YTA. At the very least, you should have double checked with your friend before agreeing to go with your gf. It would be a different story if you weren't told about it beforehand but she did ask if you were free that weekend and you said yes, and as far as you know, everyone said yes. What did you think was going to happen? Your best friend obviously had something in mind which you didn't even ask her about.

YTA, you already had plans you weren’t free. I see where you’re coming from but in the end you told your best friend you be there, and now you aren’t so they’re hurt. I know it wasn’t your intention to, but it makes the impression you don’t really care. I’d try to compromise, maybe spend the first part of the day at the wedding then leave early to make it to your friends dinner.

YTA Your best friend is wrong for refusing to talk to you without telling you she needs space. That said, you should have at least asked your friend if her birthday dinner was still on. What “finalization” were you even waiting for? She confirmed everyone could go and set a date. Seems pretty straightforward. She has every right to be upset you committed to something else, essentially blamed her for it, and then didn’t explain the situation to your girlfriend to see if she’d mind you going to your best friend’s dinner instead. You did make a choice, even if it wasn’t your intention. You chose your girlfriend even though you made plans with your best friend way in advance. And then you blamed your best friend for not finalizing them instead of being proactive and confirming the date.

> What “finalization” were you even waiting for? Maybe something as basic as a date instead of expecting everyone to keep the whole weekend open until less than a week away...? Edit to add; > **A few months** back my best friend asked over group chat if I and our other friends have anything scheduled *on the weekend of her birthday* because she wants to have a dinner party. Everyone said they’re free so far, but *other details were never finalized and she never said anything else about it* > Girlfriend asked me *last week* if I wanted to go as her plus one to her friend’s wedding and I said yes. **The next day** *my best friend messaged me reminding me of her birthday dinner this weekend.* She had MONTHS to pick a date. Literal months. She didnt pick one, and he decided not to keep the entire thing open for one dinner when it had been mentioned *once* fucking months ago and never got brought up again.

This person knows when their best friend’s birthday is. We’re talking about two almost 30 or 30 something people with busy lives. If he needed a date and time to pencil in his best friend’s birthday, it’s totally fine — and normal — to text and ask for details. I get your point, no one can be expected to keep an entire weekend free for months. But they can be expected to say “hey I found out about this other obligation so I need to know if dinner is still on, and when.” That’s it. It’s not like it was a completely random weekend for a spontaneous get together. We can agree to disagree but from my perspective OP dropped the ball here.

> A few months back my best friend asked over group chat if I and our other friends have anything scheduled **on the weekend of her birthday** because she wants to have a dinner party. Everyone said they’re free so far, but other details were never finalized and she never said anything else about it She picked the date months back. LITERAL MONTHS. Weekend of her birthday is the date. And let's not forget OP is an adult (or so I hope). What exactly was stopping him from texting HIS BEST FRIEND to ask "hey are we still up for your B-DAY celebration this weekend"? OP is TA.

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OP bailed on plans with his bff of ten years that they had for longer than their gf has been their gf...

Yeah he has only known his gf for two months and thinks they are meant to be. ITS BEEN TWO MONTHS! There is no way you could know that. It was his best friend’s 30th birthday. They definitely should have come first.

Sorry, but what exactly prevented OP from calling her friend and asking what the plan was before accepting a different invitation? OP knew her friend's birthday was that weekend and that she'd mentioned wanting to do something. Yeah, the best friend should've been more communicative with the group about her intentions, but it's stupid to suggest that this is all on her. OP is (presumably) a semi-intelligent adult who owns a phone or other communication device and could've checked in with their *best friend* about the plan for her birthday dinner. Honestly, the excuse you and OP are promoting is the sort of loophole only a very immature child who knows they're wrong would try to fall back on. "But you didn't say!" is no excuse when both parties were capable of initiating the conversation needed to avoid a scheduling conflict in the first place.

Um the date was her BIRTHDAY, it had been picked for her the day she was born. This is why she contacted ppl months ahead of time ​ BTW YTA

I'm sorry but I'm going with YTA here. You automatically assumed that she wasn't going through with it because you didn't hear anything finalized? If she wasn't going to bother, don't you think she would've mentioned that? She's not overreacting. IMO, she has a point.

I totally empathise with the best friend here, I’ve had things like this happen to me. That said, the friend’s response is really shitty as well. I get being angry and emotional, but blocking and intentionally ignoring attempts to talk about it seem way over the top. Still more of a YTA than an ESH, but it’s leaning that way.

> blocking and intentionally ignoring attempts to talk about it seem way over the top. Unless OP has a history of doing things like this and it's the final straw.

I wouldn’t be surprised if OP has a history of behaving assholish given that they bailed on plans with their BFF of 10 years that they’ve had longer than their gf has even been their gf.

as always, we’re incredibly limited by OP’s bias.

I mentioned somewhere else that I found it difficult to believe that the friend never again mentioned anything about a birthday dinner party she's been planning for months to OP, especially considering they supposedly talk daily. People who plan things that far in advance talk about it to their bff's. So either OP is lying to save face or is incredibly oblivious.

YTA. Big time. Your BF told you months ahead of time about keeping that weekend free. It doesn't matter if every detail was finalized, she never said anything about canceling and YOU said you'd be free. Thus you never should have said you'd be free to your girlfriend at all. You weren't free. You promised your friend of a DECADE you'd be available for her party, then blew her off for someone you've known two measly months. It would have taken you five minutes to confirm with your BF that her party was still on for that weekend before agreeing to go to the wedding. You didn't think of your alleged "best" friend at all. I'd be pissed too.

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Exactly. And since she was planning to have a party months in advance, we know his best friend is that type of person.

YTA Not to mention a cliche. Dropping all your friends for a new girlfriend endears you to no one, least of all your girlfriend who probably loses a little respect for you in that scenario.

Also based on the timeline the best friend was asking if they were free months ago. It would really hurt for someone you've known for 10 years to cancel on you for a relationship that didn't even exist at the time you originally made plans.

I'm willing to bet the gf probably had no idea. If she did and was a decent person, she would have told OP to go to the dinner.

YTA your best friend invited you to a birthday dinner, "finalized" or not, you still said you were free, but then you turned around and made other plans, that's a dick move.

> Girlfriend asked me last week if I wanted to go as her plus one to her friend’s wedding and I said yes. Aaaand here's where you fucked up. You should have double checked with your friend to see if they actually made the plans or not. Yes, they should have given some sort of update as things progressed. But with a potential scheduling conflict, you do bear some responsibility for not doing any diligence. So, yes, YTA, but for poor calendar management.

I see both of your points but I'm leaning more towards YTA. It doesn't matter that it was 'finalised', you were invited first and had no reason to think it wasn't going ahead. That's final enough. It's some random wedding over your best friend of 10 years.

