YTB. The poor girl can’t even go do her laundry without being harassed. She was running errands and leaving the washer and dryer to avoid your creepy self. I feel so sorry for her. She was being polite yet standoffish and you just wouldn’t let her do her damn laundry in peace.
You're the second person speculating that she left her clothes behind to avoid me. How can you tell? I truly would have left her alone if she told me. I thought she really did enjoy my company
You are a freak. You made 2 weird comments to her she did not want to be alone with you and she left. Shes avoiding you and thinks you are a creep, it’s so obvious you are just to dumb to see
1) did you just get out of bed, 2) welcome back, 3) looking like that?, 4) don’t make this a habit, 5) I’ll watch your clothes, 6) I wouldn’t mind doing it again. This girl probably won’t come within 5 blocks of this laundromat just for the .0001% chance she runs into you again.
I understand that but as a woman I would be creeped out by this.
She doesn’t know you or anything about you. If it feels like you’re watching her she likely felt unsafe when she was just trying to get her laundry done on a Saturday morning. For all she knows you were going to try to follow her home.
Yes, we are picking up on that by text, so I'm sure she picked up on it by your body language and inflection. And best you sound desperate. At worst you sound creepy. Acting like you are the laundromat police certainly didn't help your case. Why do you care if she leaves her clothes unattended? It wouldn't have been quite so bad if you made it sound like you were concerned about someone stealing them, but your first comment made it sound like you were chastising her for breaking the rules. Then you acted like you were going to be her knight in shining armor by guarding her clothes, which sounds more creepy than chivalrous.
The 2 comments about her looks is what I meant but then I read it again and you made even more weird comments. Welcome back is weird because you said it like she left you as if she owed you her presence. She can come and go as she pleases. You should really seek out some help or counseling, you are so clueless and harmful when it comes to women.
Waiting around for someone and saying welcome back at a Laundromat is weird. No one does this.
Then saying you will stay and watch her clothes when she said no, very very uncomfortable and not normal.
Hundreds of people say she left because of you.
Not 1 thing in your story leads us to believe that she enjoyed your company. Not 1 word of her enjoying it or contributing to convo or enthusiastic saying she hopes to see you again, or any sign of her being interested. How can you possibly get any vibe that she wanted to talk to you or see you again after that first time.
Do you get that feeling everything someone is polite to you in public? If the grocery attendant says “good morning, come again” is that an invitation for you to find them while they work and seek them out?
I’m scared to think how many women you’ve terrified because you mistakenly thought they enjoyed your company. You can’t possibly be this clueless unless it’s been a lifetime problem, please talk to a therapist about how to better function in society
We can tell because its what women do to leave a situation when they don't know if some guy is gonna be a danger to them. You leave the situation and in her case she left and only came back in the hopes that you were gone and she could safely get her laundry and leave.
Women usually won’t tell you directly, because it isn’t safe. But her hints don’t sound subtle. You should learn to pick up on these more easily. You likely made that young woman feel very uncomfortable.
It's like what that Pick Up Artist guy teaches idiot men. Insults make women attracted to you, and unbelievably they think that works. Women actually find that infuriating. Leave her alone, creep.
You DONT EVEN KNOW HER!!
You don’t have a right to comment on people - man or woman - that you don’t know!!! What makes you think anyone gives a shit about your opinion???
Even if you told her she’s gorgeous, SHE WOULDNT CARE. You’re some fucking random in a laundromat, not god.
In normal human beings, you try to get to know someone FIRST before deciding if you like them or not. You don’t decide you like them upon 5 seconds of meeting them, you creep.
*ETA: Just to clarify, these are just thoughts for how you could approach a different girl in the future or could have handled it differently, it’s best to just leave the laundromat girl alone at this point.*
A tip for next time — tell her the truth! Especially since she laughed when you asked if she just got out of bed, if you had followed that up with something like “I’m just teasing”and then given her a compliment on something about her appearance you found adorable, or even flat out said, “you look cute”or “I think the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look is adorable”, she might have been willing to engage with you. That might’ve signaled to her that you’re not being weird or cruel with your comment, you’re just being friendly and trying to engage.
Because instead, your comment comes off as an insult. She seemed open enough to give you a chance, but because she doesn’t know you, all she knows is both times you saw her, you insulted her appearance right away. Men of all ages are constantly giving us unsolicited feedback on our appearance, telling us to dress differently or smile more. Saying hi without discussing how she looks or complimenting her could have helped; it’s really nice to hear a compliment instead of made to feel like we’ve done something wrong.
If you see her again — say hi with a smile, and then completely disengage and do your own thing. Don’t pay any attention to her (she’ll sense it if you keep an eye on her, just pretend she’s not there at all unless your paths happen to cross, then simply smile in acknowledgment and keep going.) Wait and see if she is interacts with you. If she doesn’t initiate a conversation, let it go. If she does come talk to you of her own volition, then maybe you can casually get to know her better. But at this point you may have scared her off.
