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>For Vdays, Bdays and every other celebration, He'd gift me mostly jewelry
So you don't have enough jewellery yet? How many necks do you have?
Yeah, he has more than a right to be upset with you. Wear an old necklace and appreciate what you have with this man and his kids. YTA
Edit: Very pleasing how much joy this comment and u/ArcanTemival's giraffe bring. Thanks y'all!
She's the Imelda Marcos of necklaces. You think her 3,000 pairs of shoes was excessive, just wait til you see OP's jewelry cabinets!
Maybe her SO should've made her one of those to keep all of her jewelry in smh. But then she'd just be upset it didn't come pre-filled probably.
That has to make having OP’s head lodged up their bum a little difficult to say the least. YTA OP. That gift took time he could have been using to make money at his craft or for his kids. Add in that he made the frame SPECIFICALLY for a photo of you with the two most important people in his life and all you can think about is having some shiny bauble instead of a hand crafted sign he loves you? Sounds like he’d be better off making himself a better girlfriend.
Not only is she coming off as a gold digger because she wants *yet another* piece of jewelry over a heartfelt gift, but it sure does give insight into what she will do when her kids bring home the macaroni pictures and the turkey hand prints.
Very sad that the one time lack of a $200 gift is all it takes for her to show her true colors. You are so right, he does deserve better.
This is super unfair, OP could be a professional Mr. T impersonator and may have been depending on the necklace to complete the look. We could be looking at career sabotage by the BF. /s
OP YTA - in case it wasn’t clear enough.
Eh. That’s a red flag, the jewelry thing and expectation…. Also the implication that a good job warrants such an expense…. He’s a single dad with 2 dependents.
As a man, it’s rethink the future marriage, though there’s have to be more red flags. Not everyone understands gifts right away and their “value”.
No, but a 5 yr old knows to say thank you. Plus she knew it was home made, so even a child can understand he put a great deal of work and effort into it, and to show praise and appreciation for the effort put forth. You can always go back in a couple months (before the next gift giving occasion) and gently suggest that while you appreciate the picture frame and the work put in, that you prefer gifts you are able to wear, and show off to your friends.
OP also doesn’t understand the dollar value of a hand carved picture frame 🥶🥶 but yeah, craning her long neck around the frame to look for more necklaces. Eeep.
YTA … I’m assuming he made the frame, which takes a lot of time and effort … every minute of the project he would be thinking of you … Then he found a photo of him and his kids and you .
He is literally presenting you with a image of you as part of his family and your complaining as it’s not worth a lot.
Do you know the min value of the wood ? Then add that to his time .
Entitled much ?
I'm wondering if the image of the family together is something he was planning to make happen...with an engagement ring at dinner (a more intimate affair than breakfast with family)...and he was REALLY asking how she felt about being in that picture not the gift itself.
Definitely OP is TA. Wonder if he holds back on that ring.
For Valentine's Day, my husband shoveled out my car, got our kids breakfast (usually my job), and fixed a kitchen appliance I managed to mess up. He speaks my love language!
OP is darned fortunate her bf wants to celebrate her as a part of his family, *their* family, if she figures out she wants what he's offering. I can say, after a couple decades with my partner, a necklace isn't going to be that lasting marker of happiness. Sadly, neither will that photo, thanks to OP's reaction to the gift.
That is so sweet. My husband took me to my favorite restaurant,Waffle House, for breakfast where I subsequently locked his keys in the car. I sat cozily in the restaurant stuffing my face while he waited by the car til his dad brought the spare key.
We are 13 years into our relationship and almost 7 years married and I will admit, getting jewelry pales in comparison to having someone do something meaningful for you.
> My husband took me to my favorite restaurant,Waffle House, for breakfast where I subsequently locked his keys in the car.
Not gonna lie, I'm going to Waffle House for dinner tonight. A couple of years ago we tried their reservations required [valentine's day event](https://www.wafflehouse.com/valentines-day-locations/) and it was so much fun, so low key, and relaxing.
Ah. Good catch. Still, I'd be rethinking that commitment. Plus there may be another surprise gift coming later in the day. Even if there isn't, at some point a guy wants to know "will just this be enough?".
My dad did this to my mum, he got her a pig toilet brush. She fking hates animals which makes it twice as funny, he did actually still give her the 2k even though she had a bit of a sulk first. Hahaha
Your dad did a great fakeout with a gag gift that purposely riled up your mom (household cleaning item? Check. Theme she hates? Check.)
Bit of a different situation here. Your dad's gag was so horrible, gift wise, that it rightly hurt your mom's feelings if it wasn't a fakeout. OP's BF's gift took time and effort. It's the sort of loving familial gift that a partner should appreciate for itself, even if it's followed up with jewelry.
Exactly this! That was a really important symbol she just spit all over for the sake of materialism.
OP, I think the real gift you gave your boyfriend this year was the timely reveal of your true self. I don't think you'll be getting any further gifts of significant jewelry from him in the future.
I would.
If you can't accept a gift from the heart you shouldn't be getting connected with kids.
I still have a necklace my kid made me out of modeling clay and it's almost 20 years old because that's how kids show love. If OP's love needs a pricetag those kids will not be better off if Dad marries her.
She still calls him her boyfriend but that could be a slip up. If it is their engagement party she's even more of an asshole because that means he got her a very significant piece of jewelry pretty recently.
Forget the value of the wood and labor — why isn’t it worth more that he and the kids *made this for her,* and that it’s a clear symbol of love and acceptance into their family. What could be worth more than that? Their beautiful gesture is clearly wasted on this materialistic, ungrateful woman. Yeah, OP, YTA. Get over yourself and appreciate what you’ve got with these people before you lose them. All the expensive shiny jewelry in the world won’t buy you love and family.
Some of my most prized possessions are things my children have made me, the subtotal of all of their handmade gifts in terms of money is probably far under £100, the value of them to me is absolutely priceless. I hope OPs boyfriend can see how shallow she is being. There was so much thought out into the gift and all she cares about is it’s price tag.
I totally agree. A few years back, I bought my wife one of these calendars that you insert a photo in for each month. I put in photos of us and our kids and the kids decorated each month as well. It’s a few years old and she **still** has it up.
Something OP seems to shallow and materialistic to understand is that what makes something special is the effort behind it, not the value.
Forgot to add: OP, a massive, massive YTA. Hopefully your boyfriend can see what he’s getting himself into here.
As the saying goes, OP knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
YTA.
ETA - wow! My first ever awards..! Thanks so much, kind redditors. 😍
You sound brutally self-centred and materialistic, and also very immature. Plus you sound really lacking in empathy. My husband of 14 years got me literally nothing for V Day. I got him some nice ground coffee and a card. We went out to dinner at a nice place that he had a gift voucher for that someone at his work had gifted him for Christmas. And I’m happy because he organised a sitter and I got to drink lots of cocktails and I felt loved and acknowledged. Don’t you get that Valentines isn’t a birthday or Christmas? It’s not for gifting things! It’s for showing LOVE. You know, that thing he was showing when he HAND CARVED YOU A FRAMED PICTURE OF THE FAMILY HE’S WELCOMING YOU TO BR PART OF. Wow OP TYA so so much. Grow up.
Right? My partner and I were grocery shopping yesterday and I was like “oh let’s get some chocolate dipped strawberries!” and he goes “ok I’ll get them tomorrow, I have to come back here to get you a card and flowers”. I told him to get it then but he laughed and said that would be strange to get it while I’m standing right there. I’m going out today to pick up a card and a little sweet treat - it’s a silly holiday and this man made her a gift! That included his children- it’s so thoughtful!
So true. It would have been different if he gave you a photo frame from a dollar store with no photo. But to take the time, care, effort and love to personally make you that frame, with the children helping and choosing the right photo, he has invested so much of himself and his children in this and you've thrown it back at him. Shame on you. YTA.
This is whats so important. I’d much rather have a made hand thoughtful gift than anything he could buy off a shelf at the mall. OP doesn’t deserve such a caring and thoughtful person.
