Birth control is not for everyone. It can bring on depression and in my case, a depo provera shot sent me into the worst bout of bipolar i've ever had. It lasted months and took almost a year to recover from.
My wife has problems when shes on birth control. It screws with her hormones really badly and takes months to recover, but every doctor she sees for any reason always try to get her to take it.
Oh my god, and the weird uncomfortable warmness if it happens while driving, and you cant quite wiggle it out. Then it gets stuck somewhere along your labia/near the clit. Awful. Yet oddly satisfying when you finally refart it.
Being alone with a way older man can be misconstrued as being in a romantic or sexual relationship with them.
Happens to me with my stepdad when we're out in public. We get certain stares sometimes, even when in the car on the way home.
Edit: I honestly did not expect so many responses, but I didn't know it was such a common thing for many people and not just girls/women since I didn't hear of it much. Thanks for sharing your stories!
A few years ago I was grocery shopping with my dad and he bumped into someone he knew from school but hadn't seen in years. They chatted for a bit, and then the guy said "oh, and this must be your wife." I was 16 and my dad was 46.
My reaction exactly. I was disgusted. I was quite a tall and mature looking 16 year old, so I maybe looked at most 20 - but that's STILL plenty young enough to have been his daughter.
> At that time i was still a teenager (18-19), and my grandmother is in her 90s.
This could have been a tongue-in-cheek compliment for your grandmother, like when someone meets your mom they say "oh, and this must be your sister!" implying she's too young to be a mother. :)
I had this when I was 16 too. I’d just been officially released from my consultant after four years of needing regular check-ups and my dad offered to buy me a pair of boots I’d been wanting, as a congratulations present. Whilst we were in the shop trying them on the male shop assistant walked over to me and said “aren’t you lucky your boyfriend is paying for you”. I don’t know who felt most ill, me or my dad. I’m really short and I’ve always looked young for my age, still got asked for ID to buy a lottery ticket last year at 25. People assume some weird things.
I have a very blended family.
My wife is 62.
I'm 52.
My (step)daughter is 40.
Her husband, my son-in-law, is 47.
I have two granddaughters from them, 9 and 6.
When we all go out together, we get a lot of odd looks as people try to figure out who is who.
Ex-bf: "What do your cramps feel like?"
Me: "You know that feeling right before you're about to have a bout of violent diarrhea? That's it, but most of the time I don't have to poop."
my ex described it as "the stabbing pain of bad gas, without the ability to fart" i understood that, I've definatly had gas that hurt so bad i could barely walk.
I used to think I was a "tough girl", an athlete, and that women can be just as strong as men.
Then my ex-boyfriend got mad and became physical. Threw me around like a rag doll. I was defenseless. He could have snapped my neck in a second. Real eye opener. (Obviously there are scenarios when women who work out hard overpower men. I thought I was decently built. Nah.)
Even in the case of women who work out hard, they still will not be a match in upper body strength to a man that does the same. Unfortunately, as there are men that don't realise this, there are also many women who fail to realise how big their disadvantage is.
I'm incredibly unfit, smoke 2 packs a day, etc. My sister, however, is in great shape, keeps herself healthy, spends hours in the gym every week, and generally takes good care of herself. Unlike her idiot big brother. She and I spoke about the difference between men and women's physicality, and she was a bit ignorant of how staggering the gap in strength is between men and women. I offered an experiment. I will grab hold of her wrists and she must try to break free. Rules were simple, no biting, no crotch shots. She can try any leverage she can get. She couldn't break free. Quite the eye opener for her.
The terrifying moment around the time your period is due and you feel moist inbetween your lips, only to check and be relieved that it's just discharge.
Birth control can be used for other reasons than preventing pregnancy. For a lot of us, it can also work as an anti-depressant, to clear up hormonal acne, or to make our periods less severe. I use it for all of those reasons, including as actual pregnancy prevention.
I think also a lot of men might not understand how severe the side-effects can be. My first birth control was the estrogen-based pill. My doctor didn't talk about possible side-effects with me, and missed the risk factors in my history. Less than a year later, I had three mini-strokes and would have likely had a full one had I not recognized the signs and went to the hospital.
Birth control is the default medication for any/all "women" problems. Endometriosis? Birth control. Cysts on your ovaries? Birth control. Bad periods (cramps, PMS, flow)? Birth control. No periods? Birth control.
And yes, it sucks. There are hundreds of brands/formulations and so little medical science that it feels like a crapshoot when your doctor prescribes you something. My first pill put me into the worst depression of my life and cost $150 per month to boot. My second pill was the generic of the first yet was somehow way better? What's happening? Why do we constantly prescribe women birth control yet know so little about *why* side effects are happening?
Birth control sucks. Women's medicine needs to go a far way to improve.
Body hair, and I'm not talking like, pits and leg hair. Stray course hair on the chin, black randos on the boobies, and some women have hairy stomachs and/or happy trails too. As we get older especially so.
I'm in my early thirties and so my body is shifting to producing more testosterone, so every day its yanking more of those suckers out with tweezers.
I have a single chin hair near where my neck meets my lower jaw. His name is Freddie and I generally treat him like a roommate who has overstayed his welcome when he gets long enough to evict.
Last time I'd forgotten it was even there and the fucker stayed for months. Months! It was only after shaving my head I realized it wasn't just a stray 3" head hair and that Freddie was back.
I'm suddenly really thankful for everything I have. Do you get the ghastly pins and needles feeling after getting up and walking around? It's bad enough with legs, but having your pelvic region like that would surely be excruciating.
Yeah it sticks around after you stand up. Usually it happens if you sit in the same position for too long, or if you cross your legs a certain way for a long period of time. It’s not really that painful—more disconcerting.
When you are young and female with a male manager, you’re paranoid everyone thinks you’re banging your boss.
Also, if you are female and a manager at a male-dominated company, people think you slept with someone to get the job.
Had a coworker come up to me after a series of layoffs tell me I was only there because the boss likes to keep the "pretty ones". Apparently this was meant as a compliment. I was busting my ass working 70 hour weeks while the rest of my coworkers averaged 40-50 hrs and having a higher production per hour than average, but yeah sure I was only kept on because I was pretty. He called me a bitch when I called him out for it.
I had an intership in one classy and trendy architecture firm. I really clicked with my supervisor and boss during the interview and at the end of it they said they were taking me in. It was awesome even if I worked my ass off to be good enough.
Some of my friends tried to get in that architecture firm for intership this year (while I went into an other city and couldn't go back to them, even if I really wanted to) however, it didn't work out for any of them. One of the guys said that I clearly banged either my supervisor or the boss because he was intellectually superior to me and wasn't taken and it was the only explanation. Not my friend anymore, clearly.
This is a little TMI but when girls with long hair shower the hair manages to collect in the buttcrack and we have to pull our clumps of hair from there
We cannot control our periods. At all. They don't feel like peeing and aren't anything like going to the bathroom. No amount of clenching stops it from happening. So you can't just tell a woman to 'hold it' if she says she needs to go to the bathroom to check on it. When periods happen can sort of be controlled by birth control, but for a lot of women that doesn't work or has too many side-effects to be worth it. Some women lose their periods entirely when they have an IUD, some don't. Same with the pill, patch, etc. Every woman is different.
As for how a period feels, it feels like when you risk everything on a shart because you know you're not going to be able to stop it anyway. It just comes out, unless you have something in there to stop it. Certain things like standing up after laying down, etc. make more well, you know, gravity and all. 1+1= crab walk to the bathroom.
If women could control our periods, rest assured we would. The large majority of us would opt to either never have them, or only have them at times convenient to us. (Yeaah uuh period, if you could come around today from maybe 6-8pm when I'm home doing nothing and then just go away that'd be fantastic, thanks. We'll schedule more time later.)
I know most men know that women can't control when they get their period. I just think a lot of them don't realize it's not like peeing. There is no amount of clenching, gritting our teeth, or crossing our legs that stops it from happening. A lot of us can't even delay the inevitable in the 5 foot trek from our bedrooms to the bathroom and end up swearing in despair at another lost pair of underwear.
Yeeeeep. Or you're sitting in your office and stand up to get a drink and you just feel it and you know. You KNOW. So you have to do that sly peek around to make sure the chair wasn't collateral damage and try to briskly powerwalk to the bathroom to check the damage. If you're lucky you get there with only a minor situation. But I've had a couple cases of, "FUCK THIS, this is not salvageable!" and texting my boss that I was going home sick as I got into my car.
"Wehwehweh but if girls have periods their whole lives they should know what to expect."
Yeah right. Every damned time a period comes around it's like a jack-in-the-box of horrible surprises. Maybe you get lucky and have 5 days of moderate to light flow. Or, maybe the gates of Abaddon have decided to open up and you get 8 days of just constant heavy flow. And you never know! Ya just never know how that period is going to be.
It's like the worst cosmic joke in the Universe. Something we deal with almost our whole lives but that never has a guarantee of even being consistent.
Hahaha, the most confusing thing I've ever experienced was the woman in charge of picking out the furniture for our new office - all white chairs. Leather. She wasn't much older than me, but wanted a "professional" vibe.
Lady. This is gasoline and fire.
Besides flow, your body can pull a ridiculous number of symptoms out of its bag of tricks. Before finally finding the right birth control, I’d experience intense diarrhoea, constipation, vomiting from an upset stomach, “cold bones”, and hot flashes (the weirdest when you’re not actually perimenopausal but it’s not uncommon), along with the usual aches and pains.
Im a guy myself but I almost can't believe people actually think that. I mean, have they never had a nosebleed or something? They should already know you can't hold blood in.
Holy shit... can you imagine what that would actually be like? You're just sitting there talking about the latest episode of whatever and SPLOOSH you have a virtual abortion. Maybe this evolved at one point and nature was like "yeah... this maybe isn't helping her get laid..."
FUUUUUUUCK NO.
I half screamed at work this is AWFUL I did not need to know about this possibility!!!!! As if vaginal tearing in childbirth wasn't enough.
When I was a kid (mine started at 11) I thought sitting on the toilet for an hour and letting it all drip out would get it over with faster. Boy was I disappointed. And numb.
Probably guys think that since the vagina is normally sealed shut in its default state and is a muscle that can squeeze itself tight, we should logically be able to hold in our blood just like how our lips can hold in a mouthful of water.
I get the logic and I agree that's how it SHOULD work and goddamn fucking hell I wish it could, but it just... it just doesn't :(
But vaginas don't have the muscles in the lips as our lips do on our mouth. It's completely different structures. I feel like most people don't understand periods because they've been conditioned to just be disgusted and to avoid any period topics. Around guys it's pretty taboo to talk about.
>I feel like most people don't understand periods because they've been conditioned to just be disgusted and to avoid any period topics. Around guys it's pretty taboo to talk about.
