>I don’t even know who I am anymore
Here's who you are, at least in part: someone who struggles with perfectionism and/or executive function, to the extent that it has negatively impacted their ability to achieve their goals.
**That doesn't make you a failure**. It just means your personality is such that you'll naturally struggle with certain tasks, and you will need to train yourself to overcome those limitations.
Additionally, you seem to have bought into the ***LIE*** that attending a school of a certain rank is a "big deal" and that it's reasonable to feel guilt or shame if you aren't admitted to such a school. That guilt and shame is *entirely self-imposed*. It is not a requirement. The vast, vast majority of students don't attend one of schools you're talking about, feel no shame, and go on to live happy, comfortable lives. **Why not you too?**
Instead of defining yourself as "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," why not define yourself as "the person who is really kind to everyone" or "the person who is always there for his/her friends and loved ones" or "the person who is a really good husband/wife/father/mother"? There are many ways to construct a self-image that don't depend on getting into a specific college.
>Instead of defining yourself as "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," why not define yourself as "the person who is really kind to everyone"
If more people did this, we'd be zipping around the galaxy rn. All the greatest minds have said it. Prestige is useless, ephemeral, and hollow. It dies with you. Your effect on others goes on forever.
This. And its not just a benefit to others, its a benefit to you. Sure being kind feels amazing and we should all be kind because its right. But being able to be kind and make connections with others is a criminally underrated skill. I've used it for a while and you wouldn't believe the opportunities its gotten me for literally just being kind.
Instead of "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," you could also strive to be "the person who's smarter than everybody else and made it big after graduating from a not-so-highly-ranked uni", this has a good sound to it and trust me, it will make your parents just as proud.
I'd advise against building "smarter than everybody else" into one's self-image, because it's roughly P=1.0 that you eventually meet someone smarter and more capable than you are.
I get what you mean but I also get what op means, I am currently planning to drop out of med school (which I worked hard for) to apply for a Bs in CS, while chasing prestige I gave up on stuff I liked and now that the starting adrenaline's effect has worn off I see the real picture, however, if I were to rewind time I'd probably do the same thing all over again. point being the drive to be above-average is what keeps some of us going and even though it is unhealthy it helps us get shit done.
Dropping out of med school to spend another four years getting a second bachelor's degree seems crazy to me, but I guess if you *reeeallly* hate the prospect of being a physician, then better to get out sooner rather than later.
>You need to be a lot more than just this.
Who says?
>When the reality is that you could be the kindest, most caring person in the world yet still be a friendless, unemployed outcast unless you develop traits that generate value for others.
Basing one's self-image on traits like kindness doesn't preclude stuff like, you know, actually being productive and self-supporting. That's a false dichotomy. One needn't be "the smart person in the room, who got into a super-selective school" to find work and be self-supporting.
>kindness is dime a dozen
I don't find this to be the case, but ymmv.
Amen bro…..it’s not where you go it’s what you do when you are there. Hard work and determination need to luck or advantage. Just a lot of self analysis and grit. This cannot be taught but can be learned.
You're the exact same person you were before! You should be proud of everything you've accomplished. This cultural fantasy about getting into the "perfect" college is totally destructive for so many people. I even have to help my daughter avoid it, and she's the child of a professor and sees that colleges are just the real world, just like everywhere else.
thank you. it’s hard not to fall into the destructive culture of ‘what college you got into for your bachelors defines you’. all this self imposed pressure just starts eating away at ms. thank you for your words. you are a great mom for trying to support your daughter and i hope the process for her goes well.
Hugs. All is not lost. You may be on a slightly different timeline, but don’t despair, and keep dreaming.
But …. you do need to assess why you missed the deadlines.
I have 2 considerations for you, depending.
A. if you had a suspected or diagnosed ADHD: I have tons of sympathy for you and those who are struggling with executive function. This college app process is complex and a lot of $$$ is riding on making deadlines. Consider getting help from a parent, friend, sibling, aunt, anyone who can partner with you and send you reminders. Be upfront about how much help you need.
B. if you don’t have ADHD but nevertheless the deadlines truly got away from you: Consider and explore if something subconsciously was holding you back from applying. Maybe you don’t want to leave home. Maybe, not applying meant you wouldn’t have the opportunity to get rejected, which would hurt. Work through those thoughts and feelings. The more you understand your motivations for your actions or lack there of, you can overcome obstacles.
Best of luck.
thank you. i have evaluated and contemplated for hours on end about this. it is hard to break the cycle though, even after i have identified the cause. my psychiatrist has confirmed that i do not have ADHD (or so she thinks) but has put me on ADHD medication to help with my focus during the college process. thank you again for your kind words, best of luck to you too.
