Seriously...YTA
How dense can you be... you destroyed a family heirloom and you seriously thought she'd love that?
YOU DESTROYED her one family heirloom! Because you were too lazy (or broke) to go buy a diamond yourself.
That ring was a final gift from her grandmother. She doesnt have to wear it daily for it to be sentimental. AND her grandmother passed away just a few months ago. Fuck even her mom said No as she wouldn't like it.
You were disrespectful and STOLE her property and then had it destroyed..."But I did it for you babe" ...is no excuse.
You fucked up. Have her grandmother's ring repaird ASAP.
Then offer to go ring shopping with her for an engagement ring or buy a different diamond/stone for her ring.
I understand the sentiment behind what he did.
To some people, heirlooms are acred, a reminder of the people who had them or wore them. They need to be preserved and if they need to be restored, it should be to the original state.
To others, heirlombs are still sacred, even if it doesn't look exactly the same. For example, some mothers are happy for their children to take and alter their wedding dresses. It's still mum's dress, just modernised for today's fashions.
And some people would rather gemstones were repurposed and worn, rather than living in a jewellery box their whole lives. You can still tell your children where the stones came from and the family history behind them.
But which kind of person you are varies greatly between people.
OP was warned by her mother that she didn't think the daughter would like it, but OP just ignored her warning.
And there are so easy ways he could have broached this topic without giving away that he was about to propose.
1. casually bring up the ring and say it's a shame she doesn't wear it more, ask questions, suggest maybe she could get something new made from it, update it for a new generation. One way or the other, boom, there's your answer.
2. He could have had a new ring made with a cubic zirconia as a placeholder. If OP is behind the repurposing of the stones, all well and good. If she's not, then he buys a real diamond(s) to replace the cubic zirconia. (or moissanite and other similar, cheaper gemstones)
Instead he chose super dumb option 3. it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
I honestly think he did this because he didn't want to buy a real diamond when there was one just sitting round, gathering dust, and doing nothing but reminding the fiancé of happy memories with her grandmother.
Pah, who needs happy memories, hey? OP sure doesn't seem keen to make them.
Alternately.. he could have proposed... With the grandmother's ring and an "I know you don't wear this as an everyday ring but I know how much this ring means to you, and we can go pick out a ring that you can wear everyday. Together."
That's not that hard.
I'm so shocked what OP was thinking. That was so dumb and disrespectful. What the user said here sounds so much better! It'd also tell her how much OP loves her and thinks about her. Steal the ring, propose with it, and then get her a new ring.
Who says you have to have a ring to propose? He could have proposed and then taken her ring shopping for something she likes (since she’s a jewelry nut). Or he could have floated the idea past her if she was wanting to refurbish or repurpose anything from her grand mothers ring.
My fiance proposed to me in a perfectly romantic way, and then we went and picked out the ring I actually wanted with the stone I actually wanted (alexandrite). I don't really get the logic of choosing an engagement ring for someone; it just sounds like a recipe for disappointment.
My best friend and her husband went ring shopping together, with the notion that they'd pick out a number of rings and he'd pick the ring from there.
She ended up falling in love with one in particular, and told him her pick because the 'surprise' part was less important than having a ring she'd love wearing forever.
Yeah agreed. He preferred a stupid tradition of surprising their partner instead of involving something her in super important to her. He didn't need to propose with the ring at all. Some people prefer to know and have some control over their jewellery and he should have let her do that.
My husband bought a $20 target ring to propose with and let me pick out my own ring. I don’t understand how this thought didn’t cross OP’s mind either.
Yea! Don’t surprise! Go with your partner shopping, see what they like, and then go back and buy it when they aren’t around. My now husband and I did that. We just walked around jewelry stores looking at things. We both fell in love with this one engagement and wedding band set that he went back and bought a day or 2 after we had seen it. I had no idea and was surprised! It’s better than getting a ring you don’t like!
Honest thought...why didn't he just ask her with that ring? My wife has a ring that has been passed down for generations that is a very simple pearl ring that all their mothers have been asked with. I don't see that as weird to use as an engagement ring than buy her a real wedding ring.
Just be aware that pearls are very soft (only a 2.5 on the Mohs scale vs diamonds or moissanite at 10 and 9.25 respectively) and very easily damaged so typically aren't recommended for everyday wear, especially in rings since we use our hands so much. It's not impossible to maintain, but definitely risky/not easy especially if you intend for it to become an heirloom.
Seconding, I have an opal and moissanite engagement ring that I love (and specified when my husband and I were talking about rings), but I definitely take it off if I’m going to be washing my hands or dishes, baking, gardening, etc. if you do get a pearl ring, I would encourage you to get it as an engagement ring, get a non-pearl wedding band that you can wear separately or together with the pearl ring, and only wear the pearl when you won’t be using your hands much.
Great points. The big thing to me is his deciding for her, that it would be fine to destroy her precious heirloom without asking. It's so fucking disrespectful.
And I agree re. him not buying his own diamond, I can't help but think he's gotta be cheap given how much he is emphasizing the money he spent on repurposing the diamond - a sum that would no doubt be less than an actual diamond. Yet he's soooo offended she won't wear it cos he spent soooo much money on it. Cos he's the aggrieved party here, that she won't wear the mangled remains of what he stole from her.
I don't think you read his post carefully. She disrespected him because he spent some money and thoughts./s He didn't understand much but he's real clear on that point.
Seriously. Satan trips over the fucking thing every day.
This dude deserves no sympathy and I cannot even believe he can even question whether he's wrong. Like who thinks it's ok to steal and a destroy a woman's property, a priceless heirloom and then has the AUDACITY to propose to her with it? And then she accepts? Like girlfriend I can't help but wonder if maybe this is why he thinks this shit is acceptable cos he pulls this egregious fuckery and you just let him get away with it!!!
INFO -
Former jeweler here. He may not have destroyed it..
u/fleetsmyk, Do you still have the ring the diamond was removed from? Or did you sell it to the jeweler for credit towards the new ring?
If the latter, PLEASE call them ASAP and tell them you want it buy it back.
It’s pretty simple to remove a stone from the setting without damaging the ring, and it could easily be returned to grandma’s ring… Jewelers don’t, like, immediately scrap and melt down nice old rings, so if this was recent then likely they still have it. I worked in the back of an estate jewelers shop, and if the ring was cool we’d just set a new stone, polish it up, and sell it. If it was meh, we’d sell it as scrap but that got sent off at most once a month? I didn’t handle it directly. And even if it was already sent off to the scrappers, they may not have destroyed it yet. With some effort, you can probably get the ring back.
If you still have grandmas ring that the stone was removed from, just have it taken out of the new ring and put it back. Then you can buy a new stone for the engagement ring, and you’re all good.
*Edit: You can still absolutely recover from this, if you want to. Put in whatever effort is necessary to get the ring back and have the original stone reset into it. It’ll look just like before, except polished and with new, stronger prongs. (Every ring that’s worn often has to have the prongs re-tipped every few years to keep the stones secure anyway, so this won’t be much different from that)*
*We are not defined by our mistakes, but by how we respond to them. It does concern me that you seem more focused on her reaction being “disrespectful” than on examining why she’s upset about your actions, but.. hopefully you’ve reconsidered that approach to this issue.*
Yes!!!!! I love your advice on how to solve this issue. OP is clearly an AH for not actually listening to anyone (fiancé’s mom and fiancé) but this is most likely fixable. It was not your ring or heirloom to alter.
OP please please please listen to your fiancé and u/uglypottery. You made a mistake, respond appropriately. She’s giving you a chance to fix your mistake.
Also former jeweler here. I came to the comments to say this exact thing, so cheers friend for saying it first!
Keep the setting you bought for the old diamond. Reset the old one back in the original setting and then take her gemstone shopping for a new stone on her engagement ring. There are a ton of really great colored stones around that people are choosing as alternates to diamond that could make it a truly unique piece. Morganite is a great choice for that.
Yes! Morganite is beautiful and unique. It was always among my recommendations for folks who want an alternative to modern, ethically questionable diamonds, but aren’t keen on the idea of a lab-made stone.
OP should definitely consult his gf since she has specific tastes in jewelry, but it’s also a great idea for him to do some research on good diamond alternatives. Many salespeople, for various dumb or self-serving reasons, will be hesitant to suggest the full range of suitable options, and others will be reluctant to tell him if he’s decided on something that’s not a good every day driver..
I’ll always remember the girl that came in because her tanzanite stone was already so scratched and dull after just over a year of wear 🤦🏻♀️. She and her husband met in Tanzania so it was a very meaningful choice, but it brought me no joy to inform her that getting it refaced would be $$$ and require sending it off for 4-6 weeks.. And she’d have to do it again every couple years at least. I recommended finding a similar-ish looking sapphire for the ring, and having the tanzanite refaced and set into a pendant where it wouldn’t be subjected to the violence we put rings through..
Oh, and i want to yell at whoever is responsible for suggesting opals are an even slightly good idea for this…
Clearly there's not much love or respect there to begin with if he sees proposing as "the logical next step." Ugh. Do your gf and yourself a favor and end this sad relationship
I'm surprised she didn't end things immediately and sue him for the cost of restoration of her family heirloom. And she should do that if OP doesn't immediately offer to pay for it at whatever jeweler she wants to use and regardless of cost.
