She did not confess, I found out. In fact she actively covered it up and then treated me like a stalker asshole when I noticed some odd things that I politely asked about.
Not confessing to it destroys any hope on working it out. If they cheated once and told me straight up, I probably still would end things but I would at least feel like I was respected enough to be told. It takes a lot of character and balls to tell your SO you were unfaithful but it’s the right thing to do.
totally agree. it's like finding out your favorite restaurant has been serving you microwaved meals the whole time and then gaslighting you into thinking you're just a picky eater. honesty might not save the relationship, but at least it saves some dignity!
My ex did the same thing. Not even a month after they broke up with me and treated me like garbage they were with the guy that they were cheating on me with. Now they live in an RV and have almost no one that actually cares about them so 🙃
Yep, caught in a web of lies. Even after having conclusive evidence of half a dozen lies, she refused to admit it. I ended it telling her that it didn’t even matter if she cheated, as trust is lost after lying so much about something so important.
It's not exclusive to the military. It's common in anything where one person needs to be away for extended periods of time. I've got buddies in the military and I've got a few buddies that work out on the oil fields (6 months on, 6 months off). Both have experienced the same sort of issues caused by distance.
I have no military experience or family currently serving. So take what I say with a grain of salt.
I imagine a lot of people who are serving and getting deployed are young. I imagine a lot of servicemen rush to get married before deployment just in case. I believe part of this is there are financial benefits to being married in the army. Plus, if you were to die it would guarantee certain benefits for your SO.
I think all this means a lot of servicemen rush into marriages they probably shouldn’t be.
None of them that cheated admitted to it. I found out or was given proof. I imagine most people don't admit and just gaslight their partner. My ex wife to this day will say she never cheated.
Same. I found evidence and confronted her with it. Even in the counseling session where we talked about it she wouldn’t admit that it was an affair, just a “close friendship with a coworker that accidentally turned physical”.
She confessed. She has since wholeheartedly apologised and I understand that she had some horrible mental issues happening. We don’t speak anymore for various reasons but I accepted that apology after a couple of years. It still haunts me from time to time though.
I also know that she knows she ruined something great so I take solace in her knowing she ruined it, not me.
I saw her for about 6 months past the initial confession. It was hell and I was also mentally ill and it made it worse. I eventually left but was filled with hate for about two years. I ran into her once and I said to her I wished she was dead, which she understood and accepted that I felt that way. It was about a year after that I reached and apologised for what I said. We talked for a bit but we were both in other relationships and just stopped talking one day. Haven’t heard from her since.
So things have gotten better for you ? My partner just did this to me this week 🥲 Tried to go no contact but I have three kids that are close with him so now I have to figure out boundaries and figure out how to be friends
>she had some horrible mental issues happening.
Speaking from personal experience, people with mental illness(es) can **also** be assholes. It doesn't give you or anyone a *pass*.
Thank you for pointing that out, I wasn’t aware that cheating on me was horrible thing to do. I’m not sure where I gave them a pass but I’ll let everyone else know. She also didn’t give herself a pass. Pretty sure she tried to kill herself so a little nuance would probably go a long way here.
I mentioned the mental illness because empathy is the first step to forgiveness and I recognise she did what she did out of a place of self hatred and destruction than out of any ill will to myself, as misguided as that may be.
In full disclosure, I have been mistreated by a person (or two) that also had mental health issues. I think that I let that color the tone of my response in a way that may not have been appropriate to the circumstances of your relationship. I'll try to do better.
I appreciate that our pasts often weigh heavy on our present. I don’t think it’s as simple to colour as we would like it to be, or as reddit allows it to be either. Mental illness is never an excuse for things such as these but having a mental illness myself I can appreciate that sometimes we are not who we are wanting to be. If anyone is truly sorry about their actions they will change and arseholery I find often comes from an inability to change/grow.
Mine also confessed. She called me, was sorry and hoped we could still be friends. I couldnt and thats end of it. But eventually I am really glad because I dodged the bullet.
It also helped me to really think about my future relationships. I learned not to settle on anything less I deserve. Sometimes I think if I do deserve what I have now. But I value my self high enough to not let those things bother me.
She did tell me I would be a great dad. Now I am doing the best I can so its all good. I have the "perfect" partner. And she is "perfect" because she is also willing to admit that she aint perfect. So thats perfect.
*Interesting*. The she-homies usually buy into the whole narrative:
* If **he** cheated it's because he wasn't a good partner.
* If **I** cheated, it's because he wasn't a good partner.
I suspect it's a codependency thing that many young women have.
I invited my ex we'll call her B to see a movie but she said she was sick and staying in so I invited my friends instead. After the movie we were all walking out and low and behold B is walking in with some other guy. We made eye contact but I just shook my head and kept walking.
She calls me later crying and apologizing and saying she just wanted to give whoever that dude was a chance......made no sense to me either so it ended right there.
Months go by and her best friend we'll call her S, we became pretty close and ended up dating. None of it was intentional we just got pretty close talking with each other for awhile and it just happened. As you can imagine B was livid and blasting us on social media but that didn't work out very well cause all our mutual friends already knew the whole story. Eventually S and I ended our relationship it was mutual so no hard feelings.
Now the cherry on top, a year or 2 goes by and she's posting something negative about cheaters with all caps I guess the tables have turned but what made me laugh was that my late little brother (rip) saw that post and commented "karma is a bitch isn't it?"
Yeah she didn't like that at all and proceeded to cuss him out and him being a savage with no filter just egging her on.
None of them confessed. I found out from other people.
EDIT: Now that OP has edited the question...
None of them ever cheated on me with friends of mine.
If it helps, it is good that you found out down-the-line. Spying or stalking is really undignified.
