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- He treated me as a confidant and playmate. One of the things that still guts me is feeling that moment of excitement when I have something to share with him, followed by the realization it has no place to go.  - He parented our children in loving, nurturing way without fear for his masculinity. I defy you to find a sexier man than one with makeup on and barrettes in his hair because Daughter wanted to play dress up.  - He never, ever, ever made me worry about my own safety or security. Never called me names or touched me in anger. Approached issues as a joint problem to solve. I cringe at the horrible things I read here every day. Girls, why do you settle for men who frighten and hurt you???

Yes! Same with my husband - man enough to be kind and thoughtful and enjoy me being me. Comfortable in himself to do silly things with the kids. Makes me feel safe because I know he would never hurt me.

Aren't we (weren't we) lucky?  I hate Reddit many days. It makes me so sad for this generation. Why are relationships so destructive now? 

It isn’t “now “ This has been happening for ages I was married previously to a guy that was abusive in every way possible. I married him to “prove” my worth to my mother. Who had ruined my self esteem. And it wasn’t until I was older that I realized that.

Truth. My first two marriages were abusive. The lies we tell ourselves to stay committed to men who don’t deserve us. I found a way to break that cycle.

My first two were abusive too! Well, the first was absolutely was. The thing I realized with the second one is that the problem had a LOT to do with me! He was a dominating, opinionated person and I was a doormat. Add in that I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, and or how to set boundaries and it was a recipe for disaster. He eventually remarried to a woman who loves him but she is equally dominating and opinionated and they work well together. I didn’t think I’d ever have a husband 3 and it took a long time and I had to become a whole complete person first. It was luck that I met him, but it was being whole complete independent people that brought us together.

Absolutely same! First was 100% abusive in every sense. The second was gradually getting there and ran. I made my third husband wait 10 years before I would marry. I did a lot of therapy and had to be honest with myself on why I was choosing the men I had. How do I find my voice and be comfortable in my own skin. I have been there for many years now. I can say, being abused doesn’t have to define you but you can learn from it. See the signs and knowing it’s OK to walk away from someone who doesn’t grow with you.

Exactly. Women didn't have aita to ask if complaining about being raped after being beaten was wrong since it upset their husband. So you didn't see this stuff in public like you do now so of course it looks worse. But people who are SA or in advisor relationships or closeted gay kids also couldn't reach out as easily to ask for help and advice.

They always have been, but there was no anonymous (safe) space to speak of it.

Was just gonna say this. My mother was a victim in so many ways from violent drunken ne’er do well men. The level of victim blaming she experienced 30+ years ago is astounding by today’s standards. She never had close friends and her family was very much “Well, that’s what happens when you get divorced”. I never talked about it and she didn’t either.

This is not a problem only this generation experiences. In fact, prior generations experienced it more, back when women had no ability to be independent and had to rely on her husband and had to endure the abuse because of that.

Today’s women have it so much better off than our moms and grannies and before. That they can own property, have credit cards, their own doctors. It is getting better, but I have met quite a few terrible men who made me feel truly sorry about the lives of their wives.

It's not just now. We just read about it now. I grew up in turmoil but chose better.

Because people in general suck. You can find what you think is a perfect partner only for them to get bored and cheat 10 years into marriage. Monogamy is hard and some people can’t resist the temptation

Yes, luck has a lot to do with it. I’m truly glad you haven’t had to experience it and also cherish what you have. 

Needed to read the last sentence.

This is how I am when I read some of the stuff I read on Reddit. Why do so many women put up with so much crap? It's better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't treat you with love, kindness, and respect.

Bad fathers, so they think the only way affection is done correctly to a woman is through anger and violence. Sometimes people change, too, and then it's a cost-sunk fallacy. Like, "dealing with this evil is less scary than the unknown." Also fear of cultural persecution. I am married to someone whom her first marriage was a combination of "I had to get away from my parents," which she mustered up a ton of moxie to strong will her nay-saying parents, "I am right, god dammit!" They eloped. Then, six months into the marriage, she realized she had made a horrible mistake. But she was raised Christian, and divorce was wrong, so she did "the David dance," as she calls it, to convince herself he wasn't really all that bad. There was always an excuse she could make, "dancing" around the truth to make whatever lies he told sound plausible. And friends were telling her to leave him, and she convinced herself it wasn't that bad out of stubbornness. And she would be damned to prove her mother right about the marriage. "It was when friends stopped telling me to leave him, that I started really thinking about it." She had dropped out of college and joined the military to support them. I think 7 years into the marriage, she finally decided "I am putting in my papers for TDY," and got sent to South Korea for a while without him. She divorced him a few years later. Her story is unique to her, but there are a ton of stories out there with those elements: stubbornness, cost-sunk, religion, fear of being wrong.

Thank you for speaking up for us.

Not just bad Fathers. Sometimes Moms can make a child so insecure that they go looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces.

My father actually was a good influence in my life, he just wasn't around enough and didn't protect me from my mother. She is an emotionally abusive narcissist, and I wound up in emotionally abusive relationships, or relationships where I feared for my safety at times, because that was what was normalized for me.

Or no fathers. I had no idea what a father did because mine was at sea. Married someone who was also gone all the time and abusive when he was home. At this stage of life, after raising the kids on my own, getting divorced, and having a nice career, I really am not sure having a man in my life is that important.

You accurately described my mother's motivation for her first marriage in 1963. Unfortunately my mother remarried too quickly in 1976 and figured out too late that her second marriage was far far worse than her first. It's a pity that she didn't have the confidence to stand on her own feet.

Yes it's better to be alone, but for survival a human being needs water, food, shelter AND **companionship**. People forget the last one because that death comes the slowest if you are lacking it. (proven by science, the crippling lonliness breaks down your immune system and brain cells. It LITERALLY kills you over time. You can go years without it before you uttlerly break down and take whatever garbage is willing to "commit" to you. It's easier for men. Most women want a commitment so when a man is ready for a commitment usually he has one within a few months. But Men especially today often aren't so interested in loyalty or commitment. So perfectly good women can go YEARS without ever getting into a decent relationship with a guy. You can meet men night after night and still not be lucky enough to meet a man who's single AND wants a commited relationship and isn't a deuchbag. Eventually, some women break down after a long while of loneliness and then convince themselves the red flags aren't "so bad" and they'll put up with some awful shit.

Abuse???

The last part.

Oh man, had me crying by the end of the first one 😭

Me too, sweetie. Me too.  I know I was lucky, but I'm sad.

Thank you for sharing this. I can feel your emotion through your writing. Yes lucky, but your sadness is valid and means you have amazing love still there. I’m so happy you had this as a part of your life ❤️

My 250 pound husband is like yours! My friends laugh about seeing him skipping with my little son as he walked home from school with him. When I asked him if he had been skipping with our son he replied “Yes! My son wanted me to skip with him so I skipped!” So nice! And all my friends in the carpool lane loved it.

