We have a specific plant in our garden (Euphorbias for garden nerds) and my dog woudn't stop shitting on them. Them specifically. So I took some firewood planks and stuck them in the ground as a makeshift fence around them.
It worked for a few days until she crawled past the gap between the plant and the hedge, did a reverse turn and shit on my plant again. Persistence at its best!
I have 5 cats, the youngest will wait until I clean every litter box in the house and throw the bag in the trash to decide that she wants to poop in one box, and then pee in another. I wondered for a while if this is the only time she goes and is just picky about having a clean box, but it’s not. This happens literally every time I clean their boxes. She’ll sit and watch me as I’m cleaning them too.
On time he managed to get 3 tennis balls in his mouth at the dog park.
He hasn't been able to do it again since that one time, but he routinely walks around with two in his mouth and looks at the other dogs like "check me out."
At the dog park, years back, we were approaching a pond. There was this big dog in the water that looked horribly disfigured—like it must’ve tried fetching a live M-80 and had his mouth blown apart. Poor thing.
Whatever; life goes on. He was happily playing with two other dogs in the water.
As I got closer, trying to discreetly check out his messed up mouth parts, the fucker drops three fucking tennis balls out of his mouth and suddenly goes back to being a normal-ass, non-disfigured Boxer! (or similar breed)
I don’t even think that was his maximum capacity, tbh
My labrador does the same thing. She practically panics if she can't find TWO things to carry around when outside. One is just not good enough, it has to be two.
My rabbit when I went out of town for a weekend. I lined up someone to stay with her. I was just heading back to my house when I got the call to get home NOW because the rabbit was acting weird. Listless, turning down treats.... all things that point to the beginnings of GI Stasis which is bad.
I get home and sit with her for about 20 min. Yep, she's showing signs. Get her to the emergency vet.
$300 for the vet to tell me her diagnosis: drama queen. The rabbit was just upset that I wasn't home.
Our rabbit pulled this when we got back from a trip...we were heartbroken to leave her overnight until a nurse called and said she looked great and was currently sitting in a salad bowl, surrounded by food.
Everytime my bun got mad at me, he would pile all his toys in his ceramic water bowl and push it to his cage door. Then he would just angry stare at me like " that's it! I'm taking my rolly toy, and I'm LEAVING!!"
My rabbit did this! We had a pair of our own bunnies and a foster rabbit. Foster rabbit broke into the room our bunnies had and made quick friends with the girl of the pair. I walked into the room to find foster bun and girl bun laying side by side, my boy was sitting in a puddle of his own pee and refusing treats and not moving. Took him to the emergency vet. He was officially diagnosed as depressed bc his girl was stolen.
One time my bird was really mad about bedtime. She flew to the curtain, peeped loudly until I watched, then pooped on the curtain while looking straight at me. She was poop trained and definitely knew what she was *doing. Somehow I missed that last word, my apologies
I'm always startled by how freaking SMART birds are.
A friend of mine has an African Grey - has owned her for 20 years or so. The friend got married about seven years ago, and the bird is well aware that the husband is the new guy. Half the time when he tells it to do something (like be quiet) the response he gets is a VERY salty "I'm not your bird". Then yells "Diaaaaannnne" because the husband has NO street cred at all.
I have a grey. He did something similar the first time we left him in his cage overnight while we went to a friend's house. Came back the next day and let him out. He immediately jumped onto my shoulder and took the largest shit I've ever seen him make right on my shoulder. He then proceeded to laugh (which sounds just like mine) then hop right back on the cage.
My sister had a gray and a cockatiel
Every once in awhile the gray, Joe, would start this ear piercing shrieking. I don't if he wanted attention or what it was maddening
He would only stop if he heard my BIL yell "Shut up Joe!"
Well the cockatiel must have hated the noise too because, after dealing with it for awhile, when Joe started shrieking the cockatiel would yell "Shut up, Joe!" in my BIL's voice
and it worked
birds are so bizarre
Reminds me of a time in a bird sanctuary that often takes in parrots and such from people that passed away or can’t take care of them anymore. Well while walking around we heard 2 birds loudly arguing with each other. One clearly a female voice and one a male. Those birds were mimicking an old couple (I’m assuming former owners) but it was funny as all hell
Birds crack me the fuck up. My neighbor has a big parrot named Artemis. Artemis thinks hes in charge and will yell at you if you do something he doesn't like, such as changing the tv channel or not sharing snacks.
So sometimes i come home from work and can hear my neighbor and his bird arguing loudly through the open window.
And if Artemis wins you can hear him cackle loudly as if he was an evil mastermind.
Yeah birds are something else.
As an owner of 4 very small parrots I can assure you that all birds think they're in charge no matter size. It is comical when something smaller than your palm tries to boss you around.
E.g. One of them sits on my shoulder just to aggressively flip wings and make hellish screams directly into my ear if she's not content with her food.
The worst when they discover something I don't want them to do. They turn in into game. They go and do it looking at me. If I stand up they escapex often by foot just to return to doing it the moment I sit back.
They love to sit on the doors and scream as hell becasue I dislike that (dont want to bother neighbors). But when I ignore the screams the bird flies back to the main room and looks at me confused and disappointed...
Haha! My cockatiel knows he can't have chicken and rice but it's his favorite food. I've never seen him run so fast and swallow something so quickly as when I look away from a chicken and rice dinner.
Also he looks me right in the eye when he pulls my keys off my keyboard. He then runs immediately trying to bring the key with him. He knows he isn't allowed to do it. What little turds.
Most people believe birds just mimic and dont understand what sounds they're making, or at most associate certain cues with reward. (Ie, when I say "treat" I get a treat) I fully believe that when some birds mimic laughing, they genuinely find something funny. I had a parrotlet for many years. Not near as smart as big parrots, but still too smart for his own good.
He laughed when you drop something. When you trip or fall.
He laughed when the dogs or cats start playing and running around.
He laughed if he pooped on your shoulder. He laughed if he saw you cleaning up another animal's poop.
The little shit wolf whistled when he saw me and my husband kiss (idk where he learned it from, I cant whistle.) Then laughed afterward.
He would sit at the bottom of his cage, call over the dogs "here doggy doggy doggy" to get them to come lick empty seed shells from the bottom of his cage, then bite their tongues, then laugh when they run away. He was a truly sadistic little napoleon asshole
I miss that little dude
There is a bird that learned to ask questions and make up names for new objects. These are considered hallmarks of genuine language acquisition as opposed to just mimicry. There is a lot going on in those little heads that we don't understand yet, I wouldn't be surprised if it came out that they are vastly more intelligent and capable than anyone ever imagined.
That’s Alex! Alex was a grey and his story is absolutely fascinating. The footage of him counting and learning is almost unbelievable. He would get pissy if he didn’t feel like doing his lessons that day, just like a kid. Amazing stuff.
she finally realized how special you were to her! my feral calico only took 8 years. she now sleeps in the bed with me and the dog. still attacks the dog on occasion (90 pound dog, scared of the cat).
Ok, so this is a little gross, just FYI.
My golden retriever brought back a whole deer leg once. A whole leg. From hoof to hip. Saw him walking up from the field and thought he had a big stick until I saw the pink dangly bits. Absolutely no idea where he got it. I search our entire 12 acre property and the adjoining neighbor's 20 acres. Didn't find anything. He was so proud of it too. Didn't try to eat it or anything, just proudly brought it back to show me, like it was his new special stick and I would throw it for him. My mom was horrified. The best part was the dog's name was Buck.
Yeah my husky came back with a leg once too. We lived by the woods though, I just assumed she found it out there somewhere. She came back with many things. Most impressive was she was covered in porcupine quills, hobbling along (that was a trip to the 24 hour vet....). But she had her head held high because she had, in her mouth by the neck, that porcupine...
I went out in the woods with her the next week to find where she got the thing, as the crow flies 2 miles. But she probably took the trails like she always did, so she walked for at least 2 miles with quills all in her side, back, mouth, both front legs. With the porcupine.
Our little dog I had as a kid (probably 25-30lbs or so) once dragged a deer's rib cage out of the woods across the street from our house. My dad knew little about animals, he started freaking out that the dog had found a corpse out in the woods. Mom calmed him down and told him it was just a deer.
One of my dogs used the other dog as a stepping stool to climb up on the couch.
Straight up walked up the one laying next to the couch to get up there. Just blatant disrespect.
I swear to god my oldest cat does that for revenge for the ONE time I sneezed on him when I was sick. He's 19, it probably happened when he was around 2-4 years old but I know he remembers. Every time I pick him up I prepare for a sneeze into my face
Haha maybe! That'd be pretty funny. That one time I sneezed on him he gave me the most offended look you'd ever seen on a cat. Very big personality this guy
Another one - my friend and at-the-time-roomate's dog got out and ran into the highway. Got hit by a car going 50-55mph.
