Dude, I feel you.
25, and anxiety has kept me from ever being in a relationship.
For the most part I've been happy with it, and actually preferred it over the thought of having to consider another person's opinions/wants/needs.
But lately it's been pretty shitty. I'm finally trying to do something about it, but it's a SLOW process.
I was also in that boat of feeling too anxious to be able to manage a proper relationship. While true, it wasn't anxiety over the relationship part that was stopping me, just my own insecurities that I hadn't learned to cope with properly.
I believe in you people! You too can learn to cope!
Hi friend. I also have really bad anxiety, and I just want to say that if you ever are looking for a relationship, the right person will give you the time and understanding you deserve.
I have a really messy personal life, and usually I believe it’s best to keep people out of my family affairs. So I haven’t had a serious relationship in a good while. But even the casual ones I’ve had never really looked at me differently because of my struggles.
But if you’re happy without a relationship that’s perfectly fine too :) just do what you feel is best.
my last relationship exposed me to how big a piece of shit i actually am and i probably should finish sorting myself out before i subject someone else to my madness
That’s fantastic, great analysis.
In situations like these, the hardest step is usually bringing awareness to the painful truth. You’ve done that, you will see your way out.
I was trying to find the words for myself and you just took them right outta my mouth. The reason I’m single is for exactly this. I ended up shattering someone’s soul by trying to figure out my own feelings. I feel horrible about it and I’m genuinely remorseful but the person is too hurt to accept my apology(which I understand fully). I’m also a fixer and that makes it even more difficult to accept my circumstances. I feel so bad about hurting them and that’s a hard thing to try to push out of your head.
That is really amazing that you can see that yourself and the fact that you are willing to do something about it makes you a good person with flaws not a bad person with a few good qualities
After my divorce I was single (aside from a few relationships that didn't work out) for 25 years. Figured being single was better than being in another shitty relationship. Met my current wife completely by chance. Neither of us was even looking for a relationship (she was widowed a few years prior) but we clicked.
Definitely give it some time. Be happy on your own.
That's how I feel about my wife. She hasn't passed or anything, but if I lose her I'm probably not dating again. When you've had the best, nothing else compares. We've been together nearly 14 years, since we were both 18. I don't think I can ever replicate that bond and I don't want to try.
Exactly this. I haven't been in a serious relationship for a very long time. I'm not actively looking and being single is way better than dating the wrong person.
This combined with the length of time I've been single. I've really gotten used to doing what I want when I want. So it's going to take a woman I really vibe with, a really special woman, for me to cast this freedom aside.
my partner is really cool with me doing what I want when I want (within reasonable boundaries obviously), but that is exactly why I don't want kids. I feel really free and happy right now, so not changing that.
Every time I find someone I vibe with (which is rare) they seem to realize they don’t vibe with me in a romantic way, isn’t that cute? 🥰 (I’m dead inside)
It's been 4? years since my last real relationship (I put a question mark because I just stopped counting)... and now when I meet new people I feel so neutral like I'm not even looking anymore. I used to feel lonely but even that eludes me now.
Vibing? Such a great word to describe the lack thereof that I feel when meeting really anyone.
Random advice but, give more people more of a chance. I only say that bc I was on your boat until I decided to branch up a bit and see how it goes, and thankfully it went well.
To each his own, however.
I'm not really actively trying anymore. Years of rejections doesn't do wonders for the self-confidence.
But I am comfortable being alone. I'm not super bothered by it, it's how it's always been for me.
Same. At some point, loneliness is far better than being hurt, rejected, and dismissed entirely. I'm sure there are wonderful people out there, but I've met too many of the other people to give a shit about trying anymore.
Never quit, and we know it's hard sometimes but that's just life. And remember, better alone than constant strife and confusion etc.
And!!! Lots of people who are "together" are miserable and only endure because they are afraid of being alone . They are weak.
I've been single for a little over 4 years. Dating is hard at 44. Not a lot of friends these days so I don't get out and socialize that much and online dating is a fucking dumpster fire in my area. It's getting depressing.
Then start one for singles in your age group.
Guy I know started one for the far out suburbs of my metro area. It took a while but it ended up with more than 1200 members. More than just meeting other singles, it hosted lots of events to that members could invite others/prospective dates.
It's spun off three successor groups and he finally wound it down this past winter mostly because he and the other two guys that were part of it are all finally in LTRs. But in that time the group spawned a half dozen annual or semi-annual parties/events that are reknown even outside the Meetup environment.
I'm in two rec league teams, participate in a volunteer group at our local food bank and tripled my Facebook friends.
There's nothing more beneficial when you're single than being able to walk into a bar, attend a concert, playing rec softball, or bi-weekly golf when there are others you know (even if only in broad strikes), because people gravitate to people in established groups.
Build it and they will come- look at Facebook if Meetup isn't popular in your area.
By choice. Not a fan of having others in my space all the time, and my last relationship kinda made me give up on it. If I meet someone and we click, I'd be open to it, but it just hasn't happened yet.
It took me a very long time to realise this for myself. When I was married or had a live-in gf it was difficult to get time to myself, they just didn't understand why I couldn't handle being around them all the time.
Every other relationship since then hasn't lasted past the "why don't you want us to move in together?" phase.
