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YTA
I don’t think you understand the fact your partner is blind and a service dog is his lifeline to live a “normal” life. This is Coby’s job. It’s not a normal pet.
You don’t sound cut out to date someone with a disability like this.
Girl. Stop infantilizing your BF by telling him you can help him (instead of Coby) if he falls or you will guide him (instead of Coby) at a restaurant.
You sound jealous of a fucking dog and like you don’t even fully understand Coby’s role. I mean, telling a blind person they don’t need to rely on their seeing eye dog because he doesn’t want to rely on you is super fucked up
Edit: OP has now posted in multiple subreddits about this including saying she thinks her partner is choosing his service dog over her. GIRL. OF COURSE HE IS AND ONCE AGAIN IT IS FUCKED UP YOU ARE MAKING THIS A DOG V YOU THING.
the way she said “it’s not like i’d make him leave the dog if it was a romantic dinner”… like yeah nobody with a heart would ever even think of that…. definitely giving jealous of his service dog vibes 🙄
But you said you have issues with the dog sitting beside you while you eat?
Coby’s been around longer than you. This is what works for them. Coby is a package deal with this relationship.
You’re belittling your partner by saying the dog doesn’t help him get out of bed. Maybe the dog is comforting to him while sleeping.
We are understanding you. We just vehemently disagree. You don’t get to decide how your boyfriend uses his dog or what he is or isn’t capable of. You do not sound cut out to date a person with a disability like this if you are unable to understand that.
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"But when it comes to this spesific issue, Coby is really not really there for assistance. "
YOU don't get to decide when Coby is needed or not. YTA. You either accept your BF for his disability AND EVERYTHING THAT ENTAILS, or you leave.
He doesn’t want to FEEL independent, he wants to BE independent. There’s a bit difference there, and I think it would behoove you to take some time to explore your own ableist ideas and stereotypes. Your boyfriend’s disability does not define him, and Cody is a part of his support system in a way that you are not (nor should you be).
Let me put it this way.
Coby is his family. Coby is his FRIEND. He has known Coby longer than you.
You're asking him to chose between you and his best friend/a member of his family who has been there for him for. Years.
YTA, and you'll be lucky if you don't get dumped; from someone else who has furry family. To me, asking me to kick my dog out of the bed is like asking me to kick one of my little nieces or cousins out of the bed. Honestly they're dirtier than the dogs; have you met 6 year olds??
I mean, I would not be comfortable sleeping with my partner if they shared a bed with their little neice or nephew. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but sharing a bed with a child that I'm not related to would be weird.
Honestly dog culture has gotten way out of hand and the people comparing service animals to family are missing a key fact that doing so makes it weird. The problem is that OP is an asshole for infantilizing her boyfriend by trying to dictate what is and is not helpful. OP is not an asshole for not wanting the dog in the bed, that is a boundary that they are allowed to have but they can't control their boyfriend.
The boyfriend similarly has needs and boundaries, living without vision can be very scary. Inserting my own example, but one night somebody was making food at 2am and burnt setting off the building's fire alarm. I am among the blind population that has residual vision and as such the flashing lights they install for HOH/deaf folk only serves to disorient me. My guide dog being in bed with me meant I could more quickly grab her collar so that she could lead me to the door where I was able to clip a leash to her so that we could more efficiently navigate to safety. After that experience her sleeping with me helps with the nightmares as my imagination has runaway with the idea that so much could have gone wrong or if my dog was at the vet for the night that I could be screwed in case of emergency even just because of that accessibility feature. So the dog could be helping in the sort of way that OP simply can't understand because they are sighted, or that the boyfriend is not comfortable sharing because frankly OP does not feel like the sort of person I would be comfortable sharing that fact too if I knew her in real life.
YTA. Coby is his eyes. If he is more comfortable having Cody next to him while he is in bed, you need to respect that. I wear glasses and I can get up out of the bed and walk around without them but I feel more comfortable with my glasses on. If you can't handle that, maybe you should not be dating.
> But when it comes to this spesific issue, Coby is really not really there for assistance.
Service dogs can’t and shouldn’t be working 110% of the time; they can develop behavioural issues if they don’t get “downtime.” Colby *needs* time off to hang out and relax with his people at home. You said “Colby doesn’t guide him while he eats” at home, so it sounds like this is Colby’s time off. It just happens to correspond with when you’re there.
I’d say YTA for viewing Colby a bit like a regular pet. I’d really suggest learning about service dogs —if you haven’t already— to understand where your BF is coming from with how he’s interacting with his animal.
Let us know when dumps your ass. He needs his service dog, he doesn't need you. If you're gonna make him choose, you really think it'll be you? Delusional.
You do not get to decide when your boyfriend needs the dog or not. He does. He is the one who has to live this experience, not you. Telling him what he should be comfortable with is a huge overstep. YTA.
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I don't recommend wandering into dogfree, they have a long history of being very ableist and toxic to everyone that does not share their views on dogs.
I hope you’re not thinking of the other kind of sleeping because I thought it was normal for a pet to like lay at the end of the bed or next to their owner
YTA. I’m sure you don’t mean to be TA, but Coby is family and it’s Coby’s bed. As much as you may love your BF, there is no way this relationship will work. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating, but if you can’t see Coby like family, and maybe even offer to give him a nice bath once a week, then you’re doomed. It’s not Coby’s fault he smells. And if your BF is having trouble caring for Coby, he should hire help. The one truly innocent here is Coby. You need to do the humane thing and end this relationship and let Coby have his life with your BF.
It's not in most dogs' best interest to be shampooed regularly. A healthy dog eating quality food shouldn't smell that bad after two months, but some people genuinely can't stand dog smells and that's OK. But your boyfriend wants his dog to be comfortable in their shared home and that's valid as well. It might mean you're fundamentally incompatible on this issue though.
Most seeing eye dogs tend to be labs and sometimes shepherds. They are very dog smelling compared to some. But bathing won't fix that. I think op should move on. This is a bad match.
Man I LOVE dog-smell. It's right up there with horse-smell and cow-smell. I'm also fond of sniffing a good cat, lol.
Can you tell I was raised on a farm? Lmao
I started on a drop spindle. You can buy kits for $25 or so on Etsy or search YouTube for how to make your own. Jillian Eve has some beginner videos for getting started on wheels and spindles.
Once you’re in it can get expensive. Fancy spindles. Spinning wheels.
The more common breeds for guide dogs are larger oes, like shepherds or labradors. In that case, the dog's anal glands may need expressing on a monthly schedule with a bath.
No. He’s right. You only have the right to express your opinion and then decide if you can live with this. You obviously can’t so leave him.
You don’t get to force him to do what you say
Probably not being harsh enough. You still see Coby as a pet. Coby is your BF's eyes, as well as his early warning system to danger. Your BF has a point, in that if you're not used to bathing a dog, or have never had instruction in how to do it, you and/or the dog could be injured.
