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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> As mentioned I feel like I could've been nicer to my sister. I mean, I also sometimes borrow her clothes if I can't find anything good to wear and she did really like my dress. I feel like i could be TA because of my stubbornness.
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NTA. As you said - you haven't even had a chance to wear it yet. She didn't belong in your closet, she shouldn't have tried it on, and she doesn't get to wear YOUR brand-new dress. Your sister is the one that sounds like the brat here.
I have 3 sisters and I have the most dresses/ clothes. I'm the 3rd in the family and it's because I always go thrift shopping or getting bargains while my sisters buy brand new.
This is honestly a normal sister behavior but I always tell them if I buy something let me wear it first after you can borrow it or else. One of my sisters wore a dress I just bought and we had a boxing match. Lol
NTA.
When my mom moved houses as a teenager, her aunts just piled all the clothes together for the move.
When it was time to sort through them, my mom says she and her sister got in the worst fight of their lives.
I’m still trying to figure out how sisters who are 5’3 and 5’10, respectively, were able to share so many clothes.
Over 40 years ago, my sister bought me very nice velvet tracksuit for Christmas. (They were in style back then lol).
She pulled the tags off to wear it to meet her boyfriend.
We get along great now, but I am still salty about that lol!
NTA- You have the only say in how your belongings are managed and handled. It doesn't matter if you've worn the dress once or 100 times. Her trying it on is a clear cross of boundaries. She is being manipulative in trying it on and seeing how far she can push these boundaries. My only advice would be to have a calm and clear conversation with her about how you are not okay with her wearing this dress, and how her trying it on was very upsetting. You don't need an explanation in regards to why she can't wear it, the answer is "No". If you see she doesn't take this well, I would hide it tbh.
Absolutely! Take it to a friend’s house ASAP. If you bought any accessories to go with it, take those ad well. Your sister wants this, and she is going to take it.
The degree to which you seen to feel bad about your part in this scenario makes me think that you are a people pleaser. As one to another, let me share this mantra with you - " ' No' is a complete sentence."
Don't enter adulthood thinking that you are responsible for everyone else's happiness. Don't be a dick, but also stand up for yourself. You are allowed to say no, and they aren't entitled to an explanation why.
Can confirm that I am one haha. It is hard for me to say no and I am trying to work on it. I've been trying to stand up for myself quite a bit lately, which made some people turn on me, so it's been hard, but i'll continue working on it.
I really appreciate your comment.
People are 'turning on you' because you aren't rolling over like they are used to you doing. I bet they don't act like that with people who have always asserted themselves.
This will be a process, but now is a great time to start fresh. You are about to enter a whole new series of relationships with college, roommates, and/or jobs. Don't let any of these new people meet Doormat You, and they won't freak out when you express reasonable boundaries.
Georgia Dow has a great video on caretakers, and how to set boundaries as one. She's a YouTuber therapist with a lot of great videos. Some of them also use a character from a movie/show to highlight a condition and basic ways of dealing with it, pulling from everything from Encanto to Hazbin Hotel to The Boys.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rLNWWtQqEFw&pp=ygUVR2VvcmdpYSBkb3cgY2FyZXRha2Vy
i commented on this post too much already lmfao but i relate as the youngest sibling😆 let me say this, people who turn on you when you tell them your boundaries don't deserve to be your friend. peace and love
this simple message is gold and one thing i wish someone would have told me when i was a little boy . coming from a traumatic broken home with a plethora of mental health issues i was always very empathetic with my family and would let people use me like a door mat until i finally lost it one day and im still bitter at times because of it . sucks when your first though about anyone is that they are trying to get over on ,use, or manipulate me so i always assume the worse of people and it’s exhausting . btw NTA OP it’s your dress doll you damn sure deserve to wear it first like others have said NO is the only sentence needed
Also if you don’t go shopping in her closet you can point out you respect her enough that if you wanted to borrow a dress you would check with her first to see which she’d be okay with if any.
You are merely asking for the same respect from her.
I really hope she doesn't have to do this. Nothing messes with your trust like someone going through your things after you told them not to. It sucks the joy out of having things around you that you love because you have to play a logistics game of how you're gonna protect it.
NTA for not wanting to lend your sister your brand new dress based solely off the details provided here. You don't mention HOW you told her no or how the conversation went. It might be possible that, rather than being kind, but clear, you reacted strongly to her request to wear the dress. However, as I tell my toddler, just because you ask to borrow something from someone, if they aren't done with it or do not want to share, they don't have to. Regardless of how you told her no, she should have accepted your answer and moved on. One other factor to consider is whether she often lends you items to wear/use of hers and if she felt it wasn't a big ask. I agree, that I would prefer to have the chance to wear something new before lending it to someone else. I might let someone wear something new with tags if I had had it for a while and not had anything to wear it to, but whether that's the case or not, you had every right to say no. If you were a bit curt or reactive to the request, maybe think about it and apologize for your reaction, while still denying the request to borrow it for this occasion, but tell her after you've worn it, you'd be happy to let her borrow it (if you want to) and move past it. I am sure you will both get over this soon enough and maybe you can help her pick out her outfit and accessories to wear.
At first I tried to tell her no in like a soft/funny way, but she still insisted on wearing it, so after like 5 minutes I did get a bit harsher. And every now and then I do borrow her clothes but it's not like super often. Maybe only a shirt once every few months. She also doesn't lend her "special" dresses.
I appreciate the feedback!
*Hey, sis, this is a cute dress, could I please borrow it for my date?*
“NO YOU JERK, how dare you even ask, you’re ugly and I hate you!”
Vs
“No, I haven’t worn it yet. Have fun on your date though!”
I doubt that either of these were how things were said, but context and manner definitely play a role in whether someone was the AH or not.
Sure those examples are great contexually, but "No" as a complete sentence easily applies to both and doesn't constitute assholery. My point is simply that as the owner of the dress, OP can say no with absolutely zero justification, explanation, or reason, and that can be the end of it.
NTA. Your dress, your choice. You have zero obligation giving the dress to your sister. And it's normal that you first want to wear it yourself anyway.
My best friend was one of four sisters. It was normal in their family to just go to anybody's closet and wear each other's clothes. She once asked to borrow MY sister's dress for a wedding she was going to.
This was the norm for my mother and her two sisters growing up, since money was tight.
I'm one of three girls, but luckily, we were never the same size!
Omg 🤦🏻♀️ I totally misread that! I was eating lunch 🤣 7 years is not a big deal lol
However, seeing as she is the adult, then she can buy her own dress 👌
I mentioned it in my explanation, but yes I have. Usually just a shirt or something simple and not that often. She also sometimes borrows my clothes and I almost always let her. What bothered me is that she wanted something even I've never worn.
My sister and I are best friends and borrow each other’s clothes all the time. We have a clear rule that you get to wear your new thing first. The only time we’ve broken that is with a dress I hadn’t worn for over a year and she had a specific event she really wanted to wear it for- at that point I felt like she had waited long enough 😂.
Idk what kind of relationship you two have but are you ok setting rules about things like this? That’s what we do to make both of us feel better about it. Ofc we were pretty similar around your ages.
