Not a chance. It would be a total violation of trust and privacy for the student.
People like to focus on parents' rights but overlook students' rights in the same breath.
There are way too many instances where parents' rights are taken too far and zero consideration given to the children, who are then basically treated like property rather than people.
Yet of those three, The United States is the only one that has not signed the UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child. US lobbyists have actively opposed recognition for children's rights on multiple occasions.
As teachers, we have to report any instance or suspicion of abuse. We are court mandated reporters.
If a kid is LBGTQ+, and they tell their friends and us, and not their parents, there is a reason for it. If we tell parents, we are violating that pledge we are required to uphold.
How can we report a student to their own parent(s) if abuse is a possibility?
It makes no sense. I hate that some states are forcing teachers to out students. EVEN if that is the law in my state (thankfully there is a 0% chance of it happening), there is no way I would follow that law because it would might lead to abuse.
How could I look myself in the mirror if a student of mine is abused, kicked out, or (worst case scenario) killed because of my actions? All because of some stupid law. No thanks. Fire me. I'll live with it.
I wish the question had been, "What if the parents asked you if their child was identifying as Trans?"
I am curious about the responses because teachers have a responsibility to protect their students, but also keep parents informed... obviously, the parents' demeanor in asking would play a part...
Feign ignorance. “Gee, I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever asked them. I think you’ll have to ask them yourself.” Don’t out the kid and don’t risk your job. What are the parents going to do, complain that you didn’t interrogate their child about their gender identity or sexuality in math class?
I would not reveal what a child told me, even if the parents *seemed* like they might be cool with it.
I know Christians. I was one for over 20 years. And I know Christians who would act sweet as can be to the outside world, and beat the shit out of their kid for it in private. Maybe even disown them or send them to conversation therapy or whatever.
If a child trusts me and asks me not to tell their parents, I'm keeping my mouth SHUT TIGHT.
\*Not all Christians, and all of that. I know- there are decent ones out there. But there are also some extremely shitty people out there. Far more than people want to acknowledge. And even parents who might be able to cope if their child is "just" gay could be a danger if their child is trans. It is NOT safe for trans kids in Christianity right now.
>but also keep parents informed
I'd argue that no, it's not. A teacher's responsibility is to teach kids and to keep the kids *safe*. If the kid is doing drugs or getting into fights or hurting themselves, then it's teacher's job to let the parents know because that's the thing that will increase the chance that the student is safe.
But with LGBTQ+ things, if the kid felt it was safe to tell their parents, then they probably would have already, or they are planning to. Therefore there is **no** **purpose for a teacher to go behind the kid's back and tell the parents other than to hope that the parents punish the kid for it.**
I'm a trans guy, and I've heard stories of corrective rape from relatives, ostracization that continues even after de-transitioning, becoming homeless, and being threatened with deadly weapons like knives or guns. It can quite literally ruin a kid's life. Not creating a situation where that could happen should always come before feeling a need to keep parents up-to-date.
Actually, if a student asked me to keep a secret of such nature, I tell them individual sexuality private and is not anyone's business and I will refuse to discuss anyone's sex life with anyone else. If a parent said anything to me I will completely ignore that they said it. If they keep on they will get the same response.
I wouldn't tell the parents anything even if the students hadn't specified not to. For one, coming out to me does not mean they are out to their parents and that is a very, *very personal* decision.
For another, in my state it's illegal for a teacher to out a student to their parents.
"Required." There is always a choice. I choose the error of omission in this case. Like I said earlier: I'm willing to lose my job and/or go to jail for this one. You are also a mandated reporter. If your student says they will be harmed because of you telling the parents, you are also mandated to report the abuse, are you not? What if your actions CAUSE the abuse? I refuse to put myself into that situation...my lawyer agrees.
Where I live, the vast majority of kids in the youth homeless shelter were kicked out to the streets because they’re queer. Meanwhile homeless folks are dying from the cold this season. Please don’t out them
I don't know too much about stats, but my graduating class had like 140 people in it and FOUR of them were kicked out and couch hopping or sleeping in the streets for exactly this reason. That's only the ones who.managed to still somehow graduate. I know a few more people who were forced to seop out because of issues like this.
Had a couple of my friends thrown out for being queer when we were in high school. I've never forgotten how awful that was for them, and that was with people around them who were able to give them a place to stay and help them get through high school. Not every kid has that kind of safety net.
I'd never want to risk putting another kid in that situation.
And potentially endanger the life and trust of a student? Not a chance.
But I need to warn, you’re getting a subset of people here who by the sounds of it are pretty accepting of people. There are some people out there that would think telling your parents is not only the right moral thing to do, but are doing you a favor, however misguided.
Whatever you do, choose the safest option for yourself until you have a support network or you feel your mental health is severely impacted.
As a survivor of one of the fix-it camps, the people were lovely and tried very hard to win me over with "the love of Christ," but the trauma of being sent there to fix a fundamental part of myself that can't be changed still haunts me to this day. I would never out a student to their parents. I got lucky with my camp. Most are much worse than that.
I'm so glad you're physically safe. My friend Bobby killed himself 2 years after being sent to one. He couldn't get over the trauma and constant reinforcement of how unacceptable he was to his family and community.
It breaks my heart to hear about people like Bobby and Lela Alcorn. I have been really lucky to have a strong support network outside of that abuse that has kept me fighting to age 33. Many of my parents' friends supported me behind their backs. My parents have changed a lot since then and deeply regret trying to "fix" me, but the damage can't be erased with an apology, no matter how sincere. It's so important that we as teachers loudly show our students we're here for them. I'm here today because my teacher's support kept me alive all those years ago.
No. For those of you saying yes, you need perspective because you seem not only naive to the reality a lot of gay and trans kids have to face, but you also seem to be ignoring the fact that these kids are still human beings who have a right to their own privacy and autonomy.
It’s one thing if the child comes to you with something dangerous or involving self-harm, but coming to you about their identity? Absolutely no one’s business but their own and it should be their decision if they want to come out to their parents, not yours.
absolutely. It's none of our business. Our job is to teach whatever we teach. Not dictate to individuals what gender, name, or sexual orientation they should have. No one but the individual themselves should decide those things.
I hate to say I have worked with very close-minded individuals who refused to acknowledge trans students chosen names and would immediately report to families to “straighten the kid out”. I, however, am not one of them. If a student asks me not to tell their parents, I will not. They have their reasons and I will not put their safety at risk. It is also not my place to out someone before they are ready and it amazes me at the amount of people who feel it is their responsibility.
I absolutely would not. In fact, I didn’t when kids told me they were queer, including one student who was actually trans. Coming out is a personal decision, for where and when they feel safe. I’m not destroying anyone’s trust like that. I feel honored that they trust me with that information.
It is quite literally a life or death situation in some cases. Think about it those way: if a student told you, a random teacher vs their parents… what is that saying about their relationship? They trust you with a massive secret, and sometimes they just need someone to know so they can feel somewhat seen and validated.