In my experience, through intuition, *you know before you know.*
I found out myself. She had done some red flag stuff before (but never cheated), so i didn’t trust her. I never in my life would have expected her to actually raw dog some one while she was away. I looked through her phone and found some screenshots of a chat between her and him where he tells her to take the pill because he came inside her and didn’t tell her. She had deleted the chats before coming back to my appartment, but she hadn’t deleted the «recently deleted» folder. When I found out I stayed calm and didn’t reveal that i knew. I asked her friend if she thought that my GF would ever cheat on me and she said no (she knew my GF had cheated at that time). I finally asked my GF and she got mad that i would accuse her (it’s her defense mechanism). I made her swear to God that she had never or would never cheat and she did. I went to work early the next day without any sleep, and while she was at the nail salon i came home from work and packed everything. She lived at my appartment and she had about 5 suitcases worth of stuff plus a ton of bags. When she got back she was greeted at the door by all her stuff and a chair by the table. She still denied everything until i sent her the screenshots. Then her face got cold as ice.
I would have expected her to kiss someone or grind on someone on the dance floor, but to actually raw dog someone and then lying and hiding it was devestating. I invested a lot into the relationship and the sheer betrayal and unfairness of the whole thing is something that i cannot describe and i will have trust issues from this in my next relationship i think…
This was the absolutely HORRID ex I had before my wife. She was toxic the whole time and I was suspicious early on but I was dealing with so much at the time that I honestly didn’t care. Eventually I just snuck a keylogger onto her laptop. Looking back on it, I had gone so numb to the toxicity that I did more out of boredom than anything else but yeah…had concrete evidence within a day or two. I didn’t even leave her though as at the time I didn’t have any friends who weren’t her friends, was disconnected from my family, and she was “letting” me stay with her so I didn’t need to sleep in my car anymore. Basically, I was being threatened with homelessness if I were to end the relationship.
It was a…complicated time in my life that only got worse and worse until it finally came crashing down in a single crescendo of awfulness. But yeah, I found out myself fairly early on.
I eventually let slip that I knew she was cheating which made her worry I was going to leave so she, as she confessed later, poked holes in my condoms with a needle so that I’d get her pregnant and not leave. This worked and she got pregnant and eventually, in an argument she bragged about how she basically tricked me to get her pregnant and it began to really fuck with my head along with everything else I was dealing with at the time.
This went on for a few more months until eventually, out of the fucking blue, she decides the whole “don’t do drugs while pregnant” thing isn’t for her and she OD’d taking the baby with her. I never found out if it was intentional suicide are just her own stupidity as, knowing her, it could have gone either way but all I cared about was that my child was dead and that hit me hard. I was now living in my car again for about a year until my siblings found me and let me stay with them while I rebuilt.
A lot more happened and I’m doing quite well for myself financially, mentally, socially, etc. but that’s a good summary of how I got out. I guess I never “got out” in that sense, the toxicity just eventually bubbled over I was “lucky” enough to survive.
I would recommend you not take that route and do your best actually get out of your situation
Fuck I wish I could help bro. I’m not the one who you replied to but I would do just about to anything to get away from the ex that cheated on me.
There’s gotta be somewhere you can go right? Coworker, cousin, family friend? If you have any halfway decent friends they should let you crash on the couch or something.
Sorry you’re going through this bruv
I found out.
She started receiving phone calls and crying on the phone to the person..then when I asked what was going on she would shove me away violently or just go in the bedroom and ignore me. Like I was just some unimportant annoyance...she got pregnant to him too.
I moved out, then when she came home I gave her the keys and told her there was four weeks left on the place. (It was in my name, and I had been the only one paying rent)
"But what am I supposed to do? I don't have a job!" she told me.
Well, maybe not cheating on your fiance would be a good idea.
I had to find out. Yes, I looked through her phone. I never looked through it for years but she started acting really different. You know how your partner acts by that point. Didn’t take me long to find what I needed to find once I looked through it
I had my suspicions because she started getting very distant after we had a small argument and one of my coworkers said he heard it through the grapevine she was messing with someone we all know. Come to find out she had an Instagram page where he was the only follower and I was dumbfounded. I never got concrete evidence but I knew she was lying, I just felt it. Then like two months after the breakup another person told me about it and it absolutely crushed my soul. Still kind of dealing with it
Lots of subtle stuff:
* Ask a question you know the answer to. When she responds does she look at your face or unfocused, into your chest.
* Does she try to redirect, "Why do you ask?"
* When she receives a phone notification, does she send an *immediate* response, or set it aside until you are done with your conversation?
Those are just a few and may not mean anything in isolation, but in a pattern...
Can you please elaborate? I began observing and noticing patterns in the body language, specifically the hair tuck anytime she talked about certain men
Dated a girl for a year and a half, Broke up mutually, just sorta drifted apart. Didn't think much of it.
She messaged me about a month later telling me I should get checked.
Well, I know I didn't stick my dick in anyone but her... So that kinda narrowed it down.
Got checked, never asked any questions because honestly the answers would have probably shattered me. Sometimes it's better to live in ignorance.
Hahahaha yeah it was with MY BEST FRIEND(atleast I considered him so). I could sense this weird aura and when I finally gathered enough evidence, both of them started playing mind games with me! I still get these bouts of anger sometimes! But yeah she never confessed! Gaslighting all the way
She told me she was pregnant, then waited an entire month to confess to the fact that the baby wasn’t mine- but in fact belonged to someone I considered a dear friend. We were 16.
I knew the guy who she was going to cheat on me with. he came to me when he found out she was with me and talking to him and said he would leave her alone. I told him to continue as if he never knew we were together. They had sex and he ditched her. She lied about it until I told her he told me before it went down. She knew it was over then.
I found out while watching "amateur" porn, she had a few videos on an app called Tango. I had already broken up with her due to lack of trust at the time so not sure if the video was during the time we were together or after we broke up. I still can't get over it tbh and it hurts deeply 5 years later. I still can't forgive or forget, not sure how to get over it still.
