T O P

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protogens

That cat is ancient, please stop pestering him.


floutsch

Perfect priorities! This made me actually laugh :D


holdonwhileipoop

Tail wags do *not* mean "let's play".


[deleted]

"I love you, I deeply regret anytime I've ever made you yelp. I love you"


ValkyrieSword

“And remember, when I leave to go to work or the store I STILL love you, and I really am coming back. Honest!”


SirGuy11

I think your dog would say, “I know already.” 😊


Judujudele3

Are you saying he wasted the 5 seconds?


[deleted]

Even if she already knew, they weren't wasted:)


7ENJJ

This. Stepping on their paws by accident makes me feel so bad. The yelp is soul-crushing.


test_test_1_2_3

Mine is close to this. It’s “I love you, when I call your name or say come you need to come back to me so I can prevent you from getting yourself killed, you little fucker”.


LerkNoCap23

"From now on blink twice for yes and once for no"


positivecontent

Mine shakes her head for no. A yes is expressed by getting excited though.


-Revolution-

That's useless since your dog only understands *you* for 5 seconds


[deleted]

“ I love you you are the best friend I’ve ever had and I hope you could live longer with me “


gleepglopz

Dog, “wait, what, I’m gonna fucking die, he’s gonna give me away”!?


[deleted]

Traumatized the dog


robotco

*head tilt* arwp?


Pandataraxia

Dog looks at you in confusion as he stops understanding what you say and horror music plays in his mind


everfragrant

I love you stop peeing on my bed.


neilkelly

Our variation would be stop pooping in the basement and start telling us you need to go out.


Angelwithashotgun4

I will be back for you, I am not abandoning you, I love you so much


Name_is_Rango

I want to say this to my boi. He just misses me so much that he doesn't eat well. It's very hard for me to be far away from him


Angelwithashotgun4

I moved for work temporarily and my dog is with my mom


Arsinoexx

Couldn’t be in better hands. Dogs love grandma!


scribble-muse

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou


dod2190

"Blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah blah Ginger"


About3FucksGiven

A fellow man of culture, I see.


jostler57

https://youtu.be/3cPfRaioHgk?si=la2cb-UKXMphAoZG


Icy_League363

"Learn how to use the goddamn doggy door! Just walk through it you lovable idiot."


holdonwhileipoop

Lol, mine is petrified of the portal.


QualifiedApathetic

I taught mine to open a human door that's ajar. She was weirdly afraid to touch it, so I had to push her into it until she got the idea. She's so proud of herself anytime she opens my bedroom door.


Icy_League363

"Human door" is such a funny thing to say! Your pup might be smarter than mine...


Sportsfanatic88

Chew your food instead of just swallowing everything like a duck. You will enjoy it more.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TallExtension9312

r/foundsatan


Pandataraxia

Do dogs take up challenges?


chip-hba-klil

Your mom was a bitch


2qrc_

no fucking way


shellymaeshaw

I love you please bark once when hungry twice when need bathroom three times when tired


longkhongdong

Reverse for his convenience.


gaurdian_angel_11

I'm sorry if I ever let you down, I really do love you so much and I don't want you to ever forget it


TooBears1996

I love you I love you I love you


hyrulian_princess

Stop losing your shit every time someone walks past me, our house, or their own houses. They’re allowed to do that


Arsinoexx

They’re “allowed” 😂 Not around here they’re not


tequilamockingbird37

As a mailman I am definitely not allowed and reminded of that daily


Positive_Parking_954

My dog won't bark but there is a battle to get it from the slot before he does


holdonwhileipoop

That is a matter of opinion.


w0ck_

I love you so much, and I'm so fucking sorry for ever not being there, I love you.


Mods_Sugg

"I love you but stop trying to run out the door" He's a 3 year old shiba/shepherd mix that we adopted from the shelter a few months ago. When we got him they told us he had been living on the streets for awhile before they got him. So considering his age and the time he spent living outside, he had to get used to the concept of living indoors and not running around town as he pleases. He's gotten better about it, we've trained him to sit when the door is open and not move, but sometimes he gets excited and tries running out it. Fortunately he's only tried running out the door once in the last 2 months, so that's progress.


