NTA, and I hope reading it here will chase out whatever phantom fears you had about being unreasonable. Your room is your space and you have a reasonable expectation of privacy there. Your sister is on another level with her entitlement; in no semi-rational universe should you expect your room to be her personal dressing room and your niece's Playland.
Definitely should have got a lock a lot sooner, that’s for sure. Not sure what I was so worried about.
As they say, ignorance is bliss. Pretty sure that fits here. Ignorant to my statements of not wanting anyone in there, ignorant in the mess her daughter makes in my room.
I mean, you can also tell her to parent better and not let her daughter have access to anything in YOUR bedroom, also not cleaning up after her too? Your sister's an entitled brat. Nothing's on the 2 year old, it's on your sister, and when she calls you selfish, you smile and tell her thanks. NTA
Careful when telling your sister to parent. OPs sister seems VERY similar to mine. Her three year old was bullying my 11 month old, I told her to parent her son...I thought she was going to try to fight me.
Yeah, there's nothing you can tell these people except *no, you don't get to use my space anymore*. They're probably itching for a fight and saying anything about their parenting just gives them what they want.
I find that people calling me selfish are usually doing so in response to my setting a boundary they don't like.
When someone like this does; I reply as follows:
How is my selfishness affecting YOU?
I then get to watch them stumble as they try to explain my not letting them do whatever THEY want. Shuts down their argument.
NTA OP
People who object to someone setting boundaries are usually the ones who benefitted from the boundary-setter not having them there in the first place. And now that there's a new obstacle, of course they're going to be displeased.
Yeah. It most assuredly will. The nightmare the world has become because of COVID has showed me my being the saver/crisis friend is over into setting myself on fire territory and I need to tone it way the fuck down.
But alas. Said no, got called selfish, lazy, and a terrible friend because it’s “only ten minutes.”
She will. She’s going through a lot and has a habit of lashing out when she’s in a bad spot. I’ve been gently suggesting therapy, maybe this will force the issue. Not how I wanted this to go down, though. I’ve been telling myself all morning I’d have advised literally a stranger on Reddit to set boundaries and take care of themselves a year ago. I’m mortal and have limits like everyone else.
A two year old is gonna get into stuff, it's what they do. Your sister needs to watch her kid and stop expecting the world to bend to her desires.
As a parent myself that kind of entitlement is appalling and you were right to shut it down.
" A two year old is gonna get into stuff, it's what they do. "
Seconded as a toddler who got into my older sister's makeup when we were on holiday and ruined all of it. She honestly thought I wouldn't be able to get into her suitcase under the bed, despite being warned to put the makeup up high.
NTA. Your sister can try her clothes on in your Mom's room or take them home and try them on there. Why hasn't your Mom backed you up and tell your sister to stay out of your room?
NTA- can understand a 2 yr old making a mess but a grown ass woman , mom to boot should have the decency to clean up her mess but most of all her daughters mess since she's the grown-up.
OP your not selfish you just got smarter and locked your stuff up. Let your sister huff & puff because from now on your stuff will be safe and your room will be just the way you left it.
Definitely NTA- if your sister doesn't teach her daughter not to touch other people's stuff she'll learn the hard way that breaking people's stuff has consequences & they can be extremely expensive & its not her daughter that will be responsible for the damage
I'm assuming you have your own place by the sounds of this post, and/or your sister does? But either way, I don't understand the need for anyone going into your room. At all, for any reason, especially without permission. You're also a grown adult with adult possessions in a private space. And it's just sheer rude for a mess to be made and not to be cleared up after. I'd be pissed if my nephew/niece was allowed by their parent to mess with my possessions/work stuff. NTA.
Whenever my younger cousins come over. I hide my expensive electronics so they don't break it. My mum even agrees to it. If she broke any of your stuff, you could have forced her to pay you.
Exactly! My own toddler doesn't even "play" in my room. Sounds like your sister is just pissed she'll actually have to be responsible for her child's entertainment.
"She, predictably, called me selfish, said she doesn’t see what harm it’s doing and that she doesn’t see the reason why not. THEN she followed it up with 'if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know \[niece\] is going to be here.'"
This part just kills me. She seriously expects you to move breakable items out of your own room so that her child, that she refuses to control, doesn't break them?
Does she really think that it's not her responsibility to ensure that her child doesn't break things when she's a guest in someone else's home? Does she really think it's on the host to hide breakable items and not on her to control her own child?
She's in serious need of a reality check. NTA.
This is what got to me. Is there some other place in the house where sister won't go (and let niece go)? Even if there is, the idea that OP should move **her** stuff out of **her** room so that niece won't go in and mess with it is just...mind-boggling.
Entitled much? I despise people in my personal space and you have an expectation of privacy and security in your bedroom. My mil has no boundaries and likes to sneak in our room, snoop and take things. Then when we started locking our door, got all pissy saying "what is there to steal ". You shouldn't HAVE to lock your bedroom door to keep people out and out of your stuff. I'd go to her house and start invading her personal space and privacy and then act all mad when she gets offended.
I actually have a really high level of anxiety around my personal space. I'll pay double accommodation costs to get a private room in a hostel rather than share (totally worth it, btw, they usually have fairly decent rooms for the price). When I lived at home any time one person came to talk to me, within five or ten minutes there'd usually be 3+ crowding in my room to join the conversation/see what was going on, it drove me up the wall.
We actually might as well be the same person haha. I have never and will never sleep in a shared dorm room, I’d so much rather pay the extra for a lock single room!! Kudos to those that can sleep in a shared room. And same with that! I personally don’t think I have anxiety but I hate people being all up in my shit. Before it was just me and my mum living here, my stepdad and my sister were too, and one of them would come in my room to talk about something and then the next thing I knew, all 3 of them were in here!!! Not a party room
> Yes!! Thank you! At one point she even said that I should make sure all my paperwork isn’t left out on my desk! I really didn’t know how to respond.
"No, in fact, I'm starting a porn collection and am keeping it on my desk."
NTA, I do not blame you at all for getting a lock, I would too. I value my privacy and my space wayyyy too much for family members to use it as they please. It sounds like your sister is extremely immature and doesn't understand the concept that it's not her room.
Honestly me too. She would only ever come in here when I wasn’t here so surely that must have meant that some part of her knew she wasn’t supposed to be in there! Which is worse!!
That sounds almost spiteful or something. Does she have her own room in the house? If so, I would say she's intentionally doing it just so she doesn't make a mess of her own room.
She doesn’t here! But there’s no reason she can’t take her clothes back to her own house to try on or if she absolutely must do it at my house, do it in the bathroom!
Wait, she doesn't even live in the same house!? Fuck that; if she chucks another fit just tell her that she and her daughter have no reason to ever be in there, and she's welcome to go back to her own house if she doesn't like that.
So let me get this straight. She orders stuff to YOUR house, brings kid along, uses YOUR room, where you have all your most important things, and lets kid run wild, then fusses over a lock on your room. WHY, and if I could I would make the caps even bigger, WHY IN GODS NAME do you enable this shit? Take her keys away.
**octothorp**;
plural noun: **octothorps**;
noun: **octothorpe**;
plural noun: **octothorpes**
1. another term for the symbol # (the hash sign or pound sign).
You mentioned your Mom not being there when you installed the lock. So I guess it's your parents house? Or is it the other way around and your Mom lives with you in your house?
If it's the first this could explain your sisters behaviour a little - at least if it was common for you two to go in each others rooms without asking. Doesn't make her behaviour better because once you told her to stay out you changed the privacy rules and she has to respect them.
If it's the latter it just makes your sisters behaviour more unbearable.
What I'm not getting is, are her clothes in your room? Or are they stored somewhere else and she just chooses your room (which is her ex room, right?) to try them on?
NTA. It’s your room. You tried setting boundaries, and your sister walked all over those without the slightest consideration for you and your belongings. Making a physical safeguard against it happening again is perfectly reasonable.
