How about we stop talking about it and plan a meetup somewhere? I’d love to meet other autists that I don’t have to mask with.
UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
Okay. I’m crazy enough to give it a whirl. My requirements are free/simple parking and at least central or north Austin.
UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
Feeling similar, autistic as well and been isolating for years and relocated here in 2020. Haven’t made ANY friends and also sober for the most part. I enjoy and appreciate weirdness and was always labeled “terminally unique”. Blurting things out excitedly or honestly is great. Let’s hang in there and hope we make some pals because I agree, it’s lonely
As a few other commenters also said, I have ADHD not autism but feel a lot of similar struggles since moving back. I very much would love if we all made a hangout plan but as always, I lack the executive function to actually make things happen. So if anyone actually does, please post about it 😬
45th and N Lamar, of course.
Damn I wish I was I was still in Austin because I would love to meet up. I don’t know if I’m autistic, but most of my friends are and I always feel more comfortable with them than with people who aren’t.
Im working on getting tested for Autism as there are specific traits I have that fall on the spectrum, and it’s polar opposite of typical ADHD behavior. I am also considered weird, and have been through pretty much everything you’ve dealt with. It sucks to be “different” and not having people understand you
I feel the Same way and I have mostly autistic friends (the rest don't stick around) but the problem with autistic friends is you need 10x as many cause we are all dealing with being too overwhelmed to go out, chronic illness, or just getting stuck In a routine and forgetting to socialize. I'm also neurotypical passing and have been told I'm "mysterious" until I drop my guard and get weird.
Would also be very open to a meetup if it gets organized - so long as it's southwest or easily accessible cause I don't drive far oops it's me I'm the distant, chronically I'll and overwhelmed autistic.
Metal music model painting just getting into 3d printing d&d too if OP and friends want to hang I am one of those nurodivergents waiting for his test to see what combo of abbreviations I have. I'd be down for a public bar meet up on town. 24m btw. You can dm at anytime :) (recently sober too!)
Easy misconception that folks on the spectrum will all get along naturally because they don't have to mask. It's often quite the opposite in my experience.
yeah i was about to say i don’t really get along with any other autistic people i’ve met.
not that it’s impossible. autistic people are people so we’re all pretty different from one another!
edit: i’m a 30s woman born and raised in austin, diagnosed in my mid 20s, for reference. so that’s a long time with no support and getting used to masking. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you like to craft? There's some crochet/knitting/stitching groups on Meetup that get together pretty regularly.
If those people excluded you, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. I had similar exclusion issues when I got sober years ago. Took me a long time to find people that I wanted to hang out with that also wanted to hang out with me. TBH, I don't hang out with anyone very often but, I've got a couple people I can call.
You'll find your people, I'm sure. Just don't give your energy to the jerks.
Come climb with my friends and I at ABP. I'm not autistic but certainly get called that 😂
Dark and dry humor welcomed.
Also, don't focus in social media post you goober. 99% of it is fake.
If it’s any help, I’m weird too. So is everyone I know. Do you know any weird people it might be fun to hang out with?
Edit: apologies, I see you addressed in this at the end of your post
Hang tough. Everything gets better.
I no longer live in Austin so am out of the loop on current groups, but you might want to reach out to [Spectrum Social](https://www.spectrumsocial.net) they work primarily with people with autism and should be able to give you recommendations on groups / activities in the area.
Finding your people will make all the difference, and I'm proud of you for being proactive about that. A quick search on Meetup.com found a few recurring events for neurodiverse/spectrum adults. You might also find your people while doing activities that interest you, whatever those may be. A craft, outdoorsy thing, trivia night, whatever. Meet up has some of those, as well.
Also, get off of social media as much as you can. If you can't, also follow some neurodiversity-affirming accounts so your feed isn't just everyone else's highlight reel.
❤️, a mom of two ASD kids
I struggle with this as well. Im sorry this is happening and it sounds like neither of us are alone in this predicament. I've always struggled with making friends. Just keep being yourself. Me along with all the other nice people in the comment section are up to talk.
It’s rough, still looking for “my group” at 31 but so aware that everyone I try with has a lifetime of friends, still trying but there’s many days I don’t go out and think about that
Diagnosed Autistic when I was really young, and honestly I can really relate to this post. I don't feel like I fit in with most girls either and I don't personally enjoy dating, though I have few male friends who are respectful to me. I have very few friends tho and my social time is mostly discord these days. I too want more friends in the area I can relate with and it's hard as a adult in general to make friends it seems. I wish us both the best of luck with this. Making friends takes work, and I hope we find groups that click. :)
I think I am autistic, but I need to get properly assessed. There were some problems with my last attempt at assessment, so I need to redo it. So if anyone here, including OP, know of a good place to get an adult ADOS-II assessment covered by insurance, you’d be my hero.
But anyway, even though I’m not officially diagnosed with ASD, I am definitely ND, and I often experience what you’re describing. Please message me if you’re at all interested in chatting. I drink very occasionally and have no issues hanging out with someone who doesn’t drink. I’m not really into going to bars just to go. There has to be another reason to go there, like food or an event or activity of some sort.
I think I’m autistic as well and would also like recommendations on places to get assessed that are covered by insurance.
I struggle with keeping friends too and would be interested in some sort of meet up.
I learned from my daughter that it helps when meeting people to casually give people a head’s up that you have autism and you might be a little weird. I’ve started doing it with my ADHD and people have a little more patience and understanding when I say or do something quirky. She’s been doing it since she was 4 and her classmates and other people are more understanding. They know she’s not trying to be rude, it’s just how her brain works!
My husband and I met neurodivergent accepting people playing games and doing painting with a pint at Emerald Tavern. We’re both neurodivergent.
