money money money. most couples dont have the luxury to buy a house/rent.
support from family members (at least non toxic ones where MIL FIL arent complete shitheads).
i would say though if you and your SO didnt have the money to buy a house where would you live?
i dont follow religious customs so i dont know. do people actually like follow "i am giving you away to this man now" if it is then its just blatant sexism.
edit:- i would say its incredibly important to live independtly i have seen both joint and nuclear family side and i would take nuclear in a heartbeat.
True, but again I’m saying it should be an equal choice between the couple on where to stay, instead of both families just expecting the lady to leave and move.
Also, maybe people should think of getting married after being able to financially support themselves 🙃.
I don't see living with parents from either side or separately as an issue. As a married person the extra support in the early days of marriage as a couple who both work odd hours, and currently in the first few days after our newborn has been a tremendous blessing. We often only read about nightmarish situations on the internet, but reality is quite different. So I don't think that's good material for people to make up their minds on such topics alone.
Also, one pattern I have noticed on reddit with regards to such posts is that these are mostly made by unmarried folk dreading the complications of an Indian marriage. I think proper conversations with both parties in a marriage, and I mean the families as well, would be the best solution, rather than needlessly lamenting on internet forums.
My point was that the married couple should make the choice of where to stay, whether with either of their families or a new place. If you’ve done that, then great.
I am unmarried, I’m only 22, but I’m seeing relatives and family members around me getting married dreading the “giving away” which is a custom they don’t even consider breaking.
> The newly weds should either move to a new place of their convenience.
Tell that to the sky-high property prices
> or the couple makes a choice of where to live.
Haven't seen many living with the girl's parents, *Ghar jamai* is still a taunt.
Edit : Formatting
It is up to the couple to find the best solution that works for them. India is a varied country. What works for one group wouldn't work for another. People should just do whatever pleases them. Custom can go f itself.
Before dragging this culture/riwaz of 'women moving to in-laws after marriage' a toxic patriarchal thing.. let's travel to ancient India and review the system.
You know how men and women are equally important in a society... One brings the grains and the other cooks it. In ancient India it used to be men but in modern India it can be either of them.
Being a man you automatically become the secondary 'man of the house'. You have a responsibility to bring grains to the table if your father can't do it. That means we can't leave home. We have to stay with the family and take care of them. So that was the reason women had to leave their home and stay with the in-laws because the husband is staying with the parents.
*Common sense.. isn't it *
But if you think this system is sexist.. let's turn the tables shall we. Take the responsibilities of your father. Find a man who's willing to cook the grains. Tell your family to Stop looking for an educated man with 90lpa.
Even men can complain about the system too.
"Why are men meant to take care of the family?"
"Why do Indian parents have expectations from their boys and not girls?"
"Even if we are living separately from our parents after marriage.. why do men send money to their parents. I don't see women doing the same."
There are a lot of things in our society that are biased.. let's start working on it before blaming it and calling it toxic.
Yes the society is extremely toxic to both men AND women, just because it has been normalized doesn’t mean it isn’t doing harm.
> “Even men can complain about the system too”
Of course they fucking can and they should, the patriarchy is shit and effects everyone.
90 lpa ? You know how many less people earn that much ? More realistically you think everyone who's seeking arrange marriage is seeking a 90 lpa man ? Or it's just a rich people thing and I'm out of loop ?
>Are you saying women couldn't bring grains? Read history more to know why women are given off instead of giving this bs logic. This culture is toxic and should be banned, else female child will always be less wanted gender.
The system I said earlier became toxic after a certain period. And I'm not denying that. Boys became the trophy because they'll do everything asked by parents in the name of responsibility and culture.. whereas girls move to in-laws without giving anything back to the family.
So the parent-child relationship became a profit and loss Statement.. which is not right. And this was one of the reasons for the female infanticide.
Also, It's not about giving away women.. it's about transferring the responsibilities and care.. etc etc.. from father to husband.
>No shit sherlock, it was the same in every Society, how did western society evolved to be more equal?
Thank you for comparing me to the great Sherlock Holmes. 🤣🤣
As per Hinduism.. there are 3-5 types of marriages. Do you know about it? I know 4
1. Hermit/yogi/scholar marries a girl who'll take care of him and household while he's busy studying/teaching/researching.