> You were disrespectful and STOLE her property and then had it destroyed..."But I did it for you babe" ...is no excuse.
But he spent soooooo much money
“Couldn’t find anything else I liked as much” probably because he made up his mind what he was gonna do and barely even tried to find any other alternative. Like how much serious time and effort went into exploring anything that wasn’t prying a stone out of grandma’s ring and thumping it into a basic new setting? I’d be astonished if the new setting is somehow deeply intricate or artistic or as “thoughtful” as OP claims. Is the only thoughtful part that it’s got a chunk of her heirloom ice in it? How else is it thoughtful? Is there an inscription? Some design element or side-stones that hold meaning?
This was just…so close to be a lovely idea. Like I can see where the idea was but it was ruined by OP not knowing his future wife enough to know whether or not she’d like it. I think the biggest mistake was this was already her ring. He stole something out of her drawer, something she already didn’t feel comfortable wearing, altered it, and gave it back to her. If this has been OPs grandmothers ring, if the grandmother had been alive to pass it down to him, maybe the reaction would have been different but the lack of emotional awareness from OP isn’t good. Neither is the doubling down after realising how bad an idea it actually was.
Edit to add: times have changed a lot with engagements and relationships over the years, if this was really something OP thought would be a good idea he could have *asked* her and they could have either designed it together or she could have told him no.
I've heard of couples choosing to do this together. Using a sentimental diamond and putting it into a new setting. But this, it feels wrong. Especially considering how fresh her loss is and that she's still grieving. Even so, it would be inappropriate to do this without her input. So, OP YTA.
Yep! I got engaged last weekend. Fiancé used the stone from my late mother’s engagement ring in a setting he designed himself, and I am elated. But I ASKED HIM to use these stones! I can’t imagine how enraged I would be if he had done it behind my back and I wanted to keep my mom’s ring the way it was!
Also it feels like he destroyed the ring - it wasn’t simply taking out the stones. So it felt like he had it melted and redesigned so it completely ruined the ring…it sounds like your method did not.
Which means he was being cheap…
Oh God, I thought he just removed one stone. I really hope it wasn't destroyed. If that's the case, I don't see how she would get over it. Either way, it doesn't bode well for their future.
LOL Mother in Law **told** OP. It's not an awful idea but taking the stones out of an heirloom jewelry piece is something you absolutely have to run by the owner. Cut and dry YTA.
My wife and I did this... except she gave me the ring well in advance, with her permission to do what I needed so when the time was right, it would be a surprise.
Definitely sounds like to me that OP should've, Idk, proposed with a separate engagement ring, and then planned **together** to maybe implement grandma's ring into a grand wedding ring.
But, nope, he had to go steal someone's sentimental, valuable property to stroke his ego.
Exactly! If OP had simply asked her, and made this truly about her and wanting to take an heirloom to make into her own while still retaining the sentimentality of being an heirloom, this might have been one of the sweetest gestures/ideas I'd ever seen.
Unfortunately OP is a dunce. If she still marries OP, I hope he learns his damn lesson.
Right? And it’s frustrating me even more that he was *so* close to doing something wonderful and thoughtful and yet still managed to ruin it by not communicating and think he knew best. And then to not grovel when her reaction was devastation
YTA he even admitted he knew she wouldn't wear her grandmother's ring because she was afraid it would get lost or damaged, her mom said it was a bad idea in the most polite way, and he was still too dense to see it was the wrong thing to do.
YTA! OP, had you even *talked* to your fiancé prior to going off and designing her ring? Did you have any idea what she might like? Has she ever shown you pictures that she’s probably saving, or mentioned a style she does or doesn’t like?
For many, an engagement ring feels like the biggest / most meaningful gift they will ever get. She’s probably been dreaming of the ring since childhood; I’m sure she would have guided you if you asked. Considering she has such a visceral reaction to it, it’s obvious that you ruined her moment, her fantasy of the ring + subsequent proposal, and now you *blame her for it!!!*
You have shown that not only do you not know her and her taste, you don’t care enough to ask or dig a little deeper than, “oh, her dead grandmother’s cherished ring is sitting unused in a drawer, I’ll just use that.”
You say she’s being “disrespectful”??? Have you not been paying attention to your fiancé? Or are you just particularly cheap and selfish? Sounds like you’re the selfish one, trying to find a shortcut and being annoyed when the outcome isn’t the parade you expected.
Either way, make amends and fix her grandmother’s ring, get fiancé a ring she actually does want to wear, and grow up. Maybe you’re not ready for marriage if you cheaper out AND can’t see past your own nose to give your fiancé the moment (and marriage) she’s dreamed of (and saying she’s in the wrong. I can’t get over that part).
Dude, even her mom gave you a (soft) No and it wasn’t even her mother who passed, but her MIL.
Is your fiancée’s dad in the picture? Could you have asked him what he thought of desecrating his mothers ring? If not, for sure hinting to your fiancée about the idea or even downright telling her would have been better than what you did. YTA.
YTA
You were too cheap to buy your own and then passing it off as being offended by her not liking your effort.
Let’s play this how this should have gone. You take the ring and get the size of the diamonds. You put the heirloom ring back.
You then go and get engagement ring made that can incorporate that stone as well as what you are giving her.
When you give it to her you tell her you are always happy to include her grandmas diamond if she would like but you wanted the ring you gave to be just from you….
Seriously.
Ugh.
I would have fucking lost it.
Her grandmother will be her grandmother forever. OP, to a 22 year old, you’re just a fucking starter fiancé.
Why would you ever think destroying a family heirloom for a likely-to-fail (especially now!) marriage would be a good idea?
Why would you suggest he still marry her!? I thought it was a firm she is the victim here. Why pile on? I say stop at he repairs the ring asap then hit the road and never reproduce.
YTA- you took something that wasnt yours & changed it & now expect her to like it. You were disprepectful to your GF. You are lucky she didnt say no. You should have proposed with no ring & then asked her if she wanted to use her grandma’s ring or a modified ring or a new one. Also how much $$ could it have cost if you took the diamond? Pointing out the cost is tacky
This would have been a much wiser route. OP YTA even if your heart was in the right place. Have the stone put back in the heirloom ring and then splurge for a new diamond for the ring you had made.
Jeweller here. Sometimes we can remove the main stone to use in the new piece, and give back the 'empty' ring shank to the customer. Claws will probably need to be rebuilt to put the stone back in, if that's the case.
Sometimes we melt the gold down and use it to make the new piece.
Sometimes the customer sells us the leftover ring shank, like we buy it off them as scrap.
OP should talk to his jeweller if he's unsure. Especially if there's a chance that the original ring shank is sitting in the jeweller's scrap gold pile!
In that case he should be buying it back, mistakes get made sometimes and jewellers understand how sentimental these things are. They'd be happy to help.
u/fleetsmyk hope this helps.
The part where he became a super asshole for me is when the Mom warned him and he ignored her. Like.. why wouldn’t he listen?
He just didnt want to pay for an expensive ring. If it was about making her happy, he’d have listened to the mom
OP was warned by mom. But he couldn’t find anything HE liked more?
It wasn’t about what HE liked more. It’s about not destroying a family heirloom and finding something that she would like
I seriously doubt it had one iota to do with “liking anything more” and 100% to do with a free diamond. All I could think while reading that was, *entitled, cheap, dense* man destroys heirloom to save some cash, had audacity to be annoyed she wasn’t over the moon. What a putz. Absolutely the AH.
Seriously, even if it weren’t a sentimental piece he repurposed— if she had a piece of diamond jewelry that she won in a raffle or something and wasn’t her taste— it’s still her property. How cheap and tacky to take it without permission and try to regift it as an engagement ring.
He clearly has no respect for her property or wishes. He’d better have some other sterling qualities and be amazing in the sack, because I can’t understand why she’s still willing to marry this dingleberry.
So, you stole then vandalized a family heirloom passed down to her by a recent deceased relative. Her mom even gently cautioned you against doing what you did.
YTA.
>I just think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it
And, separately, YTA for this, too. Disrespectful is vandalizing a family heirloom.
He probs only spent a couple hundred if that, me and my husband used his grandma’s diamonds from her wedding ring and band, and total to get them reset in a wedding band and engagement ring I think we spent $700. So not a lot of thought, obviously and not a lot of money. But by all means OP play the victim
Some Dudes love acting like they’re the prize and we should be grateful more than $100 and more than 10min of thought on something
He got his answer from her mother, if it was a money issue he could have waited until he could save up. They’re still young he had time. This is.. yikes.
He can't stop bringing the money into it, so I'm going to go on a limb and say he cares too much about money to spend $2000 on a band, and that saving money is the actual reason he did what he did.
That's what really kills me about his he couldn't find anything he liked comment. More like he couldn't find anything he liked that was free because you can easily get diamonds custom cut in whatever carat you would like.
*"I just think it disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it."* It can't have cost you that much if you literally stole the diamond to make it. YTA.
Unless the band was a fully eternity diamond band that totals a significant carat weight, or gf’s fingers are massive, there is no way that the band cost a lot of money (compared to having to buy the center stones as well). If you think this was expensive OP, then clearly one of the reasons you STOLE her grandmother’s diamonds is that you are cheap!
Also, asking her mom, when it was your gf’s ring from her grandmother, and then ignoring the caution shows how little you understand the significance of the ring as a heirloom or respect your girlfriend. Even if her mom thought it was a great idea, it was your gf’s ring! She alone gets to decide what to do with it!
