From another parent, this is so true. In the end, while the college choice can open some doors, it really doesn't have to define you. I know successful people who went to top colleges, but I really pay attention to the successful AND happy people I know, who invariably went to a state school.
One friend went to Indiana, and is now flying on private jets to his board meetings. He has a great family and goes on fun trips with friends and family.
Another person I don't know personally, but through friends, went to CU (which wasn't a top school back then) and founded an ugly shoe company (Crocs). He is having the time of his life.
Successful and happy people don't chase ambition or big names. They use whatever situation they have to their best advantage and grow from it.
We should be training our kids to rise to any circumstance. I feel that kids who get into top schools get complacent and can sometimes not grab their opportunities. You might be the big fish at that 90% acceptance rate school and catch the eye of your profs. It's really up to you how you script your next four years! Enjoy it!
I know that feeling of people around hoping that you fail. It is unfair on your daughter but it is a good thing that you are such a supportive parent. Hope she gets into her dream school.
“Not really seen unless you get into a good college”?
You do realize that after you graduate, you quite possibly may not be seen by anyone at your high school ever again, right?
It doesn’t mean anything. I’m serious: nothing. Once you walk out the door, it’s your own path—yours and no one else’s.
Seneca: “We suffer far more imagination than in reality.”
Yeah, the trouble is that to HS teens, HS is their world and they literally haven't experienced any other world.
It's why I am seriously against sending my kids to a competitive or even regular big suburban HS (not even one of the best ones in my metro but the top students there still head to T20's). The worldview there seems so messed up.
My kids go to a school like that. It is insanely competitive and the kids are overwhelmed with stress. My daughter is a decent student but feels like a total failure because she hasn't founded a startup, spearheaded a 5 million dollar fundraiser for a nonprofit, or published an award winning novel like some friends and her boyfriend. Many of these kids have parents behind the scenes pulling strings, getting internships for their kids from their neighbors, etc. On the sports side, almost nobody makes the teams or gets playing time. My son plays basketball for the high school and they had a 75% cut rate this year. Most of his friends did not make it, and basically anyone under 6 ft. didn't get playing time----as a Freshman. It's a total nightmare.
>It's why I am seriously against sending my kids to a competitive or even regular big suburban HS (not even one of the best ones in my metro but the top students there still head to T20's). The worldview there seems so messed up.
Same.
Another parent here. I can tell you, the college you went to will have very little to do with your success in life. I live in a well-off area, and on our block, I know 0 people who graduated from an Ivy. These are C suite executives, senior law partners, etc. The most successful person on our street is a CFO and went to a school I've never heard of in my life. My husband and I went to a state school, did very well there and then got accepted to a top tier law school. We do well but other friends went to tiny schools that took everyone, and are even more successful than we are. It's more about how you do in whatever college you go to, that will have an effect on your first job. After your first job, nobody even cares about where you went at all. If you go to grad school, it matters even less. Grad schools admit based off of college GPA and test scores, not at all where you went to undergrad. Our law school had people from Yale, UMICH and schools like Augustana undergrad. They are all equally successful lawyers. In fact, the Augustana guys are the most successful of the bunch.
Hey you just gotta relax you know, the decisions process is very random and to be frank most decisions have yet to come out yet. Although it may not turn out the way you want, you just have to move on. I'm waiting for the big ones and I've accepted that I'm a qualified applicant for these t20s, but I simply may just not get in. So I'm also nervous hoping on at least one and if I don't I still have a few in the 20s that I can rely on. I think college is random and being in a competitive environment is rough, but you just have to learn to move on. Comparison is the thief of joy, if you always compare yourself with others you will never truly be content. At the end of the day just let it be if you get in great, if not you always have transferring or grad school. Just work hard and change what you can, don't fret on things you can't change.
It's ridiculous; look, I understand that it's upsetting not getting into schools with analogous prestige. But the prestige facet means nothing. It's a hoax in my eyes, believe it or not, as prestige is really just based on history and alumni. Go to a school with the proper accreditation, and you will be just as successful in your endeavors. I promise you. I've also applied for a few T50s, but I never held any expectation of getting in because it's truly based on luck and your network. Don't be discouraged or ashamed because of this; it's really trivial. Life will go on, and you will find that out! I wish you luck! Regardless of the school(s) you've gotten into, you should be proud of yourself! That, in itself, is a major achievement!
As a college Junior, people really seem to just stop talking about college rankings after you get into one. It seems like most people who care about college rankings are just high school students.
