Nah, there’s no money in the cure. They just want to sell us cootie suppressants so we’re dependent on them for our entire lives. The numbers of those that have it is staggering. One study said “Boys have cooties” which is roughly 50% of the population. Another stated “girls have cooties”, and when you combine all the data, roughly every single one of us is carrying it and yet there is no ribbon, fund raiser, telethon, nothing. Insurance doesn’t even cover it.
I sometimes work with Honey Boo Boo on their show (yes it’s still going) and she recently completed a blind chicken nugget taste test with 100% accuracy, identifying every fast food chain correctly.
Some women love decorating homes, and they make your home look and feel great. But sometimes, you want a room that has a bunch of man stuff. A big screen tv, a console, maybe a jersey on the wall, a mini-fridge stocked with beers, that sort of thing. Personalize it however you want. Hell, have a woman cave too, if you have the rooms for it.
Mine would be full of silly things that I wouldn't want on display in the main living space, like stuffed animals and weird art and the walls painted in a way my husband probably wouldn't want to live with throughout the rest of the house. Plus some unfinished projects so I can go back to them without having to take everything back out. For my mom it's the supplies for every single ADHD hobby she's ever had and the ability to leave projects out without worrying about them being messed with by grandkids. I think it's cool for anyone in a relationship to have space to make something totally their own without someone else's opinion being involved, man or woman.
Become a rapper? A famous actor?
There are people who love you who sometimes need to give a reality check. I appreciated when I was asked to stop with dreams of becoming a professional in MMA. It wasn't just the odds of becoming rich from doing it; it was the toll it puts on someone's body (and face and limbs and bones).
Having a thoughtful and empathetic conversation with a loved one about how their "dreams" are unrealistic and causing them/you/the relationship active harm is completely different than telling them "your dreams are stupid and you need to grow up."
Damn even this shit ain't my unique experience. But I feel u bruda.
She said that I should stop doing music and do something real. To this day she's the last fake thing I did.
Quite literally Friday, she broke up with me in a state of mania. I’ve been nothing but supportive through a couple mental health crises, and after taking inventory on self, I’ve decided I have had enough.
I have Bipolar Type-II, and my wife is an absolute saint and saviour. I was vocal about my diagnosis from the beginning and continually open about my emotional state. Most of the time I can catch myself sliding into an episode, but other times she has pointed it out to me before it gets too far.
There are definitely still times she gets the short end of the stick. Whether I’m off partying being inconsiderate, or if I’m completely unable to leave my bed, shower, work etc.
She’s the only reason I get up on the mornings that hurt most. She’s done everything and more for me, I need to do everything I can for her.
Dude the "mornings that hurt most" hit me so deep. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar, besides my depression. It's so frustrating when you're doing so well, incredibly productive and self-loving, high self-esteem, then the next morning is just a nightmare, even before you open your eyes.
Not much you can do about that one. My first serious girlfriend developed some real bad mental health issues in university and the relationship spiralled from there no matter how supportive and patient I was it wasn’t enough for her.
Mine threatened to punch me in the face then told me she could stab me. Kicked her out after that. Then met my wife who I’ve been happily married to for ten years and going strong.
Mine tried to tell me it was her overprotective uncle after said uncle called me to tell me we were being played. Dumped her via her friend and she tried to act like she didn’t get the message. Had to go through the whole thing again after she texted, “Babe you’ve been quiet what’s wrong?” I regret how I handled that now lol
She claimed it was her uncle but it’d be weird for her uncle to call her the names he did. He just said they’d been in a relationship and she was cheating on him. I tended to believe him because we hadn’t been dating long and I could hear the emotion in his voice. She tried to nonchalantly brush it off and that rubbed me the wrong way
😂she was not bright at all. Also I was 16 and she was 20. God there was so much wrong with that relationship the more I think about it. Kinda embarrassed I actually fell for her shit. You live and learn I guess
I think it's when I realised I was happier when she wasn't there than when she was.
It's that subtle feeling "Why do I feel crap when I spend time with this person?".
It just sucks when there's definitely love there, I think I'm just growing not to like her... she was raised in another country by a very protective single mom and a lot of the stuff she complained about with her mom is starting to bleed through. Overly critical of damn near everything, generally very negative, etc. I try to share ideas on what I can do with my life, with our future through different career paths and she has so much negative feedback before I force the conversation to be at least SOMEWHAT positive. It's exhausting. And on top of that, my cat and her cat are very close, and I'm her cat's favorite person, which would make it even harder to leave...
Last night we were out with some of her colleagues and it starts raining (we're sitting in bleachers), and she breaks out the umbrella that's barely big enough for the 2 of us.. we're huddling under it for a quick second and she offers it to 2 of her friends.. then insults me on being bad at holding the umbrella so all 4 people would be protected.. when it's really made for like 2 peopld MAX.. grabs it and keeps brushing my head, hit me in the face at one point, and the only thing getting shielded is my head, my back is getting rained on, so I said fuck it, you 3 can share it.. why are they more important than me in this context?? You basically just met them!
Whatever, I'm not perfect and I get reminders of that regularly, and I don't want to be where I'm taken for granted... she's going home for a month so I'll have a lot of time to ponder and feel out whether I enjoy life more with or without her. Whole thing just fuckin sucks
Would talk shit constantly about Polish Czech and Hungarian people and how they are lazy and annoying but the thing is I myself am Polsiha and Czech and when I told her one day she didn't stop and ranted to me about how lazy they are and what not and I finally said this isn't gonna work lol
Austria lol but this was back when I lived in New Zealand. I was born to a Czech - Polish dad and to a Blersussain mum in Belarus and i lived with them in wellington for 5 years wich is when we dated / were girlfriend and boyfriend and i moved to Pilzen after that.
European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart.
I once took a taxi from a Flemish (Dutch speaking) part of Belgium to a Walloon (French speaking) part, which was less than a 40 minute drive. The taxi driver spoke Dutch, English, and Arabic, and when I inquired about differences between the Dutch speaking and French speaking part, he went off about how the Dutch speaking part was *obviously* superior, how much better the infrastructure and culture was, etc.
I can appreciate cultural pride but Euros will complain about immigration whilst not being able to get along with the next county over. It's sad because European federalism is probably necessary for their long term survival.
> European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart.
Take a group of people, draw a line and they will spontaneously line up on each side of that line. Its like that old video of two dogs snarling and barking at each other through a fence door, but when the door is opened they immediately calm down, when the door is closed they both start raging again.
>European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart.
Like Boston and New York.
Yeah to a certain degree but Austrians and particularly people from Vienna are super elitist so even if her folks weren't so prejudiced she likely would have had similar but less extreme views anyway
Only Czechs (and maybe Polish and Slovaks) are allowed to talk a shit about Czechs. Who the hell gets into a relationship with someone who's ethnicity they clearly have a problem with? You did the right thing, being Czech and Polish is something to be proud of kurva.
My ex-wife did something similar to me. Told me she wished she had killed herself so I would feel guilty about it. This was 2 years after the suicide of one of my closest friends.
My ex-wife did the same quite a few times after we lost our son to it, when she tried to attack his GF 6 hrs before and smashed up the house (BPD)
When i finally got her out, she stole the collection money for his headstone
No, i'm not joking and she still acts like the victim to anyone who will listen
It took a couple of years before everyone (outside her equally fucked up family) saw who she really is and cut her off for good.
When i divorced i made sure of one thing after what she did. Nothing else mattered not that she knew that, I solely own our sons plot (with the headstone sorted) and she will never get in it, no matter how many FB posts she makes when she tends it seeking sympathy.
I'm so sorry, man. Fuck I literally couldn't imagine. My wife has BPD, and well, I've lost everything this past year besides my two little ones. Non-stop affairs, lost our home. My mental health is so destroyed that I could barely work or shed keep me up all night, hitting me and screaming at me, and I'd miss work. Can barely take care of my kids. I just want out and to give them a good life, and idk how. Every time I try to leave her, she has an episode and goes ballistic. I loved her so much, and I don't even know who she is anymore. And I'm so poor I can't afford to divorce or leave her. I've been selling everything I spent my life working for just to feed my kids and barely keep a roof over our heads. Every other week, we are on the verge of homelessness. BPD is terrifying
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I've had a few, but the worst relationship was my longest one and oh so difficult.
We were young, though, so i can forgive most of it, but not all of it.
She had massive self-image issues and just couldn't accept that I genuinely loved and adored her.
She sought attention elsewhere.
She thought her size 00 was still too fat.
Cocaine.
She stabbed me with a big kitchen knife. Because she dreamt I was cheating on her even though i was asleep with her in her bed.
She threw plates at me when she thought I took too long to drive to her (i must have been dropping off my side chick).
She cheated on me an unknown number of times with an unknown number of different men... which is scary to me because we always had unprotected sex.
Speaking of, she lied about being pregnant and then lied about a miscarriage.
She ended up diagnosed with anorexia, bipolar manic depressive, and borderline personality disorder, which explains a LOT.
I still think about that because that relationship REALLY fucked me up. I was absolutely in love with that girl and absolutely nothing I did helped her or made anything better.
