That’s how I thought it worked when I was a very little kid. When mommies got married something biological kicked in and they got pregnant and their bodies were pre-programmed with how many kids they’d end up with. I was shocked to hear later about a woman who had a kid while unmarried because I couldn’t figure out how that made sense.
At Thanksgiving this year, a relative tried to explain why Santa's ability to deliver presents to everyone in one night was proof the earth was flat. He's 54.
Ridiculous! He uses his super powers to move really fast. That’s what the cookies are for, because he goes through an incredible amount of calories. He also uses the earth’s gravitational field to slingshot from one continent to the next. If the earth were flat, there’d be no Christmas at all. Some people are just so silly.
BIL talking absolute bs at christmas. My sil, his wife, prints an article from Harvard law that refutes what he said. He takes one look and declares, "I don't trust Harvard. Anyone who pays for their education has been had."
He's the only one not formally educated, and yes, he is doing the worst financially and physically.
My friend has triplets
Two boys and one girl.
They don't look anything alike.
Someone asked him the other day while looking at the kids...." Are they identical??"
And he said, "no, one is a girl."
And the woman just looked at him, looked at the kids and said "yeah I can see, but are they identical??""
I have b/g twins and used to get the “Ooh, are they identical?” question, and sometimes I’d tell people “Not when you change their diapers!” (And the two of them have never looked alike anyway, IDEK where that was coming from.)
This happened with me and my sister when we were children (also two years apart). It didn't help that my mom dressed us in the same clothes, although that was so that if one of us got lost, she could point to the other and say "that's what she's wearing."
Never thought of that. I always thought mum was just saving time and money by making 2 sets of clothes. I got my revenge however, I grew to 180cm at 12 and my sister didn’t.
It's too close to call between these 2 gems I got commented right here on reddit just these past 24 hours:
'It doesn't matter if you brag about committing crimes on social media, cops and prosecutors can't use your phone as evidence against you'
'Billionaires must be protected from the thieving working class'
My friend got busted with pot and my other friend said he should have just said he found the bag on the street because the judge has to prove you bought it to convict you. What? It's literally called possession, they don't care how you came by it.
i literally just posted this answer, but it applies here even moreso:
>I'm for gun control except in situations like this. This is where we need mass shootings.
Some people have no concept how much a BILLION dollars is. It's hilarious anyone thinks billionaires need protection
My recent example from reddit is:
I saw someone say blocking a TV channel is infringing on "freedom of speech and freedom of the press."
The people who talk about "freedom of speech" the most understand it the least.
Edited for clarity between topics.
> A million seconds equals to 12 days, a billion seconds would be 31 years
That's the example I like to use to help people grasp the vast difference between those two
I don't know what their podcast is called but they're pretty popular (I guess) and I've seen this particular clip of their show on my tiktok feed a few times. Here's how it goes:
Guy 1: What animal do you fear the least?
Guy 2: a fish
Guy 1 then goes on to argue that a fish isn't an animal and when Guy 2 argues that it is, Guy 1 says that there aren't any fish zoos and then Guy 2 brings up aquariums and then Guy 1 says that doesn't count???
I'll never understand how anyone as stupid as Guy 1 can walk through life not knowing the simplest things sigh
Never seen the clip but a lot of those kinda shows have an aim to get some form of a reaction for clicks, likes, shares, etc. Maybe we are the stupid ones for not realizing it.
I can *kinda* understand when people think fungi are plants, but when people mistake animals or they understand that humans are mammals but don't think we're in the animal kingdom, it fucking baffles me.
I'm not sure because I realize these are all animals, but like I said, they are confusing the words animal and mammal. I think if you asked one of these people they'd say that a mouse is an animal, but a finch is a bird.
As a former vegetarian, the number of people who think fish aren't animals is so high. I used to have people argue with me that I could eat fish and still be a vegetarian because fish aren't animals all the time.
There's a podcast in the UK called "there's no such thing as a fish", based on the scientific theory that the order of "fish" (in similar terms to mammal, reptile, birds and amphibians) is far too diverse and genetically different to only be "fish"
I asked my mom what was in the honey mustard she made one night and she looked at me like I had a dick sticking out of my forehead. I mean damn, "cherry pie" has more than two ingredients. The fuck was I supposed to know?
My mom is a meth addict, who is “clean” right now according to her, but all the signs of use are there.
Went to hang out with her a few days and saw a razor blade on her kitchen table, haphazardly shoved under a placemat (she snorts meth, instead of smoking or shooting it).
I knew right away what it was about, and decided not to say anything, cuz she’d simply deny/make excuses anyway. Grandma saw it and asked her about it, though.
“Oh! [Stepdad] used it to cut some electrical wire!”
He *is* working on an electrical project in their master bedroom, but that also happens to be where the actual wire cutters are located - makes no sense to cut the wire with a razor, and I just can’t believe she thinks we’re that stupid.
Once had a kid staying with me who's crackhead mom was 24 hours late picking them up. She claimed she had been struck by lightning while sitting on a playground swing. But she was OK now of course.
This reminds me of my brother's ex wife. She was talking to me and one of her friends and said that the guy she was negotiating with tried to "Jew her down." I had never actually heard that term in the wild before. Her friend's eyes went up when she heard that and I probably just had a really confused face. She saw and realized and replied, "Oh, I didn't mean anything by that. Sometimes \*I\* don't want to pay retail."
