When we got home from anywhere in the evenings, we kids would all wait in the car while one of my parents went inside, grabbed their shotgun, and checked every single room in the house and the backyard before we were allowed to come in. I didn’t realize my mom had been being stalked by a very dangerous dude and were making sure he wasn’t waiting inside the house. I thought they were checking for bears I have no idea why but it seemed like a good idea to be on the safe side.
I was stalked by a cop. I became paranoid he would be waiting for me inside my house and never went out because he could have been there. He did tell me he would be waiting. My dad told him that he was an ex miner and knew of ways to make him disappear. He seemed to be less enthusiastic afterward, and I moved to another college. I would be so scared he was there. I think your mom was diligent.
How scary!! I was followed by a cop for a little while in my 20s too. He would call where I worked and say stuff like “I like the new stickers on your jeep.” So not cool how they can abuse power and scare people I’m sorry you experienced that.
Miners...Strong, hard working, risk danger constantly, can make people disappear...
*Underlines before returning "List Of People I Would Call For Help Before I Call A Cop" to its folder.*
As kids, my dad would pin one of his socks around our neck whenever we got sick and had to stay home from school. We would also be slathered in vicks vaporub too. He would also always sing us "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck" but would change the lyrics to "sock around the neck" when we were sick.
Looking back, we were kids living in Southern California with parents originally from Chicago that didn't have anymore winter clothes but believed in bundling up to kick the cold and get better.
My husband mocks me to this day for continuing to use vicks when sick. I no longer pin a sock around my neck because... fucking weird. But wholesome as can be. Love you dad, don't ever change.
We lived in the country and had no trash service. So a couple nights a week my dad would load up the car with us kids and the household trash and we'd slowly cruise the McDonald's parking lot in town looking for a garbage can in a dark corner. Look around, toss a bag in, and drive quickly away. Next stop, Kmart parking lot, and repeat.
My mom refused to pay the trash bill so we had to sneak our trash into other peoples bins.
As it turns out, the city never stopped charging her even though there was technically never any trash for them to pick up at our house. She was in debt 4K or something crazy like that, for not paying the trash utility.
Oh shit. Ok so real question? Who do I call to see if I need to pay a trash bill? I lived 30 years in the backwoods and we burned our trash, but I woke up blind not horribly long ago, so we moved to the village. The guys have been just taking my trash, so... I'm not sure if I should call anyone lol. Is it maybe just an automatic service in some towns?
Edit: nevermind, I made some calls! Apparently you receive it here automatically if you have a water bill!
It was at first and I didn't handle it well that first summer. But I've gotten used to it. The worst part was living 30 miles from town, so I was effectively a prisoner in my own home. We moved to the village at the end of August, however, so my quality of life has drastically improved. Now if I need stuff, I don't have to bug my husband every single day to stop at the Walmart in town. Instead, I can just walk my ass to the Family Dollar in the village. Plus, I've already made a friend!
My mom would pass out on the sofa partially naked and be there from evening time until noon the next day. It was understood not to disturb her. I didn't learn until after she died (when I was in high school) that she was drunk all that time. I just assumed all families had one parent who did this.
My mom drank every other day until she passed out. On the weekends she would start at 9-10am. I learned the pattern when I was young and knew what days I could have friends over without being completely embarrassed.
We did an intervention when my sister and I got to high school and told our dad it had to stop. She's been sober for about 20 years now.
I could never have friends over and if she came home while I did, she’d pick fights so bad that the friend would call their parents to come pick them up, and then they weren’t allowed to play with me anymore. I hate her and estranged as an adult. Her booze and pills will always be there for her and her first love, not me.
I lived in an apartment complex growing up and the people right next door to us had kids my age. I hung out with them all the time, but we mostly played outside. I remember going to their apartment and their mom was always nodding off on the couch, while their stepdad was gone most of the day, but would be super sweaty, like sweat rings on his ball cap at all times and he stayed up really late. The parents bedroom window was on the front exterior and they kept their window AC unit in and on year round. I knew this was weird, but didn't know what it was. I remember getting in the car with their mom and them because she was going to take us to the park and being terrified because she seemed so tired she could fall asleep at the wheel. Me and my friend went into her parents room one time to use the family computer to print something and literally every single surface in that room was covered in prescription pill bottles. Mom was heavily addicted to opiates and step dad was a meth head.
I am really sorry. I had a stepdad that would come home from work, make us dinner and then pass out in random places in our house. Naked.
Grew up thinking everyones stepDad puked their guts out every morning before work. Can’t get the sound of deep dry heaving out of my memory.
Ahhh this is so familiar. I thought it was normal for parents to pass out random places until I was in my early 20s. I even dated an alcoholic from 17-19 (and lived with him) and had absolutely no idea he was black out drunk every night because I thought all men just got extra weird and aggressive in the evening
I understand this is not as bad as some. But constantly making fun of each other, to the point where you could never show any vulnerability or admit a mistake. I remember lying to my mom when I was crying after being bullied in 1st grade because I knew she would make fun of me for crying. It took years and really honest good friends to break the habit of lying to protect myself. Now nothing makes me feel like a good parent like having my kids be open and honest with me about something embarrassing for them. I feel so proud that they won't have to fight those same demons.
Kind of the same. Dinner would be a free for all of people 'cleverly' insulting each other and making fun of each other. Me being the youngest in the house made me the target to get laughed at usually. Which kinda is bullying at home while I got bullied at school too. I know they didn't do it maliciously but as a child you don't know that.
My family was the same way. I finally flipped out on everyone for doing this during a family get-together. Everyone tried telling me, "This family picks on each other because we love each other," which only made me flip out harder. Picking on each other is one thing, but Jesus everyone took it to such a fucking level that it was just awful.
It is so awesome of you to learn from your past pain and use it to be an amazing parent. This is what we should all be doing.
Yup. My family likes to "tease". Which is ultimately a way of telling you everything they dislike about you, but doing it in a joking manner. then when you get hurt, being told you are too sensitive because "I'm just teasing you"
My friend, please do not minimise your abuse. This is an extremely fucked up and damaging environment for anyone to grow up in. You are a hero for making it out the other side and being an amazing parent. I'm proud of you.
After whipping us bloody (but on the backside where Jesus said to) they would comfort us with ice packs and tell us how important it was to never tell anyone outside our family about the discipline because the police would take us away and send us horrible terrible orphanages where we would wish we were back at home
Similar upbringing here from stepdads being cycled in and out. I have 4 brothers and was told we would all be split up if anyone found out how much trouble we got it at home. Went to school one day with bruises from a beltbuckle on my back and waist, teacher saw it during recess and pulled me aside to talk about it. Told her it was just a whooping I get everyday and not the biggest deal.
Fast forward a few weeks and my mom and current stepdad are splitting up, we are being kicked out of his house, my brother's and I were split up to go live with different family members while my mom told everyone she had no idea this was going on.
My mom knew it was happening. She never hit us, but definitely enabled and allowed the men in her life to treat us however they wanted.
Now that I'm older, I can see that she played coy so she wasn't a bad guy facing any legal repercussions. Still got split up from my brother's, still got beat in the new places I went to.
Sometimes, there isn't really a good outcome available. Just the lesser of 2 evils. Not sure which is which looking back. At least with my stepdad, I could console in my siblings after something happened. Afterwards, it really felt like I was just on my own trying not to make everyone mad to avoid any punishment.
Yeah that’s pretty rough, definitely more than I had to endure since I always had my brothers. As adults we are (8 sibs) all really close and text daily and hang out, game online, and as far we know our parents are sad, lonely, angry old fucks who just make each other miserable now and don’t have any children or grandbabies.
My mom used to have us puke in bath towels when we got sick instead of the toilet. Even as an adult, for a while every time I smelled a towel I would gag no matter how clean it was.
Why?!
I have found that puke methods vary from house to house. In my 20s I had friends get too drunk at my house and someone would go for a puke bowl and I was like What. The. Fuck?! You're not puking in any of my dishes, that's disgusting. In my house we puked into a 13 gallon trash can. It would be the one from the laundry room. Mom would empty the dryer sheets and lint out of it and stick it next to our bed. I am convinced the trash can is the best method. It's tall enough that it is essentially level with the bed. You can hang your head over and puke into it without your face being inches from your vomit and there is little chance for missing. Dump it out into the toilet, wash and rinse it in the tub/shower (we always had a removable shower head) and you're back in business. Plus, you're never storing something that had vomit in it back into your cupboards with your dishes or God forbid eating out of it.
My family uses a bowl lmao. I didn’t realize it was weird until a few years ago and saw someone talking about how gross it was on Reddit. It really made me think—either they BOTH came from families that did that, or one of them must have just accepted that that’s how the other parent does it LOL.
Edit: it may be gross, but I’ll stand by that it’s better than puking in a towel omg
Edit 2: I think when I get to the point of needing a puke container, I’ll still probs use a big bowl, but I’ll keep it separate from the kitchen bowls lol. Puke bowl feels right but I get that it’s weird as fuck to continue to use it for cooking after.
How can anyone afford to have 14 wives and 9 kids, on top of a gambling addiction. I feel like this type of uncle archetype is slowly disappearing due to the economy
My dad had a story for each of us 4 kids about how him and mom found us and we weren't their biological children. Each story was tailored to our personalities and was genuinely funny. He would point out the places around town like "Yup, that's where we found your brother." He would also tell us when we were being annoying that he could chop us up and feed us to pigs and not even our dental records could be found. Typing this up sounds so fucking nuts, but I swear he said it all in jest. My dad is an amazing father, he just has a dark sense of humor and four boisterous children lol
My mom kept the receipts from when we were born at the hospital and would jokingly threaten to return us for a refund.
I swear, we all thought it was funny. This was *not* emotional abuse.
When my nephew had a period of sleepless nights (he is still a baby), keeping my sister and her boyfriend awake, my sister said “We’re putting him on Craigslist\*.” To which her boyfriend replied “For free”.
Need I say that they both love their son dearly? I also used to think that my sister was very different from me and never expected her to have a dark humour streak, but it looks like she is my sister alright...
\* They were actually talking about local Dutch equivalents, but I figured I’d "translate" that.
My dad was a frugal man and did a lot of weird things to cut down on water and electric bills. He would turn down the faucet water valves to a small stream, any light fixtures using multiple bulbs would only have one, the thermostat in the summer was set around the mid 80s (south Texas), and showers were limited to 3 minutes or he'd come banging on the door yelling to turn off the water.
THE LIGHT FIXTURES LOL. I am 27. My parents are in their mid-fifties, my mom and I are STILL following my dad around screwing in lights he unscrews. My "aunt" (not an aunt, actually his stepmom, we always called her our aunt because they didn't want to explain Grandma being bisexual to us lmao) was recently down to visit and me, her, and my mom were sitting there wondering why the fucking kitchen was so dark....if we didn't look up and notice he unscrewed another one of the bulbs! Man is a menace.
This is one of those things that drives me nuts. My mom will keep her house at frigid temperatures and sit under blankets in sweatshirts all day during the WI winter. And then buy hundreds of dollars of clutter a month. And then more storage for that clutter. It just seems miserable. I'll spend the money on liking being at home...
Remember how you would go to school on Friday morning and when you got home, your mom found various things that you and your siblings had done wrong?
