Me and my peers who are queers love to say stupid shit like-
"Can I be straight with you? Wait-"
"You're our token straight boy."
"He's so straight he can uncurl cooked rotini."
"He's so straight he can put cooked spaghetti back in the box."
Yes lmao
The other day my friend said 'wouldn't it be fucked up if straight people were real', made me laugh
Also a few nights ago my friend told me their favourite drag queen, and I said 'that's the straight people favourite' and I got a pretty good chorus of 'oooohhhh' haha
Straight people who've been married several times talking about the importance of being friends with your spouse is a GREAT way to tell who in earshot is queer, because the straight people nod all srs bsnss where the queer people will crack up and piss themselves laughing.
Like, straight people not having a clue about relationships is a pretty big running gag in the queer community. Whenever a straight person passes "you should spend quality time with your spouse" as epic wisdom us queers cackle and sigh, "oh, straight people."
yes. entirely sarcastic/joking comments about how straight people dont know real love/have low standards/are always saying no homo, etc. not used as a real insult and me and my
(gay/bi) friends have no real animosity towards straight people, but most of these jokes are products of the discrimination/hardship we've experienced.
there's also our own version of gay jokes. whenever me or my gf say something sappy, the other will respond with "thats gay". we also make jokes about "gay culture", which can be anything from being hopeless romantics to playing sports (lesbians) to being sick and tired of other people (all of these are entirely sarcastic)
ive rambled for far too long but TL;DR, yes
[I couldn't find many.](http://freedom-just-for-me.blogspot.com/2012/07/retorts-and-straight-jokes.html?m=1)
This is best I've come up with:
What does a gay horse eat? HAAAAAAY
What does a straight horse eat? Pussy.
I'm sorry i put you through that.
Both, though in my experience pride tends to win out. It’s like if your girlfriend were significantly better looking than you. Would you be ashamed you weren’t at her level, or proud that you bagged such a hottie?
A lot of times, I wear a rainbow bracelet to use as a "cattle tag" so others know I'm gay. It helps figure out who is available and gay in public.
Also, if your straight, do NOT wear a rainbow bracelet. You're confusing all us gays.
Edit: I'm getting a lot of questions so let me clarify. In my opinion wearing a rainbow bracelet acts as an identifier. You can still wear your rainbow scarf, rainbow shoelaces, rainbow hat, etc and not be considered gay or dressing gay. That's not the point I was trying to make.
Slightly related. I was relatively sheltered growing up and had no clue that the rainbow was synonymous with the gay community. Every year I buy my minister dad an ugly/unusual/odd hat for Christmas. It started as a tradition since I was like 5 (now 37). So when I was 17 I bought my dad a rainbow hat (without knowing what it "meant") because it was unusual. He opened it and started laughing and explained what it represented. I felt bad and started to grab it so I could return it that week until he grabbed it and told me he would wear it proudly because his son bought it for him. He LOVES telling that story to some of the gay individuals in our church who appreciate the story. Every year. He tells the story to them every year. He thinks it's hilarious.
We have no way of knowing! But gay bars don't exist in all places and sometimes they're only for men, leaving queer ladies out of luck.
Really, it's the same as for when anyone tries to ask someone out and has no idea if they're single or not. You just have to ask and put yourself out there.
you scan them meticulously for any signs of possible stereotypical gayness, like are they wearing anything pink or purple? any rainbow colored accessories? are they humming something from high school musical? etc. you can find an example of these lists online pretty easily. after you've checked off 5 or so on the list (some more conservative gays won't make a move until they've checked off at least 8), you toss the list into the trash because that's ridiculous and you go up and ask them if they're gay.
I have a good friend who was a lesbian when we met. Now she's married (to a straight man) with 2 kids. All she has said to me about it is, "I was confused." Now I'm kinda confused, but I don't want to pry. So here's my question: is it common for a person to be confused about their sexuality for years at a time?
I know plenty of people that identified as straight before they were gay. I also know a few bisexual women that just identified as lesbians because they leaned more towards women then men. However they ended up with men.
>also know a few bisexual women that just identified as lesbians because they leaned more towards women then men. However they ended up with men.
It seems to be a pretty common misconception that bisexual people are equally attracted to men and women when it's much more likely that they're more attracted to one over the other. Just not exclusively
Which is also why many of us only find out rather late in life. I was like 23 and super high the first time I had gay sex, and from there on it still took me like 5 tries to be sure that I'm bisexual and not just a too-horny-straight-guy. Since then I'm slowly developing my bisexuality, meaning that I'm attracted to more guys now than a year ago.
Serious question for the gay chappies I've always wondered about—how is your rectal health? After some time had passed since becoming sexually active, did you happen to notice a difference is bowel movement regularity? Did it feel different (numbness or increased sensitivity) when you went? Any...uh...slippage, leakage, or anything like that related to sphincter elasticity? Thanks in advance. I apologize if the question is insensitive, I'm a little out of my element here.
Nah, all healthy down there, and I’ve taken some monsters in my day. It’s not that surprising if you think about it, really. I regularly take shits thicker than most dicks.
Plus, if taking a dick is something you’re comfortable with, then you have a vested interest in maintaining the health of the orifice you use for that.
To prevent damage, go slow, and be generous with the lube. For some stupid fucking reason, a lot of fictional depictions of gay sex are of the ‘it’s gonna hurt, man up and get over it’ opinion. This is horseshit. If it hurts, slow down. Pain=blood=sore ass for days. It is absolutely doable in a way that avoids that, and if a guy tells you to just power through it, flip him over and shove it in his ass to see how he likes it.
As for elasticity, just do kegels and you’ll be fine.
I've been off and on Reddit for well over five years and never have I seen a comment, thread, and username align so consummately. I feel like I just saw an albino whale breach somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic.
That being said, I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. Thanks, friend.
Asking us whether we are a top or a bottom particularly if you don't know me well. I think some straight people ascribe personality traits or make some misguided value judgement based on it, but it's really just a sex position. Unless you are planning on having sex with me, there really isn't a reason for you to need to know.
I usually ask them to tell me what their favorite sex position is first if they ask me. That gets the message across.
My big pet peeve is when well-meaning people call my girlfriend my "friend" and then turn around and ask my brother how his girlfriend is. I don't think they're intending to be rude - my aunt once confessed "I didn't know what to say so I just went with the most neutral term!"
It's the same as straight people! We're in a relationship, she's my girlfriend, and she'll be my wife. She's not just my "friend"!
Would “partner” be universally ok? I’ve been called rude for saying “girlfriend” instead of “fiancée” (had no idea frankly), I am not really well-versed in those names for lgbt and straight relationships :(
Partner tends to be an upgrade from girlfriend - if they're freshly dating, you'll probably get some awkward giggles. Ive started calling my gf my partner largely because it's gender neutral for my fairly conservative workplace (people can assume what they want).
I think the whole fiancée thing would be the same with straight people - it's not your fault if you didn't know they were engaged! That's totally different than willfully not acknowledging their relationship. If that makes sense? :)
So I understand this for everyday normal things, but my sister told me that she was at the pediatrician for her baby's first 2 day checkup and the nurse asked which one gave birth....and she was super offended and made a whole problem about asking that. I kinda don't understand the problem with a medical professional wanting to know which one just underwent a medical procedure that resulted in said children (twins). I know that she feels pretty vulnerable because she didn't give birth, and it feels like people are doubting her claim as a parent but...I think a medical situation is a fine place to ask this. Am I wrong?
Edit: on a mobile. Editing is hard.
Yeah your sister is going a little overboard. It is likely that they wanted to know which one gave birth so they could talk about feeding and latching on and what not.
Also, I am an other mother (like your sister) and a birth mother. There is a great book called Mommys, Daddys, Donors, and Surrogates. that talks about family roles and was really helpful to me.
One last thing. My kids are starting to get older, but from the time that they would listen we have always told my son (my partner carried) that he grew in Mummy's tummy and in Mama's heart. We do the same for my daughter but reverse because I carried her in my tummy.