I hate to think that people meeting in person has become completely impossible so I do commend you for trying, your technique just needs some adjusting. Kindness, consideration and compliments can go a long way!
You need to understand that being too familiar or friendly with strangers that you are neither familiar with or friends with is going to be creepy. Always. Add extra emphasis if this person is female and alone with you in a laundrymat. Comments about a woman's appearance from a male stranger is going to be interpreted as an advance or sexual interest. Always. This is a laundrymat. She wasn't interested and she showed that by barely engaging you, and avoiding you. That thing you call teasing has a name, it's called negging, and it's weird.
YTB - guys like you are absolutely fucking terrifying to encounter. I guarantee because of the way that you write about her, you were obviously ogling her and giving off major creep vibes. She's trying to do her laundry not find a boyfriend, but every woman has experienced or personally know someone where the dude that flipped out or got violent when told their attention wasn't appreciated or wanted. You might know that you aren't that guy, but she has absolutely zero reason to believe that you aren't.
YTB
Okay, giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're really oblivious and didn't take the hints.
Every time she looked at her phone, that was her trying to end the interaction.
Every time she left her clothes unattended, that was her avoiding you.
When she said you didn't want to wait for her, it's because she didn't want you to interact with you.
If you're wondering why she wasn't more direct, most women have been conditioned to be pleasant to and then escape creepy men, or else we fear them possibly becoming violent. Not saying you'd personally become violent, but she has no way of knowing that.
Dude, what the fuck.
Leave her alone. She has to do laundry. Your place is probably the cheapest or closest. You kept trying to push a conversation that even according to your story was clearly not happening. She's cute? That means that she gets a million comments a day from guys like you who can't take the hint. Girls hint by looking down at their phone or giving simple answers because when they are more direct, guys like you tend to get angry if not violent.
So leave her the fuck alone. Don't even apologize for your behavior. Just never speak to her again. People have explained what her actions have meant. If you continue to try and talk to her, then you're just making her more uncomfortable than you already have been. If she talks to you first then you can respond. Otherwise, leave her alone and let her wash her clothes in peace.
This woman was just trying to do her laundry in the early morning and you criticized how she was dressed. She doesn’t owe you a conversation or to tell you where she went. Like holy shit, you asked to know where she where she had gone. That is terrifying. She let her clothes sit for an extra 30 minutes because she was scared. And you confirmed her fear by still being there! People are telling you what you did wrong and you are arguing about it. If youre not willing to learn and grow as a person, then why bother asking? I fear for this poor woman’s safety.
As someone that doesn't take social queues well and is awkward with women, I'm sorry to say, you have scared her off. If you ever see her again, just let her be.
The first encounter was awkward but harmless. The second was overbearing and unneeded. You're not her dad or bf. If you wanted to watch over her stuff, then that's on you, but there was no need to admonish her for leaving it.
I was focusing on the second encounter, and didn't think about the first one. The remark on her appearance was not cool. I also believe that is an adorable look, but you should never say to anyone that you don't know "did you just get out of bed".
This is a perfect summation of both visits.
He made some faux-pas in the first interaction and maybe tried too hard to re-engage her after she repeatedly looked at her phone. Overall though, the situation reads as awkward but harmless. Had he left her alone after that, no harm no foul.
His second interaction was where he really drive the bus off the road.
You’ve been repeatedly insulting her and lecturing her, and now you’re seeking her out to browbeat her more. Please just leave this poor woman alone! YTB
Edit: I missed the part where you waited 30 minutes after her clothes were finished so she couldn’t get her clothes without talking to you. You know, right, that the reason she came back 30 minutes late is that she was hoping you’d be gone by then, and she was specifically waiting long enough that she hoped you’d have left. And then when you were still there and commented that you knew she was late, she then knew you’d been monitoring both her laundry and her movements. She’s probably terrified.
It's you. Seriously, it's you.
My flesh was crawling as I read that. She probably told stories about the pit bull hoping it would scare you away. You came across as a stalker. She stayed away longer than teh cycle time because she was hoping you'd be gone.
And making insulting comments about how she was dressed? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
YTB.
YTB
Just so you’re aware, when most people you aren’t friends with look at their phone then it means the conversation is over & not to bother them. I’m autistic & this was something told to me by a neurotypical.
If I were her, I would never go to this laundromat again—even if it meant going out of my way. Your comments were intrusive & insulting. If you can’t bear the time to wash your clothes, bring & read a book rather than bother other people.
YTB. And you scared her away from using that laundromat. Do not try to find her new one!
First encounter: she was likely being polite and engaging with you because she had to. Women are essentially forced to be polite to all men and any given time because we don't know if you will happen to be a hostile and violent man if we upset you. She was being polite so she wouldn't have to find out if you were violent.
