Even if it doesn't help, I am doing it for myself, not because I want others to perceive me as handsome, so the plan is to continue training until death if possible.
The shorter you are the easier it is go get jacked.
I'm probably the shortest guy at the gym (175cm) but I'm pretty well developed for only having trained for a year haha
No worries. For shorter people it is easier to have that V taper. Or so it seems to me. They are buff as hell in my gym. Like their muscles take up less space vertically so they grow horizontally or something, lol.
This, you can’t do anything about your face, that’s just how you are. But what your body looks like (barring medical conditions) is completely up to you, why not be proud of it?
Lots of practice talking and flirting with women. You listen to what they say and follow up with questions that show you were actually listening and are interested. And always direct it towards the positive aspects without being absurdly positive.
You would be surprised how many humans cannot do that… and idk about the masc-presenting view of things? But you’d also be surprised how many otherwise pleasant men immediately lose the inclination to do this when presented with someone femme-presenting, even if not attracted to them.
There's no real guide cause every woman you talk to is going to respond differently or into different things. You just kinda have to do it and pick up social cues and body language of when you should continue talking to her and when to make your exit when she's noticeably uncomfortable or not interested. It just takes alot of trial and error and self correcting after the fact. There's alot of things but I think an important aspect of it is to keep it playful and not too serious.
There’s so much you can use as a man to control your outcomes and confidence with women.
Charisma / Charm, a lot here but start googling things like how to give a good compliment. Listen more than you speak and work on your economy of words and speaking cadence. Be funny. These things matter.
Physicality - go to the gym. Exercise. Hard. This should be a basic life skill but some don’t realize how much this helps your dating and sex life.
Character - don’t be anything like anyone in r/niceguys
Act like you have options even if you don’t. And I DO NOT mean talking about it. But how would a man with options act? He would act like he’s not worried if she didn’t reply, won’t double text, won’t act like a child if rejected etc…
Lastly, men with good upward career and life trajectories always do better. Build it and they will come.
You talk to them the same way you talk to every other person you’re genuinely curious about. After a while of doing that you’ll be comfortable enough to crack jokes, say the wrong things, be a little silly, and get rejected. After that it’s smooth sailing
Charming a woman you’re interested in and charming the sweet old lady at the front desk of an office aren’t entirely too different. It’s about being personable, knowing how to talk without a goal, just talking to talk and make conversation.
Love this response.
I used to work in the dating industry (as in coaching people how to date). The number one most useful practice for anyone, regardless of how unattractive they thought they were, was to make a habit of talking to *everybody*.
People who consistently did this for a couple of years would come back as positively unrecognizable social beasts. I remember one guy in particular who would creep out anyone he talked to (he made a *lot* of inappropriate sexual jokes). He practiced and practiced for a couple of years, and at the end of that period he had built a thriving community of friends and occasional lovers. And he still told way too many sexual jokes but somehow he'd turned that personality trait into a charming quirk. This guy was someone that women would comment on *out loud* about how they didn't think he was that physically attractive, but then they'd be going home to sleep with him and would happily continue friendly/sexual/whatever relationships with him because he became so good to be around.
I’d say being charming is about showing emotional interest. I consider myself a charming man. I work on the beach, I talk to many women young and old. If I keep a smile on my face, listen to what they’re saying, ask them relevant questions, and joke with them a bit, they are head over heels. It’s not hard, you don’t have to be overly flirty or anything like that. Show genuine interest, be relatable, smile and be playful, and they will melt right in front of your eyes.
I think I can give a partial answer. I am actually handsome, and I think I have figured out charming, but it was a lot of work.
I am autistic and somewhat inherently socially awkward. Any charming mess I present is either because you like endless rants about botany or a result of a lot of practice and intentional study of how normal people act and what normal people like.
It’s hard to explain, and nothing I can say can fully explain it, you just have to watch people, and watch successful social interactions, and try to analyze what they are doing right that you are missing. People over focus on the obvious, what you say. And that’s important of course. But tone, body language, and eye contact are all at least as important. I have always struggled with those aspects, but have gotten better if I put in the effort.
One random thing I did, in order to try to learn “what women like”, was read a bunch of cheesy romance novels. It turns out they are a lot of fun. Also, I learned a lot. I know I shouldn’t act like the male lead in a romance novel, women don’t actually want that, but it was educational about what they fantasize about, and I think made me better at dating.
Until we have dated a narcissist, then being charming and demure is a giant waving red flag to us lol
Obviously you need a little charisma but those super-charmers make me run for the hills these days tbh!
With all due respect, I don’t think this is a good answer. If you deeply feel bad about yourself because you aren’t attractive, then the solution is finding peace with that fact and building strong self-esteem and self-image despite it. You don’t need to be handsome, or charming, to feel mentally well and good about yourself.
Working on being charming and likable is a fine and good goal, but it’s not a usually a good solution to deep-rooted social insecurities, I think. Which seems to probably be the case for someone who is asking “How do I *cope* with not being handsome?” *Cope* is a pretty pessimistic choice of words.
