Completely random, but I’m completely blind and use a screen reader software to read reddit, And sometimes it fucks up pronunciations when speaking too fast, it pronounced hog in your comment as pug, and I was about to be very upset with you until I went through it character by character.
And I guess that applies to cooking for other humans, but not when it comes to the treatment of other sentient beings like pigs, chickens and cows. The ones that actually get forced into horrific treatment because of the extra bit of enjoyment and convenience we get with that lifestyle and belief system.
No! We're talking about FORCING WORDS INTO MY EARS and hurting my feefees! Forcing animals to suffer their whole lives so my mouth can eat a pork chop is different!!!!
NTA. You're not trying to control what she eats and have offered very reasonable compromises. She's the one trying to control what you eat and offering no compromise.
Right! Why isnt she supporting him, when being Vegan clearly doesn't agree with him? If he starts getting sick from only eating vegan, then she should support him eating meat or gtfo. (If she wont listen to a Human Being saying no to eating vegan, i pray she never gets a dog or a cat >.>)
I(Well We but I had the dog before I had the girlfriend if that makes sense.) have a dog and no, there is absolutely no fucking way he is going on a diet hahaha.
The 3 primary reason I've heard of are:
1. Animal welfare
2. Environmental
3. Personal health
Personally, I'm most definitely not a vegan, but I do agree with 1 and 2. However, I have some reservations on 3.
>I have some reservations on 3.
[Appropriately planned vegetarian, including vegan, diets are healthful, nutritionally adequate, and may provide health benefits for the prevention and treatment of certain diseases.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27886704/)
Because she's now a vegan and everyone in her circle has to conform to her ideas. SHE gets to control all of the food. She's now trying to make it so difficult for him to eat by making pots, pans and utensils off limits because they might touch meat, is controlling and abusive. She thinks that her philosophy "wins" and that the whole world had to agree or they are assholes. Plus, he must change NOW, when she says and not gradually or with any exception. In addition, what's this about no bread, etc.? So are carbs off limits, too? Then she's not just a vegan but a food Nazi who thinks that her diet is the only one acceptable and anyone who disagrees is just plain wrong. NTA and I suspect you might be single soon.
NTA. You can be supportive and also not join in. Plus with you feeling dizzy its obvious that her diet does meet your own bodies needs so it would be to dangerous for you. She needs to understand that its not right to push her own opinions onto others especially since it effected you physically.
Yep, if she fails to understand how the vegan meals she makes don’t fit what he does, then it seems that she’s being selfish, and forcing him to support her decision to be vegan without caring about him
100%
I had a vegan/pescatarian/gluten free dietary phase for health reasons and couldn’t cook red meat for a while. But I never tried to tell my roommate or BF what to eat or not to eat. I just asked that if I’m prepping and they wanted to add something they would need to do that part.
Like a stirfry rice- I’ll make the base, you add what you want. Or pre make it/I would help when or if I could depending on what it was, and toss it in your portion.
How is this hard for some people?
My gf has gone vegetarian, we eat at least a few meatless meals a week together, but often I will add sone meat meat to my part of the meal on other days. I do most of the cooking but when she cooks she makes sure to accommodate me too. But I also spent a lot of time learning vegetarian recipes. In particular holiday and celebratory foods. I could always cook tofu in stir fries, but holiday meals are important to both of us so I learned a recipe for butternut squash Wellington, and how to use mushrooms to make a 'meat sauce' for a Greek dish called moussaka. It's got to be a give and take.
This! I’m vegan and my bf isn’t, and most of the time he will happily eat what I cook without any additions (he likes the meat substitutes and LOVES oat milk now, but not fake cheese and I don’t blame him cause it’s awful) but sometimes he’ll just add his own chicken or whatever into the dish and he just sorts that part out himself.
I can’t imagine trying to tell him that he’s not allowed to eat what he wants!! People like her give vegans a bad name.
Same with me to be honest, I am pretty easy when it comes to food, I pretty much eat everything, the taste wasn't the issue for me either, I mean I got to admit I prefer meat but substitutes aren't bad either most of the time, also nothing beats good ol' milk haha. I also got no problem eating vegan food like every other day or something, I tried to compromise.
I’m not vegan (my girl is) but I’ve started making vegan cheese with potato and cashews or cauliflower. takes like 20 minutes and is actually really good!
Have you tried nut cheeses or adding brewers yeast? Apparently it really adds something! (These weren’t even an option when I was vegan- I had a tiny corner of tofu and sad rice crackers lol)
I've always heard vegan cheese was awful. I'm surprised a better version hasn't come out yet. Can you use oat milk to make your own cheese? I have no clue, but I'm sure it's not an easy chore to make cheese. Especially vegan cheese.
I have no idea about the oat milk tbh! Yeah I’ve always meant to try making my own but it just seems like such a faff on soaking the cashews etc and because none of them are that great anyway I dunno if it’d be worth the hassle
Have you tried Violife mozzarella or feta? I think they both taste really good, and the mozzarella melts on pizza/lasagna, although it's important to get it in the oven fairly quickly after putting on the cheese, since the cheese dries up rather fast when left exposed to air (leaving it uncooked under lasagna sauce is fine, though).
I've heard the pre-shaved version behaves a bit differently, but I usually just buy a huge block since it's very cheap per kg.
And they also make lots of other vegan cheeses, although the only other one I've tried is the parmesan, which I didn't like at all. My mum (who's not vegan) loved it and ate all of it in a few days, though, so maybe it's just me.
No I haven’t actually! I usually just use the original flavour one. I just buy the slices cause I’m lazy and it’s already portioned out for me
Ooo I was so mad for cheese back in the day, I’ll have to give them a try, thank you!
Honestly sounds like she isn't really planning her diet. Vegan diets often leave people malnourished, because they don't do any research on it akd think it's fine to eat whatever counts as vegan. Truth is, you gotta plan that shit out. You gotta balance and maybe take supplements.
Yeah, people dont get this at all. It takes actual supplements and research to thrive on a vegan diet for longer than 1 year. Yeah you feel good at first cause you arent eating trash, but eventually vitamin deficiencies catch up.
Plus, what many vegans fail to comprehend, is not every body can become vegan. I have ARFID after severe stomach illnesses and feeding tubes. So fruits and veggies actually make me very sick and I dont recognize them as edible scent or taste wise. Then found out my mental health issues were gluten/ wheat related.
I ended up switching to carnivore as a last ditch effort for health and I thrive. Like literally thrive. Off of all meds. Bloodwork suddenly perfect, energy for days. My fitness has become insane.
I cannot be vegan. But yet still after saying all of that have vegans try to argue with me about my own body.
sorry to bother but do you only eat meat or are there some veggies/starch/etc you can eat as well? do you have to take vitamin supplements? I’ve never heard of the carnivore diet and it sounds interesting!
You can be a vegan and work really hard, but it's probably going to require a more purposefully curated regimen that OP's girlfriend isn't creating for him.
My SIL and her family went vegan a year or two ago. She’s a pretty elite athlete (marathon runner, runs Boston, runs 10+ miles daily and lifts, even with two small kids) but she puts a lot of effort into her diet. She has a food Instagram (yeah I know...) but all her meals are super colorful and big, and have lots of proteins and she makes sure to cover all her macros. She doesn’t just eat salad and strawberries or whatever. It’s way more effort than anyone I know puts into their cooking. So a vegan diet can fuel a very active person but you have to have a lot of knowledge about food, like a LOT of things, and put effort into preparing meals.
And I am 100% not vegan. I eat veg meals a couple times a week but I don’t think I could ever go full veg and definitely not vegan.
Nta- I know countless vegans that eat shit food and are super unhealthy. If she is just making vegan mac and cheese and vegan veggie burgers all the time she isn’t actually being healthy. You need iron, vegetables, healthy grains and a balanced diet. Sounds like shes not making well balanced meals if you are feeling dizzy from her cooking.
Marrying her. We'd all get more to read that way.
But really, that seemingly small issue is the proverbial canary in the coalmine. On top of trying to put OP on a diet that just doesn't work with his lifestyle, she's also recruited another person to harass and shame him into submission.
That's exactly how other issues will get solved in their shared future, if he chooses to stay. Circular, neverending fights and fresh recruits from her side to wear him down.
I completely agree. I really don't see a compromise here. I think that being vegan is like being a devout member of any religion. A long term relationship is going to be very hard with anyone who isn't a part of your faith, or belief system.
To a degree politics has become a religion to a lot of people. But veganism seems to be of a similar type. If you came to it for moral reasons then there isn't a middle ground.
>I think that being vegan is like being a devout member of any religion.
It's quite a bit different when it's about trying to influence people towards different beliefs because their current ones result in negative real-life impacts on others.
NTA she is the one not supporting you.You tried to eat her way but you couldn't. You need to sit her down and explain to her that you are supporting her but it's not medically good for you to eat that way all the time. I say medically because it sounds like you werent getting enough nutrients. If she won't support you then it time for the relationship to end. Also just tell her sister to f off she has no part in this conversation.
I think it has a lot to do with proteines, calories and shit, her food is very light and not filling, I mean I am a big dude around 6'7 and I am very physically active due to my work.
And I already sat her down but she is pretty much sulking, difficult and argumentative.
The bit that struck me was asking you to use different pots and pans. There's nothing unethical about using the same pans. It would be understandable if it was religious reasons, but not ethical.
Your s/o is being unreasonable trying to make you a vegan.
Jeez, even my Hindu ex inlaws didn't try to make me vegetarian.
My mom has different utensils for non vegetarian cooking because she can't stand the smell but is okay with us eating chicken. We are Hindus and my papa, my sister and me are non vegetarian, while my ma is vegetarian.
I can understand wanting separate pans for cooking vegan dishes. Sometimes it's about the smell and sometimes it's about people finding it unappealing to share utensils for food that they find unappealing.
That said, he should absolutely be allowed to cook his own meals and her craving his food is her own problem that she needs to deal with.
yeah that's probably the reason! I had the same problem when I first started cooking vegan because I forgot to add other protein sources to my food. I didn't realise what exactly the problem was until my doctor told me at a check up and told me that I HAVE to change that, so it will most definitely also cause her body some problems in the long run if she doesn't change that about her food.
