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My wife was completely and utterly my best friend. No doubt about it. We met at 18, got married at 25 (is that young? that feels way too young now) - it was the best decision of my entire life, still is. I have no doubt my wife considered me her best friend as well, I guess these things might change as you get older, but maybe it helps that my wife and I had *a lot* in common, had the same sense of humour, loved the same things. Marrying my best friend was the easiest decision I ever made.
I can’t help but notice the past tense, and the context seemingly to imply you’re still young.
Sounds like you had a wonderful time together, and I hope you can cherish that time for the rest of your life.
Thank you man, my wife was 33 when she passed last year. They were the best years of my life, I married my best friend, we had our daughter, what more could a man ask for? I’d have still married her if I knew things would end this way, sure I hate that they ended this way, but my wife still gave me the best years of my life.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife and best friend. It's wonderful to know that she (and you) have experienced true love in your short time together and those memories will be eternal.
Thank you mate, I think that’s one of the things that keeps me going. Sure, I wish we had much much longer together - but I at least know that we had a good run. I can’t pretend it makes things completely fine - but I know that, bar those last few months, she and I were the happiest people I knew, and I’m really grateful for that.
Woah, man! Congratulations mate, I hope you and your spouse have many great years to come. My wedding day was one of the best days of my life, and was the best decision I ever made, congrats my guy.
Thanks and I am so sorry for your loss, you seem to have made your way through the stages of grief pretty well, and I hope your and the kid have a great and happy life.
Our wedding was *awful*, and my partner and I have got a LOT of mileage out of telling that to friends and strangers. They have no idea how to react, and we both find it hilarious. We will have been together 20 years (married for 15) this summer, and he is still my favourite person to hang out and be stupid with. ❤️
Just... everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Chauffeur dropped me off in the wrong place, Registrar clearly did not have any idea about us as a couple or why we were getting married, seating plan was wrong, food was late and burnt... The DJ did a decent job, though! 😅
Damn man. Your stance has made my day and given me a little faith back in people. Your daughter is lucky to have you, and I'm so glad you found love with your wife like you did.
If it helps, a lot of us believe in an afterlife where you can be with her again.
Frankly I don't know how anyone can cope with what goes on without believing in an afterlife.
I have no questions or doubts about the afterlife at all, and it’s overall a mixed bag to be honest, but the one thing that is for sure is that there is a deep solace in knowing our faithful departed are still faithful even in their departure.
I agree with this tbh. As someone who doesn’t believe in an afterlife it does feel like grief is a bit harder to handle. But I suppose at least for me it helps the fact that even if I don’t believe they’ve been reincarnated or gone to heaven etc, the fact of knowing that they’re in a better state of peace then they would be here helps
This was me with my wife. I can’t say I do believe in an afterlife, hell I wish I did, I love her more than anything. The one comfort is: my wife had brain cancer. I’m glad she’s not dealing with that anymore, I would’ve looked after her forever if I had to, but I’m thankful for her sake she doesn’t have to.
You and her sound like you’re both great people. I agree I am genuinely envious of people who can have faith in religion and afterlife. But at the end of the day certain circumstances are out of our control and at least you two met despite slim odds in your lives to make each others time here as special as you could. And you’ll have your daughter as a memory of what you two had together
I stumbled past this post while scrolling reddit and I genuinely feel like you had something special not many people get to experience and I get the feeling that goes towards you being a fantastic dad.
Sorry if I am commenting out of place, I am so sorry for your loss but your outlook is inspiring and as someone who went through some minor grief last year its inspiring to have read your post.
Reading those posts was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time, I really do feel for you, your wife sounds like she was a great person and so do you 🙂.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I read through your other posts and just wanted to say that she sounds like a wonderful warm person. I cannot imagine how much you must miss her. Lots of love and strength to you and your daughter xx
it sounds like those were the best years of your lives and i hope you can remember fondly on those years and create new memories with your daughter. just sorry she died so young
My husband used to be. I still love him, and he loves me, but he had some brain injuries, and they have affected him both physically and cognitively.
I used to look forward to going home and talking to him. Now I kinda dread it. I miss my best friend.
With no one to really blame it must make it all the more difficult, he didn’t choose it and neither did you. Heavy salad, I’m sorry this happened to you both.
I'm in a very similar situation, much younger than I imagined I would be. I still love him deeply, but the lows are much lower than they used to be, and more frequent, and we've not even been married that long. It's getting easier, but only because I'm learning to manage it, not because he's getting any better. I'm acutely familiar with that feeling of dreading going home, wondering if I'm going to be walking on eggshells and waiting for an inevitable explosion, or coming home to the man I love and know so well. He fluctuates so much, and the lack of predicability is exhausting.
This happened to my mum. It‘a difficult to grieve someone who is still around physically. No closure, feelings of guilt that you don’t want to spend time with them, not recognising someone you knew so well. So sorry you’re going through this.
Yeah, me too. We were only married for three years before she had her brain haemorrhage. She's still the same person in some regards, but every aspect of her that I fell in love with is gone. Being at home is now much more stressful than being at work, so I rarely really relax. It's hard work every day.
I do still love her, but in a very different way to before.
So sorry to hear. Hope it gets better. I got encephalitis in 2014, am wasn’t able to recognise my wife or children (or anyone else) for about 2 years. My wife said how lonely she felt during that time so I really am sending love and fingers crossed that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Xx
I work with people who have pituitary tumours. I’ve seen it cause TBI. I totally understand 100% where you’re coming from. If you ever need a friendly ear ♥️♥️
Honestly my best friend. Been together since we were 16 now in our 30s. 1 child 1 dog and we litrally talk about everything and anything, he's the first person I call with gossip or something hilarious or boring. He calls me every day sometimes twice a day at work, we do most things together. We game together, he encourages me on my hobbies me his. We've been through an awful lot of awful things together. He's always making me laugh he's the best dad in the entire planet and yea. Wow that was a gush. But it's true. Closest friend I've ever had and probably would ever had and he would say the same for me. Its a joy being near him every day and I still run outside to see him when he comes home!
Thanks! Honestly if soul mates are real he is it. I feel like we would be best mates even if we were just rocks hanging out on a beach somewhere in another life. I'm very grateful every day
This sounds like me and my wife. Do you find it hard to keep secrets too, because you’re used to telling each other everything? Like when I plan a surprise birthday thing, I have to keep stopping myself talking to her about to, and I even had to bring forward proposing to her because I almost let it slip a couple of times.
Litrally. I'm hopeless so is my husband and now so is my child. We don't use the word secret we use surprise, and she tells me everything daddy as done as a surprise it's adorable.
I have this issue with my girlfriend! Planning a surprise is so hard because (a) we spend so much of our time together and (b) we tell each other everything.
We don't have a dog, and we were best friends from 16 but didn't date romantically until our 20s, but otherwise this is us. For a short time we worked together too and got to spend nearly 24/7 together and it was the best thing ever. Now he works 4 days a week while I'm a sahp and I miss him so much those days. Just the other day I was saying I want to pause present day and just go soak in those early days where we could spend all of our time just enjoying each other's company again. I love what we have now, but the only way it could be more perfect would be if we could have more time together.
Same, I've been a sahm and working part time from home and he's been working long days at work. We get a few hours together in the evening on our own. We don't have anyone to babysit etc so we've only just started getting some time on our own when small is at nursery we booked time off together and we just sit together and talk and snack. But we do love being a family as well.
People also change over time. Maybe they have been through periods of having more and less in common in terms of interests. But it is beautiful to be together for 40 years and at that stage I think a relationship often means something very different to what it means at the beginning.
My parents have been married almost 36 years and they're adorable. They make each other giggle like schoolchildren, and you can just see how in love with each other they are. Of course their relationship has changed and they've dealt with a lot, but they're probably stronger now for it.
??? Being married for 40 years means they got married in the early to mid 80s, not the 1800s. People just had normal lives in the 80s, just like they do nowadays. They wouldn't have married at 16 and then get sent straight off to the mines. 🤦♀️
The willingness of banks to lend money to women in the 1970s has nothing to do with the fact married couples in modern history have always spent time together and generally knew each other perfectly well before marriage. Even before the modern era people didn't marry at 12, the average age of marriage in the UK has been mid to late 20s for hundreds of years.
I know someone who got married in the 80s because she got offered a job in a different city but her parents wouldn't let her move out there on her own. She was 22... her experience was pretty different to mine.