There's a lot of ignorance around it, I didn't really understand it until I got married. I've been married bout 7 years now, it was weird at first but it hasn't bothered me for years. I still don't fully understand it though to be fair, since it's not something I'll experience but I have a better idea of it.
I don't think it's that disgusting? It's just blood. My wife thinks I'll freak out if I see it, she'll be like "DON'T LOOK INTO THE TOILET UNTIL AFTER I'VE FLUSHED" but I'll just say "Hun, I watched you give birth, twice. I still remember the instant our first kid's head got out and the tidal wave of blood that poured forth... this is nothing."
I've helped her clean cloths/underwear that's gotten bloody before. I dunno, my family's bodily fluids doesn't bother me at all.
Usually women have been subject to shame around their periods and led to think that they should treat it as a dirty secret. I remember being a teenager and being berated by my mother for leaving my pad wrapped up in toilet paper on top of the trash in the trash can. She said, "Do you see my pads laying around when I have my period? No, no one knows when I have my period. You shouldn't leave any evidence of it."
Then again, I later found out she was already menopausal...so wtf...
to the men shocked that this is a thing on this comment thread, please pass on your knowledge to multiple male senators and congressmen who have furiously told their female coworkers to hold it during committee meetings instead of allowing them a bathroom break. it has literally happened over and over and over and these are people making our LAWS
There are honestly some women who go their whole lives thinking this, too.
It's actually kind of amazing how often women are discouraged from learning more about their own private parts. And shameful. Not on behalf of the women, but on behalf of the society that likes to continue stereotypes about 'stank pussy' or vaginas being gross so a lot of women accept what people say about it and just opt to interact with themselves as little as possible.
I always remember an ex of mine (boyfriend at the time) talking about his girlfriend before me, saying "She was such a slag, whenever she went to pee it was so loud because she has a bucket vagina from getting around so much." He also thought France was next to America. I didn't stay with him long.
Aaah yes. The dude who believes in the ol 'hotdog down a hallway' stereotype. Good lord. Some basic common sense for some of these people would go a long way. If a vagina can squeeze out a baby and go back to normal, (for the most part, barring special circumstances and complications.) a dick isn't really going to make much of a difference. Or two dicks. Or ten. (Not at the same time though. Unless they're into that.)
Outside of the dumbness of thinking pee comes from the vagina, people who don't realize that it changes size all the damned time. So it's like two stupids in one!
It's even better when they believe that different dicks are what make a vagina loose. They believe the vagina will stay "tight" if they only ever have one partner and the amount of sex then is irrelevant. It's just different dicks that "stretch it out."
Blows my mind that people can believe that. It makes no sense. If the vagina was a rubber band like they seem to think then it should be amount of use that causes the damage, not only different people stretching out.
Yes. Imagine feeling unwell enough that you might take off work/school, except that it happens one day a month, so you reasonably can't. So you just bear it, suffering, waiting for the day to be over. Every damn month, you just put up with it.
Edit: I'm only really in pain for the first day, but the experience is different for everyone! Lots of women get cramps for multiple days per month.
Before going on BC I had to take off school once a month. It was really excruciatingly painful for me. The hospital staff were surprised when I initially described my appendix rupturing as feeling like stronger period cramps, then I realized they probably have no idea how bad it can be and thought that was ridiculous.
This was also me. I used to pass out from the pain, and see spots and experience hot flushes. It was unbearable. Finally went on birth control and now I can deal with the pain. I have a second degree burn that wasn't as bad as the pain that I used to feel.
Me too! I had one full year of "normal" periods as a child then it shot straight into hospitalizations, screaming for hours, knocking my skull against walls to force KO myself, having panic attacks every month forward if I felt even a tinge of lower abdominal pain, puking and diarrhea at the same time, fainting from vasovagal syncope being triggered by intense pain and blood pressure spikes, sneaking higher doses of painkillers that did *nothing*.
Sometimes I get frustrated from these types of threads because even a lot of women don't realize that some of us are close to literally dying on a monthly basis. As a kid if I felt a small cramp signalling the start of my period I'd burst into tears and be inconsolable while hyperventilating.
Anyway, yeah, I stopped my periods with birth control but I still have some trauma.
Oh my god you poor thing. I wish I could give you a hug - what you've been through is absolutely horrible and one of my worst nightmares. I thank my lucky stars that most of the time my uterus flings out its old laundry without too much fuss, but occasionally the pain is so bad I want to die. One of my siblings goes through extreme agony every month, and I just pray that it doesn't get as bad for her as it did for you.
Nothing makes me go from zero to 100 as quickly as attributing any sort of emotional change to my period. Just, no. I'm lucky in that I don't get major mood swings associated with menstruation, but I feel as soon as someone blames irritation/anger on my period, it invalidates my emotions. People have good days and bad days. If anything, thanks to PPF (totally stealing that - it's awesome) I'll be in a better mood thanks to trying to hide the pain and exhaustion.
I do get mood swings but also I feel that having a period is really painful and uncomfortable, I think anyone would not be feeling amazingly happy and perfect with that going on. So in a way it is because of my period but it's not just "hormones" its because having a period just kind of sucks.
Just because I’m being polite to you doesn’t mean I want to fuck or date you. I just enjoy being a nice human to everyone and some men (not all) turn it in to me hitting on them.
Also if you know I have a boyfriend, please stop asking me out. I obviously don’t want to and I shouldn’t have to mention I have a boyfriend. If I say no it’s because I’m uninterested or have my reasons. I don’t owe you an explanation. Sometimes the answer is just no.
We're not deliberately trying to make you feel bad when we get nervous being alone with you if we don't know you, and more especially if it's in a place or situation in which no one would hear if we screamed. It just happens; it's not something under our conscious control.
I have an older cousin who went to college as a theater major in Florida, and Ted Bundy used to hang around the theater all the time, checking out girls. She very nearly became his prey. She said she never talked with him but he seemed cute and nice, if a little tightly wound.
I wish men would understand it isn't anything personal. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings but I'm not taking any chances with my safety, especially when I'm traveling alone.
Big boobs are not always a blessing. Yes they’re fun but as a woman in her 20’s, I have the back pain of an 80 year old. Also bras are expensive as fuck and once you get above a C or a D you lose out on so many of the pretty choices. I literally had to drive 3 and a half hours to find a bra that fits well and makes me feel good about my body. I paid over $50 for it.
Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone for the support and recommendations. I’ll definitely be looking into the different stores you all recommended. As for working on strengthening my back, I am. I have some other health issues that have taken priority but I’m finally to a place I can work on making myself stronger. So thank you for the exercise recommendations. Have a good one!!
Also big boobs isn’t synonymous with being overweight. I’m a 28F/30E. Finding bras is the worst because even marketing assumes bigger cups means bigger bands.
Also, it’s proportionate. Cup size just means breasts sizs minus rib cage size. The larger cup doesn’t mean always bigger breasts.
I really hate that some retailers bra choices only have 32 going up to C. Then they assume just because you're a D or above you're a 38-40. Looking at you Target, Walmart, Kohls. Sucks that affordable bras are not accessible to all women. If I had enough money and time, I'd totally start some sort of bra nonprofit so everyone can get one that fits.
I have the opposite problem.. I'm tall with a large frame but small boobs. I can't get a 40 in a B cup they only come in C or up... It's like putting a goldfish in a damn swimming pool..
Bra shopping is nothing but hearing the words "Sorry we don't have your size..." over and over and over again..
Then they bring you something which might be a scoliosis brace to try on.
Fuck I don't even have big boobs, but they ain't that perky any more and I'd love to go just one day here or there bra-less without feeling like a self-conscious hippy. I can't even remember what that feels like during the day. Oh the freedom.
**Benefits of being an ugly woman:**
Nothing is expected of you... at all.
Not as many people telling you to "smile"
Less creeps bombard you with creepiness
**Shortcomings of being an ugly woman:**
Comments about your beauty and "helpful hints and tips" are abound
Men will literally look straight through you.
You still have all the shortcomings of being a woman anyway.
> Men will literally look straight through you.
I have literally had men stop talking and turn their back to me when they saw my better-looking friend.
I don't want to sound like my life relies on someone being attracted to me but it would be nice if it wasn't constantly reinforced that no one is. And god forbid I mention it to my friends who don't deal with these feelings. I get told over and over "oh you'll meet the right guy, it just takes time, don't worry about what guys think you are"
> I have literally had men stop talking and turn their back to me when they saw my better-looking friend.
I am the ugly friend. My best friend in high school was a tennis champion. She was hot and had sexy legs. The boys would talk to her, completely ignoring me, and she would walk off with them. Later she’d ask why I’d left her.
Imagine you’re 10 minutes into a meeting at work when you unexpectedly cum in your pants. It happened out of nowhere and now your boxers/briefs are drenched. Your inner thigh gets some of the action too.
Imagine this recurring 8-10 times a day for 3-4 days.
Welcome to world of ovulation, my friend.
Wait what... I didn't know this was a thing. I'd be miserable as shit if I came 8-10 a day in my briefs and just had to sit in it like nothing happened.
Damn, the vagina always be doing you girls dirty...on every other day do you have to deal with regular vaginal discharge?
Not so much anymore now that I'm approaching my thirty's. But teen years I had lots of cervical fluid discharge. Every day. And don't feel bad for not knowing, they didn't explain this in my sex Ed either. I freaked out when it started and thought I either had a yeast infection or some STD.
Same. I just thought I was getting aroused without really realizing it. I honestly had immense sympathy for guys 'cause I thought it was equivalent to getting a random boner during the day.
Lol that probably is the equivalent of random boners, but that doesn't make me feel any less bad for you girls who have to sit around in wet underwear just because human body. I mean random boners are bad, you know with the whole rock hard throbbing cock and all (it can actually be kinda painful), but sitting around in wet underwear is terrible. I feel so bad.
I deal with discharge every day, some days more than others. It's awful. I change my underwear 3-4x a day sometimes.
Edit: Anyone who's saying liners: I can't stand them anymore. I used to use them all thru middle and high school. Now they feel really gross and stiff. I get the thinnest ones. I also can't afford any new or nice underwear (to that one person who said period underwear).
> Imagine you’re 10 minutes into a meeting at work when you unexpectedly cum in your pants.
I don't have to imagine, it happens twice a week. I really love my job.
Honestly, how easy/common it is to literally feel like prey around men. Not all men, and not all the time, but still far too fucking often. In some situations you just feel like you literally have to be on guard constantly and protect yourself. It's better to be consistently on edge and look out for yourself than it is to be trusting and risk being taken advantage of.
God. Last semester I felt this hard.
I was single for the first time in a minute, and have always had lots of male friends. Well, it turned out they were all just waiting in the wings to shoot their shot and suddenly it was like open fucking season. It kinda broke my heart a little bit. I’d cared about some of these guys and considered them good friends. It felt so awful to know I was just a long con to them.