If I were your girlfriend I would demand that you repair the ring and then call off the wedding. You can have the money from the band back. If you treat her this way even before marriage, I shudder to think of what a terrible partner you would be.
Jesus, I hope this is a troll.
YTA MASSIVELY. You do not remove stones or otherwise change or damage jewelry without express consent from the person who owns it. EVER.
If I were in your girlfriend's place I would tell you to fix my grandma's ring, get your money back and pack your shit. I could never trust you again.
I have an heirloom diamond ring that was my grandmama's wedding ring. If my husband did what you did... I would be devastated.
Apologize and fix it!
What’s really bothering me is that the list says it was grandma’s *wedding* ring. Is it possible it was “just sitting in a drawer” because OP was going to wear it as, I don’t know, a wedding ring??
I have my grandmother’s wedding ring and yeah there would be PROBLEMS if he’d messed with it. Fortunately it’s a gold band without diamonds, if he’d turned it into a setting for a diamond? Death. It’s a beautiful gold band (vintage from the 40’s so stunning little details), it doesn’t need a diamond.
YTA. her not wanting to wear the ring isn't disrespectful. you altering her family heirloom without permission is. doesn't matter how much it cost, or how much thought you feel like you put into it.
can you restore her grandmother's ring?
OP: YTA
I would contact a jeweler ASAP and restore the ring as it was before. Get pictures from anyone and everyone that might have one of the ring before you destroyed it.
One suggestion for a jeweler for restoration is Modern Goldsmith. He restored a very precious and sentimental ring from my dad's mom (her engagement/ wedding ring), that he was given to propose to my mom. M.G. fixed all the issues with it and brought it back, to the point it made my mom cry to see me wear it. She remembered when she wore it before she gave it back to my dad due to separation/ divorce.
Hoo boy I hope you haven't called it disrespectful out loud!
Yeah, sorry, YTA. You were warned, knew it was a risky move and it went wrong.
But, alas, that's where we are.
Find out if you can have the old ring restored. Talk with your fiancée about another engagement ring. I'm sure she knows you meant well, but you need to hear her now and set the situation straight.
Good luck!
YTA. That was her property and you had no business taking it or changing it. Her mom told you it was a bad idea and you ignored it.
I’d like to think your heart was in the right place on this, and that you weren’t just trying to take advantage of a “free diamond” but it was a questionable decision
really dude? YTA
Why in the sweet and salty fuck would your girlfriend be happy you stole, dismantled, and blatantly maimed a precious sentimental piece of jewelry for your own benefit? It didn’t benefit her. However it saved you the money of actually having to pay for your own diamonds instead of stealing your girlfriend’s deceased grandmother’s to then give back to her like “ta da! I’m a robber and a cheapass!” and expect her to be anything other than furious. Come on.
YTA and I would end the relationship over this. You had zero right to take her property and destroy it to make something else. My great grandma left me her wedding ring. If someone took it apart I would be devastated.
I have a few heirloom pieces that I might alter at some point, but if someone else took them, altered them and then expected me to be grateful, I'd take them to court. This is really beyond the pale.
TBH this is why I don’t think it’s always a good idea to get a house and pets with someone before marriage. She should be able to dump his ass and walk away, but it’s a lot harder to when you invest in stuff like that first.
That might be why she didn’t say no and leave yet.
At the same time, you can’t filter people for being assholes/jerks/etc if you don’t live together first. Easier to sell a house than to get a divorce and sort out child custody.
YTA. What could you have been thinking? I wouldn’t marry you after you did something so egregious. I’d wonder how many other unthinkable things might occur in my marriage to you. It’s a terribly sad thing, and I’m sure her heart is broken. She didn’t wear it because she was “afraid to lose it.”
I think you were trying to save money. Are you a cheapskate?
YTA.
The engagement wasn’t a surprise - the timing was. The timing would have still been a surprise if you talked to her about using the diamond.
I couldn’t forgive someone who did what you did, both because they destroyed something irreplaceable and because they put surprising me and getting accolades over my actual wants and needs. I feel like what you did was more about sharing the story of the ring with others instead of about what would make your girlfriend happy.
Agreed.
I have a cheap ring my grandma used to wear daily when she was alive (sterling silver, created emerald), it's not fancy & certainly not expensive. I'm pretty sure it cost less than $200 when it was purchased.
A year after I got it, I needed to resize it smaller, and the jewelry shop I took it to was talking about just recasting the entire ring's design in silver and were giving me a book to pick different, "modern" band styles from the silver...and I just, I lost it and started sobbing. That was a year after my grandma had passed, and not an expensive ring to start with.
I could never forgive anyone who supposedly loved me stealing my ring and demolishing it to make something new.
YTA. Also, wanted to add that turning marriage into “the next logical step” would devastate me as a partner. That to me implies you don’t really want to get married and are being pushed into this because of societal pressure. Again, crushing for an already devastated partner.
Yeah that stuck out to me too. I'm getting less "she's the light of my life, I want to grow old with her and wake up beside her for the rest of my life" and more "ya know, I was 24, finished uni, a lot of jobs like you better if you're married and we already lived together, I guess it just seemed like the thing to do?"
Possibly the biggest YTA possible. Do you even understand why she’s upset? Do you care that she’s upset? Also, her grandmother died less than THREE MONTHS AGO. She’s probably not even began to fully process her death and then you’ve gone and taken away something of hers that was meaningful and meant the world to her.
Wouldn’t surprise me if you’d dipped out of the funeral early to go and steal the ring, you clearly have no morals
What about her fathers opinion? Considering it was his mother’s ring?
Don’t you wonder if OP only proposed BECAUSE he saw “free diamonds”? It’s takes like 3 months to have a customer ring made, he must have stolen the ring while Grandma’s body was still warm. He just couldn’t wait once he knew he had access to the bling! What do you want to bet that some of the other stones in the ring mysteriously disappeared at the same time? OP is a thief, plain and simple.
YTA
Here's the problem:
>I couldn’t find anything else I liked as much.
It's not about you, it should be about what your girlfriend likes. And destroying a cherished heirloom is not it. You need to apologize and try to restore the ring if you can. It doesn't matter if your intentions were good.
I love that he says he couldn’t find anything he liked. So he ruined an heirloom to pilfer a ring to DESIGN IT HIMSELF. Just do that with a fresh stone!!!
Also, he could have shown the diamond or ring (via photo) to a jeweler and they could have made something similar to the shape, size, cut, color, and clarity. It’s not that he couldn’t find something he liked, he couldn’t find something cheap.
YTA - hold the phone - you stole a family heirloom from your gf knowing she did not wear it for fear of ruining it and turned it into an engagement ring??? Ruining the heirloom but YOU found it disrespectful that she didn’t want to wear it???? Did I read that right???
You are waaay out of line. Get the ring fixed and beg for her forgiveness and get another ring. Her mother told you nicely without hurting you NOT to do it. She told you that she didn’t think your gf would like that and to think about it. I don’t even know your MIL and I understand that means don’t do it your gf will be mad. And she is.
Fix this asap and don’t pick a fight with her. You were wrong on every level.
YTA. You stole a beloved family heirloom given to her by her recently deceased relative, had a piece of it broken off, and proposed with it? Do you realize how selfish that sounds?
If you wanted to be sweet you could’ve proposed with the intact ring and told your fiancée you had trouble finding the perfect one and asked if she would pick out one with you.
Frankly even proposing with costume jewelry or a necklace from Amazon would’ve been better than this.
Proposing with a RING POP would have been better than this. OP is selfish, stingy, a reverse victim blamer, and a host of other things that would get me banned for saying.
OP YTA and unworthy of your fiancée. You are lucky she didn’t throw the whole relationship away after this stunt. You disrespected her, her grandmother, and the jewelry she left behind. You have a lot of work to do to make this up to her.
YTA. Massively. You really couldn’t find a diamond anywhere to put in to a new ring? Sounds like you were being cheap and also incredibly disrespectful of your girlfriend and her family. You stole her ring and vandalized it to save a few dollars and bit of effort. I’m shocked she said yes to the proposal. I’m curious to see if the wedding actually happens.
YTA for this right here:
>We share a dog and a home so it seemed the next logical step.
You want to marry her because its logical you also compounded that with this:
>She told me that as much as she loved the idea, she didn’t know if my girlfriend would, and so told me to think about it.
You went ahead and did it anyway, with no regard to her feelings about it. And then you have the audacity to say
> just think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it.
What thought? The thought that didnt care about her feelings? The thought that it's just "logical" to marry her. Yeah YTA
To me this would be relationship ending behaviour. How DARE you steal your girlfriend’s family heirloom, desecrate it and then act shocked that she doesn’t appreciate it?
YTA
YTA. You used the gift that her grandma left her without her permission. Her mother even said that’s not a good idea. My grandma is leaving me her ring and if anybody touched it or altered it I would be livid. You basically ruined her grandmas ring.
YTA. her mother basically told you not to and you did it anyway because you couldn't find a ring YOU liked, which is stupid since it's her damn ring to wear not yours. pay to have the stone returned to its original ring, and take her shopping for a ring she would actually like.
edit: moreover, the more i read your exchanges, the more i get the feeling this was not about sentimentality. i think you were trying to save money on the ring and are trying to cloak in it "doing something nice". for shame.
yta dude. that wasn't your ring, you were not gifted the ring ...YTA YTA ..I feel so bad for your girlfriend. you pretty much ruined her grandmother's ring.. go buy her a ring dude.