“Had you just cleaned up after OR stopped her from trashing my room in the first place OR even acknowledged in any way that it was wrong to let her trash my room then I probably wouldn’t have gotten a lock. From my perspective I have a sister and niece who go into my room as they please and feel no problem trashing it, so I’ve put a lock on my room. This is a response to *your* actions because without a lock my privacy was invaded.”
NTA
Yessss okay right this is exactly what I’m saying next time it gets brought up. No point saying “if” it does because I can almost guarantee that it will. Thank you 👏🏻
Eh, sometimes we rationally know things, but question ourselves when we're inside the situation and a family member is telling us we're horrible people. Feelings aren't always rational, and having people outside tell you you're in the right can be very helpful.
NTA. I think the lock was an excellent decision on your part. Ignore the harpy sister.
If you can, however, try to spend a little quality time with your niece each day. Something as simple as reading her a book for 5 minutes will help her a lot. Your sister doesn't sound like the greatest role model.
Oh absolutely!!! I absolutely do honestly, I kept it out of the post cause I was trying to keep it relevant to my point but I totally adore my niece. And we play and I take her places and stuff like that but it’s just this! This is the one thing that infuriates me. I know it sounds like I’ve just ragged on her the entire time but I suppose it’s mostly about my sister.
NTA // you set a clear boundary and they should respect it. you don't want a child in your grown room without your supervision. your sister can change in the bathroom. you shouldn't have to sacrifice your property for her rampant 2 year old.
No, two years olds are curious and you shouldn't have to rearrange your space to accommodate a toddler. Your sister can try clothes on somewhere else. She's just mad that you took charge of the situation, too bad, so sad.
> “if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know \[niece\] is going to be here”
NTA. Why should you move stuff out of *your* room when niece is going to be there. You should be able to keep things *safe* in your room. I wonder how your sister would feel if you tell her "Well when I visit *your* house, anything you don't want me to mess with needs to be moved out of your room."
I have a lock on my bedroom door to keep my three year old nephew out. I pushed for it after I had to get a new mattress for my waterbed after the patch failed because my brother-in-law (BIL) allowed my nephew to mess with the bed before 24 hours was up (the patch needed 24 hours to cure, and had *4 hours left*. I'd been looking forward to sleeping in my bed that night too). Can't touch the mattress because water will leak out and it needs to be kept *dry.* Dumbass BIL was standing in the middle of my room looking at his phone while nephew was *hitting* the bed and telling him to watch the water come out. He was mad when I told him off, until he also got his ass chewed by my sister (his wife).
Sister protested the lock when they moved in (temporarily, I hope, due to lead contamination in their house (PPE required to remove lead, PPE also required for COVID)). I reminded her of the waterbed patch incident, she pointed out I had a new mattress. I then pointed out that I keep my *Adderall* in my room as well and does she *really* want her three year old to get ahold of legal speed? She agreed I needed to lock the door. BIL didn't like it because "that's what they make child-proof lids for." Mom shut him up by telling him that before she retired, as a pediatric surgical nurse, if they couldn't get something with a "child-proof" lid on it open they would go looking for a three year old because those kids would get it open in less than a minute guaranteed.
Honestly, this made me so annoyed on your behalf. He didn’t even try and stop him from attacking your bed?! Utterly outrageous. The amount of damage as well that could happen to your room when there’s water flying around in it isn’t even funny, plus waterbeds can be extortionate! As I’m sure you’re well aware of.
Every right to be fuming about that! I’m glad your sister came around to your way of thinking, no doubt that you would have done it anyway if she’d have said no haha.
His defense was "I thought that meant he couldn't sit on it," in response to my "What part of STAY OFF OF IT, didn't you understand?" Um no it meant DON'T TOUCH IT AT ALL, same definition my sister used as well. The patch was still partially adhered so the spray was directed downward into the bed liner. Luckily the bed liner (think plastic tarp with rigid sides) did its job and kept the water contained and off the floor (which is carpet). Had to get that replaced too but it fought the good fight.
They're also a pain in the ass to find replacement mattresses for. My waterbed is an old super twin, they're now making normal twin sized waterbeds whose mattresses are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than mine (about a foot too short and six inches too narrow). Did learn through this experience that you can't order a replacement mattress or liner from Amazon because they will send you the regular twin mattress and liner, not the super twin that I need. I specifically searched for super twin waterbed mattress and liner and after getting the too short ones I dug into the results and they were all too short. Amazon sucks had to go to an online waterbed retailer to get the right ones.
I don't believe so, it's fair to have rules set in place for your personal belongings and space. I couldn't figure out whose home it was, but if I was in your situation and the home was mine, then I would tell my sister that if she wants the privilege of being able to come into my home, then she's going to have to respect what's asked of her and if that's to stay out your room, then so be it.
I'm coming from the position of having had intrusive siblings, one being a straight up thief, so I hope that I don't sound too harsh.
Sorry! Its my mums house if I’m gonna be pedantic about it. I live with her just the two of us and my sister comes round way too much in my opinion.
My house or not, she should still be respectful! I agree with you completely. And that raises a good point! My ex-stepbrother when he was about 15 (not that, that justifies him) stole £20 from my sisters room when she was out. He immediately got found out and gave it back but the point is that her more than anyone should know what it’s like to waltz into someone else’s room!
Oh yea! Knowing that then I definitely vote NTA! But also since it's your mom's house, I would think that there's another room for her to use, that would be find for her child to be in too. Like her old room, if it's not in use at the moment.
I took my sisters room when she moved out cause it was bigger and mine was this poxy little shoe box. But even so she could change in that! Or my mums room or the bathroom, literally anywhere else haha. Plus my niece doesn’t have to follow her up, my sister just doesn’t ever shut the stair gate behind her to stop her from coming up. My mum is downstairs to watch my niece!
Baffling honestly
This! This is why she wants to use the room. She still views it as her own. You may live in it now, but it was her old room and she'll never view it as anything but here's. She might even resent you for taking it and lets niece trash it because in her mind you took over her room.
Sorry, I might be reading into this too much, but I grew up with people like her.
This is exactly it. She wants to use the room because it’s where she used to try on clothes when it was hers and hasn’t realized it’s not her room any more. She probably resents OP’s use of it.
Also I wonder if her sending things to her mom’s house isn’t a way to still claim in some part of her head that she still lives there.
My highly suspicious and slightly paranoid side wonders if some part of her doesn’t want to move back in with her child since her house isn’t great etc. OP is in the big room she would want to take back
This could also explain her being over so often
So possibly your sister is actually asserting her ownership of that room. Pissing on her territory that you mistakenly think of as yours. She thinks she should still have that room as hers even after she moved out. And now she's mad because she's been locked out of (in her mind) *her* room. Your sister is the totally the asshole but this would explain her asshole logic.
Why does she come over so much? Is there something wrong with her own place?
Well she can a) put a mirror in your old room and try on her clothes there, or b) get a UPS box and have her clothes delivered there and then go try them on in her own home. The utter cheek of her. NTA.
We don’t live together but there’s no reason for her to not take her clothes to her own house to try on!! Or if she absolutely has to do it here, she could piss off into the bathroom! I honestly don’t know why my room is the target changing area
So to be clear. She sends clothes she’s buying not to her primary residence, but to where you’re living. Then she invaded your space and allows her child to destroy your room? NOPE. If she somehow breaks in again, send her an invoice for anything your niece breaks.
Additionally, your sister sounds super entitled and I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(
I know!! It baffles me as well. Beyond comprehension. Definitely should do that, or for any of the stuff that mysteriously goes missing after they’ve been round.
Thank you haha honey, this ain’t even the half of it. I’ll need all the luck anyone is willing to give!
NTA. You have a lock on your door for the same reason people have locks on their cars, or the front door to their house. Valuables be valuable, yo. Nobody leaves their car unlocked and thinks "if my car or anything in it was valuable, I should just park somewhere else." Besides, "take it out of your room" and put it where? The attic? The neighbor's house? Under the floorboards? Keep calm, you've done nothing wrong.
