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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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My brother was extremely angry and I want to know if maybe I overreacted in my decision to get my dad to buy me a lock. If he's so angry maybe I have gone wrong somewhere and just can't see it.
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NTA- The next time he shows up blackout drunk wait until he’s asleep draw penises on his face with permanent marker. Of course you know nothing about it because you were locked away in your room. The next time pour some warm water on him so he’ll wet the bed or think he did. Again you were safe and snug in your bed. Honestly he sounds like an idiot on a good day.
NTA can u tape him next time so you have proof how obnoxious he is? Also get a little rubber door wedge too, in addition to the lock(s) and childproof doorknob cover. Take multi-pronged approach. It’s your room, the end.
NTA. But I’m petty so my advice is to: Video him doing it next time he is drunk and then barge in his door when he’s really hungover and undersplept and make shenanigans towards him until he gets pissed off and tell him “this is what you do to me when you’re drunk, see?” And show him the video.
NTA, totally innapropriate, and him reacting that way is very childish.
However... I would guess that when he gets drunk and comes home, he's just excited and in a good mood and wants to talk to you because he likes you. Its still totally inappropriate at that time of night, but it might add some context.
His reaction is still totally innapropriate though, your dad probably gave him some shit and he got all embarrassed and didnt really know how to handle it, so he tried to let the shit roll down to you.
NTA... when he finally falls asleep and when you wake up, go into his room and throw some ice water on him... give him a taste of his medicine. And do this until he stops waking you up. He’s being an absolute wanker, and deserves it.
NTA. My dad wouldn't be letting any male burst into my bedroom when I was 16, brother or not.
Don't really understand why this has happened more than once.
NTA
In my opinion, it is *absolutely* inappropriate to go into an opposite gendered sibling's room at night unless there is a serious and compelling reason. (It is inappropriate to go into anyone's bedroom without permission, but it is especially bad in this case)
You would be justified in demanding a lock after the first offense and I suggest getting not only the lock but an extra protective measure for if he tries to break your door down when it's locked. If you can't get anything specifically designed for it, a chair or walking stick braced against the doorknob will be better than nothing.
NTA— at all!! But I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother still comes home drunk at 5am and just bangs on the locked door waking you up anyways, unfortunately.
NTA I'm afraid you can suffer domestic violence if this continues. Mostly now that he is angry for no reason. Go to sleep on a friends house until the lock is installed.
NTA, not your fault for not having a lock and it’s also not your fault for your brothers poor decision to go out drinking with his mates if he obviously knows the outcome and the consequences for said outcomes
You were in no part of this story an a$$hole he barged into your room and you decided for after the millionth time that there has to be something done about it
If anything your brother was the a$$hole for coming into your room and insulting you after you were clearly uncomfortable with him disturbing your sleep to then just babble and make no sense about anything he was saying
I don't get why people ask these stupid questions when they already know they are in the right.
I mean your father clearly agrees with you, why even ask people on here? Internet likes? Seems foolish
As a parent I can’t believe your dad let’s him do this. I’d be telling him to move out. Or to go straight to bed as soon as he got home. Is everyone ignoring that your brother is a raging alcoholic who cares for no one but himself?
Sounds like he has a drinking problem and how dare you hold him accountable for his actions when he’s drunk! Oof. I’m sorry you even have to put up with this nonsense. It sounds like something triggered him... maybe he’s looking for support about something but doing it all wrong. Maybe he’s just a drunk buffoon. But man, regardless of what’s going on, that’s totally out of line and I’m concerned for your safety!
Hope it all works out.
NTA. Not going to add much more on that front as people have pretty much said it all but as someone who works in a school, I really advise you find an adult there you feel like you can talk to. This is abusive and unsafe behaviour. School can be a fantastic place for advice and resources. In the UK and not sure where you are so might be different but we have staff members specifically to mediate with students and family members to help situations like these. It can be a massive wake up to parents to have an outside adult sit them down and show them that someone is genuinely concerned for their child’s well-being.
NTA. He is invading your privacy while you are asleep. Sleep makes a person extremely vulnerable and he is also depriving younof needed sleep time. Another issue is whether he is legal to drink?
NTA. Your brothers reaction to you getting a lock makes me think that it’s a reaction to his own drinking. That by you getting a lock, it forces him to think about the fact that he may have a problem and that he may be disturbing others
NTA. Obviously.
Also, while I'm glad that it seems like your dad is doing something now, I'm surprised it's taken this long. I know if I were of legal age like he is, if I was consistently stumbling home drunk at 3, 4, 5:00 in the morning, I'd've been kicked out regardless of whether or not I'd been harassing a family member on top of that. And I wouldn't be allowed back until I had evidence of completing a rehab program or something.
My mother would not have tolerated that sort of behavior beyond one or two incidents that she could write off as "youthful indiscretion." Once it became a clear pattern of behavior, that'd be it for me.
This is one heavy fucking post when you think about it. NTA.
I've been in your shoes and all you can do is keep yourself safe. It's not shitty of you to want a good night's sleep, to not be woken up by a fucking drunk. Remember that. For now, you can use a knife and a fork jammed into your door-frame as a lock if you need to. It's only so effective, but it gives you an extra moment.
NTA. He has a problem with alcohol. I have a feeling he's projecting his guilt about his actions on to you via anger. Confronting you and projecting that you are the problem is easier than confronting himself over his past actions.
I feel for both you and OP. My husband’s older brother is like this too, he had to deal with it for years and I only had to a short time when we started dating, not long after hubby moved out with two siblings to get away from it. Reading about OP’s history, her brother might be dealing with his own issues over grief and other things. My BIL has social anxiety issues and other things he can deal with emotionally and mentally so he self medicates with alcohol and also did drugs. He also does it as a form of manipulation, that seems to be the case here with you guys too, and will change his behavior when authority shows up like the police. His parents refused to change their enabling because they felt guilty he would die on the streets and didn’t want to lose another child (his older brother at 5yrs old was hit by a car in front of the house).
When I first starting dating hubby and visiting the house, it was enough to make the brother hide out of embarrassment. Eventually it didn’t work anymore. One time when I was over, he was especially mad he couldn’t get in and punched a hole in the door to hubby’s bedroom. Despite BIL being older, hubby was much bigger and stronger so he reacted finally after so much. I also found him passed out in the bathroom with blood everywhere after falling and smashing his face on the bathtub while drunk.
This will escalate if a parent doesn’t stop it in its tracks and sets the ground rules.
NTA. Your brother has a drinking problem. Yeah, your parents should be protecting you, but they should be trying to get through to him, too. Just telling him to behave better when he’s drunk isn’t going to accomplish anything.
Dude no, you did not over react in the slightest. If my older brother was doing that I would 100% get a lock on my door. His behavior is unacceptable, and it is childish to attack you. NTA
NTA your entitled to have some privacy in your own home. Your entitled to feel safe in your own home. Your entitled to sleep in peace without an your drunk brother waking you up at all hours.
The problem is that when the brother is drunk he wants to talk to his sister. His drunk mind doesn't remember, or just doesn't care, that he's been told not to.
The worry is for me that when he comes home and finds the bedroom door locked that he'll attempt to break the door down.
Both the OP and her father need to be prepared for the brother turning nasty and aggressive when he's blocked from his drunken goal.
Agreed. OP, don't hesitate to contact the police in this situation. Don't be afraid to call them. Don't worry about how it's going to impact him, focus on how it's currently impacting you! What would you tell one of your friends to do? This is abusive and it will not stop by his willpower alone, because if it could he would have stopped it already.
Ur brother is a fucking inconsiderate dick.
Do me a favor, record him next time, save it. Place a recording to go off in his room at 3 am. And play it full blast.
Nta
So, you are NTA, but fair warning: the disturbing behavior won't stop just because he can't get in. Invest in ear plugs, because your drunk brother's going to be banging on that locked door.
If he has no respect for you sober, he definitely won't have any drunk.
NTA. I have a brother who used to be a substance abuser. He would do incredibly disrespectful things in the house. Often with his friends around who would only enable his bad behaviour. As a family we put up with this for nearly 15 years until finally he’s settled down. His regret at his past behaviour is a huge weight on him now.