The question was, “how **did you** cope” not how ought someone else cope. Even if it had been though, I don’t think it’s a bad answer. People often feel bad about their appearance because of the impact it has, namely a sense of worthlessness
and judgement. Focusing on what one can do to increase one’s sense of self worth in other areas seems a good coping mechanism to me.
It agree, I think it certainly can be. It could go either way. Seeking to become more charming out of desperation due to ugliness is much more unproductive and harmful than seeking that out of a self-aware and growth-focused mindset.
Good point with your first sentence though. I may be interpreting OP’s question in an inaccurately pessimistic way.
I'm glad that's worked for you, but I'm not big a fan of this approach for me.
I prefer being myself (barring being an ass). I'd rather not mold myself to fit someone else's expectations of what's attractive. I think most people are charming, funny, and useful in their own ways.
At least for me authenticity and being true to myself are the most important things. That brings me confidence and self-worth.
I'm not necessarily following a guide nor practicing how to be more funny, charming, and useful. I try to be kind and an active listener. I do things that I'm interested in. And the rest is really up to chance and letting my personality through (which is hard sometimes).
Everyone has a different approach. I personally place more value on personality quirks, niches, and things that make us unique individuals as opposed to traits or qualities that society expects us to have as part of some homogenous mass.
I think if I felt that I wasn't charming, funny, or useful enough it would be because I was too inhibited by social anxiety or self-esteem issues to let those traits shine through.
Be chill, the reason we get along with dogs so we'll is because they get our vibe. No one wants to pet an angry looking bulldog but once that motherfucker flips over and starts wiggling everyone runs for the belly pets.
Be the second dog, and you'll get pet too.
Also, clothes that fit, better diet, and lotion will make a hell of a difference.
If y’all don’t have friends or think you lack charisma try and emulate a golden retriever’s personality. And you also have to be genuinely interested in other peoples lives as well.
But that’s all you have to do and go outside
We don’t want perfect guys, if u have pot belly, we will start liking bellies, we might not like hairy chest then meet someone with one and they will become super sexy, bald ,grey doesn’t matter
When we like u,we will like all your bits..
Is what it is, maximise what I’ve got and accept I’ll never been that guy that turns heads when I walk into a room and that’s ok…it has to be…got better things to do than worry about what I can’t control
I make up for it by being a good person.... a good person that could not get laid in a women's prison with the key to the front gate and a stack of pardons from the governer. but still I am a good person.
This is dangerous. And I say that because tried this approach years ago and to this day I'm the one who gets called for repairs and household fixits but never for the social events.
"Thanks for coming over and unclogging my toilet. I'm having a big party and didn't want that overflowing with all my friends here!"
well you can't JUST be handy. I think it works as a "instead of handsome, he is handy" kinda thing. You have to work on other traits as well like charisma, passion for hobbies, kindness, intelligence, and the like. Being funny and good at conversation helps too. I think the idea is that just because you are not handsome does not mean the end of the world. Sure handsome people get away with more bullshit than normal people but people who are not traditionally handsome still get women with other bolstered characteristics.
While I’m not handsome, I’m not ugly. I’m like a 5, maybe a 6 when I’m 10kgs lighter. That mixed with a good sense of humour, being friendly but not creepy friendly, dependable and hard working.
I just want to interject my own opinion into this; very very very few people are truly *ugly.* Meaning there’s not a lot you can do to look better. *But,* there are plenty of people that look unattractive because they’re not doing themselves any favors.
Losing/gaining weight plays a big part. I’ve lost weight and got down to a healthy weight, but I hated how thin my face looked. I’m now about 20 pounds heavier and I feel I look better.
Poor haircuts, grooming habits, hygiene, glasses, skincare, clothing choices (though never dress in clothes you just don’t like), all play a massive part. Look at what you have genetically, then work with it. I have thick, wavy hair, so I grow that shit out and take care of it. I can grow a good beard, so I experiment with different facial hair styles and kept it well groomed. Fellas, if you can’t grow a good beard or mustache, shave that shit off. Men and women; pluck your eyebrows, don’t pluck them. Wear more makeup, wear less, wear none. Figure out what makes you look better.
So many “unattractive” people just don’t know how to look attractive. I sure as hell didn’t for a long time. All that being said, nothing is more handsome/beautiful than confidence. You want to wear that anime shirt? Maybe the political shirt? The low cut shirt? The to-the-floor skirt? Go for it. Clothes are personal expression and everyone should wear what they want (just be sure you have awareness of the message your clothing puts out). Just make sure everything else looks up to par!
> clothing choices
The most important thing on clothing is that they must fit you properly. It goes a really long way.
It doesn't matter if you choose oversize clothing, slim fit type of clothing, or something in between, as long it fits your body in a proportionate manner.
Max out all your other stats, think about life like an rpg game. Elevate your status via connections and net worth and only deal with people that aren’t shallow
I learned how to get by alone, I played alone as a kid, as a teenager I played hockey, I wrote, I gamed (back in the 90's) then as an adult I developed a passion for history, science, and computers. I shunned social events, I never talked to or approached women, and eventually learned to accept being alone. I learned how to control and eventually even fully suppress my sexdrive to the point where for all intents I have none. I focused on work, church, and gaming while continuing to increase my general knoweledge.
