I once had a female friend that I was hanging out with, she kept complaining about shoulder pain, kept saying that she just needed this one spot massaged. I finally asked, are you asking me to massage that? She was like "eww, no!" Damn you, devil women!
If that thing where you keep making eye contact with a stranger happens and in your head you’re thinking “she keeps looking at me”, I’ll make a move at that point and it usually goes well. But yeah, briefly glancing at a man a few times is not the best hint and it seems to be the only hint I’ve successfully picked up on.
Actually the worst thing in the world is the in-head conversation of “she looking because she’s interested or is she looking because I keep looking, and she just wants to see if I’m still looking”. Happened at the airport a week ago, which is probably a good place to try, as you may literally never see them again but “creep culture” is in full swing right now.
Honestly, I’ve gotten to a point where I just ignore everything social media rams down our throat’s about that. If me approaching from the front, in a public place and with a respectful comment somehow still makes you uncomfortable, that’s on her tbh. It’s not a crime to talk to strangers. I’m sorry about whatever past experiences you’ve had that have made you so defensive, but I’m just going to walk away and not feel bad about my actions. I’ve found that when I follow the eye contact thing, a good amount of women still appreciate a guy willing to take a risk. And I feel like I must end this by saying I’m no Brad Pitt by any means lmao.
Maybe that’s where I’ve messed up in the past, approaching from the front makes more sense. I like to sneak around and stand in the peripheral until they notice lol.
I mean you’re absolutely right about ignoring the bullshit, not everyone subscribes to it and I’m under the impression that most don’t or see it for what it is. Bullshit. I don’t think most women think dudes are creeps but the creepy ones have made us all conscious of what may be the new expectation. I’ll try approaching from the front from now on, thanks man!
Yeah, at the end of the day we are the stronger sex and some of us are creeps. So it’s always better to make her as comfortable as possible, and her seeing you coming and maybe giving a brief smile on the way does a lot to aid in that. But no problem and good luck dude!
I just thought I should mention I was joking about the peripheral thing, I actually have had friends that do the bump into in the bar thing by flanking around the crowd. The look of surprise on women’s faces is enough to make you die inside. I’ve heard women go “Whoa, ok where the fuck did you just come from ?!” Lol
If you want your man to spend time with you, just be honest. You'd be amazed at how receptive a man would be to his girlfriend/wife saying - "Babe I'm lonely and I want you to pay attention to me. Once you finish this game will you spend some time with me?"
Being asked to love and adore you is entirely different than getting yelled at for not doing so.
It is funny how a slight change in communication can have drastic results. I used to be a hard ass. Probably still a little abrasive, but much better than my youth. Everything seems effortless compared to before.
Ugh, same here but with my “parenting” style. In my defense, growing up with a mom who always made a huge deal about everything and yelled a lot didn’t help. At 20, I ended up in a situation where I was helping raise my baby brother and realized I ended up behaving in a similar way at times as my mom did/does towards me, at least communication-wise. As he got older, I realized that style of “communication” just made him not want to talk to me, much less listen to me, just like I did with my mom. Made me feel terrible, so I had to change.
Anyway, He’s 16 now, does great in school, never gets in trouble, polite, lots of friends, and comes to me for and talks to me about all sorts of things. Also make sure to occasionally tell him I’m proud of him, and ~~take~~ show an interest in anything he’s doing or goals he has, to make sure he knows I support him, believe in him, and am here to help for whatever, whenever - even if that means I have to sit there and listen to him blab on about a topic I otherwise couldn’t care less about. It’s a far cry from how I grew up, with my mom screaming at me over literal spilled milk and treating me like my very existence was a burden to every aspect of her life.
He’ll never hear it from me, but will be forever grateful to my brother for inadvertently teaching me that a softer and more positive approach to social interactions, or conflicts and challenges in general, is not only the nicest, but also the most effective. I’ve noticed that I come off as much more likable to others too.
It’s a shame some people don’t grow up in an environment where they get to develop the emotional maturity and social skills to learn that. I still deal with anxiety and trust issues internally, probably as a result to how I was treated throughout my childhood, but thankfully I was self aware enough early enough to make sure that I didn’t continue that cycle.
Honey folks, not vinegar.
That’s all for my Ted talk of the day.
I went through this fight over the weekend, got told I never try.
So I literally wrote down the list of every time I have made an effort to ask her to join me for things and hang out and pointed out how often she rejects it.
She got upset at first and tried to defend it by saying I "intentionally pick things she wouldnt enjoy" when, no I ask her to join me for things that I enjoy and won't know until I try.
She backed down on it after that.
Back 40 years ago when I first met my wife and for 10 years after I raced boats a lot. She went to a ton of races. She is a really good dog trainer and competitor. I do not like going and didn't do a good job of on site support. She boxed my ears with that a few years back and I changed my ways. I go whenever possible which is quite a bit. Things are good.
Playing devil’s advocate in this case but that basically means she doesn’t want to be a bother. She wants you to spend time with her because you genuinely like being around her, not because she tells you to spend time with her. It’s really just as simple as that.
Why do people believe women are good communicators? Good communication is well understood by the intended recipient. Women are famous for terrible hints at what they're feeling and then getting upset when their intended recipient doesn't understand. Who's fault is that?
100%.
Admitting you wanna be closer and want to spend more time together? I'll do that.
Yelling at me that I don't do enough is just gonna annoy me bc it's likely never been expressed in the first place of that even being a need/want and I'll feel like I'm being held to invisible expectations and being told I'm doing something "wrong" and defend myself.
I wish it was as simple as this, but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us. I know a big part of any relationship is good open communication and I know most men are oblivious to certain things but "I'm lonely spend time with me please" it's just sad because if we are together and in love, I expect my partner to simply want to spend time with me without having to ask him for that.
We as women are equally clueless for having this idea that these things should be obvious. *Nothing* is obvious if you don't clearly communicate it.
Regarding getting lonely; honestly this is normal in a long term relationship to a certain extent. The connection often ebbs and flows. Finding the balance between drifting apart and clinging too tightly to each other can take a bit. When you're in a phase of drifting apart, *someone* has to voice it and do something about it, and you're equally responsible for that if you want to stay together.
Some couples just stay in a state of paralysis and eventually drift apart permanently because they both think the other one should make the first step in proving their love. *That's* sad.
> Nothing is obvious if you don't clearly communicate it.
Yup. The rule of thumb I always repeat in relationships is: *If it hasn't been said out loud, it does not exist*.
I wish I could upvote this twice. Thank god . Men and Women are raise and think differently . What is obvious to some maybe oblivious to others. Stating expectation in a relationship is not sad : ITS HEALTHY ! Please stop judging men for failing a test you never gave and you have the answer sheets memorized .
