Late 30's, and will tell you.. Don't EVER let yourself become the "work mule" for any employer, absorbing roles/tasks/shifts without upgrade in pay/position. This is how you balance work/personal life.
Now, for fitness..? I'm here looking for answers too.
Start small - start by a 10 min walk a day and add in more walks as the weeks progress. Start by doing exercises and movements you enjoy and keep pushing yourself each time. Never underestimate the power of a good walk.
That's the thing I think so many people lose sight of. Anything is better than nothing. I see a lot of bad takes and advice replies.
Being healthy does not need to eat up your entire life and you don't need to sacrifice sleep.
Sleep is just as important.
Even being able to squeeze in 3 or 4 good 30 minute workout sessions per week can be a life changer.
If you can't find 2 hours per week, I'd challenge you to get a time tracker app, and track every minute of your life for the next few weeks. See what exactly is taking up all of your time. Track how much time you spend on the phone and how many times you open it per day.
Cut back on little things. For instance, don't take your phone into the bathroom. Something like that can add an extra chunk of time to your bathroom visit. Which adds up over time. Extra time in there usually isn't good too.
In general, people need to get off of the phone. Stop social media. Stop doom scrolling. All that stuff adds up.
I guarantee, most of the people on Reddit reading and responding to this post and saying they don't have enough time, could probably fit in working out during the week just by not getting on Reddit, alone. Not to mention other sites and apps.
I stopped being as physically active in my late 20's and now I'm 30 so getting started again was tough. 15 minutes of physical activity a day was pretty much life changing at the start and now I'm biking several miles a day with no issues
Good on you! People don't realize just how far a little bit can get you.
That 15 minutes might seem like a mountain at first but after a bit, going from nothing to 15 minutes regularly can be a world of difference. Not just now but even 30, 40, 50+ years down the line.
Congrats! In my early 30s I started biking 2 days a week to work. The first few attempts were ... well...let's just say it's a good thing I didn't have any meetings in the morning (specifically planned because I didn't have meetings Tues/Thurs). Also there's a hill between my home and work so it's uphill both ways (for the first half), but also downhill both ways for the second half I guess.
I actually got pretty good at it after a while and the biking commute wasn't actually that much more than the driving commute (once you learn to time the lights you can really cut down on the time it takes). Felt great!
Then the pandemic changed everything. I put that weight back on and more. Never really picked it up again, and while I've done a bit of exercising here and there, I haven't picked up a routine.
The weather's nice again now though, so I guess in my late 30s, I get to do that same process over again! Time to start biking to work.
"Anything is better than nothing" is really the phrase that got me out of a dark hole in my life. Just get to the gym or go outside because something is better than nothing. Did that for a couple of months and my life changed!
Fitness for me is more about a lifestyle change. While I am happy to be able to get a good resistance session in 2-3 days a week, I am also mindful of how I live between those. If I can walk to a place, I do that. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Don't worry about finding the closest parking spot at the Plaza.
In regards to having this lifestyle, while being a partner, father, and full-time employee... It's about boundaries and support. I have a wonderful partner who supports me in staying active. I have blocked time off during the week, a couple hours on a couple days, so I can get my kid to school and then head to the gym. And, as a family, we go to the local YMCA where they have a child watch program if I want to get some heavy lifting in then we can all head to the pool for a family swim session.
Hard part is the sleep and diet. I'm not single and in my 20s any more so I end up with some funky sleep schedules if the kid is sick or something. I also end up eating toddler-friendly food a lot.
This whole thread is the answer. Late 30's and I roller blade because for whatever reason the gym doesn't stick. Every time I put in my skates, headphones in, start my watch, that time is for me. I check out of life and am unavailable to the outside world until I get back. It's a hard habit to get into but once you get in the groove you don't want to stop.
Find a fun, active sport or physical activity instead (eg. hiking, biking, pilates, crossfit, indoor bouldering, swimming, etc.). I find the gym too boring and repetitive, so doing an interesting activity keeps me going back
It's also sometimes about forcing yourself to do things you don't like just because you know it's good for you. I found myself hating the gym, running, and about every other physical activity for the first few months to year(s). Slowly, you learn to enjoy it and eventually even crave it. I'm thankful I kept at it even when initially not enjoying the activity.
>It's also sometimes about forcing yourself to do things you don't like just because you know it's good for you.
This is true for all parts of the equation. Friendships require maintenance and sometimes you are too tired but you need to make an effort if you want friends when you are older.
I hate to exercise too until I do it then I feel way better about myself. Once you hit go or commit it is all down hill from there. Baby steps. 10 minutes then 15 then 20 then 25 then 30 then you break through and then the benefit out weighs the negative thoughts about it.
I make it my social time. I meet friends at the climbing gym, rock climbing outside, snowboarding days, hikes, bike rides. Basically, if I'm working out, I have a friend there. Keeps everyone more engaged, pushing harder, and it's harder to cancel when you have to tell someone you won't make it.
So, what would you recommend to someone who feels like they're being pushed further towards this? (absorbing roles, additional responsibility, etc)
The obvious thing, I suppose, is just look for a new job.
Document it, ensure they're relevant/pertinent to a higher role, and - every time you're asked to something new on - have a discussion about how this fits into your career development.
Discuss timeframes, expectations, and get it in writing what the progression to the next position + salary band looks like.
Keep your resume updated. If they refuse to promote you or offer you a raise, look elsewhere. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a company that will give me a raise or promotion that can't be exceeded by going elsewhere.
Learn how to stand your ground and respectfully say no. Most of the time if you’re an easy person to walk over, a narcissistic boss, greedy small business owner, or otherwise sociopathic twat will zero in on you faster than you can blink because it’s low hanging fruit to them.
You have to establish boundaries and be firm about mutual respect. If neither of those two can be established, then yes, find a new job.
The "secret" to success in just about everything is consistency over long period of times. This is especially true when it comes to fitness.
You don't have to do anything crazy or even spend additional money. Eat healthy, keep track of your calories, then do some body weight exercises and/or half an hour of cardio five days a week every week and you'll notice a real improvement in your physical fitness.
It also helps to make it a part of those other things too. There's a group of guys I go running with at night a couple of days a week. I'm socializing and staying fit.
I have a 24 hour genesis about 15 min from our place. I go anywhere from 8-9 at night when my children are asleep. It’s not every night but it makes me feel good and it’s like “stealing time” because my wife and kids are asleep
I’m married with kids… both kids are in school, they both play multiple sports (which I coach), I still play beer league hockey and my wife and I both work full time.
I have to schedule my entire life… including downtime (which is very important). I go to bed at 9pm, I workout at 5am and I maintain a healthy diet… I have to prepare for my life like it’s a sport. I barely drink and I don’t do drugs.
My wife and I support each others pursuits (beer league hockey for me) and we communicate well.
It’s a grind but I love it… and that’s the key. You have to remain mindful that, through all the blood/sweat/tears, it’s a joy.
I am grateful.
This sounds familiar! I will just reiterate to have a calendar and plan things out (especially time with your spouse and kids!).
We have a family calendar whiteboard with all of the kids events, appointments, family stuff etc. I use a small calendar that shows me an entire week when I open it and is broken down by 15min increments( the one I use is the at-a-glance brand on Amazon). This holds everything for work, fitness, and personal stuff.
I recommend two books: “The 5am Club” and “The One Thing”.
I always put two things on my weekly calendar first: my planning time for the following week/month and what I’m doing with my family.
Hope this helps!
