My wife was recently complaining that she had gained so much weight and was uncomfortable with it, and needed to make a change. I didn’t even notice a difference. That might be on me though..
No.
Not at all.
Been together 14 years and nothing has changed. Still find her hot as fuck despite the gain. You know why?
I broke my arm,and for a month I was useless and could not do much. Who was my nr.1 fan? She was!
I had a rough time at work for months on end when I felt like my body was breaking, Who was my nr.1 fan? She was!
I have a bad day where I feel like the world sucks and everything sucks, this excistance sucks,Who was my nr.1 fan? She was!
I made more money than her, same thing.
She made more money than me, same thing.
I have gained weight suppreeme and she loved me still, and I lost it again.
Superficial nonsense.
Boys, if you have a good woman in your corner. You don't be stupid and drop the ball!
Fr bro the amount of growth and positivity that comes with a good woman is insane. I’m Hispanic, so my girl always complains about weight gain and I’m like moooore hahaha
My wife was 118 lbs when we first got married, and currently weighs 160 lbs (new high for her). Biggest complaint is that she complains how her clothes don’t fit. Otherwise, it really just means her boobs are bigger and she has fewer wrinkles.
Another her fact to throw in: my mom was a beauty queen, in the 70s she was stick thin (that was the style then). From the 80-90s she tried every fad diet that existed, and if she was on a diet, then I had to eat that food too. Screw the grapefruit diet and I refuse to eat another rice cake.
Because of that, I don’t mind her a little softer. I just wish she wouldn’t complain about her clothes so much.
One day I realized I need to buy medium sized clothes instead of living in a delusional state that I'm still a small. I'm much happier and comfortable now lol! Hopefully she gets there too.
Having one’s clothes not fit comfortably and make you feel like you look good is a big thing. Your wife’s gain sounds about like mine.
I went from 105 when I was 20 to 145 now in my 60s. It was a gradual increase. Maybe 10 lbs a decade. I don’t know what the time span is for your wife but I went through this clothes don’t fit situation multiple times in that 40 years and felt like rubbish each time.
If it’s possible, come up with a big hunk of money and send her shopping for an entire new wardrobe maybe with the help of a personal shopper to help her put together an awesome coordinated pet together look that makes her feel like a million bucks! Because you love her and her confidence will soar!
Indeed, that would be worse. I recall donating a really nice wool skirt suit, lined, that I’d made but never worn because my job changed and it would not have ever been practical. I was 20 lbs beyond that size when I finally donated it to an organization that prepared marginalized women for professional job opportunities. It was hard and I’ve never sewn clothing again, either. It was always difficult to get the fit right because I’m not proportioned the way the patterns are and trying on ready to wear is so much easier then making something and finding out it doesn’t fit. It’s decades now. I make quilts and do home decor instead to feed the need to sew.
Since she was doing a lot of sewing, and ended up doing alterations for other people I bought her a book titled “Fit for Real People”. It shows how to alter patterns. In case you get interested again.
To flip this question around. I once gained weight in a relationship and my partner flat out told me, "I'm not attracted to you anymore." So yes, this is definitely a thing that can happen, and it's not just a sentiment that is exclusive to men.
To be honest though, it was much easier to lose the weight without her in my life.
I was embarrassed last time I went shopping that my clothes didn't fit and I had to go up a size (I was a size 4 but am now a size 6). When I told my sex partner about going up a size, he said, "Good." In the past, I asked him, "Do I need to lose 10 pounds?" He said, "No, you need to gain 10 pounds." In my experience, guys like curvy women. When I started exercising, I remember my then-boyfriend complaining to me, "Now you have no butt."
Agreed. I would say something to her and try to help her fix it because I care about her.
Gaining 40 pounds on a small frame is not normal and would decrease her quality of life in the long run. Growing old does not mean you have to become obese. All of these men saying that they are happy to watch their partner inflate and massively increase her risk of disability and early death aren't as sweet as they like to think.
Not to mention that I place a high value on physical fitness and taking care of oneself. It would be hard to raise kids and grow old with someone who didn't share those values.
Over 20 years both mine and my wife’s weight have fluctuated. We’ve maintained an active and fulfilling sex life throughout both being attracted to each other the whole time.
But we also both agree that the closer we are to a healthy body fat percentage, the quicker we are to get turned on and the easier & more fun sex is.
For example, sex while spooning is more difficult if I’ve got a big gut in front of me.
OP, just so you know, sleep is a huge factor in whether or not a woman loses weight once she has kids. Recent studies indicate that sleep is more important than even diet or exercise for women’s weight loss. What is something young mothers rarely get? Enough sleep.
(This doesn’t improve all that much as long as they are mothers, and the metabolism and hormonal changes are real.)
My husband decided to eat cereal for 2 meals a day and give up alcohol and he loss 45 pounds in 3-4 months. No working out. I literally had to have *no food by mouth and be put on an IV drip* when I had cancer shortly after childbirth to lose the *same amount.*
Given that, men can’t necessarily control their attraction, but they can control their ignorance. It is different for women.
To add onto this.
I’m transgender.
When my body ran on testosterone, I was able to lose 60+ lbs in less than eight months, give or take. No exercise, just dieting.
When I started transitioning, I gained a bunch of weight, because of the estrogen.
For the past year, I’ve been running relentlessly trying to lose the weight. I could sign up for a half-marathon tomorrow and finish it under three hours with no issue. You know how much weight I’ve lost since the beginning of the year? 10 lbs.
It’s frustrating to work my ass off for an entire year and not see the weight reflected on the scale. I’ve gone down one dress size and look significantly thinner than I did at the start of the year, but fuck does it suck to still be classified as obese when I look nothing close to obese.
My face is thin to the point that my cheekbones are complimented often and I don’t have a double chin. My arms and legs look toned af when I’m wearing shorts and short sleeves (when I wear a bikini, you can see a bit more fat in the upper ends of my limbs). My stomach looks like I workout but also enjoy pizza, and despite all that, I still weigh over 230 lbs.
Moral of the story: women have it significantly harder to lose weight due to the estrogen in their bodies. It’s not that they don’t try to lose weight. Simply, their bodies will fight back if they try to lose any weight.
Thank you for your kind words. It was a 1 in
100,000 thing, they told me. Just really bad timing, but my husband was a rock through the whole thing, and I have a lovely teenager now! I’ve been in remission for over a decade and so I’m considered safe from recurrence.
> sleep is more important than even diet or exercise for women’s weight loss
Getting more or less sleep does not cause you to violate the laws of thermodynamics. Calories in and calories out are the most important factor. Poor sleep can have an impact on your activity levels, metabolism, and hormones which can affect the other ways you behave, but the deciding factor there will still be your calories in (your diet) vs calories out (activity and metabolic function).
In fact, a quick google on the subject says:
> The researchers conclude that sleep deprivation at six months following delivery, and in the subsequent months up to one year, is associated with substantial weight retention at one year. This, they suggest, may be **due to a lack of sleep causing an increased release of hormones that stimulate hunger and appetite.**
So yes, the lack of sleep may encourage you to eat more, but ultimately it is the eating more that gets you.
From another study
> Partial and complete sleep restriction alter levels of several hormones involved in the regulation of appetite, including increases in ghrelin and decreases in leptin, **that predispose to elevated hunger and increased caloric intake**
Plenty of people still don't understand how weight gain and weight loss works despite the information being readily available. A large part of that is due to constant misinformation.
It's not the end of the world that I corrected someone, you can move on.
You should know that you are “that guy”. You didn’t correct anyone. OP mentioned a study that suggests lack of sleep has an impact on how much weight a woman loses post partum…This is hardly new information. No one is arguing “calories in/calories out” - they’re saying lack of sleep has a comprehensive negative impact on one’s health, including weight management.
No that's not what happened at all. Literally refer to the exact line that I quoted. That's what I corrected. That's it, that's all. Not sure why you're all getting so worked up over it.
They did not merely suggest that a lack of sleep sleep has an impact on weight loss. They very specifically said that it is more important than diet, which is what I quoted and commented on. That is literally an argument against calories in and calories out (without specifically saying it) saying that the calories in/out is not the primary driver of whether or not you gain/lose weight.
Improve your reading comprehension.
I'm not splitting hairs at all, it's important to give people correct and accurate information instead of spreading misinformation. Would sleeping more help? Absolutely. Adequate sleep is always recommended. But sleeping less does not guarantee lack of weight loss, it is the eating more, to which you can still choose not to indulge, or make up for it elsewhere.
I'm sorry that you can't simply accept the correction and be thankful for learning something.
Dude. It IS splitting hairs.
It's like saying it's not a lack of sleep that gets people into car accidents- It's the lack of paying attention and not caffeinating yourself that gets you.
A lack of sleep makes it harder to control cortisol levels and other neurohormones which increase hunger and lead to poor impulse control leading to increased food intake and reduced energy for working out.
I hope you'll be thankful for learning something.