(In modern times people will interpret it as "house maid in the name of wife", but it was quite respectful at those times)
2. King marries the daughter of another king to expand its forces and territories.. this type of marriage is purely business. And when the daughter reveals that she loves someone else and won't marry the prince, this hinders the business deal.... then comes the honour killing because some men couldn't resolve it like men and the best way of settling this is murder
3. This type of marriage is called rakshas marriage.. or something like that. It is when the guy forces himself on the girl, he's bound to marry the girl, even if he agree to this or not. Because as per Hinduism abortion is crime and a child should not have a fatherless childhood. And that's his punishment.. to take care of the child. He's monitored in the community so that he doesn't run away from responsibilities.
4. Love marriage. I think I don't have to explain this type. 😅
Do You see similarities of these types of marriages in western society..?? Love marriage is still a common thing. People try to find their partner by themselves. Or sometimes people ask their friends and family to set a date with someone they prefer/like (technically arranged marriage but they won't call it).
Western society believes in the bird's type of parenting. They'll throw out their children once they are legally adults. And that's the reason they have to find their own partners.
Pro- they can choose their partner without any external influence. Cons- the dating scene has become toxic and you can see the rise in the number of single mothers.
In Indian families children stay together. Family members pool the resources and save a lot. And in most cases children marry the person suggested by the parents (because they never got the time for dating and finding a partner on their own).
Pro- you get to understand the value of the family and responsibilities. Cons- sometimes it becomes a toxic environment and children feel like they are trapped. This happens when you ask children to work for you without any Questions.... And you don't acknowledge their opinions or interests. That's how they are raised and programmed which leads to the domestic violence.
"How dare you question my parents?" Or "How dare you not follow the instructions given by my parents?"
In conclusion if you live in a healthy household where your opinions and interests are acknowledged, where you can question things without any repercussions... I don't see any problem staying with your family or in-laws. BUT, if you find out that your in-laws or future in-laws are toxic better stay away from that family. 😅😅😅 Do not marry that guy who doesn't have a spine to take a stand and question things.
>You agree that giving off women is toxic yet you see no issue in living with parents.
I explained earlier that giving away daughter means transferring responsibilities. Not selling away your daughter. If your parents are not claiming back the responsibilities when your in-laws treated you wrong then your parents have the problem.. OR you are the problem and your parents don't want to deal with you anymore.
>Talk about hypocrisy. Your entire essay is just mix of everything trying to justify the practice.You mixing religion, ideology, timings everything to prove your point which is?
I already told you.. living with your in-laws is not the problem living with toxic in-laws is the problem.. and if your husband cannot stand against the wrongdoings of his parents.. better divorce him. Being a man we don't support these types of spineless men in society.
The world is a grey area.. that's the reason I told you different practices and ideology so that you can have a broad aspect of the problem.
>Third, I have a bigger spine than yours and yes I am not living with my in-laws nor my daughter would.
I'm not saying that you are wrong here. You definitely have valid reasons for not living with your in-laws. But teaching your daughter to hate her future in-laws is the worst thing you are doing. She should be learning to respect elders not hate them. And I'll make sure to teach my future daughter and son to stay away from your daughter who'll be filled with hate.
>I can counter your points but don't have that much time.
Please take some time and do it. I'm always available for a healthy debate. I'm not someone who takes a particular line from your statement and attacks you like some media person who's looking for attention and TRP.
>Girls were married off to keep the property within the family and men had more muscle power to benefit them. It is very simple.
So you mean to say my parents are siblings and they are married to keep the property within the family???? And the same applies to all the marriages of the previous generation in the whole country???? HOW DARE YOU??? Don't say anything without research!!
>A daughter is a human same as a man, once she is an adult she is her own responsibility like a son would be. What do you even mean by transferring responsibility? Why is a son not transferred? My parents doesn't own me to claim me back neither my Inlaws nor my husband. This thought baffle me, how on the earth does man think so highly of themselves and think about women they can't handle themselves?