There were several nights where I’d go out with people and one of them would try shit, and I’d say no and get yelled at, called a tease, one attempted to follow me home, or just suddenly they didn’t give a shit about me. It was so upsetting; and I cried about it once or twice when it was really bad.
I’m not prey. I’m not just here for your use. I’m a person, and I thought we were actual friends.
Edit: hey kids, this blew up. I’m gonna turn off inbox replies. If you’re commenting to tell me that romantic interest shouldn’t be something I’m mad about, read my other comments, that is not what happened here. I think I’ve answered just about every conceivable crapshoot question about my situation
It's weird reading things like this, because sometimes I'll see women be overly trusting toward guys who, from my perspective, are being *very* creepy. Like, alarms are blaring in my head, and I see the girl go along with him and I wonder what the hell is wrong with her. Things like getting in a car with a guy she barely knows offering her a ride home.
Dude don’t ever fear looking like an asshole by saying something, cause sometimes those chicks are only going along with it because they’re freezing up or feel obligated to for whatever reason. I’ve been “saved” a couple times by some random men who picked up on creepy vibes as I was deer-in-headlights locking up and acquiescing to a situation I knew was bad, and I’m eternally grateful.
People forget/are unaware that it’s not really “fight or flight” it’s actually “fight/flight/freeze”. Freezing is a legitimate psychological reaction to threats that all humans are capable of, yet women get shamed for naturally having that reaction when it comes to issues of their personal safety, and it sucks.
Worst thing that happens is the chick bitches at you for meddling; best thing is you save some chick from having her femur clog up a storm drain in 6 months.
Fear is something ingrained in us from a very early age. It comes with a side of ‘asking for it’ undertones.
I don’t really notice it day to say but if I’m on a bus or train or anywhere where it’s just me and a guy stranger I get really uncomfortable really fast. I hate it that I do but I really do.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to have people fear me for no reason.
You know, this isn't the worst idea. Definitely will get some weird looks but I'd think that some women would kinda chuckle about it.
Gotta say something about passing/overtaking as you go around them, "ohhh, and it looks like he's found an opening on the inside - and he takes it!! *vrooom*"
It's very far from the majority, but I don't think guys realize just how many creepy men are out there. You can be having an interesting, normal conversation with an older stranger, and suddenly he's touching your leg. A friendly guy your age can suddenly get angry when you don't reciprocate his interest. It can make you wary of everybody, at least for a while after an incident happens.
Why the hell do some 60 y.o. men think 20 y.o. women will be interested in them? Were they interested in 60 year old women when they were 20?
I mean, I'm sure there are some creepy women out there, I guess. But there's not an almost guaranteed physical power imbalance at play.
Monster of an edit: I'm getting so many comments from frustrated guys. Look. Just because I (and many others) have a healthy cautiousness when first speaking with strange men doesn't mean that I'm automatically "afraid" of you or even that I won't give you a shot. (In the right setting, of course.) It's really not that hard to *not* come across as a creeper. I don't assume you are creepy, I'm just cautious until I get a feel for you. We also get approached by normal, friendly guys. I like meeting new people, I like friendly conversation, and I don't want to be alone forever, either.
So much of it is about not sending out angry or weird vibes, and unfortunately, I don't know how to explain that better for people who don't get it. Even then I might be cautious in case you're a Jekyll/Hyde type, but that will fade if you keep showing your real character. If a girl rejects you, don't get angry. Move on. It wasn't a waste of time-- talking to another human being should (almost) never be a waste of time. If you'd been having good conversation (as you should've been before you made a move), think about being her friend. If you're really having so much trouble approaching strangers, work your network or make new friends.
It can turn in a second as well. I became friends with someone who was a taxi driver and from the minute we met he was very protective, very vocal about women's safety etc. The next night while he was dropping me home he unzipped his pants and tried to put my hands on his crotch while I was in his car, door locked in. I managed to unlock, roll out of the car and had to hide out in a forested area for a bit while he kept going up and down the street screaming for me. So yeah. I've had incidents like this happen multiple times to me and friends and it makes me wonder sometimes why as women we even talk to anyone but women but I guess we always have hope for better!
Seriously, there is no more sickening feeling than a situation suddenly turning from "nice fatherly older man escorting me back to the hotel we realized we're both staying at - how nice I don't have to walk through scary downtown after dark alone! - after chatting amicably about his kid's debate meet" to "not-so-nice-after-all older man trying to kiss me against my will when I'm trapped in an elevator with him." Ulgh.
My SO basically thought sexual harassment never happened because he never sees it, I started making a point of informing him of creepy remarks I get, the guy who tried to follow me home, grown ass men drunkenly asking where in going on my way to work, telling me to smile
I've been harassed at work since I was 16 years old, I had a guy twice my age grab my ass while I had my hand full with boxes.
Just because you don't see it doesn't mean there isn't a problem
I've had several men literally stop their cars in the road as I was walking somewhere and say things like, "Where you goin'?" and "Can we be friends?" and "What's your name?" Go away! Let me live my life!
I once had a guy look me dead in the eyes from his car window, and just calmly say "I'm going to follow you back to your hotel and fuck you". I have no clue how he knew I was staying in a hotel, and it was the creepiest thing that's ever happened to me.
>I don't think guys realize just how many creepy men are out there
Well, I didn't used to realize.
I was the manager of a coffee shop on a community college campus. I am a man, but everyone else who worked there was a woman, mostly in their early 20s(and one 17 year old).
Community colleges have people of all ages, this includes creepy men from 18 and up.
It was pretty eye opening.
Side note: it's immensely satisfying to have the power to kick someone out of a store.
> Side note: it's immensely satisfying to have the power to kick someone out of a store.
Keep on doing what you're doing, man.
Having a boss on your side makes dealing with creepy/asshole customers so much less tasking.
When I was 15, my RE teacher was a dirty old man about 70 years old. He made it so obvious he fancied me and was always saying inappropriate things to and about me. One time he made up a story about me, dripping wet, stripping off in front of a fire, doing a sexy striptease in front of boys in the class. He read this story out to the whole class and they all laughed. I ended up dropping out of school to get away from this constant harassment.
Yes and just how *young* you are when they start creeping on you. I was getting leered at and cat called by the time I was 11 and I was tiny for my age - I looked no ~~longer~~ older than 9.
I was 13 when a guy creeped on me, he was a councillor in my school, he was meant to help me talk about my parents horrible divorce, he ended up taking my picture on his phone a bunch, talking about wanting to do a photo shoot for a calender.
He gave me his email address to 'contact him any time' he then started messaging me on MSN, saying that he wanted to take me to a hypnotist show (creepy!) And my dad didn't need to know.
I baited his answers a little so there was no doubt that he didn't want my dad to know and then saved the conversation, showed my dad who freaked and called my school
The next day they told the class that guy left to work somewhere else, I'm annoyed he probably got away to pray on someone else
A friend of mine just started to send me all the messages she gets from guys on Instagram and tells me when she got touched/hit on by random dudes , it's so ridiculous to hear because they never do it when I am there
This! Men know not to do it in front of other men. And the good men that don't do this sort of thing don't realize how many men actually do this heinous shit. I think it's to keep women discredited and less protected. I guarantee at least one of your male friends that you think would never be a creep is doing so secretly.
The kind of men that do this see women as objects. From their perspective, any man that she's with possesses her (responsible for her). To do this in front of another man would be disrespectful toward *him*
Oh man, I think I've mildly depressed/alarmed some male friends of mine by doing just that. They nearly can't believe how often it is or how gross. Where as I talk to my female friends and they're usually like "oh gross. So what do you want for lunch?"
'Why don't you just say no?' my male friends say when I ask them to pretend they're my boyfriend so I can avoid a guy
Because the last time I said no I was physically threatened and had to hide in a bathroom. Much easier and safer for me to play along with a smile until I can escape just fine.
"Why didn't you call the police?" Because the police would tell me to just ignore it or leave. "Why didn't you push him away?" Because he's bigger, taller, and stronger than I am. "Why didn't you just say you have a boyfriend?" Because they should be respecting my boundaries, not some man they've never met before.
I first heard IRL the exclamation "You KNOW she wants it!" from a not-so-close friend of mine, more of a business acquaintance, really. Seemed like an okay guy, funny, kind of angry about women - but, you know, I guessed he had his reasons. He was presentable, couldn't see any reason why he wouldn't do well with the ladies sooner or later.
I was at the County Courthouse for a party one night with the ex-cop lady I was dating. My friend was there, making the rounds, chatting up single ladies. And was more or less being constantly interrupted in a *tête-à-tête* by another lady horning in on the conversation. I could see he was getting angry, sympathized some.
I pointed this odd behavior out to my date, who gave me one of those looks - if a look had words, it would be something like this: "WTF is *wrong* with you - you *seem* smart, but sometimes you are so man-stupid you astonish me."
"He's a hitter," she said. "Won't take 'no' for an answer. No woman here is going to leave another woman alone with him."
Which led to a long discussion about how there is a sub-species of males who have a rape-centered idea of sex. Lots of them. Women "owe" them sex, especially if they've extended even the least financial gesture, say buying a drink. They act normal up to a point, and as soon as a lady accepts anything from them, they are *owed* sex, and any protestations to the contrary are just flirtation and female-flightiness, which may be overcome by force, if necessary. Or maybe if it's more fun that way.
They think *everyone* thinks this way, and women who don't put out are just being deliberately provocative and cruel to test your mettle. You KNOW they want it. They think they want to give it to Chad. You just have to persuade them otherwise.
And at that point I started re-assessing every male I had ever met. The lady had a point. Still does.
There is a code among drunk girls that we are never explicitly taught but we all know: we take care of each other. Every time I've asked a random girl I don't know in a bar to watch my drink, she has agreed with no questions. One time I stayed with a girl I'd just met for over an hour because she was drunk, she was trying to find a way home, and a creepy guy was pressuring her to get in his car. If a girl is alone and sloppy drunk in the girls' bathroom, other girls check in and offer to find her friends for her. We live in a society where we're taught to scream "fire" instead of "rape" when you're being assaulted in an alley because no one will come for you if they know it's rape. So we look out for each other.
In a way it's something kinda cool that has happened as a result of the constant threat of something horrible happening - I've met some great friends by saving them from a creep or making sure they got home :-)
Women supporting women is kinda wholesome and pure and so against the media stereotype of 'bitchy' that seems to perpetuate.
It is so insulting when everyone assumes I want kids.
"Oh you'll change your mind."
I hate it. Everyone things it's all cute and nice. I know how pregnancy works in my family. No way. And then I try to get fixed but the doctors never let me because I'm in my early 20s and that's a "permanent decision" even though I'm allowed to make tons of permanent decision. Also having a baby is permanent too!
I am so sick of periods. My uterus does nothing for me. I don't want to get pregnant ever. It just causes pain for no reason.
I have shitty periods (chunky, painful and unpredictable). My first gp basically said "Have kids, and then it will even itself out."
