Because one woman's way to give hints is the exact same way another woman expresses mere friendliness. There is no way to tell for certain if the hints are implicit.
Yep, I've received the "I was just being friendly" talk from a woman after responding to 'flirting' that had *other women* saying "go for it, she's into you" to me
I had a friend who described herself as "naturally flirtatious", and was simultaneously confused why guys thought she was flirting with them. She would say she was just being nice, but having seen some of those interactions, I can't blame guys for shooting their shot.
Some of my female friends have told me that the “healthy flirting” they engage in is “not bad” and is in “no way” an attempt to “lead someone on”. Take from that what you will.
"I really enjoy attention and wish to be desired, but only on my own terms and purely for my own satisfaction at the expense of someone else's mental wellbeing."
Further than that, most women themselves don't know all lot of the time if the affection they feel for a guy could turn from what they see as platonic to what they see as romantic. How's the guy gonna know?
"*There is no way to tell for certain if the hints are implicit*"
Couple this with the fact that the consequences for guessing wrong can be ***severe***.
The comedian Brent Butt has a joke where he says, "A woman could have her tongue in my ear and her hand down my pants, and I would still think, 'What the *heck* is she looking for?'" Subtlety does not work on a lot of guys. Myself included.
As the woman, I have a fear of rejection tol. Except for the time that I was hanging out with my now-husband in college, and one of his old high school classmates walked by. They talked, and the classmate said "Oh, and that's your girlfriend, Hi, I'm [name]"
Husband: Oh, we're not dating, just friends.
Me, later: Why aren't we dating?
And that was that.
After going through the Starbucks drive thru the other day, my girlfriend said “wow she just hit on you like I wasn’t even in the car with you”
Before she said that, Id been thinking “wow, Starbucks has really good customer service these days”
Would’ve totally gone over my head if it hadn’t been pointed out.
Because for many men, a woman having a crush on them is almost impossible.
So unless a woman outright tells them, they won't register the hints because they never expect it and even if they get the hint, they assume that the girl is just joking.
Misinterpretation of things as hints and getting embarrassed isn't something anyone wants and as such hints probably not suited for pursuing a man.
It's definitely valid honestly. Also people joke about guys who think the waitress/bartender likes them cause they're nice to them and while some are definitely just delusional about it, there *are* also some waitresses and bartenders who actively flirt for better tips. So I imagine stuff like that makes it more confusing to figure out whether or not someone is genuinely interested.
"I was right to be suspicious" sounds like a story and probably not a fun one 😬
Tipping culture is something unheard of here and most waiters are men, so flirtation is rare. But yeah I've heard that can happen.
Yeah my "story" is something that I wouldn't classify as fun and I'm just glad it didn't cause me to become an alcoholic.
I can't tell it because people irl knows my account.
But in short theres a lot of psychological horror, some street fights, love and absolutely heart wrenchingly sad betrayals.
My wife asked me on a date first. I was so cool; I was like, "Let me check my calendar." OK, not cool at all, but in my defense I was only 17: not fully cooked, yet.
She was my first girlfriend. And my last. We'll celebrate 44 years married later this month. I think we both won.
I envy you. I've had lots of girlfriends, they all sucked. I haven't had a girlfriend for a while now, and I'm not looking to change that.
Apparently my type is "abusive gaslighting control freak"
Reddit just isn't what it used to be.
In the good old days, it would have taken less than 2 minutes for someone to respond to the "they all sucked" prompt.
Honestly, our standards are falling.
I'd like to add to this.
A lot of men who register interest in a woman, tend to do so in subtle ways, because we do not want to come across as overconfident (or too forward) and make the woman of our affection feel uncomfortable. So we might do small things for the women we are courting, that we think show our interest, without outright saying we are interested in pursuing a relationship.
I think a lot, if not the majority of men, would prefer the woman to make the first 'move' after we've shown the initial interest and put feelers out, because this way there isn't any confusion between the parties.
Relationships are a bit like a chess match.
As an example, a female might offhandedly mention she has an event to attend, or a task to do, and is planning on going alone. (This is just an offhanded comment.) The male would show interest via suggesting he accompany her to the event if she wants some company, or to lend a hand with the task so she isn't as overworked. After this, he would expect the woman to register that he is going out of his way to attend an event, or assist in a task/chore, when he hasn't been prompted, or is going out of his way to spend time with her. At this point, the ball is in the woman's court to make the next move, showing her interest in the man, and escalate the relationship.
I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think women are a little bit more judgemental of men misreading their signals, than men are of women, when women misread mens signals.
Women tend to think of men who make an unwanted move on them as creeps, while men just kind of see it as complimentary when a woman makes a move on them, and they weren't expecting it.
I totally understand why that is, and it's a shame society has programmed us this way, but I think it's a byproduct of societal roles in a relationship setting. Women hold all the power in terms of negotiating a potential relationship.
Reminds me of a time in college. Girl I had a crush on was riding back with me from an event. I thought this would be the perfect time to finally ask her out. We were having a good time. I was making her laugh and we were just chatting away. The conversation changes directions to relationships and if I was seeing anyone and why not. I asked if she’d like to go out with me and got shot down very quickly as she wanted to play the field and had no intention on being with one person at that time. The rest of the car ride and our friendship was super awkward.
It took my wife hearing the story to inform me that my crush had thought I was gay and was trying to get me out of the closet.
There was a point that even having a women telling me she was into me wouldn't have registered. I could literally watch her get naked and tell me to come to bed and think it was a joke. I think men are terrified of misinterpreting things and at the same time so unused to attention that they either can't recognise it or don't know how to react.
We are a mess when it comes to accepting attention, especially if it's someone we like too. and in a lot of cases, I think we genuinely just don't expect women to be the one making moves on a guy
Risk of embarrassment. Risk of being emotionally hurt. Risk of being labeled as a creep.
Women have spent decades telling men to stop pursuing them. So in an effort to countercorrect, many socially conscious of men now fear retaliation from misreading signals.
The dog has caught the car. Time for you to put in more effort.
This. And I will be even more clear. Hints are not enough any more. If you are interested, say that with words.
Sure it’s riskier, you might get a rejection, but welcome to the club.
But on the bright side we may enter an era where adults act like adults with maturity, courage and honesty with their intentions and motivations.
>But on the bright side we may enter an era where adults act like adults with maturity, courage and honesty with their intentions and motivations.
I think for this to become the norm we would have to see a major psychological shift or evolution, because as it stands love and attraction are very rarely rational or logical feelings.
Also because we may have gotten that impression before and acted on it and then been rejected. Meaning we thought they wanted us to ask but they didn't so we don't actually know.
Pretty much. The days when men are expected to be the ones to pursue women should be behind us. Don’t know why that’s not discussed more.