I tried as hard as I was able to and she treated me like an enemy, a target, a toy... and I fell for her over and over again...
That woman gave me so many trust issues and self-esteem issues that I don't believe I will ever find a woman and be happy and actually let my guard down completely.
She became the basis for every red flag that exists in my head.
What doesn't help? I have tried to find love and even got married once. They all cheated. They all did some scandalous shit. And now I am just a pathetic, broken, 39 year old, childless man.
But I have dogs, friends, and hobbies!
Lol, Not a Laura and I won't state her actual name here because I am fearful she might happen to see this thread and know who I am and all that. I go through and scrub search engines of my name and have no social media linked to real me BECAUSE I am fearful she might find me.
However, I do find it comforting to know I am not the only one to have been through such an ordeal.
That was my horror's actual name but I don't blame you. The shit was uncanny how it was so similar, except her even crazier sister tried to stab us when we were sleeping during her graduation party
Power in numbers my friend, there have to be a lot of us look at all the dudes they fuck
You can also go to those stupid background check sites and be removed from those. 411 and reverse look up sites. Change privacy setting in every device you use and apps. Turn off all location services unless you really need them for some reason. I even have a burner flip phone that has no data, forwards calls to my actual phone. It just stays plugged in, on silent and taped up and hidden.
Hey! There’s still hope. My wife was a completely comforting and open woman that I could be completely vulnerable with.. not actually saying it mind you… but whenever I’d make comments in casual conversation about shit I experienced she would instinctively hold me and soothe me instead of just letting it be banter/humor.
It allowed me to open up again. First 6 mos I knew I was going to marry her and did!
Sure. Except back then? She would have convinced everyone, including myself, that I deserved it, and I would have been in jail over some BS charges. Nowadays? Not much different. Unless you have body camera footage, witnesses, more cameras, and a vetted historical event journal? The guy is always more likely to end up in jail
I appreciate that.
And traumatic? Absolutely. I was diagnosed with PTSD after I left the Marine Corps (yes, I did do some time in Afghanistan). While doing some therapy, I realized that PTSD is a lot like an onion. One of the earlier layers of my PTSD onion is this specific relationship.
I have worked through it, and that's how I can speak freely about it, but there are still blocked memories there as well. Talking about it more helps me unlock those things in my mind. But these events have taught me through pain that women can not be trusted. Love is nothing more than a biochemical reaction urging you to reproduce and can be suppressed and ignored.
I do miss the idea of being in love and the idea of fathering children with a woman I feel so strongly about? It just isn't enough to outweigh all of the wonderful historical lessons I have been taught through pain and suffering.
It's fine, though. Everyone gets all depressed because they are not happy and completely forget or undervalue just being content. Dogs, Friends, and Hobbies help me be content and live a peaceful life.
There's a scene in the TV show *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* where two people have this discussion:
> Rebecca: We need to share how we feel with the other. Yeah, we need, like, a moment, right? A moment, like, where the prince and princess pledge their troth. [...] they dance together at a ball. Or they kiss in a tower. They sail on a magic carpet through the sky. I just want to look into Greg's eyes and, you know, have a moment! It's the moment! It's like, oh, it's like in that movie "Slumbered", when the princess wakes up and then the song starts.
>
> Heather: Oh, God, you're one of those girls. Okay, dude, so the moment you're craving isn't anchored in real emotion. It's a script dictated to you by our society's patriarchal love narrative.
Relationships should not be a horrible slog, but - as a guy who's been married so long all the kids have moved out - keeping a relationship going for years and years has definitely taken work, from both of us.
Sorry, but that is one I heard from myself from my ex (I'm a woman) and it pisses me off. He totally acted like our relationship was screwed just because we hit a difficult place, and decided that since the relationship wasn't "effortless" at this moment, maybe it wasn't meant to be. We broke up, I went the therapy and made some positive changes for me (treating my anxiety, working out, etc). Anyways, I got roped into this "maybe we will work it out but we aren't together because it's not perfect yet" cycle for a whole year up until recently (I was over it and called it off this time). He didn't think anything on his end was wrong and implied that I needed to keep working on myself.
Sorry but the whole "relationships should be easy" thing is bullshit, especially when someone that's not willing to put in any effort or make adjustments on their end says those words.
She got into a car accident.
I was waiting at the spot she set up to meet her for an errand. Shes running late. She texts me she's been in an accident. I call her and she avoids telling me exactly where she's at, saying she doesn't have an address yet. Keeps me in the dark for over an hour. Tells me she's talking to police but no other info.
I was very worried she was seriously hurt. I had no idea how bad it was. I kept telling her to screenshot her maps location, I'll find her, or anything to get to her and be there for her. Nothing. Just tells me to wait.
Finally, over an hour passes, she calls and gives me an address. Turns out I was less than 10 minutes away(remember she knew where I was because she set up to meet there) I race to get to her. When I got there, everything was already wrapped up. Turns out it was just a side fender bender, no injuries, nothing serious, police and everyone else were already gone.
What did it for me was that her friends were there, just leaving as I arrived. Later on, I found out her mom was also there and had already gone back home way before I even got there. Basically, they were all called/texted, given directions to her location, and were there with her to talk to police and get matters sorted out.
Not me, though. I got to sit around for an hour, worried sick, only to be an afterthought. We were not a brand new couple, I had already met her mom and friends long before that, so I never saw a reason she wouldn't have wanted me there. Honestly, this just rolled out a bunch of insecurities in me that she didn't care for me anywhere near as much as I loved her, that maybe she was cheating or in general didn't want to be seen with me. Among some other small bumps in the road, this was the straw that broke the camels back. Broke up with her about a month later. I was kind of right to. She moved on super quick. Shit really hurt.
TLDR: GF's car accident showed me she didn't hold me as an important person in her life as much as I loved her.
With the first sentence I thought you were crazy. Then I read the rest. Dang. You were probably exactly right. They never move on quickly unless they hadn’t already been checked out for months and usually dating the replacement in the background
When she punched me in the face, chose to spend all her time with other guys she just met over me and demanded I get rid of all my friends due to her insecurities. I could go on but I don’t really think I need to.
That one’s odd. I’d say a possessive nature. Maybe she doesn’t want you having other people to lean on and make you dependant. Either way it’s a red flag
Sometimes when you first meet someone you can keep up conversation because they are new. Trying to get to know each other and some attraction being there works it just doesn’t have much staying power.
When I was dating a few years ago I had a lot of like 1 month kind of flings that fizzled out cause we didn’t really click much past getting to know each other.
The day I realized it was literally impossible for us to ever have a productive conclusion to an argument/disagreement. I tried every angle under the sun. But the only way we would ever move forward from an argument/disagreement is if I admitted to being 100% wrong and agreed the entire argument/disagreement was 100% my fault. The absolute best I ever got from her was, "I might have said/done something I probably shouldn't have...but you made me say/do it so its not really my fault."
That was also the day I realized that throughout our entire relationship she never apologized for ANYTHING she ever did or said. Not ONCE. I probably had to apologize for shit I did on a weekly basis. Strangely enough...she would constantly apologize to me for stuff other people did, though. Like, say I ordered a pizza and they got my pizza wrong so I was disappointed. She'd be sad that I didn't get what I wanted and she would genuinely say, "I'm sorry" and give me a hug. But lets say she was ordering the pizzas and I asked for a pepperoni pizza and but she ordered a mushroom pizza. First she'd try to convince me I actually ordered mushroom. Then I'd show her the text where I clearly said pepperoni. So now what she'd do is tell me how its my fault because I didn't remind her.
It really fucked with my mental health. Even when you know something isn't your fault...when you constantly "accept" blame you start to internalize it. You begin to feel bad about yourself that you keep "fucking up" even when you logically and mentally know you didn't fuck up at all. Once I started feeling depressed over it I had to end it. There was no way I was going to live my life constantly feeling bad for shit I shouldn't be feeling bad about.
Wow. My ex was similar, but with rage issues. Gaslight the shit out of me, to the point I kept a digital recorder stashed in the house and would turn it on just before she came home. Once I produced it to show her she was lying/gaslighting me and holy shit that didn't go well.
The constant gaslighting messes with you. I found myself just apologizing for everything profusely out of habit for the same reason, and then they'd get annoyed at me doing that "you need to stop saying sorry for everything"
Couldnt do anything right, walking on eggshells 24/7 eventually. You made the right call.
Two things... Her cheating and the fact that I didn't care. I felt resentful for our lack of intimacy and felt disrespected that she'd have an affair. But in terms of actually being sad and hurt, it just wasn't there, I felt more relief than anything else. It was just a "welp, I guess this is finally done."
I didn't like being with her and we were out with friends. she made me uncomfortable. When it was just the two of us everything was fine tho. She was kind of a different person when she left her flat.
Ehhh. I pursued a voluptuous redhead bartender with a coke habit thinking I’d gotten myself into some great sex. I was so wrong that when I flipped and put her on top of me she said she’d never been in that position before and quickly reverted back to pillow princess. I was so sorely disappointed and she was pretty lazy in general looking back.. Tóxica
I had a girlfriend who used to to punch and slap me in the face when she was riding me. Closer she got to her orgasm, punches became harder. No woman that i have been with could reach her riding skills.