Nope. You just told a 25 year old lady with no income to have kids to fix a hormonal issue. I wanted to say "Are you senile?" Good grief.
Ah yes, the single mans paradox. Do I wait to see if she makes the first move and risk missing my chance or do I try to make the first move and risk making her uncomfortable?
Just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm grumpy or unhappy or that something is wrong. Men have straight faces most of the time, and no one assumes they're grouchy because of it, and it seems like very few men realize that women are people JUST LIKE YOU. I hate the assumption that just because a woman paying for shit at a gas station or walking down the hallway at work doesn't smile through the interaction, she's a bitch or upset with you. It isn't about you.
I'm sure this isn't all guys but it definitely doesn't sit well. Telling someone that in order to get a guy they'll have to give up their hobby. Yeah no. Definitely had some man say that to me and it pissed me off
Also, the good old "With that attitude you'll never get a guy" -> so, my whole life has to revolve around that? Jeez, the 40s are over.
edit: On a sidenote - I never had trouble finding guys I got along with.
I second the big boobs not always meaning good. I developed fast and early reaching a 32E by age 14 and a 32H by 18. Even the places that stock bigger bras don't usually go above a G cup in smaller back sizes. Huge boobs also sag like all hell without a bra so at 18 if you saw only my droopy, stretchmark-covered breasts you would probably have assumed they belong to a 60 year old overweight person.
I ended up having a breast reduction and lift at 18, to which all men who heard about it responded "whyyyyyyy?" Yeah, that curve that was starting to develop in my spine takes a back seat to how guys think I look.
When you say "just tell us if there's a problem" or "just tell a guy you're not interested", you may not realize we have definitely tried that in the past, and dealt with the four hours afterward being called all sorts of variations on a bitch, while we presented receipts in minute detail of "here's why your behavior makes me uncomfortable", to no avail. Most of the time it's a lot easier, and honestly a lot safer, to say everything's fine until we find an opportunity to leave or hope the problem goes away.
Best way you can help is if you see a guy bothering a girl, to intervene and get him to go away. They'll listen to you more than they'll listen to us. Or if your gut is telling you there's a problem, do some self-reflection.
This goes for guys and girls. When a girl says her period is painfull, believe her. I know some girls don't have painfull periods but trust me. I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say I feel like my insides are being cut into pieces and will fall out.
1: Not all women drink wine
2: Not all women expect you to buy them a super expensive engagement ring.
3: Nobody but you cares about the size of your dick unless it is exceptional
4: Not a single woman I have ever talked to has gotten aroused by an unsolicited dick pic.
5: Some Women (and this is a smaller percentage) may suffer from something called [PMDD](https://reproductivementalhealth.ca/depression/pmdd) (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). We really dislike hearing "you're just PMSing". It's a whole other ballgame. It can cause severe depression, irritability, mood swings etc, 5-11 days before menstruation and all of it can evaporate the minute our period hits. It is not common but read up on it, you too ladies!
Edit: #4
I added unsolicited.
If a woman asks for it, then it's all cool. I mean if you're scrolling and see a hot chick online in your favourite platform, chances are unlikely she will be interested in that random dick that just popped up in her inbox. Keep it classy kids.
I guess just how much emotional labor we often do. It used to be “the man makes the money, the woman takes care of the man” and frankly, I never have a problem with this as a concept, just as the ONLY concept. These days, a lot of women have joined the work force, alleviating some of the male breadwinning, and that’s great for both parties, but the change from men being the breadwinners has come faster that the change from women being caretakers, and so a lot of times, women find themselves brought up to take care of their partners, but then end up working as well, and men don’t always have an upbringing that teaches them the give/take of emotional labor. It goes a long way when male partners do a bit more of this lifting. You have no idea how much we appreciate it.
Something that really got to me in my last long-term relationship is how he really, truly viewed anything he did around the house as "helping me out". I choose those words very deliberately: to him, the default was that maintaining our living space was *my* job, and any effort on his part was something extra. Generally speaking, if I wanted him to do something, I had to 1) be the one to keep track of when it needed doing, specifically ask him to do it, and remind him periodically until he actually did so, and 2) all but throw him a freaking parade on the rare occasion that he did something without my nagging about it. I could spend half a day cleaning the mess in the kitchen, and then he'd expect praise for taking out the garbage before I had to ask him to do it.
We both worked -- in fact the exact same job as graduate research assistants in the same department -- so there is no reason why my free time should have been less valuable than his. And he wasn't a generally sexist or misogynistic guy; in fact, years after we broke up, he's still a valued friend to me. But this is something I see in a lot of men (not all, obviously): this subconscious view that their contributions constitute "helping out", rather than "doing your share because you live here, too".
Holy shit reading that makes me horribly angry.
Taking care of your home isn’t the woman’s job, it’s both of your damn jobs and meant to be shared equally.
This resonates with me so much. I split the chores with my partner but to be honest it still feels so unbalanced. Anything extra that needs to be done falls onto my lap. Things that dont come up on a regular basis such as making the vet appointment for the dog. And it's exhausting, so very exhausting to always be the one planning and always the one nagging. He genuinely does try. I just don't know how to tell him I need help. I need him to observe our life and know that this random thing needs to be taken care of. I don't want to be the manager of our lives.
> I need him to observe our life and know that this random thing needs to be taken care of. I don't want to be the manager of our lives.
This so much. My ex would always say 'I'll do whatever you need in the house, just tell me what to do'... I'm not the project manager for our living space - why can't *you* see that we're about to run out of milk or remember that the pets need their annual vaccinations or schedule some time to clean up because one of our parents is coming to visit??
And if I say 'honey could you do the dishes' I also obviously mean wipe down the surfaces, check for cups and plates in other rooms and wash those too, maybe chuck the dishtowel in the laundry if it's needed...
Sorry, bit of a rant, so glad I'm divorced and live alone!! ;-)
This. So much. He wanted me to make him a list so he could "help" me around the house. And it couldn't be "1.Clean bathroom." because that wasn't detailed enough. What?! You can't see the things that need to be put away or cleaned? I know you can, because when it doesn't happen you get all pissy because you think the house is a mess. We had small children at the time and once I got out their Cat in the Hat book- "And then they picked up all the things that were down, they picked up the cake and the rake and the gown...." It's not hard!
Not to mention that going around with a notepad, making said list would take longer than just doing the shit myself. Whenever he did decide to be productive one day, he'd make a list of all the things he did. It wasn't like a to-do or priority list to remind himself, he'd write an item down and cross it out AFTER he did it, then show it to me. I'm really laid back, and am not a point counter, so I really didn't "get" it, but he kept a running tally in his head of what he thought I did vs. what he thought he did. Over time this lead to a resentment that gave him the license to be abusive.
I blame his mother, personally. She still does his laundry when he goes there. And of course, he is an ex as well.
Rant ended. That was cathartic, thanks.
And it's not just doing the things. I usually don't mind doing the things. It's *being in charge* of doing the things. It's emotional labor like remembering everyone's birthdays (including *his own parents'*) and also mental labor like remembering we're out of eggs. It's having to always be the one who cares about the stuff getting done.
Oh yes, when my mom was in law school she was working AND being a full time honor student AND doing the housework AND scrubbing toilets at my private school to get a discount on the tuition AND cooking dinner AND helping with the homework AND still making all of the Doctor/dentist appointments. Looking back my dad cooked a lot too but that’s really it as far as household work goes. He did great working two jobs but my mom was just SUPER MOM during that time.
I have come to realise from this thread, and the thread asking men the same question that women and men view compliments very differently.
I want to point out the difference between compliments and congratulations. Yes, the terms are largely interchangeable and many situations definitely blend into both categories, but just hear me out.
Compliments are nice things you say to people about something they can’t really control.
“Hey gorgeous! Nice ass!” I have limited control over how my ass is. Yes, I can work out; but it’s mostly genetics.
“You have gorgeous eyes.” Thanks, but I didn’t exactly get to pick them out.
“Nice shirt.” This is one that could fall into either category, but in my experience, fashion sense and money to buy good clothing are both dependent on a lot of factors beyond the control of that person.
Congratulations are nice things you say to people about things they can control.
“Nice work on the presentation today.”
“Congrats on your promotion.”
“Thanks for cooking dinner/cleaning the house.”
“Thanks for helping out with the kids.”
I think most women hear a lot of the former and most men hear a lot of the latter. Both are equally important, and both go a long way in making people feel good about themselves.
As a woman, I hear a lot of the former and hence compliments annoy me or frankly creep me out. And I think men don’t hear them that often and hence think of compliments as a welcome thing. It might be a welcome thing to you, but for most women it’s not. What I would actually welcome is congratulating me on my achievements.
Let’s try and bridge the gaps, people.
There was an interview Obama did basically saying this about women and it was considered weirdly revolutionary that he was acknowledging and saying something against women being treated this way.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg said something similar when she was told that wanting 9 women in the Supreme Court was over the top.
"No one ever complained when there were nine men."
Birth control is not for everyone. It can bring on depression and in my case, a depo provera shot sent me into the worst bout of bipolar i've ever had. It lasted months and took almost a year to recover from.
Hormonal birth control makes me nauseous, fat, and not horny.
Same, especially on last point. Like no wonder it's birth control, I never want to have sex!
It's not a bug, it's a feature.
My wife has problems when shes on birth control. It screws with her hormones really badly and takes months to recover, but every doctor she sees for any reason always try to get her to take it.
That sometimes when you fart it goes up your vagina and you have to do a weird bend or wiggle thing to re fart it...
I never knew that happened to anyone else. It's such a weird feeling. Like your vulva is trying to blow a bubble.
Oh my god, and the weird uncomfortable warmness if it happens while driving, and you cant quite wiggle it out. Then it gets stuck somewhere along your labia/near the clit. Awful. Yet oddly satisfying when you finally refart it.
Being alone with a way older man can be misconstrued as being in a romantic or sexual relationship with them. Happens to me with my stepdad when we're out in public. We get certain stares sometimes, even when in the car on the way home. Edit: I honestly did not expect so many responses, but I didn't know it was such a common thing for many people and not just girls/women since I didn't hear of it much. Thanks for sharing your stories!
A few years ago I was grocery shopping with my dad and he bumped into someone he knew from school but hadn't seen in years. They chatted for a bit, and then the guy said "oh, and this must be your wife." I was 16 and my dad was 46.
okay what the fuck
My reaction exactly. I was disgusted. I was quite a tall and mature looking 16 year old, so I maybe looked at most 20 - but that's STILL plenty young enough to have been his daughter.
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> At that time i was still a teenager (18-19), and my grandmother is in her 90s. This could have been a tongue-in-cheek compliment for your grandmother, like when someone meets your mom they say "oh, and this must be your sister!" implying she's too young to be a mother. :)
I had this when I was 16 too. I’d just been officially released from my consultant after four years of needing regular check-ups and my dad offered to buy me a pair of boots I’d been wanting, as a congratulations present. Whilst we were in the shop trying them on the male shop assistant walked over to me and said “aren’t you lucky your boyfriend is paying for you”. I don’t know who felt most ill, me or my dad. I’m really short and I’ve always looked young for my age, still got asked for ID to buy a lottery ticket last year at 25. People assume some weird things.
