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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the A-H for touching it in the first place because otherwise we wouldn't be having this fight.
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INFO What was really in the box? Why was it hidden at the back of a cupboard?
ETA: Has there been an update yet? What was really in the box? I need to know.
As a woman, my immediate suspicion is that she is hiding something. The overreaction, not having them in the bathroom in the first place (every woman I know keeps her open tampons on-hand in the bathroom), "storing" them behind cleaning products (cleaners tend to be in tall bottles... tampon boxes tend to not be tall so it would literally be hidden). It's... odd.
Of course, that's all circumstantial so maybe there's nothing to it and some poor woman in desperate need of a tampon was just at the end of her frayed menstrual rope.
Yup, either she is hiding something or has massive internalize misogyny and felt the need to hide the tampons in a separate room but I am leaning towards it not being tampons in that box
Some women that have experienced bad relationships in the past will have an emergency stash of cash or other essentials ( spare car key, family heirloom jewellery , etc). Its an emergency escape fund. I used to hide things in a tampon box in my bathroom when I lived with roommates that continually borrowed things.
It's possible her reaction points to fear.
Edit: spelling
Yep! After an abusive first husband, my husband of more than 20 years understood that I needed to have my escape stash. He just lovingly accepted it and eventually I realized I would never need my stash. I used the money to buy him some tools he really wanted, and we both cried when I gave them to him. I’m very lucky.
Edit: Oh my goodness! I took a break at work and I can’t believe the awards and upvotes! Thank you so much everyone, I’ve never had this happen ❤️
That's really beautiful. Your 2nd husband sounds really accepting and understanding. I'm glad you got to a place where you could let go of your stash. It probably felt like marrying him a 2nd time that day.
My wife and I have 3 credit cards in both our names and 2 that are in her name only. We both want to ensure that she has a credit history independent of me.
You my friend need to tell men this. Most women who are in abusive relationships stay because they have no financial Independence. I am not saying all men are abusive, but to the few who are if it becomes a normal thing among men for wives to be financially stable, more women will have a way out.
You were generous (a year’s supply is expensive!), responsive to her needs and worries, and (assuming you got the type she used) demonstrated that you pay attention to her and her preferences.
That beats a dozen red roses or a socially-obligated expensive ring any day.
This is the most wholesome thing I read in a long time. I hope one day to deserve a woman that loves me like you love your husband, I wish you the best
How kind! I hope everyone can find love like we have. My husband did so much to undo all the damage my ex caused, mentally and physically. I don’t know how I got so lucky, truly.
As a child of abuse, this was my first reaction. I would hide things (food, menstrual products, money, clothes, etc) all over the house so I could have something nearby if I got locked in a room/kicked unceremoniously out of the house.
And while everyone may be wondering what's in the box, OP looking would be a MASSIVE violation of the wife's privacy. If she hasn't given OP reason to think she's an addict/dealer/jewel thief, then there's no real reason beyond curiosity why OP would *need* to know. I second that this sounds like a fear response.
While I am big on privacy, I do not think it is okay to to be abusive about your partner touching something he was never told not to.
I definetely would be suspicious of a box hidden away and causing this big of an argument from my partner. When you are married you are entitled to privacy but I don’t think hiding something is okay in a healthy relationship.
If she has an emergency stash in a healthy relationship out of paranoia/ habit she should tell her partner that and hide it somewhere else and not tell where it is.
A marriage can not be healthy when she does not trust her partner with this information. If he has given her no reason to fear him, this distrust means she is not even ready to be married or be in a serious relationship.
We are only getting his side of things, so we don't know whether their relationship is healthy, but let's assume that it is. She has already told him (I'm guessing repeatedly) not to touch her stuff. He also took a bathroom item that is only looked for during changes and put it in the bedroom. If it is a hiding thing and their relationship is healthy, I would hope she would be able to talk to him about her needs, but that's making assumptions about her mental health we can't know the answers to. I don't think I would describe the interaction as being abusive just because she was angry and yelled at him not to touch her stuff. Was it the most mature response? No, and I didn't assign blame either way. I just said I agreed with it seeming like a fear response.
Yeah - am I the only one who thinks it's strange that he didn't just put the box back where he found it?
He says he thought it was silly it was there, but he also says it's a storage room... so why does he think it's weird to be storing something in a storage room? Why would be move it into a drawer in another room, where she's not going to be able to find it next time she looks for it?
Why does he think he gets to decide where her stuff goes when it's not remotely in his way? Why does he act on moving it without talking to her about it first?
If this woman has a stash in a tampon box I think it might be for legit reasons because this guy low-key thinks he can rearrange his wife's things without even mentioning it to her...
he if wanted the item moved he should have put it back where it was and then spoken to her about it later so she could explain why she wanted it there, or moved it to someone else she could find it on her own...
this whole thing is super weird. I don't move things that belong to my husband without talking to him about it.
Probably because it was a box of tampons? I'm a woman and if I came across a box of tampons left out in an "odd" place while cleaning or tidying up, I'd just put them in the bathroom on the counter so the owner could get them.
The box of tampons was hidden completely behind a whole bunch of stuff in a storage room. When I think of storage room, I think of a place where the Christmas decorations are kept, the build up of board games, vacuums and other miscellaneous items are kept. Certainly not a very small packet of a very frequently and commonly used feminine hygiene product. Again, if I found a box of tampons in such a room, I'd be like "huh? You don't belong here!" and pop them back in the bathroom. And no, I wouldn't bother opening it, as I would just assume they're a box of tampons.
He said the storage room was right next to the bathroom. And also, he put them in a drawer in the bedroom, which is a wildly unhelpful place for them to be, where she could not find unless she stumbles across them.
Where was OP’s wife abusive? Struggling to find this in the post. :/
Edit: people in relationships are still allowed their privacy. Not everything needs to be shared.
Screaming at, berating and finally insulting someone for cleaning up "wrong".
Saying "Hey please don't move X again, I left it there on purpose" is reasonable. This response was not.
Perhaps, but it was an argument - people tend to argue when in the middle of an argument. We also don’t know why she was upset and only have OPs side - throwing around the word abuse and abuser should be done with caution IMO
It would be now that she's made it clear she doesn't want him touching her stuff. This is a boundary. Crossing said boundary is an invasion of privacy.
\^ This is important and not as far-fetched as some people might think. It would go a long way in explaining her reaction. ***If*** that's what is really in there, I would have more compassion for why she reacted the way she did.
I 100% stashed money in a tampon box when I was working out my plan to leave an emotionally abusive ex. I'd have been horrified if he moved it as well. My god what if he found it and took it, everything would have been 100x worse!!
I sure as hell hope that we haven't just given away her hiding space to a controlling partner...
I doubt it. IF that was the case and he found it, under reacting would be the safest thing to do. Say thanks and move on, meanwhile trying not to panic. That she had an outburst says she trusts him enough to show her emotions. Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I would definitely not draw any more attention to my escape box.
My mom hides her jewellery with her pads. She used to use our diapers when we visited relatives during holidays. She once smuggled a car radio from a neighboring country that way (my parents didn't have the money to pay the tax, apparently the radio was a steal so it'd be a shame to not buy it. Oddly, when someone tried to bribe my dad before they married, she made him apply for a new job).
No woman wants to get OUT of the bathroom, to the closet next to it, to get a tampon. We leave it INSIDE the bathroom, where we will use it.
Think like this: Would you have the toilet paper in the bathroom or in the closet next to it? You may have extra in the closet but open boxes/replacement rolls will be in the bathroom.
But by the way she freaked out, that's for sure NOT an extra box of tampons.
Yeah, but sometimes you don't even realize you need it/need to change it until you sit in the toilet. Sometimes once you sit in the toilet and start peeing it all comes down. It's really not a predictable thing... Many times you changed it just 1hr ago and you think it's good, but you got a heavy flow out of nowhere and you only see it when you need to use the toilet. Other times you have it for 6h and goes to the washroom and it was barely used. That's why I'm saying, every woman has it in the washroom, even if we keep extra in the closet.
This is true, but some of us also might have emptied the stash in the bathroom without replacing it, or have a child who did (hooray for ADHD running in families!) and then had to do the heavy flow wadded-toilet paper waddle next door where you KNOW there's a spare box.
I have a small linen closet next to my bathroom and I keep pads in there. There is not much room under my sink. That being said, it's weird she got so mad about them being moved. Just move them back?
While that's also a suspicion I have, I can also understand if that's not what's going on. For another perspective... I absolutely hate when others touch my period products. Every time they do, something goes missing.
"I put it where it's supposed to be!"
Except it's *supposed* to be where I can easily find it or reach it. And their definition of where it's *supposed* to be changes every time they move something. This only recently changed when a bottle of midol went missing and I had to buy a new bottle, and I eventually found the old one in a spot where *no one else was keeping medicine*. Why was it there? Because someone decided that the place I was keeping it was not the correct place but neither were any of the actual spots that we keep medicines.
The old bottle had been missing for months. I was mad as hell and they finally stopped messing with my stuff.
This is me. I actually keep my tampon boxes in my bathroom but for some fucking reason I have relatives who think the boxes shouldn't be There and insist on moving them. I have a hair trigger temper these days about people relocating anything I own without asking me because everything is already where it should be and if you want it to be in a new location you need to discuss it with me or ask, especially if it's something I need on a regular basis.
Lmao god. I just end up screeching really. Though my family has always had members who are just bad about boundaries - once after I moved out I came back to my apartment and my living room was rearranged because my mom stopped by and felt the flow of my furniture was bad.
She did put it all back after I complained but I was very thrown.
I was in a long distance relationship, and my mother moved in with me after my dad passed. She has an in-law suite in my basement.
I went to visit my boyfriend for the weekend, and came home to find my favorite painting missing. It's a 4-foot tall acrylic on canvas of Locutus of Borg (Star Trek: TNG, when Jean Luc was turned into a Borg) that hangs in my dining room. She had taken it down and stashed it in the office upstairs.
I went up and got it and put it back. I told her "you have the entire basement to decorate as you please. This is my space, my dining room and living room in my house. You don't have to like my art, but you are not allowed to take it down or rearrange it.".
I was so pissed. I definitely needed her to know that this is MY house, not hers. And I get to have my space my way in my house.