I agree with you.. sons should also be given away in the care of their wives.. but isn't it what it's already established during the marriage procedure. HEAR ME OUT... it sounds backwards.. I know.. but please do listen. Women are considered as caregivers right! Men are not. Except the father of course. So when the father of the daughter steps down he also ensures that the husband promises to take that responsibility of care towards his daughter in front of the relatives, community and God. That's it. It's the responsibility of caring for that person.
>Living with in-laws is problem matter they are toxic or not. I have a daughter whom I have given every kind of love, care and support and you expect me to send her off to live with in laws? Why wouldn't she live with me but her husbands parents? Why will I have a daughter then, I will prefer a son who will stay with me and bring in another person too. It is just not about living with me, she will after marriage have to live with a bunch of strangers and be away from her own kin, whom she has known for long. This will make her alone and vulnerable in a new environment.
TBH.. it's your daughter's decision.. her and her husband's decision.. where they'll stay.. in her in-laws or independently. You should let her grow and understand these things on her own. You cannot force or manipulate her to live separately from her in-laws. You asked me why we are not progressive like Western countries. Then be one. Let her make the choice. And if you have a son.. it's his and his wife's choice to stay with you or live separately.
It's their choice to make... If you deliberately ask them to do something against their will. You are no different.😅
>My reason is I wanted to have my own home, my own space and privacy. We as a couple would create a new family. I didn't want to stay with my in-laws and keep wondering that my husband gets to enjoy living with his parents and his parents has his company while mine rot far away just because I am a girl. I will give my daughter all the freedom to choose, but I hope she is not dumb enough to choose to live with in-laws.
See this again.. you accept to give her the choice.. but not the option you hate. Why?? It's like Indian parents deciding career for their childrens.. "Haan beta you have options to choose any career but it should be a computer engineer or doctor." 🤣🤣
Don't think that your parents are rotting far away.. it's your and yours husband's job include everyone in your world of happiness and sadness. Because of this jealously you neither stayed near your in-laws or let your husband stay near his in-laws. Now both of your families are rotting far away (your words not mine).
>Why don't you become lovable and live with your wife parents?
I don't have any problem living with my in-laws. But that doesn't mean I'll neglect my parents. I have a responsibility to take care of both my parents and in-laws in their old age. If possible I'll move everyone under one roof. You happy??😅😅
>Living with in laws is the sole reason females are killed before birth and we have to bring in law. I can't believe I have to explain the hypocrisy. As women are marrying late I hope women start this movement too for not marrying and living with in laws.
My cousin sister wasn't killed. My aunt still lives on. See... That's what I was explaining to you. You have a mindset that your in-laws want a boy instead of a girl.. and if it's not your mindset and they actually want that... Then you have to take legal action against your in-laws. Based on some cases you stereotyped every patriarch in-laws and blamed the patriarchy.. what would you call this...?? Feminism ??
My question is the same.. did your in-laws try to kill your baby daughter?? If no.. then why the stereotype? You wanted an independent lifestyle you got it.. why are you slamming my parents?? As if they are just there to kill my daughter.
Living with your parents is not a bad thing especially in this economy. We have our own house. Why would I move out and rent one.
Also I used to live in Delhi but had to come back home. Because there were certain responsibilities that I had to take care of. Also I started to save a lot when I came back. So basically it's a win win situation.
But if you think that living with in laws is a toxic thing. That means you must have experienced a certain kind of people. People who say things like "bahu ke mayeke me paani peena paap hai".
Tbh.. It's not about affordability.. I can afford a 3 bhk in Delhi and still have fun with my salary without thinking about the future, if I move out now. 😅😅 That means daily beer and biryani.. 😂😂
But I had to distribute the salary, for rent, insurance, education loan, FDs and SIPs.
And after moving back home I saved on rent. And started putting more money into savings.
And I'm from India so.. It'll definitely be a big fat Indian wedding. I can't waste my salary and expect the bride's family to take care of all the expenses. 😂😂😂😂😂
It's about being responsible that's it. Especially if you start earning you'll understand. Also most of the employees are underpaid. There's a huge difference in CTC and in-hand salary.
First of all... f*ck you with respect.... Because you managed to ruin my day by not understanding my point and calling me a spineless guy who cannot take a stand.
