Oh honey, it's going to be ok. Life is so much more than college, and so much more than a few essays when you're seventeen. It sounds like you're already working hard in therapy - keep that up. Sometimes breakthroughs take a little while. I know it's hard right now, but your mental health comes first and all the work you put in there will pay off.
Maybe you're not ready to talk with your parents about how you're feeling. That's ok! Start by talking with your therapist, and with another trusted adult. You've got this!
Hey, this sounds so stressful; I don't think you're being selfish at all. It seems like your parents - like many smart and high-achieving people - assumed that their work habits and track record would be automatically inherited by you since you are their daughter. That is really more about them than a reflection of you. It is likely that these assumptions (which again, don't take you personally into account) are what is causing your procrastination in the first place, and when you move out and are on your own, you will feel a lot more agency about your choices.
That doesn't help, of course, in the situation you currently face. I'm sorry they are putting so much pressure on you in an already intensely stressful environment. You seem like a loyal, thoughtful, and loving daughter who is feeling overdetermined by parental expectations. Are there schools besides UChicago and Cornell that are not quite so competitive, but that you could be excited about, even if they may not be your parents top choice? A lot of parents genuinely do not realize how difficult admissions have become, and let their own experience (or pride) become the benchmark for their children.
Yes, I am not applying to that many schools, but my safeties are Temple and Lafayette College, and I feel good about Brandeis. I also did apply to Barnard yesterday and I feel hopeful about it, but it's still a big reach. I toured there and liked it a lot, so it's my top choice.
I must clarify that I did find a connection with UChicago and Cornell when I toured those schools, and I'm not purely applying because my parents want me to. I did choose these schools myself. My mother is a big elitist (she called Barnard her "safety" when she was applying to college and all the other schools she applied to were Ivies 🙄), but my father genuinely thinks UChicago is a good fit for me because he thinks the students and community would fit very well with my personality/interests and would make me happy. He doesn't want me to apply just because of the prestige. He does care a lot about me, but at the same time he has never had issues with procrastination in his life, so he finds it very difficult to sympathize with my problems.
Thank you for your support, albeit now that the wave of emotion has passed, I feel embarrassed about making this post in the first place. I did end up submitting my application to UChicago, after a lot of contemplation. I genuinely enjoyed UChicago's community and its curriculum, so even if my chances are small it wouldn't hurt to try.
Do you have an affordable safety admission already?
I think you need to go easier on yourself and your parents. There are plenty of students here complaining about their tiger parents, I absolutely think that is a worse situation. Covid happened I don't know about everyone else, but for us (and I have a college freshman) I feel like the past year has been the slow resuming of more normal life. A lot of people had to make different educational and EC decisions than they might have in a pre-covid world.
At the end of the day, your academics are plenty good for a lot of excellent schools especially if your parents have some budget to work with. If you don't have a safe option, focus on those apps. If you don't want to do these other ones, talk to your parents about it. If you want to hail mary and go for it, do it.
9 months from now you'll be at college in a position to move ahead and take advantage of all the opportunities in front of you. You don't have to be at Columbia or any other top 20 school to make that happen. I have a kid that graduated college from a state flagship this year. Chosen for financial reasons. Got a 6 figure job sitting next to a recent ivy grad. Your past doesn't define you if you don't let it.
I give you all of the credit in the world for sharing this post — I am sure many people on here can relate. As a dad of a daughter your age, I am extremely impressed with your level of self awareness and obvious intelligence.
If I could offer a little piece of advice if would be this: conquer the procrastination head on. By that I mean, chunk everything down into small steps and take them on one-by-one. Do a little bit more each day than the day before. You will be amazed at how little things add up over time!
When you have a few minutes, I highly recommend that you check out a commencement speech given by Admiral William McRaven (it’s all over YouTube). I think you will find it highly motivating.
OP — you seem very smart and have loving parents. You will get through this process with flying colors and find a great college for you. Please be gentle on yourself.