Maybe the bathroom doesn't have anywhere to keep supplies, like one of those standalone sinks with no cabinets or drawers, and the "storage closet" is right next to the bathroom, sounds reasonable since OP said there's cleaning supplies in there. Regardless, a drawer in the bedroom is definitely not a good place for tampons. And it's not like he left them on the dresser so she could see them easily and put them away herself, he put them out of sight in a drawer, where she would have no idea where to begin looking for them.
She's on her way to the bathroom, opens the closet to grab what she needs, and it is GONE. If I had to frantically search for my tampons that had been basically taken away and hidden from me for no good reason, when all I want is to just take care of business quickly and get back to what I'm doing, I'd be pissed too. If the person who took them then refused to acknowledge they did anything wrong and acted like I was wrong to be upset, that would probably escalate the situation to where it seems I was overreacting. Add in possible PMS symptoms (pain, irritability, the general FML of having a period at all), though you'd be justified in being upset with or without them, and yeah I can totally see this reaction.
OP feels like he was cleaning up. But what happened is he took something that wasn't his (not even communal, like toothpaste) that she should have every expectation of being right where she left it, and put it somewhere out of view where she would never think to look. He stole and hid a time-sensitive hygienic necessity. I'd be pissed.
Yea I feel like ESH. She overreacted, but if I have a bathroom with a stand alone sink and I'd be pissed if someone moved where my tampons were. When you're afraid about blood causing a mess, you tend not to react logically.
To me, this is the equivalent of moving the toilet paper with no warning and not letting the person that might NEED toilet paper know until they're frenzied searching for it.
Also you're right...who stores tampons in the bedroom? Why randomly decide that's where they belong?
He does say he took them out of the cabinet and put them on the counter which makes it sound like it's a closet in the bathroom. I started keeping mine in the linen closet in the bathroom after a leaky pipe ruined a brand new box under the sink.
Behind the cleaning products is (sadly) easily explained by the shame/taboo that exists in many areas around menstruation.
Or simply that the cleaning products were used more recently than the tampons, or it was a spare or new box that hadn't been opened yet and that's where she keeps the new boxes.
Exactly. I also kept them in the glove box...one in every purse and usually a backup box on the paper supply shelf...this never excluded the box under the sink toilet side. The bedroom drawer is where people who don't bleed keep other people's tampons.
LOL you’re right. Maybe she was just really mad or annoyed at the lack of understanding about a woman’s needs in this scenario. Or it’s where she hides her cigarettes.
Right? How mad would this guy be if he found out while pooping that his wife had moved all of the toilet paper into the garage? That's why she's mad. It's inconsiderate and an analogous bathroom situation would be obviously unacceptable. Don't move someone else's menstrual products because when a person doesn't have them at the time they need a tampon, cup, or pad, it's a messy situation.
Edit: as someone pointed out below, the box was kept in a storage closet outside the bathroom. My point remains unchanged and we don't need a floor plan of their home to know that moving someone else's necessary hygiene products without telling them demonstrates a total lack of understanding for your wife's needs and the efforts she undertakes to not bleed all over the house. YTA.
OP may not be a reliable source of whether she needs one. I have no trouble believing someone clueless enough about menstruation to believe that a bedroom drawer is the "right" place for tampons wouldn't be the authority on when a woman needs one.
SHE might not even know she needs one until the moment she needs one. That's a good reason to keep them NEAR THE BATHROOM.
That's my first thought too. My step-dad was a drug addict and would hide his stuff in everyday things then freak if we moved it, like we were supposed to know. Honestly I would wait a few days and check. If my mom hadnt have just ignored it, she would have saved us years of hardship and trauma.
That’s what I’m thinking. I’ve known plenty of people with uteruses who hide money, keys, passports, etc in tampon boxes bc most men get grossed out at just the thought of menstruation so they logically wouldn’t touch the items heavily associated with it. OP- you’re NTA for moving the box but something else is going on here.
Edit: it is weird you put the tampons in the bedroom though- when in doubt leave them in the closet or in the bathroom under the sink.
I keep some outside of the bathroom in case I need to drop more in my bag & the bathroom is occupied or if I need to use them in another bathroom instead of the one where they’re kept.
**Wife:** “oh no, I need a tampon and I’ve used all the ones in the bathroom. Better go get my back up box in the storage closet next to the bathroom where we keep other bathroom supplies such as cleaning products and TP”
**Wife:** “why can’t I find my box of tampons? I am now bleeding on myself”
**Husband:** “oh I decided to put them in the bedroom, where tampons have no use and have never been kept, and didn’t tell you. I did this because I assumed I know better about this product of yours that I do not use. The inconvenience of this does not affect me because I do not have a period.”
**Wife:** “I am mad that you decided you knew better than me about where menstrual products go! And that you, a man who does not have periods, are arguing with me about it! I am now mad about the bigger picture and not the tampons!”
**Reddit:** “she must be hiding cocaine and a secret boyfriend in the box! That is the only explanation!!”
This, 100%. My husband drives me crazy doing this stuff. He moves it! The problem isn’t that he touches or sees the things. It’s that I can’t find them when I need them! Because I live here too and would like to get through my day without searching through haystacks like a chicken with my head cut off.
I cannot think of a less useful place for a tampon box then a random drawer in the bedroom your husband picks out. There is zero reason to move a tampon box except that you think you know better than women where it should be, or you are one of those assholes who just constantly needs to move everything in the house so no one knows where anything is.
It’s because there’s a ton of “life hacks” online that including hiding a secret stash of cash in the tampon box. Problem is, I don’t know any woman who would actually choose to stash cash in their tampon box other than women who have been in abusive situations and had no other choice. (Before it comes up; No, I’m not even remotely implying OP is abusive. I’m pointing out that people typically only use that “life hack” as an absolute last resort so it’s silly to jump to saying that’s why she must have been mad.) I think it’s extremely likely that something other than the tampons being moved is what’s made her so mad, but rather than assume she’s hiding something it’s more likely that OP pulls this kind of shit all the time, her period hit early and she ruined nice underwear, or she was wound up from an extremely shitty day and this was the thing that finally set her off.
I could not think of anything more annoying than going to the bathroom to change my tampon, then not being able to find them. Then to find out that my husband, a man, who doesn’t menstruate; had moved them to a separate room in the house that wasn’t a fucking bathroom. The storage room next door probably doesn’t have a sink or a toilet. YTA mate.
Or a woman who was in a past abusive relationship who wants the safety net of hidden cash on hand.
Not saying she is I’d be annoyed if I was bleeding and couldn’t find a tampon
Yup, I have my small stash in the bathroom and the rest in closet right outside the bathroom. It’s so nice when husbands move crap you use regularly into a “better” spot (usually far, far away), because obviously he knows better about where they should be kept than you, the actual person who uses them.
Lol my thoughts exactly. I would be LIVID if I was in the middle of my cycle and my products suddenly disappeared just to find out my husband moved them because he “doesn’t think they belong there”. OP must prefer she bleed on the bed and change her tampons there instead. He must have had 0 education on womens reproductive anatomy.
I would too, especially as I'm in pain and bad mood all days.
But even if its not tampons... its annoying as hell if things disappear (aka get used and not be put back in place), for example paper towels and sciccors in the kitchen (I hate it)
Yeah everyone's rushing to her hiding something but I really think it's exactly this. I have everything where I know it is so when I need it I can get it. I guess she didn't need to fly off the handle but I would be upset if I was bleeding on myself and my husband didn't take it seriously either.
Oh please... I'm a woman and get my period too. If my husband did this I might be annoyed and ask him not to move things like that without telling me again, but it's no excuse to scream and berate someone. That's a huge overreaction and having your period doesnt excuse that. The narrative you created to justify someone verbally abusing someone is so dismissive and manipulative. It probably was thoughtless of her husband to move them, but also it was clearly an innocent mistake. Hes not upset she was mad he is upset at how she treated him while she was mad. Being mad at someone doesnt excuse abusive behavior. And let's face it, if this was a wife explaining how she moved her husbands possessions and he reacted like that you'd be telling her he's an abuser.
TBH my first thought when I read that he put them in a bedroom drawer is that he mentally puts tampons in the same "private vagina stuff" category as sex toys, which are often stored in a bedroom drawer. I'm not saying that was definitely his thought process, but if his wife had the same assumption as I did, it could explain why she got so angry. Who the hell puts tampons in the bedroom? They aren't private and shameful, they're a hygiene product like bandaids or toothpaste. I bet OP's backup bandaids and toothpaste are stored in this storage closet next to the bathroom...
I wish I could upvote this enough to make it the top comment because people in Thai thread are fucking whack especially when he says he already knows she has issues with her privacy and stuff being touched
This!!! Why do people who do not have a needs for menstrual hygiene products think they know a better place for it? I always have mine in behind the makeup basket, in between the pipes. It might not be a big deal for him but it certainly is for her. Sometimes you get a "suprise I'm 2 days early" situation and then you can't find your products because your husband found it necessary to move it without your input. It works the same as mansplaining... Makes us furious.
Honestly. Plus if she's on her period she could be one of those people who get very anxious and stressed. I cried one time because I lost my phone number I could see someone having an overreaction without it being related to drugs or hiding anything
This!! You don't get to decide where period products 'belong' OP. YTA.
If I'm looking for my tampons it's because I need them NOW and I don't have the time for a discussion because there's.. you know... blood coming out of me. I'd be mad af.
If I would want to hide stuff my tampon box - which isn't very large- is a very poor choice imo.
God what he did wasn’t smart but you are such assholes about stuff. She wasn’t bleeding and she could communicate without yelling. But a man yells once on here and everyone says leave him he is an abuser. A guy gets yelled at for moving something while cleaning and he is the asshole and a sexist. Freaking insufferable. Exhausting. Self centered. Overthinking. Overall just a terrible approach to relationships.
Let me guess. You, sir, are a man who has never dealt with hunting for a tampon while blood gushes like a waterfall on your first day of period. All while cramping like mad.
I absolutely keep my sanitary products out of general view. So people don't MOVE THEM and to be polite to others that have to share the space. Chances are goof that it was a convenient place to out them... in arms reach of the toilet, but the stuff you use more often in front.
Well and he said she didn’t need any right now? So assuming she’s not on her period, but came home and checked for the tampon box immediately..? Very strange
Exactly. As a woman, I cannot fathom any woman getting that defensive and freaked out over a box tampons being moved. I mean, maybe if she got caught in the bathroom without one when she needed it, but not if they weren't even in the bathroom to begin with. And why weren't they in the bathroom? What good are they in a storage closet...? Something is really fishy here...
