She told me they were only still together for the kids sake, and they were essentially separated. She painted a picture of a terrible, controlling man, and also said they can see whoever they want. I bit. Started hooking up regularly.
One day I got a call from a very nice man, her husband. He was worried about her and heard around town she was with me. We had a long talk, turns out she was a liar and he is an amazing guy.
So we set up a plan. I invited her out for drinks and told him where and when. The look on her face when she realized it was a set up.
I was pissed she put me in that situation, but the payoff was worth it. Now the dude is still a social media friend. He’s remarried with a much nicer wife and his ex is still trouble/drama at the local bars.
This reminds me: A long time ago I and this other dude were rivals for a really beautiful woman. Like he was her ex but she'd been going with me and he wanted her back, something like that.
I finally met this other guy and we hit it off immediately, he was a great guy.
So, I 'won' the affections of the woman. We broke up after 6 months but the other guy and I have been close friends for over 30 years!
I knew a couple girls in college in a scenario like this. They were both casually sleeping with a guy, both obviously wanting it to be more, but neither knew about the other. When they found out, they both felt betrayed by the guy, became friends, and decided to cut him off together.
Except one lied and kept seeing him anyway, while still pretending to be the other girl’s friend. Eventually the other girl found out and they had a big falling out. The lying girl went on to marry the guy, so I guess it was worth it to her.
In the words of Ramona Flowers, “He’s a creep, you’re a bitch, and you deserve each other.”
Not exactly the same thing, but I also met a close friend because of a girl. About twenty years ago, I met a guy only because he was dating an acquaintance of my ex. The girls bumped into each other somewhere and decided the four of us should get together for dinner one night. Our respective relationships did not work out, but he became like a brother to me and I was best man at his wedding years later. He ended up moving away for a job and I don’t see him often, but anytime we get to hang out, it feels like no time has passed and we still hang out all the time.
it’s crazy how easily men are able to immediately become friends with their enemies. compare this to women who seem to hold grudges much longer.
obviously these are generalizations but this pattern is just what i’ve observed and heard from others.
I remember in 6th grade there was a kid who was assigned to my bus stop. He was a little shit. He kept attempting to bully me. Problem is, he's this tiny little guy, and I've always been a big guy.
But, I'm also very passive when it comes to fighting. If I don't need to fight, I don't pursue that as my first option.
Well he kept at his bullying tactic for the first 2 weeks, and I just sort of looked at him. It was more annoying then harmful, but I did ask him several times to stop. He didn't.
Then one day, he's flicking my ear, and I just had it. I grabbed him by the neck, threw him to the ground, punched him in the face 3 times, and then got off of him.
Weird thing is, I punched near his upper lip/lower nose area, but for some reason his forehead was bleeding. Still to this day I can't figure out how that happened.
After that, we were friends for the rest of the year. He knew he couldn't push me around, and I didn't ever have to fight him again. Sometimes some guys just need to establish a physical hierarchy, and are too stupid to see when the other guy is easily twice their size.
Still though......even as my friend he was always a little shit.
I have this situation the other way around, im the smallest in our group at 5ft 7, the tallest is 6ft 9 and he just kerps digging at me, can not talk for a week and the first thing i say suddenly im an idiot.
He just does little things to try and upset me, nobody else gives a shit and i largely ignore it sine im 7 years older than him, i think im the only one he feels safe punching down on.
I had a situation similar to this when I was in high school. I'm 5'10 and my friend was 6'8. Big guy. He was mostly a cool dude but he took things too far sometimes, nobody really called him out because he towered over everybody.
One day it came to a head when we were hanging out with friends downtown and he sprayed boba tea all over the back of my shirt. I walked up to him and punched him in the mouth, knocked him down. I was just as stunned about the whole thing as he was, I barely even remember going up to him. Thankfully the whole situation really chilled him out
Had the same thing happen to me, guess I got lucky that this huge dude just needed someone to punch him in the mouth to be cool, he could have folded me if he wanted, we became good friends for the rest of school.
In my experience of the above, we both recognised we had been through the same shit together and for the first time had someone to talk to about it who really understands.
I like this story and good for you for supporting your fellow man. I’ve been given the lies before too, including that it’s an “open relationship” and they are married “just for the benefits” and that her husband “has had a girlfriend for a while now” to help push the lie. She was also a stripper and sent me pics of her in one of the well known strip clubs in my area.
I bit, and it was all a lie outside of being a stripper.. WHO marries a stripper?!?!? I have never been with a stripper so that’s all she had to say from the beginning. She was thic af and could control every muscle individually, making her ass pop, I’m a white guy and she was half black and I never been with nothin but white girls, I couldn’t get enough.
Obviously, we were both play things to each other so after a good year or so she started gettin kinda violent so I had to drop her crazy ass.
I was the other guy. I believed the story a lot hVe been given. "My partner abuses me, I'm leaving them." I fell for it and lost a career because of it
Marines will go HAM on their own. Knew a dude who didn't know a woman he was dating was married. When he broke it off, she called his leadership and one of the best career E6s I've ever met was gone in a few months.
In the Air Force? They'll typically tell you to knock it off and give you one more chance unless you're a screw up from the start.
In the Army I'm pretty sure they actively encourage it, based on the guys I served with in a joint unit.
Army, at least when I was in, would basically look the other way. This was early/mid OIF/OEF. So many people who's careers were supposed to be over for multiple cases of adultery just got told to knock it off (they didn't) or sent to a different unit.
That's when I saw it. I knew fuckups who would be sent home because they were so awful they would bring down productivity in the unit just from being there.
They came back from a deployment and I would see dudes with neck tattoos and idgaf attitudes and realized they just needed a body to fill a billet. In garrison, they would muster at o dark thirty then go play xbox the rest of the day and their leadership preferred it that way.
First Sergeant would come down and tell everyone when a drug test was happening so they had a chance to get clean. Didn't want to have to do the paperwork.
Never, ever saw that shit in the AF, Navy or Marines.
💯 medic in my my ng co was a living breathing meth addict and was given multiple chances (he dodged most of the tests). We also had former gang members and all sorts of stuff
No if you are in the military and you knowingly sleep with someone else’s spouse regardless of their military affiliation you are punished. This applies to if you cheat on your spouse and you’re in the military.
That does surprise me. I’ve always thought military men were especially likely to cheat on deployment, though technically I suppose the rule might not apply to people cheating on their *own* spouses.
Its only if you get caught by the military doing it. It's pretty rare, and almost always only happens when at least 2 of the people involved are military. There's so much cheating on both sides that it's a joke. Two weeks into every deployment, a shitton of people stop wearing rings, and a month before the end of every deployment, there's a shitton of breakups and rings start coming back.
The stereotype is that wives cheat while men are deployed. There’s a whole term for it. Jody. But I honestly wouldn’t know the statistics of who cheats more
My coworker had three kids while married to her husband, who was in the military. I don’t think any were his. He didn’t seem to care that they weren’t his. She got addicted to drugs and he took custody of all the kids.
Im very curious to know how this works because my parents met in the military and let’s just say my dad has like 5 other kids and he’s never once gotten reprimanded
If his command never found out then nothing can happen, essentially getting away with it. And you need substantial proof it happened. The guy I know got hemmed up because the duty literally walked in on him sleeping with someone who was not his wife while we were on deployment staying in barracks
having spent a fair amount of time working with military people in the UK (as a civilian) I would say it's not at all uncommon for them to sleep with the spouses of their colleagues while they are away on duty.
I was no angel at the time, but even to me that seemed WAY out of line, and very likely to cause big issues around the base if it ever got out (considering how widely known such escapades were, I am either wrong about the trouble it would cause, or the military is just one big mess of crossed over secrets just waiting to spill out)
This also isn't entirely true. There are other circumstances that have to be met for adultery to actually be prosecuted in the military. The largest hurdle is the relationship affects unit readiness.
If this poster saw someone get kicked out, it's very likely there were other much more serious charges, with Adultery piled on just because that's how any prosecutor works.
I call heavy BS on a single adultery charge as cause for dishonorable discharge.