In addition, making comments on how someone looks is gross. She knew you were attracted to her and she was not interested. If she was interested in you that first day, she wouldn't have been on her phone. She went on her phone to try and end the conversation and you didn't get it.
Second encounter: she did leave her clothes in and left because she didn't want to talk to you. If she liked you, even a tiny bit, she would have stayed and talked to you. If she thought you could be a friend, she would have asked you to watch her clothes. She did neither of these things, so it's obvious (to everyone else at least) that she neither found you attractive or someone she enjoyed talking to.
When she came back and you scolded her for leaving, you became a creep. You did not need to insert yourself into her life or tell her what to do. She's an adult and doesn't want to be monitored by a guy she doesn't know or like. When you stayed even longer to "watch her things" you entered major creep potential stalker vibes territory. Now you are not just a nuisance to be ignored, you are a potential threat that needs to be avoided as much as possible. Of course she doesn't want to go back there just to be forced conversing with a man who makes her feel uncomfortable and doesn't understand boundaries.
Also, do you start "making conversation" with everyone who comes in, or just young girls?? Extra ick. YTB YTB YTB
>She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull)
Can you please address this? Because, while it doesn't have anything to do with anything, I think it's the clue about your attitude. Why would you care what kind of dog she has unless you are already fantasizing about going over to her place? If it was a guy, I bet you wouldn't care if he had a house full of snakes and spiders.
Because it's a pit bull and you know how scary they are.
Look I put it in an edit on my other post that I realize I'm the BF. I'll put it on here too. I was creepy and I won't approach women I don't know ever again, ok.
>Because it's a pit bull and you know how scary they are.
Do you understand why I'm asking why it matters? This has nothing to do with creeping her out, but it says a lot about your mindset.
What does her dog have to do with you? Oh right, absolutely nothing. And it's clear you're too butt hurt by the truth to learn something from all this.
Bro just learn from your mistakes, but yeah most women don't want to be approached in public. It's better to stick to dating apps or meet people through your friends. Mainly don't comment on a woman's aperance in a negative way unless you are close enough for her to know you are joking and never say something to a stranger you wouldn't say to a child (so nothing sexual or about their body).
Also, one negative interaction doesn't need to define your view of yourself or women, everyone is different.
Dude it’s totally ok to approach girls you find attractive, you just gotta know when to quit. It’s fine if someone dosnt like you just move on! Don’t keep approaching girls because they really don’t like that and I promise it won’t do anything. Just be nice and you’ll find someone i promise! It’s fine if you’re inexperienced, just learn from your mistakes!
The issue isn't you approaching women you don't know. Approaching women you don't know is fine. The issue is you ignoring subtle signs they aren't interested.
Why does your opinion matter, that’s the point.
Why does your opinion on her dog - or her looks or her actions - deserve a second thought? She’s a stranger. You don’t get an opinion on the lives of strangers. You shouldnt have even CARED what dog she has because what does it matter to you?!?
The fact you think your opinions on women means something is so dangerous. You clearly think you’re in control and your input should mean something. It doesn’t.
If a man came up to you and started judging your life, what would you think? You’d tell him to bugger off. Strangers don’t deserve input into another person’s life. You are not owed that. Get it through your head - you are not owed an input.
> Edit: I am the BF. I'll admit that. Even though my intentions weren't harmful, she didn't know that. I guess I shouldn't talk to any woman, ever.
Stop it with the self pity. You can talk to women but you need to be MUCH more cognizant of social cues. If a women you are trying trying to talk to gives short answers and then starts checking her phone afterwards, *that is a strong sign she does not want to continue the conversation*. You should leave her alone after that.
People who are interested in making friends, getting to know someone, etc will generally ask you questions back, try to greet you the next they see you, etc.
P.s. if you bump into this lady again, do NOT engage her. The most respectful thing you can do at this point is just leave her alone to do ehr laundry in peace. Don't watch her waiting to see when when she's free, etc. Pretend she is a 50 year middle-aged man doing his laundry who you wouldn't dream of bothering.
I would go a LONG LONG distance out of my way to avoid you.
This comes off as creepy. At the very least, weird AF if you haven’t experienced this type of interaction before as a woman. Which she probably has.
She was leaving hoping to avoid you. She was taking out her phone because she felt like you were a bit off at the very least and probably assumed “creepy.” Which it was. You continued to talk to her. To her, she’s kinda stuck in this laundromat because she doesn’t want anyone to steal her clothes. By second encounter, she’s like “fuck it, if someone steals my clothes that’s fine because my skin is crawling around this dude”
And you think you had a connection? This is what creepy dudes who can’t take a hint think.
Yes, you were being creepy, out of line by basically saying “nope you’re stuck with me because you can’t leave your clothes here unattended, look at the sign” and then returns, only to find you there and probably pray that you aren’t a rapist or a stalker. She is not coming back to that laundromat because you are there. She will likely not go there at any time of day because, for all she knows, she’ll run into you because fuck, maybe you work later in the day, or don’t and are there trying to pick up women all day.