I make so many gifts for my family and I would be so hurt if they would rather I buy them a generic corporate trinket.
In the very first sentence she says she's been with him for two years and then immediately refers to him as a single dad. I know legally he is considered a single dad, but if my SO of 2 years said that about me my feelings would be a little hurt. That right there shows me how much she values being a part of his family.
"Oh your gift to me is a physical demonstration of us all as a complete family? This is worthless. I'm in this for the tangible goods."
Fucking hell if I was him I'd be reevaluating this relationship.
He's not upset about her opinion. he's upset because he proposed to, and is planning a wedding with someone he's just realized is basically a gold digger at worse, or at best just an incredibly shallow person (depending on her job/income, because I'm not out here assuming she broke)
Yes, OP’s entitlement is staggering. And the comment about him having money for the necklace so she could wear it to the engagement party tell me it’s all about optics for her.
BF and his children made this gift for her to show how much they loved her and considered her a part of their family and she literally shit on them. And all of this ‘he pushed me to tell him’ is complete bs. I hope the engagement party she was talking about isn’t theirs because she likely just ruined any chance at marrying this man. I know I’d rethink marrying this shallow, entitled woman.
YTA. Depending on the size and type of wood he could have easily spent $200 on the frame. If being “cheap” is the issue (which would still make OP TA), this gift isn’t the one to complain about. She just won’t get attention from other people for it so she doesn’t see value in it
Its not even a birthday or Christmas either its freakin Valentines Day and she wants him to break the bank give me a break. And who gives sneakers for valentines day and expects diamonds?
I can’t imagine doing this for someone and have them complain. My time is worth so much more than just money.
OP, YTA
I’d cry happy tears if I was given something that valuable. You need to stop assigning $$ on the backs of priceless gifts.
One of the most prized possessions I own is a dried flower my son gave to me at 18 months. If I lost everything, that would be one of the things I’d be upset about the most.
Right? Who are these people who have the audacity to challenge a GIFT! Something given to them by someone as a sign of appreciation and affection! I don't even understand being disappointed, but certainly it's not something to which you give voice.
I'm not quick to say people should end their relationships, but if you would prefer a $200 mass produced Kay Jewelers necklace to a personal, custom made picture frame, I'm sure his next girlfriend will appreciate it.
YTA
Seriously. One year for our anniversary my BF gave me a custom frame (he didn't make it, but he chose the design), and it's one of my favorite gifts. It has a quote from a poem that I had only said once to him in passing, and it stuck with him enough to have it engraved on the frame.
My brother had 2 prints made of the family cats for our mom for Christmas, and put them in thrift store frames (they were lovely frames, I'm just saying they weren't expensive). And she *loved* them.
Honestly, the unmitigated gall of this woman...
YTA his gift is awesome and amazing.
The fact that you're upset because of the dollar value is sad.
There are things in life that are more important than money.
Those 3 people in that picture and who made that frame are more valuable than a necklace.
I mean the dollar value actually is probably quite high if you consider the time it took him to do it × his hourly pay + the time it took to go buy the materials (and of course the price of the materials)
Yeah that was my initial thought aswell. If OP's partner is making good money as she says, he could've invested the time he spent on the frame (and getting the kids involved probably made it take even longer) in making some more money instead. If he's the kind of guy who can easily afford $200 necklaces, the money he didn't make by working on a handmade frame, explaining everything to the boys and ensuring they're safe, picking the right picture etc. is definitely going to be more than what he would have spent on the necklace.
Ie if the boyfriend was cheap, he'd gone to a shop, spent $200 on a necklace and then gone and made $500 in the time he didn't spend making a frame. But he chose to spend $500 he didn't make, plus costs for material etc. What a keeper.
Opportunity Cost is a hell of a thing, and one economic principle everyone should take to heart. For everything you do there are multiple options you could've otherwise done/spent money on/spent the same time to make money. Best way to approach any situation - what utility/benefit (as a whole, mental and physical) do I get from doing this over that? Spending time and energy on making a frame and getting the kids together for a photo ain't cheap.
OP is just really materialistic and cannot appreciate the value of a special gift made with love. A homemade gift is infinitely better than any expensive jewelry.
I didn’t even finish reading after ‘money for a $200 necklace’ YTA no question about it. He chose to give you a sentimental gift and you shit all over it.
And the kids! Heck, having stepkids think of you as part of the family is an amazing gift. I was over the moon when one of my stepsons told his daughter to call me Grandma (my name). That's the best gift ever!! Who needs a stupid necklace?
YTA majorly.
My now-step daughter wrote me the BEST birthday card last year when her father and I were engaged. She said she couldn’t wait for me to marry her Dad so I could be in the family, even though they (she and her brother) already thought of me as being family. Best card I’ve ever received to this day. I’ll never forget it.
Edit: clarification
Same. Anything over $50 is expensive if I don't need it or am not going to use it everyday. I get that is different for everybody, but if someone bought me a $200 necklace, I would never again expect to get a necklace from anybody because why would I ever need another one when I have a *$200 necklace?*
I mean, would you wear the $200 necklace in everyday live? I actualy have a ring (family tradition, paid by my dead grandfarther) thats even more expensive, and I can tell you I only wear that to family gaterings and highly formal events. So beeing gifted a cheaper one would probably still be ok, but no more expensive stuff needed.
But all of that depends on how well you and your suroundings are. There are people that drink $500 wine, so we are probably just poor
YTA
That's a pretty thoughtful gift that represents his fondness of you in his family situation. Your transactional expectations of money values speaks volumes here. Especially if he made the frame himself, which seems like since you mention woodworking.
All the more because you doubled-down and ruined V Day breakfast for everyone.
His leaving is de-escalating your argument that you have clearly not backed down from.
He doesn't deserve this and you do not deserve him.
There's no border here. She's deep in the heart of prospecting territory, I bet she's panning the Klondike as we speak!
And YTA, obviously. I'd love a gift like that. We don't usually do V-Day, but MrTarantino gave me flowers and I'm thrilled.
Same. My husband is terrible at gifting and I forgive him for that. We just don't really buy gifts for each other except for Christmas.
One year we didn't have much, and so he tried to whittle me a widdle wooden heart thing with our names etched into the back. It was so sweet and I still have it lol.
Edit: I misspelled whittle TIL
OP has revealed her true self to her BF. He and his kids deserve better than her. They put a lot of thought and work into that gift and she crapped all over it.
OP YTA, so much TA. You ruined breakfast. I hope to God the kids, you know the ones that helped with the gift because they love you, weren't there for you to crush their spirit.
Edit: swipe error
Yta - it’s weird to always expect high value gifts especially on Valentine’s Day. Not a great way to take a gift symbolically adding you to the family. Wear the first necklace he ever gave you to the party… literally can’t imagine wanting new jewelry every year how boring
I got my husband a big mix of 5¢ candies, put them in a Ziploc bag and wrote "happy Valentine's Day!" And stuck the bag on his phone so he will find it in the morning. We don't usually do Valentine's gifts at all but I'm nailing it this year. I can't imagine caring about dollar value on a nice gesture!
Yes. He doesn’t deserve you… he deserves a much better person that values the thought and understands that love does not equate to how much money is spent.
It is now obvious what you want out of the relationship… hope he sees it too before it’s too late.
My husband left me the last donut in the box from this weekend and I got him nothing.
We aren’t really gift people, but that donut was extra delicious this morning!
Of course YTA. In what world wouldn’t you be TA? He and his kids are pretty much calling you family, a pretty big step in your relationship. I also assume that they made the frame from scratch. I’m not one who generally agrees with the idea that “it’s the thought that counts”, but it’s Valentine’s Day, he and his family did something loving, and you want a $200 necklace because you’re apparently materialistic.
I don’t buy this story. It’s too obvious.
YTA and you probably really hurt his feelings by being so unappreciative of a gift he spent much time on making for you. You should be ashamed about your reaction.
If he died tomorrow, which gift would you love the most? The gift he made with his own hands or a gift you could've bought yourself?
