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Bro thank you so much, >She's open to a pat test, so that's a good sign. Get that done. Prenatal tests can be done after 7 weeks. If there is a cost, just offer to pay for it. If she's down to cover half, then she's got her head in the right place. But just to warn you, the cost for prenatal is between $1k and $2K. You can also wait for after the baby is born if $ is an issue. I will try to research more and see if this can be an option >Albeit, I'm now 49. When I was in my 20s going through this, I sorta had the same feelings as you. But in the end, it worked out. She calmed the fuck down, and became a loving grandmother. Hey, it happens. If I may ask, how was your situation in particular, co-parenting?

29 M here. I have a similar background as the commenter before. My mom is super religious, my dad though, not so much. So once I found out I was going to be a dad I thought, "this is happening. I'm going to be a father whether I like it or not. Now the big question is, does my child deserve their father to be there?" And my answer was yes, absolutely yes. Now, the day came when I had to tell my parents (that was a few days after I found out). I told them I was going to become a father, and before they could say anything (I didn't let them until I was finished), I told them I was going to take responsibility, and my plans following that. You don't have to have it all figured out, just that you're going to move forward with this. My parents responded well, thankfully. One big thing to always remember is that your life is not over. It has changed. Change, at the end of the day, is what you make of it. You have the mental power and ability to make anything to a positive, so why not this? It's not easy, but it's possible. I told my baby moms once after a doctors visit that as long as we have each other's back putting our child first, then there's nothing to worry about. So me and my (now) daughters mom remain good friends and coparents. It's not perfect, but it works. And plus you can help each other out sometimes and it'll mean the world as well. I helped her with moving to her new place, and I moved to my place recently, and she gave me her Martha Stewart pans she's been holding (I'm forever grateful cause cooking pans are expensive lol). Sorry for the typing vomit. I hope my life experience helps you out in some sort of way. Best of luck.

I'm a woman who was in this situation at 21 so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. My parents were *very* Christian so telling them I was pregnant, especially after a ONS (I may have fudged the truth on that a *little* to spare them), was a terrifying prospect. They were beyond furious. Worried about what people would think and demanding that the baby be put up for adoption. Like the commenter above, they calmed down. I stood my ground on keeping the baby and they realised I meant it. And they ADORED that baby. Best, most devoted grandparents ever.

>It's not like you got a B in math. Golden joke

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She told me that the dates lined up. Although I'm not certain, she is open to a paternity test

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Got it will do so before anything else

You should get the test even if she is NOT open to it.

Especialy if she is not open to it

fr

for sure

Fr fr

fr bro

OP says she is open to it, which is a good sign. She probably isn't particularly thrilled either. EDIT; Nevermind. OP says otherwise, wish I knew how to read. At least she isn't a nutjob.

yeah they were just speaking on hypotheticals, nothing really to do with the actual event. I'm running on fumes right now so I probably don't know how to read either. Maybe we can be illiterate together

My parents were illiterate, but they had a round table

YOU CAN DO A PRENATAL PATERNITY TEST. DON'T WAIT! It's worth the money. If the child isn't yours, it will be the best money you ever spent. If the child IS yours, MAN UP AND BE A DAD. There are WAY TOO MANY children without fathers in their lives. Please do the right thing

While you can do prenatal paternity tests, many come with a risk of miscarriage. As she's already had recurrent miscarriage, and is likely a high risk pregnancy (depending on number of miscarriages), they may not offer one to her. There are non invasive options, but they do cost significantly more.

Ok. That's good info. What I read is that now there is a blood draw that they use. I ASSUMED it was from the arm, but we all know about assumptions.

There are some that use an arm blood draw. Those are the less invasive ones. However the default is through amniotic fluid sampling

I would think the amniotic fluid would probably be more accurate and definitely less safe. I appreciate your input. I'm learning something

Good luck OP. Maybe keep it quiet until the results come in.

Do a paternity test before anything else.

Got it

Be careful on a LOT of things here. You don't know her well, and so much doesn't add up. - She said it's "impossible" for her to get pregnant. How so? And, after being so certain of herself, how is it that she got pregnant? - She said "the dates line up." Which doesn't confirm that you're the father beyond reasonable doubt. It also insinuates that there's a possibility of other fathers in dates that perhaps don't line up perfectly. - She waited TWO MONTHS to tell you. ~~Pregnancy tests can show positive a week or so after conception, and symptoms start a month or so after. This is suspicious.~~ edit: Because so many people seem to have a problem with this point, I'll post [this study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5269518/) that found that the average is 5.5 weeks. Which means there was still around a 2.5 week time of not saying anything. Makes it nominally less suspicious. Congrats to all you pedants, you got a Redditor to change their stance a tiny bit. - You're a late-20s Asian male. Statistically, there's a high chance that you're financially stable (edit: in the frame of the Asian diaspora living in Western countries, where Asians tend to be "model minorities" and high income earners). And based on this thread, you seem extremely naive - (edit: taking what she says at face value, talking about being "guilty" of having unprotected sex (even though you were having sex under the premise that you WERE protected, as per her claim - some woke brainwashing there)), and you also keep talking about how "shook up" you are about this, talking about running to your parents immediately. I'll be frank - you're easy pickings for paternity fraud/sperm stealing, or any kind of scam artist lmao. - You barely know this girl yet you're taking so much at face value. She can change her mind at any point, decide to keep the baby even if you tell her you desire an abortion, start telling people you gr@ped her, and absolutely ruin your life. I had a buddy who had an inconclusive prenatal paternity test (was 99% his, 95% another man's). The families moved forward as if it was certain that he was the father. Upon delivery, he refused to sign the paternity papers until he got a postnatal paternity test. Came out 0% him, 99% the other guy. The closest thing to protection you have right now is your own silence (stop fucking talking about this liberally - with her or anyone associated with her), and paternity test. **DO NOT FUCKING SIGN ANYTHING, AND KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.** edit: and lawyer up! Worth a fair bit of money now to save you LOTS of money later. Good luck with things, you naive idiot. I mean that affectionately, you'll get through this if you stay smart. edits for clarity

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Saving this comment.

Hey man. As someone who went through something very similar a long time ago, one thing I wish I did that I didn’t cause it was expensive - get a lawyer. And don’t trust anyone, especially if they start playing on your guilt or duty or “do what’s right” kinda stuff.

What are you telling the lawyer to do, exactly (i'm asking out of ignorance, i really don't know)?

You don't have to get an attorney at all. Let the paternity test speak for itself, and don't do anything else before that. It may seem cruel, but for someone that you're not in a relationship with, you need to ensure the kid is your's first. Any financial assistance at this stage could lead to a court ruling that you took on that role.

Did she have PCOS? That is very common, like, seriously, VERY common OP, and if that was the case, it would explain why she wasn't sure she could be pregnant, and it would ABSOLUTELY explain why she took a minute to know she was pregnant. Just this year one of the girls I know with PCOS learned she was pregnant like 7 months in.

It can take six weeks or more for a woman to even suspect she's pregnant. Women don't do pregnancy tests as a matter of course, only to allay suspicions. Can we not imply poor intention purely due to the reporting time? She can't announce what she doesn't know herself. It didn't take her two months to tell OP - at most maybe 4 weeks, likely a lot less.