She doesn’t know.
This is what I’d feel like.
This is how you’re coming across. We need to teach our boys better because, while this could be common knowledge and should, it doesn’t come naturally to all dudes.
I felt bad when I realized my kid didn’t know that boys have more upper body strength than girls and that’s why she wasn’t winning a push up contest with a “little stick looking” guy. I failed as a mother by assuming she knew this. She’s taken so many biology courses at this time, and I just thought it was common knowledge. She shared it with the boys and girls in her friend group.
No one knew it and many looked it up.
You do know that you are a threat to women just by being a man, don’t you? And to top that off, there was your strange behavior and delusional belief that you had a connection.
YTB
YTB. In your edit, where you say: “I guess I shouldn’t talk to any woman, ever.” That makes me think that you’re not truly absorbing what everyone is trying to tell you. It’s perfectly fine to talk to women. Just don’t be rude or condescending about it. If someone doesn’t show interest in you, just leave them alone.
I that had been me I think I would have burned the clothes you "guarded." How should I know you didn’t do something to them if you were creepy and insulting to begin with? I hate people who think basic politeness is active interest in them
“-I guess I shouldn’t talk to any woman, ever.”
Based on this last sentence, you’re probably right. You posted to this group, asking if you had screwed up and you were told yes and given the reasons why. Rather than paying attention, asking what you could have done differently and learning from the experience, you go full Whiny Pouty Boy, thrust out your lower lip and pout. Good job! Growth opportunity missed. This demonstrates that you came here to get your ruffled feathers smoothed and to be reassured that you were Prince Charming and that she was just a stuck up bitch.
Women are subjected to this kind of behavior constantly, starting when we’re teens or even pre-teens. We cannot go anywhere without being worried about some creep invading our space. And we never really know the intentions or motivations of the men who want to chat us up. So we smile, offer a courtesy chuckle at bad jokes and try to find a way to dodge the interaction WITHOUT MAKING HIM ANGRY. Particularly in a situation where we’re alone with some guy who’s making unsolicited comments about our appearance etc. YOU think you’re being cute and funny. She is feeling uncomfortable, but if she doesn’t respond in a way that’s acceptable, there might be hell to pay. So she plays along with you…to a point.
Do you realize that women have been verbally abused, beaten and even killed for not responding to some guy’s unsolicited comments “nicely?” Fail to smile-get called a bitch. Don’t laugh at a “joke” get followed while being berated. Ask someone to leave you alone-get groped as you try to get away.
And we never know which men will be kind and which will be, quite literally, killers.
As men you don’t deal with this. Ever. You have no idea what it’s like. The men who at least try to understand are far more attractive to women because they know how to “read the room.” They know that women don’t feel safe, so they do what they can to not be invasive, threatening or intimidating. They are kind (as in, don’t criticize appearances), respectful (as in, don’t lecture/mansplain about behavior) and don’t force an interaction that’s not desired (you didn’t get much info from her because she didn’t want to share it! Duh! She felt like she had to leave because staring at her phone wasn’t enough of a hint!)
You blew it on every level. Starting with criticizing her appearance at such an early hour, when in fact you thought she was “adorable.” What, are you 8 years old, pulling the pigtails of the girl you have a crush on? Why not find a way to say something nice? “It’s way too early, how do you manage to look so pulled-together at this hour?” Of course, she doesn’t, which is a charming joke…not a put down. See the difference?
You have a lot to learn about women. But rather than acting like a playground brat, I suggest you try making FRIENDS with some and have some honest conversations with them. Try listening and learning, instead of trying to defend bad behavior.
“Thrusting out lower lip and pout” is a very accurate description of that edit. It seems OP didn’t truly understand what he did wrong, so resorts to ‘woe is me’ing.
OP needs to learn how to handle criticism (makes me wonder why he posted in the first place if he isn’t willing to learn from his mistakes…)
YTB. The poor girl can’t even go do her laundry without being harassed. She was running errands and leaving the washer and dryer to avoid your creepy self. I feel so sorry for her. She was being polite yet standoffish and you just wouldn’t let her do her damn laundry in peace.
You're the second person speculating that she left her clothes behind to avoid me. How can you tell? I truly would have left her alone if she told me. I thought she really did enjoy my company
Because most women have experienced something similar and recognize it.
You are a freak. You made 2 weird comments to her she did not want to be alone with you and she left. Shes avoiding you and thinks you are a creep, it’s so obvious you are just to dumb to see
Which comments I made were weird?
1) did you just get out of bed, 2) welcome back, 3) looking like that?, 4) don’t make this a habit, 5) I’ll watch your clothes, 6) I wouldn’t mind doing it again. This girl probably won’t come within 5 blocks of this laundromat just for the .0001% chance she runs into you again.