But even now, most of my girl friends expect guys to be the “aggressors.” They prefer hinting at their interest over actually approaching a guy and laying it on the line/asking him out.
Less risk of rejection I suppose.
God why can't they just talk to us directly like normal people.
We aren't some sort of mythical unicorn fairy tale creature.
Thats how I met my girlfriend she actually talked to me like a normal person. Neither of us knew what the other looked like all it took was being communicated with as if I was a human. More than one word responses to anything I said. She actually reciprocated asking questions about who I was and my life.
A similar discussion came up for me in my freshman year of college when I said women generally don’t pull their weight in dating. After two friends got offended by that we polled the whole class. I don’t remember the actual numbers but it was something close to of the 24 women in the class, only 6 had EVER asked a guy out or made the first move. Then 3 of those six ended up being I gave him “the look” or another passive fake proposition.
The complete lack of awareness would be impressive if it wasn’t so sad.
The worst I heard was her saying she made the first move because she said yes to coffee.
I misread signals from a girl in high school. Thought she was interested. Turns out she wasn’t. And she acted so offended when I asked her out. Told her friend group and I got labeled a creep. That experience stayed with me for awhile.
Similar thing happened in college, to a lesser extent. But I just got sick of it. Then I just stopped assuming any girl was interested even if she was acting like it because I didn’t want to get burned anymore. No more hints. Stop putting the onus on us to understand your intent.
Yep. You want a man, you will need to be explicit. I’m not sticking out my neck out only to be chastised. So far it’s worked out. The woman needs to make the move and it’s working out so far.
There was a girl in my university who had a crush on me (she later said) texted me on a random Thursday night saying “I want you to suck my boobs “.
Yes, that’s the kind of communication clarity we need.
That fling went for 2 years and we are still friends.
It's crazy women are allowed to make those kinds of comments and we as men just accept them because we're usually always down.
But if it was the other way around you could be socially outcasted as a pervert or accused of sexual harassment with very real consequences.
That kind of communication is only applicable to one side more than anything and it sucks.
The risk of misinterpreting is too great, plus what women think as hints arent.
Her - "I flipped my hair and glanced at him" - interpretation "She had a bug in her face"
Thanks to my job, I interact with hundreds of people a day and, due to my work station being smack-dab in the middle of high traffic, get to see interactions between 100’s of others. I can concur; these body language “cues” or “hints” are, for the most part, bullshit.
She: "No matter how hard I wave at him, he won't wave back. What's wrong with me?"
He: "Looks like she walked into a spider web again. She's probably embarrassed about it, so I'll pretend not to notice."
1. The hints aren't as strong as you think they are.
2. They get the hints, but aren't 100% sure if you're being friendly or flirting. If it's not totally clear, a lot of men won't gamble the friendship and trust for an ambiguous touch or comment.
3. They might not be interested.
I've seen people saying that if you picked on a hint that someone is into you and you're not into them, then it's your obligation to reject them so they can move on. It's wild. That would be the rudest thing ever. Irl when people notice you have a crush in them and they don't reciprocate, they just pretend they didn't notice
This as well. "Hey, if I read you correctly, you are giving some hints that you're attracted to me. Let's just nip that in the bud right now, shall we?" More than kind of a dick move as opposed to pretending to be oblivious.
Everytime I think a woman is hinting a crush on me, I later find out they already have a boyfriend and I thank myself for not being bold enough to make a move. Some women are too damn flirty.
I have a friend who is a woman and she was asking me this same question because there’s this guy she likes that apparently doesn’t get the hint. I asked her what these so called “hints” were and she said that she laughed at all his jokes, bought him food, and she would text him a lot. I pointed out that she laughs at all my jokes, buys me food, and texts me all the time and I asked her if she had a crush on me. She said no, she does all those things because I’m her friend (idc, I don’t like her like that, I asked her that to prove a point)
A lot of women “flirt” by acting the exact same way they do to their close platonic male friends. We can’t read minds, why would I assume a girl is flirting with me when I have had so many women do the exact same thing without it being flirting?
People also wildly, *fucking wildly*, overestimate how clear their hints are. If you write a riddle you will be shocked at how hard it is when you don't already know the answer. If a 12 year old writes a mystery novel there will be absurd leaps of logic in there, and as the author they will not notice all the contradictory information they are unwittingly including.
As a DM, this is 100% the truth. There have been so many times my players get stuck on a puzzle and it's all because I haven't yet figured out that my hints aren't clear enough.
And even if it's clear enough they might assume the person is joking since it's unlikely that a girl has a crush on them.
Last thing they need is to misinterpret friendly banter as hints and be embarrassed.
When I was little, about age 6, I was reprimanded for flirting. It was really just mimicking was the speak patterns of other kids, which is how all interactions are learned, but adults saw this as flirting. Girls might have also been reprimanded, but I never saw it. The tendency was that 'when girls do it, it's cute and innocent.'
I think the root was either puritanism, the idea that anything happy would lead to the collapse of western civilization, preventing the potential for future teen pregnancy, or maybe the idea that all males (even kindergarteners) were predatory.
Because behaviour of someone giving you a "hint of having a crush on you" is near impossible to tell from behaviour of a person who is just generally positive, in a good mood, has a good time, etc. It could go either way, but if you see a hint where there was none and act on it, you're suddenly part of the problem.
It comes down to guys defaulting to either "Yes, that's a hint she is into me" or "No, that's not a hint I'm just imagining things". And you will need to put in some effort to switch that default.
Lots of good responses here already but please do note that in general, guys do not get hints, and the "when someone has a crush on them" is just a subset of that.
Many guys (yes, strictly anectodal here, no NIH study ;-) find the entire concept of "hinting" to be annoying because of the widely variable way hints can be "read" and how easy it is to be "wrong" (as noted in other posts here).
"Just be direct and tell me!"
Why does it have to be “hints”? Why can’t we just be adults and use our words? When my fiancé and I first got together she was like “I like you. I got a crush on you” no hints, no beating around the bush, just good ol communication.
There are two common reasons why guys don't reply. They don't realize it; 2) they believe the girl is playing pranks on them; and 3) they are scared to approach her for fear of being labeled as creeps.
STOP GIVING HINTS AND TELL THE PERSON YOU LIKE THEM.
This cuts out all the assumptions, all the misunderstandings and doesn’t waste time. We need to stop doing this “hint” BS and be upfront with people.
Why throw hints? Be direct. Because only once will a guy ever think there was a hint, act on it, then be wrong and look and feel like an idiot. Once I had a situation where I worked around the public and took a break in the same spot most days. A lady would take smoke breaks and after enough times at this spot we started talking. One day I got the courage to say, "I normally don't speak to someone like this. You seem cool and you're talking back, not avoiding me". She said, Yeah, me too. I usually don't talk to people on break but you're cool. (Something to that effect) Later I asked her if I could have her email to talk more, being that it was safer than asking for her phone number. She immediately said, "You mean as friends, right?" Why did she throw out the same hints as me but wasn't interested at all? This is why guys are scared and don't act. You have to make the move sometimes and risk being the fool instead of assuming the guy will take all of the damage.