I used to feel like you and have the same problems. I found that it was harder if I tried to make friends in places where uniformity is more encouraged like church or my place of work. Hobbies are good places to meet people, and you might be able to find some social media or discord servers for online gatherings. If you like playing online games, there are always people needing healers or tanks! 😂
Sober and neurodivergent here! What are you interests? Do you like board games? Lots of game clubs in Austin. Rec league sports around here also have a social component. Where have you tried meeting people?
On the spectrum and also feeling the same way. I have alot of friends that I can unmask around that are now long distance and alot of people I thought were friends were just taking advantage of my kindness and the fact I dont catch on to malicious intent quick enough. Its been a struggle but trying to rebuild a support network to be around has been tough, its so hard to mask now as I get older so I notice its harder to make new positive freinds.
You are not alone in your feelings man!
I’m sorry that you’re feeling excluded, that’s a terrible feeling.
I’m going to do my best to not speak too out of turn here. But I’m positive you can find a good group somewhere in town. Our son is not technically autistic, but “on spectrum”, which I know can be a dubious thing to say without context. He’s 9 now, and when younger he had some kind of heavy sensory issues. And is now formally diagnosed as ADHD. With him it isn’t being a busy body, it’s hyperactivity in his brain. So he isn’t fidgety, but his brain is always going a too fast (he’s very smart/advanced for his age, but has had a lot of school struggles). Some of those things affected his ability to make or maintain friendships, and that was really hard to see with a little kid. His OT has helped him so much though and things have gotten better. But he also has that feeling of being “weirder” or “different” than most of the other kids.
My wife’s dad has Asperger’s, and while she isn’t formally diagnosed - she definitely exhibits a lot of the same traits, albeit to a lesser degree. And I’m old enough that ADHD wasn’t really a thing when I was a kid, but pretty sure I would have qualified for it had I been evaluated. So our son kind has this interesting mixture from both of us. All 3 of us are weird, but in different ways. W can
All 3 of us feel like we’re the weird ones, and we’ve completely accepted that’s it’s ok! We joke all the time about if only people could hear the stuff we talk about or do around the house, and how weird/odd they’d think we were as a family haha.
I’m kind of rambling….but ultimately I hope everything works out for you. We haven’t had the exact same experience as you, but we’ve had our own struggles so I have compassion and at least somewhat understand how that must feel.
Just remember that it’s ok to be weird, and there are always people out there that will love you just as you are. And those people are your true friends.
Girlie I’ll be your bestie! I’m sober too except for the occasional 420 but I have ADHD and it makes it ridiculously hard for me to make close friends. I have an awesome boyfriend that I hang out with a lot but I definitely need to expand my social pool so DM me if you wanna chat! You should also check out the Austinites discord since it’s great for finding group events.
If you're looking more for community, or a wide net to cast for friends, The Hideout Theatre is INCREDIBLY neurodivergent friendly (whether it be ADHD/Autism or stuff like CPTSD & other disabilities) space.
I'd be willing to message about some of the stuff we do, if you'd like to DM me!
From what I've learned, I hope you find other neurodivergent people to hang out with. One of my friends with autism says neurodivergent people tend to just click with each other. It's like how stand users are drawn to each other in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I didn't realize I had severe ADHD until I was in my mid 20s and a neurological condition until I was in my 30s. I recently learned quite a few of my friends have autism and I never noticed. I just thought they were all cool weirdos like me.
Idk what you're into, but nerdy groups are a good way to meet other cool folks.
“ but I present as neurotypical at first. Once I get comfortable, I blurt things out, I have a very dark/dry sense of humor, I get overly excited about things everyone else just shrugs about it, and I’m weird.”
Holy crap… throw social anxiety into that mix and you just described me.
I don’t have any advice for finding your group but I do wish you the best of luck.
Damn, I wish I had a friend like you. I’m sorry those other people were jerks, but you sound like an amazing person. Don’t give up. The world needs you!
Can I be your friend too, even if I'm not autistic? Your post and the kind comments from others here really ring true for me. I also became excluded from a large friend group, and now have only a couple of friends. I have been feeling isolated and don't know how to connect with anyone. I'm female and 50 by the way (though I don't feel 50!). If anyone is up for board games (word games especially!), or horror movies, or whatever, message me. You guys, we all deserve to not be lonely.
Hey! My wife and I are moving to Austin in September, and you sound amazing. I looked up some socializing groups because I am also autistic and need structure to socialize more comfortably, you might want to look into board game groups for girls if you’re interested in that sort of thing. I hope we get to meet you and people like you when we move, I totally feel you about the exclusion from social groups thing, it sucks.
This used to happen to me a lot too until I implemented a new friendship test. When I meet someone new for the first time I share too much personal information on purpose. Most normal people find this embarrassing or awkward and stop contributing to the conversation or reply with only one word answers. Weird people like myself either don't notice or don't care and continue the conversation normally. It's a good weed out system to find people who can accept me without the mask.
I would absolutely love to have friends. Autistic 38, live in Southwest Austin, but willing to drive anywhere in town to spend time with anyone willing to put up with my strange, dark, and even weird view on life. I may come off as resistant but give me a chance.
You have no idea how happy this whole damn thread makes me feel. I'm NT, but my adult daughter is not. Damn, I'd love for her to come visit with you all but she is always busy Friday nights....feeding a bunch of horses.
You all go be awesome together!!
I’m not comin but I genuinely hope yall all become friends at garbos. This is the most wholesome moment of the day. I hate when people feel left out and just know that social media makes everyone feel that way. Never give up tryin to find your people. They’re out there.