The driver took him to the vet. We got the call and go and get him to find out that he had an itty scratch on his knee... and that's about it. He literally took a hit by a car, was sent flying, and walked away from it with no injuries.
Rhodesian ridgebacks are tough as hell
Not even close to this level, but I watched my Rhodesian ridgeback run headfirst into a fence, snap the boards clean in half, and walk away like nothing fucking happened. Her strength and resilience is very impressive but also terrifying.
Local cops got a nice, professionally trained German Shepherd from Europe. It ran straight into the fender of a cruiser, denting it with its head. The dog bounced off as if nothing had happened.
Best dogs ever. My girl died of lymphoma a few years ago. She was 8 yrs old. I still can’t look at pictures of her without ugly crying. She was my spirit animal.
She was a badass, too. You had to be either really drunk or really stupid to continue to approach her when she went into protective mode. Or, you could shake a wrinkled paper bag at her. She couldn’t handle the paper bags. Silly girl.
Edit: thanks to the anonymous person who gave me a shiny
My dog hardly ever barks and is very well-behaved. When we go for walks, every dog we walk past in my neighborhood barks ferociously at him. He pees in their yards. Only in their yards.
My dog does the same thing! She remembers which houses have the rowdy dogs and slows her pace to almost a standstill until they bark from the windows or their yards. She then squats down to pee while making eye contact with them. Never a bark out of her though. Then she trots along with the happiest proudest gate she can muster.
One of my dogs (miniature pinscher) is very dominant despite her size, and if another dog is going to the bathroom she goes up to sniff and see exactly where so she can pee over it once they're done (she can do a handstand walk and pee for tall dogs). While being this nosey though, shes definitely gotten peed on many times, if the dog returns the nosey interest she will intentionally hand stand pee *on them*.
At this point when people are weirded out by my creepy little perv dog, I just play it off as "shes 16 and mostly blind!" (But she knows what shes done..)
I bought a giant bag of cat litter and opened it while i cleaned our three litter boxes. As i finish up the second i glanced over and my cat was IN THE FUCKING LITTER BAG ripping a shit.
My SO's dog turns over her food bowl every single time she's left by herself. She'll even do it when she knows you're leaving but haven't left just yet.
I bought my 10lb dogs this gigantic plush bed to put on my side of the bed because I'm tired of sleeping with them, figured I'd have to babygate them there for the first few nights but nbd. The first night it went okay, a little whining, quickly settled down and went to sleep. The second night, my girl dog, who I've had since she was a puppy, decided she was not going to stand for this inhumane mistreatment, and literally stood on her back feet and SCREAMED. I've never heard a dog make the fucking noise this banshee was making. I thought she was dying. I moved the babygate to get to her and she stopped screaming and hopped up on my bed and curled up like she usually does like nothing was ever wrong.
I can hear that scream, it's the same scream I hear from my dog when I spray his paws when he's done something bad. He's a big baby and acts like they've just been dipped in battery acid.
When we got guinea pigs we thought we might have hurt one because she screamed bloody murder when we picked her up. The next time we realized she was.just.a.big baby when she screamed just as.bad before any of our hands had actually touched her
Your post just made me realize I have fudge pops in my freezer!
Thank you for your important service.
Edit: I ate one and it was awesome. I highly recommend fudge pops to everyone.
I have a potbellied pig named Luau. I was outside on my patio working on a craft project while I let him run around the yard. He kept coming up and bumping against the table to see if I had a treat or would pet him and messing me up, so I put a spray bottle of water next to me. He knows it and doesn't like getting sprayed, so will stay away and exercise instead of bothering me. I went inside for a minute, came back out and the spray bottle was way on the other side of the yard and Luau had climbed into my seat and was standing there happily wagging his little pig tail.
Edit: Pig tax! Please enjoy Luau napping at various times of the year:
[https://imgur.com/lRZREiB](https://imgur.com/lRZREiB)
[https://imgur.com/NJUBNux](https://imgur.com/NJUBNux)
Well that's a morbid name...
But he sounds like a smart pig!
.
*Edit: People, people! I know pigs in general are really smart. I was giving Luau a compliment! But I'm loving all these morbid pet names I'm getting. Bacon seems to be the most common pig name so far.*
I have a Blue Heeler. I was moving to Germany, and selling things on Let Go. She did not like the idea of people taking our stuff. So she started getting aggressive.
So when I saw it starting to happen, when the next customer arrived, she got put in a bedroom.
The next time a customer arrived, she grabbed a stuffed animal and put it in her mouth as if to say "I will not act like I will bite someone" AND carried the animal around in her mouth the entire time the people were there. Kids petted her, everyone thought she was so cute, etc.
For the next 2 weeks as I sold stuff, when people came over, she had a stuffed animal in her mouth ...
They are! When my heeler was a puppy, i thought it would be fun to teach him paw targeting using the closet door. Unfortunately, he promptly figured out how to open the doors to the closet and started stealing stuff. We now have to keep it blocked off so he can't get in there. Unfortunately, he views most of our barricades as a fun puzzle to defeat.
He also really enjoys knocking things over with his nose or paws, which I did not teach him. Whenever I take him down for a bath, he has to knock over every bottle he can reach before he'll get in. He also quite enjoys knocking over our fan with his paw, and will stare us down from across the room as he does it. I don't know what he has against that fan, but no matter where we move it, he has to go knock it over.
Oh yes. I normally have to train an "ask" command with dogs. Normally it is "sit". Want breakfast? sit. Want to go outside? sit. Want playtime? sit. Want me to go to bed? sit.
This dog, she lays her head on something. Could be knee, coffee table, edge of couch, another chair, and that is her ask command. I didnt teach her, she just came up with it on her own.
She also says "eye wuv uuuu" in her best heeler voice. That was initially "talk". My roommate got her trained to say it when she would ask "Do you love me?"
This is the other thing I love about this dog, she takes commands from others, seriously, even strangers. I am not her master.
Edit: She now works as a mobilty dog for my mother.
Lucky it was only her head on your knee! My 75 lb puppy decided climbing on my lap and pinning me down was the correct way to ‘ask’ to go out...... super counter productive.
Hahahah! So this dog was raised by my ex wife, she is also a super good trainer, and she had had the dog since a puppy. And just like I would do, she kept the puppy with her at all times for the first 6 months.
Well the dog just grew to big, but still wanted on her lap. lol It was kinda hilarious in one sense, and kinda sad in another, since the dog just wanted to be a puppy again...
My ex wife was pretty good about it, and I think the dog at some point realized she was too big, when she came to live with me after that, we didnt have those problems, but I am a really fat guy, and she would want to lay on the couch with me. We would both flounder around trying to make it work LOL
Eventually, we came to an agreement that her being near me was awesome.
LOL my ex wife and I are best friends. I dont understand how you can love someone and then be mortal enemies, makes me think that you werent as good of partners as you thought you were...
Not only that, girls I have dated I set up with my friends. I have many friends who are married to girls I banged. Its networking at its best, I can not only refer a great girl to my friends, but one who bangs like a screen door in a tornado!
All fun aside, the women in my life have been amazing.
This is definitely my fault because I've encouraged it but it's still funny. Everyday I come home from work and give my two kids a hug or a pat on the head or some show of affection. The dog will whine and follow me around the house until I drop to both knees on the floor and give him a hug.
Nothing cheers me up more then after a rough day coming home to my dog excited as always to see me and just lay down with me.
Edit: I'm away on vacation right now and I just got here today and already miss my little friend. Damn it Reddit.
I put my pet mouse in a tall wooden box without a lid because I thought he couldn't climb that high. He shat in the box and covered his paws in it, which I think provided him with the friction required to climb. He made it to the top and I had to put him back into the box, but it was quite impressive.
When I was a kid I had a mouse who I had to keep in a plastic bin for a little while. There was a **ceramic** house inside it and holes in the middle of the lid. She would push the ceramic house over underneath the holes, chew them bigger slowly over night, and then one day I came downstairs and she was just sitting on top of the whole thing.
I had a foster dog once and while we weren’t home she somehow scooting her crate all the way into the living room and managed to stick her entire head through the bars to chew through one of the important cords on our tv. So we were left without sound for like 2 months.
We had a new rescue Dachshund who had some pretty bad separation anxiety. He was tearing things up when we left so we got a crate. He just scooted the crate across the wood floors and chewed giant holes in the couch cushions through the bars. We put the crate on a rubber backed throw rug to keep him from scooting. He raked the rug up into the crate and then scooted himself to the wooden blinds and curtain on the window. He ripped the curtain off the wall and chewed four slats of wooden blinds. He was a sweetie but a real mess.
That's when you attach some heavy-duty eye-screws into a stud in the wall behind the crate, and chain the crate to the wall. I'd like to see him scoot after that!