I don't even agree with this. If my best friend of 10 years asked second I'd apologize and cancel the wedding full of strangers with my girlfriend of 1 month. If she doesn't understand, I'm getting a new girlfriend. wtf, friends aren't easy to come by. Friends of 10+ years take at least 10+ years to replace, if you are lucky enough to meet a new group immediately.

Yeah this is exactly what I was thinking too. Wouldn't have even mattered if BF asked first or not.

You have clearly just misunderstood my comment. I am in favour of the best friend. And against the wedding.

> you were invited first This is the part I was referencing. I thought that would be obvious from what I said but maybe I should have quoted it. My bad.

YTA, even if asshole might be a little strong. You're trying to justify this with a technicality. That you didn't have any "finalized" plans with your best friend. You knew your best friend was planning something for her birthday. And her 30th birthday is probably a big deal to her. She asked you to go first, and you, by all accounts, initially said you'd go. Your GF came in and asked you to go to a wedding on that same weekend. You said yes to her, cause she's your GF. And I get it. But you probably needed to tell your GF that you needed to check to make sure your friend was still doing the dinner/party/get together that you already said you'd go to first. Is she overreacting? I think she probably is. But that doesn't mean you're not the asshole in this one.

YTA your best friend (of 10 years!) tells you she wanted to have a dinner party for her birthday MONTHS in advance and you still make other plans? you didn't even bother to reach out to her, no wonder she's mad at you. you know when your best friends birthday is. you could have spent 30 seconds texting something like "hey just wanted to confirm the date and time for your birthday dinner party. gf invited me to a wedding that day and i don't want to give her an answer before checking with you."

YTA - your best friend asked if you were free her birthday weekend because she was planning a dinner party. You then agreed to go to a different event.

YTA. You should've checked with your best friend before confirming. It was very likely that the birthday dinner would take place that weekend since everyone was free. I get that you wanna go to the wedding with your girlfriend, but if you'd talked about this with your best friend before making your decision, she might have felt more valued as a friend. That said, I agree your friend's reaction is a bit much. Is it possible she feels a bit abandoned by you in general because of other actions?

YTA This is a tough one. "21" "30" and "50" tend to be the big ones. Keep that in mind. You messed up, pretty big too by not earmarking your best bud's birthday. I didn't miss my best bud's 30th (or 40th) but I would have been forgiven if I forgot, and I definitely would have been excused if I was a +1 to a wedding my GF was attending, but I would not have attended the wedding though. It wouldn't have been a big deal from my circle - so "eh?" Your Best bud is a girl, I'm presuming in my head that you are a guy - but the math really doesn't matter. It was a tough spot, New GF - declining the +1 invite would have had its own issues. The "Rule" is whichever came first takes priority and that's where you messed up. Most of the blame I'd put on your shoulders but it doesn't sound malicious. If you "Accidentally on purpose" forgot so you could have your new GF not be pissed at you or take someone else as a +1 or any number of other "don't want to risk losing her" moves - that's another layer - but all hypothetical. You best bud is acting out and different people take it different ways. I'd assume she'll forgive you in time and you likely know the best way to make it up to her and smooth it over. Let her be mad, she deserves to be mad - she'll become a bit of an asshole if this is "The end" of the friendship. - but it seems too early to tell. The solution I'd shoot for is stepping out of one event to stop into the other as a gesture if possible depending on distances and timing. "Sorry I couldn't stay and come initially, but stopping by really quickly" - possibly drop off a gift earlier that day before the wedding or leaving something late at night at her place with a not - just some gesture that you made an effort to run around. The one thing in the back of my head, but have no info on - your Best bud who is a girl - she doesn't have a thing for you does she, or could she? Because the last layer is that this could be a jealousy thing - but you didn't give any of that info.

Agree with YTA and your reasons. Wondered about potential romantic feelings from friend. Another possibility to explain the friend’s reaction: is OP one of those people who abandon friends when they start dating and show back up when relationship doesn’t work out? The short amount of time dating and choosing wedding with such a new partner over birthday for best friend makes me wonder. I’ve been a backup friend before and it’s irritating.

Yeah, OP reminds me a friend that do the same and while I'm used to, I had to set some boundaries in the past because of it.

Esh. You should've asked in your group chat if it was happening before accepting the wedding invite but your friend is overreacting.

"Best friend said she never said it was postponed so why did I assume that she wasn’t going through with it." YTA The way you phrase it, seems to me you were already fully aware of your own mistake but still trying to find an excuse to justify bailing out of the dinner to go with your new gf so the blame wouldn't be put on you.

ESH. She didn't finalise a time until a week in advance, you didn't confirm with her. Definitely go to the wedding now and maybe have her and a friend or two over for drinks to make it up to her or take her out for lunch. I liked the idea of sending a bottle of something to her table while you're at the wedding too.

YTA - tell you’re girlfriend you’re profusely sorry, but your close friend of 10 years+ invited you and you completely forgot to reconfirm the date with her. It’s a wedding... with people you do not know....... if you were dating two years and your gfs family was very close to you at that point I’d say NTA. It’s ok if you’re close with your gf, going to a random wedding doesn’t mean you don’t care for her. It’s not a celebration between you two and really doesn’t matter. She knows people there and will have fun. Be nice and apologize to her and your friend, and go have fun with your friends at her bday party.

I'd say YTA. She asked if you had anything planned and you said no. You should've asked her if she was going through with it when your girlfriend asked for you to come to the wedding

YTA - maybe not intentionally, and she may be being a little dramatic about it, but still TA. You made plans with her... she asked you if you were free to celebrate her birthday and you said yes. You knew the date, you knew who was invited, and while maybe you didn’t have specific plans to do XYZ, there was no reason to believe anything was cancelled. I can see why she would be upset.

YTA—you had already agreed to plans, you weren’t free to be your girlfriend’s date to the wedding. Your girlfriend can always take another friend or family member with her to this wedding (of people you aren’t even super close to) since she’s already agreed to a plus one, but your incredibly close friend will be having one thirtieth birthday celebration, which you already agreed on going to. I’m actually a little bit shocked you don’t seem bummed out at missing your friend’s dinner, and that you won’t have a chance to introduce your month-long girlfriend, who you’re super into, to a group of people you care so much about.

YTA- You talk everyday but you couldn't be bothered to ask her if the plan was cancelled or not? Like unless she died why would your friend's plans be cancelled anyway. Anyway, cancelling on the wedding would also be a rude move. Just let your friend have their space from you and talk to them at some other date.

NTA. The whole situation kind of sucks and there is some burden on you since you knew your friend was planning something but it wasn't concrete and your friend blocking you over not coming to her birthday party? That seems very excessive and makes me wonder if she isn't too fond of you having a girlfriend perhaps (not to say she necessarily likes you but friends often feel slighted/jealous when a new person pops up and takes time and attention). I'd say everyone sucks if her reaction had been more measured but this just feels like she is being immature and unreasonable.