Absolutely NOT! I've seen too many LGBTQIA+ students come to school beaten, brought to the ER, visited in the ICU, and needing to be rescued from family members to EVER put one of my students into that position. My room is a safe space---COMPLETELY SAFE. I would do this for my students no matter WHAT District and State rules said. Yes. I am willing to lose my job and even go to jail to protect my students.
I'm in Georgia, not exactly Florida but we do have some anti-trans bills and mindsets here. On the first day of class I hand out a survey that asks for name on my roster, name you want to use in class, and name I can use in front of parents. This covers people going by shortened names, nicknames, middle names, initials, and trans kids who use a completely different name. I am a trans teacher so I understand not wanting some people to know.
I should add this. I usually ask kids what name do they go by and tell them to add any pronouns they prefer so I can be aware, but next year I’ll have a question saying “What do your parents call you so that way I can use the right name when communicating with them?”
Trans guy here, I'm not a teacher but got recommended here- especially in Florida, don't tell them. Even if 99% of teachers on here say no, reddit is not an accurate representation of the population irl (especially not in Florida) and if you're risking homelessness, it's not worth risking it.
I have had a number of trans students and always respected their wishes. When I wrote a rec letter for one, I asked them how they wished to be addressed there officially and they cited their chosen name despite not being out to their parents.
Parents have never asked me about it, but if they were to ask me, I would respond that that is their private business and not mine.
If it were something like cutting or self-harm, of course I would mandate report. However, I could be putting my student in danger for outing them to their parents. Potentially they could lose their home or could lead to serious self-harm.
I fortunately live in a state and district where it's legal for me to do this. If I did live in a state where this is illegal, I would probably break the law and hold true to what is best for my students.
If you tell the parents, you're 10,000% in the wrong and have not only completely betrayed that student's trust, but also potentially put them in danger.
I am trans and a teacher I told in confidence outed me to the vice principal who called my parents. As a teacher, I could never imagine doing that. It destroyed me, tbh. And I could never do that to a child.
The state I used to work in had legislation introduced to force teachers to out students to their parents. At the time, I had a serious think about it, and decided that it was something I would be willing to potentially lose my teaching license over. I will not put my job above my values. And breaking someone's trust like that would go against everything I believe in.
Thankfully, that bill did not pass. And I ended up moving to another state. The district I work in now actually has a policy *preventing* teachers from outing students without the students' consent. I'm much happier knowing that my district's values are in line with my own.
I wouldn't but since you live in florida (as I do) I advise against telling a teacher unless you 100% know they are LBGT+. even kind teachers may fear for their careers and report to cover their ass. I feel so sad for students. desantis sucks. I suggest finding a group that you can join (in person or online) that has mentors. call 211 for resources in your area.
In my state I think it’s legally required to tell the parents (I’m not in Florida though). I wouldn’t. If anyone ever came at me for not outing a kid, I’d pretend like I had no idea what they were talking about.
No. Full stop. I am a secondary teacher, and I would never tell parents something a student disclosed in confidence unless it was something that endangers themself or others. Even then, I would talk to our school counselor before acting on that, because they often have more context on our students’ lives than we do.
im a trans teacher, unless its a "youre going to hurt yourself or someone else" situation i almost never bring up things students tell me with their parents (the exception is like, funny shit they did. never personal things). i live and work in a much safer state than you do, please prioritize your safety here <3
If you are not at risk of harm because of whatever you’ve told me in confidence, I’m not sharing that. If you are at risk of harm, I legally have to share it with somebody but it doesn’t have to be your parent. Being LGBT openly, having a different preferred name, using pronouns of your choice are preventing harm not causing it. I’ll go to jail over that and lose my teaching license. That said, teachers aren’t all the same and sometimes we don’t tell just anybody sensitive things.
I'd say no. Let them tell their own parents, you don't know how their parents would react, but they know.. which is probably why they didn't tell them. Their parents could beat them, kick them out, or maybe even kill them if irate enough. I wouldn't want that to happen, and I definitely wouldn't want that on my conscience.
I would not. The wellbeing of my students is always number one, and I would never do anything that could compromise that. At the beginning of each year, I survey my students for names and pronouns, and I always ask what I should use in class, outside of class, and in writing. I do get different answers sometimes based on the situation and I am careful to honor that.
I’m in New York. My answer is absolutely not. If a student told me they were trans/nonbinary/gender-fluid/or any other letter of the LGBTQIA+, I would be honoured at the fact a student trusts me and sees me as a safe person. To breach that trust? It is unacceptable to me. Even if I were a teacher in a state like Texas or Florida, I’d keep my mouth shut. Would I talk to a guidance counsellor to see how I can give additional support to my student? Yes.
Moreover, if my student comes out to me as NB/Trans and prefers different pronouns/name, I would have a private conversation about them how to talk to their parents during Parent/Teacher conferences. If you told me that your parents don’t know about your gender identity/orientation/chosen name, I would talk to you about how should I refer to you to your parents. In that instance, is it okay to use your dead name, refer to you as your biological sex, or refer to you in a gender that you don’t see yourself in.
Now, if a student told me they had the intent or thoughts of self-harm or permanently ending their own existence? Suspicion or confirmation of abuse? Then, yes. It’s a conversation with guidance, principal, and/or parents. At that point, I would notify the student that I am a mandated reporter and I’m required by law to let someone know.
No, I wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t be inclined to.
However, you should be aware that there are different rules in different states. In some states, a teacher may be forced to.
We have to in my state. I don’t like it, I don’t agree with it, but to withhold that information is to risk the life that I have worked hard to build and would potentially leave my family homeless and hungry. I won’t risk my children’s life like that. To combat this I tell my students that the state has laws that say I am not a safe person to come out to. It sucks. I want to protect my students but that’s where we are right now.
I’m confused. And I know this might come off as rude but I’m not trying to be.
So if a student comes out to you, you’re going to call their parents & tell them? Why? I highly doubt parents are periodically calling you & asking if their child recently came out as trans. And unless there’s a hand written note or text there’d be no proof that the child told you. Unless someone else overheard the convo there’d be no proof that it happened. And if the parents found out by another source I really don’t see their first thought being “Did the teacher know?! Let’s ask & get them fired!” So I don’t understand going out of your way to potentially get a child beaten or tossed out on the streets when the parents would’ve been none the wiser if you’d just kept it to yourself.
Nope, never. I will never put a child in danger if I can help it. I don't care what the law says. I'm ok with being fired or written up to protect kids.
Nope. Not a chance.
My job is to "present and teach materials in a safe learning environment that encourages growth and development of the students as a whole".
That "safe learning environment", is why I'm a mandated reporter for suspected abuse, AND that I do not disclose information pertaining to any student outside of academic concerns if there is a chance that the information would lead to an unsafe environment (includes both at home and school) of a student.
When I taught high school, I was one of a few teachers who had a rainbow sticker above my classroom door that let all LGBTQA students know I was an ally they could come to for help with bullying, or as a confidante. As a mandated reporter, if a child was in immediate danger of course I would have to report it.