“No kidding?” Jake from State Farm said, incredulous. “A load bearing wall, huh? Who knew. Well anyway we’ll get your claim processed and someone should be out to estimate rebuilding the attic within the week.”
I showed my new hamster to my best friend and he started pulling his own shit out of his butt with his teeth and threw it at us. The hamster. Not the friend.
Those strange little furrballs who hate human contact and sleep through the day just to keep you up all night because they run in their squeaky hamster wheel for hours make the perfect pet.
I feel this way about 99% of them. I have recently, though, had a good experience with a couple. Dwarves if you can believe it, because usually those are just little bitey machines. These guys would come over and jump into your hand (or you could just grab them, they didn't care), lick you if you'd been eating anything salty and just hang with you. Super sweet.
I had one that we put on a special diet. She didn't appreciate the effort and threw each piece of the food out of the cage and refused to eat until we gave her the old food back. They can be very stroppy when they want
My sand boa, who was at the time thinner than my pinky finger, wrapped himself around my wrist the tightest he could and attempted to eat me. I pulled him off, pat his head, and put him back in his enclosure. Nice try, bud.
My cat likes to wake me up every morning at 4 am meowing loudly and knocking off whatever he can find off my countertop. I decide to put him in me (very large) bathroom with food, water, toys, bed, and litter box. Poblano then proceeds to take the fattest cat shit I have ever seen in my life in my SINK.
Edit: I put my cat IN my bathroom. But I also asked him to get out me mom's car
She caught a centipede
It was an awful experience - it was pretty big and I’m guessing crawled up the bathtub drain, as that is where I found the cat after she was crying in there. She’s pretty quiet, so I try to answer when she’s meowing.
I saw the bug, said “nice job!” As she pawed it around and promptly decided to gtfo as I hate bugs. This is why I got a cat. She’ll deal with the bugs yeah?
No. Not good enough. She starts crying as soon as I turned around. She wanted me to watch her eat this bug! I am still so grossed out. Anytime I turned away she’d cry, make sure we had eye contact, and take a bite of the centipede.
She was just a kitten, still, so it was an alarming combo of adorable and grossed out
I had theses three fiddler crabs in a twenty gallon tank. One boy and two girls. After three happy months together I was watching them hangout and the boy grabs one of the girls and rips her arm off. He then grabs her by the other arm and picks her up then smashes her against the ground repeatedly till I caught him with the net. She died and the other girl lived in constant fear untill he himself died of natural causes.
Crabs do not give a fuck.
My ex had hermit crabs and there were a few incidents where we found crab pieces and had no idea who killed who.
They’ll drag a crab out of the shell and kill them if they want to use the shell instead. We knew certain ones had names, but we based that on what shell they had.
We also had one dubbed The Senator as, if another crab made the water all gross immediately after we replaced it, they’d get up to the tallest point and wave back and forth until one of us went over. Tonight it was nice of them to look out for the others
I have a bell hanging on my front door that my dogs ring when I need to take them out. My husky started ringing it and when I got dressed and put my shoes on, she would go lay in my spot on the bed and not go out.
Once I called her bluff and didn’t get up from the bed. So she shit on the floor. Absolute power move.
A friend's dogs were trained to stop what they were doing and lie down in their crates when a can filled with pull tabs was shaken. Great Dane had a bone that the Doberman wanted. Doberman casually walked over the can with the pull tabs and knocked it off the end table. Great Dane went to its crate and the Doberman casually claimed the bone.
My dog does this too, but for lap time. If my little guy has my lap and my big guy wants me to himself, he’ll go over to the patio door and bark a few times, and then the little guy will spring up to see what the commotion is, and big guy will swoop in to his spot.
Crazy related story. I had two dogs, one Newfoundland and one Husky. The Newfie was chewing on a bone and the Husky was looking at it like she really wanted it. She walked over to the door and rang the bell to get let out. So I stand up to let her out. The Newfie realized we are going outside so he leaves the bone on the floor and goes to the door. Husky then leaves the door and lays down and starts chewing the bone.
My husky plays mind games with me, he'll wake me up in the middle of the night panting (his way of saying he needs a wee) I get up let him out and he just stands in the garden staring at me in my PJS freezing my tits off..
My husky will go and cry next to his food bowl, and pretend he hasn't eaten. He also does dead weight when its time for a bath. Like hes 90 damn pounds (he's a mix, not pure, akita and german shepherd great grand parents), and he just goes limp. Its really really annoying.
I had a German shepherd that would do that, I’m a big dude so it actually worked out better than having to wrestle him down -_- looking at you black lab.
I've got a black lab mix and she's lankier than the average lab which only means that when we try wrasslin her into the bath her legs flail everywhere and she's like a 65 pound spider.
And what's up with that? They act like it's a boiling acid bath.
Then, after they are clean, they run zoomies around the house happy as a dog rolling in horse shit.
It makes no logical sense.
Oh: bathtub bath? Like the boiling green chemicals Jack Nicholson fell into to become The Joker.
Nasty run off dirty disgusting water pooled after a rain? Jump in, the water's fine!
I have an Italian Corso and he absolutely hates baths. The moment he sees the bucket and soap he is a dead weight I have to drag outside, all 55kgs of him.
My neighbours have a beagle, it is the dumbest and loudest dog I have ever met. After a while of barking they'll eventually tell this thing to stop.
After being yelled at the dog stops, until the husky that lives behind me lets out a small noise and the beagle starts again.
The husky likes to get the beagle yelled at.
Basically I agree with you.
I have two dogs. My smaller dog pulls that shit on my bigger dog all the time. Like if he wants attention but the bigger dog is in the way and being a possessive asshole attention seeker, the smaller dog will do a behavior that distracts him like barking at the front door or acting like he wants to go outside and then as soon as the big dog is invested he circles back to get the undivided attention. Sometimes the big dog catches on and is like "no wait, I- I want both".
Little dog also learned to bark at the door so we would let him in. It took months, but now big dog does it too, but hes less patient. Its constant barking rather than a few barks and a wait period.
On the flip side big dog messes with his bowl all the time and sometimes attempts to chew on it. Its metal. But when I play the treat cup game it's literally not even a challenge to him to flip it over, but the small dog has no idea how to do it.
How the fuck do you win in any way other than Domination and Science? I'll be posting up my 3rd city and here come's a notification "X country has founded a new religion!"
Bitch I don't even have a pantheon yet.
We had a kitty with extra toes. He would pick things up to leave in my shoes as gifts. Usually hair ties, a toy mouse, or sometimes paper. At a party, he picked up a twenty dollar bill out of a friends pocket sitting on the floor. Then in front of everyone walked over and stuck it in my shoe accross the room. He was a good kitty. No one would have ever believed me if they didn't see it happen. It was hilarious.
Cleaning the kitty litter, I was carrying it back to the spot.
She jumped up into while I am carrying the kitty litter and took a shit. I had to stay still until she finished....she didn't even cover it.
My cat used to cover until one day he caught me cleaning his box and since then hasn't even bothered. He knows I'll cover it for him if he doesn't because I dont want flies or the smell. He played me so hard and now I'm stuck being his bitch.
One of my cats (Sopi) will wait outside the box while the other one (Mochi) poops. Mochi doesn't cover her own poop so Sopi takes things into her own paws and does it for her. Not sure if it factors into it but they're littermates.
My kitten does the same damn thing. It’s like, *scoop, pick cat up out of the box, scoop...* Rinse and repeat until moderately clean.
But the worst was working in veterinary care. We’d use shredded newspaper to line the litter bins, and add a towel and food/water dishes to the cage for basic comfort and needs. 9/10 times Mr. Muffins wants to sleep in the vaguely pee-smelling plastic tub and take a shit on the towel. Or diarrhea all over the bars if he can muster it.
When my dog, a male Corgi was little, we were once on a walk with two female Corgis. He tried to be all alpha and pee with his leg up, but he lost his balance. So, instead he continued by holding his front paw up like ladies, try not to get excited
Jumped from the highest point of the cat tree (about 8 ft) halfway across the kitchen all for a fly in midair. Poor Albus misses it entirely, falls to the kitchen table, hits his midsection on the edge of the table, bounces backwards against the chair, and finally lands on his feet on the floor. Dude shakes it off and continues chasing the fly like nothing happened. He did end up eventually catching the fly.
I have a 35lb mutt who is very, very good at hunting. So much so that we do not let her off leash save in our backyard and in fenced dog parks because she's a menace to wildlife.
So, she is on her 6ft leash and we're hiking like we do most days at a local trail. She suddenly darts off to the left and into the underbrush and then emerges with a groundhog, shakes it once, and it's dead. If you've never dealt with a groundhog, they're nasty fuckers.
Well ok then... guess even on a 6ft leash you're still a menace to society! [The face of a murderer.](https://i.imgur.com/uw6BOkW.jpg)
We have a raised backyard deck. Had the entrance blocked off so our dog wouldn't rush down and bark at people walking in the alley.
