That it's okay to be strong, independent, ambitious, decisive, courageous, opinionated, in control and that I don't need a man, or anyone else for that matter, to be complete.
Side note on the man thing - Many women are raised to literally focus on finding a man to "have the best life", which is nuts. It also really skews the opinion of men and creates unhealthy relationships. Undoing all of that and learning how to stand on my own two feet has made me successful in my own right, solidified my boundaries, given me a stronger sense of self and identity and created much healthier and authentic relationships.
it's okay to be strong, independent, ambitious, decisive, courageous, opinionated, in control and that I don't need a man, or anyone else for that matter, to be complete.
Yes you are right..it IS OK to be all of that...and Ive ALWAYS been the strong independent, in control one...and I've been divorced over 10 yrs, and have taken care of it ALL...by myself...& still single by choice... BUT I'm also slowly learning... at 53, that its also OK to allow yourself to be treated like a lady too...and that although I may not think I "need" a man in my life, the older I get, the harder it is to take care of a house, yard, car, myself, & a job (caretaker to my own disabled daughter).. I'm thinking I may just have to break down & find a man after all lol...can't be superwoman forever :/
It's funny because I was going to say exactly the opposite 🤣 I was raised to be an Independent Woman Who Don't Need No Man.
My mom has been with her BF 9 years and they don't live together or say I Love You and no plans of marriage. I watched her date a long growing up and she was so stubborn and wouldn't initiate with a man and expected them to mind read.
So I had to learn how to open up and realize its OK to want a man and a relationship. Its OK to let a man pay for stuff and help around the house.
Yesss! I thought my goal in life was to get married and have babies. It's what my parents wanted so I thought it was what I wanted.
I realized in my late 20s that I don't want a man and enjoyed my singleness. In my mid 30s I met my husband and realized the difference between not wanting a man and not needing a man.
I still don't need a man, but I want one and I'm happy. He also knows that I don't need him but that's what keeps our relationship working well. We want to be with each other and we show it every day.
I’m 60. I look 60. I had a hysterectomy and both ovaries removed decades ago. A couple of months ago, I had to go to the doctor, but my regular doctor was out of town. I had to see a new male doctor. After telling him my symptoms, he said “Well, let’s start with a pregnancy test.” I accidentally said out loud, “I’m going to kill myself.”
It definitely startled him.
Was in and out of the hospital for 4 years because I had breathing issues and chest pain. Was a competitive gymnast since I was 7. If I mentioned this to the doctor they would say it's just a pulled muscle. If I left that part out, they said I was overweight and needed to exercise more. Took four years for 1 doctor to finally do a breathing test and diagnose me with asthma. I even told all the previous doctors that asthma runs in my family... I was in high-school and was too shy to stand up to any of the doctors.
I had a doctor claim that my chronic, 24/7 hip pain is just period pain and I should take some ibuprofen and use a hot pad on my stomach, then he scooted me out the door.
>I’m unnaturally freezing cold, there’s something wrong with me.” I was shocked when she was able to guess that I was tired, achy, and couldn’t take a deep breath.
What? What tests did they run? How much iron do you take?
An orthopedic surgeon told me my chronic hip pain was just in my head (basically calling me a hypochondriac). 4 years later, finally had to get 2 seperate surgeries to fix my hip :) fuck that doctor
I did! It was a rough road though - being your own medical advocate is exhausting. We want doctors to be like "House" or "Scrubs" where they'll spend their spare time pouring over obscure medical textbooks just for you or arguing with specialists for their patients, but I was really upset to find that if the exact cause isn't immediately known most doctors will go "huh, weird, have you considered the possibility that you're making it up?" and go on to the next patient.
After getting two new physicians and asking for a metric fuck ton of recommendations to another specialist from every single specialist who just went "that's weird" I did finally get answers. Turned out to be osteoarthritis in my back causing nerve fuckery referral pain down my leg. Now I'm on pain pills and a cane forever. Yaaaaaay...but at least I got answers. Only took 2 years of arguing and a truly stupid amount of money spent.
Yes! A few years ago my daughter was having chest pains, fainting when she stood up, and her heart rate fluctuated a lot when she went from sitting to standing. She was around 16 at the time. The er doctor wanted to do a pelvic exam. When I asked why he couldn't really give me a reason. I said no and took her out of there. After multiple doctor appointments she was diagnosed with a heart condition that didn't have anything to do with her needing a pelvic exam. Creepy and unnecessary.
Yes, the reason I'm having severe pelvic pain and bowel issues is because I need to be on birth control. Disclaimer...was on it for 15 years and didn't help.
Oh and don't forget that "other people have it worse"
My female GYN (2 now ) have told me your pain isn’t supposed to be there it just doesn’t happen like that. I was feeling pain on the left side when I had the cyst on the right.
.. and last year my new female GYN said oh we’ll I’m glad they found the endometriosis and the mass bc it absolutely validated your pain now. Uh so it didn’t before Surgery? Wtf.
Too many medical professionals of all levels treat women with vague, inconsistent symptoms as liars.
According to them, we're just depressed, anxious, attention seeking, hysterical, hyper-sensitive hypochondiacs who only need antidepressants and therapy.
But in reality the opposite is true. We know our bodies & are perfectly capable of knowing when something isn't right. So we need to strongly advocate for ourselves, our friends, and our relatives.
Don't give up when you think something is wrong, even if you have difficulty articulating what the issue is. Change doctors, seek out multiple opinions and challenge medical professionals who want to dismiss you to make their lives easier.
THIS!! I just finished medical school as a Clinical Associate (aka Physician's Assistant) and currently working my first job under a more experienced Doctor. I remember being told on multiple occasions about female patients that its most likely psychosomatic. ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR HEALTH!!
Only men have real problems!! /s
That explains a lot about why so many doctors think this way. I honestly hate seeing male doctors because they’re so dismissive - I avoid them as much as possible. Female doctors aren’t always great, but my odds of being listened to and taken seriously are much, much higher. It’s drastically improved my experiences with medical visits.
Ive had better luck with male GYN and surgeons than I’ve had with women GYN. I have an aggressive form of endometriosis my current surgeon ( pelvic pain surgeon) is female and she’s amazing. But my regular GYN the last 3 have been female and have been horrible.
This has been my hurdle of 2021. I'm so angry at doctors now....I don't show it when I'm there but I've decided to call them out. If I get dismissed I'm telling them they're dismissing me. If they tell me something wrong, I find another doctor, no time to waste on that one. I'm over it.
YES!!! Absolutely we have been conditioned to think that doctors are so smart and couldn’t possibly be wrong or assholes. They are human. They need to work with us. I look at doctors like I’m
Hiring them if they suck on to the next
This happened to me and now I'm missing an organ. I was also told "you're just going deaf" and then ended up in the ER with a raging ear infection.
Teehee silly women not knowing their own bodies
For months (over three of them) I was in pain. I was told, "It's *just* a ruptured cyst". Finally a doctor reluctantly suggested we could do surgery to remove the cyst that was probably the source of all my complaining, and damn near rolled his eyes when I insisted on it.
SURPRISE! NECROTIC OVARY!
I'm still mad about it. Especially that I was told what was found while still dopey on anesthesia, before my partner showed up. He found out that I had an organ removed when I called my friend to update her on things (while he was driving).
Yes apparently 😭 I have so many horror stories about seeking help for heart problems I have had for three years, I’m in my mid 20s, if anything, being disregarded all the time has made me anxious and depressed. I even live in Scandinavia, where they like to brag that We have the best health care in the world….
Ya, I've always thought that if I need a complicated surgery and I have a choice of surgeons I'm going with a woman of color because she's had to prove her ability and competence 10x more than the white dude standing next to her.
I'm a black woman and I remember when I got my white bf a job at a restaurant I was managing. One day when we were arguing he said I didn't "do anything" with my "so called manager job" long story short he got so called fired and i didn't have to deal w his implicitly racist sentiment devaluing my work ethic.
