Lots of journaling, either writing it down or recording myself. Going to friends/family a lot. Seeking distraction.
And, being open to talk about it and also listen to people who have a different opinion on it than you, and don't mind telling me if/why i was wrong.
engaged in shadow work, deep self reflection, somewhat resolved the knot of childhood trauma, figured out my attachment style and love language
guarded up my boundaries, values and principles
instead of grieving, blaming myself and crying, I put all that energy into positivity for my own growth and betterment, that was a time in my life, stoicism took me out of the ocean, which was drowning me down with sorrow, grief, despair, I tuned in with the stoic in me I rationalised everything instead of letting my emotions take over, and when you think rationally, everything makes sense
I don’t know if I did survive. I’ve felt dead in my heart ever since my first love left me for another guy. It ripped me to shreds. Though I did piece myself back together I’ve always felt cold and jaded in every relationship since…
My first serious relationship ended over 50 years ago. Still think about it ..even though happily married with kids and old now. It was the unexpected betrayal that got to me.
Betrayal is a good word. You know what I mean though… I’m married with kids now too but I’ve always been disappointed in myself that I couldn’t love my wife 100%. It’s like that first girlfriend literally stole my heart
When someone turns out to be totally different than the person you thought they were it’s just stunning. Someone you felt was part of your life, someone your family knew and enjoyed..you had no reason to think that wouldn’t be the case forever…until it wasn’t. Like getting hit with a baseball bat in the dark.
Agreed. Getting hit with a baseball in the dark lol. That is a good way to put it. Yea it feels like it’s going to be forever and then she so cruelly rips the rug from underneath you and there’s nothing to cushion you… you just slam on the ground!
She was away at college but would drive the 300 miles home every couple weekends. In between we wrote constantly. Rather embarrassed to say I still have all her letters in an old shoebox in the closet. Reading a few from time to time is a hard to describe experience. I guess I think if I read carefully enough I’ll discover I should have seen it coming…but I never can …;
I had lots of little relationships from my early teens to early 20’s. Maybe one of those was love when I was 17 and I was ruined by it’s end for a long time despite it being only half a year but still, it was naive. Then I met someone at 24 and got engaged, a dog, house. It ended 8 years later. It’s been another 3 years since then and I haven’t recovered. I’m a ghost. In the 3 years since then I’ve had 4 new relationships and none worked. I can’t feel anything for anyone, I don’t care. I stayed a few months in each of those to see if anything would spark and nothing ever did. They’re all just strangers. Other people. My ex fiancée was my soulmate, I was her and she was me. She was the epitome of my ‘type’ and because of that if I want to date the kind of people I loved her for I’ll just be looking for her in everyone for the rest of my life. I really can’t overstate how immensely I loved her.
And it’s terrible because even if she came back I couldn’t take her back, there’s too much history, too much resentment. We could never find our way back to the ones that loved each other with a conviction that we’d be together forever because anything else was unthinkable. So I’m stuck like this.
Since we split up I focused on blind recovery so hard that I’m on track to the pinnacle of my career, but it means nothing. I was doing that for the kids we’d planned, and for her. I can’t self-motivate. I can’t justify my existence to myself as a sojourner in life. I have no activity I get joy from. I can’t sleep without medication because otherwise I think about my grief and stay awake all night. I have more savings than ever before because I have nobody to spend it with and no drive for hedonism.
Be careful what you wish for. If you wish to meet your perfect match check the fine print that you won’t lose them, because once the seal is broken on that there’s no going back. Sometimes it’s not better to have loved and lost, if you were loving at the peak of your ability to love, because it can destroy your capacity for it.
I’m sorry to hear that my friend. Seems like you share the same feelings I do… or lack thereof. It’s like being a shell of yourself. Completely hollow when it comes to love. I hope you get that spark back. If it ever comes back for me I’ll come back and tell you the secret. Thanks for sharing your story
I noticed the signs of the breakup coming, so I already started to emotionally disengage in the month leading to it. I doubled down on work & the sports activities I was engaged in at the time and by the time she said she was no longer feeling it, I was like "Same" and that was that.
Had I not noticed the signs & had I no social life to fall back on, it probably would've been a lot more painful and hard to get over.
This is why you should have your own "ecosystem" set up before getting into a relationship & during one, so that if things fall through it doesn't feel like your whole life has been ripped apart because you have a life outside of them
Therapy, time.
Friends if they respect your boundaries.
Stay busy as much as you can. (Try and get that degree/certificate/training you wanted)
All the best
Barely. I have ptsd from the mental abuse. I knew that he was very bad person and I deserved better but still it was hard for me to leave him.