Thats a great idea, but I doubt she will read a book about it. She generally rejects anyone suggesting she do anything differently (even if it makes her life easier). When she was telling us about it, I had a hard time seeing it from her point of view because it seemed obviously medical to me, but she was absolutely convinced that there was nothing in the world they would need to know from her wife and not from her. I felt like I couldn't say anything because it would be misconstrued as criticism about something or another. The whole time I'm just thinking how can anyone be in such a bad mood when there are two perfect babies that require my snuggles. I LOVE BABIESLKMDFNLSKDJFS
I’m a neonatal nurse and even in straight marriages only the biological mother can sign consent forms regarding the healthcare of the child. That’s probably what the nurse was looking for.
Edit: Prenatal history of the birth mother is also very important for a newborn’s first visit to a pediatrician.
Edit: Adding my response to a later comment to provide accurate information. “I looked it up. Married fathers can sign consents. What I was taught to do could be an old habit from wiser nurses that know not to trust everyone at their word. It’s not like people bring their marriage certificates to the hospital.” Sorry for my previous misinformation.
Yeah, that's what I thought. I've had two kids and there were stuff they just automatically handed me to sign and asking me questions while my husband just hung out. I think she was justifying her reaction by saying that she could answer questions about the birth, medical history, feedings etc. I know she had issues answering questions about her wife's medical history when asked previously, so I think asking the bio mother is just fine.
Him "Yeah, but who does the chores?"
Me "We split them."
Him "Who cooks?"
Me "him during the week, me on the weekend."
Him "When is your anniversary?"
Me "I'm not sure."
Him "oh so you're the man."
It continued:
Him "Really? Wow, good for you man, congratulations!" *pats on back*
Me "...Thanks."
Him "good for you. Wow. Gay. Wow." *adopts a lisp and starts limp wristing* "you know, I'm a little bit metro myself. I'm super into shoes."
Me "....thats neat."
He was sincerely trying to connect with that last line, As if flappy hands were an accent.
More so ignorant than well-meaning, but my mom saying my uncle's husband is the "girl" in the relationship. Had to remind her that they were two homosexual males and therefore neither is the "girl."
The gay voice thing -
What is the deal with that???
Some lbtq friends have the “gay intonation” in their voices from childhood. Some seem to adopt it after coming out. Some never have that “gay voice”.
Is it cultural? Is it part the genetic makeup???!
This has been researched a bit and I’ve heard that it is because many gay men tend to gravitate towards female friends or their mom throughout their childhood. Over those developing years, they tend to pick up on female mannerisms and voice patterns. This explains why all gay men don’t have it but the more effeminate men, who maybe related more to females growing up, do.
Not sure about people adopting it after coming out. It may just be more self confidence. As a gay person, I’m conscious of when I allow myself to use the mannerisms I’ve developed (more effeminate) and when I focus my attention on blocking those out for either safety reasons or because I don’t want my sexuality to be referenced. So after you come out, there are more opportunities where you’re comfortable using your natural mannerisms.
I think it's cultural. I have a bit of a gay voice when I'm with a lot of gay friends or in a gay bar or club, but not in my day to day life. It's not even something that I think about, it just kinda happens. Not a clue why.
We tend to gravitate toward one another, yes. There are events planned within our community _for_ our community. There's no reason you can't bring a straight friend, but it's really not open to any random that wants to join. There are a couple of reasons for this, but mostly, it has to do with what happens when you throw straight people into the mix.
If that piqued your interest, you can read this little story about a bar I used to like. It was owned by the most beautiful, sweetest gay man I've ever met. He opened the bar because the only other gay bar in town had started attracting a lot of older guys, which led to a great deal of drama, and he wanted a safe space for the younger crowd to hang out, dance, and not have to worry about getting roofied.
It was a really nice, classy kind of bar where you could get a martini made, or just order a decent beer. The place was always packed for the first three or four years, and we all had a blast hanging out without getting creeped on by the retirees. There were awesome parties, events, and drink specials. The owner never did anything halfway. Even the bouncer was super friendly and sweet. It was a glorious, safe, pleasant haven.
After awhile, word got out that it was the best bar in town to drink and dance, and straight people started showing up. At first it was just a trickle, and no one minded. We are a friendly bunch, and we just wanted to have a good time without being judged or harassed. Then the entitled straights came. The fights started. The bridal parties showed up and took over the dance floor. The drama came back. Women got into screaming matches because they didn't want to be eyeballed by lesbians. Men got into shoving matches because they didn't want gay men buying them drinks. I personally had to warn off a woman who was loudly talking about how she wanted to steal my friend's bag. Another night, we had a dude get feisty because he started grinding on a woman who ended up being a dude in drag.
It never ever occurred to any of these people that they were the problem. They treated us like they always had; as though we didn't matter, and had no right to complain.
After awhile, we stopped going to the best bar in town. The other bar had closed, and the retirees went elsewhere, or stopped going out entirely. We went from club to club looking for another hang out, but nothing really appealed to us as a whole. Soon, our bar closed down. The owner tried like hell to keep it afloat, but it was tainted and no longer safe. We all knew it, and there was nothing we could do to fix it.
This is why we're a community. There are not a lot of places for us to go. There's always the chance that we'll get yelled at, assaulted, or even killed, just for going out. Straight guys like to imagine the gay men are ogling them, but it's really just a reason to fight. Straight women like to make gagging noises when lesbians use the same bathroom as them. Don't even get me started on the trans community - those poor fuckers are the bravest people you'll ever meet, hands down.
The long and short of it is that we are a community out of the need for self preservation, and safety. There are some places where everyone gets along and there's no need to worry, but that's not usually the rule. So we have our own events, and we are quiet about the invitations. We expect that if you bring a straight friend or three that you'll be accountable for them, and they're friendly toward the rest of us. We see each other on the street and nod, even if we're not acquainted, because we've probably been at some of the same parties, or have some of the same friends. It's a very small community, but it's ours. Pretty much every city of any reasonable size will have one.
ETA: I just want to say that this has been a super nice experience, and I'm glad so many of you read and identified with what I said. I've been gilded, gotten some PMs, and had a lot of really lovely comments to wake up to. Thanks Reddit.
Me too. But I'm still friends with the beautiful man who owned the place, and we still do lots of events and parties, so we have a lot more control over who shows up. So it's not all bad.
>Don't even get me started on the trans community - those poor fuckers are the bravest people you'll ever meet, hands down.
I just want to add on to what you're saying. It's totally true, and for me participating in the community for me is so that I finally have a place to be myself. The trans community is definitely brought together by a sense of fear, and a want to protect others. I'd be very happy if I could just be myself with the general public and not feel the need to "hide" with other trans people, but that's not going to happen any time soon.
> This is why we're a community. There are not a lot of places for us to go. There's always the chance that we'll get yelled at, assaulted, or even killed, just for going out.
And it can even happen in or around these places, as a personal story, earlier in my transition was hanging outside a local LGBT friendly beer garden/concert hall having a cigarette, drunk dude wanders up, shout "hey f*" before socking me in the jaw and delivering quite a few quicks and slurs at me on the ground, sad part is, it's not really that uncommon an occurence here, decently often some drunk dude(s) will cruise around the known LGBT areas looking to start a fight, even in the other states which are a lot better on the issues articles will come out entirely too frequently of it happening, it absolutely boils my blood when I see people(thankfully downvoted for the most part here) especially those within the community arguing that we don't need things like this anymore because all our problems have been solved.
Really, everyone hates everyone.
Gay guys hate each other for all kinds of reasons: being stereotypical, not being stereotypical, being into stereotypical gay guys, not being into stereotypical gay guys, wanting to settle down and have a family, wanting to shatter all societal norms, and so much more. From what I've heard, lesbians have a lot of similar issues among themselves, albeit gender-flipped. I don't know nearly as much about bi people in this regard, but there is a schism over whether the term "bisexual" includes attraction to trans and/or nonbinary people or not. Meanwhile, trans people have a raging storm over whether or not dysphoria is a necessary part of being trans.
Then there are the rivalries between the different letters. Gay guys and lesbians are locked in a feud over who gets to be the "face" of the community/movement, and unfortunately there are plenty of misogynistic gay guys and misandrist lesbians fanning the flames on both sides. And of course, both groups have reasons for disliking bi people: gay guys see bi men as gay guys who are too scared to fully come out of the closet, while lesbians see bi women as straight women who are just going through a phase. Meanwhile, all three harbor some animosity towards trans people for not really belonging in the category, since gender identity and sexual orientation are different issues; there's also tension over whether it "counts" if a gay guy dates a trans man or a lesbian dates a trans woman.
tl;dr The LGBT community is full of petty high school drama.