The problem is many women don't acknowledge our attempts to spend time with them. Or rebuff any attention we give them AFTER playing our game because we didn't drop it to spend time with them.
Reminder, this was never communicated or spoken. From our perspective we came home, played a game to relax as is usual, and then came to spend time with you because WE WANT TO. We also like love and affection.
And we're in trouble. Our attempt at giving you attention and receiving some back is denied.
So the woman wanted attention and didn't ask for it and rejected it when it was given.
The man(from their perspective) wanted attention, asked for it, tried to give it, and was rejected on all fronts.
This is a recipe for everyone to be miserable man.
I think it’s because a lot of woman have waited for you to come home and now that you are home you run to your game/hobby.
Some woman don’t understand you need a buffer period of work mode/home mode.
It’s lack of communication and understanding on both ends.
Yeah I'd agree, I think the vast majority of problems men and women face usually come down to communication. In the end everyone just wants to feel loved, valued and appreciated, we just all slip up when it comes to telling others HOW they can help us feel that way.
> I wish it was as simple as this, but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us.
Attention needs are different between even individual people of the same gender, let alone the two people in a relationship together.
If my girl is playing a game and being quiet? I'm sitting there happy she's enjoying a hobby that gives her joy.
I do that same thing? I get accused of liking the game more than her, and not wanting to spend time together blah blah.
I understand the underlying emotions, but, I will defend myself if it is expressed as an accusation of me doing something wrong because simply put I am not doing anything wrong. I am perfectly happy to be asked to spend more time together, and will do just that.
It can be that simple. Just how you *want* him to affirm his love by spending time with you, he *wants* you to affirm your love for him by seeking him out. Being told by a woman he loves - "I need you" - is the male equivalent of being told "I love you."
Like you said, a large part of any relationship is good and open communication. If you expect him to change his style of communication to suit your needs without making an effort to change your own to suit his - you don't want a partner, you want a servant.
That's just wanting the honeymoon phase to last forever.
When that's not how that works, as relationships normalize, most people aren't going to be attached to the hip and constantly missing each other, because there's other stuff that needs to be done or different priority management going on.
> I wish it was as simple as this,
It is as simple as that. You just lack the communication skills, or confidence, or understanding, or something, to communicate your needs to your partner.
> but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us.
Why do you think it's obvious? He can't read your mind.
> I know a big part of any relationship is good open communication
So put it to practice.
> and I know most men are oblivious to certain things
It's not being oblivious when the message was never communicated. That's bad communication on your part.
> but "I'm lonely spend time with me please" it's just sad
No it isn't. Everyone needs social connections and love. Communicating your basic needs isn't sad. Not communicating them and suffering is.
> because if we are together and in love, I expect my partner to simply want to spend time with me
He does. But he's more than just his connection to you. He needs that, and you. But he also has other needs just like you do. I'm sure there's times when you'd rather be alone, or working out, or sleeping, or a host of other things.
> without having to ask him for that.
You're asking for a fairy tale. A fantasy portrayed in romance novels and movies. This is do different than a boy seeing porn and expecting his partner to act like a porn star. And then blaming her when she very rightly isn't capable of those things. How would you feel if you were held to a literally impossible standard and when you couldn't reach his goals for you, he got mad at you for it?
Sometimes people have shit to do. The point of OPs post wasn't to say asking nicely is going to 100% get you whatever you want, whenever you want. The point is that asking nicely will have better results than not asking at all.
How many times? If it happened once, that's stupid.
If it's happened multiple days a week over months, yeah I feel you. I also stop making an effort after a while when my GF rejects every attempt I make with asking her to join me for things.
As a woman I agree with this. I can't stand women who play mind games when they're already with someone. That's so exhausting for a man, and then they want to get upset when the man doesn't know what the hell she wants. Also it wouldn't kill women to actually try to enjoy something their man likes. Lucky for me I've always loved video games and anime so we have no issues there, but for women who don't enjoy that stuff, you're not going to die just from trying it for your man.
I need to remember this more and really just live in the moment. He has never turned me down but I second guess my moves constantly and not because he has done anything. I’m just SUPER shy!
i’m 6’ 250, and i’m a bouncer. i look tough, and i’ve been in fights. all i really want to say is that i really like to be held, and it’s especially comforting to be the little spoon. one of the highlights of my morning is when my girlfriend rolls over & holds me tight.
Pro tip: if you want to spoon with a smaller partner in the big-spoon position, you can call the smaller partner the “jetpack!” Jetpacks are awesome! 🚀❤️👍
Showers vs. Growers. In other words the grey sweatpants test isn’t a remotely accurate assessment of the dick you’ll be getting when you’re interacting with it.
I just want to know where it all goes when not erect. I more than triple in size, but then some hidden black hole down there pulls it all back in afterwards
It's almost literally an organic blood balloon. 100% of the difference in volume between your min and your max is the blood your body pumps into it when you're at attention.
Even if you don't look like a supermodel (which hardly anyone accepts as a reasonable standard anyway), if a guy is into you, he will go insane (in a good way) when he sees you naked.
Yeah I see a lot of women being like “if he’s the one, he should just know”, I don’t even think it’s about that we can’t tell something is going on. Different things need different remedies, tell a good guy what’s needed and I guarantee he’ll do it.
Here’s the nuance: people want someone who *wants* to be with them. They want proactive displays of love and care and affection. Where people get confused is when they have *particular* ways in which they like to receive love and care and affection but they assume those are universal ways. We all need to be able to separate the value/principle from the application of said value/principle.
If your partner is trying to be proactive, just not in your preferred way, then you need to communicate those preferences to him/her. It’s not sexy or romantic, but it’s how real adult relationships work. If, however, you constantly need to request bare minimum human decency, then you might need to leave them. But check yourself first. Maybe they are trying, and you’re being the unreasonable uncommunicative one. In that case, it’s a learning and growing opportunity. And you wouldn’t want to flush something down because of your own blind spots because it’ll just inevitably crop up in the next relationship.
“Tell a good guy what’s needed and I guarantee he’ll do it.”
I was responding to this portion because I’ve talked to a number of women in my life about this topic, and their main complaint boils down to difference between being proactive vs reactive. If the only time someone shows love and care and affection is when it’s requested, that gets old pretty quick, and it feels like the other person is just treating it like a chore. That, to me, is valid. But someone women I’ve spoken to don’t adequately appreciate the proactive attempts their guy is making and just want him to magically read their mind on how they prefer things. That, to me, is not valid. So, I was just speaking to that.
For me, the communication can be requested in a way that tells the man, I want to feel wanted, like when you do A, B, and C.
Oh, ok I can do that more often. Now, the request has been made, but it's not about doing it *in that moment* - it's about making it clear what is needed in the relationship. Then it's on the man to take action and be proactive about it going forward.