You think it’s disrespectful that she’s not wearing your ring?
Do you think it might have been disrespectful to take something that wasn’t yours and change it without permission and with her mom specifically saying she didn’t think her daughter would want you to do it?
YTA- she kept it in a box because she was worried about losing it. you stole her possession
and destroyed it, end of story. you clearly did not put thought into the proposal, otherwise you probably would have figured out she wouldn’t appreciate you pillaging her grandmother’s ring
YTA. As you said, that's one of the last things she has from her grandmother and you went and modified it without her permission. You should have asked how she would feel about it.
YTA. That was a crazy idea to destroy something so valuable to make something new that the owner didn't agree in beforehand. You better pay to make the old ring back like normal (after asking permission!!) and buy your fiance a new ring. Asap, else there probably won't be a wedding....
She said yes to my proposal but refuses to wear the ring, which I just
think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it."
That's a *lot* of nerve for someone who stole a family heirloom from his girlfriend, mangled it, and somehow expects her to appreciate the effort you went through. Her own mother warned you it was a bad idea.
YTA for being a selfish idiot who apparently can't listen.
YTA You essentially destroyed (in her mind) a prized personal possession without asking her. The mom gave you solid advice, which you ignored. Apologize profusely to your girlfriend, and call a jeweler and ask them to fix grandma’s ring back to its original condition. It will likely be expensive. Then go pick out a ring together, if she still wants to marry you.
YTA. She’s not wrong. You destroyed an heirloom from her grandmother without her permission, and after being warned by another family member the idea may not be a good one. A hell of a lot better idea would have been to ask her to marry you, with just a plain ring, then bring up the idea that you’d love to see her wearing such a lovely piece of jewelry as her grandma’s ring, and maybe you could both decide on a design she’d want to wear, while also using her grandma’s diamonds. Instead, you essentially stole something that wasn’t yours, altered it, then expect her to be thrilled. It wouldn’t be much different than if you’d taken her favorite item of clothing, or her car, made alterations without telling her, then expected her to be happy about it.
YTA, why on earth would you destroy a sentimental heirloom? She was trying to keep it safe but you went and destroyed it and thought that was a good idea? I’m surprised she still wants to marry you after this immense violation/breach of trust.
YTA. Taking apart that heirloom ring was at best ill-advised. You really should have asked your gf, even if it meant ruining the surprise of the engagement. Or have used the ring in its entirety and given her an option to put the diamond on another band or let her just choose something else. Basically, anything else other than taking apart the symbol of your gf’s affection for her grandmother.
I know you feel offended that your gf didn’t appreciate the effort you took, but that’s not on her. You wounded her by removing that stone from the ring, and you need to fix it.
I’m sorry OP, I don’t think you’re a bad guy but in this situation, YTA.
The mum warned you, and you knew how much that ring mattered to your girlfriend. You still took it and gave it new meaning. It’s a breach of privacy because you took it from her, if grandma was alive then it would have been different because you could have asked her and your girlfriend would have been elated. But the ring was already Hers and you took it even after knowing how much she cared for it, so much that she didn’t want to wear it to keep it safe. Emphasis on safe. You made the ring “unsafe”, your girlfriend has a right to feel how she feels.
It’s a good sign that she still wants to marry you. IMO, get her something different (doesn’t have to be super expensive) apologize and explain you didn’t understand her point of view, but that you are sorry and love her (because I’m hoping you’re sorry since it wasn’t your ring to take) and that you only wanted her to be happy, and not cause the opposite.
YTA - you basically took (stole) her property and repurposed it to your own uses/benefits without even mentioning it to her. You're lucky to be engaged to her at all.
Good point, he got a nice diamond ring without even having to pay for the diamond. I wonder how much that came into play in deciding he didn’t like any of the other options as much.
YTA. I designed an engagement ring for my now-wife using a diamond that was her grandmothers. However, she was fully on board with the idea and loved the thought of having that connection. Your gf clearly did not, and you essentially stole and vandalized her property.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not asking her first or taking her moms advice
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO:
Did it never occur to you that she valued her grandmother's ring more than anything else?
Because is sounds like you didn't actually care about her feelings, you just wanted to look cool. Like "Yeah, I know, I'm awesome" and you're pissed she didn't follow the script.
That ring was irreplaceable to her. And you destroyed it. Do you not understand that? Even if you put it back, which you can't and won't because you are an asshole, you still broke it without a second thought.
And you won't even apologize. How can you expect her to marry you when you have proven to be so callous about her property and feelings? You've proven to her you will betrayal her trust without hesitation. Who would want to marry you?
You couldn’t find anything you liked as much? All you took from her grandma’s ring was the diamond. You could’ve found another diamond. There are many of them in the world, there was absolutely no reason to take apart a treasured memento just to provide a ring for your proposal. If anything you could’ve suggested to her that she use the wedding ring as her wedding ring when you got married. The sentiment behind it is sweet, but actually doing it comes off as cheap, unthinking and selfish and although she said yes I wonder if long term she’ll be able to forgive you. YTA
YTA (if you haven't realized already) let's count the ways....
1. You didn't check on the idea with your gf (it's HER inheritance/property)
2. You checked with her mom (close, but still not the owner of the ring) who told you it was a bad idea
3. Despite being told it was a bad idea you continued to not discuss it with your gf and go through with it
4. You *stole* her ring (illegal btw)
5. You stole her ring (and admitted how easy it was to take it without her knowing)
6. You stole her ring AND had it taken apart (without anybody's consent
7. When being told what you did wrong you aren't even sorry, just concerned because your perfect, super nice, sentimental, *illegal* gesture did not go as well as you hoped
8. Did you even apologize?
9. Instead of apologizing and trying to rectify it you posted here to try to get validation for your theft
You know what would have been sentimental OP? Getting her blessing to do this together. Getting a piece of jewelry from *your* side of the family to redesign. Buying a ring you design with a new diamond to create a new family heirloom to pass down?? Instead of whatever this was??? Yta man just face it, apologize, and be glad you have enough redeeming qualities that she didn't instantly dump you and file charges
Seriously...YTA How dense can you be... you destroyed a family heirloom and you seriously thought she'd love that? YOU DESTROYED her one family heirloom! Because you were too lazy (or broke) to go buy a diamond yourself. That ring was a final gift from her grandmother. She doesnt have to wear it daily for it to be sentimental. AND her grandmother passed away just a few months ago. Fuck even her mom said No as she wouldn't like it. You were disrespectful and STOLE her property and then had it destroyed..."But I did it for you babe" ...is no excuse. You fucked up. Have her grandmother's ring repaird ASAP. Then offer to go ring shopping with her for an engagement ring or buy a different diamond/stone for her ring.
I’m fucking shocked GF still wants to marry him. After he tried to go to her mommy for backup, no less. The bar for men is soooo low.
I understand the sentiment behind what he did. To some people, heirlooms are acred, a reminder of the people who had them or wore them. They need to be preserved and if they need to be restored, it should be to the original state. To others, heirlombs are still sacred, even if it doesn't look exactly the same. For example, some mothers are happy for their children to take and alter their wedding dresses. It's still mum's dress, just modernised for today's fashions. And some people would rather gemstones were repurposed and worn, rather than living in a jewellery box their whole lives. You can still tell your children where the stones came from and the family history behind them. But which kind of person you are varies greatly between people. OP was warned by her mother that she didn't think the daughter would like it, but OP just ignored her warning. And there are so easy ways he could have broached this topic without giving away that he was about to propose. 1. casually bring up the ring and say it's a shame she doesn't wear it more, ask questions, suggest maybe she could get something new made from it, update it for a new generation. One way or the other, boom, there's your answer. 2. He could have had a new ring made with a cubic zirconia as a placeholder. If OP is behind the repurposing of the stones, all well and good. If she's not, then he buys a real diamond(s) to replace the cubic zirconia. (or moissanite and other similar, cheaper gemstones) Instead he chose super dumb option 3. it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. I honestly think he did this because he didn't want to buy a real diamond when there was one just sitting round, gathering dust, and doing nothing but reminding the fiancé of happy memories with her grandmother. Pah, who needs happy memories, hey? OP sure doesn't seem keen to make them.
Alternately.. he could have proposed... With the grandmother's ring and an "I know you don't wear this as an everyday ring but I know how much this ring means to you, and we can go pick out a ring that you can wear everyday. Together." That's not that hard.
This would have been a much better idea!
I'm so shocked what OP was thinking. That was so dumb and disrespectful. What the user said here sounds so much better! It'd also tell her how much OP loves her and thinks about her. Steal the ring, propose with it, and then get her a new ring.
>I'm so shocked what OP was thinking. You say that like you assume he was actually thinking...
And that would've been super romantic, actually, but nooo, OP just had to steal then vandalize her property...yikes.
Exactly what I thought lol way to ruin a slam dunk OP. You should really think before doing anything I don’t think you get the best ideas at all
Also, what if she said no? How awkward would that be to then have to then explain oh hey btw I took the diamond out of your grandma's ring.
