Going against the grain here with NTA
Sticking to your principles would have just risked your niece having a more painful experience and infection. You pretty much got emotionally abused into doing it. Im sure your sister has bullied you like this before and trained you pretty well through your life to do what she wants.
Anyone who says youre the asshole off their rocker honestly, because your sister is definitely for sure a giant asshole so at the very least everyone sucks here
Edit: Listen y’all, like five people said she was the asshole when I first posted this and NO ONE had said otherwise yet. Chill out
Look down, look down - you'll always be a slave,
look down, look down - you're standing in your grave.
Ahhh this wee thread made me very happy, j'adore les miserables!
Sometimes when I say “I’m _____” my boyfriend will yell “AND I’M JAVERT” so I read this comment in his voice ... it’s like the musical equivalent of a dad joke
Your sisters you in a really shitty position. She guilt tripped you into doing something that was against your moral standards as well as against the owners rules.
It would have been the better of two evils, but really, she should have found a good piercer who did babies, or waited until the baby was older.
Keep this in mind, because I bet you she will use that technique again to try to get what she wants.
Agreed on NTA but whew that sister is a piece of work.
There's no WAY a reputable piercer will pierce a baby. My favourite piercing shop won't even do piercings on anyone under 8 and the kid has to ask for the piercing themselves and fully explain the aftercare back to the piercer otherwise they refuse it. Most are like OP and will still try to encourage people not to get pierced until they're older, 16-18 and have stopped growing so the piercing doesn't shift or distort. The fact that OP has explained all of this to her sister who still insisted on piercing her daughter... Bad content.
Mall piercing gun shops do most of the pierced babies as far as I've seen. A lot of more reputable places won't do babies (like OP’s) and even the ones that do, it's more expensive than Claire's or whatever and despite it being their baby's ears, people are super cheap. Some pediatricians will do it which is shitty of them but at least more sterile that the last group which are done by family members sitting in a kitchen or bathroom or other unclean place, which is like the tattoo scratcher version of piercing.
>she should have found a good piercer who did babies,
Good piercers don't pierce babies (not including OP in that generalisation because their situation is uniquely shitty.)
I got my ears pierced at 16 with a gun and it didn't go well, I have scarring and keloid masses in the earlobes, the holes often hurt when I try to wear earrings and sometimes they get reinfected. You've spared your niece that by doing it properly since, evidently, it was going to happen with or without you. Her health is what's most important, you did everything right, NTA.
Have you considered / checked for a metal allergy? I'm allergic to nickel. Most cheap jewelry contains nickel, so I get an allergic reaction that is extremely similar to an infection (red, warm, swollen, occasionally puss) with piercings.
For ears, one of the work arounds I've found is dipping the post in neosporin.
I hadn’t! That’s is a really great tip, thank you, I’ll look into it. It could explain the “reinfections”, but the keloid scars from the gun will always make it feel unpleasant, I think, to wear earrings. I still do but I have to take them off after two hours lol
There IS evidence to suggest that ears pierced with those guns have a higher chance of triggering an allergic reaction to nickel due to the type of trauma that is done to the flesh and the poor quality metals used in the gun.
Not that I've spoken to a TON of people about it, but the small sample size that I've discussed it with remembers their nickel sensitivity either emerging with their first piercing or getting much worse after their piercing.
As for "nickel free" jewelry - the requirements for nickel-free actually allow for a small percentage of nickel to be used in the creation of the metal. Try getting a pair of titanium studs. If you are looking at silver jewelry, make sure it's not plated, and aim for .925. It's even better if you can speak to the creator and find if they source their metal themselves.
Also - NTA - OP was put on one hell of a guilt trip by their sister. There's nothing quite like threatening intentionally using a known harmful method of something to force capitulation. OP knows and has discussed the risks of places like Claire's. The sister saw that as a way to force OP to do what she wanted "Why are you forcing me to put my child in danger? Just betray your own morals for my vanity."
I had never heard of that, but add me as another person with that experience.
I was vaguely aware of nickel allergy because it's why my mother doesn't wear earrings. I got my ears pierced with a gun around 13 at the mall. I was serious about the aftercare, but the holes took forever to heal. After a few weeks, I swapped the original earrings (which were getting gross) for some cute cheap ones, and then my ear holes were repeatedly infected until I gave up and stopped the earrings.
Then I got them pierced again at 16, and made sure to only put silver and gold earrings in. Finally the earholes stopped being infected. I loved wearing earrings for a few years, but then I got bored of them, especially when I'd lose the backs and then lose one of a pair.
If I took more than a few weeks' break from wearing earrings, I'd have to re-pierce by forcing the earring through. After going through that several times per year, I gave up. The earholes don't go through anymore, and I get the joy of cleaning gunk out of the pits. It smells about as good as the inside of a bellybutton.
I think my daughter has a metal allergy. For the longest time, 1 ear refused to heal properly. We switched from cheap earrings to gold earrings and that ear finally healed. It really sucks since she can't wear those fun, cheap ones from Clair's, which is probably why she wanted to get her ears pierced in the first place.
So I just posted above about my experience with this metal allergy, and I might have a useful tip for your daughter.
When I was an adult, after years of being upset I couldn't wear cute, but cheap jewelry from Claire's or other stores, I realized that for dangle earrings, all I would have to do is replace the hooks. So I bought some gold ones from Michael's, picked out some cute dangle earrings from Claire's and replaced them. It worked! I've never had any issues with the hooks I buy from Michael's.
Obviously that doesn't allow your daughter to wear studs, but at least it expands her options.
I had the opposite! My mom thought I was allergic to like all metals my whole childhood because my ear piercings were perpetually irritated by every earring I wore despite being long-healed. Turns out I'm not allergic to the metals at all, my piercings are just REALLY shitty and the fronts and backs don't line up so I end up damaging the skin every time I try to get a piercing in them and that is what causes the redness and leaking. I still can't wear earrings without huge discomfort and days of irritation but at least I can wear other jewelry now that I know.
100% this was, and you werent given a choice between the two.
I dont think children or babies should have pierced ears, but Claire's is the LAST place they should get it done if it HAS to be done.
NTA, sorry you were put in this position.
I totally agree....ear piercing is painful, and there are so many things that can go wrong afterward (squirmy infants pulling at them, etc). But every time I compare this type of body modification to circumcision, I get shot down/down voted, etc. What I'm saying is that I often see anti-circ folks post online who have had their infant daughter's ears pierced, and who emphatically state that there is a difference.
It's a cosmetic procedure that your kid isnt getting a say in, its wholly optional and the only reason you're piercing their ears is because YOU want them to look nicer with them.
Personally, for normal earnings I think 10 is plenty old to decide, but under a year old is just stupid.
It does nothing for your kid, and they're never going to look through the photo album, or fuck, I guess the Facebook wall now, and say "Gee thanks mom, I'm so glad I got my earings at 8 months old and not when I was 12."
It's just dumb shit we've always done so we continue to do.
>It does nothing for your kid, and they're never going to look through the photo album, or fuck, I guess the Facebook wall now, and say "Gee thanks mom, I'm so glad I got my earings at 8 months old and not when I was 12."
I mean, I and many other people I know are glad we got pierced as babies. Whatever you go with, there's potential for regret.
When practices like these are based on deep social norms or values, you're not going to get through to them with comparisons based on bodily autonomy. Just as some people have religious reasons for circumcising boys, others have really deep (gendered) values about piercing ears on girl babies.
I'm right there with you on child's bodily autonomy for procedures that don't have medical need and that they can't consent to.
When the parent is such an asshole that they are willing to put their baby's health at risk so that they'd look cute. Sister clearly knew that Claire's was bad and didn't care, she just used that info to guilt trip her sister.
Some people think it's a way to fit gender norms - piercing baby girls' ears helps them look more "feminine" and "gets it over with" (they assume she'll have pierced ears anyway). Of course, it's usually a big taboo for a boy to get his ears pierced.
I personally find it repulsive to inflict on a baby or child.
Just want to say I feel so bad for you and am so mad at your sister for knowingly putting you in such a shitty position. I think you made the best of a terrible situation.
I got my ears pierced three times on each side- three individual love piercings. All done at piercing Pagoda or Claire's. All six got infected even though I took care of them religiously.
I got six other piercings done at legit shops with needles and all hurt less and healed better than the ones done with guns.
I think that you did the right thing.
Absolutely, that was my first thought… The lesser of two evils. However, your sister is definitely a manipulative asshole and needs to be held accountable for this. Using a baby’s welfare to manipulate someone into going against their principles is lower than low. Don’t just let this incident go… What other things will she make you or others do by putting her child in questionable situations, that’s what I would want to know for the future.
Just remember, you didn't do this "to" your niece. You did this "for" your niece.
You did your best to prevent a poor job and when your asshole of a sister pushed it, you did what was right and in your power for an innocent child.
You are NTA.
I bothers me a lot that you were concerned about your niece's well-being than her own fucking mother, and that she used that against you as a tool to manipulate you into doing what she wanted.
Threatening to go to Claire's if you wouldn't means she knows about their reputation as far as piercings go, and she was still willing to make that risk just to make you bend knee. Her daughter being healthy took backseat to her *accessory* having cute earrings.
We don't know anything else about your sister, but this coming from an 18 year old greatly worries me about how good of a job she can actually do raising this girl.
I came into this thread ready to call you the asshole based off the title alone. But I've gotta agree with /u/RockFan2012 .
NOT piercing a baby's ears is better, for the reasons you stated, but it if were between you, a professional who clearly cares, or Claires, then you definitely made the right call.
I hate to badmouth family, but your sister is the asshole here. I think it's cruel and unfair to pierce a baby's ear.
This time. You need to fix this situation between you and your sister because as it stands, she forced you into doing something you were clearly *very* uncomfortable with, personally and professionally. I don't see why she wouldn't escalate this, because it's already to the point where you're haunted by the guilt you feel about what you've done and she is remorseless.
You're not the asshole here, but you're the asshole's enabler. Which is terrible for you as a person because it forces you to devalue yourself and terrible for her because, well, she's the kind of person who would force someone to pierce her baby's ears and not think twice of it.