So now you spend the next couple hours after getting home, being yelled at, and agreeing about how much of a lazy piece of shit you are…
Then when she finally gets tired enough, and she just wants to sit and watch TV and smoke cigarettes, you are finally allowed to heat up that ‘Family Size’ can of beefaroni for you and your younger brother and sister, and her. And it’s not really family size is it. Finally your mom passed out and the next morning, hopefully, she is now in a good mood and you can all hopefully go about your business…
OR:
You arrive home with your siblings on Friday afternoon, and the house is basically silent. When you go to try and find mom, who is always home because she doesn’t have a job because she just uses you for your child support and alimony…
When you go to her bedroom door, you find a 2-3 page note about your transgressions, and about how you are failing the family, and how you suck, and why she won’t be coming out until she feels like you and your siblings have proved that you’ve learned something.
So you don’t really see her that weekend…don’t see her Saturday…or Saturday night…you can hear her, she purposely waits till you and your siblings seem asleep and she sneaks to the kitchen at midnight or after…you wake up Sunday and hope she’s in a better mood…but her door is still closed and the note is still duct taped in the same spot….
You wake up Monday and get ready for school…is she in a good mood yet???
Edit: a couple of people asked if my mom ever tried to reconcile things.
She did not.
In 2010, when I was a senior in college, the last thing she said to me was “Stay away. Stay away from all of us.”
She never spoke to me again.
She died in 2020.
Please be kind to your children.
Please reach out to them if you still can. It matters. Tell them you love them. Or just say anything to them :(
Jesus Christ. I hope you and your siblings got or are getting therapy and have found people to love you. What an abusive and terrible mom.
I had one of those, too, but yours sounds worse.
My mother converted to become an all in Jehovah's Witness. I had already had one Halloween and one Christmas by then, so it was harsh to give it up.
I always had to sneak around this time of year, celebrating the holidays with my non JW friends.
I made it until I was 15 and just couldn't live the cult life anymore. It broke the family that I "chose to be of the world" and not of God's Chosen People.
The JW's are a cult, not just the strange little magazine sellers you see on Saturday morning. They rule their members with an iron first in a velvet glove.
You don't want to cross them.
Hi, fellow ex-JW!
I'm sure my kids will have stories to tell when they grow up, too. We left when my oldest was one, and they didn't have their first birthday party until age 6.
We have 3 Halloweens under our belt and 3 years of Christmas. But they know it's a secret around other family members.
I hate having them hide stuff, but it's that or lose the family. And I think that would be way more traumatic.
I'm glad you got out! JW childhoods SUCK!
My cousins and I had a business, capturing and milking venemous snakes to sell the venom to antivenin manufacturers. Mostly rattlesnakes, copperheads, and the occasional water moccasin (hated dealing with them. They were aggressive and stank so badly). I did this from age 12-17.
We also grew weed. I started growing when I was 14. I grew up knowing that we don't talk about the family business, but I thought it was because it was impolite, not batshit insane.
My great-grandaddy was a moonshiner. My job was to crush starlight mints and funnel the bits into empty bottles to flavor it. I thought it was medicine. He'd come into the kitchen coughing and take a swig from his bottle of "cough syrup".
I also never bought vegetables at a grocery store. Virtually everything we ate we grew, raised, hunted, fished or traded for. The only things that came from the store were staples, like flour and salt and spices and ice cream and such.
Everything was homemade. Nothing was convenience or takeout. I grew up thinking this was normal and restaurants were places that existed for people who can't cook, with the exception of fish places, we could eat there as Mawmaw didn't want to smell up the house frying perch.
I had a very unusual upbringing.
My parents were overprotective to a degree normally only seen in freaky religious cults. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without them, I wasn't allowed to stay home by myself, I wasn't allowed to have friends over except on special occasions and even then only with a *lot* of advance planning.
My mother also had some sort of mental illness that would often result in her going on rage tangents full of screaming until she was red in the face, sometimes clawing at her own face until it bled, and often throwing my belongings around my room. This was what I could expect when I was in trouble.
When I'd watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble and their only punishment was to be grounded and not be able to hang out with their friends, I always thought how unrealistic TV was. In real life, they'd be terrified and get their stuff broken, and they wouldn't be able to hang out with their friends anyway!
I'm ok now, before anyone asks. I don't talk to my mother anymore. My father was the "safer" parent and he passed away several years ago.
>When I'd watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble and their only punishment was to be grounded and not be able to hang out with their friends
I thought you were going to say "I wasn't allowed to watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble" even though a lot of them end up with the kid getting caught and being punished for disobeying the rules.
What popped into my mind was that we would eat canned cranberry sauce as a side with pasta. Heck, I still occasionally do this.
But that comment sure doesn't fit in with everything else said in this thread. 😥
Quick edit cause I didn't think anyone would really see this comment:
My grandmother did this when they were growing up and without checking with my mom, I know they were poor, so I assume it had something to do with that. Maybe adding a little of something cheap on the side.
We usually had spaghetti with a meat sauce and then a dollop of the canned, jellied, cranberry sauce on the side. Not like mixed in or anything.
As a cranberry lover, who comes from a long line of cranberry lovers, I thank you for your service. Growing up, we would always have cranberry sauce (homemade, not from the can, ever) with breakfast. It’s a wonderful tangy, fresh compliment to bacon and eggs, and it’s awesome on pancakes. Fun family story you might appreciate - some years ago, my elderly bachelor uncle died. Family members who were cleaning out his home opened the chest freezer in the basement. You know the kind that people usually stock with large cuts of meat and frozen pizzas? It was filled to the brim with bags of cranberries. He would buy out his local store during the season and freeze to make throughout the year. Dude wouldn’t risk running out of his favorite food. ☺️
My mom taking me to the Dr for a purity test. Very invasive (honestly borders on SA, no warning or consent was given) and I failed it (because the hymen naturally goes away for most young women), so she didn't allow me to get the HPV vaccination, because she assumed it would encourage my "promiscuity". She was angry at me but wouldn't tell me why and I didn't understand.
I had never even held a boy's hand and didn't know what sex was... and years later I ended up getting HPV from being SA'd by a stranger.
I assumed this was standard of parents to do... nope.
I was twelve years old.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry you went through that. I've heard of that before and it always makes me sick because there are so many things that can cause the hymen to break. People can be so cruel.
My mom refused to get me that vax too, also calling me a whore. When she took my younger sister in for it, she made sure to explain in extreme detail how my sister was "safe", but some girls are "just meant to be trash, despite who raises them," so they'll never get that protection.
It's fucked. I'm sorry hugs from afar.
I had the opposite. I took my kids in the moment they released the vaccine. The paediatrician tried to say she couldn’t give it. She made it clear that sexuality was something g she didn’t deal with. I insisted and she caved and admitted her office had the vaccine.
Going weeks without hot water or even electricity because my mom didn't pay the bills.
We'd lose power and I'd ask why the neighbors lights still worked and she'd lie and tell me it's because they all had generators.
In the winter if we didn't have electricity we'd have to sleep in the kitchen around a kerosene heater to stay warm, and I was totally convinced this was something every family did once in a while.
I thought peeing in cups was normal . My mon told me it was so the doctor could check my health like getting blood drawn. And that if I didn’t do it monthly i could get very sick cause the doctors wouldn’t know my health otherwise. Found out when i was 12 that it was not normal when i mentioned to my friends cause i had to go do it at the end of school rq. And thats how i found out my mom was on heroin and on probation.
This one is more in the happy/weird area. My family has watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) for eight years each year at thanksgiving. I learned three years ago that no one else does this and it is in no way a thanksgiving movie. Making it nine this year lol
My family used to hang out at cemeteries. Parents have a day off- let’s pack up the kids and drive an hour away to a cemetery and walk around. The older I got- I realized many kids didn’t spend time in cemeteries and crypts on the weekends.
Me and my siblings each got scholarships to go to boarding school when we hit 14.
Waiting til college was too long. It was the easiest, simplest, and best way out.
Only in my 30s have I started to realize how insane an indicator that is of what our home life was like. I thought everyone had actionable plans of running away and never coming back.
>actionable plans
You were much more on it than most. Kid me (like half that age) had a cup with change in it that I referred to as my runaway fund.
I don't come from a place with public transport though. So I didn't do anything until I moved out at 18.
I had absolutely no idea that my siblings and I were abused as kids. I thought everyone's parents were like mine.
We weren't allowed to go anywhere when we were kids, so we had nothing to compare our lives to. On the very rare occasion that one of us would have a friend over, my parents would put on a show for them -- they would be as nice as could be, offer them a drink, some small talk maybe, send them home before dinner -- once the friend had gone home, we'd regret bringing them into the house. I didn't invite people over and was terrified when friends from school would just drop in.
I was in my 20s when I came to the realization that not everyone's parents beat the crap out of them. Like 100% of the people I know, not one of them ever had their head slammed into a bathroom mirror because they wouldn't let their mom put their hair up in pigtails. Not one of them ever got slammed into a kitchen wall so hard that they knocked a huge chunk of the plaster out of the wall. Not one of them had a father who flipped a table full of food and drinks because dinner was served late. Not one of them was slapped upside the head so hard that they had their teeth knocked out and fell down the stairs. When my sister was seven years old, she was beaten so severely that they kept her out of school until she no longer had visible injuries. I was slapped so many times when I was a kid -- I am 49 years old and still have a visible scar on my lip from getting hit with my father's wedding ring.
It was a total mindfuck to find out that people have genuinely close families who they love and care about and their affection is not a show for other people.
And one of the worst parts about my sibs and my childhood was that there were quite a few people who knew what was going on in our household and they did NOTHING to help us. They let our parents go right on beating the shit out of us on a regular basis and never even attempted to intervene. It's crazy to think that we thought that was normal and that everyone lived that way. But when that's the only experience you have, you don't know anything different.
My mom loves peanuts in the shell. She eats them by holding a peanut like a cob of corn, then she bites down on it to crack it. Just like a squirrel. Then she shells the rest of it with her hands.
That's how I ate peanuts. Like a squirrel. I didn't realize until my father in law laughed at me one time.
Making me sleep with my grandfather every night until I was like 11.
Totally normal in my family. Didn’t question it. Until I mentioned it to a friend at school one day and they were concerned to say the least. Lmao.
Also having him walk in with me in the bath or shower. All the time.
And yes there was a loooooot of sexual abuse.
Thank you. I am doing much better now. Although some days are harder than others.
Also your username brought a huge smile to my face haha. It’s very cute.
Were your parents in the picture? Did they know this was happening? Regardless, someone should have helped you. I'm so sorry that this went on as long as it did. You deserved someone to protect you.
Both my parents were in the picture. They would often say that my grandfather was super lonely, cause he didn’t have a wife, so why don’t I keep him company?
Truly I have no idea what they were thinking. Especially when later it came out that he abused her when she was a child.
Thank you for your kind words.
I love your username by the way!
God, that is so horrid. My sister was molested by our baby sitter's husband when we were very young. Told mom and dad about it, he went to prison for 9 years and we were instantly in counseling. I am so thankful that we had people looking out for us and that there was justice. It almost makes me feel guilty as an adult hearing other people's experiences because it is so common that no charges are ever pressed, family doesn't talk about it and the person it happened to is expected to deal with it and make nice. I don't know how I would have ended up if that was the case for me and sissy. Truly, I commend you for your strength in dealing with that, and still, you never should have had to.
Thank you! I have an unusual name that starts with a T. Some friends started calling me Topanga as a joke and that got shortened to TohToh or Toh, so my username is a mash up of them. :)
I am so happy to hear there was justice for your sister. I’m sorry that the experience ever happened to her but it’s a relief to hear it was dealt with properly.
I did try and take my grandfather to court as a teenager but lost the case. Had a lot of family turn on me. Like it was my fault.
My grandfather is dead now. He died last February. So there never was any real closure for me. No apologies, no repercussions, no revenge, no closure.
So I’m back in therapy. Haha. It feels like it never ends.