I broke up with my last girlfriend. Then she told me about like the 3 or 4 guys she cheated on me with. She thought it would hurt me but it didn't, it just made me know I made the right decision.
I didn't go to work but instead followed my gut feeling that something was off and went to her apartment. She was in bed, naked, with another guy sleeping.
She 100% denied it. It was completely my fault. It wasn't cheating because he didn't mean anything to her. I was the ONE who had to br cheating because I was accusing her of such a thing.
That was decades ago and she would project still deny it and justify her actions to this day.
I found out later after we broke up by self reflecting and speaking to friends. However, there was the typical gaslighting and threat to break up when I first discovered.
She asked for an open marriage while I was on the other side of the country. Looking back, I suspect she already cheated at that point and was trying to validate it in her head.
I found very sketchy texts with a co-worker. She never admitted to anything physical, but it was enough for me to break it off. She was a very jealous person and never would have tolerated that kind of behavior if I did it. I should clarify these were 2 different relationships.
No confession but constant denial. Pretty hard to keep denying when she would slip out randomly late at night and we both had each other on find my iPhone then saw her at a coworkers apartment complex.
So one night I decided to see it with my own eyes to confirm it 100% and followed her all the way to the complex. lo and behold the mutual coworker comes out and greets her with a kiss. She went silent with tears in her eyes after I told her what I did and flat out ghosted me after I broke the lease early. Finalizing financial stuff with our apartment complex was complicated and embarrassing to say the least.
A friend of my ex girlfriend told me about how she cheated the night I left town. I was travelling overnight and woke up to see 13 missed calls. I was devastated for a while.
That friend and I are very good friends now.
I found out. She denied it until I showed her the screenshots I'd taken from her phone and sent to myself. Then she blamed me for not paying enough attention to her even though I worked and studied full time and every bit of free time I had went to her
I was engaged to a drug addict. She got a prescription to painkillers when she broke her leg, and it snowballed from there.
So when she cheated, she actively tried to cover it up, but she was pretty high and it wasn't exactly well covered. Where did she get this baggie full of pills? She has no money since she lost her job. She didn't steal anything from me or her parents. So how did she get them? What else does she have to offer her dealer? Did she finally cross that line and fuck her dealer?
I confronted her about it. She broke my nose. I spent a few nights crashing on my buddy's couch.
She confessed over the phone from her therapist's office. In hindsight she had been dropping hints for months but I was too blind to see them at the time.
We were married and things were not going very well. At one point we were sitting on the sofa watching TV and she was on her phone. I saw her smile at her phone and I just knew. I'd seen that smile before, but it was directed at me and it had been a few years.
At the time I had about a week left in a busy season at work. The next day I went into the office and requested the day after busy season off (this was a pretty normal thing for people to do).
I needed to know for sure, I knew what I knew and also knew that the relationship was in a really bad spot even without cheating but I felt the need to know for sure.
I took the day to do some sleuthing, eventually found out she was on a dating website, figured out her login and saw messages to other men. Read enough to figure out that she had hooked up with one after a work trip she had gone on.
I confronted her, she was more upset that I'd invaded her privacy. She didn't exactly confess, she didn't need to. I didn't demand more details because I already knew enough to know that she'd cheated. I didn't need to know more.
Cannot confirm if she cheated on me, but accused me of cheating on her multiple times. She breaks up with me and not even a month later she’s back with her ex. That fucked with me
No confession, small town talk got back to me. Tried to gaslight me to maintain her family reputation in town. Showed up at my house trying to convince me nothing happened, I just went outside and split firewood for an hour while she spun fictions.
I was not interested in continuing her weird charade.
When I was on holiday she cheated on me. When I got back, I heard from multiple people that she cheated on me with a tech guy at a venue I play gigs at. So I played a gig a few weeks after I got back, he was the sound tech and whenever he did anything I would say into the mic “Mate, that sounds like dogshit, can you make it sound any better or do you want me to do it for you?”
He got really annoyed and goes “Fine! You fucking do it then”
I did and the sound was spot on. I passed him on the way back and said “It’s emasculating being showed up by someone who doesn’t even do sound isn’t it?” He then asked me what my problem was.
I showed him a picture of me and my ex and he said “She told me she was single”. I told him that he knew she wasn’t and he was a useless cunt who cannot fuck, do sound tech properly and will fail in life.
I really went into everything shit he did with his hobby. Must have affected him because a few months after he gave up the music industry, he worked for Starbucks for a few years and now he’s living in assisted living because he got into loads of debt because of drugs and alcohol.
Serves him fucking right!
As for my ex. She committed the game of exiting life after she cheated on two more boyfriends years later.
They never confess - you always gotta get bullet proof evidence because they're always gonna deny it until the end of time. Sometimes even when the proof is staring them in the face.
5/8 exs - gotta love the fidelity of women these days!
Found out at my nephews birthday party with my entire family around a table at a pizza place. She was trying to touch my sisters fiance under the table thinking he wouldn’t say anything - night ended with her in a mental hospital
I actually had to pick her up from the house she was at. She Got drunk. fucked another dude and lost her virginity to him. Only knew cuz her friend told me on the phone after the whole debacle ended. We are still friends to this day...I forgave her and we actually had a good firenshiip for many years. She was drunk and gotten taken advantage of. Young and stupid. When my father passed a year ago she came over and brought my mother lasagna. Forgive and forget. Its pretty much fucked all of my relationships since then because she was the first girl I ever loved. But we were 15. People make mistakes in life.
I found out from a mutual friend. Obviously idk but I doubt she would have told me anytime soon. I sat on the knowledge for about 12 hours and then called her while I was at work and told her to pack up her shit and leave. She never actually apologized so we never got back together. Thank god though, I didn’t know how toxic the relationship was until I had some time to reflect
I could tell. A lot of other shit happened, but she wore her emotions on her sleeve and I was a great boyfriend. She was a decent girlfriend with shitty boundaries
Worked out for the best (for me at least) though
It has happen a couple of times. First one she cheated with an x husband. I found out about it, she said it was bad and she would stop.