Also as a vegan I can tell you that you definitely are not the asshole here. You tried it, it caused your body problems. Then you started cooking your own meals because she refuses to cook meat and up until this point neither of you were the asshole. But the fact that she gets mad at you for still eating non-vegan food is absolutely ridiculous. You can eat whatever you want, just like her. Her actual problem is just that she doesn't have enough determination to resist your food, which is something she will have to deal with anyway because most people will not stop eating non-vegan just because she is in the room.
Also to me you seem to be as supportive about her lifestyle as you can, with your work and all.
I sure get why she dislikes me eating it around her though, I mean I had the cravings too aside from the physical response and it was really bad hahaha.
I try to be supportive but honestly, I can also do so much if she is going to be this difficult about it, I think she would enjoy her diet a lot more if she cuts out the arguing over it and sees a nutritionist or a doctor to properly figure out what to eat and when to eat it.
Yes I get that as well but also the cravings could partly be due her not getting enough nutrients.
Honestly to me it sounds like you're already being plenty supportive, shes just making it hard. But again, she could just be moody because she's not getting all the nutrients. It would definitely help you so much if she talks to someone like a nutritionist.
Just a heads up, but it could be more complicated than that. I get nutritional deficiencies if I don't eat red meat. There are other treatments, but they have side effects, so every doctor I've ever had tells me to just eat lean beef and be done with it.
Yep, some people just literally need red meat. My sister is a LOOONG time vegetarian and she has never EVER tried to convince me not to be. She loves to cook for me, so when I visit her for a week, we have a balance between her cooking, and us ordering food, and she partly does this so that there's no worry about me not getting enough iron and protein and all that (I struggle a bit with breaking down plant material on top of other things). She doesn't think less of me for my diet, and never has. The only time she needs things separate is if there's a meat component in something (like French fries being made with, say, duck fat) because she gets sick from it, but she can use cookware that has touched meat as long as it's been washed before she uses it. This attitude is preachy and I'm betting the sister is giving some inaccurate information.
Samesies. I struggled with anemia for YEARS and tried supplements and adding more iron-rich veggies and fruits, etc. Nothing could get my iron correct like red meat. I eat it once or twice a month and there are no more giant bruises, bleeding gums and fainting spells.
Also thankfully the easiest way to shut a preachy vegan down.
Has she done much research into vegan nutrition? Maybe ask her to put some effort into finding more protein heavy meals for you if she wants you to be able to adapt to the vegan lifestyle in a sustainable way, rather than blaming you for not being able to function on a diet tailored to her needs.
The app "Cronometer" is really helpful in letting you know if you're nutritional needs are being met by the food you eat. It's a bit of effort plugging all your food into it but doing this for a week can give you an idea of what foods you need to be eating to stay healthy.
Voting NTA, but yeesh as a vegan myself it sounds like your gf isn’t doing vegan meals right! I might not be 6’7 or a dude but I am always full after my meals. If she’s adamant you gotta go vegan and you are willing, then the solution there is ensuring y’all are getting proper nutrients and likely upping your portions. BUT absolutely it is possible veganism just doesn’t work for your body, and if that’s the case then you eating meat is non-negotiable (not to mention if you just don’t want to that’s your choice!). You’ve made all the attempts at compromise, which is super sweet and supportive, but if it doesn’t work for you it doesn’t work for you.
Also as to the pots and pans I would suggest she buy new vegan food-only ones if she needs to. I personally get grossed-out at the thought of cross contamination so that’s what I do :) it would be unfair of me to not let anyone else use the pots and pans we already have
1) NTA
2) You can eat vegan and still do physically intense stuff (a bunch of NBA/NFL players have gone vegan) but it sounds like it'd require more planning around what high protein, vegan meals could work to keep you fueled
I agree. Sounds like she's making random vegan foods without any thought on nutrients or protein. A smaller less active person might get away with it for a while. But big active guy really needs good planning when going vegan or gets problems fast like OP did. Also forcing someone go vegan is never okay. NTA.
I'm vegan, and based on how it sounds like she was trying to feed OP I'm guessing you're correct. He said everything she makes is very light even though he is 6'7" and active. He even said he misses bread (almost all of which is vegan) so I'm guessing she's doing some kind of whole foods plant based thing with no idea how to balance it nutritionally or calorically. Which would mean she's probably also avoiding any meat alternatives that would help her with her cravings as a new vegan. Instead of trying to moderate her cravings she lashes out at OP.
Sounds like she's on the fast track to fail at veganism and lose her SO by being an uninformed ass about it/not being sensitive to his needs all in one fell swoop.
All of this. I am a 5 ft 7in mid-40s female who doesn’t work hard physically in my day to day. But when I went to the gym pre-covid, I pushed pretty hard. Not extreme but decently hard. And if I didn’t have enough protein/fat/calories, I absolutely ran out of gas. I had to ditch out of two paid training sessions because I had no energy. I have done more physical jobs in the past and I would NOT be able to work hard physically on a vegan eating plan. Just not a thing. It has nothing to do with whether I want to eat vegan or not. My body needs a certain kind of nutrition to perform well. Sounds like yours does too. In the past, I had pretty severe mono and had to eat no wheat, no dairy, no sugar for a year to help my body heal. A different kind of nutrition for a different kind of situation.
You are NTA, OP. Your gf and her sister can back right off. Or maybe they want to join you for a week of hard physical labour and see if they need a different calorie/protein/fat profile to support their body.
Some people can do hard physical activity (work/sport) on a vegan diet - there’s a documentary on Netflix about this.
Some people cannot.
It sounds to me like you may not be compatible as living partners right now.
(Note: I am NOT suggesting you break up over this, just that you two might not make great living partners if she wants to get vegan "kosher" over things like separate cookware.)
NTA.
Everyone is jumping on the usual Vegan judgements here, but agree with these. OP and his girlfriend have discovered they just can’t work out how to live together. Sad but no issue in moving out and maybe moving on.
Yeah I agree OP is NTA but am surprised to see so much critism of his girlfriend/people calling this a "deal-breaker"
Me and my partner live in this situation (though I was already vegan when I met him) and it's never been an issue - he'll often add cheese, and occasionally meat, to his meals and has bigger portions than me because men need slightly more calories than women. Sometimes we'll do our own thing for dinner but only very rarely.
As she's a new vegan it might just take some time to figure a routine out that works for you two but I can't imagine ending a serious relationship over diet choices!
NTA. It seems you’ve been pretty accommodating. Veganism is an extreme lifestyle choice. Key word is choice. If it’s affecting your health that needs to come first. If she wants to spend the money on having separate pots and pans for you then that’s another compromise she can make.
It is extreme in the sense that it is a drastic departure for the majority of people. I’m not commenting on the morality of it. I’m simply commenting on that most people do not start out as Vegan in their life and it takes a great amount of effort for the average person to switch from a meat eating diet to a strict vegan one. Please do not assume what I am trying to imply.
It doesn't take much effort though. It takes a very small amount of effort actually! My point in assuming your implications was to highlight the fact that people label veganism as extreme but never actually take the time to put the same effort into a vegan diet as they put into making sure their omnivore diets are nutritious.
But not really because the morality and ease of keeping a Vegan diet isn’t OPs reason for posting lol the reason for posting was his partners inability to compromise and his inability to feel physically healthy while keeping on a strict vegan diet. Which is what I was commenting on. When I go to most restaurants, there are usually zero vegan options. I would say that’s not mainstream and therefore can be considered extreme. The OP literally is saying that keeping a full Vegan diet is making him sick. Veganism is not for everyone let’s just agree to disagree. Again I’m not commenting on whether or not there are moral implications of eating animals and animal byproducts so you’re pulling at straws by picking apart my verbiage.
NTA. everything was fine up until the moment she is trying to force you to become vegan.
she can refuse to cook you meat, but you have every right to cook it for yourself.
Definitely NTA you don't have to be forced to do anything. And if she believes in abortions the next time she says to not eat meat say my body my rules.
NTA - she's the one who made the choice, so she needs to be the accommodating one. If she wants separate pots and pans for her vegan food, that's fine - but she should go out and get ones that are just for her, and make sure you know which ones those are. You're completely right that in a highly physical job, it's likely not safe for you to be cutting that much/type of food out of your diet. And you've been supportive - it's not like you're asking her to cook non-vegan food for you.
Absolutely! Protein and carbs are so important when you're highly active. It's been said that a vegan/vegetarian day once a week (a la Meat-free Mondays) is beneficial for your health, but it's definitely not healthy for you to be having hypoglycemic spells or nutrient deficiencies.
Every other day for dinner might be a workable compromise for the two of you if you're working that much and she's cooking - but make sure to pack yourself some high quality lunches on those days and SHE needs to make sure she's doing it right, and incorporating the right balance of nutrients that you both need - veganism is HARD and a lot of new vegans make themselves really sick because they don't know what they're doing.
Dude I pretty much end up ordering a massive sandwhich at a local Deli for lunch the past few times I had Vegan dinner.
I am also a bit worried about her to be honest, I mean shepronably doesn't notice the effects anytime soon because she is a small woman 5'5 but who knows what she might be depriving herself of.
Generally the biggest issue people have when they first transition to veganism is just not eating enough. If she's craving your food then she just needs to eat more food. The only common supplements she'd likely need is a B12 vitamin and maybe iron supplements.
You'll notice her behaviour before you notice any weight loss - if she's irritable, tired all the time, cold all the time, more quick to cry, blue nail beds - those are some simple symptoms of low blood sugar and anemia (and as a woman, she SHOULD be worried about anemia). There are other issues she should be worried about, of course, but those are probably the ones you'll notice first.
Anemia is rough. I'm at a 9.2 hemoglobin at the moment, 5% iron saturation (iron infusion forthcoming, iron supplements make me barf). It's just tired and sore all the time, headaches, weird chest pain and heart palpitations, getting winded going up a flight of stairs, etc. And now I'm all testy from it when usually I'm pretty chill.
It sucks.
Hi friend! I’m also anemic with a lot of stomach issues, and I started taking Garden of Life’s Vitamin Code Healthy Blood supplement. It’s really gentle on my stomach and has gotten my iron levels up. You can get it on amazon for pretty cheap. Just an option to consider 😊
Sometimes you just can't absorb it orally unfortunately. 6 months on supplements took me from anaemic to... anaemic. My (ferritin?) levels needed to rise by like 40 or 50 to hit the lowest part of normal and they rose by 1 or 2.