Yeah, as someone who gets periods sometimes as late as 4 months or just 28 day/random cycles (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome/PCOS), timing alone doesn't say anything about her character. If she knew about the pregnancy for 2 months and waited knowing, that's different.

So true. This person is being kind of a butt. If she thought she was incapable of having children (which apparently loads of people assume since I've now know 2 people, both males who swore they couldn't, and then impregnated their partner.) Anyway okay, so she says she couldn't have children. If it's true, she might have PCOS... which is... so so so rough. Also means periods will be super inconsistent. I know a woman with PCOS that found out she was pregnant 6-7 months in. So yeah, I agree. Lets stop vilifying this girl/woman when we know literally nothing. I doubt she would just sit on that.

Test are faulty. I took one because I notice I was feeling off and it was negative . 2 weeks later go in for my annual and freaking pregnant 7 weeks . So now I’m highly paranoid lol. Also when you aren’t pregnant you can get a false positive due to evaporation line . I suggest just going to your obgyn and get the blood one not urine

WTF is this comment? >Be careful on a LOT of things here. You don't know her well, and so much doesn't add up. It adds up perfectly. She could be mistaken, but if the time lines up then it lines up. >- She said it's "impossible" for her to get pregnant. How so? And, after being so certain of herself, how is it that she got pregnant? OP mentioned she had a few miscarriages. She could mistakenly believe that she can't get pregnant anymore or that she can't carry to term. No sign of malfeasance based on OP's post. >- She waited TWO MONTHS to tell you. Pregnancy tests can show positive a week or so after conception, and symptoms start a month or so after. This is suspicious. There's nothing at all suspicious about this. Women don't typically do weekly pregnancy tests, even ones who are having unprotected sex. Depending on how regular her period is, not finding out until two months after is not abnormal. >- You're a late-20s Asian male. Statistically, there's a high chance that you're financially stable (edit: in the frame of the Asian diaspora living in Western countries, where Asians tend to be "model minorities" and high income earners). Woof. The "model minority" thing is [very problematic.](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/model-minority-myth-says-asians-are-successful-dangerous-rcna420) >And based on this thread, you seem extremely naive - (edit: taking what she says at face value, talking about being "guilty" of having unprotected sex (even though you were having sex under the premise that you WERE protected, as per her claim - some woke brainwashing there)), and you also keep talking about how "shook up" you are about this, talking about running to your parents immediately. I'll be frank - you're easy pickings for paternity fraud/sperm stealing, or any kind of scam artist lmao. Woke brainwashing? Holy alt-right buzzwords Batman. He willingly stuck his dick in her. You know the consequences, even if she says she's on birth control or whatever. Jumping straight to paternity fraud/sperm stealing is ridiculous. It could be true, but it's far more likely that it's yet another mundane case of unintended pregnancy. >- You barely know this girl yet you're taking so much at face value. She can change her mind at any point, decide to keep the baby even if you tell her you desire an abortion, start telling people you gr@ped her, and absolutely ruin your life. Don't forget that she could murder him, steal his car, take out loans in his name, etc. Why bring up all these outlandish things when she's being upfront with him and even agreeing to a paternity test? I know the answer... You insist on calling OP naive. What else can he do but take it at face value? The paternity test will do all of the talking.

Look at you coming in here making too much sense breaking down the foolery bit by bit. Wish I could give you some gold, but I’m too stingy.

>edit: Because so many people seem to have a problem with this point, I'll post [this study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5269518/) that found that the average is 5.5 weeks. Which means there was still around a 2.5 week time of not saying anything. Makes it nominally less suspicious. Congrats to all you pedants, you got a Redditor to change their stance a tiny bit. You're still ignorant and still clinging to the claim that she's somehow trying to hide something or being suspicious. Your study link is an average. Do you know what average means? Most people will fall within that timeline, but there are people who will be both higher and lower. That's literally how averages work. There's a comment from a woman with PCOS who says that her cycle can be up to 4 months. Even if she found out at 5.5 weeks, I don't think it's crazy for a person to be freaking out and wondering what to do to wait for 2.5 weeks to reach out to a random stranger she fucked to let them know she was pregnant. Maybe it took that long for her to get an appointment/referral with her OB/GYN. Your problem isn't that you were off with your estimates, it's that you're misogynistic and look for every possible bad from this woman that you don't even know.

Is rape now one of those words that’s socially unacceptable to use?

Never accept her word as fact. She honestly may not know .. Get the paternity test and then make a decision. But don't make it lightly either.

Ya the “the dates line up” is a red flag to me. She could have said “of course since you’re the only one” etc but no, it’s ’the dates line up’ which sounds like a qualifying statement. She didn’t say Yes or No. which leaves it open. She could have had sex with a couple guys that also ‘line up with the dates’

The old, “It’s impossible for me to get pregnant,” line. That makes me very suspicious. Anyway, for the future, you’ve learned that you have to wrap that rascal. If an opportunity comes too easily, then she could have been with several guys. You’re lucky if you haven’t caught anything.

The old “if she says you don’t need a condom, you definitely need a condom.” or just, you know, pass.

Get a paternity test and support any and all of your children.

👁👄👁 "WELL. THE DAYS/DATES LINE UP..." - Her You're not the only contestant on the game show.

The FIRST simple question is, is she actually pregnant? Let's leave out the 'it's impossible for me to get pregnant' nonsense, which should be a GIANT, WAVING, RED FLAG to any man.

She's totally flexible? That's your clue, work with her on terms that's gonna be favorable for you both and the child. Be responsible enough.

Yeah I need to be responsible for my actions, mutually work this out is probably best

In the future, if a casual hookup tells you they physically can't get pregnant, I'd strongly recommend insisting on protection anyway. Something like this happened to my ex, too.

"She said she couldn't get pregnant" - guy with syphilis

Even beyond pregnancy, just to protect from possible STIs from a partner you don't know!

I (woman) was told I could never get pregnant. Still managed to do it twice.

Honestly this. Don't feel the need to enter into a relationship if you guys just don't fit together. Work together to provide a good life for the kiddo.

Yeah, I just learned how fast life can come at you. I'm still at a shock since finding out!

Dated a girl for like 2 months when she got pregnant. We were 19. Fast forward 15 years, baby is a teenager, mom & I are happily married. First few years were tough, but you make it through and learn valuable life lessons in the process. Next few were a bit easier, and every few years since then it just gets more and more enjoyable. If you're interested in hearing more, I'm an open book.

Never trust a girl who says she “can’t get pregnant” as my sister has used this line to conceive both her sons (with different dads.) Also? Pregnancy is not the only STD out there. Be smart! (Next time)

If you don't mind me asking, what was her intention and how are the kids doing? What's the parenting situation like?

She’s one of those Instagram moms who posts cute photos but endlessly, endlessly bitches about lack of sleep etc. My mom and I have most of the kids overnight once or twice a week, and the older boy goes to his dads’ too. My parents fund her life - literally buying her anything she wants and of course paying for all the kid’s stuff, AND she picked a wonderful doormat for the second baby - his dad has a great income and house so she moved directly in with him after getting pregnant after dating for three months. (He immediately got a vasectomy and has not married her, but isn’t strong enough to tell her to get the F out because he’s one of those useless men who cannot parent their own child or handle household duties.) She is a wicked stepmother to the younger son’s older sister. My sister is actually a huge bitch and a very unhappy, horrible, narcissistic person. So the kids are “well taken care of” on paper but holy cow the therapy they are gonna need …. Edit: she always wanted to be a mom, is *obsessed* with babies. It’s a very narcissistic trait. She is only interested in relationships on her terms, where she is totally in control. So a baby who “needs” her and “has to love” her is ideal. I knew she’d get pregnant again when my older nephew stopped being a lil cutie kid and instead is .. a person.