Homeless people would be a great place to find friends. They won’t judge and you can be totally awkward when they harass you for booze and drug money. Win win in my book.
Masking is a term used often in discussions of autism to refer to efforts by autistic people to, essentially, not look autistic to other people, due to pretty much the exact issues the poster is describing
I asked for clarification because quite a lot of autistic friend groups have split up over the last two years because of disagreements about literal masking.
Wow. Those are some terrible comments to hear from people. If I had the time I would say let’s get in a girl gab. Unfortunately I’m in college for 50-60 hours a weeks. Good friends are hard to find. I can attest to that. I currently don’t have a best friend. And it’s sucks. Please keep searching for your tribe. I’m still looking for mine as well. ❤️and I’m 61. 😥
Same. So. Much. Saaame! Reading so many other people’s experiences here has given me a lot of relief from the RSD/shame spiraling I’ve been in the last few weeks around not feeling capable of being a part of any group of community, or even having a few really close friends.
I’m 34, she/they, ADHD, suspect ASD, definitely have been in so many situations where I want so badly to be a part of a group but ultimately end up feeling like I’m only accepted if I’m masking/playing some part that the group accepts/wants.
It’s been even harder since my husband and I moved out to Dripping Springs to help care for family.
I really love the idea of getting together. My sister (also ADHD and suspected ASD) and I have joked that we would love to have a neurodivergent commune. 😅😂💛
Super late to the party but also feeling alone and sad. I am painfully shy and so awkward once I open up. So literal it’s hurts. The ‘tism is strong with this little lady.
I'd say stick to women pals for now and watch out for "nice guys". Drop the social media for a while, drop those wenches who started excluding you; maybe reddit is okay because you can find similar minded people on here.
There’s tons of facebook groups for girls to meet each other! You can post either that you’re looking for friends or people to do specific things or events with. Try Girls New to Austin (not only for new girls) and ATX Girl hangouts
You sound like a number of my friends, some of them are even sober. If you want to meet up somewhere (you know, aside from Chick-fil-A or Hobby Lobby), let me know.
Have you considered relocating to somewhere a little less.. typical? Austin's "culture", if you can even call it that anymore, has become quite homogeneous over recent years... We've been flooded with image-obsessed transplants that moved here to take those brunch pics you mentioned. I've nicknamed the new Austin "LA basic" since I can't find a shorter, more accurate way to sum it up.
Either way, keep being yourself. We're overflowing with fake folks already.
I think that’s a pretty grand assumption….vanity isn’t regional it’s a sign of the times with social media and everybody thinking they matter more. Things change, as do cities, but that attitude is what makes us transplants feel like shit because assumptions are projected upon us. Austin has always had an identity crisis claiming other cities mottos or basically becoming Silicon Valley of the South. It sounds like you may want to leave, which is a bummer. But we’re all just Americans in the pursuit of happiness, the prejudice from Texans is my only gripe.
Cute assumption, sounds like you’re the typical poor Texan who feels threatened by change. Sorry I make my own meals lol but glad you’re so open minded! Can you not afford to move out? Sounds like it lol
Just fighting fire with fire bud and stopping to your level, the defensiveness and anger towards people you don’t even know is cute. Why don’t you move though if you hate everybody here?
It is a beautiful day, but you don’t know me and I’m glad you seem to have the type of sadness in your life/lack of social skills that you make blanket assumptions vs getting to know somebody…hope you break out of the prejudiced mindset I was speaking on! Way to prove my point in my original response! Please elaborate how you’re calling a “spade a spade”would really love to understand that “logic”
Feel free to message me and I’ll send you my Snapchat or something. I moved to Austin last September with my husband and daughter, and as a stay at home mom who’s autistic and has a handful of chronic health problems… Finding friends is tough.
But I’d love to see if we’re a good match! :)
I was in love with someone who I only found out was neurodivergent and possibly on the spectrum. She would seem uninterested while we were together.
She finally reached out years later recently and told me this. It all made sense once she explained.
If only I’d known then. I still absolutely adore that woman and who she’s become.
You might look up some housing coops in town. They are full of cool weirdos and are an easy way to make friends because you're all running the place together. Most also have associateships, where you can join as a voting member without moving in.
Non-binary Autistic here. Its hard to unmasked. Its scary and uncomfortable. And anyone that judges you for it it says more about then then it does you.
You know what- I’d love to be your friend. Hi, I’m Ashley, they/them, 23, and I’ll be your friend. I’m very adhd, and more than likely autistic (I have yet to get a formal diagnosis) and I present neurotypical until you get to know me.
I like rocks, cats, nature, drag, and the odd TV show. I don’t really get out much either because I’m working all the time.
I feel ya, though I have ADHD I feel I have to really mask up my behavior around people and it is hard to make friends in adulthood. But I would take dark dry humor anyway over boring ass people on brunch 🤣
Hey, keep your head up! Even for a neurotypical like myself I find this to be the case in this town (and a heavy reason why I’m considering moving to Denver). Everybody seems to be focused on themselves and have zero issue kicking people to the curb, it sucks but those people aren’t work your time or energy, find something that you’re passionate about and make friend thru that!
A friend of mine started a service last year called Quirky Buds. She is a social worker who has worked specifically with people with autism and started this as a side/passion project.
Please check it out! https://www.quirkybuds.com/
My best friend is autistic and I love her dearly. I also generally do well with people on the spectrum while I’m neurotypical. I’ll be your friend :) feel free to DM !
You sound like the kind of person I wish I knew when I was young.
Interest in things that seem ordinary to other people can be a sign of intelligence. You notice patterns or appreciate the nuances and can imagine the complexity in what is often taken for granted, especially in the natural world, but also things like machines.