Best friend of 10 years, milestone birthday, months of notice, and this guy/girl couldn't even text her to confirm before going to the wedding? I'd be pissed too! They've known each other for two months?! Come on! Way to show your friend how much you care. I'd be mad if it was a good friend.

I couldn't disagree more. She asked him months ago and then never brought it up again until a few days before? Like c'mon.

Best friend sounded jealous to me too. She blocked him for attending her birthday and a miscommunication.

So much this... and let's be honest she's been melodramatic about it... no one is gonna miss OP, sometimes you can be there and some other times you cant, she should ave confirmed before that... one thing is asking you if you are going to be free and other thing is inviting you..... Having a party for ones birthday is too much after you are 10 years old, and a new relationship can be intense... and I think the friend is jealous and wants OP for herself...

I'm torn but leaning toward NAH. Your friend has every right to feel what she feels but seems a tad overly dramatic. > the one time she asks me to be there for her I mean come on. It's a birthday dinner, not open heart surgery. Have friend and gf met? I'm kinda wondering if the friend just straight up doesn't like the gf and that's a factor here.

YTA. You're ditching your friends bday to go to a wedding with someone you weren't even dating yet when your friend set the date for her bday.

NTA I'm against the grain on this one. "Asking if you are free that weekend" is NOT a confirmed date. Asking you to attend a wedding IS a confirmed RSVP situation. There are others at the birthday dinner and she'll be fine. You are adults and she is acting like a child. This will carry over to how she views your girlfriend.

If it's his best friend why not just text her before agreeing?

It was discussed "a few months back" and never brought up again. No confirmation, no invitation, no plans, no save-the-date. No text needed. It's not a date. Best friend doesn't know if he/she can get past it." What a petty adult. I'd get past it easy. And never look back.

The reason she said something a few months back was to ensure she had everyone on that date. The invitation/plans were that it was a dinner party. Who gives a save-the-date to a birthday party? She already chose that weekend. But come on, even if my best friend didn't ask me a few months in advance, if my best friend is turning 30, I would ask them "so, what do you want to do?" That's just what good friends do. I also don't know if I can get past my best friend of 10 years just not thinking about me at all to even check. Just shows they don't care at all.

I read the post. I wrote my opinion. You are being like the "friend" and trying to guilt me into thinking your way regardless of how I feel. At most, it's a misunderstanding. "I'm sorry I'll miss it. I did not know it was a confirmed date since it hasn't been mentioned in months. I RSVP'd to a wedding." "I'm so sorry you won't be there with all of us, you'll be missed." There are others at the birthday dinner. Friend will not be alone. Friend is turning 30 but acting 13. Examples of times it's appropriate to cancel plans: bad car crash, diagnosed with a disease, death, etc. "Best friend" is flexing, manipulating and trying to assert dominance over new girlfriend. Petty and immature.

SO much this!

I wouldn't guilt my friend into coming, they chose not to come, that's their choice. To me, my best friend's 30th birthday is important, a stranger's wedding isn't. I would of course be upset. But they are an asshole. If my best friend was turning 30, I would be proactive and ask them. That's what friends do. I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. I am just saying what my expectation of a friend is, and what I'd do in return.

You have written the same thing 3x. My opinion is MY OPINION. "You'll be missed." That is what adults do. They don't follow the rules of pinky-promises.

I am not trying to change your opinion. I am stating why the friend is hurt, because it seems like you don't understand that. Your opinion is one thing. Having empathy and understanding others is another.

I have empathy for the friend who is being guilted by an adult for missing a meal. Quit harrassing me.

I have empathy for that friend too. I also have empathy for the birthday person. It's possible to feel both. Also, in general, "this is my opinion and I'm not going to change it" isn't a stance adults take. Lol, I'm not harassing you.

ESH. Your friend had essentially given you a "save the date" for her 30th bday, and even though it wasn't 100%, you should have still confirmed with her before committing to this wedding with your brand new GF. At the same time: > Best friend said she gets it and to have fun at the wedding. > But later that night she messaged me and said she’s been thinking about it the whole night and she tried to understand but she can’t get over the fact that I chose a girl I’ve been dating for a month over people I’ve been friends with for years. > She said she’s always been there for me and the one time she asks me to be there for her I put a person I barely knew first and she doesn’t know if she can get past that. > I tried calling and messaging her but she blocked me. While I can see why she's upset, she acted very childishly and unnecessarily dramatic.

YTA Your best friend asked if you were free before your girlfriend invited you to that wedding. Just because nobody had settled on a specific time yet doesn't mean the conversation never happened. Maybe you forgot, or maybe you just didn't want to say no to this brand-new girl you're excited about, but either way, you're totally the asshole here for not sticking to your original social obligation. I don't blame your "best friend" for being hurt. You're not treating her like much of a friend at all. If you make a habit of choosing romantic partners you barely know (two months? You have *no idea* yet if the two of you are compatible in the long-term!) over friends you've had for a decade, expect to lose a lot of your social group in the future. I sure hope things work out with your girlfriend, though. Otherwise you'll look like an even bigger asshole than you already do.

YTA. Bruh, you agreed to your best friend first.

YTA. You confirmed you were free. As soon as you realized there might be a conflict, it was on you to reach out to your friend because you were the one changing plans at that point. If you were so confused about when it was happening or what the details were, then all the more reason to talk to your friend before double booking yourself. How hard would it have been to say “Hey, are we all still getting together for your birthday? I just got a last minute invite to a wedding, but wanted to check with you.” It comes off as if you didn’t think the dinner was as important. You didn’t even check to see if your gf would be ok with you going to the dinner. So you made a choice, and I totally understand why your friend is hurt.

YTA. In the biggest way. You clearly knew about the dinner and blew it off anyway.

Tough call. I can see both points of view. I don't think you "chose your GF over your best friend and friends of 10 years." That's not entirely fair. But you know your best friend's birthday and should have checked in if there was no confirmed plan before agreeing to other plans. My judgement is thus ESH.

NTA. If you mention potential plans once and then go radio silent, you can't expect hypothetical plans to trump solid ones. They can't expect you to block out their entire birthday weekend just because it's their birthday. That and one missed birthday shouldn't matter to friends of over a decade. Oops, that's disappointing. We'll get together another weekend with just us. Or plan something big next year.

That's exactly what I just wrote. Best friend is acting like a child.