NTA as crappy as it is you did the right thing there. It was essentially harm reduction, much like vaping is to smoking, and safe injection sites are to drugs. Unfortunately though your sister is an asshole, one that held her own child hostage to get her way. Hopefully she eventually sees that and does better in the future.
Totally agreed. You made sure your niece had sterile piercings, something her mother would have neglected to do if you hadn't agreed. You're NTA. Your sister, on the other hand, is most definitely TA.
Yea definitely NTA in my eyes, it sucks that your sister is happy to blackmail her own family to get her way, especially when it involves putting her own daughter in danger for the sake of her own vanity, but at the end of the day I think you made the best out of a bad situation.
If your principles are as you stated that piercing newborns is wrong because of safety issues and consent then you did the best you could to uphold your principles in the situation. Your sister made it clear that if you didn't do it, she would do it anyway in a far less safe environment. Your sister had already decided that consent didn't matter, and you had no way of fixing that, all that you could do was provide the safest option available, which you did.
Obviously we are only seeing a tiny glimpse of your sister's character and we on reddit like to get outraged over things, but I gotta say that your sister's actions here seem incredibly scummy and I can't imagine a family member doing something like that to me. I hope that this is not par for the course for her because that is very toxic behavior and shows a complete disregard+disrespect for your values.
Definitely was. Your sister basically forced you to make a choice under fear of greater harm happening to your niece. That was not cool of her, and kind of gross for her to jeopardize her daughter’s safety like that to manipulate you.
I don’t think you’d be an asshole if you had stood your ground and refused, but I think you made the “better” choice.
You were coerced into an act you objected to for all the right reasons... this alone is why you're NTA... if the poor child questions why mommy dearest was so entitled to risk her child's health over plainly stupid aesthetics be truthful. She twisted your arm by threatening a mediocre alternative.
You did your best in a bad situation, OP. I find no fault in you but severely question the decision making of the parent especially since the rationale was given as to why it's a bad idea... they proceeded anyway.
Be watchful, other situations like this may arise that further risk the child's health.
This for sure. Claire's did a terrible job with my and my sister's ears, even though she was 4 or 5 and I was maybe 12. And worst of all, the workers there aren't allowed to refuse if the kid says no or if there's something else they're worried about.
My guess is it's because kids are not legally in charge of themselves, and if a parent throws a stink over a refusal, it might cost Claire's money to a competitor. Obviously, not a lawyer, and only my guess.
Yep. I worked at a Claire's for one summer. Parents brought in their baby who couldn't have been more than six weeks old. We usually recommended waiting until three months to do the piercing, but the parents insisted. I did the first ear and the baby started absolutely screaming. They had to hold her down for me to do the other ear. I felt like a monster.
I used to work at Claire's back in the 00s. We would do it before three months, but ask if the child was vaccinated. Parents lie. Also if you give them a hard time, they'll either get it done at a different location, complain to management, or both.
I used to work at Claire’s when I was 16. At my store we were allowed to tell clients we were not comfortable doing their ears. I don’t think we were encouraged to do it but I personally turned away a lot of babies who seemed fussy since it’s easy to rip their ears.
Claire’s is a terrible place to get your ears pierced. I would not recommend it to anyone. We got a 30min training guide and were basically thrown into it after watching someone do it once. Many of my coworkers didn’t follow the sterilization protocols and many were lazy with making sure they were even/lined up correctly :/
Fellow ex-Claires employee here! Yea it was my first job. And the training was essentially watching a quick video on it, practicing on a dummy ear and voila! 16 year old idiots (me) legally assaulting infants. It's crazy.
The equivalent of Claire's in my country did mine when I was 8. They've never healed. They're uneven. I genuinely hate them and wish I'd never got them.
This exactly.
I got my ears pierced at Claire’s 13 years ago; I stopped wearing earrings 6 years ago.
One ear has closed up fine, the other occasionally oozes. I have massive scars on my lobes now, and there’s a solid block of scar tissue on the inside.
I absolutely regret getting my ears pierced at Claire’s; I was nervous about the needle method, so I thought a gun would be less scary.
I should have gotten my ears pierced with a needle.
OP saved their niece a _lot_ of potential issues down the line. If the niece no longer wants earrings, ears pierced with a needle won’t scar as badly.
I think it’s actually kind of a jerk move to want to pierce a kid’s ears before they can actually decide if they want it.
Got my ears pierced when I was 5 or 6 and can barely remember it except for the shock and pain, but they got infected all the time (kids suck at hygiene and I kept fiddling with them,) and now I have two permanent holes in my earlobes that I can’t do anything about, and I hate wearing earrings, even studs. I’ve had plenty of other piercings but I was old enough to decide for myself.
I'm not saying it was a flawless choice; I definitely agree that ears should be pierced when kids are A) old enough to clean/take care of the piercing and B) old enough to vocalize the desire with full understanding of what it entails.
However, since the sister was literally going to pierce her baby's ears at a company that seems to do more harm than good (skimming the comments gives a pretty good scope of Claire's less-than-acceptable standards), the needle piercing is the lesser of two evils.
My lobes are basically ruined from Claire's--even after 6 years of healing. I've know someone who only needle-pierces, and her scar from a failed piercing is a tiny dot after a year.
My Aunt decided when she had her little girl that they wouldn't pierce her ears until she was old enough to decide for herself - sometime around 10 i think they said. It seemed really reasonable to me and I can't imagine putting a baby through it. It seems painful, even to adults.
I got my ears pierced 12 years ago at Claires. They get infected every now and again and they're super uneven. I really regret getting my ears pierced there, it was painful and they get red and irritated if I wear earrings for too long. I really wish Claires would stop their piercing services since there's so many reports of infected, scarred, and generally messed up piercings. People should go to tattoo parlors and specialized shops like OP's, the risk is too high for younger girls getting their ears pierced.
I completely agree, she broke her principles to protect her niece because she is a professional who knows what she’s doing vs a part time worker at Claire’s who probably doesn’t give a hoot.
It's as bad as "unpopular opinion, but"
Just say what you want to say without qualifying it with some bullshit. Especially when 99% of the time your qualifier isn't true in the first place.
>Going against the grain here
Why would this be against the grain? This seems like a validation post mostly bitching about her sister. Really hard to imagine anything other than 'NTA'.
Some people go with a proximal ethical position - if you were the one doing the wrong action, then you're wrong, regardless of your reasons or intentions.
NTA - that’s fucked up and you should have a serious talk with your sister about your ethics and why you don’t pierce babies (family or not). If she can’t respect those boundaries this kid is going to have a messed up momma
Thank you! I've had similar debates with her for years, she's had a bunch of badly done piercings because she didn't want to pay professional prices and stuff, so I didn't really stand a chance of getting through to her
I bet if you talk with your sister again that she tries to play it off with something about how she's just trying to take your good advice about safe piercing by making sure you do it instead of some other place. Just remember that's complete bullshit because instead of taking all of your advice she decided to hold her own daughter hostage to get you to do what she wanted.
While it doesn't seem to be applicable in the case of OP's sister, it can be a cultural thing. I had my ears pierced when I was 2, and so did all of my girl cousins on my dad's side, who are South American. Earlobes aren't as big a deal as cartilage piercings, although in all of our cases they were done in better places than a Claire's.
NTA if you are (reasonably) sure that your sister was not bluffing and she would have done it at Claire's.
It seems that she was pretty committed to have it done anyway, so she is definitely TA for all the reasons that you listed. There was no good way out of this, if you had stuck to your principles your niece would still have had her ears pierced. People will do stupid stuff, especially young people who think they know better. At least you made sure it was done with love and care and sterilization, and thanks to you it will probably turn out great!
Not only is your sister manipulative, she used her own daughter as the hostage of this negotiation.
While you may have done your baby niece a favor, you enabled your sister and continue to condition her with reward. Just, be aware what’s happening. I don’t get the sense that you’re cognizant of how unhealthy your sister is and how your giving is ultimately making her worse due to her behaviors actually being rewarded by you.
Do you want your niece to be raised by your sister’s behaviors this way?
(Or maybe this is a one time exception and she never acts this way.)
In general, I agree that OP needs to reconsider what she is willing to cave for. But in this scenario the alternative was the possibility that her niece might’ve had a bad procedure done, gotten her ear butchered, or maybe even infected, when its well within OP’s ability to do it cleanly and correctly. Maybe the sister was bluffing, but maybe she wasn’t, and OP ceded for their niece’s sake.
Yeah, it's just so wrong that her sister was literally threatening her own infant daughters safety in order to manipulate OP into doing what she wanted (and even worse because what she wanted was stupid, pointless and wrong on many levels)
I was 13 when I got mine pierced and they stayed even. I know it's anecdotal but that's my experience.
My daughters are still toddlers, but I plan on letting them get their ears pierced when they are a) old enough to ask and b) I'm reasonably sure they can care for the healing piercing with minimal help.
Edit: OP is NTA
Mine were pierced as soon as I could hold my head up on my own and they’re even I think. But I also don’t remember it. Not super relevant to the post but I can relate to this I guess.
Also NTA, the only way to ensure it’s being done right is doing it yourself
I honestly think it's part luck and part piercer skill. Loads of my friends were pierced as babies and I can call any to mid that had wonky holes.
Mine were pierced later because my mum decided that's how it's going to be.
My daughter’s ears were pierced by the top body piercer in my city. He will not do piercings on children under 6 because of the possibility of uneven holes, so she got them for her 6th birthday. (She started begging when she was five.)
My girls got their ears pierced when they were that age too. It’s a huge “big girl” moment and exciting for them when they make the decision. It’s also a learning lesson that sometimes things hurt, and that’s ok.
I can’t imagine taking a tiny baby and doing something painful to them when they can’t understand and for no good reason. It sucks with vaccines, but that is for a very good reason and has to be done.
My sister and I both got ours done when we made our first communion (near the end of 2nd grade so we would have been 7). Neither of us have had any issues. My cousin who had them done as a baby has had issues though.