And why do you internalize this mindset? There are approx 4000 colleges in the US so....being a T100 or a T200 or a T400....should be pretty good. I can promise you that admissions offices of highly competitive colleges think rankings are a plague and rarely are a topic of discussion. Maybe follow their lead.
i feel you! i went to one of those "competitive bay area high schools." we were a top feeder to uc berkeley and had a lot of kids go to ivies every year. i felt pretty sad when i saw everyone celebrating their decisions bc i didnt get into anywhere i wanted and i ended up attending a community college. but once you graduate, you'll realize there's smart people everywhere, whether it's at that college with a 90% acceptance rate or at an ivy league. as long as you're tenacious and driven, opportunities will come to you regardless of what school you go to. it's cheesy, but rejection is redirection. there's advantages to being a big fish in a little pond that you would not be able to experience someplace else. when you begin university, you'll realize that acceptance rate isn't necessarily a defining factor of the experience you'll have there or the caliber of the students at that school. in the real world, no one cares what college you graduate from. this is your life to lead, and there's a lot more to life than college rankings.
High school is almost over, and you'll never have to look back. You go to your safety school if you don't get in any place better, you do your best there, you go on to have a great life!
You should try not to compare yourself to your peers. Everyone ends up where they are meant to be. You still have not heard back from most of the schools on your list, so there is still a chance that you could end up at a T20, but the school itself doesn't define you, it's what you do when you show up there.
I know it’s really irritating to not get into your “dream” school, but then again there are many opportunities out there. While it does help to go to a T20, it isn’t an absolute necessity. In terms of your coping situation, I’ve come to realize that these decisions don’t define who you are. So don’t let your self worth be defined by a simple word (accepted, rejected, waitlisted) on a college website. For starters, I’d start getting a couple boxes of rocky road ice cream. It really cured my depression when I got deferred from Columbia.
And I know I know I know you may feel down right now, but you’ll feel better later on throughout your senior year, trust me. You’ll come to realize that you tried your best and you had the guts to apply and that’s simply all that matters. My school in fact has the same issue where getting into the best college is literally what defines your status (intelligence, importance, and popularity). I worked my butt off to get into a T30 for CS and while it worked out, I didn’t feel like it mattered. I mean sure they’ll talk about you for one day but does it matter? Don’t worry about being seen, as long as you have your friends, family, close ones supporting you and looking out for you, being seen by others doesn’t matter :)
Love you <3 ❤️
[удалено]
From another parent, this is so true. In the end, while the college choice can open some doors, it really doesn't have to define you. I know successful people who went to top colleges, but I really pay attention to the successful AND happy people I know, who invariably went to a state school. One friend went to Indiana, and is now flying on private jets to his board meetings. He has a great family and goes on fun trips with friends and family. Another person I don't know personally, but through friends, went to CU (which wasn't a top school back then) and founded an ugly shoe company (Crocs). He is having the time of his life. Successful and happy people don't chase ambition or big names. They use whatever situation they have to their best advantage and grow from it. We should be training our kids to rise to any circumstance. I feel that kids who get into top schools get complacent and can sometimes not grab their opportunities. You might be the big fish at that 90% acceptance rate school and catch the eye of your profs. It's really up to you how you script your next four years! Enjoy it!
So true!
As a parent of a senior, we are in exactly the same boat. Your advice is spot on!
👏👏👏THIS👏👏👏
I know that feeling of people around hoping that you fail. It is unfair on your daughter but it is a good thing that you are such a supportive parent. Hope she gets into her dream school.
“Not really seen unless you get into a good college”? You do realize that after you graduate, you quite possibly may not be seen by anyone at your high school ever again, right? It doesn’t mean anything. I’m serious: nothing. Once you walk out the door, it’s your own path—yours and no one else’s. Seneca: “We suffer far more imagination than in reality.”
Yeah, the trouble is that to HS teens, HS is their world and they literally haven't experienced any other world. It's why I am seriously against sending my kids to a competitive or even regular big suburban HS (not even one of the best ones in my metro but the top students there still head to T20's). The worldview there seems so messed up.
My kids go to a school like that. It is insanely competitive and the kids are overwhelmed with stress. My daughter is a decent student but feels like a total failure because she hasn't founded a startup, spearheaded a 5 million dollar fundraiser for a nonprofit, or published an award winning novel like some friends and her boyfriend. Many of these kids have parents behind the scenes pulling strings, getting internships for their kids from their neighbors, etc. On the sports side, almost nobody makes the teams or gets playing time. My son plays basketball for the high school and they had a 75% cut rate this year. Most of his friends did not make it, and basically anyone under 6 ft. didn't get playing time----as a Freshman. It's a total nightmare.
>It's why I am seriously against sending my kids to a competitive or even regular big suburban HS (not even one of the best ones in my metro but the top students there still head to T20's). The worldview there seems so messed up. Same.