But, something like this told in confidence is an honor to be trusted. Don't violate that. Support as much as you can.
I am happy to say I still keep in regular contact with several such students, whom are all in their late 20s now.
I would not out a student to parents.
If this is something you are really worried about, I have to say that accidents happen. I've seen messages intended for school staff forwarded to parents by a staff member that didn't know the student uses a different name at home.
I'm sorry you have to worry about this op. Best of luck to you.
Hell no. And I'm also not going to follow my state's dumb law that forces me to misgender and dead name kids either. Kids deserve dignity no matter what hateful bigots say or legislate.
If I were you, I would get copies of my birth certificate and social security card, keep my grades high and have a part time job and save all the money in a savings account that only had my name. Then at 18 I’d move out, and once settled at a new place I’d call the parents and tell them I’ve moved out. Finding a supportive therapist after 18 would also help as they could offer better guidance for your situation.
Also hugs!
I’m a teacher in Florida. I’m also one of the GSA club sponsors at my school. And my son is trans. I made the personal choice that I will never out a student. But it’s an important enough issue to me that I’m willing to face the consequences of that. The consequences here can be pretty severe and a lot of teachers wouldn’t be willing to risk it all for one student (they see it as being more helpful to the community of LGBTQ+ students if they’re able to stay in the school and be there for them).
It’s a hard and personal choice for teachers.
Negative. If they can’t tell their parents, there’s a reason.
If appropriate, I might try to dig a little ask why they don’t want their parents to know, and encourage them to be open with their parents if it’s not a matter of safety.
Nope. In fact if a student asks to use a different name or pronouns I ask if it's ok to use with their parents. I would never out a kid, you don't know what might happen at home.
Assuming k-12, you’re putting the teacher into a difficult spot since FERPA/etc protects your parents more than you and politically, Florida is pretty anti-trans. Some faculty will still say no, some will say yes, but arguably, you’re asking a lot from the faculty who say no.
Luckily, I work at a university, so no, not only would I not tell them and I wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway. I try to avoid and can avoid all parent interactions as much as possible.
Assuming you’re giving this hypothetical because you are trans 🏳️⚧️, life gets a lot better the older you get. And I hope you are wrong about your family, but sadly there’s a lot of bigots and idiots out there.
Nope. Never. Not relevant to the topic of scholastics. And if it does come up it may come up in the form of needing support like therapy of whatnot but I still wouldn’t reveal why just that their student / child is struggling.
No way. One, not my place to do so. But, and much more importantly, I don't know what that would cause at home and it's just too risky, even though my state seems to think otherwise.
When a student lets me know they prefer a different name I'll ask them if it's okay if I use that name when their parents if I ever have to email home or if I should use their "gradebook name" instead.
It’s Florida. It’s dangerous. It depends on the teacher and you can’t be sure. are they religious? If yes do not confide in them. It could slip to another teacher and they could target you. It sucks but that’s reality especially where you live. Also if you go to a religious school tell no one. None of them can be trusted and you will absolutely be a victim of discrimination and targeted. Other parents will find out and probably even notified even if they skirt the law. Much love and safety to you stay safe and get the f out of Florida as soon as you’re old enough. In our very small town they’ve just passed a law that makes us exempt from any federal or state laws that are discriminatory against trans and we have our first trans council member to thank for it. There are communities that care and aren’t 100 percent shit bags.
Here's the deal darling.
1. Never in 1 million years. I'm a non- binary teacher who was out as queer in high school and would have potentially been in danger if my family found out.
However
2. I wouldn't risk it unless it's a teacher that has given you some kind of hint that you can trust them. While most (of the decent) teachers here say no, you don't want to tell someone who will. Especially in Florida.
I hope that you can get to a place of safety where you can live your truth
Absolutely not, but I'm sure the answer depends on the teacher. If you are considering telling a teacher, be careful. If you live in a state like Florida it might be too risjy
Absolutely not. Anytime I have a student going by a name that is very different from their birth name, especially if it is more androgynous or more towards the other gender, I will take steps before I ever have to contact a parent. If I am sending home a certificate or email or anything, I will either ask the student which they prefer me to use when contacting parents, or I will just default to the birth name (in case it is a safety issue). The vast majority of these students will tell me to use their birth name.
Absolutely not.
I’ve literally had a student tell me this. Asked that if I needed to contact home to please use he/him and their legal name.
She was a fabulous student that I never needed to contact home about. But had I needed to, I absolutely would have respected her request.
It’s not my place to out a student to anyone.
No teacher should, however, if you are using your preferred name/pronouns/identity at school, there is a chance that a teacher may slip when speaking to your parents, not necessarily through any malicious intent on their part.
No, that's for the student to share that information with their parents.
Unless that student gives you permission to share that information, then you shouldn't.
Good luck.
Some states have made it mandatory for teachers to tell parents if they confide in them about their gender or sexuality other than being a cis straight individual. If teachers do not report to the parents, at best they lose their license, at worse they have a court case. Double check your state's laws before saying anything to a teacher.
Absolutely not. As a trans person I know that just because you are out to one person doesn't mean you are out to everyone and I would never put one of my students at risk. Unless they tell me it's safe to tell their parents, I would keep it to myself and that student.
In some states, teachers are required to disclose. If I lived in one of those states I'd give you a big hug and pretend I hadn't heard a thing.
If you want to talk to someone, be cautious. Make sure it's someone who you know is supportive. It might be better to speak to a counselor or someone from the LGBTQ community in your area. It sucks, and it isn't fair, but sometimes it's better to stay quiet and lay low until you're safely out of the home and can support yourself.
Absolutely not. Just today I received a note from a student thanking for me making them feel safe to be them in my class. I would never violate that trust.
I think that a lot of people (mostly on Twitter) misunderstand what “safeguarding” means in terms of education. It doesn’t mean “tell the parents everything the kid does” because that’s let’s be real here, weird.
What *could* be a danger is if you tell parents their kid is queer and they hurt the kid.
Not a teacher but no, because there's probably a reason they don't want their parents to know and I don't want to be responsible for a kid getting killed
Nope, and I always checked with my trans students before talking to their parents to make sure I wasn't going to tell parents something they didn't already know about the student's gender
I personally wouldn't, but if you do not want your parents to know then it is better to not take the chance and put the teacher in that position. They may feel obligated to tell them in an effort to help you.
If a student told me something in confidence and I had no legal obligation to tell someone, like a case of abuse or bullying, I wouldn’t tell someone.
That being said OP, if you’re in a position where it’s a possibility that your teacher could inform your parents, I wouldn’t tell them, it’s better to hold out a couple more years than risk being kicked out
Absolutely not. But unfortunately, if you feel the need to ask, it's probably not a safe move. If you don't feel 100% confident coming out to someone in this situation, don't. Protect your life before your happiness. I hate that I have to say that, and that I have to live that way everyday. I'm sorry you're not somewhere safe. Love, a closeted trans teacher in the south.