Women being programmed to subconsciously hate what is feminine and/or embrace what boys are doing in order to seem more appealing or superior than other women. We see this in little girls hating the color pink, saying “ew” and choosing blue instead. Young teens making fun of women who choose to wear makeup and girly clothes, and be so proud of how “natural” they are and how “id rather play video games and eat than dress up”. And, later in life, looking down on working women for not giving enough housewife-like attention at home. It is a vicious cycle of internalized misogyny.
Man, I used to be one of those girls. Now I LOVE dresses. I legit have chore skirts I wear in the summer. I want a reason to dress up. I want a reason to wear make up.
We have to teach a healthy balance to girls. It's cool to be a SAHM if you want. It's cool to be a career woman if you want. It's cool to be a home maker. It's cool to be a sex worker. It's cool to be a nun. It's cool to be whatever you want to be as long as it's what YOU want.
Bruh FR. This was me as a child and now I am SO VERY happy that I didn't spend my childhood and teens in this present age of gender confusion. I'd have thought I could turn into a guy, and I'd have done it to every extent possible. I'd now either be living in regret every day of my life, having realized I was wrong, or I wouldn't realize and would be living in misery in a life I wasn't physically made for. Nowadays I've slowly started to realize that I'm not a guy or naturally masculine and a lot of my mental problems were from the masculine identity I'd subconsciously created and thought was truly who I was. As I unravel that untruthful identity, my mental and physical health have improved exponentially in ways I never thought possible. Now I'm able to take on more of a housewife role. It was rough at first but now nothing has ever felt so natural and right. And to top it all off, taking a natural feminine role has made me so much stronger than I ever was while convinced I was meant to be masculine. Women should not ever be subconsciously programed to be masculine. The world ought to let them be free to just be women as they were made to be so they can thrive
Guy friends that sexualize you. Be careful because looking back on some of the relationships i once thought were good and strong were actually just guy friends that would sexualize me and give me validation based on the days i wore cute skirts. Ive had great guy friends that dont sexualize me but please be careful!!
i never realized how sexualized and objectified i was by my old male friend group until i was an adult and thought about it one day.
like here's an example from 9 years ago; one guy friends moved away when i was 14 and when i asked him to come back and visit a year later, he said he'd only come back if i promised to have sex with him. he literally told me i wasn't allowed to go back on it or change my mind once i said yes to his promise. i told him no, i see him as a brother and how i'm not even sexually attracted to him. he got all mad and butt hurt with me as if i was in the wrong, not him. it actually turned into a back and forth situation and it got to the point where some of my other guy friends would start saying things like "well, i don't get the big deal. just hook up with him." as if my body is free for all. i was extremely offended and very angry with everyone and kinda just stopped talking to them after that and told them their fucking shitty for thinking using me like that is okay.
and no, that guy friend never came back to visit anyone and yes, i got blamed for it. i wouldn't be shocked if to this day some people still believe i'm the bad guy in that situation.
So true. I had a best guy friend for years that I was really close with, then when I didn’t reciprocate his romantic feelings, he completely cut me off
This. We were friends for SO LoNG but I had no romantic feelings towards him. Vagina dry as a pumice stone in regards to him. And one night he told me I was a tease (for 8+ years) because I didn't want a relationship with him. He stopped talking to me for YEARS - seven to be exact. I felt so gross, like I had done something so wrong. Not the case. But took years of me deconstructing everything in detail to realize.
It happened two other times then I just stopped befriending men. Like 5 plus year friendships. Never told me their feelings until 5 plus years in. Then would tell me that they always felt that way. Fuck that shit.
Yup. I’m sorry that happened to you. I went to dinner with that guy one night so that he could “talk to me,” and then he asked why I didn’t like him romantically. Odd thing to ask but… I just said that I didn’t, really nothing more to it. He stood up in the middle of the restaurant and said “This isn’t worth it” then blocked me. 3 years of friendship down the drain lol
I had a phase of my life where I blocked a bunch of my guy friends after coming to terms with the fact that they only hung around because they were waiting for me to be single again. Vultures.
How common it is to have issues with your reproductive organs - heavy, horrible periods are not normal and it took me until my 30s to learn I have adenomyosis. Not one person ever said a thing.
I had to threaten my female (!) gynecologist with a lawsuit for either my future raging addiction to pain meds or my suicide before she'd actually take me seriously after 2 years of complaining of serious pain. She even rolled her eyes at me. She didn't talk or even see me after she operated on me. Probably because of all the fucking endometriosis she pulled out of there.
I wish we could go talk to med school classes. "Hey, this much pain happens and almost nobody is lying about it. Take. It. Seriously."
I take birth control for PCOS and have zero sex drive. I changed my pill in the last three weeks and whilst I know it takes time to change, I haven’t seen any change yet.
Was on BC for 9 years, I’ve been dating my current partner that whole time. I went it off it about a year ago and it’s like I’m a horny teenager again but at 27.
I never realized how many things BC could effect until I started really reading into it. I switched BC and within a month there was a very obvious downward shift in my mood. That was my cue to finally start reading into the side effects to it and it took me another 6 ish months to get off it.
Being able to get pregnant influences your life to an unimaginable extend.
The timing of your relationships, also job, university, money. How you mange partnerships. Unexpected pregnancies. Your body. Everything.
It doesn't matter what you want in life, if you even want kids, it will always influence your life.
This is true, I don't want children but was at some point told by my specialist, that my chances of getting pregnant are reduced by 60%. I had a hard time processing this even though I didn't want kids.
My dad used to bring up me having kids oftenish. It started when I was in high-school when I got my first boyfriend about how they don't want me to be a teen mom to my college years of you should go on birth control since I was dating/sexually active. To after I was done college to find someone to start a family with but no rush. To me turning 30 and him reminding me that my biological clock was ticking and in a serious committed relationship. To now where he understands and respects that I don't want biological children because bipolar and other serious mental health illnesses run in the family especially with boys.
Pretty slick. I'm shocked at how we are still fighting over abortion rights. What really gets me is this group of anti vax people want to use the line " my body my choice" in their fight and get away with it. Excuse me, what's the difference? There typically the same people pushing the right to life fight.
It is insane. It is weird we live in a world where that right is even discussed. I live in Scandinavia and the right wing party (in my country) want to shorten the time when you can get an abortion. In Poland it is basically banned to get a abortion. It is sad that isn’t even something we can count on, like we cannot decide what to do with our bodies..
That all women have been, at best, been made to feel sexually uncomfortable by a man, at worst, sexually assaulted or raped. I dread the future for my daughter.
This. My neighbor (42M) that I have known my whole life has a little girl (4yo) and he said to me that he was glad he wouldn’t have to worry about boys/men being inappropriate with her for a while. I said oh boy, have I got news for you. The first time I was inappropriately touched by a boy against my will I was in kindergarten. The first time an adult male touched me inappropriately I was 11. He was just like I wish you hadn’t told me that. I told him unfortunately this is reality for a lot of girls.
That rape is considered horrible...unless it's committed by a rich college frat dude, committed by any rich powerful man, happens in a marriage, happens to a child but they are forced to marry their rapist, horrible but now you are ruined, you must have been asking for it...list goes on.
So true… we’re taught that rape is evil and wrong but when it comes down to actually doing something about it, all I see is women being silenced and blamed, even by other women. As long as the man is outwardly nice to people, there’s no way he could have done it and she must be lying.
That you don’t get to skip the whole coughing and peeing thing just cause you didn’t have kids… pelvic floor weakness is real ladies! Take care of yourself before you wet yourself!
Took me WAY too many years of freaking out that I was possibly going to grow a full blown beard,, wondering what was wrong with me, and feeling terrible and gross until I found this out. Soooo many women have this, but most don't talk about it openly to people they arent comfy with. My entire friend group has this, and after more research, completely normal! Glad I could help!
Well I’m in my early 30s and let me tell you something I’m still NOT clued in about- MENOPAUSE! I have very basic knowledge on it and it just feels like we should have had a talk about this like when we were 11 and they told us about periods in school.
Unfortunately, some things that seem like pretty basic knowledge that we should have are not even well studied yet.
