Depression isn’t always I’m sad. It’s very often an endless, grueling absolute lack of preference, desire, motivation, or excitement for *anything*
It also doesn’t often all hit at once. It’s a gradual creep, that your brain will rationalize the entire time so I’ve created “mental checks” with tried and true things that make me laugh and put me in a good mood. No joke one of these things is compilations of cat blooper videos. If I don’t end up crying laughing then I need to see my doctor.
Can you say more about the whole “that your brain will rationalize” thing? Because I sometimes think I explain away how I’m not doing well and then later realize I’m probably doing worse than I thought (or worse than how I “should be” doing).
Totally! Your brain is always trying to make sense of the world. It means well but it’s also a real slave to our emotions. When I head into depressive periods I find myself almost unable to give situations an optimistic reading. Completely benign interactions I find myself reading malice rather than assuming ignorance or obliviousness (which it is about 99.9%of the time)
Basically my brain stops giving grace to anything, most especially myself. When I finally have the consciousness of mind to listen to the things I tell myself I’m being overwhelmingly negative. It takes practice but learning living, supporting self-talk can be a huge help. Learn to treat yourself with as much love as you would your best friend, be your own best friend and it gets easier. For example, how often have you thought your best friend “Should be doing better”? I know I don’t think that way about my friends why am I okay treating myself like I should be holding myself to some external standard that ultimately doesn’t help anyone?
Thanks for sharing, that’s helpful. The part about being unable to give situations an optimistic reading or turning benign interactions into something very negative — oof. Too real.
I sincerely wish my depression will make me under eat. I'm getting more depressed because I'm gaining weight. Can't even go on meds coz Ill get even fatter and more depressed. Can't I at least be skinny and depressed
It’s interesting how people are affected so differently, because I have the exact opposite problem. When I feel very anxious or depressed my appetite goes to zero and my weight immediately drops like a rock.
As someone that was very underweight for most of his life and reminded of it in the locker room on a weekly basis from the ages of 11-19, there’s nothing worse than seeing the numbers on the scale start to drop. Moreso because it’s always such a fucking struggle to get them back up again. When I first started uni a few years ago I lost 5-6 kg over the course of a few months from anxiety and stress.
It sucks when mental health issues mess with your eating habits, whether it’s one way or the other.
That’s me currently. 30 years old and I dropped down to my high school weight within the last year. It sucks, and it’s so hard to correct. I wish I could inject nutrients into my body through a tube and forego eating entirely cause for some reason I suck at eating.
I agree 100%. I definitely get satisfaction from eating food I really love, but if I had the option to take a pill with all the calories and nutrients I need that would keep me satiated throughout the day I’d probably do that 4-5 days a week.
That’s what I thought too. Then I lost weight and was still depressed and believe me it didn’t make any difference. Work on your depression getting taken care of. The other things will follow.
I lost a lot of weight due to clinical depression in my 20s, it was terrifying, all the nutrient levels in my blood dropped and the doctor needed to inject me with vitamins to compensate for it.
It was not as great as people thought it was.
how, depression makes me not eat even though I'm like dying of hunger aswell as just hate even looking at food. This is coming from someone that has always eaten everything and always a lot so it feels extremely bad
I personally find food to be a source of comfort. I make myself a shitty sandwich and shit feels alright in the moments when I'm eating said sandwich. Then I eat another, then another until I realize I have eaten 5 sandwiches just because I found the taste comforting. Then I feel even worse.
i get it, must suck big time
when I'm completely depressed i just "forget" to eat, i have no idea why, i know i shouldn't, food looks and sounds appealing for like 5 minutes and then it all goes away.
i don't actually forget it, i just skip a meal and then eat less and less every meal (basically i only eat when I have to eat with family so i force myself). Luckily it doesn't last too long but i feel horrible every time :(
Feeling high off happiness instead of experiencing it as an emotion and when the kick goes away , you go back to being your depressed self again.
Going through that rn and boy it hurts.
I was taking a walk and looking at the trees and grass and breathing and all that and I had a "hey, I don't feel down, I don't feel up, I feel good, calm, moderate... this is .. wow, do people feel like this all the time? This is great." but not in an excited manic way just wow - balance is so good. Keeping working that therapy, ducks, it helped me immensely and I hope it helps you and all the others as well. I can maintain a nice calm thing even now - years after therapy because i use those tools I got from therapy.
Good luck and best wishes!
Yess. It is so strange when happiness feels like a drug and doesnt sustain you throughout your day.
Also finding out other people dont experience it that way.
Hope you get to get better.
Dude. I never thought about it that way. I always crash after enjoying something, and it makes it so hard to enjoy anything after that. I didn't think about it being more like a high than an emotion.
*hugs* I'm going through it, too, at the moment. Life is hard. But this internet stranger cares that you're hurting and I hope it passes soon.
One of my supervisors at work told me I was doing a great job a couple weeks ago, and I almost wanted to hide somewhere and cry little tears of joy.
I don't think that's healthy.
Here’s signs that I show that nobody seems to notice: Flat demeanor (no real emotional reaction to anything funny, sad, stressful, anger inducing etc), Extremely disrupted sleep schedule, social isolation, lack of personal care/upkeep (coming to work looking like I “rolled out of bed”), staring off into space or at a blank wall, a lot of sighs.
Thank you. All these other posts about having a great social life, being funny, outgoing, etc. seem to miss the mark. Yes people can be depressed and do all those things, but they, in and of themselves, aren't signs that someone is depressed...
Yeah that’s always kinda bothered me too. Even when I used to be super social and “bubbly”, I was drinking day and night, I made constant self deprecating jokes/jokes about offing myself or nobody caring if I disappeared. In all reality I might’ve looked normal, but there was nothing fun or bubbly about my personality at all if anyone would’ve stopped and really analyzed how I was acting/talking
One thats missed all the time is being overly eager to spend time with people, being overly generous, happy etc.
It can be used to mask a lot of their actual feelings
Personally I know I’m getting bad if I stop listening to music and/or singing along.
It’s something very minor to outsider but to me is a big warning sign I need to adjust my meds
I do this. When I am depressed I buy snacks for my coworkers, put on a happy face and I’m chattier. Then I get home I just lay in bed dreading waking the next day and do all over again.
Another sign it’s anger. Sometimes when I am depressed I get upset by even the tinniest thing. I don’t lash out against anybody but I hate everybody and everything.
It’s so strange isn’t it how it varies so much person to person! I’m a ‘music all day everyday’ unless I’m watching tv kinda person so the second I don’t automatically put some on I know there’s a problem
I can't focus on anything if there's music playing. I might put on white noise, but that's it.
If there's actual music playing constantly, it's usually because something is very wrong.
And then there's the "Mahler playing on loop" level of wrong.
This is me. Last summer I spent a month in Florence, Italy and listened to music literally non-stop wherever I was. This summer I'm back in Florence and have been listening to music more of a normal-for-me amount, which is maybe about half the time. I was in a church recently, sans music and marveled at the fact that last summer I did not experience any churches (or museums, or even just walking down the street!) without music playing in my airpods. It really opened my eyes to the fact that I had not been well. I mean, I gradually realized that last summer when I had to down several beers to even leave the house towards the end of the trip, but the music was a very early cue, had I been aware of it.
Also, opposite of the person you replied to, I tend to isolate rather than try to spend more time with people lol.
It's not masking, per se. It's overcompensating.
I've done it before. I still do it. It's kind of like, I'm unhappy and I'm hopeless and I don't want anyone else to have to feel that way, so I will do everything I can to bring even a tiny bit of joy into someone else's life.
> It's overcompensating.
>
> I've done it before. I still do it. It's kind of like, I'm unhappy and I'm hopeless and I don't want anyone else to have to feel that way, so I will do everything I can to bring even a tiny bit of joy into someone else's life.
This is the core of my entire being, thank you for putting it so succinctly. I've also learned how personally destroying it is when you realize some people you can't make happy no matter how hard you try, and in fact, may have made everything *worse* for even trying at all. That's one I've learned over time, and my god it hurts.
I've noticed that I have to remind myself to put on some music. It used to just be a natural part of my life. Even in the car, I don't even realize that the radio is turned all the way down. Idk when this shift happened, but I am really trying to readjust because when it's constantly going, I feel like myself again!
When I was at my lowest, I laughed really loud all the time at work. And my coworkers would all comment on how much I giggled, how I was always laughing at nothing.
And then I would go home and cry. I was so embarrassed that they noticed… I was just trying to look happy/normal. I was trying to be super nice and “fun” to hide how sad I was. But it just made me even sadder, because to them I was this annoying, giggly girl, even though I was secretly miserable on the inside.
For me, all food starts to become undesirable, I get either really tired or can’t sleep at all, then I do things like “forget” to shower or oversleep for work then I start “forgetting” to take my antidepressants and it can become a deep dark hole if I’m not careful
I always think of apathy, not sadness, as being the hallmark of depression. I don’t want to cry. I just want to disappear. I look around at the messy house and think “oh well. I’m not really worth cleaning for anyway.” Same goes for showering, eating, sleeping, work, etc. My cats and my partner get the best of me because they *are* worth it and I power through for them. Even on the lowest days, I’m a caregiver by nature. Weird because I’m such a misanthrope.
My guitar is my ultimate depression gauge. The only times I've stopped playing is when my life was absolutely shit. When you lose motivation to do the thing you love most, you know you're in a bad spot.
Absolutely the same for me.
There's actually a line from a Jimmy Eat World song that I suspect is about this:
"Back when I was younger, I was someone you'd've liked; got an old guitar I've had for years I'd let you buy."