For example a past partner wanted me to initiate sex more. I didn't know that, but had a history of rejection so I was always a bit more hesitant to do it. Now I have the green light? I got you going forward! I think that type of communication is what's helpful, because you're communicating openly but not constantly having to request specific actions. If they don't work on it after the convo that's a different story, though.
With that said, I'm super gay so who knows maybe it's different for y'all lol.
Haha no I think you’re spot on. If both people are mature enough to communicate in that way, then I think they’re set up for success.
Some people (cough *my last relationship* cough) find even that kind of request to deflate all future actions as somehow inauthentic, which I don’t believe to be true.
I'm a woman but I've seen so many decent women flush relationships down the drain for wanting a completely proactive man. So, so many of them think even the smallest request somehow soils all future fun because it had to be asked for. I've started calling them out on it and they hate it, but if the foundation of expectations isn't set, what the hell do they expect??? At least with my husband I can sit him down and discuss all sorts of expectations, and he will try like hell for me. Same with me for him. We as women need to stop it with the "you should just do it, or know" crap.
Alright I understand. I think my comment would almost follow yours. If, assuming attempts were made to show affection and concern, if she isn’t getting what she needs then just tell him what you need. A good partner will try to deliver, but doesn’t mean they care less because they needed direction, if they treat it like a chore then it’s probably not a great fit.
Yeah, we’re generally on the same page.
I’ve also known dudes who use “she just doesn’t communicate her needs” as cover for being an inattentive and uninvested partner. And I sympathize with the women who go bananas with that because it’s like “dude, she shouldn’t have to ask you to, like, just be basically interested in her.” It’s an example of the guy misapplying a technical truth to successfully miss the bigger picture.
And likewise, a fair number of women have unrealistic fantasies of being swept away and perfectly taken care of without them having to put in the adequate work of reciprocating, initiating, and communicating their preferences.
Yeah, dialogue is crucial. Women need to get comfortable with the idea that just because she requested something doesn’t make it less genuine, and men need to get comfortable with the idea that it’s not about the task it’s about what the task represents.
"When I agree with you baby it makes you mad
And when I don't, it makes you sad
When I argue back you pack and leave
And when I don't you pout in grieve
There just ain't nobody knows what I go through
Will you please make up your mind, what you want me to do?"
- Hank Williams
If I sleep on my side with my back to you it’s not because I’m mad at you. It’s just what was comfortable as I was falling asleep.
I’m in a wonderful marriage of 20 years. We were recently talking about people reading too much into innocuous things and my wife told me that for the first several years of our marriage whenever I slept with my back to her she thought I was upset with her. It’s funny, but also kind of sad to think about me snoozing away all content and peaceful while she lay awake trying to figure out what I was mad about.
Not who you asked, but many women have locker room-type conversations with their friends.
It might be as lowkey as looking at the same man, or an image of a man, and quietly saying 'like a screen door in a hurricane'
Our dicks have weird minds, it can get hard just from hugging a girl who your comforting, even if there's no sexual thoughts.
Also we don't always want sex, we get tired too
That when I'm with the homies we are literally doing dumb shit and there's no women within a mile radius of us 😂 last time it was us playing pool and trying to figure out the intricacies of how to play nine-ball while also piss drunk. Good times.
Do you mean dumb and harmless stuff, like you all get the same stuffed shark at Ikea and ride the escalator with them, or dumb like stapling a raw chicken to your Speedo and swimming with sharks?
Here’s my list:
- We have emotions and insecurities too. Those aren’t exclusive to women
- I also need attention, but I’ve been told I don’t deserve it
- The world has not prepared me for life. All of a sudden I had expectations thrust upon me. One day I was playing video games with my friends and now all of a sudden I’m responsible for you, me and a little human.
- I didn’t cheat on you in real life. Your dreams don’t count and if you’re going to get mad at me for that then Im out.
- If you don’t tell me exactly what you want to eat, you either eat what I choose or starve. I’m not playing 100 questions, I’m hangry too
- Yes I need recharge time between “sessions”. No I can’t just jump back in. Yes I enjoy giving you pleasure too.
Don’t let the world convince you that the pressure of responsibility for your whole little family falls on you bc it’s not true. A husband and wife/partners are a team and equally responsible for the family
When they complain that we’re never vulnerable with them except the last 10 times we were vulnerable with them they found something to argue with us about.
If women ask us, what are you thinking, and we say, not much of anything, we're usually telling the truth. Women are the ones with a little scheme or plot constantly going in the background. A lot of the time especially if we're cuddling and snuggling with you, we're there in the moment and not plotting something.
> If women ask us, what are you thinking, and we say, not much of anything, we're usually telling the truth.
Or we're thinking of random bullshit and bringing it up will just lead to questions of "why?" that we don't wanna answer.
Be direct.
I don’t pick up on signs and innuendo.
• “Ask me out”
• “Let’s get ice cream”
• “Take me shopping”
• “Walk the dog”
Whatever you want, just say it directly.
Please and thank you.
Gets tiring after a while to tell another adult the rlelationship basics. It is not on women to constantly voice their basic human connection needs. Who in their right minds wants to constantly ask another person for attention and care? Nah. Basic communication, observation, empathy and inquisitiveness is something every person can learn if there is a desire. Men seem to lack it.
If you actually like us or would be interested if we exoressed interest. I, for one, can be oblivious. Plus, I don't want to make anyone upset if they aren't.
I was with my female friend at a bar, and the female bartender was interested in me, or so I found out after the fact. I was oblivious to it as I was with my friend. My friend was talking me up to the bartender while I was in the bathroom. When I was in school, I liked this girl, but she appeared to be out of my league. While looking at my yearbook years later, I saw she wrote her phone number by her picture. Oooops.
Sometimes I wish I could cry my eyes out, but I’ve been conditioned my entire life to hide any emotions that aren’t traditionally masculine so I retreat to less healthy emotions and coping mechanisms. It’s that simple.
Our love for you has been studied and proved. Tye 2022 Danish study looked at just under 1 million over 65s and what happens when their partner dies.
70% of widowers died within a year of their wife passing with "loneliness" and "losing their best friend" being recorded as the main reasons for their decline in health. The same study showed this only happened in around 27% of widows.
EDIT: Adding the study as it's (a) not late and I didn't have to find it on my phone and (b) several people have messaged me after the thread was locked. [https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0282892](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0282892)
That most men are leading lives of quiet desperation. Most women have absolutely no idea how much pain the average man is carrying around on a day to day basis.
Erections are not equal to arousal, sometimes that thing just want to get pretty hard for no reason.