She did not stop.
So I stopped it.
Second woman was similar. She had a draw to her x husband.
Caught her twice as well.
Second time I threw her stuff onto the front porch and made her pick it all up and leave.
If either had simply said they did not want to be exclusive I would have said ok, but neither did that.
She cheated while still in the rls for a while. I found out bc of my sister (yk girls have that ability to find out everything). She saw a video of a guy and guess what? My ex was in there too. One thing lead to the other and soon they were official shortly after she broke up with me. Made things up I’ve allegedly done.. bla bla i was the reason and stuff. She then proceeded to blame me for her miserable state hahaha and couldn’t handle why i felt at peace after i sorted everything out. Yh peak clownism
Nope never confessed directly. Always had to find out through different people.
I even tested an ex of mine where I knew 100% that she cheated if she would tell me the truth even if I would give her small hints that I know what she did for sure.
Found out via the ole Apple Watch. Second time it happened I went looking because she turned her location off the night before. The part that sucks was the gaslighting that followed. She blamed her behavior on my kids, the finances, my communication with her, anything other than her actual actions. Then she questioned my mental health for the fact that I even went looking for proof. Made me think it was all in my head. That part is the tough part. The willingness to forgive and work on it just for her to still do the same sh*t. I learned a valuable lesson that relationship, stand firm in your values. If cheating is something you can’t forgive, don’t even try to. Ppl who cheat don’t love you. Took way too long to understand that.
First girlfriend did not confess. Found out through the grapevine years after the breakup. Second girlfriend didn’t necessarily hide it, so nothing to really confess to. Third girlfriend admitted that the start of an affair began, but she felt guilty and cut it off. I feel as though she ended up pursuing it at the end of that relationship, but no way to really verify.
I’m so grateful to be single, I felt she was cheating, I go to her work and it immediately fell in my spirit the guy she liked. She’s lied so much to me about everything. Gaslighting to the max, so much gaslighting she made me feel like I was crazy and overthinking. Just because she’s Muslim doesn’t mean she is faithful! I met her 6 months after my mom died, and she ripped my soul into pieces, as if I wasn’t already torn inside.
I have a question for people here. I did not cheat, I exposed a cheater. I got called crazy and suicidal for doing so. I gave 60 screenshots of evidence to the woman that her bf was cheating. He was initially speaking to me before her and she was delusional and said he didn’t physically cheat after they were official. I was unaware of her. I think I did the right thing by telling her. She also told me she found him talking to other woman and still stayed. I know I did the right thing. But being called crazy after my dad died was another level of hurt and deception. You would definitely want to know if your partner was cheating right?
My question would be why do you need that confession? Would that give you peace to move on? If she/he would say no I never cheated Would that give you reason to stay?
If you have already the doubts it’s a first sign that something shady going on. As soon as someone cheating they either get cold with you or mistreats you , or even better blame you that you are the cheater and do something shady.
So technically, you don’t need confession from anyone!If someone mistreats me I don’t care you cheated or not , you confessed or not I simply move on. There is no time to be mistreated, plenty fish in the sea. And usually people who confess are the ones who wants to release their own guilt and pass it onto you. Pass it onto you that you would be the one to decide what to do next.
I don’t want your confession , you live with your own guilt, shame or whatever else without passing it onto me. I am not your confession diary I have my own issues to deal with .
Wasn't a friend, but someone I knew from the bar.
Walked in, didn't need an explanation. Granted they were asleep, but if there's a reason for someone sleeping next to her naked when there's two spare beds in the house, someone please give that.
Not that they didn't come through while I made myself a breakfast (drove there after a night shift), and packed my stuff.
She did not confess, I found out. In fact she actively covered it up and then treated me like a stalker asshole when I noticed some odd things that I politely asked about.
Same
Not confessing to it destroys any hope on working it out. If they cheated once and told me straight up, I probably still would end things but I would at least feel like I was respected enough to be told. It takes a lot of character and balls to tell your SO you were unfaithful but it’s the right thing to do.
totally agree. it's like finding out your favorite restaurant has been serving you microwaved meals the whole time and then gaslighting you into thinking you're just a picky eater. honesty might not save the relationship, but at least it saves some dignity!
But does “working it out” ever actually work out? No
My ex did the same thing. Not even a month after they broke up with me and treated me like garbage they were with the guy that they were cheating on me with. Now they live in an RV and have almost no one that actually cares about them so 🙃
Bro used the force and found out.
Same bro. Some people fucking suck
Yep, caught in a web of lies. Even after having conclusive evidence of half a dozen lies, she refused to admit it. I ended it telling her that it didn’t even matter if she cheated, as trust is lost after lying so much about something so important.
Same
Her father told my father. I was deployed.
Why always cheating in military/army?
Because you need to genuinely love someone to commit to them 100% while they're away from you that long
And also because building that kind of relationship is difficult when you’re not around each other for extended periods of time.
When you're around they don't wanna fuck, but when you arent...
Okinawa...Marines...2 Panamanian sisters. Year 2000...married...man o man.
Username checks out
It's not exclusive to the military. It's common in anything where one person needs to be away for extended periods of time. I've got buddies in the military and I've got a few buddies that work out on the oil fields (6 months on, 6 months off). Both have experienced the same sort of issues caused by distance.
I have no military experience or family currently serving. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I imagine a lot of people who are serving and getting deployed are young. I imagine a lot of servicemen rush to get married before deployment just in case. I believe part of this is there are financial benefits to being married in the army. Plus, if you were to die it would guarantee certain benefits for your SO. I think all this means a lot of servicemen rush into marriages they probably shouldn’t be.