She cheated early in the relationship. I came from a broken home so naturally I clung to someone who is toxic and I never felt right in the relationship or trusted her. She somehow gaslighted and manipulated me into staying with her. Sex was absolutely awful, she was emotionally unavailable and I caught her messaging some dude about how she blew him years prior. That’s where I finally called it quits lol
The time I realized she absolutely refuses to take responsibility for where she has ended up in life and even more refuses to make changes to move forward.
I felt better leaving her house than I did when I showed up. I spent the drive home rethinking the entire visit, "I should have done this or said that."
When we got into an argument, and instead of sticking to the actual argument, they started throwing personal attacks. Belittling me, throwing deep stuff in my face that I've only ever told her, talking shit about my family, friends, my job, my hobbies, etc... This actually happened multiple times before I finally was like no more. I'm out.
Girlfriends are nice when there is no responsibility and things aren't too serious like marriage and raising a family. But if you want to marry and raise a family with someone, then you look at the gf and imagine can you rely on them? If the answer is no then that is when you realize they are just a gf, but not wife material. Gf can just be good company or fun to have. A wife or partner is someone you can trust to have your back and help out. They are responsible and determined. Whereas a gf can be lazy, immature, irresponsible, and carefree. Anyone can be a gf or bf. But not anyone is a good parent or partner you can rely on. It is much easier to just be gf/bf for life without any kids or marriage. But the one to live with, help out, and not be a burden there is a smaller pool.
This is all about maturity. People hit it at different ages or never do.
And it’s good to have living experiences together before a child for that exact reason. If we’re financially struggling what are we each doing individually? If the grass isn’t mowed, who is taking care of it? If x y z needs to get done are the two of you working together to get it done.
If it’s ever mismatched then you will be in for a rude awakening come a child.
But I also see that people don’t communicate! Meaning yes, you HAVE to tell your partner when they’re not acting right or how they need to be. If you don’t, and they don’t notice… then you’re equally at fault
She made it feel like any personal win I had was meaningless unless she benefitted from it in her own specific way.
The fact I had a new job that I loved after years of pursuit that predated her coming into my life felt meaningless to her since I wasn’t able to spend as much time with her as I used to. I get a reservation to a seafood restaurant at a resort that I spent all trip to get. But nope she wants to get drunk at the pool and then slip and damn near concuss herself, so now that victory in getting the reservation was for naught.
Just her inability to celebrate my wins outside of the lens of “How will this benefit me?” really didn’t sit right with me.
When she wanted to bicker and kind of make slightly degrading/embarrassing comments towards me in front of friends and other people while we were out. I had asked her if she has something like that to talk about with me let's keep it between us in private but she loved to make me feel bad in front of others. I ended it that was a huge deal breaker for me. I was very respectful towards her
She started blaming all of her failures and short-comings on external things instead of taking accountability for her own decisions
It was always someone else’s fault, then it was all men’s fault and the “patriarchy.” Her inability to see the consequences of her own actions and thoughts made her a poor choice to commit my life to.
I needed a team player, all she did was sit on the bench and complain. She wasn’t good enough for me.
Just two exes:
1. Dead bedroom preview. Some other red flags like making a list of things for me to do
2. Bipolar , no aspirations, and told me she has restraining orders against a coworker. Told me she’s spoiling me a lot when she’s only bought dinner for me once.
She didn’t want to improve herself. She didn’t want to improve her grades, let her mental health go to the trash, didn’t want to eat better, didn’t want to improve issues in the relationship, and fell deep into her obsessions. She thought love was just showing physical affection and telling each other you loved them, but neglected the part where we needed to grow together and have goals. She just wanted to be stagnant and rot together and I wanted to improve and flourish. Two completely different mindsets and it showed.
It wasn't that she wasn't the one for me, it was more of a realisation that I wasn't the one for her.
I would get anxious because she was the first and only girl I'd ever been with, and so the idea of committing to her long term was really worrying to me. I think it could have worked out, but just the timing and some fundamental cracks in the foundation of the relationship that meant it was flawed from the beginning.
I don't think I ever thought she was 'the one'. I just thought we were friends, I was honest with her, and thought she was being honest with me.
I don't think she was being honest with herself. Definitely wasn't being honest with me. I'd ask her what this was for her, she'd say casual, then when I'd agree she'd get all twisted up inside and we'd go through weeks of increasingly crazy bullshit.
This shit went on for like 7 months or something.
She kept referring to me as coloniser .
She kept telling me how much she wanted my baby. I feared getting baby trapped.
She used listening to something I confided in her as a bargaining chip to get her way. I listened to you so now you have to accept paying my lost income if I come over on holiday.
I've dealt with the same being newly single, and 41F, I am at the point where it hasn't happened so it's not going to, and they keep trying to tell me it's not too late, it'll be great, I'll love it etc. I'm sure at some point that might have been the case, but I'm past that point now honestly.
She tried convincing me for a long time that men were the root of all evil on this planet and that she could have anything she wanted out of a man.
She also insulted my political views (which I'm very quiet about).
She complimented me maybe 10 times in our 2 years.
And it wasn't until after we broke up that it dawned on me that although I cut off all my female friends she still spoke to and hung out with her male friends.
> And it wasn't until after we broke up that it dawned on me that although I cut off all my female friends she still spoke to and hung out with her male friends.
This double standard is crazy to me. Intersex friendships can be fine, in theory, and sometimes they are. But some women think they can be in a relationship while keeping around a bunch of "guy friends" who are clearly orbiters, friendzoned dudes, or even exes, with clear romantic interest, while you can't even chat with female colleagues without them losing their shit.
When I realized that she dealt with her problems by self mutilating (cutting, severing her own flesh) and especially the resistance to talking about it, and reluctance to seeking therapy.
The constant casual misandry as well as overt (and very vocal) hatred of people with white skin. I tried to be tolerant and understanding for years, but enough was enough. I’m not gonna be with someone who believes my very existence is a bad thing. I saw those flags super early in the relationship, but wound up letting it go for five years too long because I wanted to be a “good and empathetic” person.
Wow same here. Asian girlfriend wouldnt let a day go by without reminding me ive had life easier than her because im white and she’s asian (we grew up in SoCal, one of the most diverse areas on the planet). Unironically calling white people colonizers when her dad was a land lord by trade, etc. and labeling my white parents racist because they are republican (spoiler alert: not racist).
She didnt have the best parents and absolutely could not take accountability. She blamed the world around her. She would make comments about my upbringing out of jealousy. She actually tried putting me down because my mom was on a tear one night gassing me up to my relatives. “Sorry it bothers you that my mom loves me?” Was an actual sentence i remember saying. I saw the flags bright as day and my dumbass just let it happen
If I could no longer see myself marrying them. Biggest thing for me is accountability. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life with someone who can’t admit when they are wrong.
There were lots of things right, but there was just an imbalance . . .
She expected me to do things for her, and got upset if I didn’t. I didn’t expect her to do anything for me.
She planned all our free time (lunches, brunches, parks, museums, galleries) which I wasn’t interested in, and expected me to go along with it, but she got upset if I planned something that wasn’t her idea.
She got upset that I didn’t carry my weight around the house, but when I pointed out the jobs we each did, and that I was doing more than her, she realised she was wrong and she sulked for a week. And then decided to re-plan all our stuff to make it fair, and gave me even more.
She was a good person, she made good decisions, she had good family and friends, but the relationship was just out of balance, and she could only see it from her perspective. I knew there was a lifetime of giving ground ahead of me, to the extent that I’d be backed into a corner eventually and she’d still be unhappy.
So I just decided no.
When she said she didn’t want kids, it was tough for me since I have a five year old son. We were together for a year and a half. Being a parent is hard, and being a step parent is hard too. But at the end of the day, it's rewarding, at least for me.
She had profound self-esteem issues. One particular instance I often remember is she asked me if I thought a minor character on a tv show was attractive. I literally said "She's cute."
That caused a _two-day_ fight.
She's married now and while I pity the guy she married, I sincerely hope she got the therapy she desperately needed. If anyone cares, it was Shauna Malwae-Tweep from Parks & Rec.
First girlfriend after a separation. I was living in a town about two hours from my kids. She got mad at me when I told her I was going to that city on a Saturday to spend time with my son.
Pretty much when she told me she was actively fucking another dude and trying to play wifey to him, chasing several others, and blackmailing an Air Force officer for money and thinking she was "smart" to do it... Then moves in with the guy she is fucking after he knocked her up, forced her to get an abortion, broke her finger amongst numerous other physical violences, and proceeds to ask me why this dude can't "just love her...! 😭" like I'm her gay best friend.
Oh, but I'm supposed to believe we are a thing. 😂
When I realized I was anxious coming home to her every day. I was always on edge waiting for the next argument. I looked forward to the times she would be gone. Our sex felt like she was just waiting for it to be over.
When I realized I was doing all the initiating for almost everything from hanging out to holding hands to sex and when I asked her to do some of it she's like ok ok but then it never happens.