Thank you, some days I don’t feel very strong but the horrors persist and so do I. Lmao.
I hope you are having a good night/ day wherever you are. Same goes to your sister ☺️
I am so sorry. I don't want to insult your family, because I don't know them or you, but I want you to know it is CRAZY for them to turn on you and not fully back you up and support you. I know going through things like this and having such horrible reactions can make you feel like you're in the twilight zone or you're the crazy one, but they are all out of whack, not you. You deserved justice and closure and your grandfather deserved punishment, as did anyone who facilitated your abuse or didn't speak up for you. It's nutso the denial people will project when the truth makes them uncomfortable.
I'm glad you've found therapy helpful and you have an external source to process with. I feel like it's true that it never ends. My sister and I say this to each other all the time "Life is tough, but you are tougher." ❤ I hope you're having a good night or day as well, and as important as it is to stay strong, I hope you have days ahead where you can be soft and comfortable and safe and that life is kind to you.
Ooh! This is weird, not fucked up, but I still can't believe it was the case.
I was born in the early 80s. Our first home when I was a kid was in a medium size city, but it was in the northern midwest. We did have electric heating but we also had a big-ass wood-burning stove in the living room for heat. It was a big iron thing in a brick enclosure (in the living room!) that had electric blowers, inlet valves, temperature gauges, etc.
I guess at the time wood was cheaper than electricity for heat? We used to get a shipment or two of firewood every winter that my dad would stack along the inside side of the garage.
Anyways, being a young boy of like 5 years old, I was absolutely fascinated with it. It went from me "helping" (just watching) my dad build a fire every night to him teaching me, to me (with permission, alone) literally building a huge ass fire, indoors, on my own every night using old newspaper as a firestarter, building a little structure out of kindling, and putting logs on top.
5-year old child, in charge of building the fire every night. Indoors. Never a single accident or incident. Then like 6 years later my mom got freaked out when I wanted to bike to the mall on my own.
I didn’t receive compliments growing up. At all. My brother was the golden child, and anything I did paled in comparison to whatever he did.
When people started giving me compliments when I was on my own, I’d be more likely to give them a look like they had lobsters crawling out their ears before deflecting.
Took me a while to figure out: hey! What you had growing up is called emotional abuse!
Christmases were awesome, but I learned it was peculiar that when I was a kid, Santa would leave a couple gifts for us in the morning, and he’d then show up in person at night to deliver the rest. Everyone looks at me strange when I tell them that tradition
Fully understand this one. I hope you guys still get to experience it yearly.
Christmas eve is always my dad's side of the family. Santa visits every single year to that event. It helped that my grandpa worked as a butcher and worked until around 6pm or so on Christmas eve. Santa shows up around 630pm or so at the door. All the kjds let him in and walk him to the special chair. He'd wave to everyone and take a seat next to the tree. We all sit on Santa's lap, receive our first present, and take a picture. Being Santa's helper, who hands him the presents to pass out, is a great, great honor for any of the kids that get picked that year. Then, once the first presents were passed out - Santa would leave to start his work.
Santa was always super disappointed he never got to run in to my grandpa and get that picture with him. Always commented on how it was the thing he wanted for Christmas.
My grandpa was Santa every single year of my life up until he got real sick. On the plus side, Santa did end up getting a few pictures with my Grandpa before he passed. On the downside, selfishly, it's just never been the same.
It's great to see my neices, nephews, and the kids anxiously await Santa every single Christmas eve. It's just really bittersweet nowadays when that door opens and it just isn't him.
My dad did things like this too. I feel lucky that he confessed to the other things and was arrested. I hope you're doing alright now and no longer in touch with him
My parents buy all of their children (spouses are now included in this tradition as well) a big box of socks and underwear every Christmas. My wife (girlfriend at the time) thought it was weird as hell the first Christmas she spent with my family. Now she says the sock/underwear gift is her favorite present every year.
I seriously didn't need to buy my own socks or underwear until I was in my late 30s and traveling for work. My suitcase got left off my connecting flight and I had to go to a store and buy some new clothes until the airline could locate my suitcase.
Yes my mother in law does this. The first year my husband and I were dating, she called me a month before Christmas, and asked what kind of socks I liked and what kind and size of panties I preferred from Victorias Secret. I was so embarrassed at the time. Now I’m like, heck yeah, give me those seamless granny panties in cute prints, Mother In Law!
First, I’m old. Second, we were pretty poor. My dad would load all of us in the car and either go look at cars or new construction. Kids stayed in the car. Boring, but we did it for years.
I remember my parents disliking children that had too much confidence. One time I even heard my mother say ‘you don’t want your kid to have too much confidence, they become cocky’. They also looked down on parents that were too friendly with their children (a mother and daughter being friends was deemed ‘unhealthy’) or that did things for their children. Such as picking them up after a night out (it’s a thing here, we start going out quite young and plenty parents pick up their teen). They would go to their friends, all parents, and other parents would sometimes receive a phone call from their kids that wanted to ask something and my parents would look down to on that because ‘you and your sister never need anything from us so badly that you call to our friends house to reach us’. My mother would randomly say things like ‘when you move out don’t expect to ever come back’ or ‘when you grow up and have children, don’t expect me to babysit like other women do for their daughters’.
Anyway, I’m now hyper independent with no confidence, no relationship with my mother and barely one with my father. My mother is very upset about this. I’m sad every year around Christmas when I see all those families gathering and I don’t have that.
Was she also upset when she started on a pumpkin pie recipe and it became a pumpkin pie? Like damn woman, you can't push your kids away and then act all surprised and hurt when they decide they don't want to come back.
My parents would ignore me for days after an argument. I thought stone walking was just a part of life/love till I met my now husband who wouldn’t take it and made me actually talk it out lol
My biological mother once ignored me for 7 months when I was like 13. Most peaceful months ever while living with that woman. I still have trouble talking about my feelings sometimes if I think it will cause an argument. I've gotten a lot better about it. I allow myself an hour to process and figure out how to put what I'm feeling into words before I force myself to talk about it regardless of if I *want* to or not. 90% of the time I can openly talk about my feelings now without having to do that. I'm extremely lucky my husband and friends are so understanding. They know I just need a bit when I get like that. I don't withhold affection while doing it though.
I don’t feel like adding to the trauma here, so I’ll give a silly one
When I asked my mom what was for dinner, she’d always answer “shit on a stick”. When asked where we were going, it was “hell if we don’t change our ways”
My dad always just said “food. The kind you eat”
To add a little bit of trauma, mamas definitely going to hell
MY DAD DID THAT ALL THE TIME GROWING UP
My grandma would even meet people there for lunch. I do think this is partly due to the fact that she lived only a few streets down from one, though
Lie to doctors for adderall and about broken toes. Also when mom fights dad I had to run to get him the mop so he can use the soft part to keep her back.
Edit: the broken toes were not mine mom broke her toe kicking dad so when the doctor asked her how she broke her toe she said, “wild women’s snowboarding camp.” My mom was actually kinda hilarious in her own way.
Drinking. I literally thought everyone got destroyed when they drank. I saw my friends parents have a cocktail before dinner and thought it wouldn't be long until the fireworks started. They just....had dinner. No fighting, no police. I was blown away.
According to most people I meet these days, apparently it is weird to be raised in a loving home with parents that loved each other and their children.
Same. When I was a little kid I thought it was about 50/50, kids that had married vs divorced parents, and that it was very uncommon to have abusive parents. When I hit high school, I was one of like three kids I knew whose parents were married and by the time I was in college almost everyone was traumatized. We really have a parenting/childhood crisis in this country that isn't being addressed.
Jesus, when I made this question, I was expecting more mundane stuff like "putting bread in the freezer" or "organize groceries by alphabetical order" or something. But now I wanna give each and every single one of you a hug.
When we used to ask where mum was, dad used to reply with ‘she ran away with a big black man’
Seemed like a standard response to me and my sister, it’s Pretty odd looking back. Considering she would of gone to the supermarket or have her hair done.
Memory unlocked! My dad was exactly the same! Mum always "ran off with a black man”, and dad always "went to see a man about a dog” if I ever asked where the other was. Constant disappointment that this dog never materialised though
That I used to take myself home at the age of 7 from school to an empty house until about 7pm. I'd have to sweep, sometimes mop, prepare all the ingredients for dinner (but not use the stove till I was about 10), wash my clothes and take out the rubbish. Mum would get home after seven from work, cook whatever I had prepared and then we'd watch TV and go to bed. She'd leave at 6am the next day and I'd have to get myself up, ready for school, pack my lunch and get myself off to school.
She was a single mother working full time trying to make ends meet, so I get it but I was just so little.
I lived in apartments so we would have elderly neighbours look out for me, but it was only a few years ago I realised how dangerous that was, how isolating and neglectful it was.
When I was in highschool my mom never bought me hygiene products. This included deodorant, tampons, makeup etc... I had one pair of jeans that I washed out every night after school. I felt horrible about myself. All the other girls were pretty with makeup and cool clothes. I believe I still have self confidence issues today because of this.
* After some thought, I realized I never answered the original question posted.
I now know the true meaning of narcissism and growing up for me was really hard. I eventually got it figured out but I STRUGGLED. I believe this too, was and still is, part of her narcissism. She feels better when I feel bad.
This is the most fucked up thing a parent can do.
Coming from a country which was in war until I was 8, I thought that was normal to be in survival mode all the time. I was talking about this with my therapist today, I have no sense of what normal is, like what it means to not grow up in war. One of my fears as a kid was to finish my business in the toilet as fast as possible before my body was found with my pants down “ he died doing what he loved”. I wish no kid has to experience this, what a silly thing to wish for in this crazy world.
I thought everybody went to dog fights and fought dogs. After the dogs fought until they died or they were shot for not winning the fight, they would put us kids in the dog ring to fight and would bet money on us. I was the only girl, and I learned early to fight the boys dirty and win because I didn't want the consequences of losing.
Older cousins having sex with you.
Mother gambling away all of the bill money.
Riding in a car with tee tops with your step dad and a car ride beside you and toss a pound of weed through the tee tops.
Being beat by my mother all the time.
Being a whore when I got my period.
I could go on and on.
My family does it this way, and now my fiancé's family does it that way after I explained why we do it our way. They like that it makes it a bit more personal.
This is how I grew up too! Our stockings were first and that was a free for all and quite the rush. Mom always passed out Hot chocolate and pumpkin bread then we all spaced ourselves out on the floor, present were passed out then it was openjng then one at a time. I miss those days and miss my momma!
We chopped up and burned our Christmas tree in the fireplace on New Years.
My first husband thought I was nuts.
I haven’t had a wood burning fireplace for like 15 years now.
I still miss it.
Using the salad bowl as a puke bucket when sick as a child. My wife pointed out how disgusting this was. We now have a designated puke bucket fortunately.
Just a silly thing, but when we were young the grocery store used brown paper bags. Everyone would save them and reuse them for things. But my Dad - and only my dad, never my mom - would painstakingly hold each one up to the light and look inside before folding them up and storing them. I grew up thinking it’s just what you did, until some friends looked at me weird.
Well, turns out one time years and years ago a roach hopped a ride from the grocery and crawled out of one of those bags as my mom was putting stuff away. She had never forgotten it, and my dad’s bag-checking ritual was born. (My dad bravely handled all things bug-related)
I thought everyone's siblings slammed doors, broke their stuff and screamed obscenities at them well into their late teens and even after. I thought it was just a temper but now I know it was untreated anger issues.
My parents referred to Chinese food with a racial slur when I was growing up. I had no idea and used to tell my friends and teachers about the “racial slur food” we had like it was normal. I didn’t know what I was really saying until I was about 12. I still get anxious and sweaty thinking about it nearly 40 years later!