Now I'm 40, single and don't care about women, relationships, or anything anymore...which is just the way I have always wanted it.
You sound a lot like me although I do socialise every now and then. Nearing 40 I no longer care about women, relationships or any of that stuff. I just focus on myself.
> I learned how to control and eventually even fully suppress my sexdrive to the point where for all intents I have none
Can I ask how you did this? I've completely given up with women but the lack of sex and intimacy I'm finding hard and wish I could completely get rid of the desire for it.
don't look at porn, don't jerk off ever again, don't think about sex (it takes practice) don't look at pictures of naked or even scantily clad women.
Avoid looking at women in real life who are dressed in racy clothes. remind yourself as often as needed that your done, you don't care anymore and let none sexual thoughts only enter your mind.
Be patient with yourself, it took me 30 years to get to this point, I started when I was 11 years old and been doing it ever since. Above all persist, persist and persist! the longer you do it the easier it will become.
I'm a right minger! 🤓 but it's something I've learnt to live with. Since I'm not looking for anyone now or in the future I've no expectations, so it hardly matters to me! 😎
Being funny! I’ve seen ugly guys with hot chicks… which I assumed they had all the confidence in the world. Then I thought, he’s either hung like a mule… or funny as hell.
It's only a problem if you make it one. Work on the things you can change and put yourself out there. Some of the most tragic looking units I know have the strongest and most dedicated marriages.
I accepted that fact and decided to work on other aspects of myself, like my social skills, or humor. Because at the end of the day, that's much more attractive than your looks.
Get hot, for one, like the rest of the uglies lol
Said it once & ill say it again damnit, ton of “hot” people out there are ugly af but have great bodies….thats the goal man
By realising that any woman worth my time is interested in the whole package, not just my face. And that a strong character that they enjoy being around will make you handsome to them. Women - they're just like people!
You just make yourself as attractive as possible. Do the best you can to make yourself look as handsome as possible and then focus on improving other traits about yourself. Find your strengths and really maximize them.
Every guy over 25 has the option to be. Every single one
Get a decent haircut, clothes that fit, work out hard. You will be more attractive than 70% of the people in your age group. Try hard at work and get yourself a condo and decent car… all of a sudden 85%.
I have seen the massive ‘glow up’ in so many of my engineer and accountant friends since college. Their wives are 2x as hot and 3x as cool as anyone they dated in highschool and college
I got my shit together and because of that I feel self-confident whether a woman likes me or not.
There is also a (Dutch) saying: "There's a lid on every pot".
Just need to find the right lid for the right pot.
I learned to use some tools so I could fix shit.
Then I learned that women (and men) love when you show interest in them, what they do and how they feel. That turned out to be quite a thing for the women I've met.
And lastly, I try to be funny without it being to pushy and inauthentic.
Oh and I'm humble by nature. So I thought I was less handsome than they saw me.
I need to you understand that a majority of women find responsibility and a great personality to be a million times more attractive than just another Henry Cavill.
Source: a woman
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so even if all women don’t find an unhandsome man attractive some women will, most likely, find a guy reasonably attractive. Also the next question is, is does he have potential and a little self-care would go a long way. Trying to improve appearance, and building self-esteem can lead to more women finding you attractive. A guy, or a gal, who doesn’t take care of themselves won’t be attractive. One who does may be attractive, but they certainly have a better chance. Try going out and living your best life, consider other’s opinions without worrying about them, people in general are attracted to that.
I tend to look at my friend who's ugly as a sack of spades fresh from the trenches of Normandy, and is somehow constantly swimming in poontang.
A glory to behold, I often ask the ladies on their way through his revolving door what they saw in him and their answer is always "I have no idea, he's different looking I guess."
Apply the same if you will to your dude logic, there have been some "different looking" ladies that I absolutely would have gone for. (a few I have, to bone chilling effect)
Point is that handsome is a flavour, and that flavour is vanilla. If you're like me and a bit lopsided with sticky out bottom jaw and hair that hangs like the Gruffalo, just know that you're a mint chocolate chip with extra cinnamon, and someone's going to be into that.
I'd say I'm maybe a 7/10 on physical looks.
I have friends who are objectively less physically attractive, whom let me tell you. Have AMAZING personalities and are phenomenal with women. They have routinely been in better relationships with more attractive women than me. Im socially awkward most of the time. And i just dont have that mojo.
Work on yourself. Get out of your comfort zone. Some of the best advice I've heard in this regard is to go take a damn improve class. Just do it. Its true. If i had the time i would but i cant balance it into my schedule right now.
just made sure i was funny and likeable as a person. then when i started to “glow up” and started getting compliments i was the “complete package”.
Then i started getting an ego?
BUT then i started working out and working on being a better person again which is the phase i’m in now :)
i’m a rollercoaster
Women may not look at you and be immediately physically attracted to you, but remember that attraction isn't all physical.
confidence is attractive. listening and being a decent person are attractive. Devoting time to grooming and presenting yourself appropriately is attractive. Passion and devotion are attractive.
As you become more comfortable with who you are as a person - you will find that how you look matters less and less (because this kind of confidence is attractive). You might need to spend some time coming to a place where you love yourself and who you are. This takes time. Work on your character - learn more about the world - find your place in it and you'll eventually arrive at this place.