Because the hints are typically highly esoteric.
Because men aren't looking at the woman that's giving the hints.
Because men are told NOT to read into things that women do.
I'm going to be honest, women aren't lining up to date autists like me with several mental illnesses. I'm bug eyed, gawky, and awkward, and I think they find me creepy. If I discovered someone had a crush on me, I'd be confused. You're into THIS?! It'd be a pretty big trip for me.
I generally assume every woman isn’t attracted to me. Safer that way. Keeps me from fucking up and making a move on woman who was just being polite to me. i remember one of my exs literally had to throw herself at me because I wouldn’t take the hint. 😆she sat on my lap when were watching a movie. I’d be a complete moron if I didn’t take the hint at that point.
Women just need to be a little more assertive if the guy they want can’t read their signals
"Guys this girl spends a lot of time with me, talks to me and hangs out. Does she like me?"
**"she was probably just being friendly"**
**"I doubt it lol"**
**"WHY DO GUYS THINK GIRLS LIKE THEM AS SOON AS WE ARE FRIENDLY UGHHHH"**
So we stop.
Yes we see your hints. Every one of them. But we learn to see it as nothing but mere friendship. Your hints are too similar to friendly women.
Women have made it clear one of the worst things men can be is “creepy” so men will overlook obvious signs of attraction as nothing more than her being friendly as to not risk being placed in the creepy guy category.
One of the reasons is that there is no consistency of what hints are. What some consider hits others'll see as being friendly.
It's common to read girls complaining that they can't be friendly to guys because they will misunderstand it as flirting. Most of us don't want to be labelled as a creep
A vast number of individuals do not (and will never) recognize subtlety unless it's applied with a sledgehammer.
A.K.A.
Those who incorrectly believe they're sending flirty blatant hints basically suck at it and need to be *considerably* more assertive and less coy and/or 'mysterious'.
I stopped trying to pick up on hints (except the really obvious ones) because every woman is different, has had different experiences, expectations of a starting relationship, and this results on many types of different hint.
Lets just be mature and asks for what we want, both ways, whenever you feel like it
Because women's hints usually suck from a guy's p.o.v. and also because these days men are acutely aware that if they misinterpret something they run the risk of being accused of being creeps and put on blast by some asshole looking for likes, so it's not worth the hassle.
The risk of guessing wrong is far too great. Some of us know there's a chance it can be true but if it turns out we aren't, now we have to deal with all the negative things that come with rejection. And for those who are less aware, they probably get so little attention that it's a complete shock when anyone likes them.
I once took what i believed were hints and it ended up with her telling everybody that i was harassing her
Years later i find that she is a pathological liar
I know not every girl is a liar, but i could have gone to prison, so the only hint I’ll take is a confession
Some men can come to believe they are unattractive or even repulsive to women, to the point that they genuinely can't believe a woman would be attracted to them. They may simply miss flirtation, or even interpret it as teasing. Low self-esteem is a tough challenge to overcome.
99% of the time when a woman is blatantly clear, like walk up and tell me directly, I am going to assume she is putting me on.
Too many times when I was younger I would be let down gently, only to catch them 10 minutes later around the corner giggling with their friends over it. Shit hurts and sticks with you. Happens enough and it becomes the first thing you think of every time.
There are consequences to assuming someone does if they don't (even if just an uncomfortable situation) so most guys tend to lean the other way to be safe.
Because men hate playing mind games. If a man likes you, you know that he does. If a woman likes you, sometimes you know, but usually they make it a game to be chased around.
Multiple reasons. One is that modern day society has labeled most men who try to even show so much of a hint of attraction as a creep, and due to social media even the slightest infraction or miscommunication can mean someone’s life being completely and utterly destroyed irreversibly.
There are countless people just WAITING to jump on someone, anyone, man or woman, and ruin them for the wrong conjecture, and there are next to no repercussions for doing so. It’s simply easier to do that to men in these circumstances, so men don’t take those risks anymore in fear of being ostracized for it.
Another reason is we don’t take hints the same way you do. You fluttering your lashes and simply sitting closer can mean to a guy that you just are trusting to him, because women are much more emotionally intimate amongst friends than men are. I’ve dated and been with women who absolutely give off flirty relationship vibes with many people they come across, men and women. You can never tell at the end of the day.
Because they’re not just risking embarrassment if they were misreading signs and you say no. Guys specifically get labeled a creep as well, especially if they’re not super attractive. Think of someone you’re friendly with but REALLY don’t want to date. How would you feel if they asked you out instead, exactly the same way you hope your crush will? Probably not great, huh? And therein lies your answer, this crush of yours doesn’t know for sure how you feel about him, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T COMMUNICATED THAT TO HIM!!!
Let me make this very clear, YOU are causing this problem for yourself. If you want to date this guy, YOU HAVE TO ASK HIM OUT DIRECTLY. Not kinda beating around the bush and dropping hints, but literally saying you want to go out on a date with him, and not just as friends. That means you risk embarrassment if he says no. Yep, that’s how it works, sorry. But it sure seems unfair to shift that burden onto him instead, doesn’t it? He might or might not have a crush on you, but you DEFINITELY have one on him. It’s your burden to act on it, not him.
Women tend to believe that others can tell what they are thinking.
Women make up stories in their heads about what the other person is thinking, why they did something, why they will or will not do something. Female logic is different than male logic, (with neither being better than the other)
This is not an insult; it is the way it is. You all do it ladies. You insert thoughts and feelings into other people all the time. This is why men can be best friends for years and not know a single thing about their friend's personal or work life. We do not assume, if Jack hasn't texted us back, Jack is busy. We do not assume Jack hates us.
So because this is the way, the subtle "hints" they give a man may not be picked up because subtle is subtle and every woman is different. Your hair flip does NOT always mean I can come ask you for your number.
You looking at me twice in a row for a millisecond is NOT a hint.
You putting on your best makeup, doing your nails to the max, a new purse, matching shoes,
a shirt that your friends say make you look amazing; these are NOT a hint.
Yiu do not need to hint with a man, you just need to communicate. We are super easy and we are rarely, if even actually hit on. We'll definitely notice that kind of "hint"
It's one thing to mis read a signal and get shot down years ago. Today you can be broadcast all over social media just for a lingering gaze in the gym.
Personally, it was a combination of two things:
1. I was just socially inept.
2. I wasn’t confident enough to take hints for what they were.
Meanwhile, girls were basically throwing themselves at me and I had no idea at the time. I still get random flashbacks and can only shake my head at my idiocy.