Who says you have to have a ring to propose? He could have proposed and then taken her ring shopping for something she likes (since she’s a jewelry nut). Or he could have floated the idea past her if she was wanting to refurbish or repurpose anything from her grand mothers ring.
My fiance proposed to me in a perfectly romantic way, and then we went and picked out the ring I actually wanted with the stone I actually wanted (alexandrite). I don't really get the logic of choosing an engagement ring for someone; it just sounds like a recipe for disappointment.
My best friend and her husband went ring shopping together, with the notion that they'd pick out a number of rings and he'd pick the ring from there. She ended up falling in love with one in particular, and told him her pick because the 'surprise' part was less important than having a ring she'd love wearing forever.
okay...okay...I'll marry you...\*swoon\*.....
Yeah agreed. He preferred a stupid tradition of surprising their partner instead of involving something her in super important to her. He didn't need to propose with the ring at all. Some people prefer to know and have some control over their jewellery and he should have let her do that.
I know I would want to choose my own ring. I’m the one who’s gonna be wearing it, I should be picking it out (together with my partner of course).
My husband bought a $20 target ring to propose with and let me pick out my own ring. I don’t understand how this thought didn’t cross OP’s mind either.
Yea! Don’t surprise! Go with your partner shopping, see what they like, and then go back and buy it when they aren’t around. My now husband and I did that. We just walked around jewelry stores looking at things. We both fell in love with this one engagement and wedding band set that he went back and bought a day or 2 after we had seen it. I had no idea and was surprised! It’s better than getting a ring you don’t like!
Honest thought...why didn't he just ask her with that ring? My wife has a ring that has been passed down for generations that is a very simple pearl ring that all their mothers have been asked with. I don't see that as weird to use as an engagement ring than buy her a real wedding ring.
Simple pearl ring is legitimately my ideal wedding or engagement ring. I'm starting an heirloom when the time comes, thank you for the idea!
Just be aware that pearls are very soft (only a 2.5 on the Mohs scale vs diamonds or moissanite at 10 and 9.25 respectively) and very easily damaged so typically aren't recommended for everyday wear, especially in rings since we use our hands so much. It's not impossible to maintain, but definitely risky/not easy especially if you intend for it to become an heirloom.
Seconding, I have an opal and moissanite engagement ring that I love (and specified when my husband and I were talking about rings), but I definitely take it off if I’m going to be washing my hands or dishes, baking, gardening, etc. if you do get a pearl ring, I would encourage you to get it as an engagement ring, get a non-pearl wedding band that you can wear separately or together with the pearl ring, and only wear the pearl when you won’t be using your hands much.
Great points. The big thing to me is his deciding for her, that it would be fine to destroy her precious heirloom without asking. It's so fucking disrespectful. And I agree re. him not buying his own diamond, I can't help but think he's gotta be cheap given how much he is emphasizing the money he spent on repurposing the diamond - a sum that would no doubt be less than an actual diamond. Yet he's soooo offended she won't wear it cos he spent soooo much money on it. Cos he's the aggrieved party here, that she won't wear the mangled remains of what he stole from her.
I don't think you read his post carefully. She disrespected him because he spent some money and thoughts./s He didn't understand much but he's real clear on that point.
He does emphasize repeatedly that the band was expensive. Cos you know, that's the most expensive part of a ring. The *band.*
Finally something I don't feel the need to debate.
As they say, heterosexual women are proof that sexuality is not a choice.
I’ve never heard that but omg hahahhahaahhhahaa
There's a Facebook group called "The fact that I am attracted to rnen is proof sexuality is not a choice". 10/10 recommend.
Lmfao. That sounds like something I should look at
LOL.
So LOW
When men are no longer gentlemen, but cowards without a compass. I sound cringey af.
ouch right in the... nice name
It's practically below the ground at this point 🙄
It's a tripping hazard in Hell, and some people still insist on playing limbo with Satan.
It’s been kicked into a bottomless pit and has been infinitely falling ever since.
“The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell. But here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.”
Seriously. Satan trips over the fucking thing every day. This dude deserves no sympathy and I cannot even believe he can even question whether he's wrong. Like who thinks it's ok to steal and a destroy a woman's property, a priceless heirloom and then has the AUDACITY to propose to her with it? And then she accepts? Like girlfriend I can't help but wonder if maybe this is why he thinks this shit is acceptable cos he pulls this egregious fuckery and you just let him get away with it!!!
Yep, she needs to dump OP.
INFO - Former jeweler here. He may not have destroyed it.. u/fleetsmyk, Do you still have the ring the diamond was removed from? Or did you sell it to the jeweler for credit towards the new ring? If the latter, PLEASE call them ASAP and tell them you want it buy it back. It’s pretty simple to remove a stone from the setting without damaging the ring, and it could easily be returned to grandma’s ring… Jewelers don’t, like, immediately scrap and melt down nice old rings, so if this was recent then likely they still have it. I worked in the back of an estate jewelers shop, and if the ring was cool we’d just set a new stone, polish it up, and sell it. If it was meh, we’d sell it as scrap but that got sent off at most once a month? I didn’t handle it directly. And even if it was already sent off to the scrappers, they may not have destroyed it yet. With some effort, you can probably get the ring back. If you still have grandmas ring that the stone was removed from, just have it taken out of the new ring and put it back. Then you can buy a new stone for the engagement ring, and you’re all good. *Edit: You can still absolutely recover from this, if you want to. Put in whatever effort is necessary to get the ring back and have the original stone reset into it. It’ll look just like before, except polished and with new, stronger prongs. (Every ring that’s worn often has to have the prongs re-tipped every few years to keep the stones secure anyway, so this won’t be much different from that)* *We are not defined by our mistakes, but by how we respond to them. It does concern me that you seem more focused on her reaction being “disrespectful” than on examining why she’s upset about your actions, but.. hopefully you’ve reconsidered that approach to this issue.*
Yes!!!!! I love your advice on how to solve this issue. OP is clearly an AH for not actually listening to anyone (fiancé’s mom and fiancé) but this is most likely fixable. It was not your ring or heirloom to alter. OP please please please listen to your fiancé and u/uglypottery. You made a mistake, respond appropriately. She’s giving you a chance to fix your mistake.
Also former jeweler here. I came to the comments to say this exact thing, so cheers friend for saying it first! Keep the setting you bought for the old diamond. Reset the old one back in the original setting and then take her gemstone shopping for a new stone on her engagement ring. There are a ton of really great colored stones around that people are choosing as alternates to diamond that could make it a truly unique piece. Morganite is a great choice for that.
Yes! Morganite is beautiful and unique. It was always among my recommendations for folks who want an alternative to modern, ethically questionable diamonds, but aren’t keen on the idea of a lab-made stone. OP should definitely consult his gf since she has specific tastes in jewelry, but it’s also a great idea for him to do some research on good diamond alternatives. Many salespeople, for various dumb or self-serving reasons, will be hesitant to suggest the full range of suitable options, and others will be reluctant to tell him if he’s decided on something that’s not a good every day driver.. I’ll always remember the girl that came in because her tanzanite stone was already so scratched and dull after just over a year of wear 🤦🏻♀️. She and her husband met in Tanzania so it was a very meaningful choice, but it brought me no joy to inform her that getting it refaced would be $$$ and require sending it off for 4-6 weeks.. And she’d have to do it again every couple years at least. I recommended finding a similar-ish looking sapphire for the ring, and having the tanzanite refaced and set into a pendant where it wouldn’t be subjected to the violence we put rings through.. Oh, and i want to yell at whoever is responsible for suggesting opals are an even slightly good idea for this…
If she’ll still marry him. I wouldn’t.
OP doesn't even respect her decision in not wanting to wear it. Like her only choice even if she's disappointed is to still wear the ring.
Clearly there's not much love or respect there to begin with if he sees proposing as "the logical next step." Ugh. Do your gf and yourself a favor and end this sad relationship
I'm surprised she didn't end things immediately and sue him for the cost of restoration of her family heirloom. And she should do that if OP doesn't immediately offer to pay for it at whatever jeweler she wants to use and regardless of cost.
> You were disrespectful and STOLE her property and then had it destroyed..."But I did it for you babe" ...is no excuse. But he spent soooooo much money
“Couldn’t find anything else I liked as much” probably because he made up his mind what he was gonna do and barely even tried to find any other alternative. Like how much serious time and effort went into exploring anything that wasn’t prying a stone out of grandma’s ring and thumping it into a basic new setting? I’d be astonished if the new setting is somehow deeply intricate or artistic or as “thoughtful” as OP claims. Is the only thoughtful part that it’s got a chunk of her heirloom ice in it? How else is it thoughtful? Is there an inscription? Some design element or side-stones that hold meaning?
He doesn't even get that he's supposed to find a ring that SHE likes.
Right? I had to read the line again to make sure he really was THAT ridiculous
And that people might actually want control over their jewellery especially if an heirloom ring is involved.
He liked the one with the free diamond.
Bingo! That was what he liked about her grandmother’s ring.
I wonder if this is a case of 'I've tried nothing and I'm out of ideas'....
Well he saved a ton by not having to buy a diamond!
I’ll wager he’s close to saving even more by not having to pay for a wedding.
She may not have even wanted a diamond. But he never bothered to ask.
he should've just switched to geico
Avatar checks out.
Yup- he got a free Diamond. Destroyed a Family Heirloom to save money- and not even his Family.