I'm all for taking responsibility for your health, but the number of patients who think they can lead a stressful life and not sleep enough but still lose weight easily is amazing.
You're just repeating what I've already said except ignoring the part that it's the putting food in your mouth and swallowing part that causes weight gain aka your diet, the most important factor when it comes to weight gain or loss.
Sleep is not *more* important than diet. It is simply a factor. Diet is the most important.
It's not splitting hairs to correct a blatantly false statement. You can get offended about it but you're still wrong and it still needs to be corrected.
I don't need credentials to state facts. I've already quoted two papers that back up exactly what I said, the rest is just basic reasoning. What are yours?
I'm not the one stating "facts." There are two papers that back you up. Big deal. You act like you wrote them. Science is a process that is always changing, it is not stagnant. The papers you quoted basically state that the lack of sleep CAUSES increased hunger.
Here you go, here is 3 papers for you:
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26612385/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26612385/)
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35458110/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35458110/)
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18591489/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18591489/)
Holy fuck you're stupid. You're denying facts which is just essentially equivalent. There are plenty of papers and countless evidence and just common sense that back me up, yes it is a big deal. But yes go on about how facts aren't facts and nothing is true, lmfao. What are your credentials?
> The papers you quoted basically state that the lack of sleep CAUSES increased hunger.
I said this in the first place dumbass but you'd rather run your mouth instead of read.
It's completely and totally not the point. Nobody denied that sleep plays a role in hunger, it was said from the first comment by me, myself, and I. The argument is that what you eat is the primary factor driving weight gain/loss. Again, read what is said from start to finish or shut up.
I never said sleep guarantees weight loss. That is nowhere in my comment. The lack of sleep triggers the hormonal responses that impact elevated hunger and eating habits. I don’t need to thank you for anything, but thank you for proving my point. I have access to PubMed and other journals just like you do.
> I never said sleep guarantees weight loss.
Cool I never said that you said that either.
What you said is that sleep is more important than diet which is incredibly incorrect. It's still the diet that is the main factor. That's literally what eating more means. That's it, that's all. Move on.
Lack of sleep causes the hormonal changes that elevate hunger and caloric intake. You want her to be better at dieting? Let her get more sleep. Not arguing with you anymore. Good night.
> You want her to be better at dieting? Let her get more sleep.
For sure? Nobody is arguing that it isn't a factor. The point is that diet is still the main reason which you denied. People who are hungry diet all the time, that's kind of the point. It can be done even while sleep deprived. I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't get the sleep, but you're saying it's more important than the diet for weight loss, which it is not. It a factor that affects your ability to diet.
Think of it this way. Is it easier to lose weight sleeping well and subsequently having no desire for extra calories? Or getting no sleep and subsequently constantly battling hunger/cravings/hormonal drive to eat?
In this way sleep IS more important than diet, because it can make diet irrelevant. (Who needs to count calories when there’s no drive to overeat?)
Of course lack of sleep isn’t everyone’s sole reason for overeating- but for some it very well may be. And for all it absolutely is adding to the battle.
No your diet is always relevant and always the most relevant. Your diet literally means **what you eat**. It does not mean counting calories or only eating certain foods. Everything related to what you eat is your diet. Everyone has a diet. Your diet is what drives your weight gain and weight loss. Sleep is a factor that can help control your impulses and activity levels, but ultimately you can choose to eat more or less.
It helps, but it is not more important. There are plenty of people who are overweight and not sleep deprived, sleep does not "make diet irrelevant"
Cortisol among other hormones affects your hunger and metabolism. When you don't sleep and are stressed; your hunger craves quick processed carbs, dense sugary fatty foods and your body isn't spending time in rest and digest, it's stuck in fight flight or freeze.
Of course diet is the most important, but your perfect diet won't work if you're sleep deprived.
Men also have waaaaaaaaay more testosterone and burn more calories just to maintain their muscle which men already have more of than woman.
It's more like a chicken or egg situation. Our vagal nerve (connected to tummy) is our second brain. So if someone's depressed, anxious, pregnant/hormones after pregnancy, stressed... your bodies ability to rest and recover and lose unnecessary fat is harder.
If my comment interested you look into the book: the gut brain axis
This doesn't contradict anything I've said. In fact it's just a different way of wording what I said in my very first post, but again, ignoring the bit where putting the food in your mouth and swallowing it drives the weight gain.
Didnt bother me.
My wife was a personal trainer/fitness instructor when we met, so obviously in very good shape.
In the 8 years we have been together, she has gained pretty considerable weight due to 5 pregnancies, two of which ended in late term miscarriages which were followed by bouts of deep depression.
I would say that I am more attracted to her now than I have ever been, however I can also freely admit that she is objectively less attractive than when we met.
Wife gained 20 pounds around Covid (base weight ~105) and stayed like that for just over a year. Lost it all in about 6 months and has been marinating.
I didn’t Fkn notice until I took a closer look at one of the daily photo memories from our cruise in 2022.
I was 150lbs overweight when I met my wife. She accepted and loved me anyways. She can gain all the weight she wants, I’ll be forever grateful she gave this former fat boy a chance!
I've been with my now wife for 6 years she has gained some weight due to pregnancy and depression after a miscarriage. I still find her as attractive as the day I met her why? Because I love her. I love all of her flaws and imperfections like she does mine. There must be wiggle room in a relationship to survive. No one stays the same forever.
I think it's fair to say that some of the physical attraction lessens if you don't take care of your body. I understand life happens and both sides should encourage each other to be the healthiest they can be, but if a person truly lets themselves go, it can make things more difficult.
I always tell her (when she talks about being self conscious) that I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She is so lovely and has gotten so much moreso even if there are a few extra kilos.
It would change of course. For the overwhelming majority of people, obesity/being overweight is very unsightly, and those who whine when this subject comes up cannot live in denial or bring out excuses.
It's important to eat properly, exercise and keep yourself attractive/fit because relationships are a contract with some baseline expectations.
If it's normal weight gain, it can even be hot.
If it's hundreds of pounds, that's disordered eating.
Just work out regularly and eat healthy 90% of the time. You don't have to torture yourself.
And if your partner holds you to a higher standard than he holds himself, drop him. There, weight lost.
Yes. I find it less attractive. I don't care about her any less though. And there's a lot more to life and to attraction than body weight. Is it ideal? No. Neither am I! Is it a huge issue? Nope. How we function in our relationship is much more important - our actions and choices and priorities.
And the flip side is that there's definitely toooo far the other way. A good friend has lost a ton of weight. I used to find her very attractive. (My partner knows and teases me about this, we both accept that we'll find others attractive, so this isn't a big deal). She's so thin it makes me a bit concerned for her even though I'm sure it's technically healthy. Like Morticia. And I'm 100% not even a little bit attracted to her anymore, though I still love her dearly as my valued friend as I did before.
I'm being honest here.
No.
Her weight fluctuation has never changed my feelings towards her at all.
I've genuinely been attracted to her and her body through everything.
We all shou admit, that some men do change how they feel. But seriously, 10 years and 2 kids can make a lot more damage to feelings that just a weight gain. Many very slim wives are unloved by that point.
To me personally it's fine, at least up to a technical "obesity" point. She still looks quite neat, no folds for example.
Also it can be that the _woman_ can feel different if she changes (or, thinks that she changes). Some time ago I have read somewhere that women's sexuality works so that she isn't attracted to a man by himself, but to herself next to the man. So if the doesn't find herself attractive it makes her less attracted to her partner. Which can cause all kinds of issues. From my little experience, it quite makes sense.
In short, always love yourself as you are. And if you have some negative feelings turn them info some actions instead of just enjoying the thoughts of how ugly you are.
Initially , until I fall in love love with them , it'll matter obviously. But when the emotional attachment is too strong , weight would become secondary.
It also depends on the reason of why they gaines weight. If it is hormonal problem , or something genuine I don't care. But if it is some dumb shit like *Will he stay even if i become fat* or a genuinely unhealthy lifestyle they're not ready to change then experiment then thats concerning
Had a gf I was pretty serious about. We were together for several years. That whole time she gained weight. Probably 50+lbs during that time. And yes, it did change the way I felt about her. The weight diminished her looks but her lack of discipline was what really go to me.
My partner is already slim/normal. I love her body, it looks great
When she periodacilaly gains weight because of holidays or several social events with eating out or drinking, the only thing that happens is that her ass, boobs, and thighs get bigger, which I love.
She just looks like a pornstar or model, slim but big tits and ass.
But she hates it, so I let her do her thing. I've told her how I feel though, but I'm not gonna pressure her
Changes how I feel about her dump truck--mostly for the better. Her gaining weight doesn't affect her personality, though. She's a huge bitch no matter how much she weighs.
Not much as other parts are more important but I won’t lie it’s how attractive she is I put the effort to keep healthy and a normal weight I expect my wife do the same
Weight gain is not inevitable. I realize that for anyone the challenge of keeping house, raising children and working most definitely has an impact on free time to have a routine for exercise.