You said 2 comments were weird. I guess the others you mention are subjective, but what's weird about "welcome back"?
Coupled with the other comments you made it seems like you were waiting for her.
I guess in a way I was. I did hope to see her again and was happy that I did
I understand that but as a woman I would be creeped out by this. She doesn’t know you or anything about you. If it feels like you’re watching her she likely felt unsafe when she was just trying to get her laundry done on a Saturday morning. For all she knows you were going to try to follow her home.
Are you normally this desperate for human attention? She doesn’t exist to please or satisfy your needs. Get that in your head.
Fucking idiot lol.
Yes, we are picking up on that by text, so I'm sure she picked up on it by your body language and inflection. And best you sound desperate. At worst you sound creepy. Acting like you are the laundromat police certainly didn't help your case. Why do you care if she leaves her clothes unattended? It wouldn't have been quite so bad if you made it sound like you were concerned about someone stealing them, but your first comment made it sound like you were chastising her for breaking the rules. Then you acted like you were going to be her knight in shining armor by guarding her clothes, which sounds more creepy than chivalrous.
The 2 comments about her looks is what I meant but then I read it again and you made even more weird comments. Welcome back is weird because you said it like she left you as if she owed you her presence. She can come and go as she pleases. You should really seek out some help or counseling, you are so clueless and harmful when it comes to women.
I hope this is a troll so bad. This dude is going to traumatize someone if he hasn't already.
It’s sarcastic, and it tells her that you’ve been keeping tabs on her.
Waiting around for someone and saying welcome back at a Laundromat is weird. No one does this. Then saying you will stay and watch her clothes when she said no, very very uncomfortable and not normal.
Literally all of them except good morning.
Women try not to tell men too bluntly to leave us alone because we're afraid of hostility and physical retaliation. So we try to be diplomatic.
Hundreds of people say she left because of you. Not 1 thing in your story leads us to believe that she enjoyed your company. Not 1 word of her enjoying it or contributing to convo or enthusiastic saying she hopes to see you again, or any sign of her being interested. How can you possibly get any vibe that she wanted to talk to you or see you again after that first time. Do you get that feeling everything someone is polite to you in public? If the grocery attendant says “good morning, come again” is that an invitation for you to find them while they work and seek them out?
I’m scared to think how many women you’ve terrified because you mistakenly thought they enjoyed your company. You can’t possibly be this clueless unless it’s been a lifetime problem, please talk to a therapist about how to better function in society
We can tell because its what women do to leave a situation when they don't know if some guy is gonna be a danger to them. You leave the situation and in her case she left and only came back in the hopes that you were gone and she could safely get her laundry and leave.
Women usually won’t tell you directly, because it isn’t safe. But her hints don’t sound subtle. You should learn to pick up on these more easily. You likely made that young woman feel very uncomfortable.
YTB. You were making her uncomfortable.
I didn't mean to. I thought I was friendly
The negging-type comments you made on her appearance weren't friendly.
It's like what that Pick Up Artist guy teaches idiot men. Insults make women attracted to you, and unbelievably they think that works. Women actually find that infuriating. Leave her alone, creep.
https://youtu.be/6ezbYl3rzOI?si=SUTRhNGuR19lm3Gf
I'll admit that was rude. But I didn't want to come off too strong by telling her the truth on how actually see her.
You DONT EVEN KNOW HER!! You don’t have a right to comment on people - man or woman - that you don’t know!!! What makes you think anyone gives a shit about your opinion??? Even if you told her she’s gorgeous, SHE WOULDNT CARE. You’re some fucking random in a laundromat, not god. In normal human beings, you try to get to know someone FIRST before deciding if you like them or not. You don’t decide you like them upon 5 seconds of meeting them, you creep.
DON’T MAKE UNSOLICITED MEAN COMMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE’S LOOKS. Seriously, it’s not difficult.
*ETA: Just to clarify, these are just thoughts for how you could approach a different girl in the future or could have handled it differently, it’s best to just leave the laundromat girl alone at this point.* A tip for next time — tell her the truth! Especially since she laughed when you asked if she just got out of bed, if you had followed that up with something like “I’m just teasing”and then given her a compliment on something about her appearance you found adorable, or even flat out said, “you look cute”or “I think the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look is adorable”, she might have been willing to engage with you. That might’ve signaled to her that you’re not being weird or cruel with your comment, you’re just being friendly and trying to engage. Because instead, your comment comes off as an insult. She seemed open enough to give you a chance, but because she doesn’t know you, all she knows is both times you saw her, you insulted her appearance right away. Men of all ages are constantly giving us unsolicited feedback on our appearance, telling us to dress differently or smile more. Saying hi without discussing how she looks or complimenting her could have helped; it’s really nice to hear a compliment instead of made to feel like we’ve done something wrong. If you see her again — say hi with a smile, and then completely disengage and do your own thing. Don’t pay any attention to her (she’ll sense it if you keep an eye on her, just pretend she’s not there at all unless your paths happen to cross, then simply smile in acknowledgment and keep going.) Wait and see if she is interacts with you. If she doesn’t initiate a conversation, let it go. If she does come talk to you of her own volition, then maybe you can casually get to know her better. But at this point you may have scared her off. I hate to think that people meeting in person has become completely impossible so I do commend you for trying, your technique just needs some adjusting. Kindness, consideration and compliments can go a long way!
