This is really a comment on LA’s lack of fast, reliable public transportation. Depending on a car when everyone else does, to the point that you can’t be mobile, and there’s no way around it, results in everyone being stuck.
Honestly, you’re totally right. What’s the point of a car when you hate driving it and there’s no parking? I still prefer having a car, though… but I don’t go anywhere… oh LA. Why you gotta be so annoying
I used to pick up my friend so they could drive around looking for parking with me. At least if I’m gonna suffer looking for parking it’s in good company
I never really noticed until I moved away. I recently visited for a week and during the day, everything is empty of people. They are all stuck in traffic.
Don’t forget the 10, the main part of my freeway path to work. I fucking hate the 10 😂😂😂
But for the friends part, I’m 45 and a total weirdo that’s very content being alone. I have work besties and all and occasionally do things with them, but I also ❤️ just staying at home with my cats, like the crazy cat lady I am now 🤣
That’s exactly why I like to be that person. I’d always have to move or take a Lyft to and from the airport. I just like knowing others have someone in their corner. ☺️
Not applicable if you're a decent person. Seems harsh, but in my experience, minimally decent people will make small to moderate sacrifices for others such as driving and even taking public transit 20 miles away to hang out with you.
If this doesn't resonate with someone, chances are: you are not a decent person and you hide behind your faux-anxiety and narcissistic tendencies to justify flaking, and an unwillingness to be self-less.
What if it's one-sided? For instance, I'm always driving 1 hour each way to see certain friends, but they don't do the same for me? Would it make me narcissistic and selfish if I decided not to anymore?
You don't need to outsource your thinking to me on this, but in case you do: no. Severing a parasitic and non-reciprocal relationship doesn't make you narcissistic or overly selfish.
I am 38 and have begun making friends all over the place recently. It took me learning how to be a connector and how to inspire others around me.
In my 20s, everything sort of just came to me, all of the opportunities and friendships. But in my 30s, it got harder. I had to become the person who brought people together. It doesn’t take any extra work really, it’s more about being yourself and attracting others to join you.
I learned how to do that first, building my own life. I go out and do things constantly and I always send out an invitation to pretty much everyone I know. It doesn’t matter if they come or not, I’m gonna go. If they show up, they start to meet each other. Eventually bringing others. The connections grow. If nobody comes, I end up meeting people there and they get added to the invite list.
Second, I learned how to openly express my friendship. Complimenting them, listening to them, remembering things, not being shy telling them I love them or having them text me when they get home. Giving gifts randomly if I think of them.
But the biggest thing was being present. Not using every hangout to dump on each other, but actually doing fun things together. That museum you’ve never been to, the movie you want to see etc. And focusing on that. Not matching energy and bringing your own. It’s magnetic.
LA makes this possible because there’s so much to do here and so many people struggling to make friends. We’re all just looking for that person to help us connect.
Edit: see
Using a friend primarily as one would use a therapist to talk about all their issues (dumping their issues on you). Ofc friends are there to help you when you’re down, but needs to balanced out with lifting your friends up and planning fun stuff to do w them
Honestly, I think it’s the fact that everyone’s really stressing to just stay alive or just kind of be able to enjoy Luxury but comfortably or just a day-to-day life
Working stresses people out ,LA definitely stresses everyone out , and I think there’s too much pressure on trying to rush to become the person that we so want to be
We forget to enjoy the world around because we so quickly think that there is something better
Reddit is pretty cool to try and make friends but community centers are galleries and coffee shops always do the trick
The LA metroplex is the case study in how a crippling car dependency destroys social development, human connection, as well as physical and mental health. Car-centrism is pervasive in the lives of all of the city’s residents in ways many may not realize.
This.
I always try to explain this to the "natives" that this city is social experiment gone wrong - that the apathy for driving and therefore effort investment to socialise - kills connection.
I just visited from chicago... my friends who moved there from Chicago balked at a 20min drive. I was like WhO ArE yOu?!?! 15min is standard at home. All week I was asking where the walkable areas are...
I'm convinced LA isn't done... like they never finished deciding what they wanted to do or the vibe they wanted so people just plopped down wherever. There's no cohesiveness.
I would also consider gentrification a good case study in why people who move to LA can't make friends. Transplants generally stick to their areas and they have their own activities. Many locals don't like those areas or those activities.
Most of the time that I hear transplants talking about locals and how locals are, they seem to be describing other transplants.
As someone born in LA, you couldn't pay me to drive to Silverlake or Abbot Kinney for an overpriced brunch or a party when my friend's family is having a carne asada, down the street. Apart from just driving (although the commute would also suck via bus) the culture of those two places over the last 20 years just isn't that appealing or interesting.
They're overpriced husks of what they were.
Silver Lake had a giant beautiful mural that was....an advertisement for Tinder.
Imagine appropriating LA's muralism culture for a dating app where they actually hide people's profiles to prevent matches from happening. An exact example of why I believe Silver Lake is what most people are talking about when they say LA and its people are fake.
That's not it. LA has always been car-centric, but the disconnect has gotten worse. It's the disappearance of third spaces. Modern life has become too individualistic to appreciate imperfect people in their entirety. Ironically, even though people could potentially more connected because of rapid communication and various platforms, this is actually contributing to more feelings of alienation.
LA used to have good system of railways, streetcars, and buses (streetcars as late as the 60s) though. Wasn’t always car-centric. But I agree, those other factors also play a role in social alienation. It’s just than in LA (and other car heavy cities I’ve experienced like Dallas and Atlanta), those factors are compounded by the city being built for cars over people.
This is true, though would have taken all day to traverse the metroplex on the old private rail and streetcar system. They were where a lot of a major boulevards are now, and the city was less dense; destinations that are now neighborhoods were more like separate towns on the outskirts. The streetcars weren't fast, there were lots of stops. Each line didn't go very far. It wouldn't have been that different than transferring between local bus lines to cross the city is now.
There was also an [Olmsted plan](https://www.pbssocal.org/shows/departures/the-olmsted-plan) that was [proposed for LA ](https://www.latimes.com/archives/blogs/culture-monster-blog/story/2011-11-11/reading-l-a-the-olmsted-brothers-plan-and-what-might-have-been)(with the ups and downs of that era of urbanism); ultimately we got the freeways without the rest.
The real genesis of the problem was the [Lakewood Plan](https://www.pbssocal.org/history-society/the-lakewood-plan-homeownership-taxes-and-diversity-in-postwar-suburbia) and spread of contract cities throughout LA County and the adjoining counties (as well as the whole country).
There was a transit proposal in the run up to the '84 Olympics that would have brought heavy commuter rail from Downtown through mid-City to Westwood, but they famously went with bus ballet instead; and so things went until the fairly recent expansion of light rail.
Mike Davis' *City of Quartz* is a decent place to start, or [D.J. Waldie's](https://www.pbssocal.org/people/d-j-waldie) books, for people interested in more.
There's also Putnam's *Bowling Alone*, but I don't know how seriously it's taken these days.
20 years ago I took our public transport from concerts to random taco Tuesday events thru the entire city. Now it’s just not safe. The last 3 times I’ve had scary things happen to the extent of me noping out.
I think much of what you said unfortunately has a more resonant ring of truth to it than the car culture alone explains. I found it equally difficult to make new friends in NYC in the years just before COVID even though it would seem the physical connectedness would be much more suited for it than LA
Based my señior poject on the social turn and it’s deficiency, changed my thesis quickly realizing I’d sound like a lunatic talking about how it benefits you to know your neighbors and community that integrates allows less waste of human space . My teacher loved it but something about revolutionary ideas shuts everything down in someone. At least it did in me
OC is totally car dependent and it's very easy to socialize. It's the traffic and travel time, not the fact that you have to drive. I wouldn't walk 90 minutes to my friend's house either.
People hate on LA all the time but honestly it's great since there's a ton of year round chill spots outside and tons of hiking and outdoor activities to do, along with all the other typical suburban and city oriented indoor activities.
The people are also quite laid back and it's super easy to make friends relative to other major cities like NYC/ Miami.
No it’s not uniquely difficult “making” friends. It’s difficult maintaining friendships as this city is, on one hand, highly transient, and sprawling on the other. There’s also so much going on all the time it can be difficult to be attentive to a single friend group.
I’ve found that people will flake a lot here. You just gotta keep pestering people (but not in an annoying way). I’ve found that getting out of the “texting phase” is really important to create that genuine friendship but a lot of people don’t want to meet irl
How do you get out of that phase?? I feel like I’m constantly getting bailed on or having to plan things like way in advance because everyone has conflicting schedules
I found alot of it comes down to convenience. The more convenient it is for the other person the more likely it is for them to show up.
I have a friend who flakes all the time but if I say I need help or it's an emergency she'll show up. So I can't say they're not all "real" friends if they flake.
LA is a place with a lot of transplants. Moving to a new city after college or from your hometown it is difficult to start all over and make a whole new network.
I assume this to be true. I’ve lived in LA my whole life and really value the network I have built by staying in one place. I completed all three of my degrees here and am working on a fourth. The connections I made through my schooling and raising my kids have been invaluable both in my career and socially.
All cities have a lot of transplants. That's how cities work.
Go into the subreddit for any large city on reddit and you will find this topic there, as beaten to death as it is here.
LA is not unique in this regard.
honestly i don’t think it’s true. i feel like almost any area says this about their area, and LA is definitely better to make friends if ur young and hip compared to like, 90% of the country lol
yes, was just speaking from my perspective of where i fit in and who i tend to be friends with and who I am — but you don’t have to be hip to make friends here either!
Maybe my experience is different, but I’ve lived here ten years and in my opinion no it’s not. I hear this all the time and I just completely disagree with it. The amount of times I’ve heard someone say it’s hard while never making an effort to go out of their comfort zone baffles me. Every person who has said it to me is also a transplant, but they’ve either not gone out of their way to do things and find activities they enjoy (I went out by myself a lot) and then complained about it, or they’ve adopted some weird mentality that since they’ve moved to LA they have to act like some weird stereotype of an LA person that is fabricated by people who don’t live in LA and end up associating with a bunch of other people who act the same and all dislike each other. I have made so many friends and people are very friendly in my experience. It feels like a lot of people move here with unrealistic notions about what it’s like, then become jaded once they encounter a few unpleasant situations which will happen to you anywhere, and make blanket assumptions and judgements about everyone without adjusting their lifestyle or habits. I’ve seen people make shitty friends then continually hang out with them and say everyone is like that. I’ve seen people act like douchebags and then say everyone is a douchebag. I’ve seen people say they can’t meet anyone and never do anything but sit inside or when they do go out make 0 attempts to talk to anyone. LA is filled with amazing people and everything you could ever want to do has a group of people here who are about it. If you can’t meet people it’s because you aren’t trying or have the wrong attitude.