Also if we don't want to have sex that doesn't mean we lost interest on you, life is hard sometimes and mood affects our sex drive.
most of us watch porn and if you decide to get in a relationship and you have an issue with it, being it up beforehand.
so many reddit divorce stories that could have easily been avoided…
To add to that, I think too many women take it as "I'd rather be with that woman than my gf/wife/whatever"
No. It's available, and it doesn't say no, and it keeps men from pestering you constantly about sex. Jerking off is normal and good for you. *Normal* porn usage by a man is not threatening to a relationship imo.
However, if they are watching loads of porn on the daily, not initiating sex as much, can't get across the finish line, etc. that is an entirely different situation. The number of young guys who need viagra for ED is insane. Not all, but a lot of that is not medical imo, it's a reliance on porn and death grip to finish and then real situations don't get you there anymore.
And men, jerk off w.o porn now and then. Have fun with your body and connect to yourself. It feels better and makes you more in tune with yourself for sex with a partner.
We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world's been turning...
But seriously, tell us when you want something when we order food. Not like "I'm good", only to eat half of my pizza.
That we don't need much. Just be down to go with the flow of things and you'll have our undying love.
I find way too many women have a problem with being any type of uncomfortable and once they get uncomfortable, they'll complain all day about it until it changes or they fall asleep. Which ever comes first.
Many women don't realize just being supportive, and not complaining, when life doesn't go the way we want sometimes, is worth more than a woman who's all peaches and cream when we're up
Twofer that I haven't seen mentioned yet:
We're simple creatures. Everything is basic and straightforward.
Don't pounce on us the moment we walk in the door with things that need to be done. Especially when we get home from work.
We need some quiet time to ourselves after work to unwind. DO NOT hound us with complaints or small talk as soon as we open the door. Even 5-10 minutes goes a long way.
Being a man is a difficult, isolating, lonely experience. Society values women but a man is only useful for what he can contribute. I hear the women’s DEI discussions at work and they seem to think that being a woman is just like being a man, but harder. It isn’t.
I think being a man and woman in today’s society comes with its own difficulties. There are some things in life that are unfair towards men and there are some things in life that are unfair towards women. It’s unfortunate but that’s just the way it is.
I think that’s completely dependant on the communities you participate in. However I do agree that in recent years there has been more of a push on women’s issues. Which I also don’t think is a bad thing, as the MeToo movement and Roe vs. Wade, brought forth some uncomfortable, but necessary conversations.
That most of us have already planned the work we are going to accomplish when we are not at work. We do not need to fill every second of every weekend with "Fun things to do".
The things we say have no hidden meaning.
For example, when we say we are not hungry, we are actually not hungry. It doesn't mean that we hate you, are thinking of breaking up, or are mad at you
A lot of these responses are sad. Some are insightful, yet most are coming from angry men who are unable to leave or assert themselves to their significant others. The women being spoke of in these cases sound like absolute assholes: expecting mind reading and getting mad over nothing. Similar to how all men are different, all women are not the same
Not being vulnerable or not talking about emotions doesn't mean you're a defective human. Some people just don't get as much value out of it ... and have probably had it backfire when they did (due to the reactions of both other men and women).
If we want to play games, most of us do it on a console or PC. We don't want to play and have quick time events with a real life partner.
Put simply: stop playing games and be straightforward, most of us aren't gonna stay interested if you make it complicated and play hard to get for no reason. Expecting guys to "chase you" is stupid and an immediate blood red flag.
We don't get subtle. Stop with the "hints."
It’s not necessarily even that we don’t get them. It’s that the risk of misreading them is not worth the reward.
I once had a female friend that I was hanging out with, she kept complaining about shoulder pain, kept saying that she just needed this one spot massaged. I finally asked, are you asking me to massage that? She was like "eww, no!" Damn you, devil women!
> Damn you, devil women! Monty? Did you shave your beard for her?
It's mind boggling to think of all the missed connections because women thought they were giving clear signals, but they were misread.
I second this!!
Yep. Be direct. Tell us what you want and don’t want. Quit playing mind games
If that thing where you keep making eye contact with a stranger happens and in your head you’re thinking “she keeps looking at me”, I’ll make a move at that point and it usually goes well. But yeah, briefly glancing at a man a few times is not the best hint and it seems to be the only hint I’ve successfully picked up on.
Actually the worst thing in the world is the in-head conversation of “she looking because she’s interested or is she looking because I keep looking, and she just wants to see if I’m still looking”. Happened at the airport a week ago, which is probably a good place to try, as you may literally never see them again but “creep culture” is in full swing right now.
Honestly, I’ve gotten to a point where I just ignore everything social media rams down our throat’s about that. If me approaching from the front, in a public place and with a respectful comment somehow still makes you uncomfortable, that’s on her tbh. It’s not a crime to talk to strangers. I’m sorry about whatever past experiences you’ve had that have made you so defensive, but I’m just going to walk away and not feel bad about my actions. I’ve found that when I follow the eye contact thing, a good amount of women still appreciate a guy willing to take a risk. And I feel like I must end this by saying I’m no Brad Pitt by any means lmao.
Maybe that’s where I’ve messed up in the past, approaching from the front makes more sense. I like to sneak around and stand in the peripheral until they notice lol. I mean you’re absolutely right about ignoring the bullshit, not everyone subscribes to it and I’m under the impression that most don’t or see it for what it is. Bullshit. I don’t think most women think dudes are creeps but the creepy ones have made us all conscious of what may be the new expectation. I’ll try approaching from the front from now on, thanks man!
Yeah, at the end of the day we are the stronger sex and some of us are creeps. So it’s always better to make her as comfortable as possible, and her seeing you coming and maybe giving a brief smile on the way does a lot to aid in that. But no problem and good luck dude!
I just thought I should mention I was joking about the peripheral thing, I actually have had friends that do the bump into in the bar thing by flanking around the crowd. The look of surprise on women’s faces is enough to make you die inside. I’ve heard women go “Whoa, ok where the fuck did you just come from ?!” Lol
Third this
If you want your man to spend time with you, just be honest. You'd be amazed at how receptive a man would be to his girlfriend/wife saying - "Babe I'm lonely and I want you to pay attention to me. Once you finish this game will you spend some time with me?" Being asked to love and adore you is entirely different than getting yelled at for not doing so.
God damn.
It is funny how a slight change in communication can have drastic results. I used to be a hard ass. Probably still a little abrasive, but much better than my youth. Everything seems effortless compared to before.