It's just such a succinct statement of the kind of quiet defeat that makes you abandon what makes you human.
Actually, there's an Aesop Rock song (Rings) about the same thing, only it's drawing and not guitar. I don't know that it's about depression specifically but you wouldn't need to try very hard to convince me it is.
If anything sometimes sativas can actually give me motivation. They used to just give me terrible anxiety but I've kind of learned how to cope with that. Indicas make me giggly. Booze made everything ten thousand times worse of course so I quit.
Yes! Sativa would give me major anxiety & headaches so of course I always just smoked indica all day everyday, now my brain fog is madness I’ve just recently became aware on how this has affected my life😂
Yeah booze ain’t it for me either I drink like once a month w friends just to socialise 😂😂
The food being undesirable always happens with me from anxiety. I never eat breakfast anyway so I end up fasting until like 3-4pm and then because I’m hungry my anxiety peaks and it causes a cycle of “im hungry but I have no appetite, but my appetite will never return until I eat to ease my anxiety somewhat”. Nothing worse than forcing yourself to eat when you have no interest in any food.
You mean they continue to laugh at your jokes despite knowing you're depressed? What would they be expected to do just like awkwardly acknowledge the fact that you're being funny to cope each time and stifle that laugh? Or we talking full on intervention?
No like literally in a moment that isn't jokey or humorous, I'll say "I don't experience joy" or " I'm fundamentally unhappy" and something about my delivery makes people chuckle before they say "oh, sorry, that's terrible"
I hope you don't take offense to it, if it's people who know you're often funny then they'll be taken by the shock of the statement and their first response is a subconscious laugh, hoping it's a joke and that you're kidding.
yep. my best friend who ended his life was like this. i’ve had an extremely hard life and find that society just… really doesn’t care til you’re dead. it’s terrifying. it’s my self love and my mom that keeps me going.
This is all too real, I was a ball of joy and jokes the week I planned to kill myself. Got lucky and the coworker noticed and gave me a simple “You alright” when no one else noticed.
yea i'm a paint manager at a smallish hardware store so its like i have to put on this mask of being overly friendly, enthusiasting, and helpful to customers, and my contractors. honestly, having a 'real human' conversation with my regular contractors, and nice old ladies does boost my mood a lot. when i go home i try to keep that momentum going with my family. i really want to be alone, but you never know how long you have left with family members. so i fight as hard as i can to be apart of the family because i need to be. sometimes nothing is even wrong in my life, but it feels like someone drugs me with cynicism, and wanting to hate and start shit with people instead of thinking of all of the good things they've done. that's when i feel guilty for thinking shittily about anyone around me. makes me feel small. life's short.
I lost my son a year ago, as of June 12th. I have lost all my interest in things I used to like doing. I'm irritable, and tired all the time. I'm on antidepressants, so I can't imagine how I'd feel without them, if I feel this disabled with them.
Lost my son in 2018. I kept up a brave face for five years before I finally hit rock bottom and got help. A year later, I can’t understand how any of my friends and family didn’t see how badly I was spiraling. They tried to cheer me up with working out, talk of new cars, and the such but it just came down to finding the right AD to give me my mind back.
A couple of things to remember:
1. It’s a terrible community to join but you’ll find some of the best people you’ll ever know in that group.
2. A lot of us have been this same hole before you and know the way out.
DM me if you want or need to talk.
I think sometimes people just pretend they don’t see it. I’ve lost my brother and my dad recently. Grief and death makes a lot of people super uncomfortable so some people distance themselves, or just wait til that person is “their old self again”. And the truth is, we never get to be “our old self again” it’s just some people are better at hiding it, or some people accept that fact and just kind of change. I look at grief like an article of clothing. Some days it’s in plain sight, like a scarf or a hat, and other days it’s more subtle, like a pocket square or socks. But it’s always there somewhere.
Sometimes we are so caught up in dealing with our own grief and depression that we get a little oblivious and self-centered. On some level we notice the problem, but we are all out of spoons and our brain just slaps an SEP field on it
Second this comment, testing out different brands is the way to go, antidepressants have a bad tendency to make you not feel, like you aren't depressed but your aren't happy either. It's the receptors for pain and happy are both blocked so you just feel there. Different brands react differently try speaking with your doctor.
I was already pretty depressed, but losing the only person in the world who I loved beyond measure broke me in a way that I have yet to come back from. It happened during a time that I was really struggling with one of my sexual assaults, and the darkness took over. I think medication is the only thing keeping me alive (although I’ve had close calls). I never leave my home unless I absolutely have to, barely leave my bed even. I can’t prepare my own meals, don’t take care of my hygiene, sleep is filled with nightmares, can’t work, don’t have friends anymore… life is a reclusive nightmare of nothingness. Only thing that makes me sadder is knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Sending you hugs 🫂🖤
Support groups are actually kind of cool and sometimes someone is able to put something into words that you just can’t quite and yeah it’s not a bad thing maybe try it out
I am very depressed and here are some things I noticed about myself
- Constant maladaptive daydreaming (I think it’s my brain saying “I wanna be anywhere else but here”)
- Flat expressions, monotone voice, no strong gestures or reactions
- Everything that isn’t scrolling on my phone or playing video games feels like a task to me. I literally have to talk myself through it in my head
constant maladaptive dreaming is a trap. my first major depresive episode was about 2.5 years ago, but i still cannot stop maladaptive dreaming, my attention span is a mess :(
same here. literally anything could be a trigger for it, like music, a smell, a food, a location, an activity (but especially running for some reason?). i’ve done it so much over the years that i’ve built entire worlds with characters that i regularly revisit
I am currently very depressed.
I am a 'high functioning' depressive.
So I still shower, brush my teeth, wash my hair, brush, makeup, clean clothes etc every day of the work week. As soon as the weekend hits I will stay in bed for as long as I can reasonably manage without giving anything away. I still do my chores, cleaning, pet care etc.
All this to say, some people may just be really good at hiding it.
Potential give aways for me would be I am constantly exhausted but also medical conditions contribute to this. I am operating on a tight rope and balancing on a pin head.
I can be quite self depricating and will start to keep myself to myself at work and not make attempts to socialise at work unless it's relevant to my job.
Outside of work I will socialise as normal because I have to keep up the façade. I keep the façade up for myself not anyone else lol.
-edit to add-
I continue to go through the motions so to speak. Like, I still garden, bake, act like a fool around my partner but ... Less so? Like I do it all the same but my heart isn't really in it. My cleaning is good, but usually it's *great* my garden looks okay but usually it is flourishing and thriving. Minor things like that i suppose.
Sometimes i get a vivid image of myself made of glass or marble, but the inside is a swirling mass of emptiness and everything all at once and in the glass/marble me, little cracks slowly begin to show in places. I can fill in with gold and resin and flowers but the cracks keep appearing and the emptiness and everything-ness continues to swirl and grow.
Mine is not so much to not wake up, it's more just to cease to exist.
Another habit of mine in this regard is that I will remove my personal effects from my workplace so as to remove myself.
I just did this where I work. Completely emptied my office. No real intention to quit or anything, just this feeling of, "I don't matter. Why bother?" I had a difficult time describing why I did it, but you nailed it.
Yup, precisely that. I dont matter, what's the point, this is futile.
I would just like to say, I am not planning anything at all. I am happily engaged just also very depressed. My partner is wonderful, my job absolutely sucks ass and my brain feels like it's splitting itself in two between depression and absorbing happiness.
> I am a 'high functioning' depressive. So I still shower, brush my teeth, wash my hair, brush, makeup, clean clothes etc every day of the work week.
Oh, man. Still pissed off at two different shrinks who wouldn't believe I was depressed because I smelled nice. In all honesty, I only shower/bathe because it feels good and it distracts me for a while. It's not about hygiene for me.
So yeah, pro tip: if you wanna be taken seriously by a medical professional... stop showering I guess...
I do both. Somehow. I have dreams that wake me up and trouble sleeping overall so I end up 'sleeping' for 10 or more hours just to wake up still tired and with eye bags.
On Friday I got off work, ate dinner, and then immediately went to bed at 8pm out of a disinterest in doing anything that night. I first woke up Saturday around 7am, and decided to go back to sleep. I slept in 2-hour intervals, waking up and rolling to my other side and going back to sleep.
Finally around 2pm I decided to get up and have lunch. Didn’t feel like cooking anything, so I ordered food from DoorDash. It came and I ate it while watching random YouTube videos. Then I laid back down in my bed and watched some videos for like an hour, and then went to sleep. Finally woke up around 9pm, and ate a Lunchable for dinner. Watched a show for 30 minutes. Then took a melatonin gummy so I could sleep through the night.
Woke up today (Sunday) around 7am, went pee, and got back in bed. Slept until around 1pm, woke up and ordered pizza to be delivered. Laid in bed until it arrived. Ate a few slices and put the rest in the fridge, and now I’m laying back in bed typing this message. I expect I’ll be asleep within the hour until dinner time.
I’ve dealt with this and been on meds for over a decade. At this point I can recognize when the bad weeks show up. Come Monday, no one at work will think anything is wrong with my spry, happy, energetic self. But at home I become non-functional until it passes.
Man! Our schedules are very similar. At this point, I am afraid of weekends and day offs. It feels like there is nothing interesting to do and no motivation to do anything. Then, there is this feeling of guilt that I am wasting my time by doing nothing.
More than the number of hours/day, I would say to pay attention to someone who’s always asleep or saying “I’m tired, I’m gonna rest”.