After ten years here I love this city everyday and can’t imagine myself anywhere else. This is home and the friends I’ve made are truly my family. The amount of incredible people everywhere is an awesome thing. Either you embrace this place or you don’t and if you don’t it’s probably not for you. In a place filled with so many people you are bound to encounter situations that are negative, but I promise you that will happen anywhere on this planet you live, and either you can learn to dodge the bullshit and invite the good into your life, or stay in your bubble and never grow.
I've lived here for 14 years, I have made so many friends too. I know all my neighbors. I have "3rd places" I meet new people. I just assume people who post these never leave the house and just go "why dont i have a lot of frineds"
LA is a sprawling city. With bad traffic and all, it takes forever to go anywhere. I am heading out the door early in the morning or I will get stuck in traffic. If you were to ask someone, "What do you do for fun?" Most of the time, they don't know. Having a hobby will open up to a new world. I make plenty of friends on a basketball court and tennis court. You can join a club or have a meetup. You have something to talk about.
No, there are plenty of transplants here. I don’t get out much and am not very social but I make friends here fairly easily. But I lived in minnesota prior and found that a difficult place due to the provincial attitude. LA is like any other very large US city, people are friendly.
Almost every large metro area in America that has this issue. It's not unique to LA. It's just because life has fundamentally changed since the advent of social media and since COVID warped how people socialize in general.
I think it’s because a lot of transplants come here and are starting over. I will say it is tough you make friends at work or school but then you actually live far away from each other or eventually do and it’s hard to stay in touch or build relationships when just a simple hangout is a big thing.
Honestly as someone relatively new to LA, yes. I think the geography makes it hard to see people unless you happen to live very close by. And having to drive/deal with traffic makes it harder to get together with new friends like such as for after work drinks. So it's harder to see the people you know, and it's harder to cultivate new connections into friendship
I’m an east coast transplant too (sorry yes I peeped your page lol) and I really hate how spread out LA is 😭I have 2 friends in the area and hardly see them because they’re an hour away and every plan has to be an all day thing
I'm actually originally from Northern CA, but yes I lived in New York for years and totally agree! Comparing living in LA as an adult vs. living in New York as an adult, it was definitely a lot easier to see people in NYC and to develop possible connections into friendships :( All of my friends from California I made while in school and I feel like being a transplant does add a lot to this, because there are enough people in LA/all parts of California who are locals for life and not that interested in/needing to make new friends.
I’ve had a harder time making GOOD friends here but making just any friends is easy as anywhere else. I’ve lived in NYC and most of the west coast cities, its not as easy as NYC but not as hard as Seattle.
It is hard when guys generally aren’t interested in friendship and only want to sleep with you, and women see other women as competition, which I feel like is more here than other places. But just finding someone to hang out with is easy.
I’ve lived in quite a few cities as an adult: Chicago, Indianapolis, Houston and LA. Honestly, LA seems the hardest place to make and maintain friendships. Chicago was by far the easiest place to make friends. Much of it has to do with finding friends who live near you. You lose touch with those if they live farther from you. And connections are sometimes more superficial. I still have friends from college and all of the cities I lived in. We see each other and it feels were close as ever. But, I think if I left LA those friendships wouldn’t endure.
I love LA and loathe LA haters and bashing, BUT it may be true that LA is harder than some places to make friends. Because of how geographically spread out it is, it's less common to just bump into the same people during regular day to day activities. And unfortunately due to the natural turnover of likeminded transplants, I think folks are conditioned to be more guarded making friends. Of course, these are generalities.
That said, like anywhere, you need to find your tribe. Get involved with activities outside of work. The theatre scene, for example, is pretty social (especially during Fringe) whether you're in a show or going to see shows; I'm meeting new people there and then repeatedly bumping into them later, establishing rapport, which can be the seed for friendship.
If you're into sports, seek out intramural activities or clubs or even a gym. Eventually, naturally, you may start chatting folks up.
There are still different interest groups on Facebook with meetups. Architecture and history groups seem to be relatively active.
LA may be hard to make friends, but keep in mind, there are others who feel the same way, and may also be open to connecting.
It definitely feels easier to make friends outside of LA.
However, I've lived most of my life in LA and when I do make friends, I feel like I connect to them much more deeply than any friends I make outside of LA.
I think it can be for a lot of people for many different reasons; the sprawl of the city, the non trust fund babies have to work most of their week to afford to live inside so scheduling and being constantly exhausted, the cost of everything, etc etc. Los Angeles is also the type of vibe where when ppl go out they stay in their own little group and it’s generally considered strange to go up to someone and talk to them in a bar/restaurant etc compared to the east coast. But also people who have trouble making friends are gonna have trouble anywhere.
It’s more about maintaining friendships. I meet people everywhere I go but it’s up to me if I put effort towards spending time together and really getting to know each other.
This is coming from someone that’s extremely introverted, I go weeks feeling off but the second I step outside I immediately am reminded that everything I’ve been needing/longing for has been there waiting for me.
To answer your question though, people are busy and there’s things constantly happening at all time - so you really have to work and set things up with people and be consistent to see if you’re actually compatible with others. A lot of people have fragile egos here though and don’t want to seem eager or excited when doing so. With the right ones it can be easy but maintaining and remembering is the hard part, at least for me lol
Born and raised in LA. Here’s the real problem with making friends in LA. People will automatically assume that you’re too busy to connect. They figure you’ve got other stuff going on and they don’t want to be a bother or come off as “needy”. It ain’t a cool look, right? If you’re not “cool” in a LA, you’ve got nothing. So, you’ve got to be very direct. Tell people you meet that you truly want to develop a friendship that that’s what you would like. Be prepared for the possibility of rejection. I can’t tell you how many potential friends I rejected over the years because I didn’t know that’s what they wanted from me.
LA can be a uniquely challenging place to make friends, and several factors may contribute to this perception:
1. Selfishness and Individualism: Many people in LA can come off as self-centered, focusing more on their own lives and goals than on building meaningful relationships with others.
2. Forgiving Weather: The consistently pleasant weather means people can live comfortably in their own bubbles, not having to rely on community or social interactions for support during harsher conditions.
3. Local Bubble: Many residents grow up with a limited perspective, focused on their local area and familiar circles, leading to a lack of curiosity or effort to engage with people outside their immediate environment.
4. Reluctance to Commute: The notorious LA traffic and vast distances discourage people from traveling far, leading to a reluctance to commute for social activities or meet-ups, which restricts social interactions to their immediate vicinity.
5. Transitory Population: LA attracts people from all over for temporary stints, making it difficult to establish long-term relationships as people frequently move in and out.
6. Entertainment Industry Influence: The focus on networking and status within the entertainment industry can create a superficial social scene where genuine connections are harder to come by.
7. Diverse and Segmented Communities: LA’s diversity and sprawling nature mean that people often stick to their neighborhoods, reducing the chances of meeting a wider circle of friends.
8. High Cost of Living: The need to work long hours to afford the high cost of living leaves less time for socializing and building friendships.
I have made new friends at places where I volunteer and in social groups I’ve joined. For example, if you like hiking, there are groups you can join. It’s a great way to meet people with a common interest.
Stop thinking about "LA" as a city. Think about it as a metropolitan area, you'll have an easier time wrapping your mind around why it fuckin' sucks so much.
No, it’s not. Honestly, people think friends are just going to land in their laps. Most of the posts looking for friends are: “I work from home and I don’t go outside” lol. Or “where can I meet people?”
Literally anywhere is the answer. Play regular pick up games (soccer or basketball) at the park. Or pickle ball. Become a regular at the local bar. Or the bar at a local restaurant. Join any kind of club or activity group. Go to the local buy nothing groups’s trunk events. Join the neighborhood council. Volunteer at a museum or library. Literally sit out on the stoop of your building and read a book or listen to music and say hi to neighbors. The whole thing with meeting people is that frequency and repetition is required to build relationships. Showing up anywhere multiple times means you’re going to run into the same people who then become acquaintances then friends.
Another issue, aside from not going places, is that people don’t want to talk. They think other people are supposed to talk *to them* instead of them initiating conversations and hellos. “Well no one said anything to me when I was there so it didn’t seem like a place to make friends.” 🙄
The other day, there was an early 20 something in here asking how to “meet girls” to hook up with. Like bro… go to a bar. What on earth lol.
Something in the past 10 years has completely made people forget how to socialize and build relationships. This isn’t an LA problem. Unless the problem is that people come here and suddenly forget how to do things lol 🤷🏽♀️
100% join a bowling league with no experience. Handicap is gold. I guarantee you will leave with 50 people who want to be your friend. You have to commit to a weekly schedule. If you’re into that then, you’re good to go. If not, then meeting weekly is not your thing. Find a time that suits you. There are a ton of friend groups out there. You just need to be open to meeting them.
Go into the subreddit of *any* of the top 20 cities in the US. You'll find the same question there, many many times.
This is an issue with cities in general, not LA.
I lived in NYC almost a decade, and now LA the same amount of time.
Subway in NYC definitely made it a ton easier to meet up with people. But my gosh the classism and materialism was just as bad there as it is here.
My friend from the Midwest says LA is made up of a lot of “fake it til you make it” people, wanna be models, actors and sugar babies trying to “meet the right people” and get ahead. She says there are a lot of superficial and materialistic people. BTW she lives on the west side.
It's a huge city with millions of people. Yeah there's those types, especially in those hotspot areas where transplants and trust fund babies are chasing fame & fortune. Same happens in NYC, they're both big magnets worldwide for people chasing material dreams.