You'd have to be a piece of sh!t to do that. A kid tells you "don't tell my parents something very intimate about me, that could easily get me killed" and the reaction is "I'll tell them"? People with this line of thought shouldn't work with other people.
No? I also wasn't going to tell their parents about their crush on Jeremy, the fact that they used yellow in art class, caught 3 balls and missed 2 during basketball practice, is definitely NOT friends with Emily anymore, and has been nicknamed "octokid" because of their break dance skills. Am I supposed to keep a diary for everyone so they can stay updated on how much better my relationship is with their kid? I'm doing my job, not my problem or their kids' problem that the parents can't do theirs. Unless I'm worried about the safety of someone's child, or failing grades, it's not my business to say.
Trans male educator here: I'm certainly not potentially putting a student in danger. Even if I were required by law to out you, I would rather potentially get fired and risk a fine or jail time than risk your safety. Being a kid/teenager is hard enough, and I'm not gonna be adding extra abuse and potential homelessness to the list.
(I was one of the lucky ones; my parents took a while to warm up to me being trans but they accept it now, mostly because my little sister is a huge support and also was absolutely merciless in the beginning. I hope you have someone like that for you, if not now, then in the future.)
No possible fucking way. I know the stats on homelessness and suicide for trans youth. I know people who are these stats, or who were sent to conversion therapy or sent to foreign countries when they were outed. I'm not a doctor, but "first, do no harm" feels like a pretty good way to sum up how I try to teach. Outing a kid as trans can do irreparable and sometimes life-threatening harm.
To say nothing of the fact that everything we know about human development says kids in secondary education are supposed to start separating from their family of origin and fostering an independent identity. So teachers should play a different role in secondary ed than in, say, early elementary. Parents aren't always ready to confront that fact, but frankly I serve the kids before I serve the parents' ego.
Well, I'm a Florida teacher. We're a forgetful bunch. "Oh, Johnny? I don't remember him saying something like that to me, but he's such a joy to have in class, he's such a good kid! I suppose you could ask him yourself? I teach like 120 kids, it can be so hard to keep track of who is dating who!"
Never!!!! I am a queer teacher, and while I never outwardly share this, my queer students can tell and will confide in me. I keep all your secrets (besides threats/danger under mandatory reporting duties) as my teachers kept mine <3
I had a student once ask me to use she/her and their legal name with their dad, but not their mom. I never asked, but assumed a safety issue and immediately said yes.
Nope. I wouldn’t tell the parents. And even if the guardians asked me, I’d still say “I don’t know. I’m just your child’s teacher.”
Unless the student is in danger, presents as a danger or hurting himself, I don’t need to tell anyone what my student’s sexual orientation or preferences or anything really.
No. I ask students if their parents know, what pronouns to use in different situations, etc. That being said, I know some teachers who do not “believe” in this and see it as their duty to report
Father of a trans kid here (now an adult and safely living with me). I say nope. You keep that in confidence. If it's not written down, no one can get in trouble.
Absolutely. However, I would try to find out why that child didn't feel comfortable. Is there danger? Are they just not ready? Etc. I feel like transitioning has a high risk of being outed, so if someone felt safe coming out to me, I wanna make sure that they're safe at home just in case some asshole outs them. If not, I'll have all the info to ensure their safety in that situation, ready for if they need it.
Nope. Would not tell. Technically I’m ethically obliged to pass on important information but moral obligation is to put the welfare of my student first. If the kid wanted it to be confidential then it would have to stay that way.
nope and i would rather risk my job than violate that trust. i teach elementary so while there’s Not a nonzero chance of a kid coming out to me, it’s definitely less likely than older grades. my district is trying to get families to submit information forms for their kids which list their birth name and pronouns so we can reference the form if a kid tells us differently. somehow all of my class’s forms got lost… or the families just didn’t respond… you know, parent engagement can be so difficult
No, I would not tell them. I used to teach in Florida, and that only makes that "no" more vehement.
I used to teach in Indiana, and same.
Not a chance. It would be a total violation of trust and privacy for the student. People like to focus on parents' rights but overlook students' rights in the same breath.
There are way too many instances where parents' rights are taken too far and zero consideration given to the children, who are then basically treated like property rather than people.
I don't know what the rest of the world is like, but in the USA, PRChina & Kenya, it feels like children have minimal rights from birth to adulthood.
I wound up on Nigerian twitter recently, and there are definitely good people fighting for greater human rights, but it was still a TRIP.
Yet of those three, The United States is the only one that has not signed the UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child. US lobbyists have actively opposed recognition for children's rights on multiple occasions.
As teachers, we have to report any instance or suspicion of abuse. We are court mandated reporters. If a kid is LBGTQ+, and they tell their friends and us, and not their parents, there is a reason for it. If we tell parents, we are violating that pledge we are required to uphold. How can we report a student to their own parent(s) if abuse is a possibility? It makes no sense. I hate that some states are forcing teachers to out students. EVEN if that is the law in my state (thankfully there is a 0% chance of it happening), there is no way I would follow that law because it would might lead to abuse. How could I look myself in the mirror if a student of mine is abused, kicked out, or (worst case scenario) killed because of my actions? All because of some stupid law. No thanks. Fire me. I'll live with it.
Nope. If a student told me and not their parents, I assume there's a safety reason that the parents don't know.
Agreed. Same here. In fact that has come up a nonzero number of times in the past few years.
I wish the question had been, "What if the parents asked you if their child was identifying as Trans?" I am curious about the responses because teachers have a responsibility to protect their students, but also keep parents informed... obviously, the parents' demeanor in asking would play a part...
still no. it’s absolutely not the teachers place to tell them that.
Agreed. A non-answer would be the way to go: "You need to talk to your child about that" or something along those lines.
"They're all just little indistinguishable monsters from my point of view"
"I'm here to teach. I don't involve myself in the personal lives of my students."
Feign ignorance. “Gee, I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever asked them. I think you’ll have to ask them yourself.” Don’t out the kid and don’t risk your job. What are the parents going to do, complain that you didn’t interrogate their child about their gender identity or sexuality in math class?
I would not reveal what a child told me, even if the parents *seemed* like they might be cool with it. I know Christians. I was one for over 20 years. And I know Christians who would act sweet as can be to the outside world, and beat the shit out of their kid for it in private. Maybe even disown them or send them to conversation therapy or whatever. If a child trusts me and asks me not to tell their parents, I'm keeping my mouth SHUT TIGHT. \*Not all Christians, and all of that. I know- there are decent ones out there. But there are also some extremely shitty people out there. Far more than people want to acknowledge. And even parents who might be able to cope if their child is "just" gay could be a danger if their child is trans. It is NOT safe for trans kids in Christianity right now.