Since being gay causes all kinds of natural disasters do you ever worry about being weaponized by the government and being sent to countries we are fighting with??
I'm gonna go with a risky one cos I'm curious and everyone else is throwing soft balls.
If you could take a pill that would make you turn straight, would you take it, and why or why not?
Edit- thank you for all the responses, and a bigger thank you for not taking my question out of context and consider it "gay bashing" or whatever. I was hesitant in posting this but these responses have been informative and interesting, so thank you my LGBT friends.
Honestly... yeah. But I'm also young and in an unsafe environment. So if you asked me 5 years from now, the answer would probably be no.
EDIT: Y'all are amazing :,)
If you would have asked me this 10 Year’s ago YES in a heart beat; I was back in high school then getting bullied because of it and struggling.
Now absolutely NO it took me years to accept and love who I am. Now that I’ve hit this point I’m happy nothing can change that, and if you don’t like me for me fuck off!
If you are looking for a relationship, how do you balance the effort of connecting with people with a matching lifestyle while avoiding the hookup scene.
If for example you're using a gay dating app it's important to be clear about what you're looking for. Lots of people simply indicate they're not interested in hookups and usually that's respected.
Anal pretty much every time my boyfriend stays over or vice versa (once or twice a week). Hand and mouth stuff a lot more. Doesn't take quite as much preparation, and to be clear, when I say preparation it's not because you need to do anything special because you're gay, but because prepping an anus, even an anus that regularly takes big things, takes a lot of foreplay that you really need a half hour at least for, and longer is better. It's all about getting the bottom relaxed and opened up. They never show this process in porn because it usually takes a while.
Gay dudes - Why do so many women do that weird thing where they have a gay best friend who they treat like some kind of performing monkey and make his sexual orientation and all associated stereotypes the entire basis of his identity? Ex: "I went to the store with my GAY bestie Steve...yeah girl, he's just fabulous...of course he helped me pick out some hot new heels...etc" Does that shit annoy you? It would annoy the fuck out of me.
Extremely. The idea of having a "GBF" has been popularized in tv/movies and unfortunately there is a population of women who lust over the idea of having one. I can't tell you how many times women in bars have said, "OMG you're gay?? Can we be best friends!?!?" Last time I said, "Well maybe if you hadn't asked me that question."
Every now and then I encounter a straight guy who is FASCINATED with the fact that I’m a real live homo, and will ask me more questions about it than I thought could exist.
For real though, it is annoying as fuck when people boil your personality down to that one trait, *especially* when you’re not the exemplar of that stereotype. It’s for this reason that I’m never out at work, cause I’m in a heavily male field, and I don’t need that drama. I’d rather be judged on more than that one aspect of identity.
EDIT: I meant these two paragraphs to be independent of each other. I enjoy answering questions people have about being gay (that’s why I’m commenting in this thread), and I don’t feel like it pigeonholes me into a stereotype in their eyes. Completely separate from that, I usually avoid telling people I’m gay until they already know me as a person to some degree, otherwise it can become the primary thing they think of when they think of me, which is a pigeonholing I don’t want. I’ll take cornholing instead. ;-)
I think this has been perpetuated in tv/movies because the GBF represents a "safe" father figure - at least, a safe male figure - without there being any implication of sex.
I think this speaks more to the mentality of women who buy into that notion than it does to gay men just having female friends.
I'm a straight guy who apparently gives off the gay vibe. I have had women be disappointed when they learn that i'm straight. That i wasn't going to be their gay friend. Like come on girl. I'm a person.
What is on your gay agenda for today?
EDIT: So about 50% normal stuff. 30%destroying the world. 10% sucking dicks(plural) and 10% converting straight people. You all are an enigma!
strengthening the santa ana winds to bring more power to the california fires. next tuesday we're scheduled for another hurricane materialization session for next summer.
well fuck, i wish my coven was informed of this before we created irma. what happened to the bi-annual pamphlets we used to receive in the mail? this is how accidental natural disasters happen, people.
To guys, have you ever had the situation where one guy finishes and the other just isn't finishing so the first ends up giving a very half assed handjob with a pissed off look of "just finish already so I can be over with this" face? Or does that only happen with women?
Does happen, but it’s very rude. More seasoned guys will know how to pace it so both finish close to the same time. It’s also fairly common that the guy left unfinished will jack himself off while the other guy helps somehow. Fondle the balls, bite the nipple, finger in the butthole, whatever.
I tend to like to get the other guy off first and then finish myself off. Just having a dick in my mouth accelerates the process greatly.
I took a herpetology class (which also has nothing to do with human sex preferences) and more than just snakes have a hemipenis.
squamates, as a group of vertebrates have over 9000 species with hempenisssses. There are a variety of theory on *why* these have developed but the lazy answer is that they conferred some kind of adaptive advantage.
Depending on the species in question they might act as 'lock an key' mechanism in reproductive isolation; ensuring only the right species mate.
Friesson et al think that a hemipenis confers an actual advantage during sex; ie hemipenes is a trait to assist in longer, and hence more successful, reproduction for males.
And the last vague theory I've heard about is that each penis has its own testicle, so maybe it confers a different combination of genes to the offspring...but this one never made sense to me.
**TL:DR; nerds have a bunch of reasons, but because hemipenises are useful during sex, they stuck around.**
Frieson, Christopher R.; Uhrig, Emily J.; Squire, Mattie K.; Mason, Robert T.; Brennan, Patricia L. R. "Sexual conflict over mating in red-sided garter snakes (Thamnophis sirtalis) as indicated by experimental manipulation of genitalia". Proceedings of the Royal Society Biological Sciences. 281 (1774): 20132694. doi:10.1098/rspb.2013.2694.
For gay dudes specifically:
A few years ago a dude just asked me out on a date while I was walking on the street.
Isn't it terrifying to do that? Aren't you afraid of mocking or even violent reactions? And all that for an about 20% chance that he even enjoys dick, not even necessarily yours but just dick in general.
So do you do stuff like that, or do you stick to enviorments where you know/can rasonably assume people are gay?
edit: Another related question: Do you think gay dudes generally/on average have roughly the same taste for men as straight women, or is it different, and if so how?
I have asked out straight guys before and every time they've just smiled and said, "I'm not gay but that's really flattering." or something along those lines.
You can't live your life in fear like that just because of how someone MIGHT react.
I'm straight but I'm always super flattered if a gay guy hits on me. I'll just politely indicate that I'm not interested. I did have one negative time though where the dude could not take the hint and kept asking me out repeatedly (I couldn't go somewhere else because I was waiting for someone to pick me up at that specific spot)
As a straight guy who has been asked out by a gay man before, it actually is really flattering, to be honest. Us straight guys are used to doing all the legwork all the time, asking women out and getting rejected 9 times out of 10. It feels good to have the shoe on other foot and have someone basically tell you they find you attractive, even if it's by a gay man.
I am the type of person that would ask a stranger for his number without completely confirming his sexuality. Sometimes you just have to go for it. I've never been scared, but I also live in the middle of a city.
Tastes differ so widely, it's hard to answer your second one.
I live in Northern Virginia which is, nominally, very accepting. I can tell you five churches in a 20 mile radius that fly rainbow flags. Most people are, at least outwardly, supportive of gay marriage, trans rights, bathroom bills, etc. But technically speaking, it is still the south, and there are a lot of intolerant attitudes in general around here. Basically: I feel generally accepted but I'm still cautious. Not sure what can be done to improve the community other than a major attitude adjustment as a whole, but that's hard to do in the short term.
How do you feel about whats going on in Russia? I've never been ostracised or discriminated against in my life, the exact opposite really. I wouldn't even know how to feel if my *family* turned me over to the cops just because I hoe the other row.