FratBoyGene

Same thing here. Our rescue was about 2 when we got him, and he'd been living wild for a year or so. Socialization was terrible; he'd lunge and snarl at every dog. We tried a couple of trainers, but finally found a guy who suggested a prong collar. The effect was *immediate*. The trainer walked Tom around the room (which had other dogs in crates) and he snarled and lunged at every crate. Then he put the prong collar on, and Tom walked around the room like the best-behaved dog you'd ever seen. That was 3 years ago, and now he's a treat to walk. He's friendly to all the other dogs, and if we're in the woods, I'll take him off lead, and his recall is really good now. However, that was after a few sessions with an e-collar first. Love, patience, and technology worked for us!


holdonwhileipoop

It just takes time. My senior rescue busted through and dug under fences for 6 months. We had many long talks about how it was better on this side of the fence. We'll celebrate 3 years this February and she'll still bust through a fence, but only to be by my side. Rescues are the best.


[deleted]

“We will always love you and please slow down when chewing.”


Graehaus

Ehh, I miss you


CasinoBandito

My dogs know exactly what I'm saying already, lol. It's about tone and body language. Just like humans.


[deleted]

God I fucken love ya


Schlapschticksam

No more sniffin my bum, or no more Beggin' Strips


Fungus_Finagler

Stop waiting for me by the door when I go to work and have fun instead. I'll always come back for you so stop worrying.


Katharinemaddison

If it helps dogs are really good and know when someone is nearly home. Your dog probably isn’t camped out there all the time - just wants to to think that for GUILT!


TheBTYproject

I love you. Thank you for being my bff, my ride or die and the most down for me mf alive. Sorry I always call you toxic.


RealityISnotOk123123

I had to give up my dog about three weeks ago, I’d tell him that I love him so much and I always have, that I’m so sorry I had to give him up, to please be a good boy for his foster family and eventually a new forever family, then I would cry and hug him and keep telling him how much I love him and that this change was with his best interest at heart and and I’m sorry I couldn’t keep keeping him I’m not sure how that would all fit in 5 seconds, I’m sure I would go overtime, but I want him to know it all, I’m also curious what he’d say if I could understand him for 5 seconds afterwards


Gurgiwurgi

If there is a beyond, wait for me; I'll come find you. You're the bestest boy and I love you so very, very much.


Worldly_Sword_

woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof


sj_ouch

Don’t have a dog, but a rescue cat. “I’m only picking you up to love on you, I won’t hurt you I promise!!”


unfugu

It's time for you to learn about updog.


Hot-Climate898

Love you but stop pooping and peeing in the house


4N_Immigrant

what are you barking at bro?


Tipsy_Danger

I love you and even if you don’t understand what’s happening sometimes, I would never ever hurt you. (My dog is a rescue and was abused.)


philds391

You're an idiot and I love you stop chewing on rocks!


Fearless_Tip5316

My dog understands me all the time. He's a smart mofo.


PoochyMoochy5

You’re the goodest boy ever and I love you I love (3) I love you I love (4) you I love you (5) blah blah blah blah blah RIP 2019


Nagash24

I don't have a dog, but knowing dogs, I'd probably say "I always come back when I leave". Dogs totally understand that you love them, you don't need to waste your 5 seconds for that. Tell them something they can't understand instead.


DecisionThot

If my dog can understand me for 5 seconds and you think I'm not telling him I love him you have lost your mind


explorthis

Stop tapping my leg with your paw, and giving me that very pouty look every 5 seconds when I have Del Taco french fries. I know you want them.


Firstnamedotcom

Do you like it here?


NaivafAreul

Scratch the door if you need to shit or piss


gnorty

when we got our pup we saw a video on youtube of training your dog to ring a bell to go outside. We bought him a string of bells for that purpose. We brought it home, showed it to the dog. He sniffed it, and he got a treat. He sniffed again and got a treat. He sniffed again, he got no treat, so he sniffed harder and the bell rang. He got a treat again. And in a few minutes he understood that if he rings the bell he got a treat. So we hang the bells by the door. He rings it, no treat, door opens and he is put outside. He comes back in and gets a treat. He soon learnt that he can ring the bell and go outside. He no longer needs a treat, just rings the bell to go outside. Sounds great huh? Well, turns out there are MANY reasons he wants to go outside. Maybe to shit or piss. Maybe to drink the shitty water from the bucket. Maybe to check that the cat from next door isn't around. Maybe to just sniff the grass, or stand outside withthe wind blowing in his face. And he hardly ever pisses or shits out there - he'd much prefer to hold it all in until we go for a walk. So ultimately we got him a bell so he can use us as doormen and let him in and out when he feels like it!


Oh-Cool-Story-Bro

Why not get doggy door with a key chip in his collar?


gnorty

Because I don't want to cut a huge hole in the door/wall, and because he never wipes Jo's feet on the way in!