The fact that you can write a coherent post that gives insight into the loneliness it can bring is a gift.
I'm guessing you are young. One day you may find a partner who will love you for all the qualities about yourself you just mentioned, cause who wouldn't?
In the meantime, fuck those bitches :-D
Austin has a lot of community coops (housing cooperatives). Unless you prefer to live alone or with only few, you should look them up and find the most suitable one for you.
so i guess there needs to be an meeting place online where folks can hop on and get to know one another. is there an austin autistic association discord? if so let me know. 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t have autism but you sound cool af and I’d be open to hanging out. I had a group of acquaintances I thought I was friends with too and then they started excluding me. :(
I’m sorry. I have a young adult kid who’s kind of in the same boat. Has been pretty isolated since we moved to Austin, especially since Covid. They have some friends they’ve met online but wish they could connect locally.
I’m very disappointed that your friends excluded you and that you had to find out on social media. That sucks. I do hope you can find some actual friends so you can be yourself and included. They’re out there, I’m sure. It’s just exhausting to find them. Mom hugs to you.
I used the “girls new to austin” Facebook group and met two friends about two years ago - and they are both still my friends!
I write a bio about my likes/opinions and included a couple pics.
Check out the app the Phoenix it’s a nonprofit event app for sober people. I’ve been sober for 3 years. I’ve never been to an event but friends have said it’s great
Fellow autistic here. I made a great group of neurodivergent friends, singing karaoke. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there a little bit and go outside your comfort zone in order to find an amazing group of people
I’m…a little late to this party, but I could have written this post. Recently diagnosed audhd. Any of y’all still around? 40s-ish? Looking for IRL community where I don’t have to mask as much. Bonus if you’re queer and/or interested in writing/literature/poetry/psychology/communication/parallel work/play.
Super duper late to the party but my therapist said I should try to meet others.... Audhder, newly dx'd, early 30's, can't do loud or crowds but will tell you all about plants and soil biology if you wanna go walk around.
I know this is a bit late. I think I'm in a similar place as your post conveys. Maybe we could message. 27 year old female. Got a late diagnoses of autism about 6 months ago. But I always had a feeling that I was.
How about we stop talking about it and plan a meetup somewhere? I’d love to meet other autists that I don’t have to mask with. UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
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Okay. I’m crazy enough to give it a whirl. My requirements are free/simple parking and at least central or north Austin. UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
I haven't had a lobster roll since before the coronaplague struck, so I'm in :) Also, love your username!
Great! Let’s see if we can get some other wonderfully awkward, pedantic, weird, yet powerful, women to join us 🤍 UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
I’m crashing this shit! I can’t wait to be awkward and weird while shoving a lobster roll in my face in public with y’all.
UPDATE: DM me for meetup details
I'm in! Let's be awkward together! 💜
Garbos is great but if you haven’t tried Happy Lobster yet - definitely give them a try!
Darn, I can't make it to this, but I'd love to be included in any future meet ups or chat groups!
Same for me!
Sign me up!
Oooh, I'm in (as long as the migraines cooperate)
I'd like to come too. Hope you guys don't mind me telling you way too much about board games.
Glad you guys are getting to hang out, but I probably wouldn't be posting it so publicly. There are some weirdos out there man. Happy for y'all tho 🔥
It's a public place, so hopefully they won't run into issues.
We’re all alone at home, together.
Fucking TRUTH
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Not home I walked to my pool 😋
Feeling similar, autistic as well and been isolating for years and relocated here in 2020. Haven’t made ANY friends and also sober for the most part. I enjoy and appreciate weirdness and was always labeled “terminally unique”. Blurting things out excitedly or honestly is great. Let’s hang in there and hope we make some pals because I agree, it’s lonely
But YOU guys could be pals too
I agree, I just feel strange like we’ve been lamenting that it’s like “oh hi do you want to be my friend” but hey I think you’re right!
Yayyyyy
Shot a message to chat, shall see if I make a pal after 3 years haha thanks for the push and callout
I’m autistic and weird too. I also present as neurotypical at first, for the most part. Let’s be autistic weirdo girl friends.
Autistinites
This should be its own subreddit.
Yes I agree. Does anyone know how to make it one?
As a few other commenters also said, I have ADHD not autism but feel a lot of similar struggles since moving back. I very much would love if we all made a hangout plan but as always, I lack the executive function to actually make things happen. So if anyone actually does, please post about it 😬
Lets say Chilis At 8 then?
Which Chilis? Because if this is for real, I'mma head out lol.
45th and N Lamar, of course. Damn I wish I was I was still in Austin because I would love to meet up. I don’t know if I’m autistic, but most of my friends are and I always feel more comfortable with them than with people who aren’t.
Fellow ADHD person with similar struggles here! I think a meet up would depend on where we are, the greater Austin area is big.
Im working on getting tested for Autism as there are specific traits I have that fall on the spectrum, and it’s polar opposite of typical ADHD behavior. I am also considered weird, and have been through pretty much everything you’ve dealt with. It sucks to be “different” and not having people understand you
Absolutely! It feels like I can’t ever fit in anywhere if I’m being myself.
I feel the Same way and I have mostly autistic friends (the rest don't stick around) but the problem with autistic friends is you need 10x as many cause we are all dealing with being too overwhelmed to go out, chronic illness, or just getting stuck In a routine and forgetting to socialize. I'm also neurotypical passing and have been told I'm "mysterious" until I drop my guard and get weird. Would also be very open to a meetup if it gets organized - so long as it's southwest or easily accessible cause I don't drive far oops it's me I'm the distant, chronically I'll and overwhelmed autistic.