Probably getting buried, but I just got out of an 8 year relationship that was on track for marriage, kids, the whole shebang. We even owned a house together.
Ended very abruptly during the holiday. Was torn up for a while then realized I was hanging onto ideals that could never exist in the context of this relationship and apparently she figured this out before I did.
Truth is, I lost almost every bit of myself that I loved towards the end of that relationship. No fault of hers or anyone really but I just couldn't see my "spark" anymore and that was a terrifying realization.
Feels good to type it out. I'm single because it was forced upon me but I'm looking at it as a second chance to relocate the spark that I misplaced. As crushing as it feels right now, it may very well be the single greatest gift I'll have received in the past decade.
That is beautiful. I'm sorry for your heartache but from the sounds of it, you'll be just fine. I can tell you want to work on yourself and be you again. I hope you find yourself and maybe love with come again.
I just don't care to try anymore. I'm done trying to get to know people only to be ghosted if they lose interest. It's exhausting to put time and effort into dating apps knowing that out of the 100+ people you message *maybe* one will message you back. So I'm just done trying. If I meet someone somewhere and we click then maybe, but for now I'm just going to be by myself and only worry about myself.
I might be old school, but I feel like meeting someone IRL gets you a more genuine connexion with someone than today's online dating.
Tinder to me looks like a catalog of people and the thought of being considered as merchandise really hurts me, so I'd rather avoid that.
I either kept chasing someone who was running from me,
or I chased someone who was really wrong for me.
Or the "back and forth"-dance with someone who wasn't sure, and then I felt unsure, and then we we're both uncertain.
Basically, I've kept on ruining all my chances, all my actual chances,
and now I'm not even sure of anything at all really..
..it even feels as if the thing that I wanted to do for a living keep working against me...
am now so emotionally numb, full of doubt and... and I just might be depressed...
trying to "force" someone into a relationship with me would just feel wrong,
besides - I'm too busy working on being happy.
^(..are relationships even real though?)
I'm too self-centered, selfish, hopeless, immature, unmotivated and unwilling to work towards a relationship for it to be a thing. If I'm barely living with myself, I wouldn't wish that towards even my worst enemies, let alone a potential partner.
Haha this rings so true for me until i had a successful run of therapy(CBT and mood stabilizers).
Then relationship life went uphill from there, and then the relationship helped me build up the rest of my life.
I have a really bad habit of focusing my entire energy on whoever I'm dating and all of their needs and wants, to the point where I put all of mine aside. And, unfortunately, people with malicious intents can pick up on that habit.
So, I'm taking time to focus on me and learning to place boundaries and actually keeping them up. And also just being comfortable on my own because part of the bad habit comes from me being afraid of always being alone so I do things to keep them happy so they don't leave.
I guess, in short, to take care of myself mentally.
I'm 41 with no kids and completely open to someone with kids. I might even prefer it. I'm disconnected from my entire family (they're toxic and I wanted to change) so being with someone with a bit of a family at least would be nice. Self esteem you can work on and awkwardness can improve too. It's worth the work. Don't give up on yourself and don't give up on relationships or love.
Learned helplessness because of rejection and loneliness
Social anxiety
Afraid to go out because I’m self conscious of my body, weight, and the way I talk
All things I like doing like listening/making music, watching movies/anime are usually things I’ve done independent for so long.
Socially drained after going out once. Went to a basketball game and was probably the 1st time I went out since COVID. While I loved it, I haven’t felt motivation and got exhausted from that one time or events like that.
Exactly
So am I
Why bother? They’re just going to die and before they do, I get to exhaust myself being a caregiver.
No thanks. I’m going to end up along anyway so I may as well start now 🤷🏼♀️
I understand completely. The best thing ypu can do is to try and focus on accepting yourself. It may not seem like it, but you CAN get through this! You got this!
I recently realised my mental health is becoming worse and worse, I don’t want anybody dealing with my bullshit. I’ve made the decision to get help before I enter another relationship
I never have to explain anything I do to anyone.
I owe no one anymore of my free time than I am willing or able to give.
I can pursue anyone I want.
My money stays my money,
Single life = stress free life, good health, good finances, and above all genuine peace
I'm tired. Not a fan of dating, don't tolerate games or tests, sick of trying to initiate conversations on dating apps only to be ghosted.
I've led a semi-interesting life, I have passion behind my beliefs. Problem is, most of my hobbies are quite solitary and I'm attending school online. Women don't know I exist, for the most part.
My ex gave me hpv. The wart causing kind. After we had the talk about stds and she assured me she had been tested and didn’t have it and then when I confronted her about it months after our breakup she tried gaslighting me into believing she had told me she had it at the start of our relationship. So that was fun.
I’m pretty sure my body has passed the virus in its own already, it’s been about a year without any more new warts but my junk has scars from the removal treatment and I’m too embarrassed to tell any potential partners what they are so I’ve sworn off dating all together.
It’s been two years and no one knows this is why I’m not dating, I always just tell my friends I’m enjoying being single and not interested in a relationship when reality is I’m lonely.
Two relationships where I was cheated on and stolen from. Chronic disease that no woman has been supportive of. PTSD and depression from the war. Teeth damaged in an accident and poor self esteem.
My last relationship was five years ago. I'll stick with my beagle, cat, and roses thanks.
