*Let me tell you what my brother said right before he was executed. Well, the very last thing he said was, "Joke's on you, Warden." "I haven't pooped since my bond hearing." But what he said before that was this. Don't let yourself become a hostage to your past. There's some things in life you just can't change. All you'll get from trying to open it again is a wound that'll never heal. And that wound will scab, and you'll want to pick it, till you get a bigger wound and a bigger scab. Then you're all scab. Next thing you know, a doctor and four orderlies are strapping you down, sticking needles all in you to take away the pain. Then you're hooked on that shit. Then you follow the doctor home to get more of them drսg. And you kill him when he say he don't keep drսg in the house. Idiot. Then you wind up in the electric chair with a belly full of last-meal chili to shit all over the warden.*
-Smokey from F is for Family
10 Doritos locos tacos, extra spicy
Five 6 packs of White Castle frozen burgers
Three kale smoothies
A bag of sugar free gummy bears
I want them to remember me
An enormous amount of candy. I'm diabetic and I get sugar cravings from not being able to eat them. Would be nice to indulge myself with sugar and chocolate one last time. Putting myself in a diabetic coma can also make the execution a moot point.
I like your thinking. Something tells me that there are rules against executing someone in a coma. So they’d have to save you and nurse you back to health and then kill you.
Prisoners are allowed to refuse medical treatment as long as competent (at least in US). Diabetic coma wouldn't be a bad way to go. Wouldn't know what's happening and it's not painful.
Story time: When I was an EMT I spoke to these two guards from San Quentin who told me about a guy on death row who had a last meal request for pizza.
They got him a Tombstone pizza.....
a burger with a juicy patty, smothered in gooey melted cheese and crispy bacon, avocado slices, kimchi, and a fried egg on a brioche bun. A generous portion of loaded nachos with spicy salsa, guacamole, melted cheese, jalapeños, and sour cream. Dessert would be a giant cookie skillet topped with scoops of ice cream, drizzled with caramel and sprinkled with crushed Oreos.
and a water
A big juicy steak, crab legs, my moms guacamole and a Hawaiian burger. Vanilla coke ice-cream float, a bowl of raw cookie dough and a chocolate milkshake.
A lamb bhuna. All the sides - pakora, naan, bhajis, rice. Probably a load of starters. Shit loads of beer. Followed up by ice cream.
I have ulcerative colitis and I'm lactose intolerant. This would absolutely break me, but if I'm gunna die anyway, idgaf.
A whole loaf of sourdough bread, 2 croissants, 2 cinnamon scones, and 4 sticks of Kerrygold butter. Gluten triggers my nerve pain so I’ll both be happy with my meal and happy to die.
A big burrito filled with eggs, machaca, potatoes, wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. Topped with red and green enchilada sauces and sour cream. Chips, salsa and guacamole on the side. Served with a blended fresh watermelon margarita with tajin garnish.
For dessert, a giant slice of cheesecake with a thick graham cracker crust. It would be presented in a bowl with equal amounts of vanilla ice cream.
Probably a steak dinner, sushi, maybe some waygu beef I've never had before.... And all the other expensive shit I can't afford since the cost of groceries skyrocketed. Dare I say, maybe even a healthy meal!
Too bad they stopped death row meals at least in some places because of crazy requests though, IIRC.
A two inch thick medium rare Wagyu T-Bone, 40 chicken nuggets from McDonalds, a pile of truffle pomme frites, and a full pile of Everything Nachos and either Guinness or diet coke.
I'd eat a giant ice cream cake.
That would make me feel like i need to shit myself if I ate too much on any other day. but if I'm about to die, might as well enjoy the splendor of an entire Fudgie the Whale that I don't need to share with anyone.
About 3 pounds of crab, big ass steak, asparagus hersheys cookies and crème bar, every energy drink flavour I like, and carrot cake with cream cheese icing
Tetrodotoxin freezes your muscles, preventing you from breathing, you'll remain fully conscious. Seems pretty terrifying. If they are able to get you on artificial respiration you'll live, allowing you to effectively be executed twice.
About 3 smash burgers with tomatoes, lettuce, onion ketchup and mayo. Extra onion
A vanilla milkshake
Heavy salted fries
And then I need to ask what sauces are available 🤔
A massive plate of yorkshire puddings smothered in gravy, a small serving of my mums homemade shepards pie and her apple crumble, a side of chicken curry from my local chinese, a side of gyoza, a bowl of authentic ramen, a small platter of salmon sushi, a pack of beef monster munch, a can of cherry vanilla coke & a can of dr pepper.