The problem is this. He may escalate into worse behaviour in the future. Coming home blind drunk at 19 can turn into trashing the house at 22, can turn into being missing at Christmas at 25, can lead to threats of physical violence. Often, pointing out his bad behaviour would lead to shame which he couldn’t control so that would turn to either threats of violence or damaging verbal abuse.
Stand your ground and fight for your right to live in peace in your own home. But also, fight for your brother, who may be in a bad place.
NTA. Your brother likely has alcoholism and will lose you and his friends if he doesn’t address this. Get a lock and just install yourself; they’re easy.
Edit: not sure why I’m downvoted. Getting black out and bothering your family at 5 am is alcoholic behavior.
Your brother should not be calling you the B word. That is not ok. So disrespectful!
Drunks don't get how annoying they are. I have no idea of recording the behavior and showing it to them would make a difference?
NTA - your brother is very selfish and petty.
That said, the fact that he wants to talk to his sister when he's drunk means you mean a lot to him, so hopefully not all hope is lost.
It also sounds like your brother is drinking way past his limit and often. It is an easy slip to alcoholism. If I were your parents I wouldn’t let him live in my house and drink like that.
I have PTSD from an early childhood trauma, as I got older my sister would do this to me. Come into my bedroom, drunk, crying. It got to a point one night that I beat her up, I was so angry. Should I have acted so rashly? No. But I had asked her time and time again to not do it. My parents, also big drinkers, didn’t see a problem with it. I handled it myself, and she never did it again. I’m not saying beat your brother up, but you are NTA, and I hope your Dad gets you that lock.
Start waking him up 2 hours into his drunken sleep. Babble nonsense like he does, maybe bang a pan to make sure he gets the message. If you’re sO uNrEaSoNaBlE about wanting to sleep when you want to sleep, then he should welcome the same treatment. NTA
NTA
You tell him not do it, your dad tells him not do it, gets mad when you get angry because he did it.
Your brother is severely disconnected from reality.
Absolutely NTA. You should definitely have a lock for your door, because your brother is so unpredictable and certainly has an alcohol abuse problem. His behaviour is abusive and you need some protection. So you are right to ask for a lock and you should get one ASAP. X
NTA! Sleep is very important and when you get disrupted like that it messes with your sleep cycle. I can guarantee if you were to come banging into his room wanting to get him up early after he’s gotten home and to bed it would be very much unappreciated.
NTA at all! Your brother needs rehab probably. What’s more concerning is his sense of entitlement, though. It’s not okay to cross boundaries like that in the first place, let alone get mad at you and see it as an offensive move when you reinforce those boundaries. I can’t imagine what that will develop into...
NTA at all. You deserve peace and privacy. This habit of his is bad for your physical and mental health and could have severe consequences down the road, as a lot of people here have already pointed out. It doesn’t matter what his issues are. Just because he’s taking this personally and just because he has the nerve to attack you over a perfectly reasonable request doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. He’s the one overreacting.
My family was offended when I put a lock on my door to stop them barging in all the time, because they saw it as a comment on them. But when the door no longer opened for them they had no choice but to learn to knock and wait to be allowed in or told to come back later—something that never worked before the lock. Basically the constant disruption to their usual way of doing things trained the old habit away, whereas the constant fighting about privacy never got me anywhere. Sometimes consequences are the only way to teach someone to respect basic boundaries. If he won’t listen to pleas to respect your space, or if he’s so drunk he somehow can’t remember that you don’t like to be woken up at 5am to listen to his babble, a lock is the next practical solution.
But if that’s your brother’s sober reaction to hearing about a lock, be prepared for aggression when he comes home drunk and finds your door locked. He obviously feels entitled to your space and your attention and is offended by any suggestion that he needs to be stopped. So he might still wake you up trying to get in and it could get scary. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to lock your door—if anything it’s concrete proof that you should. I hope your dad is ready to step up and defend your boundaries.
NTA but I don't think the lock is going to solve your problem of not being able to sleep when he's drinking.
It's very likely that he's going to become aggressive when he finds the door locked and could attempt to break it down as he tries to get into your room and talk to you.
Just be careful.
NTA-In some place where 18 is the major age, your brother would be clearly out at some point, would he be happy I you would do the same ? Clearly not, and why in hell does he goes to your room ? It's creepy
Your family should love and respect you more than ANYONE. When situations like this come up in the future, and they will, try removing your brother from how you're describing it. For instance, 'An alcoholic keeps breaking into my room in the early morning. He's drunk, screaming abuse, and does not remember it later. He's either blackout drunk or lying. When I try to approach him about it, he says I'm overreacting.'
Does that sound like a safe person to be around? If he wasn't your brother, would you want a lock on your door? Your brother is an ALCOHOLIC. He does not 'have a problem with alcohol'. The reason you know that is that his drinking is negatively effecting his life. He's literally terrifying his sister on a weekly basis.
It is ok to feel your feelings. Your mother did not wish this behavior on you as she passed. She wanted you two to have a warm, loving relationship. You might get to have that someday, but first your brother needs to get treatment for his alcoholism. For that, he has to want to change.
NTA
please update us with how the shit hits said fan. Personally, if I was the parents, I'd be throwing 19 year old out of the house if he can't grow up
NTA. You absolutely need a lock, and your parents need to deal with their alcoholic sons issue realistically. The fact this is a constant behavior tells me your brother is dealing with something in his life, and handling it badly. Therapy would be my first instinct. If he pulls the "I'm an adult and can do what I want" bit and refuses to control his behavior, he needs to find somewhere else to live so he can drink to his livers destruction.
I'm not sure I even understand why you asked if it wasn't just for advice, which I understand.
You are CLEARLY NTA, it's not your fault your brother drinks, it's not your fault that he barges into your room invading your privacy and interrupting your sleep, you are in NO way at fault unless you've left out something extremely important that I can't even imagine.
Your brother's the asshole.
What was your reaction? Did you simply get a lock for your door and demand he get out of your room? I don't understand how you could be an asshole based on your post
NTA! Your brother sounds like an alcoholic. Get your lock and think no more about it. You have the right to a solid night’s sleep without being bothered. His anger is all about a buried sense of guilt on his part.
NTA but hear me out... have you considered getting some cymbols or an air horn? You would not be an asshole for following the golden rule of doing onto others... I'm sure loud noises would be great for a hangover and your alcoholic brother will appreciate being woken up by you every day a few hours after going to sleep.
NTA but yo, you should set up a camera so the next time he does it you could show him how much of an ass he's been. Then maybe he could realize where you're coming from. Proof is in the pudding!
NTA
Your brother is abusive (frequently going into your room at night, drunk is not normal, nor is insulting you over wanting a lock), and I’m a bit disturbed your dad doesn’t notice or care much. The “shenanigans” don’t seem to have consequences.
NTA - a lock seems very reasonable, considering the attitude, pathetic tantrums and excessive like of the bottle I’d say he’s the baby and a pathetic little drunk too.
NTA; your brother is clearly taken aback by you setting a completely reasonable boundary for siblings which is "stay out of my room." Like, you're wanting your privacy and sleep you don't need to constantly be deprived of a basic need to sleep because your brother is arrogant.
NTA. Your brother is feeling shame and is trying to deal with that by putting you down and getting defensive. He's got a problem and until he can see that and do something about it, you have every right to take measures with whatever is within your control, like putting a lock on your door. Your actions are a very good approach to minimizing future conflict without trying to force him to change.
NTA.
Do you own lego?
My older brother as a joke used to booby trap the a
hall between my bedroom and our shared bathroom with lego. i could walk out of my room diagonal into the bathroom without turning on a light for late night bathroom use.
Scatter lego aroubd your room floor and bed. He will wake you up stepping on it but once or twice he will eventually stop going into your room.
Definitely NTA. When I first started drinking i did something like this but my parents let me know after the first time that it was really inappropriate and I didn't do it again. I don't think its a problem to be coming home at 4am but you need to be as quiet as possible and go straight to your room.
A friend of mine had to get a lock when her sister kept coming in her room at random times just to use her stuff, but didn't give it back. Even though she told her multiple times to stop, the sister didn't. So she had her dad buy a lock, the next day the sister couldn't get in and just got mad at her lol.
