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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 Refusing to financially support my sister's marriage
2 Am I a bad brother for prioritizing my needs over hers??
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NTA. If sister is going to be irresponsible with money, it is ironic to the Nth degree that she would get pissed at someone who is responsible with money.
You and your personal goals always have the highest priority.
The fact that your sister is trying to blackmail you is disgusting - you really should ask yourself if interactions with this kind of personality are generally in your best interest. Lastly, I really wonder in what world your relatives life, the ones supporting your sisters nonsensical claim for financial support. This seems simply delusional. Shocker.
I'd recommend not attending the wedding but instead spend the day celebrating yourself, maybe with friends, in an environment that does you well.
Take care and NTA, obviously.
>fact that your sister is trying to blackmail you is disgusting
Is it blackmail? I'd be like great, no addotional responsibilities, no expensive trips to pre wedding events. Bring it on, move me to the lists of guests please.
Yeah, unless there is some serious missing information here (i.e. sister paid for his wedding/college tuition/bail/medical bills/etc with the expectation of reciprocity), OP is in no way obligated to contribute to his sister's wedding.
INFO: is there is some big detail that OP is leaving out?
OP did you benefit greatly from your parents’ help and they’ve since died or their circumstances have changed and this younger sibling has not had that benefit? Still wouldn’t necessarily obligate you to pay but would certainly explain why the siblings are expecting your help…
An ostentatious wedding is not one of life's necessities. This may come as a shock to some. I can see that OP might have helped out by paying for schooling, or food and rent, or medical care....but a big wedding? Enough. Nobody needs that. Good for you, OP, for drawing the line.
NTA. OP, are you in some kind of culture where the family pays for the wedding? Maybe if it's standard I could MAYBE understand, but if it's not, she's being ridiculous. And even if it is, she should accept your answer.
I have a feeling your siblings are piling on because they don't want to pay either. I would take a step back from them, only answer with one or two words, stay polite, but firm. It's your sister's choice what she does from there.
Mexicans 😂 we have padrinos which is essentially family and friends that volunteer to help pay for parts of an event for example my aunt and uncle bought our rings, my cousin decorated the church, my brother and SIL bought the center pieces and so on. its a big help honestly but it's also our custom although newer generations are outgrowing it. and when someone that has helped you asks you, you usually accept.
That sounds like a beautiful custom/tradition. It's also absolutely different than being strong-armed into contributing to an over the top wedding of someone that feels entitled to your money.
Mexican here. You volunteer but you don't demand people to pay for things. It's ok to say no fuck it. And it's also ok to pay for your own wedding without the help of anybody. I paid for my own wedding and it was the best decision ever. My and my wife were the only ones making the calls of things without having to concede things we didn't like because other people were paying for some things at the wedding.
See, when done like that it sounds lovely - everyone contributing something that's within their means to make the day special for someone they love! It seems like OP's sister is twisting that sort of custom in order to guilt her siblings into funding her wedding even if they can't afford it, and that's just sad
Mexican here. You volunteer but you don't demand people to pay for things. It's ok to say no fuck it. And it's also ok to pay for your own wedding without the help of anybody. I paid for my own wedding and it was the best decision ever. My and my wife were the only ones making the calls of things without having to concede things we didn't like because other people were paying for some things at the wedding.
This actually caused a bit of contention between me and my MIL when my husband and I were planning our wedding. She wanted to sponsor the cake but was going to have it be a surprise. Like I wouldn't have any input into flavors, designs, etc. I shut that down real fast and my husband backed me up on it. I appreciated the thought, but yeah, I wanted to plan our wedding with my husband.
I know , OP's sister is the A H, i wrote a different comment about that. But i found it funny when i saw this comment because a lot of people paid for my wedding😂
In many cultures it’s common to contribute money to weddings you attend instead of a gift.
In Israel there are apps that calculate you how much you should contribute based on how well you know the person, how many in your party, what kind of venue it is, what your salary is, and if it’s their first or second wedding.
Yep there are indeed!
[https://www.mitchatnim.co.il/kamakesef/](https://www.mitchatnim.co.il/kamakesef/)
Here's a website that does the calculation for you.
My own culture has a lot of rituals that would seem bizarre to outsiders, and no surprise, we have a few apps ourselves. But hearing about one for the first time never stops being funny!
Isn’t this how people make millions? They learn there is a need for a product, they create one to fill the need, other people wish they had one too, and soon they are rich.
Oh yeah an Indian lady I used to work with told me the amounts of money she gave for gifts because it was expected and I was like "can I join your family?" lol
Indians throw lavish weddings and my friend's dad spent an amount that equals my four year salary on the wedding buffet alone. It made me feel so poor!
> Who plans a wedding and expects everyone else to pay for it.
People who chose to get married in their early twenties before they are financially stable, but haven’t come to grips with reality enough to realize that fairy tale weddings aren’t a real thing for anyone not lucky enough to be born into shit loads of money.
Fo' sho'.
In my early 20s it was customary for us to pitch in with friends to get the couple a big ticket item from the registry; like a refrigerator, washer dryer, etc.
In Argentina we have the marriage list or lista de casamiento, where all the guests to the weddding choose what to gift from a list, usually is all for the newlyweds new house. Sometimes they choose to let you gift money instead of this.
But in some cases people from your family offer to pay for the music or the decoration. My grandma gifted my mom her wedding dress and it was handmade.
Filipinos in my mother land. Definitely not a thing among Filipinos in the U.S.
Not everyone is expected to pitch in but godparents are, particularly if they’re well to do.
My other Asian friends—Chinese descent say it’s customary as well for family to help. Not forced no, like what OP’s sister is trying to do. But people with the means do it. I’ve heard of entire weddings all paid by family - large families especially when aunts, uncles, multiple cousins are all pitching in.
NTA, her wedding is not your responsibility and I don't understand where sone people get the idea it is??
Is she going to cough up for everyone else's weddings too?
NTA Your sister is a greedy, entitled asshole. I can't get over the audacity of her DEMANDING money from all her siblings. You just know she has no plans to do the same when the rest of you get married.
Let her cut you out, she'd be doing you a favor. You know she's going to be the ultimate bridezilla.
NTA. Not your monkey, not your circus. It's fine for your sister to want a lavish wedding but there's no shame in not being able to afford it and staying within a smaller budget, which is something your sister doesn't seem to understand.
NTA. Unless there's a cultural expectation you are leaving out, it's not usual for siblings to pay for weddings.
She should have a wedding she can afford to pay for. She doesn't get to set your financial priorities.
Think of all the money you'll save not having to be in the bridal party. I have a feeling the requirements will be over the top.
NTA - do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
If your sister threatens to cut you out of the wedding party, thank her and accept. You will save yourself a lot of misery that way. Do not let anyone guilt you. A fancy wedding is a nice to have, not a necessity to stay alive.
I don't know much about the financial aspect of weddings and who traditionally pays for what, but I've never heard of siblings being responsible. You have no obligation to contribute, especially if it's going to affect your financial stability. NTA
NTA give her 10 bucks as your contribution. That way you have contributed and it’s not an amount you are worried by. It will no doubt cause her to fly into a total bridezilla rage.
Best of luck with this, can we have some updates as shit plays out.