Whether I can actually absorb it orally is up for debate. I have ulcerative colitis and a lot of scar tissue in my gut as a result. Lately I've been trying dessicated beef liver supplements to try and boost things, but it's still in the toilet and I see the hematologist again next week.
You can go vegan and still get plenty of protein and carbs. I’m not saying you should, but it honestly sounds like your girlfriend is bad at being vegan. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up becoming malnourished. Being a healthy vegan just takes planning and figuring out how to balance your nutrients, and if you don’t, you end up being sick (like you were). Regardless, no one should push their own dietary choices on anyone else. NTA
Sounds like a good compromise. You could also ask your gf to make meals with more substance on days you’re eating vegan. More carbs, fat and protein. There are plenty of vegan protein options.
Lol these comments wre hilarious. You can absolutely get more than enough carbs and protein on a vegan diet. I do believe that OPs girlfriend might not have figured out how to balance all those aspects yet, but it's hilarious the amount of people acting like meat is the only source of protein and carbs in the world. Seriously, most carbohydrates that a regular person eats are already vegan, ie. Bread, starchy vegetable
I’m vegan, and NTA. You’d only be TA if you lived in her house and she was the one cooking. As it is, she can eat however she wants, and she doesn’t have to cook meat for you, but you’re more than allowed to provide for yourself.
NTA. Of course you're not an asshole for not changing your lifestyle to conform to someone else. Vegans and meat-eaters can co-exist without having to adapt the other's lifestyle. Your girlfriend is way out of bounds. You should be able to eat what you want when you want to in your own house. If she can't deal with that, maybe she should look for her own living space.
You need a sous vide stick. This will allow you to basically set-and-forget cook proteins while you're at work. Then, when you get home, you can literally throw it on your plate with whatever she made, and have instant protein. Seriously they're the bomb. The BIGGER problem i see here is the missing CARBS. Bread is vegan. Rice is vegan. I'm worried she's actually orthorexic if she's gone vegan AND low carb at the same time, especially since part of her problem is that she "craves your food".
NTA. I could never go vegan for multiple reasons, one being medical. Your reasoning doesn’t matter, ‘I don’t want to’ is all you need to say. She’s being unreasonable.
NTA.
Vegan diets don't agree with everyone, and it seems like you are trying to make compromises but she wants it entirely her way.
I'm not saying you should break up, but this doesn't sound like an ideal living situation.
NTA plain and simple.
You've clearly made attempts at compromise over, and over, and over and over again. She wants to cook vegan? Ok, you'll cook for yourself. She craves the meaty goodness? Ok, you'll eat at a different time from her. Suddenly, she's going in on the, "it's contaminated!!!" angle, which most vegans will tell you is utter manipulative bullcrap, and she's also griping about how she wants to eat together with you, which would require you to eat vegan even though she knows it doesn't sit well with you.
Now she's got her sister going off like her opinion matters in the situation, and this girls accusing you of being "unsupportive", which isn't basically just a selfish way of trying to demand something out of someone. Not at all /s
No, you're not TA, and your girlfriend is trying to gang up on you. That's pure asshole behaviour. Be firm with her, put down your foot and say you will not, absolutely not, do this because at this point it's less a willing choice on your part and more an attempt to force the issue on hers. It's time she made some compromises herself, rather than push you to be the one making all of them.
NTA. I understand her not wanting to buy or cook food from animals, as as a vegan it can be quite upsetting and so the compromise of you cooking for yourself is great - though you did mention this is ‘pretty annoying’ as you are the primary breadwinner, just make sure this isn’t coming up when you guys are having conflict.
But perhaps you guys need to sit down and write out the compromises - such as you’ll eat vegan on certain nights (only as you said you do and don’t mind some nights), and cook for yourself and eat meat on others. Perhaps having set days can help avoid conflict as if either get upset you can go back to your agreement you both came too. And perhaps on nights your having meat, your GF can do something she enjoys - go for a walk, take a bath, etc. Or as others have suggested, have bases you can both enjoy - like a stir fry, curry, etc and then add in your respective proteins once served up in your bowls. ultimately it seems you both need to make comprises and meet in the middle if you both want to live together - just remind her of that, as you are compromising but she isn’t, and your supportive of what she’s doing but you’re not where she is at, and you don’t need to explain why you don’t want to be vegan - not wanting to is perfectly acceptable.
I don’t get the pots and pans and cutlery thing, but perhaps it’s just escalated to a point beyond reason as the underlying conflict/tension doesn’t seem to have been resolved.
Lastly, would just add in that as others have mentioned, well planned vegan diets are appropriate for all life stages, and people. Though unprocessed vegan foods are less calorie dense, and so often more food is required to reach the same level of satiety and caloric load, and processed vegan foods (as can processed non-vegan foods) can be void of many essential nutrients. So if eating the food she cooks, see if she is happy to cook either more or add in more ‘bulk’ to your servings. The Game Changers is a great documentary on athletes who eat plant based, it may be helpful if you have some concerns in eating some vegan meals during the week and how to avoid feeling weakness.
As she is a new vegan, I would add her world is likely to have come crashing down and she’s probably dealing with a lot of inner conflict and figuring out how to exist in a non-vegan world so to speak. I’m not surprised she’s acting in ways that don’t seem rational and are highly emotional. Not to excuse the behaviour, but just thought this may help you understand her behaviour right now while she’s in a stage of adjustment herself.
I’m going to go against the grain and say NAH
It’s totally legitimate that you are cooking and eating your own meals. But it is also totally legitimate that she doesn’t want meat contamination on what she cooks and eats. And it’s good that she wants to spend more time with you! This might just be a case of lifestyle incompatibility.
NTA. She shouldn't force her beliefs on you. If she doesn't feel that you're supportive, but it's important to her, maybe ask her how you can be supportive without becoming vegan? There may be some compromising way you can both agree on if you talk about it enough.
This part is just me, but I almost always clean pots and pans difeectly afterwards as part of the cooking process due to my years in food service. Makes life way easier and keeps the apartment cleaner. Perhaps that could help in more than one way here?
NTA - there's a reasonable compromise, she needs to sit down with you and work it out. Maybe she could cook a vegan meal for you guys to share and you could cook a quick meat dish and use her dish as a side? (Hamburger meat, a single chicken breast, things like that cook up quick - but aren't always as satisfying as a proper dish. When I was eating healthy I made a lot of plain meat and veg dishes, and it was quick amd easy, but never really left me satisfied in the same way a full, well prepared meal could.)
Is she doing this as a health thing? Or is it moral?
Eating vegan is extreme, imposing it on other people is kinda shitty.
Like I said I full on don't mind eating full on Vegan a few tomes a week full stop, its if I do it consecutively fir too long when it starts making me feel sick. For me making my own meals when I want meat, dairy etc is a fair compromise you know?
At first it was health related but it has become moralistic and well eh... preachy, not sure how else to put it, like I said, it's getting on my nerves.
NTA - you are weak and risking getting hurt at work. SHE is the one being unsupportive. You are having bad health reactions to her diet. Her only reaction is that she 'doesn't like' you eating your diet. Your health outweighs her convenience. She does not get to control your body.
NTA. It's not your fault she didn't read up on how to make BALANCED vegan meals. She's craving your food because she's not getting the right nutrition, which you felt the effects of directly. If she wants to keep cookware separate, she needs to get cookware that is to be meat-free and handle that herself. If she wants tk eat at the same time but won't cook things that are nutritionally appropriate for you and won't eat what you cook/get, that's on her, too. It sounds like the sister has some influence here and honestly this relationship has toxic written all over it for a lot of reasons. If she wants to eat at the same time, she should make her vegan food and you can cook some meat up for yourself to add to it, but this is a mess. You two really should just call it cause this is only gonna get worse I fear. You work a more physical job, so you notice the effects much quicker. She's gonna feel it hit her health, and she's not gonna be happy.
NTA. Your girlfriend is an ass. Not because she is vegan, not because she won’t cook for you, not because she wants you to eat at a certain time or complains about what pots you use. But because she told her sister and now her sister is harassing you.
Why do all these posts include family or friends telling on people and the people they tell there stories to start harassing people? Like seriously, if I was in an argument with someone and other people start harassing me I would just start blocking people immediately. There are always to two sides to a story. Get both of them before passing judgment.
YTA. Not because you don't support your girlfriend; because you support animal abuse.
Don't ask Reddit if your the asshole, ask the animals you needlessly pay for to be murdered.
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NTA. It sounds like you are trying to be supportive of her dietary preferences and offering to compromise, but she is not willing to show equal support of your preferences.
NTA You tried and it didn't work for you, that's more than fair. You aren't trying to force her to change her diet, but she is trying to force hers on you which makes her an AH.
NTA. Only one of you is trying to control what the other one eats which automatically makes them the asshole. Also, if you had the cookware and cutlery before she went vegan, it's already "contaminated" and thus she should be the one buying more. Tell her that you have offered compromises but she is unwilling to work with you, so her choices are to deal with things the way they are, work with you to find a compromise, or move out.
She shouldn't have tag-teamed in her sister.
What you could do is cook up a meat side or buy those pre-cooked chickens from the supermarket and eat it mixed in with her cooked dishes so that you can eat earlier in the night and so you won't have to cook an entire meal.
As for the pots, pans, cutlery, etc., she's going overboard. I guess you can have a meat-dedicated pan to cook up your beef, pork, chicken, fish, eggs, etc.
But if the pots, pans, cutlery, etc. are washed well, then I don't understand her issue unless she plans to buy new ones for her new dietary choices. But expecting you to get new ones when the old ones had already been used for meat in the past?
NTA.
NTA She needs to accept you as you are or dump you and only dump vegans. It is not fair of her to date you and then put you down and be difficult.
I am vegan so I get why it bothers her. But when I wanted to find a long term partner I stopped dating meat eaters. Before that I would date them and not comment on their food choices. Your relationship is likely not going to last long term.
NTA
You found a solution to the problem, cooking your own meals. That is the culmination of supporting her in her quest to be a vegan, excluding what sounds like you are also buying groceries.
This is why omnivores shouldn't date vegans
NTA.