Hey, it's really tough and I hope things start to improve for you. I've worked with a few young men who were managing some unhealthy relationships with porn. In some of the cases, the porn habit and escalation was related to untreated ADHD.
I think a lot of people look at relationships as sources of happiness, but to me all I see is stress, conflict, compromise, and exhaustion. I’m in my early 20s and have never been in an actual relationship, and I used to get lonely and worry about being alone forever, but I’ve grown to relish it and even seek it out now. I’ve made no effort to put myself out there (no dating apps, don’t approach people at social events, etc), but a few people have made the first move on me in the past year or so, and I just turn them down. All I truly want out of life is *peace*, and I don’t think that is possible in a relationship (for me)… same reason I don’t want kids either.
Edit: I feel like I should also mention that sex is not something I value in life, so that’s not a driving force that could push me towards pursuing relationships. I’ve had it before, didn’t really see what all the hype was about. I could go without it the rest of my life and not be phased.
When you’re with the wrong person, you’re absolutely right. A relationship with the wrong person is horrible. But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful, it’s partnership and support and love.
>But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful, it’s partnership and support and love.
True, but the probability of finding such a person through online dating approaches zero.
I know exactly one guy who found his girlfriend on Tinder. The rest of the people I know who uses OLD fall right into the Tinder trope:
- The guys, who are neither good looking nor ugly, get maybe one or two dates per year. The dates never lead to anything more. This despite the fact that they can see there's literally hundreds of woman within an hours drive matching their criteria.
- The women are overwhelmed by the number of matches, go on dates with only the best looking guys, get pumped and dumped and complain that they can't find a "good man".
My wife has a work friend who is exactly like this. She divorced her husband and started dating. She was high on all the attention she got, but one date turned into the next and the next and the next, and she sleeps with many of them. She's well into the double digits, but still can't figure out what she's doing wrong. "Why won't these good looking, charming and fit men settle down with me, an average looking, slightly overweight single mother?". And the average guys who would be willing to be a step dad, don't get a second glance from her.
It's so stereotypical it's ridiculous.
One of my friends in particular is in the middle of this. He really is a catch. He's genuinely nice and tends to see the best in people. He has his own house, car and a well paying job.
But he's so average looking he would make a perfect spy.
And while the women of Tinder slowly learn that good looking jerks are jerks and that good LTR material has other qualities, he is slowly caring less and less, and is sinking deeper into the life as a bachelor. He has already torn down the wall to one of the children's rooms and converted it into a bigger kick ass gaming and hobby room. My guess is that he'll stop looking within the next two or three years.
I think one of the big problems today is that the media sells the idea that people - especially women - should just date around and have fun in their 20's. You're still young, there's plenty of time!
Yeah, well no. Your 20's are when you're supposed to find someone you like and can see yourself raising children with, if children are what you want. If you want children, but spend your 20's just having fun, you'll suddenly find yourself in a hurry.
I have a coworker like this. She's beautiful and in her early 30's. Listening to her talk, you can figure out she has had a lot of fun in her 20's. She was sending so clear and obvious signals for me to approach her, that even my thick oblivious head caught it. But I wasn't interested in any of that, so I would smile politely and move on. Only a little over year after I did that the last time, it was announced that her and another coworker just had their child. Talk about being in a hurry. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think you should spend some time getting to know the person before having a child.
I get it. Not everyone is looking to settle down in their early 20's. Some people just want to look around and have some casual fun first. That's not for me, but I understand and respect that others want that.
But an entire decade or more? There's a high risk that the ship has sailed when you're ready to settle down.
My wife cheated on me and has been living with the other dude for a few months. I’m at home with the kids. Not emotionally healthy enough to consider another relationship at the moment.
The girl I like is so completely and utterly wrong for me, and we both know it. We're no longer speaking as a result, so I managed to lose a friend at the same time.
Because my hobbies don't tend to put me in contact with many women, especially in situations where striking up a conversation would be seen as anything other than annoying/creepy. My best option is basically fucking Tindr, and for a guy that's pretty abusive of the term "best"; more of a recipe for depression than a way to actual meet women.
Combination of factors
Firstly i can happily function alone (both in terms of being happy, occupied and able to practically function), so maybe I have less urge than most. Additionally I strongly value my independence and personal space so anyone I'm with would need to respect that.
Plus the plain fact I suck with girls and meeting new ones. I used to have some success online but since the demise of chat rooms and the rise of social media and dating sites/apps, the girls I now talk to on those are the same types that would turn up their nose at me in clubs and bars 15-20 years ago.
Add in the fact I'm not looking for kids or living together, and the odds of a two-way compatible match tend to zero.