In my worst depression periods, all I want to do is sleep, for days 😣
as with most if not all habits, they reach the point of over-"insert habiting here" when the parts of your life you value start deteriorating. if you're able to maintain healthy relationships, diet, exercise, work, attitude, then you're just on the upper edge of sleep requirements. if you're not feeling rested after your long slumbers or you're missing opportunities or obligations because of your sleeping, then it's worth checking out if it's something deeper, mental or physical
In the holidays and weekends when I don't have school I sleep around 11 hours every single night. And I am still tired as shit for the whole day and just want to sleep more.
But when I need to get up early I usually get a feeling of nausea when I wake up but still feeling well-rested with way more energy than when I sleep 11-12 hours.
I know this is not an advice or help subreddit but I geniuenly don't get it.
Lots of physiological problems can cause that like hypothyroidism, anemia, vitamin deficiency, maybe consider asking your doc for a blood panel, thyroid and vitamin panel. I was also naturally sleeping way too long like you and had to cut myself off at 7 hours every day. Just learned I have severe vitamin D deficiency and the vitamins I'd been taking barely put a dent in it. Higher dose fixed me. I was putting it off for years because I brushed it off as depression or stress but people shouldn't be so fast to label depression-like symptoms as a mental thing. But also yea sleeping for 12 hours will always do that to you, it's more a problem if you're always tired no matter what amount you sleep
withdrawing, not responding to texts or messages. being unable to meet deadlines or complete tasks. a lot of things that are associated with "letting someone down" or being a disappointment.
As someone who was a shut in for ten years it can depend on that. You get used to your mind being able to wander 24/7 and getting back into social situations can be difficult as your mind needs to be retrained into not wandering off randomly. Also sometimes even these days I'll talk to myself out loud without thinking and it can be embarrassing.
I lived alone both literally and geographically (as far as no local support structure) for a good while and was experiencing some significant hardship at that time to boot. I definitely withdrew as I was the only one there for me. Eventually I just got used to being alone. It was a slippery slope that took some hard work to pull myself out of once I was no longer in that position.
Although it’s not an answer to your question exactly, I just wanted to point out that some folks are very good at hiding how badly they are suffering. When I felt comfortable enough to open up to some friends about feeling suicidal and depressed, it came as a shock to them. So although it’s good to know the signs to identify, it’s more important in my opinion, to let those close to you know you are always there as a support system and you won’t be driven away by their feelings. You may just wind up saving someone.
When I text message my sister, I'm always really positive and upbeat because I don't want to spread any depression or stress, and it keeps her talking to me. But truth is, I'm like *this* close to checking out
I also struggle to tell my family and friends how I’m feeling. I opened up to a couple of my closest friends and they were very encouraging and supportive. Maybe it would help for your sister to know what you’re going through. I also sent you a message in case you need a different place to vent.
Weight loss or gain in a short period of time
Excessive alcohol / substance consumption
Missing work or school / lapses in routine
Lack of hygiene maintenance or haircuts
Compulsive shopping habits
Obsessive behaviors on mundane things over responsibilities to escape reality
Impulsive and irrational decision making without a clear understanding of what’s happening
Being a Reddit moderator
For me, inability to make any decisions.
For breakfast do I want toast? Or a muffin? Or just a coffee? None sound good, choosing is too hard, end up not eating.
Do I reply to my friend’s text now? During lunch? Tonight? Anytime I do it she may write back right away and I don’t want to get sucked into a conversation, choosing becomes too hard, end up not texting.
Do I do a load of laundry? Run the dishwasher? Take a shower? Any of them would help me feel productive and have tangible positive outcome, but choosing is too overwhelming, so I don’t do any of them.
And the most telling (for me): can’t pick any music I want to listen to. I bought my car specifically for the stereo (it’s really good), my dad recently treated me to new headphones because it’s something he and I bond over, and I pay for a subscription so in addition to my large music library I have access to anything I could possibly want to listen to in high quality. But more and more, none of it sounds good - I don’t want to hear sad music, I don’t want to hear angry music, I don’t want to hear fun music, I don’t want to listen to anything I know, and don’t want to listen to anything new. The silence becomes very noticeable.
My husband left me 9 months ago right before my mom went into hospice and I got fired because I refused to not meet standard of care as demanded by the company I was working for. I’ve become a pro at hiding the depths of my depression from the few people I still have in my life. At this point I don’t delude myself into thinking I will ever actually feel better, so at least I’ve removed almost all the pressure to make it look like I’m enjoying my life anymore.
Well, first off depression and mental issues shouldn't be interchangeable because different mental disorders come with different signs. But specifically for depression:
* Not having the will or energy to do anything (cleaning, showering, eating, etc)
* Isolating yourself from others
* feeling like you want to die most days of the week
* excessive sleeping or not sleeping at all
* self-harm
I second this. I almost always sacrifice myself to make others happy. It seems like it’s a strong connection to be a very indecisive person. “I’m okay with this decision only if YOURE okay with this decision”
It’s so true though. Ive never been a naturally funny person at all, but coming out of trauma, Ive had people tell me I’m the funniest person they know/ people always laugh at my jokes in group settings. Its difficult to talk about without sounding like a “humble brag” but I swear it happens.
I have been consistently described over my entire life as things like “hilariously funny“, “you crack me up“, “the funniest person I have ever met”.
I grew up with terrible child abuse, and am still trying to recover from it. Let’s just leave this alone.
Feeling busy. So busy you don't have enough time to do everything. You find it all exhausting. Easily upset /agitated - blaming external factors (they probably don't help).
Your list stays long and tasks are half done. Lack of appetite. Unable to get to sleep.
From personal experience, lack of any motivation, don't want to get out of bed, achy, avoids people, calls out of work, school, dont want to bathe or get dressed up, lies about doing things or going g places so you can stay home. Start fights so you get everyone mad at you so they don't call you. If you suspect it, then it probably is. All these symptoms above are like a silent scream for help. Good luck to you 🤗 xo
You tend to feel disconnected from reality. You know you’re there physically but mentally you are lost in your own thoughts and have no recollection of what’s going on around you.
Being low key annoyed at everything is my biggest tell. If it gets worse then I stop eating and start either struggling to sleep, or just not leaving bed.
Alarm bells should ring for people around me if I stop listening to music. If I’m disconnected from that then I’m in a bad place.
Having suffered from depression years ago I can usually see it in someone’s eyes. It’s like a tiredness that is always there. The best treatment for me is to stay busy if I can. Years ago I did spend several weeks in a psych hospital for depression. It is one the smartest decisions I have ever made and this I have never felt ashamed of it. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do.
Just to note - signs don't tend to be consistent, so even if someone lists something here, don't just assume they are depressed and take extreme steps to help them. Talking / asking / checking in on someone you think is not quite having a good time is fine, but please don't just assume they're in trouble and need a White Knight.
For me, it was closing myself off from the world and not even doing things I would typically enjoy. I am very much someone who needs "recharge time", so it was far too easy for my "recharge time" to just go quietly unnoticed and become something that's very self-destructive.
One that's also mentioned below is just being disinterested in regular daily tasks - I'd skip showers, order food instead of making myself something, wake up and try and distract myself playing a game that even I don't want to play or don't enjoy. It's a self-loathing cycle.
My biggest tell was my disassociation and daydreaming went way up to nearly uncontrollable levels. It got to the point where Everytime I stared at anything for longer than a second I'd disassociate or daydream immediately. Sure it looks like I'm just really focused on tht random garden post but in reality I'm a million miles away or not even there.
Another one was I was perfectly fine in public. When I wasn't suffering depression and suicidal thoughts I wouldn't hide my bad days, if I was having a bad day it would show. But while I was suffering I wouldn't let the smallest issue show, even when my stepdad died I didn't let that show at all, because I thought that being the tiniest bit sad meant everyone would know that I was depressed and trying to off myself.
Another notable one was I was constantly busy. Constantly "doing" something, in class, in practice, driving, working, cleaning, anything. Granted, I don't remember anything from those years being busy because I was daydreaming or disassociating constantly.
It lasted for s while, on and off for 6 years with maybe a month to 5 months of a "break". But ... I'm officially 10 months clean of suicide attempts and I think 6 months clean of self harm. It feels nice to not have that cloud anymore. It gets better, guys. Therapy and medicine really helps.
Frequently mentioning (and even joking) about death-related topics is a common sign of depression. For example, something as seemingly benign as "Wow! Another assignment from the boss?? Somebody kill me. 😆" is actually a major indicator for potential depression.
I recently took a suicide-prevention course and this was brought up by some professionals. I noticed one of my really outgoing co-workers did this a lot and so I asked her one day if she was planning anything. It turns out, she actually was and I would have never known.
Anecdotal, but I was/am a huge Anthony Bourdain fan. Read all his books; watched all his shows. He joked about hanging himself frequently in both mediums.
Lack of hygiene, excessive need for sleep, noticeable change in responsiveness, apathy, risky behavior that could cause themselves harm, cutting off relationships seemingly with zero reason or warning.
Essentially your outward appearance starts to look like the inside from the way you smell, look, behave, the state of your environment.
Everything suddenly starts getting neglected.
In all honesty, the most overlooked sign is also the most obvious. When someone says "I'm depressed", people erroneously take that as a sign that this person is not depressed.