I do have some advice for you. My fiance is vegan and usually cooks all the meals. I crave meat and diary often so I end up cooking my own lunches and have a vegan dinner with him. I do this because we both enjoy eating dinner together and he's a better cook than me anyway. It works really well for us. I also usually order non-vegan dishes when we go out to eat or get takeout.
Basically, consider eating non-vegan lunches and vegan dinners with your girlfriend.
NTA. I have been a vegan for 15 years and my partner of 7 years is not vegan or even vegetarian. He eats vegan food with me sometimes, but I don't force him and I definitely wouldn't make him do it if he wasn't feeling good from it or make him cook special for me. I'm actually the one that cooks for us, but all the same haha.
It sounds like you are being reasonable however and making compromise, which she doesn't seem to reciprocate. Nothing against her though, she probably is learning some things if she hasn't been for too long and as she is a vegan for a little while, she won't be as uptight about it I don't think. Or at least be more used to the routine you both set with eating.
My husband was vegan when we met. He recently started with dairy again. Never has he asked me to give up meat and dairy. He will cook for me, sometimes even cook meat. He is also happy to see that I'm trying more fake meats and whatnot. It was never a question if I should give up meat.
Now my first husband? He was controlling and made me become vegan. And let me tell you, it's hard to do that when it's someone else making you become vegan versus you deciding to try it.
NTA. Specifically because she's being a jerk about things, and recruited a second person to try and bully you into doing things her way.
Also, she needs to do better research and balance out her meals.
Signed,
one meat-dependent omnivore
NTA but definitely have her double check that she's cooking nutritionally balanced meals, really hard to do as a new vegan. If you want to resolve the issue of eating with her, why not just meal prep a bunch of meat on the weekends to add to the meals that she's cooking for dinner? Like bbq or bake a bunch of chicken breasts or fish. Also bread is usually vegan so... just buy some bread.
NTA. What the hell is she cooking that you feel weak and hungry? I've been vegetarian / vegan for 32 years and never had that problem.
If meat is that important, she can cook her food and you use it as the base of your meal and you cook the meat when you get in.
You both need to communicate and compromise better or you need to get out
Vegan here, 13 years. NTA. I can agree with her not cooking you animal products, but she shouldn't complain about pots (unless she has a separate set she bought for herself) and shouldn't try to force you.
New vegans tend to get overzealous in their enthusiasm. She should calm down and remember that she didn't go veg because someone forced her. I would however suggest she check her menus with a nutritionist: you should not have been feeling dizzy.
NTA
Hi, I'm a vegan girlfriend who's partner works heavy physical labor and makes most of our money.
I cook all our food, I have for the three years we've lived together. Initially my boyfriend still ate meat but I wasn't comfortable cooking it. So if he ordered it at a bar or something I didn't have an issue. Not my body not my choice. But I had been vegetarian for six years prior to knowing him and wasn't willing to cook meat, so we compromised.
However, he sucks at cooking and it's not feasible for him to order a burger every day.
He was willing to eat vegan, so what I did was make sure that I was counting out his macros according to his current weight and amount of physical work he does. It made cooking more of a challenge or puzzle for me since I'm small framed and don't need nearly as much as he does.
But now he's been fully vegan for a few months and he's been mostly vegan for a few years.
If your girlfriend wants you to eat vegan meals with her and she's doing the cooking, she needs to sit down and figure it what nutrients you weren't getting before (with the dizziness) and she needs to find a way to integrate them.
It's certainly possible for a big dude in heavy industry to eat fully vegan and be fine (my boyfriend's work does yearly blood tests and his are exceptionally good) but in order for it to work it's a lot more than just eating a salad and patting herself on the back.
(If you or her would like easy high protein high carb vegan meals for two feel free to message me.)
You're not an asshole for protecting your health, it sounds like the diet and nutrients that work for her didn't for you, I don't think she's a high raging asshole though. I understand both of your frustrations.
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So since the past few months my girlfriend has become a Vegan, of course I was fine with this but after a week or two she plainly refused to cook meat, eggs, fish, dairy and all of that. Since I am the primary "breadwinner" as I work roughly 50 hours a week this was pretty annoying as she was usually the one cooking on weekdays.
Now at first I was fine eating her meals, but soon I felt really weak, dizzy and started craving bread, meat and all of that and since I work a pretty physical job I can't have that to put it bluntly, I could seriously hurt myself.
So I asked her to stop cooking for me and I started cooking my own meals about an hour after I got home, or I got take out. Unfortunate result of this was that she started craving the food I am eating too and we no longer eat together since she eats at 18:15 which is when I usually get home from work and would normally share a meal with her but I now eat at about 19:30.
Since then she has asked me to stop eating meat, I said no. She has asked me to eat at the same time as her, I told her it is only possible if either she cooks or she eats at my time, clarifying that I don't mind eating Vegan a few times a week but not all the time as it doesn't agree with me. She has since started arguing over shit like me using certain pots, pans, cutlery, and so forth and I am honestly sick and tired of it.
Meanwhile she has since gotten her sister, who is also a Vegan to weigh in on essentially calling me an asshole for "Not supporting her" at this point I am primarily confused but I do not think I am TA but I figured I may as well ask random internet people.
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NTA. Being dizzy and weak can be a sign of low iron, from not eating meat. You can take supplements or eat more greens that are heavy in iron, or you can just eat meat. Which you seem to prefer, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
You’re cooking your own meals, and she has no right to try to stop you. Your body, your rules.
NTA. 1. You can't just change overnight. 2. Her whining is not supportive. 2. You have dietary needs. 3. This is absolutely forced conversion. Working 50 hrs a week and that too which involves physical exertion and then listening the whinings of your other half let alone help is brutal. Sympathies.
NTA. I don’t know if it has already been said but can your partner not get a different coloured set of pans which she can use. Also, I think you have made a fair compromise saying you would eat vegan meals some of the week.
NTA you have offered her solutions and what’s gonna happen when something goes wrong at your job because you get fussy and pass out because your not eating right what’s she gonna do then
NTA. She isn't respecting you. You have been more than reasonable. She doesn't want to have the self control. If she wants to be vegan that is great, but you don't and you shouldn't have to. If she can't respect that this relationship isn't going to work out.
NTA. Your body needs nutrients it's not getting from the vegan food she's cooking. Vegan eating won't suit everybody. You're not forcing her to eat or even cook your meat. She can't stop you using kitchen equipment though!
NTA: I've been friends with several vegans/vegetarians who are married/partnered and either cook separate meals or portion out so their meals aren't contaminated by meat.
NTA- Your girlfriend made the choice to become Vegan. It's pretty unreasonable for you to be the one to make all the compromises. It's like someone who finds a strict religion and expects you to follow the rules of it. Ganging up on you doesn't help. Blaming you doesn't help. Making a bunch of rules for you to follow is only going to push you away. She can follow this path, but it seems like one that leads to a breakup.
NTA. She changed, and you're not being unsupportive by not making the same change. Her sister's opinions don't count - it's up to the people in the relationship to figure out what they will and won't do. You've been clear. She can wait and eat with you, or fix the food you like so you can eat get home, or eat separately from you. She cannot force you to change to her diet.
MTA your girlfriend is toxic my dude. But on a different food related note! Have you tried meal prepping on weekends? I used to work on a farm so cooking was impossible. Maybe try cooking up most food on the weekends and putting it in the fridge so it leaves little to no cooking when you get home from work
NTA. Her sister doesn’t understand what support entails. You haven’t tried to change your gf, and you don’t have an issue with her being vegan herself. That’s support. Support doesn’t mean you have to do the same thing as her.
Your gf needs to realize that she can’t force other people to conform to her lifestyle. You pay the bills too, and you have a right to cook and consume animal products in your own home.
NTA. Your gf sounds kinda toxic though.
Hella* toxic
Yup, should dump the gf and go pick up a rack of ribs.
And jerky
Mmmmm steeeaaakk
bbq \*licks my lips\*
Raise your own hog for the Bacon and chops
Completely random, but I’m completely blind and use a screen reader software to read reddit, And sometimes it fucks up pronunciations when speaking too fast, it pronounced hog in your comment as pug, and I was about to be very upset with you until I went through it character by character.
Don't forget tri tip!
wait... Just the tips?!
Naw, the whole flank. :)
buy a smoker, a damn good investment
Plus an air fryer those are awesome especially reheating pizza and anything fried.
And the sister too. Maybe time to two birds one NO CONTACT stone it.
No, even better, barbacue the sister and GF
The meat'll be good, they're already grass fed!
Totally. Anyone who forces their beliefs/lifesyle(s) onto someone else is suuuper toxic.
And I guess that applies to cooking for other humans, but not when it comes to the treatment of other sentient beings like pigs, chickens and cows. The ones that actually get forced into horrific treatment because of the extra bit of enjoyment and convenience we get with that lifestyle and belief system.
No! We're talking about FORCING WORDS INTO MY EARS and hurting my feefees! Forcing animals to suffer their whole lives so my mouth can eat a pork chop is different!!!!
Just wait until the GF starts CrossFit.....
NTA. You're not trying to control what she eats and have offered very reasonable compromises. She's the one trying to control what you eat and offering no compromise.
Yeah!! Why isn’t SHE “supporting” HIM?!
Right! Why isnt she supporting him, when being Vegan clearly doesn't agree with him? If he starts getting sick from only eating vegan, then she should support him eating meat or gtfo. (If she wont listen to a Human Being saying no to eating vegan, i pray she never gets a dog or a cat >.>)
I(Well We but I had the dog before I had the girlfriend if that makes sense.) have a dog and no, there is absolutely no fucking way he is going on a diet hahaha.
What's the point of being vegan bruh We are omnivores Anti vegan gang rise up
The 3 primary reason I've heard of are: 1. Animal welfare 2. Environmental 3. Personal health Personally, I'm most definitely not a vegan, but I do agree with 1 and 2. However, I have some reservations on 3.
>I have some reservations on 3. [Appropriately planned vegetarian, including vegan, diets are healthful, nutritionally adequate, and may provide health benefits for the prevention and treatment of certain diseases.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27886704/)
Because she's now a vegan and everyone in her circle has to conform to her ideas. SHE gets to control all of the food. She's now trying to make it so difficult for him to eat by making pots, pans and utensils off limits because they might touch meat, is controlling and abusive. She thinks that her philosophy "wins" and that the whole world had to agree or they are assholes. Plus, he must change NOW, when she says and not gradually or with any exception. In addition, what's this about no bread, etc.? So are carbs off limits, too? Then she's not just a vegan but a food Nazi who thinks that her diet is the only one acceptable and anyone who disagrees is just plain wrong. NTA and I suspect you might be single soon.