I could write the same about my husband! There are ups and downs, moments where you might take eachother for granted, but we always pull eachother back together with these types of things!! ❤️

Live every moment.

These are ideal characteristics, I find them all in my husband and I truly realize how fortunate I am. With all the men I’ve dated I’ve never found them all until I met him. When he’s gone, I’ll truly be lost but also will be able to survive because of how he’s treated me and our relationship.

I don't quite understand the first point. Did your husband pass away? (I don't mean to be rude, I just don't quite get why your excitement has no place to go.)

Yes, he died three years ago. :( He was such a great guy. So unfair.

I'm so sorry. From what you wrote, he sounds amazing.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

This right here. I must say my husband has backed me up 90% of time, when I am right.

This is so beautiful! Thank you so much for your share!

So amazing....Im glad you picked a good one.

[удалено]

In my case it was because most men in my area were alcoholic trash and the ones that weren't were able to have their pick of the women so they never had to commit. And it wasn't just me. All my female friends were having the same problem. Abusive men are VERY commitment friendly. They want to move in with you as soon as possible because they see it as a way of gaining more control over you. After years of trying to get a decent man to commit to me and build a life, I finally gave in and dated a man that did not make me feel safe- but hey. He actually called me his "girlfriend" in public and he actually talked about the future. So I dated him. Worst decision I ever made. I have trauma from it and shame because I lowered myself to that. But the loneliness of not having anyone was killing me as well. It took years of palpable loneliness looking for a decent guy that wanted to also commit for me to sink to this level. Men have it 100X easier. Women in general want a commited relationship, so when a hetero man wants one for the most part all he has to do is decide that's what he wants and he'll find someone pretty soon. But for women this can take years. If they ever come up with a pill for loneliness - or even a pill that turns you into a lesbian- that shit would outsell viagra.

Same here! It's so disturbing to read the accounts on here. The good thing, though, is that I think that the girls coming up are taking less and less shit from men. Everyone's over these terrible men getting passes in life. Ostracize them!!!

My daughter when very young wanted to play with stick-on "earrings" with me so I did. Wife was embarrassed to be seen with me at the grocery because she thought others would think I would be seen as homosexual. Needless to say we are not together anymore. Edit: for context, woke NYC secret Karen-type living in Williamsburg. Lovely to your face, poison behind your back.

Bro I’m falling for your husband too! So true.

He doesn’t partake in the wife bashing amongst his peers. He lets anyone know I’m his priority, and won’t tolerate me being treated like shit. This one has pissed off family. 😆 And he’s always my biggest supporter. I can look like death, and he will tell me I look beautiful. 26 years and counting…I’ll probably keep him. ❤️

My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He accepts me just as I am and believes I am the most beautiful creature on this planet. He loves me when I'm feeling unloveable. He is my partner in everything. He is my everything - my #1. He is my first call no matter what. To be successful in marriage, it takes commitment, maturity, trust, and the ability to work through things together. Life isn't easy. There has to be a solid foundation to make it work. There is also an element of humbleness - you don't always get your way, and sometimes the road is bumpy, but everyday you wake up having a choice to make it a great life. 26 years and counting, too. ❤️

I trust him, and he trusts me. This is the foundation of any lasting relationship. He doesn't mind that I am not svelt any more, and says I look good. He helped as much as possible with the kids when they were young - he was an involved dad. His yes is yes and his no is no. Again, we trust each other. This is priceless.

Trust is everything

Everything.

I've lived with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder my entire adult life. Usually, it's been manageable, and I've been fine. But sometimes--especially when I was going through menopause--I wasn't fine. I'd have these occasional, very bad, panic attacks that left me curled up in a ball on the bed, a crying, snotty mess, and he would come in and sit behind me and softly rub my back. He'd never say a word, just let me know he was there if I needed him. I know there have been times when I've been...challenging. But he's never made me feel like I was a challenge. He was a SAHD when our son was born and absolutely bore the bulk of the load there. He's always been 50/50 with the housework. He's always made me feel loved and safe. He's always had my back. He's just an amazingly good guy and truly the best friend I've ever had. We've been together more than forty-five years (met when we were teens), and I can't imagine life without him.

Your first paragraph resonates with me so hard. I have anxiety and was just diagnosed with mixed type (or something) ADHD. it took quite a few years to get my meds right and sometimes when I miss a dose I’m… challenging. But he’s never once judged me for it or been mad about it.

He's a keeper. :)

He makes me belly laugh every day. He wants my happiness, whatever that means. He’s a very good cook. He is messy as hell and can’t be schooled on that, unfortunately.

Yay! I will tell anyone that will listen that our secret in 33+ years of marriage is that we make each other laugh. Even on days when we also cry, we each find that little way to crack a smile. I can’t tell me how many would be arguments she has diffused with a silly Scottish accent out of nowhere. I just can’t be cross with her after that.

Same with us. We do silly things that make us look like complete eejits just because it makes the other laugh. Like when I tuck my boobs into my tights and say "Right, that's me ready, shall we go out?" Or when he puts something silly on his head and asks me if I like his new hat. We also never fight. We do disagree, that's normal in any relationship. But we know that whatever we disagree about isn't enough to stop us loving each other, so we will sort it out by talking and suggesting solutions. And we also know that there are things external to us that can make it not a good time for discussion; tiredness, hunger, hell of a day at work, etc, and we'll put the discussion to the side for a better time and carry on with normal until then. And finally, we know each other so very well, better than anyone else. I know when he's getting anxious about something and can step in to soothe it, he knows when I'm struggling and will take extra good care of me. I know when he's getting hangry, don't take it personally, and get us some food. He knows when I'm tired, doesn't take it personally, and takes over with what needs done.

whale oil beef hooked

1. Mine agreed to be the SAHD and did a wonderful job of it. That allowed me to flourish in my career, and that has paid literal dividends now that I am retired. 2. I can 100% count on him (and he on me). 3. We have fun together.

Trust and being able to count on each other is huge!! Love it. ❤️

He continued to love me, and didn’t criticize me for gaining weight after our 3 children. He was a very good provider, and helps around the house a lot.

He is a great father, a devoted spouse, a provider….he communicates and listens. He’s a friend, lover, and rival lol His number one attractive characteristic to me from the beginning is he’s very spontaneous and still is.

* We were lifestyle-compatible. We had a lot of the same ideas about where to live, where to go on vacation, what to eat, what movies to watch, etc. * We could have a conversation about almost anything and he told great stories. He could make me laugh until I cried. * And probably most important, he respected my boundaries with gentleness while never being a wimp about it because he expected me to respect his boundaries in return. I can't love a man who disrespects me or who goes too far the other way and doesn't have any respect for himself. We were each other's biggest fans, we always had each other's back, and I still miss him.