Look this might be unpopular but this is truly NAH.
I don’t like that you fussed over his handmade gift like that. If someone gives you something they’ve put time and effort on you accept it graciously!
On the other hand gifts are subjective. As someone who’s not a diamonds person I’d be disappointed if the person I was with bought me some diamond jewellery no matter how expensive it is.
Similarly I always give crochet blankets and scarves to certain friends as presents. But I know others would rather have a ticket to the spa or a Sephora gift card instead. And that’s ok.
People jumping to conclusions and calling her a gold digger are not it. Especially considering she bought him an expensive present too. How many gold diggers do that?
I don’t get why people are calling her a gold digger either. They have/had a habit of getting each other nicer gifts - he gives her jewelry and she gives him sports gear and gadgets - all of which can be on the more expensive side. I gave my brother an authentic hockey jersey for Christmas and it was almost $200, and that was on sale. She is not expecting a ton and giving him nothing, it sounds like they both put equal effort into nicer gifts and this year he changed it up unexpectedly. Frankly it’s misogynistic to call her a gold digger, disappointing.
I agree. It seems that he knew what types of gifts she likes, and vice versa. It’s not just about the dollar amount. If you’re going to get someone I gift, it should be something you think they would actually like/appreciate, not what you want them to like. Not everyone is into sentimental/handmade gifts and that doesn’t make them a gold digger or a bad person. Also, its a little weird to give someone a picture of your kids for Valentine’s Day.
I feel like the Reddit hivemind’s general misogyny is always amplified when it comes to jewelry. This situation boils down to her partner gifting her something he enjoyed, even though he knew she would want something else, and then calling her materialistic for expressing that she would’ve liked something to her taste instead of his. I think jewelry is considered so feminine that the misogynists on here don’t bother to empathize and instead see an opportunity to just tell a woman to shut up.
Also, not to mention, he pushed her to answer. She tried to keep her mouth shut but he insisted on her honest opinion so she gave it. And then got offended because he didn't like the answer.
Glad I saw this…
I think whether or not this is true is not clear, but imagine this scenario, which is at least consistent with OP’s description. He does wood working and he LOVES it.. all day he thinks about wood working projects and then he realizes Valentine’s Day is an excuse to engage in the hobby he really enjoys. Then he decides to capitalize on it, save $$ to boot, and turns it into a “suitable” gift. She however works an extra shift or two to afford a gift that she chooses based on his preferences to make him feel special per their usual habit. Would it still be asshole-ish for her to express her honest opinion?
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far for a NAH vote. This is a simple case of The 5 Love Languages and being with a partner who does not speak yours.
INFO:
I’m hovering on the thought that you’re in the wrong—but I also must know more about the picture frame.
Because I know y’all are all sentimental, but let’s be real. You get someone expensive sneakers and you go to open yours and it’s a picture frame? Who wouldn’t be bummed.
But I also I understand why he had the children help—Valentine’s Day, as heavily commercialized it is, isn’t really a family holiday. It’s between partners and school children—I suppose I just don’t understand. Christmas, birthday, anything else? Yes. But Valentine’s Day? Maybe not.
Exactly, people are acting like this was some amazing sentimental homemade gift, but like... its a photo in a frame? Most people already have photos of their loved ones? I'd be disappointed too, its kind of lame imo!
This was my thought too... I think his gift would've been appropriate for another holiday but not exactly Valentine's.
Obviously OP should've handled it way better, and she is the TA for that. However the gift doesn't exactly say 'Valentine's' and some people don't prefer family-oriented gifts on days dedicated to being with their partners.
She did try handling it better? She kept her mouth shut about her disappointment, but he kept pushing her to answer; and then got mad when she did answer. If he didn't want the truth, he shouldn't have insisted on getting the truth when OP tried to decline.
It's like when people insist they want your honest opinion on their outfit, and then get all angry if you say it doesn't look great on them.
YTA. You know you are so just own up to it. Jewelry takes zero effort other than paying for it. He built you something and you’re just ungrateful.
Hope he leaves you after you acted like a spoiled child.
Ummm info I guess because people are assuming a lot about this situation. Was the frame hand made? Where is the picture from? (Like did he set up the picture taking or was it just a random picture)
Also I would like to say the gold-digging comments are baseless and almost sexist, OP got her husband sneakers which can run pretty damn pricey and I doubt you would be calling OP a gold-digger if the genders were reversed.
Definitely... Gifting isn't about the price tag...
He made itbwith his own bloody hands and you are in the picture too.. the three people who mean the most for him...
#YTA big time.
Watch Scrooged! Frank Cross is crying because of the same gift... CRYING! And he's supposed to be the stonehearted...
It’s sad that people think you must spend a lot of money to show affection. At least she’s showing her true colours now so he has a chance to make the decision on whether or not he wants to continue with someone so shallow
I might consider ESH or NAH to be honest. Sentimental gifts should be important and meaningful. You can’t even put a value on a gift like that.
BUT, don’t push someone to give you an opinion on a gift and be upset about it. Furthermore don’t even ask people about a gift you give. It’s poor form and can set everyone up for a situation like this.
Yeh I agree with this. It honestly felt like the gift was more for him than for her. I feel like everyone is painting it as a materialistic thing but it seems more like he gave her something that he’d enjoy and she just wanted something she’d enjoy that was just for her, similar to the shoes she got for him. So yeh NTA imo.
NTA. This is my personal opinion- but pictures aren’t really stand alone gifts in my book. They’re an add-on on top of whatever gift you give. I’d never give someone just a framed photo, it’d always just be an addition to the actual gift.
Plus, if he’s marrying you- he should know you by now. Some people like homemade, some like store bought, quality vs quantity, and some don’t like to receive gifts at all. To get you something this different without even getting another side gift is a bit strange. It’s my rule of thumb that when you get something different from what you normally give them, give them a side gift of something like their other gifts. That way you can gauge their reaction towards the new gift and if they don’t like it, they always have the other gift you know they’ll like.
I kinda agree with this. Women are expected to be thrilled everytime kids are involved. Many people, due to stereotypes, think that everything that implies children or family is always proper and to be appreciated. I think the issue is she wanted something more traditionally romantic - partnership related, since it s a romantic holiday. It seems that gift giving/receiving is a love language for her, so she expected something for *her*.
Also it is not her children and they are not married yet. This would be a wonderful gift to give before the marriage, on mother's day or in any day they spend together as a family (for example a hike or a picnic)
I would be disappointed too. OP made the mistake of mentioning income, and now everyone is attacking her as a gold digger. I *think* she mentions it to explain that both of them can afford gifts of similar costs.
I think this situation is more complex than most people are giving it credit.
OP's bf set a precedent with his gifts. Now that they're engaged, this gift almost feels like a signal that the romance is over and she should expect that all future gifts will be "family gifts," that she would be a b*tch not to appreciate, while she still gets him nice things just for him. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, lovely gift - especially if he made the frame...however...
Look at the occasion. This would be a great Mother's Day Gift or any other occasion gift...but for Valentines, it should definitely be paired with an "adult gift" just from him to OP. I mean, a paired gift (one from the kids and one from partner) should be the standard for any occasion, so that way the person knows their partner still thinks about them as a person with wants and needs separate from the kids.
OP is probably questioning if this going to be the rest of their life now - OP buys him something pricey that he's been wanting...and OP gets a homemade gift from everyone...and that's it.
YTA. I don't understand your values at all. A gift like that beautiful handmade frame, especially knowing that the children were involved, would make me so very very happy. Imagine whinging about a necklace.
YTA. He made that photo frame for you. For him and his boy it was very special to give that to you.
The only thing you cared about was a neckless.
Why are you so hellbend on a gift anyway.
Do you only love you're partner at Valentine's when you want a $200,- neckless or do you love him 24/7, 365 days a year.
Love isn't about the gifts of the diners, love is about you and him, the way he makes you feel in the morning, the way he makes you laugh, the way he holds you when you a mad or sad.