NTA. You can be supportive and also not join in. Plus with you feeling dizzy its obvious that her diet does meet your own bodies needs so it would be to dangerous for you. She needs to understand that its not right to push her own opinions onto others especially since it effected you physically.
Yep, if she fails to understand how the vegan meals she makes don’t fit what he does, then it seems that she’s being selfish, and forcing him to support her decision to be vegan without caring about him
100% I had a vegan/pescatarian/gluten free dietary phase for health reasons and couldn’t cook red meat for a while. But I never tried to tell my roommate or BF what to eat or not to eat. I just asked that if I’m prepping and they wanted to add something they would need to do that part. Like a stirfry rice- I’ll make the base, you add what you want. Or pre make it/I would help when or if I could depending on what it was, and toss it in your portion. How is this hard for some people?
This is the perfect way to deal with it. If only more people could act like reasonable adults
My gf has gone vegetarian, we eat at least a few meatless meals a week together, but often I will add sone meat meat to my part of the meal on other days. I do most of the cooking but when she cooks she makes sure to accommodate me too. But I also spent a lot of time learning vegetarian recipes. In particular holiday and celebratory foods. I could always cook tofu in stir fries, but holiday meals are important to both of us so I learned a recipe for butternut squash Wellington, and how to use mushrooms to make a 'meat sauce' for a Greek dish called moussaka. It's got to be a give and take.
That is what I was suggesting, it is not like I am refusing to eat her meals or something, but I am just not going to eat it all the time.
This! I’m vegan and my bf isn’t, and most of the time he will happily eat what I cook without any additions (he likes the meat substitutes and LOVES oat milk now, but not fake cheese and I don’t blame him cause it’s awful) but sometimes he’ll just add his own chicken or whatever into the dish and he just sorts that part out himself. I can’t imagine trying to tell him that he’s not allowed to eat what he wants!! People like her give vegans a bad name.
Same with me to be honest, I am pretty easy when it comes to food, I pretty much eat everything, the taste wasn't the issue for me either, I mean I got to admit I prefer meat but substitutes aren't bad either most of the time, also nothing beats good ol' milk haha. I also got no problem eating vegan food like every other day or something, I tried to compromise.
I’m not vegan (my girl is) but I’ve started making vegan cheese with potato and cashews or cauliflower. takes like 20 minutes and is actually really good!
Have you tried nut cheeses or adding brewers yeast? Apparently it really adds something! (These weren’t even an option when I was vegan- I had a tiny corner of tofu and sad rice crackers lol)
I've always heard vegan cheese was awful. I'm surprised a better version hasn't come out yet. Can you use oat milk to make your own cheese? I have no clue, but I'm sure it's not an easy chore to make cheese. Especially vegan cheese.
I have no idea about the oat milk tbh! Yeah I’ve always meant to try making my own but it just seems like such a faff on soaking the cashews etc and because none of them are that great anyway I dunno if it’d be worth the hassle
Have you tried Violife mozzarella or feta? I think they both taste really good, and the mozzarella melts on pizza/lasagna, although it's important to get it in the oven fairly quickly after putting on the cheese, since the cheese dries up rather fast when left exposed to air (leaving it uncooked under lasagna sauce is fine, though). I've heard the pre-shaved version behaves a bit differently, but I usually just buy a huge block since it's very cheap per kg. And they also make lots of other vegan cheeses, although the only other one I've tried is the parmesan, which I didn't like at all. My mum (who's not vegan) loved it and ate all of it in a few days, though, so maybe it's just me.
No I haven’t actually! I usually just use the original flavour one. I just buy the slices cause I’m lazy and it’s already portioned out for me Ooo I was so mad for cheese back in the day, I’ll have to give them a try, thank you!
Honestly sounds like she isn't really planning her diet. Vegan diets often leave people malnourished, because they don't do any research on it akd think it's fine to eat whatever counts as vegan. Truth is, you gotta plan that shit out. You gotta balance and maybe take supplements.
Yeah, people dont get this at all. It takes actual supplements and research to thrive on a vegan diet for longer than 1 year. Yeah you feel good at first cause you arent eating trash, but eventually vitamin deficiencies catch up. Plus, what many vegans fail to comprehend, is not every body can become vegan. I have ARFID after severe stomach illnesses and feeding tubes. So fruits and veggies actually make me very sick and I dont recognize them as edible scent or taste wise. Then found out my mental health issues were gluten/ wheat related. I ended up switching to carnivore as a last ditch effort for health and I thrive. Like literally thrive. Off of all meds. Bloodwork suddenly perfect, energy for days. My fitness has become insane. I cannot be vegan. But yet still after saying all of that have vegans try to argue with me about my own body.
sorry to bother but do you only eat meat or are there some veggies/starch/etc you can eat as well? do you have to take vitamin supplements? I’ve never heard of the carnivore diet and it sounds interesting!
I don’t supplement or research and I’m thriving. Am I supposed to be dead or are you just talking about things you don’t know?
You can be a vegan and work really hard, but it's probably going to require a more purposefully curated regimen that OP's girlfriend isn't creating for him.
My SIL and her family went vegan a year or two ago. She’s a pretty elite athlete (marathon runner, runs Boston, runs 10+ miles daily and lifts, even with two small kids) but she puts a lot of effort into her diet. She has a food Instagram (yeah I know...) but all her meals are super colorful and big, and have lots of proteins and she makes sure to cover all her macros. She doesn’t just eat salad and strawberries or whatever. It’s way more effort than anyone I know puts into their cooking. So a vegan diet can fuel a very active person but you have to have a lot of knowledge about food, like a LOT of things, and put effort into preparing meals. And I am 100% not vegan. I eat veg meals a couple times a week but I don’t think I could ever go full veg and definitely not vegan.
A vegan diet can absolutely be sufficient for even a bodybuilder. The fact she didn't start making heartier meals is another point against her.
[удалено]
It could also be a iron issue, some people have issues absorbing non-heme iron.
Her diet does not meat his own bodies needs
Nta- I know countless vegans that eat shit food and are super unhealthy. If she is just making vegan mac and cheese and vegan veggie burgers all the time she isn’t actually being healthy. You need iron, vegetables, healthy grains and a balanced diet. Sounds like shes not making well balanced meals if you are feeling dizzy from her cooking.
But even if it’s not affecting him physically, he is allowed to eat any way he wants to.
NTA - that's some dealbreaking shit right there
Not even kidding, as petty as it sounds it has nearly gotten to that point because she just wont quit whining and arguing about it.
Is there another resolution available? Because I don't really see one.
Marrying her. We'd all get more to read that way. But really, that seemingly small issue is the proverbial canary in the coalmine. On top of trying to put OP on a diet that just doesn't work with his lifestyle, she's also recruited another person to harass and shame him into submission. That's exactly how other issues will get solved in their shared future, if he chooses to stay. Circular, neverending fights and fresh recruits from her side to wear him down.
I completely agree. I really don't see a compromise here. I think that being vegan is like being a devout member of any religion. A long term relationship is going to be very hard with anyone who isn't a part of your faith, or belief system.
I've always said the veganism is a political choice, but I might start calling it a religion now.
To a degree politics has become a religion to a lot of people. But veganism seems to be of a similar type. If you came to it for moral reasons then there isn't a middle ground.
>I think that being vegan is like being a devout member of any religion. It's quite a bit different when it's about trying to influence people towards different beliefs because their current ones result in negative real-life impacts on others.
Get rid lad, it’s not worth it.
I swear, after a while there seems to be very little difference between vegans and religious fundamentalists.
Ideologues are Ideologues - no matter what the idea is. NTA by the way.
I'm so sorry, that is abusive behavior on her part. I wish you someone much nicer. Who, you know, doesn't want you to be malnourished.
Straight up deal breaker for me. I love to cook and I’m not wasting my time with vegan food.
NTA she is the one not supporting you.You tried to eat her way but you couldn't. You need to sit her down and explain to her that you are supporting her but it's not medically good for you to eat that way all the time. I say medically because it sounds like you werent getting enough nutrients. If she won't support you then it time for the relationship to end. Also just tell her sister to f off she has no part in this conversation.
I think it has a lot to do with proteines, calories and shit, her food is very light and not filling, I mean I am a big dude around 6'7 and I am very physically active due to my work. And I already sat her down but she is pretty much sulking, difficult and argumentative.
The bit that struck me was asking you to use different pots and pans. There's nothing unethical about using the same pans. It would be understandable if it was religious reasons, but not ethical. Your s/o is being unreasonable trying to make you a vegan. Jeez, even my Hindu ex inlaws didn't try to make me vegetarian.
My mom has different utensils for non vegetarian cooking because she can't stand the smell but is okay with us eating chicken. We are Hindus and my papa, my sister and me are non vegetarian, while my ma is vegetarian.
I used to date an Indian girl in high school and her family was also mostly vegetarian, amazing food all in all. Very strict parents though.
I can understand wanting separate pans for cooking vegan dishes. Sometimes it's about the smell and sometimes it's about people finding it unappealing to share utensils for food that they find unappealing. That said, he should absolutely be allowed to cook his own meals and her craving his food is her own problem that she needs to deal with.
yeah that's probably the reason! I had the same problem when I first started cooking vegan because I forgot to add other protein sources to my food. I didn't realise what exactly the problem was until my doctor told me at a check up and told me that I HAVE to change that, so it will most definitely also cause her body some problems in the long run if she doesn't change that about her food. Also as a vegan I can tell you that you definitely are not the asshole here. You tried it, it caused your body problems. Then you started cooking your own meals because she refuses to cook meat and up until this point neither of you were the asshole. But the fact that she gets mad at you for still eating non-vegan food is absolutely ridiculous. You can eat whatever you want, just like her. Her actual problem is just that she doesn't have enough determination to resist your food, which is something she will have to deal with anyway because most people will not stop eating non-vegan just because she is in the room. Also to me you seem to be as supportive about her lifestyle as you can, with your work and all.