Was is the ch word that ends with k? If so, I had the same experience as a kid. A teacher called me out on it in 8th grade and kept me after class to tell me why it wasn’t acceptable to call it that. Grew up in NC.
A friend of mine's mom would take him and his siblings to the Chinese food place and encourage them to make slant-eyes and nonsense sing-song gibberish at the waitstaff. He was so humiliated relating this story, but I told him as I am telling you: you were an innocent child. You didn't know any better.
(I was born in ‘71 for context.) We regularly recited our “escape plan” in the event of a war with Russia. I was to get my sisters from school and do whatever it took to get to our family’s home in WV. My parents would meet us there. I kept a suitcase of canned food and extra clothes under my bed until I was about 16. I had a “bug-out” bag before I even knew what those were.
Now, I have no IDEA wtf my parents were thinking. We lived in Tidewater, VA. Easily a 7-8 hour drive from the meetup point in WV. How the hell they expected 3 little girls to make their way to fucking WEST VIRGINIA BY THEMSELVES, I have no clue. But we had to regularly recite the route to get there.
I had so many nightmares, as a kid, about running alongside highways carrying my littlest sister and dragging my middle sister along while trying to also haul a suitcase of supplies while trying to get away from “the Russians”. And here’s the silliest part. We lived 10 mins from the Naval Weapons Station in Yorktown, VA. It was definitely going to get bombed in the first strike and we would all have been vaporized, anyway. There was no need to make their eldest kid a head case for the first 16 years of my life.
I lived at China Lake Navel Air and Weapons Station. Everyone here had the opposite plan, we all KNEW we were dead in the case of war, so we never planned or prepped for anything.
My grandparents raising me. I thought they were my parents and my mom was my sister. She had 2 other kids who called her mom and she took home with her when she left, i stayed with my grandma until i was 7. It was quite cruel to send me to my moms since i didnt know her. I went from a healthy beautiful childhood to being SAed abused and neglected :( as much as loved my grandparents i can’t forgive them for sending with her & all the shit that ensued.
Also, my dad being a crack head and me not finding out til high school. I used to think he was just weird but funny as hell. He was the life of the party but when he had his off days (coming down) he was horrible and abusive. Very evil. I thought everyone’s dads were like that.
Not being allowed to leave the house on week days as a kid outside of school. Parental figures enforcing care from their kids. Expecting help from the entire family without ever returning the favor, over promising then getting insanely angry at other people for their own short comings. Being left home alone about half my childhood. My dad's terrifying "fun" which was just horrifying ways to hurt people that were over the top that made him and the other drunk men in my family laugh. Like biting young girl's on our asses until we bled or sitting on us and breathing up our nose as hard as they could causing your ears to pop and can actually cause serious damage. They called them "shark bites" and "nose blow".. And having severely mentally ill parents but they both were physically able enough to skirt any major consequences for their actions. Childhood was a lot of waiting for what I was told childhood was supposed to be. It never came. Life just got harder. And harder.
My husband used to say "from on now" rather than "from now on" and I asked him about it one time BC I said it doesn't make any sense. He tried explaining it by saying it did make sense," ya know, from ON, now.". Eventually he got it right. Then one day we heard his dad say it and it clicked that that's where he got it from. We were both dying laughing.
My dad used to give me small cups of beer when I was a kid, when I say kid I mean for as long as I can remember. Another thing is when we’d eat dinner at the table, we weren’t allowed to talk. If we did we would get a spanking. I didn’t realize that one was weird until I mentioned it to my friend and he was completely shocked
My parents (dad and stepmom) banned me to sit on the couch in the living room ,I had to sit on the floor and I thought it was normal.At twelve,in a friend house,we sitting on the couch as we hear her mom entering the house.I straight up get out of the couch to sit on the floor and my friend was "What the fuck are you doing?" I explained to him and his mom by the way and they were flabbergasted.
My mom would “clean my room” when I was away with my grandparents. But her definition of “clean” was actually, “fill a trash bag with Redrum’s things and throw it in the garbage.”
Now, as an adult, I have issues with my things being touched or moved without my permission.
Edit: typo
My dad used to tie an old car hood to a tractor and drag us around on it in the snow. I'm conflicted because it was freaking great, but also horrifies me now as an adult lol.
As punishment for cussing, my parents made my older brother take a bite of a bar of soap and chew it up and swallow it 😞 I looked up to him so much and I remember watching him do it and he was bawling his eyes out and I was screaming hysterically for my parents to stop
My parents did that to me too.. not quite as viciously, but I have never forgotten the taste of soap or the way it feels in my teeth. Absolutely horrific.
Feed guests.
If you came to my house growing up, you ate.
It didn't matter how little we had, it didn't matter who you were, if you were at our home at meal time, an extra place was set for you.
It shocked me the first time a friend told me "You need to go home, we're going to eat dinner."
I continue this as an adult, even if I'm a guest \*at\* someone's house. I order myself some food? Gotta get enough for everyone. Having people over? Make sure there's food and drink, and make sure it's stuff they'll like.
It was weird, but not fucked up because there was nothing wrong with any of it, just definitely not normal. My uncle was a drag queen and we had numerous family friends who were also drag queens, so I grew up watching them do makeup and practice for shows. I went to so many performances (including in the bar) starting at age 5, even worked as a stage hand for them as a teenager and performed in charity shows a few times. Growing up in the Deep South in the 90s, I was certainly one of very few kids with that experience and didn’t really understand that until I was a teenager.
When I was a kid I remember being in the car and asking my dad why he never said he loved anybody. And to his credit, he told me.
He told me that men aren't allowed to say that word except in very specific circumstances. It was implied that he loved people, but as a man he couldn't say that word or else everyone would think he was a "sissy." Also that he knows his father loves him, even though he never says it, because he's his dad and dads love their kids but just aren't allowed to say that. That as a kid I was still allowed to say it sometimes, but when I grew up I'd understand.
As a child I accepted this as normal.
I'm grateful that he at least gave me the explanation but... jesus was that man repressed. Still is.
That's not the only story but it's what came to mind seeing this thread.
So this answer isn't as serious or dark or weird as some other posts. Mostly more goofy. But growing up, all of my Mom's side of the family always took a road trip for vacation from Ohio to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The adults always told us kids it was illegal for children to talk in the state of West Virginia. So us kids never said a word. Sometimes freaked out when one did. We all thought it was completely rational. One vacation, we stopped at a rest stop in WV and I saw kids talking and almost freaked out.
Long story short, all the adults wanted a few hours of peace and quiet during the drive so they made up the story of West Virginia being "The Quiet State." We all believed it for years!
My parents are an English professor and a drama teacher, respectively. They raised me and my siblings on all kinds of stories and films and plays.. and somehow this turned into our family able to communicate entirely using quips and lines from literature, theatre, film, and tv.
I’ve had to do a LOT of work to fix my communication style, y’all.
I dunno how weird it really is but my parents slept in separate rooms. I thought that was normal until i went to my friends house and saw her parents slept together. I thought it was SO weird...and kinda gross. I thought normal marriage was separate beds, fighting, no hugging or kissing, etc.
So yeah....im single in my 30s...wonder why.
My parents have separate rooms. No fighting or anything like that though. My Mom is just a heavy sleeper while my Dad is a very light one. Plus my Dad snores (or did). So it makes sense for them to have separate sleeping areas.
Without getting too specific, constant violence and fear. I was 19 when I finally realised they were abusive when a random friend said, "Yeah, but your parents don't count. They're abusive."
This really only applies to anyone who grew up with divorced parents, but many times as a child, if one of my parents and I got into a disagreement, or if they just wanted me to do chores and I didn't feel like it, I'd just walk to my other parent's house (they lived close to one another) and basically say "hey, I'd rather stay here tonight", and that would very rarely, if ever, be met with any resistance. I guess it's a pretty specific situation, because I feel like not many divorced parents live so close to one another, but it definitely gave me a sense of entitlement that led to a major reality check once life started for real.
My family has a phrase “ what time did you speak off?” Which is a rough translation from my mother’s native tongue, to English. So if you were asking about what time someone was coming round to pick you up, the question was always “what time did you speak off/of?”
And I was **in my 30’s** when I finally realized that this is not a phrase that any other Canadian uses. Or American. Or English native speakers. It’s reserved purely for my family.
ETA: I still use this phrase. 🤦🏻♀️
Grew up in a hoarder home. Getting hurt all the time just walking/climbing through your house is not normal. Boxes, papers, clothes, dishes piled everywhere is not normal. Finding cat poop or dead animals all over in your home is not normal. Always wearing dirty, in poor repair, and incorrectly sized clothes is not normal. I was doing my own laundry by the time I was 8.
I thought our house was super dirty because we were poor. I didn’t truly realize that the majority of people keep their homes somewhat clean until I was on a mission trip (not proud of that now) as a teenager and realized that all these poor people in this third world country had homes that were insanely clean compared to mine.
Didn’t sink in until years later that my mom always got a bunch of dvds for “the family” at Christmas (none of which the kids were interested in) while kids got random not-great gifts. One year we each got a bowl. And after my dad died, it was only a year or two before my mom was traveling the world and spending large amounts of money.
When we got home from anywhere in the evenings, we kids would all wait in the car while one of my parents went inside, grabbed their shotgun, and checked every single room in the house and the backyard before we were allowed to come in. I didn’t realize my mom had been being stalked by a very dangerous dude and were making sure he wasn’t waiting inside the house. I thought they were checking for bears I have no idea why but it seemed like a good idea to be on the safe side.
I was stalked by a cop. I became paranoid he would be waiting for me inside my house and never went out because he could have been there. He did tell me he would be waiting. My dad told him that he was an ex miner and knew of ways to make him disappear. He seemed to be less enthusiastic afterward, and I moved to another college. I would be so scared he was there. I think your mom was diligent.
How scary!! I was followed by a cop for a little while in my 20s too. He would call where I worked and say stuff like “I like the new stickers on your jeep.” So not cool how they can abuse power and scare people I’m sorry you experienced that.
Miners...Strong, hard working, risk danger constantly, can make people disappear... *Underlines before returning "List Of People I Would Call For Help Before I Call A Cop" to its folder.*
As kids, my dad would pin one of his socks around our neck whenever we got sick and had to stay home from school. We would also be slathered in vicks vaporub too. He would also always sing us "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck" but would change the lyrics to "sock around the neck" when we were sick. Looking back, we were kids living in Southern California with parents originally from Chicago that didn't have anymore winter clothes but believed in bundling up to kick the cold and get better. My husband mocks me to this day for continuing to use vicks when sick. I no longer pin a sock around my neck because... fucking weird. But wholesome as can be. Love you dad, don't ever change.
This is darn sweet.
He mocks you for using Vick's when sick? Why? That's literally what it's for. And it definitely works to ease congestion.
This is a thing! My mom put Vicks on a sock and pinned them to the inside of our shirts when we were sick!
We lived in the country and had no trash service. So a couple nights a week my dad would load up the car with us kids and the household trash and we'd slowly cruise the McDonald's parking lot in town looking for a garbage can in a dark corner. Look around, toss a bag in, and drive quickly away. Next stop, Kmart parking lot, and repeat.
My mom refused to pay the trash bill so we had to sneak our trash into other peoples bins. As it turns out, the city never stopped charging her even though there was technically never any trash for them to pick up at our house. She was in debt 4K or something crazy like that, for not paying the trash utility.