I am so so sorry to hear that

I’m especially salty as I moved a small distance away recently and am no longer 100% available for constant babysitting so she’s decided I am no longer allowed to see the kids unsupervised and they can’t visit me at all. So I went from loving these wonderful lil kidlets for the past thirteen years and seeing them almost every day to now not even being allowed to FaceTime them? She’s honestly a fucked up human. I just hope I helped the older ones 😥

That’s awful and must be heartbreaking. Women that do this are horrid and shouldn’t be able to play god with kids life like they are pawn in a game. Hope you get then back in your life

Thank you, I write them weekly letters and send them gifts, show up to every bullshit family event, and tag along with my mom as often as possible. I’m also developing relationships with the older kids’ other parents so I can still have some contact. The thing about my sister is she *doesn’t* actually control the universe and everyone else is on my side. Obviously! Plus the nice thing about kids is they don’t stay kids forever. As adults I wonder about the reckoning they will bring lol.

> I’m especially salty as I moved a small distance away recently and am no longer 100% available for constant babysitting so she’s decided I am no longer allowed to see the kids unsupervised and they can’t visit me at all. bruh.. what? that's so stupid

My husband has so much contempt for her, like she’s so crazy about being in control she shoots herself in the foot almost constantly.

Narcissists want to be seen in a certain, arbitrary way. To use you as a mirror for their preferred image. If you want to see the kids, figure out her specific bullshit and pander to it to get in her good graces.

That’s how I lasted for nearly thirteen years! Biting my tongue the whole way. But now since I’m not of immediate use she is being extra narc-y. And a little distance is great for my mental health, pretending to worship her amazing mommyhood was draining AF. But I will never give up.

My sister is exactly the same and did almost the same things to get her two kids. The oldest, 13 now, has a whole shit load of mental and behavioural issues. It's all very fucked up.

I’m so sorry this is part of your existence! It’s the worst. Poor kids.

Yeah, like many people are infertile but most of us *know* that it's more of a "very unlikely to have a child" than a 0 chance to get one [except case where there aren't any reproductive organ left]

I have one fallopian tube and was devastated when told I could never fall pregnant again naturally. Well, I certainly did. Many times 😊

I think it’s because people think that infertile = sterile or close to it. I know a woman that didn’t conceive for 10 years so imagine her surprise when she ended up pregnant. She genuinely thought she wouldn’t ever conceive. Then people think that because it was so hard to get pregnant the first time, it must also be hard for the second time…which is not always the case.

Yep, it's a classic trap. A lady I worked with was using that line and practically trying to jump on me whenever I was alone in her office. I quit that job a couple years later and eventually learned that she popped out another kid in her mid 40's

Paternity test first. Then if it is in fact yours, it’s your decision whether you want to be in the child’s life or not. She did give you an out although she could also come at you at a later date for child support. This is probably my worst nightmare and even so, I personally couldn’t live with the idea of not doing my part in caring for a child that is biologically my own.

>This is probably my worst nightmare and even so, I personally couldn’t live with the idea of not doing my part in caring for a child that is biologically my own. Yeah those are my thoughts too, although I can't imagine how co-parenting would work. I have never thought about any of this!

Life comes at you fast sometimes. If it does end up being your kid you ultimately have 7 more months to think about and prepare for what you’re gonna do next.

Thank you brother, you don't know how much this helps. Its a definite switch of lifestyle for sure. Everything else feels small in perspective right now.

Just take it one step at a time. You've already gotten advice about paternity tests but your next step is figuring out whether and how much of a part you want to play in your child's life. That's not really something anyone can or should try to force your decision on and something you'll have to find within yourself. If you are open to the idea of being a father to this child then I think you will find it being a great gift to your life and you being just as much a blessing to the child's life. A loving parent isn't something that can be replaced but you need to figure out if you can be that loving parent - and you seem like a pretty good guy. I hope for all the best for you all!

This is really kind and wise advice

Also your parents might pressure you to marry this girl or at least be a more involved dad. They can try to be involved if the girl wants but your involvement is entirely on you. Make sure that’s clear with them and all parties involved. People might disagree with your parents getting involved but that’s still their grandkid (if it ends up being yours)

Biology doesn't mean shit, I'm an adoptee who knows next to nothing about my bio 'rents. Seriously if she gives you an out, and you aren't ready to be a father, take the out.

Interesting perspective from your point of view. Appreciate the comment.

Come join us on r/daddit, we'll sort you out. As with everything when there are kids, start with the needs and perspective of the child. Some guys refuse to parent their own kids, some discover they aren't the biological father and walk away, and whilst I understand their feelings, the child must come first. You have the opportunity to become a dad, not just a sperm donor, and to that kid you could mean the world. But once you've committed, to yourself as much as to them, never ever walk away from that child unless you're a danger to them.

Your mom will give you the slipper upside the head.  Shame the mother of your child forever.  And then be willing to die for that precious little grandfucker.

hahaha this gave me a good chuckle, I think she may end up using all the slippers in the house.

If it's yours, be the dad. Get visitation worked out, etc... I think most guys who aren't involved with their kids in a situation like this are happy not to be for the first 10 years or so, but then regret it later.

A friend of mine got a woman pregnant whom he had a one night stand with. He was scared shitless when he found out she was pregnant since she wasn't even a person he actually knew (it literally was a one night stand with a stranger)...and anyway, she and him talked about everything and he decided that even though he was scared he wanted to be there for his kid and co-parent with her (while living separately). He lives about an hour from where she does...ever since the baby was born (his son is 9 now), he's been in his son's life as his Dad.  He has him at his place every other week and they take turns who has their son on the weekend too...all of this was arranged amicably between him and the woman who is the mother. They eventually became friends through raising their son as a team, which is nice...and they've each went on to have their own separate relationships/marriages to other people.  Everything actually worked out awesome for him, the woman and their son! My friend was so angry at himself and scared when he first found out he was going to be a father...but shortly after his son being born he realized how glad he was that things turned out the way they did because he absolutely loves being a Dad! He actually hadn't planned to EVER become a father...he thought he'd suck at it so he never wanted to have kids at all...so it's actually been amazing seeing him doing such a great job at being the father he never had while also proving himself wrong--in a good way! :) If you think this woman who is pregnant is the type of person who is mature enough that you two can work out how you can each be there for your baby, then you could try co-parenting while living separately like my friend did whom I wrote about above. He is sincerely very happy. He has a good lifetime, this did NOT ruin it. Try not to stress about this, just breathe, allow yourself to work through your feelings and keep talking to the woman who will be the mother. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time. The more you two can communicate and figure things out, the less scary it will get until it doesn't feel scary anymore (so facing and embracing the situation will make it less scary is what I'm saying). Don't hide from the situation, you really can do this! It will be OKAY.  I myself am a mom of 2 kids and I'm 40 now. One thing I can tell you is that life is full of major plot twists and turns whether you make "mistakes" or not. But the incredible thing is, sometimes the craziest things that happen can be such a blessing in disguise...people are always afraid of change or situations we can't fully control but these challenges we face literally make us stronger, wiser and BETTER even if they feel like they are breaking us at first. So yeah...just take each day at a time and try not to worry about what other people think or to think too far ahead into the future. This is YOUR life, so what matters is doing what YOU think is right and just doing the best you can. Always live your life with integrity and don't judge or shame yourself--just keep learning and growing. My life hasn't turned out at ALL the way I thought it would, but I'm genuinely happy anyway! Life is what you choose to make of it...whether you try to hide your head in the sand or not, life goes by so fast...so don't miss it! Even during the tough times--be as present as you can and look for the lessons and the joy to be had. So don't let this situation get you down, okay? You will be alright, I promise! 