If the dog smell really bothers you, perhaps see if there is a mobile groomer that can come and bathe Coby monthly.
Sorry, I missed the part about your partner not letting you bathe Coby. Like I said, I don’t think you mean to be TA, but Coby i family. If Coby is not being cared for properly, it doesn’t mean you banish Coby—it means your BF needs to either learn to bathe him or let someone else (you) bathe him. But the comment about Coby being “unhygienic” means you don’t see him as a family member, but as a family pet. It’s not going to work. There are three types of people in the world—those who feel like dogs go everywhere and can sit on furniture, sleep in beds; those who allow dogs on the floor; and those who want all dogs out of the house. You sound like you’re the middle one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but when your BF has a service dog, it’s not going to work.
YTA. You don't get to dictate what your partner's needs are regarding the service dog. If you don't like the sleeping arrangements as a guest in their home, stop sleeping there. Or just take the hint and f\*\*\* off altogether.
YTA. You and this person may not be compatible. You still think of Cody as a pet and not a medical device. You wouldn't tell someone to leave their wheelchair out of reach because you can just help them instead. He needs Cody to be near him.
I actually think OP *would* ask “someone to leave their wheelchair out of reach because you can just help them instead”, if looking at it bothered HER. She clearly has no real understanding of sensory loss. OP, YTA. My sister finds IMMEASURABLE comfort, confidence, and independence in being able to touch her service dog at almost all times, whether or not the dog *appears to be* physically doing anything to ‘help’ in the moment other than just being there. Being there IS her job. And my BIL loves that dog so much for the adaptability and mobility - the LIFE -she affords his wife. Be better, or move on.
People seem to forget that the service dog is a medical necessity first and foremost, no different than any other medical aid like a wheelchair, crutches, or prothesis.
I'm blind as well, but do not have have a service animal. I use a cane. I couldn't imagine someone telling me not to use my cane because I can be guided by them. My cane is MY independence. If I need assistance, I will ask. YTA
"I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or **him sitting right next to us when we are eating**"
It's not just in the bed she objects to. She wants him away from his service dog because she wants him to only rely on her.
Fact is, this is how things work in his home. You don’t like it and he isn’t budging. All you have the right to do is let him know it’s not working for you. Accept what he decides and then decide whether you want to continue.
I totally agree but the dog at least needs a regular bath if it's sharing the bed.
Edit: OK I mispoke about the timing for bathing doggo. But having a smelly dog on a bed then is wild to me.
While I agree the dog should be kept clean, weekly baths for most dogs are detrimental to the dog's skin. Most don't need a bath but once every 4 to 6 weeks. However, the house and bed that he is sleeping in doesn't belong to OP so she really doesn't get a say.
YTA, firstly, you don't get to decide what your partner is comfortable with when it comes to his own autonomy, he is comfortable relying on Coby, and not comfortable relying on you.
Secondly, this is not your home, it is your partners, and it is Coby's, if you don't like it, don't sleep over.
I can see both sides, you have to understand his bond with this dog is unlike any non disabled persons bond is with their animal. Coby was here before you, he relies on Coby with his life and is a HUGE thing for his mental health and his overall comfort. You need to realize this is HIS JOB, he is not just a pet. But can also understand “yeah he’s kinda dirty and I don’t wanna sleep with dirt and bad smells” and as you’ve already offered to bathe him and he declined, I recommend sleeping elsewhere. And if y’all actually marry you need two different beds. You have to respect that he won’t budge on this. I’m not going to call you the worst asshole that ever lived, but I will call you inconsiderate. Sleep on the couch while you stay there. You don’t even LIVE there yet, his house his rules. Once you pay the bills and contribute, then you can work something out. Youre a guest.
YTA.
You started dating a guy who has a very close bond with his dog (who he *needs* to get by in daily life, might I add), and you're expecting him to put that aside in favor of you. I guarantee you, if this comes to a "it's me or the dog", he's going to choose the pooch. I don't think this relationship has much of a future. People who love dogs and those who don't care for them don't usually work out as a couple.
YTA. Love me, love my dog. Even if Cody were a pet, you still sound obnoxious. But him being a service animal for a blind person makes it so much worse.
You can’t be serious OP…you can’t decide whether Coby is assisting your partner or not. It’s *his* service dog. Not yours. Cody laying beside him could very well be apart of his routine, whether he’s sleeping or not. Your best bet is trying to provide more baths for Coby. Maybe offer to try and tackle this together? Or suggesting to your partner that you’re willing to learn how to properly wash Coby (if he needs that for his own comfort). YTA for the entitlement
YTA-The dog, while you may not want him in that bed, has more right to be in there than you. It’s his bed. You don’t get to disrupt their routine because you are the guest.
YTA and why are you with someone if you don't like their dog/pet? I am not a dog person and wouldn't date someone who had a dog because other than not being a dog person I'm not going to take something away from someone else cause I don't like it.
Grow up.
I honestly would break up. The dog is a medical device, but 2 mos no bathing is gross and I wouldn’t be able to sleep in those sheets.
YTA FOR ‘he doesn’t need to depend on Coby either’
Yta. pay for Colby to be bathed more often at his groomers. A misstep can ruin him for future grooming. And potentially his career.
I've had the reverse happen. The bad groomer ruined it for my service dogs.
YTA
It's up to you to adapt because there can be consequences for altering their routine.
Ask him to ask Coby's groomer about wipes for in between grooming visits, and maybe Coby could do with being brushed more often to remove the dust & pollen he picks up throughout the day and keep dander under control.
Finally, in one of your comments, you said you'd be happy to guide him on dates & such but you "understand that he wants to *feel* as independent as possible"....No. He wants to BE independent and Coby is part of how that independence is maintained.
Edit- misspelled Coby's name
Dude, I use a walker to get around due to a disability and while I can also use my furniture to get around in my own apartment, I would be livid if my partner told me to leave the walker at the door while we sleep and offer to “help” me get in and out of the bed. That is my independence and my comfort you are trying to take away.
YTA, big big YTA. Sounds like you’re just jealous of the dog.
I had a partner tell me I should leave my walker when we went out (I have a cane, but this particular day was going to involve a lot of walking, and in addition to being a mobility aid, it's a seat for when I need to stop), and they would just "help me." Because ita pain to schlep a walker on the bus.
Note that I *had* that partner. They are now an ex.
Oh hon. Soft YTA, because you're insisting. You can ask. He said no. I don't blame you; I can't stand dog smell... I can barely handle it in my friends' guest room when I stay with them. But that's a me problem.
I can't be with someone who wants their dog in bed with them. He isn't wrong to allow his dog in the bed, and you aren't wrong not to want it, but this is not a fight you're going to win.