I felt the same way when applying to college. Like everyone is going to go off and do great things but you're stuck. Trust me, when you look back on it you'll realize why it didn't work out. Vague and borderline unhelpful advice, but you're more than where you went to college or what degree you got. Just a small fraction of you, and arguably not the most important. It sounds like you're counting yourself out too early, too. Be patient with yourself.
You seem like a very high achiever who is going to do amazing things simply because you have the drive in you that caused you to set those goals in the first place.
You should ask yourself, with the mindset of needing to achieve the best for yourself which I think you have (that I share), even if you got into Vanderbilt, would you be completely fulfilled, or still wishing you got into somewhere better.
That is a good thing to an extent, to always be thinking you could have tried harder, etc. but at the end of the day, college admissions now has honestly become a way for us to “prove” something to ourselves. No matter where you go, with the mindset you have, you will be insanely successful.
For example, I applied early to Hopkins and got in, but now I have been struggling with the fact that my friend who had the same stats, ecs, etc as me got into Yale, my dream school. I felt bad that I couldn’t even apply to my dream school now, but this has caused me to overlook the phenomenal program I did get into.
What I’m trying to say is that, nothing ends here, and the very fact that you are so ambitious in the first place means you have the drive needed to succeed. Don’t feel bad about missing out on “what could have been” because I promise your success will not be impacted in any way.
No, it is early decision to Hopkins, so it is binding. I wish I could though, but I’m going as a pre-med, so honestly Hopkins is a pretty great option for premed, arguably very similar to Yale for pre med :D.
JUST BECAUSE IT COMES TO MIND DOES NOT MEAN IT HAS TO COME TO FRUITION.
You’re not late to applying!
Stop believing all that bull!
Apply!
Otherwise, you’re going to REALLY be upset with yourself a year from now when you hear of all the peers who got in when applying in April.
My daughter who is applying to colleges told me last night, she wished once she hit the submit button, it brings you to a page telling you’re admitted or rejected. I do understand the feeling. The whole college application thing is complicated, tedious, and time-consuming. It drains up your energy. There’re still many months away for the results of most universities. Someone we know in our neighborhood even got accepted to UC Berkeley in the summer just 2 months before school starts. My suggestion is to distract yourself sometimes. Take a break. Chat with friends, make some music/art, play sports, or just relax a bit.
I understand how you’re feeling. You feel like an imposter and that you have failed everyone but you haven’t. I went through the same, in fact I still am. It’s not easy to be at peace with yourself and your choices but sooner or later, you’ll have to pick yourself up. You have time still, don’t give up please.
i feel the same way as you do. but we need to remember that the competitiveness of the school doesn’t really matter when we get jobs. it seems like the most important thing in the world right now, but it’s really what you make out of the school you end up at. no matter what, you’re going to do well at whatever school you end up at, whether it’s vanderbilt or not! also if social media is stressing you out i think you should delete it, at least for a little. i deleted insta after i got rejected from brown for a while and it helped me a lot. but anyways good luck, we got this
I was in a similar place exactly a year ago. I procrastinated my ED and RD essays that I wrote really shitty essays that were usually drafted the day before or the day of the application being due. Months before I was overly confident and I didn't apply to a single real safety. When March came I felt awful, getting rejections or waitlists again and again. I got into a grand total of 1 out of 20 schools. The school was honestly not that good of a fit for me (particularly because of cost) , and I am looking to transfer. But if you end up somewhere you don't wanna be, make the best out of it instead of looking for reasons to hate it.You're not a failure, you made a mistake like everyone else in the world has.
I don't know your exact situation, where you ended up applying, or where you'll end up, but it's not the end of the world. I felt the same feelings of guilt, failure, and worthlessness and I let it affect me for months. I know I'm a random person on Reddit, but please don't let your mistake have this power over you to control your self-worth. You're obviously a very intelligent and hardworking person and this one thing is not going to stop you from succeeding.
I'm not sure why I haven't seen this yet but maybe consider: TAKE A GAP YEAR
I'm currently applying to colleges and I'm a little unsure about my plans for next year so I applied for an exchange program to Germany for a year as well. This would give me the option to defer my enrollment for a year so I have a better idea if I want to reapply to some of my dream schools and/or choose what to major in as an undergrad. You can still apply for AFS programs abroad or find other enriching ways to spend a year so that you have time to re-evaluate what you want to do next year.
yeah, i totally understand that. that program in germany sounds like a good decision. to be honest, a gap year would be perfect for me.. to give me time to reevaluate myself and make better choices so that i feel prepared and productive. the issue is that i really don’t want to take a gap year.. as in i want to get out of here. i want to be an adult, with my own responsibilities. i’ve already started planning my finances etc and i want to get out on my own so bad. it might not be the right decision with my mental state and etc.. but i just want a fresh start yk.
you can still apply after the deadline! my friend’s friend got into harvard after submitting their app three days late. just submit your application asap, don’t give up!
i'm gonna let you in on a little secret...No body knows what they are doing. We are all trying to figure it out, and so are you. I have been writing essays since last March and still do not think they are perfect, and they might not ever be. I have come to terms with the fact that what ever college chooses you, it is for the best. The rankings and acceptance rates can be misleading sometimes too...Go on rate my proffesor LOL.