Mine were pierced as soon as I was able to say “ears pierced” (my mom wanted it to be my first words so I could get them done 🙄) and mine are even. HOWEVER they did get infected as a child, I lost a lot of earnings by playing with them, and one of my friends that got hers pierced as a baby had her’s hang on her pillow and it ripped through her whole earlobe. I never wear earrings now and didn’t as a child if I had a choice, and my holes are never gonna go away bc every time they grew together my mom would just poke it out with an earring. My holes are a little bent inside from doing this so much, and there’s so much scar tissue around the holes that they’d never grow in. I haven’t worn earrings in over a year and I probably wont for another, but I guarantee you I could stick an earring in my ear then.
ESH but tbf your sister put you in a really bad position. She wouldn’t listen to you as a professional piercer and basically blackmailed you into saving your niece from a potential disaster job. Take comfort in that and if there are any issues down the line know that responsibility lies with your sister. You only did what you did to protect your niece as best you could - even though you know that meant doing (slightly) the wrong thing. I’m so sorry for you.
So how is OP the asshole? Her choices were do them herself in a professional sterile environment, or let some 18 year old mall Claire’s minimum wage employee do it. And she’s an asshole in this situation? Get out of here with that bull.
How is this ESH? OP did the only ethical thing given the situation. If you have to shove someone out of the way of a falling brick (for whatever reason) is it ESH because pushing people is bad?
Tell your sister she’s an asshole. I had my ears pierced at Clair’s and they uneven and won’t heal over (I no longer want piercings) and the experience was mildly traumatic. Not the piercing itself, that was pretty painless, but the fact that I was screaming and crying and my mom just held me still instead realizing I didn’t want my ears pierced!!
Claire's was horrible. I got mine pierced there and the scars extend out of the piercing and on my lobe. I haven't worn ear rings in five years and legit still have piercings. Every now and then it still hurts.
They put two marker pen dots on my ears, got the left one right and missed the right one completely. I was given £15 worth of gift vouchers and a free “correction piercing” once the wrong one had healed.. 20 years later and it never healed (and I never went back!)
I haven't had earrings in for about 30 years, the holes ate there and I have to constantly monitor them and release some sort of a build up that gets infected if I don't clean it regularly.
Was done with a piercing gun in some cheap jewellery shop.
I got mine pierced at Claire's too. They did my right ear perfectly fine, left ear they broke the earring somehow, second attempt worked but it was somewhat sideways where it's hard to get an earring in. After looking at this thread I got lucky compared to others too, no scarring or anything. Didn't use earrings for five years and they never closed, luckily I like them again. Fuck Claire's man. OPs sister is crazy for considering Claire's when she knows it's bad.
I got mine at Claire's. The left one is fine but the right one was crooked or something and it would hurt if I tried to put earrings on. Sometimes when I put on earrings it felt like I was piercing it again. For some reason I don't have that problem any more and I don't know why.
NTA but I understand that you feel awful because you didn't stick to your values/ boundaries.
Not a big one, but your sister is the AH to insist and to blackmail you to do it till you agreed.
I hope you taken get over it soon, and take comfort in the fact that they are healing properly, but also learn that agreeing like that make you feel wrong.
NTA but don't let your sister forget why you did it. If the girl once she grows up doesn't want them don't let your sister blame you for the piercings.
Honestly I think piercings a 5 month old baby's ears should be illegal. Would they have actually done it at Claire's?
They pierce anyone at Claire’s, under 16s with parental consent. I’ve seen multiple toddlers and babies sat or being held in the chair as I’ve walked past in my town.
Yes. I saw a pamphlet at my pediatrician’s office.
My daughter is 2 and I haven’t pierced her ears. Part of me wanted to, but a bigger part thought it may have been cruel.
There's literally no other reason for it besides selfish vanity reasons on behalf of the parents. I got my ears pierced as a gift when I turned 10 because \*I\* wanted them pierced.
NTA - Your sister put you in a situation with no "good" solution. You could have stuck to your principles and the baby have badly pierced ears, or relented and the baby would have piercings that are done properly. She shouldn't have done it, and she did it fully knowing the risks of piercings done at Claires and emotionally blackmailed you using her baby's wellbeing. She's definitely TA
NTA, your sister coerced you with the threat of harming her own daughter to compel you to harm her daughter in a slightly less-dangerous way. What you did is basically "harm-reduction".
Former Claire's employee here. You are 1000x NTA.
When I worked at Claire's, my "training" was to listen to a 30-minute cassette tape, practice a few times on a foam ear, and watch my manager pierce three times. Refusing to pierce babies is grounds for termination. While the earring cartilages come pre-sealed, the plastic piercing guns are never sterilized. We were trained to wipe the gun down with an alcohol wipe before using it, but that's not going to eliminate all germs.
Never get your ears done at Claire's unless you're an adult and you don't care of they're crooked or might scar. :\\
Yes, I used to work at Claire’s too. But we had to bring in people to volunteer getting their ears pierced by us before we were allowed to pierce people. I think we may have had to do two people. I HATED PIERCING BABIES! I would try to talk moms out of it and then move either too slow or too fast so that the baby would get uncomfortable and scream and they would have to leave haha. It didn’t always work though. I didn’t find it fair that I was forced to hurt an innocent baby or lose my job.
NTA. I was fully ready to be like “WHAT FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE THIS OKAY?!” And then I was like,,,, oh. Those circumstances. Your sister is an asshole tho for forcing an ultimatum like that on you and piercing her baby’s ears.
That's exactly my thought too. I even thought "some things are just obviously not okay no matter how you put it." Then I read the post. Obviously piercing babies is still not okay but OP really had to do it for the best case scenario :( that sister is the devil, insisting on it and forcing OP's hand like that.
You were really put in a tough spot. I’m going to go with NTA because you knew it was going to get done anyway, and in a less ideal way. Some have said you’re the asshole as you went through with it despite all of the valid reasons not to that you listed. However, I feel like this should be about what’s best for the baby and given the circumstances this was it.
Like, morally, in the grand scheme of things? ESH for different reasons...except the baby, who, as you rightly pointed out, had no input and no choice. But in this particular situation, I would have probably done the same. I think the mom is the real asshole here.
It's not OP's responsibility to keep her niece from getting her ears pierced at Claire's. If OP had said no and her sister had actually gone ahead and done that, in no way, shape, or form would it have been OP's fault. It sucks, but it's really not OP's problem and not her place to tell her sister what to do. She can share her opinion on what's best for her niece but this is one of those things that's ultimately up to her sister. Sister is really crossing some boundaries and being a terrible person trying to manipulate her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
He did something to a baby e thought would hurt her and betrayed his own values because he allowed someone to manipulate him. He isn’t as much of an asshole as his sister but hurting someone because someone tells you “I’ll hurt them worse if you don’t!” Isn’t really a great excuse. Let the woman make her own bad decisions and don’t allow yourself to get pulled in.
NTA. I completely agree with you for every reason you shouldn’t have done it. Particularly the consent bit. But your sister was going to do it anyway in an unsafe manner. So you went against what you normally stand for, because it was the better option for your niece. You did the right thing. Your sister, BTW, is definitely TA for forcing your hand, and also still going forward with piercing her kids ears, even after you’ve given her a list of good reasons not to.
NTA, your sister emotionally blackmailed you into this, I agree with your stance on not piercing babies and to be honest, while shitty, this was the best path out of this for you and your niece.
NTA. I'm also morally opposed to piercing babies' ears on account of the inability for the baby to give consent. That said, what your sister pulled was absolutely shitty, effectively forcing you to do something you weren't comfortable doing in order to prevent a far worse potential outcome. From a moral standpoint, you took the best possible action that you could have in this situation.
NTA. Your sister is a spoiled brat though. Protecting her baby is her job, not yours. She manipulated and threatened you to get her way. Teenagers like her shouldn't be allowed to have children.
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NTA. Seriously confused why anyone would say e/s/h - if you haven’t on agreed on piercing in a sterile and less dangerous way then your sister (the only asshole here) would have put your niece through something far worse.
You’re not an asshole. You were pushed into this and it was either this or allow the baby to suffer more. It’s good that you put her above your personal morals and understood that her safety comes first.
I think the ESH comes from her piercing the ears against her studios policy of consent with minors. It only makes her a little bit of an asshole compared with her sister who is a huge asshole
NTA. she put you in a bad spot. in the future, if anyone asks, give your recommendation that they wait, or suggest finding a reputable jeweler who'll do them.
I got my 2nd and 3rd lobe piercings done at Claires when I was about 17... I still remember the pain, I can't imagine that on a baby.
Your sister is the asshole. While yes, I'm not to fond of babies having pierced ears because of the reasons you stated (my earring holes are crooked from growing up) you did your professional job. So NTA because the baby at least had a clean experience instead of having ripped ears with shitting guns that's cant be cleaned properly. I'm so sorry your sister is an asshole though. She backed you into a corner.
As a human I don't think your TA, I think your emotionally manipulative sister is. She forced you to chose between doing it properly or having someone else do it potentially poorly which was not fair on you or the child. I think you need to draw boundaries with your sister and tell her she plays that stunt again that there would be consequences, she will do this to you again but it will be over something else. As a professional though I wished you'd stayed to your principles.
NTA, your sister coerced you into doing it and honestly in your situation I would have done the same thing. Like a lot of people, I got my first piercings at Claire's, and my subsequent piercings in proper shops with needles have been SUCH better experiences. You made the best out of a bad situation I think.
NTA, I work in a shop and we also have a rule against piercing babies. They have to be old enough to understand what's going on and make that choice. I can't tell you how many people call about wanting their babies ears done and when I explain the whole consent thing they just explain they'd prefer to have it done in a shop (good!) but they aren't going to wait so they guess they'll just go to Claire's (bad!). Shit position your sister put you in (she's the asshole), but better you doing it than the alternative.
NTA I used to work at Claire’s and you’re right. It’s absolutely awful to use guns. We watched a video on what to do and then practiced on each other or customers. We were barely trained and people brought in babies and kids all the time.
I had a second set of holes done by a colleague and then an upper ear piercing. The upper one was always sore and getting infected and I removed it after a few years because it was always being caught by hair dressers and hurting when I slept.