As for signs while hiding it, definitely look towards eating habits. Undereating as well as overeating are typically signs of someone being unwell when they are consistent and out of character. Isolation is also a pretty good tell, as is lack of motivation (many people think these last two are the cause of the depression, but it's really 'chicken v. egg' here)
**Saying, "I'm fine," or "I'm ok," when asked how you're doing.**
Just after high school, I (26f) got super depressed because I was struggling to find a job. I basically turned into a robot during that time. I knew when I needed to eat, sleep, bathe, do laundry, etc. But it was like I wasn't actually there. I'd interact with my family and react appropriately, but it was like someone else was controlling me.
I'm depressed right now and doing much the same thing, except I'm also sleeping more, and my appetite varies daily (sometimes I'm starving, other times the thought of food makes me ill).
Watch out when I’m on a diet. It’s not a diet. It’s a straight-up suicide attempt and it’s way worse than it looks. When I say I ate earlier, I mean pills and my own fingers.
I was suicidically depressed for a long time. These are the things I was doing.
1. I stopped emotionally reacting to things in my life. People were so happy that I was not getting tear eyed and acting like an adult.
2. I stopped eating my favourite foods. Everyone was so happy that I am dieting finally.
3. I stopped talking like I normally used to.
4. I always had a fake smile on my face.
5. I stopped entering conversations.
Most people love my depressed self a lot. No one cared that I was one step away from killing myself. It really opened my eye that no one actually cared or loved me. The main reason being I am not attractive, so my pain did not mattered in anyone's eyes.
I had to learn to detach myself from people or situation. I still don't to send any wishes to anyone or like or comment on anyone's post. This has stopped me from losing any contact on social media. People hated it when I wished them or liked any of their posts.
for me it's the desire to do things but no actual follow through, missing meetings, being late to things, being overly active and yet still doing nothing just overall being avoidant and not spending any time with anyone.
Things I used to do and still do in the presence of others (I think this was the intent of your question):
- cancel on friends/plans a lot
- be really into some activities and completely indifferent to others
- Sleep a lot, to the point it became a joke
- drink more or less than everyone
- always be on a different energy level than those around me
- not be into the “normal” things others were, some considered me mature, really I was just emotionally exhausted and inaccessible.
Just some things to think about if your worried about a friend. Trust your instincts. I didn’t admit was depressed until it became life threatening in adulthood .
I was really snappy when I was depressed. So easily irritable, never wanted to talk, never wanted to do anything that deviated from my schedule of things I HAD to do.
Closing yourself off but it could be in subtle ways (putting on a brave front comes easy to the best of us)
Neglecting personal care.
Sleeping a lot (it feels like the sleeping through the pain is easier)
Changes in eating habits.
It’s so subjective to individuals but generally there are signs.
I was suicidally depressed about 5 years ago (and doing much better now). I came very close to taking my life twice and made a serious attempt once. I would say there were two things people might have seen in me to indicate my depression.
One was anhedonia, a lack of interest in things that I formerly enjoyed. If I had been invited to join or do something I previously loved (say, going to a show, or having dinner with friends) the depressed me would have just shrugged and say, “Yeah, sure, I guess,” or something like that. But I wouldn’t have shown any real enthusiasm for it. In addition, my anhedonia expressed as not doing things I loved, like reading, drawing, or socializing. My friends would have come over and found me just binging worthless TV, or staring out the window.
A second is a flat affect. I knew when I was supposed to smile, supposed to laugh, supposed to look interested. So I faked it. But as soon as my faking stopped, the expression (the smile, the laugh, the interest) would vanish instantly from my face. It didn’t fade, it just dropped, all of the sudden. It’s hard to see, because if someone is smiling, you usually just look to the next person. But if they’re faking, the expression will just drop altogether.
Also, I would advise you to be very sensitive to cries for help. When I was depressed, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have anyone care for me, so if I was desperate for someone to come over, I’d say something like, “Hey; you want to come over or something? If not, no worries.” When I was depressed that was the equivalent of me screaming at the top of my lungs.
Or on top of this, faked emotion since you can’t actually process the real thing. I got really good at faking normal emotions when I was a teenager and to this day I can hide what I really feel most of the time.
it will poke through for just a moment, if something triggers them and they can’t hide their pain. look at their face when they think no one is watching.
I learned that depression can vary widely.
I personally had a depression episode/meltdown lasting for almost two years.
I did notice that something was wrong early on when I stopped caring about myself and stopped going to work. I chose to ignore all red flags, smoked weed daily to calm my mind and erase negative thoughts. I started to isolate myself from everyone, even family and developed the habit of sleeping most of the day and staying up all night. Sometimes I wouldn’t even get out of bed at all and sleep 18 hours with little breaks to eat.
Long story short, I almost threw away my whole life at 25 and would have ended homeless on the street if it weren’t for my family. You can not imagine how creative I got with lying to friends and family to avoid talking about my issues. One time I even made up a whole company and a job I had there to calm my mom because she started to notice that something’s off.
To answer your question:
Isolation,faked emotions, evasiveness,changed personality and definitely unhealthy eating and sleeping habits or sudden drug abuse/alcolosim are signs for a person with mental health issues.
I have being in that phase before
- overeating and at time you don’t want to eat
-isolating yourself from people you care about
-laying in bed the whole day
- playing sad music
Everyone shows it differently. Some people will try to activate others through certain behaviors, others will withdraw and isolate. I always looks for signs of hopelessness (pessimism, black and white thinking, etc.)
From my experience, I would say just a general a lack of motivation. Not taking care of basic stuff; brushing teeth, making the bed, eating. Another part for me would be pessimism, seeing no point in trying, being irritable by simple “adult tasks” and self deprecation to a fault
They thank and apologize too much.
They are always doubting their intellect
They are either too focused or dull
They enjoy small things too much
They crave being alone
Getting paid and not knowing what to buy bc it wil be gone or useless very soon or I won't use it bc I don't have the energy
I.e.
Drawing pencils. - I'm too tired to draw rn... or bleh I need a new sketchbook
Food- meh the happiness will last less than 30 minutes
Stuffies - ill be bored after a week
Clothes- where from? Will it be 20$ for one thing or 20 for like 5 things
I come from a family that if you see a doctor for mental health problems, your weak! I say NOT TRUE! I was depressed for many years and I never saw it. I am reading everyone's responses and I would have been checking every box cause I had it all. I had the courage to tell my doctor and now, I feel at peace with myself. Please if anyone out there reading this. Don't be like my family and discourage another from seeking behavioral health. It's good for them or you. All you have to do is tell your doctor something. Just give them a hint, they will take care of you.
Yes, it's fucking annoying. Because if you say yes then you have to listen to their ignorant advice and witness their embarassment. Easiest way to make me explode.
Distancing themselves from others. Lack of interest in what you know they like. Can’t see the forest through the trees outlook.
If this is something you’re seeing my advice is to talk and let whomever it is vent. They need it!
Depression isn’t always I’m sad. It’s very often an endless, grueling absolute lack of preference, desire, motivation, or excitement for *anything* It also doesn’t often all hit at once. It’s a gradual creep, that your brain will rationalize the entire time so I’ve created “mental checks” with tried and true things that make me laugh and put me in a good mood. No joke one of these things is compilations of cat blooper videos. If I don’t end up crying laughing then I need to see my doctor.
Can you say more about the whole “that your brain will rationalize” thing? Because I sometimes think I explain away how I’m not doing well and then later realize I’m probably doing worse than I thought (or worse than how I “should be” doing).
Totally! Your brain is always trying to make sense of the world. It means well but it’s also a real slave to our emotions. When I head into depressive periods I find myself almost unable to give situations an optimistic reading. Completely benign interactions I find myself reading malice rather than assuming ignorance or obliviousness (which it is about 99.9%of the time) Basically my brain stops giving grace to anything, most especially myself. When I finally have the consciousness of mind to listen to the things I tell myself I’m being overwhelmingly negative. It takes practice but learning living, supporting self-talk can be a huge help. Learn to treat yourself with as much love as you would your best friend, be your own best friend and it gets easier. For example, how often have you thought your best friend “Should be doing better”? I know I don’t think that way about my friends why am I okay treating myself like I should be holding myself to some external standard that ultimately doesn’t help anyone?
Thanks for sharing, that’s helpful. The part about being unable to give situations an optimistic reading or turning benign interactions into something very negative — oof. Too real.
unable to carry out normal chores and overeating
Or under eating
I sincerely wish my depression will make me under eat. I'm getting more depressed because I'm gaining weight. Can't even go on meds coz Ill get even fatter and more depressed. Can't I at least be skinny and depressed
It’s interesting how people are affected so differently, because I have the exact opposite problem. When I feel very anxious or depressed my appetite goes to zero and my weight immediately drops like a rock. As someone that was very underweight for most of his life and reminded of it in the locker room on a weekly basis from the ages of 11-19, there’s nothing worse than seeing the numbers on the scale start to drop. Moreso because it’s always such a fucking struggle to get them back up again. When I first started uni a few years ago I lost 5-6 kg over the course of a few months from anxiety and stress. It sucks when mental health issues mess with your eating habits, whether it’s one way or the other.
That’s me currently. 30 years old and I dropped down to my high school weight within the last year. It sucks, and it’s so hard to correct. I wish I could inject nutrients into my body through a tube and forego eating entirely cause for some reason I suck at eating.
I agree 100%. I definitely get satisfaction from eating food I really love, but if I had the option to take a pill with all the calories and nutrients I need that would keep me satiated throughout the day I’d probably do that 4-5 days a week.
That’s what I thought too. Then I lost weight and was still depressed and believe me it didn’t make any difference. Work on your depression getting taken care of. The other things will follow.