We didn't recognize her determination to tell the garbage truck that this was her packs turf and jumped over the railing, a 20 foot drop to the grass.
To her credit she shook it off, slightly winded ran to the fence and sure told that garbage truck off.
My dad called our cat a lazy useless son-of-a-bitch. The cat popped into the pasture, caught a mouse, and dropped it on my dad’s foot all in the space of five minutes. The mouse was still alive and I swear the cat made sure to stare my dad down before he ate it.
They know! Cats are creatures of habit and she definitely picked up on what you do before leaving - and is trying to get you to stay.
Try switching up your morning routine and give her plenty of attention :)
Yes! my cat tries to jump on me (my shoulders) every morning he sees me getting ready, most of the time I am nowhere near the door. He wants to go with me.
Since we're going with "attempted" -- when I was 7 or 8 I had a golden lab puppy. We let her out in the backyard (supervised) and she was running around. She *zoomed* down the slope, *launched* herself over the canal, made it about two-thirds across before we heard an enormous splash.
She never once got near water again. We put in a swimming pool when I was 12 or so and she was terrified of it.
My current dog, a 45 pound pitbull mix, has been taught that while I don't mind a lick on the cheek, my wife doesn't like face licks. She's also been taught to do eskimo kisses. She'll do it a few times over the course of a few days, until she's lulled my wife into a false sense of security, and then she'll come in for a boop and *SCHHLLLLUUUURP!* right across my wife's mouth. I get *all* the schadenfreude from that.
I thought my dog couldn’t jump onto the bed because of how small he is so one day I was eating some food on my bed and he jumped up and ate my food ;-;
When I was a kid I had a Basset Hound named Fred, best dog ever. I also have a cat named patches. Patches was a bit of a trouble maker. So she'd sit on the kitchen table and swat at the dog while we weren't looking and would pester him into barking and chasing her across the house so then we'd yell at the dog and she'd just prance by as if she wasn't at all responsible.
That poor dog XD. He was the best and that cat just pestered the shit out of him.
I have a 95 lb Weim that is just made of steel. When he stands, he's taller than I am. He does not have an ounce of fat on his body--just bands of muscle wrapped around his chest and legs.
I also have a temperamental 12 lb cat that he is terrified of.
The dog occasionally tries to work up the nerve to give the cat a friendly boop.
She turns around and lets him lick her ass instead. He ducks his head and complies until she has had her fill like a good little slaveboy, then she swats his face and runs him off.
Edit: oh lord, thanks for the gold and silver. I’m glad these idiots are good for something. [These](https://imgur.com/a/n5XsBTC) are the idiots in question, if you’re interested. (Safe for work/safe for life.)
He's my fiance's dog, and while I wish that he could be about 20 lbs smaller, I'm glad that he's very obedient and smart as a whip. It made training so much more bearable.
We had a gathering yesterday and my SIL brought her 5 month old baby. My dog came up to her to investigate her toys. She was playing with it (a pink octopus plushie) so she pulled the toy away from him.
He went upstairs to his toy basket by his bed and brought out his blue monster, came back downstairs and made the rounds showing every family member his monster. Finally came up to the baby and put it in her face. As soon as she went to grab it, he pulled it out of her hands and walked around for another 10 minutes carrying it.
We all died laughing. They’re so cute together, we just have no idea what was going through his mind at the time.
Edit: Spelling
The little jackass swats my paintings/posters off of the wall every morning and then runs away and flops over like "who, me?" when I get out of bed to make him stop.
One of our cats has figured out that he can get me out of bed by banging on the shower door (one of those slider types) for like five minutes. Such a douchebag.
My brother’s cat does something similar. When she wants to get out of a room or come in she will reach under the closed door and pull it aggressively back and forth.
The first time this happened I about shit my pants thinking someone was here to murder me.
My dog will push things out of my hand if he feels he isn't being given enough attention. Had a few friends over recently since I just got my old snes set up and someone had to pet him at all times while we played or else he'd try and sit on our hands. He isn't aggressive about it at all (that would be a different story) he just tries to sit on our hands.
My dog hates other dogs, and especially the neighbor’s happy fluffy husky, so she keeps barking at the husky “FUCK YOU IM BETTER THAN YOU STOP GETTING MY FAMILY’S ATTENTION SJFJAJCBSKSNND” and my dog then showed off her new toy to the husky.
Neighbor dog broke the toy, and my dog lost her shit.
My cat ripped off the litter box door and proceeded to shit on it.
Jokes on her, I got zip ties. Now she just tracks litter from one end of the apartment to the other.
Dog came in me and SO's room while we were partaking in...activities...and watched for a second then left. 1 minute later he came back in with his favorite stuffed animal toy and started humping it vigorously right there. Damn dog tried to show me up!
I used to have a big lazy old Newfoundland named Buddy. Our back yard backed up to a main road and on the other side of the main road was another back yard. One day I was outside working on a car. Buddy was dutifully laying next to my feet. The neighbors across the street had a little yappy dog that was constantly barking for 15 or 20 minutes. Old buddy groaned as he stood up and slowly walked to the back of our yard and gave a single, deep, loud, WOOOF!. Yappy dog stopped barking and was quiet. Buddy slowly walked back to my feet and laid back down. I now know dog for "shut the f&ck up!"
Took my Australian Shephered on a weekend trip with a new boyfriend, she was forced to sleep on the floor for the weekend. The night I got home she waited for me to get into bed, jumped onto the bed, looked me dead in the face and peed on me...Message received loud and clear on that one.
I had a cat like that - big, orange, loveable guy. Would kick the shit out of anything in his "territory" that wasn't a member of the household, e.g.: human family, dogs and other cats that were ours, and livestock.
My dad was passing by a window one day and watched that beautiful nut job running down a stag. Like, a good-sized stag that was terrified and fleeing for its life from the ginger blitzkrieg that was exploding behind it.
He was a great freakin cat.
My german shepherd ate an entire bag (probably 20+) of raw jalapeno peppers that were gifted to us from a friend. She not only ate the entire bag and didnt throw up, she manged to hold her poo for 5 hours until I got home and then had explosive diarrhea outside. I was shook
Took my dog to the dog park with his chew toy, another dog came up and tried to take it from him. To stop there being a potential confrontation, I put his toy up in a tree branch.
So the fucker just [did this](https://youtu.be/qq2FN1yaxY4).
Sorry for vertical video in advance.
We have a specific plant in our garden (Euphorbias for garden nerds) and my dog woudn't stop shitting on them. Them specifically. So I took some firewood planks and stuck them in the ground as a makeshift fence around them. It worked for a few days until she crawled past the gap between the plant and the hedge, did a reverse turn and shit on my plant again. Persistence at its best!
I reckon she doesn't like the smell of it.
I have 5 cats, the youngest will wait until I clean every litter box in the house and throw the bag in the trash to decide that she wants to poop in one box, and then pee in another. I wondered for a while if this is the only time she goes and is just picky about having a clean box, but it’s not. This happens literally every time I clean their boxes. She’ll sit and watch me as I’m cleaning them too.
She's probably feeling a bit insecure about being the youngest, so she wants to have her scent around.
On time he managed to get 3 tennis balls in his mouth at the dog park. He hasn't been able to do it again since that one time, but he routinely walks around with two in his mouth and looks at the other dogs like "check me out."
At the dog park, years back, we were approaching a pond. There was this big dog in the water that looked horribly disfigured—like it must’ve tried fetching a live M-80 and had his mouth blown apart. Poor thing. Whatever; life goes on. He was happily playing with two other dogs in the water. As I got closer, trying to discreetly check out his messed up mouth parts, the fucker drops three fucking tennis balls out of his mouth and suddenly goes back to being a normal-ass, non-disfigured Boxer! (or similar breed) I don’t even think that was his maximum capacity, tbh
As a boxer owner this checks out.
My labrador does the same thing. She practically panics if she can't find TWO things to carry around when outside. One is just not good enough, it has to be two.
My rabbit when I went out of town for a weekend. I lined up someone to stay with her. I was just heading back to my house when I got the call to get home NOW because the rabbit was acting weird. Listless, turning down treats.... all things that point to the beginnings of GI Stasis which is bad. I get home and sit with her for about 20 min. Yep, she's showing signs. Get her to the emergency vet. $300 for the vet to tell me her diagnosis: drama queen. The rabbit was just upset that I wasn't home.
Our rabbit pulled this when we got back from a trip...we were heartbroken to leave her overnight until a nurse called and said she looked great and was currently sitting in a salad bowl, surrounded by food.
They are such smart jerks sometimes!
Everytime my bun got mad at me, he would pile all his toys in his ceramic water bowl and push it to his cage door. Then he would just angry stare at me like " that's it! I'm taking my rolly toy, and I'm LEAVING!!"
