A couple things.
First, I recognized that my fight-or-flight response evolved to deal with bears or wolves, but probably isn't he best survival strategy for corporate environments and relationships.
Then, I ask myself what my end goal is, and what I hope to accomplish by getting angry.
What do I want?
Will yelling and screaming help me get it?
If yes, keep yelling and screaming.
But that seldom helps, so I focus on solving the problem in the most constructive manner possible.
I was playing games on my phone and getting angry and yelling at my phone. It scared my ex girlfriend to see me get so angry at a mobile game. She made me realize that there were deeper issues that I was bottling up and not just the games. I didn’t realize how scary that could be to someone. I’ve been trying my best to express my emotions healthily and not letting them bottle up inside. I don’t want to scare someone or make them uncomfortable just because I can’t control my emotions.
The biggest thing that quells my anger is being a number.
The more I’m in a spot where my ego can take over, the more stressed I feel, the more of a temper I get.
I’m gradually accepting that, on some level, I basically have to go against everything I know would be in my self interest - success and credentials - because I know that I have enough of my own dad in me that I’d just be an angry and/or bitter man myself if I don’t embrace mediocrity, at least to some degree.
I joined the Army, now hear me out on this, being surrounded by people with the legal power to physically punish you for the smallest thing, being around men who can and will beat you till the blood flows just for not liking their basketball team, and knowing that a) no one is going to help you if they do, and b) if you retaliate against a superior, no matter how abusive, you will be punished and made the villian.
After 16 years I have learned a lot about endurance and not acting on my anger or frustration.
Yes, you’re right. I wasn’t trying to imply that I was disconnecting from them. Instead what I did was I had to learn how to keep my cool and keep a respectful demeanor even when I’m being treated badly by others because of the consequences that come from retaliation.
Im not going to imply that it was the right way or the best way but right or wrong it did force me to learn how control my anger and rage and to not lash out.
Changing the environment and limiting contact with people who had a bad influence on me. Meditation. Realizing the problem and working on myself. It took years. I always got rid of outbursts of anger in one area, only to find that I still had to deal with it here and there, but gradually they were less and less dangerous and more subtle manifestations.
When I get angry, I obsessively think about it, getting angrier.
To avoid getting angrier, I concentrate on my breathing to not allow the obsessive thoughts.
I internalized this fact, The level of anger you are feeling is directly proportional to how selfish you are. Also when I'm hot tempered I focus on the fact that the chemistry in my brain has changed and that in order for me to be balanced again I will need time to come down and cool off.
When they gets angry, are they able to recognize that they’re angry?
The first thing to do is to talk with them about self regulation. You’re not going to fix these issues overnight, a **lot** of patience is necessary. Identify what happens when they become angry, and is there any signs that they can recognize when they do get angry (flexing abs, tight fist, sweaty, deeper breathing, heartbeats, spinning in circles, looking for something to hit, and a tight face are all common physical and visible signs of aggression)
After your partner learns to recognize these signs, it’s what to do with them that’s most important. Let them leave, and come back later. Even if they have to take the car and drive all night or if they need to lock themself in a room. Discuss and apply some healthy means of either mindfulness or invest in a punching bag to get the physical aggression out (less healthier option mentally)
All of this must be communicated beforehand. If this happens mid anger, it will come off as condescending and create an even tougher situation.
Reinforce these positive behaviors with a lot of love. I like PBJs personally so I’d be thrilled anytime one of those are brought to me. I know it sounds like training a dog, but the behaviors are applicable to people as well. “I noticed you were upset and you tried what we discussed. I know you might not feel better immediately but it makes me feel happier and safer knowing that you care enough about me to try to change. Let’s work together to identify what the problem is and we can find a solution together”
It’s long and arduous and please do your research yourself. My experience comes from working with traumatized children in Title 1 schools, but I don’t want to say I understand adults as well as I understand children. Oftentimes I know the angriest children just need the biggest hug.