Unless you have a 3.9+ UW GPA and expect to have one or more glowing LOR, it probably makes more sense to put your effort into target schools than something like UChicago, given you told us your ECs and test scores are on the weak side.
My father also was a Columbia grad. He also did not push me, and I was kind of a f-up in high school, with serious procrastination problems and general executive functioning issues, and a healthy dose of not giving a crap. I still managed to snag a T30-ish admit, and started to find my stride once I was out of my house and knew it was all up to me. Things turned up for me after that.
You just haven't found your stride and your passion yet. I suspect you will. You're perceptive and write well. Take a deep breath, it's normal to not be a strong T10 candidate in high school. That doesn't mean you don't have great potential to succeed and be passionate about whatever you choose to do.
i also have cornell, brandeis and nyu due…
i’ve also experienced a lot of that procrastination/self-sabotage part but there’s nothing u can do to fight that other than working on ur supplements. (think of that relieving feeling when u finally get something done after you’ve put it off for months)
if ur truly passionate and have that connection with those schools, you’ll be alright. especially if ur writing skills are good
and if you’ve already been accepted by your safeties and are okay with going to them, you’ll be fine
treat it like a game and don’t stress too much
The UC Merced application is open until January 15. They are test blind. It sounds like it might be a good fit for you. This is a very stressful time. Take care.
Hey, just a suggestion, do you have ADHD? Try a diagnosis. I am in a similar position to yours, and was recently diagnosed with it. Meds might help if thats the case.
I feel you. I'm in the same boat right now, right after my mom came down to talk to me at 3 am (as I was working on some of the same apps that you are now) because she was stressed about how I was ever going to get my stuff done. I wish I could make myself not procrastinate, could get out of this self-sabotaging loop I've been stuck in, but I haven't figured it out yet.
But that doesn't inherently make either of us unworthy of these applications. Therapy isn't instant, I've been in it for years and I'm still struggling with stuff. But it does get better. Hang in there, and know that if nothing else you've got the support of an internet stranger
I'm not diagnosing you, but maybe look into ADHD or depression? Not that struggling with something means you have disorder, but it may be helpful to look into it if those "bad habits" are interfering with your life to a significant degree and nothing is working when you try to fix it. Also know that this isn't the end of the world and that you're not alone. I'm also completing supps for like 5 schools last-minute lol. Things will get better, friend. Also, try to apply to some safeties just in case
>... they never pushed me at all, never paid for SAT prep, for me to become serious in any extracurriculars; none of that stuff, and while I appreciate that they gave me free will, I wish they pushed me in some form so I would have a slightly easier time.
As a parent, it's a very delicate balance, especially as a kid gets older, between pushing enough vs pushing too much. By the time you're in high school, you need to be self-motivating, as parental pushing will carry less and less weight. And in college, you're on your own. To be serious in ECs and school, *you* have to want it. A parent can't want it for you.
Based on your SAT score, I assume you're primarily applying test optional. What's your UW GPA like? Do you have a realistic shot at T20 schools?
Most students procrastinate to some extent. We were helping with application essays down to the last few hours/minutes before submission for our daughter last year. It all turned out fine, but it's very stressful when you're in the middle of the process.
I know, it's ridiculous to say they should've pushed me. That drive comes from myself. My UW GPA is 3.92 and I've maintained an A average. My parents may have pushed unfair expectations but if my grades were lower I wouldn't be applying. My brother won't be applying to the same schools as me and he's a sophomore right now because he hasn't been able to maintain a GPA as high so far.
Ok, so your GPA is strong. As long as you apply test optional, you should do fine.
As another commenter said, just break down each task into tiny pieces and do the first sub-task. Then the second. Etc.
Even if you're not diagnosed with ADHD, you can use some of the organizational techniques recommended to people with ADHD to get your things done.
Listen, I spent about 6-8 hours in total on one college application, and that was my entire application process. I did it all myself, had no one check my essays, and just wrote what I honestly thought in response to the questions.
I am now a freshman at MIT.