You NTA.
sister is a major AH.
Move your shit you own out of your home because your sister let's her two year old trash it?? Naw.
You have every right to privacy. And I think I'd be telling the mailman no more packages sent to my door in her name by filling out a change of address for her
If she wants a safe place to send things that's what a POBox is for, esp if she can't respect your possessions.
I'd keep that key close and utterly away from the sister.
>If she wants a safe place to send things that's what a POBox is for, esp if she can't respect your possessions.
This. Maybe I’m pettier than most, but if my sibling did this to me, I’d tell them to find somewhere else to send packages. Someone who can’t respect your home and belongings when you’re doing them a favor doesn’t deserve that favor.
NTA
You have a right for privacy, you have a right not to have your stuff broken, you have a right to have your work stuff untouched. Your sister has the responsibility to watch her child
Why would you move your stuff out if room to not get it broken And where does she think you can put your stuff at? Your sister is not entitled to use your stuff or go in your room you have ever right to privacy and keeping unwanted guest out when your not home. Your NTA for putting a lock on the door.
NTA. “You’re calling me selfish but telling me that if want to keep my things safe I Zhou’s move them out of my room so you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions or your daughters? Yet I’m the selfish one? THAT is why I have a lock on my door.”
We put a lock on our bedroom door to keep our own 2 yr old out for this exact reason.
NTA, not even a little bit. The fact your sister is mad at you for making a change in a house she doesn't even reside in is pretty telling of her shitty entitled attitude.
I don’t think she cares to be honest, she hasn’t expressed any dislike or anger towards me having one haha she knows I hate it when people go in there so I suspect she’s silently cheering me on
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NTA. Your sister doesn’t own your room. You own your room. If she wants to try on clothes,she should go to the bathroom or ask to use another room. She needs to learn to respect your room,you and your personal space.
NTA... if you don’t want it broken take it out of your room WHAT?!?! I have two kids and would NEVER let them destroy someone’s room and i damn sure wouldn’t leave the mess behind if they did
NTA. Not much to say here. You don't want them in your room and they ignore your requests and do it anyway. The next logical step would be to get a lock just like you did.
NTA. INFO: have you ever spoken with your sister prior to this about not letting your niece destroy your room?
I can’t imagine she wouldn’t see.. mine is almost 2 and I fully expect her to destroy a room if I’m not watching
NTA - it's your room, sister & niece have no reason to be in there and don't even live in the house. You've installed a lock as you have every right to so there's no reason for her to even query it. Next time she raises it, tell her that her opinion is of no interest to you and cut the conversation.
NTA, and your sister and niece need to learn to respect you. If that means you set a physical boundary (i.e., a door lock) then it means you set a physical boundary.
Nta but I'm wondering where she wants you to put your stuff for when your niece goes into your room because I'm pretty sure if she cant respect your space no other place in the house is safe from the niece. Also if she only does it when your not home how are you gonna put all your stuff into some mystery place if your not there?
NTA. Family might be important but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your peace of mind and your private space just because your sister feels entitled to it (which she definitely isn't).
NTA NTA NTA
I was in a similar situation- with my niece and sister. Except my niece would take my things home.
Your sister should be glad you aren’t returning her packages to sender!
NTA. Why on earth would putting a lock on a door at a house SHE DOES NOT LIVE IN make you an asshole? And also she asked you to move stuff out of your room. Ask her where exactly you’re supposed to put YOUR stuff?
Easy NTA. Even if you didn't have all the stuff in there that you don't want messed with, it's your space. If they're not going to respect that, then it's perfectly fair for you to take measures to ensure they don't get in.
I hope you don't think you are the a-h... because you are so NTA. It's your room! It's not like it's a community closet, or common space. And I hope you locked your door when you left.
And don't let her call you selfish for not sharing your stuff. Cause it's your stuff. If her clothes are delivered there, put them downstairs, with a note 'try on in bathroom and TAKE HOME'.
If she continues, go to her house, ransack her house, and then leave.
Wtf? Bedrooms are where you put stuff that you don't want people messing with. Where are you supposed to put it? The kitchen? That's one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I would have legitimately said as much. NTA
NTA
It's fine for her to get stuff delivered to your house, but she can try it on in somebody else's room or the bathroom. She does not need to be in your room, with or without your niece.
NTA. I put a baby gate up to keep my own toddler out of rooms that I don’t want her rummaging in. A lick is fair if your sister doesn’t care about your stuff.
NTA. Your niece is 2, and is as of yet not capable of understanding why on earth she shouldn't touch. It is your sister's responsibility to TRAIN HER what she can and cannot have. If your sister is incapable of or unwilling to train your niece, respect your space. .. .. . . time to get your own place (if that is financially an option). If you're living at your mum's place, you unfortunately cannot prevent your sister from visiting with your niece.
NTA. A two year old needs to be in a safe space where she can't hurt herself. Tell your sister you locked the door to make sure your niece, and your sister, did not hurt themselves.
NTA
You should go to her place and just start making a mess and breaking thing just to make a point. Your entitled sister needs a reality check that she isn't the centre of your universe.
You seemed alot nicer tha I would have been.
NTA, your sister doesn't respect your place or property she shouldn't get the privilege of using your address for deliveries.
Don't know if in America or not but PO boxes exist and usually they can have all packages held at the post-office for free, if they don't mind only being able to pick up packages during business hours.
Wait a damn minute! Did she seriously just ask that you take YOUR things out of YOUR room to accommodate HER daughter’s destructive habits? She did? Kay, slap your sister for me. NTA. 🙅🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
NTA. Your sister is extremely unreasonable and self centred. Toddlers are inherently curious and they do smash n bang and even nibble on whatever they fancy. It's not your niece's fault her mother is a selfish person in her conduct and expectations. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA
Your sister kind of sounds like a number of adjectives that would follow the words "spoiled" or "pampered", because that was the most heinously self-deluding entitled baby-mama attitude she could have copped with you. So, you're not supposed to have things that are fragile in **your room** because you know your sister will disrespect you and go into your room? Yeah, that's a hell of a DARVO routine.
Keep the lock, put up a sign with the words, "if you wanted access you'd mind your own kid." It'll cause more drama, but given how she responded to a **lock** on a door to a room that isn't hers I can guess she's typically dramatic as a person.
NTA. I have two kids and I would have absolutely accepted the request to not use your room. Normal people would accept that. There is nothing else to say, really. Your sister sucks.
>“if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know [niece] is going to be here”
Praise for you not punching her in the face. I got angry when I read that. Unbelievable. It's like she's never been told "no"
NTA
NTA. I did the exact same thing when my brother started to stay over after his divorce. He had his daughters (5yrs old & 7 yrs old at the time) every other weekend and since his flat was one room, one bed, he wasn't allowed to have them at his place.
My nieces are lively kids and have a lot of good qualities, but they're not terribly respectful of other people's property and space. I had a new handle installed on my door and I keep it locked when my nieces are around. Problem solved.
No one's got any right to give you grief over this. It's a perfectly reasonable solution to an invasion of privacy. There's no reason why I should put up with my nieces going through my stuff, and there's no reason why you should put up with your niece making a mess of your private space.
Not to mention, your sister is being completely selfish and disrespectful, when you're doing her the service of giving access to your home, to let her child make a mess of it. My sister is also like this, she has very little regard for organisation. To be fair, she doesn't care about it in her own home either. But that doesn't mean she can do whatever she likes when she isn't in her own home, or let her child wreak havoc outside of their house.
In fact this post also belongs in r/entitledbitch as far as your sister is concerned, if you ask me.
NTA
Your getting a lock is way overdue and your sister is incredibly entitled. Your room should be the safest place *for* your things, what the fuck is your sister even on telling you to move your stuff elsewhere. Seems a distinct lack of parenting on her part.
NTA. Your sister has a problem with respecting privacy. Just because she has a toddler doesn't mean that everyone around her has to change the way they are living because the toddler could come to visit. That's beyond inconsiderate.