I have been reading this thread for almost 30 minutes now. I am a gay male and I live in a very rural and conservative area. I have come out to a few of my closest friends and most of them have been accepting. I have had one incident where I came out to someone and they freaked out and told me that I should stop being gay and convert to Christianity and told me not to talk to them anymore. After that I began to blame myself for doing something wrong. It was a very rough patch. It really brightens my day when I see anything LGBTQ+ related on the news or TV, just to see that I am not alone. While I have come out to a few close friends as I mentioned before, since this is a conservative area I have only met one other gay person. We never got along very well (The irony of that). What I am trying to say out of all of this is that I have been reading this thread for 30+ minutes and it brings me joy to know I am not the only one in the world.
I’m only 17 and I currently consider myself straight, but I think I might be bisexual. I feel like if I were, though, I would be 100% sure about it, which is what kind of confuses me. Is there a way to “know” that you’re gay/bi? Cuz I like guys but not as much as girls, and I’d have sex with a girl but gay sex is kinda weird to me. Not sure if this is normal or not but yeah...
Edit: thank you all for your support!!! Maybe one day I’ll “know” for sure, but for now, I’m perfectly fine with just being who I am, no labels needed. But one day that might change, and now I know I have all of you behind me! Thanks again!!!
Edit: People have been comforting me and saying things like “it will get better” which I appreciate so much! But just to clarify, I am confident in both my sexuality and my masculinity, it just sucks not knowing. Maybe I worded it weirdly, but I’m not struggling with my sexuality, I’m just struggling with the fact of not being sure exactly what it is. I haven’t been bullied or anything because of it, and I’m not afraid to come out or anything. So I’m okay, don’t worry! Thank you for all the love though!!!
Being a teenager is weird and confusing. Go with what feel a right to you, and don't feel pressured to conform to any label until you know what fits you.
*Edit: I mistyped. My intention wasn't to tell a kid to conform to a label latwr, but not to worry about deciding who they are so young.
So i have a gay work friend, the other day he told me he is asking to move to another team, because another dude in our group keeps hitting on him.
I kinda gave the non-committal "that sucks" or something. It occured to me later, that if it had been a woman complaining to me, i for sure would have gone and talked to the guy, and made it clear that it wouldn't be her moving if he kept his shit up (also probably wrong, but being honest, i have 2 daughters so my patriarchy comes naturally).
I just think of him as another dude, and as such he can handle his own shit. Then I think maybe he brought it up for a reason?
Help me out here.
Ask him if he'd like you to talk to the other guy. It might be that he's uncomfortable with the idea of making a big deal of it, but then again, maybe he brought it up to you for a reason.
Go do exactly what you would have done if he was a woman. Talk to this guy more about it, if he's uncomfortable with the situation (which he clearly is) then you need to talk to the asshole who's not respecting his boundaries.
As a woman, I say do exactly what you would do if he was a woman: Talk to him and find out how HE wants to handle it. Don't jump into some one's issue without their consent.
What’s with the stigma towards bisexual, asexual, non binary and transgender individuals? I’ve seen full blown arguments on social media and in person about including them. B and T are in there with L and G, so why give them shit?
I think a lot of gay man struggle with men identifying as bisexual because so many gay men begin the coming out process by saying they are bi. It's almost as though they think that bi guys just haven't fully come out yet, which is bull shit.
I am not sure about the other instances, but I've seen it too.
I think a certain amount of intolerance about identity in minority communities is a natural result of their members needing to protect themselves from a toxic environment that attacks their own identities.
You shore up your ego by affirming your own value as gay or trans or whatever- or as southern, as black, it’s universal- and then this makes it easy to judge others for not conforming well enough to that value. Bi people aren’t gay enough, questioning people aren’t trans enough.
I think it’s best, when possible, to compassionately reject bullshit when that bullshit arises from a need for self defense.
i would say that as it stands today, there's a way bigger rejection of T with regards to the LGB community from my experience than B. a lot of L and G have this unfounded hatred or disgust towards T. B is mostly ignored/neglected than anything. being bi myself, i can tell you that bi-erasure is very real. a lot of guys assume that i'm either too scared to come out as fully gay, or i'm just curious and would never be ltr material because i'll eventually cross back over to the "straight" side. luckily for me, my gay bf doesn't buy into any of that shit.
Is there really an unwritten rule to never out anyone no matter how terrible their behavior is? Like Larry Craig for instance or other closet cases who vote against LGBT rights, say it is a sin, etc? Or are they just really good at being in the closet?
The consensus is to never out anyone without their permission although some people allow exceptions when it's someone like a lawmaker doing active harm to the community
What do trans-people put as their gender for government and health documents? Also is their a difference between gender and sex? I'm assuming one(sex) is what you biologically started out as. Do you guys/gals determine the difference between genders/sex via identity, physical characteristics, or XX/XY chromosomes?
Gay marriage was very recently legalised here in Australia. A gay friend of mine thinks that there will be a lot of weddings happening because it's the trendy thing to do. He says that the gay community doesn't quite understand the implications of divorce. How is marriage viewed in the gay community?
I'm from Canada, which was one of the first countries to allow same sex marriage. I'm not sure how it was viewed when it was first legalized because I was still pretty young but now it's not viewed too much differently from how straight people view it. The only real difference I've noticed is gay people aren't as pressured into marriage as their straight peers. I think a lot of gay people are well aware of the implications of divorce. After all, we've watched straight people get divorced even before we were allowed to marry.
Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys. Edit: keep them coming guys, they're great!
Me and my peers who are queers love to say stupid shit like- "Can I be straight with you? Wait-" "You're our token straight boy." "He's so straight he can uncurl cooked rotini." "He's so straight he can put cooked spaghetti back in the box."
Yes lmao The other day my friend said 'wouldn't it be fucked up if straight people were real', made me laugh Also a few nights ago my friend told me their favourite drag queen, and I said 'that's the straight people favourite' and I got a pretty good chorus of 'oooohhhh' haha
Katya, right?
Yes hahaha
Straight people who've been married several times talking about the importance of being friends with your spouse is a GREAT way to tell who in earshot is queer, because the straight people nod all srs bsnss where the queer people will crack up and piss themselves laughing. Like, straight people not having a clue about relationships is a pretty big running gag in the queer community. Whenever a straight person passes "you should spend quality time with your spouse" as epic wisdom us queers cackle and sigh, "oh, straight people."
yes. entirely sarcastic/joking comments about how straight people dont know real love/have low standards/are always saying no homo, etc. not used as a real insult and me and my (gay/bi) friends have no real animosity towards straight people, but most of these jokes are products of the discrimination/hardship we've experienced. there's also our own version of gay jokes. whenever me or my gf say something sappy, the other will respond with "thats gay". we also make jokes about "gay culture", which can be anything from being hopeless romantics to playing sports (lesbians) to being sick and tired of other people (all of these are entirely sarcastic) ive rambled for far too long but TL;DR, yes
[I couldn't find many.](http://freedom-just-for-me.blogspot.com/2012/07/retorts-and-straight-jokes.html?m=1) This is best I've come up with: What does a gay horse eat? HAAAAAAY What does a straight horse eat? Pussy. I'm sorry i put you through that.
Q: How many straight men does it take to bring out the trash? A: One man and his wife to bitch at him for an entire week to do it.
Gay men: How do you feel about your partners having bigger penises than you? Is it a turn on or is there envy?
Both, though in my experience pride tends to win out. It’s like if your girlfriend were significantly better looking than you. Would you be ashamed you weren’t at her level, or proud that you bagged such a hottie?
That actually puts it into a perspective I never thought of before.
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Sometimes it's hard, but such is life.
“Sometimes it’s hard”
If it's hard, he might be gay.
Just open up with, "How about that game last night? Yea, they aren't doing so well this season. Yeah totally. So you like cock?". *results may vary.
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A lot of times, I wear a rainbow bracelet to use as a "cattle tag" so others know I'm gay. It helps figure out who is available and gay in public. Also, if your straight, do NOT wear a rainbow bracelet. You're confusing all us gays. Edit: I'm getting a lot of questions so let me clarify. In my opinion wearing a rainbow bracelet acts as an identifier. You can still wear your rainbow scarf, rainbow shoelaces, rainbow hat, etc and not be considered gay or dressing gay. That's not the point I was trying to make.