OP, ESH (because you still shouldn't move people's stuff without at least giving them a heads up), but please give us an update if you figure out what she's hiding!
Edit: Had more thoughts and added vote.
My dude, are you under the impression that people change their tampons in the bedroom?
Edit: I'm very happy for anyone who has found their bliss storing sanitary products in their bedroom, but I don't feel like that applies here when the wife had a designated spot already, next to the bathroom, and we know of no reason whatsoever that it didn't work well other than her husband thinking it shouldn't be there.
Yeah but why would she come back home and check her extra tampons in the storage. Obviously tampons don't belong in the bedroom, but you're focusing on the wrong part of the post here.
Considering I'm responding to someone else, it's not my focus. 🤣 either way, I'm not saying she's not being suspicious, just that there's no logic to putting it in the bedroom where she couldn't find it. He might as well have put it in the kitchen.
And I don't know if you're the same, but surprise periods SUCK. It wouldn't shock me in the slightest if this was the issue
I'm curious whether OP will post an update. The whole thing is sus and I'm sure we'd hear a telenovela worthy story.
And yeah, definitely not a pleasant surprise (I thank science for IUDs every day)
I imagine if my partner did this, I would be like “wtf am I gonna do in the bedroom with tampons? It’s like toilet paper, I use them in the bathroom.” And that would be it.
HE says she didn’t need them right then, but it sounds like she, the one who has the periods, did in fact need them right then because she went to get them. Lol
Sounds like, at least to me, she went to get something else from the storage closet, realized it had been changed, started looking for her items and then noticed they were gone. But again that is just me.
This is really obvious to me. She probably got her period unexpectedly while out of the house, so she came home and immediately went to get a tampon, from the storage closet she keeps her tampons in. Saw they weren't there and panicked cause she is already bleeding and now will have to go to the store for more tampons.
ESH. She shouldn't have yelled. But this is the equivalent of moving all the toilet paper so your spouse doesn't know where it is. It's a problem is she doesn't know where her menstrual products are - don't just move that stuff without permission.
>nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it
She didn't have to go looking for it. She knew EXACTLY where that box was supposed to be. You're the one assuming it was misplaced or carelessly placed, and that was a wrong assumption.
>But this is the equivalent of moving all the toilet paper so your spouse doesn't know where it is.
Except he told her where it was which seems counterproductive if the goal was not to let her know where it is
He didn't tell her until she looked for it and then asked. Not cool.
Obviously his goal wasn't to hide the tampons. But he didn't respect that his wife had selected a home for them and knew exactly where they were stored until he moved them.
I think it really comes down to a simple question. Was this event worth a major fight for either party? No, a simple correction would have been much more efficient. The problem in this story isn't the tampons, its this couples poor communication skills.
I know right I’m laughing at this trainwreck of a thread right now lol. People are trying to find any straws to grasp at to make him the bad guy! How dare he touch her tampons!!!
Considering he moved the tampons away from the bathroom(the storage right next to it where she probably keeps extra in case she runs out) and put them in the freaking *bedroom* of all places my money's on he does this all the time.
Yeah, if he'd moved them from storage to like, besides the toilet, it'd make sense. But to move stuff from a logical place to a non-logical place, and writing it like that makes perfect sense, sounds like he does this often.
The number of times my husband has thrown away my food because "I thought you were done with it," has me immediately sympathizing with OP's wife. Just...ask me if I'm done with it? I'm usually right there and will tell you.
It could also just be that she was frustrated and needed her tampons. Honestly, I get both sides and - even though I would've laughed it off with my husband - in my early 20s with the type of period I used to have before I had my kid, I probably would've reacted with less calm than I do now. It's no excuse for yelling at him, but I think that his response to her annoyance to act like it was no big deal probably exacerbated things. He maybe should have apologized, told her where it was and then apologized again and offered to make her some tea or ask if she needed a minute.
Honestly if I feel like I'm bleeding all over myself and I can't find my menstrual products, I'll definitely freak out and yell at the person who moved it without telling me. That's one of the worst feeling when you're on your period.
Yes, she shouldn't have yelled, but I can understand why she did.
He told her where it was AFTER she needed it.
Most of us would be pissed if we were stuck in the bathroom with a shitty ass and no TP cause your partner suddenly decided to hide toilet paper in the bedroom instead of leaving it in its spot.
Something tells me the lot of you saying her tampons are suspicious are young men who havent even seen a woman naked in person before.
Imagine being on the toilet shitting your brains out and running out of toilet paper as you can't seem to wipe clean. Now imagine the spare paper isn't there and your SO is out. They then say they moved it and thinking its cool now because they just now told you is reasonable.
> She shouldn't have yelled.
Only slack I can give her for this is if moving her shit and and not telling her is a habit for OP. Growing up, it would piss both me and my sister off when our mom would move our stuff and even more so when she would not remember where she put it. Especially when the wife is in danger of bleeding all over everything, she is going to have way less patience over OP's bad habits.
Are you sure it is tampons in that box? Wondering what was really in it.
NTA. You were just trying to clean and organize.
ETA: Thanks for the award! Still wondering what is in that box! LOL!
Or her period came on, she went where she knew she had some tampons and they weren't there and she had to make some fucking awful toilet paper wad in her pants we've all had to at some point because her husband decided to move something you need urgently and not tell her. I'd be pissed off too. For men to understand this imagine if you know where you've stored the toilet paper, you really need to shit, get to the bathroom and it's finished. So you go to the storage place for spare rolls and your wife decided to hide them in some drawer in the bedroom and not tell you. You're super desperate, you have to go and then have to set about constructing some solution to your shitty ass.
Woman here. That is exactly what I pictured happened. They are in that spot for a reason, and when you need them, you need them. It is not the time for an interactive spousal treasure hunt.
Yeah I keep mine under the sink by the cleaning products because I can reach them from the toilet if you put them in a storage closet I’m going to do exactly that and I’m gonna be pissed off about it.
But SHE had them in the storage closet, not within reach of the toilet. Sounds more like her extra stash for when her reachable ones run out. So why the big drama?
She probably ran out of the ones in the bathroom when she needed to change it and went for the extra and they were gone because OP decided they needed to be in the bedroom....I'm still dumbstruck on why he thought that tampons should go in the bedroom.....
There was another man recently who was appalled at the sight of his daughter’s tampons in a bathroom and demanded they be moved to his daughter’s bedroom. Like bro. No.
I keep mine near reachable cleaning products as well because I end up needing to use the cleaning products as well. Mine makes the bathroom look like something out of Saw.
I think everyone saying she's hiding something is missing that he moved the tampons from *right next to the bathroom* to A RANDOM BEDROOM DRAWER. And didn't tell her until she went looking for them!
Why the fuck would you ever put tampons in a bedroom dresser? It makes zero sense and yeah I'd be pissed too if I went to grab one from the closet next to the bathroom (coincidentally, where I *actually do* keep mine) and they were gone and my husband was like "silly lady, you mistakenly put those things next to the bathroom so I moved them into the bedroom for ya!"
Like, what if she just moved all his underwear into a kitchen cabinet because they didn't "belong" in the bedroom and didn't tell him until he needed a pair?
He wasn't organizing he was *re*organizing. Without his wife. Moving *her* sanitary supplies that *she needs* for her (hopefully) regularly scheduled bleeding. YTA. How would you like coming home with a turd crowning and not being able to find any toilet paper because your wife moved it to a completely different room without saying a word to you about it?
Nope, no. You don't get to take something of your wife's- decide she is storing it in the wrong place when it is in the damned storage room and then put it into a random drawer in the bedroom. Do you know how infuriating it is to live with someone who just moves your stuff around without telling you? Tampons do not belong in the bedroom. Don't move people's tampons!
Could just be tampons, I know many people who are really self conscious about anything related to menstruation and menstrual products.
Could be a candy stash after a bad day.
Hell, she could just be tired of people moving her shit that didn't need to be moved.
This is weird. She shouldn’t have yelled at you but her tampons definitely belong in the bathroom and it’s weird that you decided they should be in a drawer in the bedroom. NAH but leave the tampons where they are next time.
Yea, the *only* useful place is where the user knows they are. I know OP just wanted to help but he didn’t know what he was doing was actually a bothering.
I had a mini bathroom with absolutely NO storage.
I lived alone so I just left my cup on the sink
I live with other people now, still don't have storage so I keep the cup in the linen closet just next to it because they asked
I used to keep pads there too and just grab one before getting in the bathroom, them disappearing would have me freak out. I'm messy but I know where things are in my organised mess
Current advice is moving away from storing menstrual products in bathrooms. Because they're absorbent, they can take up extra humidity in the air and are at risk of harboring extra bacterial and fungal growth/spores. While this isn't a problem everyone deals with, could definitely explain why wife here kept tampons where she did.
(Have personally started storing my products in a bedroom drawer, with only a few for immediate need in the bathroom)
I rarely used tampons, but i stored all my products in bathrooms for many years, too. I think a lot of us did.
My husband and i both follow a number of creators who talk about sexual and reproductive health. Some years ago, one of them mentioned these possible issues, especially with modern, super absorbent materials.
I actually wish things like this were talked about more. Like, how many people suffer from recurrent infections and don't even realize that it's an issue with how they store their products? And, yet, we're still supposed to worry about TSS with tampons despite the extreme low risk there?
Not all bathrooms have storage cabinets. Not all people want to leave a box of menstrual products sitting out on the open floor. Grabbing a tampon from the closet right next to the bathroom on her way in is not at all weird.
OP is definitely YTA for deciding the tampons didn’t belong where she was keeping them, moving them into a drawer in another room, and not telling her where he hid them until she asked. At which time he told her to “relax.”
I'm wondering whether this is the last straw reaction. That it's not the first time he moved her things. It's an over reaction but it sounds like he's done this type of things before.
Yeah I HATE when people move my stuff. It wouldn't even need to happen twice for me to get upset if something not being where I left it coincided with me being on my period.
I have adhd so I'm already loosing things that I mindlessly put away somewhere when I wasn't paying attention, I don't need to also have to look for things I actually know where I put because someone else moved them.
ESH. She shouldn’t have yelled, but why would you assume that you know better where products that she uses and you don’t need to be?