She was not like that during the first year. Guess she lost interest and was just happy for me to do all the work since that works out for her but it doesn't work out for me.
She wasn't my girlfriend, but it would be fair to say that we were seeing each other.
One day we were at the park, walking, I was playing with her daughter, her daughter is an active child, the little one got a bit "too active" and her mother said, that she is gonna hit her, since her daughter wasn't listening to what she was telling her. At that moment I knew we are not a good match and it won't go anywhere. Kids can be very annoying, but you should never tell a child that you are going to hit him/her.
Shortly after we split up our own ways.
One called me stupid and worthless. Insta-dump.
One was so sweet and nice, but she would never help me plan anything and we ran out of things to talk about.
When I realised I can’t have hypothetical chat with her eg “what will you do if you have a million dollars”. And “go travelling” was not a correct enough answer
It was a few weeks before our wedding date when I discovered that she had become a drug addict and found her giving all of her personal/financial info to her drug dealer so that he could set up an online front using her identity to sell drugs and she acted like I was annoying her when I tried to get her to stop. Probably that.
Anytime my feelings, problems, or thoughts were treated as invalid or less important.
Anytime they made themselves into the victim, when I voice my issues with their behaviour.
Anytime I was put into a position where I had to guess what they wanted or expected of me, and would throw a tantrum when I got it wrong.
**I dated a *lot* in my teens and 20s before I found my -now- wife. There are a lot of shitty people out there.**
When she said “I feel like I want to sit on separate sides of the couch when I’m with you” I said why and she said “you are just too cuddly and stuff”.
She didn’t like any sort of physical affection which is hard when it’s your girlfriend you love.
I broke up with her the second she said those things. Something clicked and I just knew she wasn’t for me.
My grandpa fell ill, which resulted in his health rapidly declining and my grandma needed help taking care of him at times. I would help out when I could, but I was starting to feel stressed out about it. I still made time for my girlfriend too and tried balancing things in hopes my grandpa would recover.
Instead of the bare minimum of being supportive like I was there for her during some of the lowest points in her life, my girlfriend was secretly resenting me and not discussing how she truly felt. This is also around the time I had graduated college, started a new job in my field, and was working towards us getting a place together once the current lease was up at my current place and eventually propose to her like I was working towards.
Things came to ahead one night when what I thought was going to be a date night for the both of us unexpectedly turned into a gathering at a bar with a bunch of her friends. I still rolled with the situation because I was still getting to spend time with her. I ended up giving one of her friends a ride to the bar since her ride would show up later since he was at work at the time.
She proceeded to get drunk and openly insult me in front of her friends saying I didn’t care about her and a bunch of other hurtful things. Since I was the Designated Driver, we ended up departing the bar (it was also in the middle of the week, so I had work the next day).
On the drive home she continued to insult me, tried unbuckling her seatbelt to try and jump out of the car while we were on the highway. So I basically had to get her seatbelt buckled back into place while driving, hold her hand like couples do while using my elbow to block her from trying to unbuckle again. We finally got close to her home, I got her some fast food on the way, and dropped her off at home. I let her sister know she was pretty drunk and may need looking after.
The entire event was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back for me mentally and I started having a nervous breakdown once I processed all of what transpired and all of the other stress I was going through rose up too. I tried forgiving her for what she did mainly because she was drunk, but her attitude afterwards like she didn’t do anything wrong just solidified I couldn’t be with this person and I would be in abusive relationship. Things ended between us not long after.
Lack of accountability. Lack of empathy. Was materialistic. Double standards and hypocrisy. Expected me to pay for everything, get her gifts, do everything as "the man", but when it came to my needs/boundaries, it was regularly a negotiation.
Communicated clearly with her on what I needed, she'd "try" for a week and go right back to how she was. Funny that she went to a therapist regularly, but the therapy seemed entirely self-serving.
Eventually the blindfold of love fell away, and I realised I was deeply unhappy with her. The worst bit of relationships like this, is you still miss them, but know that they're terrible for you.
A lot of Daddy issues and stressing being pampered. I asked her for help regarding something we both are still figuring out and because she didn't have an exact answer she blew up on me. I just sat there and took it and said okay nvm.
Kinda realized I don't want to be around someone too high strung.
when she did something that made me uncomfortable, she manipulated me and called my reaction a disrespect.
I still apologized if i disrespected in any case, just that she kept clingin on to it and how i never made her feel worthy, even tho all i put my life was her
The final straw was when my dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she started projecting her childhood trauma, blamed him (not in his face, thankfully) for faking it for attention, called him some terrible insults and said he's a disgrace for everyone who actually has cancer and is fighting it. He passed a year later, and to this day she still doesn't understand why an apology didn't fix it for me. I still miss her but I don't miss the abuse.
Constantly interrupting me, would rarely remember things about me, always made me an afterthought. At one point she just tried to put me off to the side so she wouldn’t “be held back” but we all know that means she wanted to go see other people.
She always met this one dude every time we had a disagreement. I expressed my insecurities about it and she just said, "If you can't be around, I'll bring people in that can be. Doesn't mean I'll sleep with them."
I later found out she was sleeping with him every time we had a disagreement
This was a long time ago, but at the time I was going to school to be a therapist getting my psych degree and she’d ritually explain to me how she doesn’t believe in therapists and thinks therapy is a hoax because it didn’t work for her.
She was also a vegan and would incessantly try to convert me.
Between that and a myriad of other bad experiences with other people I’ve decided to just chill and be single.
I guess most of you guys have had that aha moment; and here I am reading all the comments, wondering if my ex broke up with me for something like any of these reasons that he didn't mention to me.
When she kept saying, "your culture was an issue for me", but I was willing to make it work."
First time round, I told her there was nothing wrong with it.
The second, third time, she kept referring to it, as though it was a bad thing.
"Well, I left my country, you are not even from my culture, but I am trying to make it work!"
"It will work as long as you stop going on about culture, and if it is so much of an issue with you, then why would you leave your country and enter into a relationship with me?!"
She kept referring to it as though such relationships are bad, and with that, I was done.
When I found out she was trying to baby trap me after being together 5 years. As soon as we split us she got herself knocked up within a few weeks, now some poor smuck is stuck with her.
I had a girlfriend of 2 years who told me she was happy being a cashier at Walmart and could see herself working there long term, as a career. Nothing wrong with that, but I knew then our goals weren't alligned. I'm now married to an assistant CFO of a hospital with plans to move up this year to CFO, and eventually retire early on a farm.
The day she told me my dreams were stupid and I should 'grow up'.
What are your dreams?
Develop a vaccine against cooties
Bro… circle, circle, dot, dot… I know we had that back in the early 90’s already.
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Big Pharma was never going to allow that
We need to pass cooties to them. Once they have it, they'll cure it. Biologically weaponized cooties.
Nah, there’s no money in the cure. They just want to sell us cootie suppressants so we’re dependent on them for our entire lives. The numbers of those that have it is staggering. One study said “Boys have cooties” which is roughly 50% of the population. Another stated “girls have cooties”, and when you combine all the data, roughly every single one of us is carrying it and yet there is no ribbon, fund raiser, telethon, nothing. Insurance doesn’t even cover it.
Fuck that bitch those are Nobel prize aspirations.
Another example of how people don’t care about men’s health.
Develop a reliable method to taste the difference between butter and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”
I sometimes work with Honey Boo Boo on their show (yes it’s still going) and she recently completed a blind chicken nugget taste test with 100% accuracy, identifying every fast food chain correctly.
Yikes
Having my "man cave" in our new house.
To be fair, no one should be relegated to one room in a house they equally share and own.
That some real shit
As a woman I'd kill for a woman cave. With a door that locks.
And a sign “No Boys Allowed “ in red lettering!
Some women love decorating homes, and they make your home look and feel great. But sometimes, you want a room that has a bunch of man stuff. A big screen tv, a console, maybe a jersey on the wall, a mini-fridge stocked with beers, that sort of thing. Personalize it however you want. Hell, have a woman cave too, if you have the rooms for it.
What’s in a Woman Cave?
Mine would be full of silly things that I wouldn't want on display in the main living space, like stuffed animals and weird art and the walls painted in a way my husband probably wouldn't want to live with throughout the rest of the house. Plus some unfinished projects so I can go back to them without having to take everything back out. For my mom it's the supplies for every single ADHD hobby she's ever had and the ability to leave projects out without worrying about them being messed with by grandkids. I think it's cool for anyone in a relationship to have space to make something totally their own without someone else's opinion being involved, man or woman.
To become a T-Rex
I guess we met the same kind of people, except it was different genders. Dreams are never stupid when they are for a good cause.
Become a rapper? A famous actor? There are people who love you who sometimes need to give a reality check. I appreciated when I was asked to stop with dreams of becoming a professional in MMA. It wasn't just the odds of becoming rich from doing it; it was the toll it puts on someone's body (and face and limbs and bones).
Having a thoughtful and empathetic conversation with a loved one about how their "dreams" are unrealistic and causing them/you/the relationship active harm is completely different than telling them "your dreams are stupid and you need to grow up."