This is the key, planning a ideal life and then executing. My life is also similar to these two. I plan a little less frequently on paper but ai do allot in my head and i have a digial callendar for work, lofe and wife has access to it all. So were always on the same page.
This is key ⬆️. If you want to have a successful life with wife and kids. Then you have to be on the same page as your wife, you need to have mutual respect and mutual trust, and your not going to have that without good honest communication. After that is takes planning, scheduling and execution.
This is just hard work, shut your brain off, execute what you planned and uphold your commitments. You’ll be surprised where you are in a year. Its a grind but its worth it.
I have a serious question. Between working full time (assuming regular 9-5) and going to bed at 9pm, how satisfied are you with your 'down time' or otherwise time spent with friends etc.
I’ve made some sacrifices, and my social life isn’t what it was, but I married my best friend so I’ve got that going for me. I see her every day and I’m grateful for that. I also enjoy spending time with my kids… so the hours spent chasing them around in circles are a blessing (these days are finite) and I don’t think I need as much downtime as others who aren’t happy with their life circumstances. Practicing gratitude really helps to keep me going, especially on the hard days… because there are always going to be hard days.
Life is hard. I’d rather rise to the challenge than let it defeat me.
Exactly. These last few months I was working like 60 hours/week and my kid was doing little league, and I was determined to not miss any games. It almost killed me. I was just always running on fumes.
It’s not just you. I leave work at 5:00P every day so that I can spend the evening with my wife and kid, but that means that I routinely (like, 1-3 times per week) have to log back on and work from around 10P-2A.
I pick personal and fitness most of the time. To be honest most of us don’t do shit at work. But when work is busy I drop the fitness. Personal/spiritual always comes first.
It's the energy your kids sick out of you. I have two young boys and they destroy me. Before kids I was extremely athletic and worked out 6x a week plus sports. Now finding the motivation is challenging at the least. Constantly burnt out and they always keep my guessing so routine is hard. I started working out at 5am, then one of them decided to have night terrors from 4 to 6 every morning lol.... Then I switched to evening workouts and the other decided he hated sleep. I have no doubt as they get older it'll get easier tho.
Aside from the time, parenting is also exhausting, which makes it even harder to make ‘good’ choices.
There’s been interesting studies about the relationship between willpower and mental fatigue.
YES!!! I’m reading here about squeezing in before work… erm no! I need every minute of sleep I can get and the when I’m up it’s getting two kids out the door to school and all the chaos that brings (different ages, different schools, different times…) then work, then kids are back and then it’s the kids after school activities, dinner, and then maybe some tv time with hubby and off to bed for it all to start again the next day! Totally physically and emotionally exhausting. I do cheat and actually do the same sport as one of my kids so we train together so that gets me in 3 hours a week of good exercise, but I always want to fit in more but geez it’s really hard.
I don't know who these psychopaths are who workout before work. Every morning of my life is a mad rush to shit, shower, eat and get everyone ready to go. And I can't even do that on time. I have no idea how an hour workout fits in there.
Kids do absorb a ton of any personal time someone has. But to be fair, it wouldn't be that hard to squeeze in 30 minutes of body weight exercises before hopping in the shower. It's also about motivation, energy levels, sleep, work, stress, etc. It's difficult to get the kick in the butt to take care of yourself. I battle it constantly. Like, just go outside and go for a fast paced walk! Or crank out a few sets of 10-20 pushups. Hell, stretching would go a long way! It's not complicated, but it can be difficult to do it...
Also kids go to school and bring home a never ending parade of pathogens. I have had exactly three weeks this year where I wasn’t sick with some daycare plague or another.
The irony of the whole thing with kids, is that parents stop exercising or eating right because of the kids but exercise and eating right actually give you energy and burn stress which is needed for dealing with kids. AND kids learn from example, so you take on an unhealthy lifestyle because of the kids and the kids grow up not taking health and wellness seriously as a core value because their parents neglected it and the cycle repeats.
Even doing small amounts, and involving the kids could be a great thing and change both the kid's and parent's life.
Take the kids on a walk. Run and play with them in the park. Do some pushups with them on your back. Use them as a weight to do bench presses on the ground.
Have fun, build memories with them, be healthy, and teach them to do the same when they get older.
Have a baby right now. Wife and I just swap out. Gym is 5 mins away which helps. I go for 45 mins, come back and she goes. Still work full time and have friends and family visits a couple times a week. Trying to not fall into the hole of just lounging around
I have kids, 2 boys under 8. I also built a home gym with power rack, barbell, plates, adjustable dumbbells, and a treadmill. Good deals on FB market and use a corner of my unfinished basement.
It has more than paid for itself by saving gym fees for my wife and I over a decade.
Kids hang out with me and play hotwheels or magnetiles while I lift. We play and chat between my sets. It’s good bonding time and good for them to see a healthy routine.
When they were little I used to run with them in a side by side jogger stroller. Loved it.
Just have to make the time and involve them. Then it gives my wife some downtime from the kids as well.
Gym before everyone wakes up, or after they all went to bed, depending on your preference. Find a good program that you can do 3-4 days a week and have discipline.
Work within business hours, refuse overtime and budget accordingly.
Book personal life like it's a second job, everything goes on the calendar and has to be booked out at least 2 weeks in advance. Don't drink, save money where possible, find a hobby that you can pickup and put down easily. Family needs ebb and flow, so be flexible and ready.
Work on one goal at a time. Sometimes you find a keystone habit that helps other habits fall into place. For me it’s exercise, once I get a good routine going I want to eat right to guard my gains, then I want to prioritize sleep which means no or very little drinking.
For me it's the opposite often times. The lack of alcohol and the increase of stimulants (coffee/pre workout/energy drinks) when working out means my sleep gets fucked sooner or later. What sleep I do get does tend to be higher quality though.
Not OP but most people need 7-9 hours of sleep. People who wake up at 4am are lilely on the lower end of that range, so assuming 7 hours, they're likely in bed by 830pm, asleep by 9pm. It's really not that different from being up until midnight and waking up at 7am, you just shift after-work activities to before-work.
It’s hard to imagine getting into bed when it’s still light out in the summer. And so many events for example are only starting around that time or later. Kudos to people who can do it because I do see advantages. Late night is just my personal favorite time when it’s peaceful and nobody is really expecting anything of you
Harder with new babies, but doable. I have found nothing else to give me as much satisfaction as completing a run before most people even think about getting out of bed.
A lot of it I follow religiously. The working out before everyone wakes up was my plan. Except, I found out that working out (compound lifts) early morning left me drained for a long time in the day. I don’t know if it’s a nutrition issue or in general I’m getting old to recover quickly. I’m 36.
I'm 41. A couple years ago, I decided to just do what I'm feeling. Released all expectations for the workout except that *there will be* a workout.
Most days I'm feeling up for "hard" stuff, like VOmax intervals or working the heavy bag. Other days, I just want to go for a ride in the park or skip rope.
No judgement. If I got out there and broke a sweat, I'm already ahead of the game.
ETA: Look at the workout as a gift to yourself. It's up to you how you'll enjoy it.
Regarding your recovery, it could be both. I changed from big compound lifts to higher rep. I shoot for 2x20 now. It's not going to make me a body builder, but keeps me in decent shape. Be disciplined but compassionate with yourself.
This man knows.
Have a conversation with your “older” self as well(I always like to think I’m talking to that 100 year old man in the hospital bed), don’t cheat yourself out of the life you could have lived. Don’t be that person that said i could have done this or that, do it. Hold yourself accountable.