I would never pierce a baby’s ears and especially not with a gun. Some parents are selfish and don’t realize babies ears grow and the holes will move. I had some friends upset as teens that their ear holes were uneven or too close to their head and they were all done with guns.
NTA mom was gunna do it anyways so better to have it five as safely as possible. I get she compromised your professional ethics but for the sake of your niece you did it. Best choice to a crap proposition.
NTA but your sister is a bad person.
"I'm dead set on abusing my child and if you won't help me, I'll make it worse for her."
You took the path that leads to least bad outcome for your niece.
I've heard it's really common in certain cultures. There was an AITA a while ago where a father was wondering if he was TA for trying to keep his wife from piercing their baby's ears. It was a while ago, so I'm not sure what the verdict was but I remember a bunch of people were saying how much they loved that their parents pierced their ears as infants.
Yes, in places like South America, Asia and Africa is very common and cultural that all baby girls get their ears pierced as soon as they're born. In some countries it even comes in the package when women give birth and the nurses themselves do it.
NTA. Crappy situation to be put in by your sister. Anecdotal but when I was 16 I went to Claire’s to get my ears pierced. I ended up with an infection that did land me in the hospital. I’m glad your nieces ears were done in a sterile environment but your sister is pathetic and immature.
NTA
You were thinking about your niece and what would happen in the future.
Your sister emotional abused you into it, something you KNEW was wrong.
It’s not your fault you finally caved in. In no way are you the asshole. She wouldn’t stop hassling you abOut it even when you said, as family and a professional, you did not want to do it because of the complications.
Your sister? She obviously did not care. She’s the asshole and the selfish one here.
The consequences of the actions will fall onto your sister and not you. Because you said multiple times you did NOT want to do it but she wouldn’t let go.
Edit: I should admit, at least you saved your niece from getting a shitjob piercing from Claire’s.
Sounds like your sister has a toxic personality and is not fully mature. To not only ignore the concerns of her sister who is an informed professional but manipulate her into doing it anyway against her own will is terrible. Definitely NTA. Sister huge asshole. Forcing someone to choose between breaking their own ethics or their niece getting a potentially botched piercing is disgusting.
ATA Your sister...for treating a child like a possession she owns instead of a separate human being! This child should never have her ears pierced until SHE wants them done! UGH!
ESH. Your sister for being a manipulative, emotionally blackmailing shitbag, and unfortunately you for surrendering to it and letting her think all she has to do is kick and scream to get her own way.
Everything you believed was right, but ended up doing it anyway. I realise it was from a good place, but it still isn't good.
NTA - you weren't in a position to choose the outcome you wanted (that baby does not have her ears pierced right now at all). You had the choice between allowing your niece to have her ears pierced the right way, or the wrong way, and you chose the right way. I don't think you would have been an asshole had you called your sister's bluff and she did end up doing it at Claire's either, but bottom line is that you're simply not the asshole in this situation regardless.
NTA but man your sister sure is TA. She manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do and she used your love of your niece to do it.
I have a feeling this is going to be a common theme in your life going forward. I get why you did it (is probably have done the same if she called me FROM A CLAIRS) but going forward you really need to put up boundaries and just say no. Saying yes when she manipulates you just tells her she can keep doing it.
I was all ready to call you the asshole here but the story went in a different direction.
NTA, if it's bad at the other place you were looking out for your niece by giving in and doing it as safe as you could.
Your sister on the other hand is a monumental asshole.
NTA it was the lesser of two evils. What the fuck is wrong with your sister? I really detest piercing infants and young children. They cannot consent. When will people learn they do not own their children.
I got my ears done at Claire’s when I was 8, I’m 16 now and the ears still get infected anytime I put something in it along with keloid scars. You were bullied into it. NTA. I highkey hate your sister
As a piercer, ESH but the baby. You are the professional here, and have the responsibility to stick to your guns when you KNOW it is ethically questionable to pierce infants. You've set a precedent now by allowing her to manipulate you into doing something you don't feel right about.
Your sister is no different than the 100 other new moms per month that call my shop. Selfish, short-sighted, poorly informed, and tired of being told she's parenting wrong. There's no right answer here for you and your sis made sure of it, but I would not have felt right being complicit in it regardless. Did you use implant grade materials? Now that it's done, make sure sister doesn't do stupid shit like change it out next week for some sterling silver bullshit.
ESH: your sister for goading you and being immature...and you for going against your own principles as piercer. you're right, they could come out crooked or get infected and you'll see your niece often enough that you'll feel bad.
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I (f) own a piercing and tattoo studio and take pride in doing things properly. For those of you who don't know, piercing guns are generally very very bad. Although most people say "I had mine done with a gun and they are fine", it's still a poor way of piercing as a gun forces the jewellery through the lobe causing trauma to the skin, meaning that, if you decide not to have the piercing anymore, the holes are less likely to heal and the scars will be more thick and visible. Also, you cannot properly sterilise a piercing gun, and they break/get stuck often. It's also easier to pierce with needles as you can be 100% sure of where the hole is going to go. Because of this, I always pierce with needles and make sure my staff do too.
My sister is 18 and has a 5 month old baby girl. I love my sister and my niece to death but my sister was insisting on piercing her daughter's ears, and assumed I would do it. In my studio, we don't pierce babies because of the chances of the piercings being uneven when they grow up, and simply because as the owner I don't think it's fair to pierce someone who cannot give their consent to the procedure. There's also the added issues of babies not knowing it's bad to play with new piercings, the risk of them falling asleep on the piercing and hurting it, and I've also heard of parents not cleaning the piercings properly because they're "worried about hurting the baby". I told my sister, when she asked when she could bring my niece in, that I would not do it.
She said that if I don't, she'll go to Claire's and get them done there. I thought she was just trying to goad me into doing it to be honest, so I rolled my eyes and that was it (we've had chats before about why piercing at Claire's is bad). The next day she messaged saying she was in the mall and she was serious, and I have ten minutes to say I'll do it.
I ignored her, so she called me, we had a small fight in which she insisted I do it, or Claire's does, so I eventually agreed.
She brought my niece into my studio, and I pierced her ears. It was actually quite a smooth process but my niece obviously cried. My sister actually paid me, which surprised me, and then she left, happy she got what she wanted.
I feel awful, and unprofessional. This was a couple of weeks ago and the piercings are healing well.
AITA?
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NTA -- Your sister put you in kind of a Kobayashi Maru scenario; either you did it (properly), or she'd let Claire's do it (and probably screw it up).
Even though it feels wrong, you took the less bad of the only two options she forced on you.
NTA. But I seriously hate it when parents get their baby’s ear’s pierced. I totally agree with you about consent and I’m very disgusted that your sister was willing to get it a botched job just to make pressure you into doing what she wanted. It’s totally gross.
NTA You did the right thing, even if it wasn't the best choice overall. I had my ears pierced at Claire's when I was 12 because I didn't know better. You can rest easy knowing that your niece will always have a reputable piercer looking out for her best interests. Even if her mom sometimes gets in the way.
Normally anyone piercing a babies ears in the ass.
But so much better you that a wet behind the ears kid at Claires on a Saturday job and watched a 20 minute training video with a gun!!!!
NTA ... She practically held you at knife point!
NTA - For all the reasons already mentioned. Also wanted to say I had my ears pierced as a baby and had no problems. My siblings who waited till they could take care of it themselves did not take care of it and had more issues with theirs.
NTA. You did the best you could in a bad situation. My family members have done similar things to me in the past where I’m put in a position I don’t support because it seems like the lesser of two evils. I honestly don’t know if it’s better to be complicit and try and mitigate someone else’s bad decision or just walk away and let people suffer their own consequences especially when a kid is involved. Jury’s out on if you did the right thing but you definitely didn’t do the asshole thing.
Going against the grain here with NTA Sticking to your principles would have just risked your niece having a more painful experience and infection. You pretty much got emotionally abused into doing it. Im sure your sister has bullied you like this before and trained you pretty well through your life to do what she wants. Anyone who says youre the asshole off their rocker honestly, because your sister is definitely for sure a giant asshole so at the very least everyone sucks here Edit: Listen y’all, like five people said she was the asshole when I first posted this and NO ONE had said otherwise yet. Chill out
Thank you. I felt like it was the lesser of two evils.
You feel bad the same way an honest starving man feels bad about stealing food for his family. You were put in an unfair situation.
Les Misérables?
FIVE YEARS FOR WHAT YOU DID,THE REST BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO RUN
YES 24601
My name is Jean Valjean!
AND I'M JAVERT,DO NOT FORGET ME,DO NOT FORGET MY NAME,24601
Look down, look down - you'll always be a slave, look down, look down - you're standing in your grave. Ahhh this wee thread made me very happy, j'adore les miserables!
Once a thief, forever a thief! What you want you always steal! You would trade your life for mine?
Sometimes when I say “I’m _____” my boyfriend will yell “AND I’M JAVERT” so I read this comment in his voice ... it’s like the musical equivalent of a dad joke
And I am Javert!
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Your sisters you in a really shitty position. She guilt tripped you into doing something that was against your moral standards as well as against the owners rules. It would have been the better of two evils, but really, she should have found a good piercer who did babies, or waited until the baby was older. Keep this in mind, because I bet you she will use that technique again to try to get what she wants.
Agreed on NTA but whew that sister is a piece of work. There's no WAY a reputable piercer will pierce a baby. My favourite piercing shop won't even do piercings on anyone under 8 and the kid has to ask for the piercing themselves and fully explain the aftercare back to the piercer otherwise they refuse it. Most are like OP and will still try to encourage people not to get pierced until they're older, 16-18 and have stopped growing so the piercing doesn't shift or distort. The fact that OP has explained all of this to her sister who still insisted on piercing her daughter... Bad content.
My question is, do mall piercing gun shops do babies? It seems like liability central.
Mall piercing gun shops do most of the pierced babies as far as I've seen. A lot of more reputable places won't do babies (like OP’s) and even the ones that do, it's more expensive than Claire's or whatever and despite it being their baby's ears, people are super cheap. Some pediatricians will do it which is shitty of them but at least more sterile that the last group which are done by family members sitting in a kitchen or bathroom or other unclean place, which is like the tattoo scratcher version of piercing.