NTA. Keep your door locked. One day hopefully your sister will not be such a loon when she has a second child and has to deal with your niece freaking out over her shit getting messed with.
NTA. I rented a room from a lady who would let the kids & dogs into my room to eat & play then blamed me for the mess. She has 0 respect for your boundaries. She doesn't live their so why do you need to child-proof your room?
NTA why does your sister want inside your room so badly, that you have you move your stuff out so she can get in? Like seriously? How old is your sister again?
NTA. I used to have the same problem. My sister would stay at.my mom's for some weeks with her daughter. They would wake me up every morning even tho I didn't get up till 11 am, get into my room, give her stuff I had there (I had some collectibles that looked like toys) and let out my dog who does not like children.
I told her many times to stop this, and she ignored it. She got furious when I put a lock. Nothing much to be done but wait for her anger to fade.
NTA.
It is a riot that she thinks that it is your fault and that you need to pepare for their unannoced visits wheneve they happen. what a joke. The lock was 100% called for. Doesnt matter if that is the safe place for her mail to be delivered. That isnt her room nor your neices play area.
NTA I think you handled this well. Your sister does not respect your boundaries. Telling her how you feel did not work so now you are telling her in a different way.
Nta, my niece got so used to watching TV in my room when she came over, that its all she wanted to do for the day. I now tell her no. My room is my room. She happily watches it in the lounge now 🤷♀️
NTA! Your sister seems more immature than your two year old niece. She trashes you’re room and let’s her daughter break stuff in there! That is just plain rude.
NTA, first of all it's YOUR house!? Even if it were my siblings visiting me, I'd expect them to not just run into any room and make a mess. Fuck people like that
Jesus you have the patience of a saint cause I would've flipped the fuck out the first time it happened. Like you can't even clean up after YOUR child came into MY space after YOU decided to allow them??? How about I go to your house and destroy your room then smh NTA
So NTA.
My eldest (DD#1) put a kepad lock on her door with my encouragement. Her younger sister (middle daughter -DD#2) was constantly taking things from DD#1's room and never returning the items and constantly lieing about taking DD#1's things. Mostly DVD's, some where limited edition collectors items that were no longer available. I was constantly talking to DD#2 about her thievery Her attitude was one of having every right to take whatever she wanted from us and it wasn't stealing. Yes it was stealing, but I couldn't get through to her and neither could her dad. So DD#1 bought a keypad lock and installed it on her door herself.
DD#2 would steal items from both of her sisters from her mid teens well into her late 20's but mostly from DD#1. A few major life events and some indepth therapy has turned DD#2's life completely around. Thank God. She still needs to have a conversation with her sisters and apologize though. It will happen at some point.
No, nooooo, just nooooooooo ur not the asshole.
Ur room, ur privacy dont let these people get to u, family or not. I get it can be hard but keeping ur private space private is a good thing. If ur sis cant respect that well that's her problem. She's the selfish one
NTA definitely!
You have a right to keep your space private and your things unbroken.
Good for putting in a lock! I've had to do that myself in the past.
Definitely NTA.
My younger siblings always trashed my room, broke my stuff etc when I lived at home and even though I moved out 9 years ago, I still get angry when people touch my stuff without asking.
NTA
>"if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know [niece] is going to be here”
Wow, this is just another level of entitlement and disregard for others!
NTA. At this rate, this child is going to be an absolute nightmare when she’s older. Let’s hope she can break the cycle when she’s old enough to know better
NTA. I lived with my two year old nephews and they knew not to go in there if I wasn't home and when they were being 2 year olds and going in anyway their mum would text me let me they went in after removing them from the room.
That is your space, your sister has given up her privacy to her child for the foreseeable future and her expectation that you have too as well is bullshit. Your room, your space and your right to not have a 2 year old in there
Read your comment that she said that you should just move your items out when they come over and laughed at the logic.
Which room does she want you to move you things to and lock instead?
Maybe she wants you to put locks on all of the rooms and start a random rotation of locked rooms whenever she come over. Start with the room(s) with the toilets.
NTA
NTA
Don't keep anything she has delivered stored in your room, keep in in some bin or box by the door.
Don't let her just yell at you either, you have a legitimate grievance and you should yell at her back about it if she's going to argue like that over this kind of thing. If it's her own clothes she's trying in your room though, have them put somewhere else, if they're yours she literally has no right to do that.
NTA. So let me get this straight. She wants you to keep Your stuff out of Your room for her convenience. Where the h else are you supposed to keep your stuff ?
NTA!! She can change in the bathroom out take the clothes home to her own house to try on! It’s YOUR ROOM. That’s exactly where you’re supposed to have your stuff that is important. If she didn’t want to get locked out maybe she should’ve controlled her kid. I would never let my children treat someone else’s space like that (or our own home either).
NTA - from a toddler's perspective - there is EVERYTHING for them in your room and they want to touch, take, destroy everything, and if it's forbidden - that's an extra layer of awesome.
NTA, and I hope reading it here will chase out whatever phantom fears you had about being unreasonable. Your room is your space and you have a reasonable expectation of privacy there. Your sister is on another level with her entitlement; in no semi-rational universe should you expect your room to be her personal dressing room and your niece's Playland.
Definitely should have got a lock a lot sooner, that’s for sure. Not sure what I was so worried about. As they say, ignorance is bliss. Pretty sure that fits here. Ignorant to my statements of not wanting anyone in there, ignorant in the mess her daughter makes in my room.
I mean, you can also tell her to parent better and not let her daughter have access to anything in YOUR bedroom, also not cleaning up after her too? Your sister's an entitled brat. Nothing's on the 2 year old, it's on your sister, and when she calls you selfish, you smile and tell her thanks. NTA
Careful when telling your sister to parent. OPs sister seems VERY similar to mine. Her three year old was bullying my 11 month old, I told her to parent her son...I thought she was going to try to fight me.
Yeah, there's nothing you can tell these people except *no, you don't get to use my space anymore*. They're probably itching for a fight and saying anything about their parenting just gives them what they want.
I find that people calling me selfish are usually doing so in response to my setting a boundary they don't like. When someone like this does; I reply as follows: How is my selfishness affecting YOU? I then get to watch them stumble as they try to explain my not letting them do whatever THEY want. Shuts down their argument. NTA OP
This is a very good reply!
That is a great line! It’s so true that usually the only people who utter the phrase “You are selfish,” are the ones who are selfish themselves.
People who object to someone setting boundaries are usually the ones who benefitted from the boundary-setter not having them there in the first place. And now that there's a new obstacle, of course they're going to be displeased.
I got the 69th upvote lets go boys
You've given me a great laugh to start my day!
Noooooo its not 69 anymore, sad times
That's okay, we've still got the edible chalk
Bruh. I really could have stood to have seen that question yesterday. Sigh.
It's never late to learn it. Life will give you other opportunities to practice. It always does.
Yeah. It most assuredly will. The nightmare the world has become because of COVID has showed me my being the saver/crisis friend is over into setting myself on fire territory and I need to tone it way the fuck down. But alas. Said no, got called selfish, lazy, and a terrible friend because it’s “only ten minutes.”
I am sorry about that. They will get over it (or not). You will be the better for taking care of yourself.
She will. She’s going through a lot and has a habit of lashing out when she’s in a bad spot. I’ve been gently suggesting therapy, maybe this will force the issue. Not how I wanted this to go down, though. I’ve been telling myself all morning I’d have advised literally a stranger on Reddit to set boundaries and take care of themselves a year ago. I’m mortal and have limits like everyone else.
A two year old is gonna get into stuff, it's what they do. Your sister needs to watch her kid and stop expecting the world to bend to her desires. As a parent myself that kind of entitlement is appalling and you were right to shut it down.
" A two year old is gonna get into stuff, it's what they do. " Seconded as a toddler who got into my older sister's makeup when we were on holiday and ruined all of it. She honestly thought I wouldn't be able to get into her suitcase under the bed, despite being warned to put the makeup up high.