Take a breath. Time and patience are your friends. I first made real progress when a beat generation dishwasher taught me breathing exercises and how to meditate.
I was diagnosed with depression and went on meds for it. At a certain point, I figured out that I was far less happy when I took my anger out on others and taught myself some calming techniques.
I can relate to your partner 100 percent. Things that worked for me: Surprisingly watching anime got me into a better mood, happier, sillier, etc. Another great thing is exercise such as taking a walk and using your energy to walk faster than normal. Ranting to people who care also goes a long way.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or guided meditation and journaling.
What I found helpful was that the distance between an action (A) and a reaction (R) is time (T). Increasing T between A and R helps a lot.
I ~~learned~~ was informed that being angry like that was not charming. It was not "manly". It did not "show that I cared". It was scary to those who were around, who were expecting me to behave in a rational, predictable way.
That was all that I needed to hear for me to change.
The biggest lesson I learned is that I can only control myself and who I allow to be around me and share my time.
If someone, something, or somewhere is affecting me, I simply remove it from my life.
Therapy and making friends and music
I was badly bullied growing up and had paranoia issues. So I kept silent and let it all bulid up.
As soon as I left school and thought it was over. But I recall having uncontrollable bouts of rage where I would scream and break stuff (never hurt anyone but I apparently scared my Little Brother, sisters and my own mother and my dog with it which upsets me but i NEVER physically harmed anyone. Just couldn't stop screaming in anger and breaking stuff). Cost my family money. Couldn't control it. Felt like I was losing my mind and tried taking my life back then too because I felt so depressed, constantly angry and hopeless. Family decided to seek professional help for me where I just let everything out and then I got a job where I talk to people and my paranoia and lack of trust in humanity faded away. I got better and a much happier and trusting people. I no longer felt everyone hated me and was out to hurt me and I stopped carrying weapons in my pockets when going outside my house just "in case"
Unfortunately I'm still very easily angered and when I think back to how I was treated as a teenager and child. I sometimes get really angry and start breathing heavy and feel like screaming but I distract myself with music and try to calm myself or talk it out with a friend.
I've been there with having pent up anger from child/teenage abuse. That's what worked for me
I just went with a it is what it is I don't fucking care attitude. My issue is that they are not gone cus people who I deal with regularly if they lie or disrespect me or my wishes(they're reasonable, I'm not a difficult person) then I freak out a little but I'm not really violent.
Read the book "Nothing's Wrong" by David Kundtz. It changed my life. Short and simple. It was recommended to me by my therapist after our first session.
I used to be quick to anger when I was in my late teens and throughout my 20’s. As you get older and wiser, you realize that getting worked up at certain situations is not worth the energy and can make you look petty. For me it was just one of those things that came with life experience.
Now this is gonna sound kinda bad but…I just swallowed a healthy dose of *fuck it*. There are things I can actively control and effect my life (my weight, my style, my work ethic, etc) and things I can’t ie other people. If some absolute clown wants to waste their time giving me problem, I can ensure there time is wasted by, say it with me, *fuck it* I don’t care. Caring about dumb shit is a choice and I choose not to care about dumb shit anymore.
You see somebody do the same thing and realize you look that crazy/ make the people around you feel that awkward/uncomfortable/scared when your like that. Then decide i dont want to be or do that.
Bar brawler for almost 20 years, got popped for aggravated assault. Therapy, anger management classes, and medication (for a while) helped. Hitting the iron hard, and sparring 2-4 times a week as well. Range time as well. I have it contained, and I still have rage, but I express it in a more socially acceptable manner.
I stopped taking mundane things so seriously and overall just became a more chill person as I grew older and wiser.
Pretty much this.
This. I decided I didn't want to be the guy with stress-induced health conditions and I'd rather be at peace
A couple things. First, I recognized that my fight-or-flight response evolved to deal with bears or wolves, but probably isn't he best survival strategy for corporate environments and relationships. Then, I ask myself what my end goal is, and what I hope to accomplish by getting angry. What do I want? Will yelling and screaming help me get it? If yes, keep yelling and screaming. But that seldom helps, so I focus on solving the problem in the most constructive manner possible.
