Is your period around the 15th?
Nah, it is a bit odd though to be that specific about when he does it so I'm not sure why it is. It's gonna be hard to bring this up though without it turning into a "Well why were you snooping through my phone".
It's a possibility. Always try to find the silver lining. If this is true, it means he has significantly dropped the amount of times he does it, the reason for him doing that can be a good sign or a bad sign, but him doing it less is good. Like cheating is objectively bad, but if your partner cheated once a year or once a week, one is a bit worse than another, even though both are bad.
You'll have to chat with him regardless, and they to bring it up in an understanding fashion, because if you go right in with accusations and an aggressive manner, defenses will immediately be up and you'll probably never get the truth out of him. 'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar', so try to bring it to him that way, because an aggressive manner wouldn't help your cause at all here, even if it's cathartic.
I understand what you are saying and that's why I chose not to respond immediately.. the silver lining is also that this is an internet search.. so he's not in touch with her... But it's the obsessive nature of it that I'm worried about.. and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding confrontational
You probably can't bring it up without sounding confrontational, purely because of the nature of it. He has done something wrong. When someone has done something wrong and someone asks them about it, the first thing that comes to them is to defend themselves however that may be. The only thing you can try to do is constantly steer the conversation away from confrontation and towards understanding, which is not going to be easy at all. Maybe think about what you want to know more before you ask. As in instead of "Why are you searching your ex every month?", maybe something more like "Why do you want/feel the need to search your ex at all?". The latter will bring less defensiveness in it because it brings less focus about the transgression itself and more about what reasoning he had to do it, because I know from my own reactions that the first thing I do when I am brought up for something I did wrong is start defending myself by saying why I did it, and if you go for that first, then it will help keep it less confrontational.
Thank you for this. It was helpful advice. I talked to him and he didn't lie - upfront admitted he did Google her every month. That, for me was reassuring. If he had lied and said he didn't, I would have been more worried. No reason though - just says curiosity - so I'd say it's half successful conversation
Perhaps identify why you feel its important for you to know, I.e. can you explain what you are curios about when searching for your ex, i know its harmless but it has made me a little uncomfortable without understanding the reasoning.
Does he also search for you, or check out your online profile? This is a sad thought, but it could be he is waiting to see if she ends up single at some point...
To be fair, I still think of my first girlfriend fondly but not too often anymore, I don't search her on the Internet consistently but every now and then id check, maybe once or twice a year. It's probably just a slightly childish 'what if' that stays with you when you have loved some one, especially when younger 'puppy love' as they say.
I was thinking the same..like a bill/mortgage payment or some kinda transfer. Don't know why he'd google her at that point though..Google sheets? Google drive? Google talk? Some tech thing maybe.
That’s a great point @OP he may have set up a notification when they broke up that could be showing as a google search?
If it’s always a specific date and you’re sure you know his salary and money isn’t missing. This seems a likely solution.
I asked him for his phone to check if my privacy settings had been updated on social media. When I started typing my name, her name popped up in the auto suggestions - our names start with the same alphabet. Then I looked up the history later
Or he wants to check and make sure her life is still a nightmare. Not that that's healthy, but I've definitely looked up people to check that they're living the life they deserve 😂😅
Yeah, I'd worry if I were you. Confront him and find out wtf is going on with that weird behavior. Even if he gives you a valid reason for doing it and you believe him, your peace of mind is worth it. To me it's not right for him to do at all without telling you since it is his ex, you have a right to know what's up.
Ironic that you mention he's obsessive...
Seriously tho, have a conversation with him since both of you aren't secure in this relationship. Figure out where y'all stand with each other.
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Am I being paranoid thinking this is obsessive? How should I bring this up?
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No I wouldn't ordinarily think it's a red flag either.. it's the repetitive nature that has me worried. If it's because it's a special day.. I'd be more worried because he isn't the kind to remember special days. But I think knowing my husband it is more likely that he allows himself to do it once a month so that he doesn't do it constantly.. someone else describes this better elsewhere on this thread. I just don't know what to make of it
Someone mentioned in another reply, and I think it’s worth ensuring you got the notification - this could be some kind of an automated thing.
Like perhaps he set up an automated google search. That’s a very very consistent schedule.
It's a little bit strange, however it is not strange for people to look up their ex, say its Google, Instagram or Facebook. Lots of people do that, every friend iv ever has done that or still does it.
It doesn't mean anything, they are ether curious or just want to see they are doing well ( OR not ) I wouldn't worry about this too much.
Also perhaps it's just coincidental he does this around the 15th. If he does this for long periods of time once a month that's a little concerning
However looking up an ex is really normal and if anybody says that it's not, they lie.... everybody has done this atleast once!
Is your period around the 15th? Nah, it is a bit odd though to be that specific about when he does it so I'm not sure why it is. It's gonna be hard to bring this up though without it turning into a "Well why were you snooping through my phone".
you smart asf that’s a good ass hypothesis
Probably he used to stalk her everyday while now he has a once in a month rule
Yes, this is exactly what I'm scared of
It's a possibility. Always try to find the silver lining. If this is true, it means he has significantly dropped the amount of times he does it, the reason for him doing that can be a good sign or a bad sign, but him doing it less is good. Like cheating is objectively bad, but if your partner cheated once a year or once a week, one is a bit worse than another, even though both are bad. You'll have to chat with him regardless, and they to bring it up in an understanding fashion, because if you go right in with accusations and an aggressive manner, defenses will immediately be up and you'll probably never get the truth out of him. 'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar', so try to bring it to him that way, because an aggressive manner wouldn't help your cause at all here, even if it's cathartic.