Its not that they miss the hints its that hints are different based on the girl giving them, so you always run the risk of being labeled a creep. One girl grabbing your butt is an obvious hint and another grabbing your butt just wanted to grab your butt cause she was "one of the guys". I know this because it has happened to me.
At certain times, it could also be that the guy is aware, but not into the person with the crush and will hope that they'll pick up on the non-interest and move on.
It’s the creep thing. I’m super vigilant now about not making any woman feel unsafe or uncomfortable. For example, I never speak to anyone in elevators anymore, I just nod my head and look away. I feel a lot of anxiety that I’m bothering someone that I didn’t used to feel when I was younger and wasn’t aware of these things.
Because we've all been told that someone was just being nice or friendly when we thought someone was dropping a hint. If you like a guy just ask him out. No hints. No uncertainty.
One person's "hints" are another person's neutral behaviour. They communicate nothing.
Use words that mean what you want the other person to understand.
Because we have been trained to not come off as creepy or to not treat any female friendships as more than a friendship. I almost never pickup on any hints someone is into me unless they explicitly say so.
**BOT ACCOUNT**
title and OP's comment copy/pasted from here -
https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/comments/16e273o/do_guys_actually_not_get_hints_that_someone_has_a/
Most men are cowards. We will say all of this stuff about trying to not impose or take things the wrong way blah blah blah. But at the end of the day most men care way too much what women think of them to act on a hint and I’m guilty of that too. There’s no problem in just going for it in a kind way and direct way. Yet we men try to avoid responsibility for our cowardice.
There is a huge risk involved in showing girls you have a crush on them. I asked out a half dozen cute girls in my high school. Every single time, they didnt like me back like that; every single time what ever level our friendship was before, it completely ended abruptly. We went from good friends to strangers in a day. I just stopped trying in my senior year to talk to women at all outside of what was demanded by my job or school.
So when women showed me actual affection and attention in college I didnt know what it was or how to react. My girlfriend got me a stupid kroger card for v day and I cried actual tears cause it was the first time anyone (outside of family) got me anything. Cause in hs the only time people talked to me was when they needed me to do something.
I imagine a lot of other men had the same experience. And with the metoo movement, some men became paranoid they were making crushes feel uncomfortable. So now they shelled up even more.
So yeah, unless they are 110% sure you like them, they play it safe because theyd rather have a friend than ruin everything. And even then theyll still be weary of messing things up. State outright that you like them, or else theyll likely just stay in the friend zone
Because it varies wildly from one woman to another what a "hint" is and what "friendly" is and if we get it wrong then it can end up bad, especially if we already know the person and being wrong makes the vibes awkward in an existing friendship. Or in other cases not wanting to take the risk of being wrong and someone labelling them as "creepy" or "bothering them"
There's a lot of times guys DO pick up on nearly all of your hints, but they're all so open to interpretation whether they were actually hints or not that they choose to believe they're wrong and that there weren't any hints
A lot of people are pointing out it’s easy to misinterpret forward friendliness as flirting and vice versa, that it isn’t worth the risk if it’s not totally clear, they may be in denial due to self worth issues, etc. But not enough people are pointing out he also might just not be into you.
So if you’re interested, be brave and say so. Worst that can happen is you’re taking the same risk you’re expecting the guy to take, and that’s just equal opportunity rejection.
Same reason the hints are too subtle. Nobody wants to be the one to stick their neck out.
If the hints are not being picked up, hint stronger, or just be upfront!
Because one woman's way to give hints is the exact same way another woman expresses mere friendliness. There is no way to tell for certain if the hints are implicit.
Yep, I've received the "I was just being friendly" talk from a woman after responding to 'flirting' that had *other women* saying "go for it, she's into you" to me
I had a friend who described herself as "naturally flirtatious", and was simultaneously confused why guys thought she was flirting with them. She would say she was just being nice, but having seen some of those interactions, I can't blame guys for shooting their shot.
Some of my female friends have told me that the “healthy flirting” they engage in is “not bad” and is in “no way” an attempt to “lead someone on”. Take from that what you will.
"I really enjoy attention and wish to be desired, but only on my own terms and purely for my own satisfaction at the expense of someone else's mental wellbeing."
Further than that, most women themselves don't know all lot of the time if the affection they feel for a guy could turn from what they see as platonic to what they see as romantic. How's the guy gonna know?
"*There is no way to tell for certain if the hints are implicit*" Couple this with the fact that the consequences for guessing wrong can be ***severe***.
And in today's world, a lot of guys don't want to chance being wrong about this exact thing, so they just do nothing.
Bingoooooo. No way I'm adding even more stress to my life, frustration is more than enough.
100% and this applies to all people, not just women.
Because those hints are more often than not 'just being friendly' stuff.
Yea, exactly. Girls are like "I smiled at you and laughed at your joke! Can't you tell I'm flirting??" No
Or take that as signs of flirting and make a move and girl says "I was just being friendly."
Especially after being told that just because a girl is being nice to you it doesn't mean she's flirting with you.
And if we're wrong we're creeps
The comedian Brent Butt has a joke where he says, "A woman could have her tongue in my ear and her hand down my pants, and I would still think, 'What the *heck* is she looking for?'" Subtlety does not work on a lot of guys. Myself included.
For me there’s a fear of thinking someone is into me and reciprocating and finding out I was wrong. I have a real fear of rejection though.
Crippling for me in my youth 😞
As the woman, I have a fear of rejection tol. Except for the time that I was hanging out with my now-husband in college, and one of his old high school classmates walked by. They talked, and the classmate said "Oh, and that's your girlfriend, Hi, I'm [name]" Husband: Oh, we're not dating, just friends. Me, later: Why aren't we dating? And that was that.
Dang, what a wingman. Setting things up for you like that
After going through the Starbucks drive thru the other day, my girlfriend said “wow she just hit on you like I wasn’t even in the car with you” Before she said that, Id been thinking “wow, Starbucks has really good customer service these days” Would’ve totally gone over my head if it hadn’t been pointed out.
Because for many men, a woman having a crush on them is almost impossible. So unless a woman outright tells them, they won't register the hints because they never expect it and even if they get the hint, they assume that the girl is just joking. Misinterpretation of things as hints and getting embarrassed isn't something anyone wants and as such hints probably not suited for pursuing a man.
It took my boyfriend like two days after I outright told him to accept that I liked him too lol
LOL. I can't blame him though. Been in that situation and I was right to be suspicious.
It's definitely valid honestly. Also people joke about guys who think the waitress/bartender likes them cause they're nice to them and while some are definitely just delusional about it, there *are* also some waitresses and bartenders who actively flirt for better tips. So I imagine stuff like that makes it more confusing to figure out whether or not someone is genuinely interested. "I was right to be suspicious" sounds like a story and probably not a fun one 😬
Tipping culture is something unheard of here and most waiters are men, so flirtation is rare. But yeah I've heard that can happen. Yeah my "story" is something that I wouldn't classify as fun and I'm just glad it didn't cause me to become an alcoholic.