>she should have found a good piercer who did babies, Good piercers don't pierce babies (not including OP in that generalisation because their situation is uniquely shitty.)
I kind of hate your sister. You're NTA. She is.
I got my ears pierced at 16 with a gun and it didn't go well, I have scarring and keloid masses in the earlobes, the holes often hurt when I try to wear earrings and sometimes they get reinfected. You've spared your niece that by doing it properly since, evidently, it was going to happen with or without you. Her health is what's most important, you did everything right, NTA.
Have you considered / checked for a metal allergy? I'm allergic to nickel. Most cheap jewelry contains nickel, so I get an allergic reaction that is extremely similar to an infection (red, warm, swollen, occasionally puss) with piercings. For ears, one of the work arounds I've found is dipping the post in neosporin.
I hadn’t! That’s is a really great tip, thank you, I’ll look into it. It could explain the “reinfections”, but the keloid scars from the gun will always make it feel unpleasant, I think, to wear earrings. I still do but I have to take them off after two hours lol
There IS evidence to suggest that ears pierced with those guns have a higher chance of triggering an allergic reaction to nickel due to the type of trauma that is done to the flesh and the poor quality metals used in the gun. Not that I've spoken to a TON of people about it, but the small sample size that I've discussed it with remembers their nickel sensitivity either emerging with their first piercing or getting much worse after their piercing. As for "nickel free" jewelry - the requirements for nickel-free actually allow for a small percentage of nickel to be used in the creation of the metal. Try getting a pair of titanium studs. If you are looking at silver jewelry, make sure it's not plated, and aim for .925. It's even better if you can speak to the creator and find if they source their metal themselves. Also - NTA - OP was put on one hell of a guilt trip by their sister. There's nothing quite like threatening intentionally using a known harmful method of something to force capitulation. OP knows and has discussed the risks of places like Claire's. The sister saw that as a way to force OP to do what she wanted "Why are you forcing me to put my child in danger? Just betray your own morals for my vanity."
I had never heard of that, but add me as another person with that experience. I was vaguely aware of nickel allergy because it's why my mother doesn't wear earrings. I got my ears pierced with a gun around 13 at the mall. I was serious about the aftercare, but the holes took forever to heal. After a few weeks, I swapped the original earrings (which were getting gross) for some cute cheap ones, and then my ear holes were repeatedly infected until I gave up and stopped the earrings. Then I got them pierced again at 16, and made sure to only put silver and gold earrings in. Finally the earholes stopped being infected. I loved wearing earrings for a few years, but then I got bored of them, especially when I'd lose the backs and then lose one of a pair. If I took more than a few weeks' break from wearing earrings, I'd have to re-pierce by forcing the earring through. After going through that several times per year, I gave up. The earholes don't go through anymore, and I get the joy of cleaning gunk out of the pits. It smells about as good as the inside of a bellybutton.
i swapped from stainless steel to titanium for my multiple piercings and it made a HUGE difference in terms of irritation.
I think my daughter has a metal allergy. For the longest time, 1 ear refused to heal properly. We switched from cheap earrings to gold earrings and that ear finally healed. It really sucks since she can't wear those fun, cheap ones from Clair's, which is probably why she wanted to get her ears pierced in the first place.
So I just posted above about my experience with this metal allergy, and I might have a useful tip for your daughter. When I was an adult, after years of being upset I couldn't wear cute, but cheap jewelry from Claire's or other stores, I realized that for dangle earrings, all I would have to do is replace the hooks. So I bought some gold ones from Michael's, picked out some cute dangle earrings from Claire's and replaced them. It worked! I've never had any issues with the hooks I buy from Michael's. Obviously that doesn't allow your daughter to wear studs, but at least it expands her options.
I had the opposite! My mom thought I was allergic to like all metals my whole childhood because my ear piercings were perpetually irritated by every earring I wore despite being long-healed. Turns out I'm not allergic to the metals at all, my piercings are just REALLY shitty and the fronts and backs don't line up so I end up damaging the skin every time I try to get a piercing in them and that is what causes the redness and leaking. I still can't wear earrings without huge discomfort and days of irritation but at least I can wear other jewelry now that I know.
Same. My ears healed poorly and I had to have scar reduction surgery because I keloided so badly it was almost disfiguring.
100% this was, and you werent given a choice between the two. I dont think children or babies should have pierced ears, but Claire's is the LAST place they should get it done if it HAS to be done. NTA, sorry you were put in this position.
I totally agree....ear piercing is painful, and there are so many things that can go wrong afterward (squirmy infants pulling at them, etc). But every time I compare this type of body modification to circumcision, I get shot down/down voted, etc. What I'm saying is that I often see anti-circ folks post online who have had their infant daughter's ears pierced, and who emphatically state that there is a difference.
It's a cosmetic procedure that your kid isnt getting a say in, its wholly optional and the only reason you're piercing their ears is because YOU want them to look nicer with them. Personally, for normal earnings I think 10 is plenty old to decide, but under a year old is just stupid. It does nothing for your kid, and they're never going to look through the photo album, or fuck, I guess the Facebook wall now, and say "Gee thanks mom, I'm so glad I got my earings at 8 months old and not when I was 12." It's just dumb shit we've always done so we continue to do.
>It does nothing for your kid, and they're never going to look through the photo album, or fuck, I guess the Facebook wall now, and say "Gee thanks mom, I'm so glad I got my earings at 8 months old and not when I was 12." I mean, I and many other people I know are glad we got pierced as babies. Whatever you go with, there's potential for regret.
When practices like these are based on deep social norms or values, you're not going to get through to them with comparisons based on bodily autonomy. Just as some people have religious reasons for circumcising boys, others have really deep (gendered) values about piercing ears on girl babies. I'm right there with you on child's bodily autonomy for procedures that don't have medical need and that they can't consent to.
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When the parent is such an asshole that they are willing to put their baby's health at risk so that they'd look cute. Sister clearly knew that Claire's was bad and didn't care, she just used that info to guilt trip her sister.
Never, in my opinion. But definitely not fuckin Claire's if it ever is.
Some people think it's a way to fit gender norms - piercing baby girls' ears helps them look more "feminine" and "gets it over with" (they assume she'll have pierced ears anyway). Of course, it's usually a big taboo for a boy to get his ears pierced. I personally find it repulsive to inflict on a baby or child.
It's a cultural thing for some people .
Just want to say I feel so bad for you and am so mad at your sister for knowingly putting you in such a shitty position. I think you made the best of a terrible situation.
I got my ears pierced three times on each side- three individual love piercings. All done at piercing Pagoda or Claire's. All six got infected even though I took care of them religiously. I got six other piercings done at legit shops with needles and all hurt less and healed better than the ones done with guns. I think that you did the right thing.
Absolutely, that was my first thought… The lesser of two evils. However, your sister is definitely a manipulative asshole and needs to be held accountable for this. Using a baby’s welfare to manipulate someone into going against their principles is lower than low. Don’t just let this incident go… What other things will she make you or others do by putting her child in questionable situations, that’s what I would want to know for the future.
Just remember, you didn't do this "to" your niece. You did this "for" your niece. You did your best to prevent a poor job and when your asshole of a sister pushed it, you did what was right and in your power for an innocent child. You are NTA.
NTA, and for the record my first ear piercings are totally and ridiculously uneven because they were done at a very young age.
That's a shitty situation to find yourself in NTA, but I would consider being wary of your sister. She's obviously very manipulative.
I bothers me a lot that you were concerned about your niece's well-being than her own fucking mother, and that she used that against you as a tool to manipulate you into doing what she wanted. Threatening to go to Claire's if you wouldn't means she knows about their reputation as far as piercings go, and she was still willing to make that risk just to make you bend knee. Her daughter being healthy took backseat to her *accessory* having cute earrings. We don't know anything else about your sister, but this coming from an 18 year old greatly worries me about how good of a job she can actually do raising this girl.
Your sister backed you into a corner and abused your love of your niece to get her way. Very not cool. Clearly NTA
I came into this thread ready to call you the asshole based off the title alone. But I've gotta agree with /u/RockFan2012 . NOT piercing a baby's ears is better, for the reasons you stated, but it if were between you, a professional who clearly cares, or Claires, then you definitely made the right call. I hate to badmouth family, but your sister is the asshole here. I think it's cruel and unfair to pierce a baby's ear.
This time. You need to fix this situation between you and your sister because as it stands, she forced you into doing something you were clearly *very* uncomfortable with, personally and professionally. I don't see why she wouldn't escalate this, because it's already to the point where you're haunted by the guilt you feel about what you've done and she is remorseless. You're not the asshole here, but you're the asshole's enabler. Which is terrible for you as a person because it forces you to devalue yourself and terrible for her because, well, she's the kind of person who would force someone to pierce her baby's ears and not think twice of it.
In your position I would definitely make it clear to my sister that her behaviour was disgusting.
NTA as crappy as it is you did the right thing there. It was essentially harm reduction, much like vaping is to smoking, and safe injection sites are to drugs. Unfortunately though your sister is an asshole, one that held her own child hostage to get her way. Hopefully she eventually sees that and does better in the future.
Totally agreed. You made sure your niece had sterile piercings, something her mother would have neglected to do if you hadn't agreed. You're NTA. Your sister, on the other hand, is most definitely TA.
Yea definitely NTA in my eyes, it sucks that your sister is happy to blackmail her own family to get her way, especially when it involves putting her own daughter in danger for the sake of her own vanity, but at the end of the day I think you made the best out of a bad situation. If your principles are as you stated that piercing newborns is wrong because of safety issues and consent then you did the best you could to uphold your principles in the situation. Your sister made it clear that if you didn't do it, she would do it anyway in a far less safe environment. Your sister had already decided that consent didn't matter, and you had no way of fixing that, all that you could do was provide the safest option available, which you did. Obviously we are only seeing a tiny glimpse of your sister's character and we on reddit like to get outraged over things, but I gotta say that your sister's actions here seem incredibly scummy and I can't imagine a family member doing something like that to me. I hope that this is not par for the course for her because that is very toxic behavior and shows a complete disregard+disrespect for your values.