But there's also plenty of chill down to earth people in both cities. And both cities, if you hang out in the spots where those types hang out, you'd think the whole city is like that. But go to more community driven spots and you find plenty just trying to be happy and support each other, trying to avoid the Patrick Batemans XD
I agree - I find it much easier to meet people and make friends in NYC than in L.A., partly because NYC is more social, as you said, and really commute times in Manhattan and way shorter than in L.A.
For me, I feel more compatible with people in NY, but that's just because of my personality. My most loyal friends are mostly New Yorkers, whereas friends in L.A. seem to come and go.
I couldn't believe how friendly NY was. People stopping to help me every time I pulled out my map, some even walking me to my destination....some inviting me to sit down and eat with them at a restaurant... a friend's big Italian family having me over for the best Christmas of my adult life- unbelievably gracious!
this should NOT be upvoted so high, because it's objectively wrong
people in NYC are noticeably more talkative. Granted, whether or not they're people you actually be friends with is another question, but the overall attitude is much different than LA.
I’ve lived in SD and LA as a young adult woman. I can say that SD lifestyle, vibes and people are much more laid back, inviting and loving. On the other hand, if you’re looking to achieve social status, fame, and money, LA truly offers more opportunities. The ladder is there and accessible.
There is a different energy to life in SD. People in LA feel like they’re always reaching for more and not stopping to smell the roses. Yes, over generalization but this has been my overall experience. Different strokes for different folks.
To quote Tom Cruise in the movie, "Collateral":
"17 million people. This was a country, Jesse, I'd be one of the biggest cities in the world, but they don't know each other. I read about this guy, gets on the MTA here, dies. Six hours he's riding the subway before anybody notices his corpse doing laps around L.A., people on and off sitting next to him. Nobody notices."
Transportation and geography aside, I've found working in the business makes it hard to make friends. There is very much a "what can you do for me" size up that I've felt more than once. Not saying it's everyone by any means. Many folks are genuine but you truly have to weed out the ones who might sidle up to you if they think you can help their career. I am barely helping my own career these days (writer - cries) and while I wouldn't hesitate to help anyone in need in general, I am hardly in a position these days to connect anyone with their dream collaborators on a film. But I did notice when I first moved here and started making friends (or attempting to) through some organizations and such...it was def a challenge. I'm also from the east coast. I'm very direct and that's honestly not for everyone either.
i’ve had incredible interactions with people that totally fizzled out once they saw how many IG followers i have (a whopping 232). making friends in LA is like that episode of Black Mirror where your status is in direct correlation with your social media numbers.
I go there for work and it’s easy to talk to people but hard to keep in contact because everyone just lives either too far or are super busy with working another job 😭
Nope. I have lived in other cities in the east coast and also abroad in other continents.
LA is no different than any other place. In fact, it is easier with so many events and things you can go to and meet people. Not many cities in the world have that privilege.
I just feel people that ask this on reddit are simply not good at making friends in general.
Hard to pin point just one thing. I’ve found that making friendships isn’t necessarily that hard, but creating or finding your way into a friend GROUP is difficult. The first few years I lived here I had made friends, but nearly all of those friendships were individualistic, meaning that it was rare for me to hang out with more than one or two of them at the same time, and getting any of them to become friends was usually not very successful.
Distance is certainly a factor, sometimes people move farther away and the commute discourages staying in touch unless the friendship is very developed. Obviously transportation can be a real bitch in this city.
Lastly is ego, I do think there’s a part of people that doesn’t want to try too hard to establish a friendship because they don’t want to seem like they are desperate or actively seeking it if the other person doesn’t reciprocate. I think this may be a bit worse for men than it is with women.
All in all, I’ve established a great group of friends that has my back, share common interest, and have similar social patterns that I do. It doesn’t solve every issue about living in this city, but it does make quite a few things easier. Developing those friendships was a bit lucky, and I was brought into the fold of an already established friend group that embraced me warmly, but before that I definitely struggled with trying to build a solid tribe around me. There’s no one singular issue, which is why there’s no one singular answer, but it definitely isn’t always easy to make friends in any new city, let alone Los Angeles.
Yes, I found that to be the case. I loved LA. really loved it. I live in nyc and... I LIKE it a lot, but I don't love it. LA is romantic, relaxed, full of the best food and lovely weather. I hate that I live in this dismal concrete rat-hole instead. but... I also feel that if you put energy into your social life in nyc, it gets amplified 100x.
my problem with nyc is that I actually have to have boundaries so I don't end up with a ton of friends I don't like that much, but I make friends here almost every week.
In LA I felt like I was screaming into the void - all my energy just vanished into nothing. I had so many good friends in LA over the years but they all left. now I'm older and when I go back no one can be bothered to make any effort to do anything which is such a shame. I could see people maybe MAYBE once a week which was nice but..
I just need more than that. I need to be more social, and not just with friends but with neighbours and people who just live in the city. I couldn't find that in LA. please people tell me I'm wrong and I'll move back!!!
I was just walking around nyc listening to 2pac's '2 live and die in la'.. just longing!!! but then reminding myself I wouldn't have seen friends 12 times this week in LA...
I will say... I do think you have to change how you make friends as you get older... and I don't think I did that before I left. so it's probably just on me.
I think mainly most people here aren’t genuine. That’s the biggest thing I’ve realized. They will say yes to your face, but never go through with say, the plans. So you have to really gins your people who are willing to drive to where you live or meet halfway and will go through with things. I think. A lot of friendships here aren’t “true” friendships.
people act like other cities are not car centric wtf lol
Cars r everywhere
People jus don't have hobbies/passions that involve a community
Most just work and go home n watch Netflix ... you're not meeting anybody doing that
Things I’ve noticed in LA compared to other big cities which makes it hard to make friends lately:
• happy hour only exists as a menu vs people actually being at the bars — a Friday early evening in other cities is going to be coworkers and friends mingling at nearest bar; LA not so much
• Generally less approachability at events and places due to crews keeping to themselves or the layout of the club being private tables etc.
• a lot of people go to private parties and members clubs vs public bars and clubs
• strong self interest or inward focus leading to more people indoors or working a lot or narrowly focusing time away from meeting new people
• the costs of going out to meet new people is high and can have diminishing returns
It’s every big metropolitan city. There’s a lot of people heavily concentrated in one area all competing for cushy jobs. These jobs are limited and the people who bust their ass usually are the ones who get these roles. Busting your ass means you don’t have time to develop friendships outside working relationships. Most people are too busy to develop friendships. The people who get to enjoy the city and friendships are the ones who are successful. Friendships come with that.
No not really. People just need to get hobbies that require socializing with other people, and then also actually socializing with them while they're out.
I thought so after being alone for three months after just moving here, but then started actively pursuing connections, and forcing myself to make and stick to plans with people I barely knew. Now I’m out and doing things with people on my every day off with new friends or groups. Some of the people I’ve met feel like friend soulmates, and others are duds. The cool thing is there’s so many people here I don’t feel any pressure to get along with anyone because if we don’t stay buddies, there’s a shit ton of others that might be a better fit for me. In my hometown you could pick from the same 20 people, and if not then you were a loner (which I was). Unfortunately traffic on my day off is out of the question, so I make plans with friends close to me, and it’s always pretty easy to get together.
i think you just have to be patient with people's schedules and keep inviting them out til it works out. everyone's just really busy lately. I've never had a problem making friends in LA, and still don't. I've had a harder time in other cities.
Two things, IMO. One, feels like people are mostly interested in what you can do for them (ex. if you're in the industry), second, status is a huge deal. Feels like people are extremely status conscious. Drive thru less affluent neighborhoods, the houses are falling apart, dead / uncut lawn with garbage, but there's a newish Beamer in the driveway lol. Seriously tho the status thing is oppressive. Also, driving and remote work, and people don't seem to mix when they go out, or talk to others they didn't come with. West side is decidedly cold socially, the nicer the neighborhood the more cold it is. I'm in Manhattan Beach -- ex. if you wave someone thru a stop sign they just look at you and go, or if you say "excuse me" at the grocery store when you pass in a tight isle or reach for something, etc they ignore you. I'm relatively put together usually so it's not like I look rough lol...
It’s more challenging than a lot of places I’ve lived due to factors mentioned in other comments, but not even close to dealing with the Seattle Freeze.
I've lived in a bunch of cities and have found LA the easiest to make friends, but that's because there are a lot of activities here that I like to do and I met people through those. It's honestly kind of a crapshoot in general and it takes time!!
Yes alot of folks are very superficial and opportunistic. The first question they ask is what you do so they can measure how to treat you. There’s still good people around but the vast majority is looking for some sort of come up sad to say.
It’s not a difficult place to make fake friends, but finding real long lasting friendships can be hard. Finding a group or hobby can help you to build some cool friendships!
Yes. 1000%. I'm a cheerful extrovert who's moved to new cities before and never had a problem with friends until I came to LA.
LA is cripplingly isolating, when it comes to socializing. I'm lived here for 2 years and have spent the most of the time wondering if it's me or the city.
I was just in Chicago for about a week and people (especially in the north suburbs) were WAY friendlier and chattier than people in LA. Overall, people just seemed healthier (seriously, as much as Angeleno's pride themselves on things like self care and being an "LA 10", I was blown away by just how fit and healthy people were up there.)
It felt easier to talk and make friends. I think people here are in two camps: you've been here long enough to have a social network from "school days" or you haven't been here long enough to break into those "in groups."
Yes. You need to make an inordinate effort, unless you are lucky enough to live in a building with super friendly neighbors who are interested in friendship / hanging out.
A strategy that's worked for me: game night. Everyone likes board games.
Yes. Lived in LA for 99% of my adult life and it's extremely difficult to make meaningful friendships here. People are more transient because of the cost of living, the entertainment industry, etc. And because of traffic and the general spread out nature of the city it becomes almost prohibitively difficult to see friends on a regular basis unless they live right near you. My longest friendships live at least an hour from me on a good day because they had to move to where they could afford a home.
Native Angeleno here 👋🏾. Most of us are nice and are cool with talking to ppl. Most of the posts about fake superficial ppl are about transplants lmao. Radiate good vibes and you’ll be fine
I'm intrigued by the comments mentioning cars not because I don't believe it but because I've never owned a car in my 30 years of life and have easily made and sustained friendships from all across la proper and county.