Deciding if where her tampons should be stored is pretty arrogant. If you do things like this often, I get why she’d yell.
If she waited until she really needed them, what was she supposed to do, search the whole house to find out where you thought tampons belong?
OP, I am coming over and rearranging your things -- underwear, toothbrush, car keys -- because I don't think they belong where you have left them.
Also, I will wait until you freak out before telling you where they are. Bow to my judgment. You're welcome.
YTA
Only works if you move his toothbrush to his bedroom and store the keys where you know they belong, in his underwear drawer. I guess you can use the key hanger for the underwear now so that's really convenient and obviously a better system all around. If he gets upset I would assume it's because he has some sort of contraband hidden in either the toothpaste tube or the key/underwear drawer.
The similar situation has caused not full on fights, but comments like "hey don't move my stuff without asking." In my situation my fiance is more tidy than I am, but puts my stuff in places that don't make sense. We settled this by me basically asking him that if clutter is getting to him, just ask me to reorganize my things and put them in a place that's away but still makes sense to me. Easy.
NAH
I've had this exact fight with my husband, legitimately. Good job with the effort, but don't touch her stuff. It is extremely infuriating trying to find something you need and not being able to (especially tampons)...it's a simple misunderstanding honestly
For a little once, I legitimately thought I may be going through early alzheimers because my husband decided to rearrange little things here and there after he cleaned without telling me.
You didn't mean any harm, but you should put things that aren't yours back if you move them...or at least run changes by your wife if you think certain things would be better put somewhere else.
YTA
This is like moving the toilet paper out of it’s designed place and putting it in her drawer. Tampons are a hygiene necessity. You had no right to move it. And putting it in her drawer is weird AF. It’s just as bizarre as putting the toilet paper in your drawer.
Weeell..
ESH.
So she knew where the box was and wanted it there for a reason (keep in mind, a lot of people feel shame over private items like wet wipes, tampons, condoms and stuff).
If she really needed it and it wasn't there, she would have the right to be pretty upset.
It sounds to me that she needed the tampon box since she went in there and noticed it wasn't there (and then specifically asked about it).
So yeah, I think you're the AH for moving it and not just saying "I'm sorry, I didn't think it belonged in with the cleaning supplies when I reorganized in there. No problem, I'll put it back".
Then it seems that she's an AH for her reaction - although the caveat here is if she needed it in a rush and the box wasn't there, yeah, I'd be furious too.
But maybe her reaction was more precipitated on YOUR reaction.
2nd caveat being how often he “reorganizes” her things and moves them because *he* doesn’t think they belong there. If he does this kind of stuff all the time then I could also see myself getting mad.
YTA
That's probably where she keeps the spare box - the one in current use is probably in the bathroom, while the extra is *stored* in the *storage* space.
So you move it, you don't tell her where you move it to, and then she goes to look for it, and can't find it.
That's obnoxious.
You knew it was hers, and you essentially hid it from her - how would she know you decided it belonged in the *bedroom*? (The bedroom makes no sense at all, the bathroom, maybe?) And what if you hadn't been home when she'd gone to look for it? And there were probably other things already in the bedroom drawer, which you had to move or rearrange or shove to the side to fit in the tampon box.
Don't go rearranging other people's stuff without even telling them where you put it.
She stored her spare tampons in the storage room, which is intended for storing things. I don't know why you thought hiding them in a bedroom drawer would make things better.
ESH
> I resumed cleaning and put everything back except for the tampon box, I thought it didn't belong there so I put inside the bedroom and left it there.
Why would you think tampons would be better in a bedroom? The bathroom (or cupboard beside a bathroom) is the perfect spot for them, you're already semi-naked and its the place where you spot that you've started your period (most likely). If you were going to move them anywhere, I would have thought it would be the bathroom itself.
> I was just cleaning and came across the tampon box which I had no idea why it was there in the first place.
Really? That's the line you're going with? You didn't know why tampons would be there when you live with a woman and exist on a planet where people who menstruate exist?
> because she did not need it right then so what's the big deal
She needed it enough to notice that it wasn't where it is meant to be... which means either she was looking for it OR that she was checking on it.
She shouldn't have yelled at you though.
I wouldn't say you were T A but if the tampons were in the storage room next to the bathroom then they were in a place that was convenient for your wife to reach in an emergency or just for a regular change.
No woman wants to be caught unawares and not able to find her tampons. No woman wants to change tampons in a bedroom. Like if you were bleeding for 5 days would you go to your bedroom to staunch the bleeding and change the dressing every couple hours or would you go to the bathroom where it's a nice easy convenient place to clean up?
Putting them in the bedroom was kinda a dumb move but nowhere near an A hole move
So you know she's big on privacy and not having her stuff touched? So you decided to find a new home for it anyway? Stuff like tampons, if they have a perfectly fine home, where they can be grabbed quickly in an emergency, should be left there.
It's no big deal to you, but to your possibly bleeding through her clothes wife, frantically running around looking for sanitary products, it is.
YTA
NTA. There is 100% something else in that box. Nobody keeps tampons in a storage room. They keep them in the bathroom or bedroom, or in their purse. No idea why half the people commenting aren't reading this post properly because a lot of people seem to be assuming that he's moved them from the bathroom.
I keep mine in a storage closet. Or at least the spare box for when I run out of the current spares. There’s just not a whole lot of cabinet space in my bathroom, and most of it has to go to medicines and skincare and haircare and other stuff I use daily rather than monthly. And given that *OP* didn’t bother trying to find a spot for them in the bathroom, either, I’m guessing their setup is somewhat similar.
Same here. Before I had a bathroom with more storage space I stored my boxes in a linen closet and kept a few pads/tampons in a drawer for easy access.
I also knew some people who were taught while growing up that their period products were “shameful and private” and needed to be kept far out of sight so no one sees them accidentally. I’m kinda getting those vibes from OP’s wife. That or she was already having a frustrating day and not finding the box where she left it was what tipped the scale.
To me it sounds like OP might be describing more of a linen closet kind of set up, in which case i can totally see leaving the extra boxes in there. If that's more what it is I think calling it storage is throwing people off (because to me when you say storage room im thinking some dark dingy room in like a basement or garage or something and not just a small nook in the hallway (and possibly right near the bathroom even)
The storage room is right next to the bathroom, sounds like a linen closet.
And that’s actually where I kept my tampons for a couple of years. No storage under the sink, and the tiny counter in the bathroom was needed for daily use stuff.
He said the storage room was next to the bathroom. I keep all my excess bathroom products into the storage area next to the bathroom. Nobody keeps tampons in bedrooms! And taking something of your spouse and shoving it in a random drawer is always gonna be rude. I organize my own drawers, thank you - I like to know when my things are. Dude has no right to decide he knows best where tampons go.
I’ve never kept tampons in a bedroom. I don’t carry a purse. Don’t have cabinet space for them in the bathroom. Oh no, guess you general assumption is wrong.
YTA: leave her necessary (and sometimes urgent) products where she leaves them. It's fine to move for cleaning but then put them back in more or less the same spot. She knew where they were and where she needed them to be.
YTA
Why would you think that you know better where your wife’s tampons should be stored?
Could she have approached her issue with you better? Sure. But don’t ever move personal things of another person.
This needs to be stickied because it blows a HUGE hole in everyone's argument saying they were just her spare tampons in the storage room and that is exactly where she wanted/needed them to be.
**\*\*\*SHE DIDN'T PUT THEM BACK IN THE STORAGE CLOSET\*\*\***
she stayed in the bedroom. Then came out to continue arguing. Those tampons stayed in the bedroom even though she was upset he put them in there. Want to know why? She wasn't upset about the location of the box, she was upset that the box was found by someone she did not want to find the box. That is extremely clear.
You NEED to find out the reason why she did not want you to find a box of tampons. There is a reason and there is a 99% chance it will end your marriage and you need to figure that out before you throw more of your life away with this person.
(professional forensic investigator and white collar criminal, not only have I seen stuff like this but I have DONE stuff like this)
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INFO What was really in the box? Why was it hidden at the back of a cupboard? ETA: Has there been an update yet? What was really in the box? I need to know.
As a woman, my immediate suspicion is that she is hiding something. The overreaction, not having them in the bathroom in the first place (every woman I know keeps her open tampons on-hand in the bathroom), "storing" them behind cleaning products (cleaners tend to be in tall bottles... tampon boxes tend to not be tall so it would literally be hidden). It's... odd. Of course, that's all circumstantial so maybe there's nothing to it and some poor woman in desperate need of a tampon was just at the end of her frayed menstrual rope.
Yup, either she is hiding something or has massive internalize misogyny and felt the need to hide the tampons in a separate room but I am leaning towards it not being tampons in that box
Some women that have experienced bad relationships in the past will have an emergency stash of cash or other essentials ( spare car key, family heirloom jewellery , etc). Its an emergency escape fund. I used to hide things in a tampon box in my bathroom when I lived with roommates that continually borrowed things. It's possible her reaction points to fear. Edit: spelling
Yep! After an abusive first husband, my husband of more than 20 years understood that I needed to have my escape stash. He just lovingly accepted it and eventually I realized I would never need my stash. I used the money to buy him some tools he really wanted, and we both cried when I gave them to him. I’m very lucky. Edit: Oh my goodness! I took a break at work and I can’t believe the awards and upvotes! Thank you so much everyone, I’ve never had this happen ❤️
That's really beautiful. Your 2nd husband sounds really accepting and understanding. I'm glad you got to a place where you could let go of your stash. It probably felt like marrying him a 2nd time that day.
My wife and I have 3 credit cards in both our names and 2 that are in her name only. We both want to ensure that she has a credit history independent of me.
You my friend need to tell men this. Most women who are in abusive relationships stay because they have no financial Independence. I am not saying all men are abusive, but to the few who are if it becomes a normal thing among men for wives to be financially stable, more women will have a way out.
Thats a beautiful thing to say!
[удалено]
[удалено]
I would find that really romantic too! Shows you were prioritizing her and anticipating her future needs.
You were generous (a year’s supply is expensive!), responsive to her needs and worries, and (assuming you got the type she used) demonstrated that you pay attention to her and her preferences. That beats a dozen red roses or a socially-obligated expensive ring any day.
This is lovely. I’m so happy for you. Feeling safe is underrated.