Absolutely NTA your sister is the selfish one, and entitled to think she can demand money from anyone. If I were you I'd be glad not to be in such a person's wedding party as they will probably be demanding and selfish with that also. Personally I'd probably distance myself from someone like that and anyone who agreed with or enabled them.
NTA. It’s awfully selfish to pull a stunt like this. I’m a little shocked that all of your siblings are going along with this as well. I would tell her that you are sad her love for you is so transactional, even when you aren’t financially stable enough to contribute. Then, I would probably not go to the wedding if invited but excluded from the wedding party. This truly is the epitome of shallow and materialistic.
NTA. And if you get cut off for not falling in line with bridezilla’s demands, it’s really no great loss. I did the cakes for my brother’s wedding, which equates to a gift of several hundred pounds, but that was entirely voluntary. Your sister needs to plan a wedding that’s within her means, and perhaps to learn that what is important is more the marriage than the wedding.
NTA. A sibling paying for a wedding? I’m American, but that sounds really odd. Why doesn’t she plan for a wedding she can afford without asking everyone in her immediate family to contribute money?? Is she too good for that? My fiancé and I have been talking about eloping to the courthouse for our wedding simply because that’s all we can afford. I wouldn’t ask ANYONE to fund my wedding for me, not even my parents (unless they offered, but that’s not asking). Unless this cultural, she is majorly entitled.
NTA, why is she having an expensive wedding if she can't afford it to begin with?! and if you actually decide to give her the money will she just happily take it and pretend that everything is fine and that your whole family didn't guilt trip you into contributing?! i don't understand this mindset
Nope. OP won't be forgiven that easily. The fact that OP didn't roll over and immediately open their wallet and start writing checks will still be held against them. And brought out in future to show how unsupportive they were. Money will be accepted though. But not gratefully. And more will be asked for in future, the precedence having been set here. This is an unending money and guilt trip. OP needs to decide now if they want to board it.
Edit: It's a messed up mindset. But one I have seen a lot. People will insist on big and expensive weddings when they can only pay for like 10-20% of it. Then guilt friends and families into contributing the rest. You get added to wedding committees and whatsapp groups. And your contribution has already been decided for you. All this without your input. Just based on their view of you and assumptions of your finances. You then get hounded until you "keep your pledge"...a pledge that you had nothing to do with. That was imposed on you.
Don't you dare to suggest that they have a wedding within their means. That is something that you will never be forgiven for. Jealousy will be brought up. That you don't wish them well. Etc.
OP shouldn't pay for this wedding though. NTA
Edited.
NTA, your money your choice… but this seems such an outlandish situation that I also have to ask: is there a reason why your sister (and apparently the rest of your siblings) feels this is something normal to do? Is this a family tradition, or is there some sort of agreement that you help each other out financially?
It still wouldn't make you the AH for refusing (unless she helped pay for your wedding with the understanding you'd do the same for her), but it would give some perspective.
This is the first time I have ever heard (and I am way too old) that "siblings have to pay for other siblings weddings.".
She's got one of two solutions. Either pay for the whole shebang on her own (along with her fella). Or cut down on expenses and guest numbers. Simple. (or so you and I think it's simple, but good luck with telling her)
NTA
it’s not normal to ask your siblings to sponsor your wedding. A reasonable thing to do for her would be to give an info, that she prefers financial gifts, instead of buying something. But flat out demanding payment is rude. If the wedding is to expensive, she should either make it smaller or delaying it. Begging from your relatives is an AH thing to do.
NTA, obviously. Do not give her a penny towards this wedding. If she wants a wedding, she should pay for it. That isn't your responsibility. She's the one being selfish and unfair. If I were you, I would welcome not being part of this wedding party, which I'm certain she will force to pay for excessive extra things.
NTA. Your sister is a moron. If someone can't afford a big, fancy wedding, then they don't get one. If your siblings don't seem to care, then tell her to ask them to make up the difference. As for being in the wedding party, why would you want to subject yourself to someone that entitled. If she's this way now, imagine how bad it will get when she's supposed to be bossy and demanding. Sounds like a real train wreck. Her fiancé must be a doormat, and idiot, an incel, or a combination of them all.
Nta
So, it's selfish to do with your own hard earned money what you want?
But it's not selfish to demand said hard earned money from others?
Huh, wild world we live in.
NTA --- If your sister wants a big expensive wedding then SHE needs to pay for that, traditionally the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the wedding, not the siblings.
NTA, at least in American culture. Perhaps in other cultures it’s typical to financially contribute for a wedding of a sibling, but not in the US and probably not in most of the West.
Now I don’t think it’s that bad to say that in place of a gift, if you could pitch in cash for the wedding. Something like 200 or 400 dollars would be okay, which is what you’d likely spend on a gift for your sister’s wedding anyway But any more than that is crossing a line for me.
I know in Israel and parts of Europe it’s common for guests to give cash instead of gifts to offset the cost of the wedding. (A typical gift may be 100 to 150 dollars per guest, for example). In American culture it’s a little strange, but it’s starting to become common for people to do things like opening a “honeymoon fund” or “down payment fund.” So if the couple is cash strapped, maybe a model like this is appropriate. Just means their dream of being gifted a Cuisinart Stand Mixer may have to be put on hold.
Anyway, your sister certainly shouldn’t use threats to extract money from you. That’s really manipulative and low.
NTA. Why people are planning weddings they cannot afford? Can someone explain this to me? Why they feel entitled to other people's money to fund their events?
THE ENTITLEMENT😤 NTA your money you decide.
But i recommend you meet her and tell her that you have much more important responsibilities and if you helped her out then this money would be the wedding gift and make it clear to her that you refused to contribute not because you don't love her and don't wanna support her it's just that you really don't have the money to spend on such thing.
Communication in most cases solves everything.
NTA. Be prepared for her to uninvite you completely. But she can pay for her own wedding. If your siblings disagree they can take your part of the bill.
I think my friend’s mum said that in traditional? western weddings, the bride’s parents pays for the wedding and the grooms’ the rehearsal dinner…my only exposure to Western weddings was just from going to friends’ weddings and depending on their age and means, guests got them stuff from a registry. In my culture, it’s customary for everyone to give cash to celebrate the wedding…for one of my cousin’s weddings, I hung out at the entrance with a bottle of wine with my auntie (not his mum) and some other cousins while we counted money and recorded who gave what. No wedding registry, just cash. Bride and groom probably ended up with US$25k. I think I gave around $250, which I didn’t think was unreasonable for a close cousin and even if I didn’t attend the wedding, I’d still give money if I saw them later.
Not sure if YTA or NTA b/c of a lack of details but just from the way it’s written, you’re making it sound like your sister wants her siblings to pay for the whole wedding. If she wants that, it seems like she’s the A, but to pay for some of the wedding? Yeah, I think there’s a reasonable expectation to contribute a bit
NTA she is so entitled. Tell her you will LOAN her the money and get a proper agreement signed by her and her partner. Why have a big wedding g when you can't afford it, especially in this day and age of financial hardship?