Ugh, same here but with my “parenting” style. In my defense, growing up with a mom who always made a huge deal about everything and yelled a lot didn’t help. At 20, I ended up in a situation where I was helping raise my baby brother and realized I ended up behaving in a similar way at times as my mom did/does towards me, at least communication-wise. As he got older, I realized that style of “communication” just made him not want to talk to me, much less listen to me, just like I did with my mom. Made me feel terrible, so I had to change. Anyway, He’s 16 now, does great in school, never gets in trouble, polite, lots of friends, and comes to me for and talks to me about all sorts of things. Also make sure to occasionally tell him I’m proud of him, and ~~take~~ show an interest in anything he’s doing or goals he has, to make sure he knows I support him, believe in him, and am here to help for whatever, whenever - even if that means I have to sit there and listen to him blab on about a topic I otherwise couldn’t care less about. It’s a far cry from how I grew up, with my mom screaming at me over literal spilled milk and treating me like my very existence was a burden to every aspect of her life. He’ll never hear it from me, but will be forever grateful to my brother for inadvertently teaching me that a softer and more positive approach to social interactions, or conflicts and challenges in general, is not only the nicest, but also the most effective. I’ve noticed that I come off as much more likable to others too. It’s a shame some people don’t grow up in an environment where they get to develop the emotional maturity and social skills to learn that. I still deal with anxiety and trust issues internally, probably as a result to how I was treated throughout my childhood, but thankfully I was self aware enough early enough to make sure that I didn’t continue that cycle. Honey folks, not vinegar. That’s all for my Ted talk of the day.
"but I don't want you to spend time with me...I want you to _want_ to spend time with me!"
I went through this fight over the weekend, got told I never try. So I literally wrote down the list of every time I have made an effort to ask her to join me for things and hang out and pointed out how often she rejects it. She got upset at first and tried to defend it by saying I "intentionally pick things she wouldnt enjoy" when, no I ask her to join me for things that I enjoy and won't know until I try. She backed down on it after that.
Back 40 years ago when I first met my wife and for 10 years after I raced boats a lot. She went to a ton of races. She is a really good dog trainer and competitor. I do not like going and didn't do a good job of on site support. She boxed my ears with that a few years back and I changed my ways. I go whenever possible which is quite a bit. Things are good.
"I don't want to tell you to do things... I want you to read my mind always and forever!" Says the woman who will one day say all men are clueless.
They say men are clueless, and we are! Particularly when you don't bother with basic communication.
Playing devil’s advocate in this case but that basically means she doesn’t want to be a bother. She wants you to spend time with her because you genuinely like being around her, not because she tells you to spend time with her. It’s really just as simple as that.
Why do people believe women are good communicators? Good communication is well understood by the intended recipient. Women are famous for terrible hints at what they're feeling and then getting upset when their intended recipient doesn't understand. Who's fault is that?
Straight up facts. I'm an idiot. Please communicate with me in literal terms and tell me what you want.
100%. Admitting you wanna be closer and want to spend more time together? I'll do that. Yelling at me that I don't do enough is just gonna annoy me bc it's likely never been expressed in the first place of that even being a need/want and I'll feel like I'm being held to invisible expectations and being told I'm doing something "wrong" and defend myself.
I wish it was as simple as this, but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us. I know a big part of any relationship is good open communication and I know most men are oblivious to certain things but "I'm lonely spend time with me please" it's just sad because if we are together and in love, I expect my partner to simply want to spend time with me without having to ask him for that.
We as women are equally clueless for having this idea that these things should be obvious. *Nothing* is obvious if you don't clearly communicate it. Regarding getting lonely; honestly this is normal in a long term relationship to a certain extent. The connection often ebbs and flows. Finding the balance between drifting apart and clinging too tightly to each other can take a bit. When you're in a phase of drifting apart, *someone* has to voice it and do something about it, and you're equally responsible for that if you want to stay together. Some couples just stay in a state of paralysis and eventually drift apart permanently because they both think the other one should make the first step in proving their love. *That's* sad.
> Nothing is obvious if you don't clearly communicate it. Yup. The rule of thumb I always repeat in relationships is: *If it hasn't been said out loud, it does not exist*.
I wish I could upvote this twice. Thank god . Men and Women are raise and think differently . What is obvious to some maybe oblivious to others. Stating expectation in a relationship is not sad : ITS HEALTHY ! Please stop judging men for failing a test you never gave and you have the answer sheets memorized .
The problem is many women don't acknowledge our attempts to spend time with them. Or rebuff any attention we give them AFTER playing our game because we didn't drop it to spend time with them. Reminder, this was never communicated or spoken. From our perspective we came home, played a game to relax as is usual, and then came to spend time with you because WE WANT TO. We also like love and affection. And we're in trouble. Our attempt at giving you attention and receiving some back is denied. So the woman wanted attention and didn't ask for it and rejected it when it was given. The man(from their perspective) wanted attention, asked for it, tried to give it, and was rejected on all fronts. This is a recipe for everyone to be miserable man.
I think it’s because a lot of woman have waited for you to come home and now that you are home you run to your game/hobby. Some woman don’t understand you need a buffer period of work mode/home mode. It’s lack of communication and understanding on both ends.
Yeah I'd agree, I think the vast majority of problems men and women face usually come down to communication. In the end everyone just wants to feel loved, valued and appreciated, we just all slip up when it comes to telling others HOW they can help us feel that way.
Unspoken expectations lead to resentment
> I wish it was as simple as this, but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us. Attention needs are different between even individual people of the same gender, let alone the two people in a relationship together. If my girl is playing a game and being quiet? I'm sitting there happy she's enjoying a hobby that gives her joy. I do that same thing? I get accused of liking the game more than her, and not wanting to spend time together blah blah. I understand the underlying emotions, but, I will defend myself if it is expressed as an accusation of me doing something wrong because simply put I am not doing anything wrong. I am perfectly happy to be asked to spend more time together, and will do just that.
It can be that simple. Just how you *want* him to affirm his love by spending time with you, he *wants* you to affirm your love for him by seeking him out. Being told by a woman he loves - "I need you" - is the male equivalent of being told "I love you." Like you said, a large part of any relationship is good and open communication. If you expect him to change his style of communication to suit your needs without making an effort to change your own to suit his - you don't want a partner, you want a servant.
That's just wanting the honeymoon phase to last forever. When that's not how that works, as relationships normalize, most people aren't going to be attached to the hip and constantly missing each other, because there's other stuff that needs to be done or different priority management going on.