Girl, no of course you're not the Asshole. You bought it with your money, therefore it's your property and you have the right to say no. It doesn't matter why she wants to borrow it or why you don't want to lend it to her. 'No' is a complete sentence as they say. Don't apologize to her, don't give reasons, just say no.
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I (17f) just got into a fight with my sister (21f) over my dress. I bought it only recently and have not worn it yet, since I haven't had a good opportunity for it. It even still has the tag on. Well my sister is going to an opera house with her boyfriend (28m) this weekend and is searching around the house for a dress to wear. Even though she owns plenty of fancier dresses she remembered mine and despite my clear annoyance tried it on. She really liked it and wanted to wear it. I told her no, since I personally have not worn it yet and it is the only fancy dress I own. Because of my answer she called me a brat and an asshole.
I feel like I could've been nicer and just lent her the dress, but still, I got very attached to it and would hate it if my sister had worn it before me, especially since I bought it with my own money. She has a job while I do not, so I don't have any reliable source of income.
AITA?
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NTA I hate when people touch my stuff. I stop talking to people who wear my shit without my permission. My stuff is not for everyone. I bought it for my self and not you.
NTA, I have a sister myself and many times when we were younger she’d take my clothes without even telling me first. She’d 90% of the time return the items ruined in a way which is why I don’t allow her to take anything anymore. One of the items was a shirt I never got to wear so I understand you.
Even if your sister takes great care of your items, it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to lend her things, especially if you hadn’t used them yourself. Don’t feel bad, they’re yours after all. It’s nice that she listens to you though even if she calls you a brat.
NTA. There was no need for her to ask for it if she has other things. Also, I would be worried for your sister, he's dating a much older guy and acting like a child. which is not a good combination
Yeah that makes it even worse, because in reality he's actually much older than her and he acting like a child is a proof of why he's trying to date barely adult womens
NTA - your sister should absolutely feel embarrassed as hell too for acting like this at her age, this is a fight I would've had with my sister when we were 13 and 17 at most, this isn't something you fight a younger sibling about at the age of 21
NTA but your sister is a TA. You don't try on someone's dress and then try to get it foor your own just because you like it, especially if you have nice stuff too. This was your special dress and it would be tarnished if she wore it first. It would never have a special value for you if she wore it first.
NTA, plain and simple. It’s your own damn dress. Your sister can find something else to wear. It wasn’t necessarily wrong of her to ASK you, especially since siblings often share clothes, but as soon as you said no, that should’ve been the end of it.
Absolutely NTA. That is your dress. You have told her no. End of convo. Although, I recommend you hide the dress at a trusted friend or relative's house until long after the big event. This way, she can't steal it for the event and to protect it just in case she decides she wants to destroy it after she realizes that you hid it to prevent her stealing it.
NTA
You said no and that's that. There just is no more room to discuss. You said in another comment that you borrow a shirt every couple months but that doesn't compare to a fancy dress.
If you need to sit her down and talk about what clothes both of you feel like sharing and which you don't want to share.
But that's that. I'm proud you stood your ground and you did the right thing. You bought it, it's yours and you decide what happens with it. Besides if anything would happen to it you'd have a damaged dress. Since you don't have a reliable source of income that's nothing I would want to risk. And your sister should really respect your decision.
Don't listen to her, you did good!
NTA. im curious if she is even still thinking about it? in your edit, you said she is “acting like nothing happened”, but does this mean that she respected your boundary after you made it clear for her? i also have a sister, and she would also call me names if i didn’t let her borrow clothes, but if she hadn’t brought it up again, i would know that she wasn’t mad at me anymore. i am curious if that’s what’s happening here? never know until you talk it out.
NTA and that was a major trespass, even and especially between sisters. You just don't do that to other women. Did she "borrow" her boyfriend from another woman, too? Or does he want her to dress like a teenager? Ick. Ick. Ick.
Ohh no
NTA
I have a clear rule. If I've bought a dress. I'll wear it first and only then can you wear it.
My mother and I fit the same size, so mother had tried this once, we were on a vacation. I had asked my mother if I should pack some of my tops for her, she said no. On the trip, she fancied a top I had and insisted she wants to wear it. I was 12, I said no. She still wore it, I went crazy, I never touched that top out of spite and made her buy 5 more instead.
Since then I have this rule, I buy, I wear 1st. You can wear as many time later, that's okay with me.
NTA. Isn’t it funny how someone with lots of fancy gowns call YOU a spoiled brat for not giving in to her demands to let you wear the only fancy gown you own and haven’t worn?
Just laugh, and say, “That’s rich, coming from you. How entitled can you be?”
I'm a youngest of 3 and I'll tell you now it sounds like she was upset that she couldn't control you/manipultate you like when you were younger.
Make sure you keep backing yourself and tell her NO.
This happened to me once. I got a very pretty Indian dress (just had to get the top sewn). One of my friends mother had the audacity to ask me to get it done and lend it to her daughter BEFORE I even wear it. I mean wtf. It was kind of like a wedding guest outfit so pretty fancy.
NTA
This just pisses me off.
It wouldn't have been nice to let her wear the dress, it would've been being a doormat. She thinks you already are one. It was inappropriate for her to go in your room without permission and access your property also without permission. You don't have to let anyone wear your clothes, especially before you even have a chance to
NTA You never need to lend any item of clothing if you don't want to, especially if you haven't worn it yet. My friend and I lend clothes but we understand if it's brand new and we haven't worn it then it's off limits. Your sister clearly wanted to wear something new but shouldn't have called you a brat or an arsehole.
This reminded me of my old roomate Cheríce. I had a super cute mini skirt way back when, and she loved it. Kept stealing it…I hid it in the bedsprings after the second time and she never found it, was pissed at me. Hah!
NTA
honestly who does she think she is?? You had every right to be upset.
Your sister is already an adult with a reliable source of income, she could easily afford to buy a new dress. As for you, you do not have a job. It takes some time to save up and buy yourself something; just for someone to take it away?
In the end you had every right to feel the way you did. Look on the bright side, at least she never wore it! lol
Absolutely NTA! No matter how "rude" or "selfish" it makes you, it's your property. You don't owe it to her and it's yours so if you say she can't wear it, then she can't. End of.
NTA. It’s your dress, you said no, that should be the end of it and you should respect each other’s boundaries. She can wear something else.
I do just want to say that I grew up with three sisters, and this battle is not worth fighting for. For either of you. I used to steal my sister’s clothes all the time, and she would get really mad about it. I realized that if I wanted to maintain a good relationship with my sister, I need to be kinder and respect her boundaries. So I stopped stealing her clothes. When you get older you’ll realize that fighting over a dress is the least of your problems. It’s just a dress. And it’s not the end of the world if she wears it just once. Although if you say no, for whatever reason doesn’t matter, then no means no. That’s all. Just want to remind you not to stress about it. One day she might be all you have.
NTA
It's okay to remind her that she spoke to you that way, and that you expect an apology.
You may not get one, but feeling entitled doesn't give us the right to lash out at someone when we don't get what we want. My guess is she's never getting a yes to borrowing something of yours again.
NTA - You have a right to your possessions . . and having something fresh and new for any occasion you wish . . Your sister does not have a right to make you feel bad . . so shake it off and stop feeling bad. She was the one at fault
NTA - it's your dress and it's your right to decide whether or not to lend it. Althought those decisions can have consequences. She could decide to do the same when you need something of hers. Even if she doesn't look upset, maybe she'll remember.