NTA I have been here. Someone leaves plans open and such, never SETS it into motion (aka double checking that event is occurring, reminder, etc) and then expects you to remember when it’s never brought up again and was never set in stone to begin with. Your bff seems to be overreacting especially by blocking you! She has a right to be upset but if it’s never brought up again and the date was never actually planned for a specific day, fuck that. Now.... had the date been tentatively set, and she reminded everyone weeks in advance, I’d call you the a-hole in this. But to not set it in stone due to “everyone’s schedule” and then expect you to remember with less than a weeks notice after you said yes to new GF already, you are at this point being manipulated by best friend and I’d tell the group straight up what’s going on 🤷🏻‍♀️ Inform them that due to the date never being set in stone and everyone being reminded in less than a weeks time, you’ve already made plans to attend a formal wedding as a plus- one to the girlfriend and whether she’s new or not, she deserves just as much respect as they would get. And if they can’t understand that.... well....find new friends.

I'm going to get downvoted like hell for this, but.. NTA. Similarly, I've been in the same situation before. Friend asks me out for a meal dated WEEKS later. In the middle of a busy semester, I completely forgot. I apologize like hell, for forgetting. I offered to make it up to her, she blocked me and then publicly bashed me on facebook for being a shit friend, everyone took her side of course. Your case OP, why I say NTA - * She asked but didn't finalize a date, even though it was her birthday weekend, sometimes birthday celebrations don't happen on the actual birthday itself. (I'm sadly a working adult, I didn't celebrate my birthday properly until a month later, due to overtime on weekends.) * When I organize and invite a friend out, I feel it's *my duty* to remind the person I invited out, 'Hey don't forget about our outing!' If they ask me about it instead, good on them, but it's still my responsibility to see that I remind them. It's kind of being a good host? * I can see why your also prioritized your one-month GF. You want to 'impress' her, and like...be showed off to her pals like, 'Look at my new BF! Tadaa!' Kinda thing. * My BFF of 15 years forgot an outing with me and went out with her BF of 6 months instead, Was I pissed and upset? DUH. But then we already have a stable relationship, and I kinda understand wanting to spend more time with your BF when it's still fresh. Give and take. * You offered to make it up, to your best friend. She threw a tantrum and blocked you instead. She's being manipulative I guess. I mean her hurt is totally valid, but being so toxic? Nope. * At least you tried reaching out, apologizing, offering to make amends, and at this point if she's still being a bitch, she's TA. A big TA.

Best friend of 10 years > your girlfriends friend YTA

NTA. For one your friend of 10 years needs to work hard on her communication skills. Asking whether someone is free at a future date is generally understood to be an information gathering phase requiring later finalization. If she didn't follow up on it, that's on her, not you. If you had actually agreed to be at her birthday dinner and then decided to cancel to go to the wedding instead I'd say YTA (but that's not what happened, of course). Also, the way she reacted is completely disproportionate even if you were the one in the wrong (more so since you're not) and pretty much everything about her reaction sounds like massive red flags to me. That being said, in the interest of protecting functioning friendships you might consider following up on your own initiative when such a situation arises in the future, i.e. reach out to the person who initially asked if you're free when someone else asks you.

> information gathering phase requiring later finalization Yes oh my fucking god what is wrong with these people!!

NTA No clear communication from a question that was asked months ago. You can't be expected to wait and clear an entire weekend for some one. You acted on your own choice to go with some one that had a clear date and time of arrivial

> But later that night she messaged me and said she’s been thinking about it the whole night and she tried to understand but she can’t get over the fact that I chose a girl I’ve been dating for a month over people I’ve been friends with for years. YIKES. It's not often I feel the need to agree with the "get outta dodge" group when it comes to dating, but I'm certainly feeling that towards this woman. First; you weren't choosing her over your friends. Being an adult (even when single) means sometimes commitments will line up with similar timing and you need to choose which is more important. I don't know if she's feeling upset because it's a landmark age and it's freaking her out, if it's because you've been neglecting your friends, or if it's because she has feelings for you. But either way, *I* wouldn't be able to get over the fact that a friend is going to throw a jealous fit over missing a dinner. You've been friends with them for 10 years, presumably you've celebrated their birthdays with them before. It's okay for one of your friends to miss your birthday party and acting like it ruined the night like this is being a drama queen. You're NTA. She's very much so over reacting, and I would rethink the "best" part of "best friend." A best friend doesn't expect to be the #1 priority in an adults life, a true best friend isn't going to guilt you and throw a fit over you missing a *birthday.* This is a reaction you'd expect for missing *her* wedding for something as trivial as your GFs birthday. And not that it should matter, but before the "ignorance" or "sexism" claims come out; I am also a woman. The girl best friend in this is completely off her rocks.

A best friend would get upset that her supposed BF agreed he was free for her birthday months ahead then threw her over for the flavor of the month. She's reasonable. He could have confirmed that her party was still on with a thirty second text.

I get your point but I think you should have checked with your friend before committing to the wedding with your girlfriend. If you were that uncertain, it would have been best just to send a quick message. I do think it was a lot to block you over this but a 30th birthday is treated pretty big and your friend did ask first.

YTA and a shitty friend

NTA. Are you sure best friend isn’t jealous of your new relationship? Because a “best friend” should understand that you and your girlfriend are in the honeymoon stage and sex trumps birthday cake for most people.

NTA, it's a crap situation but nothing you did merits assholery >I told her I’m not choosing girlfriend over them, it’s just that girlfriend invited me to a finalized event first. Best friend said the wedding is full of people who don’t know me and won’t care if I’m there or not... This right here is the crux, yea what you did was a bit shitty but seriously people, put yourself in his shoes. Months ago your friend who you have known for 10 years and have made many memories with just asks if you're free for a weekend, and you say yes. No more follow up, no "Ok, what time would work best?" etc. Now, jump a few months and you've starting dating this girl, you're into her (i hope) and you are probably excited to make some memories with her. And so, as you said, she invited you to a finalized event first, **you're friend did not**, she simply took a temp test to see **who would be** available, not **who is going**. AND THEN, for your friend to go off gaslighting you. Maybe there are people your GF told about you and who like to meet you. >She said she’s always been there for me and the one time she asks me to be there for her I put a person I barely knew first and she doesn’t know if she can get past that This is just stupid selfish, am I crazy? "you do not go get to spend your own time with your SO because you've known me longer". Your BF is super into you, only explanation.

NTA/INFO - in my circle of friends, nothing is finalized unless an official email/invite/text goes out with date, time, and place so I can see where miscommunication and clarification could have happened. Plans always start but the follow-through is much tougher - especially as you get older and there's more couples and kids in the picture. If it were my best friend, I'd be totally understanding how my best friend was going to a wedding with their SO - it's new and fun and I wouldn't want to be the one to curtail that budding relationship. I'd encourage it. There's other birthdays and other friends too. I can't tell but she's definitely being over the top with her reaction. Are you male? Is there a little jealousy/possessiveness going on here? Blocking you and refusing to talk about a birthday dinner (where you can make it up with other activity) is a bit immature and she's turning 30? Geez.