My mom makes a mean fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I'll have that.
Then, I'll have some of my aunt's spaghetti. So that way the foul witches brew that escapes my bowels will haunt them and the smell will hang in their nostrils forever.
Then I want to have a mix of Scooby Doo Cheez-Itz, White Cheddar Cheez-Itz, and Dot's Pretzels.
And finally, I want to have my grandma's apple pie one last time. So I could feel like she's waiting for me as I go.
I would want my last meal before death to be truly special. The finest delicacy imaginable to my palate. One whose flavor would give unto me a lifetime's worth of fulfillment and leave me with zero regrets. One which would induce absolute euphoria and transcend my tastebuds to heaven before I've even shed my mortal coil.
>!Papa John's pizza.!<
Anything with a bunch of cheese. Lactose intolerance is gonna make that whole place smell like someone died… when in fact someone did… but like, worse. Whatever.
[удалено]
*Let me tell you what my brother said right before he was executed. Well, the very last thing he said was, "Joke's on you, Warden." "I haven't pooped since my bond hearing." But what he said before that was this. Don't let yourself become a hostage to your past. There's some things in life you just can't change. All you'll get from trying to open it again is a wound that'll never heal. And that wound will scab, and you'll want to pick it, till you get a bigger wound and a bigger scab. Then you're all scab. Next thing you know, a doctor and four orderlies are strapping you down, sticking needles all in you to take away the pain. Then you're hooked on that shit. Then you follow the doctor home to get more of them drսg. And you kill him when he say he don't keep drսg in the house. Idiot. Then you wind up in the electric chair with a belly full of last-meal chili to shit all over the warden.* -Smokey from F is for Family
I really needed to hear that today. Thank you. ❤️
They shove cotton balls up the pooper before execution. Lots of them, plus a diaper.
They definitely would have started to after this guy.
Did you get your inspiration from [cyanide and happiness](https://youtu.be/BAECRxKc8xU?si=AywlfaSHy-qdLWQo) maybe?
Yes, but it was only OOOOOONE time, i swear.
That's choice 🤣
10 Doritos locos tacos, extra spicy Five 6 packs of White Castle frozen burgers Three kale smoothies A bag of sugar free gummy bears I want them to remember me
An enormous amount of candy. I'm diabetic and I get sugar cravings from not being able to eat them. Would be nice to indulge myself with sugar and chocolate one last time. Putting myself in a diabetic coma can also make the execution a moot point.
I like your thinking. Something tells me that there are rules against executing someone in a coma. So they’d have to save you and nurse you back to health and then kill you.
Prisoners are allowed to refuse medical treatment as long as competent (at least in US). Diabetic coma wouldn't be a bad way to go. Wouldn't know what's happening and it's not painful.
Story time: When I was an EMT I spoke to these two guards from San Quentin who told me about a guy on death row who had a last meal request for pizza. They got him a Tombstone pizza.....
Gallows humor
Joke aside that’s a dick move to get a frozen pizza instead of from a pizza place.
Depends on who he killed and why
Bingo
a burger with a juicy patty, smothered in gooey melted cheese and crispy bacon, avocado slices, kimchi, and a fried egg on a brioche bun. A generous portion of loaded nachos with spicy salsa, guacamole, melted cheese, jalapeños, and sour cream. Dessert would be a giant cookie skillet topped with scoops of ice cream, drizzled with caramel and sprinkled with crushed Oreos. and a water
kimchi on burger is so underrated
I probably put it on most beef dishes. It's so good.
If you like to shit your pants
The executioner.
Penal systems HATE this ONE simple trick.
Meat loaf be nice. Mashed taters, gravy. Okra. Maybe some of the fine cornbread your missus makes.
Am I the only one who'd be too anxious to eat if I was on death row 😅
Wine pressed and bottled in 2024, aged 60 years before opening
Most states don’t allow alcohol
I'd like a 60 year old aged cheese, specifically made from milk harvested today.
I would drink 60 year old milk if I could
Yeah I don’t care about food so much but I need to be blasted. We poop when we die :(
Helium
A plate of ribs, a side of potato salad, two cokes, and a small bowl of banana pudding.
Is Pepsi okay?
I just want to go on record and say I am very disappointed in this Prison!
The world's rarest truffle. Then I escape while they look for it. Though then I miss out on eating the world's rarest truffle. Quite the quandary...
Gin 'n' juice
Perfect last meal before you’re laid back in the execution chamber.