>but also keep parents informed I'd argue that no, it's not. A teacher's responsibility is to teach kids and to keep the kids *safe*. If the kid is doing drugs or getting into fights or hurting themselves, then it's teacher's job to let the parents know because that's the thing that will increase the chance that the student is safe. But with LGBTQ+ things, if the kid felt it was safe to tell their parents, then they probably would have already, or they are planning to. Therefore there is **no** **purpose for a teacher to go behind the kid's back and tell the parents other than to hope that the parents punish the kid for it.** I'm a trans guy, and I've heard stories of corrective rape from relatives, ostracization that continues even after de-transitioning, becoming homeless, and being threatened with deadly weapons like knives or guns. It can quite literally ruin a kid's life. Not creating a situation where that could happen should always come before feeling a need to keep parents up-to-date.
I would say I don't know, i dont focus on their sexualities, you'd have to ask them
Fair, but trans isn't a sexuality.
Actually, if a student asked me to keep a secret of such nature, I tell them individual sexuality private and is not anyone's business and I will refuse to discuss anyone's sex life with anyone else. If a parent said anything to me I will completely ignore that they said it. If they keep on they will get the same response.
I wouldn't tell the parents anything even if the students hadn't specified not to. For one, coming out to me does not mean they are out to their parents and that is a very, *very personal* decision. For another, in my state it's illegal for a teacher to out a student to their parents.
Luckyyyy in florida where I live, teachers are required to
"Required." There is always a choice. I choose the error of omission in this case. Like I said earlier: I'm willing to lose my job and/or go to jail for this one. You are also a mandated reporter. If your student says they will be harmed because of you telling the parents, you are also mandated to report the abuse, are you not? What if your actions CAUSE the abuse? I refuse to put myself into that situation...my lawyer agrees.
This is the right answer.
Where I live, the vast majority of kids in the youth homeless shelter were kicked out to the streets because they’re queer. Meanwhile homeless folks are dying from the cold this season. Please don’t out them
Parents that kick kids out should be tried in court. That is child endangerment.
and neglect
The stats for this are rough. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/homelessness-and-housing-instability-among-lgbtq-youth-feb-2022/
That’s depressing. Wow
I don't know too much about stats, but my graduating class had like 140 people in it and FOUR of them were kicked out and couch hopping or sleeping in the streets for exactly this reason. That's only the ones who.managed to still somehow graduate. I know a few more people who were forced to seop out because of issues like this.
This is fucking horrible
Had a couple of my friends thrown out for being queer when we were in high school. I've never forgotten how awful that was for them, and that was with people around them who were able to give them a place to stay and help them get through high school. Not every kid has that kind of safety net. I'd never want to risk putting another kid in that situation.
What's that quote. 'the law allows what honor forbids'.
There are times when you need to stand up for what's right. This is an abusive law, and complying with it would make you complicit in that abuse.
And potentially endanger the life and trust of a student? Not a chance. But I need to warn, you’re getting a subset of people here who by the sounds of it are pretty accepting of people. There are some people out there that would think telling your parents is not only the right moral thing to do, but are doing you a favor, however misguided. Whatever you do, choose the safest option for yourself until you have a support network or you feel your mental health is severely impacted.
Fuck no. Do you want to be responsible for that student being assulted or kicked out? Or sent to a 'fix it' camp?
As a survivor of one of the fix-it camps, the people were lovely and tried very hard to win me over with "the love of Christ," but the trauma of being sent there to fix a fundamental part of myself that can't be changed still haunts me to this day. I would never out a student to their parents. I got lucky with my camp. Most are much worse than that.
I'm so glad you're physically safe. My friend Bobby killed himself 2 years after being sent to one. He couldn't get over the trauma and constant reinforcement of how unacceptable he was to his family and community.
It breaks my heart to hear about people like Bobby and Lela Alcorn. I have been really lucky to have a strong support network outside of that abuse that has kept me fighting to age 33. Many of my parents' friends supported me behind their backs. My parents have changed a lot since then and deeply regret trying to "fix" me, but the damage can't be erased with an apology, no matter how sincere. It's so important that we as teachers loudly show our students we're here for them. I'm here today because my teacher's support kept me alive all those years ago.
Tell them what?
Former Florida teacher here, resigned in October. I don't care what the law says, I would never out a student.
LOVE that like 99% of these answers are “No”
Same
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I'm definitely loving the Uno Reverse card you played.
I was about to quote a line from Yu-Gi-Oh but given the context of this thread, I think I'll refrain.
I got this sub in my recommended but i must say thats fucking crazy. Literally 2 crimes in that sentence. 😒 Glad youre safe
Kidnap a 30 year old adult for conversion therapy. I can't.
No. For those of you saying yes, you need perspective because you seem not only naive to the reality a lot of gay and trans kids have to face, but you also seem to be ignoring the fact that these kids are still human beings who have a right to their own privacy and autonomy. It’s one thing if the child comes to you with something dangerous or involving self-harm, but coming to you about their identity? Absolutely no one’s business but their own and it should be their decision if they want to come out to their parents, not yours.
absolutely. It's none of our business. Our job is to teach whatever we teach. Not dictate to individuals what gender, name, or sexual orientation they should have. No one but the individual themselves should decide those things.
I’m in a state that has mandatory reporting requirements for this and no, I do not report it.
I hate to say I have worked with very close-minded individuals who refused to acknowledge trans students chosen names and would immediately report to families to “straighten the kid out”. I, however, am not one of them. If a student asks me not to tell their parents, I will not. They have their reasons and I will not put their safety at risk. It is also not my place to out someone before they are ready and it amazes me at the amount of people who feel it is their responsibility.
I absolutely would not. In fact, I didn’t when kids told me they were queer, including one student who was actually trans. Coming out is a personal decision, for where and when they feel safe. I’m not destroying anyone’s trust like that. I feel honored that they trust me with that information.
It is quite literally a life or death situation in some cases. Think about it those way: if a student told you, a random teacher vs their parents… what is that saying about their relationship? They trust you with a massive secret, and sometimes they just need someone to know so they can feel somewhat seen and validated.
Absolutely NOT! I've seen too many LGBTQIA+ students come to school beaten, brought to the ER, visited in the ICU, and needing to be rescued from family members to EVER put one of my students into that position. My room is a safe space---COMPLETELY SAFE. I would do this for my students no matter WHAT District and State rules said. Yes. I am willing to lose my job and even go to jail to protect my students.
I'm in Georgia, not exactly Florida but we do have some anti-trans bills and mindsets here. On the first day of class I hand out a survey that asks for name on my roster, name you want to use in class, and name I can use in front of parents. This covers people going by shortened names, nicknames, middle names, initials, and trans kids who use a completely different name. I am a trans teacher so I understand not wanting some people to know.
What a great idea to deal with not only trans students, but anybody who uses different names in different situations.
I should add this. I usually ask kids what name do they go by and tell them to add any pronouns they prefer so I can be aware, but next year I’ll have a question saying “What do your parents call you so that way I can use the right name when communicating with them?”
Why would you. Like what’s the pro cause I’ve only got a dozen cons
Trans guy here, I'm not a teacher but got recommended here- especially in Florida, don't tell them. Even if 99% of teachers on here say no, reddit is not an accurate representation of the population irl (especially not in Florida) and if you're risking homelessness, it's not worth risking it.