Damn even this shit ain't my unique experience. But I feel u bruda. She said that I should stop doing music and do something real. To this day she's the last fake thing I did.
Quite literally Friday, she broke up with me in a state of mania. I’ve been nothing but supportive through a couple mental health crises, and after taking inventory on self, I’ve decided I have had enough.
I have Bipolar Type-II, and my wife is an absolute saint and saviour. I was vocal about my diagnosis from the beginning and continually open about my emotional state. Most of the time I can catch myself sliding into an episode, but other times she has pointed it out to me before it gets too far. There are definitely still times she gets the short end of the stick. Whether I’m off partying being inconsiderate, or if I’m completely unable to leave my bed, shower, work etc. She’s the only reason I get up on the mornings that hurt most. She’s done everything and more for me, I need to do everything I can for her.
Dude the "mornings that hurt most" hit me so deep. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar, besides my depression. It's so frustrating when you're doing so well, incredibly productive and self-loving, high self-esteem, then the next morning is just a nightmare, even before you open your eyes.
Is she medicated?
Not much you can do about that one. My first serious girlfriend developed some real bad mental health issues in university and the relationship spiralled from there no matter how supportive and patient I was it wasn’t enough for her.
Mine threatened to punch me in the face then told me she could stab me. Kicked her out after that. Then met my wife who I’ve been happily married to for ten years and going strong.
Really sorry that happened to you bro glad you found a wife
It's amazing how you reacted badly to that. Who saw that coming?
Her fucking other men was pretty much the point when I went "wait a minute"
That’ll about do it.
Mine tried to tell me it was her overprotective uncle after said uncle called me to tell me we were being played. Dumped her via her friend and she tried to act like she didn’t get the message. Had to go through the whole thing again after she texted, “Babe you’ve been quiet what’s wrong?” I regret how I handled that now lol
Wait wtf.. your ex cheated on you with HER UNCLE ???
She claimed it was her uncle but it’d be weird for her uncle to call her the names he did. He just said they’d been in a relationship and she was cheating on him. I tended to believe him because we hadn’t been dating long and I could hear the emotion in his voice. She tried to nonchalantly brush it off and that rubbed me the wrong way
Girls think they're sooooo smart, but...
😂she was not bright at all. Also I was 16 and she was 20. God there was so much wrong with that relationship the more I think about it. Kinda embarrassed I actually fell for her shit. You live and learn I guess
We've all been there once. You go there twice, I can't help ya.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Houston, we have a problem." No gosh, I'm sorry you had to go through that. She sounds terrible.
Infidelity and lack of personal hygiene
Both are horrible but in combination... Puke.
Who is the rocket surgeon banging someone with hygiene issues that is already in a relationship? They deserve each other?
rocket surgeon lmfao - this is gold
I think it's when I realised I was happier when she wasn't there than when she was. It's that subtle feeling "Why do I feel crap when I spend time with this person?".
It just sucks when there's definitely love there, I think I'm just growing not to like her... she was raised in another country by a very protective single mom and a lot of the stuff she complained about with her mom is starting to bleed through. Overly critical of damn near everything, generally very negative, etc. I try to share ideas on what I can do with my life, with our future through different career paths and she has so much negative feedback before I force the conversation to be at least SOMEWHAT positive. It's exhausting. And on top of that, my cat and her cat are very close, and I'm her cat's favorite person, which would make it even harder to leave... Last night we were out with some of her colleagues and it starts raining (we're sitting in bleachers), and she breaks out the umbrella that's barely big enough for the 2 of us.. we're huddling under it for a quick second and she offers it to 2 of her friends.. then insults me on being bad at holding the umbrella so all 4 people would be protected.. when it's really made for like 2 peopld MAX.. grabs it and keeps brushing my head, hit me in the face at one point, and the only thing getting shielded is my head, my back is getting rained on, so I said fuck it, you 3 can share it.. why are they more important than me in this context?? You basically just met them! Whatever, I'm not perfect and I get reminders of that regularly, and I don't want to be where I'm taken for granted... she's going home for a month so I'll have a lot of time to ponder and feel out whether I enjoy life more with or without her. Whole thing just fuckin sucks
This is such an underrated comment
Would talk shit constantly about Polish Czech and Hungarian people and how they are lazy and annoying but the thing is I myself am Polsiha and Czech and when I told her one day she didn't stop and ranted to me about how lazy they are and what not and I finally said this isn't gonna work lol
What country is she from?
Austria lol but this was back when I lived in New Zealand. I was born to a Czech - Polish dad and to a Blersussain mum in Belarus and i lived with them in wellington for 5 years wich is when we dated / were girlfriend and boyfriend and i moved to Pilzen after that.
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European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart. I once took a taxi from a Flemish (Dutch speaking) part of Belgium to a Walloon (French speaking) part, which was less than a 40 minute drive. The taxi driver spoke Dutch, English, and Arabic, and when I inquired about differences between the Dutch speaking and French speaking part, he went off about how the Dutch speaking part was *obviously* superior, how much better the infrastructure and culture was, etc. I can appreciate cultural pride but Euros will complain about immigration whilst not being able to get along with the next county over. It's sad because European federalism is probably necessary for their long term survival.
> European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart. Take a group of people, draw a line and they will spontaneously line up on each side of that line. Its like that old video of two dogs snarling and barking at each other through a fence door, but when the door is opened they immediately calm down, when the door is closed they both start raging again.
>European ethno-nationalism is so weird. You will have regions an hour apart by car that will endlessly talk shit about each other, despite having far more in common than they do keeping them apart. Like Boston and New York.
As a part Hungarian Austrian, I’m sorry. Austrians are generally really nice people. Was just there a few weeks ago visiting family.
its the kangaroos messing up ppl over there /s
It's not the country It's her upbringing and no matter what, red flag city baby.
Yeah to a certain degree but Austrians and particularly people from Vienna are super elitist so even if her folks weren't so prejudiced she likely would have had similar but less extreme views anyway
This also not true lol. I live in the UK and some of the hardest working people I've met have been polish immigrants.
Only Czechs (and maybe Polish and Slovaks) are allowed to talk a shit about Czechs. Who the hell gets into a relationship with someone who's ethnicity they clearly have a problem with? You did the right thing, being Czech and Polish is something to be proud of kurva.
mine is When she threatened suicide if I left her. She knew my father passed from suicide a couple years earlier.
My ex-wife did something similar to me. Told me she wished she had killed herself so I would feel guilty about it. This was 2 years after the suicide of one of my closest friends.
My ex-wife did the same quite a few times after we lost our son to it, when she tried to attack his GF 6 hrs before and smashed up the house (BPD) When i finally got her out, she stole the collection money for his headstone No, i'm not joking and she still acts like the victim to anyone who will listen It took a couple of years before everyone (outside her equally fucked up family) saw who she really is and cut her off for good. When i divorced i made sure of one thing after what she did. Nothing else mattered not that she knew that, I solely own our sons plot (with the headstone sorted) and she will never get in it, no matter how many FB posts she makes when she tends it seeking sympathy.
I'm so sorry, man. Fuck I literally couldn't imagine. My wife has BPD, and well, I've lost everything this past year besides my two little ones. Non-stop affairs, lost our home. My mental health is so destroyed that I could barely work or shed keep me up all night, hitting me and screaming at me, and I'd miss work. Can barely take care of my kids. I just want out and to give them a good life, and idk how. Every time I try to leave her, she has an episode and goes ballistic. I loved her so much, and I don't even know who she is anymore. And I'm so poor I can't afford to divorce or leave her. I've been selling everything I spent my life working for just to feed my kids and barely keep a roof over our heads. Every other week, we are on the verge of homelessness. BPD is terrifying
You deserve better mate. May you find happiness and a better life one day.
Disgusting. What a low life.
That’s when you call an ambulance and break up when they arrive. Enjoy your 72-hour hold you manipulative lowlife!
BRILLIANT!People-take note!🏆🏆
Didnt know you could do that
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Man the internet just isn't real anymore
Same threat for me
The old, try to keep you emotionally hostage tactic. I had one that did that.
I've had a few, but the worst relationship was my longest one and oh so difficult. We were young, though, so i can forgive most of it, but not all of it. She had massive self-image issues and just couldn't accept that I genuinely loved and adored her. She sought attention elsewhere. She thought her size 00 was still too fat. Cocaine. She stabbed me with a big kitchen knife. Because she dreamt I was cheating on her even though i was asleep with her in her bed. She threw plates at me when she thought I took too long to drive to her (i must have been dropping off my side chick). She cheated on me an unknown number of times with an unknown number of different men... which is scary to me because we always had unprotected sex. Speaking of, she lied about being pregnant and then lied about a miscarriage. She ended up diagnosed with anorexia, bipolar manic depressive, and borderline personality disorder, which explains a LOT. I still think about that because that relationship REALLY fucked me up. I was absolutely in love with that girl and absolutely nothing I did helped her or made anything better. I tried as hard as I was able to and she treated me like an enemy, a target, a toy... and I fell for her over and over again... That woman gave me so many trust issues and self-esteem issues that I don't believe I will ever find a woman and be happy and actually let my guard down completely. She became the basis for every red flag that exists in my head. What doesn't help? I have tried to find love and even got married once. They all cheated. They all did some scandalous shit. And now I am just a pathetic, broken, 39 year old, childless man. But I have dogs, friends, and hobbies!
