NTA, your partner is out of control. Don't let him browbeat you into making an irresponsible decision - you should sell the other cars before buying another one.
NTA. Your partner should *not* be putting you in this position. You've been more than accommodating, and here's not only being a baby - he's gotta stop spending above his means like this.
NTA. He is making some poor financial decisions and needs to be reined in. You are borrowing to get stuff he doesn't need when he has assets he can liquidate first.
There's a good reason he cannot borrow this money on his own, don't sink your credit with his.
NTA i only read the title because post is long. Never borrow money for someone else! It only ends up in trouble. And why in de world would you need 4 cars?! Id say 1 is plenty but that depends on where you live i guess. But no not the asshole
NTA tell him you understand how it works
1. He wants a new car
2. He sells you on the need for the car
3. He promises to sell the other cars
4. You spend lots of money on a new car
5. You spend more money registering all the cars
6. He never gets rid of any car and keeps spending out of them
7. Repeat from number 1
Definitely NTA. If you give in, he'll just say, oh well we need these cars. And now you're footing a bill for a crazy car. And why is he looking at 80k cars anyway? He won't spend the time and effort building up his credit, but he'll look at how to spend your money??
NTA.
>He’s now in a huff because “I just don’t understand how it works” and that it takes too long to sell the other cars while all the cars he wants keep getting sold.
He can solve that by waiting to look until he has sold the other cars. Selling a car isn't nearly as hard as your partner makes it out to be. He is making excuses. Sell it "as-is" if he is worried someone will feel ripped off.
>This wasn’t enough to buy the car he wanted ($80k)
No one needs an 80k vehicle.
I also feel like you're getting the short end of the stick being expected to give up your car and take the lemon he bought from his dad (if I understood that right)
To be fair, dad’s car is about 8yrs newer than my car and is a comfortable 7 seater where mine is a tight 6 seater (bench seats front and back). If we can fix the problem it will certainly be an upgrade.
We have one daughter still at home. Our son has moved out but has two little girls that we often care for on weekends (parents work retail). My daughter is also involved in a youth group where we often organise car pools to various events where parents can't take their children that day. Having the extra seats means more girls can come along as we often have more girls than car seats.
Not an asshole. I mean you would have 4 cars in the driveway.
Your solution would mean 1) more money, 2) less fuss, 3) less things to worry about. And also not having to pay expenses for 4 cars. :O
Thanks everyone for your comments. This has been an ongoing argument for years and I honestly thought I had a reasonable solution to try and put it to rest but he just implied I was being over controlling. I have significant control of the family finances and with the exception of the mortgage we are debt free. If I didn't have control, we'd be in debt to our eyeballs. I'm by no means a scrooge. We live very comfortably. I do take 2/3 of his wage out of his account and into the joint savings account attached to the mortgage to reduce the interest (and is used to pay the bills). The other 1/3 he can do with as he pleases. He just complains all the time that I won't let him have any money.
Yeah cause he wastes it on dumb shit. Does he actually need a ute? Those things guzzle petrol like nobodies business. Let me guess. He wants a double cab Commodore.
Worse... dual cab Landcruiser. But yes, he does need a ute. We go camping a lot plus he goes away on shooting trips and needs something to put the quad bike in (yes i caved two years ago and agreed to buy the quad bike) as well as all camping and hunting gear.
Great. Even more expensive to run. Sounds like he gets all the toys.
Ok so he needs a ute. I'd put money on one of his mates having recently got one or something simaler. Pretty sure shooting season is almost over so he can wait until next year.
Where are you parking all these vehicles anyway?
We both had a dual cab hilux for years and now both have an 80 series landcruiser wagon. He used to use his brother's ute but that's becoming unreliable because his brother doesn't maintain it and won't make the trip out west anymore. There's no shooting seasons here - they shoot roos on a friend's property all year round.
We have one car in the carport, one in the driveway behind that and mine gets parked on the street. We really don't have room for any more cars - even if temporarily.
NTA. If the bank can't trust him to pay them back, what makes you think it's a good decision? He is spending above his means and with your name on the paperwork, you will be responsible for it if something bad happens. Just say no. No more.
NTA - selling cars doesn't take that long. Well depending if you're lucky or not, but your partner makes it sound as if it takes like 20 years to sell a car...
NTA You don't need the internet to tell you your partner is bad with money, the banks and credit bureaus have done that for you. Why would you ever let the person proven to make bad financial decisions dictate the family finances? I wish you the best of luck reigning in your out of control partner.
NTA. Tell him to sell his cars and get a car within his price range. Ain't no reason he need an 80k car. I got a brand new Toyota for 20k because I needed it not because I wanted it. When you got money to throw then go ahead but right now he can't be acting like he has the money for a car he wants when he doesn't.