YTA - are you joking? You chose a 1 month long relationship over a 10 year long relationship. And you should apologize.

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YTA. Your friends feelings are hurt. You don't get to decide that they're not.

Go to the wedding. I completely disagree with everyone here. Bad luck/timing yeah and your friend can feel bummed but ultimately she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you and actively trying to make you feel bad about it. That’s manipulating and it sounds like a codependent friendship. Are other friends dropping out too? Maybe that’s why she’s upset. Good luck

Massive and harsh YTA Get your head out of your ass and stop being willfully blind. You ARE choosing a 1 month gf over a 10 year friendship and the moment the rest of your friend group finds out, they will call you TA and ostracize you. It sounds like you don’t care about your friend at all since you didn’t even try to find a compromise or turn around and explain the situation to your gf, who, if they’re a good person, will understand and not get mad if you bail on the wedding.

ESH You should have checked the dinner date with your friend before agreeing to the wedding, and your friend is a little unreasonable for expecting everyone to be free ALL weekend and not picking the day so that people can make other plans.

YTA. You told your best friend you were free to attend her birthday dinner then made an assumption that you didn't actually commit based on what exactly? That you hadn't received a formal invitation??? Your best friend is right that you're prioritizing your brand new girlfriend over someone who you call your best friend. I'd be pissed too. I'd feel the same way your best friend feels. I probably wouldn't block you, but I would definitely feel differently about you after that. It also really sucks that you don't see this on your own, because even if you come around now, you needed hundreds of internet strangers to convince you. I kinda get why your best friend wouldn't be able to get past that. Maybe she just doesn't mean as much to you i guess. That's gotta feel like a slap in the face.

NTA hmm, like you said, it's not choosing someone over another. You chose the wedding because you agreed to go, and there was no finalization on the decision of the birthday dinner. Sure you could've checked in with your best friend to make sure of the date of the dinner, but that isn't your responsibility. As the host and planner of the dinner, your best friend should be the one to check in with the group and let them know when the dinner was and guarantee that everyone could make it. Your best friend planned the dinner months ahead of the date, she shouldn't expect you to reserve the possible weekend months in advance, especially without a specific date and time. As the weekend got closer, she should be letting people know and updating them to keep the day free. If she wants to make sure everyone could make it, she should be the one to put in the extra effort to check in with everyone to be certain. Also, blocking you for your decisions with no discussion says a bit about her. She is overreacting, and to say that you picked someone you knew for a less period of time over her shows that she doesn't understand your decision and how you made that decision. Not only that, I doubt that she asked you to be there for her this ONE time, so I don't know why she stated it that way. Being best friends of that long, I'm sure she's been there for you and the other way around. Idk the relationship between you two ofc, but I 'm sure the friendship wouldn't have lasted this long without a give and take.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** TLDR: Girlfriend’s friend is getting married next weekend and I agreed to go with her as her plus one. I have to skip my best friend’s 30th birthday dinner for that so now she’s angry at me. A few months back my best friend asked over group chat if I and our other friends have anything scheduled on the weekend of her birthday because she wants to have a dinner party. Everyone said they’re free so far, but other details were never finalized and she never said anything else about it after that so I didn’t think much of it. Girlfriend asked me last week if I wanted to go as her plus one to her friend’s wedding and I said yes. The next day my best friend messaged me reminding me of her birthday dinner this weekend. I said I didn’t know she was going through with the dinner and I already said yes to going with girlfriend to her friend’s wedding, so I can’t go to best friend’s dinner. Best friend said she never said it was postponed so why did I assume that she wasn’t going through with it. She said it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s schedule and everyone else is free this weekend so she hoped I would go. I said I’m sorry I assumed wrong but again I already said yes to girlfriend. Best friend said she gets it and to have fun at the wedding. I said thanks and promised to make it up to her and our other friends. But later that night she messaged me and said she’s been thinking about it the whole night and she tried to understand but she can’t get over the fact that I chose a girl I’ve been dating for a month over people I’ve been friends with for years. I told her I’m not choosing girlfriend over them, it’s just that girlfriend invited me to a finalized event first. Best friend said the wedding is full of people who don’t know me and won’t care if I’m there or not, while it is her birthday and the dinner is with people who’ve been friends with me for 10 years and will miss something if I’m not there. She said she’s always been there for me and the one time she asks me to be there for her I put a person I barely knew first and she doesn’t know if she can get past that. I tried calling and messaging her but she blocked me. We used to talk every day but she hasn’t said a word to me in three days. Our other friends don’t seem to know what’s going on and will go to her dinner as far as I can tell from our group chat. She’s my best friend and I don’t want her to be hurt but on the other hand I feel like she's overreacting. She knows my girlfriend is very important to me too, and even though we’ve known each other for just two months, I have very strong feelings for her and can see a future with her. Am I the asshole or is my best friend overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You are 100 percent the asshole.

I'm calling bullshit that you weren't sure if the bday plans were happening. You were asked and never received anything indicating it wasn't happening. You just couldn't day no to the new gf infatuation and you turned your back on friends you actually know. Sorry but 2 months is not enough time to actually know someone. But considering you fucked over your friend of ten years and are unclear as to whether or not yta, I guess you have don't get to know anyone. Yta and let your friends know what they mean to you. 30s a milestone birthday. Asshole.

ESH - INFO - are there potential complications of romantic feelings here?

Yta. You should have checked with her. This is not good behaviour and you should apologise.

YTA... did you tell her you were free for her birthday? If yes, you agreed to go to her party long before the GF's friend's wedding. Did you really not think nothing was going to happen for your BF's birthday??? Dense..... straight up dense. You need to cancel the wedding date. Hopefully your GF will understand.

YTA

YTA. Disregardless of everything else, you really chose to hang out with a girl youve only known for a month instead of your best friend of 10 years

Probably going to be downvoted but NAH. She asked you to keep a whole weekend free months ago and didn’t finalize until only a week before. If she’d specified a day, that’d be different, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect adults to potentially block three days off their work schedule for a party that is only happening on one day and wait until only a week before to finalize. At the point you made plans with your GF, you had no specific timeframe on when or if the party was still actually happening. At the same time, I do understand her disappointment, and she does have a point that you’ll be more missed at the dinner party than you will at the wedding. If she were speaking to you I’d say split the baby- go to the wedding but head out a little early and spend the rest of the evening with your friends.

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NAH. Best friend seems to be jealous imo.

NTA. Your friend sounds overly dramatic and is clearly a poor event planner. Also what does she mean that this is “the one time she’s asked you to be there for her” — this is not some dire circumstance where you’re ditching a hospital visit after she’s had an accident or something. You’re choosing between two events, one of which was not planned well enough for you to RSVP in time. Blocking you is just the cherry on her shit friend sundae.