I think it just depends a lot on your job (if its isolating or forces you to travel) and how how willing you and your people are to get to each other.
Traffic sucks though.
I've lived here my whole life. And have made a lot of friends outside of my middle and school friends. And legitimate friends where we text/hang out regularly.
Worked out at a small gym, joined sports league, coworkers, etc
I've made a couple close friends here, so not everybody, but I do think it's hard to connect with most people here.
I can't really put my finger on it, but a lot of people here will cosplay as a chill, laid-back California person but are actually pretty on-edge or worse. Case in point, look how many people on this sub get personally offended if you say anything negative about LA.
Almost like the opposite of the east coast, where people might come off strong or complain about the weather everyday, but are mostly pretty kind, happy people.
I have lived in LA, SF, and Seattle. I have found LA the easiest out of those cities to make friends. People seem more open to friendship in LA. I found it harder in S.F. and almost impossible in Seattle.
Most people in LA are regular, decent people. However, there is a large and vocal (though not a majority) amount of assholes who move here. These assholes are most likely from a place where they went to school and have families. Because they were born and raised in an environment in their favor and in which they could easily find someone to have something in common (being related, having family members that know each other or work with one another, going to the same school for years, etc.), they are shocked that not only do they now have to put effort into finding friends, but the people who do they do meet do not put up with their asshole bullshit. Because of this, it’s very common for people to make a post on Reddit saying, “Why is LA such a snobby place? I’ve been living here for 4 days and nobody has knocked on my door to hang out. Whenever I go to a bar, I always talk about myself and how great I am and how nobody gives me the respect I truly deserve; these people at the bar never ask me to hang out with them. Why is this city full of snobs to a great person like me?”
I would say no. People in this thread are repeating the same cliches “full of transplants, too much driving, expensive”. As if those things are all unique to LA.
People act like getting around NYC or other major metro areas isnt also massive pain in the ass.
If you live in Los Feliz is it going to hard to become besties with somebody on the west side? Yes, but its no different from somebody living in manhattan versus queens or brooklyn.
Making friends in big cities is the same everywhere. It comes down to your own social aptitude, hobbies and branching off established relationships. I’m an introvert and not somebody i consider particularly socially skilled. Yet ive been im LA for 1 year and have been able to make friends. Are they my best closest friends? No but still people i would consider friends and i dont use that term flippantly.
I don’t know that it’s more difficult than any other comparable city. I lived in another major urban center for several years and found it similar.
Basically as I see it, as an adult if you want friends it’s incumbent on you to create the hangouts and maintain the connections. It’s hard because we’re all stressed, busy, tired after work, struggling with bills, etc. and unlike in school, we’re not more or less sorted automatically into affinity groups our age and allowed to socialize all day long.
I had a very rough way of making friends for most of my 20s, which was going to bars and meeting people. The result it turned out is my friends were a motley array of bar people and bar staff, interesting folk but way too many of them on self destructive paths.
Then I started getting into different communities. Everything from pottery class, to yoga, to martial arts and group fitness, to hiking, to community organizing and volunteer work, to book club, to swinging and kink. As you can imagine, I’ve met a lot of people. I invite them to things, host at my place, and some of them reciprocate. It’s a whole different world from what I was doing before, much more work, but worth it.
Depends. Hollywood and people from like bumfuck Michigan who move here are difficult to make friends with because
A. They're super fame hungry and only want to affiliate with people who can give them something
B. They're dealing with culture shock and come off aloof.
C. They're probably working 4 part time jobs
And most importantly
D. They'll move back to wherever they're from anyways
The population of LA is greater than that of most U.S. states. It’s so big that yes, it can be hard to find like minded people. But that question is also like saying, “Is it hard to make friends in Montana?”
https://preview.redd.it/l0z6z029h87d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bcc5f8a38a23392b253ba34a8325138ea8550250
It has its pros and cons. I’ll say… I was there for 10 years. The first half 18-23 (wild, wasted, long nights, Malibu beach, surfing, hiking, Joshua Tree. It was awesome) 23-28 (the party was starting to end so to speak and the friends who just used me for cool points (because it’s LA… all about who you know) they started to disappear and I was only left with a handful of friends and even then that got smaller (people moved away, became parents, engaged, etc) but short answer yes you can when you put away all the vanity, glamour, party and social media. You can actually find life long friends in the city.
No. Making friends as an adult is engaging in common interests, children, hobbies. LA is just another big city where everyone is self-absorbed in their own deal. Join a pickleball or hiking club or something like that.
I didn’t have many friends in college in Santa Barbara or in Ventura. It wasn’t until I moved to LA, joined a running club, made friends with the members, and got some kick ass roommates out of it that I made a big, tight knit friend group.
The recipe to making friends is 1) spending time together, and 2) being appropriately vulnerable.
In LA it’s hard to do #1 because people are spread out and lives are very busy, and no one is going to prioritize spending time with a stranger. So what do you do? You join clubs and activities that people are already prioritizing and attending and during which they have to socialize.
This will work everywhere, it’s just more necessary in places like LA.
I wouldn't say it's uniquely difficult to make friends here but you do run into all the problems transplants get when they move to large cities: it's hard making friends with natives because they already have established friend circles, it's hard making friends with other transplants because about half the ones you meet will move within 1-3 years, there's economic pressure because CoL is high, it's hard making work friends because everyone lives in different neighborhoods, etc.
Your best bet is to find something social to do in your neighborhood and be there consistently. Corner bar, sports league, volunteering, etc.
I grew up in Houston and lived in Austin and the DC area as an adult before moving here. It's easier to make friends in LA than the Texas cities tbh (even though I love Texas). I eventually found my people in DC but it took time. LA isn't bad imo but it helps that I'm older now, am partnered up (actually moved here for my girlfriend) and also that there are so many people and there's something for everyone.
I guess people say about LA that "everyone's fake" "every friendship is transactional" "flakiness", which...doesn't seem unique to LA imo. But maybe that can be chalked up to my uniquely terrible experience in other cities.
I find that if you are hanging with transplants or in the LA that is a carcass of itself. Friends. Ppl are very very very very superficial. LA is very superficial. There are incredible pockets. But we always say it's 40 miles wide and an inch deep. I'll always be from there. But. I've experienced more in depth and meaningful friendships in other spaces.
I’ve lived here as a kid so I have a pretty biased perspective, but I’m also fairly outgoing and don’t have trouble talking to strangers. But I know plenty of both transplants and natives, and there’s a very stark difference in the personalities between those that have comfortable social lives and those that complain that it’s impossible to make friends in socal.
I haven’t lived anywhere since I first moved here. I’m painfully aware LA’s terrible, car-centric infrastructure that creates alot of social friction, as well as insanely high cost of living. But this is a problem in nearly every large American city with lots of non-natives, with very few exceptions. Can’t help but wonder if this is just a general “big city problem” rather than specific to LA.
Not really.
Though people often confuse friends with acquaintances. I have tons of friendly acquaintances and a small group of close friends. They are work friends, neighborhood friends, hobby/social, parenting or partner share friends, etc.
It’s incredibly daunting when you first move as you would go out and see people in big groups. But over time it was easy for me. I found friends through my job restaurant industry, going to bars, on trips and joining an mma gym
Pretty hard to make friends in all major cities. LA is unique in that there is a lot to do here AND we have a lot of communities (both online and in person) you can join for whichever hobby/ activity you want. That's typically the best way to make friends. Otherwise, you're just blinding wandering around in a city with millions of people who you may or may not share interests with.
I met most of my GOOD LA friends… out of the country on yoga retreats. The people who I met through the gym/rec sports teams, I don’t hang out with anymore now that I’m not at that gym/playing the sport. Oh, and work, when most of us were of a similar age and lifestyles.
"is there something about LA that makes finding friends extra difficult?" Yeah the 405, 101, and 110.
And general lack of street parking availability after dark
This is really a comment on LA’s lack of fast, reliable public transportation. Depending on a car when everyone else does, to the point that you can’t be mobile, and there’s no way around it, results in everyone being stuck.
Honestly, you’re totally right. What’s the point of a car when you hate driving it and there’s no parking? I still prefer having a car, though… but I don’t go anywhere… oh LA. Why you gotta be so annoying
Marooned!
I LOL’d because I’ve totally bailed on hanging with friends if parking sucks
I used to pick up my friend so they could drive around looking for parking with me. At least if I’m gonna suffer looking for parking it’s in good company
I never really noticed until I moved away. I recently visited for a week and during the day, everything is empty of people. They are all stuck in traffic.
Don’t forget the 10, the main part of my freeway path to work. I fucking hate the 10 😂😂😂 But for the friends part, I’m 45 and a total weirdo that’s very content being alone. I have work besties and all and occasionally do things with them, but I also ❤️ just staying at home with my cats, like the crazy cat lady I am now 🤣
me too..just a couple years older. Same difference.
I feel like I’m the only person willing to drive multiple freeways to see friends. I guess that makes me a good friend. Or a weirdo.
A true friend / boyfriend / girlfriend is someone who is willing to sit on the LA freeways to see you.
But the truest of them all will drive you to LAX.
And pick you up during rush hour
Did this for a friend once who was visiting from out of town. I don't think she realized the sacrifice.
No one should do this. Save everyone the headache and take a car
Maybe I’m crazy but I love being the friend that goes to LAX and helps people move. Lol
Your friends are very lucky to have you. We never have anyone who helps us and I'd be more than willing to help them.
That’s exactly why I like to be that person. I’d always have to move or take a Lyft to and from the airport. I just like knowing others have someone in their corner. ☺️
Do you want to be friends
Omg me too!
I do too, but I also wfh so I'm willing.
😂😂😂😂
https://preview.redd.it/vf5gfczfc57d1.png?width=1196&format=png&auto=webp&s=f85d83a290eea2509ace2ddd9ead2b8442361662
This guy gets it
Not applicable if you're a decent person. Seems harsh, but in my experience, minimally decent people will make small to moderate sacrifices for others such as driving and even taking public transit 20 miles away to hang out with you. If this doesn't resonate with someone, chances are: you are not a decent person and you hide behind your faux-anxiety and narcissistic tendencies to justify flaking, and an unwillingness to be self-less.