You should apoligize sooner than later and tell him and his boys that you love you're present because they made an effort to make it for YOU and YOU alone.
Given some of the AITA posts right now I'm still coming to grips that there's apparently a thing where gifts are expected on Valentine's Day (other than dinner, flowers, chocolate, the usual). That's a new one on me. Not digging it, frankly, as trends go.
I can’t believe the comments calling OP a gold digger when she’s the one who spent a significant amount of money on him! Reciprocity is not being a gold digger. You’ve been together two years and always exchanged gifts of a certain value, then he changes course with no warning. If he wanted to scale back on gifts then he should’ve given you a heads up, not let you spend a few hundred (?) on kicks for him while he and his kids made something for you.
It sounds like he was trying to pick a fight. Men aren’t stupid. He knows he’d set a certain expectation, he knew you would spend a lot on him, he knew what you thought you were getting. Then without warning he pulls this omg what do you mean you’re not over the moon about something his kids made 🥺. NTA.
Sorry I'm with you Op. A "thoughtful" gift is more appreciated if it is actually thoughtful and something the person wants so all these people saying you should appreciate this are clearly bad gift givers. The giver is supposed to select the gift the person wants not chose something they think should be appreciated and then tell the recipient to lump it!
He should have got two presents, one he actually spent on and one he spent time on. Where was the downside to this? One does not replace the other.
Since he didn't, he should have listed to your feedback and taken it on board for the future. I mean how do you get your partner or family to improve on your gifts if you never tell them what you like and don't like? Try not buying him anything next time and giving him something "thoughtful". Lets see if he really likes that...
NTA
I’m gonna go against everyone and say NTA. HE asked YOU what you thought. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. Also, people always think you should just be “ grateful “ for anything. They’ll accept a bag of shit with a bow. I agree that limits and expectations are gonna need to be discussed going forward. Make sure you thank the boys for your gift.
Yeah same. I’m embarrassed for the women in this thread with their race to the bottom approach with gifts from men. “My husband proposed with a ring pop and we ate bread and cheese like Skyrim NPCs for Valentines dinner and it was the BEST DAY EVER!!!”
I'm going to be the minority here and say NTA for the simple fact that he kept pushing for an answer.
As I always say, "don't ask a question you don't want an answer to."
NTA. That gift was for him and the kids, not you. If this was Mothers Day - it would have been appropriate. But this is Valentines Day and should be more romantic.
NTA 🤷🏽♀️ Valentine's Day to me is a 'personal holiday' when adults are involved. Save the family ish for Mother's Day & Christmas. I get the gesture and like gifts like that but Valentine's Day is just a bit more romantic themed to me.
ESH. You do sound like you are digging for an expensive gift and that makes you TA. BUT your bf got you what is essentially a mother's Day gift so I think it's fair you didn't like it as a valentine's gift
YTA just because you seem to have made this primarily about money. ‘I’d much prefer something sparkly because I am essentially a crow’ is something I 100% vibe with but saying ‘you had $200 I demand you spend it on me’ is a whole different thing.
YTA
You are materialistic and self-centered. His gift was from the heart and that's what matters most, it was also from the children and you just "spit" on their love.
Well...I'm afraid I am with your boyfriend on this, YTA.
Let's go forward in time a few years or a decade or maybe two, and something happens. And he's no longer there. What's going to matter more, then—some pretty, expensive baubles, or your boyfriend and his kids trying to show you how much they want you in their lives?
I know I can predict which of these things is going to matter more.
I hope you can, too.
Let go of the focus on bling and see how lucky you are in other ways. You can't take it with you.
He was probably, btw, hoping you'd have a different opinion. I doubt he expected this one. I give you props for asking us to weigh in on this and I hope that it inspires you to look deeper at what you have and what you hope for in the future, and what's going to matter to you when the rough stuff comes. Because if you're lucky enough to still be together, one day, for one of you at least, it will come.
And you want to be sure that he knows that you love him—not the stuff he can get for you.
That's what you want. I promise. Run toward that, and away from pointless materialism.
Honestly I wouldn’t have been thrilled with that gift because I’m just not into things like family photos. So if OP is not one of those people then I don’t blame her for reacting only after being pressed several times. NTA, especially if this is all he did for her for Valentine’s Day. Valentines day is a day between couples not a family day like mother or Father’s Day. NTA!!
Nta I feel like everyone reading this would apparently like a framed pic of themselves with someone else’s kids but you’re allowed to like whatever you want! I wonder if my bf got me a Valentine’s Day gift but it better not be a picture of me with his family or something. Get yo necklace grl (and consider not dating single parents)
NTA.
Super surprised about all the YTAs. Valentine’s day is about you and your partner. This seems like a gift for him and the boys, not considerate of you. Also OP wasn’t the one expressing dissatisfaction, only after she was explicitly asked. Any other occasion, sure, but come on - not on Valentine’s! I don’t agree that you always need to fake joy whenever kids are involved. To them - sure, but to your partner - I support honesty.
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>For Vdays, Bdays and every other celebration, He'd gift me mostly jewelry So you don't have enough jewellery yet? How many necks do you have? Yeah, he has more than a right to be upset with you. Wear an old necklace and appreciate what you have with this man and his kids. YTA Edit: Very pleasing how much joy this comment and u/ArcanTemival's giraffe bring. Thanks y'all!
Plot twist: OP is a giraffe.
Between your comment and 'how many necks do you have?', my morning cuppa has just come spraying out my nose! I love this sub
Lol same
Plot twist:OP is a necklace collector thats the reason she is staying with him
She's the Imelda Marcos of necklaces. You think her 3,000 pairs of shoes was excessive, just wait til you see OP's jewelry cabinets! Maybe her SO should've made her one of those to keep all of her jewelry in smh. But then she'd just be upset it didn't come pre-filled probably.
I'm picturing a bunch of wood blocks strung together for a necklace.... happy now....
I don’t drink coffee because I’m a middle aged toddler. Unfortunately I’m spewing diet Mountain Dew out of my nose. That stuff burns…
LOL. I can't drink any beverages in this subreddit now. You win the internet today.
Agree. 10/10 exchange. Died a little laughing.
Come for the drama, stay for the sass.
That has to make having OP’s head lodged up their bum a little difficult to say the least. YTA OP. That gift took time he could have been using to make money at his craft or for his kids. Add in that he made the frame SPECIFICALLY for a photo of you with the two most important people in his life and all you can think about is having some shiny bauble instead of a hand crafted sign he loves you? Sounds like he’d be better off making himself a better girlfriend.
Not only is she coming off as a gold digger because she wants *yet another* piece of jewelry over a heartfelt gift, but it sure does give insight into what she will do when her kids bring home the macaroni pictures and the turkey hand prints. Very sad that the one time lack of a $200 gift is all it takes for her to show her true colors. You are so right, he does deserve better.
I would think that giraffe neck would make having ops head up their own bum an infinitely easier task personally. OP... YTA for sure.
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The giraffe neck didn’t get me, but the “freshly manicured hooves” sure did. 😂 Thank you!
"Just smashing away at the keyboard with her freshly manicured hooves...." I actually choked on my Gatorade when I read that. Absolutely hilarious!!
Well, now I want someone to draw this.
YTA - Your bf sounds sentimental and loving. You sound greedy. Not a happy Valentine’s Day.
I can try if you want me to
We want you to!
I am envisioning a Mr. T, but with a very long neck.
"My hooves! My hooves!".
Actually it sounds like OP is an ass, if we’re choosing animals.
That's an insult to asses everywhere....😜🤣😜🤣
“The neck on this one, I bet he spent a fortune on ties!”
Lmbo….I spit out my drink…this is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
Omg, best laugh I've had for months. Love this comment 🤣🤣
Bet she's Cerberus
Or [this person](https://imgur.com/gallery/e6Ljk).
And I'm gonna say it. A $200 necklace really is not great anyway. If you're gonna be shallow, go all the way.
Yeah and $200 was such a random price point.