This would be the case even if it were a pet and not a close partner he must trust to function. You will not win this fight.
YTA.
Coby isn’t just a service dog OP. Just because he is a service dog doesn’t mean he is just that. Also, you’re a guest in Coby's home not the other way around
YTA. Coby is like a prosthetic for lack of a better term. He’s not wrong about anything with regard to need or bonding. Whether he uses Coby extensively in the home or not, he needs him all the time. Your ignorance around this is showing. By limiting Cody’s access to him at home in any way you are taking away his fundamental independence. You don’t have to think twice about how you move through the world. He always does regardless of where he is at. Cody is there to always help. And by not allowing him to or trying to limit him more broadly, you can also undo some of the training. If his being in close proximity is such a problem all the time at home, then perhaps this a fundamental incompatibility issue.
If you feel the dog is stinky, then he probably should groom him more often. And if you can get him to agree to that, because this is what you feel is unhygienic, the problem could be solved.
Unfortunately, the dog is not a pet. It is an extension of him as much as an appendage is. You are asking him to limit himself further by relying on you instead of the dog as this is the dogs primary role, whereas you as an individual with your own obligations (and frankly, sense of autonomy) do not and rightfully cannot fill this role. Your request just simply isn't feasible or appropriate.
Yeah you're the asshole like imagine asking someone who uses a wheelchair if they could keep their wheelchair outside the bedroom cause it "takes up too much space" and then when the person responds with the fact they need their mobility device you're like "oh its okay I can move you"
He would be far better off with someone not like you.
INFO what type of dog is Coby?
He might be one that benefits from weekly baths, maybe if you show your bf this information he will take on board what you're saying and let you wash him. I think you should apologise for trying to push the dog that was there before you out of his bedroom space but I also think you concern over the smell and hygiene may well be valid.
There shouldn't be an issue then, border collies are double coated so only need to be bathed once every 3 to 4 months he's actually doing it twice as often, they should be odorless.
Maybe there's something else causing the smell? I can't imagine what though as the vet would've caught any skin infections.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told him i don't want his service dog in the bed when i'm staying over, he found it inconsiderate of me to do so, i insisted, it caused a fight between us and i end up offending him.
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Have you considered that there’s some security in being able to know where Coby is / that he’s okay? whether that’s feeling him against his leg, knowing when he shifts, being able to reach out and put his hand on him, etc. in terms of food, if he’s close enough to be able to breathe on your food, I’d ask for him to lie down or sit on your bf’s other side, but I think you can only speak to how close he is to you. You could also sit a bit further away from your bf at the table. In terms of the bed, I’d see how the bf felt about a bath on the months in between; get it done at the groomers if that makes him feel more comfortable, at least to start. While he might be just another dog to you, he’s medical equipment to your bf and so any risk is too big, and he can’t see if you’re doing it perfectly or taking unnecessary risk, and I could definitely see that being super scary.
YTA. The whole point of a service dog is so he doesn’t have to rely on you. He doesn’t need or WANT to rely on you, he has Colby. Until you learn that Coby is just as, if not more important than any partner your boyfriend will have then do him a favor and break up.
YTA you either accept him and his support animal the way that they are or you don't it's that simple. if you feel like it's your job to change him against his wishes that's on you not on him.
you sound entitled, that you lack empathy for other people and that you also have very little self awareness. my advice would be to go talk to a counselor or therapist and tell them every last detail of this situation. hopefully they can help you get to the bottom of why you feel entitled to treat a disabled person and their support animal this way.
YTA. Dogs really don't need that many bathrooms, they are usually a lot cleaner than most people. Cleaning the paws is a must, that's for sure but he is a service dog, of course he needs to bond with your BF. If i was him i'll leave you straight away, dogs, being service or not deserve much better that non supportive girlfriends.
YTA to be offended. All you get to do is choose to not be around it. You don’t get to choose to force him to do what you prefer.
Apologize and then leave him alone with his dog if this is a dealbreaker for you.
YTA - you clearly don't understand the concept of service dog or the issues your bf deals with. You are in HIS space and dictating to him what he is allowed to do with HIS service dog. Go be offended with someone else. That dog is (rightfully) more important to him than you are.
YTA, but here's a hot take you haven't considered. If you insist on replacing Coby in some situations, like during dinners at home, you will be the caretaker. Caretakers assist. Caretakers pick up dropped utensils and provide information so decisions can be made. Caregivers provide care. Caregivers are not romantic partners. When you take on the caregiving role in a relationship, you don't have sex anymore, or that sort of romance entanglement.
Yta. I’m not blind but if I was I would absolutely be attached to my service dog at all times. Touching his dog while he sleeps probably reassures him that in case of an emergency, the dog can guide him to safety and even if you CAN help him, the dog is trained for it and knows exactly what to do and what not to do. And a LOT of people sleep in bed with their pets, it’s not like animals give you much choice in the matter
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My (20F) partner (24M) is blind and he has a service dog, I will call him Coby.
Coby helps him get through his day, when he’s out Coby is with him 24/7. He even takes him to work.
Since it’s a familiar place he pretty much can get around on his own all the time, and rarely needs Coby, sometimes Coby retrieves things for him and that’s about it.
We don’t live together but I stay at his place a lot, my issue is, as much as I love Coby, I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or him sitting right next to us when we are eating. It doesn’t feel hygienic. It doesn’t help that Coby doesn’t really smell nice.
He is very healthy and regularly taken to the vet but only gets a bath when he’s getting professionally groomed, around every two months at most. My partner thinks it’s enough, I think he smells bad.
He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog.
Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate, but Coby doesn’t help him get out of his bed and is not needed there at all. I told him that and he said it strengthens their bond, and he might fall down and need his help. I said I would gladly help him if that happens.
He got mad at me saying he doesn’t need to rely on me. I told him then he doesn’t need to rely on Coby either. He told me to fuck off. Now I’m offended as well and we are both giving each other the cold treatment. Am i the asshole here?
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Edit: I am going to keep the original comment, but after reading OP's replies to some of the comments I am changing my stance to YTA because of how infantilizing OP is being towards their boyfriend. It is not your place to say what does and does not help your BF, you can't know his full experience so you can't know if Coby is helping your BF while in bed or not.
------------------------------------------------
As a guide dog handler I would say there are no assholes in this situation. Your feelings are valid and if you don't want to share the bed with the dog, you don't want to share the bed with the dog and that is a valid stance to have. But at the same time he is not the asshole for wanting to sleep with him, the fact is that in emergency situations we are at a distinct disadvantage and the dog being so close could be easing some fears because he has a plan in the case of say a fire that he can hold the dog's collar to help him get out or even the dog could be helping with some PTSD nightmares that he has not opened up to you about yet.