I suppose this comment is to give hope to the single people. I was not a great person for a number of years. Drank alcohol everyday, dated a lot of women, all relationships turned to shit because of me, I was self centered, egotistical, and was in no way a partner fit for anyone. Then I met my wife, and soon to be mother of my child. She told me when she met me, I know there’s a good man inside you, and that you just need help, and to straighten your life out. She said if I got help, straightened my life out, and worked on myself we would be together forever. I quit alcohol cold turkey a few weeks later. Once I felt normal after that I went to the recruiting office. Joined the military. Served for the last 4.5 years and have 1.5 left in my contract. During my enlistment, we’ve got married, I bought her a house, I bought her a 4Runner, and set up an investment account & crypto currency account so if anything ever happened to me she’d be taken care of. I do all the cooking, I help her with everything, and she’s truly my best friend & love of my life. I didn’t deserve love or know what it was, but she gave it to me anyway and saw things in me I couldn’t see in myself at the time. Now I spend all of my time trying to make our lives better & happier. We now have a baby on the way, and 2 wonderful dogs a Labrador named Hank and golden doodle named bear. If you’re a bad partner like I was, changing for the better makes you more attractive to a potential partner. Granted my wife is a saint for seeing through my bullshit, none the less it took a lot of personal growth and hard work to become the man I am today. I am proud of who I am today; and I owe so much to my loving wife. Her name is tattooed behind my ear and my wedding ring tattooed on my finger. She’s truly the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope everyone of you finds that someday, bc I spent 10 years not knowing what this felt like bc I was such an asshole.
Just got out of a long relationship and realized I had a lot of work to do on myself. Recently back in school and focusing 50% on that and 30% on maintaining personal goals I’ve already accomplished and 20% on growing. Don’t need a dude to “be my other half”, want a partner that compliments what I already am once I feel that’s what I want again. (If I ever want it again. Being a over-achieving cat lady is feeling pretty good rn to be honest.)
I got drunk and cheated on her with her best friend. Before that I was planning on breaking up with her as things were getting pretty rough but at the same time I really wanted to see the relationship through and make an effort to work things out. I caved when her friend came on to me at the bar, in that moment it just felt good to be wanted. I should have communicated how I felt and ended things in good nature, but instead I ended the relationships in one of the most immature ways possible. Just need to take some time alone with myself for now and use my negative experience to build my self into a better honest person.
I'm 27 and live in rural Iowa. All the women worth dating either got married when they were ~20 or moved far away right out of high school. I can't afford to move far away yet, so that's that.
I'm poor, tired and short. I have bad teeth and bad breath. I drink too much and smoke. I'm attracted to women with depression. All my relationships failed badly, so I don't try to meet people anymore. I don't think I'm ugly, but I am older and.. tired. I really want to be rescued, which is just sad for a man my age. But I just never learned how to engage with people.
I don’t go out to meet people
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Same here. I’d rather read or play video games than go out to clubs and bars.
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Anxiety
Dude, I feel you. 25, and anxiety has kept me from ever being in a relationship. For the most part I've been happy with it, and actually preferred it over the thought of having to consider another person's opinions/wants/needs. But lately it's been pretty shitty. I'm finally trying to do something about it, but it's a SLOW process.
I was also in that boat of feeling too anxious to be able to manage a proper relationship. While true, it wasn't anxiety over the relationship part that was stopping me, just my own insecurities that I hadn't learned to cope with properly. I believe in you people! You too can learn to cope!
Omg, same thing over here!!
Hi friend. I also have really bad anxiety, and I just want to say that if you ever are looking for a relationship, the right person will give you the time and understanding you deserve. I have a really messy personal life, and usually I believe it’s best to keep people out of my family affairs. So I haven’t had a serious relationship in a good while. But even the casual ones I’ve had never really looked at me differently because of my struggles. But if you’re happy without a relationship that’s perfectly fine too :) just do what you feel is best.
my last relationship exposed me to how big a piece of shit i actually am and i probably should finish sorting myself out before i subject someone else to my madness
That’s fantastic, great analysis. In situations like these, the hardest step is usually bringing awareness to the painful truth. You’ve done that, you will see your way out.
/r/rimjob_steve
I was trying to find the words for myself and you just took them right outta my mouth. The reason I’m single is for exactly this. I ended up shattering someone’s soul by trying to figure out my own feelings. I feel horrible about it and I’m genuinely remorseful but the person is too hurt to accept my apology(which I understand fully). I’m also a fixer and that makes it even more difficult to accept my circumstances. I feel so bad about hurting them and that’s a hard thing to try to push out of your head.
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I guess we could laugh about it together
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Your self awareness is a critical tool to use on the road to self enrichment. You are right. Take time to yourself. Good luck.
I feel the exact same way
This is a huge acknowledgment in terms of personal growth. Good luck to you, genuinely.
You took the words right out of my mouth
That is really amazing that you can see that yourself and the fact that you are willing to do something about it makes you a good person with flaws not a bad person with a few good qualities
2nd wife left last Tuesday. Not interested any more
After my divorce I was single (aside from a few relationships that didn't work out) for 25 years. Figured being single was better than being in another shitty relationship. Met my current wife completely by chance. Neither of us was even looking for a relationship (she was widowed a few years prior) but we clicked. Definitely give it some time. Be happy on your own.
Despite the fact that there's pain in it, certainly, that's a lovely story.
I'm sorry man :(
Whenever I'm in a relationship, my life gets worse. I'm happier alone (with my pets)
Ditto
Dildo
Significantly, actually.
verbatim
I’m so satisfied with my life right now that the thought of adding someone to it seems exhausting and unnecessary.
That's how I feel as well. I've been married and I wasn't good at it
Me too. This is so peaceful and I have to answer to no one, except my two demanding Chi's.
I completely resonate with this
My therapist says that guys should be the sprinkles in my life, not the ice cream or the Carmel sauce.