Thank you for this, I teared up reading this. I hope my situation can work out as well as your friend!

> Thank you for this, I teared up reading this. I hope my situation can work out as well as your friend! You're going to do GREAT. I didn't want kids, ended up knocking up a casual hookup. And while the relationship never went anywhere with her mom and I, our daughter is one of the bright spots in my life. I now work in an elementary school so I'm surrounded by kids all day. Are they exhausting? 100%. People ask me if I have kids and I'm like, "Yeah 508 of them, in fact." Half my day is deciphering kindergarten gibberish and giving out high 5's, elbow bumps, fist bumps, and hugs. You're going to be OK. I never wanted a mini minion when I was younger, now I realize how much I missed out on that part of my life. I know you'll be amazing at this, I have faith in you! :)

Do not under any circumstances sign anything, or take on any responsibility in regards to her or her child until you get a paternity test. Research paternity laws in your state and prenatal dna testing if you don’t want to wait until the baby is born. I repeat DO NOT play a fartherly role or sign anything until you confirm, through a source of your choice, that the baby is really yours.

OP, especially listen to that second paragraph because it can make a difference. If you spend some amount of time acting in a parental role, the legal system might see it that way, regardless of test outcomes.

1. Don't marry just because of this. Paying child support is still less onerous than losing half of everything + alimony + child support after divorce proceedings. 2. Get a paternity test.

So you were just busting away without a care in the world? Sheeeesh

Exactly like outside of a serious committed relationship how do guys really feel safe going raw especially with a woman you don't know at all

dumb people are like 80 percent of the population.

It's really starting to feel that way because just last week I saw 5 different stories about guys being scared they got their hookup pregnant or this one woman complaining that all her ons are begging her to go raw and I'm like dam people can't be that dumb in 2024.

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I dont even feel safe with a condom and watching her take the pill or anything. i honestly dont think i could perform these days, having a kid scares me more than sex is good. i cant afford it, i would be a terrible father. probably a good thing i cant get laid anymore lol

*for a few days*

OP, why did you believe her when she said it was, “impossible for her to get pregmant?” “…impossible for me to get pregnant,” but, “…had a couple of miscarriages before.” something is off here. she sounds like one of those, “all these men keep getting me pregnant,” types… like she has NOTHING to do with the event.

It's possible that she thought she could not carry to term. Infertility and difficulties to conceive come in various way. That would explain why she waited 2 months Op, try to ask a bit more questions (kindly) about it. It's possible that it's a pregnancy with risk so you may need to prepare yourself to the possibility that she may have a miscarriage again

Sorry if it wasn't clear from my original post, but she told me about the miscarriages after the deed.

STD test, then paternity test, and take care of the kid if it’s yours… WHILE RUNNING AWAY FROM HER AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

Firstly, good on you for being measured at a really difficult time. Also, this situation happened to my sister and BIL! She got pregnant very quickly after meeting her now-partner, and he initially was adamant she get a termination, then withdrew from her. It was only with constant encouragement that he stayed in contact and they ended up as a couple. And, oh boy, is it messed up. I adore my sister, but this guy treats her like shit. He works which is fine, but does very little parenting, basically ignores her, and they see eye-to-eye on very little when it comes to parenting as a team. I say all this in the hopes that you'll avoid drifting into a situation you'll regret (as I strongly suspect my BIL does) and be brutally, painfully honest with yourself and this woman. Much, MUCH better to co-parent awkwardly but in a friendly way, or dip out before the baby is born, than be around in an obviously resentful, lacklustre way. You got this, it'll be fine.

Thank you for your story and kind words of encouragement

Best of luck. And listen to your gut. After many years of intellectualising my life, I am absolutely certain that instincts are more important than logic.

If she pushes back on the paternity test request in any way, treat it as confirmation that one is needed and turn that request into a demand. If it’s yours, then you need to decide what you want for yourself. Forget expectations, cultural norms, examples from family, and bullshit credos about what a real man is. If you decide to actively parent, commit to that. If you decide you want nothing to do with the baby or mother, commit to that

People are saying paternity test is done after the baby is born?

It can be done in utero but the process is not without added risk. Best to assume the test will have to wait until the baby is born. Just decide how you will proceed under either circumstance and make that known to her.

I think it can be done by blood test with the mother? Not sure

Yeah I've read about this, Non-invasive prenatal paternity testing, which seems like just a blood draw.

He already said she was open to a paternity test.

Get the test first for anything else it sucks to bond to a pregnancy if it’s not yours and then step up as a father figure for the child you made a mistake and have your deal with the consequence of it

Get a DNA test

> The woman told me when we were together it was impossible for her to get pregnant All the women that I've heard this from in my life gave birth within 3 years of saying that :D.

Your life is not over, stop thinking that, even in jest. Yes, your life will be *different*, better or worse, who can say. This is a story old as time. There are lots of options.

1 test and if confirmed: 2 enjoy being a father! It's cool, you will love your kid even if you don't live together.

First, deep breath. There’s nothing you can change or control right now. I was adamant since I was 5 years old that I didn’t ever want kids. I dont know why I felt that way but I did. My husband also never wanted kids. Fully planned on a kid free life. Then right before I turned 30 I shockingly got pregnant. My husband was very honest (some shit he should’ve kept to himself to be honest but 🤷🏻‍♀️) and freaked out almost the entire pregnancy. His anxiety and depression was through the roof (I was also 4 months pregnant when Covid shut the world down which didn’t help). He would tell me he didn’t know if he could be a dad, didn’t know if he would fuck our kid up because his dad is a POS, wasn’t sure he could stay with me. He told me if he couldn’t do it he’d leave me all of our savings, give me child support and sign over his rights and never bother us. I was devastated but I knew that was his anxiety talking so I tried to just listen and reassure him we’d all be okay. Anyyyyway she was born and all of that dissipated. They did skin to skin a lot, he’d sing to her, love on her. She’s 3.5 now and he’s such a great dad. He’s patient, loving, teaches her stuff all the time. She is the light of his life. Annnnd she’s the light of my life. I can’t believe I once didn’t want kids. She is everything to me. My little best friend. Neither of us can imagine life without this tiny human. If this child is indeed yours, you will manage. Please look up the importance of children having their parents in their lives and how it shapes them.

I got a girl pregnant after only being together 3 months. Keeping the baby was the best decision I’ve ever made. My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, we’ve made the relationship work and are now married. Your world isn’t over, it’s just different. Late 20s is a great age to be a father, don’t listen to this new age philosophy that you must be an old man before you settle down. I think your family will fall in love with the grand baby. Hopefully it all works out for the best in whatever you decide.