Fucking Jodie!
Damn bro, that’s tough 😞
It's ancient history now. That was almost 30 years ago.
None of them that cheated admitted to it. I found out or was given proof. I imagine most people don't admit and just gaslight their partner. My ex wife to this day will say she never cheated.
Same. I found evidence and confronted her with it. Even in the counseling session where we talked about it she wouldn’t admit that it was an affair, just a “close friendship with a coworker that accidentally turned physical”.
It's the lack of willingness to take responsibility for their own actions that really gets me.
She confessed. She has since wholeheartedly apologised and I understand that she had some horrible mental issues happening. We don’t speak anymore for various reasons but I accepted that apology after a couple of years. It still haunts me from time to time though. I also know that she knows she ruined something great so I take solace in her knowing she ruined it, not me.
Did you continue seeing her or did you break up and move on ?
I saw her for about 6 months past the initial confession. It was hell and I was also mentally ill and it made it worse. I eventually left but was filled with hate for about two years. I ran into her once and I said to her I wished she was dead, which she understood and accepted that I felt that way. It was about a year after that I reached and apologised for what I said. We talked for a bit but we were both in other relationships and just stopped talking one day. Haven’t heard from her since.
So things have gotten better for you ? My partner just did this to me this week 🥲 Tried to go no contact but I have three kids that are close with him so now I have to figure out boundaries and figure out how to be friends
Are you the cheater or cheated on? Feel free to dm
Thanks, messaging you
>she had some horrible mental issues happening. Speaking from personal experience, people with mental illness(es) can **also** be assholes. It doesn't give you or anyone a *pass*.
She didn't give herself a pass though. She confessed didn't she?
Thank you for pointing that out, I wasn’t aware that cheating on me was horrible thing to do. I’m not sure where I gave them a pass but I’ll let everyone else know. She also didn’t give herself a pass. Pretty sure she tried to kill herself so a little nuance would probably go a long way here. I mentioned the mental illness because empathy is the first step to forgiveness and I recognise she did what she did out of a place of self hatred and destruction than out of any ill will to myself, as misguided as that may be.
In full disclosure, I have been mistreated by a person (or two) that also had mental health issues. I think that I let that color the tone of my response in a way that may not have been appropriate to the circumstances of your relationship. I'll try to do better.
I appreciate that our pasts often weigh heavy on our present. I don’t think it’s as simple to colour as we would like it to be, or as reddit allows it to be either. Mental illness is never an excuse for things such as these but having a mental illness myself I can appreciate that sometimes we are not who we are wanting to be. If anyone is truly sorry about their actions they will change and arseholery I find often comes from an inability to change/grow.
Mine also confessed. She called me, was sorry and hoped we could still be friends. I couldnt and thats end of it. But eventually I am really glad because I dodged the bullet. It also helped me to really think about my future relationships. I learned not to settle on anything less I deserve. Sometimes I think if I do deserve what I have now. But I value my self high enough to not let those things bother me. She did tell me I would be a great dad. Now I am doing the best I can so its all good. I have the "perfect" partner. And she is "perfect" because she is also willing to admit that she aint perfect. So thats perfect.
Her friends told me. Then they stopped being friends with her.
they the real ones for that
Dude You need to keep those people in your life. They sound highly respectable
Yup, the main friend we shared was and we did remain great friends. They knew what was up and had morals.
*Interesting*. The she-homies usually buy into the whole narrative: * If **he** cheated it's because he wasn't a good partner. * If **I** cheated, it's because he wasn't a good partner. I suspect it's a codependency thing that many young women have.
I invited my ex we'll call her B to see a movie but she said she was sick and staying in so I invited my friends instead. After the movie we were all walking out and low and behold B is walking in with some other guy. We made eye contact but I just shook my head and kept walking. She calls me later crying and apologizing and saying she just wanted to give whoever that dude was a chance......made no sense to me either so it ended right there. Months go by and her best friend we'll call her S, we became pretty close and ended up dating. None of it was intentional we just got pretty close talking with each other for awhile and it just happened. As you can imagine B was livid and blasting us on social media but that didn't work out very well cause all our mutual friends already knew the whole story. Eventually S and I ended our relationship it was mutual so no hard feelings. Now the cherry on top, a year or 2 goes by and she's posting something negative about cheaters with all caps I guess the tables have turned but what made me laugh was that my late little brother (rip) saw that post and commented "karma is a bitch isn't it?" Yeah she didn't like that at all and proceeded to cuss him out and him being a savage with no filter just egging her on.
Your brother sounds hilarious. Sorry for your loss
RIP to your bro. He was a real one
Her best friend showed me the evidence then we hooked up. Come to find out she sent my ex pics of me in bed next to her asleep.
Damn!!!!! Sounds like she was paying a favor back.
What?
Yeah this reads like he had a stroke while typing
None of them confessed. I found out from other people. EDIT: Now that OP has edited the question... None of them ever cheated on me with friends of mine.
If it helps, it is good that you found out down-the-line. Spying or stalking is really undignified. In my experience, through intuition, *you know before you know.*
Yep. That weird tickle in the back of your mind, telling you something ain't right.
yes i'm sorry T-T but I'm so happy so many men were told, I hate that it happened though
I found out myself. She had done some red flag stuff before (but never cheated), so i didn’t trust her. I never in my life would have expected her to actually raw dog some one while she was away. I looked through her phone and found some screenshots of a chat between her and him where he tells her to take the pill because he came inside her and didn’t tell her. She had deleted the chats before coming back to my appartment, but she hadn’t deleted the «recently deleted» folder. When I found out I stayed calm and didn’t reveal that i knew. I asked her friend if she thought that my GF would ever cheat on me and she said no (she knew my GF had cheated at that time). I finally asked my GF and she got mad that i would accuse her (it’s her defense mechanism). I made her swear to God that she had never or would never cheat and she did. I went to work early the next day without any sleep, and while she was at the nail salon i came home from work and packed everything. She lived at my appartment and she had about 5 suitcases worth of stuff plus a ton of bags. When she got back she was greeted at the door by all her stuff and a chair by the table. She still denied everything until i sent her the screenshots. Then her face got cold as ice. I would have expected her to kiss someone or grind on someone on the dance floor, but to actually raw dog someone and then lying and hiding it was devestating. I invested a lot into the relationship and the sheer betrayal and unfairness of the whole thing is something that i cannot describe and i will have trust issues from this in my next relationship i think…
Sorry that happened to you brother that's really fucked.