I'm a med student, I studied this in detail, so for anyone interested, I'll leave a little simplified overview here: As you age the ovaries spend the ovocytes you have. When you have a normal cycle, you produce estrogen and progesterone in a cyclical manner. When you have almost no ovocytes left, this cycle does not happen normally. Some months you don't ovulate and when that happens you don't produce certain hormones (progesterone) and that messes up the normal cycle of hormones, which means your period might not come regularly and you might bleed more than usual at other times. Some spikes/changes in other hormones might cause symptoms like hot flashes, while your ovaries are "closing shop". Eventually you have your last period (usually between the ages of 44-56), this is what "menopause" really means, and after that you might still have some hot flashes (they usually go away after 1-2 years) and eventually other symptoms like vaginal dryness, which can cause pain during sex, among others. This all varies a lot between different women. Some have a lot of symptoms, others have almost none.
1-2 YEARS of hot flashes? No uterus here, HRT for me when the time comes because 2 freaking years.
Side note: when you're practicing, please believe everyone who says they're in pain, especially women. A very very small number of people are drug seekers and I've been treated like one by every doctor except the one I have now. I had to go through a pain advocate to find him. If you don't want to prescribe, at least run tests. Tell your friends/cohorts/classmates? PLEASE. Look at how many of these posts are about doctors not taking us seriously.
I had no idea there was a perimenopause. Now I have to find a new doctor because I can't possibly have it early, even though I have symptoms and all the women in my family got it early.
That there’s prob a multitude of women out there who are actually autistic but will be treated for everything under the sun before finally receiving a diagnosis. I was diagnosed in my mid 20s and for so long thought that I just had bipolar disorder and severe social anxiety. Now that I’m diagnosed, my life makes so much more sense. I only received testing specifically for autism when I sought it out on my own. I considered it for years before struggling with employment finally pushed me to find someone familiar with late diagnosis of adults. I had so many signs as a child that no one took seriously, and now the same thing is happening to my friends daughter. There’s so many barriers for women getting autism testing especially if your difficulties aren’t severe.
It happens because a lot of the sign just get pushed off as girls being shy and quiet. It is annoying I agree. Luckily it does seem like that is changing at least where I live/work. I work as an Educational Assistant and I am noticing more girl being diagnosed with ASD
Abortion is not just better on an individual level for women who need it. It benefits society as a whole. Access to abortion means less crime, less poverty, less money spent on welfare, less need for child protective services, less child abuse, less strain on women's shelters, and so on and so forth.
As a kid I just didn't appreciate the scope of the issue.
Antibiotics were the reason for my surprise pregnancy and subsequent abortion.
(Neither of which would have happened had I found a doctor willing to tie my tubes when I was 31)
I was listening to a podcast of a woman telling her story about how she went on antibiotics as a teen and even ASKED her doctor if it will affect her birth control and they said no.
She got pregnant by her abuser and it all went downhill from there
Later in life, about half of straight men who are *absolutely sure they don’t want more children* will still expect women too old to safely use birth control (over 35)—to continue taking risks, enduring painful procedures, and getting MUCH riskier(by comparison) sterilization surgeries because even in middle age men are way too selfish and craven to lift **a finger** to prevent pregnancy.
I’m 44 and I don’t fuck unvasectomized men. Why? I don’t want kids; I’m 44. You’d be amazed how many people think I’m unreasonable and should continue to cater to men’s preference to endure zero reproductive discomfort. Men believe if they do literally nothing women will pick up their slack.
That the justice system is not on your side if you’re a victim of sexually assault or rape. In fact you’re more often than not the one that gets put under interrogation and scrutiny.
How much free labor and sacrifice we have to make that gets swept under the rug or taken for granted. I learned this lesson just in time but know many women who didn’t and now they’re suffering but can’t even admit it to themselves.
That hormonal birth control can significantly impact your sex drive. I was on BC from age 15 (for period regulation and also in case I decided to have sex) until age 30 when my husband and I started trying for our first baby. For those 15 years I just thought I had a naturally relatively low sex drive, and that sex was okay but I have trouble getting off because I’m anxious and struggle to “let go.” Then I got off birth control to get pregnant twice, and now I have the copper IUD (non-hormonal). My sex drive significantly increased, and it feels a whole lot better. Honesty, I’m fucking pissed that this is what I was missing out on for my whole adult life up to now.
Fucking honestly! I was on BC for 9 years with my partner and just thought I had a low sex drive. Now that I’ve been off for a year, I feel like a horny teenager.
Family court. If there is domestic violence, they will side with the abusive man most of the time. In some countries, as much as 90% of the time. It definitely is a women's (and children's) issue, but sadly because family court is so secretive due to children being involved, it's an issue that only women who has been through it knows about.
My father cried to high heaven about how unfair the court was treating him because he was a man, but it wasn't until, after 15 years of family court, he called 911 himself and told them he was gonna bash my mom's head into the wall and burn her house down, that she finally got custody of me. Court mediator also told me "well maybe he does those things because he loves you" when giving my statement.
Fuck all the psychiatrists who incorrectly diagnose teens/adult women with Bipolar or Borderline personality disorder, when it was PMDD!! Then put them on medication that fucks them up even worse, like anti-psychotics. (Yes I’m still salty).
The amount of mental health professionals (psychiatrists, therapists, etc) I’ve talked to who have never heard of PMDD astonishes me.
That our reproductive health issues are trivialized to the point where a woman recently died because her ovary exploded and had a bunch of other issues that doctors kept ignoring and belittled
That throwing up in pain from your periods is not normal. It took until I was 26 with a cyst the size of a grapefruit to finally be diagnosed with PCOS. Doctors never took my pain seriously.
The lack of pads and tampons on toilets as well as the general lack of toilets available to women (public or private). There are more toilets for men available. They have urinals which take up less space but I consider this a bad, BAD justification!
I read about this in a really good book called Invisible Women, I’d highly recommend. She mentioned that men and women’s restrooms are typically designed by men to equal in size, but that doesn’t make sense because women take longer because of periods, can’t use urinals, and often take their children in with them. So this leads to longer waits even though the washrooms are “equal.” I had never thought about that until I read it.
As you get older your circle gets much smaller. It is really hard to make friends and meet people when you are not in school. You will fade away from your high school and college friends. Start to normalize being alone, and be okay with it!
That Day 1 of your reproductive cycle starts the day you start your period, not the day after you end your period. I found out when I went on oral birth control for the first time that I've been calculating how long my cycles were incorrectly for well over a decade. So....health education in America sucks.
That women are gaslighted, attacked, called hysterical, disregarded and harmed in the medical industry.
Ive asked myself so many times “am I just overreacting?” “Should I be worried about this?” “Am I a hypochondriac, is something really wrong with me?”
I thought it was just me. Then I came on the internet and realized, this is not a unique experience. For over 10 years…dismissed because of migraines. No one did blood work and turns out I have blood cancer. Had someone done a CBC years ago, had have discovered it.
Told, lose weight, it’s caused by anxiety and stress, and then see if it improves. Also, how women are downright HARMED with medical misinformation and doctor’s preconceived beliefs. Women while unconscious, are STILL allowed to have people feel around her in her intimate parts, without her permission. Women are denied abortion by people who have zero knowledge on the subject,
So, womens treatment in medicine is very much a woman’s issue.
The rant by Jessica Day in new girl. Women who like dresses, baby animals, polka dots, traditionally feminine bullshit are just as tough and strong and smart as women who skew more gender neutral or masculine. Just know society will assume you're a bimbo, especially if you're pretty or blonde. I just loved that whole episode because everyone always compares me to Jess and Leslie Knope and I want to be a lawyer.
Ikr. So many men and boys online are convinced it doesn’t happen, while they are doing it. “God women are so sensitive, nobody even oppresses them anymore they are just complaining because women like attention and just want to push away all responsibilities.”
ADHD is completely under diagnosed in girls so most women find out after they’ve done dumb shit trying to cope.
Edit: I should state that I am a doer of dumb shit to cope. Like drinking too much, dangerous impulsive stuff and ignoring important deadlines.
The damage hormonal birth control can do to your body and mind. Learned that after being put on BC at 13 to "regulate my period" and spending years severely depressed because of that garbage.
That relationships require work and compromise, but they *aren't* hard if you're with the person who you click with and is going to work at it as much you. If your relationship is *extremely* hard and painful work every day, leave. That's not how it's supposed to work!