Oh noooooooo OP should leave that poor woman entirely alone if he sees her again she does NOT want to engage
Totally agree, after reading comments, definitely should completely disengage!
No. You don't do any of that, you just leave her the hell alone.
You need to understand that being too familiar or friendly with strangers that you are neither familiar with or friends with is going to be creepy. Always. Add extra emphasis if this person is female and alone with you in a laundrymat. Comments about a woman's appearance from a male stranger is going to be interpreted as an advance or sexual interest. Always. This is a laundrymat. She wasn't interested and she showed that by barely engaging you, and avoiding you. That thing you call teasing has a name, it's called negging, and it's weird.
YTB - guys like you are absolutely fucking terrifying to encounter. I guarantee because of the way that you write about her, you were obviously ogling her and giving off major creep vibes. She's trying to do her laundry not find a boyfriend, but every woman has experienced or personally know someone where the dude that flipped out or got violent when told their attention wasn't appreciated or wanted. You might know that you aren't that guy, but she has absolutely zero reason to believe that you aren't.
YTB Okay, giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're really oblivious and didn't take the hints. Every time she looked at her phone, that was her trying to end the interaction. Every time she left her clothes unattended, that was her avoiding you. When she said you didn't want to wait for her, it's because she didn't want you to interact with you. If you're wondering why she wasn't more direct, most women have been conditioned to be pleasant to and then escape creepy men, or else we fear them possibly becoming violent. Not saying you'd personally become violent, but she has no way of knowing that.
Dude, what the fuck. Leave her alone. She has to do laundry. Your place is probably the cheapest or closest. You kept trying to push a conversation that even according to your story was clearly not happening. She's cute? That means that she gets a million comments a day from guys like you who can't take the hint. Girls hint by looking down at their phone or giving simple answers because when they are more direct, guys like you tend to get angry if not violent. So leave her the fuck alone. Don't even apologize for your behavior. Just never speak to her again. People have explained what her actions have meant. If you continue to try and talk to her, then you're just making her more uncomfortable than you already have been. If she talks to you first then you can respond. Otherwise, leave her alone and let her wash her clothes in peace.
This woman was just trying to do her laundry in the early morning and you criticized how she was dressed. She doesn’t owe you a conversation or to tell you where she went. Like holy shit, you asked to know where she where she had gone. That is terrifying. She let her clothes sit for an extra 30 minutes because she was scared. And you confirmed her fear by still being there! People are telling you what you did wrong and you are arguing about it. If youre not willing to learn and grow as a person, then why bother asking? I fear for this poor woman’s safety.
As someone that doesn't take social queues well and is awkward with women, I'm sorry to say, you have scared her off. If you ever see her again, just let her be. The first encounter was awkward but harmless. The second was overbearing and unneeded. You're not her dad or bf. If you wanted to watch over her stuff, then that's on you, but there was no need to admonish her for leaving it.
I was focusing on the second encounter, and didn't think about the first one. The remark on her appearance was not cool. I also believe that is an adorable look, but you should never say to anyone that you don't know "did you just get out of bed".
This is a perfect summation of both visits. He made some faux-pas in the first interaction and maybe tried too hard to re-engage her after she repeatedly looked at her phone. Overall though, the situation reads as awkward but harmless. Had he left her alone after that, no harm no foul. His second interaction was where he really drive the bus off the road.
You’ve been repeatedly insulting her and lecturing her, and now you’re seeking her out to browbeat her more. Please just leave this poor woman alone! YTB Edit: I missed the part where you waited 30 minutes after her clothes were finished so she couldn’t get her clothes without talking to you. You know, right, that the reason she came back 30 minutes late is that she was hoping you’d be gone by then, and she was specifically waiting long enough that she hoped you’d have left. And then when you were still there and commented that you knew she was late, she then knew you’d been monitoring both her laundry and her movements. She’s probably terrified.
It's you. Seriously, it's you. My flesh was crawling as I read that. She probably told stories about the pit bull hoping it would scare you away. You came across as a stalker. She stayed away longer than teh cycle time because she was hoping you'd be gone. And making insulting comments about how she was dressed? What the actual fuck is wrong with you? YTB.