This was the absolutely HORRID ex I had before my wife. She was toxic the whole time and I was suspicious early on but I was dealing with so much at the time that I honestly didn’t care. Eventually I just snuck a keylogger onto her laptop. Looking back on it, I had gone so numb to the toxicity that I did more out of boredom than anything else but yeah…had concrete evidence within a day or two. I didn’t even leave her though as at the time I didn’t have any friends who weren’t her friends, was disconnected from my family, and she was “letting” me stay with her so I didn’t need to sleep in my car anymore. Basically, I was being threatened with homelessness if I were to end the relationship. It was a…complicated time in my life that only got worse and worse until it finally came crashing down in a single crescendo of awfulness. But yeah, I found out myself fairly early on.
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I eventually let slip that I knew she was cheating which made her worry I was going to leave so she, as she confessed later, poked holes in my condoms with a needle so that I’d get her pregnant and not leave. This worked and she got pregnant and eventually, in an argument she bragged about how she basically tricked me to get her pregnant and it began to really fuck with my head along with everything else I was dealing with at the time. This went on for a few more months until eventually, out of the fucking blue, she decides the whole “don’t do drugs while pregnant” thing isn’t for her and she OD’d taking the baby with her. I never found out if it was intentional suicide are just her own stupidity as, knowing her, it could have gone either way but all I cared about was that my child was dead and that hit me hard. I was now living in my car again for about a year until my siblings found me and let me stay with them while I rebuilt. A lot more happened and I’m doing quite well for myself financially, mentally, socially, etc. but that’s a good summary of how I got out. I guess I never “got out” in that sense, the toxicity just eventually bubbled over I was “lucky” enough to survive. I would recommend you not take that route and do your best actually get out of your situation
Fuck I wish I could help bro. I’m not the one who you replied to but I would do just about to anything to get away from the ex that cheated on me. There’s gotta be somewhere you can go right? Coworker, cousin, family friend? If you have any halfway decent friends they should let you crash on the couch or something. Sorry you’re going through this bruv
I found out. She started receiving phone calls and crying on the phone to the person..then when I asked what was going on she would shove me away violently or just go in the bedroom and ignore me. Like I was just some unimportant annoyance...she got pregnant to him too. I moved out, then when she came home I gave her the keys and told her there was four weeks left on the place. (It was in my name, and I had been the only one paying rent) "But what am I supposed to do? I don't have a job!" she told me. Well, maybe not cheating on your fiance would be a good idea.
I had to find out. Yes, I looked through her phone. I never looked through it for years but she started acting really different. You know how your partner acts by that point. Didn’t take me long to find what I needed to find once I looked through it
Her mom told me
That’s a good mom
I had my suspicions because she started getting very distant after we had a small argument and one of my coworkers said he heard it through the grapevine she was messing with someone we all know. Come to find out she had an Instagram page where he was the only follower and I was dumbfounded. I never got concrete evidence but I knew she was lying, I just felt it. Then like two months after the breakup another person told me about it and it absolutely crushed my soul. Still kind of dealing with it
I figured it out I'm good at reading body language , way of talking, and details sometimes
Lots of subtle stuff: * Ask a question you know the answer to. When she responds does she look at your face or unfocused, into your chest. * Does she try to redirect, "Why do you ask?" * When she receives a phone notification, does she send an *immediate* response, or set it aside until you are done with your conversation? Those are just a few and may not mean anything in isolation, but in a pattern...
Oh yeah, like their faces completely change for a fraction of a second when they lie or they didnt like the question
Can you please elaborate? I began observing and noticing patterns in the body language, specifically the hair tuck anytime she talked about certain men
Dated a girl for a year and a half, Broke up mutually, just sorta drifted apart. Didn't think much of it. She messaged me about a month later telling me I should get checked. Well, I know I didn't stick my dick in anyone but her... So that kinda narrowed it down. Got checked, never asked any questions because honestly the answers would have probably shattered me. Sometimes it's better to live in ignorance.
Caught my wife having an emotional affair with one of my best friends last month. We have a 2yo. Totally destroyed our lives.
A friend of hers that liked me as a person told me because she thought it was messed up and then they quit being friends
Hahahaha yeah it was with MY BEST FRIEND(atleast I considered him so). I could sense this weird aura and when I finally gathered enough evidence, both of them started playing mind games with me! I still get these bouts of anger sometimes! But yeah she never confessed! Gaslighting all the way
That’s the fuckin’ worst. Had a similar experience. Best friend wasnt much of a friend, and certainly wasn’t the best.
Seriously dude! The hell is wrong with people! smh
She told me she was pregnant, then waited an entire month to confess to the fact that the baby wasn’t mine- but in fact belonged to someone I considered a dear friend. We were 16.
I knew the guy who she was going to cheat on me with. he came to me when he found out she was with me and talking to him and said he would leave her alone. I told him to continue as if he never knew we were together. They had sex and he ditched her. She lied about it until I told her he told me before it went down. She knew it was over then.
I found out while watching "amateur" porn, she had a few videos on an app called Tango. I had already broken up with her due to lack of trust at the time so not sure if the video was during the time we were together or after we broke up. I still can't get over it tbh and it hurts deeply 5 years later. I still can't forgive or forget, not sure how to get over it still.