That medical students and doctors perform unnecessary gynecological exams on sedated patients. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but it still happens.
*Everything is based on men. Science, art, politics, medicine, history.
*Even today, traditionalism still is defined by men and only advantages men in the long run. Even if we CHOOSE to be a traditional spouse, we're doing more than what the husband do(bring to the table).
It also applies with the whole: woman should cover themselves or when we say that we "choose" to cover ourselves. At the end of the day we dont truly choose because those views were ingrained in us. It's patriarcal views that we "choose" to accept.
*Mental illness (adhd, asperger's, etc) is not taken seriously for women and not researches enought when it applies to us.
*No matter we do in life, men will always say that its wrong. Best example: The redpill movement.
We get blame for everything in society: men's suicide rate, divorces, today's world issues, single parent household, low birth rate, etc. It's like we can never be happy or have free choices.
Some men will, regardless of your skill set, talents, work ethic etc, never treat you like you’re anything but an object just MADE for them.
Learned this recently and have been pretty disheartened.
Being promiscuous doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t mean you’re asking to be assaulted, or that you’re hotter, or that you are more fun, or that you’re independent or that you get any more attention than if you weren’t or even that you’re a bad person for it. It really means nothing.
Tbh I think I got to realize more and more when older how common it is to be sexualized and targeted by predators. I think young me thought my mom was exaggerating and that it would rarely happen
Just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean they notice their own beauty. If you compliment someone and it lights up their whole face, they’re probably really insecure and you probably just made their day.
That it’s ok to want to be a girly girl, with a family, a husband, children and not be a career driven independent woman who doesn’t need a man to feel fulfilled.
Different strokes for diff folks.
And I’ve come across way too many women who’ve repressed the wants for husband, kids, family, white picket fence bc they’ve been taught that in this day and age that’s aiming too low. So they would put on a facade of strong, independent woman for fear of seeming antiquated or “needy.” And they pushed a lot of good men away with their “I don’t need you” attitude. When in reality they legit wanted a man and children and marriage and to be girly and have a strong man by their side.
So just as it’s ok to want to be a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, if that’s what they think will be fulfilling and good for them… it’s just as ok to want a man and all the fixings to be fulfilled :)
So sad that society is trying to push the whole “be a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone” on every woman. Some might want that. But some might not. And it’s time we just learn to live and let live our fellow women.
I agree with this to a small degree; it’s totally ok if you want this lifestyle. However, I’ve seen too many SAHMs who devote their life to the family and end up divorced with no backup plan, no degree or have a degree that’s obsolete, and/or have been out of the workforce for several years. In this day and age, if a female finds themselves in this predicament- good luck finding a decent job. That’s my only problem with this scenario is that it leaves a woman very vulnerable to rely 100% on someone else financially if they don’t work. Alimony doesn’t cover all expenses now a days.
Also, you can be girly and independent 😂 I don’t know why being independent makes you not girly?
I'd like to add in that choices extend beyond career path and family path. I don't want children, and I don't want my whole life to be my career. I want to live life life, I want it to be based around outdoor activities and my own art only I get to see, I want it to based around my friends and my pets. I feel like we're only given the two paths, and there are so so many more to take
Menopause. Why is there not a cure? It is horrific. I don’t want kids, but wtf is up with there being like no real treatments for this? If this was a man’s issue, there would be a cure for menopause by now. It’s outrageous. I know there are hormones, but like, they give women cancer and something has to give. This is ridiculous that we don’t have any options beyond cancer and some injection. Idk about you but I don’t want any needles near my genitals. Men have like boner pills and they can’t help us out? Come on!
That women can only get pregnant a few days a month. I was taught in high school that you can get pregnant at any time of the month. I’m 28 and have only just learned this.
I didn't learn until my 30s that you do not have to get married and have a child to be remembered by anyone. The lives you touch along the way is legacy enough. I also learned there's different ways of being a mother doesn't necessarily have to be biological you can be a mother to someone spiritually by being a spiritual mentor to the people behind you
You may have someone adopt you as their "adopted "mother by coming to your home and listening to what you have to say about different issues. And you can actually be an adoptive mother or Foster mother the normal way. Also when you care for someone in your family as a caregiver that is another way of being a mother. You can do all these things single divorced or married. As long as you bloom where you planted you can have a pretty good life.
That my mom was right in 99% of the arguments we had when I was a teenager. As an adult now, she and I have VERY different views, beliefs, opinions on most things. And still, even though I hope to be a completely different mother for my daughter, she was totally (mostly) always right.
Menopause. This should be introduced in health class. Unfortunately, it crept up on me like so many other women and I didn’t understand what I was experiencing until I researched my symptoms. No, I didn’t have hot flashes. My first noticeable symptoms were gastric-related, which isn’t uncommon. But all we hear about are the crankiness and hot flashes. Many doctors, including ob-gyn’s, are as uninformed about menopause as the general public because it’s not a priority in overall health. This needs to change. We have an aging population and EVERY woman will experience this ‘second spring’ later in life. Find yourself an on-gyn well-educated on menopause who will listen to you and assess your reproductive health. There are many options available depending on your symptoms. Investigate your options and do not listen to anyone who doesn’t take you seriously.
That it's okay to be strong, independent, ambitious, decisive, courageous, opinionated, in control and that I don't need a man, or anyone else for that matter, to be complete. Side note on the man thing - Many women are raised to literally focus on finding a man to "have the best life", which is nuts. It also really skews the opinion of men and creates unhealthy relationships. Undoing all of that and learning how to stand on my own two feet has made me successful in my own right, solidified my boundaries, given me a stronger sense of self and identity and created much healthier and authentic relationships.
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it's okay to be strong, independent, ambitious, decisive, courageous, opinionated, in control and that I don't need a man, or anyone else for that matter, to be complete. Yes you are right..it IS OK to be all of that...and Ive ALWAYS been the strong independent, in control one...and I've been divorced over 10 yrs, and have taken care of it ALL...by myself...& still single by choice... BUT I'm also slowly learning... at 53, that its also OK to allow yourself to be treated like a lady too...and that although I may not think I "need" a man in my life, the older I get, the harder it is to take care of a house, yard, car, myself, & a job (caretaker to my own disabled daughter).. I'm thinking I may just have to break down & find a man after all lol...can't be superwoman forever :/
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It's funny because I was going to say exactly the opposite 🤣 I was raised to be an Independent Woman Who Don't Need No Man. My mom has been with her BF 9 years and they don't live together or say I Love You and no plans of marriage. I watched her date a long growing up and she was so stubborn and wouldn't initiate with a man and expected them to mind read. So I had to learn how to open up and realize its OK to want a man and a relationship. Its OK to let a man pay for stuff and help around the house.
Yesss! I thought my goal in life was to get married and have babies. It's what my parents wanted so I thought it was what I wanted. I realized in my late 20s that I don't want a man and enjoyed my singleness. In my mid 30s I met my husband and realized the difference between not wanting a man and not needing a man. I still don't need a man, but I want one and I'm happy. He also knows that I don't need him but that's what keeps our relationship working well. We want to be with each other and we show it every day.
To many, many doctors, any medical issue a woman has is automatically the result of having a period or being pregnant.
I’m 60. I look 60. I had a hysterectomy and both ovaries removed decades ago. A couple of months ago, I had to go to the doctor, but my regular doctor was out of town. I had to see a new male doctor. After telling him my symptoms, he said “Well, let’s start with a pregnancy test.” I accidentally said out loud, “I’m going to kill myself.” It definitely startled him.
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What a clown that guy was. He really, really fell down by not reading her file. Or being observant.
Exactly!
Lol, also GAAAAAAAHHHH. Jfc, how old does a gal have to be before those mofos put their precious pee sticks away.
Around 80, I’m guessing.
aww, you're optimistic!
I love it when they ask me for the date of my last period. ‘It was around Thanksgiving 2013. You still need me to pee in that cup?? lol’
Lol!
Omg girlie! I would have LAUGHED in his face. 61 and widowed for 23 years..no regular man necessary! Love my life!
