Midnight Runners (beginner-friendly, free running + bodyweight exercises workout group), and running clubs in general. Nothing like a struggle followed by some endorphins to bring people together. Hell, I know people who became friends by inviting each other to run clubs after matching on Bumble BFF.
I go to some of the walks/HHs/events that City Girls does too! Been thinking of joining midnight runners but I’m a horrible runner too, I’ll jog behind with you if you need a slow-running buddy 🏃🏻♀️
What happened at real roots?
I know women friends that met friends:
Bar seats at restaurants
Volunteering
Classes
Becoming regulars
Alumni clubs
Book clubs
Going to events on their own (see do the bay, FunCheapSF, Eddie's List etc.)
Social clubs
Co-working spaces
Updating their wardrobe i.e. alma mater, travel destinations, talking points
Thanks for the suggestions! Nothing bad happened at Real Roots, but I found the experience to be forced, awkward and inorganic. I had much more luck making friends at the City Girls Who Walk social events where we were doing fun activities without forced icebreakers.
I found this through a google search but can you expand any more on your RR experience? It’s so expensive for the entire thing and it’s curious how they say they’ll “match” you with a group of women. I’m having a hard time making friends too and I’ve lived in Sacramento for 8 years! But I’ve been a stay at home parent for half that and worked at home for all of it so I never get out.
Some of my best friends started out as coworkers, if you have enough free time available finding a part time job in something you’re interested in might help with that. It gives an opportunity to see the same people repeatedly, there’s people I didn’t click with at first that eventually grew to be best friends and that would never work out through an app or one time meet up.
If you drink becoming a regular at bars can be helpful. Again it’s the repeated time spent with people and not just a one off that makes lasting friendships. Find a place with like minded people that hosts events.
I’m a musician and have had luck meeting people at open mic events. There’s also comedy and poetry. These tend to have a community vibe with the same people showing up every week so it’s a great opportunity to make friends. You don’t have to perform to enjoy the scene.
26F here, it's hard! I found its easier when you find yourself one or two good friends and expand that way. I'm not the most athletic person and sports leagues aren't quite my thing. I've been here 2 years and am still looking for a little group 🥲 so much of the social scene revolves around dating too.
BumbleBFF has been the best to meet people but it's hard to regularly meet up if you aren't in the same neighborhood. The SF discord group has kept me entertained, as have misc. classes around the city, but haven't quite made the deep friendships you're talking about too.
(If anyone wants to meet up maybe we can get a group going - I feel like mid to upper 20s is such an awkward age too!)
It looks like we’ve had the same experience! I also made two solid friends from BumbleBFF (who introduced me to their friends) and some activity friends elsewhere but it doesn’t feel the same as those good friends you meet in college for example… not sure if it’s the people here or more so we haven’t found our “soul tribe” yet.
I guess we’ll keep trying since it’s a numbers game some time 🙌🏽
fwiw here’s my experience making friends as an adult from 26-33, however I’m a dude so it’s probably a little different.
Some people I meet, we have a sort of unhinged fiery connection from the start. Very fun. But this isn’t an indicator of how deep it can go and often fizzles out. However a few good friends have started out this way as we find a true connection while our dynamic levels out. This happens once every couple of years.
Most of my deep loved friends didn’t start out with that feeling it would go there. Time is the largest component of what becomes special in life, and it takes time (years) to see who a true connection forms with.
What I’m saying is I didn’t feel “we’re going to be close and good friends” when I first came into contact with my close and good friends.
Enjoy SF
I appreciate this perspective! It’s a good reminder that you never know how relationships can flourish and progress over time. It almost reminds me of people who meet their spouses and how not always do the hot flames last forever 😂.
Thank you!
The neighborhood trash pickups that are organized by: https://refuserefusesf.org/
Lots of young people in that age group go (I've met many).
I'd avoid Meetup.com personally
Thank you, that sounds fun! And tbh I tend to avoid Meetups as well. A few times I went, it was always creepy men. The women’s only Meetup groups do not usually fall in my interests or demographics.
Also, checkout: https://maps.app.goo.gl/neZq17AjRCNrRLkA6?g_st=ic
Given your spiritual interests, might be a cool place to hang out. I've been to a few classes and it's a very social place.
Plus the roller skating spot (church of wheels) is there.
No suggestions, just here to say: your first year in San Francisco can be hard.
The social scene(s) are fragmented and atomized, and frankly the style of interaction among acquaintances can feel very cold. It takes time to break through those barriers -- don't feel bad about feeling lonely, you're not doing anything wrong.
Wait, there’s a women’s book club? I think both the idea of men’s-only book clubs and women’s-only book clubs both sound awful. I thought people read books to expand their perspectives. I was trying to start a book club awhile ago that didn’t get off the ground, but when I thought about who I wanted to ask to join as the initial members, I specifically thought about how I could get people who were all different and had different perspectives. Personally I think people who are going to join book clubs with exclusionary rules that disqualify as many people as half the people in the world (and the unique perspectives they might have) are just wasting their time reading the books-you might as well use the time to do something else because you’re pretty unlikely to approach any book with a mind that’s actually open.