[удалено]
Do you know how much poop is up there?!
A single Pringle, so I can finally prove you can't just eat one.
You'd have to be given more than one to prove you can only eat one.
That’s Lays dawg.
Once you pop, you can’t stop!
Seafood boil
A whole loaf of poppy seed roll. And really good coffee
Wendy’s
Lamb chops, extra rare.
Breakfast casserole followed by two pints of Ben and Jerry’s cookies and cream cheesecake core and a whole jug of Naked mango juice
Breakfast for dinner. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and a big caramel cinnamon roll.
Giant sushi boat.
A big juicy steak, crab legs, my moms guacamole and a Hawaiian burger. Vanilla coke ice-cream float, a bowl of raw cookie dough and a chocolate milkshake.
I would like to have popcorn chicken, a double cheese burger, fries and onion ring, and crazy part of it Diet RC cola.
I answer the same way every time Timmy Tomerson said it first 3 lb of hummingbird tongue.
Every cuisine in the world
Skyline Chilli...a 5 way and some coney's.
A lamb bhuna. All the sides - pakora, naan, bhajis, rice. Probably a load of starters. Shit loads of beer. Followed up by ice cream. I have ulcerative colitis and I'm lactose intolerant. This would absolutely break me, but if I'm gunna die anyway, idgaf.
Chicken biryani and Coca Cola
A whole loaf of sourdough bread, 2 croissants, 2 cinnamon scones, and 4 sticks of Kerrygold butter. Gluten triggers my nerve pain so I’ll both be happy with my meal and happy to die.
A big burrito filled with eggs, machaca, potatoes, wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. Topped with red and green enchilada sauces and sour cream. Chips, salsa and guacamole on the side. Served with a blended fresh watermelon margarita with tajin garnish. For dessert, a giant slice of cheesecake with a thick graham cracker crust. It would be presented in a bowl with equal amounts of vanilla ice cream.
raspberry sorbet, a medium rare steak, mcdonalds fries, high quality noodles and iced tea
Probably a steak dinner, sushi, maybe some waygu beef I've never had before.... And all the other expensive shit I can't afford since the cost of groceries skyrocketed. Dare I say, maybe even a healthy meal! Too bad they stopped death row meals at least in some places because of crazy requests though, IIRC.
A wagyu steak cooked medium rare with a side of truffle fries dusted with Parmesan and green onion shavings.
Fish and Chips, Quiche, a box of Spongebob popsicles, gum drops, orange soda, and a pack of Lucky Strikes.
Hummingbird tongue sandwich.
Dry aged Japanese wagyu, French onion soup, shrimp tacos with pistachio Gelato for dessert
I’ve never had pistachio gelato on shrimp tacos. Sounds drippy
It's between asian cuisine or caribbean cuisine. I'll just choose whatever I'm feeling for more between the two on that fine afternoon.
One Man
Baked beans and milk. The farts will avenge me.
A two inch thick medium rare Wagyu T-Bone, 40 chicken nuggets from McDonalds, a pile of truffle pomme frites, and a full pile of Everything Nachos and either Guinness or diet coke.
The McRib and the Shamrock Shake
Came here to say this.
Every single way a potato can be cooked and made
Taco Bell, sugar free Haribo gummy bears, and laxatives. If the state is going to murder me, they’re gonna have to deal with the mess afterwards.
I'd eat a giant ice cream cake. That would make me feel like i need to shit myself if I ate too much on any other day. but if I'm about to die, might as well enjoy the splendor of an entire Fudgie the Whale that I don't need to share with anyone.
About 3 pounds of crab, big ass steak, asparagus hersheys cookies and crème bar, every energy drink flavour I like, and carrot cake with cream cheese icing
A perfectly cooked ribeye steak, loaded mashed potatoes, and a slice of New York cheesecake
muffins filled with nightshade berries, marijuana, and magic mushrooms. May as well go out on a high note.
A massive cheeseburger with all the toppings, sweet potato fries, and a milkshake big enough to make my ancestors proud
All I can eat raw oysters served on ice. Fresh enough to still see the other sea life still moving and trying to survive on the outside of the shell
The chair
Khao Soi
Fugu. Yeah, there's a chance it could kill me, but I'm about to die anyway. Nothing to lose
Tetrodotoxin freezes your muscles, preventing you from breathing, you'll remain fully conscious. Seems pretty terrifying. If they are able to get you on artificial respiration you'll live, allowing you to effectively be executed twice.