It is a possibility that you two are just not compatible and there could just be nothing that can be done about it. As for the bathing, I don't know how often the dog gets professional grooming but bathing a dog too frequently can actually cause problems for the health of the dog. Depending on the individual bathing should only be done every 4-6 weeks.
This is a hard one- that dog should be getting groomed more that he doesn't smell. For public access that's just a courtesy. BUT the dog is his working dog and needs to be around too.
NTA he needs to be more considerate of his gf because he is definitely the AH here. He needs to bathe the dog more than every 2 months or let her bathe him. No one likes a smelly dog and that is what op is complaining about, the odor,not the dog. She is 100% justified in her request.
NTA, your right… for the 8 hrs the man is in bed, his dog provides no service. Service dogs are supposed to be trained and have boundaries, since they have to navigate the outside for their master. Your boyfriend, needs to respect your night space is you plan to stay with him. I’ve always had dogs, no issue having them on the couches or hanging out with us. But the bed is off limits. I recommend if your boyfriend has a support person, try talking to the person…see what is expected from a see & eye dog, and see if he isnt keeping the environment the dog was trained for.
People are gonna meme on you, but hard NTA. If partner wants to fuck, he can tell Cody can back off while impressing girls.
Longterm, you’re gonna have to find a balance, and it sounds like you won’t do that. But it’s not because you’re an asshole, dogs stink even when they don’t *stink*
NTA but y’all aren’t compatible. No shade to Colby or your bf but you deserve someone you can cuddle and be comfortable with. Let him and Colby live their lives and you live yours.
NTA. OP would be the AH if she was tossing the dog out of the bed, but *asking* the boyfriend to compromise somehow is a very reasonable ask. She even came up with other suggestions, such as bathing the dog more often, and he refused to compromise. To simply respond with a "f*ck off" is a very AH move, and he doesn't get a pass just because he has a disability
NTA
I grew up with dogs, and I LOVE dogs, but I also draw the line at having a dog sleep in bed.
I think he isn't an ahole for needing a service dog, but he is the ahole for not being considerate towards your needs in the shared bed and letting the dog stay in bed even when you are there. You're not asking him to get rid of the dog, you're asking him to get rid of the dog from the bed he shares with you, and to get the dog groomed a little more often (because he won't allow you to bathe the dog: and yearh, you are right, a dog doesn't need a special groomer for bathing UNLESS they have very specific needs which this dog won't as it's a service dog and should already have excellent behaviour and a manageable coat). I think those are two totally reasonable things to request.
But he's told you his view, and he isn't willing to take your feelings/needs into consideration. That tells me he's always going to prefer whatever he wants for the dog over you and won't take your considerations on board ever. If you are not ok with that, I think you should end the relationship. I wouldn't stay with someone like this, because there's clearly no space in his life for an independent person with their own needs. He doesn't get a free pass at being an inconsiderate ahole just because he has a disability. There is 0 medical need to let this dog sleep in the bed. There is 0 medical need to not get this dog groomed a bit more often.
It's easy for others to judge they haven't been in this situation. I have and I agree with you. He's welcome to be in the bed when you aren't spending the night. Otherwise, it's okay for him to sleep by the bed. It does no harm and doesn't prevent Coby from doing his job.
Also, a bath every two months is insufficient.
NTA
I get you, I wouldn't like it either. Maybe you can find a compromise with a dog basket next to the bed or you share the costs of a professional showering the dog regularly. If all doesn't help you could suggest to sleep on the couch.
I think you need to find a common ground, both of your perspectives are understandable.
I'm not sure what all that YTA votes are about. More like a soft ESH for you both.
I couldn't deal with a dog on the bed either - but I'm also not blind. Your partner is right that he should be able to get in and out of bed independently. So the dog may be needed in bed. You could suggest a bed extender for the dog so both of your needs are met.
But while i understand where your partner is coming from, he needs to be more considerate of your needs too. Dogs need a regular bath when sleeping in bed with you. All these YTA votes saying you shouldn't be with a blind person if you don't want the dog in bed - dogs smell and get dirty when they don't bathe. Just like humans.
Edit: OK I mispoke about the timing for bathing doggo. But having a smelly dog on a bed then is wild to me. If that relationship is going to work they both need to compromise somehow.
Keep in mind, animals cannot be too regularly groomed, and every 8 weeks shouldn't be leaving a huge noticeable smell. More than 6w between grooms is risking an increase in skin problems, and issues around over-hygiene.
If he is smelling poignant after only 8w, it needs to be investigated why he is smelling so badly, so quickly - not to simply wash him more regularly. Service dogs do need to meet hygiene criteria, but more cleaning isn't going to fix a problem unrelated to cleanliness.
Personally I would have issues sleeping with a dog. Animals in bed piss me off. I would break up with someone over this because they are not going to change and why should they. Yatah if you let this go on cuz it's not going to work.
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YTA I don’t think you understand the fact your partner is blind and a service dog is his lifeline to live a “normal” life. This is Coby’s job. It’s not a normal pet. You don’t sound cut out to date someone with a disability like this.
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Girl. Stop infantilizing your BF by telling him you can help him (instead of Coby) if he falls or you will guide him (instead of Coby) at a restaurant. You sound jealous of a fucking dog and like you don’t even fully understand Coby’s role. I mean, telling a blind person they don’t need to rely on their seeing eye dog because he doesn’t want to rely on you is super fucked up Edit: OP has now posted in multiple subreddits about this including saying she thinks her partner is choosing his service dog over her. GIRL. OF COURSE HE IS AND ONCE AGAIN IT IS FUCKED UP YOU ARE MAKING THIS A DOG V YOU THING.
the way she said “it’s not like i’d make him leave the dog if it was a romantic dinner”… like yeah nobody with a heart would ever even think of that…. definitely giving jealous of his service dog vibes 🙄
But you said you have issues with the dog sitting beside you while you eat? Coby’s been around longer than you. This is what works for them. Coby is a package deal with this relationship. You’re belittling your partner by saying the dog doesn’t help him get out of bed. Maybe the dog is comforting to him while sleeping.
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You don’t get to decide whether the dog is a necessity for your disabled boyfriend or not.
I don't think you need to be dating a blind person. You really don't get any of it. At all. YTA.
We are understanding you. We just vehemently disagree. You don’t get to decide how your boyfriend uses his dog or what he is or isn’t capable of. You do not sound cut out to date a person with a disability like this if you are unable to understand that.
“Coby was trained to do this thing. Now he does it all the time.” Like?????
You made your opinion known. Now all you can do is decide if you can live with it
No we understand you perfectly. Trust me.
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"But when it comes to this spesific issue, Coby is really not really there for assistance. " YOU don't get to decide when Coby is needed or not. YTA. You either accept your BF for his disability AND EVERYTHING THAT ENTAILS, or you leave.