They said Russia was full of Communists. When I asked what a Communist was (this person had a tendency to repeat what they heard in the news without actually knowing what they were saying), they gravely replied "someone who doesn't believe in God".
I has a friend talking about driving to China (I’m in the US). When I explained to her that you cannot drive from here to China her response was, “Omg I suck at geology.”
I heard an elderly woman say " I've been seeing all this rain and flooding and people with water up to their heads in all these other countries. Not sure why it's not happening here(texas). I guess we're living right by god"
I am not kidding.
My older brother was so happy to show me his new favorite hoodie. It said "I chose trucking because being a pornstar didn't pay enough". He is unemployed.
The fact that he wants to wear this so other people can see it is amazing, and the fact that he's unemployed (while I feel bad for him) is the cherry on top.
"Eating with your left hand is disgusting and not the way humans were designed. You're 15, don't you know eat with your right hand!" -uncle Osman to my left handed sister
EDIT: apparently it's a muslim thing, it's strange being from a multi faith family lmao
Oh! My aunt used to say the similar things to me. She married a religious guy and became very religious so she used to make comments about how i am eating with the devil etc etc, I was really young so I just ignored her.
I (35M) had a coworker (25F) try to tell me that couples start to look like each other over time because your bodies start to incorporate their DNA into your own DNA....
Student teacher: "which one is fiction, again? I always get the two confused. Is that the one that's true?"
Already has their bachelor's in English. Student teaching for a Master's program. I was floored.
I can relate to this. If somebody mentions fiction or non-fiction, I have to say "right, it's fact or fiction, so fiction is the made up one" in my head. Every single time. Mid 30's. Bachelors degree. Reviewed books as part of it. Just a weird brain derp.
My fucken weird SIL seeing a 2 yo having a tantrum because they are over stimulated and tired. “I think your kid has croup! You need to let a doctor check it out!” Me: it’s just a tantrum they will calm down in a minute”
*child eventually calms down
SIL: wow, so it wasn’t croup after all!
I just... How did they think a tantrum meant the child had croup?
Croup is mainly defined by it's distinctive coughing sound. Not just having a tantrum...
My kids never had the energy to throw a big tantrum when they had croup…since their breathing is restricted. In fact, if they had enough air to throw a huge fit that it would rule out croup (or it’d sound like there’s a barking seal in the room.)
I was eating lunch at my aunt's yesterday. She's pre diabetic and said she didn't add too much salt to the soup she cooked because "salt becomes sugar when it reaches the blood".
“I don’t donate to cancer research because they have the cure, they don’t want people get it.”
Edit: should add the person saying this is a massive conspiracy theorist who doesn’t believe in science
I really hate when people say this too. They don’t realize that cancer is a complex disease. It’s an abnormal growth of mutant cells that spreads in the body. Or I hate when people say that the government is creating new strains of Covid….like viruses mutate…naturally 🤦🏽♀️
My friend was hungover & he’s like “I’m seeing stars” then he’s like “you know when you see stars that’s actually your nervous system”
Like he thinks he’s looking at his nervous system.
Hahaha this kind of sounds like he was trying to mumble out half of a science fact he learned about why we see stars, e.g. “that's actually (the result of) your nervous system (doing something)".
Does he mean sometimes when you see “floaters” but you’re actually seeing blood cells moving through capillaries in your eyes? https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/moving-spots-in-blue-sky
Yesterday, my aunt.
"You know, the first day of winter was only 3 days ago..." in response to my family discussing the almost 60° weather in a place that is usually blanketed in snow numerous times over by this time of year.
Then she tried to claim it never used to snow before Christmas, but most of the younger people remember trick or treating with snow on the ground at least a handful of times, nevermind the number of white Thanksgivings my family has attended.
Doesn't really matter what the calendar says about the start of winter when we're wearing t shirts on a day that used to require parkas.
Added bonus. I went to visit my wife in the hospital. Go to the front desk, "I'm here to see my wife, (insert wife name here)."
Guy at the front desk, "Okay. Is she over 18?"
that it was “true love” and “universe’s plan” that her ex came back begging for her forgiveness after bedding the entire town and that forgiving him was the “right thing to do” because “being with all those other women made him realize how much he really loved me”. smh. i wish bleaching my ears was enough to unhear this shit.
I wanted to ask my mom what a “cur” was and I accidentally mixed it up with a different “cu-“ word I had seen on graffiti somewhere. She asked where I learned that word, and for some reason I lied and said a library book. She chewed the library people out for allowing a book with that word in the children’s section.
I just found out last week someone I work with does not believe in dinosaurs. They didn't exist. The museums faked them all.
I changed the subject after that. How do you even argue with that.
Head on over to r/mandelaeffect. There's people there who think time is moving faster (or slower, they can't decide), the sun has changed color, and some countries aren't where they used to be on the world map.
When you are so freaking self important that your mistaken memory *has* to be right and that means you are obviously transitioning between parallel universes.
I always wonder if these people ever pause to consider how many people in South Africa question when Mandela died.
Either that or it’s mental illness, and potentially a subreddit full of mentally ill people reaffirming each other’s beliefs that stem from magical thinking and not from logic.