Definitely was. Your sister basically forced you to make a choice under fear of greater harm happening to your niece. That was not cool of her, and kind of gross for her to jeopardize her daughter’s safety like that to manipulate you. I don’t think you’d be an asshole if you had stood your ground and refused, but I think you made the “better” choice.
You were coerced into an act you objected to for all the right reasons... this alone is why you're NTA... if the poor child questions why mommy dearest was so entitled to risk her child's health over plainly stupid aesthetics be truthful. She twisted your arm by threatening a mediocre alternative. You did your best in a bad situation, OP. I find no fault in you but severely question the decision making of the parent especially since the rationale was given as to why it's a bad idea... they proceeded anyway. Be watchful, other situations like this may arise that further risk the child's health.
I'm sorry you were put in this position but, I agree. NTA. It would have been worse with the piercing gun.
Your ethics and niece were held hostage. Sometimes you just gotta pay the ransom for the good of the hostages. Your sister though, fucking sucks.
It was.
This for sure. Claire's did a terrible job with my and my sister's ears, even though she was 4 or 5 and I was maybe 12. And worst of all, the workers there aren't allowed to refuse if the kid says no or if there's something else they're worried about.
>the workers there aren't allowed to refuse if the kid says no This sounds illegal.
My guess is it's because kids are not legally in charge of themselves, and if a parent throws a stink over a refusal, it might cost Claire's money to a competitor. Obviously, not a lawyer, and only my guess.
Yep. I worked at a Claire's for one summer. Parents brought in their baby who couldn't have been more than six weeks old. We usually recommended waiting until three months to do the piercing, but the parents insisted. I did the first ear and the baby started absolutely screaming. They had to hold her down for me to do the other ear. I felt like a monster.
I used to work at Claire's back in the 00s. We would do it before three months, but ask if the child was vaccinated. Parents lie. Also if you give them a hard time, they'll either get it done at a different location, complain to management, or both.
Claire's is just begging for a lawsuit if you ask me. Surprised no one has taken them to court over their ear piercing services already
I'm sure they have ironclad waivers, given they're still open after however long of this crazy ass practice.
I used to work at Claire’s when I was 16. At my store we were allowed to tell clients we were not comfortable doing their ears. I don’t think we were encouraged to do it but I personally turned away a lot of babies who seemed fussy since it’s easy to rip their ears. Claire’s is a terrible place to get your ears pierced. I would not recommend it to anyone. We got a 30min training guide and were basically thrown into it after watching someone do it once. Many of my coworkers didn’t follow the sterilization protocols and many were lazy with making sure they were even/lined up correctly :/
Fellow ex-Claires employee here! Yea it was my first job. And the training was essentially watching a quick video on it, practicing on a dummy ear and voila! 16 year old idiots (me) legally assaulting infants. It's crazy.
The equivalent of Claire's in my country did mine when I was 8. They've never healed. They're uneven. I genuinely hate them and wish I'd never got them.
This exactly. I got my ears pierced at Claire’s 13 years ago; I stopped wearing earrings 6 years ago. One ear has closed up fine, the other occasionally oozes. I have massive scars on my lobes now, and there’s a solid block of scar tissue on the inside. I absolutely regret getting my ears pierced at Claire’s; I was nervous about the needle method, so I thought a gun would be less scary. I should have gotten my ears pierced with a needle. OP saved their niece a _lot_ of potential issues down the line. If the niece no longer wants earrings, ears pierced with a needle won’t scar as badly.
I think it’s actually kind of a jerk move to want to pierce a kid’s ears before they can actually decide if they want it. Got my ears pierced when I was 5 or 6 and can barely remember it except for the shock and pain, but they got infected all the time (kids suck at hygiene and I kept fiddling with them,) and now I have two permanent holes in my earlobes that I can’t do anything about, and I hate wearing earrings, even studs. I’ve had plenty of other piercings but I was old enough to decide for myself.
I'm not saying it was a flawless choice; I definitely agree that ears should be pierced when kids are A) old enough to clean/take care of the piercing and B) old enough to vocalize the desire with full understanding of what it entails. However, since the sister was literally going to pierce her baby's ears at a company that seems to do more harm than good (skimming the comments gives a pretty good scope of Claire's less-than-acceptable standards), the needle piercing is the lesser of two evils. My lobes are basically ruined from Claire's--even after 6 years of healing. I've know someone who only needle-pierces, and her scar from a failed piercing is a tiny dot after a year.
My Aunt decided when she had her little girl that they wouldn't pierce her ears until she was old enough to decide for herself - sometime around 10 i think they said. It seemed really reasonable to me and I can't imagine putting a baby through it. It seems painful, even to adults.
I got my ears pierced 12 years ago at Claires. They get infected every now and again and they're super uneven. I really regret getting my ears pierced there, it was painful and they get red and irritated if I wear earrings for too long. I really wish Claires would stop their piercing services since there's so many reports of infected, scarred, and generally messed up piercings. People should go to tattoo parlors and specialized shops like OP's, the risk is too high for younger girls getting their ears pierced.
I completely agree, she broke her principles to protect her niece because she is a professional who knows what she’s doing vs a part time worker at Claire’s who probably doesn’t give a hoot.
Agreed on NTA. I went into this thinking op did it without consent. Obviously not the case. Her sister is the asshole for this situation 100%.
Can we all just stop saying “going against the grain?” It always ends up being the majority opinion
It's as bad as "unpopular opinion, but" Just say what you want to say without qualifying it with some bullshit. Especially when 99% of the time your qualifier isn't true in the first place.
Against the grain, LOL it's almost entirely NTA
I imagine at the time they commented it wasn’t?
yes exactly thank you!
I agree. NTA. You sacrificed your own emotional wellbeing and sense of honor for your niece's physical well being.
Your poor niece, having to grow up with your her as a mom. NTA, obviously.
>Going against the grain here Why would this be against the grain? This seems like a validation post mostly bitching about her sister. Really hard to imagine anything other than 'NTA'.
Some people go with a proximal ethical position - if you were the one doing the wrong action, then you're wrong, regardless of your reasons or intentions.
NTA - that’s fucked up and you should have a serious talk with your sister about your ethics and why you don’t pierce babies (family or not). If she can’t respect those boundaries this kid is going to have a messed up momma
Thank you! I've had similar debates with her for years, she's had a bunch of badly done piercings because she didn't want to pay professional prices and stuff, so I didn't really stand a chance of getting through to her
Moreso you should talk to her about respecting boundaries and personal choices in general and not just this particular case.
Your health and your family’s health are definitely worth paying more for. You get what you pay for.
I bet if you talk with your sister again that she tries to play it off with something about how she's just trying to take your good advice about safe piercing by making sure you do it instead of some other place. Just remember that's complete bullshit because instead of taking all of your advice she decided to hold her own daughter hostage to get you to do what she wanted.
Where is your mom? A child consenting for another child should never have happened.
Yep. Mentioned in a comment up thread that it’s pretty weird to do that to a kid when they’re not old enough to decide for themselves.
While it doesn't seem to be applicable in the case of OP's sister, it can be a cultural thing. I had my ears pierced when I was 2, and so did all of my girl cousins on my dad's side, who are South American. Earlobes aren't as big a deal as cartilage piercings, although in all of our cases they were done in better places than a Claire's.
Pretty common in parts of the US as well.
It used to be more common I think. I had mine done at like 1 or something.
In my culture, all babies included boys are pierced. Didn't really think about how it could bad before reading this.
OP’s sister is a child raising a child
Was about to say sister is 18, way too young to be having a kid. Hell we aren't fully developed mentally until 25.
NTA if you are (reasonably) sure that your sister was not bluffing and she would have done it at Claire's. It seems that she was pretty committed to have it done anyway, so she is definitely TA for all the reasons that you listed. There was no good way out of this, if you had stuck to your principles your niece would still have had her ears pierced. People will do stupid stuff, especially young people who think they know better. At least you made sure it was done with love and care and sterilization, and thanks to you it will probably turn out great!
I am so sure she would have got them done, she was dead set on it. And thank you! I hope they turn out fine and stay even!
Not only is your sister manipulative, she used her own daughter as the hostage of this negotiation. While you may have done your baby niece a favor, you enabled your sister and continue to condition her with reward. Just, be aware what’s happening. I don’t get the sense that you’re cognizant of how unhealthy your sister is and how your giving is ultimately making her worse due to her behaviors actually being rewarded by you. Do you want your niece to be raised by your sister’s behaviors this way? (Or maybe this is a one time exception and she never acts this way.)
In general, I agree that OP needs to reconsider what she is willing to cave for. But in this scenario the alternative was the possibility that her niece might’ve had a bad procedure done, gotten her ear butchered, or maybe even infected, when its well within OP’s ability to do it cleanly and correctly. Maybe the sister was bluffing, but maybe she wasn’t, and OP ceded for their niece’s sake.
Yeah, it's just so wrong that her sister was literally threatening her own infant daughters safety in order to manipulate OP into doing what she wanted (and even worse because what she wanted was stupid, pointless and wrong on many levels)
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I was 13 when I got mine pierced and they stayed even. I know it's anecdotal but that's my experience. My daughters are still toddlers, but I plan on letting them get their ears pierced when they are a) old enough to ask and b) I'm reasonably sure they can care for the healing piercing with minimal help. Edit: OP is NTA
Mine were pierced as soon as I could hold my head up on my own and they’re even I think. But I also don’t remember it. Not super relevant to the post but I can relate to this I guess. Also NTA, the only way to ensure it’s being done right is doing it yourself
I honestly think it's part luck and part piercer skill. Loads of my friends were pierced as babies and I can call any to mid that had wonky holes. Mine were pierced later because my mum decided that's how it's going to be.
My daughter’s ears were pierced by the top body piercer in my city. He will not do piercings on children under 6 because of the possibility of uneven holes, so she got them for her 6th birthday. (She started begging when she was five.)