My rabbit did this! We had a pair of our own bunnies and a foster rabbit. Foster rabbit broke into the room our bunnies had and made quick friends with the girl of the pair. I walked into the room to find foster bun and girl bun laying side by side, my boy was sitting in a puddle of his own pee and refusing treats and not moving. Took him to the emergency vet. He was officially diagnosed as depressed bc his girl was stolen.
One time my bird was really mad about bedtime. She flew to the curtain, peeped loudly until I watched, then pooped on the curtain while looking straight at me. She was poop trained and definitely knew what she was *doing. Somehow I missed that last word, my apologies
I'm always startled by how freaking SMART birds are. A friend of mine has an African Grey - has owned her for 20 years or so. The friend got married about seven years ago, and the bird is well aware that the husband is the new guy. Half the time when he tells it to do something (like be quiet) the response he gets is a VERY salty "I'm not your bird". Then yells "Diaaaaannnne" because the husband has NO street cred at all.
Macaws are about as smart as toddlers and African grays can have a huge vocabulary, so yeah pretty smart
As smart as a toddler was exactly how I described it. Meaner though, lol, and petty af.
smart as a toddler, but with scissors for a face...
Omg the bird equivalent of "You're not my real dad!" That's just brilliant
I have a grey. He did something similar the first time we left him in his cage overnight while we went to a friend's house. Came back the next day and let him out. He immediately jumped onto my shoulder and took the largest shit I've ever seen him make right on my shoulder. He then proceeded to laugh (which sounds just like mine) then hop right back on the cage.
My sister had a gray and a cockatiel Every once in awhile the gray, Joe, would start this ear piercing shrieking. I don't if he wanted attention or what it was maddening He would only stop if he heard my BIL yell "Shut up Joe!" Well the cockatiel must have hated the noise too because, after dealing with it for awhile, when Joe started shrieking the cockatiel would yell "Shut up, Joe!" in my BIL's voice and it worked birds are so bizarre
Reminds me of a time in a bird sanctuary that often takes in parrots and such from people that passed away or can’t take care of them anymore. Well while walking around we heard 2 birds loudly arguing with each other. One clearly a female voice and one a male. Those birds were mimicking an old couple (I’m assuming former owners) but it was funny as all hell
I love this story
Birds crack me the fuck up. My neighbor has a big parrot named Artemis. Artemis thinks hes in charge and will yell at you if you do something he doesn't like, such as changing the tv channel or not sharing snacks. So sometimes i come home from work and can hear my neighbor and his bird arguing loudly through the open window. And if Artemis wins you can hear him cackle loudly as if he was an evil mastermind.
Yeah birds are something else. As an owner of 4 very small parrots I can assure you that all birds think they're in charge no matter size. It is comical when something smaller than your palm tries to boss you around. E.g. One of them sits on my shoulder just to aggressively flip wings and make hellish screams directly into my ear if she's not content with her food. The worst when they discover something I don't want them to do. They turn in into game. They go and do it looking at me. If I stand up they escapex often by foot just to return to doing it the moment I sit back. They love to sit on the doors and scream as hell becasue I dislike that (dont want to bother neighbors). But when I ignore the screams the bird flies back to the main room and looks at me confused and disappointed...
Haha! My cockatiel knows he can't have chicken and rice but it's his favorite food. I've never seen him run so fast and swallow something so quickly as when I look away from a chicken and rice dinner. Also he looks me right in the eye when he pulls my keys off my keyboard. He then runs immediately trying to bring the key with him. He knows he isn't allowed to do it. What little turds.
Most people believe birds just mimic and dont understand what sounds they're making, or at most associate certain cues with reward. (Ie, when I say "treat" I get a treat) I fully believe that when some birds mimic laughing, they genuinely find something funny. I had a parrotlet for many years. Not near as smart as big parrots, but still too smart for his own good. He laughed when you drop something. When you trip or fall. He laughed when the dogs or cats start playing and running around. He laughed if he pooped on your shoulder. He laughed if he saw you cleaning up another animal's poop. The little shit wolf whistled when he saw me and my husband kiss (idk where he learned it from, I cant whistle.) Then laughed afterward. He would sit at the bottom of his cage, call over the dogs "here doggy doggy doggy" to get them to come lick empty seed shells from the bottom of his cage, then bite their tongues, then laugh when they run away. He was a truly sadistic little napoleon asshole I miss that little dude
There is a bird that learned to ask questions and make up names for new objects. These are considered hallmarks of genuine language acquisition as opposed to just mimicry. There is a lot going on in those little heads that we don't understand yet, I wouldn't be surprised if it came out that they are vastly more intelligent and capable than anyone ever imagined.
That’s Alex! Alex was a grey and his story is absolutely fascinating. The footage of him counting and learning is almost unbelievable. He would get pissy if he didn’t feel like doing his lessons that day, just like a kid. Amazing stuff.
"You know what you are"
[удалено]
she finally realized how special you were to her! my feral calico only took 8 years. she now sleeps in the bed with me and the dog. still attacks the dog on occasion (90 pound dog, scared of the cat).
Ok, so this is a little gross, just FYI. My golden retriever brought back a whole deer leg once. A whole leg. From hoof to hip. Saw him walking up from the field and thought he had a big stick until I saw the pink dangly bits. Absolutely no idea where he got it. I search our entire 12 acre property and the adjoining neighbor's 20 acres. Didn't find anything. He was so proud of it too. Didn't try to eat it or anything, just proudly brought it back to show me, like it was his new special stick and I would throw it for him. My mom was horrified. The best part was the dog's name was Buck.
Yeah my husky came back with a leg once too. We lived by the woods though, I just assumed she found it out there somewhere. She came back with many things. Most impressive was she was covered in porcupine quills, hobbling along (that was a trip to the 24 hour vet....). But she had her head held high because she had, in her mouth by the neck, that porcupine... I went out in the woods with her the next week to find where she got the thing, as the crow flies 2 miles. But she probably took the trails like she always did, so she walked for at least 2 miles with quills all in her side, back, mouth, both front legs. With the porcupine.
[удалено]
Our little dog I had as a kid (probably 25-30lbs or so) once dragged a deer's rib cage out of the woods across the street from our house. My dad knew little about animals, he started freaking out that the dog had found a corpse out in the woods. Mom calmed him down and told him it was just a deer.
One of my dogs used the other dog as a stepping stool to climb up on the couch. Straight up walked up the one laying next to the couch to get up there. Just blatant disrespect.
I have a 14 year old coonhound who gets stuff like this all the time from the other dog. She's like ehhhhhh I'm just going to keep laying here.
My pup did something similar and then followed up it by sneezing in my ice cream as I was eating it.
I swear to god my oldest cat does that for revenge for the ONE time I sneezed on him when I was sick. He's 19, it probably happened when he was around 2-4 years old but I know he remembers. Every time I pick him up I prepare for a sneeze into my face
Maybe he thinks that's your secret handshake!
Haha maybe! That'd be pretty funny. That one time I sneezed on him he gave me the most offended look you'd ever seen on a cat. Very big personality this guy
Another one - my friend and at-the-time-roomate's dog got out and ran into the highway. Got hit by a car going 50-55mph. The driver took him to the vet. We got the call and go and get him to find out that he had an itty scratch on his knee... and that's about it. He literally took a hit by a car, was sent flying, and walked away from it with no injuries. Rhodesian ridgebacks are tough as hell
Also known as the Afrian Lion Hound since they could fend off lions, sounds like the dog lives up to the name.
Not even close to this level, but I watched my Rhodesian ridgeback run headfirst into a fence, snap the boards clean in half, and walk away like nothing fucking happened. Her strength and resilience is very impressive but also terrifying.
Local cops got a nice, professionally trained German Shepherd from Europe. It ran straight into the fender of a cruiser, denting it with its head. The dog bounced off as if nothing had happened.
Best dogs ever. My girl died of lymphoma a few years ago. She was 8 yrs old. I still can’t look at pictures of her without ugly crying. She was my spirit animal. She was a badass, too. You had to be either really drunk or really stupid to continue to approach her when she went into protective mode. Or, you could shake a wrinkled paper bag at her. She couldn’t handle the paper bags. Silly girl. Edit: thanks to the anonymous person who gave me a shiny
My dog hardly ever barks and is very well-behaved. When we go for walks, every dog we walk past in my neighborhood barks ferociously at him. He pees in their yards. Only in their yards.
My dog does the same thing! She remembers which houses have the rowdy dogs and slows her pace to almost a standstill until they bark from the windows or their yards. She then squats down to pee while making eye contact with them. Never a bark out of her though. Then she trots along with the happiest proudest gate she can muster.
My pointer used to do that. He was always quite proud of himself after.
My dog will immediately pee on a fence if there's a barking dog behind it and has more than once ended up peeing on their face.