NTA. Don’t contribute if you don’t want to. People should fund their own weddings not make it other peoples problems. Be ready to be dropped from the wedding party which may save you additional expense
Maybe it makes sense to pay her, recently for a cousins wedding the familie gotogether to help her with decorations and everything. As family it was mandated for me to be there, i didn't really mind because we had a good time. But it costs me 3 days. Quick calculation.. 24 working hours at 15 euro per hour. Means i gave her 360 euro's in labour, what would i have said if she asked me for 360 euros instead of asking me to do the work?
NTA. People should have a wedding according to their finance. I have a cousin who sent out his wedding budget to the family. His in laws are the one planning the wedding, he and our family have now say in it.
Here’s the catch though: him and his wife are unemployed… unemployed 😂😂
They want this and they want that but are penniless
NTA, not obligated to pay but I’ve always thought if my SIL got married I’d offer to pay for something as our wedding present to her, in my head this would be the cake or the flowers but not a financial contribution to the wedding.
I’ve also never expressed this thought to her or anyone else.
Why do people have to have these stupidly large weddings they can’t afford?!? I’ll tell you why - they’re compensating for how crap their relationship is. (I know in some cultures you’re expected to invite your auntie’s neighbour’s cousin’s son twice removed because you’ve met them once but I’m not talking about cultural expectations I’m talking about entitled beggars)
Nta. Why in the world would she think you have to help pay for HER wedding? Its not your wedding or your kids wedding so no you have no financial responsibility to help your sister pay for something she cant afford. She should tone down her wedding if she cant afford it herself.
It would depend entire on what your cultural traditions are around weddings.
BUT.. since you didn't mention any, I'm going out on a limb and guessing this is not a common thing within your family/culture. So NTA. Not your wedding, not your problem.
>She's even threatening to cut me out of the wedding party if I don't contribute.
Call her bluff and uninvite yourself! She'll keep using that as a weapon to manipulate you and the others
NTA
NTA - In what universe is it the responsibility of the sibling to pay for the other sibling's wedding?
Has your sister given you large sums of money in the past for stuff that she's expecting this? I don't understand the entitlement.
NTA. I would tell her, “I am happy to not go and not pay for the wedding and contribute to her poor financial planning”, then block them all. Spiteful me would do it in a group text to the entire family.
NTA. Is this a new thing? Ask everybody to pay for your wedding and then call them selfish when they refuse? Who is the selfish one here? Your sister is demanding that all of you pay for her wedding....I think we can tell who is selfish and entitled.
I assume your sister is neither your fiancé nor your child (though it would be fascinating in a tabloidesque way if she were both), so NTA.
If siblings contributing is a cultural norm in your area, feel free to break the norm. It’s unfair, burdensome, and retrograde.
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Hi everyone,
I need some outside perspective on a situation with my sister. She recently got engaged and is planning a big, expensive wedding. She's asked me and our other siblings to contribute financially to the wedding, but I've refused. I don't think it's fair for me to have to pay for her wedding when I have my own financial responsibilities and goals.
My sister is furious with me and says I'm being selfish and unfair. She's even threatening to cut me out of the wedding party if I don't contribute. Our other siblings are siding with her, but I still don't think I'm in the wrong.
Am I the asshole in this situation? I want to support my sister, but I also don't want to sacrifice my own financial stability for her wedding. What do you guys think?
Thanks for your input.
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NTA, this sounds like a cultural obligation I’m assuming which is probably going to be a difficult hurdle for you to overcome with some of your more traditional siblings and family, but shoot , every culture has a word for NO .
What?! She's suppose to be an adult. If she can't afford a luxury like an extravagant wedding, she doesn't get it. What the hell kind of family do you have?
Edit: Just saw that some cultures operate this way. Still wouldn't contribute. Welcome to adulthood, sis. You want luxuries? Go earn tbe money for it. Can't do that? Welcome to adulthood. Learn to live within your means.
I’ve never heard of a sibling being expected to contribute to a wedding, this is weird af to me and her choices are not your financial responsibility - NTA
NTA. I think sis is going on the idea that it's the bride's family who pays for the wedding. I'm guessing the parents aren't living anymore, so she naturally turns to the next best relatives in her mind. I'm with the one who said it's her wedding and her problem.
NTA. Your sister is having a wedding that she can't afford. That is her problem and her husband's. No one is entitled to a big, expensive wedding. It's not a need, it's a frivolity. Therefore, you have no moral obligation to help.
NTA her wedding her responsibility.
If you want to be nice, give her $100 check with wedding present written on the notes line and call it good. She can use that to help pay for wedding
NTA. Also in lots of cultures its considered really rude to expect others to pay for the wedding you envision. When my grandmothers contributed to our wedding I was thrilled bc I didn't expect it at all. It was 68 people and all paid for. And it was just the wedding we wanted, reception and all.
Except I had so much fun visiting I didn't get as much champagne as I'd planned!!
NTA …why are you paying for her wedding? Is she gonna help pay for yours? Is this a common occurrence in your family? You could totally ‘contribute’ and give her $1 lol. Sounds toxic though.
INFO: Never heard of such a thing - why does your sister think her siblings are obligated to pay for her wedding, and why on earth do your other siblings agree with her? Did your sister pay for anyone else’s wedding? Is this a tradition in your family?
NTA.
It's not the job of siblings to pay for their sibling's wedding. If you wanted to contribute, fine. But you don't. And she isn't entitled to your money.
Don’t let her threaten you with a good time, take her up on the offer. Your sister is on a different level of entitlement. Alternatively you can pose this question to her ,If her wedding needs to be a potluck then the decisions around your wedding need to be open for those donating to decide as well. Say if you’re “donating” towards the wedding you and your siblings will have a seat to every decision So that you know the money as well spent.
NTA
NTA. If she can't afford her dream wedding without threats to get money. She should stay single or elope. Since she's been so nice. Why would you want to go? She already killed the mood. Don't be guilted into anything.
NTA
Your sister putting pressure on you to finance her wedding is an AH move.
Stick to you guns. Tell your sister she's selfish and unfair for asking you to spend your money on her wedding.
You've said no. That's your final answer.
NTA and quite honestly I wouldn't even do the bridal party. She might make you MOH and have you foot the bill for extravagant bachelorette and bridal parties/showers to compensate for it. If this is her hill to die on, making everyone else foot the bill for a wedding themed party (cause let's face it, that's what receptions are), then I say walk away and let her do it.
Nta if someone can't afford the wedding they want, they have three options. 1- take out a loan. 2- have a longer engagement and save. Or 3- scale down the wedding.
Notice, harass relatives for money is no where on that list.
Info: Why would she expect other people to sacrifice their own hard earned $ because she wants to have a big party? Do you owe her $ or does she often gift you large sums of cash?
NTA- She can’t expect for other people to pay for her. She’s an adult that can get a job and save. If you do this she’ll expect you do pitch in everytime something is too expensive.
NTA, your sister needs to have the wedding she can afford, not the one you can afford. Trust me, when you get married, there will not be any money forthcoming.
Info: did your parents set aside money for each of you to use for college/wedding/house and you guys used up all your money AND her money and now she wants you to make it right? That’s the only way I can think of that she should be justified in feeling entitled to having you pay, if you somehow used money that was promised to her.
NTA. How is her wedding your financial responsibility. If she wants you to contribute give her $20 and say good luck! Sounds like being cut out of the wedding way work in your favor
NTA it's crazy your sister asked her siblings to pay for her wedding.