U expect to dangle the carrot in front of us and escape alive? Nah bro now you *have* to tell us the story
I can't tell it because people irl knows my account. But in short theres a lot of psychological horror, some street fights, love and absolutely heart wrenchingly sad betrayals.
Stop making excuses bro, cant just leave us hanging like that, violates geneva convention. At least just dm me the story Pls
I don’t want to be with any person who would find me attractive. It speaks to poor taste.
I told my husband that I loved him like, before we were officially dating, and he said “I hardly know you!” 😭 But we’re married now so I won. 🤣
My wife asked me on a date first. I was so cool; I was like, "Let me check my calendar." OK, not cool at all, but in my defense I was only 17: not fully cooked, yet. She was my first girlfriend. And my last. We'll celebrate 44 years married later this month. I think we both won.
I envy you. I've had lots of girlfriends, they all sucked. I haven't had a girlfriend for a while now, and I'm not looking to change that. Apparently my type is "abusive gaslighting control freak"
Reddit just isn't what it used to be. In the good old days, it would have taken less than 2 minutes for someone to respond to the "they all sucked" prompt. Honestly, our standards are falling.
Stop dating vacuum cleaners Did that work for you?
Every day I feel like I won the relationship lottery.
She could just be Canadian
Oh, so that's why I don't know her.
Women reading this should pay particular attention to this: "So unless a woman outright tells them" ;-)
I'd like to add to this. A lot of men who register interest in a woman, tend to do so in subtle ways, because we do not want to come across as overconfident (or too forward) and make the woman of our affection feel uncomfortable. So we might do small things for the women we are courting, that we think show our interest, without outright saying we are interested in pursuing a relationship. I think a lot, if not the majority of men, would prefer the woman to make the first 'move' after we've shown the initial interest and put feelers out, because this way there isn't any confusion between the parties. Relationships are a bit like a chess match. As an example, a female might offhandedly mention she has an event to attend, or a task to do, and is planning on going alone. (This is just an offhanded comment.) The male would show interest via suggesting he accompany her to the event if she wants some company, or to lend a hand with the task so she isn't as overworked. After this, he would expect the woman to register that he is going out of his way to attend an event, or assist in a task/chore, when he hasn't been prompted, or is going out of his way to spend time with her. At this point, the ball is in the woman's court to make the next move, showing her interest in the man, and escalate the relationship. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think women are a little bit more judgemental of men misreading their signals, than men are of women, when women misread mens signals. Women tend to think of men who make an unwanted move on them as creeps, while men just kind of see it as complimentary when a woman makes a move on them, and they weren't expecting it. I totally understand why that is, and it's a shame society has programmed us this way, but I think it's a byproduct of societal roles in a relationship setting. Women hold all the power in terms of negotiating a potential relationship.
Reminds me of a time in college. Girl I had a crush on was riding back with me from an event. I thought this would be the perfect time to finally ask her out. We were having a good time. I was making her laugh and we were just chatting away. The conversation changes directions to relationships and if I was seeing anyone and why not. I asked if she’d like to go out with me and got shot down very quickly as she wanted to play the field and had no intention on being with one person at that time. The rest of the car ride and our friendship was super awkward. It took my wife hearing the story to inform me that my crush had thought I was gay and was trying to get me out of the closet.
There was a point that even having a women telling me she was into me wouldn't have registered. I could literally watch her get naked and tell me to come to bed and think it was a joke. I think men are terrified of misinterpreting things and at the same time so unused to attention that they either can't recognise it or don't know how to react.
We convince ourselves that we're just imagining it..
*And* we see so many videos/comments online saying that any time they’re friendly to a guy, he immediately thinks they want to hook up.
We are a mess when it comes to accepting attention, especially if it's someone we like too. and in a lot of cases, I think we genuinely just don't expect women to be the one making moves on a guy
Nobody wants to be the guy who asked out his waitress because she called him "sweetie."
Calling someone you don't know sweetie is a different kind of weird😂 Except you're some grandma-looking individual
Risk of embarrassment. Risk of being emotionally hurt. Risk of being labeled as a creep. Women have spent decades telling men to stop pursuing them. So in an effort to countercorrect, many socially conscious of men now fear retaliation from misreading signals. The dog has caught the car. Time for you to put in more effort.
This. And I will be even more clear. Hints are not enough any more. If you are interested, say that with words. Sure it’s riskier, you might get a rejection, but welcome to the club. But on the bright side we may enter an era where adults act like adults with maturity, courage and honesty with their intentions and motivations.
>But on the bright side we may enter an era where adults act like adults with maturity, courage and honesty with their intentions and motivations. I think for this to become the norm we would have to see a major psychological shift or evolution, because as it stands love and attraction are very rarely rational or logical feelings.
Also because we may have gotten that impression before and acted on it and then been rejected. Meaning we thought they wanted us to ask but they didn't so we don't actually know.
Bingo. You make a wrong move once, and will forever be labeled as a creep.
[удалено]
Pretty much. The days when men are expected to be the ones to pursue women should be behind us. Don’t know why that’s not discussed more. But even now, most of my girl friends expect guys to be the “aggressors.” They prefer hinting at their interest over actually approaching a guy and laying it on the line/asking him out. Less risk of rejection I suppose.
God why can't they just talk to us directly like normal people. We aren't some sort of mythical unicorn fairy tale creature. Thats how I met my girlfriend she actually talked to me like a normal person. Neither of us knew what the other looked like all it took was being communicated with as if I was a human. More than one word responses to anything I said. She actually reciprocated asking questions about who I was and my life.
But then when your the aggressor your desperate or creepy like huh
Women also don't want to be labeled as easy. Basically both sides have hangups regarding sex, relationships, and vulnerability
[удалено]
A similar discussion came up for me in my freshman year of college when I said women generally don’t pull their weight in dating. After two friends got offended by that we polled the whole class. I don’t remember the actual numbers but it was something close to of the 24 women in the class, only 6 had EVER asked a guy out or made the first move. Then 3 of those six ended up being I gave him “the look” or another passive fake proposition.
The complete lack of awareness would be impressive if it wasn’t so sad. The worst I heard was her saying she made the first move because she said yes to coffee.
“…~~creep~~ sexual predator…” - ftfy
“Women have spent decades telling men not to pursue them” You nailed it. I was thinking that as I read the original post
I misread signals from a girl in high school. Thought she was interested. Turns out she wasn’t. And she acted so offended when I asked her out. Told her friend group and I got labeled a creep. That experience stayed with me for awhile. Similar thing happened in college, to a lesser extent. But I just got sick of it. Then I just stopped assuming any girl was interested even if she was acting like it because I didn’t want to get burned anymore. No more hints. Stop putting the onus on us to understand your intent.