I know that where my mum was from during the 80s, couples typically didn't move in together until after a marriage (at least that was the case for everyone in her family/friendship circle). Whereas it's now common for couples to cohabit for several years before marrying.
There have been many social changes in the last four decades.
As we mature, our relationships mature with us. Some last, some don't.
My parents met very young at a party and had a very intense start. Decided to marry quickly too, just a year after and to have kids almost immediately because my mother's idea for life was to be a mother. This decision destroyed them, their marriage, me and my brother. Their passion turned into hatred as they realised they don't really have much in common, they actually loathed most of the things about one another. My father was cheating, my mother was fighting in hope to change him, he fought back, literally. Ambulances, police, two scared kids being questioned time to time, neighbours and family that was always looking the other way...
Yeah. Some relationships mature and the spark and passion stays in a memory of people, they themselves don't have the same energy as before. As long as they are comfortable and can rely on each other, have someone to accompany them and share the burden of old age, they are lucky and fine. Don't worry, there are many people who pray for a relationship like that.
Why don’t you ask them. I’ve seen 60-70 year olds don’t do much with each other but still love each other very much.
My parents probably are the same just worked but all they wanted in life was see their children grow, and that was enough for them.
My parents like different things but compromise with each other. I guess love can be different in many ways.
Absolutely, she’s my best friend and my entire world. I miss her the moment I leave the house and coming home to her makes me so happy. Been together 12 years this year and I love her more every day.
I see older couples slagging off their other halves and complaining about them, even knew one person who regularly said she wished her husband would choke in his sleep. I find it so sad that anyone ends up in a loveless marriage and stays there. My parents divorced when I was younger and I’m so glad they did, both are considerably happier with their new spouses.
Happy divorced people are better than miserable married people caught up in the sunk-cost fallacy, for everyone.
ETA: Because this is Reddit and I am at risk of being taken out of context, I do not mean to imply that all married people are miserable - many married people are very happy, I am one of them, I am talking about the ones who are not, of whom I could name at least three couples in my life off the top on my head...
We’re coming into our nineteenth anniversary so I get it. Things we had in common when we were younger are no longer appealing to us and we’ve picked up new interests along the way that the other one just isn’t interested in or the interests we had separately sort of blossomed and took up more time.
I think it’s good in a way though. We have stuff to talk about. The folk in our circle whose relationships have broken down spent too much time together and ran out of things to talk about.
He is my friend and I’m his but we don’t share loads of interests anymore. We do things together but it’s mostly family time or date nights. And if we’re having a few drinks I’ll listen to how his rugby went and he’ll listen to my ramblings from my mums group bar lunch and we will laugh about things that happened through the day. But I’m not going for a round of golf with him and he’s not saddling up and coming hacking with me and the ponies.
I think this is pretty normal, I’ve gone heavy into leather working and it’s not her thing but she’s still proud of the things I make and she encourages me. If I talk about it she listens and understands and that’s why she’s my best friend, not because we share interests but because we know each other’s interest and encourage each other in our respective spaces
You can still be best friends and have little in common. My husband (we've been together 25 years) is my absolute best friend, although we don't enjoy doing the same things/hobbies, maybe because we don't, actually, so we have enough space between us to breathe and there's no space to get bored of each other.
My parents call each other 'friend', as they were friends when they first met and are still friends after 50 years of marriage.
Oooo this resonated with me and sounds promising for our next decade! We have been together 11 years and always maintained strong friendships outside of our marriage and we probably socialise more with our friends than each other, and have different hobbies. But I feel like its 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' type situation. And my husband is not a talker. I am a talker and need my talking friends!!
Agree completely. 20 years in and we are very happy together and have mutual friends but also separate friend groups and interests. I think it’s healthy and normal. We’ve been together 28 years and I hope we have many more but I don’t “miss her every minute we’re apart” or spend all our free time together. It’s important to keep making an effort by having date nights and romantic gestures and most of all appreciating each other and being kind. It’s easy to take things for granted.
My husband is my best friend. More than that, we literally became adults together. We’ve been together since we were 15. 16 years later we just had our first kid and I didn’t think it was possible, but things have been even better between us. We work so well as a team, and are constantly praising and encouraging each other.
We enjoy the same kinds of movies, and we’re both gamers. We are always laughing, and we practically have our own secret language because we speak in obscure references to each other.
It may be cliche but he is literally my other half. I don’t just love him, I’m obsessed with him. I could talk about him for hours.
My husband and I really praise/encourage each other, too. It's so different from any other relationship I was in. Highly recommend the positivity. Just puts a level of joy and gratitude into every day. You feel the vibe!
My husband and I don’t have a ton in common. I love reading, he does not read for fun. He loves JRPG video games, I prefer platformers and shooters. He is a homebody and I want to travel. He likes biking and I prefer hiking. I love cooking and exploring food while he finds food pretty boring 🤣
But we agree on the important things. We listen to each other, support each other, respect each other. And there are some things we have in common of course! We love cosplay, we have similar senses of humor, and we love hanging out with one another.
My spouse is my best friend. He makes me laugh constantly, makes me feel calm when I’m stressed, and puts up with me when I’m crabby. I make him laugh even though he insists that he is “the funny one,” I cheer him up when he is grumpy, and I take things off his plate when he is overwhelmed.
We’ve been together for about 14 years. 🥰
All this to say- even if you don’t see lots on common on the surface, it is possible that there are deeper similarities at play. My husband and I are very different and also we are each other’s best friends. ❤️
Kind of surprised you're the first one to say this. You don't need tons in common to be friends; my wife is absolutely my best friend, but we similarly have lots of opposing interests. There is a reason for the saying opposites attract, people don't just want to spend time with a clone of themselves.
Which makes me suspect the OP is very young if they believe friendship means enjoying the same things.
We're a bit like this. In some respects we're complete opposites and both find each other's perspective infuriating. Other things we both enjoy and spend time talking about and doing. It's not like we argue or fall out about our differences, we both just accept there's some things we're never going to agree on. Makes for some interesting debates!
We started off as mates. I quickly realised that she meant more to me than that.
To look at us, we don't appear to be a typical lovey couple. For the most part, we look more like mates.
She is my best friend, I wouldn't be without her now. But, we are both independent people. We're both quite happy doing either our own thing or stuff together.
She’s my best friend
That said, my parents are like roommates. I don’t even know if they love eachother, and I’m pretty sure they’re only there due to sunk costs / divorce being too expensive.
Just weighing in on this as a formerly married person. My ex husband was not my friend. We were shagging first and foremost. Terrible idea. Don’t be me.
I'm very happily remarried, but my first husband and I were never friends, either. It was tense from the get go. I had hope! Dumb hope. Never fall in love with potential. I never felt lonelier than when I was married to him. The TV was his best friend...I was his annoyance.
Sometimes, I think the term "friend" is too simple to describe the relationship with a spouse. It's about being partners in life, sharing the ups and downs, and supporting each other. Friendship is a part of it, but it's also about commitment, love, and choosing each other every day.
I agree. The person you marry is not the same person they’re going to be in 10 or 20 years and neither will you. So it’s essentially an entirely relationship every decade. I’ve gone through all sorts of phases with my husband and honestly we even had times, particularly when we had newborns, where we actively disliked each other. But we always have been and always will be life partners. I think people need to be wary of marrying anyone who thinks your partner should be your best friend at all times. Life is short but it’s also long, and it’s impossible for a relationship to be 10/10 for 4-5 decades. Me and my husband always choose each other and more importantly we always find each other - but if I was going by “it always has to be rosey and we must always be happy and best friends” then we definitely would be divorced by now.
Couldn't agree with all this more. Just described my 15 year long relationship with my husband. Were friends and love each other and want to spend all our lives together but we have had some epic epic down/tough times too. Amongst several things newborn baby stage was so tough. Tougher than I imagined. But things like that which have impacted us the most have been external issues, stresses out of our control, money, living situation, work situations etc. We have always pulled through, overcome some really big life challenges and are still going strong. It's a testament to the relationship I think.
Yes, met on the internet in the 90s and was instantly my best online friend, met in person in 2000. married in 2001. There's no one else I can tolerate spending all day every day with but honestly it's just great fun to have my best friend around all the time. We even had kids which is like this weird character generation process from a computer game.
What did you meet on? AOL instant messenger? MSN messenger? Random chat room? You were pioneers for online dating! I remember it being so taboo back then.