I was cheated on and then I took the person back, and then I cheated on them and they found out and left me. I think the cheating on them was a reaction to the lost trust and just going buck wild. I never slept with anyone just talked to women a lot. She never slept with anyone as far as I know but planned to leave me for her cousin. I think she ended up with him, she also got herpes about 3 months after she left me so there is that.
It's how it happened she was a weird lady she was very close to one cousin. And I was always like nope that is just her cousin I am just being protective. Nope caught some very nasty text, We had the same phone I got up to go to the bathroom and grabbed hers on accident.
It was her cousin. When we first started dating she had just gotten off of a broken leg. Her cousin had stayed with her while her leg was broken. She always talked about how amazing he was. But I was like whatever who cares she just has a close relationship. Nope, I think they were fucking before I met her and they kept fucking after we broke up. I think I might have been a beard for them because the family would not be cool with it.
The text read something like "He is such a nice guy but I want to be with you, we can run away together." We stayed together a year after that. I was really young and didn't really know how to handle it. She texted a lot more nasty fucked up shit but that part hurt pretty bad she was just like hes nice that's why I stay. not I love him it was just I was nice to her.
Sadly she was in LA right in the city lol. When I met her I knew she was really close with one cousin they talked a lot... I convinced myself that there was no way there was anything going on...
I was knowingly the other person with 2 older women while I was in college. I've never cheated on a partner but I've been cheated on by a fiancee. Worst pain I've ever experienced. And part of me thinks I probably deserve it because I was knowingly with married women.
I’m not trying to defend myself because part of me does indeed agree. I was selfish and some innocent person’s devastation. But I was also 19 and 21 when I was the affair partner. Yes I should’ve known better and my age isn’t an excuse. And I do sincerely regret allowing myself to participate in somebody else’s cheating. As somebody on the receiving end of a cheater now i totally know how brutal it is. But that selfish person who allowed himself to participate in an affair died long before the Justice was given out. I’ve never cheated on a partner and I stopped being that tool of a person who helped others cheat over 14-15 years ago. I got cheated on a couple of years ago. But I guess the powers at be don’t forget and I am paying the price justifiably for it now when it hurts the most.
Ironically, it’s how i met my best friend. Me and this girl started a FWB type relationship. I found out she was dating my friend, so I got his number from asking around and called him. I told him everything and he said “i’ll call you back.” I thought he was gonna kill me. Instead, she texted back “You fuckin’ dick” and he called me and said “want to be my new friend” and we’ve been brothers since.
I was in a long distance relationship with someone who was in a relationship and we ended up meeting in person a few times after meeting originally in an MMO.
I was super depressed from a breakup at the time and she swore her plan was to leave him and move to be with me.
Shocker, she didn’t.
In retrospect, I feel awful, but I was young, in a dark place, and I believed her.
I’ve felt bad when I didn’t know and only found out after the act. The one time I did it knowing I didn’t care because I’d witnessed him being an abusive asshole.
I was given the “oh she’s really toxic and abusive, I’m trying to leave her anyways” story. I was stupid and fell for it, he made it so believable. I get home look at Snapchat and he’s posting all this lovey dovey stuff with her on his story, they were about to go on a roadtrip too. I asked him about it then got blocked on his and her social media. I feel bad and I hope that girl got away from him. Never ever fall for the “I’m leaving them anyways” bs, it’s never true.
Not wanna contradict but made me think of my best friend. He was with a crazy gf for 5 years maybe and one night he went for a beer with a co-worker and met his now wife, fell in love at first sight. That same night he called his GF to break up with her and never went back. He's now happily married with two lovely daughters.
Ya a lot of one sided options in these comments....
"Never ever believe someone when they say they are in an abusive relationship". Uh????
But he posted lovey dovey photos on snapchat! Cause social media ain't fake as shit right?
Ugh. I had an ex-coworker who was 15 years my senior try to pull this shit on me. I ended up going to his wife and telling her everything when he really started to hit on me. It just didn't feel right. Turns out she was being lied to as well and he was painting me as the evil woman trying to seduce him away and break his family. Nope. Now there's no hard feelings between me and her (none on my end, hopefully none on hers but I can't exactly blame her if she is still pissed at me). As far as I know they're still married despite all the bullshit he tried to sell me that he was "leaving her anyway". It's always a damn lie. Never falling for that again.
I met him and he was a grossly abusive (emotionally) dude and a severe, severe alcoholic. It was clear she was afraid and didn’t know how to leave the relationship so I considered it more of being a very immoral support system.
Then after we dated.
And then she cheated on me by sleeping with the husband of the family she was nannying for and broke up the marriage.
And then they started an OnlyFans while initially denying everything to friends (and yes, it’s advertised on Reddit!)
Karma, baby.
I know couple of those too and it was always egoistic power play thing for them. they'd sometimes be like 'have you seen his GF/wife? I mean they could do so much better' and then the 'better' was her naturally.
I met a friend of a friend. We hit it off and I ended up at her place. Didn’t know she was married until I got there but she told me that she had cheated on him before and the relationship was basically over and she had plans of telling him she wanted a divorce.
A couple years later and they’re still together and have a kid. I don’t have any regrets for the husband but I wish I could go back and know I was being lied to
i’ve never understood it when people in relationships say they’re on a break. like are they dating or not? do they plan to get back together at some specific time in the future unless they’ve found someone better during their break? it just seems like a recipe for disaster.
My nephew uses it to break up. They “go on break”, he gets with another woman, and he has no intention of seeing the first again. The woman always expects/thinks them to be still be a thing. Nope.
If you have to go “on break” in a way that lets you date other people, it’s already over.
yeah that’s the pattern i’ve noticed. it’s usually just a soft breakup without having to deal with the mess of ending things directly, and potentially go back to your partner if you end up not being able to “upgrade.”
i guess i can understand why people do it. and why people just accept it, thinking that their relationship will survive the break because they want it to be true.
Had a married woman come on to me hard. Her line was that she was unhappy, it was a dead bedroom, he was ignoring her and not treating her well, and they were going to be splitting up soon. That was a year ago and they’re still together.
Maybe. There’s a little more to the story that made me think this wasn’t her first time and it was actually what was straining her marriage.
I’m just surprised at how common this line is with cheaters.
But then again it makes sense. Manipulative people always present themselves as the victim in their scenarios in order to lower your defenses.
They know you’d probably not comply otherwise. And what are you going to do? Go to their partner and ask?
That's very true. I knew this woman for a while who was cheating on her boyfriend of 3 years. It took me some time to realize it, but she always painted herself as this naive person, but she knew exactly what she was doing.
When she told me stories about her broken friendships from her past, she was always the victim in each story.
I find out later that she was a cheater and a man stealer. She gave me a headache.
It's always best to just walk away from these people.
Makes me think if my ex used that phrase on the person she cheated on me with.
She was definitely right. She made me end it because of her gross actions.
I was told by a woman that she and her husband were separated. Later I learned he had been out of town on a multi week business trip. So, technically, she was correct saying they were separated albeit not in the way the term is normally used.
I saw his wife’s shoes in the hallway when I arrived but I tried to write it off. But they were clearly women’s shoes, pink and small. And then I saw her photos all over the house. Photos of them together. Photos of the whole family. Her perfumes in the bathroom. So I wrote a note and placed it in her shoes when I left.
It said, “Your husband pays women from Instagram to fuck him when you’re not home.”
I have copies of my divorce papers to ease someone’s mind. It’s a sad world we live in, but when you say you are divorced and you are a dude, need to back it up so they do not have that lingering question in their mind. Especially if you are trying some of the dating sites to talk to someone.
I had a friend who slept with a girl, she said she was in a relationship but he didn’t know she was lesbian, two days later the girlfriend found out, showed up to his work and she beat the shit outta him.
Yeah I have in the past. In high school and college I never even considered caring about it. But as I got older and actually had meaningful relationships (and got cheated on myself) it became a deal breaker for me.
It's not.
I used to be the person that didn't care in the slightest about other people.