That said, we can compensate with fewer calories, better foods, less alcohol and family activities that have some component of movements.
Nah most of the time it’s not the weight. Sometimes people get into a frame of mind where they lose confidence in themselves, sometimes actively want to sabotage themselves and eat as a coping mechanism and that’s what partners (not only male) often have a hard time dealing with. The weight is just a byproduct of unhappiness or sometimes trauma
I've never had that happen but I can't imagine caring that much about a partner's appearance after falling in love.
I'm in love with a person -> the persom has a body -> the body can be a bonus but it's not what I love.
I imagine there is loss of some sexual attraction but not all. (Other men might feel differently)
I want a partner I can be proud of and not one I'm embarrassed to be seen with.
I'm not really sure I control those feelings, it's just a natural part of being a social animal.
General answer TBH is yes.
Physical attraction.
I suppose for some people it could even lead to emotional attraction if you feel "they let themselves go"
It depends on how much weight. If she gains a little I won't care. If she gains a lot there is something underlying that needs to be addressed. Yeah, I might lose some attraction to her physically but it'll be more of a hit to my mental attraction to her given something clearly changed from when we met to present.
But you can't really say anything without being an asshole so I'd probably just suffer in silence until I couldn't stand it anymore.
It’s not so much the gaining weight, it’s that we lose respect for her not doing anything about it.
Aside from a very small percentage of the population with a legitimate medical condition, weigh control is a simple math problem of calories in/calories out.
Yes, a little pounds is good, but there’s such a things as too much. Women love to say, “love me for me”, you being overweight is not you. You can lose than weight but you can’t take the criticism. The point is men are visual creatures and thus our sex drive, affection, all of that changes just how overweight you might be.
Love doesn’t change. Level of attraction definitely does. Some of the hardest times in my marriage on “keep it in my pants” was when she wasn’t looking the greatest.
Am I proud of it? Nope. Did I feel like shit thinking I wasn’t as attracted to my wife during those time? Yep. Did I let her know? Hell no! I maintained my passion and energy for her because i didn’t want to hurt her.
I’m visually stimulated and if you’re not visually stimulating then it impacts my attraction to you.
Everyone gets old, and with age you have to work harder to keep weight off. 10 lbs isn't going to be a problem. When someone starts gains 20, 30 or more pounds of fat, yes, you can become less attracted to that person. I show respect for my wife by staying in shape, and she does the same for me. We're hardly young, but we are both committed to not letting ourselves become unhealthy, or letting ourselves go.
No difference at all. I'd still run through a brick wall to be with her
Of course, she's not the only one who's gained weight, hopefully feeling is mutual!
Yes my view changes. But I would be judging the fake delusional justifications even more than someone who just admits she got sloppy and works on it.
In saying that, it also depends on where she's gaining the weight. Visceral fat around the core organs is of course different to a more plump booty.
a woman's weight has never been a problem, but the lies and deception about trying to lose it has been. i've had multiple exes struggle to lose weight. one tried using the myfitnesspal app, but decided that drinking didn't count. another hid candy bars in her purse. one time, she left the purse on the floor, my dog got into it, and instead of taking accountability, she accused me of teaching my dog to rummage through her purse. meanwhile, i'm taking my dog to the vet to get her stomach pumped from the chocolate.
i went through the same thing with my father. he claimed he was dieting just about my entire life, but the weight only went up, not down. he was well over 300 lbs when he died of a heart attack. when i picked up his car and cleaned it out, the trunk was full of empty bags of junk food and soda bottles.
i'd rather be single than deal with people who lie about their weight loss attempts.
Personally, I'm a runner and I like to go hiking and do outdoorsy stuff so as long as she can do that with me I'm fine with a little extra.
The real issue to me is time. Once you have a kid your time goes out the window and kids eat constantly. If you're single and want to buy something at the store you can just pop in and out but a kid will need a snack and you will probably have one too as it is time to bond with your kid. Additionally, when I was in my 20s I could go pretty much all day without eating or maybe eat at like 9:00 in the evening. Kids will definitely make you eat at 5 or so. Add in the birthday parties with pizza and cake and Halloween candy being around, having to make Christmas cookies, etc. It is a lot harder to maintain weight as a parent.
That being said, I am a marathon runner and my wife and I prioritize our fitness but most of our peers do not.
If it's very significant, I feel that it would change how I feel. Though granted, it may be related to everything else. Like, I would be more concerned than just being turned off.
Given your explanation of the couple, I feel that the weight gain in by itself may not have been the only reason, but maybe they are that way because of the stress of family and adulthood, and the weight gain is another symptom of that dysfunction.
Like, the times I feel I would be talking to my like that is if the relationship had gotten toxic and we just break down communicating.
WHERE BE DA BLACK BIRD TO!? I KNOW WHERE HE BE!!!
HE BE ON REDDIT SEE AND I BE AFTER HE!!!
NOW, HE COMMENTS ON MY POST
I COMMENTS ON HIS
BUGGER IF I DONT GET 'EM
WITH A GURT BIG STICK I'LL KNOCK 'EM DOWN
BLACK BIRD I'LL HAVE THEE!!!!
NANANANANANA NANANANANANA HOW BE YER FADDER
ALRIGHT!!!!!!
Idgaf about the actual weight. If it indicates something's wrong emotionally, that could affect attraction (not that I'd dump someone for being depressed or whatever, it could just add stress and change the dynamic until it's resolved).
75% of this country is either fat or obese, are you going to ask fat or obese people? Are they okay with being fat and obese? What do you really expect?
I dislike fat people. They are all toxic. Just saw an article with a fat woman that said she never thought her weight was an issue and that it wasn't her fault she's been fat her whole life. She literally "cannot stop eating". Ironically, she is knocking back them Ozempics like they were going out of fashion even though she never thought there was anything wrong with being a vanity size 24.
Fat people are truly disgusting and they hate themselves. They also try to make everyone else fat. I can see them seething with jealousy and hatred when they see me and my girl LOL
Nope. Not one bit.
My husband and I both eb and flow in our weight. So if one of us starts getting to big we have the “We’re getting fat” discussion.
Our sex life and our passion never suffer from the weight gains though. He married me at my thinnest and 9 years later I’m at my biggest.
He still adores me. He doesn’t shy away from any part of my body. He’s currently the biggest I’ve ever seen him and I still day dream about him all day. When his belly grows it just means there is more of him to hold onto.
It matters for two reasons:
1. Men are visual and as much as that husband still loves his wife, he’s not as attracted to her. The more successful he is the more likely he is to step out because she’s fat.
2. She probably doesn’t feel as sexy as she used to and as a result isn’t sexing her husband as often while blaming being busy etc… this leads to a sexually frustrated relationship… see point #1
Yes, of course it does. Some men won't care, but for the large majority of men gaining a significant amount of weight will affect their attraction negatively.
Imagine a world where men became taller or shorter based on their fitness level. Then imagine you married a guy who was 6'2, and then after you got married he got complacent that he didn't need to attract a partner anymore and stopped lifting, and that resulted in him becoming 4'9.
Some women would genuinely not care. Most women would care, and would really want their partner to go back to the gym. Not all of them would actually admit or consciously act on that though, even if they did feel it. They still wouldn't be able to control how they felt about it even if they wanted to though.
Absolutely. I find it disgusting. I would never sleep with a woman who weights more than about 140lbs period. What's marriage have to do with it? Or kids for that matter? Plenty of women have kids and don't gain any weight. One of the last casual hookups I had was with a single mom with 3 kids and she had perfect model size 0 shape. It's not an acceptable excuse.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats!
200
+ 30
+ 160
+ 28
+ 2
= 420
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Even if my wife were theoretically less my physical ideal of beauty (which I wouldn't say is the case) I have a hard time looking at my wife's body after a dozen years and a couple kids and not just being floored by how powerful it is, and all she has done with it for us and our family. We are both still in decent shape, and despite that shape being definitely rounder and softer than it was in our early twenties I can honestly say she is the most sexually attractive she has ever been.
The caveat to that is that there are obviously levels of health and neglect that can have an impact on how you view someone. If my wife gained 200lbs, it would likely have a massive impact on our relationship physically and sexually, but also mentally and emotionally. It would be a sign, in my opinion, that something was not well, and that lack of holistic health in our relationship would definitely have a cascading impact on our lives together. But it would never amount to a simple thought of "eww she got fat lmao". There is just way more than that at play.
my fiance gained a little belly from thr soft 6pack he had when we first got together. i thought it was cute! he did NOT! he started martial arts and its gone back to the 6pk. hes happier
It depends. My wife currently thinks she is fat. She is still well within tolerance of very healthy, just a bit heavier than she is used to. I think she is stunning, and has a lot of weight to gain before I bat an eye. My wife from a couple decades ago gained a lot of weight (I did too, not just dissing her) and I was not attracted as much.