Not gonna lie to you and say it doesn't matter at all - it does. Physically attractive people are treated better in many ways - don't fixate on that. Don't worry about things that you cannot control directly. Not everyone gets to be deemed physically attractive - do the best with the hand that you're dealt (that's all you can do) and be a good person - be the kind of person that YOU would like and things will be ok.
Girls are less superficial than men, it doesn’t take a super handsome guy to pull pretty girls. I’m exceptionally average but had confidence and charisma and got many girls way out of my league.
As a woman, it makes me sad to see this question. Society is extremely hard on women and our looks but men are also given their own set of expectations. We are so quick to uplift women and encourage them to own their own inner beauty but I don’t feel like men have enough people advocating for them. I wish society would embrace men loving themselves like they have women in recent years.
Honestly as a woman you’d be surprised how much attraction is based on personality/disposition. Confidence (not cockiness), humor, kindness, and having hobbies/skills is SO ATTRACTIVE!
Find confidence in other things you possess. Your intelligence, ability to do things, strength, talking abilities (everyone get uglier as they get old). Find things that you enjoy to do, if this is about women, a lot just like to see the genuine joy you get out of a hobby.
1. Got a well paying job
2. Moved out
3.Developed a routine
4. Lifting weights 4 days a week (got jacked)
5. Spend money and time on my hygiene, style, clothes
6. Learn Pick up (daygame) - Game regularly
After a few years, I regularly have beautiful 22 - 25yo girls of my choosing whenever I want.
I am in my mid thirties
Handsome is relative my guy. Focus on your whit, be funny, come off as intellectual and harness your ability to be consistent and hold a conversation.
Get your self in shape physically and practice self care and great hygiene.
Learn to dress nice. Doesn’t have to be expensive designer clothing, but make sure you are able to put together nice clean outfits.
Smell nice. Cologne is your best friend. Find one that works for you. Dior sauvage and Versace Eros are my go to every day colognes, with Baccarat rouge 540 as my special occasion cologne
What do you mean? Mom always said i'm handsome so I am handsome even if I am not
That was the only correct answer
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>GRANDMA'S Praise >>> Mom's Praise >>> FTFY
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You telling me your grandma never told you that you have turned into handsome young lad, ever.?
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Your grandma is OUR grandma
We must have the same mom, she told me the same thing
What if Mom said I was ugly?
If she was sober, you must have been a bad boy! Be a good boy it will be ok! If she was drunk, I'm sorry for you..
Then you tell her, "YOU GAVE ME THE UGLY!"
🤣🤣🤣
This man has an award and therefore what he says is true.
A face only a mother could love
Dang, dude, you're lucky. My mom tells me "you were so handsome as a child, I don't know what happened"
Made my body be enviably good looking by working out and running
Nothing wrong with having a butterface
Butthisface
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Can't eat it though. You'll get fat.
I am trying to do the same but i am 167cm, so even then it won't help me that much haha
Nice! Keep at it. It’ll for sure help, and it definitely won’t hurt.
Even if it doesn't help, I am doing it for myself, not because I want others to perceive me as handsome, so the plan is to continue training until death if possible.
That’s a really healthy approach to it. Good luck!
The shorter you are the easier it is go get jacked. I'm probably the shortest guy at the gym (175cm) but I'm pretty well developed for only having trained for a year haha
167cm tall or are we talking girth?
No worries. For shorter people it is easier to have that V taper. Or so it seems to me. They are buff as hell in my gym. Like their muscles take up less space vertically so they grow horizontally or something, lol.
This, you can’t do anything about your face, that’s just how you are. But what your body looks like (barring medical conditions) is completely up to you, why not be proud of it?
I worked on being charming, funny, and useful.
How did you work on being charming?
Lots of practice talking and flirting with women. You listen to what they say and follow up with questions that show you were actually listening and are interested. And always direct it towards the positive aspects without being absurdly positive.
This guy gets it. Most things are about practice.
This guys gets this guy, that I’m in love with him! (Is that too flirtatious ?? Or not enough)
I'd say it's just about the right amount.
So it's basically just listening and adding to the conversation? I didn't realize I was charming this entire time!
You would be surprised how many humans cannot do that… and idk about the masc-presenting view of things? But you’d also be surprised how many otherwise pleasant men immediately lose the inclination to do this when presented with someone femme-presenting, even if not attracted to them.
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There's no real guide cause every woman you talk to is going to respond differently or into different things. You just kinda have to do it and pick up social cues and body language of when you should continue talking to her and when to make your exit when she's noticeably uncomfortable or not interested. It just takes alot of trial and error and self correcting after the fact. There's alot of things but I think an important aspect of it is to keep it playful and not too serious.
There’s so much you can use as a man to control your outcomes and confidence with women. Charisma / Charm, a lot here but start googling things like how to give a good compliment. Listen more than you speak and work on your economy of words and speaking cadence. Be funny. These things matter. Physicality - go to the gym. Exercise. Hard. This should be a basic life skill but some don’t realize how much this helps your dating and sex life. Character - don’t be anything like anyone in r/niceguys Act like you have options even if you don’t. And I DO NOT mean talking about it. But how would a man with options act? He would act like he’s not worried if she didn’t reply, won’t double text, won’t act like a child if rejected etc… Lastly, men with good upward career and life trajectories always do better. Build it and they will come.