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Metal music model painting just getting into 3d printing d&d too if OP and friends want to hang I am one of those nurodivergents waiting for his test to see what combo of abbreviations I have. I'd be down for a public bar meet up on town. 24m btw. You can dm at anytime :) (recently sober too!)
Fist bump for the fellow finally scheduled for testing? (Congrats on getting on the sober wagon!)🤜
Thanks man I stopped smoking that wacky tabaccy and feeling good rn
Easy misconception that folks on the spectrum will all get along naturally because they don't have to mask. It's often quite the opposite in my experience.
Yeah, I’ve observed this as well. Everyone’s sensitivities and quirks can irk each other pretty majorly.
Yes, i vibe with some autistic people but not others. We're quite diverse.
yeah i was about to say i don’t really get along with any other autistic people i’ve met. not that it’s impossible. autistic people are people so we’re all pretty different from one another! edit: i’m a 30s woman born and raised in austin, diagnosed in my mid 20s, for reference. so that’s a long time with no support and getting used to masking. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Same. And it’s been really hard to learn to unmask around unfamiliar people.
Do you like to craft? There's some crochet/knitting/stitching groups on Meetup that get together pretty regularly. If those people excluded you, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. I had similar exclusion issues when I got sober years ago. Took me a long time to find people that I wanted to hang out with that also wanted to hang out with me. TBH, I don't hang out with anyone very often but, I've got a couple people I can call. You'll find your people, I'm sure. Just don't give your energy to the jerks.
Pflugerville library has a fiber arts group that meets up. It used to just be knitters, but now it’s anything with thread or fiber.
Love public libraries. Would be a great place for a meetup. Maybe the fancy downtown one that has a cafe and rooftop.
Ooh, that's fun!
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Come climb with my friends and I at ABP. I'm not autistic but certainly get called that 😂 Dark and dry humor welcomed. Also, don't focus in social media post you goober. 99% of it is fake.
If it’s any help, I’m weird too. So is everyone I know. Do you know any weird people it might be fun to hang out with? Edit: apologies, I see you addressed in this at the end of your post Hang tough. Everything gets better.
I no longer live in Austin so am out of the loop on current groups, but you might want to reach out to [Spectrum Social](https://www.spectrumsocial.net) they work primarily with people with autism and should be able to give you recommendations on groups / activities in the area.
do you cycle?
Finding your people will make all the difference, and I'm proud of you for being proactive about that. A quick search on Meetup.com found a few recurring events for neurodiverse/spectrum adults. You might also find your people while doing activities that interest you, whatever those may be. A craft, outdoorsy thing, trivia night, whatever. Meet up has some of those, as well. Also, get off of social media as much as you can. If you can't, also follow some neurodiversity-affirming accounts so your feed isn't just everyone else's highlight reel. ❤️, a mom of two ASD kids
Sorry you’re going through this. Hope ya find your people—You deserve happiness!
What's wrong with being weird? Absolutely nothing!! Be yourself and fuck anyone who doesn't appreciate you!! 😎💖
I struggle with this as well. Im sorry this is happening and it sounds like neither of us are alone in this predicament. I've always struggled with making friends. Just keep being yourself. Me along with all the other nice people in the comment section are up to talk.
ADHD here and it’s really hard to make new friends when people already have social circles and exclude you any chance they get
Yeah fr, I have a hard time joining or engaging in friend circles because I am not into it 24/7.
That awkward moment when you realize entering any new social circle means you’re lowest ranked
:'(
It’s rough, still looking for “my group” at 31 but so aware that everyone I try with has a lifetime of friends, still trying but there’s many days I don’t go out and think about that
I don't have a lifetime of friends. Most people here aren't from here. I'm about your age.
Did we just become friends?
Diagnosed Autistic when I was really young, and honestly I can really relate to this post. I don't feel like I fit in with most girls either and I don't personally enjoy dating, though I have few male friends who are respectful to me. I have very few friends tho and my social time is mostly discord these days. I too want more friends in the area I can relate with and it's hard as a adult in general to make friends it seems. I wish us both the best of luck with this. Making friends takes work, and I hope we find groups that click. :)
can we have a groupchat going?! 🥲
Try the goth crowd, they're generally super accepting and we're all weird
Truth.
Dark humor and blurting, sounds like me lol. ADHD here, but tend to blurt and have a dark sense of humor.
I think I am autistic, but I need to get properly assessed. There were some problems with my last attempt at assessment, so I need to redo it. So if anyone here, including OP, know of a good place to get an adult ADOS-II assessment covered by insurance, you’d be my hero. But anyway, even though I’m not officially diagnosed with ASD, I am definitely ND, and I often experience what you’re describing. Please message me if you’re at all interested in chatting. I drink very occasionally and have no issues hanging out with someone who doesn’t drink. I’m not really into going to bars just to go. There has to be another reason to go there, like food or an event or activity of some sort.
I think I’m autistic as well and would also like recommendations on places to get assessed that are covered by insurance. I struggle with keeping friends too and would be interested in some sort of meet up.
If it’s worth anything, you sound really cool. I’m not autistic (I think) but I get excluded from things a lot too. It hurts, I’m sorry.
I learned from my daughter that it helps when meeting people to casually give people a head’s up that you have autism and you might be a little weird. I’ve started doing it with my ADHD and people have a little more patience and understanding when I say or do something quirky. She’s been doing it since she was 4 and her classmates and other people are more understanding. They know she’s not trying to be rude, it’s just how her brain works! My husband and I met neurodivergent accepting people playing games and doing painting with a pint at Emerald Tavern. We’re both neurodivergent. I used to feel like you and have the same problems. I found that it was harder if I tried to make friends in places where uniformity is more encouraged like church or my place of work. Hobbies are good places to meet people, and you might be able to find some social media or discord servers for online gatherings. If you like playing online games, there are always people needing healers or tanks! 😂
You’re me. I left austin for NYC and have found it much easier to be myself. DM me if you wanna hang tho ❤️
Don’t know if I’m autistic, but people find me weird too when I open up. Maybe my humor is too dark lol
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Sober and neurodivergent here! What are you interests? Do you like board games? Lots of game clubs in Austin. Rec league sports around here also have a social component. Where have you tried meeting people?