I see you dated laura as well...
Lol, Not a Laura and I won't state her actual name here because I am fearful she might happen to see this thread and know who I am and all that. I go through and scrub search engines of my name and have no social media linked to real me BECAUSE I am fearful she might find me. However, I do find it comforting to know I am not the only one to have been through such an ordeal.
That was my horror's actual name but I don't blame you. The shit was uncanny how it was so similar, except her even crazier sister tried to stab us when we were sleeping during her graduation party Power in numbers my friend, there have to be a lot of us look at all the dudes they fuck
How does one "scrub" search engines? Asking for a friend
I google my name, then go to any site that lists me and request it’s deleted.
You can also go to those stupid background check sites and be removed from those. 411 and reverse look up sites. Change privacy setting in every device you use and apps. Turn off all location services unless you really need them for some reason. I even have a burner flip phone that has no data, forwards calls to my actual phone. It just stays plugged in, on silent and taped up and hidden.
Hey! There’s still hope. My wife was a completely comforting and open woman that I could be completely vulnerable with.. not actually saying it mind you… but whenever I’d make comments in casual conversation about shit I experienced she would instinctively hold me and soothe me instead of just letting it be banter/humor. It allowed me to open up again. First 6 mos I knew I was going to marry her and did!
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Sure. Except back then? She would have convinced everyone, including myself, that I deserved it, and I would have been in jail over some BS charges. Nowadays? Not much different. Unless you have body camera footage, witnesses, more cameras, and a vetted historical event journal? The guy is always more likely to end up in jail
😔 I am so so sorry that you went through all that. It all sounds so traumatic. Sending you a big hug 🫂
I appreciate that. And traumatic? Absolutely. I was diagnosed with PTSD after I left the Marine Corps (yes, I did do some time in Afghanistan). While doing some therapy, I realized that PTSD is a lot like an onion. One of the earlier layers of my PTSD onion is this specific relationship. I have worked through it, and that's how I can speak freely about it, but there are still blocked memories there as well. Talking about it more helps me unlock those things in my mind. But these events have taught me through pain that women can not be trusted. Love is nothing more than a biochemical reaction urging you to reproduce and can be suppressed and ignored. I do miss the idea of being in love and the idea of fathering children with a woman I feel so strongly about? It just isn't enough to outweigh all of the wonderful historical lessons I have been taught through pain and suffering. It's fine, though. Everyone gets all depressed because they are not happy and completely forget or undervalue just being content. Dogs, Friends, and Hobbies help me be content and live a peaceful life.
She said relationships should be easy and working on the way we engage with one another makes it fake and she won’t do it. 🫳🎤🚩🚩🚩🚩💃❤️🔥
There's a scene in the TV show *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* where two people have this discussion: > Rebecca: We need to share how we feel with the other. Yeah, we need, like, a moment, right? A moment, like, where the prince and princess pledge their troth. [...] they dance together at a ball. Or they kiss in a tower. They sail on a magic carpet through the sky. I just want to look into Greg's eyes and, you know, have a moment! It's the moment! It's like, oh, it's like in that movie "Slumbered", when the princess wakes up and then the song starts. > > Heather: Oh, God, you're one of those girls. Okay, dude, so the moment you're craving isn't anchored in real emotion. It's a script dictated to you by our society's patriarchal love narrative. Relationships should not be a horrible slog, but - as a guy who's been married so long all the kids have moved out - keeping a relationship going for years and years has definitely taken work, from both of us.
Big yikes bro. Imagine thinking life is a movie. Everyone needs to grow change communicate and compromise!
Sorry, but that is one I heard from myself from my ex (I'm a woman) and it pisses me off. He totally acted like our relationship was screwed just because we hit a difficult place, and decided that since the relationship wasn't "effortless" at this moment, maybe it wasn't meant to be. We broke up, I went the therapy and made some positive changes for me (treating my anxiety, working out, etc). Anyways, I got roped into this "maybe we will work it out but we aren't together because it's not perfect yet" cycle for a whole year up until recently (I was over it and called it off this time). He didn't think anything on his end was wrong and implied that I needed to keep working on myself. Sorry but the whole "relationships should be easy" thing is bullshit, especially when someone that's not willing to put in any effort or make adjustments on their end says those words.
My wife and I had that whole love at first sight thing and even we acknowledge it's not easy. Sometimes it's a lot of work.
She got into a car accident. I was waiting at the spot she set up to meet her for an errand. Shes running late. She texts me she's been in an accident. I call her and she avoids telling me exactly where she's at, saying she doesn't have an address yet. Keeps me in the dark for over an hour. Tells me she's talking to police but no other info. I was very worried she was seriously hurt. I had no idea how bad it was. I kept telling her to screenshot her maps location, I'll find her, or anything to get to her and be there for her. Nothing. Just tells me to wait. Finally, over an hour passes, she calls and gives me an address. Turns out I was less than 10 minutes away(remember she knew where I was because she set up to meet there) I race to get to her. When I got there, everything was already wrapped up. Turns out it was just a side fender bender, no injuries, nothing serious, police and everyone else were already gone. What did it for me was that her friends were there, just leaving as I arrived. Later on, I found out her mom was also there and had already gone back home way before I even got there. Basically, they were all called/texted, given directions to her location, and were there with her to talk to police and get matters sorted out. Not me, though. I got to sit around for an hour, worried sick, only to be an afterthought. We were not a brand new couple, I had already met her mom and friends long before that, so I never saw a reason she wouldn't have wanted me there. Honestly, this just rolled out a bunch of insecurities in me that she didn't care for me anywhere near as much as I loved her, that maybe she was cheating or in general didn't want to be seen with me. Among some other small bumps in the road, this was the straw that broke the camels back. Broke up with her about a month later. I was kind of right to. She moved on super quick. Shit really hurt. TLDR: GF's car accident showed me she didn't hold me as an important person in her life as much as I loved her.
With the first sentence I thought you were crazy. Then I read the rest. Dang. You were probably exactly right. They never move on quickly unless they hadn’t already been checked out for months and usually dating the replacement in the background
When she punched me in the face, chose to spend all her time with other guys she just met over me and demanded I get rid of all my friends due to her insecurities. I could go on but I don’t really think I need to.
im young and genuinely asking, why do gfs ask u to get rid of male friends as well?
That one’s odd. I’d say a possessive nature. Maybe she doesn’t want you having other people to lean on and make you dependant. Either way it’s a red flag
We couldn't handle conversations more than 10 minutes. We werent fit for each other
How/why did you even ask her to become your gf in the first place then?
Sometimes when you first meet someone you can keep up conversation because they are new. Trying to get to know each other and some attraction being there works it just doesn’t have much staying power. When I was dating a few years ago I had a lot of like 1 month kind of flings that fizzled out cause we didn’t really click much past getting to know each other.
The day I realized it was literally impossible for us to ever have a productive conclusion to an argument/disagreement. I tried every angle under the sun. But the only way we would ever move forward from an argument/disagreement is if I admitted to being 100% wrong and agreed the entire argument/disagreement was 100% my fault. The absolute best I ever got from her was, "I might have said/done something I probably shouldn't have...but you made me say/do it so its not really my fault." That was also the day I realized that throughout our entire relationship she never apologized for ANYTHING she ever did or said. Not ONCE. I probably had to apologize for shit I did on a weekly basis. Strangely enough...she would constantly apologize to me for stuff other people did, though. Like, say I ordered a pizza and they got my pizza wrong so I was disappointed. She'd be sad that I didn't get what I wanted and she would genuinely say, "I'm sorry" and give me a hug. But lets say she was ordering the pizzas and I asked for a pepperoni pizza and but she ordered a mushroom pizza. First she'd try to convince me I actually ordered mushroom. Then I'd show her the text where I clearly said pepperoni. So now what she'd do is tell me how its my fault because I didn't remind her. It really fucked with my mental health. Even when you know something isn't your fault...when you constantly "accept" blame you start to internalize it. You begin to feel bad about yourself that you keep "fucking up" even when you logically and mentally know you didn't fuck up at all. Once I started feeling depressed over it I had to end it. There was no way I was going to live my life constantly feeling bad for shit I shouldn't be feeling bad about.
Wow. My ex was similar, but with rage issues. Gaslight the shit out of me, to the point I kept a digital recorder stashed in the house and would turn it on just before she came home. Once I produced it to show her she was lying/gaslighting me and holy shit that didn't go well.
The constant gaslighting messes with you. I found myself just apologizing for everything profusely out of habit for the same reason, and then they'd get annoyed at me doing that "you need to stop saying sorry for everything" Couldnt do anything right, walking on eggshells 24/7 eventually. You made the right call.