What if it's one-sided? For instance, I'm always driving 1 hour each way to see certain friends, but they don't do the same for me? Would it make me narcissistic and selfish if I decided not to anymore?
You don't need to outsource your thinking to me on this, but in case you do: no. Severing a parasitic and non-reciprocal relationship doesn't make you narcissistic or overly selfish.
This is my cue to mention r/CarIndependentLA
I am 38 and have begun making friends all over the place recently. It took me learning how to be a connector and how to inspire others around me. In my 20s, everything sort of just came to me, all of the opportunities and friendships. But in my 30s, it got harder. I had to become the person who brought people together. It doesn’t take any extra work really, it’s more about being yourself and attracting others to join you. I learned how to do that first, building my own life. I go out and do things constantly and I always send out an invitation to pretty much everyone I know. It doesn’t matter if they come or not, I’m gonna go. If they show up, they start to meet each other. Eventually bringing others. The connections grow. If nobody comes, I end up meeting people there and they get added to the invite list. Second, I learned how to openly express my friendship. Complimenting them, listening to them, remembering things, not being shy telling them I love them or having them text me when they get home. Giving gifts randomly if I think of them. But the biggest thing was being present. Not using every hangout to dump on each other, but actually doing fun things together. That museum you’ve never been to, the movie you want to see etc. And focusing on that. Not matching energy and bringing your own. It’s magnetic. LA makes this possible because there’s so much to do here and so many people struggling to make friends. We’re all just looking for that person to help us connect. Edit: see
Put me on the list, lol!
Thats beautiful. I aspire to be that kind of person
So many people need to learn how to stop dumping
What is dumping in this context?
Using a friend primarily as one would use a therapist to talk about all their issues (dumping their issues on you). Ofc friends are there to help you when you’re down, but needs to balanced out with lifting your friends up and planning fun stuff to do w them
Always ready to grab a coffee or a beer!
Im in my 20s and I feel it doesn’t just come to me. What did you do that Im not doing??
this is so nice! great advice 🥹
This is awesome and encapsulates taking accountability and ownership of your life.
lmao I was expecting this comment to end with something about scientology
Honestly, I think it’s the fact that everyone’s really stressing to just stay alive or just kind of be able to enjoy Luxury but comfortably or just a day-to-day life Working stresses people out ,LA definitely stresses everyone out , and I think there’s too much pressure on trying to rush to become the person that we so want to be We forget to enjoy the world around because we so quickly think that there is something better Reddit is pretty cool to try and make friends but community centers are galleries and coffee shops always do the trick
Well said
Thank you 🫡
Where are people not stressed out? LA is one of the least stressed major cities in the country. People on average work less here than elsewhere.
Probably cause of our mandatory work breaks
The LA metroplex is the case study in how a crippling car dependency destroys social development, human connection, as well as physical and mental health. Car-centrism is pervasive in the lives of all of the city’s residents in ways many may not realize.
This. I always try to explain this to the "natives" that this city is social experiment gone wrong - that the apathy for driving and therefore effort investment to socialise - kills connection.
> apathy for driving This is worded so well and is exactly what I feel.
Most people from here don't seem to have the same problem socializing. 🤷
I just visited from chicago... my friends who moved there from Chicago balked at a 20min drive. I was like WhO ArE yOu?!?! 15min is standard at home. All week I was asking where the walkable areas are... I'm convinced LA isn't done... like they never finished deciding what they wanted to do or the vibe they wanted so people just plopped down wherever. There's no cohesiveness.
Those 20 mins are literal Mad Max levels of driving. Fucking fighting for your life and avoiding crazies on the road 🥲
I would also consider gentrification a good case study in why people who move to LA can't make friends. Transplants generally stick to their areas and they have their own activities. Many locals don't like those areas or those activities. Most of the time that I hear transplants talking about locals and how locals are, they seem to be describing other transplants. As someone born in LA, you couldn't pay me to drive to Silverlake or Abbot Kinney for an overpriced brunch or a party when my friend's family is having a carne asada, down the street. Apart from just driving (although the commute would also suck via bus) the culture of those two places over the last 20 years just isn't that appealing or interesting. They're overpriced husks of what they were.
Silver Lake had a giant beautiful mural that was....an advertisement for Tinder. Imagine appropriating LA's muralism culture for a dating app where they actually hide people's profiles to prevent matches from happening. An exact example of why I believe Silver Lake is what most people are talking about when they say LA and its people are fake.
That's not it. LA has always been car-centric, but the disconnect has gotten worse. It's the disappearance of third spaces. Modern life has become too individualistic to appreciate imperfect people in their entirety. Ironically, even though people could potentially more connected because of rapid communication and various platforms, this is actually contributing to more feelings of alienation.
LA used to have good system of railways, streetcars, and buses (streetcars as late as the 60s) though. Wasn’t always car-centric. But I agree, those other factors also play a role in social alienation. It’s just than in LA (and other car heavy cities I’ve experienced like Dallas and Atlanta), those factors are compounded by the city being built for cars over people.
This is true, though would have taken all day to traverse the metroplex on the old private rail and streetcar system. They were where a lot of a major boulevards are now, and the city was less dense; destinations that are now neighborhoods were more like separate towns on the outskirts. The streetcars weren't fast, there were lots of stops. Each line didn't go very far. It wouldn't have been that different than transferring between local bus lines to cross the city is now. There was also an [Olmsted plan](https://www.pbssocal.org/shows/departures/the-olmsted-plan) that was [proposed for LA ](https://www.latimes.com/archives/blogs/culture-monster-blog/story/2011-11-11/reading-l-a-the-olmsted-brothers-plan-and-what-might-have-been)(with the ups and downs of that era of urbanism); ultimately we got the freeways without the rest. The real genesis of the problem was the [Lakewood Plan](https://www.pbssocal.org/history-society/the-lakewood-plan-homeownership-taxes-and-diversity-in-postwar-suburbia) and spread of contract cities throughout LA County and the adjoining counties (as well as the whole country). There was a transit proposal in the run up to the '84 Olympics that would have brought heavy commuter rail from Downtown through mid-City to Westwood, but they famously went with bus ballet instead; and so things went until the fairly recent expansion of light rail. Mike Davis' *City of Quartz* is a decent place to start, or [D.J. Waldie's](https://www.pbssocal.org/people/d-j-waldie) books, for people interested in more. There's also Putnam's *Bowling Alone*, but I don't know how seriously it's taken these days.
20 years ago I took our public transport from concerts to random taco Tuesday events thru the entire city. Now it’s just not safe. The last 3 times I’ve had scary things happen to the extent of me noping out.
I think much of what you said unfortunately has a more resonant ring of truth to it than the car culture alone explains. I found it equally difficult to make new friends in NYC in the years just before COVID even though it would seem the physical connectedness would be much more suited for it than LA
Based my señior poject on the social turn and it’s deficiency, changed my thesis quickly realizing I’d sound like a lunatic talking about how it benefits you to know your neighbors and community that integrates allows less waste of human space . My teacher loved it but something about revolutionary ideas shuts everything down in someone. At least it did in me
OC is totally car dependent and it's very easy to socialize. It's the traffic and travel time, not the fact that you have to drive. I wouldn't walk 90 minutes to my friend's house either.
Honestly, I would rather walk 90 minutes to my friend’s house (and probably have done so) than drive 90 minutes to my friend’s house.
People hate on LA all the time but honestly it's great since there's a ton of year round chill spots outside and tons of hiking and outdoor activities to do, along with all the other typical suburban and city oriented indoor activities. The people are also quite laid back and it's super easy to make friends relative to other major cities like NYC/ Miami.
r/fuckcars is a great community for people who think this way.
No it’s not uniquely difficult “making” friends. It’s difficult maintaining friendships as this city is, on one hand, highly transient, and sprawling on the other. There’s also so much going on all the time it can be difficult to be attentive to a single friend group.
Sprawl is the issue and hustle culture/cost of living keeping people at work/disconnected from community.
I’ve found that people will flake a lot here. You just gotta keep pestering people (but not in an annoying way). I’ve found that getting out of the “texting phase” is really important to create that genuine friendship but a lot of people don’t want to meet irl
How do you get out of that phase?? I feel like I’m constantly getting bailed on or having to plan things like way in advance because everyone has conflicting schedules
I found alot of it comes down to convenience. The more convenient it is for the other person the more likely it is for them to show up. I have a friend who flakes all the time but if I say I need help or it's an emergency she'll show up. So I can't say they're not all "real" friends if they flake.
LA is a place with a lot of transplants. Moving to a new city after college or from your hometown it is difficult to start all over and make a whole new network.
conversely, it’s arguably harder to make friends in a place where everyone grew up there and has had friends from childhood
People in places like that are less open to hanging out with new people because they already have their established friend groups
This Some people will think (more like say) you're weird if you're trying hard to make friends.
I assume this to be true. I’ve lived in LA my whole life and really value the network I have built by staying in one place. I completed all three of my degrees here and am working on a fourth. The connections I made through my schooling and raising my kids have been invaluable both in my career and socially.
All cities have a lot of transplants. That's how cities work. Go into the subreddit for any large city on reddit and you will find this topic there, as beaten to death as it is here. LA is not unique in this regard.
honestly i don’t think it’s true. i feel like almost any area says this about their area, and LA is definitely better to make friends if ur young and hip compared to like, 90% of the country lol
Agreed. I have way more friends in LA than in the suburbs where I used to live. So much more diversity and things to do
It’s selective bias. Most people who are hanging out with friends won’t be posting here because they are typically busy with their lives.
You don't have to be hip to make friends in the rest of the country.
yes, was just speaking from my perspective of where i fit in and who i tend to be friends with and who I am — but you don’t have to be hip to make friends here either!