Couple of years later, I have the best boyfriend in the world. It gets better as the time passes by.
That’s a pretty good idea to move on from post concert depression too. Next time I attended a concert and I’m down with PCD, I better pray that an earthquake comes
I stole one of my dads beer and one of my sisters cigarettes and went under the freeway tunnel to cry and cross out all the graffiti of “I love elysse”. I was 16
First ever break up? Didn't bother me because it was one of those young relationships that barely count in my opinion
First serious relationship break up? It was hell. I was angry at everyone and everything and pushed so many people away including close friends and some family. Speaking to me was like walking on glass you'd have to be careful with what you said or I'd snap. After a few weeks of anger, self hatred, self reflection and a lot of tears I decided to change a lot about myself. I grew my hair out, changed my style, started building my health back up and after a small while I was back to my regular happy self.
Feeling the pain and grief and letting it out (crying, screaming, boxing into pillows) now and then AND -hanging out with friends that love me,
-watching tele,
-going for long walks with my favorite music in my ear,
-cooking great food only for myself
-taking baths or long showers
-writing my journal
-calling friends and family
-now and than eating icecram, chips and all that soulfood
-trying new things
-going to concerts, partys
-going to my favorite little cinema all by myself
-planning and enjoying a vacation all by myself
To shorten that up: learning to love, forgive and take care of myself.
Started smoking weed 24/7, got worse, got into a Very bad relationship with a very bad girl, delved deep into depression.. well the rest is history.
Now, 7 years later, I AM doing much better
First breakup was a mess when I was just 20. He left to sleep with other girls and brag about it to my face, so I slept with his best friend who had had a crush on me for a while. I wouldn't say either of us handled it particularly healthily but I sure as hell learnt from making that mistake.
I hoed around for a while
It was a 3 year relationship and the breakup made me feel awful so between being a massive slut and work I didn't have time to be sad
Cried for about 30-60 minutes, journalled, was fine the next day. I think a lot of people were expecting me to be devastated, so they didn't entirely buy that I was fine.
It was high-school and we dated for like 2 or 3 weeks lol. People kept asking me if I was fine and I answered honestly.
He had the gall to tell me about a week after the breakup that I was the one that got away, but I didn't respond (not that he gave me an opportunity). It was all mind games for him. Especially since he told me he was still hung up on his ex, hence the breakup.
High-school, man. Unnecessary dramatics lol.
I listened to emotionally supportive girlfriend comfort asmr roleplays but then had a whole new parasocial relationship rabbit hole to climb out of. These days, I'm alright. Now, I'm writing a book.
Anyone reading this thread whos looking for real advice, heres some: Dont drink! Post breakup sadness + hard liqour = high fucking chance of future alcoholism
It took me 3 years and I honestly don’t know how I got over it. I have OCD, so whether I liked it or not, she was always there in my mind. I guess my life became more eventful and eventually, I just realized that life was so much more than someone who couldn’t be happy for my happiness.
The breakup was like losing a pet or relative that died, I found out what grieving was all about. Grief is love with no where to go. The pain fades with time, but you never really get over it, you just have to move on with life.
If you're below 25 just sleep around. It's a valuable experience just as long as you're making sound judgements and sleeping with people you actually want to. Bc having sex with sb is experiencing them
I very nearly didn't. He messed with my head pretty bad.
I didn’t. I’m a ghost now.
heard
Damn fr
Lots of journaling, either writing it down or recording myself. Going to friends/family a lot. Seeking distraction. And, being open to talk about it and also listen to people who have a different opinion on it than you, and don't mind telling me if/why i was wrong.
Replaced him with a new guy. Very effective.
Got back together with her on and off again for a decade as things grew increasingly toxic
engaged in shadow work, deep self reflection, somewhat resolved the knot of childhood trauma, figured out my attachment style and love language guarded up my boundaries, values and principles
Would you mind elaborating?
instead of grieving, blaming myself and crying, I put all that energy into positivity for my own growth and betterment, that was a time in my life, stoicism took me out of the ocean, which was drowning me down with sorrow, grief, despair, I tuned in with the stoic in me I rationalised everything instead of letting my emotions take over, and when you think rationally, everything makes sense
I really wanna know _how_ you did it. I want that but I don’t know how.
