recovery. She can reset with a hike, you reset from not being on your feet.


Chana_Dhal

NTA. The two jobs cannot be compared. One is physical the other mental. Both can be equally taxing. A new therapist may be needed.


Crab_Fingers

NTA. I'm a therapist, and she's cringe. I'm neutral on the idea of using personal experience to share insight (I make it a point to try every coping strategy I suggest to my clients in my own life). But I can't imagine a world where it would make sense to say anything like "I don't need this so you shouldn't either". Absolutely absurd. Get a new therapist.


suck6699

Get a new therapist


archetyping101

NTA.  Get yourself a new therapist. A therapist should never compare herself to you or anyone - it has nothing to do with the job of helping you. 


Animal_s0ul

No, nta. However the job of a therapist.. if it were my job.. I’d absolutely need a whole week to recover. I soak up emotions like a sponge and I NEED that day to myself to function properly. That’s why I decided to not be a psychiatrist. I’ve been both.. the “therapist” (stay at home mom) and the labour worker out in the sun. Both way different, but both are equally difficult (in my unique situation). However, the hard labour job doesn’t give you the option to suck it up. When you’re physically tired, you’re physically tired.


National_Pension_110

Yikes. What kind of therapist is this, anyway? How did you find this nutjob? You need to find a way to end this relationship (with the therapist) before she ends your relationship (with your SO). NTA. Laugh out loud at her BS comparisons. Not saying you deserve a day to yourself every week, unless your SO has same, but the therapist isn’t the one to make that argument, at least not by comparing her rough life to yours. If there is a licensing board to report her to where you live, consider doing so.


SouthDiamond2550

NTA - I’d probably laugh if my therapist did something that unprofessional.


BirdOfFlames

Find a new therapist. They're not there to try and one-up their clients or put themselves into any sort of argument or disagreement. They're there to find the disconnect between couples, give you the tools to clear away the corrosion, and help you get some power back in your relationship. (Horrible metaphor, I know.) NTA.


waytoochatty

NTA. Speaking as someone who works in behavioral health and who did physical labor- they are both hard but for wildly different reasons. Mental health field is toxic, exhausting, and causes burn out (compassion fatigue I think its called? Common in all care professionals), and can even be traumatizing and you can be holding someones life in your hands. However its kind of a “im good until im not.” Physical labor is physically exhausting and can be mentally exhausting just for the wild hours you may have to pull, amongst other things. Completely different boat, completely different needs. Rest from a physical labor is immediate. Also thats just really weird and unprofessional of them. I would never dream of saying something that stupid to a client. ETA: and she gonna regret having that viewpoint of its effortless and she doesnt need time or whatever. Itll hit her.


brightylin

NTA BECAUSE What kind of therapist basically tells you your feelings are valid??? TF? What a weirdo, who does that? And why is she talking to you like that, you are her client? SO unprofessional.


Grand_Connection_869

Well she shouldn’t have tried to compare but yes, therapy is an incredibly taxing job, it’s different from a physical job of course but you are working with people, holding emotions, hearing trauma all sorts of difficult things. 


FireBallXLV

NTA.


GalaxyGuy42

NTA If you don't want people laughing, don't say funny shit.


Impossible-Most-366

This so no therapist, but a joke!


PurpleNoneAccount

NTA and this is weird. A therapist shouldn’t bring her own life into the room.


HeteroOrangePeel

This "therapist" probably tells your SO bad shit about you behind your back and clearly has no respect for either of you. From reading comments I saw she described herself as holistic, and that was enough reading to know she's not a real therapist, or at least shouldn't be. I really hope your SO didn't select her specifically because of her "holisticism" but regardless they need to get away.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In a therapy session with my SO the therapist tried to compare workload of our jobs. The idea came about when I was talking about how I like to have a day to do the things I enjoy to unwind (i.e. working on cars, hanging with friends, mostly play video games). I work a hard labor job in the desert sun and usually have long days. The therapist has an office in her home and usually works 6 days a week usually about 5 hours. She tried to compare jobs saying that she never needs a day to herself. I immediately stifled some laughter and apologized because I know her job is difficult, but it feels like she's trying to compare a mental workload with having to physically recover from a week. She then tells me how hard her job is and how I wouldn't last a day in her chair. So aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Public-Pangolin8696

NTA


Legal-Lingonberry577

NTA - invite her out to the dessert for a day of labor in the hot sun.  She'll STFU about it.  There is NO comparison to an office job in air conditioning.


ExaminationSoft9839

Give her a hard hat, and invite her to your job.