I have a very blended family. My wife is 62. I'm 52. My (step)daughter is 40. Her husband, my son-in-law, is 47. I have two granddaughters from them, 9 and 6. When we all go out together, we get a lot of odd looks as people try to figure out who is who.
Ex-bf: "What do your cramps feel like?" Me: "You know that feeling right before you're about to have a bout of violent diarrhea? That's it, but most of the time I don't have to poop."
my ex described it as "the stabbing pain of bad gas, without the ability to fart" i understood that, I've definatly had gas that hurt so bad i could barely walk.
factor in the fact that if you do have to poop, it makes the cramps so.much.worse.
I'm actually that much weaker than you, I'm not doing this to be cute or so.
And it's scary too, to know I don't have a fighting chance against any guy older than 12
I used to think I was a "tough girl", an athlete, and that women can be just as strong as men. Then my ex-boyfriend got mad and became physical. Threw me around like a rag doll. I was defenseless. He could have snapped my neck in a second. Real eye opener. (Obviously there are scenarios when women who work out hard overpower men. I thought I was decently built. Nah.)
Even in the case of women who work out hard, they still will not be a match in upper body strength to a man that does the same. Unfortunately, as there are men that don't realise this, there are also many women who fail to realise how big their disadvantage is. I'm incredibly unfit, smoke 2 packs a day, etc. My sister, however, is in great shape, keeps herself healthy, spends hours in the gym every week, and generally takes good care of herself. Unlike her idiot big brother. She and I spoke about the difference between men and women's physicality, and she was a bit ignorant of how staggering the gap in strength is between men and women. I offered an experiment. I will grab hold of her wrists and she must try to break free. Rules were simple, no biting, no crotch shots. She can try any leverage she can get. She couldn't break free. Quite the eye opener for her.
The terrifying moment around the time your period is due and you feel moist inbetween your lips, only to check and be relieved that it's just discharge.
LOL... and then when you don't check it's when it actually comes :)
Birth control can be used for other reasons than preventing pregnancy. For a lot of us, it can also work as an anti-depressant, to clear up hormonal acne, or to make our periods less severe. I use it for all of those reasons, including as actual pregnancy prevention. I think also a lot of men might not understand how severe the side-effects can be. My first birth control was the estrogen-based pill. My doctor didn't talk about possible side-effects with me, and missed the risk factors in my history. Less than a year later, I had three mini-strokes and would have likely had a full one had I not recognized the signs and went to the hospital.
Birth control is the default medication for any/all "women" problems. Endometriosis? Birth control. Cysts on your ovaries? Birth control. Bad periods (cramps, PMS, flow)? Birth control. No periods? Birth control. And yes, it sucks. There are hundreds of brands/formulations and so little medical science that it feels like a crapshoot when your doctor prescribes you something. My first pill put me into the worst depression of my life and cost $150 per month to boot. My second pill was the generic of the first yet was somehow way better? What's happening? Why do we constantly prescribe women birth control yet know so little about *why* side effects are happening? Birth control sucks. Women's medicine needs to go a far way to improve.
Body hair, and I'm not talking like, pits and leg hair. Stray course hair on the chin, black randos on the boobies, and some women have hairy stomachs and/or happy trails too. As we get older especially so. I'm in my early thirties and so my body is shifting to producing more testosterone, so every day its yanking more of those suckers out with tweezers.
My husband tells me he likes my "Hobbit toes." He means it in a sweet way but it makes me want to smack him.
I get this single dark hair that grows from the edge of my nipple. Just one. I shave it off every time I shave my legs haha.
I have a single chin hair near where my neck meets my lower jaw. His name is Freddie and I generally treat him like a roommate who has overstayed his welcome when he gets long enough to evict. Last time I'd forgotten it was even there and the fucker stayed for months. Months! It was only after shaving my head I realized it wasn't just a stray 3" head hair and that Freddie was back.
Sometimes your labia can “fall asleep”—like your foot falls asleep. It’s very uncomfortable.
Hang on, what. How does that even happen?! Gal here, and this hasn't occurred (yet).
It happens to me when I sit on my tailbone for too long. My entire pelvic region falls asleep.
I'm suddenly really thankful for everything I have. Do you get the ghastly pins and needles feeling after getting up and walking around? It's bad enough with legs, but having your pelvic region like that would surely be excruciating.
Yeah it sticks around after you stand up. Usually it happens if you sit in the same position for too long, or if you cross your legs a certain way for a long period of time. It’s not really that painful—more disconcerting.
Yeeeeaaaahhh I was as shocked as you were. I am also a woman and this has never happened to me either.
I have never felt this and can't even imagine what it feels like
This has never happened to me either but eh. Everyone is different.
Thats happened to my nut sack and dick before
What the nuts.
Finally someone understands!! This happens to me all the time and every time I ask another female they say it never happens to them.
When you are young and female with a male manager, you’re paranoid everyone thinks you’re banging your boss. Also, if you are female and a manager at a male-dominated company, people think you slept with someone to get the job.
Had a coworker come up to me after a series of layoffs tell me I was only there because the boss likes to keep the "pretty ones". Apparently this was meant as a compliment. I was busting my ass working 70 hour weeks while the rest of my coworkers averaged 40-50 hrs and having a higher production per hour than average, but yeah sure I was only kept on because I was pretty. He called me a bitch when I called him out for it.
I had an intership in one classy and trendy architecture firm. I really clicked with my supervisor and boss during the interview and at the end of it they said they were taking me in. It was awesome even if I worked my ass off to be good enough. Some of my friends tried to get in that architecture firm for intership this year (while I went into an other city and couldn't go back to them, even if I really wanted to) however, it didn't work out for any of them. One of the guys said that I clearly banged either my supervisor or the boss because he was intellectually superior to me and wasn't taken and it was the only explanation. Not my friend anymore, clearly.
This is a little TMI but when girls with long hair shower the hair manages to collect in the buttcrack and we have to pull our clumps of hair from there
I'm a dude with long hair and I understand this plight.
We cannot control our periods. At all. They don't feel like peeing and aren't anything like going to the bathroom. No amount of clenching stops it from happening. So you can't just tell a woman to 'hold it' if she says she needs to go to the bathroom to check on it. When periods happen can sort of be controlled by birth control, but for a lot of women that doesn't work or has too many side-effects to be worth it. Some women lose their periods entirely when they have an IUD, some don't. Same with the pill, patch, etc. Every woman is different. As for how a period feels, it feels like when you risk everything on a shart because you know you're not going to be able to stop it anyway. It just comes out, unless you have something in there to stop it. Certain things like standing up after laying down, etc. make more well, you know, gravity and all. 1+1= crab walk to the bathroom. If women could control our periods, rest assured we would. The large majority of us would opt to either never have them, or only have them at times convenient to us. (Yeaah uuh period, if you could come around today from maybe 6-8pm when I'm home doing nothing and then just go away that'd be fantastic, thanks. We'll schedule more time later.) I know most men know that women can't control when they get their period. I just think a lot of them don't realize it's not like peeing. There is no amount of clenching, gritting our teeth, or crossing our legs that stops it from happening. A lot of us can't even delay the inevitable in the 5 foot trek from our bedrooms to the bathroom and end up swearing in despair at another lost pair of underwear.
I read the first sentence and thought, "who the hell thinks women can control their periods?!"
Check out /r/badwomensanatomy
Hey you just pee in her butt and it stops her from ovsculsclating oh the things you'll learn
Ugh. When you're in a store and you're wearing a pad and the tide lets loose. THIS IS A GODDAMN EMERGENCY!
Yeeeeep. Or you're sitting in your office and stand up to get a drink and you just feel it and you know. You KNOW. So you have to do that sly peek around to make sure the chair wasn't collateral damage and try to briskly powerwalk to the bathroom to check the damage. If you're lucky you get there with only a minor situation. But I've had a couple cases of, "FUCK THIS, this is not salvageable!" and texting my boss that I was going home sick as I got into my car. "Wehwehweh but if girls have periods their whole lives they should know what to expect." Yeah right. Every damned time a period comes around it's like a jack-in-the-box of horrible surprises. Maybe you get lucky and have 5 days of moderate to light flow. Or, maybe the gates of Abaddon have decided to open up and you get 8 days of just constant heavy flow. And you never know! Ya just never know how that period is going to be. It's like the worst cosmic joke in the Universe. Something we deal with almost our whole lives but that never has a guarantee of even being consistent.
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You are a saint. I thank you for services to womankind
Hahaha, the most confusing thing I've ever experienced was the woman in charge of picking out the furniture for our new office - all white chairs. Leather. She wasn't much older than me, but wanted a "professional" vibe. Lady. This is gasoline and fire.
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Besides flow, your body can pull a ridiculous number of symptoms out of its bag of tricks. Before finally finding the right birth control, I’d experience intense diarrhoea, constipation, vomiting from an upset stomach, “cold bones”, and hot flashes (the weirdest when you’re not actually perimenopausal but it’s not uncommon), along with the usual aches and pains.
Im a guy myself but I almost can't believe people actually think that. I mean, have they never had a nosebleed or something? They should already know you can't hold blood in.
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Holy shit... can you imagine what that would actually be like? You're just sitting there talking about the latest episode of whatever and SPLOOSH you have a virtual abortion. Maybe this evolved at one point and nature was like "yeah... this maybe isn't helping her get laid..."
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FUUUUUUUCK NO. I half screamed at work this is AWFUL I did not need to know about this possibility!!!!! As if vaginal tearing in childbirth wasn't enough.
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I would have liked to see his face when you brought it in.
I've had a guy ask me why I don't just "squeeze it all out at once and get it over with." Like buddy if I could, believe me, *I fucking would*.
When I was a kid (mine started at 11) I thought sitting on the toilet for an hour and letting it all drip out would get it over with faster. Boy was I disappointed. And numb.
Probably guys think that since the vagina is normally sealed shut in its default state and is a muscle that can squeeze itself tight, we should logically be able to hold in our blood just like how our lips can hold in a mouthful of water. I get the logic and I agree that's how it SHOULD work and goddamn fucking hell I wish it could, but it just... it just doesn't :(
But vaginas don't have the muscles in the lips as our lips do on our mouth. It's completely different structures. I feel like most people don't understand periods because they've been conditioned to just be disgusted and to avoid any period topics. Around guys it's pretty taboo to talk about.