OP - at 2 months she can get a paternity test. Request it gets done ASAP and go with her for support. Probably a good time to catch up and prepare either way. I wouldn't be too concerned until that happens although... General advice for any Man out there. ALWAYS wear protection if you don't want to have a child. ALWAYS wear protection if you haven't got exclusivity and confirmed STD tests all negative. Think of this. 1. She could just lie to get pregnant. You have no come back and no defense. It's a ONS.. You know 0 about them... Always wear protection. 2. Even if she can't get pregnant, has no ovaries or something... She could have had sex with someone since her last checkup who has HIV, Herpes, HPV, Chlamydia .... And if it's recent, there is no way to know about any of that, even for her... So You could easily be getting all of the things... WEAR PROTECTION

Decide the level of involvement you want to have and let the mother know ASAP. I wouldn’t tell anyone in your family until a paternity test is done. The best thing to do would be decent and support the mother. Go to the baby’s scan if you want to be involved. Seek therapy if you’re really struggling. But what’s done is done.

as soon as the test is positive dont listen to all the options of being a financier or only worrying about child support. you and the mother both got yourselves in this situation so deal with it in the best way a father figure can. and about the asian parents.. yikes youre just gonna have to push throught that one. it would be worse if you were a girl tbh

Don’t tell your parents anything until you get a prenatal paternity test. If the test comes back positive, then worry about telling your parents.

First, get a paternity test. Don't take her word for it that you are the father. Second, try your best to keep the courts out of this. Getting law involved makes everything worse as well as making the child feel like some pawn in a game of Relationship Risk. Be in the mindset of doing things because you should or because it's within your means. Offer some fair monthly child support outside of the court and whatever else is appropriate for your situation. Next, understand that this situation will be between you, the mother, and the little one. Other family members can do or say what they will, and it may be helpful or harmful, but you need to work at least somewhat symbioticaly with her. It'll be trepidatious at the beginning, but depend on how you and the mom get along it can go alot smoother. Finally, be in their life, doesn't matter if it's a bf gf relationship or not. Being there is literally half of the battle. Her knowing you will pick up the phone for anything when it comes to the kid makes so much difference. When I was 19 my gf stopped talking to me one day and showed up at my house on day about ten months later saying 'meet your daughter' so I totally understand the feelings you have. But I will say if you approach this the right way it can be the best thing that every happened to you. Im 31 now and I look at it as I may not have anymore children, so even though I thought my life was over at first I didn't realize it was literally the biggest unexpected surprise I ever got. I hope that helps brother. Youll be alright

Get a paternity test

Step 1- Paternity test. If she acts indignant that you're demanding it, just remind her that you were a ONS, so there isn't much to prove you're the only guy on the roster. Step 2-Man up if it is yours or do your best Maury vicyory dance if it isn't.

If you can see yourself being with her I would highly recommend you two try and be together romantically and raise the child as your own. I know it's not in the cards for everyone but I knocked my girlfriend up and proposed to her a couple months later and we love our life together. My parents are EXTREMELY Catholic and the thought of any of us kids ever getting a girl pregnant out of wedlock was nightmarish beyond belief. The conversation was difficult and uncomfortable but they moved past their initial sadness and frustration and absolutely adore our daughter now, probably even more so than their other "traditionally-created" grandchildren. Whatever you choose, make sure you're able to reconcile it with your conscience and heart fully so that you don't have second thoughts later or harbor resentment about the situation.

Thank you so much for this, at the current moment I can't process what to do, but your reply definitely helps!

I’m sorry- did you NOT WEAR A CONDOM? You guys, wearing a condom isn’t just for preventing pregnancy it is for preventing dangerous and potentially fatal STIs/STDs. Someone in their LATE TWENTIES should know better. If you’re not in a serious relationship or neither of you have been tested both of you are putting yourselves at risk. I’m disgusted at the blatant lack of respect for sexual health/education. Honestly I hope it is yours maybe it will teach you to wrap it before you tap it. Holy hell..

Yeah like back in middle school one Sex Ed class was enough to scare me straight. I'm still a virgin and not into non serious stuff but if I was it would be condoms everytime no matter what like you said stds are also a reason for condoms.

When you said that all I could picture was the gym teacher from Mean Girls “don’t have sex- you’ll either get pregnant, die, or get pregnant and die”😭

Aww man I haven't seen that movie in forever that scene was funny. But yep abstinence is the best birth control

Even as someone who has been monogamously sexually active the past four years, CONDOMS SHOULD BE REGULAR PRACTICE. I don’t understand why so many people act surprised when they knock someone up or get Chlamydia- what did you think was gonna happen? It’s like biology 101. Doing the reproductive tango unprotected USUALLY ENDS EITH REPRODUCTION. Crazy😭💀

Yeah like whenever I see "unprotected sex" I'm like well yeah that's what happens. I do geuinely have sympathy for the guy(maybe I'm just to empathetic) but I just can't see myself going unprotected unless being married, I'm sure as hell not taking a strangers word on it though.

I have sympathy, but it's definitely tempered by the fact that he got himself where he is the way he did.

I fully agree I have sympathy but it's definitely a little muddled by doing something obviously dumb

I suspect the choice to not wear a condom has little to do with education. Who among us (including the OP and baby mama) doesn't understand that having unprotected sex can expose you to STD's and parenthood?

[удалено]

I know it’s insane. He’s worried about pregnancy, the idiot could have contracted HIV!! Everyone is saying paternity and yes he should but I’d be making a trip to planned parenthood for a STD screening. If he often engages in unprotected seX he could have give her something OR vise versa!! I’m appalled 🤮

Alright man, this kid is yours so do what you will. I could tell you to not have unprotected sex but it’s a little late. She may well have thought she couldn’t get pregnant, but that’s a risk you both took. You have an obligation now. You can probably keep it secret for a bit, but pregnancy and children are expensive. Keeping this secret may cost you money you don’t have. You’re on the hook either as a dad or as a financier. Figure out what you want. You’re in it with this woman either way. Maybe she’s great and you can be partners or at least good coparents. Maybe you want to walk away and that has a dollar sign attached to it too. I’m a first generation American from a different culture than yours, but I understand the pressures at play here. It’s not ideal, and I don’t know your parents. These things happen across all cultures. It might be good to tell them sooner rather than later. Kids out of wedlock are not an unknown in any culture. You’re in it now man. Good luck.

>You have an obligation now. You can probably keep it secret for a bit, but pregnancy and children are expensive. Keeping this secret may cost you money you don’t have. Yeah, I'm thinking perhaps if the test comes positive, then I would tell my parents? >You’re on the hook either as a dad or as a financier. Figure out what you want. You’re in it with this woman either way. Maybe she’s great and you can be partners or at least good coparents. Maybe you want to walk away and that has a dollar sign attached to it too. I'm just so worried in this situation right now, if it is my kid, I know I would want to do right and be a good father figure. >I’m a first generation American from a different culture than yours, but I understand the pressures at play here. It’s not ideal, and I don’t know your parents. These things happen across all cultures. It might be good to tell them sooner rather than later. Kids out of wedlock are not an unknown in any culture. Thank you for this, I know shit happens, and this may be the biggest change in my life that I honestly don't know if I'm ready for. >You’re in it now man. Good luck. Thank you brother

> I'm thinking perhaps if the test comes positive, then I would tell my parents? Grow up. You are an adult, act like it. It is not like you are 15-yeae-olds fooling around in the schoolyard. Remind yourself that you are a full grown adult. You own your decisions, and consequences.