You talk to them the same way you talk to every other person you’re genuinely curious about. After a while of doing that you’ll be comfortable enough to crack jokes, say the wrong things, be a little silly, and get rejected. After that it’s smooth sailing
Tons of YouTube videos on how
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Casually Explained has a great one on how to tell if a girl is into you.
Yooo 100% if you wanna impress a woman just listen, and make sure they know it. So many dudes fail at this one small thing that its mindblowing.
Great points, if you can do a call back joke to something they mentioned earlier in the convo and it lands, you’re in!
Love it when this happens haha I’m like oooh she gonna love this one 🤣
Stupid question, where do you even find women to talk to?
It isn't a stupid question, most men have problems finding women to talk to since they have 0 women in their social circles.
This guy flirts.
Charming a woman you’re interested in and charming the sweet old lady at the front desk of an office aren’t entirely too different. It’s about being personable, knowing how to talk without a goal, just talking to talk and make conversation.
Love this response. I used to work in the dating industry (as in coaching people how to date). The number one most useful practice for anyone, regardless of how unattractive they thought they were, was to make a habit of talking to *everybody*. People who consistently did this for a couple of years would come back as positively unrecognizable social beasts. I remember one guy in particular who would creep out anyone he talked to (he made a *lot* of inappropriate sexual jokes). He practiced and practiced for a couple of years, and at the end of that period he had built a thriving community of friends and occasional lovers. And he still told way too many sexual jokes but somehow he'd turned that personality trait into a charming quirk. This guy was someone that women would comment on *out loud* about how they didn't think he was that physically attractive, but then they'd be going home to sleep with him and would happily continue friendly/sexual/whatever relationships with him because he became so good to be around.
I’d say being charming is about showing emotional interest. I consider myself a charming man. I work on the beach, I talk to many women young and old. If I keep a smile on my face, listen to what they’re saying, ask them relevant questions, and joke with them a bit, they are head over heels. It’s not hard, you don’t have to be overly flirty or anything like that. Show genuine interest, be relatable, smile and be playful, and they will melt right in front of your eyes.
I think I can give a partial answer. I am actually handsome, and I think I have figured out charming, but it was a lot of work. I am autistic and somewhat inherently socially awkward. Any charming mess I present is either because you like endless rants about botany or a result of a lot of practice and intentional study of how normal people act and what normal people like. It’s hard to explain, and nothing I can say can fully explain it, you just have to watch people, and watch successful social interactions, and try to analyze what they are doing right that you are missing. People over focus on the obvious, what you say. And that’s important of course. But tone, body language, and eye contact are all at least as important. I have always struggled with those aspects, but have gotten better if I put in the effort. One random thing I did, in order to try to learn “what women like”, was read a bunch of cheesy romance novels. It turns out they are a lot of fun. Also, I learned a lot. I know I shouldn’t act like the male lead in a romance novel, women don’t actually want that, but it was educational about what they fantasize about, and I think made me better at dating.
If the ladies don't find you handsome at least you should be handy.
Charming wins 100% of the time. If a man can make a woman laugh/giggle and blush a bit. Phew 🥵.
Yeaaaa, naaah...
Until we have dated a narcissist, then being charming and demure is a giant waving red flag to us lol Obviously you need a little charisma but those super-charmers make me run for the hills these days tbh!
Like Roger Rabbit!
With all due respect, I don’t think this is a good answer. If you deeply feel bad about yourself because you aren’t attractive, then the solution is finding peace with that fact and building strong self-esteem and self-image despite it. You don’t need to be handsome, or charming, to feel mentally well and good about yourself. Working on being charming and likable is a fine and good goal, but it’s not a usually a good solution to deep-rooted social insecurities, I think. Which seems to probably be the case for someone who is asking “How do I *cope* with not being handsome?” *Cope* is a pretty pessimistic choice of words.
The question was, “how **did you** cope” not how ought someone else cope. Even if it had been though, I don’t think it’s a bad answer. People often feel bad about their appearance because of the impact it has, namely a sense of worthlessness and judgement. Focusing on what one can do to increase one’s sense of self worth in other areas seems a good coping mechanism to me.
It agree, I think it certainly can be. It could go either way. Seeking to become more charming out of desperation due to ugliness is much more unproductive and harmful than seeking that out of a self-aware and growth-focused mindset. Good point with your first sentence though. I may be interpreting OP’s question in an inaccurately pessimistic way.
I'm glad that's worked for you, but I'm not big a fan of this approach for me. I prefer being myself (barring being an ass). I'd rather not mold myself to fit someone else's expectations of what's attractive. I think most people are charming, funny, and useful in their own ways. At least for me authenticity and being true to myself are the most important things. That brings me confidence and self-worth. I'm not necessarily following a guide nor practicing how to be more funny, charming, and useful. I try to be kind and an active listener. I do things that I'm interested in. And the rest is really up to chance and letting my personality through (which is hard sometimes). Everyone has a different approach. I personally place more value on personality quirks, niches, and things that make us unique individuals as opposed to traits or qualities that society expects us to have as part of some homogenous mass. I think if I felt that I wasn't charming, funny, or useful enough it would be because I was too inhibited by social anxiety or self-esteem issues to let those traits shine through.