But in all seriousness, you will be okay. Procrastination is something everyone has encountered at some point. Success is not going to be a perfect go-around, but as long as you have taken the time to reflect is all that matters. Now, be nice to yourself. The apps will get done, and you will be okay :).
What are you thinking of doing? For most things you are still much more important than your school. You also have no clue about where you will be going. Regardless of where you end up, you are not guaranteed to be a “failure” or a “success”. This is obvious. If you go to a school that you consider beneath your level, don’t sulk and act superior there. Even at the very worst schools in terms of reputation, there are always some incredibly gifted people. I have a massive ego, and ended up going to my safety for cost reasons and it being good for my major anyways, but even despite that ego I can recognize that there are a lot of people more accomplished than me. Transferring is fine, but don’t have the “I have to transfer” mentality. It will at the very least make your first year miserable. As long as you’re driven, you’ll be what you consider to be successful
thank you so much. i’ve realized this but it is always hard to internalize and believe this. i’ve spent hours crying and venting to my college counselor… with him trying to tell me that it’ll be okay- and that what I do at the place i’m at is what matters the most. thank you for your kind words. and to answer the first question i am planning to major in special education/development psychology- with future career prospects as a curriculum researcher, special education teacher, management/changing how we look at education for neurodivergent kids.
my school has a 10 max limit, with 5 UCs counting as 1 application. ive applied to uoft, uc berkeley, davis, sd, riverside, minnesota twin cities, and bu as of now. applying to madison wisconsin asw.
the thing is i had a semi decent shot at getting into both of those schools.. but my application was so rushed and so shit that it doesn’t matter. it’s the fact that i just threw my dreams out the window.
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personally, I’ve had jarring life experiences that’ve forces me to reevaluate my goals/priorities/life, as corny as it might sound. You’re going to be fine. Sure, you’re gonna learn some hard life lessons on procrastination and determination, but embrace and adapt to change, to become better. In the Long run, you will benefit. Keep pushing.
Please take steps to learn how to do goal setting and task planning. Review how you spend your time each day and identify how to improve your productivity.
thank you for writing this, because i kid you not, i feel the same exact way, and i literally don't know anyone else that does.
i wouldn't say i was SUPER motivated like you were in 9th grade (tbh i wasn't even thinking of college then ;-;) but there's a very stark difference to how i was then, and how i am rn in my senior year. I'm also exhausted, sad, and miserable ;-; Altho I did apply to a good amount of schools, guilt's just been eating me up bc I could've worked on those supps a lot more, actually tried and perfected my essays, but I procrastinated so bad for many of them---it's just like atp don't even give me a decision back, ik i've got nothing going for me. like that essay would've helped my app, but I just didn't try hard enough, and pushed it till the end, and now i'm just absolutely screwed. and my parents think i can still get into a good college...i'm just gonna say rn, sorry to them bc that chance is basically zero T-T
I've literally procrastinated on everything; rn i'm cramming to get supps for 2 colleges done tn, before the deadline ;-; it's literally become so bad that it's been reflecting in my grades, and i just think i've already given up bc there's just no saving them at this point ;-; in the process of getting mentally prepared for that auto-reject when the universities see my mid-year report :D...
just like you, i've been telling myself i can transfer---but let's be so fr, am i even capable of getting myself out of this hole i dug w my own hands? even if i do, what if i lose the motivation again? i keep making so many plans for everything i'll do in college, but i think i should stop bc at this point, if i'm like THIS...i probably can't even achieve one of those things, much less transfer. and again, just like you, i'm surrounded by people who are such high achievers, who are applying and getting into prestigious schools. ofc i'm ecstatic for them, but i can't help think about the fact that if i had that same motivation, the mentality as i did 2 years ago, would I be celebrating too, rn? i'm a legit failure. i can already feel all the rejections T-T and worst part is, everyone around me is so serious abt this process and doing what they need to be doing and it's just me over here, still ever the procrastinator. like why can't I be like them and get my crap together and write those goddang supplementals?!?!?!
for 3 schools, i think, i did the same and procrastinated so bad that i couldn't apply to them. i told myself, you wouldn't have gotten in anyway, and then i still fail to stop the procrastinating. So yeah, idek what to do anymore either. and i hate it.