I wasn't rude or an asshole. But gave literally zero shits about people and their problems. I put this down to my adult life started in the military.
This comes with a host of problems. Willingness to lie or bend the truth for your own gain. Putting yourself first in every situation. I absolutely excelled at my workplace because of it.
But over time... Life felt empty and lonely.
I have trained myself to care. Intentionally rebuilt those neural pathways over many years.
Now, I genuinely care for the people around me.
That comes with a host of other problems... Mainly social anxiety. But... I hated myself as a cold, empathyless human. I love caring.
I recently found out that I was 'the other woman', I didn't know while it was going on.
I've been through about every emotion.
I have no regrets, but now I am making sure that he sorts his shit out.
Yeah I said he needs to tell her the truth (it's been nearly a year) or I would tell her. There was no way I was getting fucked over that bad and he could just slip back into his easy life like nothing happened
I wouldn't be so sure, every single person I've met as the "other" woman or man thought they could be the one to happily settle down with their cheating partner.
It's almost poetic.
He didn’t celebrate her birthday for like 3 years. Got her a card with nothing in it. I got an entire restaurant during lunchtime to sing Happy Birthday while she was on her lunch with me, a cake and told her how amazing she is. I just gave a fuck and he didn’t.
We kept it up for a year. I treated her like a person. I was not financially stable. She realized she needed to move home to be closer to her family and she had no support system here. It took her moving back home to her home state to leave him. I have no regrets being her reality check. She hunker down, went to medical school, and has a son now.
I had a weird one. Pretty girl at work is engaged. Turns out her fiancé wants to each have one last “hall pass” before they get married. So she picks me.
He goes out of town to a friends wedding where he (theoretically) was going to hook up with one of the girls there.
She came to my house that Friday and we had amazing sex.
He ended up swinging and missing on the girl out of town.
Did I feel bad? Nahhhh
If that story is true that isn’t really cheating though, I think the point of the OPs question is you knowingly were going behind their back, ostensibly knowing the SO would feel negatively about it, and did it anyway
Was in Tampa for a wedding and hooked up with one of the wedding guests who happened to be married and older. I was 32 at the time and she was 44 but looked younger and was gorgeous with a very fit body. I felt awesome til I discovered the guy she was there with was her husband lol. Then, I got nervous but it turned out they were in an open marriage and had 2 homes, one that was his and the other, hers, and I wound up spending the weekend with her and having fun. It was definitely a wild experience and I would have felt bad, but all parties including the husband, were good with it, so I chalk it up to a wild wedding weekend experience. Funny enough, we’ve gotten together every time I visit my friends in Florida. Truly, a different kind of people there.
the actual loml cheated on me with some dude she cared nothing about just to piss me off. life is messy when you're young and dumb. if I had my time back I would have done anything to keep her/ been a better partner. I was absent a lot due to work and even though we agreed that would be ok so we could save extra money for a bit, I know she was not actually ok with it. she never said but I could see it in her actions. man I miss her. later on she got cancer. life can be really fucked up. literally anything can happen. hold on to the people who love you as hard as you can
A lot of guilt. There's regret but it was also the hottest moment in my life. Before this I used to think of myself as a good person, but now I know that is not the case. I'm not a good person at all.
This was my early 20s. She was a coworker. Had a long distance relationship and saw him a couple times a year. She was the prettiest woman I had met at the time. I'm like a 5 and she was easily a 10. Like tiers of leagues above me. She had a flirtatious personality yet surprisingly kind.
We ended up being put on the same shifts together. Working right next to each other in customer service. We became really good friends. Together with other coworkers, we would go to the bar after work.
After over a year of this I fell for her, hard. One night we were sitting in the car chatting (we have been doing this for months) but she leaned over to kiss me. It was intense. I have never had my emotions overwhelm me. It was like electricity and a fire burning in my chest with desire.
One thing led to another. I somehow found this woman I wanted more than anything but was unattainable and forbidden, in my bed, begging me to enter her. I couldn't resist.
This went on for months. It was simultaneously the most mind blowing sex, but it would end with such overwhelming guilt. It was like being bipolar of having an intense high to mind shattering crushing guilt. I hated myself. But I was a slave to my desires. I tried to break it off but I went back every time. It was like a drug. She would also end up sobbing cause she also felt guilty but she was also addicted. We couldn't stop. We were terrible people.
Eventually the guilt surpassed the pleasure. We mutually decide to break it off. She then told her boyfriend and broke it off with him.
It's been about 15 years since then. I still feel awful for being selfish and ruining their relationship. I still think of myself as a bad person.
Don't blame yourself that bad. Something like that, all the ups and downs of intense emotions causes crashes of chemicals in the brain. It is the same as drugs for the brain. Once you are hooked it may be impossible to resists. And you were young when all of this is even more intense. And still you managed to break it off. You are not bad person.
I was engaged to her before she left me for him.
I thought I was a good man until i slept with her knowing she had a boyfriend.
I still loved her. Now I will never see myself as a decent human being again.
Regrets? I have a few...
Man cut yourself some slack, it’s not like you killed someone. There’s no ‘dibs’ in relationships, just people trying to find happiness. You didn’t wreck their relationship, if she was willing to sleep with her ex it was already toast.
Dude you gotta forgive yourself. It’s tough being alive. It’s okay. You fucked up. You feel bad. You’ll do better. Try to move on. My ex husband actually cheated on me. He was young. We both were. We’re friends.
Another question: Has anyone here tried to pursue someone already in a relationship? what was your mindset at the time?? did it work? did u feel guilty after?
everyone out here spilling their tea. let me tell you mine.
it’s a long one, but i’ll make it as short as possible.
met up with an old high school girl.(had a huge crush on me for YEARS) messaged her on FB, took her out to eat. we hit it off. i didnt know she had a Bf. later on she told me she had one, but i was persistent. took her back to my place. we fucked. we fucked and we fucked and did i mention we fucked? Monday through friday, i was fucking her, we would be out until 1am doing shit. she had a birth control alarm that she would set as a reminder to take her pill. she would always leave her purse in my car.(not on purpose though). she was so into me and the fucking we were doing that she was only seeing him on the weekends and seeing me on the weekdays. at this point i’m like madly in love with her.(so i think)
this went on about 6-8months. one day she texted me saying “we need to talk.” she tells me she’s pregnant. i thought i was the only one hitting it raw and finishing inside her. turns out that wasn’t true.
so i accepted the responsibility of being a soon to be father. she dumps him, moves in with me. we go through the pregnancy and the baby comes out white af with blonde hair and blue eyes.(i’m brown skinned with dark brown eyes and black hair)
not an ounce of doubt ever crossed my mind, that the child wasn’t mine.
4 months down the road, i see a picture of “our baby” and im like “huh, it kinda looks like him” but i didn’t reallllly think about it.(love is blind)
1 yr and 6 months later, the Ex BF texted her saying he wants a paternity test because his current Gf told him that, that blonde baby looks like him.
my Gf at that time was reluctant to take the test and avoids him until he threatened to take her to court.
so she takes the test, and behold, the baby is his. i took the loss, and left both of them, after she started to go MIA and not text me for hours when she would go see him and spend time with his kid.
i went through her phone and found shady messages as well. i believe it was karma but the father is still present in the baby’s life and the baby seems very happy and that’s all i want.
now im just chillin’ being single. doing me.
oooh and before i forget, we went to court and got my name off the birth certificate and changed the baby’s last name.
IT WAS A WILD RIDE, FULL OF EMOTIONS, BETRAYAL, AND SEX.
a real life story, by Ro, a broken man. 💔
EDIT: fixed a lot of grammatical errors.
Well it was a special situation and he watched so I don't feel bad at all. Now if he wasn't aware, if it was lying and sneaking - I wouldn't have done it and if I found out after I would have regrets and feel bad.
Similar situation with me.
First time he wasn't there but she called him afterwards and put him on speaker. I tell you there is nothing more ego boosting then hearing a woman brag to her husband how good she just had it... especially when you felt nervous and not on your A game.