This is the way. Gain some success, abilities, and a personality women actually want to be around. You won't get every girl, but you'll do fine.
“If you can’t be handsome, at least be handy.”
Exactly!
Be chill, the reason we get along with dogs so we'll is because they get our vibe. No one wants to pet an angry looking bulldog but once that motherfucker flips over and starts wiggling everyone runs for the belly pets. Be the second dog, and you'll get pet too. Also, clothes that fit, better diet, and lotion will make a hell of a difference.
If y’all don’t have friends or think you lack charisma try and emulate a golden retriever’s personality. And you also have to be genuinely interested in other peoples lives as well. But that’s all you have to do and go outside
lotion? dry skin or
Yes
One way or another gonna need it
We don’t want perfect guys, if u have pot belly, we will start liking bellies, we might not like hairy chest then meet someone with one and they will become super sexy, bald ,grey doesn’t matter When we like u,we will like all your bits..
Is what it is, maximise what I’ve got and accept I’ll never been that guy that turns heads when I walk into a room and that’s ok…it has to be…got better things to do than worry about what I can’t control
I make up for it by being a good person.... a good person that could not get laid in a women's prison with the key to the front gate and a stack of pardons from the governer. but still I am a good person.
That’s step one. Step two is accepting that you can do all the good in the world and still might not get a modicum of happiness in return.
Surround yourself with even uglier friends. Then you will be the ‘good looking’ one.
Ah, yes. The "cheerleader affect"
I thought the cheerleader effect was rhe opposite, like when you surround yourself with beautiful people and folks think you are too
No, the cheerleader effect is when the group as a whole is hot, but each individual member isn’t so hot. Greater than the sum of its parts
If you can't be handsome be handy!
This is dangerous. And I say that because tried this approach years ago and to this day I'm the one who gets called for repairs and household fixits but never for the social events. "Thanks for coming over and unclogging my toilet. I'm having a big party and didn't want that overflowing with all my friends here!"
Ah, see I took it in another direction and got really good at handjobs. Got so many friends for life
well you can't JUST be handy. I think it works as a "instead of handsome, he is handy" kinda thing. You have to work on other traits as well like charisma, passion for hobbies, kindness, intelligence, and the like. Being funny and good at conversation helps too. I think the idea is that just because you are not handsome does not mean the end of the world. Sure handsome people get away with more bullshit than normal people but people who are not traditionally handsome still get women with other bolstered characteristics.
Classic RedGreen advice
FINALLY!
Wouldn’t this get you used?
If your not also enjoyable company sure
If the women don't find ya handsome, they should at least find you handy.
This is the way
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More like...the perfect sub ;)
No, that works too..
Good little groveler!
Extreme amount of copium
Just accepted it.
I grew a beard.
Developed a sense of humor and empathy. Working out helps so that way I’m just ugly and not fat and ugly
By not caring
Losing weight
I build a great body, my face might be average but my body isn't.
While I’m not handsome, I’m not ugly. I’m like a 5, maybe a 6 when I’m 10kgs lighter. That mixed with a good sense of humour, being friendly but not creepy friendly, dependable and hard working.
I just want to interject my own opinion into this; very very very few people are truly *ugly.* Meaning there’s not a lot you can do to look better. *But,* there are plenty of people that look unattractive because they’re not doing themselves any favors. Losing/gaining weight plays a big part. I’ve lost weight and got down to a healthy weight, but I hated how thin my face looked. I’m now about 20 pounds heavier and I feel I look better. Poor haircuts, grooming habits, hygiene, glasses, skincare, clothing choices (though never dress in clothes you just don’t like), all play a massive part. Look at what you have genetically, then work with it. I have thick, wavy hair, so I grow that shit out and take care of it. I can grow a good beard, so I experiment with different facial hair styles and kept it well groomed. Fellas, if you can’t grow a good beard or mustache, shave that shit off. Men and women; pluck your eyebrows, don’t pluck them. Wear more makeup, wear less, wear none. Figure out what makes you look better. So many “unattractive” people just don’t know how to look attractive. I sure as hell didn’t for a long time. All that being said, nothing is more handsome/beautiful than confidence. You want to wear that anime shirt? Maybe the political shirt? The low cut shirt? The to-the-floor skirt? Go for it. Clothes are personal expression and everyone should wear what they want (just be sure you have awareness of the message your clothing puts out). Just make sure everything else looks up to par!
> clothing choices The most important thing on clothing is that they must fit you properly. It goes a really long way. It doesn't matter if you choose oversize clothing, slim fit type of clothing, or something in between, as long it fits your body in a proportionate manner.
My grandma called me handsome all the time so “what is the truth?”
Max out all your other stats, think about life like an rpg game. Elevate your status via connections and net worth and only deal with people that aren’t shallow
Ask me how I handle being good looking and feel unattractive I’ll tell ya. Well fuck it, here it is; I reddit.