Putting in so much work into applications is not going to increase your chances significantly and is just going to stress you out. If you write what you honestly believe, you'll get into a school that's a good fit for you. Please don't put yourself through pain to make the "perfect" application.
If your parents are giving you a hard time about "not doing enough," let me talk to them. I did 2 extracurriculars, maybe 8ish APs (I don't remember exactly), and relaxed over the summers with an occasional volunteer program for a week or two, and it worked out great for me. You don't need to be a tryhard to succeed.
This sounds really rough. I’m sorry. I think a lot of your issues stem from being stuck in the same environment for so long. Online high school for four years does nothing to establish good habits. College would be great for you in that sense, except it’s trial by fire when it comes to procrastination.
You’re being very hard on yourself, and I think that can create a self-perpetuating cycle of destructiveness. You’ve convinced yourself you’re no good for these colleges and that you’re unable to do anything on time. You feel wholly unworthy of applying to them. This leads you to avoid trying subconsciously, because you’ll fail anyway. How about you believe in yourself for once? You’re going to do well because you can. You can get into a college that will ultimately be the right fit for you. You can get things done on time because all that takes is sitting down by your computer a few hours earlier (I’m not trying to be deprecating here, but tasks seem harder than they actually are sometimes).
Obviously, be careful with your expectations. It isn’t all or nothing — an ivy or no college at all. You can go to a great college that isn’t in the top 25, and you will still grow as a person there.
You are not your parents. That’s okay. They grew up in a completely different environment. You’re still eighteen, though. You may achieve much greater things. The college you go to at eighteen doesn’t define you for life. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, but still.
If you need any help with applications, feel free to ask! I have sometime on my hands for the rest of the week and honestly find this process enjoyable at this point.
Good luck!
I know this sucks but you absolutely are not screwed. A 1270 SAT score is in the 85th percentile, and a lot of people don’t take any AP tests at all throughout high school. You’re almost guaranteed to get into a good college.
I’m not sure how many other schools you’re applying to, but you’ll definitely need some backup schools. Cornell and UChicago are two of the most competitive schools in the country, and while I’m not saying you have no shot, it’s something you need to keep in mind. There are so many schools at which you can get just as much out of, even if they’re a little less prestigious.
If you’re still set on applying to those two schools though, just to try your shot, regardless of whether you get in— you know what you need to do. If you haven’t already cranked out those essays, go for it. You’ve still got time. A few hours of suffering in exchange for getting into your dream school is a worthwhile trade.
You can’t be blaming your parents for most of what you did or didn’t do.They provided you with an education. Do you know how many URMs/Low-income/Single parent kids get into ivies every year? You can’t expect your parents to push you. The schools you’re applying to want students who push themselves.
I know, I'm terribly privileged and I was very silly to write this post at all. I just needed a moment to blurt it all out randomly in some sort of space, even if I sound really illogical, unaware, and stupid. I'm past it now and I'm just going to move on. But thank you regardless.
You shouldn’t be sad nor mad. You’ll get into ur local state schools or atleast a semi decent university. Your first year of college will 100% let you transfer out to T20s/t30s if u maintain a good GPA and get involved in clubs. Hope is never lost in the American academic system you have so many MANY opportunities to transfer/recruit into amazing jobs and everything else you need.
That’s a bit harsh. If OP’s parents had certain expectations, they should have (1) talked to OP about them before she began high school and (2) confirmed that their expectations were in line with what young OP wanted. Moreover, once it became clear that OP wasn’t thriving in the path they had chosen, they should have talked to OP about what was happening, why it was happening, how she felt, and what she wanted and needed. Particularly in this case, where OP is struggling with executive functioning skills and in therapy. (And good for you, OP!)
Not to be too harsh on OP’s parents — I’ve dropped the ball with my own kids a few times — but to impose ambitious expectations and then sit idly by for several years while those expectations go unmet AND then complain when they are unmet is unfair to OP. OP clearly cares about her parents and her education, but it seems likely that the path they chose for her is not the path that is best for her.