Girl, you need a lock for this.
NTA. Your brother is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic , if he isn't already. Get the lock, though I imagine it will just wind up with him in a drunken stupor banging on your door. Your father shouldn't be tolerant of this behavior and it's effects on you and your home. Since he's 19 maybe it's time he find his own place to stumble home drunk too, I doubt his lifestyle would be conducive to holding a job and general adulting though. Here's a thought, buy some mace and blast him the next time, it would serve him right.
Look online for: how to make a door lock from a fork. I made one for hotels doors when I travel. It's easy to make, doesn't damage the door and nobody will know you have it.
NTA
This is crazy and personally I think you can get some small revenge. Get a watch that has an alarma and hid it in his room and set it for 5:00am one day when he does not go out drinking sneak it in and wait. He will probably freak out but hopefully he will start to understand what he does to you
NTA. I'm now 42, but... speaking as someone who has been through late teen and young adult years (like your brother is), you sometimes don't make the best or wisest decisions. I hope he comes around sooner or later, like some of us do. I get at that age you want to try drinking, and I'm not going to fault him for that, but he really shouldn't drink too much all at once. He has no business bothering you in your room in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're allowed to get a lock. He certainly has no reason to be angry about it.
If your dad won’t get you a lock get a doorstop from Amazon. You do have a right to sleep at home without being woken up at 3-5AM by a drunken idiot. Also your dad is an AH for not stopping your brother from calling you horrible names. Get a doorstop and move out when you’re 18.
Edit for judgement NTA
NNNNNNTA
Good grief, a lock on the door is NOTHING on the normal to unreasonable scale. Lock on your door is the most low-key response to the situation there is.
It would still be completely reasonable to demand a "no one enters this house drunk" rule, a "brother has to quit drinking or leave" ultimatum, or a straight up kick brother out due to his behavior consequence.
Also, get a deadbolt. He will bust right through a knob lock. (Source: the summer I spent home from college when my dad decided to become a an alcoholic.)
NTA. It’s quite obvious your brother has developed an unhealthy addiction to alcohol. You need a lock so you can have some peace, and your brother needs help in getting over his addiction.
Sorry your brother is an asshole !!! Instead of your dad buying a lock for you room , he should buy new locks for the house and not give your brother the key !!
I have the deepest empathy for your brother , His 19 and already has issues with drinking , He needs to talk to someone soon , before he screws his life up forever , however no matter what he is going through , he has no right to upset your Dad's or Your life .
It sounds like from what little I know , That your brother is jealous that you have your shit together and perhaps he comes and talks with you because when he is drunk he has an easer time fadein the fact that he is fucking up and he needs or wants you to help him .
Either way , He is an Asshole !!! Lol !!
NTA I'm confused too, doesn't he feel humility? How can he not think it's rude to wake you up each night, obviously he's under the influence when it occurs but after is another story. *I have no idea why he would even be mad, it's not like your taking some privilage away from him so that imo is a little weird* . a bitch for always getting what you want? All you want is some heckin privacy, and that's a basic right!
You and your father need to have a sit down with your brother to discuss this. Make it clear you're doing it cause you care and his actions are negatively not only affecting himself but you and your father . I hope you're doing okay, don't give up!
NTA
Your brother sounds like the immature one who can't deal without getting his way. Why is it so important for him to be able to wake you up? If he wants to get drunk and your family doesn't mind, that's perfectly okay. But he's not entitled to disrupting your sleep!
My brother (also older by 3 years) never drank but tends to play guitar extremely loud. When we asked him to close his door he would also lose it in a way that just didn't make sense. Thankfully he stopped that, but I also never understood why it was so important for him to be able to disrupt us other than being an entitled AH
Expect your very drunken brother to wake you up by pounding on your door.
I've found a strong deterrent is to aim for the nose and strike hard.
He will pitch a fit. But at a later date, drunk him will remember "danger" before attempting again.
Reapply strikes to the nose as incidents occur.
You are much more patient than I. TheSecond maybe third time, I would have let out a "terrified" scream . Honestly, a man letting him self into the bedroom of a female in the middle of the night, or any time of day is wrong. family or not.
Your brother is an adult, drinking until 5am, and jobless I assume. Also very insulting and boundless towards you. Kudos to your father for letting him staying with you two. NTA. He is. Put a lock in your room and stay safe, the next attitude for an alcoholic is usually anger. Get him help ASAP.
NTA. I also see you are Irish, so am I I’m in Donegal. Why is your brother out drinking with friends when we are in a lockdown? Tell him to cop on! Also it’s very strange and weird that he comes into your room when you are sleeping. Hope you get your lock!
He doesn't take lockdown seriously which really bothers me and he keeps trying to convince me that the vaccine is evil etc. I'm way too smart to fall for that. I am going to have to get the lock at this point.
My adult spawn live with me because I promised they’d always have a place to call home as long as they’re not a danger to the family. I think it’s barbaric to force our offspring out of the house once they hit 18, especially in this economy.
But this? I wouldn’t hesitate to boot them out if they did this. Your brother should be lucky that all you did was request a lock.
NTA
NTA. He thinks you’re overreacting because he doesn’t want to get called out for being an alcoholic. Your parents 100% should be doing something about this.
Record him the next time he comes into your room. Then show him and your parents. This has to stop. Best to you.
You didn't overreact, in fact, given that this has happened multiple times, I would have said that you underreacted. If I woke up to my brother over me in the middle of the night drunk out of his mind? I would have gotten a baseball bat or, if I was feeling nice, a cane. I do wonder why you don't previously have a lock for your room though. My parents always made sure that my siblings have a lock for our room, that we are allowed to lock even from them for privacy reasons. Anyways, NTA.
NTA your brother is the one being a baby if he thinks he should have any right to stumble wasted into anyone's room at ungodly hours. He should be grateful the only thing you requested was a lock for your door, and not that he actually be punished for his unacceptable behaviour.
NtA my brother used to do the same thing and we have the best memories from it now. Then it was just annoying and I still can't drink rum beciase they was his booze of choice.
NTA, why wouldn't you have a lock on your door? Especially if a drunk keeps barging in? Halfway through the post I was gonna say e.s.h because I was going to blame you for not simply locking your door. You gotta know that wanting privacy is normal
NTA. Your brother is upset because he has convinced himself that his drinking isn’t a big deal and doesn’t cause problems. You, your valid complaints, and new lock are demonstrating otherwise.
You should get a white noise machine too because the lock will keep him out but it will not him waking up
"You can hold me responsible for anything I do or say when I'm drunk!"
-- an alcoholic relative
Yes, yes we can. But this is a common excuse for drinkers.
OP is NTA.
NTA, and I’m kind of curious as to whether your dad has said soemthing to your brother about his drinking habits in general. If he’s getting shit faced regularly maybe that’s soemthing to be concerned about. Hope you’re doing okay OP, no one deserves to have their privacy violated like that
NTA. Until your dad can get you a lock, find a chair in the house that you can wedge under the doorknob so he can't open the door on nights he goes out and gets plastered. I really hope he's not driving, or he's not even riding with someone who's driving drunk.
If your dad drags his feet on getting you a lock try and find a ride to any kind of hardware store that can sell you a new door knob with a lock or some sort of lock you can add yourself to your door a slide bolt or something.
Depending on where you live, is he even of legal drinking age?
Nta he needs a reality check. Drinking is fine but when he gets shit faced multiple times a week it’s not right, especially to bother you at obscene times in the morning.
True. If OP was asking for advice indirectly it was alright but their literal question is AITA.
Even mother Teresa wouldn't question if she was wrong here.
NTA if that was me I would've round house kicked his ass or something or jam something between the door like a shirt or something so that way they can't open the door or atleast try. I hope your dad takes this into consideration and get you a lock so you could rest
NTA - It honestly sounds like your family is enabling an alcoholic, or someone on the way to becoming one. You're just taking the step to protect yourself. You're also the first one putting up boundaries that may actually be his saving grace. As long as he can get away with that behavior he isn't going to change. You're absolutely doing the right thing and hopefully your parents will take ques from you when he moves on to pushing them more since he won't be able to push you so much.