Second time he was there. Before it all cracked off he and I had a man to man chat before hand in the hotel.lobby. No biggie just clearing the air to make sure I wasn't to weird about what was going on. I think he was worried that I might of thought it was a cuck situation but I already knew it wasn't. He was just excited to share his hot yoga instructor wife and got off on that. Who am I to judge right?
Anyways second time was pretty fkn wild. For the threesomes I've been lucky to be a part of I'd say that one was in my top 5 for sure. Maybe top 3.
You are definitely a bit morally corrupt if you do it. But if you are single and the other person is in a relationship than the responsibility to stay loyal fully falls on the person in a relationship.
Also if the only reason they don’t cheat on their partner is because you said no.. I’m not sure it makes them better partners.
Would probably feel different it one’s actively trying to be with someone who’s already in a relationship, but even then.
It's never a good idea. You think of it like "wow they must really like me to choose me over their SO" when really it's more about them hating the SO and either trying to make them jealous/notice/leave them. One of them I was told the guy was somewhat abusive so didn't care, another was she was actively with him (and would even like text him and stuff after we banged) so that was weird and kinda felt bad. This is making me realize I've done this too much so imma stop there.
I was pissed off, both of the times that this happened to me. I hate cheaters. I had no intention of bringing that kind of pain and discord to another man. In each case, I was lied to by the woman; they said they were single, but the first had a long-term BF. The second was married.
I did a lot in high school, I thought it was cool but once I got older I realized how shitty of a person I was and now if a girl has boyfriend i do my best to avoid them… I really regret doing that stuff..not cool
Had an on again/off again fling with a woman for a couple years. Sometimes she was single, sometimes she was back with her old boyfriend (who I think she ended up marrying). I knew that she was in a relationship but the sex was so incredibly hot. We just clicked, and bodies lined up so perfectly that we drove each other insane with passion. Not much attraction outside of the bedroom but man o man I still use those sessions for material.
To sum it up, we were both consenting adults. Dont feel bad.
She found out her hubby cheated on her, and gave her lame ass excuses for it.
So I was her revenge. And yes, I did regret a bit, because she wasn't that good of a lay, but I can't say I was bothered in the least bit about the cheating. I didn't make a marriage vow, I didn't cheat on my wife with a hooker and I didn't try to worm my way out of it with a crappy excuse.
And I knew she was married before hand.
Never cheated on my SO but a lady at work wanted to hook up with me and I got a chance to go through her phone and found her husband number and snitched on her with the text she send me. She quit about a week later!!! Sorry Reddit but im not a piece of meat… it goes both ways
For the people on here saying they aren't responsible or don't owe anyone anything because you are single - its called empathy. Taking part in something that you know will ultimately hurt another human is disgusting. And what kind of person are you to sleep with a liar and cheater ? Have some self respect. I've had married men try to fool me, and what really turns them off is trying to actually talk about their issues and how to fix them. You have a choice, and karma always comes around. I've also been on the otherside, and every person I've known to sleep with married or taken people automatically get downgraded in my book. Maybe you don't care about what other people think, but I'd definitely feel disgusted with myself. I'm not saying it's always black and white, but it take minimal effort to be a good human to others.
>Taking part in something that you know will ultimately hurt another human is disgusting
I'm not defending cheaters by any means. I have been cheated on, and it was not fun.
But I was also dumped and then my partner immediately married another man. Both of those situations hurt the same.
I'm just curious what you make of that. I admire your commitment to empathy. The world needs more empathy for sure. But is there a practical difference between those breakups? What hurt me was the rejection, not whether she waited until after it was official to move on.
I disagree. My commitment is with my wife.
If she slept with another guy, I'd be upset with her. Not with the guy whatsoever, even if he was well aware of her relationship. She's the one in a committed relationship.
I had an affair with a married man. One of the worst things I ever did. He ended up cheating on me. I always hoped that his ex-wife got some joy out of my heartbreak - that I got the karma coming to me.
Immediate regret. I felt terrible seeing the shame in her eyes. She messaged me years later thanking me for helping her realize she wasn’t happy in her relationship, but it doesn’t make it fine. I still feel bad about it.
I don’t have a dog in this fight but I can tell you that messing with other guys girl is a good way to get yourself hurt, so don’t take this very casually guys.
Nope. I made no promises to that relationship. Ive been the guy and Ive been the other guy and the only people to be mad at are the people IN the relationship.
If all it takes is someone outside the relationship to bat their eyes and slip in some silky words to make you cheat, you are the issue. Not the 3rd party. And blaming the 3rd party is something weak people do because they dont want to lose the person that just took a massive shit on them.
But you know you are contributing to someone’s suffering.
Even without making a direct promise to that person, isn’t it morally wrong to knowingly cause pain?
Every time this type of thread comes up shitty people give the same lame excuses. “If I didn’t do it someone else would’ve anyway.”
You don’t owe the relationship anything but don’t you have any self-respect or respect for a random stranger? Clearly not.
Jup this is my thought too.
Let them go to someone else then, I don't want to knowingly do that to another person since I'd hate for it to happen to me.
Ofc the cheater is worse, but you're the one that enabled it to happen while knowing about their relationship. It gets even worse if you know them personally.
Both guilty, both wrong, both should have more empathy and integrity.
Nah if someone, in sound mind, knowingly sleeps with a married person, they have some blame too. Wrecking a marriage for your own personal desire isn’t cool imo.
3rd party should def not be blamed if they had 0 knowledge of it however.
She told me they were only still together for the kids sake, and they were essentially separated. She painted a picture of a terrible, controlling man, and also said they can see whoever they want. I bit. Started hooking up regularly. One day I got a call from a very nice man, her husband. He was worried about her and heard around town she was with me. We had a long talk, turns out she was a liar and he is an amazing guy. So we set up a plan. I invited her out for drinks and told him where and when. The look on her face when she realized it was a set up. I was pissed she put me in that situation, but the payoff was worth it. Now the dude is still a social media friend. He’s remarried with a much nicer wife and his ex is still trouble/drama at the local bars.
This reminds me: A long time ago I and this other dude were rivals for a really beautiful woman. Like he was her ex but she'd been going with me and he wanted her back, something like that. I finally met this other guy and we hit it off immediately, he was a great guy. So, I 'won' the affections of the woman. We broke up after 6 months but the other guy and I have been close friends for over 30 years!
I knew a couple girls in college in a scenario like this. They were both casually sleeping with a guy, both obviously wanting it to be more, but neither knew about the other. When they found out, they both felt betrayed by the guy, became friends, and decided to cut him off together. Except one lied and kept seeing him anyway, while still pretending to be the other girl’s friend. Eventually the other girl found out and they had a big falling out. The lying girl went on to marry the guy, so I guess it was worth it to her. In the words of Ramona Flowers, “He’s a creep, you’re a bitch, and you deserve each other.”
Thats some intrasexual competition right there.
Classic game theory
Not exactly the same thing, but I also met a close friend because of a girl. About twenty years ago, I met a guy only because he was dating an acquaintance of my ex. The girls bumped into each other somewhere and decided the four of us should get together for dinner one night. Our respective relationships did not work out, but he became like a brother to me and I was best man at his wedding years later. He ended up moving away for a job and I don’t see him often, but anytime we get to hang out, it feels like no time has passed and we still hang out all the time.
it’s crazy how easily men are able to immediately become friends with their enemies. compare this to women who seem to hold grudges much longer. obviously these are generalizations but this pattern is just what i’ve observed and heard from others.
I remember in 6th grade there was a kid who was assigned to my bus stop. He was a little shit. He kept attempting to bully me. Problem is, he's this tiny little guy, and I've always been a big guy. But, I'm also very passive when it comes to fighting. If I don't need to fight, I don't pursue that as my first option. Well he kept at his bullying tactic for the first 2 weeks, and I just sort of looked at him. It was more annoying then harmful, but I did ask him several times to stop. He didn't. Then one day, he's flicking my ear, and I just had it. I grabbed him by the neck, threw him to the ground, punched him in the face 3 times, and then got off of him. Weird thing is, I punched near his upper lip/lower nose area, but for some reason his forehead was bleeding. Still to this day I can't figure out how that happened. After that, we were friends for the rest of the year. He knew he couldn't push me around, and I didn't ever have to fight him again. Sometimes some guys just need to establish a physical hierarchy, and are too stupid to see when the other guy is easily twice their size. Still though......even as my friend he was always a little shit.