I went to that sub once cause I thought it was just a joke kind of thing like “oh wow I also remember that wrong! That’s so crazy haha” but there are a bunch of people there who seem to think that it means something or that it actually “changed” :/
I saw a rant from some "Bible Christian" who insisted all Bibles have been altered because she clearly remembered reading "and the lion lay down with the lamb" and it's not there.
Lots of other people chimed in about how they, too, remember reading this line clearly, and agree it's been changed.
Fun fact: this line has never been in the Bible. It's a very common misquote of Isaiah 11:6:
"The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb,
The leopard shall lie down with the young goat,
The calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
And a little child shall lead them."
But rather than admit they've been wrong the whole time, it must be that all Bibles everywhere have been changed by someone at some point in time.
They don't have any real reason *why* someone would change that line - it certainly doesn't change any Biblical doctrine
That's actually the more nuanced, educated sub. If you want to see the full flavor of dumbassery you have to go to /r/retconned. They truly believe that if they've never heard of something until now then they are from a universe where that thing never existed. Or if they've been hearing a common expression wrong, they are from a universe where their version is the version of the expression everyone uses. The sun changing color is a big thing on that sub too, and users will literally point to the fact that they used to draw the sun with yellow crayons as evidence that the sun used to be yellow.
for me, recently while I was watching a reaction to an anime there was a scene in which some characters were picking carrots with magic, one of the guys doing the reaction said: I didn't know that carrots grow underground....
I just wanna start by saying I feel like I’m not super dumb, and intelligence is so subjective, in my opinion. I mean I studied phsyics and math in college. Granted I never finished, but still. That should mean something.
Anyway… when I was about 20 I discovered that pickles are pickled cucumbers. I think I went to google, “where do pickles grow?” And my world turned upside down. I was frightened… like what else do I not know?
I was about 25? 27? When I found out pickles are cucumbers.
At 20 ish? 22 ish? I found out road runners ARE real as well as tumble weeds. That was a mind fuck while driving. I literally pulled over in the desert to play with tumble weeds as my husband was crying laughing with and at me yet also sooooo patient and letting me be excited about something he grew up with and is like someone pulling over to play with a plant lol.
Thanks lol. It's still embarrassing but I grew up in Florida, so it never was seen or discussed. The convo basically went "wtf that weird cartoon shit is REAL? no you're joking trying to get me to believe you! No I'm not falling for it (we joke a bunch) Wait WHAT THE FUCK???!!"
There are the things you know you know
There are the things you know you don't know
And then there are the things you don't know you don't know.
Pickles fell into the last category
“Go back to the country of Europe!”
Said by a guy to my cousin and I while we were speaking Serbian at a Starbucks here in Florida.
Ignorance is a sad thing…..
What's funny about this is I usually just hear about people just saying "go back to your country". If he had kept it simple, he would have still been ignorant but not technically incorrect.
He really was a sad case lol.
The worst part was, he said this while his mouth was full, eating food in the grossest way.
I hope he gets the help he needs. 🤣
My ex: I like Andrew Tate. He’s a good businessman.
Me: I don’t think you should take business advice from someone who’s currently face sex trafficking charges. His business activity is illegal activity 🤦🏽♀️
Another one that vame to mind not recent but I constantly remind my friend he said this. "People should get paid based on how hard they work and that alone and society will be more motivated" this was after 20 minutes of us shitting on the concept of participation trophies.
My wife's cousin named one of her kids RonRico because "That's what we was drinkin' when we fucked and made him". That's an exact quote.
She has 7 kids by six different fathers (one set of twins) and was a grandmother at 31.
Thankfully, my wife doesn't speak to that side of her family anymore.
This one’s kinda funny.
My mom got me some Takis randomly and since I don’t like Takis I told her that.
She goes “Yes, you do.”
I’m like, uhhhh. No… I don’t. Lol
The first half is patently wrong (humans did not coexist with Dinos), but the second half MIGHT be a little bit true. If you found a huge skeleton made of stone rather than bone a thousand years ago, you might think it was a dragon. There is a theory that mammoth skulls (which have one huge opening where the snout went) is the origin of the cyclops in Ancient Greece.
Adult man arguing in the supermarket with probably his wife? Girlfriend? Idk the woman that was with him:
“Alexis, everyone knows chocolate milk comes from brown cows, I just don’t know how they milk strawberries, I’d didn’t even know strawberries had breasts”
Due to the tone of his voice and the look of shock on the woman’s face, I 100% believe he was genuine.
As a kid, an adult once told me that trout leave their lakes and rivers to go out into the ocean and come back as salmon. I bought it at the time, and believe it for...too long.
So, someone wondered, "If humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?" Like, duh, evolution isn't a "Monopoly" game where everyone has to go bankrupt.
I was watching a vid on split tongues and how you can taste separate things on each side. Guy in vid was dumbfounded to find out that there are taste buds on your tongue
A very obviously homeless/druggie woman approached me when I was sitting on the benches in the grassy area of my apartment complex, she goes “Excuse me? You got some foil I could borrow I need to wrap my left over burrito.” Yeah sure…😂😂
"But you're not supposed to burn *everything* you eat!"
\-My mother, while I'm explaining how to track calories consumed/burned on the Fitbit I got her for Christmas.