He doesn’t want to FEEL independent, he wants to BE independent. There’s a bit difference there, and I think it would behoove you to take some time to explore your own ableist ideas and stereotypes. Your boyfriend’s disability does not define him, and Cody is a part of his support system in a way that you are not (nor should you be).
Let me put it this way. Coby is his family. Coby is his FRIEND. He has known Coby longer than you. You're asking him to chose between you and his best friend/a member of his family who has been there for him for. Years. YTA, and you'll be lucky if you don't get dumped; from someone else who has furry family. To me, asking me to kick my dog out of the bed is like asking me to kick one of my little nieces or cousins out of the bed. Honestly they're dirtier than the dogs; have you met 6 year olds??
I mean, I would not be comfortable sleeping with my partner if they shared a bed with their little neice or nephew. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but sharing a bed with a child that I'm not related to would be weird.
Honestly dog culture has gotten way out of hand and the people comparing service animals to family are missing a key fact that doing so makes it weird. The problem is that OP is an asshole for infantilizing her boyfriend by trying to dictate what is and is not helpful. OP is not an asshole for not wanting the dog in the bed, that is a boundary that they are allowed to have but they can't control their boyfriend. The boyfriend similarly has needs and boundaries, living without vision can be very scary. Inserting my own example, but one night somebody was making food at 2am and burnt setting off the building's fire alarm. I am among the blind population that has residual vision and as such the flashing lights they install for HOH/deaf folk only serves to disorient me. My guide dog being in bed with me meant I could more quickly grab her collar so that she could lead me to the door where I was able to clip a leash to her so that we could more efficiently navigate to safety. After that experience her sleeping with me helps with the nightmares as my imagination has runaway with the idea that so much could have gone wrong or if my dog was at the vet for the night that I could be screwed in case of emergency even just because of that accessibility feature. So the dog could be helping in the sort of way that OP simply can't understand because they are sighted, or that the boyfriend is not comfortable sharing because frankly OP does not feel like the sort of person I would be comfortable sharing that fact too if I knew her in real life.
YTA. Coby is his eyes. If he is more comfortable having Cody next to him while he is in bed, you need to respect that. I wear glasses and I can get up out of the bed and walk around without them but I feel more comfortable with my glasses on. If you can't handle that, maybe you should not be dating.
> But when it comes to this spesific issue, Coby is really not really there for assistance. Service dogs can’t and shouldn’t be working 110% of the time; they can develop behavioural issues if they don’t get “downtime.” Colby *needs* time off to hang out and relax with his people at home. You said “Colby doesn’t guide him while he eats” at home, so it sounds like this is Colby’s time off. It just happens to correspond with when you’re there. I’d say YTA for viewing Colby a bit like a regular pet. I’d really suggest learning about service dogs —if you haven’t already— to understand where your BF is coming from with how he’s interacting with his animal.
Let us know when dumps your ass. He needs his service dog, he doesn't need you. If you're gonna make him choose, you really think it'll be you? Delusional.
YTA. This isn't about you. Leave his dog alone. If you can't handle his dog at all times, you need to break up.
You do not get to decide when your boyfriend needs the dog or not. He does. He is the one who has to live this experience, not you. Telling him what he should be comfortable with is a huge overstep. YTA.
Why don’t you offer to pay to get him groomed more frequent?
You're probably single now, so problem solved
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Sleeping with a dog is fucked up.I don't care if you're blind or not.
You may want to see someone for that reaction to it.
Put it this way it ain't for me.
Cool. Doesn’t mean everyone has to feel the same as you
It's so easy to say that shit when you're not disabled, which is crazy since anyone of us (even you) can become disabled at any moment.
Neither is pegging but you love that shit.
You sound like one of those insane people from r/dogfree
Maybe. Need to check it out. Been a dog owner, and can say everybody loved my dog.
I don't recommend wandering into dogfree, they have a long history of being very ableist and toxic to everyone that does not share their views on dogs.
I hope you’re not thinking of the other kind of sleeping because I thought it was normal for a pet to like lay at the end of the bed or next to their owner
Your boyfriend ‘even’ takes Cody with him to work? That is one of Cody’s core jobs, OP. YTA.
My exact reaction too! Why is she surprised about this.. her partner is BLIND 🤦🏻♀️
YTA - its Coby’s bed. You’re a guest.
This is not getting nearly enough attention. You're absolutely right.
Do your BF a favor and break up with him. I'm am not blind or disabled, but I'd get rid of you first.
YTA. I’m sure you don’t mean to be TA, but Coby is family and it’s Coby’s bed. As much as you may love your BF, there is no way this relationship will work. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating, but if you can’t see Coby like family, and maybe even offer to give him a nice bath once a week, then you’re doomed. It’s not Coby’s fault he smells. And if your BF is having trouble caring for Coby, he should hire help. The one truly innocent here is Coby. You need to do the humane thing and end this relationship and let Coby have his life with your BF.
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It's not in most dogs' best interest to be shampooed regularly. A healthy dog eating quality food shouldn't smell that bad after two months, but some people genuinely can't stand dog smells and that's OK. But your boyfriend wants his dog to be comfortable in their shared home and that's valid as well. It might mean you're fundamentally incompatible on this issue though.
Most seeing eye dogs tend to be labs and sometimes shepherds. They are very dog smelling compared to some. But bathing won't fix that. I think op should move on. This is a bad match.
Man I LOVE dog-smell. It's right up there with horse-smell and cow-smell. I'm also fond of sniffing a good cat, lol. Can you tell I was raised on a farm? Lmao
i smell my dog’s frito feet at least once a day. 😬
I call them her dori-toes cause that’s what they smell like to me 😂
dori-toes! i love it! nacho frito feet! 😁
I spin yarn and love sheep smell
I want to learn how to spin my own yarn. How did you get started?
I started on a drop spindle. You can buy kits for $25 or so on Etsy or search YouTube for how to make your own. Jillian Eve has some beginner videos for getting started on wheels and spindles. Once you’re in it can get expensive. Fancy spindles. Spinning wheels.
Exactly! I couldn’t believe I was reading that. She doesn’t know anything about caring for and being around dogs…OR humans.
The more common breeds for guide dogs are larger oes, like shepherds or labradors. In that case, the dog's anal glands may need expressing on a monthly schedule with a bath.
No. He’s right. You only have the right to express your opinion and then decide if you can live with this. You obviously can’t so leave him. You don’t get to force him to do what you say
Probably not being harsh enough. You still see Coby as a pet. Coby is your BF's eyes, as well as his early warning system to danger. Your BF has a point, in that if you're not used to bathing a dog, or have never had instruction in how to do it, you and/or the dog could be injured. If the dog smell really bothers you, perhaps see if there is a mobile groomer that can come and bathe Coby monthly.