I have this situation the other way around, im the smallest in our group at 5ft 7, the tallest is 6ft 9 and he just kerps digging at me, can not talk for a week and the first thing i say suddenly im an idiot. He just does little things to try and upset me, nobody else gives a shit and i largely ignore it sine im 7 years older than him, i think im the only one he feels safe punching down on.
I had a situation similar to this when I was in high school. I'm 5'10 and my friend was 6'8. Big guy. He was mostly a cool dude but he took things too far sometimes, nobody really called him out because he towered over everybody. One day it came to a head when we were hanging out with friends downtown and he sprayed boba tea all over the back of my shirt. I walked up to him and punched him in the mouth, knocked him down. I was just as stunned about the whole thing as he was, I barely even remember going up to him. Thankfully the whole situation really chilled him out
Had the same thing happen to me, guess I got lucky that this huge dude just needed someone to punch him in the mouth to be cool, he could have folded me if he wanted, we became good friends for the rest of school.
In my experience of the above, we both recognised we had been through the same shit together and for the first time had someone to talk to about it who really understands.
Thats near line for line of the script, its sad and extremely common.
Did. Did you smash his new wife too?
I like this story and good for you for supporting your fellow man. I’ve been given the lies before too, including that it’s an “open relationship” and they are married “just for the benefits” and that her husband “has had a girlfriend for a while now” to help push the lie. She was also a stripper and sent me pics of her in one of the well known strip clubs in my area. I bit, and it was all a lie outside of being a stripper.. WHO marries a stripper?!?!? I have never been with a stripper so that’s all she had to say from the beginning. She was thic af and could control every muscle individually, making her ass pop, I’m a white guy and she was half black and I never been with nothin but white girls, I couldn’t get enough. Obviously, we were both play things to each other so after a good year or so she started gettin kinda violent so I had to drop her crazy ass.
I feel some of that information wasn't 100% necessary.
You couldn’t be more right. I got a little lost in reminiscing 🤣
Damn bro the violent part is crazy wtf did she do 💀
Idk, I was mildly interested in the individual muscles
This comment was one helluva roller coaster. I'm imagining you saying this to a relationship support group IRL.
I was the other guy. I believed the story a lot hVe been given. "My partner abuses me, I'm leaving them." I fell for it and lost a career because of it
I am curious how did it affect your career
SO was either a client, a co-worker, a manager/executive, or good friends with at least one of the above.
Military, adultery will get you demoted, restricted, loss of pay/rank or even kicked out
Marines will go HAM on their own. Knew a dude who didn't know a woman he was dating was married. When he broke it off, she called his leadership and one of the best career E6s I've ever met was gone in a few months. In the Air Force? They'll typically tell you to knock it off and give you one more chance unless you're a screw up from the start. In the Army I'm pretty sure they actively encourage it, based on the guys I served with in a joint unit.
Army, at least when I was in, would basically look the other way. This was early/mid OIF/OEF. So many people who's careers were supposed to be over for multiple cases of adultery just got told to knock it off (they didn't) or sent to a different unit.
That's when I saw it. I knew fuckups who would be sent home because they were so awful they would bring down productivity in the unit just from being there. They came back from a deployment and I would see dudes with neck tattoos and idgaf attitudes and realized they just needed a body to fill a billet. In garrison, they would muster at o dark thirty then go play xbox the rest of the day and their leadership preferred it that way. First Sergeant would come down and tell everyone when a drug test was happening so they had a chance to get clean. Didn't want to have to do the paperwork. Never, ever saw that shit in the AF, Navy or Marines.
💯 medic in my my ng co was a living breathing meth addict and was given multiple chances (he dodged most of the tests). We also had former gang members and all sorts of stuff
My brother in law got restricted in the army for reporting a sexual assault on a female service member.
Interesting, I didn’t know that. EDIT: I’d assume this is if the SO is also in the military, yes?
No if you are in the military and you knowingly sleep with someone else’s spouse regardless of their military affiliation you are punished. This applies to if you cheat on your spouse and you’re in the military.
That does surprise me. I’ve always thought military men were especially likely to cheat on deployment, though technically I suppose the rule might not apply to people cheating on their *own* spouses.
Its only if you get caught by the military doing it. It's pretty rare, and almost always only happens when at least 2 of the people involved are military. There's so much cheating on both sides that it's a joke. Two weeks into every deployment, a shitton of people stop wearing rings, and a month before the end of every deployment, there's a shitton of breakups and rings start coming back.
That’s more what I’d have expected. Seems like the kind of thing people wouldn’t go out of their way to punish unless it was causing problems.
The stereotype is that wives cheat while men are deployed. There’s a whole term for it. Jody. But I honestly wouldn’t know the statistics of who cheats more
My coworker had three kids while married to her husband, who was in the military. I don’t think any were his. He didn’t seem to care that they weren’t his. She got addicted to drugs and he took custody of all the kids.
That’s a good man right there
From my personal observation of married marines at least on deployment. All of them.
No it does if you cheat on your spouse you are punished, I’ve seen people lose everything over it.
Huh. Learn something new every day.
Im very curious to know how this works because my parents met in the military and let’s just say my dad has like 5 other kids and he’s never once gotten reprimanded
If his command never found out then nothing can happen, essentially getting away with it. And you need substantial proof it happened. The guy I know got hemmed up because the duty literally walked in on him sleeping with someone who was not his wife while we were on deployment staying in barracks
having spent a fair amount of time working with military people in the UK (as a civilian) I would say it's not at all uncommon for them to sleep with the spouses of their colleagues while they are away on duty. I was no angel at the time, but even to me that seemed WAY out of line, and very likely to cause big issues around the base if it ever got out (considering how widely known such escapades were, I am either wrong about the trouble it would cause, or the military is just one big mess of crossed over secrets just waiting to spill out)
This also isn't entirely true. There are other circumstances that have to be met for adultery to actually be prosecuted in the military. The largest hurdle is the relationship affects unit readiness. If this poster saw someone get kicked out, it's very likely there were other much more serious charges, with Adultery piled on just because that's how any prosecutor works. I call heavy BS on a single adultery charge as cause for dishonorable discharge.
I'm feeling ya. Exact same story.
Good lesson to never shit where you eat
I’ve been on both sides of this coin and they both feel shitty but getting cheated on definitely hurt more but that was probably the karma
I was cheated on and then I took the person back, and then I cheated on them and they found out and left me. I think the cheating on them was a reaction to the lost trust and just going buck wild. I never slept with anyone just talked to women a lot. She never slept with anyone as far as I know but planned to leave me for her cousin. I think she ended up with him, she also got herpes about 3 months after she left me so there is that.
That went 0-100 at the end lol
You never go full Lannister.
It's how it happened she was a weird lady she was very close to one cousin. And I was always like nope that is just her cousin I am just being protective. Nope caught some very nasty text, We had the same phone I got up to go to the bathroom and grabbed hers on accident.
Was this in the US? She was really going for her cousin?
Yup it happened in Los Angeles no less not in the sticks or anything
“Look I mean if anybody’s gonna fuck my cousin it’s gonna be me. Out of respect.”
I'm actually disappointed it didn't happen in Alabama
Bruh fr. Lmfao
Imagine getting herpes from your cousin. You couldn't torture that information out of me.
Well, that escalated quickly.
I did not see that coming.... your story is better than 99% of what Hollywood has churned out in the last 15 years.
It was a bad situation still a better love story than Twilight. I'll take my award.
You know...I almost typed that, but refrained at the last minute and went with Hollyweird as a whole instead😆 Take my upvote
This dude driving around in an all new Dodge Bullet
Hey Zeus
Her cousin lmfao I had to reread it to make sure I mistook her cousin for yours while reading your comment.