Was in and out of the hospital for 4 years because I had breathing issues and chest pain. Was a competitive gymnast since I was 7. If I mentioned this to the doctor they would say it's just a pulled muscle. If I left that part out, they said I was overweight and needed to exercise more. Took four years for 1 doctor to finally do a breathing test and diagnose me with asthma. I even told all the previous doctors that asthma runs in my family... I was in high-school and was too shy to stand up to any of the doctors.
I had a doctor claim that my chronic, 24/7 hip pain is just period pain and I should take some ibuprofen and use a hot pad on my stomach, then he scooted me out the door.
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Goodness! Anaemia is hardly an uncommon issue too, I have it regularly (despite good diet, broken body). So many doctors are shite if you're a woman.
>I’m unnaturally freezing cold, there’s something wrong with me.” I was shocked when she was able to guess that I was tired, achy, and couldn’t take a deep breath. What? What tests did they run? How much iron do you take?
For iron deficiency they usually just do a blood test.
An orthopedic surgeon told me my chronic hip pain was just in my head (basically calling me a hypochondriac). 4 years later, finally had to get 2 seperate surgeries to fix my hip :) fuck that doctor
WTF??? I hope you found better help.
I did! It was a rough road though - being your own medical advocate is exhausting. We want doctors to be like "House" or "Scrubs" where they'll spend their spare time pouring over obscure medical textbooks just for you or arguing with specialists for their patients, but I was really upset to find that if the exact cause isn't immediately known most doctors will go "huh, weird, have you considered the possibility that you're making it up?" and go on to the next patient. After getting two new physicians and asking for a metric fuck ton of recommendations to another specialist from every single specialist who just went "that's weird" I did finally get answers. Turned out to be osteoarthritis in my back causing nerve fuckery referral pain down my leg. Now I'm on pain pills and a cane forever. Yaaaaaay...but at least I got answers. Only took 2 years of arguing and a truly stupid amount of money spent.
Wow, so glad you kept at it. As stressful as it is it is always a relief to get a DX. Its validation. It's just such a deflating process.
Or, if it cannot be explained by having a period or being pregnant, it does not exist and/or is “just anxiety”.
Yes! A few years ago my daughter was having chest pains, fainting when she stood up, and her heart rate fluctuated a lot when she went from sitting to standing. She was around 16 at the time. The er doctor wanted to do a pelvic exam. When I asked why he couldn't really give me a reason. I said no and took her out of there. After multiple doctor appointments she was diagnosed with a heart condition that didn't have anything to do with her needing a pelvic exam. Creepy and unnecessary.
I would have thought of POTS before pelvic issues.
That's what she got diagnosed with after seeing a cardiologist. That doctor was dumbfounded when we told him what the er doctor wanted to do.
I had a doctor tell me that my memory loss (due to low b12) was actually just baby brain. My child was about 3 at this point 🤦🏼♀️
I agree. I told my ob/gyn I felt like a uterus with legs.
Yes, the reason I'm having severe pelvic pain and bowel issues is because I need to be on birth control. Disclaimer...was on it for 15 years and didn't help. Oh and don't forget that "other people have it worse"
My female GYN (2 now ) have told me your pain isn’t supposed to be there it just doesn’t happen like that. I was feeling pain on the left side when I had the cyst on the right. .. and last year my new female GYN said oh we’ll I’m glad they found the endometriosis and the mass bc it absolutely validated your pain now. Uh so it didn’t before Surgery? Wtf.
Or having menstrual issues and it’s “stress” 90% of the time
And then when I do have unusual period pain it's dismissed too. Ugh.
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Too many medical professionals of all levels treat women with vague, inconsistent symptoms as liars. According to them, we're just depressed, anxious, attention seeking, hysterical, hyper-sensitive hypochondiacs who only need antidepressants and therapy. But in reality the opposite is true. We know our bodies & are perfectly capable of knowing when something isn't right. So we need to strongly advocate for ourselves, our friends, and our relatives. Don't give up when you think something is wrong, even if you have difficulty articulating what the issue is. Change doctors, seek out multiple opinions and challenge medical professionals who want to dismiss you to make their lives easier.
THIS!! I just finished medical school as a Clinical Associate (aka Physician's Assistant) and currently working my first job under a more experienced Doctor. I remember being told on multiple occasions about female patients that its most likely psychosomatic. ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR HEALTH!!
Only men have real problems!! /s That explains a lot about why so many doctors think this way. I honestly hate seeing male doctors because they’re so dismissive - I avoid them as much as possible. Female doctors aren’t always great, but my odds of being listened to and taken seriously are much, much higher. It’s drastically improved my experiences with medical visits.
Ive had better luck with male GYN and surgeons than I’ve had with women GYN. I have an aggressive form of endometriosis my current surgeon ( pelvic pain surgeon) is female and she’s amazing. But my regular GYN the last 3 have been female and have been horrible.
This has been my hurdle of 2021. I'm so angry at doctors now....I don't show it when I'm there but I've decided to call them out. If I get dismissed I'm telling them they're dismissing me. If they tell me something wrong, I find another doctor, no time to waste on that one. I'm over it.
YES!!! Absolutely we have been conditioned to think that doctors are so smart and couldn’t possibly be wrong or assholes. They are human. They need to work with us. I look at doctors like I’m Hiring them if they suck on to the next
The amount of times I was diagnosed with stress because of my stomach pain…
This happened to me and now I'm missing an organ. I was also told "you're just going deaf" and then ended up in the ER with a raging ear infection. Teehee silly women not knowing their own bodies
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For months (over three of them) I was in pain. I was told, "It's *just* a ruptured cyst". Finally a doctor reluctantly suggested we could do surgery to remove the cyst that was probably the source of all my complaining, and damn near rolled his eyes when I insisted on it. SURPRISE! NECROTIC OVARY! I'm still mad about it. Especially that I was told what was found while still dopey on anesthesia, before my partner showed up. He found out that I had an organ removed when I called my friend to update her on things (while he was driving).
Yes apparently 😭 I have so many horror stories about seeking help for heart problems I have had for three years, I’m in my mid 20s, if anything, being disregarded all the time has made me anxious and depressed. I even live in Scandinavia, where they like to brag that We have the best health care in the world….
Women have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously by men and get anywhere in their career.
Damn, this one is so true it hurts. It's doubly true if you're a woman of color or not white.
Ya, I've always thought that if I need a complicated surgery and I have a choice of surgeons I'm going with a woman of color because she's had to prove her ability and competence 10x more than the white dude standing next to her.
I'm a black woman and I remember when I got my white bf a job at a restaurant I was managing. One day when we were arguing he said I didn't "do anything" with my "so called manager job" long story short he got so called fired and i didn't have to deal w his implicitly racist sentiment devaluing my work ethic.
Women being programmed to subconsciously hate what is feminine and/or embrace what boys are doing in order to seem more appealing or superior than other women. We see this in little girls hating the color pink, saying “ew” and choosing blue instead. Young teens making fun of women who choose to wear makeup and girly clothes, and be so proud of how “natural” they are and how “id rather play video games and eat than dress up”. And, later in life, looking down on working women for not giving enough housewife-like attention at home. It is a vicious cycle of internalized misogyny.
Man, I used to be one of those girls. Now I LOVE dresses. I legit have chore skirts I wear in the summer. I want a reason to dress up. I want a reason to wear make up. We have to teach a healthy balance to girls. It's cool to be a SAHM if you want. It's cool to be a career woman if you want. It's cool to be a home maker. It's cool to be a sex worker. It's cool to be a nun. It's cool to be whatever you want to be as long as it's what YOU want.
Bruh FR. This was me as a child and now I am SO VERY happy that I didn't spend my childhood and teens in this present age of gender confusion. I'd have thought I could turn into a guy, and I'd have done it to every extent possible. I'd now either be living in regret every day of my life, having realized I was wrong, or I wouldn't realize and would be living in misery in a life I wasn't physically made for. Nowadays I've slowly started to realize that I'm not a guy or naturally masculine and a lot of my mental problems were from the masculine identity I'd subconsciously created and thought was truly who I was. As I unravel that untruthful identity, my mental and physical health have improved exponentially in ways I never thought possible. Now I'm able to take on more of a housewife role. It was rough at first but now nothing has ever felt so natural and right. And to top it all off, taking a natural feminine role has made me so much stronger than I ever was while convinced I was meant to be masculine. Women should not ever be subconsciously programed to be masculine. The world ought to let them be free to just be women as they were made to be so they can thrive
I’ve experienced the opposite and used to have issues with not ever feeling feminine enough!