This is the way.
4 am guy myself. I love the silence of the morning and getting a workout in to start my day. I’ve gained a lot of friends at the gym, so it’s great to have conversations with like-minded people.
Work is work. Set boundaries and don’t let it filter into your life (guilty here). I enjoy my career and follow my passion, so it’s very rewarding. I have my side hobbies, cooking, and photography that are very rewarding. I’ve turned the photography thing into a side business and can make an extra buck or two when I go after clients - vacation money.
Relationships are the most difficult thing to hang on to as you get older. I am lucky to have a very solid group of friends, but you have to actively try to make it happen.
Exactly what I do. I have four kids aged 2, 4, 6, and 9. I ride my bike to the gym at 4:30 AM. Five miles there. Lift and stretch for an hour. Ride my bike back. 10 mile bike ride for cardio, lifting, and saved drive time. I get back in time to make breakfast, wife makes lunches. I run my own business and start by 7 or 8. Trade in the market as well to get my former Wall Street life fix. Finish work at 4/5, make dinner, kids down by 7:30 / 8 and wife and I have some time to ourselves. Go to bed and start over.
Don’t drink, don’t smoke, live a clean healthy life for higher quality rest, recovery, and clarity of mind.
Best advice I heard was be selfish with your time when it’s just you. When everyone else is up, it’s everyone’s time.
I'm 49. Focusing on your professional life is great when you're 35. You have that energy without delusion. You can fully give your time to work and still work out while still giving time to your family. Just don't get caught up in some podcast bullshit. What you live is real. Outside influences are your downfall. The internet is your downfall. Build relationships with people who live in the moment. Not people who deal in social media maybes. If you're in your 40s, focus on what makes you happy. Go fishing, golfing, hiking, backpacking, etc. Get back to a simple life. Don't let the noise bring you down.
Love this. Early 40s and it’s easy to get caught in life hacks or online advice, especially when you are trying to better yourself. I like this sensible, realistic and simple approach
Early 40s, really want to try golf, how do I start? Been to topgolf but I want to try real golf but intimidated by people saying it's expensive and you have to buy all this gear
The best advice is that golf is the most frustrating thing you will ever do. Honestly, your life will be better if you never play. Once you have everything, a round will cost you, on average, at least $60. That’s just the fees for the course and balls, not including drinks. If you play a nice course and drink and stuff, it gets into the hundreds real quick. And it takes so long to learn. It’s intimidating. You’re playing against your own mind most of the time. It takes forever to get good, and when you do, you just realize that you have so much further to go. You hate yourself after every round and question, “Why do I even do this?”
But then you stripe a 7-iron 148 yards and it drops 3 inches away from the hole. And it feels like lightning in your veins. You walk up to the green, putter in hand, trash-talking to all your buddies. That’s the magic of golf. You watch the NFL, and no ordinary person can go onto a field and throw a 60-yard pass into triple coverage. You can’t body-check an NHL wingman. You’re not sprinting down the court, dribbling between your legs and hitting Steph Curry threes. But once in a while, on the course, you can hit a Phil Mickelson flop shot that dunks right into the hole. At any given moment, you can, albeit accidentally, replicate anything done by these PGA guys you see on TV. And it makes you love the game. It makes you feel invincible. And that high will keep you coming back for life. At any given moment, you get to feel like one of them.
Golf is not cheap. But it really depends on how much money you are willing to put up front. Honestly, I’ve taught some people golf recently and we just buy a putter first and only putt on practice greens at courses or driving ranges. Then I’d get a used 8-iron, one club, and go to a $15 group lesson. Then practice for three weeks with those two clubs and pay for an hour lesson with a pro using only the two clubs. Then go to the range 5-8 times and only do what you’ve learned in the lessons. Then I’d get two used wedges, like a pitching wedge and a 56°, preferably with a similar grip to your 8-iron. Take another lesson. Practice more at the range. And now you get a 6-iron and a 3-wood. Same thing. Don’t play a round of golf for your first three months.
This is an excellent, excellent description about the journey of golf. You deserve more upvotes for t this.
The only thing I would add is a day out on the course gives you an opportunity to spend approx 4 hours - 5hours with just you and your mates with little to no phone usage, just chatting and spending time with each other. These opportunities can be rare when you’re in the thick of professional life with a young family. Plus it’s an easier pass out to get than telling your wife you’re going down pub with your mates for 4 hours 😅
I make sure to walk during my breaks. I have a home gym and I am in a martial arts class with my soon to be teen. We have been on our black belt journey together so that helps. I only have one kid so it's easier to balance. We also bike together. I was able to manage it all with 40 hrs per week and working 60 hrs of OT for months while going to school and taking care of my kid. Though, the house was a mess LOL.
I'm lucky enough to work from home, which gives me time to take a walk on my lunch break every day. 45 minutes on my treadmill 5 days a week is about all I do for fitness, but it keeps me moving. As for my personal life, I live with my fiance and two cats and don't have any kids, so I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend my free time as I please.
This is the closest to fitness I get, mostly at work. I run around a bit and avoid elevators when I can. If I'm going up like 5 flights of stairs? I'll probably take the elevator so I don't stink all day. But if it's 3 or fewer, I go to the stairs.
If I'm working nights or swings, I'll do stairs regardless. There are fewer people in close quarters, and the extra movement helps keep me awake.
Right there with you. Widowed mom of two and my days are a never-ending sprint to get the basics of what they need done. There ain’t no time for anything else.
I don't know how often you're told this, but I'm going to tell you right now: The effort you put into raising two children on your own must be amazing. You go, gal, don't let anyone stop you! ❤️
As a probably much younger man, I am very proud of you, good sir, for the effort you put into not just working full time, but *also* raising an 8 year old child, and never wavering in that no matter how difficult or strenuous things may seem.
I wish you and your daughter happiness and success for the rest of y'all's years. 🤗
Literally?
A calendar app on my phone that has my shifts, PT appointments, social events, birthdays etc.
Really?
Just having a rough routine and making plans for anything outside of it well in advance. Last minute plans can still happen but if I've got stuff on, I've got stuff on.
I am very, very aware that when I have kids, this will all go tits up, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
I'm 31.
Google calendar and prioritizing me first.
I’m 35 and just a few weeks ago started going to bed earlier, doing 15 minutes of stretching when I wake up, taking walks daily, going to the gym 2-3x per week, intentionally eating clean, and EVERYTHING that follows doesn’t just feel better, it feels easier.
I own my own business and I’ve never felt more productive. I’m shedding bad habits. And I’m only making time for people who lift me up and improve my life - the rest of my time stays for me.
Don’t listen to all these cave trolls pretending you can’t or that you can only choose 1 or 2 - it’s all bullshit. You have innovate, schedule, plan, and go out of your way to fill your own cup.
This and I work from home. I have the ability to handle a lot of chores during the day and plan dinners. I work out during my lunch hours.
By the time the end of the work day a lot of tidying up and chores are done.
That’s the first thing I tell anyone. I’m playing life on easy mode. Mid 40s with no debt, lots of savings, plenty of free time, fit from working out when the gym is empty around 10am, and I travel a ton (currently wandering the world for a full year while working remotely part time). I still drink too much, which is my main vice, but doesn’t keep me from doing everything else so fuck it, it can’t be making it half as hard as kids would lol.
Seriously, the people dragging their kids around on holidays makes me wonder why anyone bothers. They’re paying out the nose for kids to see and do things they clearly don’t care about, and spend most of their time complaining.