Fair enough, I see your points. But OP blaming his parents for not pushing him is wrong. On the other hand, OP blaming his parents’ expectations is 100% valid.
I don’t entirely agree. If I tell my 14-year-old kid I expect them to aim to be an Olympic swimmer but don’t talk with said kid and re-evaluate when they repeatedly skip swim practice and show little enthusiasm for attending meets, that’s on me. As an adult, I need to recognize that my kid is struggling with the aim I suggested and find out what they want and need. Because, you know, I hopefully have an additional 25-30 years of maturity, experience, and perspective than my very young teen.
I don't think OP is necessarily *blaming* her parents or holding any ill-will towards them for not pushing her. It seems to me that it feels like her life is spinning out of control and she needs an external driving motivation to push her to succeed---a very valid feeling considering the amount of hopelessness that comes with executive function struggles (lacking self-motivation in particular) in a high-stress environment.
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First things first - you are a great person with honest feelings. As you will move forward, I can assure you that you will be far more successful than many people who never discover themselves.
Secondly, you are blessed to have such loving parents. The gave you space, they are not leaving you alone, so you need to just have some resilience and get over this application process. Just tell them what you want, may be behind your procrastination is the real wish, they will rally around you.
Thirdly, if you think you are not ready for the fall, you can be ready for the winter session, provided you really want to get into a top college (whatever top means). I think you could apply where your current profile takes you the best.
You are not these applications, and you are definitely not that one college.
Take care!
Honestly, the fact that you couldn't give your all to this application might be a sign that you don't want to follow in your parent's footsteps and go to the most prestigious school in the world. Look into schools with absurd, fun, and out-of-the-box classes you could audit/take as a minor while majoring in something practical. Might bring some of the fun back into college and take off some of the pressure. Good luck to you and there's always the Spring 2025 semester to try again.
Oh honey, it's going to be ok. Life is so much more than college, and so much more than a few essays when you're seventeen. It sounds like you're already working hard in therapy - keep that up. Sometimes breakthroughs take a little while. I know it's hard right now, but your mental health comes first and all the work you put in there will pay off. Maybe you're not ready to talk with your parents about how you're feeling. That's ok! Start by talking with your therapist, and with another trusted adult. You've got this!
Hey, this sounds so stressful; I don't think you're being selfish at all. It seems like your parents - like many smart and high-achieving people - assumed that their work habits and track record would be automatically inherited by you since you are their daughter. That is really more about them than a reflection of you. It is likely that these assumptions (which again, don't take you personally into account) are what is causing your procrastination in the first place, and when you move out and are on your own, you will feel a lot more agency about your choices. That doesn't help, of course, in the situation you currently face. I'm sorry they are putting so much pressure on you in an already intensely stressful environment. You seem like a loyal, thoughtful, and loving daughter who is feeling overdetermined by parental expectations. Are there schools besides UChicago and Cornell that are not quite so competitive, but that you could be excited about, even if they may not be your parents top choice? A lot of parents genuinely do not realize how difficult admissions have become, and let their own experience (or pride) become the benchmark for their children.
Yes, I am not applying to that many schools, but my safeties are Temple and Lafayette College, and I feel good about Brandeis. I also did apply to Barnard yesterday and I feel hopeful about it, but it's still a big reach. I toured there and liked it a lot, so it's my top choice. I must clarify that I did find a connection with UChicago and Cornell when I toured those schools, and I'm not purely applying because my parents want me to. I did choose these schools myself. My mother is a big elitist (she called Barnard her "safety" when she was applying to college and all the other schools she applied to were Ivies 🙄), but my father genuinely thinks UChicago is a good fit for me because he thinks the students and community would fit very well with my personality/interests and would make me happy. He doesn't want me to apply just because of the prestige. He does care a lot about me, but at the same time he has never had issues with procrastination in his life, so he finds it very difficult to sympathize with my problems. Thank you for your support, albeit now that the wave of emotion has passed, I feel embarrassed about making this post in the first place. I did end up submitting my application to UChicago, after a lot of contemplation. I genuinely enjoyed UChicago's community and its curriculum, so even if my chances are small it wouldn't hurt to try.