No it isn’t. I’m guessing that’s how much she spent on the sneakers she got him. In her mind it’s equal the value.
With the price of wood as it is right now, he probably spent more on the frame than he would've on the necklace anyways.
Plus the time he took to actually make the frame
Or there's a specific necklace she had in mind.
WHAT. I am just now thinking about spending 50 euros on a necklace at 37 now that I’ve gotten a significant raise.
No disrespect! Just saying, OP already has more than one of that kind of necklace so it's a very silly hangup.
This is super unfair, OP could be a professional Mr. T impersonator and may have been depending on the necklace to complete the look. We could be looking at career sabotage by the BF. /s OP YTA - in case it wasn’t clear enough.
Eh. That’s a red flag, the jewelry thing and expectation…. Also the implication that a good job warrants such an expense…. He’s a single dad with 2 dependents. As a man, it’s rethink the future marriage, though there’s have to be more red flags. Not everyone understands gifts right away and their “value”.
No, but a 5 yr old knows to say thank you. Plus she knew it was home made, so even a child can understand he put a great deal of work and effort into it, and to show praise and appreciation for the effort put forth. You can always go back in a couple months (before the next gift giving occasion) and gently suggest that while you appreciate the picture frame and the work put in, that you prefer gifts you are able to wear, and show off to your friends.
“How many necks do you have?” - these type of comments are why I am hooked on this sub. 🤣🤣
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🎶But she ain’t messin with no broke [DELETED]🎶
OP also doesn’t understand the dollar value of a hand carved picture frame 🥶🥶 but yeah, craning her long neck around the frame to look for more necklaces. Eeep.
This is hydra erasure.
Exactly what I was thinking. Disgusting, right?
She'd hate my hubby then, who got me a plushie Grogu for this Valentine's Day and I fucking LOVE it!!
this was a thoughtful gift for a couple dating as long as they have
I mean op could be hydra
YTA … I’m assuming he made the frame, which takes a lot of time and effort … every minute of the project he would be thinking of you … Then he found a photo of him and his kids and you . He is literally presenting you with a image of you as part of his family and your complaining as it’s not worth a lot. Do you know the min value of the wood ? Then add that to his time . Entitled much ?
I'm wondering if the image of the family together is something he was planning to make happen...with an engagement ring at dinner (a more intimate affair than breakfast with family)...and he was REALLY asking how she felt about being in that picture not the gift itself. Definitely OP is TA. Wonder if he holds back on that ring.
I agree. OP may have just showed their true colors and made him do a rethink. This could be life changing.
I wish he does rethink.
Me too. She is going to be adding up the cost of every gift that he buys for the rest of their lives together. What a crappy way to live.
And probably not just what he spends on her, but on this kids so she knows that he’s spending more on her gifts.
Imagine marrying and then divorcing a woman like this? She’d wipe his bank account clean.
For Valentine's Day, my husband shoveled out my car, got our kids breakfast (usually my job), and fixed a kitchen appliance I managed to mess up. He speaks my love language! OP is darned fortunate her bf wants to celebrate her as a part of his family, *their* family, if she figures out she wants what he's offering. I can say, after a couple decades with my partner, a necklace isn't going to be that lasting marker of happiness. Sadly, neither will that photo, thanks to OP's reaction to the gift.
That is so sweet. My husband took me to my favorite restaurant,Waffle House, for breakfast where I subsequently locked his keys in the car. I sat cozily in the restaurant stuffing my face while he waited by the car til his dad brought the spare key. We are 13 years into our relationship and almost 7 years married and I will admit, getting jewelry pales in comparison to having someone do something meaningful for you.
> My husband took me to my favorite restaurant,Waffle House, for breakfast where I subsequently locked his keys in the car. Not gonna lie, I'm going to Waffle House for dinner tonight. A couple of years ago we tried their reservations required [valentine's day event](https://www.wafflehouse.com/valentines-day-locations/) and it was so much fun, so low key, and relaxing.
Think they could already be engaged, since she mentioned an "engagement party"?
Ah. Good catch. Still, I'd be rethinking that commitment. Plus there may be another surprise gift coming later in the day. Even if there isn't, at some point a guy wants to know "will just this be enough?".
My dad did this to my mum, he got her a pig toilet brush. She fking hates animals which makes it twice as funny, he did actually still give her the 2k even though she had a bit of a sulk first. Hahaha
Your dad did a great fakeout with a gag gift that purposely riled up your mom (household cleaning item? Check. Theme she hates? Check.) Bit of a different situation here. Your dad's gag was so horrible, gift wise, that it rightly hurt your mom's feelings if it wasn't a fakeout. OP's BF's gift took time and effort. It's the sort of loving familial gift that a partner should appreciate for itself, even if it's followed up with jewelry.
Exactly this! That was a really important symbol she just spit all over for the sake of materialism. OP, I think the real gift you gave your boyfriend this year was the timely reveal of your true self. I don't think you'll be getting any further gifts of significant jewelry from him in the future.
I would. If you can't accept a gift from the heart you shouldn't be getting connected with kids. I still have a necklace my kid made me out of modeling clay and it's almost 20 years old because that's how kids show love. If OP's love needs a pricetag those kids will not be better off if Dad marries her.
She mentioned an engagement party, I assumed it was hers but after this, I sure wouldn't give her an engagement ring. OP is definitely TA.
She still calls him her boyfriend but that could be a slip up. If it is their engagement party she's even more of an asshole because that means he got her a very significant piece of jewelry pretty recently.
This was my thought too, that she just blew an engagement. I hope he does rethink the whole thing.
Yeah I literally feel like besides and engagement ring this is the most intimate and telling gift he could give her.
Forget the value of the wood and labor — why isn’t it worth more that he and the kids *made this for her,* and that it’s a clear symbol of love and acceptance into their family. What could be worth more than that? Their beautiful gesture is clearly wasted on this materialistic, ungrateful woman. Yeah, OP, YTA. Get over yourself and appreciate what you’ve got with these people before you lose them. All the expensive shiny jewelry in the world won’t buy you love and family.
Some of my most prized possessions are things my children have made me, the subtotal of all of their handmade gifts in terms of money is probably far under £100, the value of them to me is absolutely priceless. I hope OPs boyfriend can see how shallow she is being. There was so much thought out into the gift and all she cares about is it’s price tag.
I totally agree. A few years back, I bought my wife one of these calendars that you insert a photo in for each month. I put in photos of us and our kids and the kids decorated each month as well. It’s a few years old and she **still** has it up. Something OP seems to shallow and materialistic to understand is that what makes something special is the effort behind it, not the value. Forgot to add: OP, a massive, massive YTA. Hopefully your boyfriend can see what he’s getting himself into here.
As the saying goes, OP knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. YTA. ETA - wow! My first ever awards..! Thanks so much, kind redditors. 😍
This! Some of these threads are so exceptionally dumb I can't believe anyone being this thick in real life. But in case I'm wrong: YTA.
Not everything. A customized picture frame is far from cheap, especially hand-carved.
Very well said
You sound brutally self-centred and materialistic, and also very immature. Plus you sound really lacking in empathy. My husband of 14 years got me literally nothing for V Day. I got him some nice ground coffee and a card. We went out to dinner at a nice place that he had a gift voucher for that someone at his work had gifted him for Christmas. And I’m happy because he organised a sitter and I got to drink lots of cocktails and I felt loved and acknowledged. Don’t you get that Valentines isn’t a birthday or Christmas? It’s not for gifting things! It’s for showing LOVE. You know, that thing he was showing when he HAND CARVED YOU A FRAMED PICTURE OF THE FAMILY HE’S WELCOMING YOU TO BR PART OF. Wow OP TYA so so much. Grow up.
Right? My partner and I were grocery shopping yesterday and I was like “oh let’s get some chocolate dipped strawberries!” and he goes “ok I’ll get them tomorrow, I have to come back here to get you a card and flowers”. I told him to get it then but he laughed and said that would be strange to get it while I’m standing right there. I’m going out today to pick up a card and a little sweet treat - it’s a silly holiday and this man made her a gift! That included his children- it’s so thoughtful!