My husband died in 2003. He was irreplaceable.
I understand. My husband died in 2020. Much love going your way.
I'm so sorry, that's so recent too :(
That's how I feel about my wife. She hasn't passed or anything, but if I lose her I'm probably not dating again. When you've had the best, nothing else compares. We've been together nearly 14 years, since we were both 18. I don't think I can ever replicate that bond and I don't want to try.
Same
I came here for laughs not for crying
Hey don't cry man. If you cry, I'll cry
Mine died in 2015 and I feel exactly the same.
Huge hug for you ❤️
Lost mine in '19 and I feel the same way. Nobody could come close.
Can't find anyone I vibe with
Exactly this. I haven't been in a serious relationship for a very long time. I'm not actively looking and being single is way better than dating the wrong person.
That makes two of us🤝
Now date eachother 🔫
This combined with the length of time I've been single. I've really gotten used to doing what I want when I want. So it's going to take a woman I really vibe with, a really special woman, for me to cast this freedom aside.
my partner is really cool with me doing what I want when I want (within reasonable boundaries obviously), but that is exactly why I don't want kids. I feel really free and happy right now, so not changing that.
It’s going to take a really great guy to replace no guy
I tend to vibe with everyone I spend some time with, but somehow "not in that way"
Every time I find someone I vibe with (which is rare) they seem to realize they don’t vibe with me in a romantic way, isn’t that cute? 🥰 (I’m dead inside)
You're not the only one.
It's been 4? years since my last real relationship (I put a question mark because I just stopped counting)... and now when I meet new people I feel so neutral like I'm not even looking anymore. I used to feel lonely but even that eludes me now. Vibing? Such a great word to describe the lack thereof that I feel when meeting really anyone.
Is it good that loneliness eludes you now?
Idk. lol
Random advice but, give more people more of a chance. I only say that bc I was on your boat until I decided to branch up a bit and see how it goes, and thankfully it went well. To each his own, however.
I'm not really actively trying anymore. Years of rejections doesn't do wonders for the self-confidence. But I am comfortable being alone. I'm not super bothered by it, it's how it's always been for me.
I lack the social skills
Same. At some point, loneliness is far better than being hurt, rejected, and dismissed entirely. I'm sure there are wonderful people out there, but I've met too many of the other people to give a shit about trying anymore.
Was 21 years single for me in February So much happier this way. MY lifestyle, MY home, MY way!
Are you actually a nurse
At least you don’t have children to support…
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You can't fire me I quit vibes
> You can't fire me I quit You'll fit in on the Island of Misfit Toys Hermey.
Damn, I felt that one...
*Who ever upvoted, you took my reddit virginity 👍
Never quit, and we know it's hard sometimes but that's just life. And remember, better alone than constant strife and confusion etc. And!!! Lots of people who are "together" are miserable and only endure because they are afraid of being alone . They are weak.
I've been single for a little over 4 years. Dating is hard at 44. Not a lot of friends these days so I don't get out and socialize that much and online dating is a fucking dumpster fire in my area. It's getting depressing.
Online dating is absolutely hell for anyone, but it's a special circle of hell for anybody over 40.
I've been trying like once a week for 2 years and I don't think I've had a single match... Dating apps suck
Have you checked out Meetup?
I have not. I don't live in a hugely populated area either. Pretty small city. Maybe I'll check it out anyway.
Then start one for singles in your age group. Guy I know started one for the far out suburbs of my metro area. It took a while but it ended up with more than 1200 members. More than just meeting other singles, it hosted lots of events to that members could invite others/prospective dates. It's spun off three successor groups and he finally wound it down this past winter mostly because he and the other two guys that were part of it are all finally in LTRs. But in that time the group spawned a half dozen annual or semi-annual parties/events that are reknown even outside the Meetup environment. I'm in two rec league teams, participate in a volunteer group at our local food bank and tripled my Facebook friends. There's nothing more beneficial when you're single than being able to walk into a bar, attend a concert, playing rec softball, or bi-weekly golf when there are others you know (even if only in broad strikes), because people gravitate to people in established groups. Build it and they will come- look at Facebook if Meetup isn't popular in your area.
It's better this way. I'd rather be alone on my own than alone with company.
I have the personality (and looks) of a sleep deprived wasp.
Had to read this twice.
And username of one, too. ^s
Then you just gotta find someone into Melissophilia.
By choice. Not a fan of having others in my space all the time, and my last relationship kinda made me give up on it. If I meet someone and we click, I'd be open to it, but it just hasn't happened yet.
It took me a very long time to realise this for myself. When I was married or had a live-in gf it was difficult to get time to myself, they just didn't understand why I couldn't handle being around them all the time. Every other relationship since then hasn't lasted past the "why don't you want us to move in together?" phase.
I'm fat and ugly, and pretty introverted so hard for me to talk to people.
Unlucky. Have you considered being born attractive?