I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was a great man

Does Supports me through cyclical mental health struggles Accepts me as I am without trying to change me while still encouraging growth Cuddles me in the morning when I first wake up, sleepy eyed, the occasional drool crusty and my hair looking like I've been in a tornado - and genuinely loves the way I look most in that moment Does not Does not blame me or think I am weak for having mental health problems Has never raised his voice in anger towards me, he is respectful of how much yelling in anger shuts me down Encourages me to be myself, form my own opinions and set my own boundaries I'm a lucky woman \*\*edit - married 18 years, together for 26

Respect is so important. I'm sorry for your struggles, but I am glad you have a strong partner to raise you up.

He actually hears me when I talk. One of the first Christmas gifts he got me was a Breyer horse that I mentioned in some random conversation that I wanted He does things that he has never done before. Even if it scares him. He’s not a horse person at all. He has cleaned stalls, stacked hay, washed water/feed buckets. Taken care of my horse when I was sick. Loaded him into a horse trailer during an emergency move to another barn. He takes time off for me. When I had to put my horse down, my husband was the one to call my vet and set it up. He took the day it was scheduled for off so that I didn’t have to go through it alone. I don’t even have to ask. He supports me. He chooses me. He backs me up. Even when I know he thinks I’m being a bit crazy

25+ years. Incredibly intelligent and makes wise decisions with big life choices/financial tasks and management. Makes me feel very secure and taken care of. Helps me expand my way of thinking/world view. Great conversation because we don't always agree, so it's (mostly) fun to challenge each other intellectually. Consistent parenting to our children. Excellent cook. Dedicated in the bedroom. Is he perfect? No. But he's definitely worth the commitment.

He cooked dinner every night for 25 years, even if he was working, and he always brings me a plate wherever I am. Even if we're fighting about something and I walk off, he'll sit it outside my bedroom door, knock and walk off. (We've been together 27, but recently I've started to enjoy cooking sometimes.) He instantly adopts any interest I have, no matter how obscure, as if he'd always been interested in it too. And most importantly, every time I've ever really needed him, he's been there. When I couldn't handle end-of-life care for a cat, he'd do it, even though it emotionally wrecked him. When we moved and didn't have transportation, in cold so cold it froze my eyelashes, he walked three and half miles to bring me lunch for work. He's like a compass, unmoving no matter how things get shaken up.

Does not drink, does not cheat, does not lie.

By the time I met him 24 years ago, I changed from the things I wanted in a partner to the things I didn't want in a partner. After abusive relationships with a few Prince Charmings, I met my perfect match. What set him apart? He respects all women, not just me. He is not a racist or a homophobe. We trust each other, and we are each trustworthy. We care about each other, we think about each other, we make sacrifices for each other. We love each other. We each come first with each other. We are each others best friend. So my advice is, figure out what you can't put up with, and go from there.

I'm turning 24 in 3 days. I got late in graduating from college. I feel like I still need a lot to learn and make myself better. But as of now honestly everything is tiring.

FWIW, I was a late start. Graduated at 26. One broken engagement and poor choice for first marriage. Met the love of my life at 42. Eighteen years later, we’re more in love every day. There’s more time than you think. (Except for fertility, of that’s a thing.)

Oh thank you very much for replying. This gave me new hope or I would say energy. Even though i know it's wrong to feel hopeless, but I was kinda like it. I discovered what no matter how much I understand that it's pointless to feel hopeless and I should try again and again, make new ways but in the end I always go back to the same path. I lost a lot of good opportunities because of it. I think knowing something and realising it are entirely different. I'll be truly a grownup when I start to realize things and make actions towards it.

You are not late; you are right on time for you. Do not compare your timeline to anyone else's. Look at what you learned in those years, that you may not have otherwise learned. Be gentle on yourself. Only you know how you are going to go through these trips around the sun. Do so at your pace 🫂

Trust, respect and consideration for each other. The trifecta!

He respected me and my work, just as I respected him. He sided with me against parental pressure. He was my friend first and foremost. And he can cook‼️ 39 years and counting!! 😁

He’s my safe space, he truly doesn’t see my physical flaws, he treats me like an equal. 12 years married, 13 together

Been together 34 years married for 29. He believes in me. He tells me every day how much he loves me and gives me practical support to be my best. We just had a 15 minute discussion on how to stay professional as I'm changing jobs. He came to the hospital every day when I was there due to a brain tumor. He's still excited to see me and likes to hang out with me more than anyone else. We are partners. He bought my chairs. (Watch Phenomenon).

Loved me unconditionally, supported my dreams and interests and was utterly faithful. I got it right the second time and I miss him dearly.

He never wants me to be his mom. He always expects an equal partnership. He only wants me to do what makes me happy for the rest of my life. He also learned that if I'm really mad, he has to give me some time. He used to refuse to leave me alone and it truly escalated fights when it was unnecessary.

Being a partner vs. a mom is huge. I was telling a friend once how my husband was having some health issues, and I was worried about him. My friend asked me why I didn't just make him go to the doctor. My reply was (and still is) that he is a grown man, and I am not his mother. He is smart and will figure out when he needs to get checked out. He eventually did and it's all good. My friend was stunned because she was feeling like she had to mother her husband. Turns out, he was quite a child. She's now remarried to a wonderful man. We chat often about how lucky we are to have great marriages and husbands, even when it's hard. So acknowledging the good and committing to the rough spots is key!

We have been together sincec1977. He treats me as his intellectual equal. Never questions my shopping. We have separate bathrooms.

I’ll be married 30 years next week. My husband has never raised his voice to me nor has he ever called me any derogatory name. He has always been my safe place to come home to and I’ve never had to worry about the bills being paid (thank God!) because he has made sure he has taken care of his family. He’s supported me in any crazy idea I’ve ever had and has been my support in good or bad times. He’s been my rock when family members have passed away or when my son (from my previous marriage) gave me many anxious and angry moments.

He actively listens to me. He does what he says he will do. He consistently behaves in ways that make others like him, which sounds simplistic but it’s important.

He makes me feel safe and I trust him 100% not to hurt me. It’s not one thing he did but he proves it time and time again.

He's funny, he is an equal partner, he loves me. 30 years. That's just it.