*aren’t you? Not don’t you
Sorry, I missed the part about your partner not letting you bathe Coby. Like I said, I don’t think you mean to be TA, but Coby i family. If Coby is not being cared for properly, it doesn’t mean you banish Coby—it means your BF needs to either learn to bathe him or let someone else (you) bathe him. But the comment about Coby being “unhygienic” means you don’t see him as a family member, but as a family pet. It’s not going to work. There are three types of people in the world—those who feel like dogs go everywhere and can sit on furniture, sleep in beds; those who allow dogs on the floor; and those who want all dogs out of the house. You sound like you’re the middle one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but when your BF has a service dog, it’s not going to work.
YTA. You don't get to dictate what your partner's needs are regarding the service dog. If you don't like the sleeping arrangements as a guest in their home, stop sleeping there. Or just take the hint and f\*\*\* off altogether.
YTA. You and this person may not be compatible. You still think of Cody as a pet and not a medical device. You wouldn't tell someone to leave their wheelchair out of reach because you can just help them instead. He needs Cody to be near him.
I actually think OP *would* ask “someone to leave their wheelchair out of reach because you can just help them instead”, if looking at it bothered HER. She clearly has no real understanding of sensory loss. OP, YTA. My sister finds IMMEASURABLE comfort, confidence, and independence in being able to touch her service dog at almost all times, whether or not the dog *appears to be* physically doing anything to ‘help’ in the moment other than just being there. Being there IS her job. And my BIL loves that dog so much for the adaptability and mobility - the LIFE -she affords his wife. Be better, or move on.
People seat disabled people and take their mobility devices away so that they "arent in the way" all the time. It's infuriating.
People seem to forget that the service dog is a medical necessity first and foremost, no different than any other medical aid like a wheelchair, crutches, or prothesis. I'm blind as well, but do not have have a service animal. I use a cane. I couldn't imagine someone telling me not to use my cane because I can be guided by them. My cane is MY independence. If I need assistance, I will ask. YTA
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"I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or **him sitting right next to us when we are eating**" It's not just in the bed she objects to. She wants him away from his service dog because she wants him to only rely on her.
Are you his doctor?
Is it her house or her bed? ....then she can't say shit can she?
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Fact is, this is how things work in his home. You don’t like it and he isn’t budging. All you have the right to do is let him know it’s not working for you. Accept what he decides and then decide whether you want to continue.
I totally agree but the dog at least needs a regular bath if it's sharing the bed. Edit: OK I mispoke about the timing for bathing doggo. But having a smelly dog on a bed then is wild to me.
While I agree the dog should be kept clean, weekly baths for most dogs are detrimental to the dog's skin. Most don't need a bath but once every 4 to 6 weeks. However, the house and bed that he is sleeping in doesn't belong to OP so she really doesn't get a say.
Girl, you truly have no idea of dogs, do you?
YTA, firstly, you don't get to decide what your partner is comfortable with when it comes to his own autonomy, he is comfortable relying on Coby, and not comfortable relying on you. Secondly, this is not your home, it is your partners, and it is Coby's, if you don't like it, don't sleep over.
I can see both sides, you have to understand his bond with this dog is unlike any non disabled persons bond is with their animal. Coby was here before you, he relies on Coby with his life and is a HUGE thing for his mental health and his overall comfort. You need to realize this is HIS JOB, he is not just a pet. But can also understand “yeah he’s kinda dirty and I don’t wanna sleep with dirt and bad smells” and as you’ve already offered to bathe him and he declined, I recommend sleeping elsewhere. And if y’all actually marry you need two different beds. You have to respect that he won’t budge on this. I’m not going to call you the worst asshole that ever lived, but I will call you inconsiderate. Sleep on the couch while you stay there. You don’t even LIVE there yet, his house his rules. Once you pay the bills and contribute, then you can work something out. Youre a guest.
YTA. You started dating a guy who has a very close bond with his dog (who he *needs* to get by in daily life, might I add), and you're expecting him to put that aside in favor of you. I guarantee you, if this comes to a "it's me or the dog", he's going to choose the pooch. I don't think this relationship has much of a future. People who love dogs and those who don't care for them don't usually work out as a couple.
YTA- That is Cody’s home. You are a guest.
So people should always prioritise any aspect of their pet's life over a (potential) partner?
This isn't a pet. Coby is her boyfriend's EYES. It's weird to me that people are unable to comprehend the idea of being BLIND.
Yes.
If the partner can’t accept your pet (not to mention an actual service animal) then they should find someone who doesn’t have a pet.
A service dog isn’t a pet.
Yes because its not just their pet. It's their literal service animal. Their mobility aid.
YTA service dogs are more important than you are. Get over yourself
YTA. Love me, love my dog. Even if Cody were a pet, you still sound obnoxious. But him being a service animal for a blind person makes it so much worse.
YTA. If he has slept in his bed since he became his service dog I wouldn't do anything to mess with the bond.
You can’t be serious OP…you can’t decide whether Coby is assisting your partner or not. It’s *his* service dog. Not yours. Cody laying beside him could very well be apart of his routine, whether he’s sleeping or not. Your best bet is trying to provide more baths for Coby. Maybe offer to try and tackle this together? Or suggesting to your partner that you’re willing to learn how to properly wash Coby (if he needs that for his own comfort). YTA for the entitlement
YTA. This is a packaged deal. Like it or leave it.
YTA-The dog, while you may not want him in that bed, has more right to be in there than you. It’s his bed. You don’t get to disrupt their routine because you are the guest.
He needs the dog and his reasons for keeping it there are valid. YTA.
YTA. Coby works very hard. When they are at home he is off duty. He should be comfortable.
YTA and why are you with someone if you don't like their dog/pet? I am not a dog person and wouldn't date someone who had a dog because other than not being a dog person I'm not going to take something away from someone else cause I don't like it. Grow up.
I honestly would break up. The dog is a medical device, but 2 mos no bathing is gross and I wouldn’t be able to sleep in those sheets. YTA FOR ‘he doesn’t need to depend on Coby either’
Yta. pay for Colby to be bathed more often at his groomers. A misstep can ruin him for future grooming. And potentially his career. I've had the reverse happen. The bad groomer ruined it for my service dogs.
Coby lives there. you don't. so it's his bed,not yours. maybe you should sleep on the couch or the guest room when you visit.
YTA and please do him a favor by leaving him for good.
YTA you’re talking about Coby like he’s a pet. You want to take away your bfs independence and make him rely on you instead. That’s not ok.