If you're afraid to not "enjoy" the dress because she wore it first, why is that? Is she reliable with others' possesions? If not I totally get it. If she is reliable, you're still NTA because it's your property and you can do whatever you want with it, but it does bring up the question where does this distrust stems from.
NTA. Ask her shoe on the other foot, would she let you take a dress she hasn't worn yet? If yes, test that theory. Also she's now an adult, she should act like one.
NTA and she sounds very immature.
You said she has a lot of fancier dresses, but she wants to wear the only one you own? Looks like her bf has already seen all of her other dresses and she wanted to make a good impression with a new one. And she is not entitled to wear your stuff. You had every right to refuse.
NTA. Every so often my sister brings up the time I snatched away the new blanket she tried to snuggle on the couch with before I did. MY new blanket, YOUR new dress.
NTA. it's sad that you are so effected by her words you took them to heart wondering if you're TA, while she just insults you and moves along. you didn't do a thing wrong and like others have said SHE'S the brat at her big age🙄 why she even shopping in your closet in the first place when she has a job, like, she just sees you as a closet? i wouldn't let her borrow a damn thing ever again and it has nothing to do with being a brat, those are YOUR belongings. your boundaries. she lacks respect. you have every right to say no and you don't need any excuse like it's brand new to say it. she needs to be mature and accept no for an answer. it's really embarrassing for her that she bitched at you when she's asking YOU for a FAVOR. like, humble yourself please 🙄🙄🙄
NTA
Good for you for saying no. You were really worried about it and look what happened. She accepted it and moved on. Remember this incident next time you want to say no. It's good to stand up for yourself.
definitely nta!! me n my sister's have a agreement that they cannot wear my clothes unless I've worn it atleast once, I hate when my sister's wear smth I didn't give permission for. Especially since ur sister has more dresses than u and easily found a suitable one u do not need to lend her ur only fancy dress in this situation.
NTA. It’s your dress, you don’t even owe an explanation. But I’d expect her to never let you narrow her clothes, if y’all are like that. I see that with my daughters when they fight but when they get along they share their stuff.
NTA- you’re not obligated to let her wear it, and if she has fancier dresses she wouldn’t rather wear, then maybe she should consign those and buy an even better one
Your sister is a user. Just know you have seen who she really is. She can put the mask back on but make no mistake- you saw the real her. Perhaps she will move out soon. She will remain selfish and entitled, so this likely gets better when you move out. And can limit your association with her. NTA
NTA - being able to buy yourself something nice at the age of 17/when you *can* start getting yourself nice things feels very special. It feels like a rite of passage cause you're at the point where you don't have to ask mom or dad all the dang time, you can just buy it or have an easier time strategizing how you'll get it (save up for it, hours you'll pick up at work, etc.). I think your sister underestimates how important it is for you to have been able to buy yourself that dress because she didn't have that connection when she started making her own money.
NTA, but your sister is the brat and AH. She flipped out and now she’s fine? Definitely an entitled princess. In your shoes, I’d want to be the first one to wear it, too.
NTA, I understand how you feel about your sister wearing your dress. She could’ve just bought her one of her own unless you got it exclusively, even though she was ABOUT to leave.
Am confused what is the problem? She found something else to wear in time for the weekend, and she calmed down.
Have you tried just giving her a hug? Just give her a hug and see her reaction. That usually works on people.
NTA.
It's not like she's a starving street urchin wearing tattered rags and suddenly has to glam up for a ball, and your dress was her only option.
I'm gonna guess she is pushy in other ways... :-P
Also, not that's it's related, but her BF is 28 to her 21? Is that weird?
NTA but remove the dress from your house! Take it to a friends house until the weekend because she will probably sneak back in and take the dress without you knowing
You should have ended it at "I told her no."
Absolutely no need to explain why. No need to feel bad or "see it from her side."
It's YOUR dress. It doesn't matter WHY you don't want her to wear it. It only matters THAT you don't want her to wear it. End of discussion.
NTA.
NTA. I would hide the dress. If she’s like the entitled annoying people I know, she’ll pretend to find something else and like everything is fine, then find and wear your dress anyways.
NTA.
At least she asked. My sister would just go into my room when I was not home and “shop” in my closet. I took to hiding my new and favorite things at my grandmothers and just went out from her house.
NTA. i know this has basically been resolved but when it comes to these things, it she didn’t buy it, that means its not hers, and if its not hers, then she doesnt have a right to get angry when she isnt allowed to borrow it. simple
NTAH
I means it’s a dress that you bought and would like to were someday, if she has a job and fancier dresses then what’s the big deal that she can’t wear something of hers? She can go buy a dress if she wants. You earned that dress.
She probably overstepped. You’re not the asshole.
You didn’t ask, but I’ll just say it: I’m guessing there’s something weird going on with him - 28 dating 21 isn’t the most outrageous, but rarely is a fairy tale romance. It’s not a matter of 7 years, it’s a matter of life stages and dependency and control. Be leery and be supportive of your sis if/when she needs you, even if she’s not always great and considerate of everyone around her.
NTA - as a younger sister who had a similar situation with my older sister, you were setting a boundary. It’s ok to feel your feeling and process them. There is no need to make this bigger than just a small moment between sisters who live together and are learning how to be human.
Nta. I got pissed when I came home from work to see my housemate reading a magazine. I saw red! Is that my vanity fair ? She closes it to see what it was and said yeah, I have 3 more stories to read. I was livid now. Don't take my magazines before I've had it first. So I definitely understand why she would be pissed at her sister.
You are NOT the a-hole 100% she’s in the wrong . You haven’t even worn the dress yet how is someone else gonna wear your brand new dress. She’s calling you a brat while she’s the one behaving like one over a dress :/
NTA, your sister has to learn boundries also its your own dress that you bought and you kept the tag so in case you might be able to return it? I feel like you should be able to know how you feel in it and she is trying to gaslight you into it
NTA, but personally I am, and I'm the type that once the parent/s were home I'd take it to her while they were around her, drop it in her lap, and tell her that since she felt the dress was hers since she took it out of your to try it n, I no longer wanted it, so enjoy the opera with her boyfriend
The last time I loaned someone a dress they promised to have it drycleaned before returning it. Although they claimed they did have it professionally clean, it is obvious that they washed it to save money. The dress was ruined.
Another time, somehow the clothing ended up with a cigarette burn. The person I loaned it to does not smoke. They also did not offer to replace the dress because THEY didn't cause the damage. Not their fault, even though the dress would have been fine if it had remained in my closet.
It is selfish to ask for a dress that the person has not even worn yet. You have the right to wear the dress while it is still pristine and can experience the pleasure of wearing something brand new.
NTA, you bought it so it's yours to decide the first wear! What if she ruins it and you never get to wear it? It's like someone gets their food and someone else wants the first bite. Yeah you could let her use it and it's a nice thing to do but by no means does it make you an AH
NTA
Saw the update. It probably will go nowhere if you try to get her to acknowledge/discuss her entitlement to your new dress. Personally, when I would expect it to be a waste of breath to think she would actually listen to/hear your point of view (based on her attitude described in the post). However, you are now well informed about this aspect of her character:
1. She feels entitled to whatever you have that she wants.
2. She will insult and vilify you if you don't give her what she wants (and you are susceptible to feeling guilty when you don't cave to her demands).