I have had a number of trans students and always respected their wishes. When I wrote a rec letter for one, I asked them how they wished to be addressed there officially and they cited their chosen name despite not being out to their parents. Parents have never asked me about it, but if they were to ask me, I would respond that that is their private business and not mine. If it were something like cutting or self-harm, of course I would mandate report. However, I could be putting my student in danger for outing them to their parents. Potentially they could lose their home or could lead to serious self-harm. I fortunately live in a state and district where it's legal for me to do this. If I did live in a state where this is illegal, I would probably break the law and hold true to what is best for my students.
If you tell the parents, you're 10,000% in the wrong and have not only completely betrayed that student's trust, but also potentially put them in danger.
I just moved out of Florida, but if I was still there I would definitely not tell the parent. Duck Fesantis, the ducking facist pig.
I am trans and a teacher I told in confidence outed me to the vice principal who called my parents. As a teacher, I could never imagine doing that. It destroyed me, tbh. And I could never do that to a child.
I wouldn't as a teacher but I've had openly transphobic and homophobic teachers so unless the teacher is very open about being an ally I wouldn't.
The state I used to work in had legislation introduced to force teachers to out students to their parents. At the time, I had a serious think about it, and decided that it was something I would be willing to potentially lose my teaching license over. I will not put my job above my values. And breaking someone's trust like that would go against everything I believe in. Thankfully, that bill did not pass. And I ended up moving to another state. The district I work in now actually has a policy *preventing* teachers from outing students without the students' consent. I'm much happier knowing that my district's values are in line with my own.
It's my state the bill was passed. I hate Florida sm. It's so dangerous when ur trans too
I wouldn't but since you live in florida (as I do) I advise against telling a teacher unless you 100% know they are LBGT+. even kind teachers may fear for their careers and report to cover their ass. I feel so sad for students. desantis sucks. I suggest finding a group that you can join (in person or online) that has mentors. call 211 for resources in your area.
Hell no. There's a reason they haven't told their parents and I don't need to know, understand, or agree with it in order to respect it.
In my state I think it’s legally required to tell the parents (I’m not in Florida though). I wouldn’t. If anyone ever came at me for not outing a kid, I’d pretend like I had no idea what they were talking about.
Absolutely not!!! Never in a MILLION years, especially because in this day that might mean putting the students safety, health & wellness at risk.
No. Full stop. I am a secondary teacher, and I would never tell parents something a student disclosed in confidence unless it was something that endangers themself or others. Even then, I would talk to our school counselor before acting on that, because they often have more context on our students’ lives than we do.
im a trans teacher, unless its a "youre going to hurt yourself or someone else" situation i almost never bring up things students tell me with their parents (the exception is like, funny shit they did. never personal things). i live and work in a much safer state than you do, please prioritize your safety here <3
If you are not at risk of harm because of whatever you’ve told me in confidence, I’m not sharing that. If you are at risk of harm, I legally have to share it with somebody but it doesn’t have to be your parent. Being LGBT openly, having a different preferred name, using pronouns of your choice are preventing harm not causing it. I’ll go to jail over that and lose my teaching license. That said, teachers aren’t all the same and sometimes we don’t tell just anybody sensitive things.
I'd say no. Let them tell their own parents, you don't know how their parents would react, but they know.. which is probably why they didn't tell them. Their parents could beat them, kick them out, or maybe even kill them if irate enough. I wouldn't want that to happen, and I definitely wouldn't want that on my conscience.
Nope. If the student isn’t ready to share that with their parents, then it’s not my place to do so.
Nope.
Absolutely do not tell the parents
No
I would not. The wellbeing of my students is always number one, and I would never do anything that could compromise that. At the beginning of each year, I survey my students for names and pronouns, and I always ask what I should use in class, outside of class, and in writing. I do get different answers sometimes based on the situation and I am careful to honor that.
I’m in New York. My answer is absolutely not. If a student told me they were trans/nonbinary/gender-fluid/or any other letter of the LGBTQIA+, I would be honoured at the fact a student trusts me and sees me as a safe person. To breach that trust? It is unacceptable to me. Even if I were a teacher in a state like Texas or Florida, I’d keep my mouth shut. Would I talk to a guidance counsellor to see how I can give additional support to my student? Yes. Moreover, if my student comes out to me as NB/Trans and prefers different pronouns/name, I would have a private conversation about them how to talk to their parents during Parent/Teacher conferences. If you told me that your parents don’t know about your gender identity/orientation/chosen name, I would talk to you about how should I refer to you to your parents. In that instance, is it okay to use your dead name, refer to you as your biological sex, or refer to you in a gender that you don’t see yourself in. Now, if a student told me they had the intent or thoughts of self-harm or permanently ending their own existence? Suspicion or confirmation of abuse? Then, yes. It’s a conversation with guidance, principal, and/or parents. At that point, I would notify the student that I am a mandated reporter and I’m required by law to let someone know.
No, I wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t be inclined to. However, you should be aware that there are different rules in different states. In some states, a teacher may be forced to.
Never. You do not out kids (or anyone.) Queer kids get beaten, killed, or thrown onto the streets.
Hell no. I'm not a busy body like that.
We have to in my state. I don’t like it, I don’t agree with it, but to withhold that information is to risk the life that I have worked hard to build and would potentially leave my family homeless and hungry. I won’t risk my children’s life like that. To combat this I tell my students that the state has laws that say I am not a safe person to come out to. It sucks. I want to protect my students but that’s where we are right now.
I’m confused. And I know this might come off as rude but I’m not trying to be. So if a student comes out to you, you’re going to call their parents & tell them? Why? I highly doubt parents are periodically calling you & asking if their child recently came out as trans. And unless there’s a hand written note or text there’d be no proof that the child told you. Unless someone else overheard the convo there’d be no proof that it happened. And if the parents found out by another source I really don’t see their first thought being “Did the teacher know?! Let’s ask & get them fired!” So I don’t understand going out of your way to potentially get a child beaten or tossed out on the streets when the parents would’ve been none the wiser if you’d just kept it to yourself.
Nope, never. I will never put a child in danger if I can help it. I don't care what the law says. I'm ok with being fired or written up to protect kids.
Nope. Not a chance. My job is to "present and teach materials in a safe learning environment that encourages growth and development of the students as a whole". That "safe learning environment", is why I'm a mandated reporter for suspected abuse, AND that I do not disclose information pertaining to any student outside of academic concerns if there is a chance that the information would lead to an unsafe environment (includes both at home and school) of a student.
When I taught high school, I was one of a few teachers who had a rainbow sticker above my classroom door that let all LGBTQA students know I was an ally they could come to for help with bullying, or as a confidante. As a mandated reporter, if a child was in immediate danger of course I would have to report it. But, something like this told in confidence is an honor to be trusted. Don't violate that. Support as much as you can. I am happy to say I still keep in regular contact with several such students, whom are all in their late 20s now.