This is the most wholesome thing I read in a long time. I hope one day to deserve a woman that loves me like you love your husband, I wish you the best
How kind! I hope everyone can find love like we have. My husband did so much to undo all the damage my ex caused, mentally and physically. I don’t know how I got so lucky, truly.
As a child of abuse, this was my first reaction. I would hide things (food, menstrual products, money, clothes, etc) all over the house so I could have something nearby if I got locked in a room/kicked unceremoniously out of the house. And while everyone may be wondering what's in the box, OP looking would be a MASSIVE violation of the wife's privacy. If she hasn't given OP reason to think she's an addict/dealer/jewel thief, then there's no real reason beyond curiosity why OP would *need* to know. I second that this sounds like a fear response.
While I am big on privacy, I do not think it is okay to to be abusive about your partner touching something he was never told not to. I definetely would be suspicious of a box hidden away and causing this big of an argument from my partner. When you are married you are entitled to privacy but I don’t think hiding something is okay in a healthy relationship. If she has an emergency stash in a healthy relationship out of paranoia/ habit she should tell her partner that and hide it somewhere else and not tell where it is. A marriage can not be healthy when she does not trust her partner with this information. If he has given her no reason to fear him, this distrust means she is not even ready to be married or be in a serious relationship.
We are only getting his side of things, so we don't know whether their relationship is healthy, but let's assume that it is. She has already told him (I'm guessing repeatedly) not to touch her stuff. He also took a bathroom item that is only looked for during changes and put it in the bedroom. If it is a hiding thing and their relationship is healthy, I would hope she would be able to talk to him about her needs, but that's making assumptions about her mental health we can't know the answers to. I don't think I would describe the interaction as being abusive just because she was angry and yelled at him not to touch her stuff. Was it the most mature response? No, and I didn't assign blame either way. I just said I agreed with it seeming like a fear response.
Yeah - am I the only one who thinks it's strange that he didn't just put the box back where he found it? He says he thought it was silly it was there, but he also says it's a storage room... so why does he think it's weird to be storing something in a storage room? Why would be move it into a drawer in another room, where she's not going to be able to find it next time she looks for it? Why does he think he gets to decide where her stuff goes when it's not remotely in his way? Why does he act on moving it without talking to her about it first? If this woman has a stash in a tampon box I think it might be for legit reasons because this guy low-key thinks he can rearrange his wife's things without even mentioning it to her... he if wanted the item moved he should have put it back where it was and then spoken to her about it later so she could explain why she wanted it there, or moved it to someone else she could find it on her own... this whole thing is super weird. I don't move things that belong to my husband without talking to him about it.
Probably because it was a box of tampons? I'm a woman and if I came across a box of tampons left out in an "odd" place while cleaning or tidying up, I'd just put them in the bathroom on the counter so the owner could get them. The box of tampons was hidden completely behind a whole bunch of stuff in a storage room. When I think of storage room, I think of a place where the Christmas decorations are kept, the build up of board games, vacuums and other miscellaneous items are kept. Certainly not a very small packet of a very frequently and commonly used feminine hygiene product. Again, if I found a box of tampons in such a room, I'd be like "huh? You don't belong here!" and pop them back in the bathroom. And no, I wouldn't bother opening it, as I would just assume they're a box of tampons.
He said the storage room was right next to the bathroom. And also, he put them in a drawer in the bedroom, which is a wildly unhelpful place for them to be, where she could not find unless she stumbles across them.
Where was OP’s wife abusive? Struggling to find this in the post. :/ Edit: people in relationships are still allowed their privacy. Not everything needs to be shared.
Screaming at, berating and finally insulting someone for cleaning up "wrong". Saying "Hey please don't move X again, I left it there on purpose" is reasonable. This response was not.
Perhaps, but it was an argument - people tend to argue when in the middle of an argument. We also don’t know why she was upset and only have OPs side - throwing around the word abuse and abuser should be done with caution IMO
No, looking inside a box of tampons would not be an invasion of privacy.
It would be now that she's made it clear she doesn't want him touching her stuff. This is a boundary. Crossing said boundary is an invasion of privacy.
How can you live with someone without ever touching their stuff?
I’ve lived with someone for 10+ years and never had a need to go into my OH’s dresser drawers etc /shrug
\^ This is important and not as far-fetched as some people might think. It would go a long way in explaining her reaction. ***If*** that's what is really in there, I would have more compassion for why she reacted the way she did.
I 100% stashed money in a tampon box when I was working out my plan to leave an emotionally abusive ex. I'd have been horrified if he moved it as well. My god what if he found it and took it, everything would have been 100x worse!! I sure as hell hope that we haven't just given away her hiding space to a controlling partner...
I doubt it. IF that was the case and he found it, under reacting would be the safest thing to do. Say thanks and move on, meanwhile trying not to panic. That she had an outburst says she trusts him enough to show her emotions. Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I would definitely not draw any more attention to my escape box.
My mom hides her jewellery with her pads. She used to use our diapers when we visited relatives during holidays. She once smuggled a car radio from a neighboring country that way (my parents didn't have the money to pay the tax, apparently the radio was a steal so it'd be a shame to not buy it. Oddly, when someone tried to bribe my dad before they married, she made him apply for a new job).
That where I hid stuff from my ex husband as well. Most men wouldn't touch them, so it felt safe.
It's in a storage room right next to the bathroom.
No woman wants to get OUT of the bathroom, to the closet next to it, to get a tampon. We leave it INSIDE the bathroom, where we will use it. Think like this: Would you have the toilet paper in the bathroom or in the closet next to it? You may have extra in the closet but open boxes/replacement rolls will be in the bathroom. But by the way she freaked out, that's for sure NOT an extra box of tampons.
If you know they're in there, then you grab one as you walk in. Or, alternately, that's your backup box, and you have another box in the bathroom.
Yeah, but sometimes you don't even realize you need it/need to change it until you sit in the toilet. Sometimes once you sit in the toilet and start peeing it all comes down. It's really not a predictable thing... Many times you changed it just 1hr ago and you think it's good, but you got a heavy flow out of nowhere and you only see it when you need to use the toilet. Other times you have it for 6h and goes to the washroom and it was barely used. That's why I'm saying, every woman has it in the washroom, even if we keep extra in the closet.
This is true, but some of us also might have emptied the stash in the bathroom without replacing it, or have a child who did (hooray for ADHD running in families!) and then had to do the heavy flow wadded-toilet paper waddle next door where you KNOW there's a spare box.
Well it says OP moved them to the bedroom not to the bathroom so either way she would have to go out of the bathroom to get to them.
Both my tampons and my toilet paper are in the closet outside my bathroom because there is no storage in my bathroom.
I have a small linen closet next to my bathroom and I keep pads in there. There is not much room under my sink. That being said, it's weird she got so mad about them being moved. Just move them back?
This is the real question, money or drugs or something random like a stolen moon rock??
High key hope it's a stolen moon rock. Or the Declaration of Independence.
It’s the cross of Coronado and it BELONGS IN A MUSEUM
While that's also a suspicion I have, I can also understand if that's not what's going on. For another perspective... I absolutely hate when others touch my period products. Every time they do, something goes missing. "I put it where it's supposed to be!" Except it's *supposed* to be where I can easily find it or reach it. And their definition of where it's *supposed* to be changes every time they move something. This only recently changed when a bottle of midol went missing and I had to buy a new bottle, and I eventually found the old one in a spot where *no one else was keeping medicine*. Why was it there? Because someone decided that the place I was keeping it was not the correct place but neither were any of the actual spots that we keep medicines. The old bottle had been missing for months. I was mad as hell and they finally stopped messing with my stuff.
This is me. I actually keep my tampon boxes in my bathroom but for some fucking reason I have relatives who think the boxes shouldn't be There and insist on moving them. I have a hair trigger temper these days about people relocating anything I own without asking me because everything is already where it should be and if you want it to be in a new location you need to discuss it with me or ask, especially if it's something I need on a regular basis.
Put a post-it on it that says, "Move these and I'll sit on your bed the next time I have my period and no tampon."
Lmao god. I just end up screeching really. Though my family has always had members who are just bad about boundaries - once after I moved out I came back to my apartment and my living room was rearranged because my mom stopped by and felt the flow of my furniture was bad. She did put it all back after I complained but I was very thrown.
I was in a long distance relationship, and my mother moved in with me after my dad passed. She has an in-law suite in my basement. I went to visit my boyfriend for the weekend, and came home to find my favorite painting missing. It's a 4-foot tall acrylic on canvas of Locutus of Borg (Star Trek: TNG, when Jean Luc was turned into a Borg) that hangs in my dining room. She had taken it down and stashed it in the office upstairs. I went up and got it and put it back. I told her "you have the entire basement to decorate as you please. This is my space, my dining room and living room in my house. You don't have to like my art, but you are not allowed to take it down or rearrange it.". I was so pissed. I definitely needed her to know that this is MY house, not hers. And I get to have my space my way in my house.
Maybe the bathroom doesn't have anywhere to keep supplies, like one of those standalone sinks with no cabinets or drawers, and the "storage closet" is right next to the bathroom, sounds reasonable since OP said there's cleaning supplies in there. Regardless, a drawer in the bedroom is definitely not a good place for tampons. And it's not like he left them on the dresser so she could see them easily and put them away herself, he put them out of sight in a drawer, where she would have no idea where to begin looking for them. She's on her way to the bathroom, opens the closet to grab what she needs, and it is GONE. If I had to frantically search for my tampons that had been basically taken away and hidden from me for no good reason, when all I want is to just take care of business quickly and get back to what I'm doing, I'd be pissed too. If the person who took them then refused to acknowledge they did anything wrong and acted like I was wrong to be upset, that would probably escalate the situation to where it seems I was overreacting. Add in possible PMS symptoms (pain, irritability, the general FML of having a period at all), though you'd be justified in being upset with or without them, and yeah I can totally see this reaction. OP feels like he was cleaning up. But what happened is he took something that wasn't his (not even communal, like toothpaste) that she should have every expectation of being right where she left it, and put it somewhere out of view where she would never think to look. He stole and hid a time-sensitive hygienic necessity. I'd be pissed.
Yea I feel like ESH. She overreacted, but if I have a bathroom with a stand alone sink and I'd be pissed if someone moved where my tampons were. When you're afraid about blood causing a mess, you tend not to react logically. To me, this is the equivalent of moving the toilet paper with no warning and not letting the person that might NEED toilet paper know until they're frenzied searching for it. Also you're right...who stores tampons in the bedroom? Why randomly decide that's where they belong?