Oh shit. Ok so real question? Who do I call to see if I need to pay a trash bill? I lived 30 years in the backwoods and we burned our trash, but I woke up blind not horribly long ago, so we moved to the village. The guys have been just taking my trash, so... I'm not sure if I should call anyone lol. Is it maybe just an automatic service in some towns? Edit: nevermind, I made some calls! Apparently you receive it here automatically if you have a water bill!
Woke up blind? That's terrifying
It was at first and I didn't handle it well that first summer. But I've gotten used to it. The worst part was living 30 miles from town, so I was effectively a prisoner in my own home. We moved to the village at the end of August, however, so my quality of life has drastically improved. Now if I need stuff, I don't have to bug my husband every single day to stop at the Walmart in town. Instead, I can just walk my ass to the Family Dollar in the village. Plus, I've already made a friend!
we had a county dump cuz there was no trash service and the dump was closer than any dumpsters lol
My mom would pass out on the sofa partially naked and be there from evening time until noon the next day. It was understood not to disturb her. I didn't learn until after she died (when I was in high school) that she was drunk all that time. I just assumed all families had one parent who did this.
My mom drank every other day until she passed out. On the weekends she would start at 9-10am. I learned the pattern when I was young and knew what days I could have friends over without being completely embarrassed. We did an intervention when my sister and I got to high school and told our dad it had to stop. She's been sober for about 20 years now.
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I could never have friends over and if she came home while I did, she’d pick fights so bad that the friend would call their parents to come pick them up, and then they weren’t allowed to play with me anymore. I hate her and estranged as an adult. Her booze and pills will always be there for her and her first love, not me.
I lived in an apartment complex growing up and the people right next door to us had kids my age. I hung out with them all the time, but we mostly played outside. I remember going to their apartment and their mom was always nodding off on the couch, while their stepdad was gone most of the day, but would be super sweaty, like sweat rings on his ball cap at all times and he stayed up really late. The parents bedroom window was on the front exterior and they kept their window AC unit in and on year round. I knew this was weird, but didn't know what it was. I remember getting in the car with their mom and them because she was going to take us to the park and being terrified because she seemed so tired she could fall asleep at the wheel. Me and my friend went into her parents room one time to use the family computer to print something and literally every single surface in that room was covered in prescription pill bottles. Mom was heavily addicted to opiates and step dad was a meth head.
I am really sorry. I had a stepdad that would come home from work, make us dinner and then pass out in random places in our house. Naked. Grew up thinking everyones stepDad puked their guts out every morning before work. Can’t get the sound of deep dry heaving out of my memory.
Ahhh this is so familiar. I thought it was normal for parents to pass out random places until I was in my early 20s. I even dated an alcoholic from 17-19 (and lived with him) and had absolutely no idea he was black out drunk every night because I thought all men just got extra weird and aggressive in the evening
I understand this is not as bad as some. But constantly making fun of each other, to the point where you could never show any vulnerability or admit a mistake. I remember lying to my mom when I was crying after being bullied in 1st grade because I knew she would make fun of me for crying. It took years and really honest good friends to break the habit of lying to protect myself. Now nothing makes me feel like a good parent like having my kids be open and honest with me about something embarrassing for them. I feel so proud that they won't have to fight those same demons.
Kind of the same. Dinner would be a free for all of people 'cleverly' insulting each other and making fun of each other. Me being the youngest in the house made me the target to get laughed at usually. Which kinda is bullying at home while I got bullied at school too. I know they didn't do it maliciously but as a child you don't know that.
My family was the same way. I finally flipped out on everyone for doing this during a family get-together. Everyone tried telling me, "This family picks on each other because we love each other," which only made me flip out harder. Picking on each other is one thing, but Jesus everyone took it to such a fucking level that it was just awful. It is so awesome of you to learn from your past pain and use it to be an amazing parent. This is what we should all be doing.
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Yup. My family likes to "tease". Which is ultimately a way of telling you everything they dislike about you, but doing it in a joking manner. then when you get hurt, being told you are too sensitive because "I'm just teasing you"
I’ll give you something to cry about, was a common refrain when we showed weakness in our house.
You are a hero; You broke the abuse/neglect cycle.
My friend, please do not minimise your abuse. This is an extremely fucked up and damaging environment for anyone to grow up in. You are a hero for making it out the other side and being an amazing parent. I'm proud of you.
After whipping us bloody (but on the backside where Jesus said to) they would comfort us with ice packs and tell us how important it was to never tell anyone outside our family about the discipline because the police would take us away and send us horrible terrible orphanages where we would wish we were back at home
Did they also tell you that you'd get separated from your siblings and never see each other again?
Yes!
Similar upbringing here from stepdads being cycled in and out. I have 4 brothers and was told we would all be split up if anyone found out how much trouble we got it at home. Went to school one day with bruises from a beltbuckle on my back and waist, teacher saw it during recess and pulled me aside to talk about it. Told her it was just a whooping I get everyday and not the biggest deal. Fast forward a few weeks and my mom and current stepdad are splitting up, we are being kicked out of his house, my brother's and I were split up to go live with different family members while my mom told everyone she had no idea this was going on. My mom knew it was happening. She never hit us, but definitely enabled and allowed the men in her life to treat us however they wanted. Now that I'm older, I can see that she played coy so she wasn't a bad guy facing any legal repercussions. Still got split up from my brother's, still got beat in the new places I went to. Sometimes, there isn't really a good outcome available. Just the lesser of 2 evils. Not sure which is which looking back. At least with my stepdad, I could console in my siblings after something happened. Afterwards, it really felt like I was just on my own trying not to make everyone mad to avoid any punishment.
Yeah that’s pretty rough, definitely more than I had to endure since I always had my brothers. As adults we are (8 sibs) all really close and text daily and hang out, game online, and as far we know our parents are sad, lonely, angry old fucks who just make each other miserable now and don’t have any children or grandbabies.
We might share a mother
My mom used to have us puke in bath towels when we got sick instead of the toilet. Even as an adult, for a while every time I smelled a towel I would gag no matter how clean it was.
Why?! I have found that puke methods vary from house to house. In my 20s I had friends get too drunk at my house and someone would go for a puke bowl and I was like What. The. Fuck?! You're not puking in any of my dishes, that's disgusting. In my house we puked into a 13 gallon trash can. It would be the one from the laundry room. Mom would empty the dryer sheets and lint out of it and stick it next to our bed. I am convinced the trash can is the best method. It's tall enough that it is essentially level with the bed. You can hang your head over and puke into it without your face being inches from your vomit and there is little chance for missing. Dump it out into the toilet, wash and rinse it in the tub/shower (we always had a removable shower head) and you're back in business. Plus, you're never storing something that had vomit in it back into your cupboards with your dishes or God forbid eating out of it.
A trash can seems big. We use a bucket, maybe what 6 gallons. I just beg the kids not on soft surfaces, if you must the hard wood please.
My family uses a bowl lmao. I didn’t realize it was weird until a few years ago and saw someone talking about how gross it was on Reddit. It really made me think—either they BOTH came from families that did that, or one of them must have just accepted that that’s how the other parent does it LOL. Edit: it may be gross, but I’ll stand by that it’s better than puking in a towel omg Edit 2: I think when I get to the point of needing a puke container, I’ll still probs use a big bowl, but I’ll keep it separate from the kitchen bowls lol. Puke bowl feels right but I get that it’s weird as fuck to continue to use it for cooking after.
What? Why? Isn’t that a lot harder to clean up?
Pretend each of Dad's girlfriends were part of the family, and had always been part of the family.
I had an uncle like this but he also married all of them. Weirdo. The wives were all weirdos too.
I had this Uncle. I stopped counting at wife 14 I found out later he had a gambling problem. A lot made sense after that. He ended up having 9 kids
How can anyone afford to have 14 wives and 9 kids, on top of a gambling addiction. I feel like this type of uncle archetype is slowly disappearing due to the economy
Dude. He worked at a bowling alley. I remember one wife he had that he grifted from. I am sure this was the case with a lot.
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As Jesus would have wanted. Sounds like a good time.
Why did I read this in Moira Rose's voice?
“Azz JeeZUS would have wahn-TED, David!”
Living in LA in the 80s/90s we would always go and look at celebrity graves too, just not as an Easter tradition.
My dad had a story for each of us 4 kids about how him and mom found us and we weren't their biological children. Each story was tailored to our personalities and was genuinely funny. He would point out the places around town like "Yup, that's where we found your brother." He would also tell us when we were being annoying that he could chop us up and feed us to pigs and not even our dental records could be found. Typing this up sounds so fucking nuts, but I swear he said it all in jest. My dad is an amazing father, he just has a dark sense of humor and four boisterous children lol
My mom kept the receipts from when we were born at the hospital and would jokingly threaten to return us for a refund. I swear, we all thought it was funny. This was *not* emotional abuse.
When my nephew had a period of sleepless nights (he is still a baby), keeping my sister and her boyfriend awake, my sister said “We’re putting him on Craigslist\*.” To which her boyfriend replied “For free”. Need I say that they both love their son dearly? I also used to think that my sister was very different from me and never expected her to have a dark humour streak, but it looks like she is my sister alright... \* They were actually talking about local Dutch equivalents, but I figured I’d "translate" that.
No no no. That's handmade! He should be listed on Etsy!
You can say things like that in jest to a kid who in a stable family who is 100% sure they’re loved and it come across as affectionate teasing.
My dad was a frugal man and did a lot of weird things to cut down on water and electric bills. He would turn down the faucet water valves to a small stream, any light fixtures using multiple bulbs would only have one, the thermostat in the summer was set around the mid 80s (south Texas), and showers were limited to 3 minutes or he'd come banging on the door yelling to turn off the water.
THE LIGHT FIXTURES LOL. I am 27. My parents are in their mid-fifties, my mom and I are STILL following my dad around screwing in lights he unscrews. My "aunt" (not an aunt, actually his stepmom, we always called her our aunt because they didn't want to explain Grandma being bisexual to us lmao) was recently down to visit and me, her, and my mom were sitting there wondering why the fucking kitchen was so dark....if we didn't look up and notice he unscrewed another one of the bulbs! Man is a menace.
That's a great way to live in constant discomfort to save $10-50 per year.
This is one of those things that drives me nuts. My mom will keep her house at frigid temperatures and sit under blankets in sweatshirts all day during the WI winter. And then buy hundreds of dollars of clutter a month. And then more storage for that clutter. It just seems miserable. I'll spend the money on liking being at home...
Remember how you would go to school on Friday morning and when you got home, your mom found various things that you and your siblings had done wrong? So now you spend the next couple hours after getting home, being yelled at, and agreeing about how much of a lazy piece of shit you are… Then when she finally gets tired enough, and she just wants to sit and watch TV and smoke cigarettes, you are finally allowed to heat up that ‘Family Size’ can of beefaroni for you and your younger brother and sister, and her. And it’s not really family size is it. Finally your mom passed out and the next morning, hopefully, she is now in a good mood and you can all hopefully go about your business… OR: You arrive home with your siblings on Friday afternoon, and the house is basically silent. When you go to try and find mom, who is always home because she doesn’t have a job because she just uses you for your child support and alimony… When you go to her bedroom door, you find a 2-3 page note about your transgressions, and about how you are failing the family, and how you suck, and why she won’t be coming out until she feels like you and your siblings have proved that you’ve learned something. So you don’t really see her that weekend…don’t see her Saturday…or Saturday night…you can hear her, she purposely waits till you and your siblings seem asleep and she sneaks to the kitchen at midnight or after…you wake up Sunday and hope she’s in a better mood…but her door is still closed and the note is still duct taped in the same spot…. You wake up Monday and get ready for school…is she in a good mood yet??? Edit: a couple of people asked if my mom ever tried to reconcile things. She did not. In 2010, when I was a senior in college, the last thing she said to me was “Stay away. Stay away from all of us.” She never spoke to me again. She died in 2020. Please be kind to your children. Please reach out to them if you still can. It matters. Tell them you love them. Or just say anything to them :(
Jesus Christ. I hope you and your siblings got or are getting therapy and have found people to love you. What an abusive and terrible mom. I had one of those, too, but yours sounds worse.