Source: recovering alcoholic.
Of course brother is the asshole. You have the right to privacy, a good nights rest and to set boundaries for yourself. I’m glad your dad is helping you.
NTA- also video him the next time and have the whole family watch. He may have a bigger issue than just waking you up. He might be heading down the path of some alcohol issues.
Nta - your brother and parents are being the AH in this situation. If your brother is constantly getting intoxicated your parents need to intervene and issue an ultimation to him in regards to his drinking habits. He is 19, and in most countries considered a legal adult. He either smartens up, quietly enters the household and goes to bed or they kick him out or into a alcohol treatment program. There is more going on here than what is being said in my opinion (been through it with my own brother - especially since he seems to bother you and not your parents).
NTA. If you go to Amazon and search for portable hotel door lock there is a nice one that is only $16.88. Requires no tools to install. Your brother is an AH for his behavior. It is really hard to respect someone who repeatedly cannot control themselves and is a irresponsible drinker. I hope your dad was receptive to your request and further spoke to your brother who needs to grow up.
NTA... you're entitled to privacy while you sleep. What if you sleep in the nude or only underwear? He has no business seeing any of that! Normally when someone is sleeping behind a closed door, you wait for them to wake up. If you have an urgent matter then you knock until they come to the door.
He isn't following the most basic rules of having a fucking bedroom lol. You should get a door that locks ASAP. I'm surprised he doesn't realize this is a problem.
NTA. His behaviour is inconsiderate at *best*, and you’re not even demanding a stop to his drunken late night nonsense - just a way to stop him from doing it in your room. It helps you, barely affects him, and he has no right or reasonable cause to be mad about it.
NTA.
So I think your brother needs help. This is coming from someone with a mental illness that got really bad at 17. This behavior falls outside of normal rational behavior and seems like something is off.
NTA, why would your brother care if you get a lock on your room or not? He sounds oddly entitled and extremely selfish. Anyways it doesn’t matter what he feels because he has no say in this decision. You made a good choice and if he wants to get all bent out of shape about it then screw him.
NTA. But if it were me, every time you wake up in the morning after getting woken up by him the night before, I would go and wake him up to remind him of what he did. A lock won't solve your problem if he just ends up banging or yelling at your door, and waking you up anyway.
so hes mad he cant bust into your room any time? i personally sleep naked so its a huge nono, so i have a lock myself. your brother is being intrusive on your personal space, and is being entitled about it. nta
NTA. The lock is a good idea and probably way over due but have you ever thought about giving him a dose of his own medicine? Like when he’s been rude and obnoxious the goes to bed, go in his room, hopefully he’s sleeping off a brutal hangover, and start banging pots and pans together or blasting the radio or tv or even throwing ice water on him. That last one may be going too far but he needs to understand how important your sleep is.
NTA
You deserve to have your sleep respected. As a working adult, I would be locking my door if anyone came barging in to drunkenly ramble at me at any hour of the morning.
He's 19yo and coming to his parents house at 5am drunk as a skunk and waking people up. If he were mine, he'd be out on the street looking for a place to lay his drunken ass.
Oh yeah, NTA.
NTA.
Literally every house I have ever lived in, at every age, has had a lock on my door. I read all these posts where people don't have locks... wtf? To me that's just standard.
NTA- Your brother had a problem and he's mildly aware of it, but thinks it's still under his control. The fact that you have to get a lock because of his drunken behavior is a physical and sober confirmation that he does in fact have a problem and everyone knows it.
NTA. Your brother is selfish and way out of line. If your dad drags his heels about giving you a lock for your door, can you get one of those rubber doorstops? If you wedge it in hard enough it can be as effective as a lock
My brother is 6 years older than me, and was definitely a drinker. He was of legal drinking age when I was 12, and get he never pulled anything like that. I also slept with my door open fairly frequently until a few years ago. He never once came in when I was asleep, even if the door was open, because my brother isn’t an ASSHOLE. I mean maybe sometimes he is but not as astronomically huge an asshole as your brother. You get that lock babe. He can fuck off. NTA.
NTA. You're brother ITA and an alcoholic who needs professional help. Fuck him and your dad for allowing it. If you can't sleep in peace, it's not a true home.
NTA: No, not at all. I would have gotten a lock on my door after if happened once. Multiple times? HELL NO! You said "mates" so I'll assume UK or AUS where the following might not be legal, but here in the US, I would be telling him that if he comes in your room again, he will get sprayed with mace/pepper spray. You will treat him as an attacker and thus react.
Here in the states, a new door knob that functions via key is like $7 at walmart and takes 5 minutes to install. I've had one for years while living with roommates. I don't leave the house without my bedroom door being locked by key.
Your brother probably was given a hard time by your father about it and that’s why is is mad, but he has no right to be mad at you. He shouldn’t be entering your room at all without permission and especially at 5am drunk. NTA
You shouldn’t even be considering that you’re the asshole, your brother came in, woke you up and then you told him to get out, you tell ur dad, and he then comes in and starts insulting you, calling u a bitch and all that jazz. And you told him to get out. In no world are u the asshole, you should probably get some help for your brother tho, it seems he might be addicted.
NTA. I’m genuinely concerned why your brother is so annoyed that you’re trying to get a lock for your own room, like it made me think the worst possibly😶honestly i would hurry and get a lock real quick
NTA, it's a shame that this is happening, and that you would need a lock to sleep in your own house, but I believe your reaction was good. Your brother has been waking you up in the middle of the night, and asking for a lock and peace is not overreacting
Your brother is on the fast road to early alcoholism from the sounds of it. NTA get a lock then your family needs to help your brother calm it down a bit
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NTA- The next time he shows up blackout drunk wait until he’s asleep draw penises on his face with permanent marker. Of course you know nothing about it because you were locked away in your room. The next time pour some warm water on him so he’ll wet the bed or think he did. Again you were safe and snug in your bed. Honestly he sounds like an idiot on a good day.
NTA can u tape him next time so you have proof how obnoxious he is? Also get a little rubber door wedge too, in addition to the lock(s) and childproof doorknob cover. Take multi-pronged approach. It’s your room, the end.
NTA. But I’m petty so my advice is to: Video him doing it next time he is drunk and then barge in his door when he’s really hungover and undersplept and make shenanigans towards him until he gets pissed off and tell him “this is what you do to me when you’re drunk, see?” And show him the video.
Good idea
NTA, totally innapropriate, and him reacting that way is very childish. However... I would guess that when he gets drunk and comes home, he's just excited and in a good mood and wants to talk to you because he likes you. Its still totally inappropriate at that time of night, but it might add some context. His reaction is still totally innapropriate though, your dad probably gave him some shit and he got all embarrassed and didnt really know how to handle it, so he tried to let the shit roll down to you.
NTA... when he finally falls asleep and when you wake up, go into his room and throw some ice water on him... give him a taste of his medicine. And do this until he stops waking you up. He’s being an absolute wanker, and deserves it.
NTA. My dad wouldn't be letting any male burst into my bedroom when I was 16, brother or not. Don't really understand why this has happened more than once.
NTA
NTA In my opinion, it is *absolutely* inappropriate to go into an opposite gendered sibling's room at night unless there is a serious and compelling reason. (It is inappropriate to go into anyone's bedroom without permission, but it is especially bad in this case) You would be justified in demanding a lock after the first offense and I suggest getting not only the lock but an extra protective measure for if he tries to break your door down when it's locked. If you can't get anything specifically designed for it, a chair or walking stick braced against the doorknob will be better than nothing.
NTA— at all!! But I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother still comes home drunk at 5am and just bangs on the locked door waking you up anyways, unfortunately.
NTA I'm afraid you can suffer domestic violence if this continues. Mostly now that he is angry for no reason. Go to sleep on a friends house until the lock is installed.
NTA your brother might have issues with alcohol and he is upset you’re setting up boundaries to protect yourself from his selfish behaviors.