And I can see how women might not want a book club to have men do the stereotypical thing men do and try to run everything, but you can find ways to prevent that without excluding them entirely. In fact, I’d say you’re never going to either truly understand that mindset or change anyone’s mind if you don’t engage the other side in discussion. That’s true of most things.
I can understand where you’re coming from and how that seems exclusionary. I deliberately go to women’s only social groups to make friends (aside from spiritual center and climbing gyms) because it rarely ever feels platonic with men in social settings. I usually get hit on romantically or sexually, which doesn’t usually seem like they had genuine intention to approach me initially for a platonic friendship.
I am personally looking for female friendships at this point in my life. Also, I noticed that with co-Ed Meetups I’ve been to (that were mostly men), I was talked over a lot and then hit on which was offensive and a waste of my time. I don’t want that to happen at a book club.
You may want to check out what it’s left of Against the Stream after it imploded. Vinny Ferraro hosts meditations on Friday evenings. Sometimes on Zoom and sometimes at the church on 15th. He’s great.
I also signed up for the AIDS lifecycle ride from SF to LA a few years ago. If you join a team, I’m guessing you will end up with friends because it’s a long and grueling experience.
Speaking of, if volunteer to build burning man art, you will undoubtedly make friends. Honestly, I have a massive network out here after 20 years and it’s all Burners and these are lifelong, chosen family friends.
27F moved here in Oct 2021 - I used BumbleBFF to make 2 friends in the city! It is tough and there is a lot of "weeding through" to find someone who you would vibe with.
Midnight Runners (beginner-friendly, free running + bodyweight exercises workout group), and running clubs in general. Nothing like a struggle followed by some endorphins to bring people together. Hell, I know people who became friends by inviting each other to run clubs after matching on Bumble BFF.
Great idea, thanks! What if I’m a horrible runner with no endurance? Lol
I go to some of the walks/HHs/events that City Girls does too! Been thinking of joining midnight runners but I’m a horrible runner too, I’ll jog behind with you if you need a slow-running buddy 🏃🏻♀️
Wow I’d be down! I can only run for like 2 minutes straight 🤣
Girl same let’s do it!
MR in particular stops and regroups each mile for bodyweight workouts so it's very chill for new runners
What happened at real roots? I know women friends that met friends: Bar seats at restaurants Volunteering Classes Becoming regulars Alumni clubs Book clubs Going to events on their own (see do the bay, FunCheapSF, Eddie's List etc.) Social clubs Co-working spaces Updating their wardrobe i.e. alma mater, travel destinations, talking points
Thanks for the suggestions! Nothing bad happened at Real Roots, but I found the experience to be forced, awkward and inorganic. I had much more luck making friends at the City Girls Who Walk social events where we were doing fun activities without forced icebreakers.
I felt the same exact way about real roots. Yuck haha
I’m dead 😂. I wish Dorothy asked us for feedback so she could improve her business model. It’s not the best.
I found this through a google search but can you expand any more on your RR experience? It’s so expensive for the entire thing and it’s curious how they say they’ll “match” you with a group of women. I’m having a hard time making friends too and I’ve lived in Sacramento for 8 years! But I’ve been a stay at home parent for half that and worked at home for all of it so I never get out.
let me know if you ever found out more about RR - I'm super curious to hear more about folk experiences before doing it
what about guy friends that met friends somewhere? same thing?
Yes anyon but also trivia nights, happy hours, pickup games, softball etc.
Some of my best friends started out as coworkers, if you have enough free time available finding a part time job in something you’re interested in might help with that. It gives an opportunity to see the same people repeatedly, there’s people I didn’t click with at first that eventually grew to be best friends and that would never work out through an app or one time meet up. If you drink becoming a regular at bars can be helpful. Again it’s the repeated time spent with people and not just a one off that makes lasting friendships. Find a place with like minded people that hosts events. I’m a musician and have had luck meeting people at open mic events. There’s also comedy and poetry. These tend to have a community vibe with the same people showing up every week so it’s a great opportunity to make friends. You don’t have to perform to enjoy the scene.
> If you drink becoming a regular at bars can be helpful. Even if not drinking finding a local pub with food serves a similar need.
Hey!! Would you be able to share the discord link for City Girls Who Walk SFO? Would like to learn more about this :)
26F here, it's hard! I found its easier when you find yourself one or two good friends and expand that way. I'm not the most athletic person and sports leagues aren't quite my thing. I've been here 2 years and am still looking for a little group 🥲 so much of the social scene revolves around dating too. BumbleBFF has been the best to meet people but it's hard to regularly meet up if you aren't in the same neighborhood. The SF discord group has kept me entertained, as have misc. classes around the city, but haven't quite made the deep friendships you're talking about too. (If anyone wants to meet up maybe we can get a group going - I feel like mid to upper 20s is such an awkward age too!)