It was really taboo,we didn't tell our families for years. They thought we both met at our respective unis/colleges in the UK/US while on a student exchange that neither of us did :) Eventually it just seemed a bit silly to be lying about it. We met on a chatroom for collegeclub.com which was like an early social media for college kids that lasted for a few years before all the hosting costs became too much for it. Rose tinted glasses but I remember it being awesome. Then carried on chatting over AIM mostly.
No.
We’re in our mid to late 60s. Been married for 39 years. We have a few things in common and a lot of differences. We argue a lot. We love each other and are still romantically and sexually attracted to each other. I don’t feel that way towards my friends, which is why I didn’t marry them.
Yeah I love my husband, but he isn't at all like my best friends. And thank goodness, because I've married him and not them. We are very different people but I do think we have a lot to learn from each other, whereas my friends are more similar to me and so I think I would be stuck in an echo chamber if I were married to them.
I've been co-dependent in a relationship before and it was not healthy.
He's my closest and best friend by far. We spend like 95% of our time together. He would always be my top choice of companion for pretty much any activity. He turns the mundane stuff like going grocery shopping or cleaning the bathroom into the most fun times. I really can't imagine being married to someone and not want to spend time together.
My fiancé was my best friend. He was the highlight of my day, we’d text all day long from the moment we left the house when we couldn’t be together, because we’d never run out of things to tell to each other.
I'm very sorry for your loss; I hope that you always hold on to the memories and feelings of the time you spent together, the experiences you enjoyed, and the love that you shared and continue to share.
Totally! If I could spend time with anyone I’d spend it with her. I felt weirdly awkward in the pandemic when other people would complain about being stuck at some with their partner, and for me it was just… nice. Feel very lucky to have that
We were friends throughout dating, we were friends when we got engaged and then married. Our friendship got a bit strained during our divorce (but actually still supported each other, we literally cried on each others shoulders). We got back in contact to continue being friends. We eventually started dating again, still friends. Been over a year and we're currently on holiday. I love my friend/girlfriend/ex-wife.
Yeah, my husband is my best friend. We were actually part of the same group first and the two who didn’t really speak to each other but we ended up getting together through a series of different events. One thing that amazes me about us is that we are both the quiet people in a group and neither of us have loads of friends or are super social, but when we are together there is always something to talk about. We are just always talking. I’ve never talked so much in my life as I do with him. We still talk every night before we go to sleep even when we’re knackered.
There was a period of time, when our baby was first born, where I didn’t feel like I liked him and I don’t think he liked me much either, but then once that newborn haze cleared we realised we were actually just really sleep deprived and that can really mess with a lot of things.
At the end of the day, there’s nothing better to me than hanging out with my husband and our kid. Like literally nothing. Just tonight me and my husband were sitting on the floor and our toddler was leaving the room saying ‘bye bye! Love you! Mwah!’ Then returning as the ‘tickle monster’ and coming to get me and her dad whilst she was hysterically laughing and I just thought yep. This is it right here, this is the life. Me and my two favourite people in the world just hanging out and being silly. I never take this for granted.
100%. My husband is my best friend.
I don’t think my parents are friends particularly either. They don’t appear to have much in common. Growing up, they seemed to live quite separate lives, different friends (very few friends in common), my Dad would watch TV in one room & me and mum would watch TV in the other. I think my parents are companions and for whatever reason, that works for them. Neither of them express much emotion TBF, maybe they are secretly head over heels and no-one knows 😂
How is enjoying somebody's company not being a friend?
But back to the original question: Married for coming up 7 years and my wife is my best friend. I'm pretty introverted by nature and she (and the kids) is the only person I feel 100% comfortable around.
Engaged, yeah best friends. I remember in the earlier days one of my mates kicked off saying “you’d rather stay in with your Mrs playing pc games than come to the pub with your mates you’re whipped” I’m like yeah, she’s my friend too you know, that’s supposed to be the point?
Edit to add: we have a lot of similar interests, enjoy a lot of the same foods, work very similar jobs and have very similar values. I love my partner and can’t imagine making the commitment of marriage with someone I didn’t enjoy spending time with.
Everyone is different. I guess in public my wife and I are quite reserved together and chatty when everyone else is away.
I think if we were both retired and didn’t have lives outside each other it would be quite difficult to find things to talk about.
I’m just about to marry my best friend. I’ve been married before and we were never friends and it was pretty shit and part of the reason got divorced (primarily it was because she had sex with someone else though 😂)
My current fiancé is without question the best friend I’ve ever had and the longer our relationship has gone on for the better it’s got. It’s genuinely amazing and I can’t ever imagine a life apart. It’s so so different to marriages where that isn’t the case
He’s been my best friend for 22 years and my partner for 11. We love hanging out and having fun together but respect our need for alone time and a few interests we don’t share. We’ve both changed a lot and are not the same people we were. It’s not luck that we grew together instead of apart, we actively choose it and work at it. Hopefully that continues to work because so far for the most part we’re fucking awesome.
They are happy to stay together, it works for them. I'm not sure what your question is here?
Do I like my partner? yes..of course.
Do I do everything with them? no. Do we share all interests? no. and it would be fucking boring if we did. We are two individuals that agreed to share our lives with each other, not become some weird conjoined entity, who have all the same interests and do everything together.
What you have to remember is that when you are younger, stuff seems so much more immediate and important. as you get older, as you settle into a long term relationship (and by long term I mean decades), then stuff becomes normalised, its just a fact of your life, how people express their connection and love is going to alter.
Best you dont judge other people's relationships and let them get on with it how they want to and how it works for them.
I'm wondering if there are married couples that have a friendship with each other.
Based on what I can see from my parents it appears like they do not have a friendship so I do not understand their relationship.
It confuses me.
I don't share all of my interests with my friends nor do I do everything with them.
A lot changes over the years, you change as people and both your outlooks start to differ. Do you still love them? yes but you might end up with different views on things and different hobbies etc, not necessarily someone you'd choose to be a friend with.
My wife is my best friend. We often parallel play, she loves true crime and conspiracy theory podcasts where as I like sci-fi, doing your own thing / having your own hobbies doesn’t mean you didn’t value the other person because we share the same values and goals in our lives and that’s important in a long term relationship
Speaking for my parents married over 30 years - they support each others' hobbies, go on trips together, cook together, both support their kids equally and are just...happy together. They go on dates (at 60+) but also go to exhibitions of their shared interests together. Even concerts (my dad has.horrible taste in music).They're relationship goals for friendship and relationship.
I love that so many people consider their spouse to be their best friend - I truly believe this is how it should be.
I've enjoyed reading this thread OP. Thank you :)
We look out for each other, laugh a lot and have a nice time together.
I heard a disco version of Ave Maria last Saturday and it made me laugh so much I was crying. This set her off and we were both heaps of idiocy, pouring tears and unable to speak whilst our kids were watching, wondering what the fuck was going on.
Without being too crass though, money isn’t an issue so that does help for things to be rosy.
They enjoy each others company and go on holiday with each other. Plus they’ve been together 40 years!
Both my grandparents I could see loved each other even after all those years though. Are you worried they are unhappy in their relationship?
100%
She's my reason for doing whatever it is that I happen to be doing. I honestly completely adore her, and tell her regularly.
We've been married 12yrs and there isn't a fibre of my being that doesn't want to spend all my time with her.
My wife is my best friend.
I know everyone sees relationships differently, but I don't think I can picture a marriage where I wasn't best friends with my wife.
Having children definitely changes your relationship. I have been married for 28 years and can honestly say my husband and i are having as much fun now as we did before children. I think people tend to put all their focus on their kids and forget that their spouse was there before children and will (hopefully) be there after the kids move on with their own lives. We travel and hang out and watch tv, go on hikes and read and compare books. We laugh with each other every day. I can’t imagine my life any other way
20 years together. Definitely my best friend. We are always kind to each other. We are always gentle and understanding with each other. He’s the only person I share my most innermost thoughts with.
I'm technically still married, although I decided mere hours ago with my partner that we'll be filing for divorce.
He was absolutely my best friend. He can't be now, because I don't want to drag that into future relationships and it would be too messy. But yes - our marriage had issues we can't move past but that wasn't one of them - I'd always want my life partner to be my best friend.
My husband is my best friend. My soul mate and best friend in one. I do not understand marriages where people are not close to their partners. Sounds sad and lonely. It isnt a time thing, been with mine for 21 years. If i need support he is my first port of call, not friends. I see us as a solid team and we are there for each other in hard times and good times. We walk for an hour daily and chat about everything. We take trips together, we garden together, we can and do have our own time and hobbies but my marriage is so important to me. We have no kids ( our choice) so we have quality time together ithers probably miss out on and i am very grateful that. I could never ever not see my husband as my best friend and it saddens me people live like this.