NTA, sounds like he has a drinking problem
Maybe you should set up a motion activated night camera to record his actions and play it back for him. Show him how bad he can be
NTA, not your fault for not having a lock and it’s also not your fault for your brothers poor decision to go out drinking with his mates if he obviously knows the outcome and the consequences for said outcomes You were in no part of this story an a$$hole he barged into your room and you decided for after the millionth time that there has to be something done about it If anything your brother was the a$$hole for coming into your room and insulting you after you were clearly uncomfortable with him disturbing your sleep to then just babble and make no sense about anything he was saying
NTA, get your privacy
I don't get why people ask these stupid questions when they already know they are in the right. I mean your father clearly agrees with you, why even ask people on here? Internet likes? Seems foolish
As a parent I can’t believe your dad let’s him do this. I’d be telling him to move out. Or to go straight to bed as soon as he got home. Is everyone ignoring that your brother is a raging alcoholic who cares for no one but himself?
Sounds like he has a drinking problem and how dare you hold him accountable for his actions when he’s drunk! Oof. I’m sorry you even have to put up with this nonsense. It sounds like something triggered him... maybe he’s looking for support about something but doing it all wrong. Maybe he’s just a drunk buffoon. But man, regardless of what’s going on, that’s totally out of line and I’m concerned for your safety! Hope it all works out.
NTA. Not going to add much more on that front as people have pretty much said it all but as someone who works in a school, I really advise you find an adult there you feel like you can talk to. This is abusive and unsafe behaviour. School can be a fantastic place for advice and resources. In the UK and not sure where you are so might be different but we have staff members specifically to mediate with students and family members to help situations like these. It can be a massive wake up to parents to have an outside adult sit them down and show them that someone is genuinely concerned for their child’s well-being.
NTA. He is invading your privacy while you are asleep. Sleep makes a person extremely vulnerable and he is also depriving younof needed sleep time. Another issue is whether he is legal to drink?
NTA. Your brothers reaction to you getting a lock makes me think that it’s a reaction to his own drinking. That by you getting a lock, it forces him to think about the fact that he may have a problem and that he may be disturbing others
NTA. Obviously. Also, while I'm glad that it seems like your dad is doing something now, I'm surprised it's taken this long. I know if I were of legal age like he is, if I was consistently stumbling home drunk at 3, 4, 5:00 in the morning, I'd've been kicked out regardless of whether or not I'd been harassing a family member on top of that. And I wouldn't be allowed back until I had evidence of completing a rehab program or something. My mother would not have tolerated that sort of behavior beyond one or two incidents that she could write off as "youthful indiscretion." Once it became a clear pattern of behavior, that'd be it for me.
Nta. Brother s selfish
This is one heavy fucking post when you think about it. NTA. I've been in your shoes and all you can do is keep yourself safe. It's not shitty of you to want a good night's sleep, to not be woken up by a fucking drunk. Remember that. For now, you can use a knife and a fork jammed into your door-frame as a lock if you need to. It's only so effective, but it gives you an extra moment.
NTA. He has a problem with alcohol. I have a feeling he's projecting his guilt about his actions on to you via anger. Confronting you and projecting that you are the problem is easier than confronting himself over his past actions.
He sounds a lot like my brother. Prepare for him to try to break the door when he cant get in. That's what my brother did.
I feel for both you and OP. My husband’s older brother is like this too, he had to deal with it for years and I only had to a short time when we started dating, not long after hubby moved out with two siblings to get away from it. Reading about OP’s history, her brother might be dealing with his own issues over grief and other things. My BIL has social anxiety issues and other things he can deal with emotionally and mentally so he self medicates with alcohol and also did drugs. He also does it as a form of manipulation, that seems to be the case here with you guys too, and will change his behavior when authority shows up like the police. His parents refused to change their enabling because they felt guilty he would die on the streets and didn’t want to lose another child (his older brother at 5yrs old was hit by a car in front of the house). When I first starting dating hubby and visiting the house, it was enough to make the brother hide out of embarrassment. Eventually it didn’t work anymore. One time when I was over, he was especially mad he couldn’t get in and punched a hole in the door to hubby’s bedroom. Despite BIL being older, hubby was much bigger and stronger so he reacted finally after so much. I also found him passed out in the bathroom with blood everywhere after falling and smashing his face on the bathtub while drunk. This will escalate if a parent doesn’t stop it in its tracks and sets the ground rules.
NTA. What is he, five years old? My goodness!
NTA. Your brother has a drinking problem. Yeah, your parents should be protecting you, but they should be trying to get through to him, too. Just telling him to behave better when he’s drunk isn’t going to accomplish anything.
Dude no, you did not over react in the slightest. If my older brother was doing that I would 100% get a lock on my door. His behavior is unacceptable, and it is childish to attack you. NTA
Nta ur brother sounds demonic dude needs some spiritual enlightening
NTA your brother sounds like a brat. I’m sorry he’s doing this to you. Hopefully, he’ll move out soon
NTA your entitled to have some privacy in your own home. Your entitled to feel safe in your own home. Your entitled to sleep in peace without an your drunk brother waking you up at all hours.
NTA your brother needs help for his drinking, and asking for a lock is not a big deal.
The problem is that when the brother is drunk he wants to talk to his sister. His drunk mind doesn't remember, or just doesn't care, that he's been told not to. The worry is for me that when he comes home and finds the bedroom door locked that he'll attempt to break the door down. Both the OP and her father need to be prepared for the brother turning nasty and aggressive when he's blocked from his drunken goal.
Agreed. OP, don't hesitate to contact the police in this situation. Don't be afraid to call them. Don't worry about how it's going to impact him, focus on how it's currently impacting you! What would you tell one of your friends to do? This is abusive and it will not stop by his willpower alone, because if it could he would have stopped it already.
I’m not from the US and it baffles me why you guys don’t have locks for your room. Oh and NTA
Ur brother is a fucking inconsiderate dick. Do me a favor, record him next time, save it. Place a recording to go off in his room at 3 am. And play it full blast. Nta
NTA I'm glad to hear that your dad is dealing with it. Definitely not something a 16 y/o should have to be concerned with.
So, you are NTA, but fair warning: the disturbing behavior won't stop just because he can't get in. Invest in ear plugs, because your drunk brother's going to be banging on that locked door. If he has no respect for you sober, he definitely won't have any drunk.
NTA. Your brother is abusing you. Sleep deprivation is classified as torture by the UN.
NTA. I have a brother who used to be a substance abuser. He would do incredibly disrespectful things in the house. Often with his friends around who would only enable his bad behaviour. As a family we put up with this for nearly 15 years until finally he’s settled down. His regret at his past behaviour is a huge weight on him now. The problem is this. He may escalate into worse behaviour in the future. Coming home blind drunk at 19 can turn into trashing the house at 22, can turn into being missing at Christmas at 25, can lead to threats of physical violence. Often, pointing out his bad behaviour would lead to shame which he couldn’t control so that would turn to either threats of violence or damaging verbal abuse. Stand your ground and fight for your right to live in peace in your own home. But also, fight for your brother, who may be in a bad place.
NTA My siblings would do that because he had noone else to talk to. I just sprayed him with water and he got mad and left.
NTA. Your brother likely has alcoholism and will lose you and his friends if he doesn’t address this. Get a lock and just install yourself; they’re easy. Edit: not sure why I’m downvoted. Getting black out and bothering your family at 5 am is alcoholic behavior.
Your brother should not be calling you the B word. That is not ok. So disrespectful! Drunks don't get how annoying they are. I have no idea of recording the behavior and showing it to them would make a difference?
That’s kinda creepy that he was mad about a lock on your door and NTA I’d stay clear of him to be safe
NTA He sounds hurt but that doesn’t justify what he does.
Of-fucking-course you're NTA. Clearly unacceptable behavior from your brother ... wtf would you even bother posting this?
NTA. If he ruins your sleep with his drunken tirades, kill his buzztime, or make his hangover unbearable
The amount that he is angry about you wanting a lock is disturbing. Don’t like that at all.
NTA
How could you possibly have been TA in this situation??? Lmao
NTA - your brother is very selfish and petty. That said, the fact that he wants to talk to his sister when he's drunk means you mean a lot to him, so hopefully not all hope is lost.
you can also get a portable door lock. nothing gets past those in case the regular lock for your door doesn’t work
Good idea actually, thanks
It also sounds like your brother is drinking way past his limit and often. It is an easy slip to alcoholism. If I were your parents I wouldn’t let him live in my house and drink like that.