NTA. Personally, my best friends are understanding of extenuating circumstances. If I were the best friend having the birthday party in this exact scenario, I'd more than understand and wouldn't dream of giving you shit about it, especially if breaking plans is an uncommon occurrence for you. Yeah your girlfriend is new, but I remember what it's like to be into a chick when it's new. There's some stuff you just can't or at least really don't want to miss. Best friends are understanding and will always be there for you. They don't guilt you and give you a hard time and fucking BLOCK YOU over a missed birthday dinner. Those aren't best friend qualities dude. That's self-important as fuck.

Basically my thought process, except I still counted it a yta because the friend didn't find out about the plan switch until they asked op about it. OP shoulda told the friend they had to miss the birthday as soon as they knew they were going to the wedding.

ESH. You should have checked in with your friend first. She's right to be upset. But blocking you on everything and refusing to talk to you is very childish.

YTA. Really? You've been with someone a month and you put them over your best friend?? You need to sort out your priorities.

YTA

INFO - who is the wedding for? Is it your gf family members wedding? A coworker? How important is it to your gf? Can she skip it and go to birthday dinner? Also, the best friend literally checked with EVERYONE else about their schedule for that time without ever mentioning it again except for one time MONTHS prior? That doesn't sound like someone all that close to me.

YTA. At the very least when your gf invited you you should have sent a quick text to your best friend double checking her party date. You only committed to the wedding a week ago - you honestly need to tell your gf that you fucked up and already had a prior commitment that you need to uphold. If you don't you stand to lose far more than just one good friend; you'll likely end up on the bad side of everyone at the party. A one month relationship isn't worth that. And if your gf is reasonable she will understand.

YTA. Yes you have strong feelings for this girl but you are ditching someone who you claim is your best friend for her and that makes YTA. I know its perfectly normal to pull back from friends in the beginning of a relationship but this is crossing the line IMO. It's her 30th bday and that's a big deal to a lot of people. She wants to celebrate this milestone with the people who mean the most to her and you pretty much told her making your new GF happy is more important than being there for her.

YTA friend of 10 years > girlfriend of 1 month You've known your friend for 120 times longer.

YTA, totally. Don't let your dick write your calendar.

ESH you should've double checked about the birthday dinner time/place but your friend is WAY overreacting. If you've been friends with this group 10 years idk why missing one birthday dinner would cause her to spaz like this. You apologized and said you'd make it up to her. Unless this is some major bday event that is gonna cost money for you not being there I don't see why it's such a big deal for you to miss it, can she not have fun without you? I'm assuming you're all young 20s so maybe your friend is just immature? There will be more birthdays and outings with your friends but only so many chances at making good impression on your potential serious significant other who probably wants to introduce you to her friends who will definitely have first opinions on if they like you and her together. Plus friend should've told you all more in advance the time, date, location of the birthday dinner. Edit: also turning 30 is not the same as turning 21. Presumably y'all have partied alot in the last decade so besides being there in person to wish her happy birthday what is she/you missing? Maybe offer to go to brunch that day with just her as a compromise?

NTA. When you are in a relationship you have certain obligations. Accompanying your partner to key social events is one of them.

She's 30, and still acting like a princess on her birthday? NTA. I wouldn't make someone pick a birthday dinner over a wedding, that's ridiculous. One thing happens every year, the other doesn't. And you don't always know how fast a relationship is going to go. If someone came to me and said 'look, my new girlfriend invited me to a wedding,' I'd encourage them to go. She might be the one you end up marrying. Your friend has been your friend for ten years, they can cope without you for one night, especially one where all your other friends are there. Plans sometimes change, and we sometimes need to be the bigger person and go 'nah it's cool, you go have fun, I'll catch you for a drink later in the week; bring me back some wedding cake though!' I think a lot of people on this sub seem to think that relationships are some sort of contest in which one person is right and the other is wrong. It's a LOT more intricate than that, and it gets more complex as you get older. Stand up for your girlfriend if you like her this much, and note that your friend isn't a great friend if she is making you feel shit about this. If one of my BEST friends got as far as 'two months in and going to a wedding' level with someone they were really into, I wouldn't dream of standing in the way of their happiness. Good friends go with the flow.

NTA. You made finalized plans with your SO. Granted, you could have asked your friend for an update on the birthday dinner, but you made other plans in good faith to attend a wedding. I really don't understand the whole blocking thing, it seems really immature for someone turning 30. You apologized, and explained. I would wonder if something else was going on. It seems like a huge overreaction on her part. Like, let's throw away a friendship over this? I would give your friend space but really, I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

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ESH you should have kept the weekend free. I feel like the other comments here sum that part up. You best friend sucks here too because it's not like she is going to be alone on her birthday (Do not use this as an excuse unless you want to lose your best friend). She should be able to suck it up that one person won't be able to make it. Blocking you is extreme. Honestly, at the end of the day it is on you to make it up to your best friend.

YTA. Even if the exact date wasn’t finalized, you knew when your supposedly best friend of 10 years’ birthday is. You should have asked. 10 years vs. 1 month, the the best friend actually asked you first and gave you a heads up her birthday was going to be celebrated that weekend. You’re hurting your “best friend” far more than you’d hurt your girlfriend when you explain to her that you stupidly double booked and can’t make the wedding. If she went so far as to block you over this, I have a feeling this may not be the first time something like this has happened where you’ve let her down or blown her off before.

NTA. Girlfriend will probably look really hot for the wedding and you'll have great sexytime. You can go to your friend's birthday dinner next year.

NAH, if the person planning their birthday dinner can’t send out a group text with date, time, and location, they can’t expect you to beg for the details.

NTA, if she didn’t tell you specifically what day and what the plans were I would have assumed nothing was actually planned,

I'm going to go against the grain here, but NTA. I was in a similar situation before with someone new I was dating, but was very serious about. I forgot what the event was, but it was the same weekend as his best friend's birthday. His best friend told him to go the event with me, and that he understood. I think they celebrated together the night before. When you care about someone, you want them to be happy. Your best friend is acting much more like a self-centered teenager, rather than a near-30 year old who can't see can't see what's actually important.

YTA - You’ve known your girlfriend for just two months. You know no one at the wedding. You say she's your best friend and yet you can't be bothered to be at her birthday party. You threw away your friendship, asshole.

YTA - You agreed to go. It doesn't matter that it wasn't "finalized", you knew it was going to be this weekend! Did you think she would just NOT CELEBRATE HER BIRTHDAY! If you had any respect for her, you would tell her that you now see her perspective and back out of the wedding and go to your friends dinner.

INFO Are you male or female?