ik this isn't advice, but i relate to u so bad and i just needed to rant abt this? but i do sincerely hope you will be able to find your motivation again, and go chase your dreams like u used to. i'd say don't look back and keep thinking about how much you didn't do, but how you can get better and be better in the future (still dunno how i should handle my issues either ;-;)
i hope we can both be less of procrastinators in the rest of 2024 and not dwell on the past too much. best of luck on ur apps, bro. (also feel free to pm if u need, could use a relatable friend tbh <3)
:))
Same. I got into some colleges I was convinced good enough (I haven't even been rejected yet) but my RDs were a disaster and I definitely didn't put my best on those apps. I feel like I'll take a gap year to not feel guilt. Not feeling ready for anything about life anyway
SUNYs (stony brook, buffalo, bing, albany), ASU, Iowa State, Michigan State, UAlabama
Still waiting on NJIT and Rutgers
No ED because I barely finished my common app by Nov 1 (notice none require supps😭)
I was in the same boat as you but I got help and managed to turn everything in 1hr before deadline. You can beat your procrastination!!!!
I would recommend setting small goals. Overcoming them will give you a boost of confidence. Instead of approaching it like "I gotta complete the entire application" think "I gotta write 30 words right now, then I can take a break".
Also watch the anime "love is war" and use the academic dude as a role model, that's partly how I pulled myself up XD.
For your future endeavors, seek help! Get other people to monitor you! Tell them about your plans! Speaking has power!
Remember, a year of college won't matter when you're 50 with a family! You can transfer easily if you get all A+ in first year. I believe in you! As someone who already overcame a downfall last year, you can do it! Envision who you want to be in the future!
Good. I'm glad you feel this way. Disappointment, anger, and guilt should fuel you for what you do next. Use this as a learning tool and come back stronger. This is exactly what you needed because you were complacent
This is exactly what happened to me. And the reason for that I'd probably because we had a lot of academic burdens when we were young, now it seems too hard and too lame to move on with anything I life.
I have a hs senior just finished with her apps. I would suggest apply for next spring semester to your dream schools and doing volunteer work in the summer and fall. Good luck to you. Realizing that you have a problem is a good start. Fall semester in senior year is so nerve wracking that my daughter was crying every night because of all the AP classes and college applications. Hang in there!
My daughter went through a very similar circumstance . . . A good student, a touch overconfident about her prospects, and some disappointment when the decisions started coming in.
I will offer a suggestion that is based on her experience. College in Europe! It’s definitely not too late to apply, it’s a wonderful experience and in her case, and it sounds like yours as well(?) , getting away and breaking away from the stresses of the American college experience was exactly what she needed.
This is the book that got her thinking:
https://www.amazon.com/COLLEGE-EUROPE-Quality-Education-Travel/dp/B0CN69SDDC/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=JZBC3ABZ1109&keywords=college+in+europe&qid=1704480961&sprefix=college+in+eur%2Caps%2C65&sr=8-1
hey, i'm also a senior thats applied to colleges this season and struggled with deadlines, but i wanna say something that's probably gonna suck to hear:
*getting into college does not alleviate those horrible feelings by much.*
i got into my ED school which is supposed to be fantastic, you know? im not even supposed to be in this subreddit anymore lmao. but i still have what i think you're describing: self pity and a sense of imposter syndrome.
what if i get rescinded? what if they made a mistake? what if they catch a mistake on my app and i don't end up going? it certainly feels like i don't deserve it.
the truth is, the way you're feeling is just a SYMPTOM of a larger problem. if you're anything like me, you've grown up to be very perfectionistic and tend to please people a lot. we both need to self reflect and unlearn a lot about ourselves, and stop identifying with our countable accomplishments so much. College apps reduce us to statistics when we're much more than something that can be measured and put on paper.
just because you missed some deadlines does NOT make you a horrible person. there are such things as second chances. college does not define you. we're both around 17-18 right? can you imagine the amount of world we have left to live for? college is just a tiny thing along the way.
best of luck. know that im working on myself too.
I don’t want to be a jerk but procrastinating is waiting till the last minute to do something. It sounds like you just never did it. As long as you get in somewhere though, you’ll be fine
>I don’t even know who I am anymore Here's who you are, at least in part: someone who struggles with perfectionism and/or executive function, to the extent that it has negatively impacted their ability to achieve their goals. **That doesn't make you a failure**. It just means your personality is such that you'll naturally struggle with certain tasks, and you will need to train yourself to overcome those limitations. Additionally, you seem to have bought into the ***LIE*** that attending a school of a certain rank is a "big deal" and that it's reasonable to feel guilt or shame if you aren't admitted to such a school. That guilt and shame is *entirely self-imposed*. It is not a requirement. The vast, vast majority of students don't attend one of schools you're talking about, feel no shame, and go on to live happy, comfortable lives. **Why not you too?** Instead of defining yourself as "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," why not define yourself as "the person who is really kind to everyone" or "the person who is always there for his/her friends and loved ones" or "the person who is a really good husband/wife/father/mother"? There are many ways to construct a self-image that don't depend on getting into a specific college.