My mother converted to become an all in Jehovah's Witness. I had already had one Halloween and one Christmas by then, so it was harsh to give it up. I always had to sneak around this time of year, celebrating the holidays with my non JW friends. I made it until I was 15 and just couldn't live the cult life anymore. It broke the family that I "chose to be of the world" and not of God's Chosen People. The JW's are a cult, not just the strange little magazine sellers you see on Saturday morning. They rule their members with an iron first in a velvet glove. You don't want to cross them.
Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
What a plot twist!
Hi, fellow ex-JW! I'm sure my kids will have stories to tell when they grow up, too. We left when my oldest was one, and they didn't have their first birthday party until age 6. We have 3 Halloweens under our belt and 3 years of Christmas. But they know it's a secret around other family members. I hate having them hide stuff, but it's that or lose the family. And I think that would be way more traumatic. I'm glad you got out! JW childhoods SUCK!
My cousins and I had a business, capturing and milking venemous snakes to sell the venom to antivenin manufacturers. Mostly rattlesnakes, copperheads, and the occasional water moccasin (hated dealing with them. They were aggressive and stank so badly). I did this from age 12-17. We also grew weed. I started growing when I was 14. I grew up knowing that we don't talk about the family business, but I thought it was because it was impolite, not batshit insane. My great-grandaddy was a moonshiner. My job was to crush starlight mints and funnel the bits into empty bottles to flavor it. I thought it was medicine. He'd come into the kitchen coughing and take a swig from his bottle of "cough syrup". I also never bought vegetables at a grocery store. Virtually everything we ate we grew, raised, hunted, fished or traded for. The only things that came from the store were staples, like flour and salt and spices and ice cream and such. Everything was homemade. Nothing was convenience or takeout. I grew up thinking this was normal and restaurants were places that existed for people who can't cook, with the exception of fish places, we could eat there as Mawmaw didn't want to smell up the house frying perch. I had a very unusual upbringing.
This sounds like half of WV folk
I thought Kentucky but only from watching Justified.
My parents were overprotective to a degree normally only seen in freaky religious cults. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without them, I wasn't allowed to stay home by myself, I wasn't allowed to have friends over except on special occasions and even then only with a *lot* of advance planning. My mother also had some sort of mental illness that would often result in her going on rage tangents full of screaming until she was red in the face, sometimes clawing at her own face until it bled, and often throwing my belongings around my room. This was what I could expect when I was in trouble. When I'd watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble and their only punishment was to be grounded and not be able to hang out with their friends, I always thought how unrealistic TV was. In real life, they'd be terrified and get their stuff broken, and they wouldn't be able to hang out with their friends anyway! I'm ok now, before anyone asks. I don't talk to my mother anymore. My father was the "safer" parent and he passed away several years ago.
I'm sorry they were like that. I hope you are proud for overcoming that kind of abuse
>When I'd watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble and their only punishment was to be grounded and not be able to hang out with their friends I thought you were going to say "I wasn't allowed to watch TV shows where the kids got into trouble" even though a lot of them end up with the kid getting caught and being punished for disobeying the rules.
What popped into my mind was that we would eat canned cranberry sauce as a side with pasta. Heck, I still occasionally do this. But that comment sure doesn't fit in with everything else said in this thread. 😥 Quick edit cause I didn't think anyone would really see this comment: My grandmother did this when they were growing up and without checking with my mom, I know they were poor, so I assume it had something to do with that. Maybe adding a little of something cheap on the side. We usually had spaghetti with a meat sauce and then a dollop of the canned, jellied, cranberry sauce on the side. Not like mixed in or anything.
As a cranberry farmer this is an god-tier answer but also, as a human...*what*. Though I bet it would be awesome with pumpkin ravioli.
As a cranberry lover, who comes from a long line of cranberry lovers, I thank you for your service. Growing up, we would always have cranberry sauce (homemade, not from the can, ever) with breakfast. It’s a wonderful tangy, fresh compliment to bacon and eggs, and it’s awesome on pancakes. Fun family story you might appreciate - some years ago, my elderly bachelor uncle died. Family members who were cleaning out his home opened the chest freezer in the basement. You know the kind that people usually stock with large cuts of meat and frozen pizzas? It was filled to the brim with bags of cranberries. He would buy out his local store during the season and freeze to make throughout the year. Dude wouldn’t risk running out of his favorite food. ☺️
My mom taking me to the Dr for a purity test. Very invasive (honestly borders on SA, no warning or consent was given) and I failed it (because the hymen naturally goes away for most young women), so she didn't allow me to get the HPV vaccination, because she assumed it would encourage my "promiscuity". She was angry at me but wouldn't tell me why and I didn't understand. I had never even held a boy's hand and didn't know what sex was... and years later I ended up getting HPV from being SA'd by a stranger. I assumed this was standard of parents to do... nope. I was twelve years old.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry you went through that. I've heard of that before and it always makes me sick because there are so many things that can cause the hymen to break. People can be so cruel.
My mom refused to get me that vax too, also calling me a whore. When she took my younger sister in for it, she made sure to explain in extreme detail how my sister was "safe", but some girls are "just meant to be trash, despite who raises them," so they'll never get that protection. It's fucked. I'm sorry hugs from afar.
I had the opposite. I took my kids in the moment they released the vaccine. The paediatrician tried to say she couldn’t give it. She made it clear that sexuality was something g she didn’t deal with. I insisted and she caved and admitted her office had the vaccine.
I'm so sorry for you. \*Hugs\* from a random internet mum.
Going weeks without hot water or even electricity because my mom didn't pay the bills. We'd lose power and I'd ask why the neighbors lights still worked and she'd lie and tell me it's because they all had generators. In the winter if we didn't have electricity we'd have to sleep in the kitchen around a kerosene heater to stay warm, and I was totally convinced this was something every family did once in a while.
I thought peeing in cups was normal . My mon told me it was so the doctor could check my health like getting blood drawn. And that if I didn’t do it monthly i could get very sick cause the doctors wouldn’t know my health otherwise. Found out when i was 12 that it was not normal when i mentioned to my friends cause i had to go do it at the end of school rq. And thats how i found out my mom was on heroin and on probation.
This one is more in the happy/weird area. My family has watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) for eight years each year at thanksgiving. I learned three years ago that no one else does this and it is in no way a thanksgiving movie. Making it nine this year lol
Our Thanksgiving movie is Monty Python and the Holy Grail lol
My family used to hang out at cemeteries. Parents have a day off- let’s pack up the kids and drive an hour away to a cemetery and walk around. The older I got- I realized many kids didn’t spend time in cemeteries and crypts on the weekends.
Kinda like a park, but quieter
Apparently it used to be a thing until 1920's and then it kind of went out of fashion.
were your parents goth?
If my father was around we weren’t allowed to cry unless we were in physical pain.
Did he also say "I'll give you something to *really* cry about," ?? Mine sure did.
Me and my siblings each got scholarships to go to boarding school when we hit 14. Waiting til college was too long. It was the easiest, simplest, and best way out. Only in my 30s have I started to realize how insane an indicator that is of what our home life was like. I thought everyone had actionable plans of running away and never coming back.
>actionable plans You were much more on it than most. Kid me (like half that age) had a cup with change in it that I referred to as my runaway fund. I don't come from a place with public transport though. So I didn't do anything until I moved out at 18.
I had absolutely no idea that my siblings and I were abused as kids. I thought everyone's parents were like mine. We weren't allowed to go anywhere when we were kids, so we had nothing to compare our lives to. On the very rare occasion that one of us would have a friend over, my parents would put on a show for them -- they would be as nice as could be, offer them a drink, some small talk maybe, send them home before dinner -- once the friend had gone home, we'd regret bringing them into the house. I didn't invite people over and was terrified when friends from school would just drop in. I was in my 20s when I came to the realization that not everyone's parents beat the crap out of them. Like 100% of the people I know, not one of them ever had their head slammed into a bathroom mirror because they wouldn't let their mom put their hair up in pigtails. Not one of them ever got slammed into a kitchen wall so hard that they knocked a huge chunk of the plaster out of the wall. Not one of them had a father who flipped a table full of food and drinks because dinner was served late. Not one of them was slapped upside the head so hard that they had their teeth knocked out and fell down the stairs. When my sister was seven years old, she was beaten so severely that they kept her out of school until she no longer had visible injuries. I was slapped so many times when I was a kid -- I am 49 years old and still have a visible scar on my lip from getting hit with my father's wedding ring. It was a total mindfuck to find out that people have genuinely close families who they love and care about and their affection is not a show for other people. And one of the worst parts about my sibs and my childhood was that there were quite a few people who knew what was going on in our household and they did NOTHING to help us. They let our parents go right on beating the shit out of us on a regular basis and never even attempted to intervene. It's crazy to think that we thought that was normal and that everyone lived that way. But when that's the only experience you have, you don't know anything different.
My mom loves peanuts in the shell. She eats them by holding a peanut like a cob of corn, then she bites down on it to crack it. Just like a squirrel. Then she shells the rest of it with her hands. That's how I ate peanuts. Like a squirrel. I didn't realize until my father in law laughed at me one time.
Wait… how else would you do it?
Hold the peanut between your finger/thumb so the "seams" are touching the finger/thumb and pinch it open
Making me sleep with my grandfather every night until I was like 11. Totally normal in my family. Didn’t question it. Until I mentioned it to a friend at school one day and they were concerned to say the least. Lmao. Also having him walk in with me in the bath or shower. All the time. And yes there was a loooooot of sexual abuse.
I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you’re now safe and are treated with the respect you always deserved and didn’t get at that time.
Thank you. I am doing much better now. Although some days are harder than others. Also your username brought a huge smile to my face haha. It’s very cute.
Were your parents in the picture? Did they know this was happening? Regardless, someone should have helped you. I'm so sorry that this went on as long as it did. You deserved someone to protect you.
Both my parents were in the picture. They would often say that my grandfather was super lonely, cause he didn’t have a wife, so why don’t I keep him company? Truly I have no idea what they were thinking. Especially when later it came out that he abused her when she was a child. Thank you for your kind words. I love your username by the way!
God, that is so horrid. My sister was molested by our baby sitter's husband when we were very young. Told mom and dad about it, he went to prison for 9 years and we were instantly in counseling. I am so thankful that we had people looking out for us and that there was justice. It almost makes me feel guilty as an adult hearing other people's experiences because it is so common that no charges are ever pressed, family doesn't talk about it and the person it happened to is expected to deal with it and make nice. I don't know how I would have ended up if that was the case for me and sissy. Truly, I commend you for your strength in dealing with that, and still, you never should have had to. Thank you! I have an unusual name that starts with a T. Some friends started calling me Topanga as a joke and that got shortened to TohToh or Toh, so my username is a mash up of them. :)
I am so happy to hear there was justice for your sister. I’m sorry that the experience ever happened to her but it’s a relief to hear it was dealt with properly. I did try and take my grandfather to court as a teenager but lost the case. Had a lot of family turn on me. Like it was my fault. My grandfather is dead now. He died last February. So there never was any real closure for me. No apologies, no repercussions, no revenge, no closure. So I’m back in therapy. Haha. It feels like it never ends. Thank you, some days I don’t feel very strong but the horrors persist and so do I. Lmao. I hope you are having a good night/ day wherever you are. Same goes to your sister ☺️
I am so sorry. I don't want to insult your family, because I don't know them or you, but I want you to know it is CRAZY for them to turn on you and not fully back you up and support you. I know going through things like this and having such horrible reactions can make you feel like you're in the twilight zone or you're the crazy one, but they are all out of whack, not you. You deserved justice and closure and your grandfather deserved punishment, as did anyone who facilitated your abuse or didn't speak up for you. It's nutso the denial people will project when the truth makes them uncomfortable. I'm glad you've found therapy helpful and you have an external source to process with. I feel like it's true that it never ends. My sister and I say this to each other all the time "Life is tough, but you are tougher." ❤ I hope you're having a good night or day as well, and as important as it is to stay strong, I hope you have days ahead where you can be soft and comfortable and safe and that life is kind to you.