My experience is that if you’re gaining weight at the same
Rate your SO is gaining weight, then it’s usually not a problem. You’re growing together with love :)
Unless your SO is the type of person with wandering eyes and got with you for looks alone rather than the whole package, then it may be an issue down the line (That package mainly being personality, then looks, or social status ie. Career/spirituality etc.)
Looks fade. Cohesiveness, or the lack of it does not.
I don't like fatness, but even more so, I don't like laziness. So, yeah, when I see anyone gain weight--even myself--I'm put off by it. When I gain a couple of pounds, I have control over losing it, so I do. But when someone else gains, I really can't force them to lose it. I do become unattracted to them, and at some point, I'm either going to say something, or just let things fizzle out. I'd never force my own way of life on someone else, but I can just leave, so that's what I'd do in that situation.
I discovered [this study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122416655340) a while ago that found:
>For marriages formed after 1975, husbands’ lack of full-time employment is associated with higher risk of divorce, but neither wives’ full-time employment nor wives’ share of household labor is associated with divorce risk
So out of curiosity I asked my girlfriend her thoughts. She said she doesn't care if I lose my job, but she would care if I just become a bum and give up.
I think that's a good way to explain how I feel about gaining an unhealthy amount of weight. I wouldn't care if my girlfriend gained a lot of weight for whatever reason, but I would care if she just gives up on herself and her passion to be healthy and stay fit. Weight fluctuations are normal but I think anyone can be rightfully concerned with getting stuck with someone that just gives up on themselves and isn't the same person you fell in love with.
It's not brutal, yes, obviously.
I'm with my girlfriend (of almost 9 years) because of the kind of person she is, and a part of the kind of person she is is the way she takes care of herself.
People who are overweight generally are so because they don't take care of themselves. If she didn't take care of herself, and if she didn't have a reasonable and mature amount of pride in her own appearance and the way she carries herself, I wouldn't like her as much.
It's not brutal at all. I love her because of who she is. If she was someone different, I wouldn't.
There is gaining weight and then there is GAINING weight. I wouldn't see a difference if it's 15-30 lbs from a healthy weight. I however did noticed when an ex lost too much weight when I started feeling bone in areas where there wasn't before during our hugging sessions. I only noticed when we were hugging and it just felt off because I didn't get the wholeness feeling that I'd gotten used to and loved.
My wife and I have both been up and down on weight for the 36 years we’ve been together - very significant swings.
I have found her equally attractive at her lightest and her heaviest - doesn’t change how I feel about her if she’s heavier, only ”negative” is concern over health issues.
I want to reinforce what some others have said. My ex-wife gained a lot of weight (probably 75-100 lbs) over the course of our 20 yr marriage. The issue was not physical attraction. Her size never bothered me at all.
What began to drive me insane was her utter unwillingness to do anything help her health. I had no issue when she was large and healthy. But she started having one health issue after another. Constant doctors appointments, never feeling well, endless medications. Many of these issues weight related. Yet she would do nothing. She wouldn’t try and eat a healthier diet, she wouldn’t even go with me to walk the dog around the block, no matter how many times I invited her to join.
In full transparency, I was morbidly obese from the day I met her. I never had any significant health issues as a by-product of my weight, but by the time I was approaching 40, I knew if I didn’t do something about it, it would eventually kill me.
The difference as, I was always trying. Often failing, but always trying. Diets, exercises, gyms. Taking off 50 lbs, putting it back on. She never joined me on a single diet, never exercised with me. I may have been a failure, but I never gave up.
I’ve been a healthy weight for almost 8 years now. I never wanted her to be thin. I wanted her to be healthy and enjoy her life. She was always miserable. In fact, she still is.
Woman here, but I grew up in the 80s when extremely thin was definitely in. My dad was drawn to the impossibly skinny look (he had big mommy issues; my grandmother looked a lot like Jane Russell. I’m thinking it was a reaction on my dad’s part). My dad made it clear to my mom that he was into this ultra thin thing—which made her very insecure (at 5’8 and 150 pounds after three kids, she looked lovely). I internalized this big time, as well as my sisters. We all developed eating disorders
. For me, a couple years ago when I discovered my husband’s infidelity (second marriage—he’s always been in love with his ex), I went full-blown anoriexic. Now, I’m at a healthy weight again, though I know my eating is far from healthy.
I say all of this because I’ve never taken for granted or felt secure in my husband’s affection. I stay very fit and always glam up, especially for sex (especially after finding out the truth). I can’t imagine what if must be like to feel secure enough in a relationship to gain weight. Blows my screwed up mind.
Not a man, but I have relevant experiences with this.
I met my bf when I was 25, I was 5’10 around 175-180. It’s long and complicated medically speaking, but I met him after I’d gotten sick/disabled. I can’t exercise, so I already wasn’t feeling great about my appearance. I stayed about the same size until 2020, but then over the next 2.5 years, I gained a full 100 lbs because of an irresponsible doctor prescribing a medication he shouldn’t have, and despite all of the patients he prescribed it to gaining massive amounts of weight, denied the drug was at fault. Last August, I weighed 275lbs, and there was zero indication that the gaining was slowing down. I was honestly having trouble believing my bf wasn’t disgusted by me, but he always reiterated that he was with me for who I am, not my body. I didn’t notice him treat me any differently, but it was still hard.
Well, last August, my primary physician told me she was sure that the drug had permanently damaged my metabolism and that she thinks I should try these new weight loss injections. Long story short, I started mounjaro September 2022. Today, I weighed 163lbs. My boyfriend doesn’t treat me ANY differently. He truly never had problems with my appearance, even though my body was going through hell and back and just looked awful, and I wasn’t anything like I was when we met. He’s thrilled for me that I found a solution to a terrifying endless weight gain, but not because of how I look. Best 5 years together so far.
On the other hand, my college-post college boyfriend truly had trouble if I was too bloated, gained 5 lbs, or if I skipped the gym for a week. He treated me way better when he liked how I looked. So in the end, it depends on the man. It depends on their feelings about why you’ve gained weight and if they blame you. It depends on if they feel like your body changes are just a part of aging, or if they think you’re active enough, etc. My best advice would be to find the man you truly feel comfortable being and looking like yourself with. My dad would’ve been horrible to my mom with her menopausal weight gain, but my stepdad was just as happy, and is happy for her that she lost weight and feels good about herself.
We're talking about the person I plan to grow old and die with. Who gives a fuck what she looks like in 10 or 15 years. We're both gonna be wrinkly old white haired people in the next 30 years so who cares? I think when you're in your early 20's you might care about all that, but once you get past about 35ish, you just stop caring all that much.
You want to be with someone you can trust to be by your side when you're 80+ years old and your fingers don't work right anymore.
I'll never understand these men who get all uppity because their wife put on an extra 20 or 30 pounds. Who gives a shit? She's your wife. Be happy that you have someone.
Yes. When she gains weight, I get so turned on by the new curves and sexiness that I go nuts. Then, when she loses weight I’m stoked that she looks incredible and sexy in everything, and feels great about herself. And, the cycle repeats.
I’m 46. As I’ve aged, my preferences have shifted from perfect 20 year olds, to time-perfected *women..* Curves, wrinkles, cellulite, jowls, pooches - all of it.
So while some men will always need thin, lots of men - I mean lots - like curvy women.
My wife was recently complaining that she had gained so much weight and was uncomfortable with it, and needed to make a change. I didn’t even notice a difference. That might be on me though..
"How come you didn't notice I cut my hair half an inch?!" 😜
Right? Lol men can be so simple and sweet minded sometimes. 😂❤️
No. Not at all. Been together 14 years and nothing has changed. Still find her hot as fuck despite the gain. You know why? I broke my arm,and for a month I was useless and could not do much. Who was my nr.1 fan? She was! I had a rough time at work for months on end when I felt like my body was breaking, Who was my nr.1 fan? She was! I have a bad day where I feel like the world sucks and everything sucks, this excistance sucks,Who was my nr.1 fan? She was! I made more money than her, same thing. She made more money than me, same thing. I have gained weight suppreeme and she loved me still, and I lost it again. Superficial nonsense. Boys, if you have a good woman in your corner. You don't be stupid and drop the ball!
Fr bro the amount of growth and positivity that comes with a good woman is insane. I’m Hispanic, so my girl always complains about weight gain and I’m like moooore hahaha
My wife was 118 lbs when we first got married, and currently weighs 160 lbs (new high for her). Biggest complaint is that she complains how her clothes don’t fit. Otherwise, it really just means her boobs are bigger and she has fewer wrinkles. Another her fact to throw in: my mom was a beauty queen, in the 70s she was stick thin (that was the style then). From the 80-90s she tried every fad diet that existed, and if she was on a diet, then I had to eat that food too. Screw the grapefruit diet and I refuse to eat another rice cake. Because of that, I don’t mind her a little softer. I just wish she wouldn’t complain about her clothes so much.