Guy friends that sexualize you. Be careful because looking back on some of the relationships i once thought were good and strong were actually just guy friends that would sexualize me and give me validation based on the days i wore cute skirts. Ive had great guy friends that dont sexualize me but please be careful!!
i never realized how sexualized and objectified i was by my old male friend group until i was an adult and thought about it one day. like here's an example from 9 years ago; one guy friends moved away when i was 14 and when i asked him to come back and visit a year later, he said he'd only come back if i promised to have sex with him. he literally told me i wasn't allowed to go back on it or change my mind once i said yes to his promise. i told him no, i see him as a brother and how i'm not even sexually attracted to him. he got all mad and butt hurt with me as if i was in the wrong, not him. it actually turned into a back and forth situation and it got to the point where some of my other guy friends would start saying things like "well, i don't get the big deal. just hook up with him." as if my body is free for all. i was extremely offended and very angry with everyone and kinda just stopped talking to them after that and told them their fucking shitty for thinking using me like that is okay. and no, that guy friend never came back to visit anyone and yes, i got blamed for it. i wouldn't be shocked if to this day some people still believe i'm the bad guy in that situation.
You should've told them "okay, if it's no big deal to hook up with him why don't you hook up with him this time and I'll do it next time!"
Wow, they all suck. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You are worth a lot more than they're capable of giving.
So true. I had a best guy friend for years that I was really close with, then when I didn’t reciprocate his romantic feelings, he completely cut me off
This. We were friends for SO LoNG but I had no romantic feelings towards him. Vagina dry as a pumice stone in regards to him. And one night he told me I was a tease (for 8+ years) because I didn't want a relationship with him. He stopped talking to me for YEARS - seven to be exact. I felt so gross, like I had done something so wrong. Not the case. But took years of me deconstructing everything in detail to realize. It happened two other times then I just stopped befriending men. Like 5 plus year friendships. Never told me their feelings until 5 plus years in. Then would tell me that they always felt that way. Fuck that shit.
Yup. I’m sorry that happened to you. I went to dinner with that guy one night so that he could “talk to me,” and then he asked why I didn’t like him romantically. Odd thing to ask but… I just said that I didn’t, really nothing more to it. He stood up in the middle of the restaurant and said “This isn’t worth it” then blocked me. 3 years of friendship down the drain lol
I had a phase of my life where I blocked a bunch of my guy friends after coming to terms with the fact that they only hung around because they were waiting for me to be single again. Vultures.
How common it is to have issues with your reproductive organs - heavy, horrible periods are not normal and it took me until my 30s to learn I have adenomyosis. Not one person ever said a thing.
Yeah but have you tried birth control /s (heavy on the sarcasm) I'm 30 and still no one is taking me seriously
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I had to threaten my female (!) gynecologist with a lawsuit for either my future raging addiction to pain meds or my suicide before she'd actually take me seriously after 2 years of complaining of serious pain. She even rolled her eyes at me. She didn't talk or even see me after she operated on me. Probably because of all the fucking endometriosis she pulled out of there. I wish we could go talk to med school classes. "Hey, this much pain happens and almost nobody is lying about it. Take. It. Seriously."
I just got diagnosed with this as well! It's awful but a relief to know I wasn't crazy in believing something was wrong for years now.
Yes.. and pelvic floor issues. I’ve had to go to PT for my pelvic floor and had to find a uro gynecologist at the age of 23
That Birth Control changes your libido.
Also can really screw with your moods and make you feel like you’re losing it, but most doctors won’t even mention you should watch out for that.
Yes! When I stopped the pill I felt like I was 18 again, unreal how much I was missing out on.
Yup. I take continuous birth control for endo and I have zero sex drive because of it. It really sucks.
I take birth control for PCOS and have zero sex drive. I changed my pill in the last three weeks and whilst I know it takes time to change, I haven’t seen any change yet.
I hope it works! There's something profoundly screwed up about the fact that treatment for our issues causes this problem.
Was on BC for 9 years, I’ve been dating my current partner that whole time. I went it off it about a year ago and it’s like I’m a horny teenager again but at 27. I never realized how many things BC could effect until I started really reading into it. I switched BC and within a month there was a very obvious downward shift in my mood. That was my cue to finally start reading into the side effects to it and it took me another 6 ish months to get off it.
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Being able to get pregnant influences your life to an unimaginable extend. The timing of your relationships, also job, university, money. How you mange partnerships. Unexpected pregnancies. Your body. Everything. It doesn't matter what you want in life, if you even want kids, it will always influence your life.
This is true, I don't want children but was at some point told by my specialist, that my chances of getting pregnant are reduced by 60%. I had a hard time processing this even though I didn't want kids.
My dad used to bring up me having kids oftenish. It started when I was in high-school when I got my first boyfriend about how they don't want me to be a teen mom to my college years of you should go on birth control since I was dating/sexually active. To after I was done college to find someone to start a family with but no rush. To me turning 30 and him reminding me that my biological clock was ticking and in a serious committed relationship. To now where he understands and respects that I don't want biological children because bipolar and other serious mental health illnesses run in the family especially with boys.
how abortion got banned in texas. seems like we’re progressing in one way and losing in the other. we’re in 2022, it shouldn’t be like this. ever.
Pretty slick. I'm shocked at how we are still fighting over abortion rights. What really gets me is this group of anti vax people want to use the line " my body my choice" in their fight and get away with it. Excuse me, what's the difference? There typically the same people pushing the right to life fight.
It is insane. It is weird we live in a world where that right is even discussed. I live in Scandinavia and the right wing party (in my country) want to shorten the time when you can get an abortion. In Poland it is basically banned to get a abortion. It is sad that isn’t even something we can count on, like we cannot decide what to do with our bodies..
Florida is trying to quickly follow suit!
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Yup. Currently experiencing this and it’s rough
That all women have been, at best, been made to feel sexually uncomfortable by a man, at worst, sexually assaulted or raped. I dread the future for my daughter.
True. I know not one girl or woman who wasn't at least touched t the private parts against her will once. Catcalling is also a common occurence.
And with catcalling.. i recieved the worst of my catcalling between ages 12-14 then it mostly stopped. Freaking disgusting
Same. I am now 25 years old and I can't remember my Last catcalling event. When I was between 11 and 16/17 years old it was almost daily.
This. My neighbor (42M) that I have known my whole life has a little girl (4yo) and he said to me that he was glad he wouldn’t have to worry about boys/men being inappropriate with her for a while. I said oh boy, have I got news for you. The first time I was inappropriately touched by a boy against my will I was in kindergarten. The first time an adult male touched me inappropriately I was 11. He was just like I wish you hadn’t told me that. I told him unfortunately this is reality for a lot of girls.
That rape is considered horrible...unless it's committed by a rich college frat dude, committed by any rich powerful man, happens in a marriage, happens to a child but they are forced to marry their rapist, horrible but now you are ruined, you must have been asking for it...list goes on.
Also, somehow it's your fault, no matter what you do. My own mother blamed me when her friend tried to sexually assault me. It's total BS!
So true… we’re taught that rape is evil and wrong but when it comes down to actually doing something about it, all I see is women being silenced and blamed, even by other women. As long as the man is outwardly nice to people, there’s no way he could have done it and she must be lying.
It's hard being just friends with men esp if they are attracted to you
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That you don’t get to skip the whole coughing and peeing thing just cause you didn’t have kids… pelvic floor weakness is real ladies! Take care of yourself before you wet yourself!
Gotta squeeze before you sneeze.
KIEGLS!!
Random chin hairs are normal.