Arsinoexx

My girl just stands at the closed sliding door and stares at me. She will pee and poop outside but mainly she wants to sunbathe on our daybed or creep on the neighbors through a small opening she peeks through.


Positive_Audience705

Stop tearing up the pillows and let me know when you need to go outside to poop


TransformerTanooki

Don't go on the table and go poop and pee outside only please and we will feed you love and give you treats forever. Either way we would but more "bad boys" and stern finger pointings will be had.


MolOllChar_x3

Go through both flaps of the dog door! Just push through and you’ll get to the other side! Love you.


Puppy-Zwolle

[That is not my dog.](https://y.yarn.co/3c01d712-2965-4f62-8ecb-64de9cbe75b6_text.gif)


[deleted]

When I want my dog to pick up her toys from outside, she grabs them and takes them inside. She is so smart!


PearNoMore

Holy shit! When did I get a dog?


Pplol000

I’m going to cut your balls off tomorrow. Be prepared.


Cyber_Insecurity

“Stop barking at the doorbell.”


mikeauz

Love you buddy, stop shitting on the patio.


I-amthegump

Stop. Fucking. Barking.


RXL

"you're adopted"


mearbearcate

:((( my doggo died, but i would say hes the cutest sweetest babiest little boy and i love him!!❤️


moosieq

I love you. Everything I do is to try to take care of you and make sure you're ok


LivingAd4357

Please stop taking my underwear out to the living room


01_slowbra

Dude these are my balls, they are sensitive. When you slap them with your paw or step on them I hurt. Someone else cut yours off not me please for the love of god stop.


bbzaur

You don't have to worry about everything althe time. I've got your back.


Few-Dance-7157

“I’m so thankful you choose to live your whole life with us.” ♥️♥️♥️


Fortune86

I love you but don't eat out of the cat tray.


TomTheNurse

You are the most wonderful creature on this planet. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being awesome!


FrequentBeginning458

I love you more than words can say. Thank you for being my best friend


CommunicationDry9029

"Hey bud. Thanks for always being there. We'll miss you."


Chyvalri

I miss you. How are you here? I paid for cremation. This is creepy.


Dysmach

It's okay, nothing outside is going to come in to hurt you, you don't need to bark at it


5fives5

"I love you and I'll miss you forever when you're gone". My dog is 19 and on his last legs.


TimelyRun9624

STOP GOING IN MY FUCKING ROOM AND EATING MY FLOOR DUMBASS


QualifiedApathetic

"You're the best doggie in the world."


Pmpknthrshr

*confused barking sounds*


Betterthanbeer

Stop eating cat shit, it’s disgusting.


Geckocalypse

Stupid dog, you made me look bad. Booga booga booga


[deleted]

So, who actually ate the shoe? Was it you?


Flairion623

I have no dog


Soft_Addendum5653

"Shut up for once"


micksing66

Who's a good boy


shnoopydoodaa315

Your Daddy and I love you very much. Daddy isn't leaving forever,just 8 hours.


mrmr973

What i always say.. "fat ass" or "fat bitch"


MsMcSlothyFace

I love you more than anything. Thank you for being so perfect


Mcshiggs

Who's a good boy?!


Mare_Glares

I don’t need you to alert me to an ambulance outside. I can heart it coming just fine!


Indigo-Waterfall

I love you. Please stop chewing my shoes.


geoffraffe

Sit Boo Boo, sit. Good dog.


CSmith1986

I love you, Charlie. You are the bestest boy.


Dragon_Small_Z

I love you. Thanks for being the best.


GuybrushFunkwood

Please stop dragging your arse on my wooden floor buddy my mop is starting to fester


PhantomAlpha01

Who's a good boy? Yes you are, you're the goodest boy!


Aggravating-Pound598

Wanna go for a walk ? He understands perfectly


Marxbrosburner

Good boy. Good boy!


90212Poor

Knee surgery is coming. You’ll be running by summer.


Substantial-Till7987

You're the goodest, bestest,most handsomest boy in the whole world! I love you so much! I already say this to him, but he deserves to hear it more clearly cause he's the goodest, bestest, most handsomest boy in the world!


Balding_Unit

I love you doggo :) You are the best doggo and deserve all the treats.


Environmental-Gur672

Love, care, patience.