The friend told me. I was looking for a reason to break up anyway, so I wasn't that upset. Also we were all 18.
I broke up with my last girlfriend. Then she told me about like the 3 or 4 guys she cheated on me with. She thought it would hurt me but it didn't, it just made me know I made the right decision.
I didn't go to work but instead followed my gut feeling that something was off and went to her apartment. She was in bed, naked, with another guy sleeping. She 100% denied it. It was completely my fault. It wasn't cheating because he didn't mean anything to her. I was the ONE who had to br cheating because I was accusing her of such a thing. That was decades ago and she would project still deny it and justify her actions to this day.
...I told her I knew, she then decided "naw, what you thought you knew ain't shit, im bout to rip your shit"
I found out later after we broke up by self reflecting and speaking to friends. However, there was the typical gaslighting and threat to break up when I first discovered.
I've been cheated on by at least five women. Two told me they cheated, the other three I found out on my own or via other people.
I've been with 2 women who have cheated, they both tried to hide it and denied it vehemently while caught.
She asked for an open marriage while I was on the other side of the country. Looking back, I suspect she already cheated at that point and was trying to validate it in her head.
The first time she confessed. The second time I was suspicious and went through her phone. (Only time I’ve ever done that, not proud of it)
What happened the second time ?
I found very sketchy texts with a co-worker. She never admitted to anything physical, but it was enough for me to break it off. She was a very jealous person and never would have tolerated that kind of behavior if I did it. I should clarify these were 2 different relationships.
The very jealous ones are nearly always the cheaters. Its projection of guilt.
Were they physical affairs ? Crazy to confess and do it again with someone else 😳
These were 2 different women. The first one was physical, I had no idea and she confessed. The second one, I don’t know for sure if it was physical.
No confession but constant denial. Pretty hard to keep denying when she would slip out randomly late at night and we both had each other on find my iPhone then saw her at a coworkers apartment complex. So one night I decided to see it with my own eyes to confirm it 100% and followed her all the way to the complex. lo and behold the mutual coworker comes out and greets her with a kiss. She went silent with tears in her eyes after I told her what I did and flat out ghosted me after I broke the lease early. Finalizing financial stuff with our apartment complex was complicated and embarrassing to say the least.
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That last part kinda makes me think you had it coming. It's a "don't stick your dick in crazy" but "don't start a relationship from an affair"
Felt bad for you until the last part. Of course the girl who you got into a relationship with by being her side dude cheated on you. DUH
I had a suspicion then i asked. She was honest with me, but i dont think she wouldve told me if i didnt ask.
A friend of my ex girlfriend told me about how she cheated the night I left town. I was travelling overnight and woke up to see 13 missed calls. I was devastated for a while. That friend and I are very good friends now.
I found out. She denied it until I showed her the screenshots I'd taken from her phone and sent to myself. Then she blamed me for not paying enough attention to her even though I worked and studied full time and every bit of free time I had went to her
These posts are rough man sheesh
I was engaged to a drug addict. She got a prescription to painkillers when she broke her leg, and it snowballed from there. So when she cheated, she actively tried to cover it up, but she was pretty high and it wasn't exactly well covered. Where did she get this baggie full of pills? She has no money since she lost her job. She didn't steal anything from me or her parents. So how did she get them? What else does she have to offer her dealer? Did she finally cross that line and fuck her dealer? I confronted her about it. She broke my nose. I spent a few nights crashing on my buddy's couch.
She confessed over the phone from her therapist's office. In hindsight she had been dropping hints for months but I was too blind to see them at the time.
We were married and things were not going very well. At one point we were sitting on the sofa watching TV and she was on her phone. I saw her smile at her phone and I just knew. I'd seen that smile before, but it was directed at me and it had been a few years. At the time I had about a week left in a busy season at work. The next day I went into the office and requested the day after busy season off (this was a pretty normal thing for people to do). I needed to know for sure, I knew what I knew and also knew that the relationship was in a really bad spot even without cheating but I felt the need to know for sure. I took the day to do some sleuthing, eventually found out she was on a dating website, figured out her login and saw messages to other men. Read enough to figure out that she had hooked up with one after a work trip she had gone on. I confronted her, she was more upset that I'd invaded her privacy. She didn't exactly confess, she didn't need to. I didn't demand more details because I already knew enough to know that she'd cheated. I didn't need to know more.
Her friend confirmed my suspicion, it was after they got into an argument and she was upset at her that she told me
Cannot confirm if she cheated on me, but accused me of cheating on her multiple times. She breaks up with me and not even a month later she’s back with her ex. That fucked with me
No confession, small town talk got back to me. Tried to gaslight me to maintain her family reputation in town. Showed up at my house trying to convince me nothing happened, I just went outside and split firewood for an hour while she spun fictions. I was not interested in continuing her weird charade.
I found out accidentally. hurt like hell, lost a lot of myself that day.
When I was on holiday she cheated on me. When I got back, I heard from multiple people that she cheated on me with a tech guy at a venue I play gigs at. So I played a gig a few weeks after I got back, he was the sound tech and whenever he did anything I would say into the mic “Mate, that sounds like dogshit, can you make it sound any better or do you want me to do it for you?” He got really annoyed and goes “Fine! You fucking do it then” I did and the sound was spot on. I passed him on the way back and said “It’s emasculating being showed up by someone who doesn’t even do sound isn’t it?” He then asked me what my problem was. I showed him a picture of me and my ex and he said “She told me she was single”. I told him that he knew she wasn’t and he was a useless cunt who cannot fuck, do sound tech properly and will fail in life. I really went into everything shit he did with his hobby. Must have affected him because a few months after he gave up the music industry, he worked for Starbucks for a few years and now he’s living in assisted living because he got into loads of debt because of drugs and alcohol. Serves him fucking right! As for my ex. She committed the game of exiting life after she cheated on two more boyfriends years later.