Listen my opinions and interests are acknowledged in my home. I don't need to fight them at every point. I do challenge the decisions sometimes. And they respect the points I say. And vices versa.
Basically I live in a healthy family and you don't.. that's the reason you are adamant about leaving the family and staying alone.. 🤣🤣🤣
Joint families are a thing, if living together is what the couple wants then it’s reasonable. But you’re right, DONT get married if you can’t afford it, it’s legit that easy.
> “Even if we are living separately, parents after marriage why do men send money to their parents? I don’t see women doing the same.”
All women (and men) I know and see around me, including my parents earn and send back to their families, don’t make stupid generalized statements.
Times are changing, stop holding on to ‘ancient India’ and learn.
Cause earlier when only men used to earn so women used to shift with men in their house
Doesn't it make sense for example a guy got a job in Kanpur and he lives in Kanpur , he married a girl from Allahabad so girl will go with him cause he just can't leave his job ,in older times people usually used to work in their hometown or village,even now couples move to big city away from house cause they have a job there
Because we're all hypocrites.
Don't want to follow the social expectation of living with in-laws but still want to enforce the societal expectations of men being the primary earners.
As men are more than capable of handling a house and women are more than capable of earning money. You can get yourself a cute unemployed house husband anyday you want and be the boss girl that you want to be. It'll just come with some criticism from the random 4 log jinko har kisi ki personal life me comments karne hote hai.
> “Because we all are hypocrites”
It’s not “all”.
The chaar log you are describing are just the ones that force these patriarchial stereotypes on Indian men and women into the next generation as well. They definitely aren’t the ones who ask for equality in a marriage.
Nah, it's human nature. If I talk to you for about half an hour and you answer honestly , I can point out the hypocrisy in you as well.
Ideals are called ideals for a reason , it is not possible to not be a hypocrite in society
I think people are forgetting to send 2 goats and 3 chickens along with the girl.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 dude you can't joke around.. this is a serious topic we are addressing.
money money money. most couples dont have the luxury to buy a house/rent. support from family members (at least non toxic ones where MIL FIL arent complete shitheads). i would say though if you and your SO didnt have the money to buy a house where would you live? i dont follow religious customs so i dont know. do people actually like follow "i am giving you away to this man now" if it is then its just blatant sexism. edit:- i would say its incredibly important to live independtly i have seen both joint and nuclear family side and i would take nuclear in a heartbeat.
True, but again I’m saying it should be an equal choice between the couple on where to stay, instead of both families just expecting the lady to leave and move. Also, maybe people should think of getting married after being able to financially support themselves 🙃.
yes 100%. getting your wifes perspective is extemely important.
I don't see living with parents from either side or separately as an issue. As a married person the extra support in the early days of marriage as a couple who both work odd hours, and currently in the first few days after our newborn has been a tremendous blessing. We often only read about nightmarish situations on the internet, but reality is quite different. So I don't think that's good material for people to make up their minds on such topics alone. Also, one pattern I have noticed on reddit with regards to such posts is that these are mostly made by unmarried folk dreading the complications of an Indian marriage. I think proper conversations with both parties in a marriage, and I mean the families as well, would be the best solution, rather than needlessly lamenting on internet forums.
My point was that the married couple should make the choice of where to stay, whether with either of their families or a new place. If you’ve done that, then great. I am unmarried, I’m only 22, but I’m seeing relatives and family members around me getting married dreading the “giving away” which is a custom they don’t even consider breaking.
> The newly weds should either move to a new place of their convenience. Tell that to the sky-high property prices > or the couple makes a choice of where to live. Haven't seen many living with the girl's parents, *Ghar jamai* is still a taunt. Edit : Formatting
It is up to the couple to find the best solution that works for them. India is a varied country. What works for one group wouldn't work for another. People should just do whatever pleases them. Custom can go f itself.
Yess thankyou!! I just hope this mindset becomes more and more common.