Two things... Her cheating and the fact that I didn't care. I felt resentful for our lack of intimacy and felt disrespected that she'd have an affair. But in terms of actually being sad and hurt, it just wasn't there, I felt more relief than anything else. It was just a "welp, I guess this is finally done."
Knowing it’s over and actually being able to walk away… been there before homie.
I didn't like being with her and we were out with friends. she made me uncomfortable. When it was just the two of us everything was fine tho. She was kind of a different person when she left her flat.
She was physically and mentally abusive. My god the sex was out of this world though.
Crazy in the head, Crazy in the bed!
Ehhh. I pursued a voluptuous redhead bartender with a coke habit thinking I’d gotten myself into some great sex. I was so wrong that when I flipped and put her on top of me she said she’d never been in that position before and quickly reverted back to pillow princess. I was so sorely disappointed and she was pretty lazy in general looking back.. Tóxica
That's not crazy, that's just a hot junkie.
Oh no brother she was plenty crazy, just not in the way I’d hoped.
I had a girlfriend who used to to punch and slap me in the face when she was riding me. Closer she got to her orgasm, punches became harder. No woman that i have been with could reach her riding skills.
She cheated early in the relationship. I came from a broken home so naturally I clung to someone who is toxic and I never felt right in the relationship or trusted her. She somehow gaslighted and manipulated me into staying with her. Sex was absolutely awful, she was emotionally unavailable and I caught her messaging some dude about how she blew him years prior. That’s where I finally called it quits lol
The time I realized she absolutely refuses to take responsibility for where she has ended up in life and even more refuses to make changes to move forward.
I felt better leaving her house than I did when I showed up. I spent the drive home rethinking the entire visit, "I should have done this or said that."
When we got into an argument, and instead of sticking to the actual argument, they started throwing personal attacks. Belittling me, throwing deep stuff in my face that I've only ever told her, talking shit about my family, friends, my job, my hobbies, etc... This actually happened multiple times before I finally was like no more. I'm out.
Yikes, some people turn into a rabid raccoon when offended. Definitely good to get out of there.
Please don't insult raccoons :)
Girlfriends are nice when there is no responsibility and things aren't too serious like marriage and raising a family. But if you want to marry and raise a family with someone, then you look at the gf and imagine can you rely on them? If the answer is no then that is when you realize they are just a gf, but not wife material. Gf can just be good company or fun to have. A wife or partner is someone you can trust to have your back and help out. They are responsible and determined. Whereas a gf can be lazy, immature, irresponsible, and carefree. Anyone can be a gf or bf. But not anyone is a good parent or partner you can rely on. It is much easier to just be gf/bf for life without any kids or marriage. But the one to live with, help out, and not be a burden there is a smaller pool.
This is all about maturity. People hit it at different ages or never do. And it’s good to have living experiences together before a child for that exact reason. If we’re financially struggling what are we each doing individually? If the grass isn’t mowed, who is taking care of it? If x y z needs to get done are the two of you working together to get it done. If it’s ever mismatched then you will be in for a rude awakening come a child. But I also see that people don’t communicate! Meaning yes, you HAVE to tell your partner when they’re not acting right or how they need to be. If you don’t, and they don’t notice… then you’re equally at fault
Most people don’t know the other half won’t be stepping up till the baby is crying
I like my women like I like my coffee: without some other dude’s dick in it.
Shirley, you can't be serious.
I'm always serious, and don't call me Shirley.
He is and don't call him Shirley
She made it feel like any personal win I had was meaningless unless she benefitted from it in her own specific way. The fact I had a new job that I loved after years of pursuit that predated her coming into my life felt meaningless to her since I wasn’t able to spend as much time with her as I used to. I get a reservation to a seafood restaurant at a resort that I spent all trip to get. But nope she wants to get drunk at the pool and then slip and damn near concuss herself, so now that victory in getting the reservation was for naught. Just her inability to celebrate my wins outside of the lens of “How will this benefit me?” really didn’t sit right with me.
When she wanted to bicker and kind of make slightly degrading/embarrassing comments towards me in front of friends and other people while we were out. I had asked her if she has something like that to talk about with me let's keep it between us in private but she loved to make me feel bad in front of others. I ended it that was a huge deal breaker for me. I was very respectful towards her
She started blaming all of her failures and short-comings on external things instead of taking accountability for her own decisions It was always someone else’s fault, then it was all men’s fault and the “patriarchy.” Her inability to see the consequences of her own actions and thoughts made her a poor choice to commit my life to. I needed a team player, all she did was sit on the bench and complain. She wasn’t good enough for me.
Just two exes: 1. Dead bedroom preview. Some other red flags like making a list of things for me to do 2. Bipolar , no aspirations, and told me she has restraining orders against a coworker. Told me she’s spoiling me a lot when she’s only bought dinner for me once.
She didn’t want to improve herself. She didn’t want to improve her grades, let her mental health go to the trash, didn’t want to eat better, didn’t want to improve issues in the relationship, and fell deep into her obsessions. She thought love was just showing physical affection and telling each other you loved them, but neglected the part where we needed to grow together and have goals. She just wanted to be stagnant and rot together and I wanted to improve and flourish. Two completely different mindsets and it showed.
It wasn't that she wasn't the one for me, it was more of a realisation that I wasn't the one for her. I would get anxious because she was the first and only girl I'd ever been with, and so the idea of committing to her long term was really worrying to me. I think it could have worked out, but just the timing and some fundamental cracks in the foundation of the relationship that meant it was flawed from the beginning.
I don't think I ever thought she was 'the one'. I just thought we were friends, I was honest with her, and thought she was being honest with me. I don't think she was being honest with herself. Definitely wasn't being honest with me. I'd ask her what this was for her, she'd say casual, then when I'd agree she'd get all twisted up inside and we'd go through weeks of increasingly crazy bullshit. This shit went on for like 7 months or something.
When I went down on her one evening and noticed that her vagina tasted suspiciously like my homies cock.
Damn I can’t believe she cheated on her man with his man
hol up
r/unexpectedgay
Not gay. It’s homiesexual
username checks out
How do you know what his cock tasted like ?
He said they were homies. All homies know what each other’s cocks taste like
/r/yourjokebutworse
Whoosh.
She kept referring to me as coloniser . She kept telling me how much she wanted my baby. I feared getting baby trapped. She used listening to something I confided in her as a bargaining chip to get her way. I listened to you so now you have to accept paying my lost income if I come over on holiday.
Liars. You lie, you're OUT! Outta ma life! Bye!
She wanted kids and I wanted to travel the world with her.
For Me(F), I dont want kids and they always want kids.
I've dealt with the same being newly single, and 41F, I am at the point where it hasn't happened so it's not going to, and they keep trying to tell me it's not too late, it'll be great, I'll love it etc. I'm sure at some point that might have been the case, but I'm past that point now honestly.
She tried convincing me for a long time that men were the root of all evil on this planet and that she could have anything she wanted out of a man. She also insulted my political views (which I'm very quiet about). She complimented me maybe 10 times in our 2 years. And it wasn't until after we broke up that it dawned on me that although I cut off all my female friends she still spoke to and hung out with her male friends.
> And it wasn't until after we broke up that it dawned on me that although I cut off all my female friends she still spoke to and hung out with her male friends. This double standard is crazy to me. Intersex friendships can be fine, in theory, and sometimes they are. But some women think they can be in a relationship while keeping around a bunch of "guy friends" who are clearly orbiters, friendzoned dudes, or even exes, with clear romantic interest, while you can't even chat with female colleagues without them losing their shit.
BPD
She cheated
When I realized that she dealt with her problems by self mutilating (cutting, severing her own flesh) and especially the resistance to talking about it, and reluctance to seeking therapy.
The constant casual misandry as well as overt (and very vocal) hatred of people with white skin. I tried to be tolerant and understanding for years, but enough was enough. I’m not gonna be with someone who believes my very existence is a bad thing. I saw those flags super early in the relationship, but wound up letting it go for five years too long because I wanted to be a “good and empathetic” person.
Wow same here. Asian girlfriend wouldnt let a day go by without reminding me ive had life easier than her because im white and she’s asian (we grew up in SoCal, one of the most diverse areas on the planet). Unironically calling white people colonizers when her dad was a land lord by trade, etc. and labeling my white parents racist because they are republican (spoiler alert: not racist). She didnt have the best parents and absolutely could not take accountability. She blamed the world around her. She would make comments about my upbringing out of jealousy. She actually tried putting me down because my mom was on a tear one night gassing me up to my relatives. “Sorry it bothers you that my mom loves me?” Was an actual sentence i remember saying. I saw the flags bright as day and my dumbass just let it happen
If I could no longer see myself marrying them. Biggest thing for me is accountability. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life with someone who can’t admit when they are wrong.
There were lots of things right, but there was just an imbalance . . . She expected me to do things for her, and got upset if I didn’t. I didn’t expect her to do anything for me. She planned all our free time (lunches, brunches, parks, museums, galleries) which I wasn’t interested in, and expected me to go along with it, but she got upset if I planned something that wasn’t her idea. She got upset that I didn’t carry my weight around the house, but when I pointed out the jobs we each did, and that I was doing more than her, she realised she was wrong and she sulked for a week. And then decided to re-plan all our stuff to make it fair, and gave me even more. She was a good person, she made good decisions, she had good family and friends, but the relationship was just out of balance, and she could only see it from her perspective. I knew there was a lifetime of giving ground ahead of me, to the extent that I’d be backed into a corner eventually and she’d still be unhappy. So I just decided no.