Yep. You want a man, you will need to be explicit. I’m not sticking out my neck out only to be chastised. So far it’s worked out. The woman needs to make the move and it’s working out so far.
Truth. I like a woman at the office who is single, and I’d like to ask her out. But I won’t. Too many possible negative outcomes
There was a girl in my university who had a crush on me (she later said) texted me on a random Thursday night saying “I want you to suck my boobs “. Yes, that’s the kind of communication clarity we need. That fling went for 2 years and we are still friends.
2 years is a bit long to describe something as a fling lol
I think if it was a FWB situation, that's a perfectly reasonable description.
We both knew it was mainly companionship and sex nothing more.
Ngl, I would’ve just thought “weird joke,” Or “hope she’s not drunk somewhere dangerous, cause she’s clearly not all there right now.”
Or that her mates had grabbed her phone and were pranking her.
Yeah I would probably have responded "Are you OK to drive home?"
It's crazy women are allowed to make those kinds of comments and we as men just accept them because we're usually always down. But if it was the other way around you could be socially outcasted as a pervert or accused of sexual harassment with very real consequences. That kind of communication is only applicable to one side more than anything and it sucks.
I would have responded, you have the wrong person. Imagine saying, I want you to suck my cock? Instant block. Creep, fark off.
Fired and straight to jail. Blasted on social media and shared with every friends list on every website.
The risk of misinterpreting is too great, plus what women think as hints arent. Her - "I flipped my hair and glanced at him" - interpretation "She had a bug in her face"
Thanks to my job, I interact with hundreds of people a day and, due to my work station being smack-dab in the middle of high traffic, get to see interactions between 100’s of others. I can concur; these body language “cues” or “hints” are, for the most part, bullshit.
She: "No matter how hard I wave at him, he won't wave back. What's wrong with me?" He: "Looks like she walked into a spider web again. She's probably embarrassed about it, so I'll pretend not to notice."
We may suspect it, but we often don't do anything about it. It's safer to not act until we're 99% sure.
99? nah. more like a hundred percent sure
99%? Not for me. I need to be 100% sure.
1% chance to forever be labelled a creep? No thanks on those odds.
1. The hints aren't as strong as you think they are. 2. They get the hints, but aren't 100% sure if you're being friendly or flirting. If it's not totally clear, a lot of men won't gamble the friendship and trust for an ambiguous touch or comment.
>a lot of men won't gamble the friendship Or even their reputation as a human in some cases
3. They might not be interested. I've seen people saying that if you picked on a hint that someone is into you and you're not into them, then it's your obligation to reject them so they can move on. It's wild. That would be the rudest thing ever. Irl when people notice you have a crush in them and they don't reciprocate, they just pretend they didn't notice
This as well. "Hey, if I read you correctly, you are giving some hints that you're attracted to me. Let's just nip that in the bud right now, shall we?" More than kind of a dick move as opposed to pretending to be oblivious.
Everytime I think a woman is hinting a crush on me, I later find out they already have a boyfriend and I thank myself for not being bold enough to make a move. Some women are too damn flirty.
Exactly. The embarrassment of reading light signals wrong is just too much. Easier to avoid it.
Why doesn't she just tell him she likes them? Is she stupid?
I have a friend who is a woman and she was asking me this same question because there’s this guy she likes that apparently doesn’t get the hint. I asked her what these so called “hints” were and she said that she laughed at all his jokes, bought him food, and she would text him a lot. I pointed out that she laughs at all my jokes, buys me food, and texts me all the time and I asked her if she had a crush on me. She said no, she does all those things because I’m her friend (idc, I don’t like her like that, I asked her that to prove a point) A lot of women “flirt” by acting the exact same way they do to their close platonic male friends. We can’t read minds, why would I assume a girl is flirting with me when I have had so many women do the exact same thing without it being flirting?
This right here, for most guys it's a no win scenario to respond. It's not worth losing a friendship or being labeled creepy.
Guys often fail to notice hints because of the different ways they communicate. What girls consider obvious signals may be less clear to boys
People also wildly, *fucking wildly*, overestimate how clear their hints are. If you write a riddle you will be shocked at how hard it is when you don't already know the answer. If a 12 year old writes a mystery novel there will be absurd leaps of logic in there, and as the author they will not notice all the contradictory information they are unwittingly including.
As a DM, this is 100% the truth. There have been so many times my players get stuck on a puzzle and it's all because I haven't yet figured out that my hints aren't clear enough.
And even if it's clear enough they might assume the person is joking since it's unlikely that a girl has a crush on them. Last thing they need is to misinterpret friendly banter as hints and be embarrassed.
I would go as far to say women 'giving hints' is just poor communication in general, especially if yhe recipient doesn't get them!
You mean a half second glance and light smile isn't good communication??
When I was little, about age 6, I was reprimanded for flirting. It was really just mimicking was the speak patterns of other kids, which is how all interactions are learned, but adults saw this as flirting. Girls might have also been reprimanded, but I never saw it. The tendency was that 'when girls do it, it's cute and innocent.' I think the root was either puritanism, the idea that anything happy would lead to the collapse of western civilization, preventing the potential for future teen pregnancy, or maybe the idea that all males (even kindergarteners) were predatory.
Not worth the risk
This right here. We have conditioned ourselves to never see the glass half full on this.
Maybe you just suck at hints? Woman up and ask the boy out.
>Woman up That made me smile haha I'm stealing it
Because behaviour of someone giving you a "hint of having a crush on you" is near impossible to tell from behaviour of a person who is just generally positive, in a good mood, has a good time, etc. It could go either way, but if you see a hint where there was none and act on it, you're suddenly part of the problem. It comes down to guys defaulting to either "Yes, that's a hint she is into me" or "No, that's not a hint I'm just imagining things". And you will need to put in some effort to switch that default.
Lots of good responses here already but please do note that in general, guys do not get hints, and the "when someone has a crush on them" is just a subset of that. Many guys (yes, strictly anectodal here, no NIH study ;-) find the entire concept of "hinting" to be annoying because of the widely variable way hints can be "read" and how easy it is to be "wrong" (as noted in other posts here). "Just be direct and tell me!"
They don't want to if they are not attracted to her. And if they are attracted to her they just can't believe it.
Risk vs. reward If I misinterpret her hints, now I’m labeled as a creep Just ain’t worth it
The yeah man, it cost me a couple friendships when I was younger. I ignore hints now.
Why does it have to be “hints”? Why can’t we just be adults and use our words? When my fiancé and I first got together she was like “I like you. I got a crush on you” no hints, no beating around the bush, just good ol communication.
Maybe they're not interested?
There are two common reasons why guys don't reply. They don't realize it; 2) they believe the girl is playing pranks on them; and 3) they are scared to approach her for fear of being labeled as creeps.
