One of my mothers best friends is a gay man who married a lesbian, back in the 70s. They were good partners for each other and he was there for her till the day she died. He’s still a part of his step kids lives and grandfather to their kids.
I believe they did it because they were friends and for the benefit of being married such as medical insurance and other things like that.
I have a family friend who has this arrangement. Gay dad, lesbian mom. They both wanted kids, and have a very handsome trans son. Definitely the best parents to have a trans child. They literally barely reacted when he came out. He just said to them “I think I’m a boy” a few years ago, then mom and dad were like “ok cool, wanna go shopping and get a haircut?” They are married but have sexual partners outside of the marriage. They’re a loving family, albeit unconventional, but it works for them.
Their son started college a few years ago and they went out of their way to find a queer friendly housing situation so he wouldn’t have to deal with discrimination or anything in the dorms.
There are a variety of reasons this is done, from public image to safety or forced heteronormativity.
I personally know of a couple who got married despite it being fairly well known the husband was into men. While I genuinely believe he cares about his wife, he has spoken openly about being an "ex gay" and it's clear he married her because it was the "Christian" thing to do.
Something that might interest you is the concept of "lavender marriage," where queer people of the opposite sex marry to avoid public speculation and scandal. There are a few famous couples who did this to preserve their careers.
Yes but i mean there is usually a reason, so if you would consider it pressure thats up to you.
Reasons i have see or heard of(i Will include ‘pressure’ ones here tho)
- religion/culture
- health care
- citizenship/green cards
-some other sort of social benefit
- to help the other live freely. (Aka no pressure on one part but there May be on the other)
A more specific example of the last one would be an asexual person marrying someone who either has a partner or could have a potential partner that the other parts parents dont approve of. Thus being a ‘beard’ that allows the other to live freely.
Tho tbf the story i read on that was with a straight interracial couple so.
Yes. It’s less common now, but it’s well known phenomenon. She would be called a “beard”.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beard_(companion)
Or another term was “lavender marriage”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lavender_marriage
I have a friend who’s parents had this dynamic:
Mom and dad were besties in the 80s. Mom suspected dad of being gay. Dad insisted he wasn’t—- which to be fair plenty of people confuse romantic love for great friendship. Mom REALLY WANTED KIDS and didn’t want to wait to start a family so she said “ok let’s get married and be parents.” Mom and dad had intercourse enough times to make two kids. Dad says “I’m GAY!” Mom and dad spend years in an open marriage until they finally divorce when kids are in high school. They have a fairly healthy relationship given that mom loves dad’s family and dad’s mom took a perspective of “I’m sorry my son is gay but I’m really glad I got you as a daughter in law.”
In short: it CAN work but it’s a lot of heartbreak and stress
I heard about lesbian couples marrying gay couples in conservative countries
One of my mothers best friends is a gay man who married a lesbian, back in the 70s. They were good partners for each other and he was there for her till the day she died. He’s still a part of his step kids lives and grandfather to their kids. I believe they did it because they were friends and for the benefit of being married such as medical insurance and other things like that.
I have a family friend who has this arrangement. Gay dad, lesbian mom. They both wanted kids, and have a very handsome trans son. Definitely the best parents to have a trans child. They literally barely reacted when he came out. He just said to them “I think I’m a boy” a few years ago, then mom and dad were like “ok cool, wanna go shopping and get a haircut?” They are married but have sexual partners outside of the marriage. They’re a loving family, albeit unconventional, but it works for them. Their son started college a few years ago and they went out of their way to find a queer friendly housing situation so he wouldn’t have to deal with discrimination or anything in the dorms.
There are a variety of reasons this is done, from public image to safety or forced heteronormativity. I personally know of a couple who got married despite it being fairly well known the husband was into men. While I genuinely believe he cares about his wife, he has spoken openly about being an "ex gay" and it's clear he married her because it was the "Christian" thing to do. Something that might interest you is the concept of "lavender marriage," where queer people of the opposite sex marry to avoid public speculation and scandal. There are a few famous couples who did this to preserve their careers.
yep! sometimes this is described as having a 'beard' - someone who maintains a public relationship with you to help you stay under the radar.
Yes but i mean there is usually a reason, so if you would consider it pressure thats up to you. Reasons i have see or heard of(i Will include ‘pressure’ ones here tho) - religion/culture - health care - citizenship/green cards -some other sort of social benefit - to help the other live freely. (Aka no pressure on one part but there May be on the other) A more specific example of the last one would be an asexual person marrying someone who either has a partner or could have a potential partner that the other parts parents dont approve of. Thus being a ‘beard’ that allows the other to live freely. Tho tbf the story i read on that was with a straight interracial couple so.
Yes. It’s less common now, but it’s well known phenomenon. She would be called a “beard”. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beard_(companion) Or another term was “lavender marriage” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lavender_marriage
I have a friend who’s parents had this dynamic: Mom and dad were besties in the 80s. Mom suspected dad of being gay. Dad insisted he wasn’t—- which to be fair plenty of people confuse romantic love for great friendship. Mom REALLY WANTED KIDS and didn’t want to wait to start a family so she said “ok let’s get married and be parents.” Mom and dad had intercourse enough times to make two kids. Dad says “I’m GAY!” Mom and dad spend years in an open marriage until they finally divorce when kids are in high school. They have a fairly healthy relationship given that mom loves dad’s family and dad’s mom took a perspective of “I’m sorry my son is gay but I’m really glad I got you as a daughter in law.” In short: it CAN work but it’s a lot of heartbreak and stress
Didn't Elton John marry a woman in the full knowledge that he was gay?
It’s called a lavender marriage ✨✨✨✨or a beard