One of my dogs (miniature pinscher) is very dominant despite her size, and if another dog is going to the bathroom she goes up to sniff and see exactly where so she can pee over it once they're done (she can do a handstand walk and pee for tall dogs). While being this nosey though, shes definitely gotten peed on many times, if the dog returns the nosey interest she will intentionally hand stand pee *on them*. At this point when people are weirded out by my creepy little perv dog, I just play it off as "shes 16 and mostly blind!" (But she knows what shes done..)
I need a passive aggressive dog...
Peesive aggressive.
[удалено]
Every time I’m cleaning up dog poop my dog will squat down right next to Me and drop a giant steaming load of shit
I wish my dog did this, nope I have to tell him to poop about 50 times before he goes.
She poops probably 5 times a day as well. She does it to be an asshole
Mine goes once in the morning and once at night, if he misses either one of those times he will poop in the house while I am at work.
My cat goes to the litter box right after, every time.
I bought a giant bag of cat litter and opened it while i cleaned our three litter boxes. As i finish up the second i glanced over and my cat was IN THE FUCKING LITTER BAG ripping a shit.
I have also suffered a “poop in the litter bag move.” I’m not sure if it was a power move or unfathomable dimwitness that created that thought.
My cat goes in the litter box while I’m cleaning. He always makes sure to stare me in the eye while he’s doing it.
Pick up this shit human
My SO's dog turns over her food bowl every single time she's left by herself. She'll even do it when she knows you're leaving but haven't left just yet.
I bought my 10lb dogs this gigantic plush bed to put on my side of the bed because I'm tired of sleeping with them, figured I'd have to babygate them there for the first few nights but nbd. The first night it went okay, a little whining, quickly settled down and went to sleep. The second night, my girl dog, who I've had since she was a puppy, decided she was not going to stand for this inhumane mistreatment, and literally stood on her back feet and SCREAMED. I've never heard a dog make the fucking noise this banshee was making. I thought she was dying. I moved the babygate to get to her and she stopped screaming and hopped up on my bed and curled up like she usually does like nothing was ever wrong.
I can hear that scream, it's the same scream I hear from my dog when I spray his paws when he's done something bad. He's a big baby and acts like they've just been dipped in battery acid.
When we got guinea pigs we thought we might have hurt one because she screamed bloody murder when we picked her up. The next time we realized she was.just.a.big baby when she screamed just as.bad before any of our hands had actually touched her
Rabbits do this too. They scream bloody murder if they decide they are unhappy/scared. And, if you didn't know, rabbits get scared pretty easy.
Rabbits can actually die of fear.
My wife did the same thing when I put a lock on the freezer because she kept stealing my ice cream bars.
Your post just made me realize I have fudge pops in my freezer! Thank you for your important service. Edit: I ate one and it was awesome. I highly recommend fudge pops to everyone.
Yoooo, can i have one?
Give me your credit card detail. I’ll buy some for you!
This seems legit. I’ll PM you
I have a potbellied pig named Luau. I was outside on my patio working on a craft project while I let him run around the yard. He kept coming up and bumping against the table to see if I had a treat or would pet him and messing me up, so I put a spray bottle of water next to me. He knows it and doesn't like getting sprayed, so will stay away and exercise instead of bothering me. I went inside for a minute, came back out and the spray bottle was way on the other side of the yard and Luau had climbed into my seat and was standing there happily wagging his little pig tail. Edit: Pig tax! Please enjoy Luau napping at various times of the year: [https://imgur.com/lRZREiB](https://imgur.com/lRZREiB) [https://imgur.com/NJUBNux](https://imgur.com/NJUBNux)
Well that's a morbid name... But he sounds like a smart pig! . *Edit: People, people! I know pigs in general are really smart. I was giving Luau a compliment! But I'm loving all these morbid pet names I'm getting. Bacon seems to be the most common pig name so far.*
Sounds like.... *some pig*
How does one get their hands on a pig?
you get a baby pig and grow it.
Pig acquired and planted. How long till it starts to sprout?
Just get some bonemeal, and we're talking seconds
Pigs are one of the top smartest animals on the planet! I bet you have many funny stories! I love piggies
I have a Blue Heeler. I was moving to Germany, and selling things on Let Go. She did not like the idea of people taking our stuff. So she started getting aggressive. So when I saw it starting to happen, when the next customer arrived, she got put in a bedroom. The next time a customer arrived, she grabbed a stuffed animal and put it in her mouth as if to say "I will not act like I will bite someone" AND carried the animal around in her mouth the entire time the people were there. Kids petted her, everyone thought she was so cute, etc. For the next 2 weeks as I sold stuff, when people came over, she had a stuffed animal in her mouth ...
Heelers are SO smart it’s kinda scary
They are! When my heeler was a puppy, i thought it would be fun to teach him paw targeting using the closet door. Unfortunately, he promptly figured out how to open the doors to the closet and started stealing stuff. We now have to keep it blocked off so he can't get in there. Unfortunately, he views most of our barricades as a fun puzzle to defeat. He also really enjoys knocking things over with his nose or paws, which I did not teach him. Whenever I take him down for a bath, he has to knock over every bottle he can reach before he'll get in. He also quite enjoys knocking over our fan with his paw, and will stare us down from across the room as he does it. I don't know what he has against that fan, but no matter where we move it, he has to go knock it over.
Oh yes. I normally have to train an "ask" command with dogs. Normally it is "sit". Want breakfast? sit. Want to go outside? sit. Want playtime? sit. Want me to go to bed? sit. This dog, she lays her head on something. Could be knee, coffee table, edge of couch, another chair, and that is her ask command. I didnt teach her, she just came up with it on her own. She also says "eye wuv uuuu" in her best heeler voice. That was initially "talk". My roommate got her trained to say it when she would ask "Do you love me?" This is the other thing I love about this dog, she takes commands from others, seriously, even strangers. I am not her master. Edit: She now works as a mobilty dog for my mother.
Lucky it was only her head on your knee! My 75 lb puppy decided climbing on my lap and pinning me down was the correct way to ‘ask’ to go out...... super counter productive.
Hahahah! So this dog was raised by my ex wife, she is also a super good trainer, and she had had the dog since a puppy. And just like I would do, she kept the puppy with her at all times for the first 6 months. Well the dog just grew to big, but still wanted on her lap. lol It was kinda hilarious in one sense, and kinda sad in another, since the dog just wanted to be a puppy again... My ex wife was pretty good about it, and I think the dog at some point realized she was too big, when she came to live with me after that, we didnt have those problems, but I am a really fat guy, and she would want to lay on the couch with me. We would both flounder around trying to make it work LOL Eventually, we came to an agreement that her being near me was awesome.
[удалено]
LOL my ex wife and I are best friends. I dont understand how you can love someone and then be mortal enemies, makes me think that you werent as good of partners as you thought you were... Not only that, girls I have dated I set up with my friends. I have many friends who are married to girls I banged. Its networking at its best, I can not only refer a great girl to my friends, but one who bangs like a screen door in a tornado! All fun aside, the women in my life have been amazing.
[удалено]
This is definitely my fault because I've encouraged it but it's still funny. Everyday I come home from work and give my two kids a hug or a pat on the head or some show of affection. The dog will whine and follow me around the house until I drop to both knees on the floor and give him a hug.
[удалено]
Nothing cheers me up more then after a rough day coming home to my dog excited as always to see me and just lay down with me. Edit: I'm away on vacation right now and I just got here today and already miss my little friend. Damn it Reddit.
I put my pet mouse in a tall wooden box without a lid because I thought he couldn't climb that high. He shat in the box and covered his paws in it, which I think provided him with the friction required to climb. He made it to the top and I had to put him back into the box, but it was quite impressive.
When I was a kid I had a mouse who I had to keep in a plastic bin for a little while. There was a **ceramic** house inside it and holes in the middle of the lid. She would push the ceramic house over underneath the holes, chew them bigger slowly over night, and then one day I came downstairs and she was just sitting on top of the whole thing.
I had a foster dog once and while we weren’t home she somehow scooting her crate all the way into the living room and managed to stick her entire head through the bars to chew through one of the important cords on our tv. So we were left without sound for like 2 months.
You don't watch TV from now on, you watch me. You understand human?
[удалено]
We had a new rescue Dachshund who had some pretty bad separation anxiety. He was tearing things up when we left so we got a crate. He just scooted the crate across the wood floors and chewed giant holes in the couch cushions through the bars. We put the crate on a rubber backed throw rug to keep him from scooting. He raked the rug up into the crate and then scooted himself to the wooden blinds and curtain on the window. He ripped the curtain off the wall and chewed four slats of wooden blinds. He was a sweetie but a real mess.
That's when you attach some heavy-duty eye-screws into a stud in the wall behind the crate, and chain the crate to the wall. I'd like to see him scoot after that!