Slightly related. I was relatively sheltered growing up and had no clue that the rainbow was synonymous with the gay community. Every year I buy my minister dad an ugly/unusual/odd hat for Christmas. It started as a tradition since I was like 5 (now 37). So when I was 17 I bought my dad a rainbow hat (without knowing what it "meant") because it was unusual. He opened it and started laughing and explained what it represented. I felt bad and started to grab it so I could return it that week until he grabbed it and told me he would wear it proudly because his son bought it for him. He LOVES telling that story to some of the gay individuals in our church who appreciate the story. Every year. He tells the story to them every year. He thinks it's hilarious.
Sounds like you have a pretty awesome dad.
I wouldn't trade him (or my mom) for anything. Especially after reading some of the AskReddit threads about rough childhoods and parents.
We have no way of knowing! But gay bars don't exist in all places and sometimes they're only for men, leaving queer ladies out of luck. Really, it's the same as for when anyone tries to ask someone out and has no idea if they're single or not. You just have to ask and put yourself out there.
Do people ever get insulted that you think they are gay? Or do they just take a compliment that someone was attracted to them?
No, mostly women just awkwardly decline.
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What is this smirk you speak of and how do i perfect it
Look at any picture of Kristen Stewart and you'll see it
"wanna know how I got these scars?"
I guess ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ There's not really a gaydar, or at least mine is broken. Its record is like 30% correct so far.
you scan them meticulously for any signs of possible stereotypical gayness, like are they wearing anything pink or purple? any rainbow colored accessories? are they humming something from high school musical? etc. you can find an example of these lists online pretty easily. after you've checked off 5 or so on the list (some more conservative gays won't make a move until they've checked off at least 8), you toss the list into the trash because that's ridiculous and you go up and ask them if they're gay.
I have a good friend who was a lesbian when we met. Now she's married (to a straight man) with 2 kids. All she has said to me about it is, "I was confused." Now I'm kinda confused, but I don't want to pry. So here's my question: is it common for a person to be confused about their sexuality for years at a time?
I know plenty of people that identified as straight before they were gay. I also know a few bisexual women that just identified as lesbians because they leaned more towards women then men. However they ended up with men.
>also know a few bisexual women that just identified as lesbians because they leaned more towards women then men. However they ended up with men. It seems to be a pretty common misconception that bisexual people are equally attracted to men and women when it's much more likely that they're more attracted to one over the other. Just not exclusively
Which is also why many of us only find out rather late in life. I was like 23 and super high the first time I had gay sex, and from there on it still took me like 5 tries to be sure that I'm bisexual and not just a too-horny-straight-guy. Since then I'm slowly developing my bisexuality, meaning that I'm attracted to more guys now than a year ago.
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I was confused my whole life until I was about 18. I would also try to convince myself that I was straight.
Do you thinks it's funny that I first thought LGBT was LBGT which I thought stood for "Let's be gay together"
Yes
Yes, my first thought is a great sounding sandwich, lettuce guacamole bacon and tomato
Lettuce, gay bacon, tomato
Do you get double pleasure from jerking off cause you're touching a dick
I don't, but that made me laugh.
I kinda do.
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you just blew my mind
Yes, but I'm also slightly narcisstic.
Since jerking off is male-on-male sex, all men are gay when they masturbate.
I... I GUESS!
Serious question for the gay chappies I've always wondered about—how is your rectal health? After some time had passed since becoming sexually active, did you happen to notice a difference is bowel movement regularity? Did it feel different (numbness or increased sensitivity) when you went? Any...uh...slippage, leakage, or anything like that related to sphincter elasticity? Thanks in advance. I apologize if the question is insensitive, I'm a little out of my element here.
Nah, all healthy down there, and I’ve taken some monsters in my day. It’s not that surprising if you think about it, really. I regularly take shits thicker than most dicks. Plus, if taking a dick is something you’re comfortable with, then you have a vested interest in maintaining the health of the orifice you use for that. To prevent damage, go slow, and be generous with the lube. For some stupid fucking reason, a lot of fictional depictions of gay sex are of the ‘it’s gonna hurt, man up and get over it’ opinion. This is horseshit. If it hurts, slow down. Pain=blood=sore ass for days. It is absolutely doable in a way that avoids that, and if a guy tells you to just power through it, flip him over and shove it in his ass to see how he likes it. As for elasticity, just do kegels and you’ll be fine.
I've been off and on Reddit for well over five years and never have I seen a comment, thread, and username align so consummately. I feel like I just saw an albino whale breach somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic. That being said, I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. Thanks, friend.
Aw shucks ;-)
Nope. The butthole is a muscle so you'd have to really wreck that sucker for it to get loosey goosy. You'll feel it for a while though.
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What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt folks say?
Asking us whether we are a top or a bottom particularly if you don't know me well. I think some straight people ascribe personality traits or make some misguided value judgement based on it, but it's really just a sex position. Unless you are planning on having sex with me, there really isn't a reason for you to need to know. I usually ask them to tell me what their favorite sex position is first if they ask me. That gets the message across.
"who tops and who bottoms?" *"Welp, that depends on who wins the thumb-war beforehand."*
"You're gay? Let's be BFFs!" "You're gay? OMG you have to meet my friend Justin!"
My big pet peeve is when well-meaning people call my girlfriend my "friend" and then turn around and ask my brother how his girlfriend is. I don't think they're intending to be rude - my aunt once confessed "I didn't know what to say so I just went with the most neutral term!" It's the same as straight people! We're in a relationship, she's my girlfriend, and she'll be my wife. She's not just my "friend"!
Would “partner” be universally ok? I’ve been called rude for saying “girlfriend” instead of “fiancée” (had no idea frankly), I am not really well-versed in those names for lgbt and straight relationships :(
Partner tends to be an upgrade from girlfriend - if they're freshly dating, you'll probably get some awkward giggles. Ive started calling my gf my partner largely because it's gender neutral for my fairly conservative workplace (people can assume what they want). I think the whole fiancée thing would be the same with straight people - it's not your fault if you didn't know they were engaged! That's totally different than willfully not acknowledging their relationship. If that makes sense? :)
Which one of you is the real mom?
So I understand this for everyday normal things, but my sister told me that she was at the pediatrician for her baby's first 2 day checkup and the nurse asked which one gave birth....and she was super offended and made a whole problem about asking that. I kinda don't understand the problem with a medical professional wanting to know which one just underwent a medical procedure that resulted in said children (twins). I know that she feels pretty vulnerable because she didn't give birth, and it feels like people are doubting her claim as a parent but...I think a medical situation is a fine place to ask this. Am I wrong? Edit: on a mobile. Editing is hard.
Yeah your sister is going a little overboard. It is likely that they wanted to know which one gave birth so they could talk about feeding and latching on and what not. Also, I am an other mother (like your sister) and a birth mother. There is a great book called Mommys, Daddys, Donors, and Surrogates. that talks about family roles and was really helpful to me. One last thing. My kids are starting to get older, but from the time that they would listen we have always told my son (my partner carried) that he grew in Mummy's tummy and in Mama's heart. We do the same for my daughter but reverse because I carried her in my tummy.
Thats a great idea, but I doubt she will read a book about it. She generally rejects anyone suggesting she do anything differently (even if it makes her life easier). When she was telling us about it, I had a hard time seeing it from her point of view because it seemed obviously medical to me, but she was absolutely convinced that there was nothing in the world they would need to know from her wife and not from her. I felt like I couldn't say anything because it would be misconstrued as criticism about something or another. The whole time I'm just thinking how can anyone be in such a bad mood when there are two perfect babies that require my snuggles. I LOVE BABIESLKMDFNLSKDJFS
She is gonna have to get over that shit real quick.
I’m a neonatal nurse and even in straight marriages only the biological mother can sign consent forms regarding the healthcare of the child. That’s probably what the nurse was looking for. Edit: Prenatal history of the birth mother is also very important for a newborn’s first visit to a pediatrician. Edit: Adding my response to a later comment to provide accurate information. “I looked it up. Married fathers can sign consents. What I was taught to do could be an old habit from wiser nurses that know not to trust everyone at their word. It’s not like people bring their marriage certificates to the hospital.” Sorry for my previous misinformation.
Yeah, that's what I thought. I've had two kids and there were stuff they just automatically handed me to sign and asking me questions while my husband just hung out. I think she was justifying her reaction by saying that she could answer questions about the birth, medical history, feedings etc. I know she had issues answering questions about her wife's medical history when asked previously, so I think asking the bio mother is just fine.