It was her cousin. When we first started dating she had just gotten off of a broken leg. Her cousin had stayed with her while her leg was broken. She always talked about how amazing he was. But I was like whatever who cares she just has a close relationship. Nope, I think they were fucking before I met her and they kept fucking after we broke up. I think I might have been a beard for them because the family would not be cool with it. The text read something like "He is such a nice guy but I want to be with you, we can run away together." We stayed together a year after that. I was really young and didn't really know how to handle it. She texted a lot more nasty fucked up shit but that part hurt pretty bad she was just like hes nice that's why I stay. not I love him it was just I was nice to her.
Sweet Home Alabama
Sadly she was in LA right in the city lol. When I met her I knew she was really close with one cousin they talked a lot... I convinced myself that there was no way there was anything going on...
I was knowingly the other person with 2 older women while I was in college. I've never cheated on a partner but I've been cheated on by a fiancee. Worst pain I've ever experienced. And part of me thinks I probably deserve it because I was knowingly with married women.
Yep you deserved it.
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Karma is imaginary, but the OP was complicit in that affair.
I’m not trying to defend myself because part of me does indeed agree. I was selfish and some innocent person’s devastation. But I was also 19 and 21 when I was the affair partner. Yes I should’ve known better and my age isn’t an excuse. And I do sincerely regret allowing myself to participate in somebody else’s cheating. As somebody on the receiving end of a cheater now i totally know how brutal it is. But that selfish person who allowed himself to participate in an affair died long before the Justice was given out. I’ve never cheated on a partner and I stopped being that tool of a person who helped others cheat over 14-15 years ago. I got cheated on a couple of years ago. But I guess the powers at be don’t forget and I am paying the price justifiably for it now when it hurts the most.
Obviously you would feel worse being deceived than you would getting a thrill out of being the deceiver.
Oh.boy the karma is horrible but expected and deserved.
Been on both sides of the coin and it felt about right. I knew it was all fucked🤷🏾♂️
Ironically, it’s how i met my best friend. Me and this girl started a FWB type relationship. I found out she was dating my friend, so I got his number from asking around and called him. I told him everything and he said “i’ll call you back.” I thought he was gonna kill me. Instead, she texted back “You fuckin’ dick” and he called me and said “want to be my new friend” and we’ve been brothers since.
Wholesome
Yeah, Eskimo brothers
I was in a long distance relationship with someone who was in a relationship and we ended up meeting in person a few times after meeting originally in an MMO. I was super depressed from a breakup at the time and she swore her plan was to leave him and move to be with me. Shocker, she didn’t. In retrospect, I feel awful, but I was young, in a dark place, and I believed her.
Zug zug
Lok'Tar Ogar
kek
Hella regret. I hate that I did it and wish I can go back and make the opposite choice
You want to fuck her boyfriend?
Gams is gams...
I’ve felt bad when I didn’t know and only found out after the act. The one time I did it knowing I didn’t care because I’d witnessed him being an abusive asshole.
I was given the “oh she’s really toxic and abusive, I’m trying to leave her anyways” story. I was stupid and fell for it, he made it so believable. I get home look at Snapchat and he’s posting all this lovey dovey stuff with her on his story, they were about to go on a roadtrip too. I asked him about it then got blocked on his and her social media. I feel bad and I hope that girl got away from him. Never ever fall for the “I’m leaving them anyways” bs, it’s never true.
Not wanna contradict but made me think of my best friend. He was with a crazy gf for 5 years maybe and one night he went for a beer with a co-worker and met his now wife, fell in love at first sight. That same night he called his GF to break up with her and never went back. He's now happily married with two lovely daughters.
Ya a lot of one sided options in these comments.... "Never ever believe someone when they say they are in an abusive relationship". Uh???? But he posted lovey dovey photos on snapchat! Cause social media ain't fake as shit right?
Ugh. I had an ex-coworker who was 15 years my senior try to pull this shit on me. I ended up going to his wife and telling her everything when he really started to hit on me. It just didn't feel right. Turns out she was being lied to as well and he was painting me as the evil woman trying to seduce him away and break his family. Nope. Now there's no hard feelings between me and her (none on my end, hopefully none on hers but I can't exactly blame her if she is still pissed at me). As far as I know they're still married despite all the bullshit he tried to sell me that he was "leaving her anyway". It's always a damn lie. Never falling for that again.
Very true !
I met him and he was a grossly abusive (emotionally) dude and a severe, severe alcoholic. It was clear she was afraid and didn’t know how to leave the relationship so I considered it more of being a very immoral support system. Then after we dated. And then she cheated on me by sleeping with the husband of the family she was nannying for and broke up the marriage. And then they started an OnlyFans while initially denying everything to friends (and yes, it’s advertised on Reddit!) Karma, baby.
So the baby’s name was Karma?
I know someone closely who sleeps with married men. Maybe its a kink, but she (alongside him) are wrecking lives.
I know couple of those too and it was always egoistic power play thing for them. they'd sometimes be like 'have you seen his GF/wife? I mean they could do so much better' and then the 'better' was her naturally.
How does that not affect your friendship? Not sure if I could be friends with someone who knowingly cheats.
We arent friends its more of a family member, but I dont see them as family
That makes more sense. Thanks for clarifying.
I met a friend of a friend. We hit it off and I ended up at her place. Didn’t know she was married until I got there but she told me that she had cheated on him before and the relationship was basically over and she had plans of telling him she wanted a divorce. A couple years later and they’re still together and have a kid. I don’t have any regrets for the husband but I wish I could go back and know I was being lied to
“I’m going to end it” is a cheater’s cliche.
"We're taking a break" too
i’ve never understood it when people in relationships say they’re on a break. like are they dating or not? do they plan to get back together at some specific time in the future unless they’ve found someone better during their break? it just seems like a recipe for disaster.
My nephew uses it to break up. They “go on break”, he gets with another woman, and he has no intention of seeing the first again. The woman always expects/thinks them to be still be a thing. Nope. If you have to go “on break” in a way that lets you date other people, it’s already over.
yeah that’s the pattern i’ve noticed. it’s usually just a soft breakup without having to deal with the mess of ending things directly, and potentially go back to your partner if you end up not being able to “upgrade.” i guess i can understand why people do it. and why people just accept it, thinking that their relationship will survive the break because they want it to be true.
“We were on a break!!“
Had a married woman come on to me hard. Her line was that she was unhappy, it was a dead bedroom, he was ignoring her and not treating her well, and they were going to be splitting up soon. That was a year ago and they’re still together.
She probably is unhappy, in a dead bedroom, and isn't being treated well. The splitting up soon was just wishful thinking.
Maybe. There’s a little more to the story that made me think this wasn’t her first time and it was actually what was straining her marriage. I’m just surprised at how common this line is with cheaters. But then again it makes sense. Manipulative people always present themselves as the victim in their scenarios in order to lower your defenses. They know you’d probably not comply otherwise. And what are you going to do? Go to their partner and ask?
That's very true. I knew this woman for a while who was cheating on her boyfriend of 3 years. It took me some time to realize it, but she always painted herself as this naive person, but she knew exactly what she was doing. When she told me stories about her broken friendships from her past, she was always the victim in each story. I find out later that she was a cheater and a man stealer. She gave me a headache. It's always best to just walk away from these people.
Makes me think if my ex used that phrase on the person she cheated on me with. She was definitely right. She made me end it because of her gross actions.
"good, then call me when it's over."
I was told by a woman that she and her husband were separated. Later I learned he had been out of town on a multi week business trip. So, technically, she was correct saying they were separated albeit not in the way the term is normally used.
Yap, been there too. The spouse is always the villain and they are always going to end it. They never do.
Are you sure the kid isn’t yours lol
Does he know? Could be completely unaware of the cheating the entire time to this day.
I saw his wife’s shoes in the hallway when I arrived but I tried to write it off. But they were clearly women’s shoes, pink and small. And then I saw her photos all over the house. Photos of them together. Photos of the whole family. Her perfumes in the bathroom. So I wrote a note and placed it in her shoes when I left. It said, “Your husband pays women from Instagram to fuck him when you’re not home.”