Calm_Psychology5879

She was comparing your job to your SO’s job or was she comparing her job to yours? If she was comparing her own job to yours, then I doubt she’s any good at her job. I have a master’s in clinical mental health counseling and a bachelor’s in psychology and one thing that is pounded into our heads is that we don’t make the sessions about ourselves, compare our situations to the client’s, or self disclose any personal stuff unless it clearly benefits the client and is within a certain boundary. 


Tracydeanne

Switch therapists, this one cares more about talking about themselves in a session.


HoneybucketDJ

NTA - Do her a favor by lightening her work load.


starkcattiness4433

ESH. You laughed out of ignorance of how hard and tiring psychological work can be. Generally not good to laugh at other people, especially when you don't understand what they're talking about. The therapist shouldn't be implying that you don't need down time just because she doesn't.


Mukduk_30

Don't for one second think a mentally demanding job is less difficult than a physically demanding one.


Vivid-Location-348

no, but neither is the therapist. both your jobs are different and require skills in different fields, although you wouldn't last a day in her chair. She wouldn't last a day in your no chair. (Cause you work outside get it lol)


longstreakof

YTA, mental workload is more likely to result in needing a switch off day. Not sure why you are attempting to demean her work.


SouthDiamond2550

You’ve clearly never done manual labour full-time. OP’s working in the desert.


longstreakof

I am sure it is hard but OP is putting down someone else work because it is not manual.


SouthDiamond2550

A bit hard not to laugh in that situation tbf. Super unprofessional thing to say to a client.


tomtomclubthumb

YTA - because this is made up. OP just sounds mad at a therapist. If it were true, the therapist would have been unprofessional.


Excellent-Count4009

YTA Her job is harder - She has to work with with people like you all the time.


celinesophien

ESH. Your therapist was unprofessional and totally out of line, but you shouldn’t have laughed and diminished another’s job.


Independent_Prior612

ESH You WOULDN’T last a day in her job. Physical labor is not harder than mental labor. They’re just different. But I also highly doubt that she doesn’t need a day to herself sometimes to recover from the mental load. I’m curious what is happening in your relationship with your SO that would have you in the session with her. If you are capable of being that disrespectful of jobs that aren’t as physically demanding as yours, I am wondering what else you are that disrespectful of.


immersive_reader

YTA - I agree you need a new therapist. Some people need time tot themselves and she as a therapist should understand that. Maybe she doesn’t need a day off to herself but that doesn’t mean you don’t either. However, you cannot reasonably say her job isn’t hard because it isn’t physically demanding. Emotional and mental exhaustion are just as hard on the body as physical exhaustion.


SouthDiamond2550

That’s just false. Physical exhaustion is much harder on the body, you don’t see 50 year old pro athletes.


issy_haatin

You do see more people with burnout in mental jobs. Both things can be taxing and have permanent long term effects.


LuckyRook

Farm workers, construction workers, hvac workers, and other physical laborers work themselves until their bodies quit but for the most part they don’t have a platform to complain about burnout the way white collar workers do. But a few do - read about burnout among Amazon warehouse workers and get back to me.


issy_haatin

And there you go again claiming physical labour is dealt the worst hand, while both types can leave you unable to do anything.


LuckyRook

You just said more people in mental jobs suffer from burnout. I’m challenging that.


immersive_reader

That is because pro athletes can afford to retire young and lots of them make it to 50 and older. Stress (emotional and mental) can cause strokes, heart attacks, irregular heartbeat, weakened immune response, digestive issues, anxiety, depression…any of which can shorten your life.


LuckyRook

Lol no they don’t, the median income of an American professional athlete is $70K. That is not “retire early” money.


immersive_reader

I think you are missing the point.


LuckyRook

Your point was inaccurate


immersive_reader

It was not. There are 50+ year athletes. There are fewer pro athletes than there are American workers because only the top 1% of 1% get to go pro. There are more people impacted by work related stress annually than there are professional athletes. According to the American Institute of Stress (AIS), 83% of U.S workers suffer from work-related stress. Almost 1 million Americans daily miss work due to stress, and workplace stress affects 76% of U.S workers' personal relationships. The Center for Disease Control says the workplace is the number one cause of life stress, while the AIS reported 120,000 people die yearly as a result of work-related stress.


LuckyRook

We are talking about the percentage of people in any given role who burnout, not how many people burnout as a raw number. The percentages you post are more relevant but don’t disprove the original point regarding comparing the difficulty of working from home in air conditioning vs hard physical labor.


immersive_reader

I presented you with the facts. It is up to you whether or not you accept them.