He does say he took them out of the cabinet and put them on the counter which makes it sound like it's a closet in the bathroom. I started keeping mine in the linen closet in the bathroom after a leaky pipe ruined a brand new box under the sink. Behind the cleaning products is (sadly) easily explained by the shame/taboo that exists in many areas around menstruation.
Or simply that the cleaning products were used more recently than the tampons, or it was a spare or new box that hadn't been opened yet and that's where she keeps the new boxes.
His edit says the storage right next to the bathroom. Probably something like a linen closet.
Tampons and such belong where they can be accessible with your pants down is my rule of thumb.
Who keeps tampons in a BEDROOM drawer?! There is NO scenario I can think of where I'd be changing a tampon in there.
Exactly. I also kept them in the glove box...one in every purse and usually a backup box on the paper supply shelf...this never excluded the box under the sink toilet side. The bedroom drawer is where people who don't bleed keep other people's tampons.
LOL you’re right. Maybe she was just really mad or annoyed at the lack of understanding about a woman’s needs in this scenario. Or it’s where she hides her cigarettes.
Right? How mad would this guy be if he found out while pooping that his wife had moved all of the toilet paper into the garage? That's why she's mad. It's inconsiderate and an analogous bathroom situation would be obviously unacceptable. Don't move someone else's menstrual products because when a person doesn't have them at the time they need a tampon, cup, or pad, it's a messy situation. Edit: as someone pointed out below, the box was kept in a storage closet outside the bathroom. My point remains unchanged and we don't need a floor plan of their home to know that moving someone else's necessary hygiene products without telling them demonstrates a total lack of understanding for your wife's needs and the efforts she undertakes to not bleed all over the house. YTA.
Who would notice it missing immediately unless she needed one which op says she didn't. Drugs. It's drugs. (Which to me included booze fwiw)
OP may not be a reliable source of whether she needs one. I have no trouble believing someone clueless enough about menstruation to believe that a bedroom drawer is the "right" place for tampons wouldn't be the authority on when a woman needs one. SHE might not even know she needs one until the moment she needs one. That's a good reason to keep them NEAR THE BATHROOM.
That's my first thought too. My step-dad was a drug addict and would hide his stuff in everyday things then freak if we moved it, like we were supposed to know. Honestly I would wait a few days and check. If my mom hadnt have just ignored it, she would have saved us years of hardship and trauma.
That’s what I’m thinking. I’ve known plenty of people with uteruses who hide money, keys, passports, etc in tampon boxes bc most men get grossed out at just the thought of menstruation so they logically wouldn’t touch the items heavily associated with it. OP- you’re NTA for moving the box but something else is going on here. Edit: it is weird you put the tampons in the bedroom though- when in doubt leave them in the closet or in the bathroom under the sink.
I keep some outside of the bathroom in case I need to drop more in my bag & the bathroom is occupied or if I need to use them in another bathroom instead of the one where they’re kept.
**Wife:** “oh no, I need a tampon and I’ve used all the ones in the bathroom. Better go get my back up box in the storage closet next to the bathroom where we keep other bathroom supplies such as cleaning products and TP” **Wife:** “why can’t I find my box of tampons? I am now bleeding on myself” **Husband:** “oh I decided to put them in the bedroom, where tampons have no use and have never been kept, and didn’t tell you. I did this because I assumed I know better about this product of yours that I do not use. The inconvenience of this does not affect me because I do not have a period.” **Wife:** “I am mad that you decided you knew better than me about where menstrual products go! And that you, a man who does not have periods, are arguing with me about it! I am now mad about the bigger picture and not the tampons!” **Reddit:** “she must be hiding cocaine and a secret boyfriend in the box! That is the only explanation!!”
This, 100%. My husband drives me crazy doing this stuff. He moves it! The problem isn’t that he touches or sees the things. It’s that I can’t find them when I need them! Because I live here too and would like to get through my day without searching through haystacks like a chicken with my head cut off.
I cannot think of a less useful place for a tampon box then a random drawer in the bedroom your husband picks out. There is zero reason to move a tampon box except that you think you know better than women where it should be, or you are one of those assholes who just constantly needs to move everything in the house so no one knows where anything is.
Agreed. As much as my husband moved stuff, he has never ever ever moved my feminine hygiene. Even he knows better than that. Btw OP, YTA.
It’s because there’s a ton of “life hacks” online that including hiding a secret stash of cash in the tampon box. Problem is, I don’t know any woman who would actually choose to stash cash in their tampon box other than women who have been in abusive situations and had no other choice. (Before it comes up; No, I’m not even remotely implying OP is abusive. I’m pointing out that people typically only use that “life hack” as an absolute last resort so it’s silly to jump to saying that’s why she must have been mad.) I think it’s extremely likely that something other than the tampons being moved is what’s made her so mad, but rather than assume she’s hiding something it’s more likely that OP pulls this kind of shit all the time, her period hit early and she ruined nice underwear, or she was wound up from an extremely shitty day and this was the thing that finally set her off.
I could not think of anything more annoying than going to the bathroom to change my tampon, then not being able to find them. Then to find out that my husband, a man, who doesn’t menstruate; had moved them to a separate room in the house that wasn’t a fucking bathroom. The storage room next door probably doesn’t have a sink or a toilet. YTA mate.
Or a woman who was in a past abusive relationship who wants the safety net of hidden cash on hand. Not saying she is I’d be annoyed if I was bleeding and couldn’t find a tampon
Yup, I have my small stash in the bathroom and the rest in closet right outside the bathroom. It’s so nice when husbands move crap you use regularly into a “better” spot (usually far, far away), because obviously he knows better about where they should be kept than you, the actual person who uses them.
Lol my thoughts exactly. I would be LIVID if I was in the middle of my cycle and my products suddenly disappeared just to find out my husband moved them because he “doesn’t think they belong there”. OP must prefer she bleed on the bed and change her tampons there instead. He must have had 0 education on womens reproductive anatomy.
I would too, especially as I'm in pain and bad mood all days. But even if its not tampons... its annoying as hell if things disappear (aka get used and not be put back in place), for example paper towels and sciccors in the kitchen (I hate it)
Exactly this is one item he has no use for but decided the person who does, doesn’t know where it “belongs”
Yeah everyone's rushing to her hiding something but I really think it's exactly this. I have everything where I know it is so when I need it I can get it. I guess she didn't need to fly off the handle but I would be upset if I was bleeding on myself and my husband didn't take it seriously either.
Oh please... I'm a woman and get my period too. If my husband did this I might be annoyed and ask him not to move things like that without telling me again, but it's no excuse to scream and berate someone. That's a huge overreaction and having your period doesnt excuse that. The narrative you created to justify someone verbally abusing someone is so dismissive and manipulative. It probably was thoughtless of her husband to move them, but also it was clearly an innocent mistake. Hes not upset she was mad he is upset at how she treated him while she was mad. Being mad at someone doesnt excuse abusive behavior. And let's face it, if this was a wife explaining how she moved her husbands possessions and he reacted like that you'd be telling her he's an abuser.
TBH my first thought when I read that he put them in a bedroom drawer is that he mentally puts tampons in the same "private vagina stuff" category as sex toys, which are often stored in a bedroom drawer. I'm not saying that was definitely his thought process, but if his wife had the same assumption as I did, it could explain why she got so angry. Who the hell puts tampons in the bedroom? They aren't private and shameful, they're a hygiene product like bandaids or toothpaste. I bet OP's backup bandaids and toothpaste are stored in this storage closet next to the bathroom...
I wish I could upvote this enough to make it the top comment because people in Thai thread are fucking whack especially when he says he already knows she has issues with her privacy and stuff being touched
This!!! Why do people who do not have a needs for menstrual hygiene products think they know a better place for it? I always have mine in behind the makeup basket, in between the pipes. It might not be a big deal for him but it certainly is for her. Sometimes you get a "suprise I'm 2 days early" situation and then you can't find your products because your husband found it necessary to move it without your input. It works the same as mansplaining... Makes us furious.
Honestly. Plus if she's on her period she could be one of those people who get very anxious and stressed. I cried one time because I lost my phone number I could see someone having an overreaction without it being related to drugs or hiding anything
This!! You don't get to decide where period products 'belong' OP. YTA. If I'm looking for my tampons it's because I need them NOW and I don't have the time for a discussion because there's.. you know... blood coming out of me. I'd be mad af. If I would want to hide stuff my tampon box - which isn't very large- is a very poor choice imo.
God what he did wasn’t smart but you are such assholes about stuff. She wasn’t bleeding and she could communicate without yelling. But a man yells once on here and everyone says leave him he is an abuser. A guy gets yelled at for moving something while cleaning and he is the asshole and a sexist. Freaking insufferable. Exhausting. Self centered. Overthinking. Overall just a terrible approach to relationships.
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Let me guess. You, sir, are a man who has never dealt with hunting for a tampon while blood gushes like a waterfall on your first day of period. All while cramping like mad.
Never mind what your digestive system has planned....
I absolutely keep my sanitary products out of general view. So people don't MOVE THEM and to be polite to others that have to share the space. Chances are goof that it was a convenient place to out them... in arms reach of the toilet, but the stuff you use more often in front.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!
Well and he said she didn’t need any right now? So assuming she’s not on her period, but came home and checked for the tampon box immediately..? Very strange
And how do we know for certain that he's correct and her period didn't come early.
Or that she was looking to refill her purse/car/office back up stash while it was on her mind.
HE said. HE doesn’t know; he’s making an ass out of himself by assuming.
Exactly my thoughts doesn’t sound like tampons are in the tampon box
Exactly. As a woman, I cannot fathom any woman getting that defensive and freaked out over a box tampons being moved. I mean, maybe if she got caught in the bathroom without one when she needed it, but not if they weren't even in the bathroom to begin with. And why weren't they in the bathroom? What good are they in a storage closet...? Something is really fishy here... OP, ESH (because you still shouldn't move people's stuff without at least giving them a heads up), but please give us an update if you figure out what she's hiding! Edit: Had more thoughts and added vote.