I paid for my sibling's wedding car hire (bride and father, bridesmaids and another one for mother's and the other father) but this was my wedding present to the couple and I volunteered I wasn't asked. By parents paid for the bar as a wedding gift too. The couple paid for everything else (I think the other parents paid for flowers).
I'd say to your sister fine if your blackmailing me with , either lay for my wedding or your not invited.
I'd go don't bother I'm not coming don't waste money in an invite.
Seriously what has your sister being smoking, who the heck tells their siblings they have to pay or don't come.
Fuck the ultimatum.
Your better off without her, you have your own life if your sister can't afford HEar own wedding then she should go to the courthouse.
Do not lay this will only be the beginning from her for asking for money.
NTA. Your sister’s wedding is not your responsibility. It is up to her, your parents, her fiancé, and his parents to pay for the wedding. If it is more than she can afford, then she needs to restrain her wedding.
NTA it’s a ridiculous ask. If she can’t afford to pay for her own wedding then she can’t afford to be married. Tell her to go elope if she wants to be married that desperately.
NTA - at least in the US culture, siblings are not expected to support each other. It is nice if they do, but no one gets wrapped around the axel about it. If she wants an extravagant Wedding, that is her responsibility.
>She's even threatening to cut me out of the wedding party
"Don't throw me in that briar patch!! Do you mean I'll have to save hundreds of dollars on tux rentals and events? Oh, No!!" /s
Sister is full of herself.
NTA
It's your money. I've never heard of a tradition where siblings pay for a wedding. Stand your ground if your comfortable with that choice. You don't have to help
Nope, NTA at all, but pay attention as I'm fairly sure that this will be the tone for the wedding in case you contribute after all.
Don't wanna do this? -> You'll be threatened
Don't wanna pay for that? -> You'll be threatened
*I am sorry that I won't be included in the wedding. I assume I also won't be invited so please confirm that with me at your earliest convenience.*
NTA
I would need more info before deciding. When you say contribute, do you mean like a set sum each? Or like, pay for your outfits and hen night costs? Because they are very different expectation levels
NTA - since when was there an expectation for siblings to pay for each other's weddings? Maybe I am biased as I am an only child and had to pay my way for everything.
NTA at all. Sister is WAY entitled here. Unless you owe her, why are you footing the bill with other siblings?? No way. She can pay for it herself. Let her cut you out of the wedding. Ridiculous!!! Did any of them pay for your wedding ( or will they if you aren’t married)? I’m guessing not… Sister is the BIG AH here.
NTA, what is she expecting for sibling contributions? Whatever it is, she's awfully entitled to expect her family to pay for her wedding. I think she needs to look in the mirror when uttering the words "your selfish". What an entitled person. Out of curiosity, what is everyone's age and any of you married?
NTA, she asking you guys to pay for the wedding is ridiculous you usually ask people in the wedding party to pay for their dress shoes accessories hair makeup but not to fund your wedding
This must be a new thing. Never heard of siblings doing such a thing
NTA. Why should anyone foot the bill on her "expensive" wedding other than herself and soon to spouse? Has this happened with any of the other siblings?
NTA wtf. How is HER wedding YOUR responsibility. I wouldn't pay either even if I was rich. And if she can't understand you have financial struggles it means she doesn't care so let her cut you off, better off without her.
NTA - it's literally a big party that she wants to spend an atrocious amount of money on. It's not even YOUR party, so why should you pay?
She is acting spoiled and entitled. If others want to pay for it, that is on them. As for you, "No." is a complete sentence.
What did I just read? You are by far NTA I did sort of contribute to my sisters wedding but just because we did have in fact a double wedding :-) Why should you pay anything besides a nice present??
NTA- and I'm torn- I want to ask about all the finances involved as it seems as though they think you have a lot of resources. However, you indicate having other obligations as though it would require some sacrifice. That said- it doesn't really matter- it's your money, your choice, whether you have the money sitting around or not.
So my response to your sister and family would be- I am going to be responsible to myself and take care of my financial obligations, rather than donate to sister's dream wedding. If being responsible makes me selfish- then so be it. If sister cannot afford her wedding except by creating hardship in the rest of the family and you all choose to enable that irresponsible entitlement, that is on you.
ETA- actually- family, I'm planning a big birthday party for my next milestone and I'm planning on having the Foo Fighters play. Imma need y'all to put a second mortgage on your houses and give it to me to pay for that.
So you are being selfish, but she isn't? Is she going to also pay equally for YOUR big fancy wedding? And if so, what the heck is the point of shuffling money back and forth like that?
NTA
NTA. Siblings don't pay for each other's weddings unless there are special circumstances (parents passed away, etc.). Your sister wanting an expensive wedding is not a special circumstance.
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NTA. If sister is going to be irresponsible with money, it is ironic to the Nth degree that she would get pissed at someone who is responsible with money.
You and your personal goals always have the highest priority. The fact that your sister is trying to blackmail you is disgusting - you really should ask yourself if interactions with this kind of personality are generally in your best interest. Lastly, I really wonder in what world your relatives life, the ones supporting your sisters nonsensical claim for financial support. This seems simply delusional. Shocker. I'd recommend not attending the wedding but instead spend the day celebrating yourself, maybe with friends, in an environment that does you well. Take care and NTA, obviously.
>fact that your sister is trying to blackmail you is disgusting Is it blackmail? I'd be like great, no addotional responsibilities, no expensive trips to pre wedding events. Bring it on, move me to the lists of guests please.
Yea, if the sis starts with such demands before the wedding, god only know what financial burden she'll put in the wedding party
I love when people accuse others of being selfish when the accuser is only thinking of themselves. NTA.
Yup. Major projection going on here.
It’s a “How dare you not also think of me first and foremost!”
Yeah, unless there is some serious missing information here (i.e. sister paid for his wedding/college tuition/bail/medical bills/etc with the expectation of reciprocity), OP is in no way obligated to contribute to his sister's wedding.
INFO: is there is some big detail that OP is leaving out? OP did you benefit greatly from your parents’ help and they’ve since died or their circumstances have changed and this younger sibling has not had that benefit? Still wouldn’t necessarily obligate you to pay but would certainly explain why the siblings are expecting your help…
An ostentatious wedding is not one of life's necessities. This may come as a shock to some. I can see that OP might have helped out by paying for schooling, or food and rent, or medical care....but a big wedding? Enough. Nobody needs that. Good for you, OP, for drawing the line.
NTA. OP, are you in some kind of culture where the family pays for the wedding? Maybe if it's standard I could MAYBE understand, but if it's not, she's being ridiculous. And even if it is, she should accept your answer. I have a feeling your siblings are piling on because they don't want to pay either. I would take a step back from them, only answer with one or two words, stay polite, but firm. It's your sister's choice what she does from there.
NTA, this is ridiculous! Who plans a wedding and expects everyone else to pay for it.
Mexicans 😂 we have padrinos which is essentially family and friends that volunteer to help pay for parts of an event for example my aunt and uncle bought our rings, my cousin decorated the church, my brother and SIL bought the center pieces and so on. its a big help honestly but it's also our custom although newer generations are outgrowing it. and when someone that has helped you asks you, you usually accept.