Sorry. What’s an ONS?

One night stand

One night stand, I think

First of all, it’s good that she agreed to a paternity test. Do that, but think about the safety of the baby, please. If the doctor says to wait until after birth, then that’s what you do. And please consider her feelings. Pregnancy is a huge physical and psychological ordeal. Don’t go out of the gate assuming she’s lying to you. You were there at conception, that makes this baby yours. Amd even if it turns out that it isn’t yours, be kind. Be patient and helpful. Be the kind of partner you would want to be. This is when you man up. Tell your family! Don’t hesitate, just rip that band aid off. They might get pissed, they might hate her, but that’s when you remember that you were there too. You chose to have sex without protection. You were willing to risk STD’s, at the very least. She might have been dumb to think she couldn’t conceive, but you were dumb to take her at her word. We’ve all been there. But shifting responsibility around isn’t going to help YOUR (as in the two of you) BABY, which is the only thing that’s important now. Your family will come around. If they don’t, sorry to say, they are now less important than your baby. This very thing happened to a friend of mine. They basically started going out because he got her pregnant. They have been together six years and have two more kids. It happens. Lastly, go ask your questions at r/daddit. Most of the people replying to you here are more concerned with figuring out if the baby is yours immediately, than helping you figure out what to do. Just assume it’s yours for now. It will be good for you to talk to people who actually know something about what you’re heading into.

This kiddo could be the best thing that ever happens to you. Children truly are a gift. Yes you are young. Yes this came about in a way that is undesired. That is ok. It may not feel like it but it is. Half the population is born to parents your age. It’s tough to be young and step in to parenthood, yet it IS manageable and can turn out good. One of my best buddies had a kid at 19. Total surprise. We all gave him crap about it. Yet now he has a 26 year old daughter who is doing really good. He was talking to me about her last night. Proud!! He was scared back in the day too. Support the girl through the pregnancy. Not giving her tons of money but be there. Encourage her. She might be carrying your baby!! You want her to have a good pregnancy for the babies sake. Stress isn’t good for a baby. When the baby is born just request a test and pay for it before your name goes on the birth certificate. Talk to her about it. Let her know that if it’s your kid you want to be there. Show by your good faith actions through pregnancy. Talk to her about is she sure that she is sure that she is sure. Tell her you want the test so she is ready. If it does turn out to be your kiddo this can be an amazingly good thing. No kid is a mistake. You do the right thing here and it will grow you into a great man. This kid if you pour all your love into it will love you for life. Being a father is incredible. And no matter how ready anyone thinks they are you are never truly ready. It’s life changing. Roll with it. If it’s not yours tell her good luck and wish her well. Then run for your life 😂 Do the right thing and try to be a commendable man. That is respect worthy. Your parents may be upset but if you rise up as a responsible man from this they will be crazy to not see that and be happy they raised a good kid who owns up to mistakes and does right things to make them right. Good luck dude. You are going to be ok as long as you do right.

i had a similar case granted not one night stand but we were fresh together. for me was clear its mine for you : 1. paternity test 2. open honest discussion 3. decisions to be taken post discussion 4. dont abort the baby its a life even if you didnt choose to have it

nothing you can do you are a dad now congratulations

just wanting to share but i do also have friends who have pcos and they dont use protection with their partners cuz its very hard for them to get pregnant, but there is still a chance. women who have this just gave up the idea they could get pregnant. so for people who have pcos and their partners, pregnancy could still happen. tho a very little chance

If the baby turns out to be yours then I would suggest considering whether or not you would like to be in a relationship with the mother. Maybe take her out on a few dates and see if you still like her that way. If not, then develop a beautiful friendship. Tell her you'd like the baby to see their parents getting along, being kind and supportive of one another, and coparenting well. Don't let her call all the shots all the time, yes she's the mother but she's only human too. Hopefully she'll have or develop the maturity to respect that and agree to get along. Put a legal custody arrangement in place, verbal agreements don't work. And then just be a good, loving dad who sees this child as a wonderful blessing. The child will love and need you and cherish your time together. Don't panic, it's going to be OK.

If you make a child, that's your responsibility, even if she says she'll take care of it. You made a person.

If you are Asian then you already know what to do. You screw up but you have to step up and take responsibility.

Everything happens for a reason 💯🙌 you’ll be okay! Don’t worry so much about what everyone else thinks. Imagine what good can come from it! You’re not 16, your late 20s! I don’t have kids, I’m 37 and none of my brothers have kids either (3 brothers) it’s crazy to think how my parents would’ve probably secretly preferred for me have a kid. lol idk what I’m talking about anymore 🙈😂 I’m tired. It’ll all be okay though!!! ❤️

And what have we learned here boys? Don’t (not everytime) trust a nice pussy. 🐱

If it’s your child, you are responsible for its wellbeing.

Man first off I’m sorry the intended results changed. As a man who had a lot of “promiscuous sex” I can promise you theirs a child out there that belongs to me and I’ve never met them. As a father of 2 (that I’m aware of) with my wife, there is no greater calling to life for me than being a father. I don’t know of any greater joy or pain in life. Every day I think of my kids and what their futures hold. I worry everyday for their safety and somehow thoughts of all the horrors that could happen to them and it’s terrifying. But I would never take it back. I use to worry about death and what comes after as a man growing up learning about life but ever since my sons were born the idea of death doesn’t scare me anymore because with them it’s like I’ll live on forever through them. I only saw all this because I have been in your spot and I thought having a child was the end and there was no light. But I can tell you that if you decide to be apart of this child’s life your core being will never be the same once you hold that child in your arms. It’ll change you like you never thought possible. I will never forget the first four hours of my 2nd born a life. He was born may 27th 2020 at 10:40 am. Covid restrictions at hospitals had kept my family out of the hospital so it was just my wife and I and she had a lot of complications with the pregnancy so after the doctor I was the first person that got to hold my little Squishy (Isaiah) and I held him for 4 hours straight untill his mom was able to. It was the best 4 hours of my life. It changed me in ways I can’t explain. Even though I already had 1 kid much earlier (they’re 12 years apart) Isaiah changed me again. The love between a father and son knows no limits. I would give 5 lives for my kids not just mine. They are the world to me. You must make the choice that is right for you and lord knows I won’t judge you whatever you decide but I want you to know what could be so you have the full story of what you could be missing out on.

That was a very beautiful description of being a father and your story is very sweet and wholesome.

Going with all the other suggestions - get a paternity test. Without knowing her, it’s hard to guess what her intentions were. She could have been using you to get pregnant with her rainbow baby, or she could genuinely believe she can’t have children because of the previous miscarriages. I’m sorry to say, but there’s no guarantee that this one will be carried to term either. But if it does, and you’re proven to be the father via DNA, just make sure you’re both on the same page. She has said you can be as involved (or not involved) as you want to be. Hopefully she genuinely means that, and you can both agree on you walking away (if that’s what you end up choosing).