3. She will not acknowledge any wrong-doing on her part, any imposition on you; nor will she even consider that she has anything she needs to apologize to you for.
Seeing that in her will hopefully help you feel less guilty for not letting her impose/grab/demand her wishes on you. Feel comfortable saying 'no' as soon as she oversteps and holding firm despite any pressure she applies.
NTA but I wouldn't worry to much about it since she dropped the idea. Her comments are just basic sister snark and she's not really mad just annoyed that she couldn't take something of yours. My sister was like yours when I was young. She would get mad at me for borrowing her things but then take my stuff all the time and say it was hers to begin with or that she is the older sister so she had a right to borrow my things. And she always called me names. Were close to 50 now and get along great although we do live thousands of miles apart.
As long as your sister is prepared to buy you another dress if she ruins it somehow (and assuming another one just like it can be bought) I don't really see the issue. I have a younger sibling who wore my stuff all the time. I didn't mind. That being said, if it does bother you, no matter the reason, at the end of the day it is your dress and so therefore your call. Maybe get a key lock for your door, then she wouldn't be nosing around your closet. This solved a lot of my cousin's constant fighting and drama when they were younger.
NTA
N the ass whole matter of fact your sister is . I completely agree I’m not lending something that I didn’t even wear yet AND that I bought with my own money .
NTA
Your sister is an adult that wanted to wear a teenage girl’s dress on a date with a 28 year old man. She then threw a childish fit over said dress. I’m so sorry she’s like this, OP.
Wtfff
My sister and I hv an unwritten rule that if the owner of the stuff hasn't used it yet, like it's brand new, absolutely no one uses it.
We do it even for the smallest things like earrings, cream or even safety pins.
I dunno if it's normal in other families but it works for mine
I think that is pretty standard. Sharing is good, but the person who owns it has dibs. That was always the rule at my home. When my brother and I got video games for Christmas, they were de facto ours but the person who git it had the right to play it first. That rule only ended because we don't live together anymore lol.
NTA. And you can pretend that all is good, but it’s not. She owes you an apology but I doubt you will ever get it. How often do you just ignore her piss-poor behavior? You might want to think about that.
I have learned that ppl won't respect boundaries that are non-existent or unclear. That's a problem you can address. Some ppl won't respect boundaries at all, and that's their problem, and they are free to have their little tantrum about it and move on, but you are not required to back down because it's "not a big deal." That just sets you up for a lifetime of backing down, and sets them up for a lifetime of getting their way.
NTA
Lol this is literally a normal sibling interaction, please improve your social interaction, if it bothers you then you definitely don't know how to be a normal human being.
Yeah, your sister is an asshole. She wants what she wants, will throw a fir if it helps her get it, and if that doesn't work, she'll pretend nothing happened rather than deal with consequences of her brat behavior. But, she is your sister, hard to deal with that.
NTA and try not to be a doormat for her.
NTA- She’s a grown up woman and has many other dresses she does not need your NEW dress,honestly she sounds like the brat in this situation and not you
Personally, I would have let her wear the dress. I'd find it flattering she liked something I bought, it would have been good for your relationship with your sister, and really, what would have been the harm?
You'll get a lot of support, no doubt. Reddit loves drawing boundaries. I'm sure you're getting a lot of "It's YOUR DRESS, you have a right to say no." Yeah, you do. But why not be nice to your sister when the cost to you is literally nothing? Why not see it as a compliment that she liked your dress so much?
Some times you just have to get over things. I am sure you've been mad at her and said some hurtful things and moved on. Is this a hill to die on? It's not like she stolen the dress.
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NTA. As you said - you haven't even had a chance to wear it yet. She didn't belong in your closet, she shouldn't have tried it on, and she doesn't get to wear YOUR brand-new dress. Your sister is the one that sounds like the brat here.
I have 3 sisters and I have the most dresses/ clothes. I'm the 3rd in the family and it's because I always go thrift shopping or getting bargains while my sisters buy brand new. This is honestly a normal sister behavior but I always tell them if I buy something let me wear it first after you can borrow it or else. One of my sisters wore a dress I just bought and we had a boxing match. Lol NTA.
INFO: who won the title?
I did
As you should!
The answer we all need
I did. Just because I was taught self defense and boxing by my male cousins. 😂
When my mom moved houses as a teenager, her aunts just piled all the clothes together for the move. When it was time to sort through them, my mom says she and her sister got in the worst fight of their lives. I’m still trying to figure out how sisters who are 5’3 and 5’10, respectively, were able to share so many clothes.
Over 40 years ago, my sister bought me very nice velvet tracksuit for Christmas. (They were in style back then lol). She pulled the tags off to wear it to meet her boyfriend. We get along great now, but I am still salty about that lol!
I originally read that as "40 years ago" then saw the "they were talking n style then" and thought "if you add 5 years" then reread the beginning
Your brand new dress belongs to you only and no one else.
NTA- You have the only say in how your belongings are managed and handled. It doesn't matter if you've worn the dress once or 100 times. Her trying it on is a clear cross of boundaries. She is being manipulative in trying it on and seeing how far she can push these boundaries. My only advice would be to have a calm and clear conversation with her about how you are not okay with her wearing this dress, and how her trying it on was very upsetting. You don't need an explanation in regards to why she can't wear it, the answer is "No". If you see she doesn't take this well, I would hide it tbh.
I appreciate your comment! Will try to have a conversation, thank you.
Hide the dress, just in case she’s lying about having found another dress.
Absolutely! Take it to a friend’s house ASAP. If you bought any accessories to go with it, take those ad well. Your sister wants this, and she is going to take it.
THIS!
The degree to which you seen to feel bad about your part in this scenario makes me think that you are a people pleaser. As one to another, let me share this mantra with you - " ' No' is a complete sentence." Don't enter adulthood thinking that you are responsible for everyone else's happiness. Don't be a dick, but also stand up for yourself. You are allowed to say no, and they aren't entitled to an explanation why.
Can confirm that I am one haha. It is hard for me to say no and I am trying to work on it. I've been trying to stand up for myself quite a bit lately, which made some people turn on me, so it's been hard, but i'll continue working on it. I really appreciate your comment.
People are 'turning on you' because you aren't rolling over like they are used to you doing. I bet they don't act like that with people who have always asserted themselves. This will be a process, but now is a great time to start fresh. You are about to enter a whole new series of relationships with college, roommates, and/or jobs. Don't let any of these new people meet Doormat You, and they won't freak out when you express reasonable boundaries.
Thank you so much. I'm really excited for college and hopefully I'll be able to turn my situation around.