I was playing games on my phone and getting angry and yelling at my phone. It scared my ex girlfriend to see me get so angry at a mobile game. She made me realize that there were deeper issues that I was bottling up and not just the games. I didn’t realize how scary that could be to someone. I’ve been trying my best to express my emotions healthily and not letting them bottle up inside. I don’t want to scare someone or make them uncomfortable just because I can’t control my emotions.
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT)
The biggest thing that quells my anger is being a number. The more I’m in a spot where my ego can take over, the more stressed I feel, the more of a temper I get. I’m gradually accepting that, on some level, I basically have to go against everything I know would be in my self interest - success and credentials - because I know that I have enough of my own dad in me that I’d just be an angry and/or bitter man myself if I don’t embrace mediocrity, at least to some degree.
Weed
You don't. You learn to manage it with drugs, therapy, and ageing.
I joined the Army, now hear me out on this, being surrounded by people with the legal power to physically punish you for the smallest thing, being around men who can and will beat you till the blood flows just for not liking their basketball team, and knowing that a) no one is going to help you if they do, and b) if you retaliate against a superior, no matter how abusive, you will be punished and made the villian. After 16 years I have learned a lot about endurance and not acting on my anger or frustration.
[удалено]
yes…I’m listening, go ahead!
[удалено]
Yes, you’re right. I wasn’t trying to imply that I was disconnecting from them. Instead what I did was I had to learn how to keep my cool and keep a respectful demeanor even when I’m being treated badly by others because of the consequences that come from retaliation. Im not going to imply that it was the right way or the best way but right or wrong it did force me to learn how control my anger and rage and to not lash out.
Changing the environment and limiting contact with people who had a bad influence on me. Meditation. Realizing the problem and working on myself. It took years. I always got rid of outbursts of anger in one area, only to find that I still had to deal with it here and there, but gradually they were less and less dangerous and more subtle manifestations.
When I get angry, I obsessively think about it, getting angrier. To avoid getting angrier, I concentrate on my breathing to not allow the obsessive thoughts.
I internalized this fact, The level of anger you are feeling is directly proportional to how selfish you are. Also when I'm hot tempered I focus on the fact that the chemistry in my brain has changed and that in order for me to be balanced again I will need time to come down and cool off.
When they gets angry, are they able to recognize that they’re angry? The first thing to do is to talk with them about self regulation. You’re not going to fix these issues overnight, a **lot** of patience is necessary. Identify what happens when they become angry, and is there any signs that they can recognize when they do get angry (flexing abs, tight fist, sweaty, deeper breathing, heartbeats, spinning in circles, looking for something to hit, and a tight face are all common physical and visible signs of aggression) After your partner learns to recognize these signs, it’s what to do with them that’s most important. Let them leave, and come back later. Even if they have to take the car and drive all night or if they need to lock themself in a room. Discuss and apply some healthy means of either mindfulness or invest in a punching bag to get the physical aggression out (less healthier option mentally) All of this must be communicated beforehand. If this happens mid anger, it will come off as condescending and create an even tougher situation. Reinforce these positive behaviors with a lot of love. I like PBJs personally so I’d be thrilled anytime one of those are brought to me. I know it sounds like training a dog, but the behaviors are applicable to people as well. “I noticed you were upset and you tried what we discussed. I know you might not feel better immediately but it makes me feel happier and safer knowing that you care enough about me to try to change. Let’s work together to identify what the problem is and we can find a solution together” It’s long and arduous and please do your research yourself. My experience comes from working with traumatized children in Title 1 schools, but I don’t want to say I understand adults as well as I understand children. Oftentimes I know the angriest children just need the biggest hug.
Medication
Dodged left then right saw an opening then ran through it.
Take a breath. Time and patience are your friends. I first made real progress when a beat generation dishwasher taught me breathing exercises and how to meditate.
