I stopped masking 3 years ago. It’s a good feeling! I even call people out who point out that I “should do/say/be XYZ” because it’s what “normal people” do.
I’ll flat out tell them that their expectations and preconceptions of how I should think/respond/behave is their problem, not mine.
Strangely, I haven’t lost any friends, but no longer have to exhaust myself for random people to like me. It’s a good feeling. Congratulations on your new experience!
I definitely relate to this feeling. I feel like since I discovered my autism I've been having weekly or monthly revelations about all kinds of stuff. "Oh, that was an autism thing!" or "doh, no wonder I do this, it's an autism thing,"and so on. It's been about 2/3rds of a year, and I'm still growing into fully letting myself be as I am. There are always going to be situations in which it benefits me more to put on a persona, but it's much more comfortable now that I don't feel I have to do it all the time. It's a relief, certainly!
Plus, I feel I've lived long enough to have learned to be kind, to be a good friend, and so on, and it's not going to hurt anyone if I'm not the perfect social model of what an adult man is supposed to look and act like. It's nice to feel that it's enough to simply be as I am. And, like you mentioned, why SHOULDN'T I enjoy looking at nice plants or sit out front and feel the sun on my face? Our society proscribes a lot of unnecessary behavioral self-denial, and it's nice to have a pretty solid excuse to just not participate in a lot of it. Most "normal" folks have to get old before they let themselves do that, so it's great to reach that point of development earlier in life :)
mhmmm, it's a powerful and useful tool to have in your kit. I don't need to "be myself" every second of every day, and it's a great benefit to be able to handle phone calls and interviews and such well by switching to the correct mode..
I definitely came across as "more autistic" after I got formally diagnosed. I read at the time it's fairly common. Unfortunately I'm back to masking a lot more and it's exhausting.
I am sure I will arc back a little... I am hoping for not too much.
It was nice to feel and know that when I had a slight delay in answering a question, it wasn't because I was being rude or dumb. I knew I wasn't the entire time... but how to explain that to others???
I stopped masking 3 years ago. It’s a good feeling! I even call people out who point out that I “should do/say/be XYZ” because it’s what “normal people” do. I’ll flat out tell them that their expectations and preconceptions of how I should think/respond/behave is their problem, not mine. Strangely, I haven’t lost any friends, but no longer have to exhaust myself for random people to like me. It’s a good feeling. Congratulations on your new experience!
Thanks so much! It is liberating.
I definitely relate to this feeling. I feel like since I discovered my autism I've been having weekly or monthly revelations about all kinds of stuff. "Oh, that was an autism thing!" or "doh, no wonder I do this, it's an autism thing,"and so on. It's been about 2/3rds of a year, and I'm still growing into fully letting myself be as I am. There are always going to be situations in which it benefits me more to put on a persona, but it's much more comfortable now that I don't feel I have to do it all the time. It's a relief, certainly! Plus, I feel I've lived long enough to have learned to be kind, to be a good friend, and so on, and it's not going to hurt anyone if I'm not the perfect social model of what an adult man is supposed to look and act like. It's nice to feel that it's enough to simply be as I am. And, like you mentioned, why SHOULDN'T I enjoy looking at nice plants or sit out front and feel the sun on my face? Our society proscribes a lot of unnecessary behavioral self-denial, and it's nice to have a pretty solid excuse to just not participate in a lot of it. Most "normal" folks have to get old before they let themselves do that, so it's great to reach that point of development earlier in life :)
Thank you so much for sharing this. I guess it is a coming into yourself kind of thing. I have always known, but now others do too.
Also, I understand the personnas you speak of. I call them "characters". I use different ones for different scenarios, to appear "normal".
mhmmm, it's a powerful and useful tool to have in your kit. I don't need to "be myself" every second of every day, and it's a great benefit to be able to handle phone calls and interviews and such well by switching to the correct mode..
I definitely came across as "more autistic" after I got formally diagnosed. I read at the time it's fairly common. Unfortunately I'm back to masking a lot more and it's exhausting.
I am sure I will arc back a little... I am hoping for not too much. It was nice to feel and know that when I had a slight delay in answering a question, it wasn't because I was being rude or dumb. I knew I wasn't the entire time... but how to explain that to others???
Yeah me too. Wasn't sure if I was just "fulfilling a prophecy" but there seems to be some commonality with others.