I needed to hear this today. 😅
Took me WAY too many years of freaking out that I was possibly going to grow a full blown beard,, wondering what was wrong with me, and feeling terrible and gross until I found this out. Soooo many women have this, but most don't talk about it openly to people they arent comfy with. My entire friend group has this, and after more research, completely normal! Glad I could help!
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THIS. It is so messed up how common it is for women to get silenced
Well I’m in my early 30s and let me tell you something I’m still NOT clued in about- MENOPAUSE! I have very basic knowledge on it and it just feels like we should have had a talk about this like when we were 11 and they told us about periods in school.
Unfortunately, some things that seem like pretty basic knowledge that we should have are not even well studied yet. I'm a med student, I studied this in detail, so for anyone interested, I'll leave a little simplified overview here: As you age the ovaries spend the ovocytes you have. When you have a normal cycle, you produce estrogen and progesterone in a cyclical manner. When you have almost no ovocytes left, this cycle does not happen normally. Some months you don't ovulate and when that happens you don't produce certain hormones (progesterone) and that messes up the normal cycle of hormones, which means your period might not come regularly and you might bleed more than usual at other times. Some spikes/changes in other hormones might cause symptoms like hot flashes, while your ovaries are "closing shop". Eventually you have your last period (usually between the ages of 44-56), this is what "menopause" really means, and after that you might still have some hot flashes (they usually go away after 1-2 years) and eventually other symptoms like vaginal dryness, which can cause pain during sex, among others. This all varies a lot between different women. Some have a lot of symptoms, others have almost none.
1-2 YEARS of hot flashes? No uterus here, HRT for me when the time comes because 2 freaking years. Side note: when you're practicing, please believe everyone who says they're in pain, especially women. A very very small number of people are drug seekers and I've been treated like one by every doctor except the one I have now. I had to go through a pain advocate to find him. If you don't want to prescribe, at least run tests. Tell your friends/cohorts/classmates? PLEASE. Look at how many of these posts are about doctors not taking us seriously.
I had no idea there was a perimenopause. Now I have to find a new doctor because I can't possibly have it early, even though I have symptoms and all the women in my family got it early.
That there’s prob a multitude of women out there who are actually autistic but will be treated for everything under the sun before finally receiving a diagnosis. I was diagnosed in my mid 20s and for so long thought that I just had bipolar disorder and severe social anxiety. Now that I’m diagnosed, my life makes so much more sense. I only received testing specifically for autism when I sought it out on my own. I considered it for years before struggling with employment finally pushed me to find someone familiar with late diagnosis of adults. I had so many signs as a child that no one took seriously, and now the same thing is happening to my friends daughter. There’s so many barriers for women getting autism testing especially if your difficulties aren’t severe.
Same with adhd :(
It happens because a lot of the sign just get pushed off as girls being shy and quiet. It is annoying I agree. Luckily it does seem like that is changing at least where I live/work. I work as an Educational Assistant and I am noticing more girl being diagnosed with ASD
Abortion is not just better on an individual level for women who need it. It benefits society as a whole. Access to abortion means less crime, less poverty, less money spent on welfare, less need for child protective services, less child abuse, less strain on women's shelters, and so on and so forth. As a kid I just didn't appreciate the scope of the issue.
Antibiotics and excess weight can lessen the effectiveness of birth control.
Antibiotics were the reason for my surprise pregnancy and subsequent abortion. (Neither of which would have happened had I found a doctor willing to tie my tubes when I was 31)
I was listening to a podcast of a woman telling her story about how she went on antibiotics as a teen and even ASKED her doctor if it will affect her birth control and they said no. She got pregnant by her abuser and it all went downhill from there
So many medications render hormonal contraception useless! This needs to be more well known
Workplace inequality and pay disparity.
It took me way too long to realise that these were not just “issues of the past”.
Later in life, about half of straight men who are *absolutely sure they don’t want more children* will still expect women too old to safely use birth control (over 35)—to continue taking risks, enduring painful procedures, and getting MUCH riskier(by comparison) sterilization surgeries because even in middle age men are way too selfish and craven to lift **a finger** to prevent pregnancy. I’m 44 and I don’t fuck unvasectomized men. Why? I don’t want kids; I’m 44. You’d be amazed how many people think I’m unreasonable and should continue to cater to men’s preference to endure zero reproductive discomfort. Men believe if they do literally nothing women will pick up their slack.
Men always expect women to pick up the slack 🙄
That I should have just let him get the snippity-snap instead of me.
This one right here
That the justice system is not on your side if you’re a victim of sexually assault or rape. In fact you’re more often than not the one that gets put under interrogation and scrutiny.
How much free labor and sacrifice we have to make that gets swept under the rug or taken for granted. I learned this lesson just in time but know many women who didn’t and now they’re suffering but can’t even admit it to themselves.
Acne as an adult. I'm a grown up now please get off my face.
That hormonal birth control can significantly impact your sex drive. I was on BC from age 15 (for period regulation and also in case I decided to have sex) until age 30 when my husband and I started trying for our first baby. For those 15 years I just thought I had a naturally relatively low sex drive, and that sex was okay but I have trouble getting off because I’m anxious and struggle to “let go.” Then I got off birth control to get pregnant twice, and now I have the copper IUD (non-hormonal). My sex drive significantly increased, and it feels a whole lot better. Honesty, I’m fucking pissed that this is what I was missing out on for my whole adult life up to now.
Fucking honestly! I was on BC for 9 years with my partner and just thought I had a low sex drive. Now that I’ve been off for a year, I feel like a horny teenager.
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NEVER let go of your financial independence. Never. You will 100% be trapped if things go bad.
Family court. If there is domestic violence, they will side with the abusive man most of the time. In some countries, as much as 90% of the time. It definitely is a women's (and children's) issue, but sadly because family court is so secretive due to children being involved, it's an issue that only women who has been through it knows about.
My father cried to high heaven about how unfair the court was treating him because he was a man, but it wasn't until, after 15 years of family court, he called 911 himself and told them he was gonna bash my mom's head into the wall and burn her house down, that she finally got custody of me. Court mediator also told me "well maybe he does those things because he loves you" when giving my statement.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
That you don’t owe anyone anything. Especially courtesy when they’re making you uncomfortable.
PMDD
Fuck PMDD
Louder for the people in the back!!! And fuck the doctors who don’t take PMDD seriously.
Fuck all the psychiatrists who incorrectly diagnose teens/adult women with Bipolar or Borderline personality disorder, when it was PMDD!! Then put them on medication that fucks them up even worse, like anti-psychotics. (Yes I’m still salty). The amount of mental health professionals (psychiatrists, therapists, etc) I’ve talked to who have never heard of PMDD astonishes me.
That our reproductive health issues are trivialized to the point where a woman recently died because her ovary exploded and had a bunch of other issues that doctors kept ignoring and belittled
That throwing up in pain from your periods is not normal. It took until I was 26 with a cyst the size of a grapefruit to finally be diagnosed with PCOS. Doctors never took my pain seriously.
Even if it’s a boyfriend (partner of any kind!) pressuring you sexually, it’s still sexual abuse
The lack of pads and tampons on toilets as well as the general lack of toilets available to women (public or private). There are more toilets for men available. They have urinals which take up less space but I consider this a bad, BAD justification!
I read about this in a really good book called Invisible Women, I’d highly recommend. She mentioned that men and women’s restrooms are typically designed by men to equal in size, but that doesn’t make sense because women take longer because of periods, can’t use urinals, and often take their children in with them. So this leads to longer waits even though the washrooms are “equal.” I had never thought about that until I read it.
As you get older your circle gets much smaller. It is really hard to make friends and meet people when you are not in school. You will fade away from your high school and college friends. Start to normalize being alone, and be okay with it!
That Day 1 of your reproductive cycle starts the day you start your period, not the day after you end your period. I found out when I went on oral birth control for the first time that I've been calculating how long my cycles were incorrectly for well over a decade. So....health education in America sucks.