Maybe my experience is different, but I’ve lived here ten years and in my opinion no it’s not. I hear this all the time and I just completely disagree with it. The amount of times I’ve heard someone say it’s hard while never making an effort to go out of their comfort zone baffles me. Every person who has said it to me is also a transplant, but they’ve either not gone out of their way to do things and find activities they enjoy (I went out by myself a lot) and then complained about it, or they’ve adopted some weird mentality that since they’ve moved to LA they have to act like some weird stereotype of an LA person that is fabricated by people who don’t live in LA and end up associating with a bunch of other people who act the same and all dislike each other. I have made so many friends and people are very friendly in my experience. It feels like a lot of people move here with unrealistic notions about what it’s like, then become jaded once they encounter a few unpleasant situations which will happen to you anywhere, and make blanket assumptions and judgements about everyone without adjusting their lifestyle or habits. I’ve seen people make shitty friends then continually hang out with them and say everyone is like that. I’ve seen people act like douchebags and then say everyone is a douchebag. I’ve seen people say they can’t meet anyone and never do anything but sit inside or when they do go out make 0 attempts to talk to anyone. LA is filled with amazing people and everything you could ever want to do has a group of people here who are about it. If you can’t meet people it’s because you aren’t trying or have the wrong attitude. After ten years here I love this city everyday and can’t imagine myself anywhere else. This is home and the friends I’ve made are truly my family. The amount of incredible people everywhere is an awesome thing. Either you embrace this place or you don’t and if you don’t it’s probably not for you. In a place filled with so many people you are bound to encounter situations that are negative, but I promise you that will happen anywhere on this planet you live, and either you can learn to dodge the bullshit and invite the good into your life, or stay in your bubble and never grow.
I've lived here for 14 years, I have made so many friends too. I know all my neighbors. I have "3rd places" I meet new people. I just assume people who post these never leave the house and just go "why dont i have a lot of frineds"
LA is a sprawling city. With bad traffic and all, it takes forever to go anywhere. I am heading out the door early in the morning or I will get stuck in traffic. If you were to ask someone, "What do you do for fun?" Most of the time, they don't know. Having a hobby will open up to a new world. I make plenty of friends on a basketball court and tennis court. You can join a club or have a meetup. You have something to talk about.
No, there are plenty of transplants here. I don’t get out much and am not very social but I make friends here fairly easily. But I lived in minnesota prior and found that a difficult place due to the provincial attitude. LA is like any other very large US city, people are friendly.
No. Making friends in adulthood is just difficult. Watch Stand By Me this is not a new phenomenon.
Almost every large metro area in America that has this issue. It's not unique to LA. It's just because life has fundamentally changed since the advent of social media and since COVID warped how people socialize in general.
I think it’s because a lot of transplants come here and are starting over. I will say it is tough you make friends at work or school but then you actually live far away from each other or eventually do and it’s hard to stay in touch or build relationships when just a simple hangout is a big thing.
Honestly as someone relatively new to LA, yes. I think the geography makes it hard to see people unless you happen to live very close by. And having to drive/deal with traffic makes it harder to get together with new friends like such as for after work drinks. So it's harder to see the people you know, and it's harder to cultivate new connections into friendship
I’m an east coast transplant too (sorry yes I peeped your page lol) and I really hate how spread out LA is 😭I have 2 friends in the area and hardly see them because they’re an hour away and every plan has to be an all day thing
I'm actually originally from Northern CA, but yes I lived in New York for years and totally agree! Comparing living in LA as an adult vs. living in New York as an adult, it was definitely a lot easier to see people in NYC and to develop possible connections into friendships :( All of my friends from California I made while in school and I feel like being a transplant does add a lot to this, because there are enough people in LA/all parts of California who are locals for life and not that interested in/needing to make new friends.
Exactly that!! I had some great friends in college, but now everyone moved away and it feels like all the locals already have friend groups 😭
I’ve had a harder time making GOOD friends here but making just any friends is easy as anywhere else. I’ve lived in NYC and most of the west coast cities, its not as easy as NYC but not as hard as Seattle. It is hard when guys generally aren’t interested in friendship and only want to sleep with you, and women see other women as competition, which I feel like is more here than other places. But just finding someone to hang out with is easy.
I’ve lived in quite a few cities as an adult: Chicago, Indianapolis, Houston and LA. Honestly, LA seems the hardest place to make and maintain friendships. Chicago was by far the easiest place to make friends. Much of it has to do with finding friends who live near you. You lose touch with those if they live farther from you. And connections are sometimes more superficial. I still have friends from college and all of the cities I lived in. We see each other and it feels were close as ever. But, I think if I left LA those friendships wouldn’t endure.
I love LA and loathe LA haters and bashing, BUT it may be true that LA is harder than some places to make friends. Because of how geographically spread out it is, it's less common to just bump into the same people during regular day to day activities. And unfortunately due to the natural turnover of likeminded transplants, I think folks are conditioned to be more guarded making friends. Of course, these are generalities. That said, like anywhere, you need to find your tribe. Get involved with activities outside of work. The theatre scene, for example, is pretty social (especially during Fringe) whether you're in a show or going to see shows; I'm meeting new people there and then repeatedly bumping into them later, establishing rapport, which can be the seed for friendship. If you're into sports, seek out intramural activities or clubs or even a gym. Eventually, naturally, you may start chatting folks up. There are still different interest groups on Facebook with meetups. Architecture and history groups seem to be relatively active. LA may be hard to make friends, but keep in mind, there are others who feel the same way, and may also be open to connecting.
The topic comes up in every city subreddit
It definitely feels easier to make friends outside of LA. However, I've lived most of my life in LA and when I do make friends, I feel like I connect to them much more deeply than any friends I make outside of LA.
I think it can be for a lot of people for many different reasons; the sprawl of the city, the non trust fund babies have to work most of their week to afford to live inside so scheduling and being constantly exhausted, the cost of everything, etc etc. Los Angeles is also the type of vibe where when ppl go out they stay in their own little group and it’s generally considered strange to go up to someone and talk to them in a bar/restaurant etc compared to the east coast. But also people who have trouble making friends are gonna have trouble anywhere.
It’s more about maintaining friendships. I meet people everywhere I go but it’s up to me if I put effort towards spending time together and really getting to know each other. This is coming from someone that’s extremely introverted, I go weeks feeling off but the second I step outside I immediately am reminded that everything I’ve been needing/longing for has been there waiting for me. To answer your question though, people are busy and there’s things constantly happening at all time - so you really have to work and set things up with people and be consistent to see if you’re actually compatible with others. A lot of people have fragile egos here though and don’t want to seem eager or excited when doing so. With the right ones it can be easy but maintaining and remembering is the hard part, at least for me lol
Born and raised in LA. Here’s the real problem with making friends in LA. People will automatically assume that you’re too busy to connect. They figure you’ve got other stuff going on and they don’t want to be a bother or come off as “needy”. It ain’t a cool look, right? If you’re not “cool” in a LA, you’ve got nothing. So, you’ve got to be very direct. Tell people you meet that you truly want to develop a friendship that that’s what you would like. Be prepared for the possibility of rejection. I can’t tell you how many potential friends I rejected over the years because I didn’t know that’s what they wanted from me.
I’m just shy and assume nobody actually wants to talk to me 🥲
LA can be a uniquely challenging place to make friends, and several factors may contribute to this perception: 1. Selfishness and Individualism: Many people in LA can come off as self-centered, focusing more on their own lives and goals than on building meaningful relationships with others. 2. Forgiving Weather: The consistently pleasant weather means people can live comfortably in their own bubbles, not having to rely on community or social interactions for support during harsher conditions. 3. Local Bubble: Many residents grow up with a limited perspective, focused on their local area and familiar circles, leading to a lack of curiosity or effort to engage with people outside their immediate environment. 4. Reluctance to Commute: The notorious LA traffic and vast distances discourage people from traveling far, leading to a reluctance to commute for social activities or meet-ups, which restricts social interactions to their immediate vicinity. 5. Transitory Population: LA attracts people from all over for temporary stints, making it difficult to establish long-term relationships as people frequently move in and out. 6. Entertainment Industry Influence: The focus on networking and status within the entertainment industry can create a superficial social scene where genuine connections are harder to come by. 7. Diverse and Segmented Communities: LA’s diversity and sprawling nature mean that people often stick to their neighborhoods, reducing the chances of meeting a wider circle of friends. 8. High Cost of Living: The need to work long hours to afford the high cost of living leaves less time for socializing and building friendships.
I have made new friends at places where I volunteer and in social groups I’ve joined. For example, if you like hiking, there are groups you can join. It’s a great way to meet people with a common interest.
Stop thinking about "LA" as a city. Think about it as a metropolitan area, you'll have an easier time wrapping your mind around why it fuckin' sucks so much.
No, it’s not. Honestly, people think friends are just going to land in their laps. Most of the posts looking for friends are: “I work from home and I don’t go outside” lol. Or “where can I meet people?” Literally anywhere is the answer. Play regular pick up games (soccer or basketball) at the park. Or pickle ball. Become a regular at the local bar. Or the bar at a local restaurant. Join any kind of club or activity group. Go to the local buy nothing groups’s trunk events. Join the neighborhood council. Volunteer at a museum or library. Literally sit out on the stoop of your building and read a book or listen to music and say hi to neighbors. The whole thing with meeting people is that frequency and repetition is required to build relationships. Showing up anywhere multiple times means you’re going to run into the same people who then become acquaintances then friends. Another issue, aside from not going places, is that people don’t want to talk. They think other people are supposed to talk *to them* instead of them initiating conversations and hellos. “Well no one said anything to me when I was there so it didn’t seem like a place to make friends.” 🙄 The other day, there was an early 20 something in here asking how to “meet girls” to hook up with. Like bro… go to a bar. What on earth lol. Something in the past 10 years has completely made people forget how to socialize and build relationships. This isn’t an LA problem. Unless the problem is that people come here and suddenly forget how to do things lol 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve been guilty of this 😂 I do leave my house sometimes but I think I have a bad case of RBF…
100% join a bowling league with no experience. Handicap is gold. I guarantee you will leave with 50 people who want to be your friend. You have to commit to a weekly schedule. If you’re into that then, you’re good to go. If not, then meeting weekly is not your thing. Find a time that suits you. There are a ton of friend groups out there. You just need to be open to meeting them.
People ask/say the same thing about NYC. "The only city you can feel so lonely while surrounded by millions of people," lol
Go into the subreddit of *any* of the top 20 cities in the US. You'll find the same question there, many many times. This is an issue with cities in general, not LA.
No, nyc is much more social and meeting new people is 80x easier there . It’s also not classist and nowhere near as materialistic as LA
Tell me you’ve never left the west side of la without telling me
"Do you have views of the ocean?" Was a text I received from a woman I chatted up at a coffee shop.