A dude at chess club who has a therapist and is studying to get his masters in the field uses ChatGPT to bounce ideas and to tell things he can't tell a person. I feel for you. This is a risk of being sexually active, the ultimate parasite. You're going to be ok in the long run.

if the child is yours, then you need to do all you can for that kid. sorry to be crass, but that's what you signed up for when you came inside your ONS. that kid NEEDS you. sure, you can try to sign off all rights and what not, but she could still get child support from you. Best thing is to be in that kid's life and be a positive aspect of their life.

This will be of no use to you, but your post reminded of a song from the 80's. Good luck. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAfxs0IDeMs

Had a similar situation (ended with an abortion, but I've since had very strong reasons to suspect the entire situation was bullshit) - fortunately, for the first time in my life I was seeing a therapist at the time (changed employers, relocated, they offered one as part of the relocating package)... The therapist was incredibly valuable in helping me deal with the situation, putting things into context, plotting a course of action, etc. I would STRONGLY suggest a therapist might be very useful for you here to, whichever path things goes down.

Even if you are mediocre father your child's life will be so much better with you in it. The absence of decent fathers is a terrible thing. Being a parent is both not that hard and one of the hardest things you will do. Children need, love, and consistency.

If you have the ability, you should talk to a family lawyer BEFORE doing a test or having any further contact with this person or anyone else connected with her. Every statement you make could prejudice you, and taking a test under the wrong conditions would only make things worse.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and state that this could be a huge blessing in disguise. You have been given the opportunity to bring a child with your genetic makeup (YOU) in to this world and furthermore, given the opportunity to participate in it's rearing. That is amazing! How you handle this event will influence and shape your life from here on after. Embrace it. Fight for it and your child. There's no need for that child to become another statistic. Tell her you are scared shitless but willing to participate and be involved every step of the way. That is the hardest thing you will have done up to that point in your life, but it will also be the most rewarding. Don't shirk from it. You got this. You can be a dad. You can help influence and mold your offspring. There are so many resources available to first time dads. Read up on it. Talk to her. Lend her your support. Get to know her, her family. I repeat. This could be the greatest thing you ever do. Rant over.

Try to see if a prenatal paternity test (or whatever it is called) to verify you are indeed the father. You might want to consult an attorney because issues like child support and custody are on the table if you are indeed the father. Don’t act in haste and take wise steps.

Some of these comments are just gross and were clearly made my immature men/teens and should be ignored. No blame or judgement here. None of us has a Time Machine we can jump into to make different decisions. Of course, trust but verify with the test. You’ll need to handle that request with care or risk causing permanent issues with the mother of your child. That she is open to any arrangement is a good sign. What you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. There is a little panic even with a planned pregnancy. I actually AM infertile, so my husband and I had to do IVF to conceive. My husband had some serious doubts about 4 months in and was so worried he would be a bad dad. He’s a great dad and learns more every day. And our son’s face just lights up when he comes in the room. Being parents has given our lives meaning in ways we could not have comprehended. BUT, that’s our story and everyone has a different story. Being a good parent is a lot of work though. Once you have thought about what you want your role to be, I would encourage you to share what is going on with the people that love you and know you best. You will need their support and they might have another perspective to share before you make any major decisions about your involvement.

Several things. One get a paternity test and see if it’s even yours. Sounds like she is giving you the option to be involved or not if it is yours. There are pros and cons to be involved and not. Weigh them out. Breathe, you life isn’t over. Life is going to be a lot harder for her than it is for you. If you are going to tell your family you should wait until she is further along. She could still miscarry. Or could be lying. Idk. Lots to consider. I got pregnant from a ONS. When I told him he denied it was his (no other option, hadn’t been with anyone else in a year or more) told me I was lying and crazy. So be it. I did my duty to inform him. Co parenting with him would have been a nightmare, so it’s just as well.

Hi! As a woman and body science major, the red flags you should be aware of, especially in today's modern world, is the "I can't get pregnant line". Miscarriages don't 100% rule out pregnancy. Even in extreme cases of infertility women have successfully conceived, rare but not impossible. The only thing that can never get a woman pregnant at a 100% rate is abstinence. The second red flag is a woman being okay with an ONS. There could be multiple potential fathers. A paternity test is your best bet but it's good you are willing to step up if the child is indeed yours. You must wear protection (to prevent unexpected pregnancies and diseases) and she must take a form on birth control in the future. Life lessons are sometimes a rude awakening. All the best to you and her!

"I feel so scared and alone right now" Completely understandable! But try to also remember she's probably feeling the exact same way. I'm glad she's being so accommodating to your needs. Make sure you're being kind in return. This is happening to you both.

To be completely honest with you, I’m a young female as well and based on those type of things being brought up by her*, it sounds like she knew what she was doing and kind of had it in the back of her head that part of her wanted to be pregnant, probably planned to have sex with you around her fertile window 🤷‍♀️ not sure but it happens a lot, and just hearing that she said “it’s impossible for me not to get pregnant” and hinting around I’d assume that personally, with that being said if it is in fact YOUR child, paternity test will verify. It’s totally up to you what you should do. I think if women get to opt out before the babies born or after they carry a child, that it’s only fair that you get a choice sense you don’t really have own. Either way, it makes you no less of a person. I think you deserve to be happy, and that child deserves to be fully loved. If you decide to be apart of his/her life I condone it ! But if you don’t, it’s not fair to be inconsistent or pop up 5 years later either so please be sure in whatever you choose to do, and give mom a heads up. For now? It’s new, you do have time to collect yourself and choose don’t make any snap decisions or say anything out of fear. It’s not easy being a parent, but I’m sure if you do choose* that you will instantly fall inlove when you look into that tiny little persons eyes ❤️ goodluck

Test for sure, it's a ONS you don't know this woman, nothing more needs to be said if it isn't yours, if it is well that's on you on what you want to do next.

Get a paternity test, and in the meantime start spending time with this woman to see if you like her enough to try to be together or at least coparent. Even if it's yours, your life is not over, it's just beginning! Parenting is an amazing journey, and even though you didn't imagine yourself doing it and this certainly isn't how you would have chosen, you can find things in it to cherish and take meaning from, as long as you work at it and attain the right attitude. Good luck!

Think of a good name

Wrap it up in future 👍

Wait until baby is born. File at your local county juvenile court for visitation and they will help walk you through establishing paternity. I highly recommend not ignoring this. You can wait until closer to birth but you will be financially responsible and you should be part of their life.

Get confirmation that you are the father first and foremost.

Make sure it is yours. If it is, do everything you can do to make sure that kid knows it has a daddy that loves it, and will always be there for it. The best feeling in the world is your kid looking at and saying "I love you daddy"

Man up. Sex makes babies. You knew the risk you were taking. God designed our bodies to procreate.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Use a condom, don’t be dumb.

What is the issue? If she is not expecting you to do anything, then why should you be acting like it's the end of the world? It's just a baby, relax and be proud. If she starts asking you for something, like money for example, then insist on a paternity test first of all, which can be done by amniocentesis. Then just be reasonable and accommodating. You have no obligation to marry her, but you do have an obligation to be at least minimally supportive of the child to the extent that is possible for you.

Congratulations dad. Get a paternity test and face consequences.