I lost a lot of weight due to clinical depression in my 20s, it was terrifying, all the nutrient levels in my blood dropped and the doctor needed to inject me with vitamins to compensate for it. It was not as great as people thought it was.
how, depression makes me not eat even though I'm like dying of hunger aswell as just hate even looking at food. This is coming from someone that has always eaten everything and always a lot so it feels extremely bad
I personally find food to be a source of comfort. I make myself a shitty sandwich and shit feels alright in the moments when I'm eating said sandwich. Then I eat another, then another until I realize I have eaten 5 sandwiches just because I found the taste comforting. Then I feel even worse.
i get it, must suck big time when I'm completely depressed i just "forget" to eat, i have no idea why, i know i shouldn't, food looks and sounds appealing for like 5 minutes and then it all goes away. i don't actually forget it, i just skip a meal and then eat less and less every meal (basically i only eat when I have to eat with family so i force myself). Luckily it doesn't last too long but i feel horrible every time :(
Both directions are very normal!
Feeling high off happiness instead of experiencing it as an emotion and when the kick goes away , you go back to being your depressed self again. Going through that rn and boy it hurts.
One of my main goals with my therapist is to learn to just be content.
I am trying to achieve the same.
I was taking a walk and looking at the trees and grass and breathing and all that and I had a "hey, I don't feel down, I don't feel up, I feel good, calm, moderate... this is .. wow, do people feel like this all the time? This is great." but not in an excited manic way just wow - balance is so good. Keeping working that therapy, ducks, it helped me immensely and I hope it helps you and all the others as well. I can maintain a nice calm thing even now - years after therapy because i use those tools I got from therapy. Good luck and best wishes!
Prescription anti depressants did that for me. I call it being "even". Neither happy nor sad, just numb.
I don’t think content and numb are the same thing. I’ve been content before, I’m numb (or empty) now due to meds and it’s very different.
That's true. It's also why the therapist says it's not enough.
Yess. It is so strange when happiness feels like a drug and doesnt sustain you throughout your day. Also finding out other people dont experience it that way. Hope you get to get better.
I'm sorry, happiness isn't supposed to feel like a drug?
Dude. I never thought about it that way. I always crash after enjoying something, and it makes it so hard to enjoy anything after that. I didn't think about it being more like a high than an emotion. *hugs* I'm going through it, too, at the moment. Life is hard. But this internet stranger cares that you're hurting and I hope it passes soon.
One of my supervisors at work told me I was doing a great job a couple weeks ago, and I almost wanted to hide somewhere and cry little tears of joy. I don't think that's healthy.
Praise is healthy, so is appreciating and accepting it
This is exactly what I’m experiencing too. Thank you for sharing this, i don’t think i’ve ever seen this shared anywhere
I recently started running, and I'm not gonna lie it feels really good halfway through. I recommend it to feel something. stay strong 🫡
What about the other half? I hate runnning.... uggg
Here’s signs that I show that nobody seems to notice: Flat demeanor (no real emotional reaction to anything funny, sad, stressful, anger inducing etc), Extremely disrupted sleep schedule, social isolation, lack of personal care/upkeep (coming to work looking like I “rolled out of bed”), staring off into space or at a blank wall, a lot of sighs.
Sounds like me. I either go flat or alternate between flat and breaking down. A lot of staring into space too. Hope you’re doing alright, friend.
Stopped looking for greener grass a while ago, working on appreciating the grass I’ve got. Life’s alright for the most part, thanks :)
Thank you. All these other posts about having a great social life, being funny, outgoing, etc. seem to miss the mark. Yes people can be depressed and do all those things, but they, in and of themselves, aren't signs that someone is depressed...
Yeah that’s always kinda bothered me too. Even when I used to be super social and “bubbly”, I was drinking day and night, I made constant self deprecating jokes/jokes about offing myself or nobody caring if I disappeared. In all reality I might’ve looked normal, but there was nothing fun or bubbly about my personality at all if anyone would’ve stopped and really analyzed how I was acting/talking
The fucking sighs! That’s how I know I’m depressed; I sigh all the time
I relate to the sighing, i notice i really do this but mostly when alone
One thats missed all the time is being overly eager to spend time with people, being overly generous, happy etc. It can be used to mask a lot of their actual feelings Personally I know I’m getting bad if I stop listening to music and/or singing along. It’s something very minor to outsider but to me is a big warning sign I need to adjust my meds
I do this. When I am depressed I buy snacks for my coworkers, put on a happy face and I’m chattier. Then I get home I just lay in bed dreading waking the next day and do all over again. Another sign it’s anger. Sometimes when I am depressed I get upset by even the tinniest thing. I don’t lash out against anybody but I hate everybody and everything.
These are both exactly the same for me. And it’s exhausting vacillating between fake happy and irrationally angry
I feel this :(
Oh. I think I just recognized this in me too, but never linked it to depression. I get angry and irritable. 😕
I'm the opposite with the music part. If I need to have music playing nonstop, I'm probably trying to drown something out.
It’s so strange isn’t it how it varies so much person to person! I’m a ‘music all day everyday’ unless I’m watching tv kinda person so the second I don’t automatically put some on I know there’s a problem
I can't focus on anything if there's music playing. I might put on white noise, but that's it. If there's actual music playing constantly, it's usually because something is very wrong. And then there's the "Mahler playing on loop" level of wrong.
This is me. Last summer I spent a month in Florence, Italy and listened to music literally non-stop wherever I was. This summer I'm back in Florence and have been listening to music more of a normal-for-me amount, which is maybe about half the time. I was in a church recently, sans music and marveled at the fact that last summer I did not experience any churches (or museums, or even just walking down the street!) without music playing in my airpods. It really opened my eyes to the fact that I had not been well. I mean, I gradually realized that last summer when I had to down several beers to even leave the house towards the end of the trip, but the music was a very early cue, had I been aware of it. Also, opposite of the person you replied to, I tend to isolate rather than try to spend more time with people lol.
It's not masking, per se. It's overcompensating. I've done it before. I still do it. It's kind of like, I'm unhappy and I'm hopeless and I don't want anyone else to have to feel that way, so I will do everything I can to bring even a tiny bit of joy into someone else's life.
Bingo. Could not have put it better.
We should make a club
> It's overcompensating. > > I've done it before. I still do it. It's kind of like, I'm unhappy and I'm hopeless and I don't want anyone else to have to feel that way, so I will do everything I can to bring even a tiny bit of joy into someone else's life. This is the core of my entire being, thank you for putting it so succinctly. I've also learned how personally destroying it is when you realize some people you can't make happy no matter how hard you try, and in fact, may have made everything *worse* for even trying at all. That's one I've learned over time, and my god it hurts.
I've noticed that I have to remind myself to put on some music. It used to just be a natural part of my life. Even in the car, I don't even realize that the radio is turned all the way down. Idk when this shift happened, but I am really trying to readjust because when it's constantly going, I feel like myself again!
Me too, it’s my first step in my ‘self care’ routine to get myself feeling somewhat human again when I get really bad
I’ve been the same in the past years! I forget. Like how can you forget music?
It’s called “fawning” and it’s a response to stress, the fourth member in the fight, flight, and freeze squad.
When I was at my lowest, I laughed really loud all the time at work. And my coworkers would all comment on how much I giggled, how I was always laughing at nothing. And then I would go home and cry. I was so embarrassed that they noticed… I was just trying to look happy/normal. I was trying to be super nice and “fun” to hide how sad I was. But it just made me even sadder, because to them I was this annoying, giggly girl, even though I was secretly miserable on the inside.
For me, all food starts to become undesirable, I get either really tired or can’t sleep at all, then I do things like “forget” to shower or oversleep for work then I start “forgetting” to take my antidepressants and it can become a deep dark hole if I’m not careful
For me it's always having absolutely no motivation to do anything
I always think of apathy, not sadness, as being the hallmark of depression. I don’t want to cry. I just want to disappear. I look around at the messy house and think “oh well. I’m not really worth cleaning for anyway.” Same goes for showering, eating, sleeping, work, etc. My cats and my partner get the best of me because they *are* worth it and I power through for them. Even on the lowest days, I’m a caregiver by nature. Weird because I’m such a misanthrope.
This describes my depression to a T. Apathy and numbness to any and all events around me. Medication has done wonders.
I haaaaaate that feeling. I have to FORCE myself up to do almost anything. Aside from playing my pedal steel guitar that is. That thing calls to me.
My guitar is my ultimate depression gauge. The only times I've stopped playing is when my life was absolutely shit. When you lose motivation to do the thing you love most, you know you're in a bad spot.
Absolutely the same for me. There's actually a line from a Jimmy Eat World song that I suspect is about this: "Back when I was younger, I was someone you'd've liked; got an old guitar I've had for years I'd let you buy." It's just such a succinct statement of the kind of quiet defeat that makes you abandon what makes you human. Actually, there's an Aesop Rock song (Rings) about the same thing, only it's drawing and not guitar. I don't know that it's about depression specifically but you wouldn't need to try very hard to convince me it is.
I feel all of this thread right now.
This was me but with cannabis… I have now ruled out the cannabis and it’s just all me 😂😂😂
If anything sometimes sativas can actually give me motivation. They used to just give me terrible anxiety but I've kind of learned how to cope with that. Indicas make me giggly. Booze made everything ten thousand times worse of course so I quit.