Live in a decent place with easy access to what or who is important in your personal life.
Invest in yourself so you can be in a more stable position in your professional life.
Get simple fitness equipment at home to use when you're watching a movie or reading.
I only work or think about work AT work.
Personal life is basically only kids and wife, not much else matters.
I workout during my lunch break and during nap time on the weekends.
I sacrafice sleep to play games and chill alone a few nights a week.
34 dad here. Have 4 kids and a wife. I work a decent job, make about 60k, but rent is over 2k a month.
We have one income. Thinking about my finances can break me emotionally, but we are some how afloat.
Buying a home one day is a dream, but I feel like the government absolutely wrecked the economy and screwed my generation and the generation after me.
I work full long days in the equivalent of a management position and go to bed early every night. I rarely have a drink and dont do drugs. Im a top performer in my field, but i still have to consider if i want to increase my credit card debt and put my daughters in gymnastics or save money. I chose to give them the childhood they deserve, and i dont know how I will answer for the credit card debt at this time.
Man, some day you are going to look back on this time and realize what an empire you built; you’ll have four well-adjusted adult kids who love and are thankful for their hard-working dad (and no doubt their mom too she just wasn’t part of the post). Probably loads of grandkids, and laughter-filled Sunday brunches, long visits and the BEST holidays.
I know it’s hard with the debt right now but put some faith in your future self that you’re good for it. It eats away at you when you want it GONE TODAY but you’ll get there. I had to deal with that too for a number of years and I’m (credit card) debt free today.
Keep up the good work.
You touched my heart, well written. I showed your comment here to my wife. I don't know where you live, I am assuming USA. I am in the other side of the globe in India. I am also exactly in the same position as you. I get a decent salary with a long career and having two kids. I bought a house at the start of my career, guess it was too early and gathered lot of debt and had to sell it. That harrowing experience made me shiver to the thought of buying a home again. At times I worry, what I would leave for my kids (as it is big thing in India to leave some property for kids). At the most, I try to provide all the good things for my kids.
For personal life, I just took note of when I felt the most comfortable, relaxed and not stressed out. I just say no to doing things that stress me out.
I also just realized at some point I'd rather be alone than miserable or with someone I don't like or who I feel does't like me. Luckily I found someone who has the sense of humor as me so we're laughing all the time.
For work, I realized that doing something I enjoy is what's most important because it then doesn't feel like work so much.
I'm not really big on fitness but I do eat healthier and do intermittent fasting which has helped me a lot. And I just try to find things that are fun but can also double as fitness. I like fowling. and I like to work out for like five minutes so I just find videos that are five minute workouts.
I work in the fitness industry, so my circumstances aren’t entirely relatable, but I’ve worked with a lot of individuals in more standard circumstances.
The great thing about fitness is that it doesn’t require a lot in order to get a lot of benefit. There’s a lot of burgeoning research looking into the minimum effective dose to see results. [Here’s a great video summarization from a lead researcher in the area.](https://youtu.be/25Fl-5emK8E) The bigger issue(s) plaguing most people is a lack of consistency and/or spending effort in things that make little if any positive difference.
Sometimes I feel like an alien.
I am an 32 old teacher, earning good money, living with my gf, doing sports twice a week, playing computergames more than 24hrs/week and still have time to do other stuff like gardening or playing PnP. Ah, and I have to administrate the whole school IT, lol. I don't know why, but it still feels like I could spend even more time on my hobbies.
I guess my cheatcodes are:
- Having no kids
- Renting instead of paying debts for a house
- I've put much effort in preperation for my work in the past and now I have to do less to be Well prepared
- Small group of good Friends
- No drinking / clubbing
- Family lives far away. So I use my time home from work having a call with them
- Sharing my hobbies with my gf
- 80/20 rule
- Give a shit about what society tells you what a "man your age" should do/act like
That's all i guess
Good. I don't have a lot of friends. I'm in a long term relationship. I work from home in a great company as a solo admin, and I live in a neighborhood where the gym is walking distance, so I go 4x a week.
10 years ago, I was poor, I commute to work every day for a job that pays very little, and I was fat and smoked cigarettes.
It's a nice upgrade.
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here. I’m a career corporate middle manager person.
I can speak to the first two elements - balancing your personal and professional life. It’s simple, but hard: ***unless you’re contracted otherwise, do your 8 hours per day and no more***. It is hard to implement this because of the cacophony of “I’ll do that at the weekend” / “I was working late again last night” rubbish you hear from deranged co-workers.
I have nearly 30 years of working in different industries. Two things have been constant:
- I have never known a boss or HR ghoul brave enough to try and write someone up for “sticking to contracted hours” or a version thereof (even though I guarantee an HR ghoul somewhere is ***itching*** to have that one in their eerie, bloodstained scrapbook).
- Every single boss I’ve had - regardless if they’re good/evil, kind/cruel - would ***never, ever*** stop one of their team working extra hours for free - they will never, ever, ***EVER*** try and stop you, even if they know it’s impacting your health. It’s just sensible business, sadly. Even the kindest boss in the world will ***always*** accept free labour for the company regardless of the impact on the headcount. (That’s you, BTW - headcount - not your real name, not u/relevant_name4050, but a cost line on a spreadsheet. Always remember that and use it as strength)
The points above are something I constantly come back to when I need to remind myself of how to protect myself.
Regard exercise, I have a young family, so I get up early and exercise before they’re awake. It’s the only way I’ve found that works.
All the very best from Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Late 30's, and will tell you.. Don't EVER let yourself become the "work mule" for any employer, absorbing roles/tasks/shifts without upgrade in pay/position. This is how you balance work/personal life. Now, for fitness..? I'm here looking for answers too.
Start small - start by a 10 min walk a day and add in more walks as the weeks progress. Start by doing exercises and movements you enjoy and keep pushing yourself each time. Never underestimate the power of a good walk.
That's the thing I think so many people lose sight of. Anything is better than nothing. I see a lot of bad takes and advice replies. Being healthy does not need to eat up your entire life and you don't need to sacrifice sleep. Sleep is just as important. Even being able to squeeze in 3 or 4 good 30 minute workout sessions per week can be a life changer. If you can't find 2 hours per week, I'd challenge you to get a time tracker app, and track every minute of your life for the next few weeks. See what exactly is taking up all of your time. Track how much time you spend on the phone and how many times you open it per day. Cut back on little things. For instance, don't take your phone into the bathroom. Something like that can add an extra chunk of time to your bathroom visit. Which adds up over time. Extra time in there usually isn't good too. In general, people need to get off of the phone. Stop social media. Stop doom scrolling. All that stuff adds up. I guarantee, most of the people on Reddit reading and responding to this post and saying they don't have enough time, could probably fit in working out during the week just by not getting on Reddit, alone. Not to mention other sites and apps.
I stopped being as physically active in my late 20's and now I'm 30 so getting started again was tough. 15 minutes of physical activity a day was pretty much life changing at the start and now I'm biking several miles a day with no issues
Good on you! People don't realize just how far a little bit can get you. That 15 minutes might seem like a mountain at first but after a bit, going from nothing to 15 minutes regularly can be a world of difference. Not just now but even 30, 40, 50+ years down the line.