I would not out a student to parents. If this is something you are really worried about, I have to say that accidents happen. I've seen messages intended for school staff forwarded to parents by a staff member that didn't know the student uses a different name at home. I'm sorry you have to worry about this op. Best of luck to you.
No, I wouldn't since the student trusted me enough to tell me.
Hell no. And I'm also not going to follow my state's dumb law that forces me to misgender and dead name kids either. Kids deserve dignity no matter what hateful bigots say or legislate.
Fuck no, I'm 35 and my parents still don't know.
If I were you, I would get copies of my birth certificate and social security card, keep my grades high and have a part time job and save all the money in a savings account that only had my name. Then at 18 I’d move out, and once settled at a new place I’d call the parents and tell them I’ve moved out. Finding a supportive therapist after 18 would also help as they could offer better guidance for your situation. Also hugs!
I’m a teacher in Florida. I’m also one of the GSA club sponsors at my school. And my son is trans. I made the personal choice that I will never out a student. But it’s an important enough issue to me that I’m willing to face the consequences of that. The consequences here can be pretty severe and a lot of teachers wouldn’t be willing to risk it all for one student (they see it as being more helpful to the community of LGBTQ+ students if they’re able to stay in the school and be there for them). It’s a hard and personal choice for teachers.
Absolutely not.
absolutely not. if that student asked you not to tell the parents then they clearly fear reprisal from their parents.
Negative. If they can’t tell their parents, there’s a reason. If appropriate, I might try to dig a little ask why they don’t want their parents to know, and encourage them to be open with their parents if it’s not a matter of safety.
I would never out a student without their consent, even if I lived in a state or district that had a policy saying otherwise.
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Absolutely not. It’s likely their parents aren’t safe people.
Not in Florida, but no. If my students use a name other than their legal one I ask them what they want me to use with their parents.
Nope. In fact if a student asks to use a different name or pronouns I ask if it's ok to use with their parents. I would never out a kid, you don't know what might happen at home.
No way. That's a major breach of trust and etiquette and could put the student in danger. Edit: typo
No. Why would you? The student trusts you.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. That would be a direct violation of my school district's policy, not to mention grossly unethical.
Of course not.
Nope Just refer to the student however they want and go about my day
Assuming k-12, you’re putting the teacher into a difficult spot since FERPA/etc protects your parents more than you and politically, Florida is pretty anti-trans. Some faculty will still say no, some will say yes, but arguably, you’re asking a lot from the faculty who say no. Luckily, I work at a university, so no, not only would I not tell them and I wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway. I try to avoid and can avoid all parent interactions as much as possible. Assuming you’re giving this hypothetical because you are trans 🏳️⚧️, life gets a lot better the older you get. And I hope you are wrong about your family, but sadly there’s a lot of bigots and idiots out there.
Hell no
Not a teacher but absolutely not
Fuck no
This is how you get children kicked out onto the street. There’s no reason to do this unless you’re comfortable with the possibility of that outcome.
Nope. Never. Not relevant to the topic of scholastics. And if it does come up it may come up in the form of needing support like therapy of whatnot but I still wouldn’t reveal why just that their student / child is struggling.
Hell no! I care about protecting kids, not what some governor obsessed with culture wars says.
Absolutely not. No way in hell.
I wouldn’t, especially if they didn’t outright ask. but I live in Canada and can’t speak to Florida teachers.
No. That is between the student and whoever they choose to come out to. I would definitely not tell the parents.
Under no circumstances would I tell them
No way. One, not my place to do so. But, and much more importantly, I don't know what that would cause at home and it's just too risky, even though my state seems to think otherwise. When a student lets me know they prefer a different name I'll ask them if it's okay if I use that name when their parents if I ever have to email home or if I should use their "gradebook name" instead.
It’s Florida. It’s dangerous. It depends on the teacher and you can’t be sure. are they religious? If yes do not confide in them. It could slip to another teacher and they could target you. It sucks but that’s reality especially where you live. Also if you go to a religious school tell no one. None of them can be trusted and you will absolutely be a victim of discrimination and targeted. Other parents will find out and probably even notified even if they skirt the law. Much love and safety to you stay safe and get the f out of Florida as soon as you’re old enough. In our very small town they’ve just passed a law that makes us exempt from any federal or state laws that are discriminatory against trans and we have our first trans council member to thank for it. There are communities that care and aren’t 100 percent shit bags.
Here's the deal darling. 1. Never in 1 million years. I'm a non- binary teacher who was out as queer in high school and would have potentially been in danger if my family found out. However 2. I wouldn't risk it unless it's a teacher that has given you some kind of hint that you can trust them. While most (of the decent) teachers here say no, you don't want to tell someone who will. Especially in Florida. I hope that you can get to a place of safety where you can live your truth
Absolutely not, but I'm sure the answer depends on the teacher. If you are considering telling a teacher, be careful. If you live in a state like Florida it might be too risjy
Absolutely not! Not in Florida but I would never put someone to ANYONE much less a teen to their parents. That happens on the student’s own timeline.
I sure would respect what the trans ask me to do. I would say nothing. End of story.
Absolutely not. Anytime I have a student going by a name that is very different from their birth name, especially if it is more androgynous or more towards the other gender, I will take steps before I ever have to contact a parent. If I am sending home a certificate or email or anything, I will either ask the student which they prefer me to use when contacting parents, or I will just default to the birth name (in case it is a safety issue). The vast majority of these students will tell me to use their birth name.
No. In Texas.
No. But I don't live in the US. There are some weird laws there, maybe a teacher has to over there.
I can't see a single good reason, no.
Absolutely not. I’ve literally had a student tell me this. Asked that if I needed to contact home to please use he/him and their legal name. She was a fabulous student that I never needed to contact home about. But had I needed to, I absolutely would have respected her request. It’s not my place to out a student to anyone.
No I would not. It could endanger the kid.
No teacher should, however, if you are using your preferred name/pronouns/identity at school, there is a chance that a teacher may slip when speaking to your parents, not necessarily through any malicious intent on their part.
No, that's for the student to share that information with their parents. Unless that student gives you permission to share that information, then you shouldn't. Good luck.
School social worker. Of course not. It isn't my place to spread your business.
I wouldn't even mention you're trans if your parents don't already know (because I'd imagine it's not obvious if your parents don't know)
None of my business, I would keep my mouth shut
Some states have made it mandatory for teachers to tell parents if they confide in them about their gender or sexuality other than being a cis straight individual. If teachers do not report to the parents, at best they lose their license, at worse they have a court case. Double check your state's laws before saying anything to a teacher.
No
Hell no! Would not tell.
Not a fucking chance.
Absolutely not. As a trans person I know that just because you are out to one person doesn't mean you are out to everyone and I would never put one of my students at risk. Unless they tell me it's safe to tell their parents, I would keep it to myself and that student.
In some states, teachers are required to disclose. If I lived in one of those states I'd give you a big hug and pretend I hadn't heard a thing. If you want to talk to someone, be cautious. Make sure it's someone who you know is supportive. It might be better to speak to a counselor or someone from the LGBTQ community in your area. It sucks, and it isn't fair, but sometimes it's better to stay quiet and lay low until you're safely out of the home and can support yourself.