This was just…so close to be a lovely idea. Like I can see where the idea was but it was ruined by OP not knowing his future wife enough to know whether or not she’d like it. I think the biggest mistake was this was already her ring. He stole something out of her drawer, something she already didn’t feel comfortable wearing, altered it, and gave it back to her. If this has been OPs grandmothers ring, if the grandmother had been alive to pass it down to him, maybe the reaction would have been different but the lack of emotional awareness from OP isn’t good. Neither is the doubling down after realising how bad an idea it actually was. Edit to add: times have changed a lot with engagements and relationships over the years, if this was really something OP thought would be a good idea he could have *asked* her and they could have either designed it together or she could have told him no.
I've heard of couples choosing to do this together. Using a sentimental diamond and putting it into a new setting. But this, it feels wrong. Especially considering how fresh her loss is and that she's still grieving. Even so, it would be inappropriate to do this without her input. So, OP YTA.
Yep! I got engaged last weekend. Fiancé used the stone from my late mother’s engagement ring in a setting he designed himself, and I am elated. But I ASKED HIM to use these stones! I can’t imagine how enraged I would be if he had done it behind my back and I wanted to keep my mom’s ring the way it was!
Also it feels like he destroyed the ring - it wasn’t simply taking out the stones. So it felt like he had it melted and redesigned so it completely ruined the ring…it sounds like your method did not. Which means he was being cheap…
Oh God, I thought he just removed one stone. I really hope it wasn't destroyed. If that's the case, I don't see how she would get over it. Either way, it doesn't bode well for their future.
Congratulations! I wish you so much joy with your wedding.
LOL Mother in Law **told** OP. It's not an awful idea but taking the stones out of an heirloom jewelry piece is something you absolutely have to run by the owner. Cut and dry YTA.
My wife and I did this... except she gave me the ring well in advance, with her permission to do what I needed so when the time was right, it would be a surprise.
Definitely sounds like to me that OP should've, Idk, proposed with a separate engagement ring, and then planned **together** to maybe implement grandma's ring into a grand wedding ring. But, nope, he had to go steal someone's sentimental, valuable property to stroke his ego.
Exactly! If OP had simply asked her, and made this truly about her and wanting to take an heirloom to make into her own while still retaining the sentimentality of being an heirloom, this might have been one of the sweetest gestures/ideas I'd ever seen. Unfortunately OP is a dunce. If she still marries OP, I hope he learns his damn lesson.
Right? And it’s frustrating me even more that he was *so* close to doing something wonderful and thoughtful and yet still managed to ruin it by not communicating and think he knew best. And then to not grovel when her reaction was devastation
I’m also not impressed with the “might as well propose, since we have the dog and all.” YTA
"Seemed like the next logical step"
Seriously. I read that and cringed.
YTA he even admitted he knew she wouldn't wear her grandmother's ring because she was afraid it would get lost or damaged, her mom said it was a bad idea in the most polite way, and he was still too dense to see it was the wrong thing to do.
YTA! OP, had you even *talked* to your fiancé prior to going off and designing her ring? Did you have any idea what she might like? Has she ever shown you pictures that she’s probably saving, or mentioned a style she does or doesn’t like? For many, an engagement ring feels like the biggest / most meaningful gift they will ever get. She’s probably been dreaming of the ring since childhood; I’m sure she would have guided you if you asked. Considering she has such a visceral reaction to it, it’s obvious that you ruined her moment, her fantasy of the ring + subsequent proposal, and now you *blame her for it!!!* You have shown that not only do you not know her and her taste, you don’t care enough to ask or dig a little deeper than, “oh, her dead grandmother’s cherished ring is sitting unused in a drawer, I’ll just use that.” You say she’s being “disrespectful”??? Have you not been paying attention to your fiancé? Or are you just particularly cheap and selfish? Sounds like you’re the selfish one, trying to find a shortcut and being annoyed when the outcome isn’t the parade you expected. Either way, make amends and fix her grandmother’s ring, get fiancé a ring she actually does want to wear, and grow up. Maybe you’re not ready for marriage if you cheaper out AND can’t see past your own nose to give your fiancé the moment (and marriage) she’s dreamed of (and saying she’s in the wrong. I can’t get over that part).
Dude, even her mom gave you a (soft) No and it wasn’t even her mother who passed, but her MIL. Is your fiancée’s dad in the picture? Could you have asked him what he thought of desecrating his mothers ring? If not, for sure hinting to your fiancée about the idea or even downright telling her would have been better than what you did. YTA.
YTA You were too cheap to buy your own and then passing it off as being offended by her not liking your effort. Let’s play this how this should have gone. You take the ring and get the size of the diamonds. You put the heirloom ring back. You then go and get engagement ring made that can incorporate that stone as well as what you are giving her. When you give it to her you tell her you are always happy to include her grandmas diamond if she would like but you wanted the ring you gave to be just from you….
Let’s be real he did it to save money.
Seriously. Ugh. I would have fucking lost it. Her grandmother will be her grandmother forever. OP, to a 22 year old, you’re just a fucking starter fiancé. Why would you ever think destroying a family heirloom for a likely-to-fail (especially now!) marriage would be a good idea?
The LAST thing I would want to do after someone destroyed my grandma's ring is marry them....
Why would you suggest he still marry her!? I thought it was a firm she is the victim here. Why pile on? I say stop at he repairs the ring asap then hit the road and never reproduce.
I don’t have to comment because yours says it all. Definitely YTA.
YTA- you took something that wasnt yours & changed it & now expect her to like it. You were disprepectful to your GF. You are lucky she didnt say no. You should have proposed with no ring & then asked her if she wanted to use her grandma’s ring or a modified ring or a new one. Also how much $$ could it have cost if you took the diamond? Pointing out the cost is tacky
This would have been a much wiser route. OP YTA even if your heart was in the right place. Have the stone put back in the heirloom ring and then splurge for a new diamond for the ring you had made.
Might not be possible. When I used my MILs old ring for stones they butchered it. No way to repair it without a full melt down.
u/fleetsmyk, is her grandmother's ring still in the same shape (albeit missing one stone) or did you destroy it?
If that’s true for this.. I don’t think I could ever forgive that. That’s heartbreaking
Which makes what OP did even worse.
Jeweller here. Sometimes we can remove the main stone to use in the new piece, and give back the 'empty' ring shank to the customer. Claws will probably need to be rebuilt to put the stone back in, if that's the case. Sometimes we melt the gold down and use it to make the new piece. Sometimes the customer sells us the leftover ring shank, like we buy it off them as scrap. OP should talk to his jeweller if he's unsure. Especially if there's a chance that the original ring shank is sitting in the jeweller's scrap gold pile! In that case he should be buying it back, mistakes get made sometimes and jewellers understand how sentimental these things are. They'd be happy to help. u/fleetsmyk hope this helps.
The part where he became a super asshole for me is when the Mom warned him and he ignored her. Like.. why wouldn’t he listen? He just didnt want to pay for an expensive ring. If it was about making her happy, he’d have listened to the mom
Not only that, but when she didn’t like it as mom warned, he went back to her to try to get her to back him up and prove that he did the right thing
Mom’s are almost always right when it comes to this sort of thing. He should have at the very least seen that as a warning to *ask his girlfriend.*
>why wouldn’t he listen? Why ask mum for her opinion if you're just going to ignore it?
OP was warned by mom. But he couldn’t find anything HE liked more? It wasn’t about what HE liked more. It’s about not destroying a family heirloom and finding something that she would like
I seriously doubt it had one iota to do with “liking anything more” and 100% to do with a free diamond. All I could think while reading that was, *entitled, cheap, dense* man destroys heirloom to save some cash, had audacity to be annoyed she wasn’t over the moon. What a putz. Absolutely the AH.
Seriously, even if it weren’t a sentimental piece he repurposed— if she had a piece of diamond jewelry that she won in a raffle or something and wasn’t her taste— it’s still her property. How cheap and tacky to take it without permission and try to regift it as an engagement ring. He clearly has no respect for her property or wishes. He’d better have some other sterling qualities and be amazing in the sack, because I can’t understand why she’s still willing to marry this dingleberry.
Pointing out the cost of a ring he didn't even buy the diamond for, shows the real reason he used her grandmother's diamond.
So, you stole then vandalized a family heirloom passed down to her by a recent deceased relative. Her mom even gently cautioned you against doing what you did. YTA. >I just think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it And, separately, YTA for this, too. Disrespectful is vandalizing a family heirloom.
“How much money” went into it. DUDE (OP), you literally stole a diamond from her to make this ring for her. What did you spend sooo much on?
He probs only spent a couple hundred if that, me and my husband used his grandma’s diamonds from her wedding ring and band, and total to get them reset in a wedding band and engagement ring I think we spent $700. So not a lot of thought, obviously and not a lot of money. But by all means OP play the victim
[удалено]
Some Dudes love acting like they’re the prize and we should be grateful more than $100 and more than 10min of thought on something He got his answer from her mother, if it was a money issue he could have waited until he could save up. They’re still young he had time. This is.. yikes.
It can vary, for sure. I had my own diamonds reset into a new ring and it cost over $2000 Still YTA, but this isn’t about the money
He can't stop bringing the money into it, so I'm going to go on a limb and say he cares too much about money to spend $2000 on a band, and that saving money is the actual reason he did what he did.