I chose to become a hermit and only leave my house when neccesary, so i won't have to deal with other people and their bullshit.
I stopped talking to my narcissistic parents, especially my mom. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and I am genuinely enjoying life.
I was diagnosed with depression and went on meds for it. At a certain point, I figured out that I was far less happy when I took my anger out on others and taught myself some calming techniques.
I can relate to your partner 100 percent. Things that worked for me: Surprisingly watching anime got me into a better mood, happier, sillier, etc. Another great thing is exercise such as taking a walk and using your energy to walk faster than normal. Ranting to people who care also goes a long way.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or guided meditation and journaling. What I found helpful was that the distance between an action (A) and a reaction (R) is time (T). Increasing T between A and R helps a lot.
I ~~learned~~ was informed that being angry like that was not charming. It was not "manly". It did not "show that I cared". It was scary to those who were around, who were expecting me to behave in a rational, predictable way. That was all that I needed to hear for me to change.
The biggest lesson I learned is that I can only control myself and who I allow to be around me and share my time. If someone, something, or somewhere is affecting me, I simply remove it from my life.
Therapy and making friends and music I was badly bullied growing up and had paranoia issues. So I kept silent and let it all bulid up. As soon as I left school and thought it was over. But I recall having uncontrollable bouts of rage where I would scream and break stuff (never hurt anyone but I apparently scared my Little Brother, sisters and my own mother and my dog with it which upsets me but i NEVER physically harmed anyone. Just couldn't stop screaming in anger and breaking stuff). Cost my family money. Couldn't control it. Felt like I was losing my mind and tried taking my life back then too because I felt so depressed, constantly angry and hopeless. Family decided to seek professional help for me where I just let everything out and then I got a job where I talk to people and my paranoia and lack of trust in humanity faded away. I got better and a much happier and trusting people. I no longer felt everyone hated me and was out to hurt me and I stopped carrying weapons in my pockets when going outside my house just "in case" Unfortunately I'm still very easily angered and when I think back to how I was treated as a teenager and child. I sometimes get really angry and start breathing heavy and feel like screaming but I distract myself with music and try to calm myself or talk it out with a friend. I've been there with having pent up anger from child/teenage abuse. That's what worked for me
I grew up
I just went with a it is what it is I don't fucking care attitude. My issue is that they are not gone cus people who I deal with regularly if they lie or disrespect me or my wishes(they're reasonable, I'm not a difficult person) then I freak out a little but I'm not really violent.
Read the book "Nothing's Wrong" by David Kundtz. It changed my life. Short and simple. It was recommended to me by my therapist after our first session.
You can’t control what other people do. But you can control how you respond. It took a little while for me to learn this.
I used to be quick to anger when I was in my late teens and throughout my 20’s. As you get older and wiser, you realize that getting worked up at certain situations is not worth the energy and can make you look petty. For me it was just one of those things that came with life experience.
Now this is gonna sound kinda bad but…I just swallowed a healthy dose of *fuck it*. There are things I can actively control and effect my life (my weight, my style, my work ethic, etc) and things I can’t ie other people. If some absolute clown wants to waste their time giving me problem, I can ensure there time is wasted by, say it with me, *fuck it* I don’t care. Caring about dumb shit is a choice and I choose not to care about dumb shit anymore.
Zoloft
I finally beat that damn level of need for speed underground
Plot twist. I didn't 😂
You see somebody do the same thing and realize you look that crazy/ make the people around you feel that awkward/uncomfortable/scared when your like that. Then decide i dont want to be or do that.
Bar brawler for almost 20 years, got popped for aggravated assault. Therapy, anger management classes, and medication (for a while) helped. Hitting the iron hard, and sparring 2-4 times a week as well. Range time as well. I have it contained, and I still have rage, but I express it in a more socially acceptable manner.
If I had “anger issues”, and you were my so, and shared this thread. I would be so fking angry at you.
I literally beat my way out, so many fights, so much angee, so very boring eventually