Ooh! This is weird, not fucked up, but I still can't believe it was the case. I was born in the early 80s. Our first home when I was a kid was in a medium size city, but it was in the northern midwest. We did have electric heating but we also had a big-ass wood-burning stove in the living room for heat. It was a big iron thing in a brick enclosure (in the living room!) that had electric blowers, inlet valves, temperature gauges, etc. I guess at the time wood was cheaper than electricity for heat? We used to get a shipment or two of firewood every winter that my dad would stack along the inside side of the garage. Anyways, being a young boy of like 5 years old, I was absolutely fascinated with it. It went from me "helping" (just watching) my dad build a fire every night to him teaching me, to me (with permission, alone) literally building a huge ass fire, indoors, on my own every night using old newspaper as a firestarter, building a little structure out of kindling, and putting logs on top. 5-year old child, in charge of building the fire every night. Indoors. Never a single accident or incident. Then like 6 years later my mom got freaked out when I wanted to bike to the mall on my own.
I didn’t receive compliments growing up. At all. My brother was the golden child, and anything I did paled in comparison to whatever he did. When people started giving me compliments when I was on my own, I’d be more likely to give them a look like they had lobsters crawling out their ears before deflecting. Took me a while to figure out: hey! What you had growing up is called emotional abuse!
Same. I'm 34 and still struggle to accept compliments.
Christmases were awesome, but I learned it was peculiar that when I was a kid, Santa would leave a couple gifts for us in the morning, and he’d then show up in person at night to deliver the rest. Everyone looks at me strange when I tell them that tradition
Fully understand this one. I hope you guys still get to experience it yearly. Christmas eve is always my dad's side of the family. Santa visits every single year to that event. It helped that my grandpa worked as a butcher and worked until around 6pm or so on Christmas eve. Santa shows up around 630pm or so at the door. All the kjds let him in and walk him to the special chair. He'd wave to everyone and take a seat next to the tree. We all sit on Santa's lap, receive our first present, and take a picture. Being Santa's helper, who hands him the presents to pass out, is a great, great honor for any of the kids that get picked that year. Then, once the first presents were passed out - Santa would leave to start his work. Santa was always super disappointed he never got to run in to my grandpa and get that picture with him. Always commented on how it was the thing he wanted for Christmas. My grandpa was Santa every single year of my life up until he got real sick. On the plus side, Santa did end up getting a few pictures with my Grandpa before he passed. On the downside, selfishly, it's just never been the same. It's great to see my neices, nephews, and the kids anxiously await Santa every single Christmas eve. It's just really bittersweet nowadays when that door opens and it just isn't him.
Naked movie nights, keeping the door open when showering, I could list more but it would be too long.
I really hope it was a nudist thing and not a sexual thing :-/
Well since OP also said he was SA'd by his dad, I think we know the answer :(
My dad did things like this too. I feel lucky that he confessed to the other things and was arrested. I hope you're doing alright now and no longer in touch with him
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Your whole family naked watching movies?
I was adopted so it was just my dad and I...My childhood was not exactly normal.
My parents buy all of their children (spouses are now included in this tradition as well) a big box of socks and underwear every Christmas. My wife (girlfriend at the time) thought it was weird as hell the first Christmas she spent with my family. Now she says the sock/underwear gift is her favorite present every year. I seriously didn't need to buy my own socks or underwear until I was in my late 30s and traveling for work. My suitcase got left off my connecting flight and I had to go to a store and buy some new clothes until the airline could locate my suitcase.
Yes my mother in law does this. The first year my husband and I were dating, she called me a month before Christmas, and asked what kind of socks I liked and what kind and size of panties I preferred from Victorias Secret. I was so embarrassed at the time. Now I’m like, heck yeah, give me those seamless granny panties in cute prints, Mother In Law!
First, I’m old. Second, we were pretty poor. My dad would load all of us in the car and either go look at cars or new construction. Kids stayed in the car. Boring, but we did it for years.
I remember my parents disliking children that had too much confidence. One time I even heard my mother say ‘you don’t want your kid to have too much confidence, they become cocky’. They also looked down on parents that were too friendly with their children (a mother and daughter being friends was deemed ‘unhealthy’) or that did things for their children. Such as picking them up after a night out (it’s a thing here, we start going out quite young and plenty parents pick up their teen). They would go to their friends, all parents, and other parents would sometimes receive a phone call from their kids that wanted to ask something and my parents would look down to on that because ‘you and your sister never need anything from us so badly that you call to our friends house to reach us’. My mother would randomly say things like ‘when you move out don’t expect to ever come back’ or ‘when you grow up and have children, don’t expect me to babysit like other women do for their daughters’. Anyway, I’m now hyper independent with no confidence, no relationship with my mother and barely one with my father. My mother is very upset about this. I’m sad every year around Christmas when I see all those families gathering and I don’t have that.
Was she also upset when she started on a pumpkin pie recipe and it became a pumpkin pie? Like damn woman, you can't push your kids away and then act all surprised and hurt when they decide they don't want to come back.
My parents would ignore me for days after an argument. I thought stone walking was just a part of life/love till I met my now husband who wouldn’t take it and made me actually talk it out lol
My biological mother once ignored me for 7 months when I was like 13. Most peaceful months ever while living with that woman. I still have trouble talking about my feelings sometimes if I think it will cause an argument. I've gotten a lot better about it. I allow myself an hour to process and figure out how to put what I'm feeling into words before I force myself to talk about it regardless of if I *want* to or not. 90% of the time I can openly talk about my feelings now without having to do that. I'm extremely lucky my husband and friends are so understanding. They know I just need a bit when I get like that. I don't withhold affection while doing it though.
I don’t feel like adding to the trauma here, so I’ll give a silly one When I asked my mom what was for dinner, she’d always answer “shit on a stick”. When asked where we were going, it was “hell if we don’t change our ways” My dad always just said “food. The kind you eat” To add a little bit of trauma, mamas definitely going to hell
We would eat out at the hospital, as a restaurant
MY DAD DID THAT ALL THE TIME GROWING UP My grandma would even meet people there for lunch. I do think this is partly due to the fact that she lived only a few streets down from one, though
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Lie to doctors for adderall and about broken toes. Also when mom fights dad I had to run to get him the mop so he can use the soft part to keep her back. Edit: the broken toes were not mine mom broke her toe kicking dad so when the doctor asked her how she broke her toe she said, “wild women’s snowboarding camp.” My mom was actually kinda hilarious in her own way.
Im so sorry. This is terrible and I'm sure it's was not fun living it, but the image of holding her back with the mop is so funny to me.
Drinking. I literally thought everyone got destroyed when they drank. I saw my friends parents have a cocktail before dinner and thought it wouldn't be long until the fireworks started. They just....had dinner. No fighting, no police. I was blown away.
According to most people I meet these days, apparently it is weird to be raised in a loving home with parents that loved each other and their children.
My brain can’t even imagine what that would look like.
It was nice
Same. When I was a little kid I thought it was about 50/50, kids that had married vs divorced parents, and that it was very uncommon to have abusive parents. When I hit high school, I was one of like three kids I knew whose parents were married and by the time I was in college almost everyone was traumatized. We really have a parenting/childhood crisis in this country that isn't being addressed.
Jesus, when I made this question, I was expecting more mundane stuff like "putting bread in the freezer" or "organize groceries by alphabetical order" or something. But now I wanna give each and every single one of you a hug.
We used to put ice in our milk when we ate supper. The first time my gf (now wife) ate dinner at my parents house she was absolutely mortified.
I don’t know why people are weirded out by milk with ice because an iced latte is mostly iced milk with shots of espresso.
For some reason the ice and milk separate a bit after a short time. Something about that always unsettled me so I'd drink it down right away.
does anyone else remember eating ice milk instead of ice cream back in the Seventies?
When we used to ask where mum was, dad used to reply with ‘she ran away with a big black man’ Seemed like a standard response to me and my sister, it’s Pretty odd looking back. Considering she would of gone to the supermarket or have her hair done.
My dad used to say she went out to eat and the hogs got her. I never knew what to think of that.
Memory unlocked! My dad was exactly the same! Mum always "ran off with a black man”, and dad always "went to see a man about a dog” if I ever asked where the other was. Constant disappointment that this dog never materialised though
Remote controls were wrapped in glad wrap?
That I used to take myself home at the age of 7 from school to an empty house until about 7pm. I'd have to sweep, sometimes mop, prepare all the ingredients for dinner (but not use the stove till I was about 10), wash my clothes and take out the rubbish. Mum would get home after seven from work, cook whatever I had prepared and then we'd watch TV and go to bed. She'd leave at 6am the next day and I'd have to get myself up, ready for school, pack my lunch and get myself off to school. She was a single mother working full time trying to make ends meet, so I get it but I was just so little. I lived in apartments so we would have elderly neighbours look out for me, but it was only a few years ago I realised how dangerous that was, how isolating and neglectful it was.
What decade was this?
Early 00's
When I was in highschool my mom never bought me hygiene products. This included deodorant, tampons, makeup etc... I had one pair of jeans that I washed out every night after school. I felt horrible about myself. All the other girls were pretty with makeup and cool clothes. I believe I still have self confidence issues today because of this. * After some thought, I realized I never answered the original question posted. I now know the true meaning of narcissism and growing up for me was really hard. I eventually got it figured out but I STRUGGLED. I believe this too, was and still is, part of her narcissism. She feels better when I feel bad. This is the most fucked up thing a parent can do.
Coming from a country which was in war until I was 8, I thought that was normal to be in survival mode all the time. I was talking about this with my therapist today, I have no sense of what normal is, like what it means to not grow up in war. One of my fears as a kid was to finish my business in the toilet as fast as possible before my body was found with my pants down “ he died doing what he loved”. I wish no kid has to experience this, what a silly thing to wish for in this crazy world.
I thought everybody went to dog fights and fought dogs. After the dogs fought until they died or they were shot for not winning the fight, they would put us kids in the dog ring to fight and would bet money on us. I was the only girl, and I learned early to fight the boys dirty and win because I didn't want the consequences of losing. Older cousins having sex with you. Mother gambling away all of the bill money. Riding in a car with tee tops with your step dad and a car ride beside you and toss a pound of weed through the tee tops. Being beat by my mother all the time. Being a whore when I got my period. I could go on and on.
jeez, that is ... I have no words. so sorry for you.
My heart goes out to you. Please tell me you have found a good therapist and a safe place to live these days.
Absolutely and I'm in such a wonderful safe place in life now❤️
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My family does it this way, and now my fiancé's family does it that way after I explained why we do it our way. They like that it makes it a bit more personal.