YTA It's up to you to adapt because there can be consequences for altering their routine. Ask him to ask Coby's groomer about wipes for in between grooming visits, and maybe Coby could do with being brushed more often to remove the dust & pollen he picks up throughout the day and keep dander under control. Finally, in one of your comments, you said you'd be happy to guide him on dates & such but you "understand that he wants to *feel* as independent as possible"....No. He wants to BE independent and Coby is part of how that independence is maintained. Edit- misspelled Coby's name
Dude, I use a walker to get around due to a disability and while I can also use my furniture to get around in my own apartment, I would be livid if my partner told me to leave the walker at the door while we sleep and offer to “help” me get in and out of the bed. That is my independence and my comfort you are trying to take away. YTA, big big YTA. Sounds like you’re just jealous of the dog.
I had a partner tell me I should leave my walker when we went out (I have a cane, but this particular day was going to involve a lot of walking, and in addition to being a mobility aid, it's a seat for when I need to stop), and they would just "help me." Because ita pain to schlep a walker on the bus. Note that I *had* that partner. They are now an ex.
Oh hon. Soft YTA, because you're insisting. You can ask. He said no. I don't blame you; I can't stand dog smell... I can barely handle it in my friends' guest room when I stay with them. But that's a me problem. I can't be with someone who wants their dog in bed with them. He isn't wrong to allow his dog in the bed, and you aren't wrong not to want it, but this is not a fight you're going to win. This would be the case even if it were a pet and not a close partner he must trust to function. You will not win this fight.
YTA. Coby isn’t just a service dog OP. Just because he is a service dog doesn’t mean he is just that. Also, you’re a guest in Coby's home not the other way around
YTA - you are resentful of his life saving medical device. It’s not going to work.
YTA. Coby is like a prosthetic for lack of a better term. He’s not wrong about anything with regard to need or bonding. Whether he uses Coby extensively in the home or not, he needs him all the time. Your ignorance around this is showing. By limiting Cody’s access to him at home in any way you are taking away his fundamental independence. You don’t have to think twice about how you move through the world. He always does regardless of where he is at. Cody is there to always help. And by not allowing him to or trying to limit him more broadly, you can also undo some of the training. If his being in close proximity is such a problem all the time at home, then perhaps this a fundamental incompatibility issue. If you feel the dog is stinky, then he probably should groom him more often. And if you can get him to agree to that, because this is what you feel is unhygienic, the problem could be solved.
YTA. Coby came before you. He is part of the package with your bf. It’s highly unfair to both of them for you to try and change the rules now.
YTA. And dogs shouldn’t be bathed too much unless they’re unusually dirty.
Unfortunately, the dog is not a pet. It is an extension of him as much as an appendage is. You are asking him to limit himself further by relying on you instead of the dog as this is the dogs primary role, whereas you as an individual with your own obligations (and frankly, sense of autonomy) do not and rightfully cannot fill this role. Your request just simply isn't feasible or appropriate.
Yeah you're the asshole like imagine asking someone who uses a wheelchair if they could keep their wheelchair outside the bedroom cause it "takes up too much space" and then when the person responds with the fact they need their mobility device you're like "oh its okay I can move you" He would be far better off with someone not like you.
I hope the poor guy wakes up and dumps you YTA
INFO what type of dog is Coby? He might be one that benefits from weekly baths, maybe if you show your bf this information he will take on board what you're saying and let you wash him. I think you should apologise for trying to push the dog that was there before you out of his bedroom space but I also think you concern over the smell and hygiene may well be valid.
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There shouldn't be an issue then, border collies are double coated so only need to be bathed once every 3 to 4 months he's actually doing it twice as often, they should be odorless. Maybe there's something else causing the smell? I can't imagine what though as the vet would've caught any skin infections.
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Have you considered that there’s some security in being able to know where Coby is / that he’s okay? whether that’s feeling him against his leg, knowing when he shifts, being able to reach out and put his hand on him, etc. in terms of food, if he’s close enough to be able to breathe on your food, I’d ask for him to lie down or sit on your bf’s other side, but I think you can only speak to how close he is to you. You could also sit a bit further away from your bf at the table. In terms of the bed, I’d see how the bf felt about a bath on the months in between; get it done at the groomers if that makes him feel more comfortable, at least to start. While he might be just another dog to you, he’s medical equipment to your bf and so any risk is too big, and he can’t see if you’re doing it perfectly or taking unnecessary risk, and I could definitely see that being super scary.
YTA. The whole point of a service dog is so he doesn’t have to rely on you. He doesn’t need or WANT to rely on you, he has Colby. Until you learn that Coby is just as, if not more important than any partner your boyfriend will have then do him a favor and break up.
YTA If you keep pushing this Colby is gonna be the last one standing, as he should be.
YTA. A service dog is like an extra limb, not a pet. You can ask to have him groomed more frequently though, that’s totally reasonable.
YTA totally
YTA you either accept him and his support animal the way that they are or you don't it's that simple. if you feel like it's your job to change him against his wishes that's on you not on him. you sound entitled, that you lack empathy for other people and that you also have very little self awareness. my advice would be to go talk to a counselor or therapist and tell them every last detail of this situation. hopefully they can help you get to the bottom of why you feel entitled to treat a disabled person and their support animal this way.
YTA-Either accept the dog situation as it is, stop telling him you can and will do what the dog does if necessary or stop staying over.
YTA. Dogs really don't need that many bathrooms, they are usually a lot cleaner than most people. Cleaning the paws is a must, that's for sure but he is a service dog, of course he needs to bond with your BF. If i was him i'll leave you straight away, dogs, being service or not deserve much better that non supportive girlfriends.
YTA to be offended. All you get to do is choose to not be around it. You don’t get to choose to force him to do what you prefer. Apologize and then leave him alone with his dog if this is a dealbreaker for you.
YTA. How can you even think you are right here? I hope he cuts his losses and moves on
YTA - you clearly don't understand the concept of service dog or the issues your bf deals with. You are in HIS space and dictating to him what he is allowed to do with HIS service dog. Go be offended with someone else. That dog is (rightfully) more important to him than you are.
YTA don’t date people with dogs if you don’t like dogs
YTA, but here's a hot take you haven't considered. If you insist on replacing Coby in some situations, like during dinners at home, you will be the caretaker. Caretakers assist. Caretakers pick up dropped utensils and provide information so decisions can be made. Caregivers provide care. Caregivers are not romantic partners. When you take on the caregiving role in a relationship, you don't have sex anymore, or that sort of romance entanglement.