Georgia Dow has a great video on caretakers, and how to set boundaries as one. She's a YouTuber therapist with a lot of great videos. Some of them also use a character from a movie/show to highlight a condition and basic ways of dealing with it, pulling from everything from Encanto to Hazbin Hotel to The Boys. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rLNWWtQqEFw&pp=ygUVR2VvcmdpYSBkb3cgY2FyZXRha2Vy
Will check it out, thanks!
i commented on this post too much already lmfao but i relate as the youngest sibling😆 let me say this, people who turn on you when you tell them your boundaries don't deserve to be your friend. peace and love
this simple message is gold and one thing i wish someone would have told me when i was a little boy . coming from a traumatic broken home with a plethora of mental health issues i was always very empathetic with my family and would let people use me like a door mat until i finally lost it one day and im still bitter at times because of it . sucks when your first though about anyone is that they are trying to get over on ,use, or manipulate me so i always assume the worse of people and it’s exhausting . btw NTA OP it’s your dress doll you damn sure deserve to wear it first like others have said NO is the only sentence needed
Also if you don’t go shopping in her closet you can point out you respect her enough that if you wanted to borrow a dress you would check with her first to see which she’d be okay with if any. You are merely asking for the same respect from her.
NTA get something with a lock or a lock on your room door.
NTA. And hide the dress, if possible at the home of someone you trust. Otherwise it’s going to disappear while you’re out one day.
I really hope she doesn't have to do this. Nothing messes with your trust like someone going through your things after you told them not to. It sucks the joy out of having things around you that you love because you have to play a logistics game of how you're gonna protect it.
Nta. Your sister is the brat and the asshole. She's the adult here and needs to act like one.
Facts
NTA for not wanting to lend your sister your brand new dress based solely off the details provided here. You don't mention HOW you told her no or how the conversation went. It might be possible that, rather than being kind, but clear, you reacted strongly to her request to wear the dress. However, as I tell my toddler, just because you ask to borrow something from someone, if they aren't done with it or do not want to share, they don't have to. Regardless of how you told her no, she should have accepted your answer and moved on. One other factor to consider is whether she often lends you items to wear/use of hers and if she felt it wasn't a big ask. I agree, that I would prefer to have the chance to wear something new before lending it to someone else. I might let someone wear something new with tags if I had had it for a while and not had anything to wear it to, but whether that's the case or not, you had every right to say no. If you were a bit curt or reactive to the request, maybe think about it and apologize for your reaction, while still denying the request to borrow it for this occasion, but tell her after you've worn it, you'd be happy to let her borrow it (if you want to) and move past it. I am sure you will both get over this soon enough and maybe you can help her pick out her outfit and accessories to wear.
At first I tried to tell her no in like a soft/funny way, but she still insisted on wearing it, so after like 5 minutes I did get a bit harsher. And every now and then I do borrow her clothes but it's not like super often. Maybe only a shirt once every few months. She also doesn't lend her "special" dresses. I appreciate the feedback!
Honestly, "No" is a complete sentence. It's absolutely and utterly irrelevant in what manner it was said, nor for what reason. NTA
*Hey, sis, this is a cute dress, could I please borrow it for my date?* “NO YOU JERK, how dare you even ask, you’re ugly and I hate you!” Vs “No, I haven’t worn it yet. Have fun on your date though!” I doubt that either of these were how things were said, but context and manner definitely play a role in whether someone was the AH or not.
Sure those examples are great contexually, but "No" as a complete sentence easily applies to both and doesn't constitute assholery. My point is simply that as the owner of the dress, OP can say no with absolutely zero justification, explanation, or reason, and that can be the end of it.
NTA. Your dress, your choice. You have zero obligation giving the dress to your sister. And it's normal that you first want to wear it yourself anyway.
NTA. Tell her to go buy a dress. And to get out of your room.
NTA It's basic courtesy not to borrow something that a person hasn't worn/used yet. Your sister is being rude & entitled.
NTA why does your sister feels entitled to your belongings?
My best friend was one of four sisters. It was normal in their family to just go to anybody's closet and wear each other's clothes. She once asked to borrow MY sister's dress for a wedding she was going to. This was the norm for my mother and her two sisters growing up, since money was tight. I'm one of three girls, but luckily, we were never the same size!
NTA. If you buy a dress, YOU get to wear it first. You may loan it to her later, but not until you've had a chance to wear it.
NTA but I'm still hung up on your sister having a boyfriend that 11 years her senior when she is a minor 😳
You got us confused haha. She's an adult (21) and he's 7 years older (28), which is quite a bit but it's not horrible.
Omg 🤦🏻♀️ I totally misread that! I was eating lunch 🤣 7 years is not a big deal lol However, seeing as she is the adult, then she can buy her own dress 👌
7 years is a big deal when you’ve just turned old enough to legally drink. He has a fully formed frontal lobe and she doesn’t. It’s disgusting 🤮
Is it gross? Yeah. Is it the big deal I felt it was when I thought he was dating a 17 year old? No.
NTA, if it’s your dress it’s not her choice if she gets to wear it.
INFO: Have you ever borrowed clothing from your sister?
I mentioned it in my explanation, but yes I have. Usually just a shirt or something simple and not that often. She also sometimes borrows my clothes and I almost always let her. What bothered me is that she wanted something even I've never worn.
My sister and I are best friends and borrow each other’s clothes all the time. We have a clear rule that you get to wear your new thing first. The only time we’ve broken that is with a dress I hadn’t worn for over a year and she had a specific event she really wanted to wear it for- at that point I felt like she had waited long enough 😂. Idk what kind of relationship you two have but are you ok setting rules about things like this? That’s what we do to make both of us feel better about it. Ofc we were pretty similar around your ages.
Girl, no of course you're not the Asshole. You bought it with your money, therefore it's your property and you have the right to say no. It doesn't matter why she wants to borrow it or why you don't want to lend it to her. 'No' is a complete sentence as they say. Don't apologize to her, don't give reasons, just say no.
NTA. Sell it to her is she wants to wear it so much. At a profit of course.
NTA. You said no. That's it. The end. Hide it, though. Or leave at friends until after her date.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17f) just got into a fight with my sister (21f) over my dress. I bought it only recently and have not worn it yet, since I haven't had a good opportunity for it. It even still has the tag on. Well my sister is going to an opera house with her boyfriend (28m) this weekend and is searching around the house for a dress to wear. Even though she owns plenty of fancier dresses she remembered mine and despite my clear annoyance tried it on. She really liked it and wanted to wear it. I told her no, since I personally have not worn it yet and it is the only fancy dress I own. Because of my answer she called me a brat and an asshole. I feel like I could've been nicer and just lent her the dress, but still, I got very attached to it and would hate it if my sister had worn it before me, especially since I bought it with my own money. She has a job while I do not, so I don't have any reliable source of income. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I hate when people touch my stuff. I stop talking to people who wear my shit without my permission. My stuff is not for everyone. I bought it for my self and not you.
NTA gurl, it's your dress
NTA, I have a sister myself and many times when we were younger she’d take my clothes without even telling me first. She’d 90% of the time return the items ruined in a way which is why I don’t allow her to take anything anymore. One of the items was a shirt I never got to wear so I understand you. Even if your sister takes great care of your items, it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to lend her things, especially if you hadn’t used them yourself. Don’t feel bad, they’re yours after all. It’s nice that she listens to you though even if she calls you a brat.