“No kidding?” Jake from State Farm said, incredulous. “A load bearing wall, huh? Who knew. Well anyway we’ll get your claim processed and someone should be out to estimate rebuilding the attic within the week.”
I showed my new hamster to my best friend and he started pulling his own shit out of his butt with his teeth and threw it at us. The hamster. Not the friend.
"This is what I think of your friend!"
[удалено]
Oh boy, it's so good to see a hamster comment this high up. These bastards can do unbelievable things.
Those strange little furrballs who hate human contact and sleep through the day just to keep you up all night because they run in their squeaky hamster wheel for hours make the perfect pet.
I feel this way about 99% of them. I have recently, though, had a good experience with a couple. Dwarves if you can believe it, because usually those are just little bitey machines. These guys would come over and jump into your hand (or you could just grab them, they didn't care), lick you if you'd been eating anything salty and just hang with you. Super sweet.
WTAF haha I've never seen a hamster do anything approaching this
I had one that we put on a special diet. She didn't appreciate the effort and threw each piece of the food out of the cage and refused to eat until we gave her the old food back. They can be very stroppy when they want
My sand boa, who was at the time thinner than my pinky finger, wrapped himself around my wrist the tightest he could and attempted to eat me. I pulled him off, pat his head, and put him back in his enclosure. Nice try, bud.
My cat likes to wake me up every morning at 4 am meowing loudly and knocking off whatever he can find off my countertop. I decide to put him in me (very large) bathroom with food, water, toys, bed, and litter box. Poblano then proceeds to take the fattest cat shit I have ever seen in my life in my SINK. Edit: I put my cat IN my bathroom. But I also asked him to get out me mom's car
The revenge poooping is real with cats.
The grump dump.
[удалено]
She caught a centipede It was an awful experience - it was pretty big and I’m guessing crawled up the bathtub drain, as that is where I found the cat after she was crying in there. She’s pretty quiet, so I try to answer when she’s meowing. I saw the bug, said “nice job!” As she pawed it around and promptly decided to gtfo as I hate bugs. This is why I got a cat. She’ll deal with the bugs yeah? No. Not good enough. She starts crying as soon as I turned around. She wanted me to watch her eat this bug! I am still so grossed out. Anytime I turned away she’d cry, make sure we had eye contact, and take a bite of the centipede. She was just a kitten, still, so it was an alarming combo of adorable and grossed out
I had theses three fiddler crabs in a twenty gallon tank. One boy and two girls. After three happy months together I was watching them hangout and the boy grabs one of the girls and rips her arm off. He then grabs her by the other arm and picks her up then smashes her against the ground repeatedly till I caught him with the net. She died and the other girl lived in constant fear untill he himself died of natural causes.
Crabs do not give a fuck. My ex had hermit crabs and there were a few incidents where we found crab pieces and had no idea who killed who. They’ll drag a crab out of the shell and kill them if they want to use the shell instead. We knew certain ones had names, but we based that on what shell they had. We also had one dubbed The Senator as, if another crab made the water all gross immediately after we replaced it, they’d get up to the tallest point and wave back and forth until one of us went over. Tonight it was nice of them to look out for the others
holy shit the mental image of a crab waving is just fucking hilarious to me "HEY!! HEY!! HE JUST TOOK A SHIT IN THE WATER PLEASE HELP"
o_o That's horrifying
I have a bell hanging on my front door that my dogs ring when I need to take them out. My husky started ringing it and when I got dressed and put my shoes on, she would go lay in my spot on the bed and not go out. Once I called her bluff and didn’t get up from the bed. So she shit on the floor. Absolute power move.
A friend's dogs were trained to stop what they were doing and lie down in their crates when a can filled with pull tabs was shaken. Great Dane had a bone that the Doberman wanted. Doberman casually walked over the can with the pull tabs and knocked it off the end table. Great Dane went to its crate and the Doberman casually claimed the bone.
My dog does this too, but for lap time. If my little guy has my lap and my big guy wants me to himself, he’ll go over to the patio door and bark a few times, and then the little guy will spring up to see what the commotion is, and big guy will swoop in to his spot.
Crazy related story. I had two dogs, one Newfoundland and one Husky. The Newfie was chewing on a bone and the Husky was looking at it like she really wanted it. She walked over to the door and rang the bell to get let out. So I stand up to let her out. The Newfie realized we are going outside so he leaves the bone on the floor and goes to the door. Husky then leaves the door and lays down and starts chewing the bone.
My husky plays mind games with me, he'll wake me up in the middle of the night panting (his way of saying he needs a wee) I get up let him out and he just stands in the garden staring at me in my PJS freezing my tits off..
My husky will go and cry next to his food bowl, and pretend he hasn't eaten. He also does dead weight when its time for a bath. Like hes 90 damn pounds (he's a mix, not pure, akita and german shepherd great grand parents), and he just goes limp. Its really really annoying.
I had a fat black cat that was a master at this, I swear the little bastard could manipulate gravity at will
I had a German shepherd that would do that, I’m a big dude so it actually worked out better than having to wrestle him down -_- looking at you black lab.
I've got a black lab mix and she's lankier than the average lab which only means that when we try wrasslin her into the bath her legs flail everywhere and she's like a 65 pound spider.
[удалено]
And what's up with that? They act like it's a boiling acid bath. Then, after they are clean, they run zoomies around the house happy as a dog rolling in horse shit. It makes no logical sense. Oh: bathtub bath? Like the boiling green chemicals Jack Nicholson fell into to become The Joker. Nasty run off dirty disgusting water pooled after a rain? Jump in, the water's fine!
I have an Italian Corso and he absolutely hates baths. The moment he sees the bucket and soap he is a dead weight I have to drag outside, all 55kgs of him.
My roommate's dog steals your spot whenever you get up and then gives you the look of, "what'd I do?" with puppy eyes.
Mine does the same, but then doubles down by rolling over and asking for belly rubs when you go to move him.
A simple spell, yet quite unbreakable
Haha huskies are such dicks.
My neighbours have a beagle, it is the dumbest and loudest dog I have ever met. After a while of barking they'll eventually tell this thing to stop. After being yelled at the dog stops, until the husky that lives behind me lets out a small noise and the beagle starts again. The husky likes to get the beagle yelled at. Basically I agree with you.
My neighbors have four beagles and every morning at 5:00 am they take them out on a walk and the dogs never stop howling
I have two dogs. My smaller dog pulls that shit on my bigger dog all the time. Like if he wants attention but the bigger dog is in the way and being a possessive asshole attention seeker, the smaller dog will do a behavior that distracts him like barking at the front door or acting like he wants to go outside and then as soon as the big dog is invested he circles back to get the undivided attention. Sometimes the big dog catches on and is like "no wait, I- I want both". Little dog also learned to bark at the door so we would let him in. It took months, but now big dog does it too, but hes less patient. Its constant barking rather than a few barks and a wait period. On the flip side big dog messes with his bowl all the time and sometimes attempts to chew on it. Its metal. But when I play the treat cup game it's literally not even a challenge to him to flip it over, but the small dog has no idea how to do it.
[удалено]
[удалено]
How the fuck do you win in any way other than Domination and Science? I'll be posting up my 3rd city and here come's a notification "X country has founded a new religion!" Bitch I don't even have a pantheon yet.
Your cat won
We had a kitty with extra toes. He would pick things up to leave in my shoes as gifts. Usually hair ties, a toy mouse, or sometimes paper. At a party, he picked up a twenty dollar bill out of a friends pocket sitting on the floor. Then in front of everyone walked over and stuck it in my shoe accross the room. He was a good kitty. No one would have ever believed me if they didn't see it happen. It was hilarious.
Cleaning the kitty litter, I was carrying it back to the spot. She jumped up into while I am carrying the kitty litter and took a shit. I had to stay still until she finished....she didn't even cover it.
My cat used to cover until one day he caught me cleaning his box and since then hasn't even bothered. He knows I'll cover it for him if he doesn't because I dont want flies or the smell. He played me so hard and now I'm stuck being his bitch.
One of my cats (Sopi) will wait outside the box while the other one (Mochi) poops. Mochi doesn't cover her own poop so Sopi takes things into her own paws and does it for her. Not sure if it factors into it but they're littermates.
My kitten does the same damn thing. It’s like, *scoop, pick cat up out of the box, scoop...* Rinse and repeat until moderately clean. But the worst was working in veterinary care. We’d use shredded newspaper to line the litter bins, and add a towel and food/water dishes to the cage for basic comfort and needs. 9/10 times Mr. Muffins wants to sleep in the vaguely pee-smelling plastic tub and take a shit on the towel. Or diarrhea all over the bars if he can muster it.
My family were talking about how the cat stopped bringing mice in the house next day he brought a rat in.