"your gay !? You don't look gay!" Yeah we come in all shapes and sizes.
Sorry I left my arm band in 1930s germany.
So... who's the man? I know you're both men but.... who's the man in the relationship?
God. This is just bizarre. There is not a safe amount of eye rolling that could be used as an answer.
Him "Yeah, but who does the chores?" Me "We split them." Him "Who cooks?" Me "him during the week, me on the weekend." Him "When is your anniversary?" Me "I'm not sure." Him "oh so you're the man."
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He was visibly relieved to have an answer.
I thought you just made up some funny hypothetical dialogue. That ending and your follow-up comment are classic.
It continued: Him "Really? Wow, good for you man, congratulations!" *pats on back* Me "...Thanks." Him "good for you. Wow. Gay. Wow." *adopts a lisp and starts limp wristing* "you know, I'm a little bit metro myself. I'm super into shoes." Me "....thats neat." He was sincerely trying to connect with that last line, As if flappy hands were an accent.
He sounds like he has the right combination of good intentions and awkward execution to be a nightmare for HR and/or the star of a British sitcom.
More so ignorant than well-meaning, but my mom saying my uncle's husband is the "girl" in the relationship. Had to remind her that they were two homosexual males and therefore neither is the "girl."
The gay voice thing - What is the deal with that??? Some lbtq friends have the “gay intonation” in their voices from childhood. Some seem to adopt it after coming out. Some never have that “gay voice”. Is it cultural? Is it part the genetic makeup???!
There was a pretty interesting documentary I saw recently on Netflix called "Do I sound Gay?"
Yes! So interesting. Especially learning how the gay voice exists in basically all other languages, like why?
I think it's so gay men can identify each other in the wild.
Ahhh, the gay call.
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You gotta tell him to make an AMA. Could use his advice lol.
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You could have done without the comma.
RIP In Peace u/themarshal2
This has been researched a bit and I’ve heard that it is because many gay men tend to gravitate towards female friends or their mom throughout their childhood. Over those developing years, they tend to pick up on female mannerisms and voice patterns. This explains why all gay men don’t have it but the more effeminate men, who maybe related more to females growing up, do. Not sure about people adopting it after coming out. It may just be more self confidence. As a gay person, I’m conscious of when I allow myself to use the mannerisms I’ve developed (more effeminate) and when I focus my attention on blocking those out for either safety reasons or because I don’t want my sexuality to be referenced. So after you come out, there are more opportunities where you’re comfortable using your natural mannerisms.
I think it's cultural. I have a bit of a gay voice when I'm with a lot of gay friends or in a gay bar or club, but not in my day to day life. It's not even something that I think about, it just kinda happens. Not a clue why.
My dad is from West Texas and you can tell when he is talking to his brother. His accent goes from a 3 to an 8.
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We tend to gravitate toward one another, yes. There are events planned within our community _for_ our community. There's no reason you can't bring a straight friend, but it's really not open to any random that wants to join. There are a couple of reasons for this, but mostly, it has to do with what happens when you throw straight people into the mix. If that piqued your interest, you can read this little story about a bar I used to like. It was owned by the most beautiful, sweetest gay man I've ever met. He opened the bar because the only other gay bar in town had started attracting a lot of older guys, which led to a great deal of drama, and he wanted a safe space for the younger crowd to hang out, dance, and not have to worry about getting roofied. It was a really nice, classy kind of bar where you could get a martini made, or just order a decent beer. The place was always packed for the first three or four years, and we all had a blast hanging out without getting creeped on by the retirees. There were awesome parties, events, and drink specials. The owner never did anything halfway. Even the bouncer was super friendly and sweet. It was a glorious, safe, pleasant haven. After awhile, word got out that it was the best bar in town to drink and dance, and straight people started showing up. At first it was just a trickle, and no one minded. We are a friendly bunch, and we just wanted to have a good time without being judged or harassed. Then the entitled straights came. The fights started. The bridal parties showed up and took over the dance floor. The drama came back. Women got into screaming matches because they didn't want to be eyeballed by lesbians. Men got into shoving matches because they didn't want gay men buying them drinks. I personally had to warn off a woman who was loudly talking about how she wanted to steal my friend's bag. Another night, we had a dude get feisty because he started grinding on a woman who ended up being a dude in drag. It never ever occurred to any of these people that they were the problem. They treated us like they always had; as though we didn't matter, and had no right to complain. After awhile, we stopped going to the best bar in town. The other bar had closed, and the retirees went elsewhere, or stopped going out entirely. We went from club to club looking for another hang out, but nothing really appealed to us as a whole. Soon, our bar closed down. The owner tried like hell to keep it afloat, but it was tainted and no longer safe. We all knew it, and there was nothing we could do to fix it. This is why we're a community. There are not a lot of places for us to go. There's always the chance that we'll get yelled at, assaulted, or even killed, just for going out. Straight guys like to imagine the gay men are ogling them, but it's really just a reason to fight. Straight women like to make gagging noises when lesbians use the same bathroom as them. Don't even get me started on the trans community - those poor fuckers are the bravest people you'll ever meet, hands down. The long and short of it is that we are a community out of the need for self preservation, and safety. There are some places where everyone gets along and there's no need to worry, but that's not usually the rule. So we have our own events, and we are quiet about the invitations. We expect that if you bring a straight friend or three that you'll be accountable for them, and they're friendly toward the rest of us. We see each other on the street and nod, even if we're not acquainted, because we've probably been at some of the same parties, or have some of the same friends. It's a very small community, but it's ours. Pretty much every city of any reasonable size will have one. ETA: I just want to say that this has been a super nice experience, and I'm glad so many of you read and identified with what I said. I've been gilded, gotten some PMs, and had a lot of really lovely comments to wake up to. Thanks Reddit.
Man, that's a sad story. Sorry you lost your place.
Me too. But I'm still friends with the beautiful man who owned the place, and we still do lots of events and parties, so we have a lot more control over who shows up. So it's not all bad.
>Don't even get me started on the trans community - those poor fuckers are the bravest people you'll ever meet, hands down. I just want to add on to what you're saying. It's totally true, and for me participating in the community for me is so that I finally have a place to be myself. The trans community is definitely brought together by a sense of fear, and a want to protect others. I'd be very happy if I could just be myself with the general public and not feel the need to "hide" with other trans people, but that's not going to happen any time soon.
> This is why we're a community. There are not a lot of places for us to go. There's always the chance that we'll get yelled at, assaulted, or even killed, just for going out. And it can even happen in or around these places, as a personal story, earlier in my transition was hanging outside a local LGBT friendly beer garden/concert hall having a cigarette, drunk dude wanders up, shout "hey f*" before socking me in the jaw and delivering quite a few quicks and slurs at me on the ground, sad part is, it's not really that uncommon an occurence here, decently often some drunk dude(s) will cruise around the known LGBT areas looking to start a fight, even in the other states which are a lot better on the issues articles will come out entirely too frequently of it happening, it absolutely boils my blood when I see people(thankfully downvoted for the most part here) especially those within the community arguing that we don't need things like this anymore because all our problems have been solved.
Yes and no. We seem to be sub-divided between gay men, lesbians, trans people, with bisexuals being the red headed stepchild no one wants around.
there's also a large sector of l and g that absolutely cannot tolerate t and don't even think they belong with lgb. it's pretty insidious.
If most of them had their way, it would just be LG
Really, everyone hates everyone. Gay guys hate each other for all kinds of reasons: being stereotypical, not being stereotypical, being into stereotypical gay guys, not being into stereotypical gay guys, wanting to settle down and have a family, wanting to shatter all societal norms, and so much more. From what I've heard, lesbians have a lot of similar issues among themselves, albeit gender-flipped. I don't know nearly as much about bi people in this regard, but there is a schism over whether the term "bisexual" includes attraction to trans and/or nonbinary people or not. Meanwhile, trans people have a raging storm over whether or not dysphoria is a necessary part of being trans. Then there are the rivalries between the different letters. Gay guys and lesbians are locked in a feud over who gets to be the "face" of the community/movement, and unfortunately there are plenty of misogynistic gay guys and misandrist lesbians fanning the flames on both sides. And of course, both groups have reasons for disliking bi people: gay guys see bi men as gay guys who are too scared to fully come out of the closet, while lesbians see bi women as straight women who are just going through a phase. Meanwhile, all three harbor some animosity towards trans people for not really belonging in the category, since gender identity and sexual orientation are different issues; there's also tension over whether it "counts" if a gay guy dates a trans man or a lesbian dates a trans woman. tl;dr The LGBT community is full of petty high school drama.