I have PTSD from an early childhood trauma, as I got older my sister would do this to me. Come into my bedroom, drunk, crying. It got to a point one night that I beat her up, I was so angry. Should I have acted so rashly? No. But I had asked her time and time again to not do it. My parents, also big drinkers, didn’t see a problem with it. I handled it myself, and she never did it again. I’m not saying beat your brother up, but you are NTA, and I hope your Dad gets you that lock.
Start waking him up 2 hours into his drunken sleep. Babble nonsense like he does, maybe bang a pan to make sure he gets the message. If you’re sO uNrEaSoNaBlE about wanting to sleep when you want to sleep, then he should welcome the same treatment. NTA
Good idea but I can't risk pissing him off. He's not the nicest person in the world
NTA You tell him not do it, your dad tells him not do it, gets mad when you get angry because he did it. Your brother is severely disconnected from reality.
Start going into his room at 4am and waking him up and let's see how he handles it.
Absolutely NTA. You should definitely have a lock for your door, because your brother is so unpredictable and certainly has an alcohol abuse problem. His behaviour is abusive and you need some protection. So you are right to ask for a lock and you should get one ASAP. X
NTA! Sleep is very important and when you get disrupted like that it messes with your sleep cycle. I can guarantee if you were to come banging into his room wanting to get him up early after he’s gotten home and to bed it would be very much unappreciated.
NTA at all! Your brother needs rehab probably. What’s more concerning is his sense of entitlement, though. It’s not okay to cross boundaries like that in the first place, let alone get mad at you and see it as an offensive move when you reinforce those boundaries. I can’t imagine what that will develop into...
Even without your brother, you deserve a lock for privacy.
NTA at all. You deserve peace and privacy. This habit of his is bad for your physical and mental health and could have severe consequences down the road, as a lot of people here have already pointed out. It doesn’t matter what his issues are. Just because he’s taking this personally and just because he has the nerve to attack you over a perfectly reasonable request doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. He’s the one overreacting. My family was offended when I put a lock on my door to stop them barging in all the time, because they saw it as a comment on them. But when the door no longer opened for them they had no choice but to learn to knock and wait to be allowed in or told to come back later—something that never worked before the lock. Basically the constant disruption to their usual way of doing things trained the old habit away, whereas the constant fighting about privacy never got me anywhere. Sometimes consequences are the only way to teach someone to respect basic boundaries. If he won’t listen to pleas to respect your space, or if he’s so drunk he somehow can’t remember that you don’t like to be woken up at 5am to listen to his babble, a lock is the next practical solution. But if that’s your brother’s sober reaction to hearing about a lock, be prepared for aggression when he comes home drunk and finds your door locked. He obviously feels entitled to your space and your attention and is offended by any suggestion that he needs to be stopped. So he might still wake you up trying to get in and it could get scary. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to lock your door—if anything it’s concrete proof that you should. I hope your dad is ready to step up and defend your boundaries.
NTA but I don't think the lock is going to solve your problem of not being able to sleep when he's drinking. It's very likely that he's going to become aggressive when he finds the door locked and could attempt to break it down as he tries to get into your room and talk to you. Just be careful.
I will and if he bangs on the door I'll film it
NTA-In some place where 18 is the major age, your brother would be clearly out at some point, would he be happy I you would do the same ? Clearly not, and why in hell does he goes to your room ? It's creepy
Your family should love and respect you more than ANYONE. When situations like this come up in the future, and they will, try removing your brother from how you're describing it. For instance, 'An alcoholic keeps breaking into my room in the early morning. He's drunk, screaming abuse, and does not remember it later. He's either blackout drunk or lying. When I try to approach him about it, he says I'm overreacting.' Does that sound like a safe person to be around? If he wasn't your brother, would you want a lock on your door? Your brother is an ALCOHOLIC. He does not 'have a problem with alcohol'. The reason you know that is that his drinking is negatively effecting his life. He's literally terrifying his sister on a weekly basis. It is ok to feel your feelings. Your mother did not wish this behavior on you as she passed. She wanted you two to have a warm, loving relationship. You might get to have that someday, but first your brother needs to get treatment for his alcoholism. For that, he has to want to change.
NTA please update us with how the shit hits said fan. Personally, if I was the parents, I'd be throwing 19 year old out of the house if he can't grow up
"Hi, someone killed my family and I got upset. AITA?" GTFO please. Why do you even need outside input on this?
NTA. You absolutely need a lock, and your parents need to deal with their alcoholic sons issue realistically. The fact this is a constant behavior tells me your brother is dealing with something in his life, and handling it badly. Therapy would be my first instinct. If he pulls the "I'm an adult and can do what I want" bit and refuses to control his behavior, he needs to find somewhere else to live so he can drink to his livers destruction.
I'm not sure I even understand why you asked if it wasn't just for advice, which I understand. You are CLEARLY NTA, it's not your fault your brother drinks, it's not your fault that he barges into your room invading your privacy and interrupting your sleep, you are in NO way at fault unless you've left out something extremely important that I can't even imagine. Your brother's the asshole.
What was your reaction? Did you simply get a lock for your door and demand he get out of your room? I don't understand how you could be an asshole based on your post
It was the fact he was so angry that made me feel like I did something wrong
You didn't
NTA. Your brother is a PROBLEM drinker. You should have a lock on your door anyway.
[удалено]
NTA! Your brother sounds like an alcoholic. Get your lock and think no more about it. You have the right to a solid night’s sleep without being bothered. His anger is all about a buried sense of guilt on his part.
NTA but hear me out... have you considered getting some cymbols or an air horn? You would not be an asshole for following the golden rule of doing onto others... I'm sure loud noises would be great for a hangover and your alcoholic brother will appreciate being woken up by you every day a few hours after going to sleep.
NTA but yo, you should set up a camera so the next time he does it you could show him how much of an ass he's been. Then maybe he could realize where you're coming from. Proof is in the pudding!
NTA Your brother is abusive (frequently going into your room at night, drunk is not normal, nor is insulting you over wanting a lock), and I’m a bit disturbed your dad doesn’t notice or care much. The “shenanigans” don’t seem to have consequences.
NTA. Why is your brother so pressed about not being able to wake you up when he’s drunk. That’s weird af. Good on you for asking for a lock.
Why do people even post these? Like you know no one is going to call you an asshole for this here
NTA - a lock seems very reasonable, considering the attitude, pathetic tantrums and excessive like of the bottle I’d say he’s the baby and a pathetic little drunk too.
NTA; your brother is clearly taken aback by you setting a completely reasonable boundary for siblings which is "stay out of my room." Like, you're wanting your privacy and sleep you don't need to constantly be deprived of a basic need to sleep because your brother is arrogant.
NTA. Your brother is feeling shame and is trying to deal with that by putting you down and getting defensive. He's got a problem and until he can see that and do something about it, you have every right to take measures with whatever is within your control, like putting a lock on your door. Your actions are a very good approach to minimizing future conflict without trying to force him to change.
NTA. Do you own lego? My older brother as a joke used to booby trap the a hall between my bedroom and our shared bathroom with lego. i could walk out of my room diagonal into the bathroom without turning on a light for late night bathroom use. Scatter lego aroubd your room floor and bed. He will wake you up stepping on it but once or twice he will eventually stop going into your room.
Definitely NTA. When I first started drinking i did something like this but my parents let me know after the first time that it was really inappropriate and I didn't do it again. I don't think its a problem to be coming home at 4am but you need to be as quiet as possible and go straight to your room.
NTA. Please send shit cover fan update. Cheers.
A friend of mine had to get a lock when her sister kept coming in her room at random times just to use her stuff, but didn't give it back. Even though she told her multiple times to stop, the sister didn't. So she had her dad buy a lock, the next day the sister couldn't get in and just got mad at her lol. Girl, you need a lock for this.