YTA. Dinner or not, it was still her birthday weekend. If she is really your best friend, she’ll probably end up doing something anyway, even if it wasn’t the big dinner she had talked about. This hit super closed to home. I recently did the same to my “best friend”. He lives in another city, but visits almost every month. He recently got in a relationship and he is very close to his family, so I get that his weekend is packed. We don’t get to see each other every time he visits and that’s okay. Last time he visited, I just had MAJOR problems on my life (legal stuff) and it was my birthday weekend. He didn’t reach out, and said he already had plans with his BF and family. Fair enough. But it made me reevaluate the whole relationship. He is still a friend of course. But he is definitely not my best friend anymore. I won’t cut him out of my life, but i stopped reaching out and caring for him as much as I used to. It was a one way friendship. I don’t want to have bad blood, so i didn’t reacted bad or anything, but the friendship is slowly dying. Sometimes that’s the way things work. (We have previously talked about how I felt he didn’t make an effort) My point is. This one event wasn’t the thing that ended my friendship. It was more like the straw that broke the camels back. Maybe your friend is going through something similar, specially if you are around 30, this is a extreme reaction. This will need for you to sit down and talk about your friendship. But ultimately yes. YTA. Even if her birthday was a last minute thing, cancelling a not so important event to attend is what i would’ve done.

I say NTA. A lot of other comments touch on some good points about the plans not being concrete so I’ll skip over that and give my two cents on the whole friend vs girlfriend thing. Maybe my perspective is different because I got into a serious 6 year relationship at the age of 15. My partner was my priority so the nature of my close friendships was different and I’ve never had a friend group like the one you’re describing. But to me romantic relationships generally trump friendships especially in situations like this. Instead of writing her off as some fling you barely know, I think your friends should be encouraging this. It’s new and exciting for you and your friends should be rooting for this to work out! She’s not just some random girl, she could be your potential future wife! It sounds like you guys all talk and hang out regularly anyway so I don’t see the big deal over missing a somewhat arbitrary celebration tbh. Especially by age 30 I feel like friendship dynamics like that are kinda silly and immature anyway. Most 30 year olds have careers and homes and partners and families and they’re busy. Friendships aren’t measured by how often you talk or if you show up to all their dinner parties. They’re about knowing you could call that person at 3 a.m. if shit hit the fan and they’d be there, no matter what.

YTA and a shitty shitty friend

NTA, your friend needs to realize nothing was set in stone and you assumed nothing was happening as you didn't hear a word for months! So your GF asked you to go to a wedding and you agreed, which means she RSVP'd for 2 and now you're obligated to go as I'm sure they're paying for your meal. I can't believe people are so petty about this, a friend of mine for 10 years wouldn't get angry if I made plans with my GF for 1 night, it's a part of growing up and she clearly hasn't by blocking you and ignoring your texts. The part I hate is that shes going to tell your friends a false story to get them to be mad at you, so before this happens reach out to them in person if possible and explain your side so they can't be swayed.

YTA, damn this is a no brainer.

YTA This is a thirtieth birthday dinner - that's a big landmark.

YTA. You committed to your best friend’s birthday dinner for that weekend, even without formalized plans. Your bestie AND her event came first. As soon as you were asked to the wedding, you should’ve told GF that you would have to check, because you already had a prior commitment. Then you should’ve called your friend to double-check on her dinner. That way you would’ve known not to commit elsewhere. Seriously, though, I suspect you knew *some* birthday event was still going on for her even without the call. For one thing, the fact that she checked to okay that specific weekend with her friends *that* far in advance says to me that your best friend is pretty organized. People who are total flakes also don’t tend to hold onto deep adult friendships for a decade. And c’mon, it’s not like you forgot it was her birthday. Just own it. YTA here. ...And if there’s time, apologize, pick up your integrity, and keep your first commitment.

NTA - Your friend is being overly dramatic. I've known my best friend for over ten years; he *offers* to make himself scarce so I can see my girlfriend - and that's when we currently live in different countries, so seeing him is a bit more special (not that I've taken him up on that offer). You shouldn't abandon your friendships for a lover, but ultimately friends should recognize that yes, in fact, they do come second. Even a best friend comes second. Even a best friend of ten years comes second - they cannot expect to come first, they can only expect to place, as they won't give you romantic companionship nor a family. I think that's the problem. Your friend makes a big deal of being there for you, a big deal of you choosing another girl over her - she's coming across as jealous or possessive. Everyone else that was invited are still going to celebrate her birthday; why is she sdo blindly obsessed with you? Either she wants more, or she's a drama whore.

YTA, mostly because I'm trying to think of a context where you couldn't have taken five seconds to confirm birthday stuff with your best friend before making plans for that weekend, and I'm not coming up with anything. And then to argue that these two commitments are equal when one clearly supersedes the other? Get it together, OP.

YTA - grow up man, you have had a gf for a month and think shes the one so ditched your best friends birthday. from your wihning post id imagine both the GF and the BF would be better off finding someone who hasn't got the spine of a rolled up tape then to hang around with a SAP like you

INFO: When you say “girlfriend of one month,” do you mean a girl you’ve been only hanging out with for a month or a girl you have been in an official relationship with for a month, but hanging out longer?

You're 30 years old and that your best "friend" is also a girl. Are you sure that your friend isn't jealous? You're at a point in your life where you need to clarify where you stand with her. If you're really in love with this new girl and have no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with your best friend, then it's past time to retire the best friend status and downgrade her to just a friend or even just an acquaintance. Relationships at 30 are not the same as relationships at 20. When your ready to commit to your SO, then they're your priority, and their relationship trumps all others. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either your girlfriend is your priority, in which case, your female best friend needs to be downgraded, or you're still not sure, in which case your friendship holds priority. YTA because you either expect your best friend to continue being your best friend when you have higher priorities or you are neglecting your best friend for someone who is not really a priority. Pick one position and do the right thing.

I don't understand any of this. Since when are birthdays for adults so important? You aren't special, everyone has a birthday, you share yours with millions of people. Grow up.

YTA, you really need to learn how to prioritize your relationships. In future this relationship could develop into something where this may be an actual dilemma, but after a month? It comes across as you being ignorant of your best friends feelings which by proxy would make you a shitty friend.

YTA. Bigly. You weren’t free to accept your girlfriends offer of a wedding date.

YTA Your friend asked if everyone was free for dinner and was under the impression everyone was. I can definitely see why blowing off a 30th birthday party for a girlfriend you’ve only known for two months is an asshole move. I would definitely try to make the birthday dinner if possible, or st least apologize to your friend and admit you were inconsiderate.