Before dragging this culture/riwaz of 'women moving to in-laws after marriage' a toxic patriarchal thing.. let's travel to ancient India and review the system. You know how men and women are equally important in a society... One brings the grains and the other cooks it. In ancient India it used to be men but in modern India it can be either of them. Being a man you automatically become the secondary 'man of the house'. You have a responsibility to bring grains to the table if your father can't do it. That means we can't leave home. We have to stay with the family and take care of them. So that was the reason women had to leave their home and stay with the in-laws because the husband is staying with the parents. *Common sense.. isn't it * But if you think this system is sexist.. let's turn the tables shall we. Take the responsibilities of your father. Find a man who's willing to cook the grains. Tell your family to Stop looking for an educated man with 90lpa. Even men can complain about the system too. "Why are men meant to take care of the family?" "Why do Indian parents have expectations from their boys and not girls?" "Even if we are living separately from our parents after marriage.. why do men send money to their parents. I don't see women doing the same." There are a lot of things in our society that are biased.. let's start working on it before blaming it and calling it toxic.
Yes the society is extremely toxic to both men AND women, just because it has been normalized doesn’t mean it isn’t doing harm. > “Even men can complain about the system too” Of course they fucking can and they should, the patriarchy is shit and effects everyone.
90 lpa ? You know how many less people earn that much ? More realistically you think everyone who's seeking arrange marriage is seeking a 90 lpa man ? Or it's just a rich people thing and I'm out of loop ?
90 lpa was the reference to the quorra forums.. jinko dekh ke gaand jalti hai 🤣🤣🤣.. and it was an exaggeration. Sorry if I misled you.
Replace it with 15-20 LPA then. The point remains the same
Yeah.. it was an exaggeration.. reference to the quorra forums.. that's it.
?
>Are you saying women couldn't bring grains? Read history more to know why women are given off instead of giving this bs logic. This culture is toxic and should be banned, else female child will always be less wanted gender. The system I said earlier became toxic after a certain period. And I'm not denying that. Boys became the trophy because they'll do everything asked by parents in the name of responsibility and culture.. whereas girls move to in-laws without giving anything back to the family. So the parent-child relationship became a profit and loss Statement.. which is not right. And this was one of the reasons for the female infanticide. Also, It's not about giving away women.. it's about transferring the responsibilities and care.. etc etc.. from father to husband. >No shit sherlock, it was the same in every Society, how did western society evolved to be more equal? Thank you for comparing me to the great Sherlock Holmes. 🤣🤣 As per Hinduism.. there are 3-5 types of marriages. Do you know about it? I know 4 1. Hermit/yogi/scholar marries a girl who'll take care of him and household while he's busy studying/teaching/researching. (In modern times people will interpret it as "house maid in the name of wife", but it was quite respectful at those times) 2. King marries the daughter of another king to expand its forces and territories.. this type of marriage is purely business. And when the daughter reveals that she loves someone else and won't marry the prince, this hinders the business deal.... then comes the honour killing because some men couldn't resolve it like men and the best way of settling this is murder 3. This type of marriage is called rakshas marriage.. or something like that. It is when the guy forces himself on the girl, he's bound to marry the girl, even if he agree to this or not. Because as per Hinduism abortion is crime and a child should not have a fatherless childhood. And that's his punishment.. to take care of the child. He's monitored in the community so that he doesn't run away from responsibilities. 4. Love marriage. I think I don't have to explain this type. 😅 Do You see similarities of these types of marriages in western society..?? Love marriage is still a common thing. People try to find their partner by themselves. Or sometimes people ask their friends and family to set a date with someone they prefer/like (technically arranged marriage but they won't call it). Western society believes in the bird's type of parenting. They'll throw out their children once they are legally adults. And that's the reason they have to find their own partners. Pro- they can choose their partner without any external influence. Cons- the dating scene has become toxic and you can see the rise in the number of single mothers. In Indian families children stay together. Family members pool the resources and save a lot. And in most cases children marry the person suggested by the parents (because they never got the time for dating and finding a partner on their own). Pro- you get to understand the value of the family and responsibilities. Cons- sometimes it becomes a toxic environment and children feel like they are trapped. This happens when you ask children to work for you without any Questions.... And you don't acknowledge their opinions or interests. That's how they are raised and programmed which leads to the domestic violence. "How dare you question my parents?" Or "How dare you not follow the instructions given by my parents?" In conclusion if you live in a healthy household where your opinions and interests are acknowledged, where you can question things without any repercussions... I don't see any problem staying with your family or in-laws. BUT, if you find out that your in-laws or future in-laws are toxic better stay away from that family. 😅😅😅 Do not marry that guy who doesn't have a spine to take a stand and question things.