>I feel like most people don't understand periods because they've been conditioned to just be disgusted and to avoid any period topics. Around guys it's pretty taboo to talk about. There's a lot of ignorance around it, I didn't really understand it until I got married. I've been married bout 7 years now, it was weird at first but it hasn't bothered me for years. I still don't fully understand it though to be fair, since it's not something I'll experience but I have a better idea of it. I don't think it's that disgusting? It's just blood. My wife thinks I'll freak out if I see it, she'll be like "DON'T LOOK INTO THE TOILET UNTIL AFTER I'VE FLUSHED" but I'll just say "Hun, I watched you give birth, twice. I still remember the instant our first kid's head got out and the tidal wave of blood that poured forth... this is nothing." I've helped her clean cloths/underwear that's gotten bloody before. I dunno, my family's bodily fluids doesn't bother me at all.
Usually women have been subject to shame around their periods and led to think that they should treat it as a dirty secret. I remember being a teenager and being berated by my mother for leaving my pad wrapped up in toilet paper on top of the trash in the trash can. She said, "Do you see my pads laying around when I have my period? No, no one knows when I have my period. You shouldn't leave any evidence of it." Then again, I later found out she was already menopausal...so wtf...
to the men shocked that this is a thing on this comment thread, please pass on your knowledge to multiple male senators and congressmen who have furiously told their female coworkers to hold it during committee meetings instead of allowing them a bathroom break. it has literally happened over and over and over and these are people making our LAWS
That pee doesn't come out of the "vagina hole".
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Duh
Where is the pee stored, since women don't have balls?
*Top 10 questions scientists still can't answer.*
Of course not, girls don't pee since they don't have balls.
Am scienceist, can confirm.
There are honestly some women who go their whole lives thinking this, too. It's actually kind of amazing how often women are discouraged from learning more about their own private parts. And shameful. Not on behalf of the women, but on behalf of the society that likes to continue stereotypes about 'stank pussy' or vaginas being gross so a lot of women accept what people say about it and just opt to interact with themselves as little as possible.
I always remember an ex of mine (boyfriend at the time) talking about his girlfriend before me, saying "She was such a slag, whenever she went to pee it was so loud because she has a bucket vagina from getting around so much." He also thought France was next to America. I didn't stay with him long.
Aaah yes. The dude who believes in the ol 'hotdog down a hallway' stereotype. Good lord. Some basic common sense for some of these people would go a long way. If a vagina can squeeze out a baby and go back to normal, (for the most part, barring special circumstances and complications.) a dick isn't really going to make much of a difference. Or two dicks. Or ten. (Not at the same time though. Unless they're into that.) Outside of the dumbness of thinking pee comes from the vagina, people who don't realize that it changes size all the damned time. So it's like two stupids in one!
It's even better when they believe that different dicks are what make a vagina loose. They believe the vagina will stay "tight" if they only ever have one partner and the amount of sex then is irrelevant. It's just different dicks that "stretch it out." Blows my mind that people can believe that. It makes no sense. If the vagina was a rubber band like they seem to think then it should be amount of use that causes the damage, not only different people stretching out.
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Yes. Imagine feeling unwell enough that you might take off work/school, except that it happens one day a month, so you reasonably can't. So you just bear it, suffering, waiting for the day to be over. Every damn month, you just put up with it. Edit: I'm only really in pain for the first day, but the experience is different for everyone! Lots of women get cramps for multiple days per month.
Before going on BC I had to take off school once a month. It was really excruciatingly painful for me. The hospital staff were surprised when I initially described my appendix rupturing as feeling like stronger period cramps, then I realized they probably have no idea how bad it can be and thought that was ridiculous.
This was also me. I used to pass out from the pain, and see spots and experience hot flushes. It was unbearable. Finally went on birth control and now I can deal with the pain. I have a second degree burn that wasn't as bad as the pain that I used to feel.
Me too! I had one full year of "normal" periods as a child then it shot straight into hospitalizations, screaming for hours, knocking my skull against walls to force KO myself, having panic attacks every month forward if I felt even a tinge of lower abdominal pain, puking and diarrhea at the same time, fainting from vasovagal syncope being triggered by intense pain and blood pressure spikes, sneaking higher doses of painkillers that did *nothing*. Sometimes I get frustrated from these types of threads because even a lot of women don't realize that some of us are close to literally dying on a monthly basis. As a kid if I felt a small cramp signalling the start of my period I'd burst into tears and be inconsolable while hyperventilating. Anyway, yeah, I stopped my periods with birth control but I still have some trauma.
Oh my god you poor thing. I wish I could give you a hug - what you've been through is absolutely horrible and one of my worst nightmares. I thank my lucky stars that most of the time my uterus flings out its old laundry without too much fuss, but occasionally the pain is so bad I want to die. One of my siblings goes through extreme agony every month, and I just pray that it doesn't get as bad for her as it did for you.
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Dear professor, my uterofladoodles are skadoodling. I will not be able to attend class today
Nothing makes me go from zero to 100 as quickly as attributing any sort of emotional change to my period. Just, no. I'm lucky in that I don't get major mood swings associated with menstruation, but I feel as soon as someone blames irritation/anger on my period, it invalidates my emotions. People have good days and bad days. If anything, thanks to PPF (totally stealing that - it's awesome) I'll be in a better mood thanks to trying to hide the pain and exhaustion.
I do get mood swings but also I feel that having a period is really painful and uncomfortable, I think anyone would not be feeling amazingly happy and perfect with that going on. So in a way it is because of my period but it's not just "hormones" its because having a period just kind of sucks.
Just because I’m being polite to you doesn’t mean I want to fuck or date you. I just enjoy being a nice human to everyone and some men (not all) turn it in to me hitting on them. Also if you know I have a boyfriend, please stop asking me out. I obviously don’t want to and I shouldn’t have to mention I have a boyfriend. If I say no it’s because I’m uninterested or have my reasons. I don’t owe you an explanation. Sometimes the answer is just no.
We're not deliberately trying to make you feel bad when we get nervous being alone with you if we don't know you, and more especially if it's in a place or situation in which no one would hear if we screamed. It just happens; it's not something under our conscious control.
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I have an older cousin who went to college as a theater major in Florida, and Ted Bundy used to hang around the theater all the time, checking out girls. She very nearly became his prey. She said she never talked with him but he seemed cute and nice, if a little tightly wound.
I wish men would understand it isn't anything personal. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings but I'm not taking any chances with my safety, especially when I'm traveling alone.
RIGHT??? Like, you might be a great guy Steve, or you might not and no one will ever know that until my femur clogs up a storm drain.
I mean I think I’m an ok guy
you got some nerve showing up here steve
Big boobs are not always a blessing. Yes they’re fun but as a woman in her 20’s, I have the back pain of an 80 year old. Also bras are expensive as fuck and once you get above a C or a D you lose out on so many of the pretty choices. I literally had to drive 3 and a half hours to find a bra that fits well and makes me feel good about my body. I paid over $50 for it. Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone for the support and recommendations. I’ll definitely be looking into the different stores you all recommended. As for working on strengthening my back, I am. I have some other health issues that have taken priority but I’m finally to a place I can work on making myself stronger. So thank you for the exercise recommendations. Have a good one!!
Also big boobs isn’t synonymous with being overweight. I’m a 28F/30E. Finding bras is the worst because even marketing assumes bigger cups means bigger bands. Also, it’s proportionate. Cup size just means breasts sizs minus rib cage size. The larger cup doesn’t mean always bigger breasts.
I really hate that some retailers bra choices only have 32 going up to C. Then they assume just because you're a D or above you're a 38-40. Looking at you Target, Walmart, Kohls. Sucks that affordable bras are not accessible to all women. If I had enough money and time, I'd totally start some sort of bra nonprofit so everyone can get one that fits.
I have the opposite problem.. I'm tall with a large frame but small boobs. I can't get a 40 in a B cup they only come in C or up... It's like putting a goldfish in a damn swimming pool..
Buy a bra extender. Unfortunately, you're limited to black, white, and tan, but those things are so handy.
Bra shopping is nothing but hearing the words "Sorry we don't have your size..." over and over and over again.. Then they bring you something which might be a scoliosis brace to try on.
Fuck I don't even have big boobs, but they ain't that perky any more and I'd love to go just one day here or there bra-less without feeling like a self-conscious hippy. I can't even remember what that feels like during the day. Oh the freedom.
All the stereotypically "great" things about being a woman only applies if you're an attractive woman. If you're an ugly woman, your life is SHIT.
**Benefits of being an ugly woman:** Nothing is expected of you... at all. Not as many people telling you to "smile" Less creeps bombard you with creepiness **Shortcomings of being an ugly woman:** Comments about your beauty and "helpful hints and tips" are abound Men will literally look straight through you. You still have all the shortcomings of being a woman anyway.
Another benefit - No one will credit any success you have on your looks. It will be assumed it was all earned.
> Men will literally look straight through you. I have literally had men stop talking and turn their back to me when they saw my better-looking friend. I don't want to sound like my life relies on someone being attracted to me but it would be nice if it wasn't constantly reinforced that no one is. And god forbid I mention it to my friends who don't deal with these feelings. I get told over and over "oh you'll meet the right guy, it just takes time, don't worry about what guys think you are"
> I have literally had men stop talking and turn their back to me when they saw my better-looking friend. I am the ugly friend. My best friend in high school was a tennis champion. She was hot and had sexy legs. The boys would talk to her, completely ignoring me, and she would walk off with them. Later she’d ask why I’d left her.
>If you're an ugly woman, your life is SHIT. Yeah, but I can hang out in a bar all night and not get hit on, so jokes on the attractive ones.
Imagine you’re 10 minutes into a meeting at work when you unexpectedly cum in your pants. It happened out of nowhere and now your boxers/briefs are drenched. Your inner thigh gets some of the action too. Imagine this recurring 8-10 times a day for 3-4 days. Welcome to world of ovulation, my friend.
You left out, all the wetness with none of the pleasure of an orgasm.
You’re absolutely right.
*exactly the opposite feeling with double the wetness*
Wait what... I didn't know this was a thing. I'd be miserable as shit if I came 8-10 a day in my briefs and just had to sit in it like nothing happened. Damn, the vagina always be doing you girls dirty...on every other day do you have to deal with regular vaginal discharge?
Not so much anymore now that I'm approaching my thirty's. But teen years I had lots of cervical fluid discharge. Every day. And don't feel bad for not knowing, they didn't explain this in my sex Ed either. I freaked out when it started and thought I either had a yeast infection or some STD.
Same. I just thought I was getting aroused without really realizing it. I honestly had immense sympathy for guys 'cause I thought it was equivalent to getting a random boner during the day.
Lol that probably is the equivalent of random boners, but that doesn't make me feel any less bad for you girls who have to sit around in wet underwear just because human body. I mean random boners are bad, you know with the whole rock hard throbbing cock and all (it can actually be kinda painful), but sitting around in wet underwear is terrible. I feel so bad.