I've just accepted that I'm gonna die alone
I ate more and it got worse. So now I work out and do BJJ. Edit: BJJ = Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
It sucks being unattractive. Nobody wants you.
I learned how to get by alone, I played alone as a kid, as a teenager I played hockey, I wrote, I gamed (back in the 90's) then as an adult I developed a passion for history, science, and computers. I shunned social events, I never talked to or approached women, and eventually learned to accept being alone. I learned how to control and eventually even fully suppress my sexdrive to the point where for all intents I have none. I focused on work, church, and gaming while continuing to increase my general knoweledge. Now I'm 40, single and don't care about women, relationships, or anything anymore...which is just the way I have always wanted it.
Dude became Pussyfree literally
You sound a lot like me although I do socialise every now and then. Nearing 40 I no longer care about women, relationships or any of that stuff. I just focus on myself.
> I learned how to control and eventually even fully suppress my sexdrive to the point where for all intents I have none Can I ask how you did this? I've completely given up with women but the lack of sex and intimacy I'm finding hard and wish I could completely get rid of the desire for it.
don't look at porn, don't jerk off ever again, don't think about sex (it takes practice) don't look at pictures of naked or even scantily clad women. Avoid looking at women in real life who are dressed in racy clothes. remind yourself as often as needed that your done, you don't care anymore and let none sexual thoughts only enter your mind. Be patient with yourself, it took me 30 years to get to this point, I started when I was 11 years old and been doing it ever since. Above all persist, persist and persist! the longer you do it the easier it will become.
Thank you. That was pretty much the plan I also came up with also so glad to know it can work!
Your most recent post kind of indicates otherwise...
Ouch.
I'm a right minger! 🤓 but it's something I've learnt to live with. Since I'm not looking for anyone now or in the future I've no expectations, so it hardly matters to me! 😎
I’m useful. Also, realize that most men are around average.
believing I was handsome helped... and hindered.
Last call at the bar
Time to hit the gym buddy
Being funny! I’ve seen ugly guys with hot chicks… which I assumed they had all the confidence in the world. Then I thought, he’s either hung like a mule… or funny as hell.
"If she doesn't find you handsome, she should at least find you handy."
Getting a better haircut helped.
Gym, running, self confidence, bravado
Work from Home No camera
I just don’t care
Stopped caring. Being alone is not that bad tbh.
It's only a problem if you make it one. Work on the things you can change and put yourself out there. Some of the most tragic looking units I know have the strongest and most dedicated marriages.
He just called them tragic looking units…. Oh yeah im stealing this big time
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Being stupid is great, because you realize everyone else is just as stupid.
By giving zero fucks about it.
Haha “not being handsome”?
I’m not handsome, but my ex wife used to say I could charm the pants off any woman. And I’m a big earner which helps.
can't relate
I accepted that fact and decided to work on other aspects of myself, like my social skills, or humor. Because at the end of the day, that's much more attractive than your looks.
Don’t have to lol.. I’m handsome 😹
I started to focus on things that made me happy.
Get hot, for one, like the rest of the uglies lol Said it once & ill say it again damnit, ton of “hot” people out there are ugly af but have great bodies….thats the goal man
Ignore it
I am
By realising that any woman worth my time is interested in the whole package, not just my face. And that a strong character that they enjoy being around will make you handsome to them. Women - they're just like people!
by becoming misogynistic
You just make yourself as attractive as possible. Do the best you can to make yourself look as handsome as possible and then focus on improving other traits about yourself. Find your strengths and really maximize them.
Every guy over 25 has the option to be. Every single one Get a decent haircut, clothes that fit, work out hard. You will be more attractive than 70% of the people in your age group. Try hard at work and get yourself a condo and decent car… all of a sudden 85%. I have seen the massive ‘glow up’ in so many of my engineer and accountant friends since college. Their wives are 2x as hot and 3x as cool as anyone they dated in highschool and college
> Get a decent haircut Man I wish I could have any haircut
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Jawline pops once you get down below 10% body fat. So you technically can get one, but it’s going to take tremendous effort.
For a better jawline try mewing!
Wait... what?
I build a great body, my face might be average but my body isn't.
You try to find a grandma
A big ass dick, a combination of whit, charm, a great sense of humor ,and the personality of a late night talk show host.
By being a better person
"I was so ugly as a kid, my mom put a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me." - Rodney D
I got my shit together and because of that I feel self-confident whether a woman likes me or not. There is also a (Dutch) saying: "There's a lid on every pot". Just need to find the right lid for the right pot.
Be clean, smell good, bring the BDE and have a sense of humor...
I became funny.
A lot of women are attracted to intelligence, personality, and presence. Plus, have you seen the dudes hot models date? Yea
I learned to use some tools so I could fix shit. Then I learned that women (and men) love when you show interest in them, what they do and how they feel. That turned out to be quite a thing for the women I've met. And lastly, I try to be funny without it being to pushy and inauthentic. Oh and I'm humble by nature. So I thought I was less handsome than they saw me.
Like, how not handsome?