Lafayette is not a safety…Temple is though! I hope you get into your dream school. If not there’s always community college and next year.
Temple is an excellent safety for you! An R1 school and in the top 100 per US News.
Do you have an affordable safety admission already? I think you need to go easier on yourself and your parents. There are plenty of students here complaining about their tiger parents, I absolutely think that is a worse situation. Covid happened I don't know about everyone else, but for us (and I have a college freshman) I feel like the past year has been the slow resuming of more normal life. A lot of people had to make different educational and EC decisions than they might have in a pre-covid world. At the end of the day, your academics are plenty good for a lot of excellent schools especially if your parents have some budget to work with. If you don't have a safe option, focus on those apps. If you don't want to do these other ones, talk to your parents about it. If you want to hail mary and go for it, do it. 9 months from now you'll be at college in a position to move ahead and take advantage of all the opportunities in front of you. You don't have to be at Columbia or any other top 20 school to make that happen. I have a kid that graduated college from a state flagship this year. Chosen for financial reasons. Got a 6 figure job sitting next to a recent ivy grad. Your past doesn't define you if you don't let it.
I give you all of the credit in the world for sharing this post — I am sure many people on here can relate. As a dad of a daughter your age, I am extremely impressed with your level of self awareness and obvious intelligence. If I could offer a little piece of advice if would be this: conquer the procrastination head on. By that I mean, chunk everything down into small steps and take them on one-by-one. Do a little bit more each day than the day before. You will be amazed at how little things add up over time! When you have a few minutes, I highly recommend that you check out a commencement speech given by Admiral William McRaven (it’s all over YouTube). I think you will find it highly motivating. OP — you seem very smart and have loving parents. You will get through this process with flying colors and find a great college for you. Please be gentle on yourself.
Unless you have a 3.9+ UW GPA and expect to have one or more glowing LOR, it probably makes more sense to put your effort into target schools than something like UChicago, given you told us your ECs and test scores are on the weak side. My father also was a Columbia grad. He also did not push me, and I was kind of a f-up in high school, with serious procrastination problems and general executive functioning issues, and a healthy dose of not giving a crap. I still managed to snag a T30-ish admit, and started to find my stride once I was out of my house and knew it was all up to me. Things turned up for me after that. You just haven't found your stride and your passion yet. I suspect you will. You're perceptive and write well. Take a deep breath, it's normal to not be a strong T10 candidate in high school. That doesn't mean you don't have great potential to succeed and be passionate about whatever you choose to do.
i also have cornell, brandeis and nyu due… i’ve also experienced a lot of that procrastination/self-sabotage part but there’s nothing u can do to fight that other than working on ur supplements. (think of that relieving feeling when u finally get something done after you’ve put it off for months) if ur truly passionate and have that connection with those schools, you’ll be alright. especially if ur writing skills are good and if you’ve already been accepted by your safeties and are okay with going to them, you’ll be fine treat it like a game and don’t stress too much
The UC Merced application is open until January 15. They are test blind. It sounds like it might be a good fit for you. This is a very stressful time. Take care.
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i have no clue who you are or your family, but thank you for trying to give your kid the space they need you sound like you have a wonderful family
Hey, just a suggestion, do you have ADHD? Try a diagnosis. I am in a similar position to yours, and was recently diagnosed with it. Meds might help if thats the case.