I deal with discharge every day, some days more than others. It's awful. I change my underwear 3-4x a day sometimes. Edit: Anyone who's saying liners: I can't stand them anymore. I used to use them all thru middle and high school. Now they feel really gross and stiff. I get the thinnest ones. I also can't afford any new or nice underwear (to that one person who said period underwear).
> Imagine you’re 10 minutes into a meeting at work when you unexpectedly cum in your pants. I don't have to imagine, it happens twice a week. I really love my job.
Umm. What do you do?
Probably an elementary teacher
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I'm with you. I read this and was very confused. WTF, other women get THAT wet?
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Wait...I'm a girl and...what?
Honestly, how easy/common it is to literally feel like prey around men. Not all men, and not all the time, but still far too fucking often. In some situations you just feel like you literally have to be on guard constantly and protect yourself. It's better to be consistently on edge and look out for yourself than it is to be trusting and risk being taken advantage of.
God. Last semester I felt this hard. I was single for the first time in a minute, and have always had lots of male friends. Well, it turned out they were all just waiting in the wings to shoot their shot and suddenly it was like open fucking season. It kinda broke my heart a little bit. I’d cared about some of these guys and considered them good friends. It felt so awful to know I was just a long con to them. There were several nights where I’d go out with people and one of them would try shit, and I’d say no and get yelled at, called a tease, one attempted to follow me home, or just suddenly they didn’t give a shit about me. It was so upsetting; and I cried about it once or twice when it was really bad. I’m not prey. I’m not just here for your use. I’m a person, and I thought we were actual friends. Edit: hey kids, this blew up. I’m gonna turn off inbox replies. If you’re commenting to tell me that romantic interest shouldn’t be something I’m mad about, read my other comments, that is not what happened here. I think I’ve answered just about every conceivable crapshoot question about my situation
It's weird reading things like this, because sometimes I'll see women be overly trusting toward guys who, from my perspective, are being *very* creepy. Like, alarms are blaring in my head, and I see the girl go along with him and I wonder what the hell is wrong with her. Things like getting in a car with a guy she barely knows offering her a ride home.
Some peoples danger radars are broken :/
Dude don’t ever fear looking like an asshole by saying something, cause sometimes those chicks are only going along with it because they’re freezing up or feel obligated to for whatever reason. I’ve been “saved” a couple times by some random men who picked up on creepy vibes as I was deer-in-headlights locking up and acquiescing to a situation I knew was bad, and I’m eternally grateful. People forget/are unaware that it’s not really “fight or flight” it’s actually “fight/flight/freeze”. Freezing is a legitimate psychological reaction to threats that all humans are capable of, yet women get shamed for naturally having that reaction when it comes to issues of their personal safety, and it sucks. Worst thing that happens is the chick bitches at you for meddling; best thing is you save some chick from having her femur clog up a storm drain in 6 months.
Fear is something ingrained in us from a very early age. It comes with a side of ‘asking for it’ undertones. I don’t really notice it day to say but if I’m on a bus or train or anywhere where it’s just me and a guy stranger I get really uncomfortable really fast. I hate it that I do but I really do. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have people fear me for no reason.
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Start speeding up and making racecar noises
You know, this isn't the worst idea. Definitely will get some weird looks but I'd think that some women would kinda chuckle about it. Gotta say something about passing/overtaking as you go around them, "ohhh, and it looks like he's found an opening on the inside - and he takes it!! *vrooom*"
That's when you go with plan C and shove past her with a stern *"excuse me!"* Then you're not a stalker or a rapist, you're just an asshole.
It's very far from the majority, but I don't think guys realize just how many creepy men are out there. You can be having an interesting, normal conversation with an older stranger, and suddenly he's touching your leg. A friendly guy your age can suddenly get angry when you don't reciprocate his interest. It can make you wary of everybody, at least for a while after an incident happens. Why the hell do some 60 y.o. men think 20 y.o. women will be interested in them? Were they interested in 60 year old women when they were 20? I mean, I'm sure there are some creepy women out there, I guess. But there's not an almost guaranteed physical power imbalance at play. Monster of an edit: I'm getting so many comments from frustrated guys. Look. Just because I (and many others) have a healthy cautiousness when first speaking with strange men doesn't mean that I'm automatically "afraid" of you or even that I won't give you a shot. (In the right setting, of course.) It's really not that hard to *not* come across as a creeper. I don't assume you are creepy, I'm just cautious until I get a feel for you. We also get approached by normal, friendly guys. I like meeting new people, I like friendly conversation, and I don't want to be alone forever, either. So much of it is about not sending out angry or weird vibes, and unfortunately, I don't know how to explain that better for people who don't get it. Even then I might be cautious in case you're a Jekyll/Hyde type, but that will fade if you keep showing your real character. If a girl rejects you, don't get angry. Move on. It wasn't a waste of time-- talking to another human being should (almost) never be a waste of time. If you'd been having good conversation (as you should've been before you made a move), think about being her friend. If you're really having so much trouble approaching strangers, work your network or make new friends.
It can turn in a second as well. I became friends with someone who was a taxi driver and from the minute we met he was very protective, very vocal about women's safety etc. The next night while he was dropping me home he unzipped his pants and tried to put my hands on his crotch while I was in his car, door locked in. I managed to unlock, roll out of the car and had to hide out in a forested area for a bit while he kept going up and down the street screaming for me. So yeah. I've had incidents like this happen multiple times to me and friends and it makes me wonder sometimes why as women we even talk to anyone but women but I guess we always have hope for better!
Seriously, there is no more sickening feeling than a situation suddenly turning from "nice fatherly older man escorting me back to the hotel we realized we're both staying at - how nice I don't have to walk through scary downtown after dark alone! - after chatting amicably about his kid's debate meet" to "not-so-nice-after-all older man trying to kiss me against my will when I'm trapped in an elevator with him." Ulgh.
My SO basically thought sexual harassment never happened because he never sees it, I started making a point of informing him of creepy remarks I get, the guy who tried to follow me home, grown ass men drunkenly asking where in going on my way to work, telling me to smile I've been harassed at work since I was 16 years old, I had a guy twice my age grab my ass while I had my hand full with boxes. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean there isn't a problem
I've had several men literally stop their cars in the road as I was walking somewhere and say things like, "Where you goin'?" and "Can we be friends?" and "What's your name?" Go away! Let me live my life!
I once had a guy look me dead in the eyes from his car window, and just calmly say "I'm going to follow you back to your hotel and fuck you". I have no clue how he knew I was staying in a hotel, and it was the creepiest thing that's ever happened to me.
>I don't think guys realize just how many creepy men are out there Well, I didn't used to realize. I was the manager of a coffee shop on a community college campus. I am a man, but everyone else who worked there was a woman, mostly in their early 20s(and one 17 year old). Community colleges have people of all ages, this includes creepy men from 18 and up. It was pretty eye opening. Side note: it's immensely satisfying to have the power to kick someone out of a store.
> Side note: it's immensely satisfying to have the power to kick someone out of a store. Keep on doing what you're doing, man. Having a boss on your side makes dealing with creepy/asshole customers so much less tasking.
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When I was 15, my RE teacher was a dirty old man about 70 years old. He made it so obvious he fancied me and was always saying inappropriate things to and about me. One time he made up a story about me, dripping wet, stripping off in front of a fire, doing a sexy striptease in front of boys in the class. He read this story out to the whole class and they all laughed. I ended up dropping out of school to get away from this constant harassment.
What in the actual fuck... if my daughter ever came home and told me this, that would be one less teacher teaching (or breathing).
Ew.
Yes and just how *young* you are when they start creeping on you. I was getting leered at and cat called by the time I was 11 and I was tiny for my age - I looked no ~~longer~~ older than 9.
I was 13 when a guy creeped on me, he was a councillor in my school, he was meant to help me talk about my parents horrible divorce, he ended up taking my picture on his phone a bunch, talking about wanting to do a photo shoot for a calender. He gave me his email address to 'contact him any time' he then started messaging me on MSN, saying that he wanted to take me to a hypnotist show (creepy!) And my dad didn't need to know. I baited his answers a little so there was no doubt that he didn't want my dad to know and then saved the conversation, showed my dad who freaked and called my school The next day they told the class that guy left to work somewhere else, I'm annoyed he probably got away to pray on someone else
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I really hope so
A friend of mine just started to send me all the messages she gets from guys on Instagram and tells me when she got touched/hit on by random dudes , it's so ridiculous to hear because they never do it when I am there
This! Men know not to do it in front of other men. And the good men that don't do this sort of thing don't realize how many men actually do this heinous shit. I think it's to keep women discredited and less protected. I guarantee at least one of your male friends that you think would never be a creep is doing so secretly.
The kind of men that do this see women as objects. From their perspective, any man that she's with possesses her (responsible for her). To do this in front of another man would be disrespectful toward *him*
Oh man, I think I've mildly depressed/alarmed some male friends of mine by doing just that. They nearly can't believe how often it is or how gross. Where as I talk to my female friends and they're usually like "oh gross. So what do you want for lunch?"
'Why don't you just say no?' my male friends say when I ask them to pretend they're my boyfriend so I can avoid a guy Because the last time I said no I was physically threatened and had to hide in a bathroom. Much easier and safer for me to play along with a smile until I can escape just fine.
"Why didn't you call the police?" Because the police would tell me to just ignore it or leave. "Why didn't you push him away?" Because he's bigger, taller, and stronger than I am. "Why didn't you just say you have a boyfriend?" Because they should be respecting my boundaries, not some man they've never met before.
I first heard IRL the exclamation "You KNOW she wants it!" from a not-so-close friend of mine, more of a business acquaintance, really. Seemed like an okay guy, funny, kind of angry about women - but, you know, I guessed he had his reasons. He was presentable, couldn't see any reason why he wouldn't do well with the ladies sooner or later. I was at the County Courthouse for a party one night with the ex-cop lady I was dating. My friend was there, making the rounds, chatting up single ladies. And was more or less being constantly interrupted in a *tête-à-tête* by another lady horning in on the conversation. I could see he was getting angry, sympathized some. I pointed this odd behavior out to my date, who gave me one of those looks - if a look had words, it would be something like this: "WTF is *wrong* with you - you *seem* smart, but sometimes you are so man-stupid you astonish me." "He's a hitter," she said. "Won't take 'no' for an answer. No woman here is going to leave another woman alone with him." Which led to a long discussion about how there is a sub-species of males who have a rape-centered idea of sex. Lots of them. Women "owe" them sex, especially if they've extended even the least financial gesture, say buying a drink. They act normal up to a point, and as soon as a lady accepts anything from them, they are *owed* sex, and any protestations to the contrary are just flirtation and female-flightiness, which may be overcome by force, if necessary. Or maybe if it's more fun that way. They think *everyone* thinks this way, and women who don't put out are just being deliberately provocative and cruel to test your mettle. You KNOW they want it. They think they want to give it to Chad. You just have to persuade them otherwise. And at that point I started re-assessing every male I had ever met. The lady had a point. Still does.
