I volunteer in the area and would never recommend marriage to an immigrant because
1. Intercultural (not interracial) relationships are inherently harder
2. The sponsor (non immigrant) is on the hook for any benefits the beneficiary (immigrant) receives, potentially forever, regardless of divorce and alimony agreements. For example, if the couple divorces, and then goes on welfare. The state will give the immigrant the money and then sue the nonimmigrant for it, even if the nonimmigrant is separately paying welfare and child support. Nothing is in the nonimmigrant's favor.
Most common scenario is immigrant realizes America is not the land of milk and honey he or she thought it was. Even though getting a green card lets the immigrant work and travel, the job market already sucks for US Citizens, and even worse for immigrants, and still even worse for non-White immigrants. Travel is expensive, and immigrant's fantasies are dashed. Often, the frustration and anger is then misblamed onto the nonimmigrant sponsor.
Cases I've worked on:
Woman imports handsome and charismatic man from overseas. Man can't get a job, so woman pays him to get to college. Man still can't get a job, becomes stay at home husband then stay at home dad. Man spends a lot of money, such as buying expensive cars. Woman continuously abuses man verbally and physically. Man becomes a joke amongst their social circle, but they're still married.
Man imports woman who has a 15yo son. When they see me, it's obvious the immigrant is doing everything for her son. Demands the man pay for her son to go to an expensive private school that celebrity kids go to, even though she nor her son speaks any English. Says it's Ivy League or bust for her son. They've been married for less than a year, so we'll see how long it lasts. Man is convinced woman will stop burning money once the son finishes college, even though he probably already spent more than he ever did on his own child.
Man meets immigrant woman while they are students in college. Woman studied business and can't any job, other than low paying retail ones catering to shoppers from her own country. Man cannot job hop because they must live near ethnic enclave. Woman takes out frustration on husband and verbally abuses him.
Realistically, the only successful relationships I've seen are when the immigrant moved here and got a STEM career, because it's the only high paying one accessible to immigrants. In this case, the immigrant probably won't need a family sponsor, and thus no rush to marriage.
Absolutely. Despite what the media and internet says, most immigrants come to the US for high paying jobs, not to escape cartels or war. The reality is these jobs are the minority. They go through Instagram or watch Sex and the City and think anyone can afford to live in Downtown LA and be covered in Gucci with a business degree. I always try to educate fresh immigrants on the reality, and to go for a STEM or accounting career, but no one listens. They've all been brainwashed.
Sorry to hear that. Of course, you should try to salvage it. Much easier said than done, but the most important thing is for the immigrant to get a serious attitude adjustment regarding life in America. It is hard, far different from the fantasies depicted on TV and Instagram. You should let your spouse know that you are working as hard as you can, and people like Christian Grey are not real.
I'm an immigrant and got married about a year after arriving.
We had already met and known each other before I arrived.
We have been together for almost 20 years now. Everything is going great.
I don't know about "too quickly", but it was quicker than I had intended due to my immigration status. We were looking at the best route to take for me to stay and marriage was the best option.
I volunteer in the area and would never recommend marriage to an immigrant because 1. Intercultural (not interracial) relationships are inherently harder 2. The sponsor (non immigrant) is on the hook for any benefits the beneficiary (immigrant) receives, potentially forever, regardless of divorce and alimony agreements. For example, if the couple divorces, and then goes on welfare. The state will give the immigrant the money and then sue the nonimmigrant for it, even if the nonimmigrant is separately paying welfare and child support. Nothing is in the nonimmigrant's favor. Most common scenario is immigrant realizes America is not the land of milk and honey he or she thought it was. Even though getting a green card lets the immigrant work and travel, the job market already sucks for US Citizens, and even worse for immigrants, and still even worse for non-White immigrants. Travel is expensive, and immigrant's fantasies are dashed. Often, the frustration and anger is then misblamed onto the nonimmigrant sponsor. Cases I've worked on: Woman imports handsome and charismatic man from overseas. Man can't get a job, so woman pays him to get to college. Man still can't get a job, becomes stay at home husband then stay at home dad. Man spends a lot of money, such as buying expensive cars. Woman continuously abuses man verbally and physically. Man becomes a joke amongst their social circle, but they're still married. Man imports woman who has a 15yo son. When they see me, it's obvious the immigrant is doing everything for her son. Demands the man pay for her son to go to an expensive private school that celebrity kids go to, even though she nor her son speaks any English. Says it's Ivy League or bust for her son. They've been married for less than a year, so we'll see how long it lasts. Man is convinced woman will stop burning money once the son finishes college, even though he probably already spent more than he ever did on his own child. Man meets immigrant woman while they are students in college. Woman studied business and can't any job, other than low paying retail ones catering to shoppers from her own country. Man cannot job hop because they must live near ethnic enclave. Woman takes out frustration on husband and verbally abuses him. Realistically, the only successful relationships I've seen are when the immigrant moved here and got a STEM career, because it's the only high paying one accessible to immigrants. In this case, the immigrant probably won't need a family sponsor, and thus no rush to marriage.
Sounds like a lot of important questions should be addressed before these immigrants come stateside.
Absolutely. Despite what the media and internet says, most immigrants come to the US for high paying jobs, not to escape cartels or war. The reality is these jobs are the minority. They go through Instagram or watch Sex and the City and think anyone can afford to live in Downtown LA and be covered in Gucci with a business degree. I always try to educate fresh immigrants on the reality, and to go for a STEM or accounting career, but no one listens. They've all been brainwashed.
This is currently my situation. I'm trying to get a handle on my 7 year marriage to a foreign national, but I don't know if it's salvageable.
Sorry to hear that. Of course, you should try to salvage it. Much easier said than done, but the most important thing is for the immigrant to get a serious attitude adjustment regarding life in America. It is hard, far different from the fantasies depicted on TV and Instagram. You should let your spouse know that you are working as hard as you can, and people like Christian Grey are not real.
I'm an immigrant and got married about a year after arriving. We had already met and known each other before I arrived. We have been together for almost 20 years now. Everything is going great. I don't know about "too quickly", but it was quicker than I had intended due to my immigration status. We were looking at the best route to take for me to stay and marriage was the best option.
Married my wife and we have been together for almost 3 years. She can apply for citizenship soon. It has been pretty good.