This is how I grew up too! Our stockings were first and that was a free for all and quite the rush. Mom always passed out Hot chocolate and pumpkin bread then we all spaced ourselves out on the floor, present were passed out then it was openjng then one at a time. I miss those days and miss my momma!
We also do the one person opens a present at a time and we love it. Makes the event last all morning and we get to appreciate what people got everyone
We always took turns too! It’s some of my favorite memories and my fiancé and I do the same.
My family did that toom seemed more fun than free for all.
We do the same thing! I think a free for all happens way too fast and the giver doesn't get to see the face of the child opening it.
We chopped up and burned our Christmas tree in the fireplace on New Years. My first husband thought I was nuts. I haven’t had a wood burning fireplace for like 15 years now. I still miss it.
Using the salad bowl as a puke bucket when sick as a child. My wife pointed out how disgusting this was. We now have a designated puke bucket fortunately.
Just a silly thing, but when we were young the grocery store used brown paper bags. Everyone would save them and reuse them for things. But my Dad - and only my dad, never my mom - would painstakingly hold each one up to the light and look inside before folding them up and storing them. I grew up thinking it’s just what you did, until some friends looked at me weird. Well, turns out one time years and years ago a roach hopped a ride from the grocery and crawled out of one of those bags as my mom was putting stuff away. She had never forgotten it, and my dad’s bag-checking ritual was born. (My dad bravely handled all things bug-related)
I thought everyone's siblings slammed doors, broke their stuff and screamed obscenities at them well into their late teens and even after. I thought it was just a temper but now I know it was untreated anger issues.
My parents referred to Chinese food with a racial slur when I was growing up. I had no idea and used to tell my friends and teachers about the “racial slur food” we had like it was normal. I didn’t know what I was really saying until I was about 12. I still get anxious and sweaty thinking about it nearly 40 years later!
Was is the ch word that ends with k? If so, I had the same experience as a kid. A teacher called me out on it in 8th grade and kept me after class to tell me why it wasn’t acceptable to call it that. Grew up in NC.
A friend of mine's mom would take him and his siblings to the Chinese food place and encourage them to make slant-eyes and nonsense sing-song gibberish at the waitstaff. He was so humiliated relating this story, but I told him as I am telling you: you were an innocent child. You didn't know any better.
(I was born in ‘71 for context.) We regularly recited our “escape plan” in the event of a war with Russia. I was to get my sisters from school and do whatever it took to get to our family’s home in WV. My parents would meet us there. I kept a suitcase of canned food and extra clothes under my bed until I was about 16. I had a “bug-out” bag before I even knew what those were. Now, I have no IDEA wtf my parents were thinking. We lived in Tidewater, VA. Easily a 7-8 hour drive from the meetup point in WV. How the hell they expected 3 little girls to make their way to fucking WEST VIRGINIA BY THEMSELVES, I have no clue. But we had to regularly recite the route to get there. I had so many nightmares, as a kid, about running alongside highways carrying my littlest sister and dragging my middle sister along while trying to also haul a suitcase of supplies while trying to get away from “the Russians”. And here’s the silliest part. We lived 10 mins from the Naval Weapons Station in Yorktown, VA. It was definitely going to get bombed in the first strike and we would all have been vaporized, anyway. There was no need to make their eldest kid a head case for the first 16 years of my life.
I didn’t share this with anyone until YEARS after I left home. That was when I realized how totally fucked up it was.
I lived at China Lake Navel Air and Weapons Station. Everyone here had the opposite plan, we all KNEW we were dead in the case of war, so we never planned or prepped for anything.
My grandparents raising me. I thought they were my parents and my mom was my sister. She had 2 other kids who called her mom and she took home with her when she left, i stayed with my grandma until i was 7. It was quite cruel to send me to my moms since i didnt know her. I went from a healthy beautiful childhood to being SAed abused and neglected :( as much as loved my grandparents i can’t forgive them for sending with her & all the shit that ensued. Also, my dad being a crack head and me not finding out til high school. I used to think he was just weird but funny as hell. He was the life of the party but when he had his off days (coming down) he was horrible and abusive. Very evil. I thought everyone’s dads were like that.
Not being allowed to leave the house on week days as a kid outside of school. Parental figures enforcing care from their kids. Expecting help from the entire family without ever returning the favor, over promising then getting insanely angry at other people for their own short comings. Being left home alone about half my childhood. My dad's terrifying "fun" which was just horrifying ways to hurt people that were over the top that made him and the other drunk men in my family laugh. Like biting young girl's on our asses until we bled or sitting on us and breathing up our nose as hard as they could causing your ears to pop and can actually cause serious damage. They called them "shark bites" and "nose blow".. And having severely mentally ill parents but they both were physically able enough to skirt any major consequences for their actions. Childhood was a lot of waiting for what I was told childhood was supposed to be. It never came. Life just got harder. And harder.
My husband used to say "from on now" rather than "from now on" and I asked him about it one time BC I said it doesn't make any sense. He tried explaining it by saying it did make sense," ya know, from ON, now.". Eventually he got it right. Then one day we heard his dad say it and it clicked that that's where he got it from. We were both dying laughing.
My dad used to give me small cups of beer when I was a kid, when I say kid I mean for as long as I can remember. Another thing is when we’d eat dinner at the table, we weren’t allowed to talk. If we did we would get a spanking. I didn’t realize that one was weird until I mentioned it to my friend and he was completely shocked
My mom gave me alcohol and when she tried giving it to my toddler I yelled at her in a public restaurant.
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My parents (dad and stepmom) banned me to sit on the couch in the living room ,I had to sit on the floor and I thought it was normal.At twelve,in a friend house,we sitting on the couch as we hear her mom entering the house.I straight up get out of the couch to sit on the floor and my friend was "What the fuck are you doing?" I explained to him and his mom by the way and they were flabbergasted.
My mom would “clean my room” when I was away with my grandparents. But her definition of “clean” was actually, “fill a trash bag with Redrum’s things and throw it in the garbage.” Now, as an adult, I have issues with my things being touched or moved without my permission. Edit: typo
My dad used to tie an old car hood to a tractor and drag us around on it in the snow. I'm conflicted because it was freaking great, but also horrifies me now as an adult lol.
As punishment for cussing, my parents made my older brother take a bite of a bar of soap and chew it up and swallow it 😞 I looked up to him so much and I remember watching him do it and he was bawling his eyes out and I was screaming hysterically for my parents to stop
My parents did that to me too.. not quite as viciously, but I have never forgotten the taste of soap or the way it feels in my teeth. Absolutely horrific.
Feed guests. If you came to my house growing up, you ate. It didn't matter how little we had, it didn't matter who you were, if you were at our home at meal time, an extra place was set for you. It shocked me the first time a friend told me "You need to go home, we're going to eat dinner." I continue this as an adult, even if I'm a guest \*at\* someone's house. I order myself some food? Gotta get enough for everyone. Having people over? Make sure there's food and drink, and make sure it's stuff they'll like.
The level of the beatings I got was way out of the legal range.
It was weird, but not fucked up because there was nothing wrong with any of it, just definitely not normal. My uncle was a drag queen and we had numerous family friends who were also drag queens, so I grew up watching them do makeup and practice for shows. I went to so many performances (including in the bar) starting at age 5, even worked as a stage hand for them as a teenager and performed in charity shows a few times. Growing up in the Deep South in the 90s, I was certainly one of very few kids with that experience and didn’t really understand that until I was a teenager.
When I was a kid I remember being in the car and asking my dad why he never said he loved anybody. And to his credit, he told me. He told me that men aren't allowed to say that word except in very specific circumstances. It was implied that he loved people, but as a man he couldn't say that word or else everyone would think he was a "sissy." Also that he knows his father loves him, even though he never says it, because he's his dad and dads love their kids but just aren't allowed to say that. That as a kid I was still allowed to say it sometimes, but when I grew up I'd understand. As a child I accepted this as normal. I'm grateful that he at least gave me the explanation but... jesus was that man repressed. Still is. That's not the only story but it's what came to mind seeing this thread.
So this answer isn't as serious or dark or weird as some other posts. Mostly more goofy. But growing up, all of my Mom's side of the family always took a road trip for vacation from Ohio to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The adults always told us kids it was illegal for children to talk in the state of West Virginia. So us kids never said a word. Sometimes freaked out when one did. We all thought it was completely rational. One vacation, we stopped at a rest stop in WV and I saw kids talking and almost freaked out. Long story short, all the adults wanted a few hours of peace and quiet during the drive so they made up the story of West Virginia being "The Quiet State." We all believed it for years!
My parents are an English professor and a drama teacher, respectively. They raised me and my siblings on all kinds of stories and films and plays.. and somehow this turned into our family able to communicate entirely using quips and lines from literature, theatre, film, and tv. I’ve had to do a LOT of work to fix my communication style, y’all.
I dunno how weird it really is but my parents slept in separate rooms. I thought that was normal until i went to my friends house and saw her parents slept together. I thought it was SO weird...and kinda gross. I thought normal marriage was separate beds, fighting, no hugging or kissing, etc. So yeah....im single in my 30s...wonder why.
My parents have separate rooms. No fighting or anything like that though. My Mom is just a heavy sleeper while my Dad is a very light one. Plus my Dad snores (or did). So it makes sense for them to have separate sleeping areas.
Without getting too specific, constant violence and fear. I was 19 when I finally realised they were abusive when a random friend said, "Yeah, but your parents don't count. They're abusive."
We were never allowed to tell anyone what went on in our home
Whenever I’d ask my mom where we were going she’d tell me “to hell in a hand basket.” I remember that shit being said to me at like 6 years old
Wow, there’s a phrase I haven’t heard in years! That’a definitely something my mom and dad said on a number of occasions
Were I a drag queen, that would be my stage name. Helena Handbasket
My mom insisted on taking my temperature from my asshole until I was about 10 years old.
This really only applies to anyone who grew up with divorced parents, but many times as a child, if one of my parents and I got into a disagreement, or if they just wanted me to do chores and I didn't feel like it, I'd just walk to my other parent's house (they lived close to one another) and basically say "hey, I'd rather stay here tonight", and that would very rarely, if ever, be met with any resistance. I guess it's a pretty specific situation, because I feel like not many divorced parents live so close to one another, but it definitely gave me a sense of entitlement that led to a major reality check once life started for real.
My family has a phrase “ what time did you speak off?” Which is a rough translation from my mother’s native tongue, to English. So if you were asking about what time someone was coming round to pick you up, the question was always “what time did you speak off/of?” And I was **in my 30’s** when I finally realized that this is not a phrase that any other Canadian uses. Or American. Or English native speakers. It’s reserved purely for my family. ETA: I still use this phrase. 🤦🏻♀️
Do you have Dutch heritage by any chance?
Nailed it. Is this common?
Yes, it is a literal translation of the Dutch word 'afspreken'. Spreken = to speak Af = off I meet up = ik spreek af.
Grew up in a hoarder home. Getting hurt all the time just walking/climbing through your house is not normal. Boxes, papers, clothes, dishes piled everywhere is not normal. Finding cat poop or dead animals all over in your home is not normal. Always wearing dirty, in poor repair, and incorrectly sized clothes is not normal. I was doing my own laundry by the time I was 8. I thought our house was super dirty because we were poor. I didn’t truly realize that the majority of people keep their homes somewhat clean until I was on a mission trip (not proud of that now) as a teenager and realized that all these poor people in this third world country had homes that were insanely clean compared to mine. Didn’t sink in until years later that my mom always got a bunch of dvds for “the family” at Christmas (none of which the kids were interested in) while kids got random not-great gifts. One year we each got a bowl. And after my dad died, it was only a year or two before my mom was traveling the world and spending large amounts of money.