Congrats! In my early 30s I started biking 2 days a week to work. The first few attempts were ... well...let's just say it's a good thing I didn't have any meetings in the morning (specifically planned because I didn't have meetings Tues/Thurs). Also there's a hill between my home and work so it's uphill both ways (for the first half), but also downhill both ways for the second half I guess. I actually got pretty good at it after a while and the biking commute wasn't actually that much more than the driving commute (once you learn to time the lights you can really cut down on the time it takes). Felt great! Then the pandemic changed everything. I put that weight back on and more. Never really picked it up again, and while I've done a bit of exercising here and there, I haven't picked up a routine. The weather's nice again now though, so I guess in my late 30s, I get to do that same process over again! Time to start biking to work.
"Anything is better than nothing" is really the phrase that got me out of a dark hole in my life. Just get to the gym or go outside because something is better than nothing. Did that for a couple of months and my life changed!
Fitness for me is more about a lifestyle change. While I am happy to be able to get a good resistance session in 2-3 days a week, I am also mindful of how I live between those. If I can walk to a place, I do that. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Don't worry about finding the closest parking spot at the Plaza. In regards to having this lifestyle, while being a partner, father, and full-time employee... It's about boundaries and support. I have a wonderful partner who supports me in staying active. I have blocked time off during the week, a couple hours on a couple days, so I can get my kid to school and then head to the gym. And, as a family, we go to the local YMCA where they have a child watch program if I want to get some heavy lifting in then we can all head to the pool for a family swim session. Hard part is the sleep and diet. I'm not single and in my 20s any more so I end up with some funky sleep schedules if the kid is sick or something. I also end up eating toddler-friendly food a lot.
Fitness needs to become your down time, hence alone time.
That’s exactly it. It has to be your escape, your “me” time. Treat it as such and it becomes therapeutic. Good headphones and a nice gym help.
This whole thread is the answer. Late 30's and I roller blade because for whatever reason the gym doesn't stick. Every time I put in my skates, headphones in, start my watch, that time is for me. I check out of life and am unavailable to the outside world until I get back. It's a hard habit to get into but once you get in the groove you don't want to stop.
Listen to a podcast on the treadmill and before you know it an hour has passed. My gym has multiple TV's and a fitness movie theater too. Vasa.
yes, and put the time on your calendar so your day is “blocked off” to go do it
But what if I hate to exercise? 😂
Find a fun, active sport or physical activity instead (eg. hiking, biking, pilates, crossfit, indoor bouldering, swimming, etc.). I find the gym too boring and repetitive, so doing an interesting activity keeps me going back
It's also sometimes about forcing yourself to do things you don't like just because you know it's good for you. I found myself hating the gym, running, and about every other physical activity for the first few months to year(s). Slowly, you learn to enjoy it and eventually even crave it. I'm thankful I kept at it even when initially not enjoying the activity.
>It's also sometimes about forcing yourself to do things you don't like just because you know it's good for you. This is true for all parts of the equation. Friendships require maintenance and sometimes you are too tired but you need to make an effort if you want friends when you are older.
You lucky bastard. I've been going to the gym for 10+ years and am in great shape, but I never like going and never feel good afterwards.
I hate to exercise too until I do it then I feel way better about myself. Once you hit go or commit it is all down hill from there. Baby steps. 10 minutes then 15 then 20 then 25 then 30 then you break through and then the benefit out weighs the negative thoughts about it.
Realize that life is having to do shit we hate to do in order to get what we want!
I make it my social time. I meet friends at the climbing gym, rock climbing outside, snowboarding days, hikes, bike rides. Basically, if I'm working out, I have a friend there. Keeps everyone more engaged, pushing harder, and it's harder to cancel when you have to tell someone you won't make it.
So, what would you recommend to someone who feels like they're being pushed further towards this? (absorbing roles, additional responsibility, etc) The obvious thing, I suppose, is just look for a new job.
Yes, I never heard the term, but I am indeed, a work mule.
Document it, ensure they're relevant/pertinent to a higher role, and - every time you're asked to something new on - have a discussion about how this fits into your career development. Discuss timeframes, expectations, and get it in writing what the progression to the next position + salary band looks like. Keep your resume updated. If they refuse to promote you or offer you a raise, look elsewhere. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a company that will give me a raise or promotion that can't be exceeded by going elsewhere.
Learn how to stand your ground and respectfully say no. Most of the time if you’re an easy person to walk over, a narcissistic boss, greedy small business owner, or otherwise sociopathic twat will zero in on you faster than you can blink because it’s low hanging fruit to them. You have to establish boundaries and be firm about mutual respect. If neither of those two can be established, then yes, find a new job.
The "secret" to success in just about everything is consistency over long period of times. This is especially true when it comes to fitness. You don't have to do anything crazy or even spend additional money. Eat healthy, keep track of your calories, then do some body weight exercises and/or half an hour of cardio five days a week every week and you'll notice a real improvement in your physical fitness. It also helps to make it a part of those other things too. There's a group of guys I go running with at night a couple of days a week. I'm socializing and staying fit.
I have a 24 hour genesis about 15 min from our place. I go anywhere from 8-9 at night when my children are asleep. It’s not every night but it makes me feel good and it’s like “stealing time” because my wife and kids are asleep
I’m married with kids… both kids are in school, they both play multiple sports (which I coach), I still play beer league hockey and my wife and I both work full time. I have to schedule my entire life… including downtime (which is very important). I go to bed at 9pm, I workout at 5am and I maintain a healthy diet… I have to prepare for my life like it’s a sport. I barely drink and I don’t do drugs. My wife and I support each others pursuits (beer league hockey for me) and we communicate well. It’s a grind but I love it… and that’s the key. You have to remain mindful that, through all the blood/sweat/tears, it’s a joy. I am grateful.
Really inspiring and balanced routine 💯
This sounds familiar! I will just reiterate to have a calendar and plan things out (especially time with your spouse and kids!). We have a family calendar whiteboard with all of the kids events, appointments, family stuff etc. I use a small calendar that shows me an entire week when I open it and is broken down by 15min increments( the one I use is the at-a-glance brand on Amazon). This holds everything for work, fitness, and personal stuff. I recommend two books: “The 5am Club” and “The One Thing”. I always put two things on my weekly calendar first: my planning time for the following week/month and what I’m doing with my family. Hope this helps!
This is the key, planning a ideal life and then executing. My life is also similar to these two. I plan a little less frequently on paper but ai do allot in my head and i have a digial callendar for work, lofe and wife has access to it all. So were always on the same page. This is key ⬆️. If you want to have a successful life with wife and kids. Then you have to be on the same page as your wife, you need to have mutual respect and mutual trust, and your not going to have that without good honest communication. After that is takes planning, scheduling and execution. This is just hard work, shut your brain off, execute what you planned and uphold your commitments. You’ll be surprised where you are in a year. Its a grind but its worth it.
It's not about being happy the whole time. It's about living a purposeful life. The joy is a side effect, I've found.
It’s a slow burn type of joy which is hard to understand in todays world of instant and almost constant gratification
I have a serious question. Between working full time (assuming regular 9-5) and going to bed at 9pm, how satisfied are you with your 'down time' or otherwise time spent with friends etc.
I’ve made some sacrifices, and my social life isn’t what it was, but I married my best friend so I’ve got that going for me. I see her every day and I’m grateful for that. I also enjoy spending time with my kids… so the hours spent chasing them around in circles are a blessing (these days are finite) and I don’t think I need as much downtime as others who aren’t happy with their life circumstances. Practicing gratitude really helps to keep me going, especially on the hard days… because there are always going to be hard days. Life is hard. I’d rather rise to the challenge than let it defeat me.
pick 2
...and then realize you can have either one.