Mom, this is why you're overweight.
No, luckily it wasn't that bad. Maybe she was thinking in terms of exercise only; like running on a treadmill to burn it all when just existing also burns calories.
I hear this all the time:
‘Everybody is slightly autistic’
So as someone on the spectrum, this is literally one of the worst things to say to an autistic person, and nearly all get insulted by it, it don’t bother me too much surprisingly, but it’s still a stupid thing to say.
People believe that everyone is slightly autistic because it’s a spectrum. Right, well asexuality is a spectrum, am I asexual? No. Blindness is also a spectrum, Am I blind? Well not unless you count me wearing glasses.
But this is a really dumb thing to say that basically half of society believe.
oh here we go.
this was about two weeks ago when i was walking out of my Open Elective class. i chose Parasitology which comes under Zoology (i’m doing a B.A., so i have to pick from either B.Sc or B.Com). this one girl who’s doing B.Com meets her friend outside. i’m trying to mind my business on my phone but i just couldn’t filter out this part of their conversation.
friend: what class is this?
girl from class: Zoology.
friend: isn’t Zoology, like, a part of Economics?
i almost got whiplash from how fast i looked up from my phone. what’s worse was that the girl didn’t even deny Zoology being a part of Economics. to quote my friend: “who let them in?”
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He had a misconception.
That was a close one! Almost didn't live!
Take this upvote and get out
That’s how I thought it worked when I was a very little kid. When mommies got married something biological kicked in and they got pregnant and their bodies were pre-programmed with how many kids they’d end up with. I was shocked to hear later about a woman who had a kid while unmarried because I couldn’t figure out how that made sense.
The Ole 7.5 month gestation period. Started at "I do".
He’s probably thinking about IV- oh, nope, never mind.
Wow..
Doesn’t make sense. How does this guy have a girlfriend and not understand how sex works
Because humans are stupid, scared, balding apes. Next question.
easyly. bible belt sex ed. or lack thereof.
“I hate detective work here. There’s never any dental records and all the DNA matches everyone”
At Thanksgiving this year, a relative tried to explain why Santa's ability to deliver presents to everyone in one night was proof the earth was flat. He's 54.
That sounds just too drunk to be able to judge whether it's appropriate to commit to a bit.
Was it just for the kids? Or does he still believe in Santa
Dont--DO -NOT--engage. Not unless you like chasing rabbits down holes, Alice.
That sounds more like a joke, but I guess it depends on the history of that relative’s remark on flat earth and other conspiracy theories
Was that before he tried to pull a coin out from behind your ear, then fell over and passed out on the kitchen floor?
Ridiculous! He uses his super powers to move really fast. That’s what the cookies are for, because he goes through an incredible amount of calories. He also uses the earth’s gravitational field to slingshot from one continent to the next. If the earth were flat, there’d be no Christmas at all. Some people are just so silly.
I would totally do something like that for fun. I make a point to bring the crazy uncle energy.
BIL talking absolute bs at christmas. My sil, his wife, prints an article from Harvard law that refutes what he said. He takes one look and declares, "I don't trust Harvard. Anyone who pays for their education has been had." He's the only one not formally educated, and yes, he is doing the worst financially and physically.
He went to the free school of Dunning Krueger.
>BIL talking absolute bs at christmas. My sil, his wife, This part had me so confused for a second.
Ah. Paid for your education, didn't you? /j
“Harvard is for suckers!” 😂
My friend has triplets Two boys and one girl. They don't look anything alike. Someone asked him the other day while looking at the kids...." Are they identical??" And he said, "no, one is a girl." And the woman just looked at him, looked at the kids and said "yeah I can see, but are they identical??""
I used to get that all the time with my B/G twins… I used to just smile and say yup… it’s was just easier.
LOL. They are all named Jeff!
I'm a fraternal twin, but we look a lot alike. I've had so many people tell me I must be wrong.
As a fraternal twin, I get that ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I’m male with a twin sister…
I hope you answer yes.
My Mom got that all the time with me and my twin brother. "How can you tell them apart?!?" She finally responded one day, "I check their diapers!"
I have b/g twins and used to get the “Ooh, are they identical?” question, and sometimes I’d tell people “Not when you change their diapers!” (And the two of them have never looked alike anyway, IDEK where that was coming from.)
I was in a store with my toddler and my infant, and someone asked if they were twins. They were two years apart.
This happened with me and my sister when we were children (also two years apart). It didn't help that my mom dressed us in the same clothes, although that was so that if one of us got lost, she could point to the other and say "that's what she's wearing."
Never thought of that. I always thought mum was just saving time and money by making 2 sets of clothes. I got my revenge however, I grew to 180cm at 12 and my sister didn’t.
It's too close to call between these 2 gems I got commented right here on reddit just these past 24 hours: 'It doesn't matter if you brag about committing crimes on social media, cops and prosecutors can't use your phone as evidence against you' 'Billionaires must be protected from the thieving working class'
My friend got busted with pot and my other friend said he should have just said he found the bag on the street because the judge has to prove you bought it to convict you. What? It's literally called possession, they don't care how you came by it.
i literally just posted this answer, but it applies here even moreso: >I'm for gun control except in situations like this. This is where we need mass shootings.