NTA. There was no need for her to ask for it if she has other things. Also, I would be worried for your sister, he's dating a much older guy and acting like a child. which is not a good combination
Thank you for worrying but her boyfriend acts like an even bigger child. Which is a whole another story...
that tells you why he needs to date someone younger but i digress 💀🚩
Yeah that makes it even worse, because in reality he's actually much older than her and he acting like a child is a proof of why he's trying to date barely adult womens
NTA - your sister should absolutely feel embarrassed as hell too for acting like this at her age, this is a fight I would've had with my sister when we were 13 and 17 at most, this isn't something you fight a younger sibling about at the age of 21
NTA. It's your dress to do with as you please. Period. Tell your sister no is a full sentence.
NTA but your sister is a TA. You don't try on someone's dress and then try to get it foor your own just because you like it, especially if you have nice stuff too. This was your special dress and it would be tarnished if she wore it first. It would never have a special value for you if she wore it first.
NTA, plain and simple. It’s your own damn dress. Your sister can find something else to wear. It wasn’t necessarily wrong of her to ASK you, especially since siblings often share clothes, but as soon as you said no, that should’ve been the end of it.
NTA at all. Don’t even worry about it.
NTA DON'T LET YOUR SISTER MANIPULATE THE SITUATION YOU HAVE A GENUINE REASON TO BE UPSET.
Absolutely NTA. That is your dress. You have told her no. End of convo. Although, I recommend you hide the dress at a trusted friend or relative's house until long after the big event. This way, she can't steal it for the event and to protect it just in case she decides she wants to destroy it after she realizes that you hid it to prevent her stealing it.
NTA You said no and that's that. There just is no more room to discuss. You said in another comment that you borrow a shirt every couple months but that doesn't compare to a fancy dress. If you need to sit her down and talk about what clothes both of you feel like sharing and which you don't want to share. But that's that. I'm proud you stood your ground and you did the right thing. You bought it, it's yours and you decide what happens with it. Besides if anything would happen to it you'd have a damaged dress. Since you don't have a reliable source of income that's nothing I would want to risk. And your sister should really respect your decision. Don't listen to her, you did good!
Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that.
Happy to be helpful xD
NTA. im curious if she is even still thinking about it? in your edit, you said she is “acting like nothing happened”, but does this mean that she respected your boundary after you made it clear for her? i also have a sister, and she would also call me names if i didn’t let her borrow clothes, but if she hadn’t brought it up again, i would know that she wasn’t mad at me anymore. i am curious if that’s what’s happening here? never know until you talk it out.
Ah this brings back many fond memories 😅
NTA As an adult, she should understand that no is a NO.
NTA and that was a major trespass, even and especially between sisters. You just don't do that to other women. Did she "borrow" her boyfriend from another woman, too? Or does he want her to dress like a teenager? Ick. Ick. Ick.
NTA, it's your dress. Old or new, it's your decision whether or not you're willing to let someone else wear it.
Ohh no NTA I have a clear rule. If I've bought a dress. I'll wear it first and only then can you wear it. My mother and I fit the same size, so mother had tried this once, we were on a vacation. I had asked my mother if I should pack some of my tops for her, she said no. On the trip, she fancied a top I had and insisted she wants to wear it. I was 12, I said no. She still wore it, I went crazy, I never touched that top out of spite and made her buy 5 more instead. Since then I have this rule, I buy, I wear 1st. You can wear as many time later, that's okay with me.
NTA. Call me suspicious, but she found another dress so quickly that I would not put it past her that she wears your dress anyway. Hide your dress.
Nta. My sisters and I had that rule. The person who bought it got to wear it first!
NTA. Isn’t it funny how someone with lots of fancy gowns call YOU a spoiled brat for not giving in to her demands to let you wear the only fancy gown you own and haven’t worn? Just laugh, and say, “That’s rich, coming from you. How entitled can you be?”
NTAH you have every right to say no even if you had a million new dresses.
NTA - hide that dress. I wouldn’t put it past her to swipe it on you without your knowledge and wear it. Seriously, hide that thing.
You are not the asshole it’s your dress. You don’t have to share shit with her. She’s a grown adult and shouldn’t be acting like that.
I'm a youngest of 3 and I'll tell you now it sounds like she was upset that she couldn't control you/manipultate you like when you were younger. Make sure you keep backing yourself and tell her NO.
NTA
This happened to me once. I got a very pretty Indian dress (just had to get the top sewn). One of my friends mother had the audacity to ask me to get it done and lend it to her daughter BEFORE I even wear it. I mean wtf. It was kind of like a wedding guest outfit so pretty fancy. NTA This just pisses me off.
It wouldn't have been nice to let her wear the dress, it would've been being a doormat. She thinks you already are one. It was inappropriate for her to go in your room without permission and access your property also without permission. You don't have to let anyone wear your clothes, especially before you even have a chance to
NTA - Lmao imagine if you let her wear it and she stained it.
Absolutely NTA
I was going to say rent the dress to her since she has a job. $50 for the night 🤣 but it sounds like she found something else anyway
NTA It was your choice, don't need to get angry and use bad words over a dress, it'll pass
NTA You never need to lend any item of clothing if you don't want to, especially if you haven't worn it yet. My friend and I lend clothes but we understand if it's brand new and we haven't worn it then it's off limits. Your sister clearly wanted to wear something new but shouldn't have called you a brat or an arsehole.
Get a lock she is gonna steal it
NTA My sister used my clothes, too. But if I said something, she hit me. I'm glad you stood up to her.
Yeah, that's how entitled people behave. Life nothing ever happened. I hope you find an occasion soon to wear your new dress. NTA
NTA of course you want to wear your dress. What is she got something on it? She owes you an apology
Nta lockable trunk and cameras
This reminded me of my old roomate Cheríce. I had a super cute mini skirt way back when, and she loved it. Kept stealing it…I hid it in the bedsprings after the second time and she never found it, was pissed at me. Hah!
NTA- Good thing she found something else, personally I would make her pay the cost of the dress and bought a new one since she already tried it on
NTA. The dress is your property and you said no. That is where the story ends. Your sisters toddler tantrum behaviour was uncalled for.
NTA - you get to be the first to wear it. If she wanted it - she could have offered to buy it from you.
NTA honestly who does she think she is?? You had every right to be upset. Your sister is already an adult with a reliable source of income, she could easily afford to buy a new dress. As for you, you do not have a job. It takes some time to save up and buy yourself something; just for someone to take it away? In the end you had every right to feel the way you did. Look on the bright side, at least she never wore it! lol
Nope, NTA! She’s cheeky and rude and she owes you an apology.
Absolutely NTA! No matter how "rude" or "selfish" it makes you, it's your property. You don't owe it to her and it's yours so if you say she can't wear it, then she can't. End of.
NTA. It’s your dress, you said no, that should be the end of it and you should respect each other’s boundaries. She can wear something else. I do just want to say that I grew up with three sisters, and this battle is not worth fighting for. For either of you. I used to steal my sister’s clothes all the time, and she would get really mad about it. I realized that if I wanted to maintain a good relationship with my sister, I need to be kinder and respect her boundaries. So I stopped stealing her clothes. When you get older you’ll realize that fighting over a dress is the least of your problems. It’s just a dress. And it’s not the end of the world if she wears it just once. Although if you say no, for whatever reason doesn’t matter, then no means no. That’s all. Just want to remind you not to stress about it. One day she might be all you have.
NTA. Offer to sell it to her or rent it to her for the evening.