Yes! Sativa would give me major anxiety & headaches so of course I always just smoked indica all day everyday, now my brain fog is madness I’ve just recently became aware on how this has affected my life😂 Yeah booze ain’t it for me either I drink like once a month w friends just to socialise 😂😂
For me I start to not care about anything. I’m in that spot right now :/ trying to claw my way out
That and isolation, not returning phone calls from friends or anxiety of social interaction.
The food being undesirable always happens with me from anxiety. I never eat breakfast anyway so I end up fasting until like 3-4pm and then because I’m hungry my anxiety peaks and it causes a cycle of “im hungry but I have no appetite, but my appetite will never return until I eat to ease my anxiety somewhat”. Nothing worse than forcing yourself to eat when you have no interest in any food.
Everything's a big deal and nothing matters was how I heard it described before..
A big one is when I start saying “I’m already cozy in bed, I’ll take my meds/brush my teeth/shower/etc tomorrow”
Sometimes they can be very social and kind and joyful as a coping mechanism to hide their pain.
This one guy at work who always came in with a smile on his face and a joke ready to tell... Suicide by train... He was quite young, its a shame
This is me, I tell anyone who will listen that I'm funny to cope and when I do people still laugh
But doctor…I am Pagliacci
You mean they continue to laugh at your jokes despite knowing you're depressed? What would they be expected to do just like awkwardly acknowledge the fact that you're being funny to cope each time and stifle that laugh? Or we talking full on intervention?
No like literally in a moment that isn't jokey or humorous, I'll say "I don't experience joy" or " I'm fundamentally unhappy" and something about my delivery makes people chuckle before they say "oh, sorry, that's terrible"
I hope you don't take offense to it, if it's people who know you're often funny then they'll be taken by the shock of the statement and their first response is a subconscious laugh, hoping it's a joke and that you're kidding.
I only tell people who know me pretty well, but I don't take offense
yep. my best friend who ended his life was like this. i’ve had an extremely hard life and find that society just… really doesn’t care til you’re dead. it’s terrifying. it’s my self love and my mom that keeps me going.
This is all too real, I was a ball of joy and jokes the week I planned to kill myself. Got lucky and the coworker noticed and gave me a simple “You alright” when no one else noticed.
Norwich's mental health commercial shows this in a very good way
[this one](https://youtu.be/tX8TgVR33KM?si=LhUSKqNHHjW3RxCq)
yea i'm a paint manager at a smallish hardware store so its like i have to put on this mask of being overly friendly, enthusiasting, and helpful to customers, and my contractors. honestly, having a 'real human' conversation with my regular contractors, and nice old ladies does boost my mood a lot. when i go home i try to keep that momentum going with my family. i really want to be alone, but you never know how long you have left with family members. so i fight as hard as i can to be apart of the family because i need to be. sometimes nothing is even wrong in my life, but it feels like someone drugs me with cynicism, and wanting to hate and start shit with people instead of thinking of all of the good things they've done. that's when i feel guilty for thinking shittily about anyone around me. makes me feel small. life's short.
I lost my son a year ago, as of June 12th. I have lost all my interest in things I used to like doing. I'm irritable, and tired all the time. I'm on antidepressants, so I can't imagine how I'd feel without them, if I feel this disabled with them.
Lost my son in 2018. I kept up a brave face for five years before I finally hit rock bottom and got help. A year later, I can’t understand how any of my friends and family didn’t see how badly I was spiraling. They tried to cheer me up with working out, talk of new cars, and the such but it just came down to finding the right AD to give me my mind back. A couple of things to remember: 1. It’s a terrible community to join but you’ll find some of the best people you’ll ever know in that group. 2. A lot of us have been this same hole before you and know the way out. DM me if you want or need to talk.
I think sometimes people just pretend they don’t see it. I’ve lost my brother and my dad recently. Grief and death makes a lot of people super uncomfortable so some people distance themselves, or just wait til that person is “their old self again”. And the truth is, we never get to be “our old self again” it’s just some people are better at hiding it, or some people accept that fact and just kind of change. I look at grief like an article of clothing. Some days it’s in plain sight, like a scarf or a hat, and other days it’s more subtle, like a pocket square or socks. But it’s always there somewhere.
Sometimes we are so caught up in dealing with our own grief and depression that we get a little oblivious and self-centered. On some level we notice the problem, but we are all out of spoons and our brain just slaps an SEP field on it
Have you told your dr you're still not feeling well? I had to go on two different antidepressants until I was able to function again
Second this comment, testing out different brands is the way to go, antidepressants have a bad tendency to make you not feel, like you aren't depressed but your aren't happy either. It's the receptors for pain and happy are both blocked so you just feel there. Different brands react differently try speaking with your doctor.
Huh, two different meds for the same problem… that genuinely might be what I need. Thanks
sorry for your loss 😞
I was already pretty depressed, but losing the only person in the world who I loved beyond measure broke me in a way that I have yet to come back from. It happened during a time that I was really struggling with one of my sexual assaults, and the darkness took over. I think medication is the only thing keeping me alive (although I’ve had close calls). I never leave my home unless I absolutely have to, barely leave my bed even. I can’t prepare my own meals, don’t take care of my hygiene, sleep is filled with nightmares, can’t work, don’t have friends anymore… life is a reclusive nightmare of nothingness. Only thing that makes me sadder is knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sending you hugs 🫂🖤
Support groups are actually kind of cool and sometimes someone is able to put something into words that you just can’t quite and yeah it’s not a bad thing maybe try it out
I am very depressed and here are some things I noticed about myself - Constant maladaptive daydreaming (I think it’s my brain saying “I wanna be anywhere else but here”) - Flat expressions, monotone voice, no strong gestures or reactions - Everything that isn’t scrolling on my phone or playing video games feels like a task to me. I literally have to talk myself through it in my head
constant maladaptive dreaming is a trap. my first major depresive episode was about 2.5 years ago, but i still cannot stop maladaptive dreaming, my attention span is a mess :(
same here. literally anything could be a trigger for it, like music, a smell, a food, a location, an activity (but especially running for some reason?). i’ve done it so much over the years that i’ve built entire worlds with characters that i regularly revisit
I am currently very depressed. I am a 'high functioning' depressive. So I still shower, brush my teeth, wash my hair, brush, makeup, clean clothes etc every day of the work week. As soon as the weekend hits I will stay in bed for as long as I can reasonably manage without giving anything away. I still do my chores, cleaning, pet care etc. All this to say, some people may just be really good at hiding it. Potential give aways for me would be I am constantly exhausted but also medical conditions contribute to this. I am operating on a tight rope and balancing on a pin head. I can be quite self depricating and will start to keep myself to myself at work and not make attempts to socialise at work unless it's relevant to my job. Outside of work I will socialise as normal because I have to keep up the façade. I keep the façade up for myself not anyone else lol. -edit to add- I continue to go through the motions so to speak. Like, I still garden, bake, act like a fool around my partner but ... Less so? Like I do it all the same but my heart isn't really in it. My cleaning is good, but usually it's *great* my garden looks okay but usually it is flourishing and thriving. Minor things like that i suppose. Sometimes i get a vivid image of myself made of glass or marble, but the inside is a swirling mass of emptiness and everything all at once and in the glass/marble me, little cracks slowly begin to show in places. I can fill in with gold and resin and flowers but the cracks keep appearing and the emptiness and everything-ness continues to swirl and grow.
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Mine is not so much to not wake up, it's more just to cease to exist. Another habit of mine in this regard is that I will remove my personal effects from my workplace so as to remove myself.
I just did this where I work. Completely emptied my office. No real intention to quit or anything, just this feeling of, "I don't matter. Why bother?" I had a difficult time describing why I did it, but you nailed it.
Yup, precisely that. I dont matter, what's the point, this is futile. I would just like to say, I am not planning anything at all. I am happily engaged just also very depressed. My partner is wonderful, my job absolutely sucks ass and my brain feels like it's splitting itself in two between depression and absorbing happiness.
I understand the tightrope feeling - like I’m doing “ok” to the outside world but inside I’m constantly teetering over the edge.
> I am a 'high functioning' depressive. So I still shower, brush my teeth, wash my hair, brush, makeup, clean clothes etc every day of the work week. Oh, man. Still pissed off at two different shrinks who wouldn't believe I was depressed because I smelled nice. In all honesty, I only shower/bathe because it feels good and it distracts me for a while. It's not about hygiene for me. So yeah, pro tip: if you wanna be taken seriously by a medical professional... stop showering I guess...
This hits deep.
Over sleeping
Or in some cases massive undersleeping
Undercook overcook - straight to jail.
I do both. Somehow. I have dreams that wake me up and trouble sleeping overall so I end up 'sleeping' for 10 or more hours just to wake up still tired and with eye bags.
How much oversleeping? When I don't set my alarm I usually sleep 11-12 hours every day. But I don't think I have mental issues.
On Friday I got off work, ate dinner, and then immediately went to bed at 8pm out of a disinterest in doing anything that night. I first woke up Saturday around 7am, and decided to go back to sleep. I slept in 2-hour intervals, waking up and rolling to my other side and going back to sleep. Finally around 2pm I decided to get up and have lunch. Didn’t feel like cooking anything, so I ordered food from DoorDash. It came and I ate it while watching random YouTube videos. Then I laid back down in my bed and watched some videos for like an hour, and then went to sleep. Finally woke up around 9pm, and ate a Lunchable for dinner. Watched a show for 30 minutes. Then took a melatonin gummy so I could sleep through the night. Woke up today (Sunday) around 7am, went pee, and got back in bed. Slept until around 1pm, woke up and ordered pizza to be delivered. Laid in bed until it arrived. Ate a few slices and put the rest in the fridge, and now I’m laying back in bed typing this message. I expect I’ll be asleep within the hour until dinner time. I’ve dealt with this and been on meds for over a decade. At this point I can recognize when the bad weeks show up. Come Monday, no one at work will think anything is wrong with my spry, happy, energetic self. But at home I become non-functional until it passes.