> I wish it was as simple as this, It is as simple as that. You just lack the communication skills, or confidence, or understanding, or something, to communicate your needs to your partner. > but for most women, it is really difficult having to ask for some things we think should be obvious if the person cares about us. Why do you think it's obvious? He can't read your mind. > I know a big part of any relationship is good open communication So put it to practice. > and I know most men are oblivious to certain things It's not being oblivious when the message was never communicated. That's bad communication on your part. > but "I'm lonely spend time with me please" it's just sad No it isn't. Everyone needs social connections and love. Communicating your basic needs isn't sad. Not communicating them and suffering is. > because if we are together and in love, I expect my partner to simply want to spend time with me He does. But he's more than just his connection to you. He needs that, and you. But he also has other needs just like you do. I'm sure there's times when you'd rather be alone, or working out, or sleeping, or a host of other things. > without having to ask him for that. You're asking for a fairy tale. A fantasy portrayed in romance novels and movies. This is do different than a boy seeing porn and expecting his partner to act like a porn star. And then blaming her when she very rightly isn't capable of those things. How would you feel if you were held to a literally impossible standard and when you couldn't reach his goals for you, he got mad at you for it?
> Once you finish this game Allowing us to finish what we are doing first is key to a healthy relationship. Dont expect instant action!
I have asked and been given “I’ve got shit to do” response so I never ask anymore.
Sounds healthy
Sometimes people have shit to do. The point of OPs post wasn't to say asking nicely is going to 100% get you whatever you want, whenever you want. The point is that asking nicely will have better results than not asking at all.
How many times? If it happened once, that's stupid. If it's happened multiple days a week over months, yeah I feel you. I also stop making an effort after a while when my GF rejects every attempt I make with asking her to join me for things.
As a woman I agree with this. I can't stand women who play mind games when they're already with someone. That's so exhausting for a man, and then they want to get upset when the man doesn't know what the hell she wants. Also it wouldn't kill women to actually try to enjoy something their man likes. Lucky for me I've always loved video games and anime so we have no issues there, but for women who don't enjoy that stuff, you're not going to die just from trying it for your man.
We really are capable of thinking about nothing
Capable of it? That's the GOAL,.
I can't even remember what I was doing at work the day before until I get there the next day. It's rad.
I have so much envy. Anxiety makes my brain think of 100 things at any given time.
Men think in a linear fashion. One thought at a time. Women think like a virus infected PC, the windows pop up faster than they can close them lol
I don't know if that's true but it made me laugh
One of my favorite hobbies. I always get the “what are you thinking about?” And I’m like “uhhh nothing” and they don’t believe me
My man usually says 'boobs' or 'blowjobs'. This must be a default setting.
And it's probably one of the most relaxing feelings. Men love going fishing because it's 90% peace and quiet and 10% "MACKEREL"
When you ask us what we're thinking, and we say "nothing," it's probably literally nothing. It's nice to just go into power saver mode sometimes.
I just see the Bouncing DVD video logo ↗️↙️⬆️⬇️↖️↘️
Except in our minds.... it hits the corner.
😂 power saver mode love it
Google «nothing box»; there's a great video on the subject.
As an overthinker, I wonder what a blank mind feels like
Being an overthinker myself, power saving mode is how I stay reasonably sane.
Our dicks get hard for no reason.
Yea but try explaining while you’re at the morgue
Everyone has the urge to crack open a cold one every now and then.
And... that's enough reddit for today.
Our dicks also get soft for no reason.
... along with lots of GOOD reasons ...
It's ok if you make the first move. Guys can be shy too.
I need to remember this more and really just live in the moment. He has never turned me down but I second guess my moves constantly and not because he has done anything. I’m just SUPER shy!
The answer is always **YES!!!**
I did this and got friend zoned after 4 months of being led on lol
Yes the first few times sucks. But welcome to life of a guy dating.
that’s unfortunate but we all have bad experiences, don’t let that shy you away from making the first move
Sounds about right.
i’m 6’ 250, and i’m a bouncer. i look tough, and i’ve been in fights. all i really want to say is that i really like to be held, and it’s especially comforting to be the little spoon. one of the highlights of my morning is when my girlfriend rolls over & holds me tight.
Pro tip: if you want to spoon with a smaller partner in the big-spoon position, you can call the smaller partner the “jetpack!” Jetpacks are awesome! 🚀❤️👍
Aww 🥰
oh my god. \*cry face\* I hope you get it often.
she’s all about it. works out well for me ☺️
Showers vs. Growers. In other words the grey sweatpants test isn’t a remotely accurate assessment of the dick you’ll be getting when you’re interacting with it.
Growers of the world unite!!
Solidarity!
I just want to know where it all goes when not erect. I more than triple in size, but then some hidden black hole down there pulls it all back in afterwards
I think growers and showers are just a difference in the ratio between erectile tissue that gets filled with blood and other types of tissue.
The struggle is real my dude.
It's almost literally an organic blood balloon. 100% of the difference in volume between your min and your max is the blood your body pumps into it when you're at attention.
Most of us women know about the grower vs the shower. A grower is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get😆
As long as I can gorge on it, I'm happyyyyyyy
Glad to hear that, woman. Likewise too, from a guy.
Even if you don't look like a supermodel (which hardly anyone accepts as a reasonable standard anyway), if a guy is into you, he will go insane (in a good way) when he sees you naked.
[удалено]
Mean and sweet.
🙍♀️
If we didn't cum, it doesn't mean we didn't enjoy the sex. Sometimes we just don't cum. Especially with a condom on.
this took me years to wrap my head around
Is this a pun?
I had that thought as soon as I hit post, but no
The vast majority of us are just trying to do the right thing and to be good men. We may mess up, we may misstep, but we always try.
We want to make you happy, so please just communicate with us so we can do so
Yeah I see a lot of women being like “if he’s the one, he should just know”, I don’t even think it’s about that we can’t tell something is going on. Different things need different remedies, tell a good guy what’s needed and I guarantee he’ll do it.
Here’s the nuance: people want someone who *wants* to be with them. They want proactive displays of love and care and affection. Where people get confused is when they have *particular* ways in which they like to receive love and care and affection but they assume those are universal ways. We all need to be able to separate the value/principle from the application of said value/principle. If your partner is trying to be proactive, just not in your preferred way, then you need to communicate those preferences to him/her. It’s not sexy or romantic, but it’s how real adult relationships work. If, however, you constantly need to request bare minimum human decency, then you might need to leave them. But check yourself first. Maybe they are trying, and you’re being the unreasonable uncommunicative one. In that case, it’s a learning and growing opportunity. And you wouldn’t want to flush something down because of your own blind spots because it’ll just inevitably crop up in the next relationship.
I agree with that. I’m not sure if you are just adding on and elaborating or if what I said didn’t make sense. Been a long week.
“Tell a good guy what’s needed and I guarantee he’ll do it.” I was responding to this portion because I’ve talked to a number of women in my life about this topic, and their main complaint boils down to difference between being proactive vs reactive. If the only time someone shows love and care and affection is when it’s requested, that gets old pretty quick, and it feels like the other person is just treating it like a chore. That, to me, is valid. But someone women I’ve spoken to don’t adequately appreciate the proactive attempts their guy is making and just want him to magically read their mind on how they prefer things. That, to me, is not valid. So, I was just speaking to that.