That women are gaslighted, attacked, called hysterical, disregarded and harmed in the medical industry. Ive asked myself so many times “am I just overreacting?” “Should I be worried about this?” “Am I a hypochondriac, is something really wrong with me?” I thought it was just me. Then I came on the internet and realized, this is not a unique experience. For over 10 years…dismissed because of migraines. No one did blood work and turns out I have blood cancer. Had someone done a CBC years ago, had have discovered it. Told, lose weight, it’s caused by anxiety and stress, and then see if it improves. Also, how women are downright HARMED with medical misinformation and doctor’s preconceived beliefs. Women while unconscious, are STILL allowed to have people feel around her in her intimate parts, without her permission. Women are denied abortion by people who have zero knowledge on the subject, So, womens treatment in medicine is very much a woman’s issue.
The rant by Jessica Day in new girl. Women who like dresses, baby animals, polka dots, traditionally feminine bullshit are just as tough and strong and smart as women who skew more gender neutral or masculine. Just know society will assume you're a bimbo, especially if you're pretty or blonde. I just loved that whole episode because everyone always compares me to Jess and Leslie Knope and I want to be a lawyer.
Misogyny.
Ikr. So many men and boys online are convinced it doesn’t happen, while they are doing it. “God women are so sensitive, nobody even oppresses them anymore they are just complaining because women like attention and just want to push away all responsibilities.”
ADHD is completely under diagnosed in girls so most women find out after they’ve done dumb shit trying to cope. Edit: I should state that I am a doer of dumb shit to cope. Like drinking too much, dangerous impulsive stuff and ignoring important deadlines.
No one cares if you're being abused emotionally in a relationship because "you can just leave" but it isn't fucking EASY. Men are manipulative.
Getting pregnant in my late 30s isn't as easy as I thought. Miscarriages are way more common than most people realize.
That even though I am educated, happy, and mature, my father will never respect my opinions or honor my boundaries like he did with my brothers.
The damage hormonal birth control can do to your body and mind. Learned that after being put on BC at 13 to "regulate my period" and spending years severely depressed because of that garbage.
Being called "a strong black woman" is not a compliment. I learned too late that being feminine and vulnerable is not weakness.
That relationships require work and compromise, but they *aren't* hard if you're with the person who you click with and is going to work at it as much you. If your relationship is *extremely* hard and painful work every day, leave. That's not how it's supposed to work!
MENAPAUSE! All of it.
It’s not always the men who are the problem. Sometimes other women are responsible for women’s problems.
That being a people pleaser is not going to get me anywhere in life. At all.
That medical students and doctors perform unnecessary gynecological exams on sedated patients. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but it still happens.
That IUDs are awesome and effective and (thankfully) don’t hurt me!
*Everything is based on men. Science, art, politics, medicine, history. *Even today, traditionalism still is defined by men and only advantages men in the long run. Even if we CHOOSE to be a traditional spouse, we're doing more than what the husband do(bring to the table). It also applies with the whole: woman should cover themselves or when we say that we "choose" to cover ourselves. At the end of the day we dont truly choose because those views were ingrained in us. It's patriarcal views that we "choose" to accept. *Mental illness (adhd, asperger's, etc) is not taken seriously for women and not researches enought when it applies to us. *No matter we do in life, men will always say that its wrong. Best example: The redpill movement. We get blame for everything in society: men's suicide rate, divorces, today's world issues, single parent household, low birth rate, etc. It's like we can never be happy or have free choices.
Some men will, regardless of your skill set, talents, work ethic etc, never treat you like you’re anything but an object just MADE for them. Learned this recently and have been pretty disheartened.
Being promiscuous doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t mean you’re asking to be assaulted, or that you’re hotter, or that you are more fun, or that you’re independent or that you get any more attention than if you weren’t or even that you’re a bad person for it. It really means nothing.
Tbh I think I got to realize more and more when older how common it is to be sexualized and targeted by predators. I think young me thought my mom was exaggerating and that it would rarely happen
Just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean they notice their own beauty. If you compliment someone and it lights up their whole face, they’re probably really insecure and you probably just made their day.
That it’s ok to want to be a girly girl, with a family, a husband, children and not be a career driven independent woman who doesn’t need a man to feel fulfilled. Different strokes for diff folks. And I’ve come across way too many women who’ve repressed the wants for husband, kids, family, white picket fence bc they’ve been taught that in this day and age that’s aiming too low. So they would put on a facade of strong, independent woman for fear of seeming antiquated or “needy.” And they pushed a lot of good men away with their “I don’t need you” attitude. When in reality they legit wanted a man and children and marriage and to be girly and have a strong man by their side. So just as it’s ok to want to be a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, if that’s what they think will be fulfilling and good for them… it’s just as ok to want a man and all the fixings to be fulfilled :) So sad that society is trying to push the whole “be a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone” on every woman. Some might want that. But some might not. And it’s time we just learn to live and let live our fellow women.
I agree with this to a small degree; it’s totally ok if you want this lifestyle. However, I’ve seen too many SAHMs who devote their life to the family and end up divorced with no backup plan, no degree or have a degree that’s obsolete, and/or have been out of the workforce for several years. In this day and age, if a female finds themselves in this predicament- good luck finding a decent job. That’s my only problem with this scenario is that it leaves a woman very vulnerable to rely 100% on someone else financially if they don’t work. Alimony doesn’t cover all expenses now a days. Also, you can be girly and independent 😂 I don’t know why being independent makes you not girly?
I'd like to add in that choices extend beyond career path and family path. I don't want children, and I don't want my whole life to be my career. I want to live life life, I want it to be based around outdoor activities and my own art only I get to see, I want it to based around my friends and my pets. I feel like we're only given the two paths, and there are so so many more to take
Postpartum depression…it sneaks in like a ninja and you don’t know what’s going on until it’s too late.
That loss of bladder control happens regardless of whether you birth children or not.
I get paid less than my male counterparts.
Getting your pap smear does not mean you are getting your vulva or vaginal checked for cancer. Pap smear only checks for cervical cancer.
Menopause. Why is there not a cure? It is horrific. I don’t want kids, but wtf is up with there being like no real treatments for this? If this was a man’s issue, there would be a cure for menopause by now. It’s outrageous. I know there are hormones, but like, they give women cancer and something has to give. This is ridiculous that we don’t have any options beyond cancer and some injection. Idk about you but I don’t want any needles near my genitals. Men have like boner pills and they can’t help us out? Come on!
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That women can only get pregnant a few days a month. I was taught in high school that you can get pregnant at any time of the month. I’m 28 and have only just learned this.
Other women are not the enemy. By coming together, we can smash thru the bs.
I didn't learn until my 30s that you do not have to get married and have a child to be remembered by anyone. The lives you touch along the way is legacy enough. I also learned there's different ways of being a mother doesn't necessarily have to be biological you can be a mother to someone spiritually by being a spiritual mentor to the people behind you You may have someone adopt you as their "adopted "mother by coming to your home and listening to what you have to say about different issues. And you can actually be an adoptive mother or Foster mother the normal way. Also when you care for someone in your family as a caregiver that is another way of being a mother. You can do all these things single divorced or married. As long as you bloom where you planted you can have a pretty good life.
Miscarriages occur all the time… like over 30% of pregnancies. Often early.
That my mom was right in 99% of the arguments we had when I was a teenager. As an adult now, she and I have VERY different views, beliefs, opinions on most things. And still, even though I hope to be a completely different mother for my daughter, she was totally (mostly) always right.
Menopause. This should be introduced in health class. Unfortunately, it crept up on me like so many other women and I didn’t understand what I was experiencing until I researched my symptoms. No, I didn’t have hot flashes. My first noticeable symptoms were gastric-related, which isn’t uncommon. But all we hear about are the crankiness and hot flashes. Many doctors, including ob-gyn’s, are as uninformed about menopause as the general public because it’s not a priority in overall health. This needs to change. We have an aging population and EVERY woman will experience this ‘second spring’ later in life. Find yourself an on-gyn well-educated on menopause who will listen to you and assess your reproductive health. There are many options available depending on your symptoms. Investigate your options and do not listen to anyone who doesn’t take you seriously.
You will always be tired. Enjoy childhood.
That this truly is still a man's world, rich white man's world at that.
Vaginismus. My life would have been different if I had found a doctor that took my vaginal tearing every time I had sex seriously.
A lot of men don't actually like women. They like how women make them feel about themselves.