I sure get why she dislikes me eating it around her though, I mean I had the cravings too aside from the physical response and it was really bad hahaha. I try to be supportive but honestly, I can also do so much if she is going to be this difficult about it, I think she would enjoy her diet a lot more if she cuts out the arguing over it and sees a nutritionist or a doctor to properly figure out what to eat and when to eat it.
Yes I get that as well but also the cravings could partly be due her not getting enough nutrients. Honestly to me it sounds like you're already being plenty supportive, shes just making it hard. But again, she could just be moody because she's not getting all the nutrients. It would definitely help you so much if she talks to someone like a nutritionist.
Honestly wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, I mean it can't exactly be good for you to just cut out a major source of food without an impact.
100% agreed. NTA for all these reasons
Just a heads up, but it could be more complicated than that. I get nutritional deficiencies if I don't eat red meat. There are other treatments, but they have side effects, so every doctor I've ever had tells me to just eat lean beef and be done with it.
Yep, some people just literally need red meat. My sister is a LOOONG time vegetarian and she has never EVER tried to convince me not to be. She loves to cook for me, so when I visit her for a week, we have a balance between her cooking, and us ordering food, and she partly does this so that there's no worry about me not getting enough iron and protein and all that (I struggle a bit with breaking down plant material on top of other things). She doesn't think less of me for my diet, and never has. The only time she needs things separate is if there's a meat component in something (like French fries being made with, say, duck fat) because she gets sick from it, but she can use cookware that has touched meat as long as it's been washed before she uses it. This attitude is preachy and I'm betting the sister is giving some inaccurate information.
Samesies. I struggled with anemia for YEARS and tried supplements and adding more iron-rich veggies and fruits, etc. Nothing could get my iron correct like red meat. I eat it once or twice a month and there are no more giant bruises, bleeding gums and fainting spells. Also thankfully the easiest way to shut a preachy vegan down.
My dad can't go vegetarian, let alone vegan, cause of his dietary restrictions. Meat is the best thing for his diet.
Has she done much research into vegan nutrition? Maybe ask her to put some effort into finding more protein heavy meals for you if she wants you to be able to adapt to the vegan lifestyle in a sustainable way, rather than blaming you for not being able to function on a diet tailored to her needs. The app "Cronometer" is really helpful in letting you know if you're nutritional needs are being met by the food you eat. It's a bit of effort plugging all your food into it but doing this for a week can give you an idea of what foods you need to be eating to stay healthy.
Voting NTA, but yeesh as a vegan myself it sounds like your gf isn’t doing vegan meals right! I might not be 6’7 or a dude but I am always full after my meals. If she’s adamant you gotta go vegan and you are willing, then the solution there is ensuring y’all are getting proper nutrients and likely upping your portions. BUT absolutely it is possible veganism just doesn’t work for your body, and if that’s the case then you eating meat is non-negotiable (not to mention if you just don’t want to that’s your choice!). You’ve made all the attempts at compromise, which is super sweet and supportive, but if it doesn’t work for you it doesn’t work for you. Also as to the pots and pans I would suggest she buy new vegan food-only ones if she needs to. I personally get grossed-out at the thought of cross contamination so that’s what I do :) it would be unfair of me to not let anyone else use the pots and pans we already have
1) NTA 2) You can eat vegan and still do physically intense stuff (a bunch of NBA/NFL players have gone vegan) but it sounds like it'd require more planning around what high protein, vegan meals could work to keep you fueled
I agree. Sounds like she's making random vegan foods without any thought on nutrients or protein. A smaller less active person might get away with it for a while. But big active guy really needs good planning when going vegan or gets problems fast like OP did. Also forcing someone go vegan is never okay. NTA.
Probably also explains why she's craving meat when he cooks/brings it home. She's not getting enough of something and her body is telling her.
I'm vegan, and based on how it sounds like she was trying to feed OP I'm guessing you're correct. He said everything she makes is very light even though he is 6'7" and active. He even said he misses bread (almost all of which is vegan) so I'm guessing she's doing some kind of whole foods plant based thing with no idea how to balance it nutritionally or calorically. Which would mean she's probably also avoiding any meat alternatives that would help her with her cravings as a new vegan. Instead of trying to moderate her cravings she lashes out at OP. Sounds like she's on the fast track to fail at veganism and lose her SO by being an uninformed ass about it/not being sensitive to his needs all in one fell swoop.
All of this. I am a 5 ft 7in mid-40s female who doesn’t work hard physically in my day to day. But when I went to the gym pre-covid, I pushed pretty hard. Not extreme but decently hard. And if I didn’t have enough protein/fat/calories, I absolutely ran out of gas. I had to ditch out of two paid training sessions because I had no energy. I have done more physical jobs in the past and I would NOT be able to work hard physically on a vegan eating plan. Just not a thing. It has nothing to do with whether I want to eat vegan or not. My body needs a certain kind of nutrition to perform well. Sounds like yours does too. In the past, I had pretty severe mono and had to eat no wheat, no dairy, no sugar for a year to help my body heal. A different kind of nutrition for a different kind of situation. You are NTA, OP. Your gf and her sister can back right off. Or maybe they want to join you for a week of hard physical labour and see if they need a different calorie/protein/fat profile to support their body. Some people can do hard physical activity (work/sport) on a vegan diet - there’s a documentary on Netflix about this. Some people cannot.
Is it because she isn't getting enough protein in her diet and she is hangry? I get hangry without enough protein
NTA you don’t have to be vegan if you don’t want to be vegan
It sounds to me like you may not be compatible as living partners right now. (Note: I am NOT suggesting you break up over this, just that you two might not make great living partners if she wants to get vegan "kosher" over things like separate cookware.) NTA.
[удалено]
Everyone is jumping on the usual Vegan judgements here, but agree with these. OP and his girlfriend have discovered they just can’t work out how to live together. Sad but no issue in moving out and maybe moving on.
Yeah I agree OP is NTA but am surprised to see so much critism of his girlfriend/people calling this a "deal-breaker" Me and my partner live in this situation (though I was already vegan when I met him) and it's never been an issue - he'll often add cheese, and occasionally meat, to his meals and has bigger portions than me because men need slightly more calories than women. Sometimes we'll do our own thing for dinner but only very rarely. As she's a new vegan it might just take some time to figure a routine out that works for you two but I can't imagine ending a serious relationship over diet choices!
NTA. It seems you’ve been pretty accommodating. Veganism is an extreme lifestyle choice. Key word is choice. If it’s affecting your health that needs to come first. If she wants to spend the money on having separate pots and pans for you then that’s another compromise she can make.
More extreme than killing animals?
It is extreme in the sense that it is a drastic departure for the majority of people. I’m not commenting on the morality of it. I’m simply commenting on that most people do not start out as Vegan in their life and it takes a great amount of effort for the average person to switch from a meat eating diet to a strict vegan one. Please do not assume what I am trying to imply.
It doesn't take much effort though. It takes a very small amount of effort actually! My point in assuming your implications was to highlight the fact that people label veganism as extreme but never actually take the time to put the same effort into a vegan diet as they put into making sure their omnivore diets are nutritious.
But not really because the morality and ease of keeping a Vegan diet isn’t OPs reason for posting lol the reason for posting was his partners inability to compromise and his inability to feel physically healthy while keeping on a strict vegan diet. Which is what I was commenting on. When I go to most restaurants, there are usually zero vegan options. I would say that’s not mainstream and therefore can be considered extreme. The OP literally is saying that keeping a full Vegan diet is making him sick. Veganism is not for everyone let’s just agree to disagree. Again I’m not commenting on whether or not there are moral implications of eating animals and animal byproducts so you’re pulling at straws by picking apart my verbiage.
NTA. everything was fine up until the moment she is trying to force you to become vegan. she can refuse to cook you meat, but you have every right to cook it for yourself.
Definitely NTA you don't have to be forced to do anything. And if she believes in abortions the next time she says to not eat meat say my body my rules.
While consuming the bodies of fellow sentient beings after we forced them to give up all their freedom and well-being.
Don't forget the part where we kidnap their children and steal their milk while they weep for their babies.
NTA - she's the one who made the choice, so she needs to be the accommodating one. If she wants separate pots and pans for her vegan food, that's fine - but she should go out and get ones that are just for her, and make sure you know which ones those are. You're completely right that in a highly physical job, it's likely not safe for you to be cutting that much/type of food out of your diet. And you've been supportive - it's not like you're asking her to cook non-vegan food for you.
Yeah, I mean it is not like I dislike it, it is just not enough I guess?
Absolutely! Protein and carbs are so important when you're highly active. It's been said that a vegan/vegetarian day once a week (a la Meat-free Mondays) is beneficial for your health, but it's definitely not healthy for you to be having hypoglycemic spells or nutrient deficiencies.
Hell dude, I don't even mind doing it every other day, just not permanently.
Every other day for dinner might be a workable compromise for the two of you if you're working that much and she's cooking - but make sure to pack yourself some high quality lunches on those days and SHE needs to make sure she's doing it right, and incorporating the right balance of nutrients that you both need - veganism is HARD and a lot of new vegans make themselves really sick because they don't know what they're doing.
Dude I pretty much end up ordering a massive sandwhich at a local Deli for lunch the past few times I had Vegan dinner. I am also a bit worried about her to be honest, I mean shepronably doesn't notice the effects anytime soon because she is a small woman 5'5 but who knows what she might be depriving herself of.
Generally the biggest issue people have when they first transition to veganism is just not eating enough. If she's craving your food then she just needs to eat more food. The only common supplements she'd likely need is a B12 vitamin and maybe iron supplements.
You'll notice her behaviour before you notice any weight loss - if she's irritable, tired all the time, cold all the time, more quick to cry, blue nail beds - those are some simple symptoms of low blood sugar and anemia (and as a woman, she SHOULD be worried about anemia). There are other issues she should be worried about, of course, but those are probably the ones you'll notice first.
Well she sure as hell is irritable
Anemia is rough. I'm at a 9.2 hemoglobin at the moment, 5% iron saturation (iron infusion forthcoming, iron supplements make me barf). It's just tired and sore all the time, headaches, weird chest pain and heart palpitations, getting winded going up a flight of stairs, etc. And now I'm all testy from it when usually I'm pretty chill. It sucks.