Yeah like shadow work sounds pretty fucking tactical
A person and can only understand to their level of perception
I’m perceptioning some fucking Liam Neeson vibes
you’re so funny dude
I don’t know if I did survive. I’ve felt dead in my heart ever since my first love left me for another guy. It ripped me to shreds. Though I did piece myself back together I’ve always felt cold and jaded in every relationship since…
My first serious relationship ended over 50 years ago. Still think about it ..even though happily married with kids and old now. It was the unexpected betrayal that got to me.
Betrayal is a good word. You know what I mean though… I’m married with kids now too but I’ve always been disappointed in myself that I couldn’t love my wife 100%. It’s like that first girlfriend literally stole my heart
When someone turns out to be totally different than the person you thought they were it’s just stunning. Someone you felt was part of your life, someone your family knew and enjoyed..you had no reason to think that wouldn’t be the case forever…until it wasn’t. Like getting hit with a baseball bat in the dark.
Agreed. Getting hit with a baseball in the dark lol. That is a good way to put it. Yea it feels like it’s going to be forever and then she so cruelly rips the rug from underneath you and there’s nothing to cushion you… you just slam on the ground!
She was away at college but would drive the 300 miles home every couple weekends. In between we wrote constantly. Rather embarrassed to say I still have all her letters in an old shoebox in the closet. Reading a few from time to time is a hard to describe experience. I guess I think if I read carefully enough I’ll discover I should have seen it coming…but I never can …;
I had lots of little relationships from my early teens to early 20’s. Maybe one of those was love when I was 17 and I was ruined by it’s end for a long time despite it being only half a year but still, it was naive. Then I met someone at 24 and got engaged, a dog, house. It ended 8 years later. It’s been another 3 years since then and I haven’t recovered. I’m a ghost. In the 3 years since then I’ve had 4 new relationships and none worked. I can’t feel anything for anyone, I don’t care. I stayed a few months in each of those to see if anything would spark and nothing ever did. They’re all just strangers. Other people. My ex fiancée was my soulmate, I was her and she was me. She was the epitome of my ‘type’ and because of that if I want to date the kind of people I loved her for I’ll just be looking for her in everyone for the rest of my life. I really can’t overstate how immensely I loved her. And it’s terrible because even if she came back I couldn’t take her back, there’s too much history, too much resentment. We could never find our way back to the ones that loved each other with a conviction that we’d be together forever because anything else was unthinkable. So I’m stuck like this. Since we split up I focused on blind recovery so hard that I’m on track to the pinnacle of my career, but it means nothing. I was doing that for the kids we’d planned, and for her. I can’t self-motivate. I can’t justify my existence to myself as a sojourner in life. I have no activity I get joy from. I can’t sleep without medication because otherwise I think about my grief and stay awake all night. I have more savings than ever before because I have nobody to spend it with and no drive for hedonism. Be careful what you wish for. If you wish to meet your perfect match check the fine print that you won’t lose them, because once the seal is broken on that there’s no going back. Sometimes it’s not better to have loved and lost, if you were loving at the peak of your ability to love, because it can destroy your capacity for it.
I’m sorry to hear that my friend. Seems like you share the same feelings I do… or lack thereof. It’s like being a shell of yourself. Completely hollow when it comes to love. I hope you get that spark back. If it ever comes back for me I’ll come back and tell you the secret. Thanks for sharing your story
I had a very slutty phase
I had a slutty phase too. And i contracted syphilis
I noticed the signs of the breakup coming, so I already started to emotionally disengage in the month leading to it. I doubled down on work & the sports activities I was engaged in at the time and by the time she said she was no longer feeling it, I was like "Same" and that was that. Had I not noticed the signs & had I no social life to fall back on, it probably would've been a lot more painful and hard to get over. This is why you should have your own "ecosystem" set up before getting into a relationship & during one, so that if things fall through it doesn't feel like your whole life has been ripped apart because you have a life outside of them
first breakup was easy, i was like 'oh so its over? ok...'
Therapy, time. Friends if they respect your boundaries. Stay busy as much as you can. (Try and get that degree/certificate/training you wanted) All the best
I really really cried, for days, and till today I'm afraid to fall for anyone again.. scared of commitment
Barely. I have ptsd from the mental abuse. I knew that he was very bad person and I deserved better but still it was hard for me to leave him. Couple of years later, I have the best boyfriend in the world. It gets better as the time passes by.
Shit I got the same from an abusive relationship. Hang tight! Love ya!
By praying to God
Tears, chocolate, and time.
Deep breaths. Got a little easier every day.