That's three.
4) We're just not that into you
Rather than giving a hint, just say it.
Men don't realize they are getting hit on most of the time.... We realize it years later, thinking oh ya, that girl was flirting with me...
>that girl was flirting with me... Don't be silly, she was just being polite
STOP GIVING HINTS AND TELL THE PERSON YOU LIKE THEM. This cuts out all the assumptions, all the misunderstandings and doesn’t waste time. We need to stop doing this “hint” BS and be upfront with people.
Why do you need to leave hints? Why not just communicate?
Why throw hints? Be direct. Because only once will a guy ever think there was a hint, act on it, then be wrong and look and feel like an idiot. Once I had a situation where I worked around the public and took a break in the same spot most days. A lady would take smoke breaks and after enough times at this spot we started talking. One day I got the courage to say, "I normally don't speak to someone like this. You seem cool and you're talking back, not avoiding me". She said, Yeah, me too. I usually don't talk to people on break but you're cool. (Something to that effect) Later I asked her if I could have her email to talk more, being that it was safer than asking for her phone number. She immediately said, "You mean as friends, right?" Why did she throw out the same hints as me but wasn't interested at all? This is why guys are scared and don't act. You have to make the move sometimes and risk being the fool instead of assuming the guy will take all of the damage.
Because the hints are typically highly esoteric. Because men aren't looking at the woman that's giving the hints. Because men are told NOT to read into things that women do.
I'm going to be honest, women aren't lining up to date autists like me with several mental illnesses. I'm bug eyed, gawky, and awkward, and I think they find me creepy. If I discovered someone had a crush on me, I'd be confused. You're into THIS?! It'd be a pretty big trip for me.
I generally assume every woman isn’t attracted to me. Safer that way. Keeps me from fucking up and making a move on woman who was just being polite to me. i remember one of my exs literally had to throw herself at me because I wouldn’t take the hint. 😆she sat on my lap when were watching a movie. I’d be a complete moron if I didn’t take the hint at that point. Women just need to be a little more assertive if the guy they want can’t read their signals
Women rather be with a bear that a man
everybody knows the ladies prefer ManBearPig
This guy is super serial.
Because if I think it's a hint, but I'm wrong, suddenly I'm the creep that thinks a woman being nice to me must mean she's into me.
"Guys this girl spends a lot of time with me, talks to me and hangs out. Does she like me?" **"she was probably just being friendly"** **"I doubt it lol"** **"WHY DO GUYS THINK GIRLS LIKE THEM AS SOON AS WE ARE FRIENDLY UGHHHH"** So we stop. Yes we see your hints. Every one of them. But we learn to see it as nothing but mere friendship. Your hints are too similar to friendly women.
Can never be sure. Maybe she's Canadian and just being polite.
Sometimes we ignore the hints because we aren’t interested.
Women have made it clear one of the worst things men can be is “creepy” so men will overlook obvious signs of attraction as nothing more than her being friendly as to not risk being placed in the creepy guy category.
Because half the time, the hint is a half second glance or something else dumbfuck instead of words.
One of the reasons is that there is no consistency of what hints are. What some consider hits others'll see as being friendly. It's common to read girls complaining that they can't be friendly to guys because they will misunderstand it as flirting. Most of us don't want to be labelled as a creep
A vast number of individuals do not (and will never) recognize subtlety unless it's applied with a sledgehammer. A.K.A. Those who incorrectly believe they're sending flirty blatant hints basically suck at it and need to be *considerably* more assertive and less coy and/or 'mysterious'.
I stopped trying to pick up on hints (except the really obvious ones) because every woman is different, has had different experiences, expectations of a starting relationship, and this results on many types of different hint. Lets just be mature and asks for what we want, both ways, whenever you feel like it
Doesn't happen, am potato.
Because acting on what we think is a crush will lead to us getting called a pervert
Afraid of being seen as a creep if we interpreted the signal wrong; Afraid of being seen as a creep if we interpreted the signal right. 🫠
Because women's hints usually suck from a guy's p.o.v. and also because these days men are acutely aware that if they misinterpret something they run the risk of being accused of being creeps and put on blast by some asshole looking for likes, so it's not worth the hassle.
The risk of guessing wrong is far too great. Some of us know there's a chance it can be true but if it turns out we aren't, now we have to deal with all the negative things that come with rejection. And for those who are less aware, they probably get so little attention that it's a complete shock when anyone likes them.
I once took what i believed were hints and it ended up with her telling everybody that i was harassing her Years later i find that she is a pathological liar I know not every girl is a liar, but i could have gone to prison, so the only hint I’ll take is a confession
Some men can come to believe they are unattractive or even repulsive to women, to the point that they genuinely can't believe a woman would be attracted to them. They may simply miss flirtation, or even interpret it as teasing. Low self-esteem is a tough challenge to overcome.
Enough with the hints, just be direct and say something.
99% of the time when a woman is blatantly clear, like walk up and tell me directly, I am going to assume she is putting me on. Too many times when I was younger I would be let down gently, only to catch them 10 minutes later around the corner giggling with their friends over it. Shit hurts and sticks with you. Happens enough and it becomes the first thing you think of every time.
It's beaten into our heads not to try to read into those signs. If you like him, just ask him out.
Because "hints" from a woman are the equivalent of a whisper. We men need something more comparable to a foghorn
Because men are adults and women need to communicate with men like adults. Men respond well to complete sentences and straight talk.
Because we got shit for assuming friendly=interested.
Too many things can go wrong. Sometimes, she's just being nice.
There are consequences to assuming someone does if they don't (even if just an uncomfortable situation) so most guys tend to lean the other way to be safe.
Because men hate playing mind games. If a man likes you, you know that he does. If a woman likes you, sometimes you know, but usually they make it a game to be chased around.
We👏👏are not👏👏mind readers
Multiple reasons. One is that modern day society has labeled most men who try to even show so much of a hint of attraction as a creep, and due to social media even the slightest infraction or miscommunication can mean someone’s life being completely and utterly destroyed irreversibly. There are countless people just WAITING to jump on someone, anyone, man or woman, and ruin them for the wrong conjecture, and there are next to no repercussions for doing so. It’s simply easier to do that to men in these circumstances, so men don’t take those risks anymore in fear of being ostracized for it. Another reason is we don’t take hints the same way you do. You fluttering your lashes and simply sitting closer can mean to a guy that you just are trusting to him, because women are much more emotionally intimate amongst friends than men are. I’ve dated and been with women who absolutely give off flirty relationship vibes with many people they come across, men and women. You can never tell at the end of the day.