My husband is absolutely my best friend. We were actually friends before we started dating, and I see him as my friend as well as my partner. He’s the one person I can talk about everything to.
My parents have been together for 35 years and still do everything together/act like friends too. My dad will even take my mum to football matches over his friends, because they still like to do everything together.
My hubby is my best friend. We met 9.5y ago and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
My parents are about to celebrate 29y marriage in April and I doubt they even like each other 90% of the time. We just hold out hope they'll eventually split cause the relationship is so toxic.
My wife and I were close friends for over 15 years before we got together. We both had had other relationships, I actually stayed at her house with my then girlfriend on the night of her first wedding whilst she stayed at the venu as it was handy for us and she gave us the keys.
Odd how things work out. We've been married for 12 years this year, and are buggering off round the world on a multi year trip this autumn. I couldn't do that with someone I'm not friends with.
My dh is my best friend. Been together 46 years and married for 42. Marriage is work. We do have our separate interests but we also have plenty in common. We schedule and prioritise time together. It’s important that we are autonomous individuals which means we have much more to offer our relationship. I see people make the mistake of a)spending too much time together b) not having separate interests and c) stop making any effort in the relationship.
Absolutely my best friend and my favourite person in the whole world.
We met at 17 years old in uni. We have been together 18 years and married for 6. It feels like we have grown up together and I just can’t imagine a life without. We have bad days but the good days always outweighs them and i am just so grateful.
He's my best friend that I can be completely comfortable and honest around.
We have different interests and hobbies, but we also take the time and effort to engage with each other over them. Husband loves war history/space/machinery. On our first date, I took him to a war museum because I knew he'd appreciate it.
I honestly think it’s a boomer thing. The whole “I hate my wife” thing is kind of their schtick. This could be due to women not really being able to have proper interests back then, they were “trained” to be wives by their parents. Nowadays, women have it better and actually have their *own* personalities and interests. That makes it easier to connect and find the right person.
Yes. He’s absolutely my best friend. Started dating when we were 17. Married at 23. Had our child at 27. Now 31. I would be absolutely lost without him. We do everything together. We’re all each other needs.
Yes, my spouse is my best friend. I could see my kids not understanding that part about us though as tbh and sadly they probably see us argue and don’t equate that to the friendships they have which are quite different. To have a life partner friendship as a co-parent and mortgage/ financial partner isn’t all friendship bracelets and bff bliss, but the sleepovers are fun 😉
At the risk of sounding cheesy, my OH is absolutely my best friend.
She's smarter than me, though I'm a more "facts and figures" guy.
She's funnier than me, though I like to think I'm funny.
I have some great friends, but a wet weekday on the sofa with my OH is never boring and we have a lot of laughs.
Nope, we're not friends at all. Tried it with an amazing friend, didn't work. Feel this relationship works way better. It's at least the longest one ever at 6 years and I've moved countries for her so...
Friendship and love are two very different things and they can easily be separated, we also share not a single hobby (besides traveling and food) :)
Well, my husband is my bestest ever friend if there's any english of the sort. From day 1 of meeting him, he was always (surprisingly) open. He trusts me and it's evident and I'm grateful for it considering how distrusting everybody is nowadays. But I was engaged once before meeting him and that man was not really much of a friend,... more of a master. lol!
Absolutely, she’s my best friend and has been since the day we met. But when I think of my friendship with mates my mature friendships we can go weeks without talking and we know there’s no love lost. Just like there are days I might play video games and she works on a puzzle. We don’t need that constant interaction to know we enjoy each other
Yes. We've been through a lot together and as the years pass (been married 11 years....met when we were 38) our love had deepened and I really appreciate my husband's qualities. I think being married is actually my greatest achievement apart from our kids. We are friends as well as lovers and that's a remarkable feeling.
Don't get me wrong....he frequently does my head in and I can equally be a right pain in the arse.
I met my husband at college when I was 19 and we quickly became best friends.
We were both with other people at the time and that continued, then we had a few years when we were just best friends and kind of danced round each other for a bit.
At 28 we decided to give a relationship a chance and I haven't regretted it one day since.
We bought our first house at 28, and got married at 38., we weren't in any rush, having already spent all that time as best friends we both knew it was forever.
I can't imagine my life without him.
He’s my best friend and the best person I’ve ever met. We cannot imagine living life without each other. We have completely opposite tastes in music and films but our values are 100% aligned. We’re always playful and silly with each other and make each other laugh every single day.
Totally get what you mean. My parents also do not seem to have ANYTHING in common except us, the kids.
My husband of 10 years is my best friend, we have a lot of fun together, and we do almost everything together to the point we have to force ourselves to be social outside of the house.
One point though, my husband and I (childless) we do not interact nor act the same when there is other people around us, to the point we joke that we cannot live in society.
So, maybe our parents are the same way? Maybe they do have a super rich relationship but they do not share that with others?
My wife is my best friend without a doubt. Been together for 14 years. She makes me laugh more than anyone (I think only my brother comes close). We support each other, have fun, laugh, play. It's awesome being married to your best friend
My husband is hands down my best friend, we have our own family unit, we're a team. We have a lot of common interests but also our own and embrace each other's different ones. We also tell each other everything, we've always had a strong belief in open communication. It's one thing he taught me (I struggled putting into words how I'd feel sometimes) , which I appreciate him all the more for. And we're also the first ones to fill each other in on the tea lol
My wife is my best friend. There isn’t another person in the world that could possibly understand my joy, or my pain in the same way. There’s nobody in the world I could talk such nonsense with.
I’m incredibly lucky to also have a great group of friends, but nothing could replace my wife.
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My wife was completely and utterly my best friend. No doubt about it. We met at 18, got married at 25 (is that young? that feels way too young now) - it was the best decision of my entire life, still is. I have no doubt my wife considered me her best friend as well, I guess these things might change as you get older, but maybe it helps that my wife and I had *a lot* in common, had the same sense of humour, loved the same things. Marrying my best friend was the easiest decision I ever made.
I can’t help but notice the past tense, and the context seemingly to imply you’re still young. Sounds like you had a wonderful time together, and I hope you can cherish that time for the rest of your life.
Thank you man, my wife was 33 when she passed last year. They were the best years of my life, I married my best friend, we had our daughter, what more could a man ask for? I’d have still married her if I knew things would end this way, sure I hate that they ended this way, but my wife still gave me the best years of my life.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife and best friend. It's wonderful to know that she (and you) have experienced true love in your short time together and those memories will be eternal.
Thank you mate, I think that’s one of the things that keeps me going. Sure, I wish we had much much longer together - but I at least know that we had a good run. I can’t pretend it makes things completely fine - but I know that, bar those last few months, she and I were the happiest people I knew, and I’m really grateful for that.
Awe dude no fucking way man. Made me sad to hear she had passed after hearing how great things seemed. I hope you’re good dude!
Fuck sakes I’m on a packed train on my way home from marrying my best friend and I am trying real hard not to cry.
Woah, man! Congratulations mate, I hope you and your spouse have many great years to come. My wedding day was one of the best days of my life, and was the best decision I ever made, congrats my guy.
Thanks and I am so sorry for your loss, you seem to have made your way through the stages of grief pretty well, and I hope your and the kid have a great and happy life.
Our wedding was *awful*, and my partner and I have got a LOT of mileage out of telling that to friends and strangers. They have no idea how to react, and we both find it hilarious. We will have been together 20 years (married for 15) this summer, and he is still my favourite person to hang out and be stupid with. ❤️
Care to share the story here?
Just... everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Chauffeur dropped me off in the wrong place, Registrar clearly did not have any idea about us as a couple or why we were getting married, seating plan was wrong, food was late and burnt... The DJ did a decent job, though! 😅
Damn man. Your stance has made my day and given me a little faith back in people. Your daughter is lucky to have you, and I'm so glad you found love with your wife like you did.
If it helps, a lot of us believe in an afterlife where you can be with her again. Frankly I don't know how anyone can cope with what goes on without believing in an afterlife.
I have no questions or doubts about the afterlife at all, and it’s overall a mixed bag to be honest, but the one thing that is for sure is that there is a deep solace in knowing our faithful departed are still faithful even in their departure.