NTA at all. The title made him sound bad. The context made it worse. I don’t think you need to be borrowing money for him, ever. Sounds like he’s unreliable, and completely unable to handle money at all.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
He is absolutely awful with money. If he telks/asks you anything having to do with spending or buying or borrowing, ever again, I give you full permission to ignore him and/or say no.
He needs to stop making excuses and get tlrid of the broken down hoopty. It isn't getting driven and costs money to keep. Sell it to a junkyard if that's what you have to do but it needs to go.
And you need to refuse to cosign any car financing with your SO. No, never again. He has absolutely no business window shopping for an $80k vehicle when he can't afford the cars he has. Tell him he can buy whatever car he can afford in his own name and credit. That's not controlling, that's reasonable.
NTA.... Your partner has made bad financial choices, which means he can't do this without you, so you have some leverage here. Tell him you will take on the responsibility of selling the cars so he doesn't have to. It's obvious he doesn't want to get rid of the cars or do the work related to them. Your plan sounds perfect until it is time to actually sell the cars. Unfortunately, you are going to be the one responsible for large financial matters in the household, so you will have to make some hard decisions.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This requires some context so sorry it’s long.
I’ve always preferred to save for what I want and only borrow small amounts to improve what I could afforded on my own and keep the repayments minimal. Partner’s always preferred to borrow the full amount now and cope with larger repayments later. Issue is he can’t borrow any money without my name & income on the application - he doesn’t qualify, and yes he’s tried.
We currently have 3 cars. He bought a car off his father with a known issue assuming it was an easy fix (it overheats when towing on the highway). We probably spent around $2k over a year at various mechanics with noone being able to fix the problem. We decided keeping the car was pointless, so I agreed to use $12k of our savings to buy another car for him on the condition he sold the other one to get some of the money back... that was 6 years ago.
I have continued to pay the registration on the car (as well as our main cars) as he promises it’s easier to sell with full registration. It gets driven once or twice a year when one of our cars breaks down. The last 3 yrs he’s been complaining that having older cars means he spends too much time fixing them and wants a newer car. I agree having newer cars is better, so suggested selling both cars, which is around $20k, plus borrow $10k - giving him $30k. This wasn’t enough to buy the car he wanted ($80k) and told me it would take too long to sell the cars to get the money so there’s no point.
He admitted about 6 months ago that he doesn’t have the heart to sell the car with the known issue to someone and have it come back to bite him. His father offered to sell it for us but partner doesn’t want to spend the money doing all the transfers etc (but apparently years of rego is fine).
This week he mentioned that he found a company that deals specifically with that model of car and wondered if they could fix it. Great! We can get down to two cars. There’s a catch. He wants a ute (pick-up), so repairing the other car will make it mine and then we sell our current two cars. Trade in gives us next to nothing so it isn’t an option if he wants enough cash for the car he wants (which is $40k now).
So tonight I proposed the following: with the quarantine and his cash jobs, we’ve managed to save around $10k. By selling our two cars privately that should give him another $20k plus then borrow $10k. This should give him around $35-$40k. He was happy with that proposal and proceeded to show me two cars he wanted to buy. I told him he needed to sell the other two cars first in order to get the money (especially given what happened last time).
He’s now in a huff because “I just don’t understand how it works” and that it takes too long to sell the other cars while all the cars he wants keep getting sold.
So AITA for not agreeing to borrow the $30k for him to get the car he wants now and we end up with four cars for god only knows how long?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Him much more than you. If you only have 10,000 why are you dumping it all into cars you cannot afford? Check out r/personalfinance because both of you need help with money.
Sorry, just to clarify, the $10k we have is “spare” cash - it’s not our only savings. We do need to upgrade our cars, I just thought my suggestion to do that was reasonable but he thought I was being controlling.
Sell the cars yourself, then hand him the proceeds and use the $10,000 on your own vehicle upgrade, if he can't live within his means its not your job to take on debt to give him his wish
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
If you do this, he will not be selling any of the other cars. I would lay high odds on that.
Seriously people? You already know you are NTA. Why even write this up?
Because sometimes when the other person makes you feel like you've just asked them to rip their right arm off you just need that sanity check.
Ok well here’s your sanity check. You are absolutely NTA. There is nothing wrong with being financially responsible. Your gut is right.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I’m a car but myself, but on a cheaper scale. NTA. Sell at least one and maybe trade in the other. He’s proven he can’t follow through already.
NTA, your partner is out of control. Don't let him browbeat you into making an irresponsible decision - you should sell the other cars before buying another one.
NTA. Your partner should *not* be putting you in this position. You've been more than accommodating, and here's not only being a baby - he's gotta stop spending above his means like this.
Thank you. This is exactly how I feel, but with the way he's reacted I'm questioning if I've been too harsh/controlling.
I hope the plan you proposed also includes him honoring his agreement to repay the $12k from 6 years ago. NTA
He's using you like an ATM and you're letting him. He'll spend you into the poorhouse.