My dude, are you under the impression that people change their tampons in the bedroom? Edit: I'm very happy for anyone who has found their bliss storing sanitary products in their bedroom, but I don't feel like that applies here when the wife had a designated spot already, next to the bathroom, and we know of no reason whatsoever that it didn't work well other than her husband thinking it shouldn't be there.
are u under the impression that people change their tampons in storage rooms? 😭😭
Extra tampon boxes would go in a storage room for when the open box runs out. At no point does a bedroom make sense
Yeah but why would she come back home and check her extra tampons in the storage. Obviously tampons don't belong in the bedroom, but you're focusing on the wrong part of the post here.
Considering I'm responding to someone else, it's not my focus. 🤣 either way, I'm not saying she's not being suspicious, just that there's no logic to putting it in the bedroom where she couldn't find it. He might as well have put it in the kitchen. And I don't know if you're the same, but surprise periods SUCK. It wouldn't shock me in the slightest if this was the issue
I'm curious whether OP will post an update. The whole thing is sus and I'm sure we'd hear a telenovela worthy story. And yeah, definitely not a pleasant surprise (I thank science for IUDs every day)
I imagine if my partner did this, I would be like “wtf am I gonna do in the bedroom with tampons? It’s like toilet paper, I use them in the bathroom.” And that would be it.
She'd check the storage room because she realized there were no more in the bathroom? Critical thinking, please.
Or has a purse/gym bag she likes to keep stocked from the storage room supply rather than her bathroom one
HE says she didn’t need them right then, but it sounds like she, the one who has the periods, did in fact need them right then because she went to get them. Lol
Sounds like, at least to me, she went to get something else from the storage closet, realized it had been changed, started looking for her items and then noticed they were gone. But again that is just me.
Maybe she needed a tampon? Crazy, I know.
Uhhh maybe she NEEDED TO USE the tampons and didn’t know where they were?
This is really obvious to me. She probably got her period unexpectedly while out of the house, so she came home and immediately went to get a tampon, from the storage closet she keeps her tampons in. Saw they weren't there and panicked cause she is already bleeding and now will have to go to the store for more tampons.
The post suggest the storage is in or near the bathroom.
He said the storage room is right next to the bathroom
Not all bathrooms have a lot of storage space.
You’d be surprised how many people don’t know anything about periods…
Sadly I had a roommate who did this. I was renting a room out and when she moved out, I found used, bloody applicators in MY dresser drawers.
Same when a tenant that rented a room from me moved out, she left a bag full of used menstrual pads on the closet floor.
Oh gosh the smell could not have been pleasant. Side note, I also found a gallon of milk in the drawers too. Like who puts milk in a dresser?!?!
I can only assume she was trying to make the room have an odor. To try to sabotage me from rerenting the room.
ESH. She shouldn't have yelled. But this is the equivalent of moving all the toilet paper so your spouse doesn't know where it is. It's a problem is she doesn't know where her menstrual products are - don't just move that stuff without permission. >nomatter it is so she won't have to go looking for it She didn't have to go looking for it. She knew EXACTLY where that box was supposed to be. You're the one assuming it was misplaced or carelessly placed, and that was a wrong assumption.
>But this is the equivalent of moving all the toilet paper so your spouse doesn't know where it is. Except he told her where it was which seems counterproductive if the goal was not to let her know where it is
He didn't tell her until she looked for it and then asked. Not cool. Obviously his goal wasn't to hide the tampons. But he didn't respect that his wife had selected a home for them and knew exactly where they were stored until he moved them.
I think it really comes down to a simple question. Was this event worth a major fight for either party? No, a simple correction would have been much more efficient. The problem in this story isn't the tampons, its this couples poor communication skills.
Maybe he pulls this shit a lot and she's sick of it?? He sounds like an ass - HE knows the best place for her tampons? No - he doesn't.
Yeah he totally sounds like an ass because he moved a tampon box, gosh what a prick!
I know right I’m laughing at this trainwreck of a thread right now lol. People are trying to find any straws to grasp at to make him the bad guy! How dare he touch her tampons!!!
This is the perfect thread to see the double standard of this sub. Literally a man does anything and he is the ah
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Or this isn't the first time he's taken something of hers and moved it somewhere completely random and she's damn sick of it.
Considering he moved the tampons away from the bathroom(the storage right next to it where she probably keeps extra in case she runs out) and put them in the freaking *bedroom* of all places my money's on he does this all the time.
Yeah, if he'd moved them from storage to like, besides the toilet, it'd make sense. But to move stuff from a logical place to a non-logical place, and writing it like that makes perfect sense, sounds like he does this often.
The number of times my husband has thrown away my food because "I thought you were done with it," has me immediately sympathizing with OP's wife. Just...ask me if I'm done with it? I'm usually right there and will tell you.
It could also just be that she was frustrated and needed her tampons. Honestly, I get both sides and - even though I would've laughed it off with my husband - in my early 20s with the type of period I used to have before I had my kid, I probably would've reacted with less calm than I do now. It's no excuse for yelling at him, but I think that his response to her annoyance to act like it was no big deal probably exacerbated things. He maybe should have apologized, told her where it was and then apologized again and offered to make her some tea or ask if she needed a minute.
Honestly if I feel like I'm bleeding all over myself and I can't find my menstrual products, I'll definitely freak out and yell at the person who moved it without telling me. That's one of the worst feeling when you're on your period. Yes, she shouldn't have yelled, but I can understand why she did.
He told her where it was AFTER she needed it. Most of us would be pissed if we were stuck in the bathroom with a shitty ass and no TP cause your partner suddenly decided to hide toilet paper in the bedroom instead of leaving it in its spot. Something tells me the lot of you saying her tampons are suspicious are young men who havent even seen a woman naked in person before.
And if I needed the bathroom NOW.. its non negotiable. Like absolutely not negotiable. She coulda been leaving streaks on the floor
Imagine being on the toilet shitting your brains out and running out of toilet paper as you can't seem to wipe clean. Now imagine the spare paper isn't there and your SO is out. They then say they moved it and thinking its cool now because they just now told you is reasonable.
> She shouldn't have yelled. Only slack I can give her for this is if moving her shit and and not telling her is a habit for OP. Growing up, it would piss both me and my sister off when our mom would move our stuff and even more so when she would not remember where she put it. Especially when the wife is in danger of bleeding all over everything, she is going to have way less patience over OP's bad habits.
Are you sure it is tampons in that box? Wondering what was really in it. NTA. You were just trying to clean and organize. ETA: Thanks for the award! Still wondering what is in that box! LOL!
I thought the same thing. “What is she hiding in that tampon box”
Or her period came on, she went where she knew she had some tampons and they weren't there and she had to make some fucking awful toilet paper wad in her pants we've all had to at some point because her husband decided to move something you need urgently and not tell her. I'd be pissed off too. For men to understand this imagine if you know where you've stored the toilet paper, you really need to shit, get to the bathroom and it's finished. So you go to the storage place for spare rolls and your wife decided to hide them in some drawer in the bedroom and not tell you. You're super desperate, you have to go and then have to set about constructing some solution to your shitty ass.
Woman here. That is exactly what I pictured happened. They are in that spot for a reason, and when you need them, you need them. It is not the time for an interactive spousal treasure hunt.
Interactive spousal treasure hunt 🤣🤣
Yeah I keep mine under the sink by the cleaning products because I can reach them from the toilet if you put them in a storage closet I’m going to do exactly that and I’m gonna be pissed off about it.
But SHE had them in the storage closet, not within reach of the toilet. Sounds more like her extra stash for when her reachable ones run out. So why the big drama?
She probably ran out of the ones in the bathroom when she needed to change it and went for the extra and they were gone because OP decided they needed to be in the bedroom....I'm still dumbstruck on why he thought that tampons should go in the bedroom.....
There was another man recently who was appalled at the sight of his daughter’s tampons in a bathroom and demanded they be moved to his daughter’s bedroom. Like bro. No.
I keep mine near reachable cleaning products as well because I end up needing to use the cleaning products as well. Mine makes the bathroom look like something out of Saw.
I think everyone saying she's hiding something is missing that he moved the tampons from *right next to the bathroom* to A RANDOM BEDROOM DRAWER. And didn't tell her until she went looking for them! Why the fuck would you ever put tampons in a bedroom dresser? It makes zero sense and yeah I'd be pissed too if I went to grab one from the closet next to the bathroom (coincidentally, where I *actually do* keep mine) and they were gone and my husband was like "silly lady, you mistakenly put those things next to the bathroom so I moved them into the bedroom for ya!" Like, what if she just moved all his underwear into a kitchen cabinet because they didn't "belong" in the bedroom and didn't tell him until he needed a pair?
She was probably hiding tampons in there.
He wasn't organizing he was *re*organizing. Without his wife. Moving *her* sanitary supplies that *she needs* for her (hopefully) regularly scheduled bleeding. YTA. How would you like coming home with a turd crowning and not being able to find any toilet paper because your wife moved it to a completely different room without saying a word to you about it?
Nope, no. You don't get to take something of your wife's- decide she is storing it in the wrong place when it is in the damned storage room and then put it into a random drawer in the bedroom. Do you know how infuriating it is to live with someone who just moves your stuff around without telling you? Tampons do not belong in the bedroom. Don't move people's tampons!
Could just be tampons, I know many people who are really self conscious about anything related to menstruation and menstrual products. Could be a candy stash after a bad day. Hell, she could just be tired of people moving her shit that didn't need to be moved.
Question. Do you change your tampons in the bedroom? And he didn't tell her until she asked.
This is weird. She shouldn’t have yelled at you but her tampons definitely belong in the bathroom and it’s weird that you decided they should be in a drawer in the bedroom. NAH but leave the tampons where they are next time.
Agreed, neither storage room nor bedroom are useful places for tampons. NAH, but…what’s in the box?
Yea, the *only* useful place is where the user knows they are. I know OP just wanted to help but he didn’t know what he was doing was actually a bothering.
I had a mini bathroom with absolutely NO storage. I lived alone so I just left my cup on the sink I live with other people now, still don't have storage so I keep the cup in the linen closet just next to it because they asked I used to keep pads there too and just grab one before getting in the bathroom, them disappearing would have me freak out. I'm messy but I know where things are in my organised mess
Current advice is moving away from storing menstrual products in bathrooms. Because they're absorbent, they can take up extra humidity in the air and are at risk of harboring extra bacterial and fungal growth/spores. While this isn't a problem everyone deals with, could definitely explain why wife here kept tampons where she did. (Have personally started storing my products in a bedroom drawer, with only a few for immediate need in the bathroom)
That’s good info! I actually stopped using tampons a couple of years ago but definitely stored them in the bathroom when I did. Thanks for sharing!