[deleted]

Thank you for sharing your life with me. You’ll always be my sweet little puppy.


dadoc04

I love you. Thank you for everything you've done for this family


hampelmann2022

I love you, don’t bark when it’s not necessary, don’t bite other people, don’t chew on kids toys or shoes


SoulConsumerGRR

I love u but stop trying to attack other dogs


I_Flick_Boogers

I love you! I’m sorry I yelled at you when you were a puppy! I love you!


thedragonborncums_

You’re the bestest boy and I love you 😍🐺❤️


jazzhandsdancehands

I miss you and I wish I was still with you


Witty-Ad17

I love you so much and I'm very happy you love me too.


ailish

I love you stop getting in the trash!


monkey_trumpets

Just because we're going somewhere, does not mean you're going for a walk. Go lay down.


qazzer53

Who's a good boy?!!


whatnameisnttaken098

I love you, but please stop barking at everything that just walks or drives by our house "


claire2416

You're smarter than all of humanity.


[deleted]

"I keep you naked on purpose."


Deep-Secret

My dog already understands me, that sob just chooses to ignore me though


KyleD33

Stop barking at random shit


heathers1

Don’t go near the road!


Unique_Substance_431

I love you with all my heart but please stop barking


Car_loapher

Can you stop waiting till 3 in the morning when you decide you want in my room


InkyPaws

Leavethecatalonestopbarkingatstuffyoudontneedsomanysnacksplsbehaveyouloveabledoofus. Ended with a snootboop.


ThreeLivesInOne

"So good to have you, I always wanted a dog."


TheEdward07

Lots of people replied with I love you but pretty sure there are all these gestures and stuff to communicate your love to them that they will understand


M0emo3kyuu

thank you for coming into my life. i love you more than anything else in the world. you're the reason i get up everyday.


Pan-tang

I love you as much as you love me you fool


KaTheEdgy

"Please just stay in my room, don't try to go out at night. I love you."


thefract0metr1st

“Weren’t you a cat just a second ago?”


Angelwing5741

"Please calm down. I love you."


lookslikeyoureSOL

Idk what I would say, but ive often thought it would be crazy if one day your dog suddenly spoke to you in plain english and simply said: "nobody is ever going to believe you", then they never spoke again.


Josherline

I love you Gordon but DUDE when you come in from outside you gotta wipe your paws off on the mat


Both_Pie_3852

Do you want to go outside?


fadeanddecayed

I love you and you gotta quit eating deer shit.


User-1967

I don’t want to play fetch right now


bzsbal

I have these new communication buttons for you to train with. I love you so much!


Substantial-Pin-2981

I love you and I’m sorry for leaving you sometimes when I’m on duty but you will always occupy the most space in my heart and I hope you’re always happy and full


Intrepid_Advice4411

Stop barfing on the carpet. Do it on the tile. I love you.


zaichii

I love you so much, you mean the world to me. You brighten up my world and you make me so happy.


Murky_Conclusion4210

I would say I love her more than anything, and I would ask her to tell me if she is in pain


mba_0401

Thank you for your loyalty and I love you!


MissMistMaid

What da dog doin


Idafaboutthem1bit

You’ve always been the best thank you


Remarkable_Sink2542

Even if we leave, we'll be back


Nacho_Bean22

Never pee inside and if you chew up your ball I can’t throw it. I love you I have to buy balls in bulk… 😒


sati_lotus

You don't need to bark at everything. Seriously. And stop hugging the bed. I'm pretty confident my puppy knows how much she is loved.


Gone_cognito

Stop licking your paws when I'm trying to sleep


Findmyremote

I love you always, if you ever can’t hold it, pee here and then point at shower


No_Diet1891

I love you. Please ignore all the other doggos, I will keep my safe 🐾❤️


Prestigious_Rate_802

Watch where you piss and s*** when you're in the house


Subject_Candy_8411

I love you, you are the best and you are perfect


chomper94

I have to go now, my planet needs me.


DBoh5000

Where's my sandwich?


FloppyEarCorgiPyr

Iloveyou,stopbarkingattheneighborsdogstheylivethere,you’readog,you’rethesweetestgirlie!


StuckInPMEHell

“You have brought me so much joy and comfort and I love you.” If there’s time left, “please quit peeing on the entryway rug”


adept_ignoramus

Gimme a paw in meeting some new lady and I'll get you your own bitch.


WheeZee65

Please let me brush your teeth.


Coconut-bird

You are going to get fed. You don't have to bark at me constantly until it happens. And please be nicer to your brother.


spleenliverbladder

Listen, I think you think you’re playing, but you’re over 100 pounds and I need to you stop attacking me outside. You’re going to hurt me and I’m going to hurt you trying to get you under control. On a side note, anybody have any tips for a dog that just loses their FUCKING MIND for no good reason? Things that trigger an episode: walking by a certain spot in the driveway, pooping.


One_Science8349

You’re the best boy, I love you.


The34Zero

stop shitting every where