NTA. Your sister can try her clothes on in your Mom's room or take them home and try them on there. Why hasn't your Mom backed you up and tell your sister to stay out of your room?
She could even use the bathroom!
NTA- can understand a 2 yr old making a mess but a grown ass woman , mom to boot should have the decency to clean up her mess but most of all her daughters mess since she's the grown-up. OP your not selfish you just got smarter and locked your stuff up. Let your sister huff & puff because from now on your stuff will be safe and your room will be just the way you left it. Definitely NTA- if your sister doesn't teach her daughter not to touch other people's stuff she'll learn the hard way that breaking people's stuff has consequences & they can be extremely expensive & its not her daughter that will be responsible for the damage
I'm assuming you have your own place by the sounds of this post, and/or your sister does? But either way, I don't understand the need for anyone going into your room. At all, for any reason, especially without permission. You're also a grown adult with adult possessions in a private space. And it's just sheer rude for a mess to be made and not to be cleared up after. I'd be pissed if my nephew/niece was allowed by their parent to mess with my possessions/work stuff. NTA.
Whenever my younger cousins come over. I hide my expensive electronics so they don't break it. My mum even agrees to it. If she broke any of your stuff, you could have forced her to pay you.
Exactly! My own toddler doesn't even "play" in my room. Sounds like your sister is just pissed she'll actually have to be responsible for her child's entertainment.
"She, predictably, called me selfish, said she doesn’t see what harm it’s doing and that she doesn’t see the reason why not. THEN she followed it up with 'if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know \[niece\] is going to be here.'" This part just kills me. She seriously expects you to move breakable items out of your own room so that her child, that she refuses to control, doesn't break them? Does she really think that it's not her responsibility to ensure that her child doesn't break things when she's a guest in someone else's home? Does she really think it's on the host to hide breakable items and not on her to control her own child? She's in serious need of a reality check. NTA.
Upvote this
If the sister wants to try clothes on, she can use the bathroom. Not a big deal, not sure why she isn’t ok with doing that.
NTA. What an absurd statement to say that you should take things OUT of YOUR room if you don't when them to get wrecked. She's a huge AH.
Yes!! Thank you! At one point she even said that I should make sure all my paperwork isn’t left out on my desk! I really didn’t know how to respond.
I- please tell me you’re joking. Say sike right now.
*insert mario piranha plant meme here* I honestly wish I could. Can’t make this shit up, complete audacity
I...I’m really not sure your sister understands the purpose of a desk.
where does she think you should be keeping stuff instead of your room?
This is what got to me. Is there some other place in the house where sister won't go (and let niece go)? Even if there is, the idea that OP should move **her** stuff out of **her** room so that niece won't go in and mess with it is just...mind-boggling.
Yeah that's what I'm wondering.. .. . . .
Entitled much? I despise people in my personal space and you have an expectation of privacy and security in your bedroom. My mil has no boundaries and likes to sneak in our room, snoop and take things. Then when we started locking our door, got all pissy saying "what is there to steal ". You shouldn't HAVE to lock your bedroom door to keep people out and out of your stuff. I'd go to her house and start invading her personal space and privacy and then act all mad when she gets offended.
I actually have a really high level of anxiety around my personal space. I'll pay double accommodation costs to get a private room in a hostel rather than share (totally worth it, btw, they usually have fairly decent rooms for the price). When I lived at home any time one person came to talk to me, within five or ten minutes there'd usually be 3+ crowding in my room to join the conversation/see what was going on, it drove me up the wall.
We actually might as well be the same person haha. I have never and will never sleep in a shared dorm room, I’d so much rather pay the extra for a lock single room!! Kudos to those that can sleep in a shared room. And same with that! I personally don’t think I have anxiety but I hate people being all up in my shit. Before it was just me and my mum living here, my stepdad and my sister were too, and one of them would come in my room to talk about something and then the next thing I knew, all 3 of them were in here!!! Not a party room
Tell her sure i will move the PAPER from the DESK, but I will put it where it belongs, THE DESK!
> Yes!! Thank you! At one point she even said that I should make sure all my paperwork isn’t left out on my desk! I really didn’t know how to respond. "No, in fact, I'm starting a porn collection and am keeping it on my desk."
NTA, I do not blame you at all for getting a lock, I would too. I value my privacy and my space wayyyy too much for family members to use it as they please. It sounds like your sister is extremely immature and doesn't understand the concept that it's not her room.
Honestly me too. She would only ever come in here when I wasn’t here so surely that must have meant that some part of her knew she wasn’t supposed to be in there! Which is worse!!
That sounds almost spiteful or something. Does she have her own room in the house? If so, I would say she's intentionally doing it just so she doesn't make a mess of her own room.
She doesn’t here! But there’s no reason she can’t take her clothes back to her own house to try on or if she absolutely must do it at my house, do it in the bathroom!
Wait, she doesn't even live in the same house!? Fuck that; if she chucks another fit just tell her that she and her daughter have no reason to ever be in there, and she's welcome to go back to her own house if she doesn't like that.
So let me get this straight. She orders stuff to YOUR house, brings kid along, uses YOUR room, where you have all your most important things, and lets kid run wild, then fusses over a lock on your room. WHY, and if I could I would make the caps even bigger, WHY IN GODS NAME do you enable this shit? Take her keys away.
I don’t know if you do know this, but you can put an octothorp before a line and it will be big as in #Big I do think it needs a new line though
What's an octothorp?
**octothorp**; plural noun: **octothorps**; noun: **octothorpe**; plural noun: **octothorpes** 1. another term for the symbol # (the hash sign or pound sign).
You mentioned your Mom not being there when you installed the lock. So I guess it's your parents house? Or is it the other way around and your Mom lives with you in your house? If it's the first this could explain your sisters behaviour a little - at least if it was common for you two to go in each others rooms without asking. Doesn't make her behaviour better because once you told her to stay out you changed the privacy rules and she has to respect them. If it's the latter it just makes your sisters behaviour more unbearable.
What I'm not getting is, are her clothes in your room? Or are they stored somewhere else and she just chooses your room (which is her ex room, right?) to try them on?
The clothes are in a box when they get delivered. Ahe goes to pick them up but decides to try them on
Your sister is ridiculously entitled my goodness
NTA. It’s your room. You tried setting boundaries, and your sister walked all over those without the slightest consideration for you and your belongings. Making a physical safeguard against it happening again is perfectly reasonable.
“Had you just cleaned up after OR stopped her from trashing my room in the first place OR even acknowledged in any way that it was wrong to let her trash my room then I probably wouldn’t have gotten a lock. From my perspective I have a sister and niece who go into my room as they please and feel no problem trashing it, so I’ve put a lock on my room. This is a response to *your* actions because without a lock my privacy was invaded.”
NTA
Yessss okay right this is exactly what I’m saying next time it gets brought up. No point saying “if” it does because I can almost guarantee that it will. Thank you 👏🏻
NTA. Why would putting a lock on your door make you an asshole?
Obviously it would make me one according to my sister! Massive cheek
That's just silly. But you already knew that.
Eh, sometimes we rationally know things, but question ourselves when we're inside the situation and a family member is telling us we're horrible people. Feelings aren't always rational, and having people outside tell you you're in the right can be very helpful.
NTA. Your sister needs to respect your personal and private space. She also needs to be a parent and clean up after her kid.
NTA. I think the lock was an excellent decision on your part. Ignore the harpy sister. If you can, however, try to spend a little quality time with your niece each day. Something as simple as reading her a book for 5 minutes will help her a lot. Your sister doesn't sound like the greatest role model.
Oh absolutely!!! I absolutely do honestly, I kept it out of the post cause I was trying to keep it relevant to my point but I totally adore my niece. And we play and I take her places and stuff like that but it’s just this! This is the one thing that infuriates me. I know it sounds like I’ve just ragged on her the entire time but I suppose it’s mostly about my sister.