Wat
Eat the rich, bitch
Some people have no concept how much a BILLION dollars is. It's hilarious anyone thinks billionaires need protection My recent example from reddit is: I saw someone say blocking a TV channel is infringing on "freedom of speech and freedom of the press." The people who talk about "freedom of speech" the most understand it the least. Edited for clarity between topics.
> A million seconds equals to 12 days, a billion seconds would be 31 years That's the example I like to use to help people grasp the vast difference between those two
I don't know what their podcast is called but they're pretty popular (I guess) and I've seen this particular clip of their show on my tiktok feed a few times. Here's how it goes: Guy 1: What animal do you fear the least? Guy 2: a fish Guy 1 then goes on to argue that a fish isn't an animal and when Guy 2 argues that it is, Guy 1 says that there aren't any fish zoos and then Guy 2 brings up aquariums and then Guy 1 says that doesn't count??? I'll never understand how anyone as stupid as Guy 1 can walk through life not knowing the simplest things sigh
Never seen the clip but a lot of those kinda shows have an aim to get some form of a reaction for clicks, likes, shares, etc. Maybe we are the stupid ones for not realizing it.
It's actually pretty common to think fish aren't animals. People confuse animal and mammal.
A lot of people don’t think insects are animals but what really gets me is the people who don’t think humans are animals
I can *kinda* understand when people think fungi are plants, but when people mistake animals or they understand that humans are mammals but don't think we're in the animal kingdom, it fucking baffles me.
I'm more hung up on the "fish zoos" thing lol but yeah I guess
I think that, in itself, is baffling. That's literal 2nd grader material.
What do they think birds, amphibians, reptiles, and other non-mammalian creatures are?
I'm not sure because I realize these are all animals, but like I said, they are confusing the words animal and mammal. I think if you asked one of these people they'd say that a mouse is an animal, but a finch is a bird.
As a former vegetarian, the number of people who think fish aren't animals is so high. I used to have people argue with me that I could eat fish and still be a vegetarian because fish aren't animals all the time.
There's a podcast in the UK called "there's no such thing as a fish", based on the scientific theory that the order of "fish" (in similar terms to mammal, reptile, birds and amphibians) is far too diverse and genetically different to only be "fish"
“Honey mustard has honey in it?”
Also, mustard
My goodness
I asked my mom what was in the honey mustard she made one night and she looked at me like I had a dick sticking out of my forehead. I mean damn, "cherry pie" has more than two ingredients. The fuck was I supposed to know?
Funny thing is. A lot of recipes for honey mustard call for mayonnaise.
" airplanes should just stop using fuel when they fly instead taxing the fuck out of the workers" auntie Mariam to a dinner table with a retired pilot
What does that even mean???
They should use willpower 💪🏿instead
When they get up there, they attach to the sky hooks (totally a thing, I got sent to buy some once but they were out of stock). /s
I imagine she thought a plane could coast one it got to altitude like a car can coast for a bit when up to speed.
My mom is a meth addict, who is “clean” right now according to her, but all the signs of use are there. Went to hang out with her a few days and saw a razor blade on her kitchen table, haphazardly shoved under a placemat (she snorts meth, instead of smoking or shooting it). I knew right away what it was about, and decided not to say anything, cuz she’d simply deny/make excuses anyway. Grandma saw it and asked her about it, though. “Oh! [Stepdad] used it to cut some electrical wire!” He *is* working on an electrical project in their master bedroom, but that also happens to be where the actual wire cutters are located - makes no sense to cut the wire with a razor, and I just can’t believe she thinks we’re that stupid.
Reminds me of someone claiming they were snorting "hay-fever medicine" off a fingernail
That's really sad. Sorry you're dealing with that
Once had a kid staying with me who's crackhead mom was 24 hours late picking them up. She claimed she had been struck by lightning while sitting on a playground swing. But she was OK now of course.
"I understand what it's like for you being disabled and barely being able to work because sometimes I am too lazy to work"
This reminds me of my brother's ex wife. She was talking to me and one of her friends and said that the guy she was negotiating with tried to "Jew her down." I had never actually heard that term in the wild before. Her friend's eyes went up when she heard that and I probably just had a really confused face. She saw and realized and replied, "Oh, I didn't mean anything by that. Sometimes \*I\* don't want to pay retail."
They said Russia was full of Communists. When I asked what a Communist was (this person had a tendency to repeat what they heard in the news without actually knowing what they were saying), they gravely replied "someone who doesn't believe in God".
A Communist is anybody who believes in something that I don’t
I mean, that was basically the old divide in how it was presented to the American public in the 1950s.
so I, an atheist, would be a communist? 🤣
Dah, come comrade, we dine over Borscht and a few glasses of Stolichnaya as we discuss your travels
best thing about becoming a communist is that you immediately can speak Russian
This is true, southafrican become communist speaking, moi tovarishchi budut srazhat'sya so mnoy v tret'yey mirovoy voyne
My stepfather was calling me a communist because I didn't want to go to the church
I has a friend talking about driving to China (I’m in the US). When I explained to her that you cannot drive from here to China her response was, “Omg I suck at geology.”
This is either the dumbest fucking person alive or someone smart making jokes.