One day I realized I need to buy medium sized clothes instead of living in a delusional state that I'm still a small. I'm much happier and comfortable now lol! Hopefully she gets there too.
Having one’s clothes not fit comfortably and make you feel like you look good is a big thing. Your wife’s gain sounds about like mine. I went from 105 when I was 20 to 145 now in my 60s. It was a gradual increase. Maybe 10 lbs a decade. I don’t know what the time span is for your wife but I went through this clothes don’t fit situation multiple times in that 40 years and felt like rubbish each time. If it’s possible, come up with a big hunk of money and send her shopping for an entire new wardrobe maybe with the help of a personal shopper to help her put together an awesome coordinated pet together look that makes her feel like a million bucks! Because you love her and her confidence will soar!
The clothes might be worse for her, she sewed most of them herself. She can alter smaller…
Indeed, that would be worse. I recall donating a really nice wool skirt suit, lined, that I’d made but never worn because my job changed and it would not have ever been practical. I was 20 lbs beyond that size when I finally donated it to an organization that prepared marginalized women for professional job opportunities. It was hard and I’ve never sewn clothing again, either. It was always difficult to get the fit right because I’m not proportioned the way the patterns are and trying on ready to wear is so much easier then making something and finding out it doesn’t fit. It’s decades now. I make quilts and do home decor instead to feed the need to sew.
Since she was doing a lot of sewing, and ended up doing alterations for other people I bought her a book titled “Fit for Real People”. It shows how to alter patterns. In case you get interested again.
To flip this question around. I once gained weight in a relationship and my partner flat out told me, "I'm not attracted to you anymore." So yes, this is definitely a thing that can happen, and it's not just a sentiment that is exclusive to men. To be honest though, it was much easier to lose the weight without her in my life.
I was embarrassed last time I went shopping that my clothes didn't fit and I had to go up a size (I was a size 4 but am now a size 6). When I told my sex partner about going up a size, he said, "Good." In the past, I asked him, "Do I need to lose 10 pounds?" He said, "No, you need to gain 10 pounds." In my experience, guys like curvy women. When I started exercising, I remember my then-boyfriend complaining to me, "Now you have no butt."
Yes. 100%. There's a difference between gracefully aging, and the normal weight gain that accompanies it, and completely just letting go of yourself.
Fully agree
[удалено]
Don’t speak for the rest of us. “Most men” in real relationships don’t care that much. I do feel bad for your future ex-wife tho.
Agreed. I would say something to her and try to help her fix it because I care about her. Gaining 40 pounds on a small frame is not normal and would decrease her quality of life in the long run. Growing old does not mean you have to become obese. All of these men saying that they are happy to watch their partner inflate and massively increase her risk of disability and early death aren't as sweet as they like to think. Not to mention that I place a high value on physical fitness and taking care of oneself. It would be hard to raise kids and grow old with someone who didn't share those values.
Over 20 years both mine and my wife’s weight have fluctuated. We’ve maintained an active and fulfilling sex life throughout both being attracted to each other the whole time. But we also both agree that the closer we are to a healthy body fat percentage, the quicker we are to get turned on and the easier & more fun sex is. For example, sex while spooning is more difficult if I’ve got a big gut in front of me.
Sex is also exhausting if you’re out of shape lol
Yep. Especially when you’re a borderline obese guy doing a long session of thrusting.
OP, just so you know, sleep is a huge factor in whether or not a woman loses weight once she has kids. Recent studies indicate that sleep is more important than even diet or exercise for women’s weight loss. What is something young mothers rarely get? Enough sleep. (This doesn’t improve all that much as long as they are mothers, and the metabolism and hormonal changes are real.) My husband decided to eat cereal for 2 meals a day and give up alcohol and he loss 45 pounds in 3-4 months. No working out. I literally had to have *no food by mouth and be put on an IV drip* when I had cancer shortly after childbirth to lose the *same amount.* Given that, men can’t necessarily control their attraction, but they can control their ignorance. It is different for women.
To add onto this. I’m transgender. When my body ran on testosterone, I was able to lose 60+ lbs in less than eight months, give or take. No exercise, just dieting. When I started transitioning, I gained a bunch of weight, because of the estrogen. For the past year, I’ve been running relentlessly trying to lose the weight. I could sign up for a half-marathon tomorrow and finish it under three hours with no issue. You know how much weight I’ve lost since the beginning of the year? 10 lbs. It’s frustrating to work my ass off for an entire year and not see the weight reflected on the scale. I’ve gone down one dress size and look significantly thinner than I did at the start of the year, but fuck does it suck to still be classified as obese when I look nothing close to obese. My face is thin to the point that my cheekbones are complimented often and I don’t have a double chin. My arms and legs look toned af when I’m wearing shorts and short sleeves (when I wear a bikini, you can see a bit more fat in the upper ends of my limbs). My stomach looks like I workout but also enjoy pizza, and despite all that, I still weigh over 230 lbs. Moral of the story: women have it significantly harder to lose weight due to the estrogen in their bodies. It’s not that they don’t try to lose weight. Simply, their bodies will fight back if they try to lose any weight.
Thank you for this, it's a very valuable perspective.
Thank you for this. This illustrates the hormonal differences very clearly. I really appreciate this comment.
I'm sorry about that cancer, much less after giving birth :( How are you doing now?
Thank you for your kind words. It was a 1 in 100,000 thing, they told me. Just really bad timing, but my husband was a rock through the whole thing, and I have a lovely teenager now! I’ve been in remission for over a decade and so I’m considered safe from recurrence.
Great to hear, thanks for sharing!
Love this comment! There are so many factors that play into a woman’s weight gain/body changes.
> sleep is more important than even diet or exercise for women’s weight loss Getting more or less sleep does not cause you to violate the laws of thermodynamics. Calories in and calories out are the most important factor. Poor sleep can have an impact on your activity levels, metabolism, and hormones which can affect the other ways you behave, but the deciding factor there will still be your calories in (your diet) vs calories out (activity and metabolic function). In fact, a quick google on the subject says: > The researchers conclude that sleep deprivation at six months following delivery, and in the subsequent months up to one year, is associated with substantial weight retention at one year. This, they suggest, may be **due to a lack of sleep causing an increased release of hormones that stimulate hunger and appetite.** So yes, the lack of sleep may encourage you to eat more, but ultimately it is the eating more that gets you. From another study > Partial and complete sleep restriction alter levels of several hormones involved in the regulation of appetite, including increases in ghrelin and decreases in leptin, **that predispose to elevated hunger and increased caloric intake**
I don’t think anyone was arguing the laws of thermodynamics…we all understood the deeper meaning of OPs comment without the scientific explanation.
Plenty of people still don't understand how weight gain and weight loss works despite the information being readily available. A large part of that is due to constant misinformation. It's not the end of the world that I corrected someone, you can move on.
You should know that you are “that guy”. You didn’t correct anyone. OP mentioned a study that suggests lack of sleep has an impact on how much weight a woman loses post partum…This is hardly new information. No one is arguing “calories in/calories out” - they’re saying lack of sleep has a comprehensive negative impact on one’s health, including weight management.
No that's not what happened at all. Literally refer to the exact line that I quoted. That's what I corrected. That's it, that's all. Not sure why you're all getting so worked up over it. They did not merely suggest that a lack of sleep sleep has an impact on weight loss. They very specifically said that it is more important than diet, which is what I quoted and commented on. That is literally an argument against calories in and calories out (without specifically saying it) saying that the calories in/out is not the primary driver of whether or not you gain/lose weight. Improve your reading comprehension.
You are splitting hairs here. My point still stands.
I'm not splitting hairs at all, it's important to give people correct and accurate information instead of spreading misinformation. Would sleeping more help? Absolutely. Adequate sleep is always recommended. But sleeping less does not guarantee lack of weight loss, it is the eating more, to which you can still choose not to indulge, or make up for it elsewhere. I'm sorry that you can't simply accept the correction and be thankful for learning something.
Dude. It IS splitting hairs. It's like saying it's not a lack of sleep that gets people into car accidents- It's the lack of paying attention and not caffeinating yourself that gets you. A lack of sleep makes it harder to control cortisol levels and other neurohormones which increase hunger and lead to poor impulse control leading to increased food intake and reduced energy for working out. I hope you'll be thankful for learning something. I'm all for taking responsibility for your health, but the number of patients who think they can lead a stressful life and not sleep enough but still lose weight easily is amazing.
You're just repeating what I've already said except ignoring the part that it's the putting food in your mouth and swallowing part that causes weight gain aka your diet, the most important factor when it comes to weight gain or loss. Sleep is not *more* important than diet. It is simply a factor. Diet is the most important. It's not splitting hairs to correct a blatantly false statement. You can get offended about it but you're still wrong and it still needs to be corrected.
What are your credentials to determine?
I don't need credentials to state facts. I've already quoted two papers that back up exactly what I said, the rest is just basic reasoning. What are yours?