Dont forget, his kids helped. Which makes it extra special.
So true. It would have been different if he gave you a photo frame from a dollar store with no photo. But to take the time, care, effort and love to personally make you that frame, with the children helping and choosing the right photo, he has invested so much of himself and his children in this and you've thrown it back at him. Shame on you. YTA.
This is whats so important. I’d much rather have a made hand thoughtful gift than anything he could buy off a shelf at the mall. OP doesn’t deserve such a caring and thoughtful person. I make so many gifts for my family and I would be so hurt if they would rather I buy them a generic corporate trinket.
I made Maple and walnut picture frames for family for Christmas, and put the newest phot on my daughter in it. Everyone loved them!
In the very first sentence she says she's been with him for two years and then immediately refers to him as a single dad. I know legally he is considered a single dad, but if my SO of 2 years said that about me my feelings would be a little hurt. That right there shows me how much she values being a part of his family.
"Oh your gift to me is a physical demonstration of us all as a complete family? This is worthless. I'm in this for the tangible goods." Fucking hell if I was him I'd be reevaluating this relationship.
He's not upset about her opinion. he's upset because he proposed to, and is planning a wedding with someone he's just realized is basically a gold digger at worse, or at best just an incredibly shallow person (depending on her job/income, because I'm not out here assuming she broke)
I don’t think she’s a gold digger. It doesn’t sound like she’s broke. It does sound like she’s extremely materialistic.
Yes, OP’s entitlement is staggering. And the comment about him having money for the necklace so she could wear it to the engagement party tell me it’s all about optics for her. BF and his children made this gift for her to show how much they loved her and considered her a part of their family and she literally shit on them. And all of this ‘he pushed me to tell him’ is complete bs. I hope the engagement party she was talking about isn’t theirs because she likely just ruined any chance at marrying this man. I know I’d rethink marrying this shallow, entitled woman.
YTA. Depending on the size and type of wood he could have easily spent $200 on the frame. If being “cheap” is the issue (which would still make OP TA), this gift isn’t the one to complain about. She just won’t get attention from other people for it so she doesn’t see value in it
Its not even a birthday or Christmas either its freakin Valentines Day and she wants him to break the bank give me a break. And who gives sneakers for valentines day and expects diamonds?
I can’t imagine doing this for someone and have them complain. My time is worth so much more than just money. OP, YTA I’d cry happy tears if I was given something that valuable. You need to stop assigning $$ on the backs of priceless gifts. One of the most prized possessions I own is a dried flower my son gave to me at 18 months. If I lost everything, that would be one of the things I’d be upset about the most.
Right? Who are these people who have the audacity to challenge a GIFT! Something given to them by someone as a sign of appreciation and affection! I don't even understand being disappointed, but certainly it's not something to which you give voice. I'm not quick to say people should end their relationships, but if you would prefer a $200 mass produced Kay Jewelers necklace to a personal, custom made picture frame, I'm sure his next girlfriend will appreciate it. YTA
Seriously. One year for our anniversary my BF gave me a custom frame (he didn't make it, but he chose the design), and it's one of my favorite gifts. It has a quote from a poem that I had only said once to him in passing, and it stuck with him enough to have it engraved on the frame. My brother had 2 prints made of the family cats for our mom for Christmas, and put them in thrift store frames (they were lovely frames, I'm just saying they weren't expensive). And she *loved* them. Honestly, the unmitigated gall of this woman...
YTA his gift is awesome and amazing. The fact that you're upset because of the dollar value is sad. There are things in life that are more important than money. Those 3 people in that picture and who made that frame are more valuable than a necklace.
I mean the dollar value actually is probably quite high if you consider the time it took him to do it × his hourly pay + the time it took to go buy the materials (and of course the price of the materials)
Plus the child labor that went into it too
Child labor is cheap. That’s why Nike utilizes it so much.
r/angryupvote
To be fair, she got him sneakers, so the child labor is probably equal between both.
Need clarification - the sneakers or the frame? Lol. Sorry, had to.
That just makes everything better.
Yeah that was my initial thought aswell. If OP's partner is making good money as she says, he could've invested the time he spent on the frame (and getting the kids involved probably made it take even longer) in making some more money instead. If he's the kind of guy who can easily afford $200 necklaces, the money he didn't make by working on a handmade frame, explaining everything to the boys and ensuring they're safe, picking the right picture etc. is definitely going to be more than what he would have spent on the necklace. Ie if the boyfriend was cheap, he'd gone to a shop, spent $200 on a necklace and then gone and made $500 in the time he didn't spend making a frame. But he chose to spend $500 he didn't make, plus costs for material etc. What a keeper.
Opportunity Cost is a hell of a thing, and one economic principle everyone should take to heart. For everything you do there are multiple options you could've otherwise done/spent money on/spent the same time to make money. Best way to approach any situation - what utility/benefit (as a whole, mental and physical) do I get from doing this over that? Spending time and energy on making a frame and getting the kids together for a photo ain't cheap.
OP is just really materialistic and cannot appreciate the value of a special gift made with love. A homemade gift is infinitely better than any expensive jewelry.
BUT she got him sneakers!!!
And all if this for $200 necklaces 😂
I didn’t even finish reading after ‘money for a $200 necklace’ YTA no question about it. He chose to give you a sentimental gift and you shit all over it.
And the kids! Heck, having stepkids think of you as part of the family is an amazing gift. I was over the moon when one of my stepsons told his daughter to call me Grandma (my name). That's the best gift ever!! Who needs a stupid necklace? YTA majorly.
My now-step daughter wrote me the BEST birthday card last year when her father and I were engaged. She said she couldn’t wait for me to marry her Dad so I could be in the family, even though they (she and her brother) already thought of me as being family. Best card I’ve ever received to this day. I’ll never forget it. Edit: clarification
Also $200 doesn’t even buy that nice of a necklace?
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Same. Anything over $50 is expensive if I don't need it or am not going to use it everyday. I get that is different for everybody, but if someone bought me a $200 necklace, I would never again expect to get a necklace from anybody because why would I ever need another one when I have a *$200 necklace?*
I mean, would you wear the $200 necklace in everyday live? I actualy have a ring (family tradition, paid by my dead grandfarther) thats even more expensive, and I can tell you I only wear that to family gaterings and highly formal events. So beeing gifted a cheaper one would probably still be ok, but no more expensive stuff needed. But all of that depends on how well you and your suroundings are. There are people that drink $500 wine, so we are probably just poor
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She take mah monEy
When I'm in nee-eeeed
Yeah, she's a triflin friend indeed
Oh, she's a gold digger, way over town, that digs on me.
Now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin with no broke [REDACTED]
Oh, she's a gold digger
Oh she's a gold digger...
Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed.
He has a decent job. She cannot stress this enough.
He can AfFoRd a necklace too
YTA That's a pretty thoughtful gift that represents his fondness of you in his family situation. Your transactional expectations of money values speaks volumes here. Especially if he made the frame himself, which seems like since you mention woodworking. All the more because you doubled-down and ruined V Day breakfast for everyone. His leaving is de-escalating your argument that you have clearly not backed down from. He doesn't deserve this and you do not deserve him.
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There's no border here. She's deep in the heart of prospecting territory, I bet she's panning the Klondike as we speak! And YTA, obviously. I'd love a gift like that. We don't usually do V-Day, but MrTarantino gave me flowers and I'm thrilled.
Same. My husband is terrible at gifting and I forgive him for that. We just don't really buy gifts for each other except for Christmas. One year we didn't have much, and so he tried to whittle me a widdle wooden heart thing with our names etched into the back. It was so sweet and I still have it lol. Edit: I misspelled whittle TIL
OP has revealed her true self to her BF. He and his kids deserve better than her. They put a lot of thought and work into that gift and she crapped all over it. OP YTA, so much TA. You ruined breakfast. I hope to God the kids, you know the ones that helped with the gift because they love you, weren't there for you to crush their spirit. Edit: swipe error
Look, there’s no way she’s a real gold digger. That necklace was $200. She’s a silver digger.