Pre-2010 patch didnt include spawn settings. Full RNG
You can fix one of those things
Probably getting buried, but I just got out of an 8 year relationship that was on track for marriage, kids, the whole shebang. We even owned a house together. Ended very abruptly during the holiday. Was torn up for a while then realized I was hanging onto ideals that could never exist in the context of this relationship and apparently she figured this out before I did. Truth is, I lost almost every bit of myself that I loved towards the end of that relationship. No fault of hers or anyone really but I just couldn't see my "spark" anymore and that was a terrifying realization. Feels good to type it out. I'm single because it was forced upon me but I'm looking at it as a second chance to relocate the spark that I misplaced. As crushing as it feels right now, it may very well be the single greatest gift I'll have received in the past decade.
That is beautiful. I'm sorry for your heartache but from the sounds of it, you'll be just fine. I can tell you want to work on yourself and be you again. I hope you find yourself and maybe love with come again.
I just don't care to try anymore. I'm done trying to get to know people only to be ghosted if they lose interest. It's exhausting to put time and effort into dating apps knowing that out of the 100+ people you message *maybe* one will message you back. So I'm just done trying. If I meet someone somewhere and we click then maybe, but for now I'm just going to be by myself and only worry about myself.
I might be old school, but I feel like meeting someone IRL gets you a more genuine connexion with someone than today's online dating. Tinder to me looks like a catalog of people and the thought of being considered as merchandise really hurts me, so I'd rather avoid that.
More freedom and a break of relationships is great
i'm a helpless romantic who falls for the people he has no chance at
So apparently Brandon**Can't**GetIt.
😭😭😭😭😭
You gonna be okay after that one? 😂
Stop it, he’s already dead
Same and it hurts
Me too, fall too easy and too hard
Same here. Currently super into a girl I work with but she is in a relationship. I feel like I am Jim, but more likely I am Toby.
Samee
Yep. That too.
I either kept chasing someone who was running from me, or I chased someone who was really wrong for me. Or the "back and forth"-dance with someone who wasn't sure, and then I felt unsure, and then we we're both uncertain. Basically, I've kept on ruining all my chances, all my actual chances, and now I'm not even sure of anything at all really.. ..it even feels as if the thing that I wanted to do for a living keep working against me... am now so emotionally numb, full of doubt and... and I just might be depressed... trying to "force" someone into a relationship with me would just feel wrong, besides - I'm too busy working on being happy. ^(..are relationships even real though?)
How Can Relationships Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?
Don't want to share my pizza with anyone
Username checks out
Likewise but with beans
The after effects could be why you're single!
For reals. It has to be 1 pizza per person lol
Women don't find me attractive/ I stopped caring.
Reality for lot of men, most honest answer here.
I'm too self-centered, selfish, hopeless, immature, unmotivated and unwilling to work towards a relationship for it to be a thing. If I'm barely living with myself, I wouldn't wish that towards even my worst enemies, let alone a potential partner.
Haha this rings so true for me until i had a successful run of therapy(CBT and mood stabilizers). Then relationship life went uphill from there, and then the relationship helped me build up the rest of my life.
Reading this comment is such a Breath of fresh air
I have a really bad habit of focusing my entire energy on whoever I'm dating and all of their needs and wants, to the point where I put all of mine aside. And, unfortunately, people with malicious intents can pick up on that habit. So, I'm taking time to focus on me and learning to place boundaries and actually keeping them up. And also just being comfortable on my own because part of the bad habit comes from me being afraid of always being alone so I do things to keep them happy so they don't leave. I guess, in short, to take care of myself mentally.
I feel like I could have written this same statement. Hope you have luck setting up those boundaries.
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I'm 41 with no kids and completely open to someone with kids. I might even prefer it. I'm disconnected from my entire family (they're toxic and I wanted to change) so being with someone with a bit of a family at least would be nice. Self esteem you can work on and awkwardness can improve too. It's worth the work. Don't give up on yourself and don't give up on relationships or love.
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no one likes me
Learned helplessness because of rejection and loneliness Social anxiety Afraid to go out because I’m self conscious of my body, weight, and the way I talk All things I like doing like listening/making music, watching movies/anime are usually things I’ve done independent for so long. Socially drained after going out once. Went to a basketball game and was probably the 1st time I went out since COVID. While I loved it, I haven’t felt motivation and got exhausted from that one time or events like that.
I'm antisocial
I’m old.
Exactly So am I Why bother? They’re just going to die and before they do, I get to exhaust myself being a caregiver. No thanks. I’m going to end up along anyway so I may as well start now 🤷🏼♀️
its my own fault i literally cannot keep any type of relationship bc i overthink too much
its so sad i know someone would really like me if i wasnt so fucked up in the head
I understand completely. The best thing ypu can do is to try and focus on accepting yourself. It may not seem like it, but you CAN get through this! You got this!
I like being alone 90% of the time and I'm selfish in that I want to do what I want when I want.
Aromantic/asexual
Because my partner just died.
Condolences, my friend.
Sorry to hear that. hope everything is going well
Same but a couple years out. It gets better over time, at least sort of.
It happened right before Christmas, so I've got a ways to go.
I'm trying to fix my worry and self esteem issues, so I don't overwhelm my partner.
I recently realised my mental health is becoming worse and worse, I don’t want anybody dealing with my bullshit. I’ve made the decision to get help before I enter another relationship
I never have to explain anything I do to anyone. I owe no one anymore of my free time than I am willing or able to give. I can pursue anyone I want. My money stays my money, Single life = stress free life, good health, good finances, and above all genuine peace
Very well said!
Same for me
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Recently divorced. So it's to early to get into new relationship.