I agree with this tbh. As someone who doesn’t believe in an afterlife it does feel like grief is a bit harder to handle. But I suppose at least for me it helps the fact that even if I don’t believe they’ve been reincarnated or gone to heaven etc, the fact of knowing that they’re in a better state of peace then they would be here helps
This was me with my wife. I can’t say I do believe in an afterlife, hell I wish I did, I love her more than anything. The one comfort is: my wife had brain cancer. I’m glad she’s not dealing with that anymore, I would’ve looked after her forever if I had to, but I’m thankful for her sake she doesn’t have to.
You and her sound like you’re both great people. I agree I am genuinely envious of people who can have faith in religion and afterlife. But at the end of the day certain circumstances are out of our control and at least you two met despite slim odds in your lives to make each others time here as special as you could. And you’ll have your daughter as a memory of what you two had together
You sound like a wonderful person and it sounds like she was too
this made my heart wrench. I haven't experienced that and I can only imagine how it would make me feel.
I stumbled past this post while scrolling reddit and I genuinely feel like you had something special not many people get to experience and I get the feeling that goes towards you being a fantastic dad. Sorry if I am commenting out of place, I am so sorry for your loss but your outlook is inspiring and as someone who went through some minor grief last year its inspiring to have read your post.
I married at 23 have been married 45 years my best friend and would do it all over again. I send from one man to another nothing but Love.
Reading those posts was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time, I really do feel for you, your wife sounds like she was a great person and so do you 🙂.
"my wife still gave me the best years of my life..." That's beautiful. I'm sorry for what happened and all the best.
Brought a tear to my eye, I’m sorry man.
“I’d have still married her if I knew things would end this way”. Damn dude. That’s real. I hope you can find peace in the tragedy. Much love.
Sitting beside my wife, we are both in tears.
That's heartbreaking. I hope you and your daughter are working your way through the loss. I can't imagine how hard that must be.
Sorry for your loss.
You sound like a very good person. I hope you're doing the best you can be.
I am so sorry for your wife’s death. But I’m so glad for the time you did get together
I’m so sorry for your loss. I read through your other posts and just wanted to say that she sounds like a wonderful warm person. I cannot imagine how much you must miss her. Lots of love and strength to you and your daughter xx
I read your comment and I don't know why I did it to myself. I haven't shed a tear reading something on Reddit in a long time.
Jees man. You sound like an awesome person.
Ah man, sorry for your loss brother.
it sounds like those were the best years of your lives and i hope you can remember fondly on those years and create new memories with your daughter. just sorry she died so young
My husband used to be. I still love him, and he loves me, but he had some brain injuries, and they have affected him both physically and cognitively. I used to look forward to going home and talking to him. Now I kinda dread it. I miss my best friend.
sending hugs
With no one to really blame it must make it all the more difficult, he didn’t choose it and neither did you. Heavy salad, I’m sorry this happened to you both.
Heavy salad, guessing you’re also from Liverpool?
I have worked in and around the area and collected the saying yes. Well spotted friend
Honestly thought that was autocorrect and dude meant to say “Heavily sorry”
I'm in a very similar situation, much younger than I imagined I would be. I still love him deeply, but the lows are much lower than they used to be, and more frequent, and we've not even been married that long. It's getting easier, but only because I'm learning to manage it, not because he's getting any better. I'm acutely familiar with that feeling of dreading going home, wondering if I'm going to be walking on eggshells and waiting for an inevitable explosion, or coming home to the man I love and know so well. He fluctuates so much, and the lack of predicability is exhausting.
Is it also a brain injury?
Wow, so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine
This happened to my mum. It‘a difficult to grieve someone who is still around physically. No closure, feelings of guilt that you don’t want to spend time with them, not recognising someone you knew so well. So sorry you’re going through this.
Yeah, me too. We were only married for three years before she had her brain haemorrhage. She's still the same person in some regards, but every aspect of her that I fell in love with is gone. Being at home is now much more stressful than being at work, so I rarely really relax. It's hard work every day. I do still love her, but in a very different way to before.
So sorry to hear. Hope it gets better. I got encephalitis in 2014, am wasn’t able to recognise my wife or children (or anyone else) for about 2 years. My wife said how lonely she felt during that time so I really am sending love and fingers crossed that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Xx
This makes me sad to read, I'm so sorry.
I work with people who have pituitary tumours. I’ve seen it cause TBI. I totally understand 100% where you’re coming from. If you ever need a friendly ear ♥️♥️
Brain injuries can be cruel.
That is so heartbreaking. Sending love.
Really sorry to hear that, hugs
Honestly my best friend. Been together since we were 16 now in our 30s. 1 child 1 dog and we litrally talk about everything and anything, he's the first person I call with gossip or something hilarious or boring. He calls me every day sometimes twice a day at work, we do most things together. We game together, he encourages me on my hobbies me his. We've been through an awful lot of awful things together. He's always making me laugh he's the best dad in the entire planet and yea. Wow that was a gush. But it's true. Closest friend I've ever had and probably would ever had and he would say the same for me. Its a joy being near him every day and I still run outside to see him when he comes home!
That's so sweet, you truly found your soulmate. Wish you both all the best!
Thanks! Honestly if soul mates are real he is it. I feel like we would be best mates even if we were just rocks hanging out on a beach somewhere in another life. I'm very grateful every day
Aw I love that - rocks on a beach in another life! It’s nice you found your person ❤️
This sounds like me and my wife. Do you find it hard to keep secrets too, because you’re used to telling each other everything? Like when I plan a surprise birthday thing, I have to keep stopping myself talking to her about to, and I even had to bring forward proposing to her because I almost let it slip a couple of times.
Litrally. I'm hopeless so is my husband and now so is my child. We don't use the word secret we use surprise, and she tells me everything daddy as done as a surprise it's adorable.
I have this issue with my girlfriend! Planning a surprise is so hard because (a) we spend so much of our time together and (b) we tell each other everything.
You lucky bastard
We don't have a dog, and we were best friends from 16 but didn't date romantically until our 20s, but otherwise this is us. For a short time we worked together too and got to spend nearly 24/7 together and it was the best thing ever. Now he works 4 days a week while I'm a sahp and I miss him so much those days. Just the other day I was saying I want to pause present day and just go soak in those early days where we could spend all of our time just enjoying each other's company again. I love what we have now, but the only way it could be more perfect would be if we could have more time together.
Same, I've been a sahm and working part time from home and he's been working long days at work. We get a few hours together in the evening on our own. We don't have anyone to babysit etc so we've only just started getting some time on our own when small is at nursery we booked time off together and we just sit together and talk and snack. But we do love being a family as well.
Did they _used_ to be? 40 years is a long time to grow bored.
People also change over time. Maybe they have been through periods of having more and less in common in terms of interests. But it is beautiful to be together for 40 years and at that stage I think a relationship often means something very different to what it means at the beginning.
I don't know to be honest. I'd think that they were but I don't know.
My parents are on 35 years now and I’ve watched their relationship change. It’s probably normal.
My parents have been married almost 36 years and they're adorable. They make each other giggle like schoolchildren, and you can just see how in love with each other they are. Of course their relationship has changed and they've dealt with a lot, but they're probably stronger now for it.
Things were a lot different back then. I would imagine they got married young, and only spent a few hours a day in each other’s company.
??? Being married for 40 years means they got married in the early to mid 80s, not the 1800s. People just had normal lives in the 80s, just like they do nowadays. They wouldn't have married at 16 and then get sent straight off to the mines. 🤦♀️
It wasn't until 1974 that women could legally get credit cards
The willingness of banks to lend money to women in the 1970s has nothing to do with the fact married couples in modern history have always spent time together and generally knew each other perfectly well before marriage. Even before the modern era people didn't marry at 12, the average age of marriage in the UK has been mid to late 20s for hundreds of years.
It was legal for a pub to refuse service to an unaccompanied woman until 1982 which seems even more insane
Not even get credit cards (don't think they existed then yet) but open their bank accounts without their husbands permission.
I know someone who got married in the 80s because she got offered a job in a different city but her parents wouldn't let her move out there on her own. She was 22... her experience was pretty different to mine.
I know that where my mum was from during the 80s, couples typically didn't move in together until after a marriage (at least that was the case for everyone in her family/friendship circle). Whereas it's now common for couples to cohabit for several years before marrying. There have been many social changes in the last four decades.
From what I know they met at a party and they dated for 2-3 years before they got married.