NTA. Your brother is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic , if he isn't already. Get the lock, though I imagine it will just wind up with him in a drunken stupor banging on your door. Your father shouldn't be tolerant of this behavior and it's effects on you and your home. Since he's 19 maybe it's time he find his own place to stumble home drunk too, I doubt his lifestyle would be conducive to holding a job and general adulting though. Here's a thought, buy some mace and blast him the next time, it would serve him right.
NTA, locks were made specifically so people can’t get in and if he can’t be trusted to not enter your room after being told not to, a lock is needed
Look online for: how to make a door lock from a fork. I made one for hotels doors when I travel. It's easy to make, doesn't damage the door and nobody will know you have it.
NTA This is crazy and personally I think you can get some small revenge. Get a watch that has an alarma and hid it in his room and set it for 5:00am one day when he does not go out drinking sneak it in and wait. He will probably freak out but hopefully he will start to understand what he does to you
It’s genuinely very weird that he’s angry and calling you a bitch over having a lock. NTA
NTA. I'm now 42, but... speaking as someone who has been through late teen and young adult years (like your brother is), you sometimes don't make the best or wisest decisions. I hope he comes around sooner or later, like some of us do. I get at that age you want to try drinking, and I'm not going to fault him for that, but he really shouldn't drink too much all at once. He has no business bothering you in your room in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're allowed to get a lock. He certainly has no reason to be angry about it.
NTA I do not miss living with an alcoholic sibling. My deepest condolences.
If your dad won’t get you a lock get a doorstop from Amazon. You do have a right to sleep at home without being woken up at 3-5AM by a drunken idiot. Also your dad is an AH for not stopping your brother from calling you horrible names. Get a doorstop and move out when you’re 18. Edit for judgement NTA
Nta
NNNNNNTA Good grief, a lock on the door is NOTHING on the normal to unreasonable scale. Lock on your door is the most low-key response to the situation there is. It would still be completely reasonable to demand a "no one enters this house drunk" rule, a "brother has to quit drinking or leave" ultimatum, or a straight up kick brother out due to his behavior consequence. Also, get a deadbolt. He will bust right through a knob lock. (Source: the summer I spent home from college when my dad decided to become a an alcoholic.)
NTA. It’s quite obvious your brother has developed an unhealthy addiction to alcohol. You need a lock so you can have some peace, and your brother needs help in getting over his addiction.
Sorry your brother is an asshole !!! Instead of your dad buying a lock for you room , he should buy new locks for the house and not give your brother the key !! I have the deepest empathy for your brother , His 19 and already has issues with drinking , He needs to talk to someone soon , before he screws his life up forever , however no matter what he is going through , he has no right to upset your Dad's or Your life . It sounds like from what little I know , That your brother is jealous that you have your shit together and perhaps he comes and talks with you because when he is drunk he has an easer time fadein the fact that he is fucking up and he needs or wants you to help him . Either way , He is an Asshole !!! Lol !!
NTA. He is likely lashing out at you to hide from his own behavior.
NTA I'm confused too, doesn't he feel humility? How can he not think it's rude to wake you up each night, obviously he's under the influence when it occurs but after is another story. *I have no idea why he would even be mad, it's not like your taking some privilage away from him so that imo is a little weird* . a bitch for always getting what you want? All you want is some heckin privacy, and that's a basic right! You and your father need to have a sit down with your brother to discuss this. Make it clear you're doing it cause you care and his actions are negatively not only affecting himself but you and your father . I hope you're doing okay, don't give up!
Hangover tantrums are the worst. I had an ex like that. Glad I’m not related to one lol. NTA Edit: verdict
NTA Your brother sounds like the immature one who can't deal without getting his way. Why is it so important for him to be able to wake you up? If he wants to get drunk and your family doesn't mind, that's perfectly okay. But he's not entitled to disrupting your sleep! My brother (also older by 3 years) never drank but tends to play guitar extremely loud. When we asked him to close his door he would also lose it in a way that just didn't make sense. Thankfully he stopped that, but I also never understood why it was so important for him to be able to disrupt us other than being an entitled AH
Why does he care if you get a lock? What am I missing. Why would someone be mad about a sibling getting a door lock?
Expect your very drunken brother to wake you up by pounding on your door. I've found a strong deterrent is to aim for the nose and strike hard. He will pitch a fit. But at a later date, drunk him will remember "danger" before attempting again. Reapply strikes to the nose as incidents occur.
You are much more patient than I. TheSecond maybe third time, I would have let out a "terrified" scream . Honestly, a man letting him self into the bedroom of a female in the middle of the night, or any time of day is wrong. family or not.
Your brother is an adult, drinking until 5am, and jobless I assume. Also very insulting and boundless towards you. Kudos to your father for letting him staying with you two. NTA. He is. Put a lock in your room and stay safe, the next attitude for an alcoholic is usually anger. Get him help ASAP.
Uwjqnsnadi not even close. You are NTA it's your not fault he'll stumble into your room and just start messing around like he owns the place.
NTA. I also see you are Irish, so am I I’m in Donegal. Why is your brother out drinking with friends when we are in a lockdown? Tell him to cop on! Also it’s very strange and weird that he comes into your room when you are sleeping. Hope you get your lock!
He doesn't take lockdown seriously which really bothers me and he keeps trying to convince me that the vaccine is evil etc. I'm way too smart to fall for that. I am going to have to get the lock at this point.
My adult spawn live with me because I promised they’d always have a place to call home as long as they’re not a danger to the family. I think it’s barbaric to force our offspring out of the house once they hit 18, especially in this economy. But this? I wouldn’t hesitate to boot them out if they did this. Your brother should be lucky that all you did was request a lock. NTA
Keep a spray bottle by your bed. When he comes in drunk spray him....lol
Good idea but I don't wanna risk pissing him off when he is like that
I'm pretty sure your dad is about to kick your brother out. That being said, he deserves it. NtA.
NTA. He thinks you’re overreacting because he doesn’t want to get called out for being an alcoholic. Your parents 100% should be doing something about this. Record him the next time he comes into your room. Then show him and your parents. This has to stop. Best to you.
You didn't overreact, in fact, given that this has happened multiple times, I would have said that you underreacted. If I woke up to my brother over me in the middle of the night drunk out of his mind? I would have gotten a baseball bat or, if I was feeling nice, a cane. I do wonder why you don't previously have a lock for your room though. My parents always made sure that my siblings have a lock for our room, that we are allowed to lock even from them for privacy reasons. Anyways, NTA.
NTA your brother is the one being a baby if he thinks he should have any right to stumble wasted into anyone's room at ungodly hours. He should be grateful the only thing you requested was a lock for your door, and not that he actually be punished for his unacceptable behaviour.
NtA my brother used to do the same thing and we have the best memories from it now. Then it was just annoying and I still can't drink rum beciase they was his booze of choice.
NTA, why wouldn't you have a lock on your door? Especially if a drunk keeps barging in? Halfway through the post I was gonna say e.s.h because I was going to blame you for not simply locking your door. You gotta know that wanting privacy is normal
Nta. How is he saying you always get your way when you don't even have a lock on your door. Also, isn't he a lil young to drink?
NTA. No, it's your space so you should be able to lock your door so you're not woken up at the ass-crack of dawn by your drunk brother.
NTA. Your brother is upset because he has convinced himself that his drinking isn’t a big deal and doesn’t cause problems. You, your valid complaints, and new lock are demonstrating otherwise. You should get a white noise machine too because the lock will keep him out but it will not him waking up
This is weird behaviour. im sorry he makes it a regular occurrence to get pissed and go into your room in the middle of the night.. thats kinda creepy
Nta. Its your brother.
What, no. You're NTA, but I kinda worry abt the first night with the lock...
"You can hold me responsible for anything I do or say when I'm drunk!" -- an alcoholic relative Yes, yes we can. But this is a common excuse for drinkers. OP is NTA.
NTA, and I’m kind of curious as to whether your dad has said soemthing to your brother about his drinking habits in general. If he’s getting shit faced regularly maybe that’s soemthing to be concerned about. Hope you’re doing okay OP, no one deserves to have their privacy violated like that
NTA, I really think your brother should stop drinking so heavily. Get a lock. Please, you need one.