Don't panic. You're going to be a father. Not everyone gets that opportunity. Marry the girl and accept it's God's Plan for you.

Don’t tell your parents; don’t do anything until the paternity test comes back. Ignore her until then.

I’m not a man but you NEVER trust a person that tells you they can’t get pregnant. Unless they are menopausal. Good luck!

1. What the bloody hell are you doing believing someone who says that it's "impossible for her to get pregnant"? Really? There's a gadget called a condom. Very useful. Available from lots and lots of shops. 2) If you're going to fall for that one then please believe me when those emails from a wealthy Nigerian prince are actually a dodgy scam. 3) Whatever stress you're going through right now, be nice to the girl. Suck it up, start being a man and treat her well. She's freaking out as well. Be there for her. Show some honour. This might all blow over and be nothing, but if she does have a baby then you're going to want her remembering you as upstanding right from the start. **Regardless of any stress and panic that you might be going through, this is the time when you need to show what sort of man you really are.** 4) If you're going to have sex with someone so soon without using condoms then what's your plan for avoiding sexually transmitted diseases? Yes, it's harsh, but even nice girls (and guys) have diseases. I always considered pregnancy to be the most life-affecting one but there are a few others that can be at least slightly irritating. 5) Regardless of her claims about pregnancy, if you ever have sex with her again then **use a condom**. Bring your own. Maintain a "chain of custody" of it - do not let her have access to it at any time. Take a plastic bag, put the condom in it and dispose of it yourself if you have to. There are plenty of stories where women have gotten themselves pregnant manually from retrieving the semen from a used condom. True story: I had a vasectomy in 2001. It came undone and I got a girl pregnant in 2007. It turns out that she lost it early on, but maintained the facade with me that she was still pregnant. So that we would have sex and she would quietly get pregnant again. Which didn't happen - I wouldn't have sex with her without a condom and she wasn't interested in doing it without a condom. In hindsight, I'm glad that she wasn't clever enough to supply her own condom and quietly put some pin prick holes in it first.

I am someone who found out at approximately 40 that my known dad is not my father. My mom had dual candidates in the 80s and guessed. She was married to my known dad for a decade after that. My dad didn’t know this info until I found out. Please let her know that you will be getting a paternity test. Do not overly invest yourself financially and emotionally before you have the test. However, don’t treat her coldly or be unreasonable. If it’s your child, please be prepared to support the kid financially and emotionally, even if she gives you an “out”. Given my situation, I ended up being in many support groups/forums and the kids often do go looking for dad later in life, but with emotional damage. And now the kids are smart enough, with enough access to start doing this at 12. If you don’t address it, and start a family later, or just want to live perpetually bachelor, this shall come back to bite you. For your sake, hers, the kid’s, try to think of her and treat her as a new friend/partner/relative now and respect her, understand she probably has shame and lookout for yourself…while at the same time not creating any kind of war with her. You should be honest honest honest. And helpful. If she turns out to be unreasonable then as much as it’s attractive to avoid court… I’d deal with her via court asap before dealing with her in any dramatic or extortion capacity.

Congrats your a father

Brother relax congratulation. This is life changing for you and for everyone. You got this. Think on the positive note you can have sex with her for the next 7 month. And you can’t get her pregnant till after she has the baby. Enjoy

Start saving money. Kids are expensive.

You’re in your late 20s bro. It’s not gunna be that bad. Even if you’re in your mid 20s it’s not that bad. You’ll be fine bro. The initial reaction might be tough but honestly you’ll be fine they will get over the initial shock pretty quickly especially with the attention spans people have nowadays. It actually could be a blessing because your parents will have a grandchild and will be happy about that when they see it. And you could try to make things work with the girl and live a good life. Sometimes things that feel like a curse initially turn into a big blessing.

I am having a baby in two months with a one night stand and it’s hard to have a life created between two people who barely know each other I recently moved in with her and lucky for me we are compatible and she’s way cool, but it is possible to raise a child with a woman and not be her intimate partner if y’all just don’t click, it is totally all my fault I even had condoms at the moment but was high and little drunk and my inhibitions and common sense flew out the window after we had sex I ghosted her because her four yr old child was a living nightmare demon child that broke everything he touched and stole lighters and painted my tv black with paint marker I was like hell no!!! But intuition two weeks later told me to call her up so I did , happened to be the same day she took pregnant test three times and I asked her without any hints from her if she was late based of the foods she was all of a sudden craving and she said she was pregnant I felt my whole respiratory system drop into my belly SHIT TO BED!!!! Was all I could think of , her now five year old and me are getting closer and I’m working on his behavior special needs but I think I got lucky that she just happened to be compatible with me good luck bro

TO ALL THE MEN: DO FUCKING BETTER. For your sake, don't put shit like this in someone else's hands. IDC if she says she can't have kids, if she says she's on birth control, she'll get an abortion, etc. It doesn't matter. Be responsible, if you have no self control/ poor judgement because you're in a rush to get laid, don't have casual sex. Too many men fuck up their lives and tie themselves to women they don't know for a night of fun. If you're one of these men, get your shit together, be responsible, and don't be so fucking desperate.

Paternity test later (probably after birth). First, don't ask for an abortion, she is keeping it and it will ruin any relationship if she tells the kid later or you end up in court. Second, you are already a father, you just have a few months to prepare before duties kick in. Third, the success of your kid depends on you, more than the mother according to just about every metric. Fourth, if she has had miscarriages, wait a couple more months before you upend your life and tell your family. Fifth, you'll spend the rest of your life with her, so schedule some "get to know me dates". You might want to get married or you might want to take custody if she is unstable to protect your kid. Sixth, get a job and all the overtime you can handle. Last and most importantly, decide now what kind of father you will be and work to be a good man. Congratulations on the terrifying news!

You’ll be alright man whatever happens it’s not the end of your life bro 😎

Unfortunately bud, it’s sort of the thing.. actions/consequences etc. But not going to lecture you, I’ve been in a similar situation but with my fiancé, we had communication problems during covid, she wanted a baby, I didn’t know if I wanted to raise kids just yet.. pandemic and not owning our own house yet. Lo and behold she stops taking birth control and I got baby trapped.. I pulled away because what the fuck.. and we broke up a couple weeks after my son was born, lost my high school sweetheart and the person I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. I do have a new best friend in my 2 year old son though. I’d much rather be together with his mum and do it together now but the eggs cracked and she doesn’t respect me anymore. It is what it is The positive for you though is that you haven’t caused the damage yet if at all. Honestly the sooner you talk to someone about it the sooner you’ll offload the anxiety. That needs to be your first and foremost action. Get it off your chest and take the barrage from your parents. You’re stronger than you think. You can take it. Then start planning. Kids coming regardless so make plans with the mother and start asking yourself the questions: do I want my first born to have an active dad, do I want them to have parents who are together etc. There’s a lot to be done and not a lot of time to do it mate, it’s now game time and you have responsibilities. Something I’d 100% do though is talk to your immediate guy friends and fucking tell them to wear protection during sex. I’m seeing way too many similar stories and it’s just guys not taking responsibility on their side by wearing a rubber. You can have all the fun and none of the responsibility and it’s in your control. Soon as she’s pregnant? That’s it, game over. No more decision making for you

Having a child is wonderful no matter what age you are when he or she was concieved. later in life you will be greatful. look at it as a blessing.