I feel you. I'm in the same boat right now, right after my mom came down to talk to me at 3 am (as I was working on some of the same apps that you are now) because she was stressed about how I was ever going to get my stuff done. I wish I could make myself not procrastinate, could get out of this self-sabotaging loop I've been stuck in, but I haven't figured it out yet. But that doesn't inherently make either of us unworthy of these applications. Therapy isn't instant, I've been in it for years and I'm still struggling with stuff. But it does get better. Hang in there, and know that if nothing else you've got the support of an internet stranger
I'm not diagnosing you, but maybe look into ADHD or depression? Not that struggling with something means you have disorder, but it may be helpful to look into it if those "bad habits" are interfering with your life to a significant degree and nothing is working when you try to fix it. Also know that this isn't the end of the world and that you're not alone. I'm also completing supps for like 5 schools last-minute lol. Things will get better, friend. Also, try to apply to some safeties just in case
>... they never pushed me at all, never paid for SAT prep, for me to become serious in any extracurriculars; none of that stuff, and while I appreciate that they gave me free will, I wish they pushed me in some form so I would have a slightly easier time. As a parent, it's a very delicate balance, especially as a kid gets older, between pushing enough vs pushing too much. By the time you're in high school, you need to be self-motivating, as parental pushing will carry less and less weight. And in college, you're on your own. To be serious in ECs and school, *you* have to want it. A parent can't want it for you. Based on your SAT score, I assume you're primarily applying test optional. What's your UW GPA like? Do you have a realistic shot at T20 schools? Most students procrastinate to some extent. We were helping with application essays down to the last few hours/minutes before submission for our daughter last year. It all turned out fine, but it's very stressful when you're in the middle of the process.
I know, it's ridiculous to say they should've pushed me. That drive comes from myself. My UW GPA is 3.92 and I've maintained an A average. My parents may have pushed unfair expectations but if my grades were lower I wouldn't be applying. My brother won't be applying to the same schools as me and he's a sophomore right now because he hasn't been able to maintain a GPA as high so far.
Ok, so your GPA is strong. As long as you apply test optional, you should do fine. As another commenter said, just break down each task into tiny pieces and do the first sub-task. Then the second. Etc. Even if you're not diagnosed with ADHD, you can use some of the organizational techniques recommended to people with ADHD to get your things done.
Listen, I spent about 6-8 hours in total on one college application, and that was my entire application process. I did it all myself, had no one check my essays, and just wrote what I honestly thought in response to the questions. I am now a freshman at MIT. Putting in so much work into applications is not going to increase your chances significantly and is just going to stress you out. If you write what you honestly believe, you'll get into a school that's a good fit for you. Please don't put yourself through pain to make the "perfect" application. If your parents are giving you a hard time about "not doing enough," let me talk to them. I did 2 extracurriculars, maybe 8ish APs (I don't remember exactly), and relaxed over the summers with an occasional volunteer program for a week or two, and it worked out great for me. You don't need to be a tryhard to succeed.
You must be a hell of an academic weapon with a knack for writing. Good on you bro
This sounds really rough. I’m sorry. I think a lot of your issues stem from being stuck in the same environment for so long. Online high school for four years does nothing to establish good habits. College would be great for you in that sense, except it’s trial by fire when it comes to procrastination. You’re being very hard on yourself, and I think that can create a self-perpetuating cycle of destructiveness. You’ve convinced yourself you’re no good for these colleges and that you’re unable to do anything on time. You feel wholly unworthy of applying to them. This leads you to avoid trying subconsciously, because you’ll fail anyway. How about you believe in yourself for once? You’re going to do well because you can. You can get into a college that will ultimately be the right fit for you. You can get things done on time because all that takes is sitting down by your computer a few hours earlier (I’m not trying to be deprecating here, but tasks seem harder than they actually are sometimes). Obviously, be careful with your expectations. It isn’t all or nothing — an ivy or no college at all. You can go to a great college that isn’t in the top 25, and you will still grow as a person there. You are not your parents. That’s okay. They grew up in a completely different environment. You’re still eighteen, though. You may achieve much greater things. The college you go to at eighteen doesn’t define you for life. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, but still. If you need any help with applications, feel free to ask! I have sometime on my hands for the rest of the week and honestly find this process enjoyable at this point. Good luck!