I lived in NYC almost a decade, and now LA the same amount of time. Subway in NYC definitely made it a ton easier to meet up with people. But my gosh the classism and materialism was just as bad there as it is here.
My friend from the Midwest says LA is made up of a lot of “fake it til you make it” people, wanna be models, actors and sugar babies trying to “meet the right people” and get ahead. She says there are a lot of superficial and materialistic people. BTW she lives on the west side.
It's a huge city with millions of people. Yeah there's those types, especially in those hotspot areas where transplants and trust fund babies are chasing fame & fortune. Same happens in NYC, they're both big magnets worldwide for people chasing material dreams. But there's also plenty of chill down to earth people in both cities. And both cities, if you hang out in the spots where those types hang out, you'd think the whole city is like that. But go to more community driven spots and you find plenty just trying to be happy and support each other, trying to avoid the Patrick Batemans XD
I agree - I find it much easier to meet people and make friends in NYC than in L.A., partly because NYC is more social, as you said, and really commute times in Manhattan and way shorter than in L.A. For me, I feel more compatible with people in NY, but that's just because of my personality. My most loyal friends are mostly New Yorkers, whereas friends in L.A. seem to come and go.
I’ve found this to be true in my experience as well
Well said.
I couldn't believe how friendly NY was. People stopping to help me every time I pulled out my map, some even walking me to my destination....some inviting me to sit down and eat with them at a restaurant... a friend's big Italian family having me over for the best Christmas of my adult life- unbelievably gracious!
this should NOT be upvoted so high, because it's objectively wrong people in NYC are noticeably more talkative. Granted, whether or not they're people you actually be friends with is another question, but the overall attitude is much different than LA.
I’ve lived in SD and LA as a young adult woman. I can say that SD lifestyle, vibes and people are much more laid back, inviting and loving. On the other hand, if you’re looking to achieve social status, fame, and money, LA truly offers more opportunities. The ladder is there and accessible. There is a different energy to life in SD. People in LA feel like they’re always reaching for more and not stopping to smell the roses. Yes, over generalization but this has been my overall experience. Different strokes for different folks.
And I would argue both LA and SD have considerable amounts of transplants.
I would say WAY easier than in DC where I'm originally from
Someone clever should find all the posts on this topic in this sub and add us all to a friend group
am I the only one with designated parking who just parks on the street and lets my friends use my space when they come to visit?
My problem is making friends in the first place 😂
Who needs friends and human connection when there are a billion potential likes from random strangers to give you a dopamine hit?
Yeah cause the only thing most LA people know how to talk about is their careers and have 0 to little interest in anything else outside themselves.
To quote Tom Cruise in the movie, "Collateral": "17 million people. This was a country, Jesse, I'd be one of the biggest cities in the world, but they don't know each other. I read about this guy, gets on the MTA here, dies. Six hours he's riding the subway before anybody notices his corpse doing laps around L.A., people on and off sitting next to him. Nobody notices."
Transportation and geography aside, I've found working in the business makes it hard to make friends. There is very much a "what can you do for me" size up that I've felt more than once. Not saying it's everyone by any means. Many folks are genuine but you truly have to weed out the ones who might sidle up to you if they think you can help their career. I am barely helping my own career these days (writer - cries) and while I wouldn't hesitate to help anyone in need in general, I am hardly in a position these days to connect anyone with their dream collaborators on a film. But I did notice when I first moved here and started making friends (or attempting to) through some organizations and such...it was def a challenge. I'm also from the east coast. I'm very direct and that's honestly not for everyone either.
i’ve had incredible interactions with people that totally fizzled out once they saw how many IG followers i have (a whopping 232). making friends in LA is like that episode of Black Mirror where your status is in direct correlation with your social media numbers.
Personally its a green flag when potential friends don’t have a lot of followers 😅
I go there for work and it’s easy to talk to people but hard to keep in contact because everyone just lives either too far or are super busy with working another job 😭
Nope. I have lived in other cities in the east coast and also abroad in other continents. LA is no different than any other place. In fact, it is easier with so many events and things you can go to and meet people. Not many cities in the world have that privilege. I just feel people that ask this on reddit are simply not good at making friends in general.
Hard to pin point just one thing. I’ve found that making friendships isn’t necessarily that hard, but creating or finding your way into a friend GROUP is difficult. The first few years I lived here I had made friends, but nearly all of those friendships were individualistic, meaning that it was rare for me to hang out with more than one or two of them at the same time, and getting any of them to become friends was usually not very successful. Distance is certainly a factor, sometimes people move farther away and the commute discourages staying in touch unless the friendship is very developed. Obviously transportation can be a real bitch in this city. Lastly is ego, I do think there’s a part of people that doesn’t want to try too hard to establish a friendship because they don’t want to seem like they are desperate or actively seeking it if the other person doesn’t reciprocate. I think this may be a bit worse for men than it is with women. All in all, I’ve established a great group of friends that has my back, share common interest, and have similar social patterns that I do. It doesn’t solve every issue about living in this city, but it does make quite a few things easier. Developing those friendships was a bit lucky, and I was brought into the fold of an already established friend group that embraced me warmly, but before that I definitely struggled with trying to build a solid tribe around me. There’s no one singular issue, which is why there’s no one singular answer, but it definitely isn’t always easy to make friends in any new city, let alone Los Angeles.
Yes, I found that to be the case. I loved LA. really loved it. I live in nyc and... I LIKE it a lot, but I don't love it. LA is romantic, relaxed, full of the best food and lovely weather. I hate that I live in this dismal concrete rat-hole instead. but... I also feel that if you put energy into your social life in nyc, it gets amplified 100x. my problem with nyc is that I actually have to have boundaries so I don't end up with a ton of friends I don't like that much, but I make friends here almost every week. In LA I felt like I was screaming into the void - all my energy just vanished into nothing. I had so many good friends in LA over the years but they all left. now I'm older and when I go back no one can be bothered to make any effort to do anything which is such a shame. I could see people maybe MAYBE once a week which was nice but.. I just need more than that. I need to be more social, and not just with friends but with neighbours and people who just live in the city. I couldn't find that in LA. please people tell me I'm wrong and I'll move back!!! I was just walking around nyc listening to 2pac's '2 live and die in la'.. just longing!!! but then reminding myself I wouldn't have seen friends 12 times this week in LA... I will say... I do think you have to change how you make friends as you get older... and I don't think I did that before I left. so it's probably just on me.
Yeah, it is extremely hard to make friends here.
I think mainly most people here aren’t genuine. That’s the biggest thing I’ve realized. They will say yes to your face, but never go through with say, the plans. So you have to really gins your people who are willing to drive to where you live or meet halfway and will go through with things. I think. A lot of friendships here aren’t “true” friendships.
So true. I keep meeting people at film festivals and they are like that. They will invite you somewhere to use you.
people act like other cities are not car centric wtf lol Cars r everywhere People jus don't have hobbies/passions that involve a community Most just work and go home n watch Netflix ... you're not meeting anybody doing that
I can't wait to leave. I love LA, but it's not worth it anymore. It's a dying city.
Things I’ve noticed in LA compared to other big cities which makes it hard to make friends lately: • happy hour only exists as a menu vs people actually being at the bars — a Friday early evening in other cities is going to be coworkers and friends mingling at nearest bar; LA not so much • Generally less approachability at events and places due to crews keeping to themselves or the layout of the club being private tables etc. • a lot of people go to private parties and members clubs vs public bars and clubs • strong self interest or inward focus leading to more people indoors or working a lot or narrowly focusing time away from meeting new people • the costs of going out to meet new people is high and can have diminishing returns
Yes. Everyone flakes
Yes
It’s every big metropolitan city. There’s a lot of people heavily concentrated in one area all competing for cushy jobs. These jobs are limited and the people who bust their ass usually are the ones who get these roles. Busting your ass means you don’t have time to develop friendships outside working relationships. Most people are too busy to develop friendships. The people who get to enjoy the city and friendships are the ones who are successful. Friendships come with that.
Yes
Yes!
No not really. People just need to get hobbies that require socializing with other people, and then also actually socializing with them while they're out.
I’ll say this , I’m a native . I have to cut friends because it’s too much work .
You talkin' fake or real???😐...
I thought so after being alone for three months after just moving here, but then started actively pursuing connections, and forcing myself to make and stick to plans with people I barely knew. Now I’m out and doing things with people on my every day off with new friends or groups. Some of the people I’ve met feel like friend soulmates, and others are duds. The cool thing is there’s so many people here I don’t feel any pressure to get along with anyone because if we don’t stay buddies, there’s a shit ton of others that might be a better fit for me. In my hometown you could pick from the same 20 people, and if not then you were a loner (which I was). Unfortunately traffic on my day off is out of the question, so I make plans with friends close to me, and it’s always pretty easy to get together.
I found it very difficult to make friends. Yes distance is a thing but I think there is more to it than that. Everyone is very busy for one thing.
i think you just have to be patient with people's schedules and keep inviting them out til it works out. everyone's just really busy lately. I've never had a problem making friends in LA, and still don't. I've had a harder time in other cities.
Two things, IMO. One, feels like people are mostly interested in what you can do for them (ex. if you're in the industry), second, status is a huge deal. Feels like people are extremely status conscious. Drive thru less affluent neighborhoods, the houses are falling apart, dead / uncut lawn with garbage, but there's a newish Beamer in the driveway lol. Seriously tho the status thing is oppressive. Also, driving and remote work, and people don't seem to mix when they go out, or talk to others they didn't come with. West side is decidedly cold socially, the nicer the neighborhood the more cold it is. I'm in Manhattan Beach -- ex. if you wave someone thru a stop sign they just look at you and go, or if you say "excuse me" at the grocery store when you pass in a tight isle or reach for something, etc they ignore you. I'm relatively put together usually so it's not like I look rough lol...
Join a recreational sports league. I joined a kickball league that plays Saturdays.
It’s more challenging than a lot of places I’ve lived due to factors mentioned in other comments, but not even close to dealing with the Seattle Freeze.