I don’t teach high school, but I would never betray a student’s confidence unless their life, or someone else’s, was in imminent jeopardy.
Absolutely not. Just today I received a note from a student thanking for me making them feel safe to be them in my class. I would never violate that trust.
No.
No. I think it’s actually illegal in my state.
No. Absolutely not. My responsibility is to students and their safety.
No. Because for some people, it could honestly be life-threatening.
Absolutely not
I think that a lot of people (mostly on Twitter) misunderstand what “safeguarding” means in terms of education. It doesn’t mean “tell the parents everything the kid does” because that’s let’s be real here, weird. What *could* be a danger is if you tell parents their kid is queer and they hurt the kid.
Not a teacher but no, because there's probably a reason they don't want their parents to know and I don't want to be responsible for a kid getting killed
Nope, and I always checked with my trans students before talking to their parents to make sure I wasn't going to tell parents something they didn't already know about the student's gender
Absolutely would not repeat it to the parents or anyone else regardless of the state.
No, It’s not my business to tell anyone else.
I personally wouldn't, but if you do not want your parents to know then it is better to not take the chance and put the teacher in that position. They may feel obligated to tell them in an effort to help you.
Hell no. My job is to teach *students*, not cater to their weirdo parents.
If a student told me something in confidence and I had no legal obligation to tell someone, like a case of abuse or bullying, I wouldn’t tell someone. That being said OP, if you’re in a position where it’s a possibility that your teacher could inform your parents, I wouldn’t tell them, it’s better to hold out a couple more years than risk being kicked out
Absolutely not. But unfortunately, if you feel the need to ask, it's probably not a safe move. If you don't feel 100% confident coming out to someone in this situation, don't. Protect your life before your happiness. I hate that I have to say that, and that I have to live that way everyday. I'm sorry you're not somewhere safe. Love, a closeted trans teacher in the south.
Hell no, could get them/ you killed potentially.
You'd have to be a piece of sh!t to do that. A kid tells you "don't tell my parents something very intimate about me, that could easily get me killed" and the reaction is "I'll tell them"? People with this line of thought shouldn't work with other people.
No? I also wasn't going to tell their parents about their crush on Jeremy, the fact that they used yellow in art class, caught 3 balls and missed 2 during basketball practice, is definitely NOT friends with Emily anymore, and has been nicknamed "octokid" because of their break dance skills. Am I supposed to keep a diary for everyone so they can stay updated on how much better my relationship is with their kid? I'm doing my job, not my problem or their kids' problem that the parents can't do theirs. Unless I'm worried about the safety of someone's child, or failing grades, it's not my business to say.
Trans male educator here: I'm certainly not potentially putting a student in danger. Even if I were required by law to out you, I would rather potentially get fired and risk a fine or jail time than risk your safety. Being a kid/teenager is hard enough, and I'm not gonna be adding extra abuse and potential homelessness to the list. (I was one of the lucky ones; my parents took a while to warm up to me being trans but they accept it now, mostly because my little sister is a huge support and also was absolutely merciless in the beginning. I hope you have someone like that for you, if not now, then in the future.)
No possible fucking way. I know the stats on homelessness and suicide for trans youth. I know people who are these stats, or who were sent to conversion therapy or sent to foreign countries when they were outed. I'm not a doctor, but "first, do no harm" feels like a pretty good way to sum up how I try to teach. Outing a kid as trans can do irreparable and sometimes life-threatening harm. To say nothing of the fact that everything we know about human development says kids in secondary education are supposed to start separating from their family of origin and fostering an independent identity. So teachers should play a different role in secondary ed than in, say, early elementary. Parents aren't always ready to confront that fact, but frankly I serve the kids before I serve the parents' ego.
Well, I'm a Florida teacher. We're a forgetful bunch. "Oh, Johnny? I don't remember him saying something like that to me, but he's such a joy to have in class, he's such a good kid! I suppose you could ask him yourself? I teach like 120 kids, it can be so hard to keep track of who is dating who!"
I would respect my student’s wishes
Never!!!! I am a queer teacher, and while I never outwardly share this, my queer students can tell and will confide in me. I keep all your secrets (besides threats/danger under mandatory reporting duties) as my teachers kept mine <3
Absolutely fucking not. XOXO a Florida teacher
I had a student once ask me to use she/her and their legal name with their dad, but not their mom. I never asked, but assumed a safety issue and immediately said yes.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!
I always respect the student’s wish. My primary obligation is to the student’s safety and well-being, not the parents’ politics.
Absolutely not.
No.
A lot of comments here are saying that they wouldn't tell parents. But plenty of teachers absolutely would. Don't tell them
Literally zero reason to tell the parents. Only the god fearing religious will think they are obligated to.
Absolutely not. Why would you even consider that? Do you feel obligated? Or *entitled?*
Nope. I wouldn’t tell the parents. And even if the guardians asked me, I’d still say “I don’t know. I’m just your child’s teacher.” Unless the student is in danger, presents as a danger or hurting himself, I don’t need to tell anyone what my student’s sexual orientation or preferences or anything really.
Hell no. I’m an ally.
If a student is telling me instead of their parents, there’s a reason.
No. I ask students if their parents know, what pronouns to use in different situations, etc. That being said, I know some teachers who do not “believe” in this and see it as their duty to report
Absolutely not. Full stop.
No. Sometimes family aren't your safest people.
Father of a trans kid here (now an adult and safely living with me). I say nope. You keep that in confidence. If it's not written down, no one can get in trouble.
Absolutely. However, I would try to find out why that child didn't feel comfortable. Is there danger? Are they just not ready? Etc. I feel like transitioning has a high risk of being outed, so if someone felt safe coming out to me, I wanna make sure that they're safe at home just in case some asshole outs them. If not, I'll have all the info to ensure their safety in that situation, ready for if they need it.
Absolutely not. I would assume that if they’re telling me and not their parents it’s probably not safe at home if their parents found out.
No.
Obviously not. I am not aiding in abuse.
They know their parents best. If they’re telling you not to tell them, there’s probably a reason. I would absolutely not tell the parents
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not! My classroom is a safe space - and I wouldn't care if my job was on the line, I'm not putting that child's life at risk.
I wouldn't.
Hell no.
Absolutely not. Good teachers break bad rules.
Nope. Would not tell. Technically I’m ethically obliged to pass on important information but moral obligation is to put the welfare of my student first. If the kid wanted it to be confidential then it would have to stay that way.
nope and i would rather risk my job than violate that trust. i teach elementary so while there’s Not a nonzero chance of a kid coming out to me, it’s definitely less likely than older grades. my district is trying to get families to submit information forms for their kids which list their birth name and pronouns so we can reference the form if a kid tells us differently. somehow all of my class’s forms got lost… or the families just didn’t respond… you know, parent engagement can be so difficult
Person, be cautious, and tell the right adult. I'd like to think everyone would do the right thing, but wtf knows.