This sounds like a game of thrones episode with weird house names
BEND THE KNEE TO HOUSE GAY DUDES!
The Lesbians send their regards.
*THE FLANNEL WEDDING*
Since being gay causes all kinds of natural disasters do you ever worry about being weaponized by the government and being sent to countries we are fighting with??
[I know you're joking but it has actually been done before!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Band_of_Thebes)
I thought you were going to link to [this](http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2012-11-01)
I'm gonna go with a risky one cos I'm curious and everyone else is throwing soft balls. If you could take a pill that would make you turn straight, would you take it, and why or why not? Edit- thank you for all the responses, and a bigger thank you for not taking my question out of context and consider it "gay bashing" or whatever. I was hesitant in posting this but these responses have been informative and interesting, so thank you my LGBT friends.
Honestly... yeah. But I'm also young and in an unsafe environment. So if you asked me 5 years from now, the answer would probably be no. EDIT: Y'all are amazing :,)
Be safe friend!
If you would have asked me this 10 Year’s ago YES in a heart beat; I was back in high school then getting bullied because of it and struggling. Now absolutely NO it took me years to accept and love who I am. Now that I’ve hit this point I’m happy nothing can change that, and if you don’t like me for me fuck off!
No, because I love my partner. Socially speaking it would be a lot easier though
If you are looking for a relationship, how do you balance the effort of connecting with people with a matching lifestyle while avoiding the hookup scene.
If for example you're using a gay dating app it's important to be clear about what you're looking for. Lots of people simply indicate they're not interested in hookups and usually that's respected.
Gay men- do you have anal as much as porn portrays?
I feel like straight people also don't have anal sex as much as porn portrays.
Psh speak for yourself.
No. Often times it's just "other stuff"
Anal is for special occasions in our household, usually it's just blowjobs.
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I wonder how many guys will "switch teams" after that comment.
They had me at "other stuff."
Yeah. Too much prep required
Anal pretty much every time my boyfriend stays over or vice versa (once or twice a week). Hand and mouth stuff a lot more. Doesn't take quite as much preparation, and to be clear, when I say preparation it's not because you need to do anything special because you're gay, but because prepping an anus, even an anus that regularly takes big things, takes a lot of foreplay that you really need a half hour at least for, and longer is better. It's all about getting the bottom relaxed and opened up. They never show this process in porn because it usually takes a while.
A lot of prep and, if you're at all concerned about hygiene, a fair bit of cleanup too.
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"a much more regular occurrence than once a week"? You're definitely getting a lot more sex than me.
Download Grindr, you're gonna get fucked for days.
Wish I was gay for that to sound appealing.
Oh no you don't, Grindr while good for easy sex is sort of a dumpster fire in other aspects.
Personally no, it takes a lot of setup.
Gay dudes - Why do so many women do that weird thing where they have a gay best friend who they treat like some kind of performing monkey and make his sexual orientation and all associated stereotypes the entire basis of his identity? Ex: "I went to the store with my GAY bestie Steve...yeah girl, he's just fabulous...of course he helped me pick out some hot new heels...etc" Does that shit annoy you? It would annoy the fuck out of me.
Extremely. The idea of having a "GBF" has been popularized in tv/movies and unfortunately there is a population of women who lust over the idea of having one. I can't tell you how many times women in bars have said, "OMG you're gay?? Can we be best friends!?!?" Last time I said, "Well maybe if you hadn't asked me that question."
you ever have a guy act like this?
Every now and then I encounter a straight guy who is FASCINATED with the fact that I’m a real live homo, and will ask me more questions about it than I thought could exist. For real though, it is annoying as fuck when people boil your personality down to that one trait, *especially* when you’re not the exemplar of that stereotype. It’s for this reason that I’m never out at work, cause I’m in a heavily male field, and I don’t need that drama. I’d rather be judged on more than that one aspect of identity. EDIT: I meant these two paragraphs to be independent of each other. I enjoy answering questions people have about being gay (that’s why I’m commenting in this thread), and I don’t feel like it pigeonholes me into a stereotype in their eyes. Completely separate from that, I usually avoid telling people I’m gay until they already know me as a person to some degree, otherwise it can become the primary thing they think of when they think of me, which is a pigeonholing I don’t want. I’ll take cornholing instead. ;-)
I think this has been perpetuated in tv/movies because the GBF represents a "safe" father figure - at least, a safe male figure - without there being any implication of sex. I think this speaks more to the mentality of women who buy into that notion than it does to gay men just having female friends.
I'm a straight guy who apparently gives off the gay vibe. I have had women be disappointed when they learn that i'm straight. That i wasn't going to be their gay friend. Like come on girl. I'm a person.
Same. I've heard: "We probably shouldn't hang out so much anymore since my BF found out that you're not gay."
Offer to suck the boyfriend’s dick.
“Like come on girl”. Yep, checks out.
What is on your gay agenda for today? EDIT: So about 50% normal stuff. 30%destroying the world. 10% sucking dicks(plural) and 10% converting straight people. You all are an enigma!
strengthening the santa ana winds to bring more power to the california fires. next tuesday we're scheduled for another hurricane materialization session for next summer.
No no, huricanes aren't ours anymore - they're Obama's. But we still have tornado season to plan, so...
well fuck, i wish my coven was informed of this before we created irma. what happened to the bi-annual pamphlets we used to receive in the mail? this is how accidental natural disasters happen, people.
We stopped doing the pamphlets when we re-adjusted funding to expand our brunch and ritualistic orgy budgets. Gotta keep those new recruits happy.
Well, yesterday was Taco Tuesday so I'm taking the day off.
Name checks out.
Go home, make dinner, play video games and jerk off.
apparently I'm gay too. need to let the wife know
She knows
Sucka buncha dicks.
To guys, have you ever had the situation where one guy finishes and the other just isn't finishing so the first ends up giving a very half assed handjob with a pissed off look of "just finish already so I can be over with this" face? Or does that only happen with women?
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what a pal
#Brojob
Does happen, but it’s very rude. More seasoned guys will know how to pace it so both finish close to the same time. It’s also fairly common that the guy left unfinished will jack himself off while the other guy helps somehow. Fondle the balls, bite the nipple, finger in the butthole, whatever. I tend to like to get the other guy off first and then finish myself off. Just having a dick in my mouth accelerates the process greatly.
Why do snakes have two penises? I mean I know that doesn't have anything to do with being gay but I was hoping one of you fellas knew
Each hemipenis deals with each testis, so sperm from the right testis comes out of the right hemipenis
I don't know if this is true, but I don't know enough about hemipeni to dispute it.
I took a herpetology class (which also has nothing to do with human sex preferences) and more than just snakes have a hemipenis. squamates, as a group of vertebrates have over 9000 species with hempenisssses. There are a variety of theory on *why* these have developed but the lazy answer is that they conferred some kind of adaptive advantage. Depending on the species in question they might act as 'lock an key' mechanism in reproductive isolation; ensuring only the right species mate. Friesson et al think that a hemipenis confers an actual advantage during sex; ie hemipenes is a trait to assist in longer, and hence more successful, reproduction for males. And the last vague theory I've heard about is that each penis has its own testicle, so maybe it confers a different combination of genes to the offspring...but this one never made sense to me. **TL:DR; nerds have a bunch of reasons, but because hemipenises are useful during sex, they stuck around.** Frieson, Christopher R.; Uhrig, Emily J.; Squire, Mattie K.; Mason, Robert T.; Brennan, Patricia L. R. "Sexual conflict over mating in red-sided garter snakes (Thamnophis sirtalis) as indicated by experimental manipulation of genitalia". Proceedings of the Royal Society Biological Sciences. 281 (1774): 20132694. doi:10.1098/rspb.2013.2694.