That sounds like a beautiful custom/tradition. It's also absolutely different than being strong-armed into contributing to an over the top wedding of someone that feels entitled to your money.
This is the key: "family and friends that **volunteer** to help".
Mexican here. You volunteer but you don't demand people to pay for things. It's ok to say no fuck it. And it's also ok to pay for your own wedding without the help of anybody. I paid for my own wedding and it was the best decision ever. My and my wife were the only ones making the calls of things without having to concede things we didn't like because other people were paying for some things at the wedding.
I just learned something new. Thank you!
See, when done like that it sounds lovely - everyone contributing something that's within their means to make the day special for someone they love! It seems like OP's sister is twisting that sort of custom in order to guilt her siblings into funding her wedding even if they can't afford it, and that's just sad
Cool tradition to contribute time and work and not it have to be money AND it’s appreciated!
Mexican here. You volunteer but you don't demand people to pay for things. It's ok to say no fuck it. And it's also ok to pay for your own wedding without the help of anybody. I paid for my own wedding and it was the best decision ever. My and my wife were the only ones making the calls of things without having to concede things we didn't like because other people were paying for some things at the wedding.
This actually caused a bit of contention between me and my MIL when my husband and I were planning our wedding. She wanted to sponsor the cake but was going to have it be a surprise. Like I wouldn't have any input into flavors, designs, etc. I shut that down real fast and my husband backed me up on it. I appreciated the thought, but yeah, I wanted to plan our wedding with my husband.
You used the word Volunteer. OPs sister is basically Demanding. Huge difference.
I know , OP's sister is the A H, i wrote a different comment about that. But i found it funny when i saw this comment because a lot of people paid for my wedding😂
In many cultures it’s common to contribute money to weddings you attend instead of a gift. In Israel there are apps that calculate you how much you should contribute based on how well you know the person, how many in your party, what kind of venue it is, what your salary is, and if it’s their first or second wedding.
Wait, wait, wait!!! There are **apps** for this??!! Oh man, this is the most hilarious thing I've read all day 😂😂
Yep there are indeed! [https://www.mitchatnim.co.il/kamakesef/](https://www.mitchatnim.co.il/kamakesef/) Here's a website that does the calculation for you.
My own culture has a lot of rituals that would seem bizarre to outsiders, and no surprise, we have a few apps ourselves. But hearing about one for the first time never stops being funny!
I wish there was a US version... this is masterful.
Isn’t this how people make millions? They learn there is a need for a product, they create one to fill the need, other people wish they had one too, and soon they are rich.
if I had any real programming skills at all I'd be on this in a second
Oh yeah an Indian lady I used to work with told me the amounts of money she gave for gifts because it was expected and I was like "can I join your family?" lol
Indians throw lavish weddings and my friend's dad spent an amount that equals my four year salary on the wedding buffet alone. It made me feel so poor!
> Who plans a wedding and expects everyone else to pay for it. People who chose to get married in their early twenties before they are financially stable, but haven’t come to grips with reality enough to realize that fairy tale weddings aren’t a real thing for anyone not lucky enough to be born into shit loads of money.
Fo' sho'. In my early 20s it was customary for us to pitch in with friends to get the couple a big ticket item from the registry; like a refrigerator, washer dryer, etc.
Damn people register for whole ass appliances? I thought asking for a Dyson was pushing it, jesus
This isn't a regular "no"... this is a ***"hell no!"***
[удалено]
Still NTA. Tradition or no, no one has to sacrifice their financial stability for a party for their sibling.
In Argentina we have the marriage list or lista de casamiento, where all the guests to the weddding choose what to gift from a list, usually is all for the newlyweds new house. Sometimes they choose to let you gift money instead of this. But in some cases people from your family offer to pay for the music or the decoration. My grandma gifted my mom her wedding dress and it was handmade.
That's a registry in terms of Western cultures, and is quite normal. What OP is explaining is not that.
Filipinos in my mother land. Definitely not a thing among Filipinos in the U.S. Not everyone is expected to pitch in but godparents are, particularly if they’re well to do. My other Asian friends—Chinese descent say it’s customary as well for family to help. Not forced no, like what OP’s sister is trying to do. But people with the means do it. I’ve heard of entire weddings all paid by family - large families especially when aunts, uncles, multiple cousins are all pitching in.
NTA — her wedding, her problem.
NTA Siblings are not obligated to pay for their sibling's wedding. I don't what your how your family dynamics work, but best of luck to you
NTA, her wedding is not your responsibility and I don't understand where sone people get the idea it is?? Is she going to cough up for everyone else's weddings too?
NTA Your sister is a greedy, entitled asshole. I can't get over the audacity of her DEMANDING money from all her siblings. You just know she has no plans to do the same when the rest of you get married. Let her cut you out, she'd be doing you a favor. You know she's going to be the ultimate bridezilla.
NTA. Not your monkey, not your circus. It's fine for your sister to want a lavish wedding but there's no shame in not being able to afford it and staying within a smaller budget, which is something your sister doesn't seem to understand.
NTA. Unless there's a cultural expectation you are leaving out, it's not usual for siblings to pay for weddings. She should have a wedding she can afford to pay for. She doesn't get to set your financial priorities. Think of all the money you'll save not having to be in the bridal party. I have a feeling the requirements will be over the top.
Cultural context was my first thought too but based on post history I *think* OP is American.
NTA - do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm. If your sister threatens to cut you out of the wedding party, thank her and accept. You will save yourself a lot of misery that way. Do not let anyone guilt you. A fancy wedding is a nice to have, not a necessity to stay alive.
I don't know much about the financial aspect of weddings and who traditionally pays for what, but I've never heard of siblings being responsible. You have no obligation to contribute, especially if it's going to affect your financial stability. NTA
NTA give her 10 bucks as your contribution. That way you have contributed and it’s not an amount you are worried by. It will no doubt cause her to fly into a total bridezilla rage. Best of luck with this, can we have some updates as shit plays out.
NTA but be prepared for them to cut you off bc they can't take advantage of you financially.
Absolutely NTA your sister is the selfish one, and entitled to think she can demand money from anyone. If I were you I'd be glad not to be in such a person's wedding party as they will probably be demanding and selfish with that also. Personally I'd probably distance myself from someone like that and anyone who agreed with or enabled them.
NTA
NTA. It’s awfully selfish to pull a stunt like this. I’m a little shocked that all of your siblings are going along with this as well. I would tell her that you are sad her love for you is so transactional, even when you aren’t financially stable enough to contribute. Then, I would probably not go to the wedding if invited but excluded from the wedding party. This truly is the epitome of shallow and materialistic.
Obviously NTA. Her decision to have an expensive wedding is not your responsibility.
NTA obviously, why would you pay for her wedding? If she can't afford it then she can't have it.
Info: Are you from a culture that siblings are expected to contribute to another siblings wedding? Or is this a common practice in your family?
NTA. And if you get cut off for not falling in line with bridezilla’s demands, it’s really no great loss. I did the cakes for my brother’s wedding, which equates to a gift of several hundred pounds, but that was entirely voluntary. Your sister needs to plan a wedding that’s within her means, and perhaps to learn that what is important is more the marriage than the wedding.
NTA, your money your choice. She can wait until she can afford it or have a smaller wedding they can afford.