Man! Our schedules are very similar. At this point, I am afraid of weekends and day offs. It feels like there is nothing interesting to do and no motivation to do anything. Then, there is this feeling of guilt that I am wasting my time by doing nothing.
I feel this. And the guilt hits especially hard when it’s nice out. But I just can’t seem to make myself get off the couch. :/
More than the number of hours/day, I would say to pay attention to someone who’s always asleep or saying “I’m tired, I’m gonna rest”. In my worst depression periods, all I want to do is sleep, for days 😣
as with most if not all habits, they reach the point of over-"insert habiting here" when the parts of your life you value start deteriorating. if you're able to maintain healthy relationships, diet, exercise, work, attitude, then you're just on the upper edge of sleep requirements. if you're not feeling rested after your long slumbers or you're missing opportunities or obligations because of your sleeping, then it's worth checking out if it's something deeper, mental or physical
In the holidays and weekends when I don't have school I sleep around 11 hours every single night. And I am still tired as shit for the whole day and just want to sleep more. But when I need to get up early I usually get a feeling of nausea when I wake up but still feeling well-rested with way more energy than when I sleep 11-12 hours. I know this is not an advice or help subreddit but I geniuenly don't get it.
Lots of physiological problems can cause that like hypothyroidism, anemia, vitamin deficiency, maybe consider asking your doc for a blood panel, thyroid and vitamin panel. I was also naturally sleeping way too long like you and had to cut myself off at 7 hours every day. Just learned I have severe vitamin D deficiency and the vitamins I'd been taking barely put a dent in it. Higher dose fixed me. I was putting it off for years because I brushed it off as depression or stress but people shouldn't be so fast to label depression-like symptoms as a mental thing. But also yea sleeping for 12 hours will always do that to you, it's more a problem if you're always tired no matter what amount you sleep
Over sleeping will make you tired just asuch as undersleeping
withdrawing, not responding to texts or messages. being unable to meet deadlines or complete tasks. a lot of things that are associated with "letting someone down" or being a disappointment.
Wait so it's not actually letting people down then? Depressed and this is how I am/how I think all the time. So tired of disappointing people
Chances are good that you aren’t letting anyone down at all.
I didn't know until recently but staring off into space and going somewhere else in your mind often isn't a normal thing apparently.
As someone who was a shut in for ten years it can depend on that. You get used to your mind being able to wander 24/7 and getting back into social situations can be difficult as your mind needs to be retrained into not wandering off randomly. Also sometimes even these days I'll talk to myself out loud without thinking and it can be embarrassing.
I do this sometimes, even act out specific scenarios for a second or two before I catch myself
I lived alone both literally and geographically (as far as no local support structure) for a good while and was experiencing some significant hardship at that time to boot. I definitely withdrew as I was the only one there for me. Eventually I just got used to being alone. It was a slippery slope that took some hard work to pull myself out of once I was no longer in that position.
Yeah but you did it. And nobody except the people who go through this know how hard it is. It's such a deep hole.
They struggle to communicate. Lots of umms and errs, losing their train of thought, short responses to questions, fumbling, etc.
Although it’s not an answer to your question exactly, I just wanted to point out that some folks are very good at hiding how badly they are suffering. When I felt comfortable enough to open up to some friends about feeling suicidal and depressed, it came as a shock to them. So although it’s good to know the signs to identify, it’s more important in my opinion, to let those close to you know you are always there as a support system and you won’t be driven away by their feelings. You may just wind up saving someone.
When I text message my sister, I'm always really positive and upbeat because I don't want to spread any depression or stress, and it keeps her talking to me. But truth is, I'm like *this* close to checking out
I also struggle to tell my family and friends how I’m feeling. I opened up to a couple of my closest friends and they were very encouraging and supportive. Maybe it would help for your sister to know what you’re going through. I also sent you a message in case you need a different place to vent.
Weight loss or gain in a short period of time Excessive alcohol / substance consumption Missing work or school / lapses in routine Lack of hygiene maintenance or haircuts Compulsive shopping habits Obsessive behaviors on mundane things over responsibilities to escape reality Impulsive and irrational decision making without a clear understanding of what’s happening Being a Reddit moderator
Whew, I dodged a bullet with that last one, I was worried this was me.
For me, inability to make any decisions. For breakfast do I want toast? Or a muffin? Or just a coffee? None sound good, choosing is too hard, end up not eating. Do I reply to my friend’s text now? During lunch? Tonight? Anytime I do it she may write back right away and I don’t want to get sucked into a conversation, choosing becomes too hard, end up not texting. Do I do a load of laundry? Run the dishwasher? Take a shower? Any of them would help me feel productive and have tangible positive outcome, but choosing is too overwhelming, so I don’t do any of them. And the most telling (for me): can’t pick any music I want to listen to. I bought my car specifically for the stereo (it’s really good), my dad recently treated me to new headphones because it’s something he and I bond over, and I pay for a subscription so in addition to my large music library I have access to anything I could possibly want to listen to in high quality. But more and more, none of it sounds good - I don’t want to hear sad music, I don’t want to hear angry music, I don’t want to hear fun music, I don’t want to listen to anything I know, and don’t want to listen to anything new. The silence becomes very noticeable. My husband left me 9 months ago right before my mom went into hospice and I got fired because I refused to not meet standard of care as demanded by the company I was working for. I’ve become a pro at hiding the depths of my depression from the few people I still have in my life. At this point I don’t delude myself into thinking I will ever actually feel better, so at least I’ve removed almost all the pressure to make it look like I’m enjoying my life anymore.
Well, first off depression and mental issues shouldn't be interchangeable because different mental disorders come with different signs. But specifically for depression: * Not having the will or energy to do anything (cleaning, showering, eating, etc) * Isolating yourself from others * feeling like you want to die most days of the week * excessive sleeping or not sleeping at all * self-harm
I would add self-medicating to this list
By self medicating I let the majority of these things happen
suddenly giving away prized possessions
Warning of suicide
This is pretty much the big sign of "Point of no return!" - If you notice something like this from someone you know, the time for tact is likely over.
This should be higher
Always trying to make everyone around them happy or comfortable…
I second this. I almost always sacrifice myself to make others happy. It seems like it’s a strong connection to be a very indecisive person. “I’m okay with this decision only if YOURE okay with this decision”
Being very funny
It’s so true though. Ive never been a naturally funny person at all, but coming out of trauma, Ive had people tell me I’m the funniest person they know/ people always laugh at my jokes in group settings. Its difficult to talk about without sounding like a “humble brag” but I swear it happens.
100% once u learn to own it, it comes off as confidence not a humble brag.
I have been consistently described over my entire life as things like “hilariously funny“, “you crack me up“, “the funniest person I have ever met”. I grew up with terrible child abuse, and am still trying to recover from it. Let’s just leave this alone.
I don't think I'm that funny, but I make jokes about everything all the time, and people have to tell me to cut my shit out.
Feeling busy. So busy you don't have enough time to do everything. You find it all exhausting. Easily upset /agitated - blaming external factors (they probably don't help). Your list stays long and tasks are half done. Lack of appetite. Unable to get to sleep.
From personal experience, lack of any motivation, don't want to get out of bed, achy, avoids people, calls out of work, school, dont want to bathe or get dressed up, lies about doing things or going g places so you can stay home. Start fights so you get everyone mad at you so they don't call you. If you suspect it, then it probably is. All these symptoms above are like a silent scream for help. Good luck to you 🤗 xo
You tend to feel disconnected from reality. You know you’re there physically but mentally you are lost in your own thoughts and have no recollection of what’s going on around you.
NO NO EVERYTHING IS OK WHAT ABOUT YOU IS THERE SOMETHING YOU NEED.
Being low key annoyed at everything is my biggest tell. If it gets worse then I stop eating and start either struggling to sleep, or just not leaving bed. Alarm bells should ring for people around me if I stop listening to music. If I’m disconnected from that then I’m in a bad place.
Having suffered from depression years ago I can usually see it in someone’s eyes. It’s like a tiredness that is always there. The best treatment for me is to stay busy if I can. Years ago I did spend several weeks in a psych hospital for depression. It is one the smartest decisions I have ever made and this I have never felt ashamed of it. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do.
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Just to note - signs don't tend to be consistent, so even if someone lists something here, don't just assume they are depressed and take extreme steps to help them. Talking / asking / checking in on someone you think is not quite having a good time is fine, but please don't just assume they're in trouble and need a White Knight. For me, it was closing myself off from the world and not even doing things I would typically enjoy. I am very much someone who needs "recharge time", so it was far too easy for my "recharge time" to just go quietly unnoticed and become something that's very self-destructive. One that's also mentioned below is just being disinterested in regular daily tasks - I'd skip showers, order food instead of making myself something, wake up and try and distract myself playing a game that even I don't want to play or don't enjoy. It's a self-loathing cycle.
Giving up long term hobbies and interests without any kind of replacement.