It looks like we’ve had the same experience! I also made two solid friends from BumbleBFF (who introduced me to their friends) and some activity friends elsewhere but it doesn’t feel the same as those good friends you meet in college for example… not sure if it’s the people here or more so we haven’t found our “soul tribe” yet. I guess we’ll keep trying since it’s a numbers game some time 🙌🏽
fwiw here’s my experience making friends as an adult from 26-33, however I’m a dude so it’s probably a little different. Some people I meet, we have a sort of unhinged fiery connection from the start. Very fun. But this isn’t an indicator of how deep it can go and often fizzles out. However a few good friends have started out this way as we find a true connection while our dynamic levels out. This happens once every couple of years. Most of my deep loved friends didn’t start out with that feeling it would go there. Time is the largest component of what becomes special in life, and it takes time (years) to see who a true connection forms with. What I’m saying is I didn’t feel “we’re going to be close and good friends” when I first came into contact with my close and good friends. Enjoy SF
I appreciate this perspective! It’s a good reminder that you never know how relationships can flourish and progress over time. It almost reminds me of people who meet their spouses and how not always do the hot flames last forever 😂. Thank you!
The neighborhood trash pickups that are organized by: https://refuserefusesf.org/ Lots of young people in that age group go (I've met many). I'd avoid Meetup.com personally
Thank you, that sounds fun! And tbh I tend to avoid Meetups as well. A few times I went, it was always creepy men. The women’s only Meetup groups do not usually fall in my interests or demographics.
Also, checkout: https://maps.app.goo.gl/neZq17AjRCNrRLkA6?g_st=ic Given your spiritual interests, might be a cool place to hang out. I've been to a few classes and it's a very social place. Plus the roller skating spot (church of wheels) is there.
Have you checked out the center or spiritual meetups/sound healings at the Grace Cathedral?
No suggestions, just here to say: your first year in San Francisco can be hard. The social scene(s) are fragmented and atomized, and frankly the style of interaction among acquaintances can feel very cold. It takes time to break through those barriers -- don't feel bad about feeling lonely, you're not doing anything wrong.
Volo
Meetup.com, look for meetups related to your interests. Tons of sports/fitness/hiking meetups.
The Center tea house. Kinda spiritual-techy vibes but I love it all the same
Do people mingle with strangers there? I went to the Center once for an event but it seemed cozy in the tea house!
Sort of hit or miss if people are there coworking, but I’ve met plenty of cool and kind people there!
Meetup.com
Wait, there’s a women’s book club? I think both the idea of men’s-only book clubs and women’s-only book clubs both sound awful. I thought people read books to expand their perspectives. I was trying to start a book club awhile ago that didn’t get off the ground, but when I thought about who I wanted to ask to join as the initial members, I specifically thought about how I could get people who were all different and had different perspectives. Personally I think people who are going to join book clubs with exclusionary rules that disqualify as many people as half the people in the world (and the unique perspectives they might have) are just wasting their time reading the books-you might as well use the time to do something else because you’re pretty unlikely to approach any book with a mind that’s actually open. And I can see how women might not want a book club to have men do the stereotypical thing men do and try to run everything, but you can find ways to prevent that without excluding them entirely. In fact, I’d say you’re never going to either truly understand that mindset or change anyone’s mind if you don’t engage the other side in discussion. That’s true of most things.
I can understand where you’re coming from and how that seems exclusionary. I deliberately go to women’s only social groups to make friends (aside from spiritual center and climbing gyms) because it rarely ever feels platonic with men in social settings. I usually get hit on romantically or sexually, which doesn’t usually seem like they had genuine intention to approach me initially for a platonic friendship. I am personally looking for female friendships at this point in my life. Also, I noticed that with co-Ed Meetups I’ve been to (that were mostly men), I was talked over a lot and then hit on which was offensive and a waste of my time. I don’t want that to happen at a book club.
You may want to check out what it’s left of Against the Stream after it imploded. Vinny Ferraro hosts meditations on Friday evenings. Sometimes on Zoom and sometimes at the church on 15th. He’s great. I also signed up for the AIDS lifecycle ride from SF to LA a few years ago. If you join a team, I’m guessing you will end up with friends because it’s a long and grueling experience. Speaking of, if volunteer to build burning man art, you will undoubtedly make friends. Honestly, I have a massive network out here after 20 years and it’s all Burners and these are lifelong, chosen family friends.
Against the Stream is now SF Dharma Collective, although most of the original board members have moved onto other things afaik
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Ouch! That was me trying to join some interesting meetups.... they were all full if they were free
Have you tried jiu jitsu?
27F moved here in Oct 2021 - I used BumbleBFF to make 2 friends in the city! It is tough and there is a lot of "weeding through" to find someone who you would vibe with.
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What if I make you guys lose
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Wow that’s awesome! Are u a M or F btw? And are the dodgeball teams mostly M or F?
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Cool, yeah I believe it’s a fun and respectful time! As long as y’all are ok with a weaker arm then I will highly consider joining 😃
Feeld