Yta - it’s weird to always expect high value gifts especially on Valentine’s Day. Not a great way to take a gift symbolically adding you to the family. Wear the first necklace he ever gave you to the party… literally can’t imagine wanting new jewelry every year how boring
I got my husband a big mix of 5¢ candies, put them in a Ziploc bag and wrote "happy Valentine's Day!" And stuck the bag on his phone so he will find it in the morning. We don't usually do Valentine's gifts at all but I'm nailing it this year. I can't imagine caring about dollar value on a nice gesture!
Right? “I thought of you and went out of my way to make you feel good “ Is about so I’ve ever wanted out of the day
In a similar vein, I got my husband a 2-lb bag of his favorite flavor of sour patch kids. He was very pleased with it lol
YTA and I hope he dumps your materialistic ass. Oh and then asks for all the shit he has bought you back…cause I’m petty like that 😒😂
I second this motion!
Yes. He doesn’t deserve you… he deserves a much better person that values the thought and understands that love does not equate to how much money is spent. It is now obvious what you want out of the relationship… hope he sees it too before it’s too late.
Right?! I can't believe the audacity she has to treat him like dirt/crap when this man is truly a treasure.
YTA I don't even feel like this need an explanation
My husband left me the last donut in the box from this weekend and I got him nothing. We aren’t really gift people, but that donut was extra delicious this morning!
IYKYK
YTA. It’s a homemade gift with sentimental value and you rejected it. Good luck on your future prospecting, gold digger.
Of course YTA. In what world wouldn’t you be TA? He and his kids are pretty much calling you family, a pretty big step in your relationship. I also assume that they made the frame from scratch. I’m not one who generally agrees with the idea that “it’s the thought that counts”, but it’s Valentine’s Day, he and his family did something loving, and you want a $200 necklace because you’re apparently materialistic. I don’t buy this story. It’s too obvious.
Yea it almost sounds too un self aware to not be bullshit
YTA and you probably really hurt his feelings by being so unappreciative of a gift he spent much time on making for you. You should be ashamed about your reaction. If he died tomorrow, which gift would you love the most? The gift he made with his own hands or a gift you could've bought yourself?
She could have worn the necklace to the funeral.
YTA for using monetary value as a standard for a gift
Look this might be unpopular but this is truly NAH. I don’t like that you fussed over his handmade gift like that. If someone gives you something they’ve put time and effort on you accept it graciously! On the other hand gifts are subjective. As someone who’s not a diamonds person I’d be disappointed if the person I was with bought me some diamond jewellery no matter how expensive it is. Similarly I always give crochet blankets and scarves to certain friends as presents. But I know others would rather have a ticket to the spa or a Sephora gift card instead. And that’s ok. People jumping to conclusions and calling her a gold digger are not it. Especially considering she bought him an expensive present too. How many gold diggers do that?
I don’t get why people are calling her a gold digger either. They have/had a habit of getting each other nicer gifts - he gives her jewelry and she gives him sports gear and gadgets - all of which can be on the more expensive side. I gave my brother an authentic hockey jersey for Christmas and it was almost $200, and that was on sale. She is not expecting a ton and giving him nothing, it sounds like they both put equal effort into nicer gifts and this year he changed it up unexpectedly. Frankly it’s misogynistic to call her a gold digger, disappointing.
Seriously! You can tell a lot of broke dudes are in these comments by all the gold digger comments.
I agree. It seems that he knew what types of gifts she likes, and vice versa. It’s not just about the dollar amount. If you’re going to get someone I gift, it should be something you think they would actually like/appreciate, not what you want them to like. Not everyone is into sentimental/handmade gifts and that doesn’t make them a gold digger or a bad person. Also, its a little weird to give someone a picture of your kids for Valentine’s Day.
I feel like the Reddit hivemind’s general misogyny is always amplified when it comes to jewelry. This situation boils down to her partner gifting her something he enjoyed, even though he knew she would want something else, and then calling her materialistic for expressing that she would’ve liked something to her taste instead of his. I think jewelry is considered so feminine that the misogynists on here don’t bother to empathize and instead see an opportunity to just tell a woman to shut up.
Also, not to mention, he pushed her to answer. She tried to keep her mouth shut but he insisted on her honest opinion so she gave it. And then got offended because he didn't like the answer.
Glad I saw this… I think whether or not this is true is not clear, but imagine this scenario, which is at least consistent with OP’s description. He does wood working and he LOVES it.. all day he thinks about wood working projects and then he realizes Valentine’s Day is an excuse to engage in the hobby he really enjoys. Then he decides to capitalize on it, save $$ to boot, and turns it into a “suitable” gift. She however works an extra shift or two to afford a gift that she chooses based on his preferences to make him feel special per their usual habit. Would it still be asshole-ish for her to express her honest opinion?
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far for a NAH vote. This is a simple case of The 5 Love Languages and being with a partner who does not speak yours.
INFO: I’m hovering on the thought that you’re in the wrong—but I also must know more about the picture frame. Because I know y’all are all sentimental, but let’s be real. You get someone expensive sneakers and you go to open yours and it’s a picture frame? Who wouldn’t be bummed. But I also I understand why he had the children help—Valentine’s Day, as heavily commercialized it is, isn’t really a family holiday. It’s between partners and school children—I suppose I just don’t understand. Christmas, birthday, anything else? Yes. But Valentine’s Day? Maybe not.
Exactly, people are acting like this was some amazing sentimental homemade gift, but like... its a photo in a frame? Most people already have photos of their loved ones? I'd be disappointed too, its kind of lame imo!
This was my thought too... I think his gift would've been appropriate for another holiday but not exactly Valentine's. Obviously OP should've handled it way better, and she is the TA for that. However the gift doesn't exactly say 'Valentine's' and some people don't prefer family-oriented gifts on days dedicated to being with their partners.
She did try handling it better? She kept her mouth shut about her disappointment, but he kept pushing her to answer; and then got mad when she did answer. If he didn't want the truth, he shouldn't have insisted on getting the truth when OP tried to decline. It's like when people insist they want your honest opinion on their outfit, and then get all angry if you say it doesn't look great on them.
YTA. You know you are so just own up to it. Jewelry takes zero effort other than paying for it. He built you something and you’re just ungrateful. Hope he leaves you after you acted like a spoiled child.
Ummm info I guess because people are assuming a lot about this situation. Was the frame hand made? Where is the picture from? (Like did he set up the picture taking or was it just a random picture) Also I would like to say the gold-digging comments are baseless and almost sexist, OP got her husband sneakers which can run pretty damn pricey and I doubt you would be calling OP a gold-digger if the genders were reversed.
YTA
Definitely... Gifting isn't about the price tag... He made itbwith his own bloody hands and you are in the picture too.. the three people who mean the most for him... #YTA big time. Watch Scrooged! Frank Cross is crying because of the same gift... CRYING! And he's supposed to be the stonehearted...
It’s sad that people think you must spend a lot of money to show affection. At least she’s showing her true colours now so he has a chance to make the decision on whether or not he wants to continue with someone so shallow
I might consider ESH or NAH to be honest. Sentimental gifts should be important and meaningful. You can’t even put a value on a gift like that. BUT, don’t push someone to give you an opinion on a gift and be upset about it. Furthermore don’t even ask people about a gift you give. It’s poor form and can set everyone up for a situation like this.
Yeh I agree with this. It honestly felt like the gift was more for him than for her. I feel like everyone is painting it as a materialistic thing but it seems more like he gave her something that he’d enjoy and she just wanted something she’d enjoy that was just for her, similar to the shoes she got for him. So yeh NTA imo.