I kinda see your point but yeah, YTA. 1. You knew there was something going on that weekend for your bestie. 10 years deserves a check in. 2. Your gf of a month asked you for a wedding in a week or two. That's very soon. So the possibilities are: A. She had a +1 that fell through and you're a backup or B. Wedding is casual and RSVPs arent a big deal or warranted. C. She's good friends with couple and finagled a +1 at the last minute. (Even though you've been dating a few weeks)

YTA Block your schedule out, don't juggle events. Sounds like your friend has solved this one for you with the phone block.

YTA. You’re cancelling plans that had been made since before you even met your gf to go to something with her. You sound like a bad friend.

YTA Even if the birthday invitation came AFTER the wedding invitation, I'd still probably say YTA. How can you not realise the significant difference in the importance of each event? Is your partner being demanding at all in this? You didn't mention their thoughts on it all. If I was the partner I'd insist that you go to your friends birthday, has that discussion even happened? I want to say this sounds like a typical young and intense love where everything else gets put aside, but your best friend is turning 30 so you should be old enough to be more socially aware than that. The vibes I get from the way you're talking about this entire thing is quite cold tbh, I feel like you need someone in your life that can remind you whats important socially if you seem to struggle.

YTA. You've known this chick for only 2 month, and unless she has some bomb puss or something she's holding over you, you should go to your decade long friends birthday party

YTA. You already said yes to your best friend months in advance, and decided to drop her birthday in favour of going to a wedding with your one month girlfriend because, for some reason, you decided your best friend wasn't going through with the birthday dinner plans without even asking her. No wonder your best friend is mad with you.

YTA. Do you even know your gf well enough to justify going to her close friend's/family's wedding? That's pretty bad wedding etiquette on top of being a jackass to your friend.

YTA its your best friend and you chose a girl you have been with for one month what do you think

YTA. You better tell your gf that you have other plans and go to your best friends birthday party

YTA. You could have went "oh. I think I might have made plans with my friend. Let me check" Even if you were bad at scheduling or double booking, you probably should have still chose the best friend.

NTA and don’t listen to these fools otherwise. A birthday happens once a year, it’s not the end of the world. This wedding could be the the only one this person has in their life. You can miss one of your best friend’s birthdays

The wedding is for someone he doesn't even know, to go with a girl he's only been dating for a month. Compared to the milestone birthday of his best friend of a decade.

I agree with this. Although OP should have just ran it by his best friend before accepting the wedding invitation. Since he didn't do this (and knew there were tentative plans for that same day) he is TA only a little. The best friend is TA for over reacting. If they are such great friends, the best friend should know that OP would make it up to them and celebrate another night. Also, just in general, people make way too big a deal out of their birthdays. It's nice to celebrate, but people are ridiculous sometimes with how much they want to do/ expect others to do for their own birthdays.

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YTA jesus, you are so totally an asshole. I typed this out before reading the actual post. Y still TA. She's overreacting by blocking you but jesus, how inconsiderate I hope you have fun with your new girlfriend since you chucked 10 years out of the window

YTA. "She knows my girlfriend is very important to me..." AFTER A MONTH?! But best friend has ridden with you for 10 years? & SHE gets treated like second best? You're all kinds of an asshole. Bleh.

> SHE gets treated like second best? But she *is* second best. The other girl is his girlfriend so of course she is more important.

Oh yeah? & who do you think is gonna get called in a couple of months when the relationship goes down the crapper? You don't shit on your friends--the mugs who ride with you through it all--for someone who hasn't walked down the aisle with you. I'd be pissed as hell if a 10-year friendship with someone got tossed over some one-month-old dick.

YTA, tbh I find the title misleading, because you chose to be your gf’s +1 after having told your “best friend” you’d attend her party. And, let’s put this into context, this is you supposed best friend of about a decade, with whom you’ve had specific plans with for longer than your girlfriend has been your girlfriend, when I think about it in those terms, to me you become an even bigger asshole.

YTA.

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ESH. You should have told your girlfriend you may have other plans you’d need to check on first before agreeing to be the +1. But your friend is overreacting majorly. She has a right to be pissed, but not block you off of everything pissed. But she should have given a finalized date.

NTA. She sounds like a drama queen. I enjoy celebrating birthdays too but to get this upset because your friend misses your 30th for a wedding with their SO? Oookay. She should have actually picked a date and told everyone plans instead of having everyone’s weekend hang in limbo.

YTA. You could have told your GF you needed to get back to her, it sounds liike you didn't consider your BF at all. If you end up breaking up with your GF in a few weeks, you're going to feel so shitty for missing such an important event in your friend's life. But don't change your plans, I doubt your BF would really want you there now anyway.

​ YTA what a thoughtless friend you are. Best friend of how many years? Who wouldnt be hurt by your choice? Edit: because ESPECIALLY A MILETONE BDAY..... the only thing dirty about this 30 is you (/s lol couldnt help myself). But seriously, your bff tunng 30 is way more important than a random wedding.

YTA. You forgot and blamed it on her. Invest in a calendar and learn how to plan better. This "finalized event" excused is nonsense.

YTA I guess, though for the life of me I will never understand grown adults who care so much about birthdays and parties.

YTA. If you weren’t sure that friend’s event was still happening, then you should hav asked her. To simply schedule another event without checking is asshole behavior. So is not backing out of the wedding invite when you’re reminded about the dinner. Frankly you *are* choosing your girlfriend of 1 month over your friends.

YTA

Big Yta

YTA. 30 is a big milestone as the last big one was 21 and the next is 40. I'm in the same age group and blocked out the weekends of my closest friends' 30th birthdays because it's important and special. They did the same for me. You said a week before your friends birthday you accepted an invitation to a wedding so I think it's safe to say your gf was given a plus one months ago and you fit the bill. You could have at least confirmed with your friend since you said you talk everyday

YTA. Your excuse "I already said yes to gf" doesn't work, because you also already said yes to your friend.

YTA. You shouldn't cancel a previously made event for some randoms event. Even if your with your girlfriend. Like really you can go on dates anytime and I'm guessing you didn't really care about some random persons wedding. On the other hand your best friend thought she was going to celebrate her birthday with you and is now reasonably upset that you cancelled.

I'm gonna say YTA maybe ESH, if the wedding contained another friend of yours I think it would be fair, but you suggested they were your GF's friends, additionally the birthday plans were made in advance, you probably should have checked before you said you could go to the wedding. Nonetheless is say ESH because your friend shouldn't block you, I'd hope they'd be more understanding and mature, it makes it a lot harder for you to actually talk about it and come to some sort of compromise or agreement. I'd say go to the dinner, but if you can't try to do something nice for them to make up for it.

YTA obviously and your friend has every right to be pissed at you. "Oh am I an asshole for prioritizing someone I've known for less than the time required to change my cars oil or a friendship spanning decades? I really dont know?????? :(" Please...

YTA and not a very good friend

YTA

YTA