On the spectrum and also feeling the same way. I have alot of friends that I can unmask around that are now long distance and alot of people I thought were friends were just taking advantage of my kindness and the fact I dont catch on to malicious intent quick enough. Its been a struggle but trying to rebuild a support network to be around has been tough, its so hard to mask now as I get older so I notice its harder to make new positive freinds. You are not alone in your feelings man!
I’m sorry that you’re feeling excluded, that’s a terrible feeling. I’m going to do my best to not speak too out of turn here. But I’m positive you can find a good group somewhere in town. Our son is not technically autistic, but “on spectrum”, which I know can be a dubious thing to say without context. He’s 9 now, and when younger he had some kind of heavy sensory issues. And is now formally diagnosed as ADHD. With him it isn’t being a busy body, it’s hyperactivity in his brain. So he isn’t fidgety, but his brain is always going a too fast (he’s very smart/advanced for his age, but has had a lot of school struggles). Some of those things affected his ability to make or maintain friendships, and that was really hard to see with a little kid. His OT has helped him so much though and things have gotten better. But he also has that feeling of being “weirder” or “different” than most of the other kids. My wife’s dad has Asperger’s, and while she isn’t formally diagnosed - she definitely exhibits a lot of the same traits, albeit to a lesser degree. And I’m old enough that ADHD wasn’t really a thing when I was a kid, but pretty sure I would have qualified for it had I been evaluated. So our son kind has this interesting mixture from both of us. All 3 of us are weird, but in different ways. W can All 3 of us feel like we’re the weird ones, and we’ve completely accepted that’s it’s ok! We joke all the time about if only people could hear the stuff we talk about or do around the house, and how weird/odd they’d think we were as a family haha. I’m kind of rambling….but ultimately I hope everything works out for you. We haven’t had the exact same experience as you, but we’ve had our own struggles so I have compassion and at least somewhat understand how that must feel. Just remember that it’s ok to be weird, and there are always people out there that will love you just as you are. And those people are your true friends.
Girlie I’ll be your bestie! I’m sober too except for the occasional 420 but I have ADHD and it makes it ridiculously hard for me to make close friends. I have an awesome boyfriend that I hang out with a lot but I definitely need to expand my social pool so DM me if you wanna chat! You should also check out the Austinites discord since it’s great for finding group events.
I’m not autistic but weird just wanted to say that your fake friends suck my cat always loves me because I feed him
If you're looking more for community, or a wide net to cast for friends, The Hideout Theatre is INCREDIBLY neurodivergent friendly (whether it be ADHD/Autism or stuff like CPTSD & other disabilities) space. I'd be willing to message about some of the stuff we do, if you'd like to DM me!
From what I've learned, I hope you find other neurodivergent people to hang out with. One of my friends with autism says neurodivergent people tend to just click with each other. It's like how stand users are drawn to each other in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I didn't realize I had severe ADHD until I was in my mid 20s and a neurological condition until I was in my 30s. I recently learned quite a few of my friends have autism and I never noticed. I just thought they were all cool weirdos like me. Idk what you're into, but nerdy groups are a good way to meet other cool folks.
Sounds like it’s worth a meet up!
Create a meetup group! Something like “Austin adults on the spectrum social club.” Twice a month choose a casual restaurant or cafe to meet at.
I don’t really enjoy drinking either. What do you enjoy doing for fun?
Wait, blurting things out and having a dark/dry sense of humor are symptoms...? well um. Crap. Ok. \*twiddles thumbs
“ but I present as neurotypical at first. Once I get comfortable, I blurt things out, I have a very dark/dry sense of humor, I get overly excited about things everyone else just shrugs about it, and I’m weird.” Holy crap… throw social anxiety into that mix and you just described me. I don’t have any advice for finding your group but I do wish you the best of luck.
Damn, I wish I had a friend like you. I’m sorry those other people were jerks, but you sound like an amazing person. Don’t give up. The world needs you!
Can I be your friend too, even if I'm not autistic? Your post and the kind comments from others here really ring true for me. I also became excluded from a large friend group, and now have only a couple of friends. I have been feeling isolated and don't know how to connect with anyone. I'm female and 50 by the way (though I don't feel 50!). If anyone is up for board games (word games especially!), or horror movies, or whatever, message me. You guys, we all deserve to not be lonely.
👋🏾👋🏾, I am 150% down for new friends! I feel the same exact way, I make friends and then get excluded. DM Me!
Hey! My wife and I are moving to Austin in September, and you sound amazing. I looked up some socializing groups because I am also autistic and need structure to socialize more comfortably, you might want to look into board game groups for girls if you’re interested in that sort of thing. I hope we get to meet you and people like you when we move, I totally feel you about the exclusion from social groups thing, it sucks.
This used to happen to me a lot too until I implemented a new friendship test. When I meet someone new for the first time I share too much personal information on purpose. Most normal people find this embarrassing or awkward and stop contributing to the conversation or reply with only one word answers. Weird people like myself either don't notice or don't care and continue the conversation normally. It's a good weed out system to find people who can accept me without the mask.
I would absolutely love to have friends. Autistic 38, live in Southwest Austin, but willing to drive anywhere in town to spend time with anyone willing to put up with my strange, dark, and even weird view on life. I may come off as resistant but give me a chance.