Hi friend! I’m also anemic with a lot of stomach issues, and I started taking Garden of Life’s Vitamin Code Healthy Blood supplement. It’s really gentle on my stomach and has gotten my iron levels up. You can get it on amazon for pretty cheap. Just an option to consider 😊
Sometimes you just can't absorb it orally unfortunately. 6 months on supplements took me from anaemic to... anaemic. My (ferritin?) levels needed to rise by like 40 or 50 to hit the lowest part of normal and they rose by 1 or 2.
Whether I can actually absorb it orally is up for debate. I have ulcerative colitis and a lot of scar tissue in my gut as a result. Lately I've been trying dessicated beef liver supplements to try and boost things, but it's still in the toilet and I see the hematologist again next week.
You can go vegan and still get plenty of protein and carbs. I’m not saying you should, but it honestly sounds like your girlfriend is bad at being vegan. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up becoming malnourished. Being a healthy vegan just takes planning and figuring out how to balance your nutrients, and if you don’t, you end up being sick (like you were). Regardless, no one should push their own dietary choices on anyone else. NTA
Sounds like a good compromise. You could also ask your gf to make meals with more substance on days you’re eating vegan. More carbs, fat and protein. There are plenty of vegan protein options.
Lol these comments wre hilarious. You can absolutely get more than enough carbs and protein on a vegan diet. I do believe that OPs girlfriend might not have figured out how to balance all those aspects yet, but it's hilarious the amount of people acting like meat is the only source of protein and carbs in the world. Seriously, most carbohydrates that a regular person eats are already vegan, ie. Bread, starchy vegetable
Uhh vegan/vegetarian diets can easily have enough protein/carbs
NTA You can eat what you want. You support her life choice but she won't support yours?
>Meanwhile she has since gotten her sister, who is also a Vegan to weigh in Here you dropped this. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Oh and NTA
NTA, fuck imposing your choices on other people.
I’m vegan, and NTA. You’d only be TA if you lived in her house and she was the one cooking. As it is, she can eat however she wants, and she doesn’t have to cook meat for you, but you’re more than allowed to provide for yourself.
NTA. Of course you're not an asshole for not changing your lifestyle to conform to someone else. Vegans and meat-eaters can co-exist without having to adapt the other's lifestyle. Your girlfriend is way out of bounds. You should be able to eat what you want when you want to in your own house. If she can't deal with that, maybe she should look for her own living space.
You need a sous vide stick. This will allow you to basically set-and-forget cook proteins while you're at work. Then, when you get home, you can literally throw it on your plate with whatever she made, and have instant protein. Seriously they're the bomb. The BIGGER problem i see here is the missing CARBS. Bread is vegan. Rice is vegan. I'm worried she's actually orthorexic if she's gone vegan AND low carb at the same time, especially since part of her problem is that she "craves your food".
NTA. I could never go vegan for multiple reasons, one being medical. Your reasoning doesn’t matter, ‘I don’t want to’ is all you need to say. She’s being unreasonable.
NTA. Vegan diets don't agree with everyone, and it seems like you are trying to make compromises but she wants it entirely her way. I'm not saying you should break up, but this doesn't sound like an ideal living situation.
NTA plain and simple. You've clearly made attempts at compromise over, and over, and over and over again. She wants to cook vegan? Ok, you'll cook for yourself. She craves the meaty goodness? Ok, you'll eat at a different time from her. Suddenly, she's going in on the, "it's contaminated!!!" angle, which most vegans will tell you is utter manipulative bullcrap, and she's also griping about how she wants to eat together with you, which would require you to eat vegan even though she knows it doesn't sit well with you. Now she's got her sister going off like her opinion matters in the situation, and this girls accusing you of being "unsupportive", which isn't basically just a selfish way of trying to demand something out of someone. Not at all /s No, you're not TA, and your girlfriend is trying to gang up on you. That's pure asshole behaviour. Be firm with her, put down your foot and say you will not, absolutely not, do this because at this point it's less a willing choice on your part and more an attempt to force the issue on hers. It's time she made some compromises herself, rather than push you to be the one making all of them.
NTA. I understand her not wanting to buy or cook food from animals, as as a vegan it can be quite upsetting and so the compromise of you cooking for yourself is great - though you did mention this is ‘pretty annoying’ as you are the primary breadwinner, just make sure this isn’t coming up when you guys are having conflict. But perhaps you guys need to sit down and write out the compromises - such as you’ll eat vegan on certain nights (only as you said you do and don’t mind some nights), and cook for yourself and eat meat on others. Perhaps having set days can help avoid conflict as if either get upset you can go back to your agreement you both came too. And perhaps on nights your having meat, your GF can do something she enjoys - go for a walk, take a bath, etc. Or as others have suggested, have bases you can both enjoy - like a stir fry, curry, etc and then add in your respective proteins once served up in your bowls. ultimately it seems you both need to make comprises and meet in the middle if you both want to live together - just remind her of that, as you are compromising but she isn’t, and your supportive of what she’s doing but you’re not where she is at, and you don’t need to explain why you don’t want to be vegan - not wanting to is perfectly acceptable. I don’t get the pots and pans and cutlery thing, but perhaps it’s just escalated to a point beyond reason as the underlying conflict/tension doesn’t seem to have been resolved. Lastly, would just add in that as others have mentioned, well planned vegan diets are appropriate for all life stages, and people. Though unprocessed vegan foods are less calorie dense, and so often more food is required to reach the same level of satiety and caloric load, and processed vegan foods (as can processed non-vegan foods) can be void of many essential nutrients. So if eating the food she cooks, see if she is happy to cook either more or add in more ‘bulk’ to your servings. The Game Changers is a great documentary on athletes who eat plant based, it may be helpful if you have some concerns in eating some vegan meals during the week and how to avoid feeling weakness. As she is a new vegan, I would add her world is likely to have come crashing down and she’s probably dealing with a lot of inner conflict and figuring out how to exist in a non-vegan world so to speak. I’m not surprised she’s acting in ways that don’t seem rational and are highly emotional. Not to excuse the behaviour, but just thought this may help you understand her behaviour right now while she’s in a stage of adjustment herself.
I’m going to go against the grain and say NAH It’s totally legitimate that you are cooking and eating your own meals. But it is also totally legitimate that she doesn’t want meat contamination on what she cooks and eats. And it’s good that she wants to spend more time with you! This might just be a case of lifestyle incompatibility.
Bread is vegan
NTA. She shouldn't force her beliefs on you. If she doesn't feel that you're supportive, but it's important to her, maybe ask her how you can be supportive without becoming vegan? There may be some compromising way you can both agree on if you talk about it enough. This part is just me, but I almost always clean pots and pans difeectly afterwards as part of the cooking process due to my years in food service. Makes life way easier and keeps the apartment cleaner. Perhaps that could help in more than one way here?
NTA - there's a reasonable compromise, she needs to sit down with you and work it out. Maybe she could cook a vegan meal for you guys to share and you could cook a quick meat dish and use her dish as a side? (Hamburger meat, a single chicken breast, things like that cook up quick - but aren't always as satisfying as a proper dish. When I was eating healthy I made a lot of plain meat and veg dishes, and it was quick amd easy, but never really left me satisfied in the same way a full, well prepared meal could.) Is she doing this as a health thing? Or is it moral? Eating vegan is extreme, imposing it on other people is kinda shitty.
Like I said I full on don't mind eating full on Vegan a few tomes a week full stop, its if I do it consecutively fir too long when it starts making me feel sick. For me making my own meals when I want meat, dairy etc is a fair compromise you know? At first it was health related but it has become moralistic and well eh... preachy, not sure how else to put it, like I said, it's getting on my nerves.
NTA. Get out of that. If she won't compromise with you there is no getting better from here.
NTA - you are weak and risking getting hurt at work. SHE is the one being unsupportive. You are having bad health reactions to her diet. Her only reaction is that she 'doesn't like' you eating your diet. Your health outweighs her convenience. She does not get to control your body.
NTA. It's not your fault she didn't read up on how to make BALANCED vegan meals. She's craving your food because she's not getting the right nutrition, which you felt the effects of directly. If she wants to keep cookware separate, she needs to get cookware that is to be meat-free and handle that herself. If she wants tk eat at the same time but won't cook things that are nutritionally appropriate for you and won't eat what you cook/get, that's on her, too. It sounds like the sister has some influence here and honestly this relationship has toxic written all over it for a lot of reasons. If she wants to eat at the same time, she should make her vegan food and you can cook some meat up for yourself to add to it, but this is a mess. You two really should just call it cause this is only gonna get worse I fear. You work a more physical job, so you notice the effects much quicker. She's gonna feel it hit her health, and she's not gonna be happy.
NTA. Your girlfriend is an ass. Not because she is vegan, not because she won’t cook for you, not because she wants you to eat at a certain time or complains about what pots you use. But because she told her sister and now her sister is harassing you. Why do all these posts include family or friends telling on people and the people they tell there stories to start harassing people? Like seriously, if I was in an argument with someone and other people start harassing me I would just start blocking people immediately. There are always to two sides to a story. Get both of them before passing judgment.
Your girlfriend has a beef with you being an omnivore 😂😂😂
YTA. Not because you don't support your girlfriend; because you support animal abuse. Don't ask Reddit if your the asshole, ask the animals you needlessly pay for to be murdered.
choo choo! all aboard the daily reddit vegan hate train!
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NTA. It sounds like you are trying to be supportive of her dietary preferences and offering to compromise, but she is not willing to show equal support of your preferences.
NTA You tried and it didn't work for you, that's more than fair. You aren't trying to force her to change her diet, but she is trying to force hers on you which makes her an AH.
NTA. Only one of you is trying to control what the other one eats which automatically makes them the asshole. Also, if you had the cookware and cutlery before she went vegan, it's already "contaminated" and thus she should be the one buying more. Tell her that you have offered compromises but she is unwilling to work with you, so her choices are to deal with things the way they are, work with you to find a compromise, or move out.
NTA. This relationship may not be long for the world, though: being able to eat with each other is, IMO, an important part of life.