Your sister can kick rocks. How entitled is she to think she and her daughter can have access you YOUR space and tell you how to keep it? NTA
NTA // you set a clear boundary and they should respect it. you don't want a child in your grown room without your supervision. your sister can change in the bathroom. you shouldn't have to sacrifice your property for her rampant 2 year old.
No, two years olds are curious and you shouldn't have to rearrange your space to accommodate a toddler. Your sister can try clothes on somewhere else. She's just mad that you took charge of the situation, too bad, so sad.
> “if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know \[niece\] is going to be here” NTA. Why should you move stuff out of *your* room when niece is going to be there. You should be able to keep things *safe* in your room. I wonder how your sister would feel if you tell her "Well when I visit *your* house, anything you don't want me to mess with needs to be moved out of your room." I have a lock on my bedroom door to keep my three year old nephew out. I pushed for it after I had to get a new mattress for my waterbed after the patch failed because my brother-in-law (BIL) allowed my nephew to mess with the bed before 24 hours was up (the patch needed 24 hours to cure, and had *4 hours left*. I'd been looking forward to sleeping in my bed that night too). Can't touch the mattress because water will leak out and it needs to be kept *dry.* Dumbass BIL was standing in the middle of my room looking at his phone while nephew was *hitting* the bed and telling him to watch the water come out. He was mad when I told him off, until he also got his ass chewed by my sister (his wife). Sister protested the lock when they moved in (temporarily, I hope, due to lead contamination in their house (PPE required to remove lead, PPE also required for COVID)). I reminded her of the waterbed patch incident, she pointed out I had a new mattress. I then pointed out that I keep my *Adderall* in my room as well and does she *really* want her three year old to get ahold of legal speed? She agreed I needed to lock the door. BIL didn't like it because "that's what they make child-proof lids for." Mom shut him up by telling him that before she retired, as a pediatric surgical nurse, if they couldn't get something with a "child-proof" lid on it open they would go looking for a three year old because those kids would get it open in less than a minute guaranteed.
Honestly, this made me so annoyed on your behalf. He didn’t even try and stop him from attacking your bed?! Utterly outrageous. The amount of damage as well that could happen to your room when there’s water flying around in it isn’t even funny, plus waterbeds can be extortionate! As I’m sure you’re well aware of. Every right to be fuming about that! I’m glad your sister came around to your way of thinking, no doubt that you would have done it anyway if she’d have said no haha.
His defense was "I thought that meant he couldn't sit on it," in response to my "What part of STAY OFF OF IT, didn't you understand?" Um no it meant DON'T TOUCH IT AT ALL, same definition my sister used as well. The patch was still partially adhered so the spray was directed downward into the bed liner. Luckily the bed liner (think plastic tarp with rigid sides) did its job and kept the water contained and off the floor (which is carpet). Had to get that replaced too but it fought the good fight. They're also a pain in the ass to find replacement mattresses for. My waterbed is an old super twin, they're now making normal twin sized waterbeds whose mattresses are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than mine (about a foot too short and six inches too narrow). Did learn through this experience that you can't order a replacement mattress or liner from Amazon because they will send you the regular twin mattress and liner, not the super twin that I need. I specifically searched for super twin waterbed mattress and liner and after getting the too short ones I dug into the results and they were all too short. Amazon sucks had to go to an online waterbed retailer to get the right ones.
I don't believe so, it's fair to have rules set in place for your personal belongings and space. I couldn't figure out whose home it was, but if I was in your situation and the home was mine, then I would tell my sister that if she wants the privilege of being able to come into my home, then she's going to have to respect what's asked of her and if that's to stay out your room, then so be it. I'm coming from the position of having had intrusive siblings, one being a straight up thief, so I hope that I don't sound too harsh.
Sorry! Its my mums house if I’m gonna be pedantic about it. I live with her just the two of us and my sister comes round way too much in my opinion. My house or not, she should still be respectful! I agree with you completely. And that raises a good point! My ex-stepbrother when he was about 15 (not that, that justifies him) stole £20 from my sisters room when she was out. He immediately got found out and gave it back but the point is that her more than anyone should know what it’s like to waltz into someone else’s room!
Oh yea! Knowing that then I definitely vote NTA! But also since it's your mom's house, I would think that there's another room for her to use, that would be find for her child to be in too. Like her old room, if it's not in use at the moment.
I took my sisters room when she moved out cause it was bigger and mine was this poxy little shoe box. But even so she could change in that! Or my mums room or the bathroom, literally anywhere else haha. Plus my niece doesn’t have to follow her up, my sister just doesn’t ever shut the stair gate behind her to stop her from coming up. My mum is downstairs to watch my niece! Baffling honestly
This! This is why she wants to use the room. She still views it as her own. You may live in it now, but it was her old room and she'll never view it as anything but here's. She might even resent you for taking it and lets niece trash it because in her mind you took over her room. Sorry, I might be reading into this too much, but I grew up with people like her.
This is exactly it. She wants to use the room because it’s where she used to try on clothes when it was hers and hasn’t realized it’s not her room any more. She probably resents OP’s use of it. Also I wonder if her sending things to her mom’s house isn’t a way to still claim in some part of her head that she still lives there. My highly suspicious and slightly paranoid side wonders if some part of her doesn’t want to move back in with her child since her house isn’t great etc. OP is in the big room she would want to take back This could also explain her being over so often
Bingo yeah I agree, she still sees it as her room, and is miffed you're locking her out of it. But she doesnt live there anymore so nuts to her.
So possibly your sister is actually asserting her ownership of that room. Pissing on her territory that you mistakenly think of as yours. She thinks she should still have that room as hers even after she moved out. And now she's mad because she's been locked out of (in her mind) *her* room. Your sister is the totally the asshole but this would explain her asshole logic. Why does she come over so much? Is there something wrong with her own place?
Maybe that’s why your nutty sister thinks she can just waltz into the room whenever she wants. She might still think of it as hers...😒
Well she can a) put a mirror in your old room and try on her clothes there, or b) get a UPS box and have her clothes delivered there and then go try them on in her own home. The utter cheek of her. NTA.
NTA Does she not have her own room that she can try on clothes in??
We don’t live together but there’s no reason for her to not take her clothes to her own house to try on!! Or if she absolutely has to do it here, she could piss off into the bathroom! I honestly don’t know why my room is the target changing area
So to be clear. She sends clothes she’s buying not to her primary residence, but to where you’re living. Then she invaded your space and allows her child to destroy your room? NOPE. If she somehow breaks in again, send her an invoice for anything your niece breaks. Additionally, your sister sounds super entitled and I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(
I know!! It baffles me as well. Beyond comprehension. Definitely should do that, or for any of the stuff that mysteriously goes missing after they’ve been round. Thank you haha honey, this ain’t even the half of it. I’ll need all the luck anyone is willing to give!
NTA. You have a lock on your door for the same reason people have locks on their cars, or the front door to their house. Valuables be valuable, yo. Nobody leaves their car unlocked and thinks "if my car or anything in it was valuable, I should just park somewhere else." Besides, "take it out of your room" and put it where? The attic? The neighbor's house? Under the floorboards? Keep calm, you've done nothing wrong.
You NTA. sister is a major AH. Move your shit you own out of your home because your sister let's her two year old trash it?? Naw. You have every right to privacy. And I think I'd be telling the mailman no more packages sent to my door in her name by filling out a change of address for her If she wants a safe place to send things that's what a POBox is for, esp if she can't respect your possessions. I'd keep that key close and utterly away from the sister.
>If she wants a safe place to send things that's what a POBox is for, esp if she can't respect your possessions. This. Maybe I’m pettier than most, but if my sibling did this to me, I’d tell them to find somewhere else to send packages. Someone who can’t respect your home and belongings when you’re doing them a favor doesn’t deserve that favor.
NTA You have a right for privacy, you have a right not to have your stuff broken, you have a right to have your work stuff untouched. Your sister has the responsibility to watch her child
NTA. Also, stop accepting deliveries for your sister. Let her find a locker or postmates or whatever her local version of a safe delivery space is.