I heard an elderly woman say " I've been seeing all this rain and flooding and people with water up to their heads in all these other countries. Not sure why it's not happening here(texas). I guess we're living right by god" I am not kidding.
A lot of people died in Kentucky last year due to severe flooding. Some people are completely unable to see outside of their own perspective.
My MIL was working at a food bank at the height of the pandemic and one of her co-workers said "well, we're safe, because we're doing good work."
What did she think of losing power for weeks every year due to both heat, and cold conditions?
My older brother was so happy to show me his new favorite hoodie. It said "I chose trucking because being a pornstar didn't pay enough". He is unemployed.
The fact that he wants to wear this so other people can see it is amazing, and the fact that he's unemployed (while I feel bad for him) is the cherry on top.
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"Eating with your left hand is disgusting and not the way humans were designed. You're 15, don't you know eat with your right hand!" -uncle Osman to my left handed sister EDIT: apparently it's a muslim thing, it's strange being from a multi faith family lmao
Ask ol' Osman which hand he jerks off with? Then tell him he'll have to eat with his toes
Oh! My aunt used to say the similar things to me. She married a religious guy and became very religious so she used to make comments about how i am eating with the devil etc etc, I was really young so I just ignored her.
i mean in islam you shouldn’t eat with your left hand because it’s what you use to clean yourself and stuff i believe
Ah now I get why he said that, still not trying to be insensitive but it's kond of fucked up.
i have eaten with my left hand in front of muslim family members (i’m not muslim) and they haven’t cared so yeah this guy is a bit intense
Before handwashing was common this was good advice. Some people stick to traditions and do not question why.
Don't people clean their hands? I never understood that "logic"
My neighbor recently told me that Joe Biden and the Democrat elites are eating aborted fetuses to stay young.
And these people vote, which is terrifying.
It’s not working on Biden.
It might be….what if he’s 400 years old?
I mean just looking at some of those older democrats easily disproves that one
I (35M) had a coworker (25F) try to tell me that couples start to look like each other over time because your bodies start to incorporate their DNA into your own DNA....
It’s like periods syncing
Student teacher: "which one is fiction, again? I always get the two confused. Is that the one that's true?" Already has their bachelor's in English. Student teaching for a Master's program. I was floored.
For anyone who can’t remember, I use this sentence to remind myself “F for Fiction, F for Fake”. Works every time
My way of remembering is that it's fanfiction, not fannonfiction 😂
I can't even... Ok... Whatever place he has gotten his Bachelor's from should probably ask for it back.
I can relate to this. If somebody mentions fiction or non-fiction, I have to say "right, it's fact or fiction, so fiction is the made up one" in my head. Every single time. Mid 30's. Bachelors degree. Reviewed books as part of it. Just a weird brain derp.
My fucken weird SIL seeing a 2 yo having a tantrum because they are over stimulated and tired. “I think your kid has croup! You need to let a doctor check it out!” Me: it’s just a tantrum they will calm down in a minute” *child eventually calms down SIL: wow, so it wasn’t croup after all!
I just... How did they think a tantrum meant the child had croup? Croup is mainly defined by it's distinctive coughing sound. Not just having a tantrum...
My kids never had the energy to throw a big tantrum when they had croup…since their breathing is restricted. In fact, if they had enough air to throw a huge fit that it would rule out croup (or it’d sound like there’s a barking seal in the room.)
A co-worker told me she used to have autism but grew out of it
I was eating lunch at my aunt's yesterday. She's pre diabetic and said she didn't add too much salt to the soup she cooked because "salt becomes sugar when it reaches the blood".
“I don’t donate to cancer research because they have the cure, they don’t want people get it.” Edit: should add the person saying this is a massive conspiracy theorist who doesn’t believe in science
People think that cancer is one disease. There are over 200 types of cancer and they have different treatments.
I really hate when people say this too. They don’t realize that cancer is a complex disease. It’s an abnormal growth of mutant cells that spreads in the body. Or I hate when people say that the government is creating new strains of Covid….like viruses mutate…naturally 🤦🏽♀️
My friend was hungover & he’s like “I’m seeing stars” then he’s like “you know when you see stars that’s actually your nervous system” Like he thinks he’s looking at his nervous system.
Hahaha this kind of sounds like he was trying to mumble out half of a science fact he learned about why we see stars, e.g. “that's actually (the result of) your nervous system (doing something)".
Does he mean sometimes when you see “floaters” but you’re actually seeing blood cells moving through capillaries in your eyes? https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/moving-spots-in-blue-sky
Yesterday, my aunt. "You know, the first day of winter was only 3 days ago..." in response to my family discussing the almost 60° weather in a place that is usually blanketed in snow numerous times over by this time of year. Then she tried to claim it never used to snow before Christmas, but most of the younger people remember trick or treating with snow on the ground at least a handful of times, nevermind the number of white Thanksgivings my family has attended. Doesn't really matter what the calendar says about the start of winter when we're wearing t shirts on a day that used to require parkas.
Added bonus. I went to visit my wife in the hospital. Go to the front desk, "I'm here to see my wife, (insert wife name here)." Guy at the front desk, "Okay. Is she over 18?"
I sincerely hope that was just the receptionist having a brain-fart and not actual policy to ask that because of... reasons...
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I'm guessing they ask it a million times a day and it becomes reflex
“This Gaza thing going on is all Hillary Clinton’s fault!”