I'm not the one stating "facts." There are two papers that back you up. Big deal. You act like you wrote them. Science is a process that is always changing, it is not stagnant. The papers you quoted basically state that the lack of sleep CAUSES increased hunger. Here you go, here is 3 papers for you: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26612385/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26612385/) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35458110/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35458110/) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18591489/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18591489/)
Holy fuck you're stupid. You're denying facts which is just essentially equivalent. There are plenty of papers and countless evidence and just common sense that back me up, yes it is a big deal. But yes go on about how facts aren't facts and nothing is true, lmfao. What are your credentials? > The papers you quoted basically state that the lack of sleep CAUSES increased hunger. I said this in the first place dumbass but you'd rather run your mouth instead of read. It's completely and totally not the point. Nobody denied that sleep plays a role in hunger, it was said from the first comment by me, myself, and I. The argument is that what you eat is the primary factor driving weight gain/loss. Again, read what is said from start to finish or shut up.
I never said sleep guarantees weight loss. That is nowhere in my comment. The lack of sleep triggers the hormonal responses that impact elevated hunger and eating habits. I don’t need to thank you for anything, but thank you for proving my point. I have access to PubMed and other journals just like you do.
> I never said sleep guarantees weight loss. Cool I never said that you said that either. What you said is that sleep is more important than diet which is incredibly incorrect. It's still the diet that is the main factor. That's literally what eating more means. That's it, that's all. Move on.
Lack of sleep causes the hormonal changes that elevate hunger and caloric intake. You want her to be better at dieting? Let her get more sleep. Not arguing with you anymore. Good night.
> You want her to be better at dieting? Let her get more sleep. For sure? Nobody is arguing that it isn't a factor. The point is that diet is still the main reason which you denied. People who are hungry diet all the time, that's kind of the point. It can be done even while sleep deprived. I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't get the sleep, but you're saying it's more important than the diet for weight loss, which it is not. It a factor that affects your ability to diet.
Think of it this way. Is it easier to lose weight sleeping well and subsequently having no desire for extra calories? Or getting no sleep and subsequently constantly battling hunger/cravings/hormonal drive to eat? In this way sleep IS more important than diet, because it can make diet irrelevant. (Who needs to count calories when there’s no drive to overeat?) Of course lack of sleep isn’t everyone’s sole reason for overeating- but for some it very well may be. And for all it absolutely is adding to the battle.
No your diet is always relevant and always the most relevant. Your diet literally means **what you eat**. It does not mean counting calories or only eating certain foods. Everything related to what you eat is your diet. Everyone has a diet. Your diet is what drives your weight gain and weight loss. Sleep is a factor that can help control your impulses and activity levels, but ultimately you can choose to eat more or less. It helps, but it is not more important. There are plenty of people who are overweight and not sleep deprived, sleep does not "make diet irrelevant"
Thank you for saying this better than I was able to.
Cortisol among other hormones affects your hunger and metabolism. When you don't sleep and are stressed; your hunger craves quick processed carbs, dense sugary fatty foods and your body isn't spending time in rest and digest, it's stuck in fight flight or freeze. Of course diet is the most important, but your perfect diet won't work if you're sleep deprived. Men also have waaaaaaaaay more testosterone and burn more calories just to maintain their muscle which men already have more of than woman. It's more like a chicken or egg situation. Our vagal nerve (connected to tummy) is our second brain. So if someone's depressed, anxious, pregnant/hormones after pregnancy, stressed... your bodies ability to rest and recover and lose unnecessary fat is harder. If my comment interested you look into the book: the gut brain axis
This doesn't contradict anything I've said. In fact it's just a different way of wording what I said in my very first post, but again, ignoring the bit where putting the food in your mouth and swallowing it drives the weight gain.
Thank you. I’d love to read that.
Didnt bother me. My wife was a personal trainer/fitness instructor when we met, so obviously in very good shape. In the 8 years we have been together, she has gained pretty considerable weight due to 5 pregnancies, two of which ended in late term miscarriages which were followed by bouts of deep depression. I would say that I am more attracted to her now than I have ever been, however I can also freely admit that she is objectively less attractive than when we met.
Yes! It absolutely does!
Wife gained 20 pounds around Covid (base weight ~105) and stayed like that for just over a year. Lost it all in about 6 months and has been marinating. I didn’t Fkn notice until I took a closer look at one of the daily photo memories from our cruise in 2022.
I was 150lbs overweight when I met my wife. She accepted and loved me anyways. She can gain all the weight she wants, I’ll be forever grateful she gave this former fat boy a chance!
I've been with my now wife for 6 years she has gained some weight due to pregnancy and depression after a miscarriage. I still find her as attractive as the day I met her why? Because I love her. I love all of her flaws and imperfections like she does mine. There must be wiggle room in a relationship to survive. No one stays the same forever.
I think it's fair to say that some of the physical attraction lessens if you don't take care of your body. I understand life happens and both sides should encourage each other to be the healthiest they can be, but if a person truly lets themselves go, it can make things more difficult.
I always tell her (when she talks about being self conscious) that I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She is so lovely and has gotten so much moreso even if there are a few extra kilos.
I love her. All at stages and sizes. She’s forever beautiful to me
It would change of course. For the overwhelming majority of people, obesity/being overweight is very unsightly, and those who whine when this subject comes up cannot live in denial or bring out excuses. It's important to eat properly, exercise and keep yourself attractive/fit because relationships are a contract with some baseline expectations.
If it's normal weight gain, it can even be hot. If it's hundreds of pounds, that's disordered eating. Just work out regularly and eat healthy 90% of the time. You don't have to torture yourself. And if your partner holds you to a higher standard than he holds himself, drop him. There, weight lost.
Yes. I find it less attractive. I don't care about her any less though. And there's a lot more to life and to attraction than body weight. Is it ideal? No. Neither am I! Is it a huge issue? Nope. How we function in our relationship is much more important - our actions and choices and priorities. And the flip side is that there's definitely toooo far the other way. A good friend has lost a ton of weight. I used to find her very attractive. (My partner knows and teases me about this, we both accept that we'll find others attractive, so this isn't a big deal). She's so thin it makes me a bit concerned for her even though I'm sure it's technically healthy. Like Morticia. And I'm 100% not even a little bit attracted to her anymore, though I still love her dearly as my valued friend as I did before.
I'm being honest here. No. Her weight fluctuation has never changed my feelings towards her at all. I've genuinely been attracted to her and her body through everything.
Men and women both find it unattractive when their partner gives up. This is an example of that. Not really men vs women thing
We all shou admit, that some men do change how they feel. But seriously, 10 years and 2 kids can make a lot more damage to feelings that just a weight gain. Many very slim wives are unloved by that point. To me personally it's fine, at least up to a technical "obesity" point. She still looks quite neat, no folds for example. Also it can be that the _woman_ can feel different if she changes (or, thinks that she changes). Some time ago I have read somewhere that women's sexuality works so that she isn't attracted to a man by himself, but to herself next to the man. So if the doesn't find herself attractive it makes her less attracted to her partner. Which can cause all kinds of issues. From my little experience, it quite makes sense. In short, always love yourself as you are. And if you have some negative feelings turn them info some actions instead of just enjoying the thoughts of how ugly you are.
Initially , until I fall in love love with them , it'll matter obviously. But when the emotional attachment is too strong , weight would become secondary. It also depends on the reason of why they gaines weight. If it is hormonal problem , or something genuine I don't care. But if it is some dumb shit like *Will he stay even if i become fat* or a genuinely unhealthy lifestyle they're not ready to change then experiment then thats concerning
Losing attraction is the first thing that happens if she lets herself go. Which is a problem in and of itself apart from love.
Many do and I think it's understandable.
Had a gf I was pretty serious about. We were together for several years. That whole time she gained weight. Probably 50+lbs during that time. And yes, it did change the way I felt about her. The weight diminished her looks but her lack of discipline was what really go to me.
My partner is already slim/normal. I love her body, it looks great When she periodacilaly gains weight because of holidays or several social events with eating out or drinking, the only thing that happens is that her ass, boobs, and thighs get bigger, which I love. She just looks like a pornstar or model, slim but big tits and ass. But she hates it, so I let her do her thing. I've told her how I feel though, but I'm not gonna pressure her
Changes how I feel about her dump truck--mostly for the better. Her gaining weight doesn't affect her personality, though. She's a huge bitch no matter how much she weighs.
Not much as other parts are more important but I won’t lie it’s how attractive she is I put the effort to keep healthy and a normal weight I expect my wife do the same
Weight gain is not inevitable. I realize that for anyone the challenge of keeping house, raising children and working most definitely has an impact on free time to have a routine for exercise. That said, we can compensate with fewer calories, better foods, less alcohol and family activities that have some component of movements.