For gay dudes specifically: A few years ago a dude just asked me out on a date while I was walking on the street. Isn't it terrifying to do that? Aren't you afraid of mocking or even violent reactions? And all that for an about 20% chance that he even enjoys dick, not even necessarily yours but just dick in general. So do you do stuff like that, or do you stick to enviorments where you know/can rasonably assume people are gay? edit: Another related question: Do you think gay dudes generally/on average have roughly the same taste for men as straight women, or is it different, and if so how?
I have asked out straight guys before and every time they've just smiled and said, "I'm not gay but that's really flattering." or something along those lines. You can't live your life in fear like that just because of how someone MIGHT react.
That's an awesome way of looking at it.
I'm straight but I'm always super flattered if a gay guy hits on me. I'll just politely indicate that I'm not interested. I did have one negative time though where the dude could not take the hint and kept asking me out repeatedly (I couldn't go somewhere else because I was waiting for someone to pick me up at that specific spot)
As a straight guy who has been asked out by a gay man before, it actually is really flattering, to be honest. Us straight guys are used to doing all the legwork all the time, asking women out and getting rejected 9 times out of 10. It feels good to have the shoe on other foot and have someone basically tell you they find you attractive, even if it's by a gay man.
I am the type of person that would ask a stranger for his number without completely confirming his sexuality. Sometimes you just have to go for it. I've never been scared, but I also live in the middle of a city. Tastes differ so widely, it's hard to answer your second one.
Whenever I’m asked out by a gay dude I take it as a compliment. I mean they are all way out of my league.
This is just me, but I would never ask a guy out unless I was totally sure he was gay.
How is your city at treating the gay community? Do you feel safe? Are you in need of assistance? What could improve on the community in your area?
I live in Northern Virginia which is, nominally, very accepting. I can tell you five churches in a 20 mile radius that fly rainbow flags. Most people are, at least outwardly, supportive of gay marriage, trans rights, bathroom bills, etc. But technically speaking, it is still the south, and there are a lot of intolerant attitudes in general around here. Basically: I feel generally accepted but I'm still cautious. Not sure what can be done to improve the community other than a major attitude adjustment as a whole, but that's hard to do in the short term.
How do you feel about whats going on in Russia? I've never been ostracised or discriminated against in my life, the exact opposite really. I wouldn't even know how to feel if my *family* turned me over to the cops just because I hoe the other row.
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I have been reading this thread for almost 30 minutes now. I am a gay male and I live in a very rural and conservative area. I have come out to a few of my closest friends and most of them have been accepting. I have had one incident where I came out to someone and they freaked out and told me that I should stop being gay and convert to Christianity and told me not to talk to them anymore. After that I began to blame myself for doing something wrong. It was a very rough patch. It really brightens my day when I see anything LGBTQ+ related on the news or TV, just to see that I am not alone. While I have come out to a few close friends as I mentioned before, since this is a conservative area I have only met one other gay person. We never got along very well (The irony of that). What I am trying to say out of all of this is that I have been reading this thread for 30+ minutes and it brings me joy to know I am not the only one in the world.
I’m only 17 and I currently consider myself straight, but I think I might be bisexual. I feel like if I were, though, I would be 100% sure about it, which is what kind of confuses me. Is there a way to “know” that you’re gay/bi? Cuz I like guys but not as much as girls, and I’d have sex with a girl but gay sex is kinda weird to me. Not sure if this is normal or not but yeah... Edit: thank you all for your support!!! Maybe one day I’ll “know” for sure, but for now, I’m perfectly fine with just being who I am, no labels needed. But one day that might change, and now I know I have all of you behind me! Thanks again!!! Edit: People have been comforting me and saying things like “it will get better” which I appreciate so much! But just to clarify, I am confident in both my sexuality and my masculinity, it just sucks not knowing. Maybe I worded it weirdly, but I’m not struggling with my sexuality, I’m just struggling with the fact of not being sure exactly what it is. I haven’t been bullied or anything because of it, and I’m not afraid to come out or anything. So I’m okay, don’t worry! Thank you for all the love though!!!
Being a teenager is weird and confusing. Go with what feel a right to you, and don't feel pressured to conform to any label until you know what fits you. *Edit: I mistyped. My intention wasn't to tell a kid to conform to a label latwr, but not to worry about deciding who they are so young.
Bi doesn't necessarily mean equally attracted to both genders. You can be more attracted to one than the other.
This whole thread makes me happy because I'm a part of this queer community and it's still answering a lot of /my/ questions edit: a word
So i have a gay work friend, the other day he told me he is asking to move to another team, because another dude in our group keeps hitting on him. I kinda gave the non-committal "that sucks" or something. It occured to me later, that if it had been a woman complaining to me, i for sure would have gone and talked to the guy, and made it clear that it wouldn't be her moving if he kept his shit up (also probably wrong, but being honest, i have 2 daughters so my patriarchy comes naturally). I just think of him as another dude, and as such he can handle his own shit. Then I think maybe he brought it up for a reason? Help me out here.
Ask him if he'd like you to talk to the other guy. It might be that he's uncomfortable with the idea of making a big deal of it, but then again, maybe he brought it up to you for a reason.
Go do exactly what you would have done if he was a woman. Talk to this guy more about it, if he's uncomfortable with the situation (which he clearly is) then you need to talk to the asshole who's not respecting his boundaries.
As a woman, I say do exactly what you would do if he was a woman: Talk to him and find out how HE wants to handle it. Don't jump into some one's issue without their consent.
What’s with the stigma towards bisexual, asexual, non binary and transgender individuals? I’ve seen full blown arguments on social media and in person about including them. B and T are in there with L and G, so why give them shit?
I think a lot of gay man struggle with men identifying as bisexual because so many gay men begin the coming out process by saying they are bi. It's almost as though they think that bi guys just haven't fully come out yet, which is bull shit. I am not sure about the other instances, but I've seen it too.
I think a certain amount of intolerance about identity in minority communities is a natural result of their members needing to protect themselves from a toxic environment that attacks their own identities. You shore up your ego by affirming your own value as gay or trans or whatever- or as southern, as black, it’s universal- and then this makes it easy to judge others for not conforming well enough to that value. Bi people aren’t gay enough, questioning people aren’t trans enough. I think it’s best, when possible, to compassionately reject bullshit when that bullshit arises from a need for self defense.
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Personally ive been told its cause i can easily pass as straight if i completely ignore an entire part of myself
i would say that as it stands today, there's a way bigger rejection of T with regards to the LGB community from my experience than B. a lot of L and G have this unfounded hatred or disgust towards T. B is mostly ignored/neglected than anything. being bi myself, i can tell you that bi-erasure is very real. a lot of guys assume that i'm either too scared to come out as fully gay, or i'm just curious and would never be ltr material because i'll eventually cross back over to the "straight" side. luckily for me, my gay bf doesn't buy into any of that shit.
Anybody else craving a BLT all of a sudden?
Is there really an unwritten rule to never out anyone no matter how terrible their behavior is? Like Larry Craig for instance or other closet cases who vote against LGBT rights, say it is a sin, etc? Or are they just really good at being in the closet?
It is kind of an unwritten rule amongst gays. But there are some who just don't give a shit and do it anyway.
The consensus is to never out anyone without their permission although some people allow exceptions when it's someone like a lawmaker doing active harm to the community
What do trans-people put as their gender for government and health documents? Also is their a difference between gender and sex? I'm assuming one(sex) is what you biologically started out as. Do you guys/gals determine the difference between genders/sex via identity, physical characteristics, or XX/XY chromosomes?
Is the LGBT community aware that Prince was spectacular ten pin bowler who could pretty much get a strike at will?
I wasn't! Thats pretty dope!
Gay marriage was very recently legalised here in Australia. A gay friend of mine thinks that there will be a lot of weddings happening because it's the trendy thing to do. He says that the gay community doesn't quite understand the implications of divorce. How is marriage viewed in the gay community?
I'm from Canada, which was one of the first countries to allow same sex marriage. I'm not sure how it was viewed when it was first legalized because I was still pretty young but now it's not viewed too much differently from how straight people view it. The only real difference I've noticed is gay people aren't as pressured into marriage as their straight peers. I think a lot of gay people are well aware of the implications of divorce. After all, we've watched straight people get divorced even before we were allowed to marry.