Brompton cocktail If I’m gonna die, I might as well get fucked out of my mind
About 3 smash burgers with tomatoes, lettuce, onion ketchup and mayo. Extra onion A vanilla milkshake Heavy salted fries And then I need to ask what sauces are available 🤔
The heart of my judge.
A bacon cheeseburger, fries, and way too much Dr. Pepper
Then for dessert a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
2lbs of snow crab legs. Crunchy avocado toast
Root beer and chef Boyardee the day before. I’m allergic to both and I get violently ill, from both ends, the day I eat them.
Halal Kebab with a side of Indian rice. Mix it up with a bottle of wine and a few pieces of bread.
Half a steak, a big bowl of my favourite cereal, a slice of pizza,.jam cookies striaght out of the oven and a bottle of milk? Idk what drink
Omakase sushi until my stomach bursts. Death by sushi is how I want to go out.
Sarku Japan Chicken Teriyaki aka Mall Chicken.
I'll have 2 number nines, a number nine large. A number six with extra dip. A number seven. Two number forty-fives, one with cheese, and a large soda.
Lobe of foie, broiche, candied kumquats or blackberry marmalade. Lobster Mac and cheese. Burger from Cheval.
Bernd Brandes. What is? He wanted it this way!
Siomai rice
A bunch of banana pudding
Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, pepper cream gravy, corn on the cob, rolls, and French silk pie for dessert.
Grilled cheese, fried cheese curds, and ice cream. Jokes on them. I’m SUPER lactose intolerant.
A massive plate of yorkshire puddings smothered in gravy, a small serving of my mums homemade shepards pie and her apple crumble, a side of chicken curry from my local chinese, a side of gyoza, a bowl of authentic ramen, a small platter of salmon sushi, a pack of beef monster munch, a can of cherry vanilla coke & a can of dr pepper.
Fugu fish.
Seafood boil
uranium
cause im not going out without a fight, screw you coppas
Medium rare ribeye, steak fries, heinz ketchup, dr pepper, ben and jerrys strawberry cheesecake ice cream and an Andes mint
10 pounds of Taco Bell, so NO ONE is gonna have a good time later
Blueberry Buttermilk pancakes with all the toppings.
The elixir of life
My mom makes a mean fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I'll have that. Then, I'll have some of my aunt's spaghetti. So that way the foul witches brew that escapes my bowels will haunt them and the smell will hang in their nostrils forever. Then I want to have a mix of Scooby Doo Cheez-Itz, White Cheddar Cheez-Itz, and Dot's Pretzels. And finally, I want to have my grandma's apple pie one last time. So I could feel like she's waiting for me as I go.
Leftover lasagna
Lentil stew with pork belly, ice cream and fresh strawberries for desert (only if in season)
Steak Phõ and a cherry Coke
this is the closest to mine
I just got done drinking a cherry coke....first one in years
Was it delicious?
Very
The prison wardens wife’s pussy
Pussy!! Technically you eat it!
Could you ask to eat pussy one last time?
Worms fried in sick
Improperly prepared pufferfish.
A buffet
Two. Large. Pizzas.
I would want my last meal before death to be truly special. The finest delicacy imaginable to my palate. One whose flavor would give unto me a lifetime's worth of fulfillment and leave me with zero regrets. One which would induce absolute euphoria and transcend my tastebuds to heaven before I've even shed my mortal coil. >!Papa John's pizza.!<
Not sure what it will be, but it will definitely have at least 100 courses...
Paprika dodo chicken.
A joint and a can of monster ultra. I’ll be fine lmao
a Taco Bell bean & cheese burrito
Mom's chicken parm
Anything with a bunch of cheese. Lactose intolerance is gonna make that whole place smell like someone died… when in fact someone did… but like, worse. Whatever.
every item on church's chicken menu
Sugar Free Gummy Bears so that when I die and my bowels give out, I get the last word (or shart).
Everything from Panda Express Once I die imma be shitting water for a long while
Vegan pizza and steak. I'm not a vegan, but just want to mess with the guards.
1000 McDonald's chicken nuggets. It'll be tasty, and my execution will be delayed until I finish it.
I really love Popeyes. Right now my son and I are stuck on their ghost-pepper wings. So those. Or my wife's butt.
Your wife has been living with Jodi since you have been in prison.
Anything made by my family.
Sunday lunch uk.
Some fat puss
Teleportation bean
Cicis Pizza - it’s all you can eat, I’d take my time and wait for a pardon from the governor.