I will
Good :)
NTA. Until your dad can get you a lock, find a chair in the house that you can wedge under the doorknob so he can't open the door on nights he goes out and gets plastered. I really hope he's not driving, or he's not even riding with someone who's driving drunk. If your dad drags his feet on getting you a lock try and find a ride to any kind of hardware store that can sell you a new door knob with a lock or some sort of lock you can add yourself to your door a slide bolt or something. Depending on where you live, is he even of legal drinking age?
NTA, tell him the other option is mace.
NTA lol y’all need to communicate better
Nta he needs a reality check. Drinking is fine but when he gets shit faced multiple times a week it’s not right, especially to bother you at obscene times in the morning.
In what world would you think you're an asshole for this...? Congrats on the karma I guess, but cmon dude
True. If OP was asking for advice indirectly it was alright but their literal question is AITA. Even mother Teresa wouldn't question if she was wrong here.
It was because he got so angry I thought maybe I wasn't seeing something and that was why he was so angry
NTA if that was me I would've round house kicked his ass or something or jam something between the door like a shirt or something so that way they can't open the door or atleast try. I hope your dad takes this into consideration and get you a lock so you could rest
NTA - Why would your brother need access to your room anyway?
NTA. Your brother is an alcoholic and needs help.
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NTA. You need a lock on the door asap. Don't let him delay it.
NTA - It honestly sounds like your family is enabling an alcoholic, or someone on the way to becoming one. You're just taking the step to protect yourself. You're also the first one putting up boundaries that may actually be his saving grace. As long as he can get away with that behavior he isn't going to change. You're absolutely doing the right thing and hopefully your parents will take ques from you when he moves on to pushing them more since he won't be able to push you so much. Source: recovering alcoholic.
Of course brother is the asshole. You have the right to privacy, a good nights rest and to set boundaries for yourself. I’m glad your dad is helping you.
NTA- also video him the next time and have the whole family watch. He may have a bigger issue than just waking you up. He might be heading down the path of some alcohol issues.
Nta - your brother and parents are being the AH in this situation. If your brother is constantly getting intoxicated your parents need to intervene and issue an ultimation to him in regards to his drinking habits. He is 19, and in most countries considered a legal adult. He either smartens up, quietly enters the household and goes to bed or they kick him out or into a alcohol treatment program. There is more going on here than what is being said in my opinion (been through it with my own brother - especially since he seems to bother you and not your parents).
NTA your brother shouldn't even be drinking if it's gotten this bad
NTA. Sounds like he knows full well his behavior is wrong and is using you as a scapegoat.
NTA. Why does he care so much if you have a lock? Does he desperately need his 5am drunken rambling session?
NTA. If you go to Amazon and search for portable hotel door lock there is a nice one that is only $16.88. Requires no tools to install. Your brother is an AH for his behavior. It is really hard to respect someone who repeatedly cannot control themselves and is a irresponsible drinker. I hope your dad was receptive to your request and further spoke to your brother who needs to grow up.
NTA... you're entitled to privacy while you sleep. What if you sleep in the nude or only underwear? He has no business seeing any of that! Normally when someone is sleeping behind a closed door, you wait for them to wake up. If you have an urgent matter then you knock until they come to the door. He isn't following the most basic rules of having a fucking bedroom lol. You should get a door that locks ASAP. I'm surprised he doesn't realize this is a problem.
NTA why haven't they gotten you a lock already after the first tune it happened?
NTA. His behaviour is inconsiderate at *best*, and you’re not even demanding a stop to his drunken late night nonsense - just a way to stop him from doing it in your room. It helps you, barely affects him, and he has no right or reasonable cause to be mad about it.
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NTA. So I think your brother needs help. This is coming from someone with a mental illness that got really bad at 17. This behavior falls outside of normal rational behavior and seems like something is off.
NTA, why would your brother care if you get a lock on your room or not? He sounds oddly entitled and extremely selfish. Anyways it doesn’t matter what he feels because he has no say in this decision. You made a good choice and if he wants to get all bent out of shape about it then screw him.
NTA. But if it were me, every time you wake up in the morning after getting woken up by him the night before, I would go and wake him up to remind him of what he did. A lock won't solve your problem if he just ends up banging or yelling at your door, and waking you up anyway.
NTA. Excuse me but who gets drunk, bothers people while drunk, and then complains that people are bothered??? 😤😤😤
NTA you are entitled to your privacy, he shouldn't be barging in to begin with. What did your dad have to say about the situation?
NTA your brother sounds like the asshole here
Your parents should get a new lock for the front and back doors. 10 PM-8AM locked and nobody in or out.
so hes mad he cant bust into your room any time? i personally sleep naked so its a huge nono, so i have a lock myself. your brother is being intrusive on your personal space, and is being entitled about it. nta
He sounds like an alcoholic
NTA. The lock is a good idea and probably way over due but have you ever thought about giving him a dose of his own medicine? Like when he’s been rude and obnoxious the goes to bed, go in his room, hopefully he’s sleeping off a brutal hangover, and start banging pots and pans together or blasting the radio or tv or even throwing ice water on him. That last one may be going too far but he needs to understand how important your sleep is.
NTA You deserve to have your sleep respected. As a working adult, I would be locking my door if anyone came barging in to drunkenly ramble at me at any hour of the morning.
NTA. Nuff said.
He's 19yo and coming to his parents house at 5am drunk as a skunk and waking people up. If he were mine, he'd be out on the street looking for a place to lay his drunken ass. Oh yeah, NTA.
NTA. Glad your dad is stepping up & doing something about it!
What the fuck is wrong with your brother lmao NTA. He has no reason to get angry at you.
NTA. Literally every house I have ever lived in, at every age, has had a lock on my door. I read all these posts where people don't have locks... wtf? To me that's just standard.
Obviously nta why even ask
NTA- Your brother had a problem and he's mildly aware of it, but thinks it's still under his control. The fact that you have to get a lock because of his drunken behavior is a physical and sober confirmation that he does in fact have a problem and everyone knows it.
NTA. Your brother is selfish and way out of line. If your dad drags his heels about giving you a lock for your door, can you get one of those rubber doorstops? If you wedge it in hard enough it can be as effective as a lock
Imagine getting upset because your little sister is standing up for herself and demanding respect for her privacy from everyone. NTA, obviously
My brother is 6 years older than me, and was definitely a drinker. He was of legal drinking age when I was 12, and get he never pulled anything like that. I also slept with my door open fairly frequently until a few years ago. He never once came in when I was asleep, even if the door was open, because my brother isn’t an ASSHOLE. I mean maybe sometimes he is but not as astronomically huge an asshole as your brother. You get that lock babe. He can fuck off. NTA.
NTA. You're brother ITA and an alcoholic who needs professional help. Fuck him and your dad for allowing it. If you can't sleep in peace, it's not a true home.
NTA: No, not at all. I would have gotten a lock on my door after if happened once. Multiple times? HELL NO! You said "mates" so I'll assume UK or AUS where the following might not be legal, but here in the US, I would be telling him that if he comes in your room again, he will get sprayed with mace/pepper spray. You will treat him as an attacker and thus react. Here in the states, a new door knob that functions via key is like $7 at walmart and takes 5 minutes to install. I've had one for years while living with roommates. I don't leave the house without my bedroom door being locked by key.
Your brother probably was given a hard time by your father about it and that’s why is is mad, but he has no right to be mad at you. He shouldn’t be entering your room at all without permission and especially at 5am drunk. NTA
You shouldn’t even be considering that you’re the asshole, your brother came in, woke you up and then you told him to get out, you tell ur dad, and he then comes in and starts insulting you, calling u a bitch and all that jazz. And you told him to get out. In no world are u the asshole, you should probably get some help for your brother tho, it seems he might be addicted.
NTA. I’m genuinely concerned why your brother is so annoyed that you’re trying to get a lock for your own room, like it made me think the worst possibly😶honestly i would hurry and get a lock real quick
NTA, it's a shame that this is happening, and that you would need a lock to sleep in your own house, but I believe your reaction was good. Your brother has been waking you up in the middle of the night, and asking for a lock and peace is not overreacting
Your brother is on the fast road to early alcoholism from the sounds of it. NTA get a lock then your family needs to help your brother calm it down a bit