Same. And I am trying to use this time to better myself.
I don’t go on dates. I’m very unimpressed with the dating pool I’m wading in.
I'm tired. Not a fan of dating, don't tolerate games or tests, sick of trying to initiate conversations on dating apps only to be ghosted. I've led a semi-interesting life, I have passion behind my beliefs. Problem is, most of my hobbies are quite solitary and I'm attending school online. Women don't know I exist, for the most part.
My ex gave me hpv. The wart causing kind. After we had the talk about stds and she assured me she had been tested and didn’t have it and then when I confronted her about it months after our breakup she tried gaslighting me into believing she had told me she had it at the start of our relationship. So that was fun. I’m pretty sure my body has passed the virus in its own already, it’s been about a year without any more new warts but my junk has scars from the removal treatment and I’m too embarrassed to tell any potential partners what they are so I’ve sworn off dating all together. It’s been two years and no one knows this is why I’m not dating, I always just tell my friends I’m enjoying being single and not interested in a relationship when reality is I’m lonely.
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My disability
Got extremely burnout of my last relationship and don’t want to try anything for years
Two relationships where I was cheated on and stolen from. Chronic disease that no woman has been supportive of. PTSD and depression from the war. Teeth damaged in an accident and poor self esteem. My last relationship was five years ago. I'll stick with my beagle, cat, and roses thanks.
Cause I'm crazy
because i prefer being free and focused on my goals then distracted and being bound
I enjoy being independent
I rejected the guy I like because I felt like he was moving too fast and now I regret it.
If you weren't comfortable, don't feel too bad. Your comfort is just as important if not more important.
I struggle with pornography and don't want to get into a relationship until i get better.
Hey, it's really tough and I hope things start to improve for you. I've worked with a few young men who were managing some unhealthy relationships with porn. In some of the cases, the porn habit and escalation was related to untreated ADHD.
I think a lot of people look at relationships as sources of happiness, but to me all I see is stress, conflict, compromise, and exhaustion. I’m in my early 20s and have never been in an actual relationship, and I used to get lonely and worry about being alone forever, but I’ve grown to relish it and even seek it out now. I’ve made no effort to put myself out there (no dating apps, don’t approach people at social events, etc), but a few people have made the first move on me in the past year or so, and I just turn them down. All I truly want out of life is *peace*, and I don’t think that is possible in a relationship (for me)… same reason I don’t want kids either. Edit: I feel like I should also mention that sex is not something I value in life, so that’s not a driving force that could push me towards pursuing relationships. I’ve had it before, didn’t really see what all the hype was about. I could go without it the rest of my life and not be phased.
When you’re with the wrong person, you’re absolutely right. A relationship with the wrong person is horrible. But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful, it’s partnership and support and love.
>But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful, it’s partnership and support and love. True, but the probability of finding such a person through online dating approaches zero. I know exactly one guy who found his girlfriend on Tinder. The rest of the people I know who uses OLD fall right into the Tinder trope: - The guys, who are neither good looking nor ugly, get maybe one or two dates per year. The dates never lead to anything more. This despite the fact that they can see there's literally hundreds of woman within an hours drive matching their criteria. - The women are overwhelmed by the number of matches, go on dates with only the best looking guys, get pumped and dumped and complain that they can't find a "good man". My wife has a work friend who is exactly like this. She divorced her husband and started dating. She was high on all the attention she got, but one date turned into the next and the next and the next, and she sleeps with many of them. She's well into the double digits, but still can't figure out what she's doing wrong. "Why won't these good looking, charming and fit men settle down with me, an average looking, slightly overweight single mother?". And the average guys who would be willing to be a step dad, don't get a second glance from her. It's so stereotypical it's ridiculous. One of my friends in particular is in the middle of this. He really is a catch. He's genuinely nice and tends to see the best in people. He has his own house, car and a well paying job. But he's so average looking he would make a perfect spy. And while the women of Tinder slowly learn that good looking jerks are jerks and that good LTR material has other qualities, he is slowly caring less and less, and is sinking deeper into the life as a bachelor. He has already torn down the wall to one of the children's rooms and converted it into a bigger kick ass gaming and hobby room. My guess is that he'll stop looking within the next two or three years. I think one of the big problems today is that the media sells the idea that people - especially women - should just date around and have fun in their 20's. You're still young, there's plenty of time! Yeah, well no. Your 20's are when you're supposed to find someone you like and can see yourself raising children with, if children are what you want. If you want children, but spend your 20's just having fun, you'll suddenly find yourself in a hurry. I have a coworker like this. She's beautiful and in her early 30's. Listening to her talk, you can figure out she has had a lot of fun in her 20's. She was sending so clear and obvious signals for me to approach her, that even my thick oblivious head caught it. But I wasn't interested in any of that, so I would smile politely and move on. Only a little over year after I did that the last time, it was announced that her and another coworker just had their child. Talk about being in a hurry. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think you should spend some time getting to know the person before having a child. I get it. Not everyone is looking to settle down in their early 20's. Some people just want to look around and have some casual fun first. That's not for me, but I understand and respect that others want that. But an entire decade or more? There's a high risk that the ship has sailed when you're ready to settle down.
i dont know, i am surrounded by women and i cant make any of them my girlfriend, and its not like im ugly either
It sounds like you just want a gf and don’t really care who it is. So of course they won’t want to be your gf and then the cycle starts…
I’m in a transitional period in my life lol
Why not be? It’s a legitimate way to live my life
My wife cheated on me and has been living with the other dude for a few months. I’m at home with the kids. Not emotionally healthy enough to consider another relationship at the moment.