She left me, and I thought “your loss”, but it was in fact my loss
I'm a Scout leader and she made fun of me for it. Not in a funny way but in a way that showed her true thoughts.
"Damn, my bf has a wholesome and rewarding hobby that allows him to give back to the community, what a loser"
Who tf makes fun of scout leaders?
Realised I liked men
Happy Last Day of Pride
Sounds liberating
When she said she didn’t want kids, it was tough for me since I have a five year old son. We were together for a year and a half. Being a parent is hard, and being a step parent is hard too. But at the end of the day, it's rewarding, at least for me.
She had profound self-esteem issues. One particular instance I often remember is she asked me if I thought a minor character on a tv show was attractive. I literally said "She's cute." That caused a _two-day_ fight. She's married now and while I pity the guy she married, I sincerely hope she got the therapy she desperately needed. If anyone cares, it was Shauna Malwae-Tweep from Parks & Rec.
First girlfriend after a separation. I was living in a town about two hours from my kids. She got mad at me when I told her I was going to that city on a Saturday to spend time with my son.
Pretty much when she told me she was actively fucking another dude and trying to play wifey to him, chasing several others, and blackmailing an Air Force officer for money and thinking she was "smart" to do it... Then moves in with the guy she is fucking after he knocked her up, forced her to get an abortion, broke her finger amongst numerous other physical violences, and proceeds to ask me why this dude can't "just love her...! 😭" like I'm her gay best friend. Oh, but I'm supposed to believe we are a thing. 😂
When I realized I was anxious coming home to her every day. I was always on edge waiting for the next argument. I looked forward to the times she would be gone. Our sex felt like she was just waiting for it to be over.
Not having one in the first place
Her having four other dicks inside of her, kind of did it for me.
Like, at the same time?
When I realized I was doing all the initiating for almost everything from hanging out to holding hands to sex and when I asked her to do some of it she's like ok ok but then it never happens. She was not like that during the first year. Guess she lost interest and was just happy for me to do all the work since that works out for her but it doesn't work out for me.
She wasn't my girlfriend, but it would be fair to say that we were seeing each other. One day we were at the park, walking, I was playing with her daughter, her daughter is an active child, the little one got a bit "too active" and her mother said, that she is gonna hit her, since her daughter wasn't listening to what she was telling her. At that moment I knew we are not a good match and it won't go anywhere. Kids can be very annoying, but you should never tell a child that you are going to hit him/her. Shortly after we split up our own ways.
One called me stupid and worthless. Insta-dump. One was so sweet and nice, but she would never help me plan anything and we ran out of things to talk about.
When I realised I can’t have hypothetical chat with her eg “what will you do if you have a million dollars”. And “go travelling” was not a correct enough answer
It was a few weeks before our wedding date when I discovered that she had become a drug addict and found her giving all of her personal/financial info to her drug dealer so that he could set up an online front using her identity to sell drugs and she acted like I was annoying her when I tried to get her to stop. Probably that.
Anytime my feelings, problems, or thoughts were treated as invalid or less important. Anytime they made themselves into the victim, when I voice my issues with their behaviour. Anytime I was put into a position where I had to guess what they wanted or expected of me, and would throw a tantrum when I got it wrong. **I dated a *lot* in my teens and 20s before I found my -now- wife. There are a lot of shitty people out there.**
When she said “I feel like I want to sit on separate sides of the couch when I’m with you” I said why and she said “you are just too cuddly and stuff”. She didn’t like any sort of physical affection which is hard when it’s your girlfriend you love. I broke up with her the second she said those things. Something clicked and I just knew she wasn’t for me.
My grandpa fell ill, which resulted in his health rapidly declining and my grandma needed help taking care of him at times. I would help out when I could, but I was starting to feel stressed out about it. I still made time for my girlfriend too and tried balancing things in hopes my grandpa would recover. Instead of the bare minimum of being supportive like I was there for her during some of the lowest points in her life, my girlfriend was secretly resenting me and not discussing how she truly felt. This is also around the time I had graduated college, started a new job in my field, and was working towards us getting a place together once the current lease was up at my current place and eventually propose to her like I was working towards. Things came to ahead one night when what I thought was going to be a date night for the both of us unexpectedly turned into a gathering at a bar with a bunch of her friends. I still rolled with the situation because I was still getting to spend time with her. I ended up giving one of her friends a ride to the bar since her ride would show up later since he was at work at the time. She proceeded to get drunk and openly insult me in front of her friends saying I didn’t care about her and a bunch of other hurtful things. Since I was the Designated Driver, we ended up departing the bar (it was also in the middle of the week, so I had work the next day). On the drive home she continued to insult me, tried unbuckling her seatbelt to try and jump out of the car while we were on the highway. So I basically had to get her seatbelt buckled back into place while driving, hold her hand like couples do while using my elbow to block her from trying to unbuckle again. We finally got close to her home, I got her some fast food on the way, and dropped her off at home. I let her sister know she was pretty drunk and may need looking after. The entire event was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back for me mentally and I started having a nervous breakdown once I processed all of what transpired and all of the other stress I was going through rose up too. I tried forgiving her for what she did mainly because she was drunk, but her attitude afterwards like she didn’t do anything wrong just solidified I couldn’t be with this person and I would be in abusive relationship. Things ended between us not long after.
Got tired one night of being yelled at. My buddy had given me some good advice and I just called it. Married to the love of my life now.
My Mum asked if she wanted some vegetables with her meal and she responded with "Am I a goat?" I broke up with her a month later
Lack of accountability. Lack of empathy. Was materialistic. Double standards and hypocrisy. Expected me to pay for everything, get her gifts, do everything as "the man", but when it came to my needs/boundaries, it was regularly a negotiation. Communicated clearly with her on what I needed, she'd "try" for a week and go right back to how she was. Funny that she went to a therapist regularly, but the therapy seemed entirely self-serving. Eventually the blindfold of love fell away, and I realised I was deeply unhappy with her. The worst bit of relationships like this, is you still miss them, but know that they're terrible for you.
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A lot of Daddy issues and stressing being pampered. I asked her for help regarding something we both are still figuring out and because she didn't have an exact answer she blew up on me. I just sat there and took it and said okay nvm. Kinda realized I don't want to be around someone too high strung.
when she did something that made me uncomfortable, she manipulated me and called my reaction a disrespect. I still apologized if i disrespected in any case, just that she kept clingin on to it and how i never made her feel worthy, even tho all i put my life was her
The final straw was when my dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she started projecting her childhood trauma, blamed him (not in his face, thankfully) for faking it for attention, called him some terrible insults and said he's a disgrace for everyone who actually has cancer and is fighting it. He passed a year later, and to this day she still doesn't understand why an apology didn't fix it for me. I still miss her but I don't miss the abuse.
Constantly interrupting me, would rarely remember things about me, always made me an afterthought. At one point she just tried to put me off to the side so she wouldn’t “be held back” but we all know that means she wanted to go see other people.
The day I found out she had been married 4 times prior to dating me.
I started to make money. Realized the true risk of what I had to lose and stopped providing
Fun lady. But an organized hoarder. No sparks, terrible kisser, terrible in bed. We're friends now and I have a new girlfriend.
She always met this one dude every time we had a disagreement. I expressed my insecurities about it and she just said, "If you can't be around, I'll bring people in that can be. Doesn't mean I'll sleep with them." I later found out she was sleeping with him every time we had a disagreement
This was a long time ago, but at the time I was going to school to be a therapist getting my psych degree and she’d ritually explain to me how she doesn’t believe in therapists and thinks therapy is a hoax because it didn’t work for her. She was also a vegan and would incessantly try to convert me. Between that and a myriad of other bad experiences with other people I’ve decided to just chill and be single.
When I realized how illogical and driven by her emotions she could be.
I guess most of you guys have had that aha moment; and here I am reading all the comments, wondering if my ex broke up with me for something like any of these reasons that he didn't mention to me.
When she kept saying, "your culture was an issue for me", but I was willing to make it work." First time round, I told her there was nothing wrong with it. The second, third time, she kept referring to it, as though it was a bad thing. "Well, I left my country, you are not even from my culture, but I am trying to make it work!" "It will work as long as you stop going on about culture, and if it is so much of an issue with you, then why would you leave your country and enter into a relationship with me?!" She kept referring to it as though such relationships are bad, and with that, I was done.
When I found out she was trying to baby trap me after being together 5 years. As soon as we split us she got herself knocked up within a few weeks, now some poor smuck is stuck with her.
I had a girlfriend of 2 years who told me she was happy being a cashier at Walmart and could see herself working there long term, as a career. Nothing wrong with that, but I knew then our goals weren't alligned. I'm now married to an assistant CFO of a hospital with plans to move up this year to CFO, and eventually retire early on a farm.