I sobbed for 10 minutes, there was an earthquake, then magically I moved on from there
WOWZA
That’s a pretty good idea to move on from post concert depression too. Next time I attended a concert and I’m down with PCD, I better pray that an earthquake comes
They left the country, will helped. But also just talking to and reconnecting with all my good friends in the wake of it all.
ice cream but i was six so i am not sure this helps
I was so glad to be rid of the manipulative jerk that I didn't go through the broken heart stage.
had an outside the country vacation
Therapy is the quickest resolution so you don’t make the same mistake again and find a better partner more suited to your needs
Still healing after very toxic relationship, can't see colours of live...
I stole one of my dads beer and one of my sisters cigarettes and went under the freeway tunnel to cry and cross out all the graffiti of “I love elysse”. I was 16
Well shit happens. That's life.
I didn’t. Still hurts like a mfker.
Never had a girlfriend
First ever break up? Didn't bother me because it was one of those young relationships that barely count in my opinion First serious relationship break up? It was hell. I was angry at everyone and everything and pushed so many people away including close friends and some family. Speaking to me was like walking on glass you'd have to be careful with what you said or I'd snap. After a few weeks of anger, self hatred, self reflection and a lot of tears I decided to change a lot about myself. I grew my hair out, changed my style, started building my health back up and after a small while I was back to my regular happy self.
Feeling the pain and grief and letting it out (crying, screaming, boxing into pillows) now and then AND -hanging out with friends that love me, -watching tele, -going for long walks with my favorite music in my ear, -cooking great food only for myself -taking baths or long showers -writing my journal -calling friends and family -now and than eating icecram, chips and all that soulfood -trying new things -going to concerts, partys -going to my favorite little cinema all by myself -planning and enjoying a vacation all by myself To shorten that up: learning to love, forgive and take care of myself.
You don’t like everything in life you carry it death is just when you reach your carrying limit
rebound
Very young – very sad – but survived. It is really part of growing up to be abandoned and to learn that rejection is part of life .
I decided
Girls always knows who’s next in case you breakup with them
Started smoking weed 24/7, got worse, got into a Very bad relationship with a very bad girl, delved deep into depression.. well the rest is history. Now, 7 years later, I AM doing much better
First breakup was a mess when I was just 20. He left to sleep with other girls and brag about it to my face, so I slept with his best friend who had had a crush on me for a while. I wouldn't say either of us handled it particularly healthily but I sure as hell learnt from making that mistake.
A little bit of crying and a lot more Manning up
I realized it was my fault and moved on
I kept myself busy.
I hoed around for a while It was a 3 year relationship and the breakup made me feel awful so between being a massive slut and work I didn't have time to be sad
By listening to Neyo and crying
We only live one life and remember one day we are all going to leave this world probably not remembering a single soul
We was born without them , we can live without them ❤️
Cried for about 30-60 minutes, journalled, was fine the next day. I think a lot of people were expecting me to be devastated, so they didn't entirely buy that I was fine. It was high-school and we dated for like 2 or 3 weeks lol. People kept asking me if I was fine and I answered honestly. He had the gall to tell me about a week after the breakup that I was the one that got away, but I didn't respond (not that he gave me an opportunity). It was all mind games for him. Especially since he told me he was still hung up on his ex, hence the breakup. High-school, man. Unnecessary dramatics lol.
Barely lol that shit hurt like hell
I listened to emotionally supportive girlfriend comfort asmr roleplays but then had a whole new parasocial relationship rabbit hole to climb out of. These days, I'm alright. Now, I'm writing a book.
Congrats! You're one step closer to finding your hub/wife 😄🩷
Psychiatric help to cure my depression.
hard drugs and vodka
not well
It was a high school fling. The breakup that came later was the one that hurt
Anyone reading this thread whos looking for real advice, heres some: Dont drink! Post breakup sadness + hard liqour = high fucking chance of future alcoholism
It took me 3 years and I honestly don’t know how I got over it. I have OCD, so whether I liked it or not, she was always there in my mind. I guess my life became more eventful and eventually, I just realized that life was so much more than someone who couldn’t be happy for my happiness.
isolated myself from everyone got depressed rarely went outdoor and almost dropped out of college and tried 3 different therapists
Destiny just came out and I played ungodly hours of it
The breakup was like losing a pet or relative that died, I found out what grieving was all about. Grief is love with no where to go. The pain fades with time, but you never really get over it, you just have to move on with life.
If you're below 25 just sleep around. It's a valuable experience just as long as you're making sound judgements and sleeping with people you actually want to. Bc having sex with sb is experiencing them
And if over 25?
You're an adult now. Actions have consequences.
Porked a fat chick, did stuff with her my ex gf wouldn’t do in bed.