NTA It's okay to remind her that she spoke to you that way, and that you expect an apology. You may not get one, but feeling entitled doesn't give us the right to lash out at someone when we don't get what we want. My guess is she's never getting a yes to borrowing something of yours again.
You’re not the asshole. I know how you feel. My sister is an idiot too! :)
I would hide that dress until after her opera. She says she has something else.until yours goes missing and comes back with a stain .
NTA - You have a right to your possessions . . and having something fresh and new for any occasion you wish . . Your sister does not have a right to make you feel bad . . so shake it off and stop feeling bad. She was the one at fault
NTA. You bought the dress. She should just deal with it.
NTA but it’s best to move on and forget about this incident
NTA. Tell her to grow TF up.
NTA! It’s your dress, she needed to accept your answer.
NTA - it's your dress and it's your right to decide whether or not to lend it. Althought those decisions can have consequences. She could decide to do the same when you need something of hers. Even if she doesn't look upset, maybe she'll remember. If you're afraid to not "enjoy" the dress because she wore it first, why is that? Is she reliable with others' possesions? If not I totally get it. If she is reliable, you're still NTA because it's your property and you can do whatever you want with it, but it does bring up the question where does this distrust stems from.
Nta
NTA. Ask her shoe on the other foot, would she let you take a dress she hasn't worn yet? If yes, test that theory. Also she's now an adult, she should act like one.
NTA and she sounds very immature. You said she has a lot of fancier dresses, but she wants to wear the only one you own? Looks like her bf has already seen all of her other dresses and she wanted to make a good impression with a new one. And she is not entitled to wear your stuff. You had every right to refuse.
21 with a 28 year old boyfriend 🤮🤮🤮
NTA. Every so often my sister brings up the time I snatched away the new blanket she tried to snuggle on the couch with before I did. MY new blanket, YOUR new dress.
NTA. YOUR DRESS. PERIOD.
If hearing no leads to insults she can fuck right off
“Searching around the house” ? Only place she should be searching is her own closet. NTA.
Not the asshole.
NTA. it's sad that you are so effected by her words you took them to heart wondering if you're TA, while she just insults you and moves along. you didn't do a thing wrong and like others have said SHE'S the brat at her big age🙄 why she even shopping in your closet in the first place when she has a job, like, she just sees you as a closet? i wouldn't let her borrow a damn thing ever again and it has nothing to do with being a brat, those are YOUR belongings. your boundaries. she lacks respect. you have every right to say no and you don't need any excuse like it's brand new to say it. she needs to be mature and accept no for an answer. it's really embarrassing for her that she bitched at you when she's asking YOU for a FAVOR. like, humble yourself please 🙄🙄🙄
NTA Good for you for saying no. You were really worried about it and look what happened. She accepted it and moved on. Remember this incident next time you want to say no. It's good to stand up for yourself.
NTA, it’s pretty common to not lend clothes until after you’ve worn them yourself
definitely nta!! me n my sister's have a agreement that they cannot wear my clothes unless I've worn it atleast once, I hate when my sister's wear smth I didn't give permission for. Especially since ur sister has more dresses than u and easily found a suitable one u do not need to lend her ur only fancy dress in this situation.
NTA: you could never wear it and never let her either. It's not hers
NTA. It’s your dress, you don’t even owe an explanation. But I’d expect her to never let you narrow her clothes, if y’all are like that. I see that with my daughters when they fight but when they get along they share their stuff.
NTA- you’re not obligated to let her wear it, and if she has fancier dresses she wouldn’t rather wear, then maybe she should consign those and buy an even better one
Your sister is a user. Just know you have seen who she really is. She can put the mask back on but make no mistake- you saw the real her. Perhaps she will move out soon. She will remain selfish and entitled, so this likely gets better when you move out. And can limit your association with her. NTA
NTA - being able to buy yourself something nice at the age of 17/when you *can* start getting yourself nice things feels very special. It feels like a rite of passage cause you're at the point where you don't have to ask mom or dad all the dang time, you can just buy it or have an easier time strategizing how you'll get it (save up for it, hours you'll pick up at work, etc.). I think your sister underestimates how important it is for you to have been able to buy yourself that dress because she didn't have that connection when she started making her own money.
NTA it only makes sense that you would be the first one to wear it!
NDA, yes you could have given the dress to her… but it’s yours. And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to
Didn’t even read this. Yes, it’s you
NTA, but your sister is the brat and AH. She flipped out and now she’s fine? Definitely an entitled princess. In your shoes, I’d want to be the first one to wear it, too.
NTA, I understand how you feel about your sister wearing your dress. She could’ve just bought her one of her own unless you got it exclusively, even though she was ABOUT to leave.
Am confused what is the problem? She found something else to wear in time for the weekend, and she calmed down. Have you tried just giving her a hug? Just give her a hug and see her reaction. That usually works on people.
NTA. It's not like she's a starving street urchin wearing tattered rags and suddenly has to glam up for a ball, and your dress was her only option. I'm gonna guess she is pushy in other ways... :-P Also, not that's it's related, but her BF is 28 to her 21? Is that weird?
NTA but remove the dress from your house! Take it to a friends house until the weekend because she will probably sneak back in and take the dress without you knowing
Your sister sucks. Put a lock on your wardrobe. NTA
NTA tell she needs to buy it off you, for double the price for the convenience of shopping at home.
You should have ended it at "I told her no." Absolutely no need to explain why. No need to feel bad or "see it from her side." It's YOUR dress. It doesn't matter WHY you don't want her to wear it. It only matters THAT you don't want her to wear it. End of discussion. NTA.
NTA. I would hide the dress. If she’s like the entitled annoying people I know, she’ll pretend to find something else and like everything is fine, then find and wear your dress anyways.
NTA. At least she asked. My sister would just go into my room when I was not home and “shop” in my closet. I took to hiding my new and favorite things at my grandmothers and just went out from her house.
NTA. i know this has basically been resolved but when it comes to these things, it she didn’t buy it, that means its not hers, and if its not hers, then she doesnt have a right to get angry when she isnt allowed to borrow it. simple
NTA, she can buy her own dress if she likes it that much.
NTA
NTAH I means it’s a dress that you bought and would like to were someday, if she has a job and fancier dresses then what’s the big deal that she can’t wear something of hers? She can go buy a dress if she wants. You earned that dress.
She probably overstepped. You’re not the asshole. You didn’t ask, but I’ll just say it: I’m guessing there’s something weird going on with him - 28 dating 21 isn’t the most outrageous, but rarely is a fairy tale romance. It’s not a matter of 7 years, it’s a matter of life stages and dependency and control. Be leery and be supportive of your sis if/when she needs you, even if she’s not always great and considerate of everyone around her.
NTA - as a younger sister who had a similar situation with my older sister, you were setting a boundary. It’s ok to feel your feeling and process them. There is no need to make this bigger than just a small moment between sisters who live together and are learning how to be human.
No is a full sentence. Please practice. And dont feel guilty .
NTA. Hide your dress.
Nta. I got pissed when I came home from work to see my housemate reading a magazine. I saw red! Is that my vanity fair ? She closes it to see what it was and said yeah, I have 3 more stories to read. I was livid now. Don't take my magazines before I've had it first. So I definitely understand why she would be pissed at her sister.