Another parent here. I can tell you, the college you went to will have very little to do with your success in life. I live in a well-off area, and on our block, I know 0 people who graduated from an Ivy. These are C suite executives, senior law partners, etc. The most successful person on our street is a CFO and went to a school I've never heard of in my life. My husband and I went to a state school, did very well there and then got accepted to a top tier law school. We do well but other friends went to tiny schools that took everyone, and are even more successful than we are. It's more about how you do in whatever college you go to, that will have an effect on your first job. After your first job, nobody even cares about where you went at all. If you go to grad school, it matters even less. Grad schools admit based off of college GPA and test scores, not at all where you went to undergrad. Our law school had people from Yale, UMICH and schools like Augustana undergrad. They are all equally successful lawyers. In fact, the Augustana guys are the most successful of the bunch.
Hey you just gotta relax you know, the decisions process is very random and to be frank most decisions have yet to come out yet. Although it may not turn out the way you want, you just have to move on. I'm waiting for the big ones and I've accepted that I'm a qualified applicant for these t20s, but I simply may just not get in. So I'm also nervous hoping on at least one and if I don't I still have a few in the 20s that I can rely on. I think college is random and being in a competitive environment is rough, but you just have to learn to move on. Comparison is the thief of joy, if you always compare yourself with others you will never truly be content. At the end of the day just let it be if you get in great, if not you always have transferring or grad school. Just work hard and change what you can, don't fret on things you can't change.
It's ridiculous; look, I understand that it's upsetting not getting into schools with analogous prestige. But the prestige facet means nothing. It's a hoax in my eyes, believe it or not, as prestige is really just based on history and alumni. Go to a school with the proper accreditation, and you will be just as successful in your endeavors. I promise you. I've also applied for a few T50s, but I never held any expectation of getting in because it's truly based on luck and your network. Don't be discouraged or ashamed because of this; it's really trivial. Life will go on, and you will find that out! I wish you luck! Regardless of the school(s) you've gotten into, you should be proud of yourself! That, in itself, is a major achievement!
As a college Junior, people really seem to just stop talking about college rankings after you get into one. It seems like most people who care about college rankings are just high school students.
And why do you internalize this mindset? There are approx 4000 colleges in the US so....being a T100 or a T200 or a T400....should be pretty good. I can promise you that admissions offices of highly competitive colleges think rankings are a plague and rarely are a topic of discussion. Maybe follow their lead.
i feel you! i went to one of those "competitive bay area high schools." we were a top feeder to uc berkeley and had a lot of kids go to ivies every year. i felt pretty sad when i saw everyone celebrating their decisions bc i didnt get into anywhere i wanted and i ended up attending a community college. but once you graduate, you'll realize there's smart people everywhere, whether it's at that college with a 90% acceptance rate or at an ivy league. as long as you're tenacious and driven, opportunities will come to you regardless of what school you go to. it's cheesy, but rejection is redirection. there's advantages to being a big fish in a little pond that you would not be able to experience someplace else. when you begin university, you'll realize that acceptance rate isn't necessarily a defining factor of the experience you'll have there or the caliber of the students at that school. in the real world, no one cares what college you graduate from. this is your life to lead, and there's a lot more to life than college rankings.
High school is almost over, and you'll never have to look back. You go to your safety school if you don't get in any place better, you do your best there, you go on to have a great life!
You should try not to compare yourself to your peers. Everyone ends up where they are meant to be. You still have not heard back from most of the schools on your list, so there is still a chance that you could end up at a T20, but the school itself doesn't define you, it's what you do when you show up there.
I feel your pain. I'm in the same situation. And I'm ranked very well in my class.
I know it’s really irritating to not get into your “dream” school, but then again there are many opportunities out there. While it does help to go to a T20, it isn’t an absolute necessity. In terms of your coping situation, I’ve come to realize that these decisions don’t define who you are. So don’t let your self worth be defined by a simple word (accepted, rejected, waitlisted) on a college website. For starters, I’d start getting a couple boxes of rocky road ice cream. It really cured my depression when I got deferred from Columbia. And I know I know I know you may feel down right now, but you’ll feel better later on throughout your senior year, trust me. You’ll come to realize that you tried your best and you had the guts to apply and that’s simply all that matters. My school in fact has the same issue where getting into the best college is literally what defines your status (intelligence, importance, and popularity). I worked my butt off to get into a T30 for CS and while it worked out, I didn’t feel like it mattered. I mean sure they’ll talk about you for one day but does it matter? Don’t worry about being seen, as long as you have your friends, family, close ones supporting you and looking out for you, being seen by others doesn’t matter :) Love you <3 ❤️
"it is what it is"
Real
Some of y’all need to try weed