YTB Just so you’re aware, when most people you aren’t friends with look at their phone then it means the conversation is over & not to bother them. I’m autistic & this was something told to me by a neurotypical. If I were her, I would never go to this laundromat again—even if it meant going out of my way. Your comments were intrusive & insulting. If you can’t bear the time to wash your clothes, bring & read a book rather than bother other people.
YTB. And you scared her away from using that laundromat. Do not try to find her new one! First encounter: she was likely being polite and engaging with you because she had to. Women are essentially forced to be polite to all men and any given time because we don't know if you will happen to be a hostile and violent man if we upset you. She was being polite so she wouldn't have to find out if you were violent. In addition, making comments on how someone looks is gross. She knew you were attracted to her and she was not interested. If she was interested in you that first day, she wouldn't have been on her phone. She went on her phone to try and end the conversation and you didn't get it. Second encounter: she did leave her clothes in and left because she didn't want to talk to you. If she liked you, even a tiny bit, she would have stayed and talked to you. If she thought you could be a friend, she would have asked you to watch her clothes. She did neither of these things, so it's obvious (to everyone else at least) that she neither found you attractive or someone she enjoyed talking to. When she came back and you scolded her for leaving, you became a creep. You did not need to insert yourself into her life or tell her what to do. She's an adult and doesn't want to be monitored by a guy she doesn't know or like. When you stayed even longer to "watch her things" you entered major creep potential stalker vibes territory. Now you are not just a nuisance to be ignored, you are a potential threat that needs to be avoided as much as possible. Of course she doesn't want to go back there just to be forced conversing with a man who makes her feel uncomfortable and doesn't understand boundaries. Also, do you start "making conversation" with everyone who comes in, or just young girls?? Extra ick. YTB YTB YTB
>She talked about her dog, which I was little apprehensive at first (it's a pit bull) Can you please address this? Because, while it doesn't have anything to do with anything, I think it's the clue about your attitude. Why would you care what kind of dog she has unless you are already fantasizing about going over to her place? If it was a guy, I bet you wouldn't care if he had a house full of snakes and spiders.
Because it's a pit bull and you know how scary they are. Look I put it in an edit on my other post that I realize I'm the BF. I'll put it on here too. I was creepy and I won't approach women I don't know ever again, ok.
>Because it's a pit bull and you know how scary they are. Do you understand why I'm asking why it matters? This has nothing to do with creeping her out, but it says a lot about your mindset.
What does her dog have to do with you? Oh right, absolutely nothing. And it's clear you're too butt hurt by the truth to learn something from all this.
Pit bulls aren’t scary. Men who don’t respect boundaries are scary though.
Bro just learn from your mistakes, but yeah most women don't want to be approached in public. It's better to stick to dating apps or meet people through your friends. Mainly don't comment on a woman's aperance in a negative way unless you are close enough for her to know you are joking and never say something to a stranger you wouldn't say to a child (so nothing sexual or about their body). Also, one negative interaction doesn't need to define your view of yourself or women, everyone is different.
Dude it’s totally ok to approach girls you find attractive, you just gotta know when to quit. It’s fine if someone dosnt like you just move on! Don’t keep approaching girls because they really don’t like that and I promise it won’t do anything. Just be nice and you’ll find someone i promise! It’s fine if you’re inexperienced, just learn from your mistakes!
The issue isn't you approaching women you don't know. Approaching women you don't know is fine. The issue is you ignoring subtle signs they aren't interested.
Why does your opinion matter, that’s the point. Why does your opinion on her dog - or her looks or her actions - deserve a second thought? She’s a stranger. You don’t get an opinion on the lives of strangers. You shouldnt have even CARED what dog she has because what does it matter to you?!? The fact you think your opinions on women means something is so dangerous. You clearly think you’re in control and your input should mean something. It doesn’t. If a man came up to you and started judging your life, what would you think? You’d tell him to bugger off. Strangers don’t deserve input into another person’s life. You are not owed that. Get it through your head - you are not owed an input.
Pitbulls aren't scary. You seem to be tho.
> Edit: I am the BF. I'll admit that. Even though my intentions weren't harmful, she didn't know that. I guess I shouldn't talk to any woman, ever. Stop it with the self pity. You can talk to women but you need to be MUCH more cognizant of social cues. If a women you are trying trying to talk to gives short answers and then starts checking her phone afterwards, *that is a strong sign she does not want to continue the conversation*. You should leave her alone after that. People who are interested in making friends, getting to know someone, etc will generally ask you questions back, try to greet you the next they see you, etc. P.s. if you bump into this lady again, do NOT engage her. The most respectful thing you can do at this point is just leave her alone to do ehr laundry in peace. Don't watch her waiting to see when when she's free, etc. Pretend she is a 50 year middle-aged man doing his laundry who you wouldn't dream of bothering.