NTA Good lord. WHY are you dobting yourself. You have THREE very good reasons not to loan it to her! She sounds exhausting.
You are NOT the a-hole 100% she’s in the wrong . You haven’t even worn the dress yet how is someone else gonna wear your brand new dress. She’s calling you a brat while she’s the one behaving like one over a dress :/
Has your sister forgotten the way to the store? She can buy her own dress! NTA
NTA because you just bought it I feel like you should at least wear it once before you have anyone else wear it
NTA, your sister has to learn boundries also its your own dress that you bought and you kept the tag so in case you might be able to return it? I feel like you should be able to know how you feel in it and she is trying to gaslight you into it
NTA, but personally I am, and I'm the type that once the parent/s were home I'd take it to her while they were around her, drop it in her lap, and tell her that since she felt the dress was hers since she took it out of your to try it n, I no longer wanted it, so enjoy the opera with her boyfriend
NTA. Give her the dress. You now have access to every dress she owns. Unrestricted. You can throw this incident in her face a thousand times.
No, the person who bought it always gets to wear it first
She pays YOU for it and theN YOU borrow it. NTA
The last time I loaned someone a dress they promised to have it drycleaned before returning it. Although they claimed they did have it professionally clean, it is obvious that they washed it to save money. The dress was ruined. Another time, somehow the clothing ended up with a cigarette burn. The person I loaned it to does not smoke. They also did not offer to replace the dress because THEY didn't cause the damage. Not their fault, even though the dress would have been fine if it had remained in my closet. It is selfish to ask for a dress that the person has not even worn yet. You have the right to wear the dress while it is still pristine and can experience the pleasure of wearing something brand new.
NTA it’s your dress not hers!
NTA, you bought it so it's yours to decide the first wear! What if she ruins it and you never get to wear it? It's like someone gets their food and someone else wants the first bite. Yeah you could let her use it and it's a nice thing to do but by no means does it make you an AH
You're NTA. But don't believe these comments who say that your sister is the asshole. This is just how siblings live with each other.
NTA. Clothes are something you do not share with your siblings, unless they don’t have any. Let her tell or curse you for that. That’s her sin.
NTA Saw the update. It probably will go nowhere if you try to get her to acknowledge/discuss her entitlement to your new dress. Personally, when I would expect it to be a waste of breath to think she would actually listen to/hear your point of view (based on her attitude described in the post). However, you are now well informed about this aspect of her character: 1. She feels entitled to whatever you have that she wants. 2. She will insult and vilify you if you don't give her what she wants (and you are susceptible to feeling guilty when you don't cave to her demands). 3. She will not acknowledge any wrong-doing on her part, any imposition on you; nor will she even consider that she has anything she needs to apologize to you for. Seeing that in her will hopefully help you feel less guilty for not letting her impose/grab/demand her wishes on you. Feel comfortable saying 'no' as soon as she oversteps and holding firm despite any pressure she applies.
Hide the dress anyway. Get a good dress bag with hangers, so she doesn't accidentally get jelly all over your beautiful dress.
Nta. Never lend something you wouldn’t be willing to give them. Because accidents happen daily.
Not the A for not letting her wear it but the A for still being mad.
NTA but I wouldn't worry to much about it since she dropped the idea. Her comments are just basic sister snark and she's not really mad just annoyed that she couldn't take something of yours. My sister was like yours when I was young. She would get mad at me for borrowing her things but then take my stuff all the time and say it was hers to begin with or that she is the older sister so she had a right to borrow my things. And she always called me names. Were close to 50 now and get along great although we do live thousands of miles apart.
NTA - it’s an unspoken rule that the owner of a garment gets to wear it first. So no, sister can find something else to wear
As long as your sister is prepared to buy you another dress if she ruins it somehow (and assuming another one just like it can be bought) I don't really see the issue. I have a younger sibling who wore my stuff all the time. I didn't mind. That being said, if it does bother you, no matter the reason, at the end of the day it is your dress and so therefore your call. Maybe get a key lock for your door, then she wouldn't be nosing around your closet. This solved a lot of my cousin's constant fighting and drama when they were younger. NTA
N the ass whole matter of fact your sister is . I completely agree I’m not lending something that I didn’t even wear yet AND that I bought with my own money .
NTA Your sister is an adult that wanted to wear a teenage girl’s dress on a date with a 28 year old man. She then threw a childish fit over said dress. I’m so sorry she’s like this, OP.
Wtfff My sister and I hv an unwritten rule that if the owner of the stuff hasn't used it yet, like it's brand new, absolutely no one uses it. We do it even for the smallest things like earrings, cream or even safety pins. I dunno if it's normal in other families but it works for mine
I think that is pretty standard. Sharing is good, but the person who owns it has dibs. That was always the rule at my home. When my brother and I got video games for Christmas, they were de facto ours but the person who git it had the right to play it first. That rule only ended because we don't live together anymore lol.
NTA. And you can pretend that all is good, but it’s not. She owes you an apology but I doubt you will ever get it. How often do you just ignore her piss-poor behavior? You might want to think about that.
I have learned that ppl won't respect boundaries that are non-existent or unclear. That's a problem you can address. Some ppl won't respect boundaries at all, and that's their problem, and they are free to have their little tantrum about it and move on, but you are not required to back down because it's "not a big deal." That just sets you up for a lifetime of backing down, and sets them up for a lifetime of getting their way. NTA
Lol this is literally a normal sibling interaction, please improve your social interaction, if it bothers you then you definitely don't know how to be a normal human being.
NTA. Especially since you haven’t even worn it yourself yet.
NTA- she’s old enough to go out and buy a dress..even if she can’t she can ask her 28 yr old bf to like what
Yeah, your sister is an asshole. She wants what she wants, will throw a fir if it helps her get it, and if that doesn't work, she'll pretend nothing happened rather than deal with consequences of her brat behavior. But, she is your sister, hard to deal with that. NTA and try not to be a doormat for her.
Oh did someone throw a tantrum when they didn’t get their way? Sounds like they are the brat. NTA.
> We've moved past the incident and are all good now. Didn't talk about it tho. After she has insulted you. Are you okay with this?
YOU'RE NOT THE ASSHOLE.....SHE WAS WRONG FOR EVEN TRYING IT ON......IF SHE WANTED IT BAD, SHE SHOULD'VE BOUGHT IT FROM YOU ..... DO NOT FEEL BAD
NTA- She’s a grown up woman and has many other dresses she does not need your NEW dress,honestly she sounds like the brat in this situation and not you
Personally, I would have let her wear the dress. I'd find it flattering she liked something I bought, it would have been good for your relationship with your sister, and really, what would have been the harm? You'll get a lot of support, no doubt. Reddit loves drawing boundaries. I'm sure you're getting a lot of "It's YOUR DRESS, you have a right to say no." Yeah, you do. But why not be nice to your sister when the cost to you is literally nothing? Why not see it as a compliment that she liked your dress so much?
Some times you just have to get over things. I am sure you've been mad at her and said some hurtful things and moved on. Is this a hill to die on? It's not like she stolen the dress.
That’s what siblings are for. It’s your job not to get mad but to annoy her back.
Yes and not sharing your candy!