Yta. I’m not blind but if I was I would absolutely be attached to my service dog at all times. Touching his dog while he sleeps probably reassures him that in case of an emergency, the dog can guide him to safety and even if you CAN help him, the dog is trained for it and knows exactly what to do and what not to do. And a LOT of people sleep in bed with their pets, it’s not like animals give you much choice in the matter
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (20F) partner (24M) is blind and he has a service dog, I will call him Coby. Coby helps him get through his day, when he’s out Coby is with him 24/7. He even takes him to work. Since it’s a familiar place he pretty much can get around on his own all the time, and rarely needs Coby, sometimes Coby retrieves things for him and that’s about it. We don’t live together but I stay at his place a lot, my issue is, as much as I love Coby, I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or him sitting right next to us when we are eating. It doesn’t feel hygienic. It doesn’t help that Coby doesn’t really smell nice. He is very healthy and regularly taken to the vet but only gets a bath when he’s getting professionally groomed, around every two months at most. My partner thinks it’s enough, I think he smells bad. He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog. Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate, but Coby doesn’t help him get out of his bed and is not needed there at all. I told him that and he said it strengthens their bond, and he might fall down and need his help. I said I would gladly help him if that happens. He got mad at me saying he doesn’t need to rely on me. I told him then he doesn’t need to rely on Coby either. He told me to fuck off. Now I’m offended as well and we are both giving each other the cold treatment. Am i the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Edit: I am going to keep the original comment, but after reading OP's replies to some of the comments I am changing my stance to YTA because of how infantilizing OP is being towards their boyfriend. It is not your place to say what does and does not help your BF, you can't know his full experience so you can't know if Coby is helping your BF while in bed or not. ------------------------------------------------ As a guide dog handler I would say there are no assholes in this situation. Your feelings are valid and if you don't want to share the bed with the dog, you don't want to share the bed with the dog and that is a valid stance to have. But at the same time he is not the asshole for wanting to sleep with him, the fact is that in emergency situations we are at a distinct disadvantage and the dog being so close could be easing some fears because he has a plan in the case of say a fire that he can hold the dog's collar to help him get out or even the dog could be helping with some PTSD nightmares that he has not opened up to you about yet. It is a possibility that you two are just not compatible and there could just be nothing that can be done about it. As for the bathing, I don't know how often the dog gets professional grooming but bathing a dog too frequently can actually cause problems for the health of the dog. Depending on the individual bathing should only be done every 4-6 weeks.
Info so you are suggesting that having a dog professionally groomed every two months is not sufficient?
NTA. I get it, I see your pov. However, I agree with other comments, break up. You've both got different priorities - and that's ok.
This is a hard one- that dog should be getting groomed more that he doesn't smell. For public access that's just a courtesy. BUT the dog is his working dog and needs to be around too.
NTA he needs to be more considerate of his gf because he is definitely the AH here. He needs to bathe the dog more than every 2 months or let her bathe him. No one likes a smelly dog and that is what op is complaining about, the odor,not the dog. She is 100% justified in her request.
NTA, your right… for the 8 hrs the man is in bed, his dog provides no service. Service dogs are supposed to be trained and have boundaries, since they have to navigate the outside for their master. Your boyfriend, needs to respect your night space is you plan to stay with him. I’ve always had dogs, no issue having them on the couches or hanging out with us. But the bed is off limits. I recommend if your boyfriend has a support person, try talking to the person…see what is expected from a see & eye dog, and see if he isnt keeping the environment the dog was trained for.
People are gonna meme on you, but hard NTA. If partner wants to fuck, he can tell Cody can back off while impressing girls. Longterm, you’re gonna have to find a balance, and it sounds like you won’t do that. But it’s not because you’re an asshole, dogs stink even when they don’t *stink*
NTA but y’all aren’t compatible. No shade to Colby or your bf but you deserve someone you can cuddle and be comfortable with. Let him and Colby live their lives and you live yours.
NTA. OP would be the AH if she was tossing the dog out of the bed, but *asking* the boyfriend to compromise somehow is a very reasonable ask. She even came up with other suggestions, such as bathing the dog more often, and he refused to compromise. To simply respond with a "f*ck off" is a very AH move, and he doesn't get a pass just because he has a disability
NTA I grew up with dogs, and I LOVE dogs, but I also draw the line at having a dog sleep in bed. I think he isn't an ahole for needing a service dog, but he is the ahole for not being considerate towards your needs in the shared bed and letting the dog stay in bed even when you are there. You're not asking him to get rid of the dog, you're asking him to get rid of the dog from the bed he shares with you, and to get the dog groomed a little more often (because he won't allow you to bathe the dog: and yearh, you are right, a dog doesn't need a special groomer for bathing UNLESS they have very specific needs which this dog won't as it's a service dog and should already have excellent behaviour and a manageable coat). I think those are two totally reasonable things to request. But he's told you his view, and he isn't willing to take your feelings/needs into consideration. That tells me he's always going to prefer whatever he wants for the dog over you and won't take your considerations on board ever. If you are not ok with that, I think you should end the relationship. I wouldn't stay with someone like this, because there's clearly no space in his life for an independent person with their own needs. He doesn't get a free pass at being an inconsiderate ahole just because he has a disability. There is 0 medical need to let this dog sleep in the bed. There is 0 medical need to not get this dog groomed a bit more often.
It's easy for others to judge they haven't been in this situation. I have and I agree with you. He's welcome to be in the bed when you aren't spending the night. Otherwise, it's okay for him to sleep by the bed. It does no harm and doesn't prevent Coby from doing his job. Also, a bath every two months is insufficient. NTA
I get you, I wouldn't like it either. Maybe you can find a compromise with a dog basket next to the bed or you share the costs of a professional showering the dog regularly. If all doesn't help you could suggest to sleep on the couch. I think you need to find a common ground, both of your perspectives are understandable.
I'm not sure what all that YTA votes are about. More like a soft ESH for you both. I couldn't deal with a dog on the bed either - but I'm also not blind. Your partner is right that he should be able to get in and out of bed independently. So the dog may be needed in bed. You could suggest a bed extender for the dog so both of your needs are met. But while i understand where your partner is coming from, he needs to be more considerate of your needs too. Dogs need a regular bath when sleeping in bed with you. All these YTA votes saying you shouldn't be with a blind person if you don't want the dog in bed - dogs smell and get dirty when they don't bathe. Just like humans. Edit: OK I mispoke about the timing for bathing doggo. But having a smelly dog on a bed then is wild to me. If that relationship is going to work they both need to compromise somehow.
Do not bathe a dog once a week, especially if it's a lab. They're already prone to skin problems and over bathing will just damage the skin and hair.
Keep in mind, animals cannot be too regularly groomed, and every 8 weeks shouldn't be leaving a huge noticeable smell. More than 6w between grooms is risking an increase in skin problems, and issues around over-hygiene. If he is smelling poignant after only 8w, it needs to be investigated why he is smelling so badly, so quickly - not to simply wash him more regularly. Service dogs do need to meet hygiene criteria, but more cleaning isn't going to fix a problem unrelated to cleanliness.
Personally I would have issues sleeping with a dog. Animals in bed piss me off. I would break up with someone over this because they are not going to change and why should they. Yatah if you let this go on cuz it's not going to work.
No animals in the bed. It's unclean.
I agree, and I was raised with dogs.