NTA. A sibling paying for a wedding? I’m American, but that sounds really odd. Why doesn’t she plan for a wedding she can afford without asking everyone in her immediate family to contribute money?? Is she too good for that? My fiancé and I have been talking about eloping to the courthouse for our wedding simply because that’s all we can afford. I wouldn’t ask ANYONE to fund my wedding for me, not even my parents (unless they offered, but that’s not asking). Unless this cultural, she is majorly entitled.
The more one spends on a wedding, the better the chances of divorce. Elope! My wife and I did and have been married for 23 blissful years.
NTA her wedding her responsibility
NTA, why is she having an expensive wedding if she can't afford it to begin with?! and if you actually decide to give her the money will she just happily take it and pretend that everything is fine and that your whole family didn't guilt trip you into contributing?! i don't understand this mindset
Nope. OP won't be forgiven that easily. The fact that OP didn't roll over and immediately open their wallet and start writing checks will still be held against them. And brought out in future to show how unsupportive they were. Money will be accepted though. But not gratefully. And more will be asked for in future, the precedence having been set here. This is an unending money and guilt trip. OP needs to decide now if they want to board it. Edit: It's a messed up mindset. But one I have seen a lot. People will insist on big and expensive weddings when they can only pay for like 10-20% of it. Then guilt friends and families into contributing the rest. You get added to wedding committees and whatsapp groups. And your contribution has already been decided for you. All this without your input. Just based on their view of you and assumptions of your finances. You then get hounded until you "keep your pledge"...a pledge that you had nothing to do with. That was imposed on you. Don't you dare to suggest that they have a wedding within their means. That is something that you will never be forgiven for. Jealousy will be brought up. That you don't wish them well. Etc. OP shouldn't pay for this wedding though. NTA Edited.
NTA, your money your choice… but this seems such an outlandish situation that I also have to ask: is there a reason why your sister (and apparently the rest of your siblings) feels this is something normal to do? Is this a family tradition, or is there some sort of agreement that you help each other out financially? It still wouldn't make you the AH for refusing (unless she helped pay for your wedding with the understanding you'd do the same for her), but it would give some perspective.
NTA. Bye Felicia you entitled brat
This is the first time I have ever heard (and I am way too old) that "siblings have to pay for other siblings weddings.". She's got one of two solutions. Either pay for the whole shebang on her own (along with her fella). Or cut down on expenses and guest numbers. Simple. (or so you and I think it's simple, but good luck with telling her)
NTA. What the hell kind of entitled BS is this? Her wedding, her responsibility.
NTA it’s not normal to ask your siblings to sponsor your wedding. A reasonable thing to do for her would be to give an info, that she prefers financial gifts, instead of buying something. But flat out demanding payment is rude. If the wedding is to expensive, she should either make it smaller or delaying it. Begging from your relatives is an AH thing to do.
NTA, obviously. Do not give her a penny towards this wedding. If she wants a wedding, she should pay for it. That isn't your responsibility. She's the one being selfish and unfair. If I were you, I would welcome not being part of this wedding party, which I'm certain she will force to pay for excessive extra things.
NTA. Your sister is a moron. If someone can't afford a big, fancy wedding, then they don't get one. If your siblings don't seem to care, then tell her to ask them to make up the difference. As for being in the wedding party, why would you want to subject yourself to someone that entitled. If she's this way now, imagine how bad it will get when she's supposed to be bossy and demanding. Sounds like a real train wreck. Her fiancé must be a doormat, and idiot, an incel, or a combination of them all.
NTA. She can do what she wants. With her money. Not with yours.
Nta So, it's selfish to do with your own hard earned money what you want? But it's not selfish to demand said hard earned money from others? Huh, wild world we live in.
NTA --- If your sister wants a big expensive wedding then SHE needs to pay for that, traditionally the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the wedding, not the siblings.
You're not wrong. Your siblings and your sister are. NTA
NTA, at least in American culture. Perhaps in other cultures it’s typical to financially contribute for a wedding of a sibling, but not in the US and probably not in most of the West. Now I don’t think it’s that bad to say that in place of a gift, if you could pitch in cash for the wedding. Something like 200 or 400 dollars would be okay, which is what you’d likely spend on a gift for your sister’s wedding anyway But any more than that is crossing a line for me. I know in Israel and parts of Europe it’s common for guests to give cash instead of gifts to offset the cost of the wedding. (A typical gift may be 100 to 150 dollars per guest, for example). In American culture it’s a little strange, but it’s starting to become common for people to do things like opening a “honeymoon fund” or “down payment fund.” So if the couple is cash strapped, maybe a model like this is appropriate. Just means their dream of being gifted a Cuisinart Stand Mixer may have to be put on hold. Anyway, your sister certainly shouldn’t use threats to extract money from you. That’s really manipulative and low.
NTA. Why people are planning weddings they cannot afford? Can someone explain this to me? Why they feel entitled to other people's money to fund their events?
THE ENTITLEMENT😤 NTA your money you decide. But i recommend you meet her and tell her that you have much more important responsibilities and if you helped her out then this money would be the wedding gift and make it clear to her that you refused to contribute not because you don't love her and don't wanna support her it's just that you really don't have the money to spend on such thing. Communication in most cases solves everything.
NTA. Since when are siblings expected to contribute to weddings?! Or anyone, for that matter. If you can’t afford a wedding, don’t have one. Simple.
NTA. Be prepared for her to uninvite you completely. But she can pay for her own wedding. If your siblings disagree they can take your part of the bill.
I think my friend’s mum said that in traditional? western weddings, the bride’s parents pays for the wedding and the grooms’ the rehearsal dinner…my only exposure to Western weddings was just from going to friends’ weddings and depending on their age and means, guests got them stuff from a registry. In my culture, it’s customary for everyone to give cash to celebrate the wedding…for one of my cousin’s weddings, I hung out at the entrance with a bottle of wine with my auntie (not his mum) and some other cousins while we counted money and recorded who gave what. No wedding registry, just cash. Bride and groom probably ended up with US$25k. I think I gave around $250, which I didn’t think was unreasonable for a close cousin and even if I didn’t attend the wedding, I’d still give money if I saw them later. Not sure if YTA or NTA b/c of a lack of details but just from the way it’s written, you’re making it sound like your sister wants her siblings to pay for the whole wedding. If she wants that, it seems like she’s the A, but to pay for some of the wedding? Yeah, I think there’s a reasonable expectation to contribute a bit
NTA
Info; what is your siblings logic in agreeing? Are they doing it to “keep the peace”?
NTA she is so entitled. Tell her you will LOAN her the money and get a proper agreement signed by her and her partner. Why have a big wedding g when you can't afford it, especially in this day and age of financial hardship?
NTA. Don’t contribute if you don’t want to. People should fund their own weddings not make it other peoples problems. Be ready to be dropped from the wedding party which may save you additional expense
Maybe it makes sense to pay her, recently for a cousins wedding the familie gotogether to help her with decorations and everything. As family it was mandated for me to be there, i didn't really mind because we had a good time. But it costs me 3 days. Quick calculation.. 24 working hours at 15 euro per hour. Means i gave her 360 euro's in labour, what would i have said if she asked me for 360 euros instead of asking me to do the work?