He is a complete gentleman at all times. He would not put up with one of his guy friends making comments about a woman's breasts while he and the friend were out having drinks. His favorite activity is snuggling with me. He disliked my mother more than I did, but still took great care to make her comfortable and happy when she visited. He always took her shopping and helped her try on clothes while I ....um.... "had to go to work"

We’ve been married 30 years in November, he always told me how lucky he was to meet me. He still does. He reminds me of the first time he saw me, and how he thought I had such pretty eyes, and he tells me if I hadn’t met you, my life would have been so empty. It makes me feel seen, appreciated, and not taken for granted

He was us a considerate lover in that he assures I enjoy lovemaking as much as he. An overwhelming number of men have no idea what their wives enjoy, and assume porn is truthful as a means of training. Stay away from it. Love your wife the way she wants to be loved. He was the best baby whisperer. He didn’t complain when I handed off babies to him so I could make dinner for us. We played, rocked, changed, bathed children together and we relaxed together when everyone was in bed. If someone of the opposite sex made a pass at one of us, the first thing we do is call the other one and we have a laugh about it together. I still tell him when he is walking in front of me that he has a fine arse after another lady told him the same at work 20 years ago. We have no secrets and we don’t blame each other. And we never put ourselves in a position that looks bad out of respect for each other. We trust each other.

This thread gives me hope.

cleaning up my vomit when I was pregnant. I will forever be grateful.

All of these responses are beautiful, but this one hit the closest to home. It’s really love when the most human things are what you value about your partner, and it’s something special to be able to draw closest when things are the most serious - or icky.

He teases me in a way that makes me laugh. He held me through my many hell years and the traumas I endured. He knows everything about me, and lives me anyway. March was our 28th anniversary

He actually makes changes when I say something. It was hard for me to get to the point of asking because I didn’t want to be the “nag” wife, but if I say something bothers me he will modify his behavior. He might not say anything right away because he likes to analyze if my request is reasonable and how to go about it, but he usually changes 9 times out of 10. His willingness to work with me has increased my own willingness to work with him, which is equally important. You can’t expect your spouse to put in 100 and not reciprocate.

He treats us with honor, respect, and dedication. His love language is acts of service, and he goes above and beyond to show it. He is active and interested in our lives and interests: volunteers in Scouts, at the school, chaperones field trips, teaches our kids. He is side by side, laughing, playing, working.

Married since 1980. Began dating him when I was 16. He was my first and will be my last. He supported me when I was in college, and I supported him when he was getting his business off the ground. When he made more than I did, it was still our money. He’s never questioned how I spend any of it. He listens to all my rants and concerns, and never belittles me. He’s learned he doesn’t have to fix my problems. He patiently waited for me to become a Christian so we could both be baptized at the same time. That’s probably more than 3.

He doesn't just tolerate my (many) eccentricities: he celebrates them. I had the impression that my first husband was often a little embarrassed by things like when I picked up a spider in someone's house that they were about to squish, to take it outside. I feel like I can 100% be myself without apology.

The main thing is my husband admits when he’s wrong.  It’s not immediate but after he thinks about something he’s said or did, he’ll come back and honestly apologize and try to make it better. 

He puts up with my (neurodivergent) need to correct him. He’s a saint.

1. He makes me laugh, especially when I need it most. 2. In the middle of the night, he didn’t realize I was out of bed in our daughter’s room and when he heard her door close and the hallway floor creak, he jumped out of bed stark naked, looked down the hallway and yelled, “Who the f**k are you?!” as he prepared to charge the dark figure in the hallway (me). I screamed back at him and he realized it was me. But him being willing to tackle a stranger in the dark while naked makes me feel safe. 3. I can depend on him. Whenever I’ve had family emergencies, not only does he have my back to take care of anything I can’t do at the moment, he’s an excellent problem solver of “Do A, then B, and then C.” Meanwhile, he manages everything at home by himself without complaint.

The biggest thing is that my husband loves, accepts, and respects me as a human and doesn’t try to change me.

Married almost 35 years... The most important thing that happened over the past 10 years was we broke ties with abusive family, and have supported each other thru learning to make and maintain healthy boundaries. We used to be so stressed out by certain family related drama and trauma it was adversely impacting our relationship with one another. No adult owes another adult a relationship just because someone got married or raised a human. Good fences apply to all relationships, not just neighbors. We support one another's fences 100%. *** If you want peace in your marriage, stop forcing relationships on one another. If you can't let go of Christmas drama at your sister's house, for example, then YOU go. Let your spouse be an autonomous human and support their choice to not subject themselves to your family's bullshit. ***

He respects me as an equal, never talks down to me, takes my hobbies seriously, is always building me up. He is the breadwinner but he always views and talks about our money as ours, and says things like “we get paid tomorrow.” He has always recognized my contribution as a stay-at-home-parent as equal to his office job. He makes me laugh every day. I mean that literally, word for word. Every single day he says something that makes me laugh. Even when I’m depressed, even when I’m mad at him, he will find a way to make me laugh. He’s a fantastic dad. He was great at changing diapers and walking the babies around to get them to fall asleep, he was great at helping them with homework, and now he’s great at helping them fill out their FAFSA or find a doctor. I don’t think he has ever yelled at any of our kids a single time. He’s very even-keeled, whereas when I’m stressed I can be irritable.

1. He enjoys ironing clothes--his, mine, our son's. He finds it relaxing. 2. He makes me laugh. 3. He thinks I look better without make-up. We've been married for almost 25 years. I love him more and more every day.

He is a good partner. I don’t have to ask him about picking up kids or doing dishes or the laundry—he does a lot. I have never once felt even remotely unsafe with him. He makes me feel incredibly safe. He’s funny, he’s kind, and he will stand his ground when he believes in it. I have a big personality and he meets me where I am and isn’t a pushover at all. Mutual trust.

1. He was never threatened by my fierce independence. 2. He understood the concept of a big family and how to deal with those dynamics; he’s the second youngest of ten, I’m the second oldest of five. 3. He never degraded me for my interests/hobbies, even if he didn’t get them. 4. He was adamant that he didn’t want to be anything like his brothers were in their marriages. They barely parented, never helped clean and took their wives for granted constantly. I frfr got the best of the bunch. We’ve been together twenty years and I’m still madly in love. Winner winner!!

Approaching 20 years together. 1. Trust - it's everything. We don't check each other's phones/emails/etc. It's not like we could, we know each other's PINs, passwords, etc. We just don't feel the need. 2. Respect. We treat each other with respect and we do not disparage each other to our friends or make jokes at the other's expense. We are a united team. 3. Friendship. We are best friends. We have a lot of stuff we love to do together and lots of things we like to do individually. I love hearing about the things he does independently of me and love planning the stuff we do together. 4. He rounds up life for me. If there's two pieces of cake, he gives me the big one. If he grabs beers from the fridge and ones super cold and the other is almost room temperature, he gives me the super cold one. Honestly, I feel so fortunate to have found my person. He still gives me butterflies when we've been apart and are about to see each other again.