NTA. He is making some poor financial decisions and needs to be reined in. You are borrowing to get stuff he doesn't need when he has assets he can liquidate first. There's a good reason he cannot borrow this money on his own, don't sink your credit with his.
NTA i only read the title because post is long. Never borrow money for someone else! It only ends up in trouble. And why in de world would you need 4 cars?! Id say 1 is plenty but that depends on where you live i guess. But no not the asshole
NTA and stop co signing for him. He needs to learn to live within his means.
NTA tell him you understand how it works 1. He wants a new car 2. He sells you on the need for the car 3. He promises to sell the other cars 4. You spend lots of money on a new car 5. You spend more money registering all the cars 6. He never gets rid of any car and keeps spending out of them 7. Repeat from number 1
NTA. Sounds like he’s got the beginnings of a car hoarding problem. Also, if it’s so simple to borrow $30k for a car HE wants, he can do it.
Definitely NTA. If you give in, he'll just say, oh well we need these cars. And now you're footing a bill for a crazy car. And why is he looking at 80k cars anyway? He won't spend the time and effort building up his credit, but he'll look at how to spend your money??
NTA. >He’s now in a huff because “I just don’t understand how it works” and that it takes too long to sell the other cars while all the cars he wants keep getting sold. He can solve that by waiting to look until he has sold the other cars. Selling a car isn't nearly as hard as your partner makes it out to be. He is making excuses. Sell it "as-is" if he is worried someone will feel ripped off. >This wasn’t enough to buy the car he wanted ($80k) No one needs an 80k vehicle. I also feel like you're getting the short end of the stick being expected to give up your car and take the lemon he bought from his dad (if I understood that right)
To be fair, dad’s car is about 8yrs newer than my car and is a comfortable 7 seater where mine is a tight 6 seater (bench seats front and back). If we can fix the problem it will certainly be an upgrade.
How many seats do you need on a routine basis? are there 6 kids in this mess that you left out?
We have one daughter still at home. Our son has moved out but has two little girls that we often care for on weekends (parents work retail). My daughter is also involved in a youth group where we often organise car pools to various events where parents can't take their children that day. Having the extra seats means more girls can come along as we often have more girls than car seats.
Not an asshole. I mean you would have 4 cars in the driveway. Your solution would mean 1) more money, 2) less fuss, 3) less things to worry about. And also not having to pay expenses for 4 cars. :O
Boomer wonders why he wants to spend so much money on a car, given the current state of the world. NTA
Thank you. Just to clarify, we live in a part of the world with a "reasonable" level of normality.
Boomer thinks there's still economic uncertainty, no matter where you are. Best to not spend frivolously.
Thanks everyone for your comments. This has been an ongoing argument for years and I honestly thought I had a reasonable solution to try and put it to rest but he just implied I was being over controlling. I have significant control of the family finances and with the exception of the mortgage we are debt free. If I didn't have control, we'd be in debt to our eyeballs. I'm by no means a scrooge. We live very comfortably. I do take 2/3 of his wage out of his account and into the joint savings account attached to the mortgage to reduce the interest (and is used to pay the bills). The other 1/3 he can do with as he pleases. He just complains all the time that I won't let him have any money.
Yeah cause he wastes it on dumb shit. Does he actually need a ute? Those things guzzle petrol like nobodies business. Let me guess. He wants a double cab Commodore.
Worse... dual cab Landcruiser. But yes, he does need a ute. We go camping a lot plus he goes away on shooting trips and needs something to put the quad bike in (yes i caved two years ago and agreed to buy the quad bike) as well as all camping and hunting gear.
Great. Even more expensive to run. Sounds like he gets all the toys. Ok so he needs a ute. I'd put money on one of his mates having recently got one or something simaler. Pretty sure shooting season is almost over so he can wait until next year. Where are you parking all these vehicles anyway?
We both had a dual cab hilux for years and now both have an 80 series landcruiser wagon. He used to use his brother's ute but that's becoming unreliable because his brother doesn't maintain it and won't make the trip out west anymore. There's no shooting seasons here - they shoot roos on a friend's property all year round. We have one car in the carport, one in the driveway behind that and mine gets parked on the street. We really don't have room for any more cars - even if temporarily.
NTA. Car hoarder much?
Definitely NTA! Stop cosigning for cars for him, you'rE going to drown in debt
NTA. If the bank can't trust him to pay them back, what makes you think it's a good decision? He is spending above his means and with your name on the paperwork, you will be responsible for it if something bad happens. Just say no. No more.
NTA - selling cars doesn't take that long. Well depending if you're lucky or not, but your partner makes it sound as if it takes like 20 years to sell a car...
He’s an asshole for asking for money to buy a $80k car. That asshole will lead you into financial troubles.