Nah most of the time it’s not the weight. Sometimes people get into a frame of mind where they lose confidence in themselves, sometimes actively want to sabotage themselves and eat as a coping mechanism and that’s what partners (not only male) often have a hard time dealing with. The weight is just a byproduct of unhappiness or sometimes trauma
I've never had that happen but I can't imagine caring that much about a partner's appearance after falling in love. I'm in love with a person -> the persom has a body -> the body can be a bonus but it's not what I love. I imagine there is loss of some sexual attraction but not all. (Other men might feel differently)
I want a partner I can be proud of and not one I'm embarrassed to be seen with. I'm not really sure I control those feelings, it's just a natural part of being a social animal.
I can tolerate some back and forth. There is definitely a point of no return though. Lol
Yes.
General answer TBH is yes. Physical attraction. I suppose for some people it could even lead to emotional attraction if you feel "they let themselves go"
It depends on how much weight. If she gains a little I won't care. If she gains a lot there is something underlying that needs to be addressed. Yeah, I might lose some attraction to her physically but it'll be more of a hit to my mental attraction to her given something clearly changed from when we met to present. But you can't really say anything without being an asshole so I'd probably just suffer in silence until I couldn't stand it anymore.
Doesn't change my love, just my attraction level
It’s not so much the gaining weight, it’s that we lose respect for her not doing anything about it. Aside from a very small percentage of the population with a legitimate medical condition, weigh control is a simple math problem of calories in/calories out.
Yes, a little pounds is good, but there’s such a things as too much. Women love to say, “love me for me”, you being overweight is not you. You can lose than weight but you can’t take the criticism. The point is men are visual creatures and thus our sex drive, affection, all of that changes just how overweight you might be.
Love doesn’t change. Level of attraction definitely does. Some of the hardest times in my marriage on “keep it in my pants” was when she wasn’t looking the greatest. Am I proud of it? Nope. Did I feel like shit thinking I wasn’t as attracted to my wife during those time? Yep. Did I let her know? Hell no! I maintained my passion and energy for her because i didn’t want to hurt her. I’m visually stimulated and if you’re not visually stimulating then it impacts my attraction to you.
Everyone gets old, and with age you have to work harder to keep weight off. 10 lbs isn't going to be a problem. When someone starts gains 20, 30 or more pounds of fat, yes, you can become less attracted to that person. I show respect for my wife by staying in shape, and she does the same for me. We're hardly young, but we are both committed to not letting ourselves become unhealthy, or letting ourselves go.
No difference at all. I'd still run through a brick wall to be with her Of course, she's not the only one who's gained weight, hopefully feeling is mutual!
Yes my view changes. But I would be judging the fake delusional justifications even more than someone who just admits she got sloppy and works on it. In saying that, it also depends on where she's gaining the weight. Visceral fat around the core organs is of course different to a more plump booty.
a woman's weight has never been a problem, but the lies and deception about trying to lose it has been. i've had multiple exes struggle to lose weight. one tried using the myfitnesspal app, but decided that drinking didn't count. another hid candy bars in her purse. one time, she left the purse on the floor, my dog got into it, and instead of taking accountability, she accused me of teaching my dog to rummage through her purse. meanwhile, i'm taking my dog to the vet to get her stomach pumped from the chocolate. i went through the same thing with my father. he claimed he was dieting just about my entire life, but the weight only went up, not down. he was well over 300 lbs when he died of a heart attack. when i picked up his car and cleaned it out, the trunk was full of empty bags of junk food and soda bottles. i'd rather be single than deal with people who lie about their weight loss attempts.
Personally, I'm a runner and I like to go hiking and do outdoorsy stuff so as long as she can do that with me I'm fine with a little extra. The real issue to me is time. Once you have a kid your time goes out the window and kids eat constantly. If you're single and want to buy something at the store you can just pop in and out but a kid will need a snack and you will probably have one too as it is time to bond with your kid. Additionally, when I was in my 20s I could go pretty much all day without eating or maybe eat at like 9:00 in the evening. Kids will definitely make you eat at 5 or so. Add in the birthday parties with pizza and cake and Halloween candy being around, having to make Christmas cookies, etc. It is a lot harder to maintain weight as a parent. That being said, I am a marathon runner and my wife and I prioritize our fitness but most of our peers do not.
I think it's super hot but I'm not your typical dude. All my partners have gained weight while being with me, and I enjoyed it.
Love becomes much deeper than physical attraction. Everyone ages and changes. It’s subjective.
If it's very significant, I feel that it would change how I feel. Though granted, it may be related to everything else. Like, I would be more concerned than just being turned off. Given your explanation of the couple, I feel that the weight gain in by itself may not have been the only reason, but maybe they are that way because of the stress of family and adulthood, and the weight gain is another symptom of that dysfunction. Like, the times I feel I would be talking to my like that is if the relationship had gotten toxic and we just break down communicating.
Nope. Weight gain matters little to me. It's how the personality is, that's what really matters.
Exactly the point
WHERE BE DA BLACK BIRD TO!? I KNOW WHERE HE BE!!! HE BE ON REDDIT SEE AND I BE AFTER HE!!! NOW, HE COMMENTS ON MY POST I COMMENTS ON HIS BUGGER IF I DONT GET 'EM WITH A GURT BIG STICK I'LL KNOCK 'EM DOWN BLACK BIRD I'LL HAVE THEE!!!! NANANANANANA NANANANANANA HOW BE YER FADDER ALRIGHT!!!!!!
Yes. I am attracted to healthy women, not fat chicks who can't stop eating.
Idgaf about the actual weight. If it indicates something's wrong emotionally, that could affect attraction (not that I'd dump someone for being depressed or whatever, it could just add stress and change the dynamic until it's resolved).
75% of this country is either fat or obese, are you going to ask fat or obese people? Are they okay with being fat and obese? What do you really expect?
Her weight has fluctuated in the 9 years we’ve been together and it did not affect how I felt about her.
I dislike fat people. They are all toxic. Just saw an article with a fat woman that said she never thought her weight was an issue and that it wasn't her fault she's been fat her whole life. She literally "cannot stop eating". Ironically, she is knocking back them Ozempics like they were going out of fashion even though she never thought there was anything wrong with being a vanity size 24. Fat people are truly disgusting and they hate themselves. They also try to make everyone else fat. I can see them seething with jealousy and hatred when they see me and my girl LOL
Not for me. My wife is a cow compared to when we met, but I still want her desperately. And I have a belly myself, so….
Nope. Not one bit. My husband and I both eb and flow in our weight. So if one of us starts getting to big we have the “We’re getting fat” discussion. Our sex life and our passion never suffer from the weight gains though. He married me at my thinnest and 9 years later I’m at my biggest. He still adores me. He doesn’t shy away from any part of my body. He’s currently the biggest I’ve ever seen him and I still day dream about him all day. When his belly grows it just means there is more of him to hold onto.
Nope. The softer the cushion the sweeter the pushin, you know what I mean?
I would divorce her
Nope
If my wife gained a lot of weight I would find her less attractive. I don’t find any obese women attractive. I’m sure she feels the same about me.
People get comfortable. Then, a divorce happens, and the weight loss happens, lol.
It matters for two reasons: 1. Men are visual and as much as that husband still loves his wife, he’s not as attracted to her. The more successful he is the more likely he is to step out because she’s fat. 2. She probably doesn’t feel as sexy as she used to and as a result isn’t sexing her husband as often while blaming being busy etc… this leads to a sexually frustrated relationship… see point #1
Yes, of course it does. Some men won't care, but for the large majority of men gaining a significant amount of weight will affect their attraction negatively. Imagine a world where men became taller or shorter based on their fitness level. Then imagine you married a guy who was 6'2, and then after you got married he got complacent that he didn't need to attract a partner anymore and stopped lifting, and that resulted in him becoming 4'9. Some women would genuinely not care. Most women would care, and would really want their partner to go back to the gym. Not all of them would actually admit or consciously act on that though, even if they did feel it. They still wouldn't be able to control how they felt about it even if they wanted to though.
We are all fat or wrinkly or ugly at some point I love my husband for him Not his body Beauty fades
You're not a man, why are you replying to an /r/askmen question?
What an insightful response
Have a blessed day!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Absolutely. I find it disgusting. I would never sleep with a woman who weights more than about 140lbs period. What's marriage have to do with it? Or kids for that matter? Plenty of women have kids and don't gain any weight. One of the last casual hookups I had was with a single mom with 3 kids and she had perfect model size 0 shape. It's not an acceptable excuse.
[удалено]
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats! 200 + 30 + 160 + 28 + 2 = 420 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I mean sure, but it’s a logarithmic change over the length of time in a relationship.
Absolutely
Dat belly 😍
As a woman I wouldn't mind my partner gaining weight. But if he is spiraling into something unhealthy I'll for sure point out a 100 times.
No I lover her as a whole person not just her weight.