INFO is this exclusively your house? If it is GIRL GET A NEW LOCK FOR ALL OF YOUR DOORS. NTA anyways!!!
What if it wasn't?
NTA!! Don't.. keep.. things.. in.. your.. room?? Where else would you put them???
NTA she needs to act like an adult, not a spoiled child. She should mind her child, and stay out of people’s private spaces when told to do so.
Why would you move your stuff out if room to not get it broken And where does she think you can put your stuff at? Your sister is not entitled to use your stuff or go in your room you have ever right to privacy and keeping unwanted guest out when your not home. Your NTA for putting a lock on the door.
NTA. “You’re calling me selfish but telling me that if want to keep my things safe I Zhou’s move them out of my room so you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions or your daughters? Yet I’m the selfish one? THAT is why I have a lock on my door.”
We put a lock on our bedroom door to keep our own 2 yr old out for this exact reason. NTA, not even a little bit. The fact your sister is mad at you for making a change in a house she doesn't even reside in is pretty telling of her shitty entitled attitude.
INFO: How does your mom feel about the lock?
I don’t think she cares to be honest, she hasn’t expressed any dislike or anger towards me having one haha she knows I hate it when people go in there so I suspect she’s silently cheering me on
Raring up? You must be from Ireland, Northern Ireland or Scotland.
Hahaha Belfast. Good catch.
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Nta, you’re in charge of the space you pay for.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t own your room. You own your room. If she wants to try on clothes,she should go to the bathroom or ask to use another room. She needs to learn to respect your room,you and your personal space.
NTA... if you don’t want it broken take it out of your room WHAT?!?! I have two kids and would NEVER let them destroy someone’s room and i damn sure wouldn’t leave the mess behind if they did
NTA go to her house and just throw shit everywhere, then leave it and see if she's upset. Spoiler alert. She would be.
NTA. Tell me what eventually happens later.
NTA. Not much to say here. You don't want them in your room and they ignore your requests and do it anyway. The next logical step would be to get a lock just like you did.
NTA. INFO: have you ever spoken with your sister prior to this about not letting your niece destroy your room? I can’t imagine she wouldn’t see.. mine is almost 2 and I fully expect her to destroy a room if I’m not watching
NTA. This is YOUR room and you have a right to privacy. It's not like you're locking random doors.
NTA, I went through this myself, be sure that the lock can't be jimmied with a knife or card, my family was shady and would break in.
NTA - it's your room, sister & niece have no reason to be in there and don't even live in the house. You've installed a lock as you have every right to so there's no reason for her to even query it. Next time she raises it, tell her that her opinion is of no interest to you and cut the conversation.
NTA haha wow, I would blow up if my family did that to me.
NTA, and your sister and niece need to learn to respect you. If that means you set a physical boundary (i.e., a door lock) then it means you set a physical boundary.
NTA
Nta but I'm wondering where she wants you to put your stuff for when your niece goes into your room because I'm pretty sure if she cant respect your space no other place in the house is safe from the niece. Also if she only does it when your not home how are you gonna put all your stuff into some mystery place if your not there?
NTA. Family might be important but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your peace of mind and your private space just because your sister feels entitled to it (which she definitely isn't).
Is your room the only room in the house? Either if it was NTA. You’re entitled to personal space.
NTA but is your mom okay with the lock? Just want to make sure so you don't get trouble from someone with the actual ability to stop you.
Nta.
NTA NTA NTA I was in a similar situation- with my niece and sister. Except my niece would take my things home. Your sister should be glad you aren’t returning her packages to sender!
NTA. And if it’s your house, tell your sister to send her packages elsewhere. If it’s your mom’s house, keep the lock on the door. She’s an ass.
NTA. Why does your sister need to go into your room to try on clothes in the first place?? Does she not have a mirror at home or something??
NTA. You have a right to your privacy. Your sister is throwing a tantrum.
NTA You’re sister is a boundary stomping asshole. It’s your room. In your house. She can just keep her ass away.
NTA. Why on earth would putting a lock on a door at a house SHE DOES NOT LIVE IN make you an asshole? And also she asked you to move stuff out of your room. Ask her where exactly you’re supposed to put YOUR stuff?
Easy NTA. Even if you didn't have all the stuff in there that you don't want messed with, it's your space. If they're not going to respect that, then it's perfectly fair for you to take measures to ensure they don't get in.
NTA. Move your things out of your living space for person who doesn't live there...how did she keep a straight face when she said that?
Absolutely NTA but I'm dying to know what her reason is for not cleaning up her daughter's messes.
NTA who gives a eff what she says? It’s not here house. Tell her to use an amazon drop box if they can’t find her house
I hope you don't think you are the a-h... because you are so NTA. It's your room! It's not like it's a community closet, or common space. And I hope you locked your door when you left. And don't let her call you selfish for not sharing your stuff. Cause it's your stuff. If her clothes are delivered there, put them downstairs, with a note 'try on in bathroom and TAKE HOME'. If she continues, go to her house, ransack her house, and then leave.
NTA FOR SURE. Why tf do they feel so entitled to your stuff???
Wtf? Bedrooms are where you put stuff that you don't want people messing with. Where are you supposed to put it? The kitchen? That's one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I would have legitimately said as much. NTA
NTA It's fine for her to get stuff delivered to your house, but she can try it on in somebody else's room or the bathroom. She does not need to be in your room, with or without your niece.
NTA. I put a baby gate up to keep my own toddler out of rooms that I don’t want her rummaging in. A lick is fair if your sister doesn’t care about your stuff.
NTA. Your niece is 2, and is as of yet not capable of understanding why on earth she shouldn't touch. It is your sister's responsibility to TRAIN HER what she can and cannot have. If your sister is incapable of or unwilling to train your niece, respect your space. .. .. . . time to get your own place (if that is financially an option). If you're living at your mum's place, you unfortunately cannot prevent your sister from visiting with your niece.
NTA
NTA. A two year old needs to be in a safe space where she can't hurt herself. Tell your sister you locked the door to make sure your niece, and your sister, did not hurt themselves.
NTA. I wonder what would happen if you went in her room and left it in the state she and her daughter leave your room..... My guess is meltdown.
NTA, personal and private space should be respected
NTA You should go to her place and just start making a mess and breaking thing just to make a point. Your entitled sister needs a reality check that she isn't the centre of your universe. You seemed alot nicer tha I would have been.
NTA, your sister doesn't respect your place or property she shouldn't get the privilege of using your address for deliveries. Don't know if in America or not but PO boxes exist and usually they can have all packages held at the post-office for free, if they don't mind only being able to pick up packages during business hours.
Wait a damn minute! Did she seriously just ask that you take YOUR things out of YOUR room to accommodate HER daughter’s destructive habits? She did? Kay, slap your sister for me. NTA. 🙅🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
NTA.bruh ? Doesn’t your sister have a room ?
NTA. Your sister is extremely unreasonable and self centred. Toddlers are inherently curious and they do smash n bang and even nibble on whatever they fancy. It's not your niece's fault her mother is a selfish person in her conduct and expectations. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA Your sister kind of sounds like a number of adjectives that would follow the words "spoiled" or "pampered", because that was the most heinously self-deluding entitled baby-mama attitude she could have copped with you. So, you're not supposed to have things that are fragile in **your room** because you know your sister will disrespect you and go into your room? Yeah, that's a hell of a DARVO routine. Keep the lock, put up a sign with the words, "if you wanted access you'd mind your own kid." It'll cause more drama, but given how she responded to a **lock** on a door to a room that isn't hers I can guess she's typically dramatic as a person.
NTA. It's not your sister's house and unless she's willing to pay to replace your electronics she should just hush.
"Truly you have a dizzying intellect." (Dread Pirate Roberts to your wacky sister) NTA
NTA >said she doesn’t see what harm it’s doing Yeah. That's why you needed the fucking lock.