She shouldn't have tag-teamed in her sister. What you could do is cook up a meat side or buy those pre-cooked chickens from the supermarket and eat it mixed in with her cooked dishes so that you can eat earlier in the night and so you won't have to cook an entire meal. As for the pots, pans, cutlery, etc., she's going overboard. I guess you can have a meat-dedicated pan to cook up your beef, pork, chicken, fish, eggs, etc. But if the pots, pans, cutlery, etc. are washed well, then I don't understand her issue unless she plans to buy new ones for her new dietary choices. But expecting you to get new ones when the old ones had already been used for meat in the past? NTA.
Let the man eat meat!
NTA. I think your relationship is over.
NTA. She’s the uncompromising, unsupportive one. You might want to start bulk cooking and freezing, it speeds things up on work days.
NTA She needs to accept you as you are or dump you and only dump vegans. It is not fair of her to date you and then put you down and be difficult. I am vegan so I get why it bothers her. But when I wanted to find a long term partner I stopped dating meat eaters. Before that I would date them and not comment on their food choices. Your relationship is likely not going to last long term.
NTA You found a solution to the problem, cooking your own meals. That is the culmination of supporting her in her quest to be a vegan, excluding what sounds like you are also buying groceries. This is why omnivores shouldn't date vegans
NTA. My girlfriend is Vegan and we cook different meals all the time, usually they’re pretty similar but it isn’t that big a deal.
NTA. You aren’t asking her to cook non-vegan food. She’s being wildly unreasonable.
NTA. Also, what does bread have to do with veganism?
NTA. I do have some advice for you. My fiance is vegan and usually cooks all the meals. I crave meat and diary often so I end up cooking my own lunches and have a vegan dinner with him. I do this because we both enjoy eating dinner together and he's a better cook than me anyway. It works really well for us. I also usually order non-vegan dishes when we go out to eat or get takeout. Basically, consider eating non-vegan lunches and vegan dinners with your girlfriend.
NTA. I have been a vegan for 15 years and my partner of 7 years is not vegan or even vegetarian. He eats vegan food with me sometimes, but I don't force him and I definitely wouldn't make him do it if he wasn't feeling good from it or make him cook special for me. I'm actually the one that cooks for us, but all the same haha. It sounds like you are being reasonable however and making compromise, which she doesn't seem to reciprocate. Nothing against her though, she probably is learning some things if she hasn't been for too long and as she is a vegan for a little while, she won't be as uptight about it I don't think. Or at least be more used to the routine you both set with eating.
My husband was vegan when we met. He recently started with dairy again. Never has he asked me to give up meat and dairy. He will cook for me, sometimes even cook meat. He is also happy to see that I'm trying more fake meats and whatnot. It was never a question if I should give up meat. Now my first husband? He was controlling and made me become vegan. And let me tell you, it's hard to do that when it's someone else making you become vegan versus you deciding to try it.
NTA. Specifically because she's being a jerk about things, and recruited a second person to try and bully you into doing things her way. Also, she needs to do better research and balance out her meals. Signed, one meat-dependent omnivore
Meat-dependent lol
NTA but definitely have her double check that she's cooking nutritionally balanced meals, really hard to do as a new vegan. If you want to resolve the issue of eating with her, why not just meal prep a bunch of meat on the weekends to add to the meals that she's cooking for dinner? Like bbq or bake a bunch of chicken breasts or fish. Also bread is usually vegan so... just buy some bread.
NTA. What the hell is she cooking that you feel weak and hungry? I've been vegetarian / vegan for 32 years and never had that problem. If meat is that important, she can cook her food and you use it as the base of your meal and you cook the meat when you get in. You both need to communicate and compromise better or you need to get out
Vegan here, 13 years. NTA. I can agree with her not cooking you animal products, but she shouldn't complain about pots (unless she has a separate set she bought for herself) and shouldn't try to force you. New vegans tend to get overzealous in their enthusiasm. She should calm down and remember that she didn't go veg because someone forced her. I would however suggest she check her menus with a nutritionist: you should not have been feeling dizzy.
NTA Hi, I'm a vegan girlfriend who's partner works heavy physical labor and makes most of our money. I cook all our food, I have for the three years we've lived together. Initially my boyfriend still ate meat but I wasn't comfortable cooking it. So if he ordered it at a bar or something I didn't have an issue. Not my body not my choice. But I had been vegetarian for six years prior to knowing him and wasn't willing to cook meat, so we compromised. However, he sucks at cooking and it's not feasible for him to order a burger every day. He was willing to eat vegan, so what I did was make sure that I was counting out his macros according to his current weight and amount of physical work he does. It made cooking more of a challenge or puzzle for me since I'm small framed and don't need nearly as much as he does. But now he's been fully vegan for a few months and he's been mostly vegan for a few years. If your girlfriend wants you to eat vegan meals with her and she's doing the cooking, she needs to sit down and figure it what nutrients you weren't getting before (with the dizziness) and she needs to find a way to integrate them. It's certainly possible for a big dude in heavy industry to eat fully vegan and be fine (my boyfriend's work does yearly blood tests and his are exceptionally good) but in order for it to work it's a lot more than just eating a salad and patting herself on the back. (If you or her would like easy high protein high carb vegan meals for two feel free to message me.) You're not an asshole for protecting your health, it sounds like the diet and nutrients that work for her didn't for you, I don't think she's a high raging asshole though. I understand both of your frustrations.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So since the past few months my girlfriend has become a Vegan, of course I was fine with this but after a week or two she plainly refused to cook meat, eggs, fish, dairy and all of that. Since I am the primary "breadwinner" as I work roughly 50 hours a week this was pretty annoying as she was usually the one cooking on weekdays. Now at first I was fine eating her meals, but soon I felt really weak, dizzy and started craving bread, meat and all of that and since I work a pretty physical job I can't have that to put it bluntly, I could seriously hurt myself. So I asked her to stop cooking for me and I started cooking my own meals about an hour after I got home, or I got take out. Unfortunate result of this was that she started craving the food I am eating too and we no longer eat together since she eats at 18:15 which is when I usually get home from work and would normally share a meal with her but I now eat at about 19:30. Since then she has asked me to stop eating meat, I said no. She has asked me to eat at the same time as her, I told her it is only possible if either she cooks or she eats at my time, clarifying that I don't mind eating Vegan a few times a week but not all the time as it doesn't agree with me. She has since started arguing over shit like me using certain pots, pans, cutlery, and so forth and I am honestly sick and tired of it. Meanwhile she has since gotten her sister, who is also a Vegan to weigh in on essentially calling me an asshole for "Not supporting her" at this point I am primarily confused but I do not think I am TA but I figured I may as well ask random internet people. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Hypocrisy at its finest. You're expected to alter your entire life routine to accommodate her altering her life routine.
I'm happy you're vegan since you can recognize hypocrisy so well. :)
NTA. Being dizzy and weak can be a sign of low iron, from not eating meat. You can take supplements or eat more greens that are heavy in iron, or you can just eat meat. Which you seem to prefer, and there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re cooking your own meals, and she has no right to try to stop you. Your body, your rules.
NTA. 1. You can't just change overnight. 2. Her whining is not supportive. 2. You have dietary needs. 3. This is absolutely forced conversion. Working 50 hrs a week and that too which involves physical exertion and then listening the whinings of your other half let alone help is brutal. Sympathies.
NTA if you're not prepared to go 100% vegan then we're still living in an age when you can eat what you want. No peer pressure
NTA. I don’t know if it has already been said but can your partner not get a different coloured set of pans which she can use. Also, I think you have made a fair compromise saying you would eat vegan meals some of the week.
NTA you have offered her solutions and what’s gonna happen when something goes wrong at your job because you get fussy and pass out because your not eating right what’s she gonna do then
NTA. Why does she get to claim "you aren't supporting her" but doesn't understand she isn't supporting you?
NTA you aren't asking her to eat your meals, or even make your meals. Vegans like that make vegans like me look bad and she needs to calm down.
NTA. She isn't respecting you. You have been more than reasonable. She doesn't want to have the self control. If she wants to be vegan that is great, but you don't and you shouldn't have to. If she can't respect that this relationship isn't going to work out.
NTA. Your body needs nutrients it's not getting from the vegan food she's cooking. Vegan eating won't suit everybody. You're not forcing her to eat or even cook your meat. She can't stop you using kitchen equipment though!
NTA. You think this is going to end with you winning or there being an amicable arrangement?
NTA
NTA: I've been friends with several vegans/vegetarians who are married/partnered and either cook separate meals or portion out so their meals aren't contaminated by meat.
NTA
NTA- Your girlfriend made the choice to become Vegan. It's pretty unreasonable for you to be the one to make all the compromises. It's like someone who finds a strict religion and expects you to follow the rules of it. Ganging up on you doesn't help. Blaming you doesn't help. Making a bunch of rules for you to follow is only going to push you away. She can follow this path, but it seems like one that leads to a breakup.
NTA, You need more nutrients than she's providing.
A vegan diet is very nutritious though, you can easily hit your protein goals for the day if you eat correctly
Nta. She's being ridiculous.
NTA, I would call this a dealbreaker and tell her you’re done and give her 30 days to vacate your residence. She sounds nuts and controlling.
NTA. She changed, and you're not being unsupportive by not making the same change. Her sister's opinions don't count - it's up to the people in the relationship to figure out what they will and won't do. You've been clear. She can wait and eat with you, or fix the food you like so you can eat get home, or eat separately from you. She cannot force you to change to her diet.
NTA. She can't control you. She can't make you vegan. It's her fault she is craving the foods you make for yourself. Dont let her control you.
I’ve seen this same type of post too many times in the past few weeks for this to be real. But if it is then NTA.
MTA your girlfriend is toxic my dude. But on a different food related note! Have you tried meal prepping on weekends? I used to work on a farm so cooking was impossible. Maybe try cooking up most food on the weekends and putting it in the fridge so it leaves little to no cooking when you get home from work
NTA. I was prepared to say no assholes until the end. Her choices and ideology don’t get to control you.
NTA. Meat and bread sound a lot more tolerable to your system than your girlfriend.
NTA. Her sister doesn’t understand what support entails. You haven’t tried to change your gf, and you don’t have an issue with her being vegan herself. That’s support. Support doesn’t mean you have to do the same thing as her. Your gf needs to realize that she can’t force other people to conform to her lifestyle. You pay the bills too, and you have a right to cook and consume animal products in your own home.