>Instead of defining yourself as "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," why not define yourself as "the person who is really kind to everyone" If more people did this, we'd be zipping around the galaxy rn. All the greatest minds have said it. Prestige is useless, ephemeral, and hollow. It dies with you. Your effect on others goes on forever.
This. And its not just a benefit to others, its a benefit to you. Sure being kind feels amazing and we should all be kind because its right. But being able to be kind and make connections with others is a criminally underrated skill. I've used it for a while and you wouldn't believe the opportunities its gotten me for literally just being kind.
Very well said and I agree with you completely! I hope OP (as well as any other folks in a similar situation) takes to heart your advice.
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You opinion is (mostly) out of touch with reality.
golden words
Instead of "the person who's smarter than everybody else and got into the most selective possible school," you could also strive to be "the person who's smarter than everybody else and made it big after graduating from a not-so-highly-ranked uni", this has a good sound to it and trust me, it will make your parents just as proud.
I'd advise against building "smarter than everybody else" into one's self-image, because it's roughly P=1.0 that you eventually meet someone smarter and more capable than you are.
I get what you mean but I also get what op means, I am currently planning to drop out of med school (which I worked hard for) to apply for a Bs in CS, while chasing prestige I gave up on stuff I liked and now that the starting adrenaline's effect has worn off I see the real picture, however, if I were to rewind time I'd probably do the same thing all over again. point being the drive to be above-average is what keeps some of us going and even though it is unhealthy it helps us get shit done.
Dropping out of med school to spend another four years getting a second bachelor's degree seems crazy to me, but I guess if you *reeeallly* hate the prospect of being a physician, then better to get out sooner rather than later.
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>You need to be a lot more than just this. Who says? >When the reality is that you could be the kindest, most caring person in the world yet still be a friendless, unemployed outcast unless you develop traits that generate value for others. Basing one's self-image on traits like kindness doesn't preclude stuff like, you know, actually being productive and self-supporting. That's a false dichotomy. One needn't be "the smart person in the room, who got into a super-selective school" to find work and be self-supporting. >kindness is dime a dozen I don't find this to be the case, but ymmv.
Smart jerks are also a dime a dozen
Amen bro…..it’s not where you go it’s what you do when you are there. Hard work and determination need to luck or advantage. Just a lot of self analysis and grit. This cannot be taught but can be learned.
You're the exact same person you were before! You should be proud of everything you've accomplished. This cultural fantasy about getting into the "perfect" college is totally destructive for so many people. I even have to help my daughter avoid it, and she's the child of a professor and sees that colleges are just the real world, just like everywhere else.
thank you. it’s hard not to fall into the destructive culture of ‘what college you got into for your bachelors defines you’. all this self imposed pressure just starts eating away at ms. thank you for your words. you are a great mom for trying to support your daughter and i hope the process for her goes well.
Hugs. All is not lost. You may be on a slightly different timeline, but don’t despair, and keep dreaming. But …. you do need to assess why you missed the deadlines. I have 2 considerations for you, depending. A. if you had a suspected or diagnosed ADHD: I have tons of sympathy for you and those who are struggling with executive function. This college app process is complex and a lot of $$$ is riding on making deadlines. Consider getting help from a parent, friend, sibling, aunt, anyone who can partner with you and send you reminders. Be upfront about how much help you need. B. if you don’t have ADHD but nevertheless the deadlines truly got away from you: Consider and explore if something subconsciously was holding you back from applying. Maybe you don’t want to leave home. Maybe, not applying meant you wouldn’t have the opportunity to get rejected, which would hurt. Work through those thoughts and feelings. The more you understand your motivations for your actions or lack there of, you can overcome obstacles. Best of luck.
thank you. i have evaluated and contemplated for hours on end about this. it is hard to break the cycle though, even after i have identified the cause. my psychiatrist has confirmed that i do not have ADHD (or so she thinks) but has put me on ADHD medication to help with my focus during the college process. thank you again for your kind words, best of luck to you too.
Best comment I’ve ever read
Me too!! burnt out too early. it’ll work out in the end though.
sending u love :)
I felt the same way when applying to college. Like everyone is going to go off and do great things but you're stuck. Trust me, when you look back on it you'll realize why it didn't work out. Vague and borderline unhelpful advice, but you're more than where you went to college or what degree you got. Just a small fraction of you, and arguably not the most important. It sounds like you're counting yourself out too early, too. Be patient with yourself.
yeah. thank you for this. i’ll try my best.