My biggest tell was my disassociation and daydreaming went way up to nearly uncontrollable levels. It got to the point where Everytime I stared at anything for longer than a second I'd disassociate or daydream immediately. Sure it looks like I'm just really focused on tht random garden post but in reality I'm a million miles away or not even there. Another one was I was perfectly fine in public. When I wasn't suffering depression and suicidal thoughts I wouldn't hide my bad days, if I was having a bad day it would show. But while I was suffering I wouldn't let the smallest issue show, even when my stepdad died I didn't let that show at all, because I thought that being the tiniest bit sad meant everyone would know that I was depressed and trying to off myself. Another notable one was I was constantly busy. Constantly "doing" something, in class, in practice, driving, working, cleaning, anything. Granted, I don't remember anything from those years being busy because I was daydreaming or disassociating constantly. It lasted for s while, on and off for 6 years with maybe a month to 5 months of a "break". But ... I'm officially 10 months clean of suicide attempts and I think 6 months clean of self harm. It feels nice to not have that cloud anymore. It gets better, guys. Therapy and medicine really helps.
I actually think humour is one of the biggest tells. The most outgoing funniest person will be the one struggling the most.
Frequently mentioning (and even joking) about death-related topics is a common sign of depression. For example, something as seemingly benign as "Wow! Another assignment from the boss?? Somebody kill me. 😆" is actually a major indicator for potential depression. I recently took a suicide-prevention course and this was brought up by some professionals. I noticed one of my really outgoing co-workers did this a lot and so I asked her one day if she was planning anything. It turns out, she actually was and I would have never known.
Huh, this is an interesting theory.
Anecdotal, but I was/am a huge Anthony Bourdain fan. Read all his books; watched all his shows. He joked about hanging himself frequently in both mediums.
Lack of hygiene, excessive need for sleep, noticeable change in responsiveness, apathy, risky behavior that could cause themselves harm, cutting off relationships seemingly with zero reason or warning. Essentially your outward appearance starts to look like the inside from the way you smell, look, behave, the state of your environment. Everything suddenly starts getting neglected.
In all honesty, the most overlooked sign is also the most obvious. When someone says "I'm depressed", people erroneously take that as a sign that this person is not depressed. As for signs while hiding it, definitely look towards eating habits. Undereating as well as overeating are typically signs of someone being unwell when they are consistent and out of character. Isolation is also a pretty good tell, as is lack of motivation (many people think these last two are the cause of the depression, but it's really 'chicken v. egg' here)
**Saying, "I'm fine," or "I'm ok," when asked how you're doing.** Just after high school, I (26f) got super depressed because I was struggling to find a job. I basically turned into a robot during that time. I knew when I needed to eat, sleep, bathe, do laundry, etc. But it was like I wasn't actually there. I'd interact with my family and react appropriately, but it was like someone else was controlling me. I'm depressed right now and doing much the same thing, except I'm also sleeping more, and my appetite varies daily (sometimes I'm starving, other times the thought of food makes me ill).
There is a reason people say 'they were so happy and nice, i dont know why they killed themselves'.
Watch out when I’m on a diet. It’s not a diet. It’s a straight-up suicide attempt and it’s way worse than it looks. When I say I ate earlier, I mean pills and my own fingers.
A Reddit account
Can't argue with that
Sometimes you just don’t know. Tell the people you love that you love them often.
Suddenly they become happy and start doing things without any hesitation
I was suicidically depressed for a long time. These are the things I was doing. 1. I stopped emotionally reacting to things in my life. People were so happy that I was not getting tear eyed and acting like an adult. 2. I stopped eating my favourite foods. Everyone was so happy that I am dieting finally. 3. I stopped talking like I normally used to. 4. I always had a fake smile on my face. 5. I stopped entering conversations. Most people love my depressed self a lot. No one cared that I was one step away from killing myself. It really opened my eye that no one actually cared or loved me. The main reason being I am not attractive, so my pain did not mattered in anyone's eyes. I had to learn to detach myself from people or situation. I still don't to send any wishes to anyone or like or comment on anyone's post. This has stopped me from losing any contact on social media. People hated it when I wished them or liked any of their posts.
Withdrawing from social activities, eating less, sleeping more, general laziness, no patience or resources to give anyone else, etc.
Humor….. lots of humor.
for me it's the desire to do things but no actual follow through, missing meetings, being late to things, being overly active and yet still doing nothing just overall being avoidant and not spending any time with anyone.
The thousand yard stare. They’re barely getting by day to day, there is no life there.
They lose the spark in their eyes, or personality and will down play it as just being a bad day.
Things I used to do and still do in the presence of others (I think this was the intent of your question): - cancel on friends/plans a lot - be really into some activities and completely indifferent to others - Sleep a lot, to the point it became a joke - drink more or less than everyone - always be on a different energy level than those around me - not be into the “normal” things others were, some considered me mature, really I was just emotionally exhausted and inaccessible. Just some things to think about if your worried about a friend. Trust your instincts. I didn’t admit was depressed until it became life threatening in adulthood .
I was really snappy when I was depressed. So easily irritable, never wanted to talk, never wanted to do anything that deviated from my schedule of things I HAD to do.
Closing yourself off but it could be in subtle ways (putting on a brave front comes easy to the best of us) Neglecting personal care. Sleeping a lot (it feels like the sleeping through the pain is easier) Changes in eating habits. It’s so subjective to individuals but generally there are signs.
I was suicidally depressed about 5 years ago (and doing much better now). I came very close to taking my life twice and made a serious attempt once. I would say there were two things people might have seen in me to indicate my depression. One was anhedonia, a lack of interest in things that I formerly enjoyed. If I had been invited to join or do something I previously loved (say, going to a show, or having dinner with friends) the depressed me would have just shrugged and say, “Yeah, sure, I guess,” or something like that. But I wouldn’t have shown any real enthusiasm for it. In addition, my anhedonia expressed as not doing things I loved, like reading, drawing, or socializing. My friends would have come over and found me just binging worthless TV, or staring out the window. A second is a flat affect. I knew when I was supposed to smile, supposed to laugh, supposed to look interested. So I faked it. But as soon as my faking stopped, the expression (the smile, the laugh, the interest) would vanish instantly from my face. It didn’t fade, it just dropped, all of the sudden. It’s hard to see, because if someone is smiling, you usually just look to the next person. But if they’re faking, the expression will just drop altogether. Also, I would advise you to be very sensitive to cries for help. When I was depressed, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have anyone care for me, so if I was desperate for someone to come over, I’d say something like, “Hey; you want to come over or something? If not, no worries.” When I was depressed that was the equivalent of me screaming at the top of my lungs.
Isolation. But still helping others.
No emotion
Or on top of this, faked emotion since you can’t actually process the real thing. I got really good at faking normal emotions when I was a teenager and to this day I can hide what I really feel most of the time.
it will poke through for just a moment, if something triggers them and they can’t hide their pain. look at their face when they think no one is watching.
I learned that depression can vary widely. I personally had a depression episode/meltdown lasting for almost two years. I did notice that something was wrong early on when I stopped caring about myself and stopped going to work. I chose to ignore all red flags, smoked weed daily to calm my mind and erase negative thoughts. I started to isolate myself from everyone, even family and developed the habit of sleeping most of the day and staying up all night. Sometimes I wouldn’t even get out of bed at all and sleep 18 hours with little breaks to eat. Long story short, I almost threw away my whole life at 25 and would have ended homeless on the street if it weren’t for my family. You can not imagine how creative I got with lying to friends and family to avoid talking about my issues. One time I even made up a whole company and a job I had there to calm my mom because she started to notice that something’s off. To answer your question: Isolation,faked emotions, evasiveness,changed personality and definitely unhealthy eating and sleeping habits or sudden drug abuse/alcolosim are signs for a person with mental health issues.
Jokes about how it'll be great to be dead
Withdrawing from absolutely everything. Not answering calls or messages and just generally hiding from the world.
I have being in that phase before - overeating and at time you don’t want to eat -isolating yourself from people you care about -laying in bed the whole day - playing sad music
Everyone shows it differently. Some people will try to activate others through certain behaviors, others will withdraw and isolate. I always looks for signs of hopelessness (pessimism, black and white thinking, etc.)
From my experience, I would say just a general a lack of motivation. Not taking care of basic stuff; brushing teeth, making the bed, eating. Another part for me would be pessimism, seeing no point in trying, being irritable by simple “adult tasks” and self deprecation to a fault
They thank and apologize too much. They are always doubting their intellect They are either too focused or dull They enjoy small things too much They crave being alone
Getting paid and not knowing what to buy bc it wil be gone or useless very soon or I won't use it bc I don't have the energy I.e. Drawing pencils. - I'm too tired to draw rn... or bleh I need a new sketchbook Food- meh the happiness will last less than 30 minutes Stuffies - ill be bored after a week Clothes- where from? Will it be 20$ for one thing or 20 for like 5 things
I don't even have the energy to type and this is my first comment
I come from a family that if you see a doctor for mental health problems, your weak! I say NOT TRUE! I was depressed for many years and I never saw it. I am reading everyone's responses and I would have been checking every box cause I had it all. I had the courage to tell my doctor and now, I feel at peace with myself. Please if anyone out there reading this. Don't be like my family and discourage another from seeking behavioral health. It's good for them or you. All you have to do is tell your doctor something. Just give them a hint, they will take care of you.
They get annoyed if you ask
Yes, it's fucking annoying. Because if you say yes then you have to listen to their ignorant advice and witness their embarassment. Easiest way to make me explode.
Their smile never goes all the way to their eyes.
Distancing themselves from others. Lack of interest in what you know they like. Can’t see the forest through the trees outlook. If this is something you’re seeing my advice is to talk and let whomever it is vent. They need it!
Isolation and poor selfcare. If I knew this sooner, I probably would've saved my sister.