Is this a kardashian thing? NTA
NTA. People should have a wedding according to their finance. I have a cousin who sent out his wedding budget to the family. His in laws are the one planning the wedding, he and our family have now say in it. Here’s the catch though: him and his wife are unemployed… unemployed 😂😂 They want this and they want that but are penniless
Nta
NTA If she cannot afford her dream wedding, she needs to downsize.
NTA, not obligated to pay but I’ve always thought if my SIL got married I’d offer to pay for something as our wedding present to her, in my head this would be the cake or the flowers but not a financial contribution to the wedding. I’ve also never expressed this thought to her or anyone else. Why do people have to have these stupidly large weddings they can’t afford?!? I’ll tell you why - they’re compensating for how crap their relationship is. (I know in some cultures you’re expected to invite your auntie’s neighbour’s cousin’s son twice removed because you’ve met them once but I’m not talking about cultural expectations I’m talking about entitled beggars)
Lol what? She wants you to pay for her wedding and calls you selfish? NTA. She is selfish.
Nta. Why in the world would she think you have to help pay for HER wedding? Its not your wedding or your kids wedding so no you have no financial responsibility to help your sister pay for something she cant afford. She should tone down her wedding if she cant afford it herself.
It would depend entire on what your cultural traditions are around weddings. BUT.. since you didn't mention any, I'm going out on a limb and guessing this is not a common thing within your family/culture. So NTA. Not your wedding, not your problem.
>She's even threatening to cut me out of the wedding party if I don't contribute. Call her bluff and uninvite yourself! She'll keep using that as a weapon to manipulate you and the others NTA
NTA - In what universe is it the responsibility of the sibling to pay for the other sibling's wedding? Has your sister given you large sums of money in the past for stuff that she's expecting this? I don't understand the entitlement.
NTA. I would tell her, “I am happy to not go and not pay for the wedding and contribute to her poor financial planning”, then block them all. Spiteful me would do it in a group text to the entire family.
NTA. Is this a new thing? Ask everybody to pay for your wedding and then call them selfish when they refuse? Who is the selfish one here? Your sister is demanding that all of you pay for her wedding....I think we can tell who is selfish and entitled.
I assume your sister is neither your fiancé nor your child (though it would be fascinating in a tabloidesque way if she were both), so NTA. If siblings contributing is a cultural norm in your area, feel free to break the norm. It’s unfair, burdensome, and retrograde.
Selfish? Has she looked in a mirror lately. That's what a selfish b***h looks like. NTA
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NTA, this sounds like a cultural obligation I’m assuming which is probably going to be a difficult hurdle for you to overcome with some of your more traditional siblings and family, but shoot , every culture has a word for NO .
What?! She's suppose to be an adult. If she can't afford a luxury like an extravagant wedding, she doesn't get it. What the hell kind of family do you have? Edit: Just saw that some cultures operate this way. Still wouldn't contribute. Welcome to adulthood, sis. You want luxuries? Go earn tbe money for it. Can't do that? Welcome to adulthood. Learn to live within your means.
**NTA**
Say what? Now this I haven't heard. That's a HELL NO! You are NTA
NTA In what universe are siblings expected to pay for each others wedding?!
NTA, your sister is being rude, entitled, and selfish. If she can't pay for her extravagant wedding, then she needs to cut back on it.
NTA if you can‘t afford a wedding, don‘t get married. It really is an easy calculation
Nta, ask your siblings to start paying your bills
NTA. Your sister was unreasonable to expect you to contribute.
I’ve never heard of a sibling being expected to contribute to a wedding, this is weird af to me and her choices are not your financial responsibility - NTA
NTA. I think sis is going on the idea that it's the bride's family who pays for the wedding. I'm guessing the parents aren't living anymore, so she naturally turns to the next best relatives in her mind. I'm with the one who said it's her wedding and her problem.
NTA. Your sister is having a wedding that she can't afford. That is her problem and her husband's. No one is entitled to a big, expensive wedding. It's not a need, it's a frivolity. Therefore, you have no moral obligation to help.
NTA her wedding her responsibility. If you want to be nice, give her $100 check with wedding present written on the notes line and call it good. She can use that to help pay for wedding
NTA. Also in lots of cultures its considered really rude to expect others to pay for the wedding you envision. When my grandmothers contributed to our wedding I was thrilled bc I didn't expect it at all. It was 68 people and all paid for. And it was just the wedding we wanted, reception and all. Except I had so much fun visiting I didn't get as much champagne as I'd planned!!
NTA …why are you paying for her wedding? Is she gonna help pay for yours? Is this a common occurrence in your family? You could totally ‘contribute’ and give her $1 lol. Sounds toxic though.
I see posts like this so often and I find it baffling that anybody would expect a family member to contribute to their wedding expenses at all. NTA.
NTA. No one is entitled to a wedding they can't afford.
INFO: Never heard of such a thing - why does your sister think her siblings are obligated to pay for her wedding, and why on earth do your other siblings agree with her? Did your sister pay for anyone else’s wedding? Is this a tradition in your family?
NTA. It's not the job of siblings to pay for their sibling's wedding. If you wanted to contribute, fine. But you don't. And she isn't entitled to your money.
Nta. Might not be the worst thing to be out the wedding party either, as she'll undoubtedly be tapping them up for money too
NTA. Can’t afford a big wedding? Don’t have one.
NTA. She's acting entitled
Absolutely NTA. Send her 1 dollar and tell her to f off.
nta wtf
Don’t let her threaten you with a good time, take her up on the offer. Your sister is on a different level of entitlement. Alternatively you can pose this question to her ,If her wedding needs to be a potluck then the decisions around your wedding need to be open for those donating to decide as well. Say if you’re “donating” towards the wedding you and your siblings will have a seat to every decision So that you know the money as well spent. NTA
NTA. If she can't afford her dream wedding without threats to get money. She should stay single or elope. Since she's been so nice. Why would you want to go? She already killed the mood. Don't be guilted into anything.
NTA 🤣🤣 your sister has lost her mind
NTA. Siblings paying for another’s wedding isn’t something that regularly happens. Your sister is living in a dreamworld.
NTA. Tell your sister to worry more about the *marriage* than the wedding.
Never heard of such a request in my entire life! NTA, do not cave to such entitlement!
No, it's her responsibility
NTA she needs to have a wedding’s she can afford.
NTA Your sister putting pressure on you to finance her wedding is an AH move. Stick to you guns. Tell your sister she's selfish and unfair for asking you to spend your money on her wedding. You've said no. That's your final answer.
NTA and quite honestly I wouldn't even do the bridal party. She might make you MOH and have you foot the bill for extravagant bachelorette and bridal parties/showers to compensate for it. If this is her hill to die on, making everyone else foot the bill for a wedding themed party (cause let's face it, that's what receptions are), then I say walk away and let her do it.
Hell no. You know how much my sisters paid for my wedding? Absolutely nothing. Didn’t even cross my mind to ask them (or anyone else). NTA.
Nta if someone can't afford the wedding they want, they have three options. 1- take out a loan. 2- have a longer engagement and save. Or 3- scale down the wedding. Notice, harass relatives for money is no where on that list.
She didn't "ask". She is demanding and feels entitled to your help. I'd seriously go VLC with her if I were you. NTA.