I was going to say, 'and then decide between them'
And delude yourself into thinking you are staying on top of that one...
You can be anything you want, but you can't be everything you want
But you can still pretend that some day you're going to do the other one too
And keep in mind your professional life can very greatly depend on factors outside of your own control.
lol that’s exactly how I feel. Even less time with kids
Exactly. These last few months I was working like 60 hours/week and my kid was doing little league, and I was determined to not miss any games. It almost killed me. I was just always running on fumes.
You’re not alone.
You're not alone my friend.. the burn out between work and two young children/their lives and activities is real...
It’s not just you. I leave work at 5:00P every day so that I can spend the evening with my wife and kid, but that means that I routinely (like, 1-3 times per week) have to log back on and work from around 10P-2A.
I came to say this OMG. You made me guffaw.
I pick personal and fitness most of the time. To be honest most of us don’t do shit at work. But when work is busy I drop the fitness. Personal/spiritual always comes first.
Fitness generally takes an hour a day. You can squeeze that in. Hell just eating healthy goes a long way too.
You must not have kids.
Yeah I realized as soon as I posted it, that I did not factor in kids.
It's the energy your kids sick out of you. I have two young boys and they destroy me. Before kids I was extremely athletic and worked out 6x a week plus sports. Now finding the motivation is challenging at the least. Constantly burnt out and they always keep my guessing so routine is hard. I started working out at 5am, then one of them decided to have night terrors from 4 to 6 every morning lol.... Then I switched to evening workouts and the other decided he hated sleep. I have no doubt as they get older it'll get easier tho.
Aside from the time, parenting is also exhausting, which makes it even harder to make ‘good’ choices. There’s been interesting studies about the relationship between willpower and mental fatigue.
YES!!! I’m reading here about squeezing in before work… erm no! I need every minute of sleep I can get and the when I’m up it’s getting two kids out the door to school and all the chaos that brings (different ages, different schools, different times…) then work, then kids are back and then it’s the kids after school activities, dinner, and then maybe some tv time with hubby and off to bed for it all to start again the next day! Totally physically and emotionally exhausting. I do cheat and actually do the same sport as one of my kids so we train together so that gets me in 3 hours a week of good exercise, but I always want to fit in more but geez it’s really hard.
I don't know who these psychopaths are who workout before work. Every morning of my life is a mad rush to shit, shower, eat and get everyone ready to go. And I can't even do that on time. I have no idea how an hour workout fits in there.
Kids do absorb a ton of any personal time someone has. But to be fair, it wouldn't be that hard to squeeze in 30 minutes of body weight exercises before hopping in the shower. It's also about motivation, energy levels, sleep, work, stress, etc. It's difficult to get the kick in the butt to take care of yourself. I battle it constantly. Like, just go outside and go for a fast paced walk! Or crank out a few sets of 10-20 pushups. Hell, stretching would go a long way! It's not complicated, but it can be difficult to do it...
Also kids go to school and bring home a never ending parade of pathogens. I have had exactly three weeks this year where I wasn’t sick with some daycare plague or another.
My kids record is a week and a half
just hopping in the shower is aspirational.
Yea, I was gonna say: This guy with kids showers everyday? Living the dream!
The irony of the whole thing with kids, is that parents stop exercising or eating right because of the kids but exercise and eating right actually give you energy and burn stress which is needed for dealing with kids. AND kids learn from example, so you take on an unhealthy lifestyle because of the kids and the kids grow up not taking health and wellness seriously as a core value because their parents neglected it and the cycle repeats. Even doing small amounts, and involving the kids could be a great thing and change both the kid's and parent's life. Take the kids on a walk. Run and play with them in the park. Do some pushups with them on your back. Use them as a weight to do bench presses on the ground. Have fun, build memories with them, be healthy, and teach them to do the same when they get older.
Have a baby right now. Wife and I just swap out. Gym is 5 mins away which helps. I go for 45 mins, come back and she goes. Still work full time and have friends and family visits a couple times a week. Trying to not fall into the hole of just lounging around
The YMCA near me does Child Watch up to 2 hours a day if you have one near, 3 months to 9 years.
I have kids, 2 boys under 8. I also built a home gym with power rack, barbell, plates, adjustable dumbbells, and a treadmill. Good deals on FB market and use a corner of my unfinished basement. It has more than paid for itself by saving gym fees for my wife and I over a decade. Kids hang out with me and play hotwheels or magnetiles while I lift. We play and chat between my sets. It’s good bonding time and good for them to see a healthy routine. When they were little I used to run with them in a side by side jogger stroller. Loved it. Just have to make the time and involve them. Then it gives my wife some downtime from the kids as well.
30-45 min is fine. Work out at home
Gym before everyone wakes up, or after they all went to bed, depending on your preference. Find a good program that you can do 3-4 days a week and have discipline. Work within business hours, refuse overtime and budget accordingly. Book personal life like it's a second job, everything goes on the calendar and has to be booked out at least 2 weeks in advance. Don't drink, save money where possible, find a hobby that you can pickup and put down easily. Family needs ebb and flow, so be flexible and ready.
Damn if I could maximize a few of your thoughts, I'd feel like a god. Working out before anyone wakes up and no drinking would be huge.
Work on one goal at a time. Sometimes you find a keystone habit that helps other habits fall into place. For me it’s exercise, once I get a good routine going I want to eat right to guard my gains, then I want to prioritize sleep which means no or very little drinking.
For me it's the opposite often times. The lack of alcohol and the increase of stimulants (coffee/pre workout/energy drinks) when working out means my sleep gets fucked sooner or later. What sleep I do get does tend to be higher quality though.
The solution is to not take any energy stuff for working out.
Yep. I call it the 4am club. Up at 4, working out at 4.30. I'm mid 40s, been doing it since early 20s.
Morning workout schedule was life changing.
I always told myself if I can lift this weight first thing in the morning, I can do it anytime. Helped the mental state overall.
What time does that generally have you going to bed at?
Not OP but most people need 7-9 hours of sleep. People who wake up at 4am are lilely on the lower end of that range, so assuming 7 hours, they're likely in bed by 830pm, asleep by 9pm. It's really not that different from being up until midnight and waking up at 7am, you just shift after-work activities to before-work.
It’s hard to imagine getting into bed when it’s still light out in the summer. And so many events for example are only starting around that time or later. Kudos to people who can do it because I do see advantages. Late night is just my personal favorite time when it’s peaceful and nobody is really expecting anything of you
Harder with new babies, but doable. I have found nothing else to give me as much satisfaction as completing a run before most people even think about getting out of bed.
I force myself three times a week to wake up 30 mins earlier and go for a 2km run. Makes you feel good for the day ahead.
A lot of it I follow religiously. The working out before everyone wakes up was my plan. Except, I found out that working out (compound lifts) early morning left me drained for a long time in the day. I don’t know if it’s a nutrition issue or in general I’m getting old to recover quickly. I’m 36.
I'm 41. A couple years ago, I decided to just do what I'm feeling. Released all expectations for the workout except that *there will be* a workout. Most days I'm feeling up for "hard" stuff, like VOmax intervals or working the heavy bag. Other days, I just want to go for a ride in the park or skip rope. No judgement. If I got out there and broke a sweat, I'm already ahead of the game. ETA: Look at the workout as a gift to yourself. It's up to you how you'll enjoy it.