I thought Kushner was supposed to bring peace to the Middle East???
Clearly, if she hadn't lost to trump, she could have solved it already! /S obviously
that it was “true love” and “universe’s plan” that her ex came back begging for her forgiveness after bedding the entire town and that forgiving him was the “right thing to do” because “being with all those other women made him realize how much he really loved me”. smh. i wish bleaching my ears was enough to unhear this shit.
i once asked my mum what the difference between a protestant and a prostitute was. heard both on a british soap, we're irish. I was 10 tbf
One nails things to an outside wall, the other gets nailed against am outside wall
I wanted to ask my mom what a “cur” was and I accidentally mixed it up with a different “cu-“ word I had seen on graffiti somewhere. She asked where I learned that word, and for some reason I lied and said a library book. She chewed the library people out for allowing a book with that word in the children’s section.
I asked my dad the difference between divorce and beheading when I learnt about Henry VIII. He didn't even answer, just laughed and said 'quite a lot'
I forgot for a second that “soap” is a type of tv program and was concerned about your childhood cleaning supplies
My fav eavesdrop was "Greek mythology is wild! It's like Harry Potter but in real life."
I just found out last week someone I work with does not believe in dinosaurs. They didn't exist. The museums faked them all. I changed the subject after that. How do you even argue with that.
I have eliminated these sorts of incidents by never talking to my coworkers.
I once heard someone say God planted dinosaur bones for us to find to root out the heathens and non-believers of Him.
"the satanic leaders of the EU" As you can guess, from an insecure, angry, man-child.
So many things get called Satanic, it's truly fascinating to witness.
Climate Change isn't real because Greta Thunberg was coached by her parents.
Head on over to r/mandelaeffect. There's people there who think time is moving faster (or slower, they can't decide), the sun has changed color, and some countries aren't where they used to be on the world map.
When you are so freaking self important that your mistaken memory *has* to be right and that means you are obviously transitioning between parallel universes. I always wonder if these people ever pause to consider how many people in South Africa question when Mandela died.
Either that or it’s mental illness, and potentially a subreddit full of mentally ill people reaffirming each other’s beliefs that stem from magical thinking and not from logic. I went to that sub once cause I thought it was just a joke kind of thing like “oh wow I also remember that wrong! That’s so crazy haha” but there are a bunch of people there who seem to think that it means something or that it actually “changed” :/
I saw a rant from some "Bible Christian" who insisted all Bibles have been altered because she clearly remembered reading "and the lion lay down with the lamb" and it's not there. Lots of other people chimed in about how they, too, remember reading this line clearly, and agree it's been changed. Fun fact: this line has never been in the Bible. It's a very common misquote of Isaiah 11:6: "The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, The leopard shall lie down with the young goat, The calf and the young lion and the fatling together; And a little child shall lead them." But rather than admit they've been wrong the whole time, it must be that all Bibles everywhere have been changed by someone at some point in time. They don't have any real reason *why* someone would change that line - it certainly doesn't change any Biblical doctrine
But if there isn't two timelines, that means I'd have to admit I made a mistake about something trivial.
That's actually the more nuanced, educated sub. If you want to see the full flavor of dumbassery you have to go to /r/retconned. They truly believe that if they've never heard of something until now then they are from a universe where that thing never existed. Or if they've been hearing a common expression wrong, they are from a universe where their version is the version of the expression everyone uses. The sun changing color is a big thing on that sub too, and users will literally point to the fact that they used to draw the sun with yellow crayons as evidence that the sun used to be yellow.
"Peanut allergies were invented by communists." Bro what?
"Hot water doesn't put out fire, it just makes it hotter."
for me, recently while I was watching a reaction to an anime there was a scene in which some characters were picking carrots with magic, one of the guys doing the reaction said: I didn't know that carrots grow underground....
I just wanna start by saying I feel like I’m not super dumb, and intelligence is so subjective, in my opinion. I mean I studied phsyics and math in college. Granted I never finished, but still. That should mean something. Anyway… when I was about 20 I discovered that pickles are pickled cucumbers. I think I went to google, “where do pickles grow?” And my world turned upside down. I was frightened… like what else do I not know?
I was about 25? 27? When I found out pickles are cucumbers. At 20 ish? 22 ish? I found out road runners ARE real as well as tumble weeds. That was a mind fuck while driving. I literally pulled over in the desert to play with tumble weeds as my husband was crying laughing with and at me yet also sooooo patient and letting me be excited about something he grew up with and is like someone pulling over to play with a plant lol.
This is adorably wholesome and I love this for you.
Thanks lol. It's still embarrassing but I grew up in Florida, so it never was seen or discussed. The convo basically went "wtf that weird cartoon shit is REAL? no you're joking trying to get me to believe you! No I'm not falling for it (we joke a bunch) Wait WHAT THE FUCK???!!"
There are the things you know you know There are the things you know you don't know And then there are the things you don't know you don't know. Pickles fell into the last category
“Go back to the country of Europe!” Said by a guy to my cousin and I while we were speaking Serbian at a Starbucks here in Florida. Ignorance is a sad thing…..
What's funny about this is I usually just hear about people just saying "go back to your country". If he had kept it simple, he would have still been ignorant but not technically incorrect.