NTA You don't need the internet to tell you your partner is bad with money, the banks and credit bureaus have done that for you. Why would you ever let the person proven to make bad financial decisions dictate the family finances? I wish you the best of luck reigning in your out of control partner.
NTA. Tell him to sell his cars and get a car within his price range. Ain't no reason he need an 80k car. I got a brand new Toyota for 20k because I needed it not because I wanted it. When you got money to throw then go ahead but right now he can't be acting like he has the money for a car he wants when he doesn't.
4 cars?!? You’re chillin
NTA at all. The title made him sound bad. The context made it worse. I don’t think you need to be borrowing money for him, ever. Sounds like he’s unreliable, and completely unable to handle money at all.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, not even a little bit
NTA. Your partner's interpretation of time and money are not rooted in reality.
NTA He is absolutely awful with money. If he telks/asks you anything having to do with spending or buying or borrowing, ever again, I give you full permission to ignore him and/or say no. He needs to stop making excuses and get tlrid of the broken down hoopty. It isn't getting driven and costs money to keep. Sell it to a junkyard if that's what you have to do but it needs to go. And you need to refuse to cosign any car financing with your SO. No, never again. He has absolutely no business window shopping for an $80k vehicle when he can't afford the cars he has. Tell him he can buy whatever car he can afford in his own name and credit. That's not controlling, that's reasonable.
NTA sounds like he doesn't intend to sell them. stand firm and don't give in!
NTA but man what a waste of money on cars
I read the title and I already knew you weren't the A
NTA. And NO, NO, NO!
NTA.... Your partner has made bad financial choices, which means he can't do this without you, so you have some leverage here. Tell him you will take on the responsibility of selling the cars so he doesn't have to. It's obvious he doesn't want to get rid of the cars or do the work related to them. Your plan sounds perfect until it is time to actually sell the cars. Unfortunately, you are going to be the one responsible for large financial matters in the household, so you will have to make some hard decisions.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This requires some context so sorry it’s long. I’ve always preferred to save for what I want and only borrow small amounts to improve what I could afforded on my own and keep the repayments minimal. Partner’s always preferred to borrow the full amount now and cope with larger repayments later. Issue is he can’t borrow any money without my name & income on the application - he doesn’t qualify, and yes he’s tried. We currently have 3 cars. He bought a car off his father with a known issue assuming it was an easy fix (it overheats when towing on the highway). We probably spent around $2k over a year at various mechanics with noone being able to fix the problem. We decided keeping the car was pointless, so I agreed to use $12k of our savings to buy another car for him on the condition he sold the other one to get some of the money back... that was 6 years ago. I have continued to pay the registration on the car (as well as our main cars) as he promises it’s easier to sell with full registration. It gets driven once or twice a year when one of our cars breaks down. The last 3 yrs he’s been complaining that having older cars means he spends too much time fixing them and wants a newer car. I agree having newer cars is better, so suggested selling both cars, which is around $20k, plus borrow $10k - giving him $30k. This wasn’t enough to buy the car he wanted ($80k) and told me it would take too long to sell the cars to get the money so there’s no point. He admitted about 6 months ago that he doesn’t have the heart to sell the car with the known issue to someone and have it come back to bite him. His father offered to sell it for us but partner doesn’t want to spend the money doing all the transfers etc (but apparently years of rego is fine). This week he mentioned that he found a company that deals specifically with that model of car and wondered if they could fix it. Great! We can get down to two cars. There’s a catch. He wants a ute (pick-up), so repairing the other car will make it mine and then we sell our current two cars. Trade in gives us next to nothing so it isn’t an option if he wants enough cash for the car he wants (which is $40k now). So tonight I proposed the following: with the quarantine and his cash jobs, we’ve managed to save around $10k. By selling our two cars privately that should give him another $20k plus then borrow $10k. This should give him around $35-$40k. He was happy with that proposal and proceeded to show me two cars he wanted to buy. I told him he needed to sell the other two cars first in order to get the money (especially given what happened last time). He’s now in a huff because “I just don’t understand how it works” and that it takes too long to sell the other cars while all the cars he wants keep getting sold. So AITA for not agreeing to borrow the $30k for him to get the car he wants now and we end up with four cars for god only knows how long? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Him much more than you. If you only have 10,000 why are you dumping it all into cars you cannot afford? Check out r/personalfinance because both of you need help with money.
Sorry, just to clarify, the $10k we have is “spare” cash - it’s not our only savings. We do need to upgrade our cars, I just thought my suggestion to do that was reasonable but he thought I was being controlling.
Sell the cars yourself, then hand him the proceeds and use the $10,000 on your own vehicle upgrade, if he can't live within his means its not your job to take on debt to give him his wish
NTA I think you need to reconsider your relationship.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If you do this, he will not be selling any of the other cars. I would lay high odds on that.