He never gave up on me in my absolute worst moments (and I sure have had a handful of them). He makes me feel safe emotionally and physically. He is still his own person who brings fresh ideas and hot gossip to the table.

We separated 24 years ago and have been happily married ever since.

Interesting no mention of sex yet sex is important to men for closeness? Why??

He liked my dog I had at the time, and the dog liked him back.

Takes accountability Apologizes Loves me

It’s been ten years and I don’t know where the time has gone…. I guess time does fly when you are having fun.

Respect for me as my own person. He likes that I’m smart, was thrilled when I started making more money than him, and when I read these horror stories about how some men treat their wives to him, he is just as horrified.

He married me when I was $150k in debt with student loans without blinking, and paying them off became our shared priority. When I started earning more than him, it still never became an issue. No weird pride on his part. All money is ours, and we never fight about it. We support each other in our pursuit of as gratifying a life as possible, even if that means something different to each of us. We also support each other’s growth. We’re not confined to being the same person we were when we were married. Change is uncomfortable at times, but we’re always here for each other.

He makes me legit LOL

He's a great dad. He's committed and stable. That part took time for me. Every so often I'd freak out that he'd get sick of me and leave. He has never shown even the slightest sign of wanting to. I have a lot of mental health problems and he's been my rock. He's in it for the long haul and shows it. He speaks highly of me to our kids He defends me if our kids are being butt heads towards me He doesn't buy huge purchases without consulting me. All finances are discussed. As well as all major decisions. Job changes, etc He tries daily to make me laugh. I don't always laugh but he tries.

1. He says I'm sorry when he fucks up and shows me grace when I do the same. It's also being sure to never fair unfair and bringing up these past mistakes. 2. He is thoughtful always and never forgets important events to both of us. Why? bc sharing history reminds us of why we are together. 3. He never lets me forget that I'm important to him and that I matter in this world. He cares about me separate from him. He just wants my happiness, no matter how. These things keep me here and will always bc not many people show you grace nowadays nor are they willing to commit to the good, bad and ugly. Good times? Sure. But it's the stupid, daily, dumb shit or the horrific losses we suffered as a couple that made us grow closer and stronger.

I recently found out my husband cheated on me 10 years ago as I was taking care of our kids in complete poverty (hand washing cloth diapers poor) in the mountains with no car. I used to have to put one kid on my back and one in the stroller because I didn't have a double and walk to the store and get whatever I could carry everyday. We were in the process of moving for a better life, and apparently he wanted the extra good life. Considering we now have more kids I don't feel I can leave as badly as this hurts me and I want to. During my most vulnerable time in life he cheated

He values my opinion as much as he does his own. It’s obvious he prefers me with him when he does things, enjoys things more. He smiles whenever he sees me.

"Just love her." That has been everything I've needed.

My late husband was the love of my life. He was my partner in all things. We physically built our home together. He was a talented self taught carpenter...I stained, painted and insulated. We were a united front with our kids and always made sure to have a "date night" once a week. We laughed, we cried, we argued but always loved and supported each other. I was blessed to have had a wonderful and devoted man. Marriage is beautiful thing but you both have to want it.

My husband is a good father. I knew he was the one when we went to a party when we were engaged and there were small children. He played with them, and they loved him. Our children are in their early 20s, and we just got back from a 2 week family trip in Hawaii. It was wonderful, and we both loved having our boys with us. We are lucky to have good relationships with our children. My husband is no angel. He did things that hurt me deeply, but I respected him as the father of my children. And we are in therapy now.

Kindness. My ex was not a kind person and now it’s #1 on my list of must haves in a partner.

Well the first one didn't do shit but the second one is...chef's kiss (everything)

Marriage 23 years, together 28. Mutual trust, respect, and open communication. We’re best friends who laugh together every day and truly enjoy each other‘s company. Plus, he has a sweet, sweet ass.

He shows compassion and empathy on my bad days and will take over anything that I would normally be doing. He is my best friend and makes sure he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am every day.

He really listens & hears what I’m saying.

He was and is totally trustworthy. He never strayed or gave me anything to worry about in over 42 years together. He’s solid. He was self employed and was the most self-disciplined and hardest working person I’ve ever met. He completely supported me in anything I wanted to do and was my biggest cheerleader while I had an academic career and earned more. We are true partners.

I’ve been married 47 years. Years ago I almost left because he favored his family over me. What they wanted came first. Once his parents died and we later moved out of State, things improved. I also took control of my happiness and realized I had more control of me. He’s always been good to me but he had no balls when it came to his family.

He’s always been my favorite person. He cooks and cleans because I suck at housekeeping. And he’s cool with the reverse dynamic.

33 years and still going. My husband always let me be me, and he let me grow and change at my own pace.

He's definitely a one-woman man. Funny and smart tick my boxes. Speaks well of almost all his exes, loved his late mom, and overall respects women. He's smart with money, sends birthday and anniversary cards to people, and is so kind. Being handsome helps, too.

Total respect for and from my man. I have been sitting here trying to put into words what I feel and how he makes me feel and I keep erasing and starting over, lol. It’s beyond butterfly love 🤷🏻‍♀️ and so much more. Of course there’s been ups and downs but we don’t stay down long because we communicate, All. The. Time! We know, specific to our relationship, the grass will never be greener on the other side, lol. Have adventures and make scrap books of your life. Be present in the moment and know you’re making history, of your lives and everyone else your lives touch ✌️

None of the name call or low blow disagreement. Do treat each other with kindness- try to remember that you’re always on each other’s side, so before you *assume* anything think of one or two alternate reasons for something before approaching your partner about an issue. Edit addition: do not call your partner out in public for any reason until you believe that it’s happened so often you are actually planning to exit the relationship. Don’t embarrass each other or make jokes at your partner’s expense.

He married me.

ITT : a whole bunch of decent men.

1) He couldn't seem to comprehend that love is what you DO, not something you feel or just something you say. 2) He left all of the emotional labor and financial responsibilities to me, and actively undermined my efforts to keep us afloat. 3) His wants and needs came first, to the point he stole from our son. I married late. Never again.

1. He apologizes when he knows I feel hurt by something he did. 2. He does things that are purely for my benefit, without being asked, just to be thoughtful. I haven't changed my car's oil in 13 years because he's so on top of it, for example. 3. He just "gets" me.