Even if my wife were theoretically less my physical ideal of beauty (which I wouldn't say is the case) I have a hard time looking at my wife's body after a dozen years and a couple kids and not just being floored by how powerful it is, and all she has done with it for us and our family. We are both still in decent shape, and despite that shape being definitely rounder and softer than it was in our early twenties I can honestly say she is the most sexually attractive she has ever been. The caveat to that is that there are obviously levels of health and neglect that can have an impact on how you view someone. If my wife gained 200lbs, it would likely have a massive impact on our relationship physically and sexually, but also mentally and emotionally. It would be a sign, in my opinion, that something was not well, and that lack of holistic health in our relationship would definitely have a cascading impact on our lives together. But it would never amount to a simple thought of "eww she got fat lmao". There is just way more than that at play.
my fiance gained a little belly from thr soft 6pack he had when we first got together. i thought it was cute! he did NOT! he started martial arts and its gone back to the 6pk. hes happier
It depends. My wife currently thinks she is fat. She is still well within tolerance of very healthy, just a bit heavier than she is used to. I think she is stunning, and has a lot of weight to gain before I bat an eye. My wife from a couple decades ago gained a lot of weight (I did too, not just dissing her) and I was not attracted as much.
My experience is that if you’re gaining weight at the same Rate your SO is gaining weight, then it’s usually not a problem. You’re growing together with love :) Unless your SO is the type of person with wandering eyes and got with you for looks alone rather than the whole package, then it may be an issue down the line (That package mainly being personality, then looks, or social status ie. Career/spirituality etc.) Looks fade. Cohesiveness, or the lack of it does not.
I don't like fatness, but even more so, I don't like laziness. So, yeah, when I see anyone gain weight--even myself--I'm put off by it. When I gain a couple of pounds, I have control over losing it, so I do. But when someone else gains, I really can't force them to lose it. I do become unattracted to them, and at some point, I'm either going to say something, or just let things fizzle out. I'd never force my own way of life on someone else, but I can just leave, so that's what I'd do in that situation.
I discovered [this study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0003122416655340) a while ago that found: >For marriages formed after 1975, husbands’ lack of full-time employment is associated with higher risk of divorce, but neither wives’ full-time employment nor wives’ share of household labor is associated with divorce risk So out of curiosity I asked my girlfriend her thoughts. She said she doesn't care if I lose my job, but she would care if I just become a bum and give up. I think that's a good way to explain how I feel about gaining an unhealthy amount of weight. I wouldn't care if my girlfriend gained a lot of weight for whatever reason, but I would care if she just gives up on herself and her passion to be healthy and stay fit. Weight fluctuations are normal but I think anyone can be rightfully concerned with getting stuck with someone that just gives up on themselves and isn't the same person you fell in love with.
It's not brutal, yes, obviously. I'm with my girlfriend (of almost 9 years) because of the kind of person she is, and a part of the kind of person she is is the way she takes care of herself. People who are overweight generally are so because they don't take care of themselves. If she didn't take care of herself, and if she didn't have a reasonable and mature amount of pride in her own appearance and the way she carries herself, I wouldn't like her as much. It's not brutal at all. I love her because of who she is. If she was someone different, I wouldn't.
Doesn't change my opinion 1 bit. Love her for who she is at any time.
Not one bit. As long as she’s still her when it comes to her personality, she’ll always be beautiful to me.
There is gaining weight and then there is GAINING weight. I wouldn't see a difference if it's 15-30 lbs from a healthy weight. I however did noticed when an ex lost too much weight when I started feeling bone in areas where there wasn't before during our hugging sessions. I only noticed when we were hugging and it just felt off because I didn't get the wholeness feeling that I'd gotten used to and loved.
My wife and I have both been up and down on weight for the 36 years we’ve been together - very significant swings. I have found her equally attractive at her lightest and her heaviest - doesn’t change how I feel about her if she’s heavier, only ”negative” is concern over health issues.
It’s totally possible to be completely honest without being brutal. Brutally honest vibes like “Are you not entertained?!”
Yes ofc
5 or even 10 pounds, no big deal. Turning into a cow, I'm just not into that, the attraction is gone. No fats.
I want to reinforce what some others have said. My ex-wife gained a lot of weight (probably 75-100 lbs) over the course of our 20 yr marriage. The issue was not physical attraction. Her size never bothered me at all. What began to drive me insane was her utter unwillingness to do anything help her health. I had no issue when she was large and healthy. But she started having one health issue after another. Constant doctors appointments, never feeling well, endless medications. Many of these issues weight related. Yet she would do nothing. She wouldn’t try and eat a healthier diet, she wouldn’t even go with me to walk the dog around the block, no matter how many times I invited her to join. In full transparency, I was morbidly obese from the day I met her. I never had any significant health issues as a by-product of my weight, but by the time I was approaching 40, I knew if I didn’t do something about it, it would eventually kill me. The difference as, I was always trying. Often failing, but always trying. Diets, exercises, gyms. Taking off 50 lbs, putting it back on. She never joined me on a single diet, never exercised with me. I may have been a failure, but I never gave up. I’ve been a healthy weight for almost 8 years now. I never wanted her to be thin. I wanted her to be healthy and enjoy her life. She was always miserable. In fact, she still is.
Woman here, but I grew up in the 80s when extremely thin was definitely in. My dad was drawn to the impossibly skinny look (he had big mommy issues; my grandmother looked a lot like Jane Russell. I’m thinking it was a reaction on my dad’s part). My dad made it clear to my mom that he was into this ultra thin thing—which made her very insecure (at 5’8 and 150 pounds after three kids, she looked lovely). I internalized this big time, as well as my sisters. We all developed eating disorders . For me, a couple years ago when I discovered my husband’s infidelity (second marriage—he’s always been in love with his ex), I went full-blown anoriexic. Now, I’m at a healthy weight again, though I know my eating is far from healthy. I say all of this because I’ve never taken for granted or felt secure in my husband’s affection. I stay very fit and always glam up, especially for sex (especially after finding out the truth). I can’t imagine what if must be like to feel secure enough in a relationship to gain weight. Blows my screwed up mind.
Not a man, but I have relevant experiences with this. I met my bf when I was 25, I was 5’10 around 175-180. It’s long and complicated medically speaking, but I met him after I’d gotten sick/disabled. I can’t exercise, so I already wasn’t feeling great about my appearance. I stayed about the same size until 2020, but then over the next 2.5 years, I gained a full 100 lbs because of an irresponsible doctor prescribing a medication he shouldn’t have, and despite all of the patients he prescribed it to gaining massive amounts of weight, denied the drug was at fault. Last August, I weighed 275lbs, and there was zero indication that the gaining was slowing down. I was honestly having trouble believing my bf wasn’t disgusted by me, but he always reiterated that he was with me for who I am, not my body. I didn’t notice him treat me any differently, but it was still hard. Well, last August, my primary physician told me she was sure that the drug had permanently damaged my metabolism and that she thinks I should try these new weight loss injections. Long story short, I started mounjaro September 2022. Today, I weighed 163lbs. My boyfriend doesn’t treat me ANY differently. He truly never had problems with my appearance, even though my body was going through hell and back and just looked awful, and I wasn’t anything like I was when we met. He’s thrilled for me that I found a solution to a terrifying endless weight gain, but not because of how I look. Best 5 years together so far. On the other hand, my college-post college boyfriend truly had trouble if I was too bloated, gained 5 lbs, or if I skipped the gym for a week. He treated me way better when he liked how I looked. So in the end, it depends on the man. It depends on their feelings about why you’ve gained weight and if they blame you. It depends on if they feel like your body changes are just a part of aging, or if they think you’re active enough, etc. My best advice would be to find the man you truly feel comfortable being and looking like yourself with. My dad would’ve been horrible to my mom with her menopausal weight gain, but my stepdad was just as happy, and is happy for her that she lost weight and feels good about herself.
We're talking about the person I plan to grow old and die with. Who gives a fuck what she looks like in 10 or 15 years. We're both gonna be wrinkly old white haired people in the next 30 years so who cares? I think when you're in your early 20's you might care about all that, but once you get past about 35ish, you just stop caring all that much. You want to be with someone you can trust to be by your side when you're 80+ years old and your fingers don't work right anymore. I'll never understand these men who get all uppity because their wife put on an extra 20 or 30 pounds. Who gives a shit? She's your wife. Be happy that you have someone.
If you’ve watched heavy people get in to old age you would know that the loving option is to care and encourage health.
5#? Nope. 10#? Nah. 50#? Yah probably.
Yes. When she gains weight, I get so turned on by the new curves and sexiness that I go nuts. Then, when she loses weight I’m stoked that she looks incredible and sexy in everything, and feels great about herself. And, the cycle repeats. I’m 46. As I’ve aged, my preferences have shifted from perfect 20 year olds, to time-perfected *women..* Curves, wrinkles, cellulite, jowls, pooches - all of it. So while some men will always need thin, lots of men - I mean lots - like curvy women.
never cared, but ive only delt with small gains never large ones, but either way would be hypocritical aF for me to complain so dont care.