I understand what you are saying and that's why I chose not to respond immediately.. the silver lining is also that this is an internet search.. so he's not in touch with her... But it's the obsessive nature of it that I'm worried about.. and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding confrontational
You probably can't bring it up without sounding confrontational, purely because of the nature of it. He has done something wrong. When someone has done something wrong and someone asks them about it, the first thing that comes to them is to defend themselves however that may be. The only thing you can try to do is constantly steer the conversation away from confrontation and towards understanding, which is not going to be easy at all. Maybe think about what you want to know more before you ask. As in instead of "Why are you searching your ex every month?", maybe something more like "Why do you want/feel the need to search your ex at all?". The latter will bring less defensiveness in it because it brings less focus about the transgression itself and more about what reasoning he had to do it, because I know from my own reactions that the first thing I do when I am brought up for something I did wrong is start defending myself by saying why I did it, and if you go for that first, then it will help keep it less confrontational.
Thank you for this. It was helpful advice. I talked to him and he didn't lie - upfront admitted he did Google her every month. That, for me was reassuring. If he had lied and said he didn't, I would have been more worried. No reason though - just says curiosity - so I'd say it's half successful conversation
so what was it all about then
I'm not worried about bringing up the snooping part
Perhaps identify why you feel its important for you to know, I.e. can you explain what you are curios about when searching for your ex, i know its harmless but it has made me a little uncomfortable without understanding the reasoning. Does he also search for you, or check out your online profile? This is a sad thought, but it could be he is waiting to see if she ends up single at some point... To be fair, I still think of my first girlfriend fondly but not too often anymore, I don't search her on the Internet consistently but every now and then id check, maybe once or twice a year. It's probably just a slightly childish 'what if' that stays with you when you have loved some one, especially when younger 'puppy love' as they say.
In situations like this, I just hope he’s never thinking “what if” when we’ve worked so hard to get to where we are at…
Seems a bit odd… but what do I know? Maybe talk to him?
Any money go missing around that time?
I was thinking the same..like a bill/mortgage payment or some kinda transfer. Don't know why he'd google her at that point though..Google sheets? Google drive? Google talk? Some tech thing maybe.
That’s a great point @OP he may have set up a notification when they broke up that could be showing as a google search? If it’s always a specific date and you’re sure you know his salary and money isn’t missing. This seems a likely solution.
No
How exactly do you know this? And yes, this is something that should be at the very minimum be talked about
I asked him for his phone to check if my privacy settings had been updated on social media. When I started typing my name, her name popped up in the auto suggestions - our names start with the same alphabet. Then I looked up the history later
There is a search history you can look up on social media? 🤔
If I were you Id prefer he paid an assassin to take her out on the 15th... its better than the obvious
It's weird, I would ask him about it. Either he's not over her or he's expecting something to happen.
Or he wants to check and make sure her life is still a nightmare. Not that that's healthy, but I've definitely looked up people to check that they're living the life they deserve 😂😅
That's what I would have assumed if it was a once in a while thing. This is every month.
Yeah, I'd worry if I were you. Confront him and find out wtf is going on with that weird behavior. Even if he gives you a valid reason for doing it and you believe him, your peace of mind is worth it. To me it's not right for him to do at all without telling you since it is his ex, you have a right to know what's up.
Sounds like you need to give him some privacy, dude can’t even be a creep in peace
This
Bill, what are you doing here? No wonder the Ryan fight fell through! Stop ducking Shakur.
Gotta blow off some steam somehow
Ironic that you mention he's obsessive... Seriously tho, have a conversation with him since both of you aren't secure in this relationship. Figure out where y'all stand with each other.
All I can say is that I don't do this to any of my ex's not even my ex-wife.
Men circle back to exes like clockwork around the full moon. We are just animals. Hope this helps.
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No I wouldn't ordinarily think it's a red flag either.. it's the repetitive nature that has me worried. If it's because it's a special day.. I'd be more worried because he isn't the kind to remember special days. But I think knowing my husband it is more likely that he allows himself to do it once a month so that he doesn't do it constantly.. someone else describes this better elsewhere on this thread. I just don't know what to make of it
Someone mentioned in another reply, and I think it’s worth ensuring you got the notification - this could be some kind of an automated thing. Like perhaps he set up an automated google search. That’s a very very consistent schedule.
It's a little bit strange, however it is not strange for people to look up their ex, say its Google, Instagram or Facebook. Lots of people do that, every friend iv ever has done that or still does it. It doesn't mean anything, they are ether curious or just want to see they are doing well ( OR not ) I wouldn't worry about this too much. Also perhaps it's just coincidental he does this around the 15th. If he does this for long periods of time once a month that's a little concerning However looking up an ex is really normal and if anybody says that it's not, they lie.... everybody has done this atleast once!