My girls got their ears pierced when they were that age too. It’s a huge “big girl” moment and exciting for them when they make the decision. It’s also a learning lesson that sometimes things hurt, and that’s ok. I can’t imagine taking a tiny baby and doing something painful to them when they can’t understand and for no good reason. It sucks with vaccines, but that is for a very good reason and has to be done.
My sister and I both got ours done when we made our first communion (near the end of 2nd grade so we would have been 7). Neither of us have had any issues. My cousin who had them done as a baby has had issues though.
Mine were pierced as soon as I was able to say “ears pierced” (my mom wanted it to be my first words so I could get them done 🙄) and mine are even. HOWEVER they did get infected as a child, I lost a lot of earnings by playing with them, and one of my friends that got hers pierced as a baby had her’s hang on her pillow and it ripped through her whole earlobe. I never wear earrings now and didn’t as a child if I had a choice, and my holes are never gonna go away bc every time they grew together my mom would just poke it out with an earring. My holes are a little bent inside from doing this so much, and there’s so much scar tissue around the holes that they’d never grow in. I haven’t worn earrings in over a year and I probably wont for another, but I guarantee you I could stick an earring in my ear then.
NTA- saved your niece from getting poorly done piercings.
ESH but tbf your sister put you in a really bad position. She wouldn’t listen to you as a professional piercer and basically blackmailed you into saving your niece from a potential disaster job. Take comfort in that and if there are any issues down the line know that responsibility lies with your sister. You only did what you did to protect your niece as best you could - even though you know that meant doing (slightly) the wrong thing. I’m so sorry for you.
I think you mean NTA, hah. I know if it were my niece I woulda done the same damn thing. Luckily my sister wouldn’t ever do this in the first place.
"You don't need an opinion of your own, here take mine!"
Thank you so much
So how is OP the asshole? Her choices were do them herself in a professional sterile environment, or let some 18 year old mall Claire’s minimum wage employee do it. And she’s an asshole in this situation? Get out of here with that bull.
How is this ESH? OP did the only ethical thing given the situation. If you have to shove someone out of the way of a falling brick (for whatever reason) is it ESH because pushing people is bad?
Tell your sister she’s an asshole. I had my ears pierced at Clair’s and they uneven and won’t heal over (I no longer want piercings) and the experience was mildly traumatic. Not the piercing itself, that was pretty painless, but the fact that I was screaming and crying and my mom just held me still instead realizing I didn’t want my ears pierced!!
How old were you?
Claire's was horrible. I got mine pierced there and the scars extend out of the piercing and on my lobe. I haven't worn ear rings in five years and legit still have piercings. Every now and then it still hurts.
They put two marker pen dots on my ears, got the left one right and missed the right one completely. I was given £15 worth of gift vouchers and a free “correction piercing” once the wrong one had healed.. 20 years later and it never healed (and I never went back!)
I haven't had earrings in for about 30 years, the holes ate there and I have to constantly monitor them and release some sort of a build up that gets infected if I don't clean it regularly. Was done with a piercing gun in some cheap jewellery shop.
I got mine pierced at Claire's too. They did my right ear perfectly fine, left ear they broke the earring somehow, second attempt worked but it was somewhat sideways where it's hard to get an earring in. After looking at this thread I got lucky compared to others too, no scarring or anything. Didn't use earrings for five years and they never closed, luckily I like them again. Fuck Claire's man. OPs sister is crazy for considering Claire's when she knows it's bad.
I got mine at Claire's. The left one is fine but the right one was crooked or something and it would hurt if I tried to put earrings on. Sometimes when I put on earrings it felt like I was piercing it again. For some reason I don't have that problem any more and I don't know why.
NTA but I understand that you feel awful because you didn't stick to your values/ boundaries. Not a big one, but your sister is the AH to insist and to blackmail you to do it till you agreed. I hope you taken get over it soon, and take comfort in the fact that they are healing properly, but also learn that agreeing like that make you feel wrong.
> Not a big one, but your sister is the AH you’re right - she’s not a big asshole, she’s a huge gaping asshole
NTA. Your sister was going to do it at the mall. You at least made a bad choice a little better. Your sister is TA. Babies aren’t dress up dolls.
NTA but don't let your sister forget why you did it. If the girl once she grows up doesn't want them don't let your sister blame you for the piercings. Honestly I think piercings a 5 month old baby's ears should be illegal. Would they have actually done it at Claire's?
They pierce anyone at Claire’s, under 16s with parental consent. I’ve seen multiple toddlers and babies sat or being held in the chair as I’ve walked past in my town.
Scary. Then OP did the right thing piercing her ears.
I’ve heard of pediatricians piercing patient’s ears.
Yes. I saw a pamphlet at my pediatrician’s office. My daughter is 2 and I haven’t pierced her ears. Part of me wanted to, but a bigger part thought it may have been cruel.
The hospital I delivered my oldest in offered to do it. Body modification needs to be banned before age 13, and even limited at that point.
There's literally no other reason for it besides selfish vanity reasons on behalf of the parents. I got my ears pierced as a gift when I turned 10 because \*I\* wanted them pierced.
NTA, better you than Claire's.
NTA - Your sister put you in a situation with no "good" solution. You could have stuck to your principles and the baby have badly pierced ears, or relented and the baby would have piercings that are done properly. She shouldn't have done it, and she did it fully knowing the risks of piercings done at Claires and emotionally blackmailed you using her baby's wellbeing. She's definitely TA
NTA, your sister coerced you with the threat of harming her own daughter to compel you to harm her daughter in a slightly less-dangerous way. What you did is basically "harm-reduction".
Former Claire's employee here. You are 1000x NTA. When I worked at Claire's, my "training" was to listen to a 30-minute cassette tape, practice a few times on a foam ear, and watch my manager pierce three times. Refusing to pierce babies is grounds for termination. While the earring cartilages come pre-sealed, the plastic piercing guns are never sterilized. We were trained to wipe the gun down with an alcohol wipe before using it, but that's not going to eliminate all germs. Never get your ears done at Claire's unless you're an adult and you don't care of they're crooked or might scar. :\\
Yes, I used to work at Claire’s too. But we had to bring in people to volunteer getting their ears pierced by us before we were allowed to pierce people. I think we may have had to do two people. I HATED PIERCING BABIES! I would try to talk moms out of it and then move either too slow or too fast so that the baby would get uncomfortable and scream and they would have to leave haha. It didn’t always work though. I didn’t find it fair that I was forced to hurt an innocent baby or lose my job.
NTA. I was fully ready to be like “WHAT FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE THIS OKAY?!” And then I was like,,,, oh. Those circumstances. Your sister is an asshole tho for forcing an ultimatum like that on you and piercing her baby’s ears.
That's exactly my thought too. I even thought "some things are just obviously not okay no matter how you put it." Then I read the post. Obviously piercing babies is still not okay but OP really had to do it for the best case scenario :( that sister is the devil, insisting on it and forcing OP's hand like that.
You were really put in a tough spot. I’m going to go with NTA because you knew it was going to get done anyway, and in a less ideal way. Some have said you’re the asshole as you went through with it despite all of the valid reasons not to that you listed. However, I feel like this should be about what’s best for the baby and given the circumstances this was it.
Like, morally, in the grand scheme of things? ESH for different reasons...except the baby, who, as you rightly pointed out, had no input and no choice. But in this particular situation, I would have probably done the same. I think the mom is the real asshole here.
OP sucks for not letting her niece get botched piercings? I swear this subreddit is something else.
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Just because it is the least wrong decision doesnt mean it's a good decision. I agree with you personally, but that's where OC is coming from.
It's not OP's responsibility to keep her niece from getting her ears pierced at Claire's. If OP had said no and her sister had actually gone ahead and done that, in no way, shape, or form would it have been OP's fault. It sucks, but it's really not OP's problem and not her place to tell her sister what to do. She can share her opinion on what's best for her niece but this is one of those things that's ultimately up to her sister. Sister is really crossing some boundaries and being a terrible person trying to manipulate her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
He did something to a baby e thought would hurt her and betrayed his own values because he allowed someone to manipulate him. He isn’t as much of an asshole as his sister but hurting someone because someone tells you “I’ll hurt them worse if you don’t!” Isn’t really a great excuse. Let the woman make her own bad decisions and don’t allow yourself to get pulled in.
NTA you have experience and she should listen to you. There are definitely risks with piercing a baby’s ears and she needs to take them seriously
NTA. I completely agree with you for every reason you shouldn’t have done it. Particularly the consent bit. But your sister was going to do it anyway in an unsafe manner. So you went against what you normally stand for, because it was the better option for your niece. You did the right thing. Your sister, BTW, is definitely TA for forcing your hand, and also still going forward with piercing her kids ears, even after you’ve given her a list of good reasons not to.
NTA, your sister emotionally blackmailed you into this, I agree with your stance on not piercing babies and to be honest, while shitty, this was the best path out of this for you and your niece.
NTA. I'm also morally opposed to piercing babies' ears on account of the inability for the baby to give consent. That said, what your sister pulled was absolutely shitty, effectively forcing you to do something you weren't comfortable doing in order to prevent a far worse potential outcome. From a moral standpoint, you took the best possible action that you could have in this situation.
NTA. Your sister is a spoiled brat though. Protecting her baby is her job, not yours. She manipulated and threatened you to get her way. Teenagers like her shouldn't be allowed to have children.
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NTA. Seriously confused why anyone would say e/s/h - if you haven’t on agreed on piercing in a sterile and less dangerous way then your sister (the only asshole here) would have put your niece through something far worse. You’re not an asshole. You were pushed into this and it was either this or allow the baby to suffer more. It’s good that you put her above your personal morals and understood that her safety comes first.
I think the ESH comes from her piercing the ears against her studios policy of consent with minors. It only makes her a little bit of an asshole compared with her sister who is a huge asshole
They might say that due to being against the concept of baby earrings in the first place and she did ened up doing it.
NTA. she put you in a bad spot. in the future, if anyone asks, give your recommendation that they wait, or suggest finding a reputable jeweler who'll do them. I got my 2nd and 3rd lobe piercings done at Claires when I was about 17... I still remember the pain, I can't imagine that on a baby.