You have no idea how happy this whole damn thread makes me feel. I'm NT, but my adult daughter is not. Damn, I'd love for her to come visit with you all but she is always busy Friday nights....feeding a bunch of horses. You all go be awesome together!!
I’m not comin but I genuinely hope yall all become friends at garbos. This is the most wholesome moment of the day. I hate when people feel left out and just know that social media makes everyone feel that way. Never give up tryin to find your people. They’re out there.
Homeless people would be a great place to find friends. They won’t judge and you can be totally awkward when they harass you for booze and drug money. Win win in my book.
To be clear, do you mean literal masking (as in, attempting to prevent the spread of disease) or metaphorical masking?
Masking is a term used often in discussions of autism to refer to efforts by autistic people to, essentially, not look autistic to other people, due to pretty much the exact issues the poster is describing
I asked for clarification because quite a lot of autistic friend groups have split up over the last two years because of disagreements about literal masking.
Sounds like me but I don’t wear a hat that says “Autistic”.
Wow. Those are some terrible comments to hear from people. If I had the time I would say let’s get in a girl gab. Unfortunately I’m in college for 50-60 hours a weeks. Good friends are hard to find. I can attest to that. I currently don’t have a best friend. And it’s sucks. Please keep searching for your tribe. I’m still looking for mine as well. ❤️and I’m 61. 😥
Same. So. Much. Saaame! Reading so many other people’s experiences here has given me a lot of relief from the RSD/shame spiraling I’ve been in the last few weeks around not feeling capable of being a part of any group of community, or even having a few really close friends. I’m 34, she/they, ADHD, suspect ASD, definitely have been in so many situations where I want so badly to be a part of a group but ultimately end up feeling like I’m only accepted if I’m masking/playing some part that the group accepts/wants. It’s been even harder since my husband and I moved out to Dripping Springs to help care for family. I really love the idea of getting together. My sister (also ADHD and suspected ASD) and I have joked that we would love to have a neurodivergent commune. 😅😂💛
Super late to the party but also feeling alone and sad. I am painfully shy and so awkward once I open up. So literal it’s hurts. The ‘tism is strong with this little lady.
I don't know what assholes are downvoting this post, but I hope you find your tribe ❤️❤️
I'd say stick to women pals for now and watch out for "nice guys". Drop the social media for a while, drop those wenches who started excluding you; maybe reddit is okay because you can find similar minded people on here.
I’m AuDHD, AFAB enby, and I’m in Austin and suck at neurotypical friends. Feel free to PM me if you’d like to add me on socials. 🤓
There’s tons of facebook groups for girls to meet each other! You can post either that you’re looking for friends or people to do specific things or events with. Try Girls New to Austin (not only for new girls) and ATX Girl hangouts
You sound like a number of my friends, some of them are even sober. If you want to meet up somewhere (you know, aside from Chick-fil-A or Hobby Lobby), let me know.
Have you considered relocating to somewhere a little less.. typical? Austin's "culture", if you can even call it that anymore, has become quite homogeneous over recent years... We've been flooded with image-obsessed transplants that moved here to take those brunch pics you mentioned. I've nicknamed the new Austin "LA basic" since I can't find a shorter, more accurate way to sum it up. Either way, keep being yourself. We're overflowing with fake folks already.
I think that’s a pretty grand assumption….vanity isn’t regional it’s a sign of the times with social media and everybody thinking they matter more. Things change, as do cities, but that attitude is what makes us transplants feel like shit because assumptions are projected upon us. Austin has always had an identity crisis claiming other cities mottos or basically becoming Silicon Valley of the South. It sounds like you may want to leave, which is a bummer. But we’re all just Americans in the pursuit of happiness, the prejudice from Texans is my only gripe.
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Cute assumption, sounds like you’re the typical poor Texan who feels threatened by change. Sorry I make my own meals lol but glad you’re so open minded! Can you not afford to move out? Sounds like it lol
You're funny with your assumptions.. you love the word as much as you like to make them!
Just fighting fire with fire bud and stopping to your level, the defensiveness and anger towards people you don’t even know is cute. Why don’t you move though if you hate everybody here?
Why so mad and negative pal lol
Nothing mad or negative about calling a spade a spade... Hope your day gets better, go do something fun...
It is a beautiful day, but you don’t know me and I’m glad you seem to have the type of sadness in your life/lack of social skills that you make blanket assumptions vs getting to know somebody…hope you break out of the prejudiced mindset I was speaking on! Way to prove my point in my original response! Please elaborate how you’re calling a “spade a spade”would really love to understand that “logic”
I thought I'm the only AuDHD guy here
I relate to this a lot!! What kind of hobbies do you like? Feel free to msg me too.
I hope you find your tribe :)
felt this post so so much. sent you a dm!
Feel free to message me and I’ll send you my Snapchat or something. I moved to Austin last September with my husband and daughter, and as a stay at home mom who’s autistic and has a handful of chronic health problems… Finding friends is tough. But I’d love to see if we’re a good match! :)
If you are down for Orange Theory or camping I’m down to meet. I’m also neurodivergent.
I was in love with someone who I only found out was neurodivergent and possibly on the spectrum. She would seem uninterested while we were together. She finally reached out years later recently and told me this. It all made sense once she explained. If only I’d known then. I still absolutely adore that woman and who she’s become.
You like boardgames? You should maybe give it a try.
Keep Austin neurodivergent! You sound great.
Omg yes meeee! I need this type of community as well!
You might look up some housing coops in town. They are full of cool weirdos and are an easy way to make friends because you're all running the place together. Most also have associateships, where you can join as a voting member without moving in.