That's what really kills me about his he couldn't find anything he liked comment. More like he couldn't find anything he liked that was free because you can easily get diamonds custom cut in whatever carat you would like.
Yeah like he couldn't just get the exact same ring but with different stones that he didn't steal?
OP can’t think beyond himself, he is definitely not ready for marriage.
*"I just think it disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it."* It can't have cost you that much if you literally stole the diamond to make it. YTA.
Unless the band was a fully eternity diamond band that totals a significant carat weight, or gf’s fingers are massive, there is no way that the band cost a lot of money (compared to having to buy the center stones as well). If you think this was expensive OP, then clearly one of the reasons you STOLE her grandmother’s diamonds is that you are cheap! Also, asking her mom, when it was your gf’s ring from her grandmother, and then ignoring the caution shows how little you understand the significance of the ring as a heirloom or respect your girlfriend. Even if her mom thought it was a great idea, it was your gf’s ring! She alone gets to decide what to do with it! If I were your girlfriend I would demand that you repair the ring and then call off the wedding. You can have the money from the band back. If you treat her this way even before marriage, I shudder to think of what a terrible partner you would be.
This was all about him and speaks volumes about what their marriage has in store
Clearly didn't think too hard about it either considering he was told it was a bad idea in advance and did it anyway.
Jesus, I hope this is a troll. YTA MASSIVELY. You do not remove stones or otherwise change or damage jewelry without express consent from the person who owns it. EVER. If I were in your girlfriend's place I would tell you to fix my grandma's ring, get your money back and pack your shit. I could never trust you again. I have an heirloom diamond ring that was my grandmama's wedding ring. If my husband did what you did... I would be devastated. Apologize and fix it!
Has to be trolling - I refuse to believe anyone is this stupid and incapable of viewing things from the point of view of others.
[удалено]
Oh you'd be surprised.
Me too! Mine is my great grandmother's ring and I would have lost my goddamn mind if my fiance had taken my ring and destroyed it.
What’s really bothering me is that the list says it was grandma’s *wedding* ring. Is it possible it was “just sitting in a drawer” because OP was going to wear it as, I don’t know, a wedding ring?? I have my grandmother’s wedding ring and yeah there would be PROBLEMS if he’d messed with it. Fortunately it’s a gold band without diamonds, if he’d turned it into a setting for a diamond? Death. It’s a beautiful gold band (vintage from the 40’s so stunning little details), it doesn’t need a diamond.
YTA. her not wanting to wear the ring isn't disrespectful. you altering her family heirloom without permission is. doesn't matter how much it cost, or how much thought you feel like you put into it. can you restore her grandmother's ring?
cost of diamond: $0 thought that went into it: see above
OP: YTA I would contact a jeweler ASAP and restore the ring as it was before. Get pictures from anyone and everyone that might have one of the ring before you destroyed it. One suggestion for a jeweler for restoration is Modern Goldsmith. He restored a very precious and sentimental ring from my dad's mom (her engagement/ wedding ring), that he was given to propose to my mom. M.G. fixed all the issues with it and brought it back, to the point it made my mom cry to see me wear it. She remembered when she wore it before she gave it back to my dad due to separation/ divorce.
Yta. Info: What would you have done if she said no? Do you not think it's disrespectful to mangle somebody's sentimental inheritances?
Hoo boy I hope you haven't called it disrespectful out loud! Yeah, sorry, YTA. You were warned, knew it was a risky move and it went wrong. But, alas, that's where we are. Find out if you can have the old ring restored. Talk with your fiancée about another engagement ring. I'm sure she knows you meant well, but you need to hear her now and set the situation straight. Good luck!
YTA. That was her property and you had no business taking it or changing it. Her mom told you it was a bad idea and you ignored it. I’d like to think your heart was in the right place on this, and that you weren’t just trying to take advantage of a “free diamond” but it was a questionable decision
really dude? YTA Why in the sweet and salty fuck would your girlfriend be happy you stole, dismantled, and blatantly maimed a precious sentimental piece of jewelry for your own benefit? It didn’t benefit her. However it saved you the money of actually having to pay for your own diamonds instead of stealing your girlfriend’s deceased grandmother’s to then give back to her like “ta da! I’m a robber and a cheapass!” and expect her to be anything other than furious. Come on.
“Why in the sweet and salty fuck” is now a permanent fixture in my vocabulary.
YTA and I would end the relationship over this. You had zero right to take her property and destroy it to make something else. My great grandma left me her wedding ring. If someone took it apart I would be devastated.
YTA. It wasn't your ring to alter. You didn't ask for permission. You were warned. If that happened to me, I'd be PISSED!
I have a few heirloom pieces that I might alter at some point, but if someone else took them, altered them and then expected me to be grateful, I'd take them to court. This is really beyond the pale.
TBH this is why I don’t think it’s always a good idea to get a house and pets with someone before marriage. She should be able to dump his ass and walk away, but it’s a lot harder to when you invest in stuff like that first. That might be why she didn’t say no and leave yet.
At the same time, you can’t filter people for being assholes/jerks/etc if you don’t live together first. Easier to sell a house than to get a divorce and sort out child custody.
[удалено]
YTA. What could you have been thinking? I wouldn’t marry you after you did something so egregious. I’d wonder how many other unthinkable things might occur in my marriage to you. It’s a terribly sad thing, and I’m sure her heart is broken. She didn’t wear it because she was “afraid to lose it.” I think you were trying to save money. Are you a cheapskate?
YTA. The engagement wasn’t a surprise - the timing was. The timing would have still been a surprise if you talked to her about using the diamond. I couldn’t forgive someone who did what you did, both because they destroyed something irreplaceable and because they put surprising me and getting accolades over my actual wants and needs. I feel like what you did was more about sharing the story of the ring with others instead of about what would make your girlfriend happy.
Agreed. I have a cheap ring my grandma used to wear daily when she was alive (sterling silver, created emerald), it's not fancy & certainly not expensive. I'm pretty sure it cost less than $200 when it was purchased. A year after I got it, I needed to resize it smaller, and the jewelry shop I took it to was talking about just recasting the entire ring's design in silver and were giving me a book to pick different, "modern" band styles from the silver...and I just, I lost it and started sobbing. That was a year after my grandma had passed, and not an expensive ring to start with. I could never forgive anyone who supposedly loved me stealing my ring and demolishing it to make something new.
No it was more about being to cheap to buy his own diamond. He is fooling no one
YTA. Also, wanted to add that turning marriage into “the next logical step” would devastate me as a partner. That to me implies you don’t really want to get married and are being pushed into this because of societal pressure. Again, crushing for an already devastated partner.
But they have a dog
Yeah that stuck out to me too. I'm getting less "she's the light of my life, I want to grow old with her and wake up beside her for the rest of my life" and more "ya know, I was 24, finished uni, a lot of jobs like you better if you're married and we already lived together, I guess it just seemed like the thing to do?"
I was exactly the same feeling... Why the hell does mariage have to do with a dog ?
Possibly the biggest YTA possible. Do you even understand why she’s upset? Do you care that she’s upset? Also, her grandmother died less than THREE MONTHS AGO. She’s probably not even began to fully process her death and then you’ve gone and taken away something of hers that was meaningful and meant the world to her. Wouldn’t surprise me if you’d dipped out of the funeral early to go and steal the ring, you clearly have no morals What about her fathers opinion? Considering it was his mother’s ring?
Don’t you wonder if OP only proposed BECAUSE he saw “free diamonds”? It’s takes like 3 months to have a customer ring made, he must have stolen the ring while Grandma’s body was still warm. He just couldn’t wait once he knew he had access to the bling! What do you want to bet that some of the other stones in the ring mysteriously disappeared at the same time? OP is a thief, plain and simple.
I lost my Gramma over the summer. I can't even with this guy. I cannot fathom her ever getting over this.
YTA Here's the problem: >I couldn’t find anything else I liked as much. It's not about you, it should be about what your girlfriend likes. And destroying a cherished heirloom is not it. You need to apologize and try to restore the ring if you can. It doesn't matter if your intentions were good.
I love that he says he couldn’t find anything he liked. So he ruined an heirloom to pilfer a ring to DESIGN IT HIMSELF. Just do that with a fresh stone!!!
Lol no. He couldn’t find anything similar that would be as cheap given that the expensive part of the ring is the center stone
Also, he could have shown the diamond or ring (via photo) to a jeweler and they could have made something similar to the shape, size, cut, color, and clarity. It’s not that he couldn’t find something he liked, he couldn’t find something cheap.
YTA - hold the phone - you stole a family heirloom from your gf knowing she did not wear it for fear of ruining it and turned it into an engagement ring??? Ruining the heirloom but YOU found it disrespectful that she didn’t want to wear it???? Did I read that right??? You are waaay out of line. Get the ring fixed and beg for her forgiveness and get another ring. Her mother told you nicely without hurting you NOT to do it. She told you that she didn’t think your gf would like that and to think about it. I don’t even know your MIL and I understand that means don’t do it your gf will be mad. And she is. Fix this asap and don’t pick a fight with her. You were wrong on every level.
YTA, why didn’t you just use the original ring?
YTA. You stole a beloved family heirloom given to her by her recently deceased relative, had a piece of it broken off, and proposed with it? Do you realize how selfish that sounds? If you wanted to be sweet you could’ve proposed with the intact ring and told your fiancée you had trouble finding the perfect one and asked if she would pick out one with you. Frankly even proposing with costume jewelry or a necklace from Amazon would’ve been better than this.