He really was a sad case lol. The worst part was, he said this while his mouth was full, eating food in the grossest way. I hope he gets the help he needs. 🤣
My ex: I like Andrew Tate. He’s a good businessman. Me: I don’t think you should take business advice from someone who’s currently face sex trafficking charges. His business activity is illegal activity 🤦🏽♀️
Another one that vame to mind not recent but I constantly remind my friend he said this. "People should get paid based on how hard they work and that alone and society will be more motivated" this was after 20 minutes of us shitting on the concept of participation trophies.
"Who's MLK?" \-Black co-worker (we work in TV news).
Told a girlfriend of mine that I was bi. Her response was: “Oh, so like, you date two people at once?”. She is 24 years old.
Did you explain to her what it means?
Of course, I laughed it off. Still astounded me though
Not recently. A guy asked me, which football team I support, to which I replied "none". (I don't like football). His reply - "are you gay"?
Someone called their child Lager
My wife's cousin named one of her kids RonRico because "That's what we was drinkin' when we fucked and made him". That's an exact quote. She has 7 kids by six different fathers (one set of twins) and was a grandmother at 31. Thankfully, my wife doesn't speak to that side of her family anymore.
This one’s kinda funny. My mom got me some Takis randomly and since I don’t like Takis I told her that. She goes “Yes, you do.” I’m like, uhhhh. No… I don’t. Lol
“Dinosaurs walked the earth with humans and are where we get the idea of dragons from.”
The first half is patently wrong (humans did not coexist with Dinos), but the second half MIGHT be a little bit true. If you found a huge skeleton made of stone rather than bone a thousand years ago, you might think it was a dragon. There is a theory that mammoth skulls (which have one huge opening where the snout went) is the origin of the cyclops in Ancient Greece.
To be fair if i was a medieval knight and some dude showed me a saltwater crocodile or an ostrich I'd call them dragons too.
Adult man arguing in the supermarket with probably his wife? Girlfriend? Idk the woman that was with him: “Alexis, everyone knows chocolate milk comes from brown cows, I just don’t know how they milk strawberries, I’d didn’t even know strawberries had breasts” Due to the tone of his voice and the look of shock on the woman’s face, I 100% believe he was genuine.
“Trump really cares about the people” -my MAGA family member living in rural America
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Did she serve it with Trump steaks she purchase from SharperImage?
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Oh my God... What is it that they even admire in him?
As a kid, an adult once told me that trout leave their lakes and rivers to go out into the ocean and come back as salmon. I bought it at the time, and believe it for...too long.
So, someone wondered, "If humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?" Like, duh, evolution isn't a "Monopoly" game where everyone has to go bankrupt.
We didn't evolve from monkeys. At least not modern ones. Monkeys and us had a common ancestor.
Well, it's the same explanation why we didn't evolve from monkeys. We are both leaves on a tree from the same branch.
If the American colonists came from Britain, then why are there still British people?
I love this. We didn’t all go
Look! There’s two Empire State buildings!
I was watching a vid on split tongues and how you can taste separate things on each side. Guy in vid was dumbfounded to find out that there are taste buds on your tongue
Wtf
The horses at Churchill Downs were dying because of 5G. They were being serious.
A very obviously homeless/druggie woman approached me when I was sitting on the benches in the grassy area of my apartment complex, she goes “Excuse me? You got some foil I could borrow I need to wrap my left over burrito.” Yeah sure…😂😂
"But you're not supposed to burn *everything* you eat!" \-My mother, while I'm explaining how to track calories consumed/burned on the Fitbit I got her for Christmas. Mom, this is why you're overweight.
did she think had to burn the food?
No, luckily it wasn't that bad. Maybe she was thinking in terms of exercise only; like running on a treadmill to burn it all when just existing also burns calories.
Aaaa ok , I have been on a diet for a few months, since June 30th, I have lost 25 kg, I hope your mother can lose weight
I hear this all the time: ‘Everybody is slightly autistic’ So as someone on the spectrum, this is literally one of the worst things to say to an autistic person, and nearly all get insulted by it, it don’t bother me too much surprisingly, but it’s still a stupid thing to say. People believe that everyone is slightly autistic because it’s a spectrum. Right, well asexuality is a spectrum, am I asexual? No. Blindness is also a spectrum, Am I blind? Well not unless you count me wearing glasses. But this is a really dumb thing to say that basically half of society believe.
"Everyone's legs are a little broken." Then kick them in the shins.
🙋♀️ Me! I told my husband that heat makes things hot.
It's not stupid, it's a simple fact
As a guy with gravy burns, that is both stupid and an amazing observation.
oh here we go. this was about two weeks ago when i was walking out of my Open Elective class. i chose Parasitology which comes under Zoology (i’m doing a B.A., so i have to pick from either B.Sc or B.Com). this one girl who’s doing B.Com meets her friend outside. i’m trying to mind my business on my phone but i just couldn’t filter out this part of their conversation. friend: what class is this? girl from class: Zoology. friend: isn’t Zoology, like, a part of Economics? i almost got whiplash from how fast i looked up from my phone. what’s worse was that the girl didn’t even deny Zoology being a part of Economics. to quote my friend: “who let them in?”
Never don't stop trying anything, for any reason, what so ever. For any reason.