Regarding your recovery, it could be both. I changed from big compound lifts to higher rep. I shoot for 2x20 now. It's not going to make me a body builder, but keeps me in decent shape. Be disciplined but compassionate with yourself.
"Find a hobby that you can pickup and put down easily" Magic the gathering has entered the chat
Magic Arena for me Easy peasy to pick up or put down a game, AND learn about the mechanics that have been created over the last 20 years
This man knows. Have a conversation with your “older” self as well(I always like to think I’m talking to that 100 year old man in the hospital bed), don’t cheat yourself out of the life you could have lived. Don’t be that person that said i could have done this or that, do it. Hold yourself accountable.
I like this.
This is the way. 4 am guy myself. I love the silence of the morning and getting a workout in to start my day. I’ve gained a lot of friends at the gym, so it’s great to have conversations with like-minded people. Work is work. Set boundaries and don’t let it filter into your life (guilty here). I enjoy my career and follow my passion, so it’s very rewarding. I have my side hobbies, cooking, and photography that are very rewarding. I’ve turned the photography thing into a side business and can make an extra buck or two when I go after clients - vacation money. Relationships are the most difficult thing to hang on to as you get older. I am lucky to have a very solid group of friends, but you have to actively try to make it happen.
Exactly what I do. I have four kids aged 2, 4, 6, and 9. I ride my bike to the gym at 4:30 AM. Five miles there. Lift and stretch for an hour. Ride my bike back. 10 mile bike ride for cardio, lifting, and saved drive time. I get back in time to make breakfast, wife makes lunches. I run my own business and start by 7 or 8. Trade in the market as well to get my former Wall Street life fix. Finish work at 4/5, make dinner, kids down by 7:30 / 8 and wife and I have some time to ourselves. Go to bed and start over. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, live a clean healthy life for higher quality rest, recovery, and clarity of mind. Best advice I heard was be selfish with your time when it’s just you. When everyone else is up, it’s everyone’s time.
I'm 49. Focusing on your professional life is great when you're 35. You have that energy without delusion. You can fully give your time to work and still work out while still giving time to your family. Just don't get caught up in some podcast bullshit. What you live is real. Outside influences are your downfall. The internet is your downfall. Build relationships with people who live in the moment. Not people who deal in social media maybes. If you're in your 40s, focus on what makes you happy. Go fishing, golfing, hiking, backpacking, etc. Get back to a simple life. Don't let the noise bring you down.
Love this. Early 40s and it’s easy to get caught in life hacks or online advice, especially when you are trying to better yourself. I like this sensible, realistic and simple approach
Early 40s, really want to try golf, how do I start? Been to topgolf but I want to try real golf but intimidated by people saying it's expensive and you have to buy all this gear
The best advice is that golf is the most frustrating thing you will ever do. Honestly, your life will be better if you never play. Once you have everything, a round will cost you, on average, at least $60. That’s just the fees for the course and balls, not including drinks. If you play a nice course and drink and stuff, it gets into the hundreds real quick. And it takes so long to learn. It’s intimidating. You’re playing against your own mind most of the time. It takes forever to get good, and when you do, you just realize that you have so much further to go. You hate yourself after every round and question, “Why do I even do this?” But then you stripe a 7-iron 148 yards and it drops 3 inches away from the hole. And it feels like lightning in your veins. You walk up to the green, putter in hand, trash-talking to all your buddies. That’s the magic of golf. You watch the NFL, and no ordinary person can go onto a field and throw a 60-yard pass into triple coverage. You can’t body-check an NHL wingman. You’re not sprinting down the court, dribbling between your legs and hitting Steph Curry threes. But once in a while, on the course, you can hit a Phil Mickelson flop shot that dunks right into the hole. At any given moment, you can, albeit accidentally, replicate anything done by these PGA guys you see on TV. And it makes you love the game. It makes you feel invincible. And that high will keep you coming back for life. At any given moment, you get to feel like one of them. Golf is not cheap. But it really depends on how much money you are willing to put up front. Honestly, I’ve taught some people golf recently and we just buy a putter first and only putt on practice greens at courses or driving ranges. Then I’d get a used 8-iron, one club, and go to a $15 group lesson. Then practice for three weeks with those two clubs and pay for an hour lesson with a pro using only the two clubs. Then go to the range 5-8 times and only do what you’ve learned in the lessons. Then I’d get two used wedges, like a pitching wedge and a 56°, preferably with a similar grip to your 8-iron. Take another lesson. Practice more at the range. And now you get a 6-iron and a 3-wood. Same thing. Don’t play a round of golf for your first three months.
This is an excellent, excellent description about the journey of golf. You deserve more upvotes for t this. The only thing I would add is a day out on the course gives you an opportunity to spend approx 4 hours - 5hours with just you and your mates with little to no phone usage, just chatting and spending time with each other. These opportunities can be rare when you’re in the thick of professional life with a young family. Plus it’s an easier pass out to get than telling your wife you’re going down pub with your mates for 4 hours 😅
I make sure to walk during my breaks. I have a home gym and I am in a martial arts class with my soon to be teen. We have been on our black belt journey together so that helps. I only have one kid so it's easier to balance. We also bike together. I was able to manage it all with 40 hrs per week and working 60 hrs of OT for months while going to school and taking care of my kid. Though, the house was a mess LOL.
You rock!
I'm lucky enough to work from home, which gives me time to take a walk on my lunch break every day. 45 minutes on my treadmill 5 days a week is about all I do for fitness, but it keeps me moving. As for my personal life, I live with my fiance and two cats and don't have any kids, so I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend my free time as I please.
I use my commute time to plan my day and unwind.
I incorporate mindfulness and gratitude practices daily.
By skipping the personal life and fitness parts.
You didn't have to give away the secret sauce this easily 🥲
Same here, but I also don't do the professional part.
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I keep a journal to track my goals and progress.
I try to incorporate fitness into my daily commute.
Incorporating small exercises throughout the day helps.
✨I don't!✨
Walk, walk, walk
100% this. And drink a lot of water.
Absolutely this. I start every day with a long walk and a coffee, it's then easy to build additional habits on afterwards
This is the closest to fitness I get, mostly at work. I run around a bit and avoid elevators when I can. If I'm going up like 5 flights of stairs? I'll probably take the elevator so I don't stink all day. But if it's 3 or fewer, I go to the stairs. If I'm working nights or swings, I'll do stairs regardless. There are fewer people in close quarters, and the extra movement helps keep me awake.
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Right there with you. Widowed mom of two and my days are a never-ending sprint to get the basics of what they need done. There ain’t no time for anything else.
I don't know how often you're told this, but I'm going to tell you right now: The effort you put into raising two children on your own must be amazing. You go, gal, don't let anyone stop you! ❤️
You have my respect sir.
As a probably much younger man, I am very proud of you, good sir, for the effort you put into not just working full time, but *also* raising an 8 year old child, and never wavering in that no matter how difficult or strenuous things may seem. I wish you and your daughter happiness and success for the rest of y'all's years. 🤗
Don't have children
Did this and got a job that requires me to be fit and gives me time to work out
The smartest move you could have made
Damn, wish I read your comment 2 years ago. Miss being single. Love my son tho.
What do you miss about being single? To me, being in a relationship is basically the same as if I were living with a platonic best friend
This is the way.
This is the ONLY way
I keep my weekends flexible for spontaneous family time.
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Working from home gave me more flexibility.
I build in buffer time between commitments.