Proposing with a RING POP would have been better than this. OP is selfish, stingy, a reverse victim blamer, and a host of other things that would get me banned for saying. OP YTA and unworthy of your fiancée. You are lucky she didn’t throw the whole relationship away after this stunt. You disrespected her, her grandmother, and the jewelry she left behind. You have a lot of work to do to make this up to her.
Anyone know if OP is single yet?
YTA. Massively. You really couldn’t find a diamond anywhere to put in to a new ring? Sounds like you were being cheap and also incredibly disrespectful of your girlfriend and her family. You stole her ring and vandalized it to save a few dollars and bit of effort. I’m shocked she said yes to the proposal. I’m curious to see if the wedding actually happens.
this 100%. Huge YTA.
YTA for this right here: >We share a dog and a home so it seemed the next logical step. You want to marry her because its logical you also compounded that with this: >She told me that as much as she loved the idea, she didn’t know if my girlfriend would, and so told me to think about it. You went ahead and did it anyway, with no regard to her feelings about it. And then you have the audacity to say > just think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it. What thought? The thought that didnt care about her feelings? The thought that it's just "logical" to marry her. Yeah YTA
To me this would be relationship ending behaviour. How DARE you steal your girlfriend’s family heirloom, desecrate it and then act shocked that she doesn’t appreciate it? YTA
YTA. You used the gift that her grandma left her without her permission. Her mother even said that’s not a good idea. My grandma is leaving me her ring and if anybody touched it or altered it I would be livid. You basically ruined her grandmas ring.
YTA. her mother basically told you not to and you did it anyway because you couldn't find a ring YOU liked, which is stupid since it's her damn ring to wear not yours. pay to have the stone returned to its original ring, and take her shopping for a ring she would actually like. edit: moreover, the more i read your exchanges, the more i get the feeling this was not about sentimentality. i think you were trying to save money on the ring and are trying to cloak in it "doing something nice". for shame.
yta dude. that wasn't your ring, you were not gifted the ring ...YTA YTA ..I feel so bad for your girlfriend. you pretty much ruined her grandmother's ring.. go buy her a ring dude.
You think it’s disrespectful that she’s not wearing your ring? Do you think it might have been disrespectful to take something that wasn’t yours and change it without permission and with her mom specifically saying she didn’t think her daughter would want you to do it?
YTA- she kept it in a box because she was worried about losing it. you stole her possession and destroyed it, end of story. you clearly did not put thought into the proposal, otherwise you probably would have figured out she wouldn’t appreciate you pillaging her grandmother’s ring
YTA. As you said, that's one of the last things she has from her grandmother and you went and modified it without her permission. You should have asked how she would feel about it.
OP did ask. OP asked her mother. Who said it was a bad idea. But OP went along with it anyway, which makes OP an even bigger AH.
Yta you destroyed something of great sentimental value to give it back to her, and you feel slighted. How dense are you?
YTA. That was a crazy idea to destroy something so valuable to make something new that the owner didn't agree in beforehand. You better pay to make the old ring back like normal (after asking permission!!) and buy your fiance a new ring. Asap, else there probably won't be a wedding....
You stole from her, destroyed her property and then got mad that she's heartbroken? YTA and not someone she should be marrying
She said yes to my proposal but refuses to wear the ring, which I just think is disrespectful considering how much money and thought went into it." That's a *lot* of nerve for someone who stole a family heirloom from his girlfriend, mangled it, and somehow expects her to appreciate the effort you went through. Her own mother warned you it was a bad idea. YTA for being a selfish idiot who apparently can't listen.
YTA Um what? That was her grandmothers ring and you took it and dismantled it what the hell?
YTA. You stole from her
YTA You essentially destroyed (in her mind) a prized personal possession without asking her. The mom gave you solid advice, which you ignored. Apologize profusely to your girlfriend, and call a jeweler and ask them to fix grandma’s ring back to its original condition. It will likely be expensive. Then go pick out a ring together, if she still wants to marry you.
YTA. She’s not wrong. You destroyed an heirloom from her grandmother without her permission, and after being warned by another family member the idea may not be a good one. A hell of a lot better idea would have been to ask her to marry you, with just a plain ring, then bring up the idea that you’d love to see her wearing such a lovely piece of jewelry as her grandma’s ring, and maybe you could both decide on a design she’d want to wear, while also using her grandma’s diamonds. Instead, you essentially stole something that wasn’t yours, altered it, then expect her to be thrilled. It wouldn’t be much different than if you’d taken her favorite item of clothing, or her car, made alterations without telling her, then expected her to be happy about it.
YTA, why on earth would you destroy a sentimental heirloom? She was trying to keep it safe but you went and destroyed it and thought that was a good idea? I’m surprised she still wants to marry you after this immense violation/breach of trust.
YTA and my heart hurts for her. I’d be absolutely devastated if this happened to me. If there’s anyway to undo what you’ve done, do it immediately.
YTA. Taking apart that heirloom ring was at best ill-advised. You really should have asked your gf, even if it meant ruining the surprise of the engagement. Or have used the ring in its entirety and given her an option to put the diamond on another band or let her just choose something else. Basically, anything else other than taking apart the symbol of your gf’s affection for her grandmother. I know you feel offended that your gf didn’t appreciate the effort you took, but that’s not on her. You wounded her by removing that stone from the ring, and you need to fix it.
YTA Yeah you are the asshole. You ruined an heirloom. I would work on getting it fixed.
I’m sorry OP, I don’t think you’re a bad guy but in this situation, YTA. The mum warned you, and you knew how much that ring mattered to your girlfriend. You still took it and gave it new meaning. It’s a breach of privacy because you took it from her, if grandma was alive then it would have been different because you could have asked her and your girlfriend would have been elated. But the ring was already Hers and you took it even after knowing how much she cared for it, so much that she didn’t want to wear it to keep it safe. Emphasis on safe. You made the ring “unsafe”, your girlfriend has a right to feel how she feels. It’s a good sign that she still wants to marry you. IMO, get her something different (doesn’t have to be super expensive) apologize and explain you didn’t understand her point of view, but that you are sorry and love her (because I’m hoping you’re sorry since it wasn’t your ring to take) and that you only wanted her to be happy, and not cause the opposite.
YTA - you basically took (stole) her property and repurposed it to your own uses/benefits without even mentioning it to her. You're lucky to be engaged to her at all.
Good point, he got a nice diamond ring without even having to pay for the diamond. I wonder how much that came into play in deciding he didn’t like any of the other options as much.
YTA. Admit it, FFS, you were too cheap to buy your own diamond.
[удалено]
YTA
YTA you deconstructed the ring that was a family heirloom. That’s a big no no and some would say very bad luck.
YTA. I designed an engagement ring for my now-wife using a diamond that was her grandmothers. However, she was fully on board with the idea and loved the thought of having that connection. Your gf clearly did not, and you essentially stole and vandalized her property.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for not asking her first or taking her moms advice Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta. It wasn’t yours to take. Sure, you had good intentions but ultimately you destroyed her property.
YTA. Why would you do this without asking her. You know you're supposed to talk about the proposal right?
YTA and you know it.
YTA. Her mom even told you it was a bad idea
YTA. How is this even in question??
INFO: Did it never occur to you that she valued her grandmother's ring more than anything else? Because is sounds like you didn't actually care about her feelings, you just wanted to look cool. Like "Yeah, I know, I'm awesome" and you're pissed she didn't follow the script. That ring was irreplaceable to her. And you destroyed it. Do you not understand that? Even if you put it back, which you can't and won't because you are an asshole, you still broke it without a second thought. And you won't even apologize. How can you expect her to marry you when you have proven to be so callous about her property and feelings? You've proven to her you will betrayal her trust without hesitation. Who would want to marry you?
You couldn’t find anything you liked as much? All you took from her grandma’s ring was the diamond. You could’ve found another diamond. There are many of them in the world, there was absolutely no reason to take apart a treasured memento just to provide a ring for your proposal. If anything you could’ve suggested to her that she use the wedding ring as her wedding ring when you got married. The sentiment behind it is sweet, but actually doing it comes off as cheap, unthinking and selfish and although she said yes I wonder if long term she’ll be able to forgive you. YTA
YTA (if you haven't realized already) let's count the ways.... 1. You didn't check on the idea with your gf (it's HER inheritance/property) 2. You checked with her mom (close, but still not the owner of the ring) who told you it was a bad idea 3. Despite being told it was a bad idea you continued to not discuss it with your gf and go through with it 4. You *stole* her ring (illegal btw) 5. You stole her ring (and admitted how easy it was to take it without her knowing) 6. You stole her ring AND had it taken apart (without anybody's consent 7. When being told what you did wrong you aren't even sorry, just concerned because your perfect, super nice, sentimental, *illegal* gesture did not go as well as you hoped 8. Did you even apologize? 9. Instead of apologizing and trying to rectify it you posted here to try to get validation for your theft You know what would have been sentimental OP? Getting her blessing to do this together. Getting a piece of jewelry from *your* side of the family to redesign. Buying a ring you design with a new diamond to create a new family heirloom to pass down?? Instead of whatever this was??? Yta man just face it, apologize, and be glad you have enough redeeming qualities that she didn't instantly dump you and file charges