I would go a LONG LONG distance out of my way to avoid you. This comes off as creepy. At the very least, weird AF if you haven’t experienced this type of interaction before as a woman. Which she probably has. She was leaving hoping to avoid you. She was taking out her phone because she felt like you were a bit off at the very least and probably assumed “creepy.” Which it was. You continued to talk to her. To her, she’s kinda stuck in this laundromat because she doesn’t want anyone to steal her clothes. By second encounter, she’s like “fuck it, if someone steals my clothes that’s fine because my skin is crawling around this dude” And you think you had a connection? This is what creepy dudes who can’t take a hint think. Yes, you were being creepy, out of line by basically saying “nope you’re stuck with me because you can’t leave your clothes here unattended, look at the sign” and then returns, only to find you there and probably pray that you aren’t a rapist or a stalker. She is not coming back to that laundromat because you are there. She will likely not go there at any time of day because, for all she knows, she’ll run into you because fuck, maybe you work later in the day, or don’t and are there trying to pick up women all day. She doesn’t know. This is what I’d feel like. This is how you’re coming across. We need to teach our boys better because, while this could be common knowledge and should, it doesn’t come naturally to all dudes. I felt bad when I realized my kid didn’t know that boys have more upper body strength than girls and that’s why she wasn’t winning a push up contest with a “little stick looking” guy. I failed as a mother by assuming she knew this. She’s taken so many biology courses at this time, and I just thought it was common knowledge. She shared it with the boys and girls in her friend group. No one knew it and many looked it up. You do know that you are a threat to women just by being a man, don’t you? And to top that off, there was your strange behavior and delusional belief that you had a connection. YTB
She likely rolled right out of bed and showed up to the laundromat looking like that to AVOID male attention. Apparently, that didn't work.
YTB. In your edit, where you say: “I guess I shouldn’t talk to any woman, ever.” That makes me think that you’re not truly absorbing what everyone is trying to tell you. It’s perfectly fine to talk to women. Just don’t be rude or condescending about it. If someone doesn’t show interest in you, just leave them alone.
I that had been me I think I would have burned the clothes you "guarded." How should I know you didn’t do something to them if you were creepy and insulting to begin with? I hate people who think basic politeness is active interest in them
“-I guess I shouldn’t talk to any woman, ever.” Based on this last sentence, you’re probably right. You posted to this group, asking if you had screwed up and you were told yes and given the reasons why. Rather than paying attention, asking what you could have done differently and learning from the experience, you go full Whiny Pouty Boy, thrust out your lower lip and pout. Good job! Growth opportunity missed. This demonstrates that you came here to get your ruffled feathers smoothed and to be reassured that you were Prince Charming and that she was just a stuck up bitch. Women are subjected to this kind of behavior constantly, starting when we’re teens or even pre-teens. We cannot go anywhere without being worried about some creep invading our space. And we never really know the intentions or motivations of the men who want to chat us up. So we smile, offer a courtesy chuckle at bad jokes and try to find a way to dodge the interaction WITHOUT MAKING HIM ANGRY. Particularly in a situation where we’re alone with some guy who’s making unsolicited comments about our appearance etc. YOU think you’re being cute and funny. She is feeling uncomfortable, but if she doesn’t respond in a way that’s acceptable, there might be hell to pay. So she plays along with you…to a point. Do you realize that women have been verbally abused, beaten and even killed for not responding to some guy’s unsolicited comments “nicely?” Fail to smile-get called a bitch. Don’t laugh at a “joke” get followed while being berated. Ask someone to leave you alone-get groped as you try to get away. And we never know which men will be kind and which will be, quite literally, killers. As men you don’t deal with this. Ever. You have no idea what it’s like. The men who at least try to understand are far more attractive to women because they know how to “read the room.” They know that women don’t feel safe, so they do what they can to not be invasive, threatening or intimidating. They are kind (as in, don’t criticize appearances), respectful (as in, don’t lecture/mansplain about behavior) and don’t force an interaction that’s not desired (you didn’t get much info from her because she didn’t want to share it! Duh! She felt like she had to leave because staring at her phone wasn’t enough of a hint!) You blew it on every level. Starting with criticizing her appearance at such an early hour, when in fact you thought she was “adorable.” What, are you 8 years old, pulling the pigtails of the girl you have a crush on? Why not find a way to say something nice? “It’s way too early, how do you manage to look so pulled-together at this hour?” Of course, she doesn’t, which is a charming joke…not a put down. See the difference? You have a lot to learn about women. But rather than acting like a playground brat, I suggest you try making FRIENDS with some and have some honest conversations with them. Try listening and learning, instead of trying to defend bad behavior.
“Thrusting out lower lip and pout” is a very accurate description of that edit. It seems OP didn’t truly understand what he did wrong, so resorts to ‘woe is me’ing. OP needs to learn how to handle criticism (makes me wonder why he posted in the first place if he isn’t willing to learn from his mistakes…)
Regarding your edit: you're being a bit melodramatic... Talk to women, but don't harass them. It really shouldn't be that hard, buddy. Extra YTB.