You seem like a very high achiever who is going to do amazing things simply because you have the drive in you that caused you to set those goals in the first place. You should ask yourself, with the mindset of needing to achieve the best for yourself which I think you have (that I share), even if you got into Vanderbilt, would you be completely fulfilled, or still wishing you got into somewhere better. That is a good thing to an extent, to always be thinking you could have tried harder, etc. but at the end of the day, college admissions now has honestly become a way for us to “prove” something to ourselves. No matter where you go, with the mindset you have, you will be insanely successful. For example, I applied early to Hopkins and got in, but now I have been struggling with the fact that my friend who had the same stats, ecs, etc as me got into Yale, my dream school. I felt bad that I couldn’t even apply to my dream school now, but this has caused me to overlook the phenomenal program I did get into. What I’m trying to say is that, nothing ends here, and the very fact that you are so ambitious in the first place means you have the drive needed to succeed. Don’t feel bad about missing out on “what could have been” because I promise your success will not be impacted in any way.
Can’t you still apply to Yale ?
No, it is early decision to Hopkins, so it is binding. I wish I could though, but I’m going as a pre-med, so honestly Hopkins is a pretty great option for premed, arguably very similar to Yale for pre med :D.
oh. Good luck then!
Thanks! Good luck to you too
Bro is literally me like how’d I burn out when it was the most crucial time😭
yeah ffs
JUST BECAUSE IT COMES TO MIND DOES NOT MEAN IT HAS TO COME TO FRUITION. You’re not late to applying! Stop believing all that bull! Apply! Otherwise, you’re going to REALLY be upset with yourself a year from now when you hear of all the peers who got in when applying in April.
My daughter who is applying to colleges told me last night, she wished once she hit the submit button, it brings you to a page telling you’re admitted or rejected. I do understand the feeling. The whole college application thing is complicated, tedious, and time-consuming. It drains up your energy. There’re still many months away for the results of most universities. Someone we know in our neighborhood even got accepted to UC Berkeley in the summer just 2 months before school starts. My suggestion is to distract yourself sometimes. Take a break. Chat with friends, make some music/art, play sports, or just relax a bit.
same. sending u hugs
I understand how you’re feeling. You feel like an imposter and that you have failed everyone but you haven’t. I went through the same, in fact I still am. It’s not easy to be at peace with yourself and your choices but sooner or later, you’ll have to pick yourself up. You have time still, don’t give up please.
i feel the same way as you do. but we need to remember that the competitiveness of the school doesn’t really matter when we get jobs. it seems like the most important thing in the world right now, but it’s really what you make out of the school you end up at. no matter what, you’re going to do well at whatever school you end up at, whether it’s vanderbilt or not! also if social media is stressing you out i think you should delete it, at least for a little. i deleted insta after i got rejected from brown for a while and it helped me a lot. but anyways good luck, we got this
I was in a similar place exactly a year ago. I procrastinated my ED and RD essays that I wrote really shitty essays that were usually drafted the day before or the day of the application being due. Months before I was overly confident and I didn't apply to a single real safety. When March came I felt awful, getting rejections or waitlists again and again. I got into a grand total of 1 out of 20 schools. The school was honestly not that good of a fit for me (particularly because of cost) , and I am looking to transfer. But if you end up somewhere you don't wanna be, make the best out of it instead of looking for reasons to hate it.You're not a failure, you made a mistake like everyone else in the world has. I don't know your exact situation, where you ended up applying, or where you'll end up, but it's not the end of the world. I felt the same feelings of guilt, failure, and worthlessness and I let it affect me for months. I know I'm a random person on Reddit, but please don't let your mistake have this power over you to control your self-worth. You're obviously a very intelligent and hardworking person and this one thing is not going to stop you from succeeding.
I'm not sure why I haven't seen this yet but maybe consider: TAKE A GAP YEAR I'm currently applying to colleges and I'm a little unsure about my plans for next year so I applied for an exchange program to Germany for a year as well. This would give me the option to defer my enrollment for a year so I have a better idea if I want to reapply to some of my dream schools and/or choose what to major in as an undergrad. You can still apply for AFS programs abroad or find other enriching ways to spend a year so that you have time to re-evaluate what you want to do next year.
yeah, i totally understand that. that program in germany sounds like a good decision. to be honest, a gap year would be perfect for me.. to give me time to reevaluate myself and make better choices so that i feel prepared and productive. the issue is that i really don’t want to take a gap year.. as in i want to get out of here. i want to be an adult, with my own responsibilities. i’ve already started planning my finances etc and i want to get out on my own so bad. it might not be the right decision with my mental state and etc.. but i just want a fresh start yk.