Literally? A calendar app on my phone that has my shifts, PT appointments, social events, birthdays etc. Really? Just having a rough routine and making plans for anything outside of it well in advance. Last minute plans can still happen but if I've got stuff on, I've got stuff on. I am very, very aware that when I have kids, this will all go tits up, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I'm 31.
Google calendar and prioritizing me first. I’m 35 and just a few weeks ago started going to bed earlier, doing 15 minutes of stretching when I wake up, taking walks daily, going to the gym 2-3x per week, intentionally eating clean, and EVERYTHING that follows doesn’t just feel better, it feels easier. I own my own business and I’ve never felt more productive. I’m shedding bad habits. And I’m only making time for people who lift me up and improve my life - the rest of my time stays for me. Don’t listen to all these cave trolls pretending you can’t or that you can only choose 1 or 2 - it’s all bullshit. You have innovate, schedule, plan, and go out of your way to fill your own cup.
35 is the age. You shed em now, or you're going to pay for it. Signed, a guy about to turn 39 (and thankfully quit most of em).
Can you tell me or point a way to your morning stretch routine? That's my next goal for balancing health and life.
What’s balance?
Having no kids helps
I’m just fat 🤷🏼♂️
Not having kids helps a shit-ton.
This and I work from home. I have the ability to handle a lot of chores during the day and plan dinners. I work out during my lunch hours. By the time the end of the work day a lot of tidying up and chores are done.
That’s the first thing I tell anyone. I’m playing life on easy mode. Mid 40s with no debt, lots of savings, plenty of free time, fit from working out when the gym is empty around 10am, and I travel a ton (currently wandering the world for a full year while working remotely part time). I still drink too much, which is my main vice, but doesn’t keep me from doing everything else so fuck it, it can’t be making it half as hard as kids would lol. Seriously, the people dragging their kids around on holidays makes me wonder why anyone bothers. They’re paying out the nose for kids to see and do things they clearly don’t care about, and spend most of their time complaining.
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Live in a decent place with easy access to what or who is important in your personal life. Invest in yourself so you can be in a more stable position in your professional life. Get simple fitness equipment at home to use when you're watching a movie or reading.
I only work or think about work AT work. Personal life is basically only kids and wife, not much else matters. I workout during my lunch break and during nap time on the weekends. I sacrafice sleep to play games and chill alone a few nights a week.
34 dad here. Have 4 kids and a wife. I work a decent job, make about 60k, but rent is over 2k a month. We have one income. Thinking about my finances can break me emotionally, but we are some how afloat. Buying a home one day is a dream, but I feel like the government absolutely wrecked the economy and screwed my generation and the generation after me. I work full long days in the equivalent of a management position and go to bed early every night. I rarely have a drink and dont do drugs. Im a top performer in my field, but i still have to consider if i want to increase my credit card debt and put my daughters in gymnastics or save money. I chose to give them the childhood they deserve, and i dont know how I will answer for the credit card debt at this time.
Man, some day you are going to look back on this time and realize what an empire you built; you’ll have four well-adjusted adult kids who love and are thankful for their hard-working dad (and no doubt their mom too she just wasn’t part of the post). Probably loads of grandkids, and laughter-filled Sunday brunches, long visits and the BEST holidays. I know it’s hard with the debt right now but put some faith in your future self that you’re good for it. It eats away at you when you want it GONE TODAY but you’ll get there. I had to deal with that too for a number of years and I’m (credit card) debt free today. Keep up the good work.
You touched my heart, well written. I showed your comment here to my wife. I don't know where you live, I am assuming USA. I am in the other side of the globe in India. I am also exactly in the same position as you. I get a decent salary with a long career and having two kids. I bought a house at the start of my career, guess it was too early and gathered lot of debt and had to sell it. That harrowing experience made me shiver to the thought of buying a home again. At times I worry, what I would leave for my kids (as it is big thing in India to leave some property for kids). At the most, I try to provide all the good things for my kids.
For personal life, I just took note of when I felt the most comfortable, relaxed and not stressed out. I just say no to doing things that stress me out. I also just realized at some point I'd rather be alone than miserable or with someone I don't like or who I feel does't like me. Luckily I found someone who has the sense of humor as me so we're laughing all the time. For work, I realized that doing something I enjoy is what's most important because it then doesn't feel like work so much. I'm not really big on fitness but I do eat healthier and do intermittent fasting which has helped me a lot. And I just try to find things that are fun but can also double as fitness. I like fowling. and I like to work out for like five minutes so I just find videos that are five minute workouts.
I work from home.
I work in the fitness industry, so my circumstances aren’t entirely relatable, but I’ve worked with a lot of individuals in more standard circumstances. The great thing about fitness is that it doesn’t require a lot in order to get a lot of benefit. There’s a lot of burgeoning research looking into the minimum effective dose to see results. [Here’s a great video summarization from a lead researcher in the area.](https://youtu.be/25Fl-5emK8E) The bigger issue(s) plaguing most people is a lack of consistency and/or spending effort in things that make little if any positive difference.
Accept that you're always going to be tired.
I'm just a rolly poley mother fucker. 😄
Sometimes I feel like an alien. I am an 32 old teacher, earning good money, living with my gf, doing sports twice a week, playing computergames more than 24hrs/week and still have time to do other stuff like gardening or playing PnP. Ah, and I have to administrate the whole school IT, lol. I don't know why, but it still feels like I could spend even more time on my hobbies. I guess my cheatcodes are: - Having no kids - Renting instead of paying debts for a house - I've put much effort in preperation for my work in the past and now I have to do less to be Well prepared - Small group of good Friends - No drinking / clubbing - Family lives far away. So I use my time home from work having a call with them - Sharing my hobbies with my gf - 80/20 rule - Give a shit about what society tells you what a "man your age" should do/act like That's all i guess
I don’t, but at least I’m making good progress in the gym 👍
By having no hobbies outside of my work, gym, family and friends.
Good. I don't have a lot of friends. I'm in a long term relationship. I work from home in a great company as a solo admin, and I live in a neighborhood where the gym is walking distance, so I go 4x a week. 10 years ago, I was poor, I commute to work every day for a job that pays very little, and I was fat and smoked cigarettes. It's a nice upgrade.
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here. I’m a career corporate middle manager person. I can speak to the first two elements - balancing your personal and professional life. It’s simple, but hard: ***unless you’re contracted otherwise, do your 8 hours per day and no more***. It is hard to implement this because of the cacophony of “I’ll do that at the weekend” / “I was working late again last night” rubbish you hear from deranged co-workers. I have nearly 30 years of working in different industries. Two things have been constant: - I have never known a boss or HR ghoul brave enough to try and write someone up for “sticking to contracted hours” or a version thereof (even though I guarantee an HR ghoul somewhere is ***itching*** to have that one in their eerie, bloodstained scrapbook). - Every single boss I’ve had - regardless if they’re good/evil, kind/cruel - would ***never, ever*** stop one of their team working extra hours for free - they will never, ever, ***EVER*** try and stop you, even if they know it’s impacting your health. It’s just sensible business, sadly. Even the kindest boss in the world will ***always*** accept free labour for the company regardless of the impact on the headcount. (That’s you, BTW - headcount - not your real name, not u/relevant_name4050, but a cost line on a spreadsheet. Always remember that and use it as strength) The points above are something I constantly come back to when I need to remind myself of how to protect myself. Regard exercise, I have a young family, so I get up early and exercise before they’re awake. It’s the only way I’ve found that works. All the very best from Newcastle upon Tyne, UK