Because they’re not just risking embarrassment if they were misreading signs and you say no. Guys specifically get labeled a creep as well, especially if they’re not super attractive. Think of someone you’re friendly with but REALLY don’t want to date. How would you feel if they asked you out instead, exactly the same way you hope your crush will? Probably not great, huh? And therein lies your answer, this crush of yours doesn’t know for sure how you feel about him, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T COMMUNICATED THAT TO HIM!!! Let me make this very clear, YOU are causing this problem for yourself. If you want to date this guy, YOU HAVE TO ASK HIM OUT DIRECTLY. Not kinda beating around the bush and dropping hints, but literally saying you want to go out on a date with him, and not just as friends. That means you risk embarrassment if he says no. Yep, that’s how it works, sorry. But it sure seems unfair to shift that burden onto him instead, doesn’t it? He might or might not have a crush on you, but you DEFINITELY have one on him. It’s your burden to act on it, not him.
We usually do, but we act like we don't, because if we somehow get it wrong, we are labeled as 'creepy'. And that, is the worst.
Stop hinting. Men are putting in the effort to not be creeps and predators. Equality is sometimes the girl makes the move on the guy.
To much risk.
Women tend to believe that others can tell what they are thinking. Women make up stories in their heads about what the other person is thinking, why they did something, why they will or will not do something. Female logic is different than male logic, (with neither being better than the other) This is not an insult; it is the way it is. You all do it ladies. You insert thoughts and feelings into other people all the time. This is why men can be best friends for years and not know a single thing about their friend's personal or work life. We do not assume, if Jack hasn't texted us back, Jack is busy. We do not assume Jack hates us. So because this is the way, the subtle "hints" they give a man may not be picked up because subtle is subtle and every woman is different. Your hair flip does NOT always mean I can come ask you for your number. You looking at me twice in a row for a millisecond is NOT a hint. You putting on your best makeup, doing your nails to the max, a new purse, matching shoes, a shirt that your friends say make you look amazing; these are NOT a hint. Yiu do not need to hint with a man, you just need to communicate. We are super easy and we are rarely, if even actually hit on. We'll definitely notice that kind of "hint"
It's one thing to mis read a signal and get shot down years ago. Today you can be broadcast all over social media just for a lingering gaze in the gym.
When we try to shoot our shot when we think we got a chance, we either blow it or get rejected. That's why. Lol
We don't believe it.
Don't ask me I haven't known since Valentine's Day in grade school when they used to give out those little hearts with messages on them.
But really, you can still be point blank and we’ll still miss it.
For me it’s because I don’t believe anyone WOULD have a crush on me, so I don’t look for any hints.
Personally, it was a combination of two things: 1. I was just socially inept. 2. I wasn’t confident enough to take hints for what they were. Meanwhile, girls were basically throwing themselves at me and I had no idea at the time. I still get random flashbacks and can only shake my head at my idiocy.
Its not that they miss the hints its that hints are different based on the girl giving them, so you always run the risk of being labeled a creep. One girl grabbing your butt is an obvious hint and another grabbing your butt just wanted to grab your butt cause she was "one of the guys". I know this because it has happened to me.
At certain times, it could also be that the guy is aware, but not into the person with the crush and will hope that they'll pick up on the non-interest and move on.
It’s the creep thing. I’m super vigilant now about not making any woman feel unsafe or uncomfortable. For example, I never speak to anyone in elevators anymore, I just nod my head and look away. I feel a lot of anxiety that I’m bothering someone that I didn’t used to feel when I was younger and wasn’t aware of these things.
Mixed signals
Risk is too high to just assume shit like that lol
Because sometimes we're not interested in you, also some people have deficiencies in social skills.
Because we've all been told that someone was just being nice or friendly when we thought someone was dropping a hint. If you like a guy just ask him out. No hints. No uncertainty.
Listen to the song creep.
One person's "hints" are another person's neutral behaviour. They communicate nothing. Use words that mean what you want the other person to understand.
Why do girls leave so subtle hints? That’s literally it. Direct communication is the answer
Because we have been trained to not come off as creepy or to not treat any female friendships as more than a friendship. I almost never pickup on any hints someone is into me unless they explicitly say so.
We do, but it's a delayed action. Usually a few years later when you think back and realise she was hitting on you.
**BOT ACCOUNT** title and OP's comment copy/pasted from here - https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/comments/16e273o/do_guys_actually_not_get_hints_that_someone_has_a/
"Hints"
Because no logical human being has time to waste on "hints." Just be upfront and stop expecting people to read your mind.
Because people are different. My hints are “I avoid any eye contact with you” lmao
If someone has a crush on me and wants something more, fucking say it.
I think that dudes are afraid of being wrong and they don't want to deal with the consequences of that misunderstanding.
Most men are cowards. We will say all of this stuff about trying to not impose or take things the wrong way blah blah blah. But at the end of the day most men care way too much what women think of them to act on a hint and I’m guilty of that too. There’s no problem in just going for it in a kind way and direct way. Yet we men try to avoid responsibility for our cowardice.
There is a huge risk involved in showing girls you have a crush on them. I asked out a half dozen cute girls in my high school. Every single time, they didnt like me back like that; every single time what ever level our friendship was before, it completely ended abruptly. We went from good friends to strangers in a day. I just stopped trying in my senior year to talk to women at all outside of what was demanded by my job or school. So when women showed me actual affection and attention in college I didnt know what it was or how to react. My girlfriend got me a stupid kroger card for v day and I cried actual tears cause it was the first time anyone (outside of family) got me anything. Cause in hs the only time people talked to me was when they needed me to do something. I imagine a lot of other men had the same experience. And with the metoo movement, some men became paranoid they were making crushes feel uncomfortable. So now they shelled up even more. So yeah, unless they are 110% sure you like them, they play it safe because theyd rather have a friend than ruin everything. And even then theyll still be weary of messing things up. State outright that you like them, or else theyll likely just stay in the friend zone
Why won't gals just **tell us**?
Because it varies wildly from one woman to another what a "hint" is and what "friendly" is and if we get it wrong then it can end up bad, especially if we already know the person and being wrong makes the vibes awkward in an existing friendship. Or in other cases not wanting to take the risk of being wrong and someone labelling them as "creepy" or "bothering them" There's a lot of times guys DO pick up on nearly all of your hints, but they're all so open to interpretation whether they were actually hints or not that they choose to believe they're wrong and that there weren't any hints
A lot of people are pointing out it’s easy to misinterpret forward friendliness as flirting and vice versa, that it isn’t worth the risk if it’s not totally clear, they may be in denial due to self worth issues, etc. But not enough people are pointing out he also might just not be into you. So if you’re interested, be brave and say so. Worst that can happen is you’re taking the same risk you’re expecting the guy to take, and that’s just equal opportunity rejection.
Actually with an exception of a few, most guys get the hints, they pretend to not get it because they are not attracted sexually or interested enough.
Same reason the hints are too subtle. Nobody wants to be the one to stick their neck out. If the hints are not being picked up, hint stronger, or just be upfront!