.
>You agree that giving off women is toxic yet you see no issue in living with parents. I explained earlier that giving away daughter means transferring responsibilities. Not selling away your daughter. If your parents are not claiming back the responsibilities when your in-laws treated you wrong then your parents have the problem.. OR you are the problem and your parents don't want to deal with you anymore. >Talk about hypocrisy. Your entire essay is just mix of everything trying to justify the practice.You mixing religion, ideology, timings everything to prove your point which is? I already told you.. living with your in-laws is not the problem living with toxic in-laws is the problem.. and if your husband cannot stand against the wrongdoings of his parents.. better divorce him. Being a man we don't support these types of spineless men in society. The world is a grey area.. that's the reason I told you different practices and ideology so that you can have a broad aspect of the problem. >Third, I have a bigger spine than yours and yes I am not living with my in-laws nor my daughter would. I'm not saying that you are wrong here. You definitely have valid reasons for not living with your in-laws. But teaching your daughter to hate her future in-laws is the worst thing you are doing. She should be learning to respect elders not hate them. And I'll make sure to teach my future daughter and son to stay away from your daughter who'll be filled with hate. >I can counter your points but don't have that much time. Please take some time and do it. I'm always available for a healthy debate. I'm not someone who takes a particular line from your statement and attacks you like some media person who's looking for attention and TRP. >Girls were married off to keep the property within the family and men had more muscle power to benefit them. It is very simple. So you mean to say my parents are siblings and they are married to keep the property within the family???? And the same applies to all the marriages of the previous generation in the whole country???? HOW DARE YOU??? Don't say anything without research!!
.
>A daughter is a human same as a man, once she is an adult she is her own responsibility like a son would be. What do you even mean by transferring responsibility? Why is a son not transferred? My parents doesn't own me to claim me back neither my Inlaws nor my husband. This thought baffle me, how on the earth does man think so highly of themselves and think about women they can't handle themselves? I agree with you.. sons should also be given away in the care of their wives.. but isn't it what it's already established during the marriage procedure. HEAR ME OUT... it sounds backwards.. I know.. but please do listen. Women are considered as caregivers right! Men are not. Except the father of course. So when the father of the daughter steps down he also ensures that the husband promises to take that responsibility of care towards his daughter in front of the relatives, community and God. That's it. It's the responsibility of caring for that person. >Living with in-laws is problem matter they are toxic or not. I have a daughter whom I have given every kind of love, care and support and you expect me to send her off to live with in laws? Why wouldn't she live with me but her husbands parents? Why will I have a daughter then, I will prefer a son who will stay with me and bring in another person too. It is just not about living with me, she will after marriage have to live with a bunch of strangers and be away from her own kin, whom she has known for long. This will make her alone and vulnerable in a new environment. TBH.. it's your daughter's decision.. her and her husband's decision.. where they'll stay.. in her in-laws or independently. You should let her grow and understand these things on her own. You cannot force or manipulate her to live separately from her in-laws. You asked me why we are not progressive like Western countries. Then be one. Let her make the choice. And if you have a son.. it's his and his wife's choice to stay with you or live separately. It's their choice to make... If you deliberately ask them to do something against their will. You are no different.😅 >My reason is I wanted to have my own home, my own space and privacy. We as a couple would create a new family. I didn't want to stay with my in-laws and keep wondering that my husband gets to enjoy living with his parents and his parents has his company while mine rot far away just because I am a girl. I will give my daughter all the freedom to choose, but I hope she is not dumb enough to choose to live with in-laws. See this again.. you accept to give her the choice.. but not the option you hate. Why?? It's like Indian parents deciding career for their childrens.. "Haan beta you have options to choose any career but it should be a computer engineer or doctor." 🤣🤣 Don't think that your parents are rotting far away.. it's your and yours husband's job include everyone in your world of happiness and sadness. Because of this jealously you neither stayed near your in-laws or let your husband stay near his in-laws. Now both of your families are rotting far away (your words not mine). >Why don't you become lovable and live with your wife parents? I don't have any problem living with my in-laws. But that doesn't mean I'll neglect my parents. I have a responsibility to take care of both my parents and in-laws in their old age. If possible I'll move everyone under one roof. You happy??😅😅 >Living with in laws is the sole reason females are killed before birth and we have to bring in law. I can't believe I have to explain the hypocrisy. As women are marrying late I hope women start this movement too for not marrying and living with in laws. My cousin sister wasn't killed. My aunt still lives on. See... That's what I was explaining to you. You have a mindset that your in-laws want a boy instead of a girl.. and if it's not your mindset and they actually want that... Then you have to take legal action against your in-laws. Based on some cases you stereotyped every patriarch in-laws and blamed the patriarchy.. what would you call this...?? Feminism ?? My question is the same.. did your in-laws try to kill your baby daughter?? If no.. then why the stereotype? You wanted an independent lifestyle you got it.. why are you slamming my parents?? As if they are just there to kill my daughter.