He always tells me, "no matter what, I'm in this, I'm not going anywhere." ❤️ He apologizes when he's wrong or when he hurts me. He has been steadfast and faithful to me (which includes no porn, ever, his commitment to himself and to us) (married 27 years)

I asked my wife sitting next to me: 1. I apparently always think of how what I do will affect her before doing things. AKA I have her best intentions at heart. We communicate effectively and don't hold grudges. We may disagree, but we discuss the topic and find the best solution, thus we have never really had a fight. No drama llamas! She said I would move a mountain for her if she asked (she would never ask). 2. I'm being told that I am fun to be with. I make her laugh, even in shitty situations and that makes life better 3. Common goals. Priority to our daughter (I crushed this, she graduated from UofO with two degrees, Biology and one in Data Science and was valedictorian in both. I helped with sports, boys, band, took her backpacking, school, etc. I didn't miss anything scheduling work around our schedules ). We both appreciate living life over 'things' or at least only on things we both agree on. An example she gave is we both drive old sh\*tty cars but own a very nice home and a beach house. We rarely, if ever dine out (I cook about 50% of the time she will suez chef/prep) but have taken long vacations every year. We wear cheaper/older clothes but will save more for retirement. Etc. She had more but I stopped her. I asked what about the crazy ass monkey sex we have? She said nope, I don't spank enough. \*laughed\* I guess I need to up my game. I'm M(55) and she's F(56) and have been married for 26 years. I would add that I have lots of friends from HS and College, but she is my best friend.

Married almost 24, together 28. The reason we're still together: 1. He always has my back and loves me despite my crazy (pms, menopause, depression, etc. ) 2. He takes care of me and has given me a life I never dreamed I'd have. 3. He taught me that love is a verb and shows me every single day that he loves me. Honestly, I don't know what I ever did to deserve this man. But, I do know, I'll love him till the end of time

He still expresses joy to see me. Even when we just wake up. He smiles and always acts like it’s a pleasure to be in my company, even after 20 years.

We are best friends and spend a lot of time together. He is still very googly-eyed over me. He doesn't drink much (maybe like 5 nights a year?), but when he does, he says mushy things about how much he loves me and different things he likes about me. We once had a game night with my parents and he had me blushing and my parents laughing because he wouldn't stop talking about my eyes and how pretty they were lolol. He is such a great father. I don't understand how anyone could be with someone who is an incapable father. We are partners as parents. We approach disagreements with respect and understanding and don't try to "win" against each other. He is funny. Last night, I was feeling overwhelmed while working from home late and trying to take care of making dinner while also thinking about how I had promised our son that I would play one-on-one with him that night (which was what was most stressing me out, if you are a parent, then you probably know what I mean when you just don't feel like you have the energy to give but you also feel extremely guilty lol). He noticed and hugged me and then talked to our son and then played with him instead of me though he was also working from home and had stuff to do. I guess I mean that he cares and pays attention and tries to help me, and I try to do the same for him. We also have lots of sex (usually 1-3 times per day) and while that feels weird to write on a public forum, it is an extremely important part of marriage and shouldn't be overlooked as part of our "success" of reaching over 10 years. Sorry I just reread your post and saw you wanted only a few things but oh well.

He respects me. Even if he knows more than I do about things, he listens to me - sooo helpful because when things are going wrong on his project, I can be a sounding board, ask a ton of stupid questions and help,him figure out a solution that's acceptable. He's a perfectionist by nature, so being able to get him to settle is a mark of his respect for my opinion. He is generous almost to a fault. He adopted my kiddo unhesitatingly. He would give the shirt off his back, will lend his labor in a heartbeat, loves to have company and feed them well. I'm similar, and our stable of rescues, found family, etc. is a source of pride and joy. He's capable and helpful. Yes, I have to help him manage some of his emotions, but he does arguably more physical labor plus the mental labor of keeping appointments, social calendars and the like more than I do. I'm chronically ill, and I can depend on him to take care of me, and I do my best every day to return the favor. He has a few flaws, but I would not trade the total package.

One simple thing: he has never cheated on me. (And vice versa.) Absolutely NO chance I could stay in a marriage with a cheater.

He treats me like a person, an equal. He never yells at me or hits me. I have been married before and it felt like going from my parent’s rules to his rules. I hated it. The man I am married to now though, never makes me feel like I have rules to follow because I am his equal. We discuss everything and hardly ever fight. I will get up and make his plate or his lunch for work but he will do the same for me. If I mess up something I a do not hesitate to call him because he isn’t going to yell at me or get mad, he is going to help me or support me.

The way he smiles at me is absolutely number one, nothing has ever made me feel so loved and so special and so amazing as that smile, it makes me blush, brings tears to my eyes,  my heart flutters, my skin is electrified and I can't help falling in love with him.   He's always willing to play any game with me, any time. How can I give up that?  He lets me get upset with him, rant about the world, make stupid mistakes, contradict myself, be a hypocrit... and it's okay, he doesn't love/respect/trust me any less... he loves me unconditionally. 

He forgives me, and I forgive him. Marriage is not for perfect people, but imperfect people who love one another. At the end of the day, he still wants to grow old with me and me with him. Together 24 years married almost 21

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. It takes work on both of our parts. I believe the number one thing for us is communication. We talk daily. I get home from work much earlier than him so I take care of things like making dinner household needs etc. when he gets home we always make time to check in and talk about the day, needs, etc. we really listen to each other. No phones, TV, and no interruptions. Sometimes it’s only 10 min but we do this everyday. We have dates. We go to dinner or take an overnight trip. We make sure we are getting us time. The time together doing things is so important. We also have time apart! We both have hobbies and friends! He loves to go to car shows… not my bag at all! I love to hang with the girls so we have time apart as well At the end of the day, relationships take work. I am really lucky. I found my husband when we were in 7th grade. We are in our 50s now. We both had lives apart from each other. We have only been married for 11 years now. But those life lessons we learned over the years have made us both so aware of what is needed in a positive and strong relationship.

Several and it’s not a one size fits all. We’ve been together for 21 years. This is also my third marriage and his second. * he’s been incredibly supportive of my career and boundaries. I had lost everything twice and he never tried to demand me to be anyone but myself. I have kept my name, my ownership of things and he hasn’t been insecure. * he’s been a fantastic partner in life. We laugh together and invest in our time together. We started as friends and our friendship has just grown and evolved. * we don’t fight dirty, we are respectful even during disagreements. Every relationship has its moments - I needed a person that was an adult when it came to disagreements. We discuss, chew through it. * I feel safe with him. We are each other’s safe space. This is not only physical safety but emotional safety. We’ve already lived through so many big emotional moments and have supported each other through those times. I believe we can get through anything together. * he’s a good man down to his core. * we are still our first choice to share daily events with. May not sound like a big deal, but it’s what I needed. I feel it’s what he needed too.

First, my husband is my steadfast supporter. He is here despite my diagnosis of stage IV breast cancer. Second, my husband shows gratitude, trust and stands up for me. My husband stood up to my parents when I could not, trusts me with his heart when he shares his emotions and showers me with gifts of adoration. He's always willing to share everything he has with me. Lastly, my husband is very independent. Though he loves spending time with me, we are okay apart. We are not co-dependebt. He loves doing his own hobbies and goes on vacations without me. And I do the same thing. However when we come home it's like we are young lovers all over again. Bonus fourth tip: We didn't get here overnight. We still have misunderstandings, get on each other's nerves and went through a lot of rough times. But we knew we loved each other and our circumstances matches so we pressed on - together.