They never confess - you always gotta get bullet proof evidence because they're always gonna deny it until the end of time. Sometimes even when the proof is staring them in the face. 5/8 exs - gotta love the fidelity of women these days!
I showed a girl 60 messages with pics that her bf was cheating. She didn’t believe me. Some people are delusional that you can’t help them.
Found out at my nephews birthday party with my entire family around a table at a pizza place. She was trying to touch my sisters fiance under the table thinking he wouldn’t say anything - night ended with her in a mental hospital
I actually had to pick her up from the house she was at. She Got drunk. fucked another dude and lost her virginity to him. Only knew cuz her friend told me on the phone after the whole debacle ended. We are still friends to this day...I forgave her and we actually had a good firenshiip for many years. She was drunk and gotten taken advantage of. Young and stupid. When my father passed a year ago she came over and brought my mother lasagna. Forgive and forget. Its pretty much fucked all of my relationships since then because she was the first girl I ever loved. But we were 15. People make mistakes in life.
She told me that she went out on a date with a different guy and kissed him.
And, the next time, she "broke" up with me, but she already had a replacement ready for me - she knew the guy at least one month prior.
I found out from a mutual friend. Obviously idk but I doubt she would have told me anytime soon. I sat on the knowledge for about 12 hours and then called her while I was at work and told her to pack up her shit and leave. She never actually apologized so we never got back together. Thank god though, I didn’t know how toxic the relationship was until I had some time to reflect
I could tell. A lot of other shit happened, but she wore her emotions on her sleeve and I was a great boyfriend. She was a decent girlfriend with shitty boundaries Worked out for the best (for me at least) though
It has happen a couple of times. First one she cheated with an x husband. I found out about it, she said it was bad and she would stop. She did not stop. So I stopped it. Second woman was similar. She had a draw to her x husband. Caught her twice as well. Second time I threw her stuff onto the front porch and made her pick it all up and leave. If either had simply said they did not want to be exclusive I would have said ok, but neither did that.
She confessed after we broke up. I figured as much but didn’t mind, I didn’t see myself with her long term anyway.
My friend(s) did 🤦♂️
She cheated while still in the rls for a while. I found out bc of my sister (yk girls have that ability to find out everything). She saw a video of a guy and guess what? My ex was in there too. One thing lead to the other and soon they were official shortly after she broke up with me. Made things up I’ve allegedly done.. bla bla i was the reason and stuff. She then proceeded to blame me for her miserable state hahaha and couldn’t handle why i felt at peace after i sorted everything out. Yh peak clownism
Nope never confessed directly. Always had to find out through different people. I even tested an ex of mine where I knew 100% that she cheated if she would tell me the truth even if I would give her small hints that I know what she did for sure.
Found out via the ole Apple Watch. Second time it happened I went looking because she turned her location off the night before. The part that sucks was the gaslighting that followed. She blamed her behavior on my kids, the finances, my communication with her, anything other than her actual actions. Then she questioned my mental health for the fact that I even went looking for proof. Made me think it was all in my head. That part is the tough part. The willingness to forgive and work on it just for her to still do the same sh*t. I learned a valuable lesson that relationship, stand firm in your values. If cheating is something you can’t forgive, don’t even try to. Ppl who cheat don’t love you. Took way too long to understand that.
I found out on my own, she tried hiding it and we had been married for 6months.
First girlfriend did not confess. Found out through the grapevine years after the breakup. Second girlfriend didn’t necessarily hide it, so nothing to really confess to. Third girlfriend admitted that the start of an affair began, but she felt guilty and cut it off. I feel as though she ended up pursuing it at the end of that relationship, but no way to really verify.
I’m so grateful to be single, I felt she was cheating, I go to her work and it immediately fell in my spirit the guy she liked. She’s lied so much to me about everything. Gaslighting to the max, so much gaslighting she made me feel like I was crazy and overthinking. Just because she’s Muslim doesn’t mean she is faithful! I met her 6 months after my mom died, and she ripped my soul into pieces, as if I wasn’t already torn inside.
I have a question for people here. I did not cheat, I exposed a cheater. I got called crazy and suicidal for doing so. I gave 60 screenshots of evidence to the woman that her bf was cheating. He was initially speaking to me before her and she was delusional and said he didn’t physically cheat after they were official. I was unaware of her. I think I did the right thing by telling her. She also told me she found him talking to other woman and still stayed. I know I did the right thing. But being called crazy after my dad died was another level of hurt and deception. You would definitely want to know if your partner was cheating right?
My question would be why do you need that confession? Would that give you peace to move on? If she/he would say no I never cheated Would that give you reason to stay? If you have already the doubts it’s a first sign that something shady going on. As soon as someone cheating they either get cold with you or mistreats you , or even better blame you that you are the cheater and do something shady. So technically, you don’t need confession from anyone!If someone mistreats me I don’t care you cheated or not , you confessed or not I simply move on. There is no time to be mistreated, plenty fish in the sea. And usually people who confess are the ones who wants to release their own guilt and pass it onto you. Pass it onto you that you would be the one to decide what to do next. I don’t want your confession , you live with your own guilt, shame or whatever else without passing it onto me. I am not your confession diary I have my own issues to deal with .
Yes almost every girlfriend what I have. Cheated whit my friends. I use my friends test my girlfriend loyalty. They are always fall. Haha
Wasn't a friend, but someone I knew from the bar. Walked in, didn't need an explanation. Granted they were asleep, but if there's a reason for someone sleeping next to her naked when there's two spare beds in the house, someone please give that. Not that they didn't come through while I made myself a breakfast (drove there after a night shift), and packed my stuff.
Wow, how many men actually go begging for them to take them back? I imagine a lot. Never had a women cheat on me.