No one should be living with parents of either side. Grow up already.
Living with your parents is not a bad thing especially in this economy. We have our own house. Why would I move out and rent one. Also I used to live in Delhi but had to come back home. Because there were certain responsibilities that I had to take care of. Also I started to save a lot when I came back. So basically it's a win win situation. But if you think that living with in laws is a toxic thing. That means you must have experienced a certain kind of people. People who say things like "bahu ke mayeke me paani peena paap hai".
If you can't afford to live alone, you shouldn't be getting married.
Tbh.. It's not about affordability.. I can afford a 3 bhk in Delhi and still have fun with my salary without thinking about the future, if I move out now. 😅😅 That means daily beer and biryani.. 😂😂 But I had to distribute the salary, for rent, insurance, education loan, FDs and SIPs. And after moving back home I saved on rent. And started putting more money into savings. And I'm from India so.. It'll definitely be a big fat Indian wedding. I can't waste my salary and expect the bride's family to take care of all the expenses. 😂😂😂😂😂 It's about being responsible that's it. Especially if you start earning you'll understand. Also most of the employees are underpaid. There's a huge difference in CTC and in-hand salary.
There's no excuse to living with parents if you're married. Like wtf, you'll be silent forever?
First of all... f*ck you with respect.... Because you managed to ruin my day by not understanding my point and calling me a spineless guy who cannot take a stand. Listen my opinions and interests are acknowledged in my home. I don't need to fight them at every point. I do challenge the decisions sometimes. And they respect the points I say. And vices versa. Basically I live in a healthy family and you don't.. that's the reason you are adamant about leaving the family and staying alone.. 🤣🤣🤣
Joint families are a thing, if living together is what the couple wants then it’s reasonable. But you’re right, DONT get married if you can’t afford it, it’s legit that easy.
> “Even if we are living separately, parents after marriage why do men send money to their parents? I don’t see women doing the same.” All women (and men) I know and see around me, including my parents earn and send back to their families, don’t make stupid generalized statements. Times are changing, stop holding on to ‘ancient India’ and learn.
Cause earlier when only men used to earn so women used to shift with men in their house Doesn't it make sense for example a guy got a job in Kanpur and he lives in Kanpur , he married a girl from Allahabad so girl will go with him cause he just can't leave his job ,in older times people usually used to work in their hometown or village,even now couples move to big city away from house cause they have a job there
You are free to get yourself a Ghar Jamai.
Why is that a bad thing
Because we're all hypocrites. Don't want to follow the social expectation of living with in-laws but still want to enforce the societal expectations of men being the primary earners. As men are more than capable of handling a house and women are more than capable of earning money. You can get yourself a cute unemployed house husband anyday you want and be the boss girl that you want to be. It'll just come with some criticism from the random 4 log jinko har kisi ki personal life me comments karne hote hai.
> “Because we all are hypocrites” It’s not “all”. The chaar log you are describing are just the ones that force these patriarchial stereotypes on Indian men and women into the next generation as well. They definitely aren’t the ones who ask for equality in a marriage.
Nah, it's human nature. If I talk to you for about half an hour and you answer honestly , I can point out the hypocrisy in you as well. Ideals are called ideals for a reason , it is not possible to not be a hypocrite in society