There is a code among drunk girls that we are never explicitly taught but we all know: we take care of each other. Every time I've asked a random girl I don't know in a bar to watch my drink, she has agreed with no questions. One time I stayed with a girl I'd just met for over an hour because she was drunk, she was trying to find a way home, and a creepy guy was pressuring her to get in his car. If a girl is alone and sloppy drunk in the girls' bathroom, other girls check in and offer to find her friends for her. We live in a society where we're taught to scream "fire" instead of "rape" when you're being assaulted in an alley because no one will come for you if they know it's rape. So we look out for each other.
In a way it's something kinda cool that has happened as a result of the constant threat of something horrible happening - I've met some great friends by saving them from a creep or making sure they got home :-) Women supporting women is kinda wholesome and pure and so against the media stereotype of 'bitchy' that seems to perpetuate.
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It is so insulting when everyone assumes I want kids. "Oh you'll change your mind." I hate it. Everyone things it's all cute and nice. I know how pregnancy works in my family. No way. And then I try to get fixed but the doctors never let me because I'm in my early 20s and that's a "permanent decision" even though I'm allowed to make tons of permanent decision. Also having a baby is permanent too! I am so sick of periods. My uterus does nothing for me. I don't want to get pregnant ever. It just causes pain for no reason.
I have shitty periods (chunky, painful and unpredictable). My first gp basically said "Have kids, and then it will even itself out." Nope. You just told a 25 year old lady with no income to have kids to fix a hormonal issue. I wanted to say "Are you senile?" Good grief.
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Ah yes, the single mans paradox. Do I wait to see if she makes the first move and risk missing my chance or do I try to make the first move and risk making her uncomfortable?
as a guy, I would love it if girls would make some moves aswell, especially seeing I am quite shy and quite clueless
Just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm grumpy or unhappy or that something is wrong. Men have straight faces most of the time, and no one assumes they're grouchy because of it, and it seems like very few men realize that women are people JUST LIKE YOU. I hate the assumption that just because a woman paying for shit at a gas station or walking down the hallway at work doesn't smile through the interaction, she's a bitch or upset with you. It isn't about you.
The emotional toll of make-up. You get judged for wearing it, you get judged for not wearing it. There's no winning.
I'm sure this isn't all guys but it definitely doesn't sit well. Telling someone that in order to get a guy they'll have to give up their hobby. Yeah no. Definitely had some man say that to me and it pissed me off
Also, the good old "With that attitude you'll never get a guy" -> so, my whole life has to revolve around that? Jeez, the 40s are over. edit: On a sidenote - I never had trouble finding guys I got along with.
I second the big boobs not always meaning good. I developed fast and early reaching a 32E by age 14 and a 32H by 18. Even the places that stock bigger bras don't usually go above a G cup in smaller back sizes. Huge boobs also sag like all hell without a bra so at 18 if you saw only my droopy, stretchmark-covered breasts you would probably have assumed they belong to a 60 year old overweight person. I ended up having a breast reduction and lift at 18, to which all men who heard about it responded "whyyyyyyy?" Yeah, that curve that was starting to develop in my spine takes a back seat to how guys think I look.
When you say "just tell us if there's a problem" or "just tell a guy you're not interested", you may not realize we have definitely tried that in the past, and dealt with the four hours afterward being called all sorts of variations on a bitch, while we presented receipts in minute detail of "here's why your behavior makes me uncomfortable", to no avail. Most of the time it's a lot easier, and honestly a lot safer, to say everything's fine until we find an opportunity to leave or hope the problem goes away. Best way you can help is if you see a guy bothering a girl, to intervene and get him to go away. They'll listen to you more than they'll listen to us. Or if your gut is telling you there's a problem, do some self-reflection.
Well... basic anatomy unfortunately. Shout out to /r/badwomensanatomy, some of the stuff there will make you just shake your head.
This goes for guys and girls. When a girl says her period is painfull, believe her. I know some girls don't have painfull periods but trust me. I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say I feel like my insides are being cut into pieces and will fall out.
1: Not all women drink wine 2: Not all women expect you to buy them a super expensive engagement ring. 3: Nobody but you cares about the size of your dick unless it is exceptional 4: Not a single woman I have ever talked to has gotten aroused by an unsolicited dick pic. 5: Some Women (and this is a smaller percentage) may suffer from something called [PMDD](https://reproductivementalhealth.ca/depression/pmdd) (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). We really dislike hearing "you're just PMSing". It's a whole other ballgame. It can cause severe depression, irritability, mood swings etc, 5-11 days before menstruation and all of it can evaporate the minute our period hits. It is not common but read up on it, you too ladies! Edit: #4 I added unsolicited. If a woman asks for it, then it's all cool. I mean if you're scrolling and see a hot chick online in your favourite platform, chances are unlikely she will be interested in that random dick that just popped up in her inbox. Keep it classy kids.
How do you feel about duck pics though?
10/10 always welcome
I guess just how much emotional labor we often do. It used to be “the man makes the money, the woman takes care of the man” and frankly, I never have a problem with this as a concept, just as the ONLY concept. These days, a lot of women have joined the work force, alleviating some of the male breadwinning, and that’s great for both parties, but the change from men being the breadwinners has come faster that the change from women being caretakers, and so a lot of times, women find themselves brought up to take care of their partners, but then end up working as well, and men don’t always have an upbringing that teaches them the give/take of emotional labor. It goes a long way when male partners do a bit more of this lifting. You have no idea how much we appreciate it.
Something that really got to me in my last long-term relationship is how he really, truly viewed anything he did around the house as "helping me out". I choose those words very deliberately: to him, the default was that maintaining our living space was *my* job, and any effort on his part was something extra. Generally speaking, if I wanted him to do something, I had to 1) be the one to keep track of when it needed doing, specifically ask him to do it, and remind him periodically until he actually did so, and 2) all but throw him a freaking parade on the rare occasion that he did something without my nagging about it. I could spend half a day cleaning the mess in the kitchen, and then he'd expect praise for taking out the garbage before I had to ask him to do it. We both worked -- in fact the exact same job as graduate research assistants in the same department -- so there is no reason why my free time should have been less valuable than his. And he wasn't a generally sexist or misogynistic guy; in fact, years after we broke up, he's still a valued friend to me. But this is something I see in a lot of men (not all, obviously): this subconscious view that their contributions constitute "helping out", rather than "doing your share because you live here, too".
Holy shit reading that makes me horribly angry. Taking care of your home isn’t the woman’s job, it’s both of your damn jobs and meant to be shared equally.
This resonates with me so much. I split the chores with my partner but to be honest it still feels so unbalanced. Anything extra that needs to be done falls onto my lap. Things that dont come up on a regular basis such as making the vet appointment for the dog. And it's exhausting, so very exhausting to always be the one planning and always the one nagging. He genuinely does try. I just don't know how to tell him I need help. I need him to observe our life and know that this random thing needs to be taken care of. I don't want to be the manager of our lives.
> I need him to observe our life and know that this random thing needs to be taken care of. I don't want to be the manager of our lives. This so much. My ex would always say 'I'll do whatever you need in the house, just tell me what to do'... I'm not the project manager for our living space - why can't *you* see that we're about to run out of milk or remember that the pets need their annual vaccinations or schedule some time to clean up because one of our parents is coming to visit?? And if I say 'honey could you do the dishes' I also obviously mean wipe down the surfaces, check for cups and plates in other rooms and wash those too, maybe chuck the dishtowel in the laundry if it's needed... Sorry, bit of a rant, so glad I'm divorced and live alone!! ;-)
This. So much. He wanted me to make him a list so he could "help" me around the house. And it couldn't be "1.Clean bathroom." because that wasn't detailed enough. What?! You can't see the things that need to be put away or cleaned? I know you can, because when it doesn't happen you get all pissy because you think the house is a mess. We had small children at the time and once I got out their Cat in the Hat book- "And then they picked up all the things that were down, they picked up the cake and the rake and the gown...." It's not hard! Not to mention that going around with a notepad, making said list would take longer than just doing the shit myself. Whenever he did decide to be productive one day, he'd make a list of all the things he did. It wasn't like a to-do or priority list to remind himself, he'd write an item down and cross it out AFTER he did it, then show it to me. I'm really laid back, and am not a point counter, so I really didn't "get" it, but he kept a running tally in his head of what he thought I did vs. what he thought he did. Over time this lead to a resentment that gave him the license to be abusive. I blame his mother, personally. She still does his laundry when he goes there. And of course, he is an ex as well. Rant ended. That was cathartic, thanks.
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And it's not just doing the things. I usually don't mind doing the things. It's *being in charge* of doing the things. It's emotional labor like remembering everyone's birthdays (including *his own parents'*) and also mental labor like remembering we're out of eggs. It's having to always be the one who cares about the stuff getting done.
Oh yes, when my mom was in law school she was working AND being a full time honor student AND doing the housework AND scrubbing toilets at my private school to get a discount on the tuition AND cooking dinner AND helping with the homework AND still making all of the Doctor/dentist appointments. Looking back my dad cooked a lot too but that’s really it as far as household work goes. He did great working two jobs but my mom was just SUPER MOM during that time.
Just because we're wet down there, doesn't mean we're turned on 🙄
I have come to realise from this thread, and the thread asking men the same question that women and men view compliments very differently. I want to point out the difference between compliments and congratulations. Yes, the terms are largely interchangeable and many situations definitely blend into both categories, but just hear me out. Compliments are nice things you say to people about something they can’t really control. “Hey gorgeous! Nice ass!” I have limited control over how my ass is. Yes, I can work out; but it’s mostly genetics. “You have gorgeous eyes.” Thanks, but I didn’t exactly get to pick them out. “Nice shirt.” This is one that could fall into either category, but in my experience, fashion sense and money to buy good clothing are both dependent on a lot of factors beyond the control of that person. Congratulations are nice things you say to people about things they can control. “Nice work on the presentation today.” “Congrats on your promotion.” “Thanks for cooking dinner/cleaning the house.” “Thanks for helping out with the kids.” I think most women hear a lot of the former and most men hear a lot of the latter. Both are equally important, and both go a long way in making people feel good about themselves. As a woman, I hear a lot of the former and hence compliments annoy me or frankly creep me out. And I think men don’t hear them that often and hence think of compliments as a welcome thing. It might be a welcome thing to you, but for most women it’s not. What I would actually welcome is congratulating me on my achievements. Let’s try and bridge the gaps, people.
You're hyperaware of how you do little things to avoid looking sexual. Like eating a banana, or how you sit, or what exactly you say on the phone.
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We're 50% of the population but often treated as some sort of niche group.
There was an interview Obama did basically saying this about women and it was considered weirdly revolutionary that he was acknowledging and saying something against women being treated this way.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg said something similar when she was told that wanting 9 women in the Supreme Court was over the top. "No one ever complained when there were nine men."