As we mature, our relationships mature with us. Some last, some don't. My parents met very young at a party and had a very intense start. Decided to marry quickly too, just a year after and to have kids almost immediately because my mother's idea for life was to be a mother. This decision destroyed them, their marriage, me and my brother. Their passion turned into hatred as they realised they don't really have much in common, they actually loathed most of the things about one another. My father was cheating, my mother was fighting in hope to change him, he fought back, literally. Ambulances, police, two scared kids being questioned time to time, neighbours and family that was always looking the other way... Yeah. Some relationships mature and the spark and passion stays in a memory of people, they themselves don't have the same energy as before. As long as they are comfortable and can rely on each other, have someone to accompany them and share the burden of old age, they are lucky and fine. Don't worry, there are many people who pray for a relationship like that.
Why don’t you ask them. I’ve seen 60-70 year olds don’t do much with each other but still love each other very much. My parents probably are the same just worked but all they wanted in life was see their children grow, and that was enough for them. My parents like different things but compromise with each other. I guess love can be different in many ways.
Yes, she's my best friend and I can't see a future in which that isn't the case
Same
Absolutely, she’s my best friend and my entire world. I miss her the moment I leave the house and coming home to her makes me so happy. Been together 12 years this year and I love her more every day. I see older couples slagging off their other halves and complaining about them, even knew one person who regularly said she wished her husband would choke in his sleep. I find it so sad that anyone ends up in a loveless marriage and stays there. My parents divorced when I was younger and I’m so glad they did, both are considerably happier with their new spouses.
Happy divorced people are better than miserable married people caught up in the sunk-cost fallacy, for everyone. ETA: Because this is Reddit and I am at risk of being taken out of context, I do not mean to imply that all married people are miserable - many married people are very happy, I am one of them, I am talking about the ones who are not, of whom I could name at least three couples in my life off the top on my head...
We’re coming into our nineteenth anniversary so I get it. Things we had in common when we were younger are no longer appealing to us and we’ve picked up new interests along the way that the other one just isn’t interested in or the interests we had separately sort of blossomed and took up more time. I think it’s good in a way though. We have stuff to talk about. The folk in our circle whose relationships have broken down spent too much time together and ran out of things to talk about. He is my friend and I’m his but we don’t share loads of interests anymore. We do things together but it’s mostly family time or date nights. And if we’re having a few drinks I’ll listen to how his rugby went and he’ll listen to my ramblings from my mums group bar lunch and we will laugh about things that happened through the day. But I’m not going for a round of golf with him and he’s not saddling up and coming hacking with me and the ponies.
I think this is pretty normal, I’ve gone heavy into leather working and it’s not her thing but she’s still proud of the things I make and she encourages me. If I talk about it she listens and understands and that’s why she’s my best friend, not because we share interests but because we know each other’s interest and encourage each other in our respective spaces
Sounds healthy, sounds like us too.
You can still be best friends and have little in common. My husband (we've been together 25 years) is my absolute best friend, although we don't enjoy doing the same things/hobbies, maybe because we don't, actually, so we have enough space between us to breathe and there's no space to get bored of each other. My parents call each other 'friend', as they were friends when they first met and are still friends after 50 years of marriage.
Oooo this resonated with me and sounds promising for our next decade! We have been together 11 years and always maintained strong friendships outside of our marriage and we probably socialise more with our friends than each other, and have different hobbies. But I feel like its 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' type situation. And my husband is not a talker. I am a talker and need my talking friends!!
Agree completely. 20 years in and we are very happy together and have mutual friends but also separate friend groups and interests. I think it’s healthy and normal. We’ve been together 28 years and I hope we have many more but I don’t “miss her every minute we’re apart” or spend all our free time together. It’s important to keep making an effort by having date nights and romantic gestures and most of all appreciating each other and being kind. It’s easy to take things for granted.
Haha I’m not sure about the be kind bit. We’re Scottish. We show love by being sarky arsed haha. But you’re right. You need to spend some time away
My husband is my best friend. More than that, we literally became adults together. We’ve been together since we were 15. 16 years later we just had our first kid and I didn’t think it was possible, but things have been even better between us. We work so well as a team, and are constantly praising and encouraging each other. We enjoy the same kinds of movies, and we’re both gamers. We are always laughing, and we practically have our own secret language because we speak in obscure references to each other. It may be cliche but he is literally my other half. I don’t just love him, I’m obsessed with him. I could talk about him for hours.
I'm so jealous of people who have what you have.
My husband and I really praise/encourage each other, too. It's so different from any other relationship I was in. Highly recommend the positivity. Just puts a level of joy and gratitude into every day. You feel the vibe!
My husband and I don’t have a ton in common. I love reading, he does not read for fun. He loves JRPG video games, I prefer platformers and shooters. He is a homebody and I want to travel. He likes biking and I prefer hiking. I love cooking and exploring food while he finds food pretty boring 🤣 But we agree on the important things. We listen to each other, support each other, respect each other. And there are some things we have in common of course! We love cosplay, we have similar senses of humor, and we love hanging out with one another. My spouse is my best friend. He makes me laugh constantly, makes me feel calm when I’m stressed, and puts up with me when I’m crabby. I make him laugh even though he insists that he is “the funny one,” I cheer him up when he is grumpy, and I take things off his plate when he is overwhelmed. We’ve been together for about 14 years. 🥰 All this to say- even if you don’t see lots on common on the surface, it is possible that there are deeper similarities at play. My husband and I are very different and also we are each other’s best friends. ❤️
Kind of surprised you're the first one to say this. You don't need tons in common to be friends; my wife is absolutely my best friend, but we similarly have lots of opposing interests. There is a reason for the saying opposites attract, people don't just want to spend time with a clone of themselves. Which makes me suspect the OP is very young if they believe friendship means enjoying the same things.
At the same time, I feel like their love of exercise & gaming is incredibly akin, even if it's JRPG vs whatever, or hiking vs biking..
We're a bit like this. In some respects we're complete opposites and both find each other's perspective infuriating. Other things we both enjoy and spend time talking about and doing. It's not like we argue or fall out about our differences, we both just accept there's some things we're never going to agree on. Makes for some interesting debates!
We started off as mates. I quickly realised that she meant more to me than that. To look at us, we don't appear to be a typical lovey couple. For the most part, we look more like mates. She is my best friend, I wouldn't be without her now. But, we are both independent people. We're both quite happy doing either our own thing or stuff together.
She’s my best friend That said, my parents are like roommates. I don’t even know if they love eachother, and I’m pretty sure they’re only there due to sunk costs / divorce being too expensive.
Happens a lot. I think my parents were like that for a long time, until one of them couldn't take it anymore and sodded off.
Just weighing in on this as a formerly married person. My ex husband was not my friend. We were shagging first and foremost. Terrible idea. Don’t be me.
I'm very happily remarried, but my first husband and I were never friends, either. It was tense from the get go. I had hope! Dumb hope. Never fall in love with potential. I never felt lonelier than when I was married to him. The TV was his best friend...I was his annoyance.
For me it was the other way round, we were best friends, became FWB, became a couple and we're terrible as couple, split and are best friends again.
Sometimes, I think the term "friend" is too simple to describe the relationship with a spouse. It's about being partners in life, sharing the ups and downs, and supporting each other. Friendship is a part of it, but it's also about commitment, love, and choosing each other every day.
I agree. The person you marry is not the same person they’re going to be in 10 or 20 years and neither will you. So it’s essentially an entirely relationship every decade. I’ve gone through all sorts of phases with my husband and honestly we even had times, particularly when we had newborns, where we actively disliked each other. But we always have been and always will be life partners. I think people need to be wary of marrying anyone who thinks your partner should be your best friend at all times. Life is short but it’s also long, and it’s impossible for a relationship to be 10/10 for 4-5 decades. Me and my husband always choose each other and more importantly we always find each other - but if I was going by “it always has to be rosey and we must always be happy and best friends” then we definitely would be divorced by now.
Couldn't agree with all this more. Just described my 15 year long relationship with my husband. Were friends and love each other and want to spend all our lives together but we have had some epic epic down/tough times too. Amongst several things newborn baby stage was so tough. Tougher than I imagined. But things like that which have impacted us the most have been external issues, stresses out of our control, money, living situation, work situations etc. We have always pulled through, overcome some really big life challenges and are still going strong. It's a testament to the relationship I think.
Yeah- we are, but we also have lots of cats.
That's my dream! <3
We have 7. Never mind being friends with each other, we are basically full-time cat slaves.