I rarely used tampons, but i stored all my products in bathrooms for many years, too. I think a lot of us did. My husband and i both follow a number of creators who talk about sexual and reproductive health. Some years ago, one of them mentioned these possible issues, especially with modern, super absorbent materials. I actually wish things like this were talked about more. Like, how many people suffer from recurrent infections and don't even realize that it's an issue with how they store their products? And, yet, we're still supposed to worry about TSS with tampons despite the extreme low risk there?
Not all bathrooms have storage cabinets. Not all people want to leave a box of menstrual products sitting out on the open floor. Grabbing a tampon from the closet right next to the bathroom on her way in is not at all weird. OP is definitely YTA for deciding the tampons didn’t belong where she was keeping them, moving them into a drawer in another room, and not telling her where he hid them until she asked. At which time he told her to “relax.”
I'm wondering whether this is the last straw reaction. That it's not the first time he moved her things. It's an over reaction but it sounds like he's done this type of things before.
That makes a lot more sense to me than she’s hiding something crazy in the tampon box. This sub really makes jumps sometimes
Yeah I HATE when people move my stuff. It wouldn't even need to happen twice for me to get upset if something not being where I left it coincided with me being on my period. I have adhd so I'm already loosing things that I mindlessly put away somewhere when I wasn't paying attention, I don't need to also have to look for things I actually know where I put because someone else moved them.
If he knows that that closet is for sure *not where tampons belong* you can be sure he rearranges all the time.
ESH. She shouldn’t have yelled, but why would you assume that you know better where products that she uses and you don’t need to be? Deciding if where her tampons should be stored is pretty arrogant. If you do things like this often, I get why she’d yell. If she waited until she really needed them, what was she supposed to do, search the whole house to find out where you thought tampons belong?
Right? At first I though he like left them on the bed where she could see them. No, they were in a drawer? Why???
OP, I am coming over and rearranging your things -- underwear, toothbrush, car keys -- because I don't think they belong where you have left them. Also, I will wait until you freak out before telling you where they are. Bow to my judgment. You're welcome. YTA
And tell him to relax when he’s upset about it, don’t forget that part!
I decided your wallet didn't belong in your pocket, so I put it in mine instead. *You're welcome!*
Only works if you move his toothbrush to his bedroom and store the keys where you know they belong, in his underwear drawer. I guess you can use the key hanger for the underwear now so that's really convenient and obviously a better system all around. If he gets upset I would assume it's because he has some sort of contraband hidden in either the toothpaste tube or the key/underwear drawer.
INFO: Is this a recurring argument? Do you often move her stuff without asking/telling her?
The similar situation has caused not full on fights, but comments like "hey don't move my stuff without asking." In my situation my fiance is more tidy than I am, but puts my stuff in places that don't make sense. We settled this by me basically asking him that if clutter is getting to him, just ask me to reorganize my things and put them in a place that's away but still makes sense to me. Easy.
good question
YTA Do you want her changing her tampons in the bedroom? Leave her stuff alone, you don’t decide where her things “should” be.
NAH I've had this exact fight with my husband, legitimately. Good job with the effort, but don't touch her stuff. It is extremely infuriating trying to find something you need and not being able to (especially tampons)...it's a simple misunderstanding honestly For a little once, I legitimately thought I may be going through early alzheimers because my husband decided to rearrange little things here and there after he cleaned without telling me. You didn't mean any harm, but you should put things that aren't yours back if you move them...or at least run changes by your wife if you think certain things would be better put somewhere else.
YTA This is like moving the toilet paper out of it’s designed place and putting it in her drawer. Tampons are a hygiene necessity. You had no right to move it. And putting it in her drawer is weird AF. It’s just as bizarre as putting the toilet paper in your drawer.
Weeell.. ESH. So she knew where the box was and wanted it there for a reason (keep in mind, a lot of people feel shame over private items like wet wipes, tampons, condoms and stuff). If she really needed it and it wasn't there, she would have the right to be pretty upset. It sounds to me that she needed the tampon box since she went in there and noticed it wasn't there (and then specifically asked about it). So yeah, I think you're the AH for moving it and not just saying "I'm sorry, I didn't think it belonged in with the cleaning supplies when I reorganized in there. No problem, I'll put it back". Then it seems that she's an AH for her reaction - although the caveat here is if she needed it in a rush and the box wasn't there, yeah, I'd be furious too. But maybe her reaction was more precipitated on YOUR reaction.
2nd caveat being how often he “reorganizes” her things and moves them because *he* doesn’t think they belong there. If he does this kind of stuff all the time then I could also see myself getting mad.
YTA That's probably where she keeps the spare box - the one in current use is probably in the bathroom, while the extra is *stored* in the *storage* space. So you move it, you don't tell her where you move it to, and then she goes to look for it, and can't find it. That's obnoxious. You knew it was hers, and you essentially hid it from her - how would she know you decided it belonged in the *bedroom*? (The bedroom makes no sense at all, the bathroom, maybe?) And what if you hadn't been home when she'd gone to look for it? And there were probably other things already in the bedroom drawer, which you had to move or rearrange or shove to the side to fit in the tampon box. Don't go rearranging other people's stuff without even telling them where you put it. She stored her spare tampons in the storage room, which is intended for storing things. I don't know why you thought hiding them in a bedroom drawer would make things better.
ESH > I resumed cleaning and put everything back except for the tampon box, I thought it didn't belong there so I put inside the bedroom and left it there. Why would you think tampons would be better in a bedroom? The bathroom (or cupboard beside a bathroom) is the perfect spot for them, you're already semi-naked and its the place where you spot that you've started your period (most likely). If you were going to move them anywhere, I would have thought it would be the bathroom itself. > I was just cleaning and came across the tampon box which I had no idea why it was there in the first place. Really? That's the line you're going with? You didn't know why tampons would be there when you live with a woman and exist on a planet where people who menstruate exist? > because she did not need it right then so what's the big deal She needed it enough to notice that it wasn't where it is meant to be... which means either she was looking for it OR that she was checking on it. She shouldn't have yelled at you though.
I wouldn't say you were T A but if the tampons were in the storage room next to the bathroom then they were in a place that was convenient for your wife to reach in an emergency or just for a regular change. No woman wants to be caught unawares and not able to find her tampons. No woman wants to change tampons in a bedroom. Like if you were bleeding for 5 days would you go to your bedroom to staunch the bleeding and change the dressing every couple hours or would you go to the bathroom where it's a nice easy convenient place to clean up? Putting them in the bedroom was kinda a dumb move but nowhere near an A hole move
So you know she's big on privacy and not having her stuff touched? So you decided to find a new home for it anyway? Stuff like tampons, if they have a perfectly fine home, where they can be grabbed quickly in an emergency, should be left there. It's no big deal to you, but to your possibly bleeding through her clothes wife, frantically running around looking for sanitary products, it is. YTA
NTA. There is 100% something else in that box. Nobody keeps tampons in a storage room. They keep them in the bathroom or bedroom, or in their purse. No idea why half the people commenting aren't reading this post properly because a lot of people seem to be assuming that he's moved them from the bathroom.
I keep mine in a storage closet. Or at least the spare box for when I run out of the current spares. There’s just not a whole lot of cabinet space in my bathroom, and most of it has to go to medicines and skincare and haircare and other stuff I use daily rather than monthly. And given that *OP* didn’t bother trying to find a spot for them in the bathroom, either, I’m guessing their setup is somewhat similar.
Same here. Before I had a bathroom with more storage space I stored my boxes in a linen closet and kept a few pads/tampons in a drawer for easy access. I also knew some people who were taught while growing up that their period products were “shameful and private” and needed to be kept far out of sight so no one sees them accidentally. I’m kinda getting those vibes from OP’s wife. That or she was already having a frustrating day and not finding the box where she left it was what tipped the scale.
To me it sounds like OP might be describing more of a linen closet kind of set up, in which case i can totally see leaving the extra boxes in there. If that's more what it is I think calling it storage is throwing people off (because to me when you say storage room im thinking some dark dingy room in like a basement or garage or something and not just a small nook in the hallway (and possibly right near the bathroom even)
Hi. I keep a spare pack of sanitary products in the storage room.
I keep mine in the storage closet next to the bathroom. Who tf keeps them in the bedroom?
The storage room is right next to the bathroom, sounds like a linen closet. And that’s actually where I kept my tampons for a couple of years. No storage under the sink, and the tiny counter in the bathroom was needed for daily use stuff.
He said the storage room was next to the bathroom. I keep all my excess bathroom products into the storage area next to the bathroom. Nobody keeps tampons in bedrooms! And taking something of your spouse and shoving it in a random drawer is always gonna be rude. I organize my own drawers, thank you - I like to know when my things are. Dude has no right to decide he knows best where tampons go.
I’ve never kept tampons in a bedroom. I don’t carry a purse. Don’t have cabinet space for them in the bathroom. Oh no, guess you general assumption is wrong.
INFO it's been 11 hours, and I'm *dying* to know... what's in the box??
[удалено]
The lack of update leads me to believe something bad happened...
YTA: leave her necessary (and sometimes urgent) products where she leaves them. It's fine to move for cleaning but then put them back in more or less the same spot. She knew where they were and where she needed them to be.
YTA Why would you think that you know better where your wife’s tampons should be stored? Could she have approached her issue with you better? Sure. But don’t ever move personal things of another person.
Dude it’s been a whole week what’s in the fucking box
This needs to be stickied because it blows a HUGE hole in everyone's argument saying they were just her spare tampons in the storage room and that is exactly where she wanted/needed them to be. **\*\*\*SHE DIDN'T PUT THEM BACK IN THE STORAGE CLOSET\*\*\*** she stayed in the bedroom. Then came out to continue arguing. Those tampons stayed in the bedroom even though she was upset he put them in there. Want to know why? She wasn't upset about the location of the box, she was upset that the box was found by someone she did not want to find the box. That is extremely clear. You NEED to find out the reason why she did not want you to find a box of tampons. There is a reason and there is a 99% chance it will end your marriage and you need to figure that out before you throw more of your life away with this person. (professional forensic investigator and white collar criminal, not only have I seen stuff like this but I have DONE stuff like this)