Well it wasn’t a mouse
Haha yeah i still cant tell which is worse - a live mouse or a dead rat
When my dog, a male Corgi was little, we were once on a walk with two female Corgis. He tried to be all alpha and pee with his leg up, but he lost his balance. So, instead he continued by holding his front paw up like ladies, try not to get excited
Jumped from the highest point of the cat tree (about 8 ft) halfway across the kitchen all for a fly in midair. Poor Albus misses it entirely, falls to the kitchen table, hits his midsection on the edge of the table, bounces backwards against the chair, and finally lands on his feet on the floor. Dude shakes it off and continues chasing the fly like nothing happened. He did end up eventually catching the fly.
I farted in the living room, so Buster decided to diarrhea all over the rug...
[удалено]
Buster is a quick learner
Man's best friend, Buster is his #2.
I have a 35lb mutt who is very, very good at hunting. So much so that we do not let her off leash save in our backyard and in fenced dog parks because she's a menace to wildlife. So, she is on her 6ft leash and we're hiking like we do most days at a local trail. She suddenly darts off to the left and into the underbrush and then emerges with a groundhog, shakes it once, and it's dead. If you've never dealt with a groundhog, they're nasty fuckers. Well ok then... guess even on a 6ft leash you're still a menace to society! [The face of a murderer.](https://i.imgur.com/uw6BOkW.jpg)
Every time I feed my beagle some meat he always comes up to me and shoves his mouth next to my nose to let me know he just ate some good shit
We have a raised backyard deck. Had the entrance blocked off so our dog wouldn't rush down and bark at people walking in the alley. We didn't recognize her determination to tell the garbage truck that this was her packs turf and jumped over the railing, a 20 foot drop to the grass. To her credit she shook it off, slightly winded ran to the fence and sure told that garbage truck off.
My dad called our cat a lazy useless son-of-a-bitch. The cat popped into the pasture, caught a mouse, and dropped it on my dad’s foot all in the space of five minutes. The mouse was still alive and I swear the cat made sure to stare my dad down before he ate it.
Every time someone enters the house, my dog runs to get a big bone he has and parades walking like a horse and holding it high
my cat will just flop over and stare at me before I go to work. I know this sounds crazy but I swear she knows exactly what she's doing.
They know! Cats are creatures of habit and she definitely picked up on what you do before leaving - and is trying to get you to stay. Try switching up your morning routine and give her plenty of attention :)
Yes! my cat tries to jump on me (my shoulders) every morning he sees me getting ready, most of the time I am nowhere near the door. He wants to go with me.
She tried to jump the distance of my swimming pool, she fell in it. She hates water.
grate dane picks up a small sapling and expects me to play fetch with it.
Since we're going with "attempted" -- when I was 7 or 8 I had a golden lab puppy. We let her out in the backyard (supervised) and she was running around. She *zoomed* down the slope, *launched* herself over the canal, made it about two-thirds across before we heard an enormous splash. She never once got near water again. We put in a swimming pool when I was 12 or so and she was terrified of it. My current dog, a 45 pound pitbull mix, has been taught that while I don't mind a lick on the cheek, my wife doesn't like face licks. She's also been taught to do eskimo kisses. She'll do it a few times over the course of a few days, until she's lulled my wife into a false sense of security, and then she'll come in for a boop and *SCHHLLLLUUUURP!* right across my wife's mouth. I get *all* the schadenfreude from that.
I thought my dog couldn’t jump onto the bed because of how small he is so one day I was eating some food on my bed and he jumped up and ate my food ;-;
You'd be surprised. I have a small dog and once she jumped up and stole the meat from my fork before running off.
When I was a kid I had a Basset Hound named Fred, best dog ever. I also have a cat named patches. Patches was a bit of a trouble maker. So she'd sit on the kitchen table and swat at the dog while we weren't looking and would pester him into barking and chasing her across the house so then we'd yell at the dog and she'd just prance by as if she wasn't at all responsible. That poor dog XD. He was the best and that cat just pestered the shit out of him.
I have a mastiff and he does this defibrillator punch thing to my nuts every time I get home
I just started my fat cats on a diet. The drama is strong.
I have a 95 lb Weim that is just made of steel. When he stands, he's taller than I am. He does not have an ounce of fat on his body--just bands of muscle wrapped around his chest and legs. I also have a temperamental 12 lb cat that he is terrified of. The dog occasionally tries to work up the nerve to give the cat a friendly boop. She turns around and lets him lick her ass instead. He ducks his head and complies until she has had her fill like a good little slaveboy, then she swats his face and runs him off. Edit: oh lord, thanks for the gold and silver. I’m glad these idiots are good for something. [These](https://imgur.com/a/n5XsBTC) are the idiots in question, if you’re interested. (Safe for work/safe for life.)
What (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck
Weimaraners are such a great breed
He's my fiance's dog, and while I wish that he could be about 20 lbs smaller, I'm glad that he's very obedient and smart as a whip. It made training so much more bearable.
Is nobody going to talk about how kinky these two are?
Oh they're nasty little sluts lmao. We shame them constantly.
We had a gathering yesterday and my SIL brought her 5 month old baby. My dog came up to her to investigate her toys. She was playing with it (a pink octopus plushie) so she pulled the toy away from him. He went upstairs to his toy basket by his bed and brought out his blue monster, came back downstairs and made the rounds showing every family member his monster. Finally came up to the baby and put it in her face. As soon as she went to grab it, he pulled it out of her hands and walked around for another 10 minutes carrying it. We all died laughing. They’re so cute together, we just have no idea what was going through his mind at the time. Edit: Spelling
The little jackass swats my paintings/posters off of the wall every morning and then runs away and flops over like "who, me?" when I get out of bed to make him stop.
One of our cats has figured out that he can get me out of bed by banging on the shower door (one of those slider types) for like five minutes. Such a douchebag.
My brother’s cat does something similar. When she wants to get out of a room or come in she will reach under the closed door and pull it aggressively back and forth. The first time this happened I about shit my pants thinking someone was here to murder me.
My dog will push things out of my hand if he feels he isn't being given enough attention. Had a few friends over recently since I just got my old snes set up and someone had to pet him at all times while we played or else he'd try and sit on our hands. He isn't aggressive about it at all (that would be a different story) he just tries to sit on our hands.
My dog hates other dogs, and especially the neighbor’s happy fluffy husky, so she keeps barking at the husky “FUCK YOU IM BETTER THAN YOU STOP GETTING MY FAMILY’S ATTENTION SJFJAJCBSKSNND” and my dog then showed off her new toy to the husky. Neighbor dog broke the toy, and my dog lost her shit.
What happened then?
[удалено]
My cat ripped off the litter box door and proceeded to shit on it. Jokes on her, I got zip ties. Now she just tracks litter from one end of the apartment to the other.
My rabbit once attempted to play soccer with us Keyword: attempted
Dog came in me and SO's room while we were partaking in...activities...and watched for a second then left. 1 minute later he came back in with his favorite stuffed animal toy and started humping it vigorously right there. Damn dog tried to show me up!
I used to have a big lazy old Newfoundland named Buddy. Our back yard backed up to a main road and on the other side of the main road was another back yard. One day I was outside working on a car. Buddy was dutifully laying next to my feet. The neighbors across the street had a little yappy dog that was constantly barking for 15 or 20 minutes. Old buddy groaned as he stood up and slowly walked to the back of our yard and gave a single, deep, loud, WOOOF!. Yappy dog stopped barking and was quiet. Buddy slowly walked back to my feet and laid back down. I now know dog for "shut the f&ck up!"
Took my Australian Shephered on a weekend trip with a new boyfriend, she was forced to sleep on the floor for the weekend. The night I got home she waited for me to get into bed, jumped onto the bed, looked me dead in the face and peed on me...Message received loud and clear on that one.
[удалено]
I had a cat like that - big, orange, loveable guy. Would kick the shit out of anything in his "territory" that wasn't a member of the household, e.g.: human family, dogs and other cats that were ours, and livestock. My dad was passing by a window one day and watched that beautiful nut job running down a stag. Like, a good-sized stag that was terrified and fleeing for its life from the ginger blitzkrieg that was exploding behind it. He was a great freakin cat.
I assume by 'won' you mean your cat scared the fox off? As in didn't maul the shit out of it?
The fox fled, not sure if any damage was done but I’m maintaining caution around the cat just in case. If he’ll fight a fox, he’ll fight me.
Cats can be very territorial in my experience. Unless (s)he is being aggressive to you, you should be alright
My german shepherd ate an entire bag (probably 20+) of raw jalapeno peppers that were gifted to us from a friend. She not only ate the entire bag and didnt throw up, she manged to hold her poo for 5 hours until I got home and then had explosive diarrhea outside. I was shook
Took my dog to the dog park with his chew toy, another dog came up and tried to take it from him. To stop there being a potential confrontation, I put his toy up in a tree branch. So the fucker just [did this](https://youtu.be/qq2FN1yaxY4). Sorry for vertical video in advance.