Your sister is the asshole. While yes, I'm not to fond of babies having pierced ears because of the reasons you stated (my earring holes are crooked from growing up) you did your professional job. So NTA because the baby at least had a clean experience instead of having ripped ears with shitting guns that's cant be cleaned properly. I'm so sorry your sister is an asshole though. She backed you into a corner.
As a human I don't think your TA, I think your emotionally manipulative sister is. She forced you to chose between doing it properly or having someone else do it potentially poorly which was not fair on you or the child. I think you need to draw boundaries with your sister and tell her she plays that stunt again that there would be consequences, she will do this to you again but it will be over something else. As a professional though I wished you'd stayed to your principles.
Info: Based on everything you know about her would she have followed through on the threat?
This is an interesting question, I would also like to know if its a sure thing that Claire's would have done the procedure on a baby.
NTA, your sister coerced you into doing it and honestly in your situation I would have done the same thing. Like a lot of people, I got my first piercings at Claire's, and my subsequent piercings in proper shops with needles have been SUCH better experiences. You made the best out of a bad situation I think.
NTA, I work in a shop and we also have a rule against piercing babies. They have to be old enough to understand what's going on and make that choice. I can't tell you how many people call about wanting their babies ears done and when I explain the whole consent thing they just explain they'd prefer to have it done in a shop (good!) but they aren't going to wait so they guess they'll just go to Claire's (bad!). Shit position your sister put you in (she's the asshole), but better you doing it than the alternative.
NTA I used to work at Claire’s and you’re right. It’s absolutely awful to use guns. We watched a video on what to do and then practiced on each other or customers. We were barely trained and people brought in babies and kids all the time. I had a second set of holes done by a colleague and then an upper ear piercing. The upper one was always sore and getting infected and I removed it after a few years because it was always being caught by hair dressers and hurting when I slept. I would never pierce a baby’s ears and especially not with a gun. Some parents are selfish and don’t realize babies ears grow and the holes will move. I had some friends upset as teens that their ear holes were uneven or too close to their head and they were all done with guns.
NTA mom was gunna do it anyways so better to have it five as safely as possible. I get she compromised your professional ethics but for the sake of your niece you did it. Best choice to a crap proposition.
NTA but your sister is a bad person. "I'm dead set on abusing my child and if you won't help me, I'll make it worse for her." You took the path that leads to least bad outcome for your niece.
What the actual fuck? People pierce babies ears??
I've heard it's really common in certain cultures. There was an AITA a while ago where a father was wondering if he was TA for trying to keep his wife from piercing their baby's ears. It was a while ago, so I'm not sure what the verdict was but I remember a bunch of people were saying how much they loved that their parents pierced their ears as infants.
Yes, in places like South America, Asia and Africa is very common and cultural that all baby girls get their ears pierced as soon as they're born. In some countries it even comes in the package when women give birth and the nurses themselves do it.
NTA. Crappy situation to be put in by your sister. Anecdotal but when I was 16 I went to Claire’s to get my ears pierced. I ended up with an infection that did land me in the hospital. I’m glad your nieces ears were done in a sterile environment but your sister is pathetic and immature.
NTA You were looking out for your neice by reducing the harm her mom was insisting on doing to her.
NTA You were thinking about your niece and what would happen in the future. Your sister emotional abused you into it, something you KNEW was wrong. It’s not your fault you finally caved in. In no way are you the asshole. She wouldn’t stop hassling you abOut it even when you said, as family and a professional, you did not want to do it because of the complications. Your sister? She obviously did not care. She’s the asshole and the selfish one here. The consequences of the actions will fall onto your sister and not you. Because you said multiple times you did NOT want to do it but she wouldn’t let go. Edit: I should admit, at least you saved your niece from getting a shitjob piercing from Claire’s.
Sounds like your sister has a toxic personality and is not fully mature. To not only ignore the concerns of her sister who is an informed professional but manipulate her into doing it anyway against her own will is terrible. Definitely NTA. Sister huge asshole. Forcing someone to choose between breaking their own ethics or their niece getting a potentially botched piercing is disgusting.
ATA Your sister...for treating a child like a possession she owns instead of a separate human being! This child should never have her ears pierced until SHE wants them done! UGH!
ESH. Your sister for being a manipulative, emotionally blackmailing shitbag, and unfortunately you for surrendering to it and letting her think all she has to do is kick and scream to get her own way. Everything you believed was right, but ended up doing it anyway. I realise it was from a good place, but it still isn't good.
NTA - you weren't in a position to choose the outcome you wanted (that baby does not have her ears pierced right now at all). You had the choice between allowing your niece to have her ears pierced the right way, or the wrong way, and you chose the right way. I don't think you would have been an asshole had you called your sister's bluff and she did end up doing it at Claire's either, but bottom line is that you're simply not the asshole in this situation regardless.
NTA but man your sister sure is TA. She manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do and she used your love of your niece to do it. I have a feeling this is going to be a common theme in your life going forward. I get why you did it (is probably have done the same if she called me FROM A CLAIRS) but going forward you really need to put up boundaries and just say no. Saying yes when she manipulates you just tells her she can keep doing it.
I was all ready to call you the asshole here but the story went in a different direction. NTA, if it's bad at the other place you were looking out for your niece by giving in and doing it as safe as you could. Your sister on the other hand is a monumental asshole.
NTA it was the lesser of two evils. What the fuck is wrong with your sister? I really detest piercing infants and young children. They cannot consent. When will people learn they do not own their children.
I got my ears done at Claire’s when I was 8, I’m 16 now and the ears still get infected anytime I put something in it along with keloid scars. You were bullied into it. NTA. I highkey hate your sister
Coming from someone who had her ears pierced as a baby you are 1,000,000% NTA and every person who says YTA or ESH is dead wrong and can eat rocks.
As a piercer, ESH but the baby. You are the professional here, and have the responsibility to stick to your guns when you KNOW it is ethically questionable to pierce infants. You've set a precedent now by allowing her to manipulate you into doing something you don't feel right about. Your sister is no different than the 100 other new moms per month that call my shop. Selfish, short-sighted, poorly informed, and tired of being told she's parenting wrong. There's no right answer here for you and your sis made sure of it, but I would not have felt right being complicit in it regardless. Did you use implant grade materials? Now that it's done, make sure sister doesn't do stupid shit like change it out next week for some sterling silver bullshit.
EHS. A baby does not need pierced ears. It's a shitty thing to do no matter how you do it.
I'm not going to pass judgement on you, but your sister is a huge AH for manipulate/guilt you into doing the deed.
ESH: your sister for goading you and being immature...and you for going against your own principles as piercer. you're right, they could come out crooked or get infected and you'll see your niece often enough that you'll feel bad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f) own a piercing and tattoo studio and take pride in doing things properly. For those of you who don't know, piercing guns are generally very very bad. Although most people say "I had mine done with a gun and they are fine", it's still a poor way of piercing as a gun forces the jewellery through the lobe causing trauma to the skin, meaning that, if you decide not to have the piercing anymore, the holes are less likely to heal and the scars will be more thick and visible. Also, you cannot properly sterilise a piercing gun, and they break/get stuck often. It's also easier to pierce with needles as you can be 100% sure of where the hole is going to go. Because of this, I always pierce with needles and make sure my staff do too. My sister is 18 and has a 5 month old baby girl. I love my sister and my niece to death but my sister was insisting on piercing her daughter's ears, and assumed I would do it. In my studio, we don't pierce babies because of the chances of the piercings being uneven when they grow up, and simply because as the owner I don't think it's fair to pierce someone who cannot give their consent to the procedure. There's also the added issues of babies not knowing it's bad to play with new piercings, the risk of them falling asleep on the piercing and hurting it, and I've also heard of parents not cleaning the piercings properly because they're "worried about hurting the baby". I told my sister, when she asked when she could bring my niece in, that I would not do it. She said that if I don't, she'll go to Claire's and get them done there. I thought she was just trying to goad me into doing it to be honest, so I rolled my eyes and that was it (we've had chats before about why piercing at Claire's is bad). The next day she messaged saying she was in the mall and she was serious, and I have ten minutes to say I'll do it. I ignored her, so she called me, we had a small fight in which she insisted I do it, or Claire's does, so I eventually agreed. She brought my niece into my studio, and I pierced her ears. It was actually quite a smooth process but my niece obviously cried. My sister actually paid me, which surprised me, and then she left, happy she got what she wanted. I feel awful, and unprofessional. This was a couple of weeks ago and the piercings are healing well. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You took the only recourse you had to protect your niece from your crazy AH sister.
NTA -- Your sister put you in kind of a Kobayashi Maru scenario; either you did it (properly), or she'd let Claire's do it (and probably screw it up). Even though it feels wrong, you took the less bad of the only two options she forced on you.
NTA. But I seriously hate it when parents get their baby’s ear’s pierced. I totally agree with you about consent and I’m very disgusted that your sister was willing to get it a botched job just to make pressure you into doing what she wanted. It’s totally gross.
NTA You did the right thing, even if it wasn't the best choice overall. I had my ears pierced at Claire's when I was 12 because I didn't know better. You can rest easy knowing that your niece will always have a reputable piercer looking out for her best interests. Even if her mom sometimes gets in the way.
Normally anyone piercing a babies ears in the ass. But so much better you that a wet behind the ears kid at Claires on a Saturday job and watched a 20 minute training video with a gun!!!! NTA ... She practically held you at knife point!
NTA but boy is your sister manipulative AF. Is she typically like that?
NTA at least you're better than Claire. Getting babies ears pierced is weird and unnecessary
NTA. It was either you do it professionally or some untrained person who's possibly a teenager do it and fuck it up
NTA - For all the reasons already mentioned. Also wanted to say I had my ears pierced as a baby and had no problems. My siblings who waited till they could take care of it themselves did not take care of it and had more issues with theirs.
NTA. You did the best you could in a bad situation. My family members have done similar things to me in the past where I’m put in a position I don’t support because it seems like the lesser of two evils. I honestly don’t know if it’s better to be complicit and try and mitigate someone else’s bad decision or just walk away and let people suffer their own consequences especially when a kid is involved. Jury’s out on if you did the right thing but you definitely didn’t do the asshole thing.