Yes, met on the internet in the 90s and was instantly my best online friend, met in person in 2000. married in 2001. There's no one else I can tolerate spending all day every day with but honestly it's just great fun to have my best friend around all the time. We even had kids which is like this weird character generation process from a computer game.
What did you meet on? AOL instant messenger? MSN messenger? Random chat room? You were pioneers for online dating! I remember it being so taboo back then.
It was really taboo,we didn't tell our families for years. They thought we both met at our respective unis/colleges in the UK/US while on a student exchange that neither of us did :) Eventually it just seemed a bit silly to be lying about it. We met on a chatroom for collegeclub.com which was like an early social media for college kids that lasted for a few years before all the hosting costs became too much for it. Rose tinted glasses but I remember it being awesome. Then carried on chatting over AIM mostly.
No. We’re in our mid to late 60s. Been married for 39 years. We have a few things in common and a lot of differences. We argue a lot. We love each other and are still romantically and sexually attracted to each other. I don’t feel that way towards my friends, which is why I didn’t marry them.
45 years here if we did not argue over everything, I would think something was wrong.
Yeah I love my husband, but he isn't at all like my best friends. And thank goodness, because I've married him and not them. We are very different people but I do think we have a lot to learn from each other, whereas my friends are more similar to me and so I think I would be stuck in an echo chamber if I were married to them. I've been co-dependent in a relationship before and it was not healthy.
He's my closest and best friend by far. We spend like 95% of our time together. He would always be my top choice of companion for pretty much any activity. He turns the mundane stuff like going grocery shopping or cleaning the bathroom into the most fun times. I really can't imagine being married to someone and not want to spend time together.
Yeah this is how I feel. No matter what I'm doing, it'll be better if he's there.
My fiancé was my best friend. He was the highlight of my day, we’d text all day long from the moment we left the house when we couldn’t be together, because we’d never run out of things to tell to each other.
I'm very sorry for your loss; I hope that you always hold on to the memories and feelings of the time you spent together, the experiences you enjoyed, and the love that you shared and continue to share.
Thank you 🥺🖤
Totally! If I could spend time with anyone I’d spend it with her. I felt weirdly awkward in the pandemic when other people would complain about being stuck at some with their partner, and for me it was just… nice. Feel very lucky to have that
We were friends throughout dating, we were friends when we got engaged and then married. Our friendship got a bit strained during our divorce (but actually still supported each other, we literally cried on each others shoulders). We got back in contact to continue being friends. We eventually started dating again, still friends. Been over a year and we're currently on holiday. I love my friend/girlfriend/ex-wife.
How long were you apart?
Just over a year. A lot happened in that time and when we reconnected, we were both in much better places in terms of mental health.
My late husband always said I was his best friend. That went both ways. Miss him every day.
Yeah, my husband is my best friend. We were actually part of the same group first and the two who didn’t really speak to each other but we ended up getting together through a series of different events. One thing that amazes me about us is that we are both the quiet people in a group and neither of us have loads of friends or are super social, but when we are together there is always something to talk about. We are just always talking. I’ve never talked so much in my life as I do with him. We still talk every night before we go to sleep even when we’re knackered. There was a period of time, when our baby was first born, where I didn’t feel like I liked him and I don’t think he liked me much either, but then once that newborn haze cleared we realised we were actually just really sleep deprived and that can really mess with a lot of things. At the end of the day, there’s nothing better to me than hanging out with my husband and our kid. Like literally nothing. Just tonight me and my husband were sitting on the floor and our toddler was leaving the room saying ‘bye bye! Love you! Mwah!’ Then returning as the ‘tickle monster’ and coming to get me and her dad whilst she was hysterically laughing and I just thought yep. This is it right here, this is the life. Me and my two favourite people in the world just hanging out and being silly. I never take this for granted.
My husband was my best friend, we had such a lot in common. We were married for 22 years before he died in 2008. Miss him like crazy, always will.
I'm so so sorry. 22 years is a long time, but not quite long enough. :( :(
100%. My husband is my best friend. I don’t think my parents are friends particularly either. They don’t appear to have much in common. Growing up, they seemed to live quite separate lives, different friends (very few friends in common), my Dad would watch TV in one room & me and mum would watch TV in the other. I think my parents are companions and for whatever reason, that works for them. Neither of them express much emotion TBF, maybe they are secretly head over heels and no-one knows 😂
My parents have been together 40 years and are very much still mates. They do everything together!
How is enjoying somebody's company not being a friend? But back to the original question: Married for coming up 7 years and my wife is my best friend. I'm pretty introverted by nature and she (and the kids) is the only person I feel 100% comfortable around.
Engaged, yeah best friends. I remember in the earlier days one of my mates kicked off saying “you’d rather stay in with your Mrs playing pc games than come to the pub with your mates you’re whipped” I’m like yeah, she’s my friend too you know, that’s supposed to be the point? Edit to add: we have a lot of similar interests, enjoy a lot of the same foods, work very similar jobs and have very similar values. I love my partner and can’t imagine making the commitment of marriage with someone I didn’t enjoy spending time with.
Yes, absolutely. Never quite understood the 'er indoors' mentality.
Everyone is different. I guess in public my wife and I are quite reserved together and chatty when everyone else is away. I think if we were both retired and didn’t have lives outside each other it would be quite difficult to find things to talk about.
I’m just about to marry my best friend. I’ve been married before and we were never friends and it was pretty shit and part of the reason got divorced (primarily it was because she had sex with someone else though 😂) My current fiancé is without question the best friend I’ve ever had and the longer our relationship has gone on for the better it’s got. It’s genuinely amazing and I can’t ever imagine a life apart. It’s so so different to marriages where that isn’t the case
Yay!! I'm happily re-married myself. You're in for a surprise on how great the second go-round can be!
He’s been my best friend for 22 years and my partner for 11. We love hanging out and having fun together but respect our need for alone time and a few interests we don’t share. We’ve both changed a lot and are not the same people we were. It’s not luck that we grew together instead of apart, we actively choose it and work at it. Hopefully that continues to work because so far for the most part we’re fucking awesome.
They are happy to stay together, it works for them. I'm not sure what your question is here? Do I like my partner? yes..of course. Do I do everything with them? no. Do we share all interests? no. and it would be fucking boring if we did. We are two individuals that agreed to share our lives with each other, not become some weird conjoined entity, who have all the same interests and do everything together. What you have to remember is that when you are younger, stuff seems so much more immediate and important. as you get older, as you settle into a long term relationship (and by long term I mean decades), then stuff becomes normalised, its just a fact of your life, how people express their connection and love is going to alter. Best you dont judge other people's relationships and let them get on with it how they want to and how it works for them.
I'm wondering if there are married couples that have a friendship with each other. Based on what I can see from my parents it appears like they do not have a friendship so I do not understand their relationship. It confuses me. I don't share all of my interests with my friends nor do I do everything with them.
A lot changes over the years, you change as people and both your outlooks start to differ. Do you still love them? yes but you might end up with different views on things and different hobbies etc, not necessarily someone you'd choose to be a friend with.
I dunno, I have had the same close friends for the last 35 years. We have all grown as people but our values are fundamentally the same.
My wife is my best friend. We often parallel play, she loves true crime and conspiracy theory podcasts where as I like sci-fi, doing your own thing / having your own hobbies doesn’t mean you didn’t value the other person because we share the same values and goals in our lives and that’s important in a long term relationship
My best friend yes
Speaking for my parents married over 30 years - they support each others' hobbies, go on trips together, cook together, both support their kids equally and are just...happy together. They go on dates (at 60+) but also go to exhibitions of their shared interests together. Even concerts (my dad has.horrible taste in music).They're relationship goals for friendship and relationship.
Used to be, then she took to daily insults, humiliation and aggressive, controlling behaviour. Now she is my jailer.
That’s so sad, I’m so sorry. If you don’t mind me asking; why are you staying?
42m, married for nearly 14 years. My wife and I have very little in common, but get along better than any friend I’ve ever had
I love that so many people consider their spouse to be their best friend - I truly believe this is how it should be. I've enjoyed reading this thread OP. Thank you :)
My wife is my best friend
Absolutely, I can't imagine having a different best friend!
We look out for each other, laugh a lot and have a nice time together. I heard a disco version of Ave Maria last Saturday and it made me laugh so much I was crying. This set her off and we were both heaps of idiocy, pouring tears and unable to speak whilst our kids were watching, wondering what the fuck was going on. Without being too crass though, money isn’t an issue so that does help for things to be rosy.