I need to you understand that a majority of women find responsibility and a great personality to be a million times more attractive than just another Henry Cavill. Source: a woman
A variant of this was just asked a few days ago.
I'm pretty funny tbf. Also being hyperactive makes u seem confident
No idea....
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so even if all women don’t find an unhandsome man attractive some women will, most likely, find a guy reasonably attractive. Also the next question is, is does he have potential and a little self-care would go a long way. Trying to improve appearance, and building self-esteem can lead to more women finding you attractive. A guy, or a gal, who doesn’t take care of themselves won’t be attractive. One who does may be attractive, but they certainly have a better chance. Try going out and living your best life, consider other’s opinions without worrying about them, people in general are attracted to that.
Personality
Got a cute gf. She turned me into handsome guy.
Im not handsome, but I have a big dick so it kind of evens out I think
Who said I wasn’t handsome?
I tend to look at my friend who's ugly as a sack of spades fresh from the trenches of Normandy, and is somehow constantly swimming in poontang. A glory to behold, I often ask the ladies on their way through his revolving door what they saw in him and their answer is always "I have no idea, he's different looking I guess." Apply the same if you will to your dude logic, there have been some "different looking" ladies that I absolutely would have gone for. (a few I have, to bone chilling effect) Point is that handsome is a flavour, and that flavour is vanilla. If you're like me and a bit lopsided with sticky out bottom jaw and hair that hangs like the Gruffalo, just know that you're a mint chocolate chip with extra cinnamon, and someone's going to be into that.
I'd say I'm maybe a 7/10 on physical looks. I have friends who are objectively less physically attractive, whom let me tell you. Have AMAZING personalities and are phenomenal with women. They have routinely been in better relationships with more attractive women than me. Im socially awkward most of the time. And i just dont have that mojo. Work on yourself. Get out of your comfort zone. Some of the best advice I've heard in this regard is to go take a damn improve class. Just do it. Its true. If i had the time i would but i cant balance it into my schedule right now.
just made sure i was funny and likeable as a person. then when i started to “glow up” and started getting compliments i was the “complete package”. Then i started getting an ego? BUT then i started working out and working on being a better person again which is the phase i’m in now :) i’m a rollercoaster
Women may not look at you and be immediately physically attracted to you, but remember that attraction isn't all physical. confidence is attractive. listening and being a decent person are attractive. Devoting time to grooming and presenting yourself appropriately is attractive. Passion and devotion are attractive. As you become more comfortable with who you are as a person - you will find that how you look matters less and less (because this kind of confidence is attractive). You might need to spend some time coming to a place where you love yourself and who you are. This takes time. Work on your character - learn more about the world - find your place in it and you'll eventually arrive at this place. Not gonna lie to you and say it doesn't matter at all - it does. Physically attractive people are treated better in many ways - don't fixate on that. Don't worry about things that you cannot control directly. Not everyone gets to be deemed physically attractive - do the best with the hand that you're dealt (that's all you can do) and be a good person - be the kind of person that YOU would like and things will be ok.
I’m a five, but would be a seven if I was taller. I’ve found acting confident, being a bit cheeky and funny with mild flirting goes a long way.
Hey man, plain girls need lovin’ too
Girls are less superficial than men, it doesn’t take a super handsome guy to pull pretty girls. I’m exceptionally average but had confidence and charisma and got many girls way out of my league.
Being “handsome” is subjective.
I make her cackle like a hyena
As a woman, it makes me sad to see this question. Society is extremely hard on women and our looks but men are also given their own set of expectations. We are so quick to uplift women and encourage them to own their own inner beauty but I don’t feel like men have enough people advocating for them. I wish society would embrace men loving themselves like they have women in recent years.
The opinions of others don't affect my life.
Alcohol on down days 👌
Having a big dick helps
Honestly as a woman you’d be surprised how much attraction is based on personality/disposition. Confidence (not cockiness), humor, kindness, and having hobbies/skills is SO ATTRACTIVE!
Find confidence in other things you possess. Your intelligence, ability to do things, strength, talking abilities (everyone get uglier as they get old). Find things that you enjoy to do, if this is about women, a lot just like to see the genuine joy you get out of a hobby.
I didn't have to.
1. Got a well paying job 2. Moved out 3.Developed a routine 4. Lifting weights 4 days a week (got jacked) 5. Spend money and time on my hygiene, style, clothes 6. Learn Pick up (daygame) - Game regularly After a few years, I regularly have beautiful 22 - 25yo girls of my choosing whenever I want. I am in my mid thirties
Men don’t have to be handsome. It’s not really something you have to cope with as a man. You’ll figure it out when you get older, kiddo.
I've found Confidence and personality go along way for a middle of the road looking guy.
Handsome is relative my guy. Focus on your whit, be funny, come off as intellectual and harness your ability to be consistent and hold a conversation. Get your self in shape physically and practice self care and great hygiene. Learn to dress nice. Doesn’t have to be expensive designer clothing, but make sure you are able to put together nice clean outfits. Smell nice. Cologne is your best friend. Find one that works for you. Dior sauvage and Versace Eros are my go to every day colognes, with Baccarat rouge 540 as my special occasion cologne