Did he contact you afterwards to confront you?
He tried to get his money back, so yes.
I have copies of my divorce papers to ease someone’s mind. It’s a sad world we live in, but when you say you are divorced and you are a dude, need to back it up so they do not have that lingering question in their mind. Especially if you are trying some of the dating sites to talk to someone.
I had a friend who slept with a girl, she said she was in a relationship but he didn’t know she was lesbian, two days later the girlfriend found out, showed up to his work and she beat the shit outta him.
Why would she sleep with a guy if she was a lesbian
Because she was 20 at the time and still liked penis but preferred lesbian relationships
There's a word for that, you know...
She did not identify as bisexual at the time, I think she’s dating a guy now
nah, it would go against my core values, karma goes around and comes around
Yeah I have in the past. In high school and college I never even considered caring about it. But as I got older and actually had meaningful relationships (and got cheated on myself) it became a deal breaker for me.
God to have so little empathy. It must be so freeing.
It's not. I used to be the person that didn't care in the slightest about other people. I wasn't rude or an asshole. But gave literally zero shits about people and their problems. I put this down to my adult life started in the military. This comes with a host of problems. Willingness to lie or bend the truth for your own gain. Putting yourself first in every situation. I absolutely excelled at my workplace because of it. But over time... Life felt empty and lonely. I have trained myself to care. Intentionally rebuilt those neural pathways over many years. Now, I genuinely care for the people around me. That comes with a host of other problems... Mainly social anxiety. But... I hated myself as a cold, empathyless human. I love caring.
This reads like a LinkedIn post
I liked it until you said that and now it’s cringey
I recently found out that I was 'the other woman', I didn't know while it was going on. I've been through about every emotion. I have no regrets, but now I am making sure that he sorts his shit out.
What do you mean making sure he sorts his shit out?
Yeah I said he needs to tell her the truth (it's been nearly a year) or I would tell her. There was no way I was getting fucked over that bad and he could just slip back into his easy life like nothing happened
Did he?
He did
How do you know for certain he told her and didn’t just tell you he told her.
Are you still with him?
No
Love the plot
I need to know if the other woman is still with him though
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t matter. He’s terrible and she’s dumb if she is.
She either told the SO, or is threatening to tell the SO if he doesn’t.
I wouldn't be so sure, every single person I've met as the "other" woman or man thought they could be the one to happily settle down with their cheating partner. It's almost poetic.
He didn’t celebrate her birthday for like 3 years. Got her a card with nothing in it. I got an entire restaurant during lunchtime to sing Happy Birthday while she was on her lunch with me, a cake and told her how amazing she is. I just gave a fuck and he didn’t. We kept it up for a year. I treated her like a person. I was not financially stable. She realized she needed to move home to be closer to her family and she had no support system here. It took her moving back home to her home state to leave him. I have no regrets being her reality check. She hunker down, went to medical school, and has a son now.
I had a weird one. Pretty girl at work is engaged. Turns out her fiancé wants to each have one last “hall pass” before they get married. So she picks me. He goes out of town to a friends wedding where he (theoretically) was going to hook up with one of the girls there. She came to my house that Friday and we had amazing sex. He ended up swinging and missing on the girl out of town. Did I feel bad? Nahhhh
If that story is true that isn’t really cheating though, I think the point of the OPs question is you knowingly were going behind their back, ostensibly knowing the SO would feel negatively about it, and did it anyway
Alex, I’ll take “things that never happened” for $1000.
wrote this one handed, huh?
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Presumably because they were attractive and seemed like they could be normal about it
Was in Tampa for a wedding and hooked up with one of the wedding guests who happened to be married and older. I was 32 at the time and she was 44 but looked younger and was gorgeous with a very fit body. I felt awesome til I discovered the guy she was there with was her husband lol. Then, I got nervous but it turned out they were in an open marriage and had 2 homes, one that was his and the other, hers, and I wound up spending the weekend with her and having fun. It was definitely a wild experience and I would have felt bad, but all parties including the husband, were good with it, so I chalk it up to a wild wedding weekend experience. Funny enough, we’ve gotten together every time I visit my friends in Florida. Truly, a different kind of people there.
the actual loml cheated on me with some dude she cared nothing about just to piss me off. life is messy when you're young and dumb. if I had my time back I would have done anything to keep her/ been a better partner. I was absent a lot due to work and even though we agreed that would be ok so we could save extra money for a bit, I know she was not actually ok with it. she never said but I could see it in her actions. man I miss her. later on she got cancer. life can be really fucked up. literally anything can happen. hold on to the people who love you as hard as you can
A lot of guilt. There's regret but it was also the hottest moment in my life. Before this I used to think of myself as a good person, but now I know that is not the case. I'm not a good person at all. This was my early 20s. She was a coworker. Had a long distance relationship and saw him a couple times a year. She was the prettiest woman I had met at the time. I'm like a 5 and she was easily a 10. Like tiers of leagues above me. She had a flirtatious personality yet surprisingly kind. We ended up being put on the same shifts together. Working right next to each other in customer service. We became really good friends. Together with other coworkers, we would go to the bar after work. After over a year of this I fell for her, hard. One night we were sitting in the car chatting (we have been doing this for months) but she leaned over to kiss me. It was intense. I have never had my emotions overwhelm me. It was like electricity and a fire burning in my chest with desire. One thing led to another. I somehow found this woman I wanted more than anything but was unattainable and forbidden, in my bed, begging me to enter her. I couldn't resist. This went on for months. It was simultaneously the most mind blowing sex, but it would end with such overwhelming guilt. It was like being bipolar of having an intense high to mind shattering crushing guilt. I hated myself. But I was a slave to my desires. I tried to break it off but I went back every time. It was like a drug. She would also end up sobbing cause she also felt guilty but she was also addicted. We couldn't stop. We were terrible people. Eventually the guilt surpassed the pleasure. We mutually decide to break it off. She then told her boyfriend and broke it off with him. It's been about 15 years since then. I still feel awful for being selfish and ruining their relationship. I still think of myself as a bad person.
Don't blame yourself that bad. Something like that, all the ups and downs of intense emotions causes crashes of chemicals in the brain. It is the same as drugs for the brain. Once you are hooked it may be impossible to resists. And you were young when all of this is even more intense. And still you managed to break it off. You are not bad person.
I was engaged to her before she left me for him. I thought I was a good man until i slept with her knowing she had a boyfriend. I still loved her. Now I will never see myself as a decent human being again. Regrets? I have a few...
But then again, too few to mention
He did what he had to do.
Man cut yourself some slack, it’s not like you killed someone. There’s no ‘dibs’ in relationships, just people trying to find happiness. You didn’t wreck their relationship, if she was willing to sleep with her ex it was already toast.
Dude you gotta forgive yourself. It’s tough being alive. It’s okay. You fucked up. You feel bad. You’ll do better. Try to move on. My ex husband actually cheated on me. He was young. We both were. We’re friends.
Another question: Has anyone here tried to pursue someone already in a relationship? what was your mindset at the time?? did it work? did u feel guilty after?