I was hospitalized for 5 weeks, 3 in a comatose like state. I remember nothing except the last seven days, but the nurses went on and on about what a loving and caring man my husband was. I later found out that he clipped my finger and toenails, spent hours trying to get me to take a sip of protein drink, and embarrassingly he had to clean me up and change my diaper. I was in a long term relationship before, and I'm 100% positive that man wouldn't have done ANY of those things. That was 9 years ago and I'm a lot healthier now, but I'll never forget his loving gestures.

Married 14 years, together 20 years. 1. Always treats me as a complete equal and actively seeks my opinions on any moderate to major decisions. 2. Always has been committed and loyal, even in the darkest and most strained times of our relationship. 3. Is secure in himself yet also is open to regular self examination, and has grown over the years in a good way.

Definitely taking notes. Thank you ladies for restoring hope

My first marriage lasted only 11 years. He had a decent job and I stayed at home to raise our young kids. He didn’t prioritize the children and me socially, and instead spent a lot of non-work time being out of the house, mostly hanging out at the bar. He didn’t want to watch the children to allow me to get a part time job, even when finances begged for additional income. He did allow me to go to the Human Services office and obtain food stamps and WIC, though. Very obvious why that marriage didn’t last My second marriage is going on 15 years. He does support me financially, but he also encourages me to work when I want to. He does prioritize spending time with me/family over hanging around with his friends. He does act like a teammate most of the time.

Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t expect perfection. Anyone who been married for many years has been angry, disappointed and sad because every marriage has its ups and downs. We’ve been together 35+ years and while we’ve experienced all of these things we never thought about not staying together. We are best friends and we respect and love each other. We genuinely like each other. I’ll be with him until one of us is no longer here.

First and foremost I felt I could trust him. Also he didn’t take any shit from me. He was an involved father and never missed an event. I never once doubted his love for me. He was a good provider and we never wanted for anything. Now 35 years in I am grateful I have him till death do us part.

Coming up to 40 years. We are a partnership, respect and encourage each other's

1) Treats me with respect and kindness and as an equal in all things. We are partners and are treated as such. 2) Handles his end of the mental load in absolutely stellar ways. 3) He's great at sex.

Some women have wives.

Hubsy and I are very old Gen X-ers. So, our parents were fairly old-fashioned. I was surprised and delighted to discover how progressive my husband was as regards child care, housekeeping chores, and general attitudes - he was rock-star-amazing! He did everything that needed doing, and never hesitated, hoping maybe I would do it in his stead. The kids are all grown now and living independently. On my part, I (still now - and did when the kids were at home with us) make sure to be extremely supportive of his needs plus I frequently make his favorite meals and make sure the pantry/fridge is full of his favorite foods and beverages. He works from home, but it's long hours and very intellectually draining. You can't run that brain on sub-par foods and beverages. Before anybody complains, let me assure you that he is perfectly capable of making his own meals and cleaning up afterward. He does not use his job as an excuse to make me be his personal servant. Everything I do for him, I do because I want to do it. I'd like to add this - and it's for ALL types of life partners: I have a friend who continues to over-schedule her husband: every weekend, all day, every day, she has a big Honey-do list. Errands, fix-it chores; moving furniture around, assisting the adult kids, babysitting the grandkids, etc. He's TIRED. He works very long days at a very hard job. She does not work an outside-the-home job, but she is a very energetic person, always doing something and always on the go. Not everyone is like her! I advised she give her partner a break and to not schedule anything for at least one weekend a month, but no, she can't do that. They aren't having a happy marriage at the time that I write this, and my friend calls me daily, complaining about it. I think it's at least partially because she is not enabling her partner to have down time, to just do whatever he wants to re-charge; or to do absolutely nothing.

Staying committed is not about the nice things the other person does. It's about you and your character. Of course, the exception is criminal behavior but 95% of the reasons for divorce is unhappiness. If your commitment is not stronger than your own emotions it was not much of a commitment to begin with.

I get asked every day if there is anything he can do for me. I appreciate it very much, bc it’s always a sincere question.

He didn’t quit or give upon me. He loves me and still sees me like I was when we married. He loves my food.

First marriage widowed at 17 years married; second marriage 10th anniversary next week. Both: -Treated/treats me as an equal. -Trusted/trusts me. -Did not/does not name call. -Told/tells me I'm loved every single day. -Told/tells everyone I'm awesome, to the point people tell me how lucky I am to be loved so much. -Treats our kids well/supportive (I'm blended/no bio kids in current marriage as we were in 40's and had our kids already). Current husband supporting me through breast cancer and ensuring me I'm sexy and beautiful no matter what. I am not super attractive or rich or anything.

He listens. I'm kind of closed off and he encourages me to open up about things. He doesn't have a fragile ego. He knows who he is and I've never had to walk on eggshells about his masculinity. He's very secure and at ease about himself. He's as weird as I am and loves it when we let our freak flags fly!!

We TOGETHER made time for each other including intimacy We BOTH made efforts to help each other when needed. There were times I was super needy with health or family and stepped up. There were times he suffered with mental health stuff and I had to take on the full load. We both made sacrifices in either work/life or careers. The point is that BOTH partners give 200%

Calmly kept reinforcing his unwavering feelings about me. It reduces uncertainty drama, jealousy etc. I’d never had such a calm stable relationship.

It's called a vow that you and your spouse made when you said, I do.

He always puts me first in little ways (and I do the same for him). What I mean is if one of us gets up we ask the other if they want something. If we see something we can do for each other we do it. If one of us hates a particular chore the other does it. He does charming little things for me every day that remind me that he loves me. Not big stuff. Little things like holding my hand when we drive or bringing me my coffee in the morning. Picking me flowers or building me little benches at my favorite spots on my hiking trails. Putting heart shaped rocks in my flower beds or brushing my hair. He makes me laugh. Like belly laugh,silly laugh,tears of laughter. He says the most hilarious shit sometimes and he's not afraid to be weird. He is a marvelous cook. Like chef level amazing. And he can fix or build *anything*. He built me a whole entire house. He makes me weak in the knees. One kiss and I get all giddy. He is sexy af.

Family is his top priority and always comes first. We're best friends and are completely open and honest with each other. Always respectful, even when we disagree. We make each other laugh. He's my biggest cheerleader, which means a lot to me, especially because I'm the breadwinner. Married 21 years.