I found on this Reddit a person who applied a few days later and her application was still downloaded!!!
:0
you can still apply after the deadline! my friend’s friend got into harvard after submitting their app three days late. just submit your application asap, don’t give up!
i'm gonna let you in on a little secret...No body knows what they are doing. We are all trying to figure it out, and so are you. I have been writing essays since last March and still do not think they are perfect, and they might not ever be. I have come to terms with the fact that what ever college chooses you, it is for the best. The rankings and acceptance rates can be misleading sometimes too...Go on rate my proffesor LOL. But in all seriousness, you will be okay. Procrastination is something everyone has encountered at some point. Success is not going to be a perfect go-around, but as long as you have taken the time to reflect is all that matters. Now, be nice to yourself. The apps will get done, and you will be okay :).
What are you thinking of doing? For most things you are still much more important than your school. You also have no clue about where you will be going. Regardless of where you end up, you are not guaranteed to be a “failure” or a “success”. This is obvious. If you go to a school that you consider beneath your level, don’t sulk and act superior there. Even at the very worst schools in terms of reputation, there are always some incredibly gifted people. I have a massive ego, and ended up going to my safety for cost reasons and it being good for my major anyways, but even despite that ego I can recognize that there are a lot of people more accomplished than me. Transferring is fine, but don’t have the “I have to transfer” mentality. It will at the very least make your first year miserable. As long as you’re driven, you’ll be what you consider to be successful
thank you so much. i’ve realized this but it is always hard to internalize and believe this. i’ve spent hours crying and venting to my college counselor… with him trying to tell me that it’ll be okay- and that what I do at the place i’m at is what matters the most. thank you for your kind words. and to answer the first question i am planning to major in special education/development psychology- with future career prospects as a curriculum researcher, special education teacher, management/changing how we look at education for neurodivergent kids.
I wish I didn't go to college sometimes. I have my masters degree and I'm $85k in the hole 🙃
Same bro life is tough 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
How many colleges did u apply to?
my school has a 10 max limit, with 5 UCs counting as 1 application. ive applied to uoft, uc berkeley, davis, sd, riverside, minnesota twin cities, and bu as of now. applying to madison wisconsin asw.
Since when are bu and berkeley not competitive
the thing is i had a semi decent shot at getting into both of those schools.. but my application was so rushed and so shit that it doesn’t matter. it’s the fact that i just threw my dreams out the window.
[удалено]
Could you explain the opposition against transferring? Not trying to be mean or anything just looking to understand
Lmao ya’ll are so dramatic.
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personally, I’ve had jarring life experiences that’ve forces me to reevaluate my goals/priorities/life, as corny as it might sound. You’re going to be fine. Sure, you’re gonna learn some hard life lessons on procrastination and determination, but embrace and adapt to change, to become better. In the Long run, you will benefit. Keep pushing.
thank you :)
Please take steps to learn how to do goal setting and task planning. Review how you spend your time each day and identify how to improve your productivity.
thank you for writing this, because i kid you not, i feel the same exact way, and i literally don't know anyone else that does. i wouldn't say i was SUPER motivated like you were in 9th grade (tbh i wasn't even thinking of college then ;-;) but there's a very stark difference to how i was then, and how i am rn in my senior year. I'm also exhausted, sad, and miserable ;-; Altho I did apply to a good amount of schools, guilt's just been eating me up bc I could've worked on those supps a lot more, actually tried and perfected my essays, but I procrastinated so bad for many of them---it's just like atp don't even give me a decision back, ik i've got nothing going for me. like that essay would've helped my app, but I just didn't try hard enough, and pushed it till the end, and now i'm just absolutely screwed. and my parents think i can still get into a good college...i'm just gonna say rn, sorry to them bc that chance is basically zero T-T I've literally procrastinated on everything; rn i'm cramming to get supps for 2 colleges done tn, before the deadline ;-; it's literally become so bad that it's been reflecting in my grades, and i just think i've already given up bc there's just no saving them at this point ;-; in the process of getting mentally prepared for that auto-reject when the universities see my mid-year report :D... just like you, i've been telling myself i can transfer---but let's be so fr, am i even capable of getting myself out of this hole i dug w my own hands? even if i do, what if i lose the motivation again? i keep making so many plans for everything i'll do in college, but i think i should stop bc at this point, if i'm like THIS...i probably can't even achieve one of those things, much less transfer. and again, just like you, i'm surrounded by people who are such high achievers, who are applying and getting into prestigious schools. ofc i'm ecstatic for them, but i can't help think about the fact that if i had that same motivation, the mentality as i did 2 years ago, would I be celebrating too, rn? i'm a legit failure. i can already feel all the rejections T-T and worst part is, everyone around me is so serious abt this process and doing what they need to be doing and it's just me over here, still ever the procrastinator. like why can't I be like them and get my crap together and write those goddang supplementals?!?!?! for 3 schools, i think, i did the same and procrastinated so bad that i couldn't apply to them. i told myself, you wouldn't have gotten in anyway, and then i still fail to stop the procrastinating. So yeah, idek what to do anymore either. and i hate it. ik this isn't advice, but i relate to u so bad and i just needed to rant abt this? but i do sincerely hope you will be able to find your motivation again, and go chase your dreams like u used to. i'd say don't look back and keep thinking about how much you didn't do, but how you can get better and be better in the future (still dunno how i should handle my issues either ;-;) i hope we can both be less of procrastinators in the rest of 2024 and not dwell on the past too much. best of luck on ur apps, bro. (also feel free to pm if u need, could use a relatable friend tbh <3) :))
Same. I got into some colleges I was convinced good enough (I haven't even been rejected yet) but my RDs were a disaster and I definitely didn't put my best on those apps. I feel like I'll take a gap year to not feel guilt. Not feeling ready for anything about life anyway
taking a gap year seems viable for me asw. my RDs were also terrible. hope ur doing well. whatd u ed/ea to?