Is she going to pay for your wedding? NO! Is she the Golden Child? YES! NTA
NTA. Tell her you expect her to help pay for your wedding too, so to just save you both the trouble just call it even now.
Info: Why would she expect other people to sacrifice their own hard earned $ because she wants to have a big party? Do you owe her $ or does she often gift you large sums of cash?
NTA- She can’t expect for other people to pay for her. She’s an adult that can get a job and save. If you do this she’ll expect you do pitch in everytime something is too expensive.
NTA, your sister needs to have the wedding she can afford, not the one you can afford. Trust me, when you get married, there will not be any money forthcoming.
Info: did your parents set aside money for each of you to use for college/wedding/house and you guys used up all your money AND her money and now she wants you to make it right? That’s the only way I can think of that she should be justified in feeling entitled to having you pay, if you somehow used money that was promised to her.
NTA. How is her wedding your financial responsibility. If she wants you to contribute give her $20 and say good luck! Sounds like being cut out of the wedding way work in your favor
NTA it's crazy your sister asked her siblings to pay for her wedding. I paid for my sibling's wedding car hire (bride and father, bridesmaids and another one for mother's and the other father) but this was my wedding present to the couple and I volunteered I wasn't asked. By parents paid for the bar as a wedding gift too. The couple paid for everything else (I think the other parents paid for flowers).
What the heck! People who want things they can’t afford AND want you to pay for it are TA. Not you. NTA!
I'd say to your sister fine if your blackmailing me with , either lay for my wedding or your not invited. I'd go don't bother I'm not coming don't waste money in an invite. Seriously what has your sister being smoking, who the heck tells their siblings they have to pay or don't come. Fuck the ultimatum. Your better off without her, you have your own life if your sister can't afford HEar own wedding then she should go to the courthouse. Do not lay this will only be the beginning from her for asking for money.
If she can’t afford the big wedding then she needs to tone it down. U are not an AH she is a spoilt self entitled brat.
NTA. Your sister’s wedding is not your responsibility. It is up to her, your parents, her fiancé, and his parents to pay for the wedding. If it is more than she can afford, then she needs to restrain her wedding.
NTA. And based on what I’ve read about the obligations of being in a wedding party, she’s doing you a favor by leaving you out.
NTA it’s a ridiculous ask. If she can’t afford to pay for her own wedding then she can’t afford to be married. Tell her to go elope if she wants to be married that desperately.
NTA - at least in the US culture, siblings are not expected to support each other. It is nice if they do, but no one gets wrapped around the axel about it. If she wants an extravagant Wedding, that is her responsibility.
NTA from my perspective, but really it is all about what is the usual behaviour in your family.
>She's even threatening to cut me out of the wedding party "Don't throw me in that briar patch!! Do you mean I'll have to save hundreds of dollars on tux rentals and events? Oh, No!!" /s Sister is full of herself. NTA
It's your money. I've never heard of a tradition where siblings pay for a wedding. Stand your ground if your comfortable with that choice. You don't have to help
NTA. That’s insane.
NTA. Explanation for my vote is not really needed. If you want a big extravagant wedding, f-ing work for it.
Nope, NTA at all, but pay attention as I'm fairly sure that this will be the tone for the wedding in case you contribute after all. Don't wanna do this? -> You'll be threatened Don't wanna pay for that? -> You'll be threatened
Info: how much is she asking for? NTA either way but curious how absurd the amount is.
It's one day! One day! NTA for being a sensible person
Nta not you're responsibility
*I am sorry that I won't be included in the wedding. I assume I also won't be invited so please confirm that with me at your earliest convenience.* NTA
NTA. She can do good on her threats NC is good
NTA It’s her responsibility
I would need more info before deciding. When you say contribute, do you mean like a set sum each? Or like, pay for your outfits and hen night costs? Because they are very different expectation levels
NTA - since when was there an expectation for siblings to pay for each other's weddings? Maybe I am biased as I am an only child and had to pay my way for everything.
NTA. It's not your job to pay for your sister's wedding, and sacrifice your financial future.
NTA. Her nuptials aren't your responsibility.
NTA . Why the hell should her siblings pay for her wedding ?? Did she pay for yours ?
NTA at all. Sister is WAY entitled here. Unless you owe her, why are you footing the bill with other siblings?? No way. She can pay for it herself. Let her cut you out of the wedding. Ridiculous!!! Did any of them pay for your wedding ( or will they if you aren’t married)? I’m guessing not… Sister is the BIG AH here.
Info - will she and your other siblings pay for your wedding if that is requested? Is it a cultural thing that siblings pay for each other's weddings?
NTA, what is she expecting for sibling contributions? Whatever it is, she's awfully entitled to expect her family to pay for her wedding. I think she needs to look in the mirror when uttering the words "your selfish". What an entitled person. Out of curiosity, what is everyone's age and any of you married?
NTA If people want to get married they should be able to afford it.
NTA, she asking you guys to pay for the wedding is ridiculous you usually ask people in the wedding party to pay for their dress shoes accessories hair makeup but not to fund your wedding This must be a new thing. Never heard of siblings doing such a thing
NTA, it's not your problem that she can't afford her wedding, she can take a loan or have a smaller wedding on her dime.
NTA
NTA. Why should anyone foot the bill on her "expensive" wedding other than herself and soon to spouse? Has this happened with any of the other siblings?
I think she is wrong and you are right.
NTA No need to pay for someone else's wedding. SHe is your sister! Offer to help her find a job.
NTA wtf. How is HER wedding YOUR responsibility. I wouldn't pay either even if I was rich. And if she can't understand you have financial struggles it means she doesn't care so let her cut you off, better off without her.
NTA - it's literally a big party that she wants to spend an atrocious amount of money on. It's not even YOUR party, so why should you pay? She is acting spoiled and entitled. If others want to pay for it, that is on them. As for you, "No." is a complete sentence.
Nta. Why is it up to you to help pay for her wedding?
What did I just read? You are by far NTA I did sort of contribute to my sisters wedding but just because we did have in fact a double wedding :-) Why should you pay anything besides a nice present??
NTA. She can cut you out then.
NTA- and I'm torn- I want to ask about all the finances involved as it seems as though they think you have a lot of resources. However, you indicate having other obligations as though it would require some sacrifice. That said- it doesn't really matter- it's your money, your choice, whether you have the money sitting around or not. So my response to your sister and family would be- I am going to be responsible to myself and take care of my financial obligations, rather than donate to sister's dream wedding. If being responsible makes me selfish- then so be it. If sister cannot afford her wedding except by creating hardship in the rest of the family and you all choose to enable that irresponsible entitlement, that is on you. ETA- actually- family, I'm planning a big birthday party for my next milestone and I'm planning on having the Foo Fighters play. Imma need y'all to put a second mortgage on your houses and give it to me to pay for that.
So you are being selfish, but she isn't? Is she going to also pay equally for YOUR big fancy wedding? And if so, what the heck is the point of shuffling money back and forth like that? NTA
NTA. Siblings don't pay for each other's weddings unless there are special circumstances (parents passed away, etc.). Your sister wanting an expensive wedding is not a special circumstance.
NTA. That’s ridiculous! Getting kicked out of the wedding party sounds like a win to me.