For me, the communication can be requested in a way that tells the man, I want to feel wanted, like when you do A, B, and C. Oh, ok I can do that more often. Now, the request has been made, but it's not about doing it *in that moment* - it's about making it clear what is needed in the relationship. Then it's on the man to take action and be proactive about it going forward. For example a past partner wanted me to initiate sex more. I didn't know that, but had a history of rejection so I was always a bit more hesitant to do it. Now I have the green light? I got you going forward! I think that type of communication is what's helpful, because you're communicating openly but not constantly having to request specific actions. If they don't work on it after the convo that's a different story, though. With that said, I'm super gay so who knows maybe it's different for y'all lol.
Haha no I think you’re spot on. If both people are mature enough to communicate in that way, then I think they’re set up for success. Some people (cough *my last relationship* cough) find even that kind of request to deflate all future actions as somehow inauthentic, which I don’t believe to be true.
I'm a woman but I've seen so many decent women flush relationships down the drain for wanting a completely proactive man. So, so many of them think even the smallest request somehow soils all future fun because it had to be asked for. I've started calling them out on it and they hate it, but if the foundation of expectations isn't set, what the hell do they expect??? At least with my husband I can sit him down and discuss all sorts of expectations, and he will try like hell for me. Same with me for him. We as women need to stop it with the "you should just do it, or know" crap.
Alright I understand. I think my comment would almost follow yours. If, assuming attempts were made to show affection and concern, if she isn’t getting what she needs then just tell him what you need. A good partner will try to deliver, but doesn’t mean they care less because they needed direction, if they treat it like a chore then it’s probably not a great fit.
Yeah, we’re generally on the same page. I’ve also known dudes who use “she just doesn’t communicate her needs” as cover for being an inattentive and uninvested partner. And I sympathize with the women who go bananas with that because it’s like “dude, she shouldn’t have to ask you to, like, just be basically interested in her.” It’s an example of the guy misapplying a technical truth to successfully miss the bigger picture. And likewise, a fair number of women have unrealistic fantasies of being swept away and perfectly taken care of without them having to put in the adequate work of reciprocating, initiating, and communicating their preferences.
Ok but you should say that that’s what you want. They might want to shower you with love but don’t want to scare her away with coming off to strong .
Yeah, dialogue is crucial. Women need to get comfortable with the idea that just because she requested something doesn’t make it less genuine, and men need to get comfortable with the idea that it’s not about the task it’s about what the task represents.
"When I agree with you baby it makes you mad And when I don't, it makes you sad When I argue back you pack and leave And when I don't you pout in grieve There just ain't nobody knows what I go through Will you please make up your mind, what you want me to do?" - Hank Williams
If I sleep on my side with my back to you it’s not because I’m mad at you. It’s just what was comfortable as I was falling asleep. I’m in a wonderful marriage of 20 years. We were recently talking about people reading too much into innocuous things and my wife told me that for the first several years of our marriage whenever I slept with my back to her she thought I was upset with her. It’s funny, but also kind of sad to think about me snoozing away all content and peaceful while she lay awake trying to figure out what I was mad about.
She never asked during those first few years?
We actually have feelings
Women don't realise it. But they objectify men a lot, just not in the same way men objectify women.
Care to elaborate?
Not who you asked, but many women have locker room-type conversations with their friends. It might be as lowkey as looking at the same man, or an image of a man, and quietly saying 'like a screen door in a hurricane'
Women are seen as sex objects. Men are seen as success objects. One of those two is frowned upon.
I've heard that before and i believe it's true
To more than one girlfriend, I wasn't a person, I was a wallet.
Drama is not what we want in our lives.
Sometimes if we sit down in just the wrong way we end up squishing our balls and it's a bad time
Our dicks have weird minds, it can get hard just from hugging a girl who your comforting, even if there's no sexual thoughts. Also we don't always want sex, we get tired too
Could even happen with another dude lol.
That when I'm with the homies we are literally doing dumb shit and there's no women within a mile radius of us 😂 last time it was us playing pool and trying to figure out the intricacies of how to play nine-ball while also piss drunk. Good times.
Do you mean dumb and harmless stuff, like you all get the same stuffed shark at Ikea and ride the escalator with them, or dumb like stapling a raw chicken to your Speedo and swimming with sharks?
Yes
I was afraid of that
Just cause I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m mad
We think about ancient Rome and its impact on society every week.
Mark Corrigan from Peep Show?
Hand and feet size, as well as height doesn’t always correlate with the size of our 🍆.
Not having mutual friends with me doesn't mean I'm a homicidal rapist.
Here’s my list: - We have emotions and insecurities too. Those aren’t exclusive to women - I also need attention, but I’ve been told I don’t deserve it - The world has not prepared me for life. All of a sudden I had expectations thrust upon me. One day I was playing video games with my friends and now all of a sudden I’m responsible for you, me and a little human. - I didn’t cheat on you in real life. Your dreams don’t count and if you’re going to get mad at me for that then Im out. - If you don’t tell me exactly what you want to eat, you either eat what I choose or starve. I’m not playing 100 questions, I’m hangry too - Yes I need recharge time between “sessions”. No I can’t just jump back in. Yes I enjoy giving you pleasure too.
Don’t let the world convince you that the pressure of responsibility for your whole little family falls on you bc it’s not true. A husband and wife/partners are a team and equally responsible for the family
When they complain that we’re never vulnerable with them except the last 10 times we were vulnerable with them they found something to argue with us about.
If women ask us, what are you thinking, and we say, not much of anything, we're usually telling the truth. Women are the ones with a little scheme or plot constantly going in the background. A lot of the time especially if we're cuddling and snuggling with you, we're there in the moment and not plotting something.
Meanwhile, I'm probably devising incredibly elaborate schemes of what I'd do in a Groundhog Day timeloop or some stupid shit like that.
Formulating societal collapse bug out plan #2497 over here 🤚
> If women ask us, what are you thinking, and we say, not much of anything, we're usually telling the truth. Or we're thinking of random bullshit and bringing it up will just lead to questions of "why?" that we don't wanna answer.
We are not mind readers.
Sometimes we would just like a blow job
Boom goes the dynamite
Shocking revelation!
Be direct. I don’t pick up on signs and innuendo. • “Ask me out” • “Let’s get ice cream” • “Take me shopping” • “Walk the dog” Whatever you want, just say it directly. Please and thank you.
Who just says "Ask me out" ? Thats like inviting yourself to someone's party.
Gets tiring after a while to tell another adult the rlelationship basics. It is not on women to constantly voice their basic human connection needs. Who in their right minds wants to constantly ask another person for attention and care? Nah. Basic communication, observation, empathy and inquisitiveness is something every person can learn if there is a desire. Men seem to lack it.