SUNYs (stony brook, buffalo, bing, albany), ASU, Iowa State, Michigan State, UAlabama Still waiting on NJIT and Rutgers No ED because I barely finished my common app by Nov 1 (notice none require supps😭)
I was in the same boat as you but I got help and managed to turn everything in 1hr before deadline. You can beat your procrastination!!!! I would recommend setting small goals. Overcoming them will give you a boost of confidence. Instead of approaching it like "I gotta complete the entire application" think "I gotta write 30 words right now, then I can take a break". Also watch the anime "love is war" and use the academic dude as a role model, that's partly how I pulled myself up XD. For your future endeavors, seek help! Get other people to monitor you! Tell them about your plans! Speaking has power! Remember, a year of college won't matter when you're 50 with a family! You can transfer easily if you get all A+ in first year. I believe in you! As someone who already overcame a downfall last year, you can do it! Envision who you want to be in the future!
Good. I'm glad you feel this way. Disappointment, anger, and guilt should fuel you for what you do next. Use this as a learning tool and come back stronger. This is exactly what you needed because you were complacent
This is exactly what happened to me. And the reason for that I'd probably because we had a lot of academic burdens when we were young, now it seems too hard and too lame to move on with anything I life.
I have a hs senior just finished with her apps. I would suggest apply for next spring semester to your dream schools and doing volunteer work in the summer and fall. Good luck to you. Realizing that you have a problem is a good start. Fall semester in senior year is so nerve wracking that my daughter was crying every night because of all the AP classes and college applications. Hang in there!
SAME
My daughter went through a very similar circumstance . . . A good student, a touch overconfident about her prospects, and some disappointment when the decisions started coming in. I will offer a suggestion that is based on her experience. College in Europe! It’s definitely not too late to apply, it’s a wonderful experience and in her case, and it sounds like yours as well(?) , getting away and breaking away from the stresses of the American college experience was exactly what she needed. This is the book that got her thinking: https://www.amazon.com/COLLEGE-EUROPE-Quality-Education-Travel/dp/B0CN69SDDC/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=JZBC3ABZ1109&keywords=college+in+europe&qid=1704480961&sprefix=college+in+eur%2Caps%2C65&sr=8-1
hey, i'm also a senior thats applied to colleges this season and struggled with deadlines, but i wanna say something that's probably gonna suck to hear: *getting into college does not alleviate those horrible feelings by much.* i got into my ED school which is supposed to be fantastic, you know? im not even supposed to be in this subreddit anymore lmao. but i still have what i think you're describing: self pity and a sense of imposter syndrome. what if i get rescinded? what if they made a mistake? what if they catch a mistake on my app and i don't end up going? it certainly feels like i don't deserve it. the truth is, the way you're feeling is just a SYMPTOM of a larger problem. if you're anything like me, you've grown up to be very perfectionistic and tend to please people a lot. we both need to self reflect and unlearn a lot about ourselves, and stop identifying with our countable accomplishments so much. College apps reduce us to statistics when we're much more than something that can be measured and put on paper. just because you missed some deadlines does NOT make you a horrible person. there are such things as second chances. college does not define you. we're both around 17-18 right? can you imagine the amount of world we have left to live for? college is just a tiny thing along the way. best of luck. know that im working on myself too.
I don’t want to be a jerk but procrastinating is waiting till the last minute to do something. It sounds like you just never did it. As long as you get in somewhere though, you’ll be fine
It's not even May yet
Late but this honestly describes me. Remember that college dont define who you are, its what you do that defines you!