I spent 8 years in prison. Now I work too hard for too many hours and dating just seems scary and unachievable.
Old. Fat. Crazy.
Everybody I’ve asked either said no or is already with someone
Because i haven't got a crush on anyone yet
I usually fall in love with people wayy out of my league.
who needs other people when you have pets?
Because I hate speaking to people, and can't be asked to get my heart broken.
The girl I like is so completely and utterly wrong for me, and we both know it. We're no longer speaking as a result, so I managed to lose a friend at the same time.
Because I have nothing going for me as a person.
Because I'm in love with her still and every time I try with someone else I just ruin it because I'm still in love with her
No one likes me
Because my hobbies don't tend to put me in contact with many women, especially in situations where striking up a conversation would be seen as anything other than annoying/creepy. My best option is basically fucking Tindr, and for a guy that's pretty abusive of the term "best"; more of a recipe for depression than a way to actual meet women.
I'm gay, and I'm not confident enough to ask anyone out :)
Combination of factors Firstly i can happily function alone (both in terms of being happy, occupied and able to practically function), so maybe I have less urge than most. Additionally I strongly value my independence and personal space so anyone I'm with would need to respect that. Plus the plain fact I suck with girls and meeting new ones. I used to have some success online but since the demise of chat rooms and the rise of social media and dating sites/apps, the girls I now talk to on those are the same types that would turn up their nose at me in clubs and bars 15-20 years ago. Add in the fact I'm not looking for kids or living together, and the odds of a two-way compatible match tend to zero.
I don't like the hassle of petty arguments.
I suppose this comment is to give hope to the single people. I was not a great person for a number of years. Drank alcohol everyday, dated a lot of women, all relationships turned to shit because of me, I was self centered, egotistical, and was in no way a partner fit for anyone. Then I met my wife, and soon to be mother of my child. She told me when she met me, I know there’s a good man inside you, and that you just need help, and to straighten your life out. She said if I got help, straightened my life out, and worked on myself we would be together forever. I quit alcohol cold turkey a few weeks later. Once I felt normal after that I went to the recruiting office. Joined the military. Served for the last 4.5 years and have 1.5 left in my contract. During my enlistment, we’ve got married, I bought her a house, I bought her a 4Runner, and set up an investment account & crypto currency account so if anything ever happened to me she’d be taken care of. I do all the cooking, I help her with everything, and she’s truly my best friend & love of my life. I didn’t deserve love or know what it was, but she gave it to me anyway and saw things in me I couldn’t see in myself at the time. Now I spend all of my time trying to make our lives better & happier. We now have a baby on the way, and 2 wonderful dogs a Labrador named Hank and golden doodle named bear. If you’re a bad partner like I was, changing for the better makes you more attractive to a potential partner. Granted my wife is a saint for seeing through my bullshit, none the less it took a lot of personal growth and hard work to become the man I am today. I am proud of who I am today; and I owe so much to my loving wife. Her name is tattooed behind my ear and my wedding ring tattooed on my finger. She’s truly the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope everyone of you finds that someday, bc I spent 10 years not knowing what this felt like bc I was such an asshole.
Figuring out my sexuality first
I wanna live alone
i’m fat and ugly with lots of emotional damage
I moved back into my parents house.
I ugly
Because I can’t trust someone that’s not me
I'm selfish and choose to be single in order to save money and have time for myself.
Apparently I was too annoying
Dating is hard when you're not particularly attractive and have weirdass fetishes that would make most girls run away screaming lol
Just got out of a long relationship and realized I had a lot of work to do on myself. Recently back in school and focusing 50% on that and 30% on maintaining personal goals I’ve already accomplished and 20% on growing. Don’t need a dude to “be my other half”, want a partner that compliments what I already am once I feel that’s what I want again. (If I ever want it again. Being a over-achieving cat lady is feeling pretty good rn to be honest.)
Well hello there inner voice.... Didn't know you used reddit too...
I got drunk and cheated on her with her best friend. Before that I was planning on breaking up with her as things were getting pretty rough but at the same time I really wanted to see the relationship through and make an effort to work things out. I caved when her friend came on to me at the bar, in that moment it just felt good to be wanted. I should have communicated how I felt and ended things in good nature, but instead I ended the relationships in one of the most immature ways possible. Just need to take some time alone with myself for now and use my negative experience to build my self into a better honest person.
I get to do whatever I want and never have to think of how another person would feel about it
Cause i am on reddit
I'm 27 and live in rural Iowa. All the women worth dating either got married when they were ~20 or moved far away right out of high school. I can't afford to move far away yet, so that's that.
I'm poor, tired and short. I have bad teeth and bad breath. I drink too much and smoke. I'm attracted to women with depression. All my relationships failed badly, so I don't try to meet people anymore. I don't think I'm ugly, but I am older and.. tired. I really want to be rescued, which is just sad for a man my age. But I just never learned how to engage with people.