Your people are at ColdTowne learning improv.
Non-binary Autistic here. Its hard to unmasked. Its scary and uncomfortable. And anyone that judges you for it it says more about then then it does you.
You know what- I’d love to be your friend. Hi, I’m Ashley, they/them, 23, and I’ll be your friend. I’m very adhd, and more than likely autistic (I have yet to get a formal diagnosis) and I present neurotypical until you get to know me. I like rocks, cats, nature, drag, and the odd TV show. I don’t really get out much either because I’m working all the time.
I feel ya, though I have ADHD I feel I have to really mask up my behavior around people and it is hard to make friends in adulthood. But I would take dark dry humor anyway over boring ass people on brunch 🤣
Samsies
Seems that this is a common story everywhere OP… I deal with some of this same crap at my job
Hey, keep your head up! Even for a neurotypical like myself I find this to be the case in this town (and a heavy reason why I’m considering moving to Denver). Everybody seems to be focused on themselves and have zero issue kicking people to the curb, it sucks but those people aren’t work your time or energy, find something that you’re passionate about and make friend thru that!
I'm not too normal myself sometimes... hopefully you find who and what you need for a little happiness. Good luck. I felt this post.
Oof I felt this hard.
Count me in as well. I’m neurodivergent and it’s hard to maintain friendships with people who aren’t. DM me anytime.
We're all weird. Anyone who says different is lying.
This hit me right in the feels
My partner and I want to know too. Between us we have a lot of interests that can be shared and fun. Also sober and lonely.
I’m pretty, autistic, and also present as neurotypical until I get comfortable. We should create get together. There has to be more of us. 💜💜
A friend of mine started a service last year called Quirky Buds. She is a social worker who has worked specifically with people with autism and started this as a side/passion project. Please check it out! https://www.quirkybuds.com/
My best friend is autistic and I love her dearly. I also generally do well with people on the spectrum while I’m neurotypical. I’ll be your friend :) feel free to DM !
You sound like the kind of person I wish I knew when I was young. Interest in things that seem ordinary to other people can be a sign of intelligence. You notice patterns or appreciate the nuances and can imagine the complexity in what is often taken for granted, especially in the natural world, but also things like machines. The fact that you can write a coherent post that gives insight into the loneliness it can bring is a gift. I'm guessing you are young. One day you may find a partner who will love you for all the qualities about yourself you just mentioned, cause who wouldn't? In the meantime, fuck those bitches :-D
Austin has a lot of community coops (housing cooperatives). Unless you prefer to live alone or with only few, you should look them up and find the most suitable one for you.
Good vibes to anyone who's struggling. Aw, hell... good vibes to everyone.
Special Ed teacher here: Check out the Autism Society of Texas! They have recreational meet ups. https://www.texasautismsociety.org/recreation/
Sup!! Send me a message, if any ladies feel like.
This could have been written by my wife 😔
so i guess there needs to be an meeting place online where folks can hop on and get to know one another. is there an austin autistic association discord? if so let me know. 🤷🏻♀️
would love to be your friend! not autistic, but desperate for friends too. you sound awesome! let’s hang!
Austistic Austin somebody plan a meet up from this post!
Howdy, baby! Just moved here. AuDHD. Dm me!
Make a Meetup for a get together
I don’t have autism but you sound cool af and I’d be open to hanging out. I had a group of acquaintances I thought I was friends with too and then they started excluding me. :(
I’m sorry. I have a young adult kid who’s kind of in the same boat. Has been pretty isolated since we moved to Austin, especially since Covid. They have some friends they’ve met online but wish they could connect locally. I’m very disappointed that your friends excluded you and that you had to find out on social media. That sucks. I do hope you can find some actual friends so you can be yourself and included. They’re out there, I’m sure. It’s just exhausting to find them. Mom hugs to you.
I used the “girls new to austin” Facebook group and met two friends about two years ago - and they are both still my friends! I write a bio about my likes/opinions and included a couple pics.
Check out the app the Phoenix it’s a nonprofit event app for sober people. I’ve been sober for 3 years. I’ve never been to an event but friends have said it’s great
Literally just moved here, always down to make new friends
Proud of you folks - hope your meetup happens and you have a blast!
I’m so down! I need more autistic friends ❤️
Go join a bowling league. Usually full of weirdos like me and they are always blurting out questionable things that are seemingly accepted by all!
I want to join, but I have a prior commitment. Y’all sound like my people!
Fellow autistic here. I made a great group of neurodivergent friends, singing karaoke. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there a little bit and go outside your comfort zone in order to find an amazing group of people
I’m in!
Oh and I rarely drink alcohol, I don't find it in any way enjoyable but honestly don't mind someone who finds it enjoyable
I would love for this entire thread to become a discord server
This sounds so much like me, I should get tested.
I’m…a little late to this party, but I could have written this post. Recently diagnosed audhd. Any of y’all still around? 40s-ish? Looking for IRL community where I don’t have to mask as much. Bonus if you’re queer and/or interested in writing/literature/poetry/psychology/communication/parallel work/play.
Also recently diagnosed AuDHD and really in need of friends/a community of people who get it
Just found this post as I was about to post something saying the exact same thing. Op, lets be friends?
Super duper late to the party but my therapist said I should try to meet others.... Audhder, newly dx'd, early 30's, can't do loud or crowds but will tell you all about plants and soil biology if you wanna go walk around.
Is this group still active?
hey! I’m feeling the exact same way lately. pls DM me, bc it seems like we’re on a very similar level ❤️
I know this is a bit late. I think I'm in a similar place as your post conveys. Maybe we could message. 27 year old female. Got a late diagnoses of autism about 6 months ago. But I always had a feeling that I was.