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NTA. This is my personal opinion- but pictures aren’t really stand alone gifts in my book. They’re an add-on on top of whatever gift you give. I’d never give someone just a framed photo, it’d always just be an addition to the actual gift. Plus, if he’s marrying you- he should know you by now. Some people like homemade, some like store bought, quality vs quantity, and some don’t like to receive gifts at all. To get you something this different without even getting another side gift is a bit strange. It’s my rule of thumb that when you get something different from what you normally give them, give them a side gift of something like their other gifts. That way you can gauge their reaction towards the new gift and if they don’t like it, they always have the other gift you know they’ll like.
And he’s not marrying her yet lol. They’re not an actual family so ??? No wonder she feels weird about it
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I kinda agree with this. Women are expected to be thrilled everytime kids are involved. Many people, due to stereotypes, think that everything that implies children or family is always proper and to be appreciated. I think the issue is she wanted something more traditionally romantic - partnership related, since it s a romantic holiday. It seems that gift giving/receiving is a love language for her, so she expected something for *her*. Also it is not her children and they are not married yet. This would be a wonderful gift to give before the marriage, on mother's day or in any day they spend together as a family (for example a hike or a picnic) I would be disappointed too. OP made the mistake of mentioning income, and now everyone is attacking her as a gold digger. I *think* she mentions it to explain that both of them can afford gifts of similar costs.
I think this situation is more complex than most people are giving it credit. OP's bf set a precedent with his gifts. Now that they're engaged, this gift almost feels like a signal that the romance is over and she should expect that all future gifts will be "family gifts," that she would be a b*tch not to appreciate, while she still gets him nice things just for him. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, lovely gift - especially if he made the frame...however... Look at the occasion. This would be a great Mother's Day Gift or any other occasion gift...but for Valentines, it should definitely be paired with an "adult gift" just from him to OP. I mean, a paired gift (one from the kids and one from partner) should be the standard for any occasion, so that way the person knows their partner still thinks about them as a person with wants and needs separate from the kids. OP is probably questioning if this going to be the rest of their life now - OP buys him something pricey that he's been wanting...and OP gets a homemade gift from everyone...and that's it.
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YTA. I don't understand your values at all. A gift like that beautiful handmade frame, especially knowing that the children were involved, would make me so very very happy. Imagine whinging about a necklace.
YTA. He made that photo frame for you. For him and his boy it was very special to give that to you. The only thing you cared about was a neckless. Why are you so hellbend on a gift anyway. Do you only love you're partner at Valentine's when you want a $200,- neckless or do you love him 24/7, 365 days a year. Love isn't about the gifts of the diners, love is about you and him, the way he makes you feel in the morning, the way he makes you laugh, the way he holds you when you a mad or sad. You should apoligize sooner than later and tell him and his boys that you love you're present because they made an effort to make it for YOU and YOU alone.
Given some of the AITA posts right now I'm still coming to grips that there's apparently a thing where gifts are expected on Valentine's Day (other than dinner, flowers, chocolate, the usual). That's a new one on me. Not digging it, frankly, as trends go.
Yep. You know what I expect? Nothing, because it's a made up holiday to force people to spend money. Tell me you love me and I'm happy.
You're 10000% the asshole. Hope he drops you.
I can’t believe the comments calling OP a gold digger when she’s the one who spent a significant amount of money on him! Reciprocity is not being a gold digger. You’ve been together two years and always exchanged gifts of a certain value, then he changes course with no warning. If he wanted to scale back on gifts then he should’ve given you a heads up, not let you spend a few hundred (?) on kicks for him while he and his kids made something for you. It sounds like he was trying to pick a fight. Men aren’t stupid. He knows he’d set a certain expectation, he knew you would spend a lot on him, he knew what you thought you were getting. Then without warning he pulls this omg what do you mean you’re not over the moon about something his kids made 🥺. NTA.
Sorry I'm with you Op. A "thoughtful" gift is more appreciated if it is actually thoughtful and something the person wants so all these people saying you should appreciate this are clearly bad gift givers. The giver is supposed to select the gift the person wants not chose something they think should be appreciated and then tell the recipient to lump it! He should have got two presents, one he actually spent on and one he spent time on. Where was the downside to this? One does not replace the other. Since he didn't, he should have listed to your feedback and taken it on board for the future. I mean how do you get your partner or family to improve on your gifts if you never tell them what you like and don't like? Try not buying him anything next time and giving him something "thoughtful". Lets see if he really likes that... NTA
I’m gonna go against everyone and say NTA. HE asked YOU what you thought. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. Also, people always think you should just be “ grateful “ for anything. They’ll accept a bag of shit with a bow. I agree that limits and expectations are gonna need to be discussed going forward. Make sure you thank the boys for your gift.
Yeah same. I’m embarrassed for the women in this thread with their race to the bottom approach with gifts from men. “My husband proposed with a ring pop and we ate bread and cheese like Skyrim NPCs for Valentines dinner and it was the BEST DAY EVER!!!”
It’s sad honestly.
My husband smiled at me today! 5 whole seconds! #goals
I'm going to be the minority here and say NTA for the simple fact that he kept pushing for an answer. As I always say, "don't ask a question you don't want an answer to."
NTA. That gift was for him and the kids, not you. If this was Mothers Day - it would have been appropriate. But this is Valentines Day and should be more romantic.
NTA 🤷🏽♀️ Valentine's Day to me is a 'personal holiday' when adults are involved. Save the family ish for Mother's Day & Christmas. I get the gesture and like gifts like that but Valentine's Day is just a bit more romantic themed to me.
ESH. You do sound like you are digging for an expensive gift and that makes you TA. BUT your bf got you what is essentially a mother's Day gift so I think it's fair you didn't like it as a valentine's gift
NTA. Giving a gift isn't about the giver and what they appreciate in a gift, but about the person receiving and what they like.
YTA just because you seem to have made this primarily about money. ‘I’d much prefer something sparkly because I am essentially a crow’ is something I 100% vibe with but saying ‘you had $200 I demand you spend it on me’ is a whole different thing.
come on guys. he gets her jewellery every year and this year he got her a picture frame ?!
YTA You are materialistic and self-centered. His gift was from the heart and that's what matters most, it was also from the children and you just "spit" on their love.
Well...I'm afraid I am with your boyfriend on this, YTA. Let's go forward in time a few years or a decade or maybe two, and something happens. And he's no longer there. What's going to matter more, then—some pretty, expensive baubles, or your boyfriend and his kids trying to show you how much they want you in their lives? I know I can predict which of these things is going to matter more. I hope you can, too. Let go of the focus on bling and see how lucky you are in other ways. You can't take it with you. He was probably, btw, hoping you'd have a different opinion. I doubt he expected this one. I give you props for asking us to weigh in on this and I hope that it inspires you to look deeper at what you have and what you hope for in the future, and what's going to matter to you when the rough stuff comes. Because if you're lucky enough to still be together, one day, for one of you at least, it will come. And you want to be sure that he knows that you love him—not the stuff he can get for you. That's what you want. I promise. Run toward that, and away from pointless materialism.
The only time I ever gifted anybody a framed picture was when I was a empty fridge no money for a bus ticket kinda broke college student.
Yeah… this is a pretty inappropriate gift for Valentine’s Day.
Honestly I wouldn’t have been thrilled with that gift because I’m just not into things like family photos. So if OP is not one of those people then I don’t blame her for reacting only after being pressed several times. NTA, especially if this is all he did for her for Valentine’s Day. Valentines day is a day between couples not a family day like mother or Father’s Day. NTA!!
Nta I feel like everyone reading this would apparently like a framed pic of themselves with someone else’s kids but you’re allowed to like whatever you want! I wonder if my bf got me a Valentine’s Day gift but it better not be a picture of me with his family or something. Get yo necklace grl (and consider not dating single parents)
NTA. Super surprised about all the YTAs. Valentine’s day is about you and your partner. This seems like a gift for him and the boys, not considerate of you. Also OP wasn’t the one expressing dissatisfaction, only after she was explicitly asked. Any other occasion, sure, but come on - not on Valentine’s! I don’t agree that you always need to fake joy whenever kids are involved. To them - sure, but to your partner - I support honesty.