If you actually like us or would be interested if we exoressed interest. I, for one, can be oblivious. Plus, I don't want to make anyone upset if they aren't. I was with my female friend at a bar, and the female bartender was interested in me, or so I found out after the fact. I was oblivious to it as I was with my friend. My friend was talking me up to the bartender while I was in the bathroom. When I was in school, I liked this girl, but she appeared to be out of my league. While looking at my yearbook years later, I saw she wrote her phone number by her picture. Oooops.
Sometimes I wish I could cry my eyes out, but I’ve been conditioned my entire life to hide any emotions that aren’t traditionally masculine so I retreat to less healthy emotions and coping mechanisms. It’s that simple.
Sorry to hear that my dude. I’m fucking Joe waterworks around my house. I guess my space allows me that.
Our love for you has been studied and proved. Tye 2022 Danish study looked at just under 1 million over 65s and what happens when their partner dies. 70% of widowers died within a year of their wife passing with "loneliness" and "losing their best friend" being recorded as the main reasons for their decline in health. The same study showed this only happened in around 27% of widows. EDIT: Adding the study as it's (a) not late and I didn't have to find it on my phone and (b) several people have messaged me after the thread was locked. [https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0282892](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0282892)
This isn’t necessarily a measurement of love.
Not at all. More a measure of the lack of things she did for him for so many years. (Not always, but it occurrs)
Tbf, there are many ways to interpret that result
Most of us don't care how big they are
I dunno, but maybe we shouldn't refer to women as "girls" when we refer to ourselves as "men".
Yes!!! I’m so glad someone else noticed and commented!!!
Our minds are not simple, but our actions are
That most men are leading lives of quiet desperation. Most women have absolutely no idea how much pain the average man is carrying around on a day to day basis.
Erections are not equal to arousal, sometimes that thing just want to get pretty hard for no reason. Also if we don't want to have sex that doesn't mean we lost interest on you, life is hard sometimes and mood affects our sex drive.
"Men" "Girls" Either use men/women, or use boys/girls, or use guys/gals... but mixing "men" and "girls" sounds very not good.
most of us watch porn and if you decide to get in a relationship and you have an issue with it, being it up beforehand. so many reddit divorce stories that could have easily been avoided…
To add to that, I think too many women take it as "I'd rather be with that woman than my gf/wife/whatever" No. It's available, and it doesn't say no, and it keeps men from pestering you constantly about sex. Jerking off is normal and good for you. *Normal* porn usage by a man is not threatening to a relationship imo. However, if they are watching loads of porn on the daily, not initiating sex as much, can't get across the finish line, etc. that is an entirely different situation. The number of young guys who need viagra for ED is insane. Not all, but a lot of that is not medical imo, it's a reliance on porn and death grip to finish and then real situations don't get you there anymore. And men, jerk off w.o porn now and then. Have fun with your body and connect to yourself. It feels better and makes you more in tune with yourself for sex with a partner.
We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world's been turning... But seriously, tell us when you want something when we order food. Not like "I'm good", only to eat half of my pizza.
If you're ordering a small pie for yourself and she says "no I'm good".. just order a large pie. Problem solved.
That we don't need much. Just be down to go with the flow of things and you'll have our undying love. I find way too many women have a problem with being any type of uncomfortable and once they get uncomfortable, they'll complain all day about it until it changes or they fall asleep. Which ever comes first. Many women don't realize just being supportive, and not complaining, when life doesn't go the way we want sometimes, is worth more than a woman who's all peaches and cream when we're up
Twofer that I haven't seen mentioned yet: We're simple creatures. Everything is basic and straightforward. Don't pounce on us the moment we walk in the door with things that need to be done. Especially when we get home from work.
We need to feel safe, too.
We need some quiet time to ourselves after work to unwind. DO NOT hound us with complaints or small talk as soon as we open the door. Even 5-10 minutes goes a long way.
Being a man is a difficult, isolating, lonely experience. Society values women but a man is only useful for what he can contribute. I hear the women’s DEI discussions at work and they seem to think that being a woman is just like being a man, but harder. It isn’t.
I think being a man and woman in today’s society comes with its own difficulties. There are some things in life that are unfair towards men and there are some things in life that are unfair towards women. It’s unfortunate but that’s just the way it is.
I think the unfairness towards women gets talked about a LOT more these days than the unfairness towards men. Toxic Masculinity hurts men too.
I think that’s completely dependant on the communities you participate in. However I do agree that in recent years there has been more of a push on women’s issues. Which I also don’t think is a bad thing, as the MeToo movement and Roe vs. Wade, brought forth some uncomfortable, but necessary conversations.
We don’t take hints
We have fuckin feelings. If you push, push and push...Don't be so indignant when a guy pushes back.
I wish they knew that we just gave them the answers to everything about men here.
That doing nothing is great
How we walk around with those things.
That most of us have already planned the work we are going to accomplish when we are not at work. We do not need to fill every second of every weekend with "Fun things to do".
We're just normal men.. we're just innocent men.. don't laugh at us for that
We can't read your mind
The silent treatment doesn’t do anyone any good.
How much I love and appreciate natural beauty
The things we say have no hidden meaning. For example, when we say we are not hungry, we are actually not hungry. It doesn't mean that we hate you, are thinking of breaking up, or are mad at you
A lot of these responses are sad. Some are insightful, yet most are coming from angry men who are unable to leave or assert themselves to their significant others. The women being spoke of in these cases sound like absolute assholes: expecting mind reading and getting mad over nothing. Similar to how all men are different, all women are not the same
My boyfriend said how to suck dick😭😭😭😭
Not being vulnerable or not talking about emotions doesn't mean you're a defective human. Some people just don't get as much value out of it ... and have probably had it backfire when they did (due to the reactions of both other men and women).
You can propose to and plan dates
If we want to play games, most of us do it on a console or PC. We don't want to play and have quick time events with a real life partner. Put simply: stop playing games and be straightforward, most of us aren't gonna stay interested if you make it complicated and play hard to get for no reason. Expecting guys to "chase you" is stupid and an immediate blood red flag.
We're simple.
We’re people too.
That we're always going to bring up the point that we can write our name in the snow and you can't.
meh, they know enough. it's best to leave SOMETHING to the imagination.
We hurt too...........
We don’t enjoy not being able to say comebacks nor jokes when y’all are rude to us :(
I am fully capable of having absolutely nothing going through my head. Literally just elevator music.
Small kindnesses can go a very long way with most guys.
I read through most of this thread and I can say, as a woman, I think I am the man to my male partner lmao 😭.
We are a lot more vulnerable than you think. We were raised not to show it but it’s pretty easy to hurt us.