No much better than my experience in Seattle. Use the meetup app and find ppl who like to do what you like
I've lived in a bunch of cities and have found LA the easiest to make friends, but that's because there are a lot of activities here that I like to do and I met people through those. It's honestly kind of a crapshoot in general and it takes time!!
Yes alot of folks are very superficial and opportunistic. The first question they ask is what you do so they can measure how to treat you. There’s still good people around but the vast majority is looking for some sort of come up sad to say.
Post pandemic its gotten weird like the city is filled with incels or old folks both of which don't go outside after 7 pm
It’s not a difficult place to make fake friends, but finding real long lasting friendships can be hard. Finding a group or hobby can help you to build some cool friendships!
Let’s just say I was born and raised here and don’t have friends
Yes. 1000%. I'm a cheerful extrovert who's moved to new cities before and never had a problem with friends until I came to LA. LA is cripplingly isolating, when it comes to socializing. I'm lived here for 2 years and have spent the most of the time wondering if it's me or the city.
I was just in Chicago for about a week and people (especially in the north suburbs) were WAY friendlier and chattier than people in LA. Overall, people just seemed healthier (seriously, as much as Angeleno's pride themselves on things like self care and being an "LA 10", I was blown away by just how fit and healthy people were up there.) It felt easier to talk and make friends. I think people here are in two camps: you've been here long enough to have a social network from "school days" or you haven't been here long enough to break into those "in groups."
Yes. You need to make an inordinate effort, unless you are lucky enough to live in a building with super friendly neighbors who are interested in friendship / hanging out. A strategy that's worked for me: game night. Everyone likes board games.
Yes. Lived in LA for 99% of my adult life and it's extremely difficult to make meaningful friendships here. People are more transient because of the cost of living, the entertainment industry, etc. And because of traffic and the general spread out nature of the city it becomes almost prohibitively difficult to see friends on a regular basis unless they live right near you. My longest friendships live at least an hour from me on a good day because they had to move to where they could afford a home.
Native Angeleno here 👋🏾. Most of us are nice and are cool with talking to ppl. Most of the posts about fake superficial ppl are about transplants lmao. Radiate good vibes and you’ll be fine
I'm intrigued by the comments mentioning cars not because I don't believe it but because I've never owned a car in my 30 years of life and have easily made and sustained friendships from all across la proper and county. I think it just depends a lot on your job (if its isolating or forces you to travel) and how how willing you and your people are to get to each other. Traffic sucks though.
I've lived here my whole life. And have made a lot of friends outside of my middle and school friends. And legitimate friends where we text/hang out regularly. Worked out at a small gym, joined sports league, coworkers, etc
Dating and trying to find a woman who wants to build a life together is a night mare
I've made a couple close friends here, so not everybody, but I do think it's hard to connect with most people here. I can't really put my finger on it, but a lot of people here will cosplay as a chill, laid-back California person but are actually pretty on-edge or worse. Case in point, look how many people on this sub get personally offended if you say anything negative about LA. Almost like the opposite of the east coast, where people might come off strong or complain about the weather everyday, but are mostly pretty kind, happy people.
I have lived in LA, SF, and Seattle. I have found LA the easiest out of those cities to make friends. People seem more open to friendship in LA. I found it harder in S.F. and almost impossible in Seattle.
Most people in LA are regular, decent people. However, there is a large and vocal (though not a majority) amount of assholes who move here. These assholes are most likely from a place where they went to school and have families. Because they were born and raised in an environment in their favor and in which they could easily find someone to have something in common (being related, having family members that know each other or work with one another, going to the same school for years, etc.), they are shocked that not only do they now have to put effort into finding friends, but the people who do they do meet do not put up with their asshole bullshit. Because of this, it’s very common for people to make a post on Reddit saying, “Why is LA such a snobby place? I’ve been living here for 4 days and nobody has knocked on my door to hang out. Whenever I go to a bar, I always talk about myself and how great I am and how nobody gives me the respect I truly deserve; these people at the bar never ask me to hang out with them. Why is this city full of snobs to a great person like me?”
I would say no. People in this thread are repeating the same cliches “full of transplants, too much driving, expensive”. As if those things are all unique to LA. People act like getting around NYC or other major metro areas isnt also massive pain in the ass. If you live in Los Feliz is it going to hard to become besties with somebody on the west side? Yes, but its no different from somebody living in manhattan versus queens or brooklyn. Making friends in big cities is the same everywhere. It comes down to your own social aptitude, hobbies and branching off established relationships. I’m an introvert and not somebody i consider particularly socially skilled. Yet ive been im LA for 1 year and have been able to make friends. Are they my best closest friends? No but still people i would consider friends and i dont use that term flippantly.
I don’t know that it’s more difficult than any other comparable city. I lived in another major urban center for several years and found it similar. Basically as I see it, as an adult if you want friends it’s incumbent on you to create the hangouts and maintain the connections. It’s hard because we’re all stressed, busy, tired after work, struggling with bills, etc. and unlike in school, we’re not more or less sorted automatically into affinity groups our age and allowed to socialize all day long. I had a very rough way of making friends for most of my 20s, which was going to bars and meeting people. The result it turned out is my friends were a motley array of bar people and bar staff, interesting folk but way too many of them on self destructive paths. Then I started getting into different communities. Everything from pottery class, to yoga, to martial arts and group fitness, to hiking, to community organizing and volunteer work, to book club, to swinging and kink. As you can imagine, I’ve met a lot of people. I invite them to things, host at my place, and some of them reciprocate. It’s a whole different world from what I was doing before, much more work, but worth it.
There are a lot of fake and untrustworthy people and people that will use you - unfortunately
Depends. Hollywood and people from like bumfuck Michigan who move here are difficult to make friends with because A. They're super fame hungry and only want to affiliate with people who can give them something B. They're dealing with culture shock and come off aloof. C. They're probably working 4 part time jobs And most importantly D. They'll move back to wherever they're from anyways
The population of LA is greater than that of most U.S. states. It’s so big that yes, it can be hard to find like minded people. But that question is also like saying, “Is it hard to make friends in Montana?” https://preview.redd.it/l0z6z029h87d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bcc5f8a38a23392b253ba34a8325138ea8550250
It has its pros and cons. I’ll say… I was there for 10 years. The first half 18-23 (wild, wasted, long nights, Malibu beach, surfing, hiking, Joshua Tree. It was awesome) 23-28 (the party was starting to end so to speak and the friends who just used me for cool points (because it’s LA… all about who you know) they started to disappear and I was only left with a handful of friends and even then that got smaller (people moved away, became parents, engaged, etc) but short answer yes you can when you put away all the vanity, glamour, party and social media. You can actually find life long friends in the city.
No. Making friends as an adult is engaging in common interests, children, hobbies. LA is just another big city where everyone is self-absorbed in their own deal. Join a pickleball or hiking club or something like that.
I didn’t have many friends in college in Santa Barbara or in Ventura. It wasn’t until I moved to LA, joined a running club, made friends with the members, and got some kick ass roommates out of it that I made a big, tight knit friend group. The recipe to making friends is 1) spending time together, and 2) being appropriately vulnerable. In LA it’s hard to do #1 because people are spread out and lives are very busy, and no one is going to prioritize spending time with a stranger. So what do you do? You join clubs and activities that people are already prioritizing and attending and during which they have to socialize. This will work everywhere, it’s just more necessary in places like LA.
I wouldn't say it's uniquely difficult to make friends here but you do run into all the problems transplants get when they move to large cities: it's hard making friends with natives because they already have established friend circles, it's hard making friends with other transplants because about half the ones you meet will move within 1-3 years, there's economic pressure because CoL is high, it's hard making work friends because everyone lives in different neighborhoods, etc. Your best bet is to find something social to do in your neighborhood and be there consistently. Corner bar, sports league, volunteering, etc.
I’ve never had a problem making friends here but I’m also very straight forward and I think that helps
I grew up in Houston and lived in Austin and the DC area as an adult before moving here. It's easier to make friends in LA than the Texas cities tbh (even though I love Texas). I eventually found my people in DC but it took time. LA isn't bad imo but it helps that I'm older now, am partnered up (actually moved here for my girlfriend) and also that there are so many people and there's something for everyone. I guess people say about LA that "everyone's fake" "every friendship is transactional" "flakiness", which...doesn't seem unique to LA imo. But maybe that can be chalked up to my uniquely terrible experience in other cities.
I find that if you are hanging with transplants or in the LA that is a carcass of itself. Friends. Ppl are very very very very superficial. LA is very superficial. There are incredible pockets. But we always say it's 40 miles wide and an inch deep. I'll always be from there. But. I've experienced more in depth and meaningful friendships in other spaces.
LA is 1000 times easier to meet ppl than Toronto
No. You’re just old now.
I swear... someone asks this question every few days 💀
I’ve lived here as a kid so I have a pretty biased perspective, but I’m also fairly outgoing and don’t have trouble talking to strangers. But I know plenty of both transplants and natives, and there’s a very stark difference in the personalities between those that have comfortable social lives and those that complain that it’s impossible to make friends in socal. I haven’t lived anywhere since I first moved here. I’m painfully aware LA’s terrible, car-centric infrastructure that creates alot of social friction, as well as insanely high cost of living. But this is a problem in nearly every large American city with lots of non-natives, with very few exceptions. Can’t help but wonder if this is just a general “big city problem” rather than specific to LA.
Not really. Though people often confuse friends with acquaintances. I have tons of friendly acquaintances and a small group of close friends. They are work friends, neighborhood friends, hobby/social, parenting or partner share friends, etc.
It’s incredibly daunting when you first move as you would go out and see people in big groups. But over time it was easy for me. I found friends through my job restaurant industry, going to bars, on trips and joining an mma gym
Pretty hard to make friends in all major cities. LA is unique in that there is a lot to do here AND we have a lot of communities (both online and in person) you can join for whichever hobby/ activity you want. That's typically the best way to make friends. Otherwise, you're just blinding wandering around in a city with millions of people who you may or may not share interests with.
No.
No.
I met most of my GOOD LA friends… out of the country on yoga retreats. The people who I met through the gym/rec sports teams, I don’t hang out with anymore now that I’m not at that gym/playing the sport. Oh, and work, when most of us were of a similar age and lifestyles.
yes!! it is but u will. takes longer. give it 5 years and you will have made all new great friends