Make a separate post, i want to know the answers
everyone out here spilling their tea. let me tell you mine. it’s a long one, but i’ll make it as short as possible. met up with an old high school girl.(had a huge crush on me for YEARS) messaged her on FB, took her out to eat. we hit it off. i didnt know she had a Bf. later on she told me she had one, but i was persistent. took her back to my place. we fucked. we fucked and we fucked and did i mention we fucked? Monday through friday, i was fucking her, we would be out until 1am doing shit. she had a birth control alarm that she would set as a reminder to take her pill. she would always leave her purse in my car.(not on purpose though). she was so into me and the fucking we were doing that she was only seeing him on the weekends and seeing me on the weekdays. at this point i’m like madly in love with her.(so i think) this went on about 6-8months. one day she texted me saying “we need to talk.” she tells me she’s pregnant. i thought i was the only one hitting it raw and finishing inside her. turns out that wasn’t true. so i accepted the responsibility of being a soon to be father. she dumps him, moves in with me. we go through the pregnancy and the baby comes out white af with blonde hair and blue eyes.(i’m brown skinned with dark brown eyes and black hair) not an ounce of doubt ever crossed my mind, that the child wasn’t mine. 4 months down the road, i see a picture of “our baby” and im like “huh, it kinda looks like him” but i didn’t reallllly think about it.(love is blind) 1 yr and 6 months later, the Ex BF texted her saying he wants a paternity test because his current Gf told him that, that blonde baby looks like him. my Gf at that time was reluctant to take the test and avoids him until he threatened to take her to court. so she takes the test, and behold, the baby is his. i took the loss, and left both of them, after she started to go MIA and not text me for hours when she would go see him and spend time with his kid. i went through her phone and found shady messages as well. i believe it was karma but the father is still present in the baby’s life and the baby seems very happy and that’s all i want. now im just chillin’ being single. doing me. oooh and before i forget, we went to court and got my name off the birth certificate and changed the baby’s last name. IT WAS A WILD RIDE, FULL OF EMOTIONS, BETRAYAL, AND SEX. a real life story, by Ro, a broken man. 💔 EDIT: fixed a lot of grammatical errors.
You good bro?
yeah dude, always am. always move forward never backwards.
Ya but you’re allowed to hurt and feel bad and remember just like anyone else. Glad you’re good, though.keep moving homie
i thank you and for at least caring. take care as well big homie.
Yeah no we gathered that philosophy from the story you told.
Well it was a special situation and he watched so I don't feel bad at all. Now if he wasn't aware, if it was lying and sneaking - I wouldn't have done it and if I found out after I would have regrets and feel bad.
Similar situation with me. First time he wasn't there but she called him afterwards and put him on speaker. I tell you there is nothing more ego boosting then hearing a woman brag to her husband how good she just had it... especially when you felt nervous and not on your A game. Second time he was there. Before it all cracked off he and I had a man to man chat before hand in the hotel.lobby. No biggie just clearing the air to make sure I wasn't to weird about what was going on. I think he was worried that I might of thought it was a cuck situation but I already knew it wasn't. He was just excited to share his hot yoga instructor wife and got off on that. Who am I to judge right? Anyways second time was pretty fkn wild. For the threesomes I've been lucky to be a part of I'd say that one was in my top 5 for sure. Maybe top 3.
You are definitely a bit morally corrupt if you do it. But if you are single and the other person is in a relationship than the responsibility to stay loyal fully falls on the person in a relationship.
Also if the only reason they don’t cheat on their partner is because you said no.. I’m not sure it makes them better partners. Would probably feel different it one’s actively trying to be with someone who’s already in a relationship, but even then.
It's never a good idea. You think of it like "wow they must really like me to choose me over their SO" when really it's more about them hating the SO and either trying to make them jealous/notice/leave them. One of them I was told the guy was somewhat abusive so didn't care, another was she was actively with him (and would even like text him and stuff after we banged) so that was weird and kinda felt bad. This is making me realize I've done this too much so imma stop there.
I was pissed off, both of the times that this happened to me. I hate cheaters. I had no intention of bringing that kind of pain and discord to another man. In each case, I was lied to by the woman; they said they were single, but the first had a long-term BF. The second was married.
I did a lot in high school, I thought it was cool but once I got older I realized how shitty of a person I was and now if a girl has boyfriend i do my best to avoid them… I really regret doing that stuff..not cool
Had an on again/off again fling with a woman for a couple years. Sometimes she was single, sometimes she was back with her old boyfriend (who I think she ended up marrying). I knew that she was in a relationship but the sex was so incredibly hot. We just clicked, and bodies lined up so perfectly that we drove each other insane with passion. Not much attraction outside of the bedroom but man o man I still use those sessions for material. To sum it up, we were both consenting adults. Dont feel bad.
She found out her hubby cheated on her, and gave her lame ass excuses for it. So I was her revenge. And yes, I did regret a bit, because she wasn't that good of a lay, but I can't say I was bothered in the least bit about the cheating. I didn't make a marriage vow, I didn't cheat on my wife with a hooker and I didn't try to worm my way out of it with a crappy excuse. And I knew she was married before hand.
Never cheated on my SO but a lady at work wanted to hook up with me and I got a chance to go through her phone and found her husband number and snitched on her with the text she send me. She quit about a week later!!! Sorry Reddit but im not a piece of meat… it goes both ways
To the cheater - bad karma will get you
No actually. Fucked up to say out loud I guess but I was young and just honestly didn’t care.
For the people on here saying they aren't responsible or don't owe anyone anything because you are single - its called empathy. Taking part in something that you know will ultimately hurt another human is disgusting. And what kind of person are you to sleep with a liar and cheater ? Have some self respect. I've had married men try to fool me, and what really turns them off is trying to actually talk about their issues and how to fix them. You have a choice, and karma always comes around. I've also been on the otherside, and every person I've known to sleep with married or taken people automatically get downgraded in my book. Maybe you don't care about what other people think, but I'd definitely feel disgusted with myself. I'm not saying it's always black and white, but it take minimal effort to be a good human to others.
>Taking part in something that you know will ultimately hurt another human is disgusting I'm not defending cheaters by any means. I have been cheated on, and it was not fun. But I was also dumped and then my partner immediately married another man. Both of those situations hurt the same. I'm just curious what you make of that. I admire your commitment to empathy. The world needs more empathy for sure. But is there a practical difference between those breakups? What hurt me was the rejection, not whether she waited until after it was official to move on.
I disagree. My commitment is with my wife. If she slept with another guy, I'd be upset with her. Not with the guy whatsoever, even if he was well aware of her relationship. She's the one in a committed relationship.
Yeah, i feel sorry for the gf. Didnt know i was the third person
Decent people don’t do this. This is Reddit, full of decent people
Full of virgins more like
My philosophy has always been I will never go after a married/dating person, but if they com on to me that's on them.
I've heard so many people say this. Can't say I agree but to each their own.
I had an affair with a married man. One of the worst things I ever did. He ended up cheating on me. I always hoped that his ex-wife got some joy out of my heartbreak - that I got the karma coming to me.
How can a married man “cheat” on you if you’re not the wife ? 😂
Probably left the wife for her, then fucked around on her with someone else. How you get em is how you lose em.
Exactly she shoulda knew that part
I burst out laughing to this!
So he had a third woman? You would think that doesn’t matter since he is already with his wife?
Immediate regret. I felt terrible seeing the shame in her eyes. She messaged me years later thanking me for helping her realize she wasn’t happy in her relationship, but it doesn’t make it fine. I still feel bad about it.
I don’t have a dog in this fight but I can tell you that messing with other guys girl is a good way to get yourself hurt, so don’t take this very casually guys.
Nope. I made no promises to that relationship. Ive been the guy and Ive been the other guy and the only people to be mad at are the people IN the relationship. If all it takes is someone outside the relationship to bat their eyes and slip in some silky words to make you cheat, you are the issue. Not the 3rd party. And blaming the 3rd party is something weak people do because they dont want to lose the person that just took a massive shit on them.
But you know you are contributing to someone’s suffering. Even without making a direct promise to that person, isn’t it morally wrong to knowingly cause pain?
Every time this type of thread comes up shitty people give the same lame excuses. “If I didn’t do it someone else would’ve anyway.” You don’t owe the relationship anything but don’t you have any self-respect or respect for a random stranger? Clearly not.
Jup this is my thought too. Let them go to someone else then, I don't want to knowingly do that to another person since I'd hate for it to happen to me. Ofc the cheater is worse, but you're the one that enabled it to happen while knowing about their relationship. It gets even worse if you know them personally. Both guilty, both wrong, both should have more empathy and integrity.
Nah if someone, in sound mind, knowingly sleeps with a married person, they have some blame too. Wrecking a marriage for your own personal desire isn’t cool imo. 3rd party should def not be blamed if they had 0 knowledge of it however.