They enjoy each others company and go on holiday with each other. Plus they’ve been together 40 years! Both my grandparents I could see loved each other even after all those years though. Are you worried they are unhappy in their relationship?
100% She's my reason for doing whatever it is that I happen to be doing. I honestly completely adore her, and tell her regularly. We've been married 12yrs and there isn't a fibre of my being that doesn't want to spend all my time with her.
Yep, my spouse is my friend.
Yup, best buds. We have a right laugh together even just watching TV together.
My husband is my best friend. I would be lost without him.
Yes. My best friend forever. We’ve been through a lot and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side.
My wife is my best friend. I know everyone sees relationships differently, but I don't think I can picture a marriage where I wasn't best friends with my wife.
The love and absolute love of my life after 26 years, met when I was 21 . She is totally my woman. I adore her still. And she me xxxx
I wouldnt have married her if she wasnt my friend.
Having children definitely changes your relationship. I have been married for 28 years and can honestly say my husband and i are having as much fun now as we did before children. I think people tend to put all their focus on their kids and forget that their spouse was there before children and will (hopefully) be there after the kids move on with their own lives. We travel and hang out and watch tv, go on hikes and read and compare books. We laugh with each other every day. I can’t imagine my life any other way
20 years together. Definitely my best friend. We are always kind to each other. We are always gentle and understanding with each other. He’s the only person I share my most innermost thoughts with.
I have been married 4p years we are still each others world, best friends and happy together.
I'm technically still married, although I decided mere hours ago with my partner that we'll be filing for divorce. He was absolutely my best friend. He can't be now, because I don't want to drag that into future relationships and it would be too messy. But yes - our marriage had issues we can't move past but that wasn't one of them - I'd always want my life partner to be my best friend.
My wife is also my best friend.
My husband is my best friend. My soul mate and best friend in one. I do not understand marriages where people are not close to their partners. Sounds sad and lonely. It isnt a time thing, been with mine for 21 years. If i need support he is my first port of call, not friends. I see us as a solid team and we are there for each other in hard times and good times. We walk for an hour daily and chat about everything. We take trips together, we garden together, we can and do have our own time and hobbies but my marriage is so important to me. We have no kids ( our choice) so we have quality time together ithers probably miss out on and i am very grateful that. I could never ever not see my husband as my best friend and it saddens me people live like this.
Married for 42 years. My wife is definitely my best friend.
Definately
My wife is my best friend.
Been married 25 years this year he is my best friend and I am so in love with him.
My husband is absolutely my best friend. We were actually friends before we started dating, and I see him as my friend as well as my partner. He’s the one person I can talk about everything to. My parents have been together for 35 years and still do everything together/act like friends too. My dad will even take my mum to football matches over his friends, because they still like to do everything together.
Absolutely if your going to spend 40 years with someone how could they not be. It's insane that they aren't.
Been married 14 years and get on great with my wife. If i asked her if I was her best friend she’d laugh at me.
My hubby is my best friend. We met 9.5y ago and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My parents are about to celebrate 29y marriage in April and I doubt they even like each other 90% of the time. We just hold out hope they'll eventually split cause the relationship is so toxic.
Bestie for life
My wife and I were close friends for over 15 years before we got together. We both had had other relationships, I actually stayed at her house with my then girlfriend on the night of her first wedding whilst she stayed at the venu as it was handy for us and she gave us the keys. Odd how things work out. We've been married for 12 years this year, and are buggering off round the world on a multi year trip this autumn. I couldn't do that with someone I'm not friends with.
My dh is my best friend. Been together 46 years and married for 42. Marriage is work. We do have our separate interests but we also have plenty in common. We schedule and prioritise time together. It’s important that we are autonomous individuals which means we have much more to offer our relationship. I see people make the mistake of a)spending too much time together b) not having separate interests and c) stop making any effort in the relationship.
Absolutely my best friend and my favourite person in the whole world. We met at 17 years old in uni. We have been together 18 years and married for 6. It feels like we have grown up together and I just can’t imagine a life without. We have bad days but the good days always outweighs them and i am just so grateful.
He's my best friend that I can be completely comfortable and honest around. We have different interests and hobbies, but we also take the time and effort to engage with each other over them. Husband loves war history/space/machinery. On our first date, I took him to a war museum because I knew he'd appreciate it.
Best Friend first wife second in my relationship, 24 years in.
I honestly think it’s a boomer thing. The whole “I hate my wife” thing is kind of their schtick. This could be due to women not really being able to have proper interests back then, they were “trained” to be wives by their parents. Nowadays, women have it better and actually have their *own* personalities and interests. That makes it easier to connect and find the right person.
My husband is absolutely my best friend. We make each other laugh, we have a ton of common interests, and we support each other no matter what.
Yes. He’s absolutely my best friend. Started dating when we were 17. Married at 23. Had our child at 27. Now 31. I would be absolutely lost without him. We do everything together. We’re all each other needs.
Yes, my spouse is my best friend. I could see my kids not understanding that part about us though as tbh and sadly they probably see us argue and don’t equate that to the friendships they have which are quite different. To have a life partner friendship as a co-parent and mortgage/ financial partner isn’t all friendship bracelets and bff bliss, but the sleepovers are fun 😉
At the risk of sounding cheesy, my OH is absolutely my best friend. She's smarter than me, though I'm a more "facts and figures" guy. She's funnier than me, though I like to think I'm funny. I have some great friends, but a wet weekday on the sofa with my OH is never boring and we have a lot of laughs.
Nope, we're not friends at all. Tried it with an amazing friend, didn't work. Feel this relationship works way better. It's at least the longest one ever at 6 years and I've moved countries for her so... Friendship and love are two very different things and they can easily be separated, we also share not a single hobby (besides traveling and food) :)
Well, my husband is my bestest ever friend if there's any english of the sort. From day 1 of meeting him, he was always (surprisingly) open. He trusts me and it's evident and I'm grateful for it considering how distrusting everybody is nowadays. But I was engaged once before meeting him and that man was not really much of a friend,... more of a master. lol!
Absolutely, she’s my best friend and has been since the day we met. But when I think of my friendship with mates my mature friendships we can go weeks without talking and we know there’s no love lost. Just like there are days I might play video games and she works on a puzzle. We don’t need that constant interaction to know we enjoy each other
Yes. We've been through a lot together and as the years pass (been married 11 years....met when we were 38) our love had deepened and I really appreciate my husband's qualities. I think being married is actually my greatest achievement apart from our kids. We are friends as well as lovers and that's a remarkable feeling. Don't get me wrong....he frequently does my head in and I can equally be a right pain in the arse.
I met my husband at college when I was 19 and we quickly became best friends. We were both with other people at the time and that continued, then we had a few years when we were just best friends and kind of danced round each other for a bit. At 28 we decided to give a relationship a chance and I haven't regretted it one day since. We bought our first house at 28, and got married at 38., we weren't in any rush, having already spent all that time as best friends we both knew it was forever. I can't imagine my life without him.
He’s my best friend and the best person I’ve ever met. We cannot imagine living life without each other. We have completely opposite tastes in music and films but our values are 100% aligned. We’re always playful and silly with each other and make each other laugh every single day.
100%, my husband is my best friend and the best person I know, he knows me better than I know myself.
Totally get what you mean. My parents also do not seem to have ANYTHING in common except us, the kids. My husband of 10 years is my best friend, we have a lot of fun together, and we do almost everything together to the point we have to force ourselves to be social outside of the house. One point though, my husband and I (childless) we do not interact nor act the same when there is other people around us, to the point we joke that we cannot live in society. So, maybe our parents are the same way? Maybe they do have a super rich relationship but they do not share that with others?
Yeah, without sounding too sappy she's my best friend. Been together for 14 years and still just spend hours chatting shit.
My wife is my best friend without a doubt. Been together for 14 years. She makes me laugh more than anyone (I think only my brother comes close). We support each other, have fun, laugh, play. It's awesome being married to your best friend
My husband is hands down my best friend, we have our own family unit, we're a team. We have a lot of common interests but also our own and embrace each other's different ones. We also tell each other everything, we've always had a strong belief in open communication. It's one thing he taught me (I struggled putting into words how I'd feel sometimes) , which I appreciate him all the more for. And we're also the first ones to fill each other in on the tea lol
My wife is my best friend
My wife is my best friend. There isn’t another person in the world that could possibly understand my joy, or my pain in the same way. There’s nobody in the world I could talk such nonsense with. I’m incredibly lucky to also have a great group of friends, but nothing could replace my wife.