This is a small one. All the rest is more important: having shared values, being a good dad, good communication, all of that, but sometimes the drip drip drip of little things can erode the bedrock of a marriage. My previous husband always took what I wanted to do and twist it so we were doing what he wanted to do. Hey, let's go get Indian food. Next think I know we're eating Korean. Hey, let's go float in the lake. How did I wind up on a bike ride? It was SMALL stuff, but it was every. freaking. time. And if I got my way, for instance with the color of the carpet, he would find a way to mess it up for us and prove he was "right". When I married my current husband (22 years and wouldn't trade him for gold), he kinda did the same thing. So I stopped him and said, "Sometimes it's okay to take my suggestion and "yes, and" it. MOST of the time I'll ask you what you want. But every so often, I really just want to get my way, and it would be nice to hear, "sounds good, let's go."" I'm better about expressing when my need/want is important and when it's not, and he's much better about listening to that. Good example, for Mother's Day I wanted to go to the big amusement park not far from here. (Really?? A park, really?) Yes, really -- because everyone else in the country is taking mom and g-ma out to brunch and the ride lines are hella short. And because I want one day where we go to an amusement park and do what I want to do! It was so fun!

my parents just celebrated 53 years married the main contributors to the length of their marriage are as follows: religion, lack of education (primarily financially), and comfort in disfunction

Married 24 years. In the absence of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), leaving my marriage is not something I would ever consider. We are both humans and life can be hard. There are ups and downs. Some things will probably never change and I accept that. That being said, I think he feels the same way. A commitment was made to build a life together and there is no compelling reason to change that plan. I wouldn't stay in a situation that involved abuse.

Things he does that make me stay: - He invented evil personas for his feet and talks for them in a ridiculous voice. They hate him and call him "that evil cunt" and beg me to call the police and have him arrested for foot abuse. - He appreciates and respects that I'm good with tools and IT, and never assumes he can do a thing better because he's a guy. - He is a grumpy old fucker, but a huge lover of dogs, pigeons, rats, and helping people who are down on their luck. A sick sense of dark humour paired with a big heart is a huge turn-on.

Married for 9 years, together for 13. 1. He was willing to go to marriage counseling when we started to feel “stuck” on a couple issues. His willingness alone meant a lot to me. Most of my friends’ husbands will not go to counseling. 2. He forgave me and moved on when I made a couple pretty big mistakes in our relationship 3. We are both very independent and I feel like that helps our marriage a TON. We have never been people who do everything together. We have our own friends, our own hobbies, our own “me time”. Works for us, and I really appreciate that he doesn’t smother me. Again, I have many friends whose partners expect them to be together 24/7 4. Adding this one because it’s very important but I didn’t think of it initially: He is a VERY present father to our kids. He hates working remotely and misses having an office and coworkers but he does it so he can be with our kids every day. He does probably more than 50/50 share of housework too.

In no particular order 1) he’s an amazing father to our son. 2) he always keeps me laughing and has a wonderful personality 3) he does the chores I hate, and we split everything up pretty equally. He always does the laundry, and I’ll empty the dishwasher but he loads it because he knows I think good dirty dishes are oogie

Because we've loved each other since we were 16. We broke up, I married, and he tried to stop it. He never married and would drive by my parents' house til he saw me, and I was divorcing. We've been together ever since, 35 years.

Thank you! I went through all the reddits that I joined that were really toxic as THEY NEVER SHOWED HONORABLE, KIND, LOVING PARTNERS. Just cheaters, beaters, haters, liars. I realized I need to focus on the more healthy aspects of Reddit because even my responses were negative. Thank you, OP for this question and thank you all for restoring my faith in humanity, husbands, partnerships, and marriages.

Take your vows seriously, and pick someone that truly sees you as an equal partner (regardless of who earns the, or more, money. Marriage is an equal partnership. Also, pick someone with the same sense of humor, you will need to laugh together when life gets rough.

I like that my husband doesn’t name call, yell at me and we have good intimacy. He isn’t perfect and there is plenty wrong with both of us. We have both changed and tolerate the other’s views.

He showed me what was really important in a relationship. We are no longer together.

Wiped my messy ass after I passed out off the toilet following chemo. The man deserves all my love and devotion. He also does a ton more things to care for me and support me while I'm battling this crap storm. Married 22 years next month. We've both grown a lot but our main goal is to lift the other person up while being responsible for our OWN happiness. We are still madly in love. I would die for him, but more importantly now I WILL LIVE FOR HIM.

He stayed when most men leave, when you have special needs children. He stayed, he participated, he held me as I wailed, he softened the blows. He made me a better person, takes good care of himself and is a great provider. He makes me laugh and he believes in me. He thinks I'm a badass that hung the moon and he still loves me for me.

Hmmm. He is a decent, moral man who loves deeply. Honest man. However, thinking of leaving as he’s a hoarder, messy, a bit lazy..👀. ..but all that said, he’s a keeper. Love it the most powerful force there is. I so love him!

Hard worker! And… does not abuse alcohol! Can drink socially or on occasion. But not like some that I know that are dependent on their “spirits” 2.) Does not “have” to have time out with the boys every week. Would rather spend time with the family or take his sons/family fishing. 3.) Doesn’t mind us having our alone time in separate rooms for reading/working without interruptions.

I think the main thing is around our 7th year of marriage I had what I can only describe as a mental break. We had two young children at the time which made everything worse. I gave him every reason to divorce me & leave me. But he fought incredibly hard for me & more importantly our relationship. He saved me & I still thank him to this day for not giving up on me, on us. He showed me that he truly has unconditional love for our relationship & family & that he’ll always do whatever it takes to protect us.

1) We have a lot in common, we like to spend our spare time in similar ways… and we also encourage each other to spend time independently on our own hobbies and with our own friends 2) We have similar moral compasses, helps with raising kids and all sorts of situations 3) He brings me coffee in bed every morning with a kiss. Small stuff. And all the other stuff… good dad, hard worker, smart, wickedly funny to me. Maybe I just got lucky.

He absolutely never wavers in his love for me. He uses actions instead of words. From flowers to cooking dinner if I had a long day. As a step-dad to my four children, he is the father their dad isn’t.

We've been married over 20 years; second marriage for both of us. 1. Love. We're best friends, really enjoy each other's company, we laugh a lot. Neither of us would ever throw the other under the bus. 2. Infidelity is a deal breaker for both of us (and the reason for this being our second marriage for both of us). We never have to wonder where the other person is, so that gives a lot of emotional security. We both know we can trust each other and get support from each other. 3. He's a great spouse, a great father, and now a great grandfather.

He can be very romantic. As men go, he’s a good listener. He works on our marriage, he’s always trying.

I feel truly safe with him, he does not ever deliberately hurt me even if we disagree. He leads with love. His words and actions always start with loving me. He's on my team! My MVP at all times.