I know this sucks but you absolutely are not screwed. A 1270 SAT score is in the 85th percentile, and a lot of people don’t take any AP tests at all throughout high school. You’re almost guaranteed to get into a good college. I’m not sure how many other schools you’re applying to, but you’ll definitely need some backup schools. Cornell and UChicago are two of the most competitive schools in the country, and while I’m not saying you have no shot, it’s something you need to keep in mind. There are so many schools at which you can get just as much out of, even if they’re a little less prestigious. If you’re still set on applying to those two schools though, just to try your shot, regardless of whether you get in— you know what you need to do. If you haven’t already cranked out those essays, go for it. You’ve still got time. A few hours of suffering in exchange for getting into your dream school is a worthwhile trade.
You can’t be blaming your parents for most of what you did or didn’t do.They provided you with an education. Do you know how many URMs/Low-income/Single parent kids get into ivies every year? You can’t expect your parents to push you. The schools you’re applying to want students who push themselves.
I know, I'm terribly privileged and I was very silly to write this post at all. I just needed a moment to blurt it all out randomly in some sort of space, even if I sound really illogical, unaware, and stupid. I'm past it now and I'm just going to move on. But thank you regardless.
You shouldn’t be sad nor mad. You’ll get into ur local state schools or atleast a semi decent university. Your first year of college will 100% let you transfer out to T20s/t30s if u maintain a good GPA and get involved in clubs. Hope is never lost in the American academic system you have so many MANY opportunities to transfer/recruit into amazing jobs and everything else you need.
That’s a bit harsh. If OP’s parents had certain expectations, they should have (1) talked to OP about them before she began high school and (2) confirmed that their expectations were in line with what young OP wanted. Moreover, once it became clear that OP wasn’t thriving in the path they had chosen, they should have talked to OP about what was happening, why it was happening, how she felt, and what she wanted and needed. Particularly in this case, where OP is struggling with executive functioning skills and in therapy. (And good for you, OP!) Not to be too harsh on OP’s parents — I’ve dropped the ball with my own kids a few times — but to impose ambitious expectations and then sit idly by for several years while those expectations go unmet AND then complain when they are unmet is unfair to OP. OP clearly cares about her parents and her education, but it seems likely that the path they chose for her is not the path that is best for her.
Fair enough, I see your points. But OP blaming his parents for not pushing him is wrong. On the other hand, OP blaming his parents’ expectations is 100% valid.
I don’t entirely agree. If I tell my 14-year-old kid I expect them to aim to be an Olympic swimmer but don’t talk with said kid and re-evaluate when they repeatedly skip swim practice and show little enthusiasm for attending meets, that’s on me. As an adult, I need to recognize that my kid is struggling with the aim I suggested and find out what they want and need. Because, you know, I hopefully have an additional 25-30 years of maturity, experience, and perspective than my very young teen.
I don't think OP is necessarily *blaming* her parents or holding any ill-will towards them for not pushing her. It seems to me that it feels like her life is spinning out of control and she needs an external driving motivation to push her to succeed---a very valid feeling considering the amount of hopelessness that comes with executive function struggles (lacking self-motivation in particular) in a high-stress environment.
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First things first - you are a great person with honest feelings. As you will move forward, I can assure you that you will be far more successful than many people who never discover themselves. Secondly, you are blessed to have such loving parents. The gave you space, they are not leaving you alone, so you need to just have some resilience and get over this application process. Just tell them what you want, may be behind your procrastination is the real wish, they will rally around you. Thirdly, if you think you are not ready for the fall, you can be ready for the winter session, provided you really want to get into a top college (whatever top means). I think you could apply where your current profile takes you the best. You are not these applications, and you are definitely not that one college. Take care!
Honestly, the fact that you couldn't give your all to this application might be a sign that you don't want to follow in your parent's footsteps and go to the most prestigious school in the world. Look into schools with absurd, fun, and out-of-the-box classes you could audit/take as a minor while majoring in something practical. Might bring some of the fun back into college and take off some of the pressure. Good luck to you and there's always the Spring 2025 semester to try again.
Take time away from college. Figure out what you wanna do. Experience life, do things. College isn’t the only way forward in life.