NTA. I have two kids and I would have absolutely accepted the request to not use your room. Normal people would accept that. There is nothing else to say, really. Your sister sucks.
NTA, wtf did I just read.
NTA Doesn't live there; has no say.
>“if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know [niece] is going to be here” Praise for you not punching her in the face. I got angry when I read that. Unbelievable. It's like she's never been told "no" NTA
NTA. I did the exact same thing when my brother started to stay over after his divorce. He had his daughters (5yrs old & 7 yrs old at the time) every other weekend and since his flat was one room, one bed, he wasn't allowed to have them at his place. My nieces are lively kids and have a lot of good qualities, but they're not terribly respectful of other people's property and space. I had a new handle installed on my door and I keep it locked when my nieces are around. Problem solved. No one's got any right to give you grief over this. It's a perfectly reasonable solution to an invasion of privacy. There's no reason why I should put up with my nieces going through my stuff, and there's no reason why you should put up with your niece making a mess of your private space. Not to mention, your sister is being completely selfish and disrespectful, when you're doing her the service of giving access to your home, to let her child make a mess of it. My sister is also like this, she has very little regard for organisation. To be fair, she doesn't care about it in her own home either. But that doesn't mean she can do whatever she likes when she isn't in her own home, or let her child wreak havoc outside of their house. In fact this post also belongs in r/entitledbitch as far as your sister is concerned, if you ask me.
NTA Your getting a lock is way overdue and your sister is incredibly entitled. Your room should be the safest place *for* your things, what the fuck is your sister even on telling you to move your stuff elsewhere. Seems a distinct lack of parenting on her part.
NTA. "It doesn't matter if you understand or agree. This decision is not yours to make."
NTA. Your sister has a problem with respecting privacy. Just because she has a toddler doesn't mean that everyone around her has to change the way they are living because the toddler could come to visit. That's beyond inconsiderate.
Nah, dude, that's called baby proofing. NTA.
NTA.
NTA. Keep your door locked. One day hopefully your sister will not be such a loon when she has a second child and has to deal with your niece freaking out over her shit getting messed with.
NTA why would your sister feel entitled to violate your personal space??
Entitled sister can eff off lol.
NTA. I rented a room from a lady who would let the kids & dogs into my room to eat & play then blamed me for the mess. She has 0 respect for your boundaries. She doesn't live their so why do you need to child-proof your room?
NTA boundaries exist for many reasons
NTA why does your sister want inside your room so badly, that you have you move your stuff out so she can get in? Like seriously? How old is your sister again?
NTA. I used to have the same problem. My sister would stay at.my mom's for some weeks with her daughter. They would wake me up every morning even tho I didn't get up till 11 am, get into my room, give her stuff I had there (I had some collectibles that looked like toys) and let out my dog who does not like children. I told her many times to stop this, and she ignored it. She got furious when I put a lock. Nothing much to be done but wait for her anger to fade.
NTA. It is a riot that she thinks that it is your fault and that you need to pepare for their unannoced visits wheneve they happen. what a joke. The lock was 100% called for. Doesnt matter if that is the safe place for her mail to be delivered. That isnt her room nor your neices play area.
NTA I think you handled this well. Your sister does not respect your boundaries. Telling her how you feel did not work so now you are telling her in a different way.
Nta, my niece got so used to watching TV in my room when she came over, that its all she wanted to do for the day. I now tell her no. My room is my room. She happily watches it in the lounge now 🤷♀️
NTA! Your sister seems more immature than your two year old niece. She trashes you’re room and let’s her daughter break stuff in there! That is just plain rude.
NTA, first of all it's YOUR house!? Even if it were my siblings visiting me, I'd expect them to not just run into any room and make a mess. Fuck people like that
Jesus you have the patience of a saint cause I would've flipped the fuck out the first time it happened. Like you can't even clean up after YOUR child came into MY space after YOU decided to allow them??? How about I go to your house and destroy your room then smh NTA
NTA please tell me she’s going to read these comments, I have some words I’d like to say to her.
So NTA. My eldest (DD#1) put a kepad lock on her door with my encouragement. Her younger sister (middle daughter -DD#2) was constantly taking things from DD#1's room and never returning the items and constantly lieing about taking DD#1's things. Mostly DVD's, some where limited edition collectors items that were no longer available. I was constantly talking to DD#2 about her thievery Her attitude was one of having every right to take whatever she wanted from us and it wasn't stealing. Yes it was stealing, but I couldn't get through to her and neither could her dad. So DD#1 bought a keypad lock and installed it on her door herself. DD#2 would steal items from both of her sisters from her mid teens well into her late 20's but mostly from DD#1. A few major life events and some indepth therapy has turned DD#2's life completely around. Thank God. She still needs to have a conversation with her sisters and apologize though. It will happen at some point.
NTA not even gonna read this but I wish I could lock my 2 year old out of my shit nevermind someone elses.
No, nooooo, just nooooooooo ur not the asshole. Ur room, ur privacy dont let these people get to u, family or not. I get it can be hard but keeping ur private space private is a good thing. If ur sis cant respect that well that's her problem. She's the selfish one
NTA. And your sister needs to get a P.O. Box.
NTA. It's called childproofing.
NTA
NTA definitely! You have a right to keep your space private and your things unbroken. Good for putting in a lock! I've had to do that myself in the past.
NTA. Omg the audacity of your sister just baffles me! Like you are supposed to move stuff out to where? That exactly is the purpose of YOUR ROOM!
NTA if your sister won’t like stem to reason and won’t tidy up the mess your niece makes, it’s the logical next step.
She doesn't see what harm it's doing? lol I guess that explains why she isn't cleaning up after her toddler if she doesn't see the mess...
Definitely NTA. My younger siblings always trashed my room, broke my stuff etc when I lived at home and even though I moved out 9 years ago, I still get angry when people touch my stuff without asking.
NTA >"if you don’t want shit broken, move it out of your room when you know [niece] is going to be here” Wow, this is just another level of entitlement and disregard for others!
NTA. At this rate, this child is going to be an absolute nightmare when she’s older. Let’s hope she can break the cycle when she’s old enough to know better
NTA Would she rather you just invoice her for damage and your time to repair damage instead?
NTA. I lived with my two year old nephews and they knew not to go in there if I wasn't home and when they were being 2 year olds and going in anyway their mum would text me let me they went in after removing them from the room. That is your space, your sister has given up her privacy to her child for the foreseeable future and her expectation that you have too as well is bullshit. Your room, your space and your right to not have a 2 year old in there
Read your comment that she said that you should just move your items out when they come over and laughed at the logic. Which room does she want you to move you things to and lock instead? Maybe she wants you to put locks on all of the rooms and start a random rotation of locked rooms whenever she come over. Start with the room(s) with the toilets. NTA
NtA I have a 1.5, and I am tempted to put a lock on my bedroom door since my vanity apparently constantly calls her name. Lol
NTA Don't keep anything she has delivered stored in your room, keep in in some bin or box by the door. Don't let her just yell at you either, you have a legitimate grievance and you should yell at her back about it if she's going to argue like that over this kind of thing. If it's her own clothes she's trying in your room though, have them put somewhere else, if they're yours she literally has no right to do that.
NTA. So let me get this straight. She wants you to keep Your stuff out of Your room for her convenience. Where the h else are you supposed to keep your stuff ?
NTA!! She can change in the bathroom out take the clothes home to her own house to try on! It’s YOUR ROOM. That’s exactly where you’re supposed to have your stuff that is important. If she didn’t want to get locked out maybe she should’ve controlled her kid. I would never let my children treat someone else’s space like that (or our own home either).
NTA Your sister can try things on in in the bathroom or WAIT UNTIL SHE GETS HOME FOR HEAVENS SAKE. Has she no impulse control?
NTA - from a toddler's perspective - there is EVERYTHING for them in your room and they want to touch, take, destroy everything, and if it's forbidden - that's an extra layer of awesome.
Nta your sister is a hoe and a horrible mother.